Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Once upon a time was a sweet boy with a tragic story, a boy with bright green eyes filled with hope and dreams. In a fairy tale, he would have a family, true friends and a very special person to make him feel unique and accepted, to make him feel loved and happy despite his dark past and the scars left on him. He would have met them in a warm and friendly scenery, in a park with birds singing or in the mountains while snow was falling. And his life would have been just like everyone's else, maybe even a little bit more perfect.
But this isn't a fairy tale.

We all know high school, and we know this isn't just fun and games like high school musical or Gossip Girl. Sometimes high school can be a jungle, an enemy territory when you're a little different, when you don't fit in a labelled box. If people notice that you're peculiar, you can expect the worse, so you try your best to hide it, hide your dark sides and flaws, hide your non conventional passions or non appropriate hobbies. But sometimes, there are things you can't hide from people, you can't do anything about it and suddenly, they are here, waiting for you, showing their true faces, hurting you, ripping you apart without anyone else noticing – or maybe they just don't wanna see, blinded by fear- and a few moments later, you're facing the ground, eating the concrete, wondering why you can't just be like the others, why they won't leave you alone. And eventually you'll start thinking it's all your fault and let yourself drown in the feeling of being an outcast.

But the boy was strong, because his brother needed him to be, because he need to be the man daddy wants, he still has hope in his emerald eyes and a smile for the people who deserved it.

Everyday he walked through the doors of the school, hearing whispers and laugh around him, feeling the kicks in his bag and legs, seeing the disgust look on some students' face and pity on others. Sometimes he remember when his life wasn't such a disaster but it was all gone now, he was just praying to move on and find another reason to keep living in this hell

We all start with the beautiful
Hope, pride and love

His name is Dean Winchester, he's the oldest son of the drunkard of the town and the freak of the school. Years ago, his face and upper body were ravaged by the fire while he was trying to save his brother and mother, leaving him with burnt skin and empty heart when his mom didn't make it. The hopeful and lovely child he was became an introvert teenager, hiding his dreams and wishing for a miracle. Sometimes he can't help but wonder if it wouldn't be better with him being dead. And then he remember his brother and the few friends he have, those who doesn't care about his burnt side where the hair doesn't grow back and the skin is still red and streaked.

Despite his hate for school he's a pretty smart kid, like his brother, but his baby Sam is good with literature and social while he's more at ease in chemistry and biology. Cells and molecule, he gets, but people are crazy.

It's never meant to feel so difficult
Your dreams become your drug

His only friends are Jo and Charlie, he knows the blond one since kindergarten -she was his first crush- and the red haired one is Jo's girlfriend, they met each other at a summer camp and discover later that they were living next to each other. They are really good friends, they always try to help him and forced him sometimes to go to geek events where nerds like them are welcomed. They are outsiders too in this town but at least they have a social life outside of this hell. Everyday he wish that one of them could come with him to school, but Jo is a year younger than him -same class that Sam- and Charlie is already in college. So he's alone. Everyday. And more important ; he feels lonely, every day, every hour and every minute of his life is lonely, it's like missing a piece of a puzzle which was never complete, not even from the very start.

We all wish for a miracle
That shines bright in the dark

When he's alone, sometimes he feels scared, but he will never let them know, friends or not, he feels like standing in the middle of snakes hissing at him, waiting for him to show weakness. But he's Dean freakin' Winchester, his life sucks, he's nothing but broken pieces, but he stand in the middle of the enemies with pride and sass, because he has to do it. People can think everything they want about him, he doesn't care, his head is empty as his heart, right here, right now, in the jungle of high school, the pretty boy with a messed up face is not living, he's only surviving.

I remember when we dreamt of legacy
Now we only pray we're moving on
I remember when we lived for everything
Looking back now, but it's all gone

Chapter Text

Lying on his bed with bloodshot eyes wide open, Dean Winchester was thinking about his life. Like Always. Days were passing and he felt like he was watching an accelerated movie, it was senior year and everyone was already thinking about the future, planning college and summer sessions, hoping for a scholarship sometimes, imagining the possibilities they would have in college and after. The green-eyed boys felt concerned too but I wasn't that impatient, he was kinda scared that he would have to deal with the same shit, scared that people will run away again, avoid him or look down on him, he couldn't bear it again. Deep down, he was hoping for a full scholarship, knowing that his father will never pay for his education, even with the possibility that his hell could start over again he just wished that he could escape from here.
Head on his pillow, facing the ceiling, he's trying to sleep. A quick look to his clock tell him that time has passed, it's now 3am and he still can't find a way to escape his thoughts, his anxiety is watching over him, making sure he doesn't fall asleep too fast. He sight before turning to face the wall against his bed. In the dark he can see some pictures pin on it, the happy face of Sam when he still was a baby in the arms of a blonde woman with a big bright smile. He closes his eyes to stop looking at the woman who raised him before losing her life. Memories are running through his mind, torturing him until he falls asleep on his side, arms around his laps, hoping maybe to protect the pieces of innocence he still has.

When he wakes up, he already knows that his skin is marked by the lack of sleep, but it’s not like somebody will notice it anyways so he gets out of his bed and try to drown himself under the hot water of his shower for a while before dressing himself. He wishes he could be late to school to avoid people before the bells ring but this morning, his father is awake and the bottles in the living room are definitely not a good sign so he just leaves the house with Sammy who was already waiting for him. He waits a bit at the gate, waiting for the brunet to find Jo’ in the crowd, before finally entering the hall.
He should be used by now but people never get tired of their game, and so he’s here, walking towards his locker, watching the floor carefully but even if he can’t see them, he can’t pretend that he doesn’t hear them.
Voices are echoing around him, “he should cover his face” someone said, “why does he even bother coming here?” others wonder, “family of freaks” this one make him bite his lips so hard he can almost taste his own blood. Oh, how he hates teenagers.

But it’s only words spoken when they think he can’t hear them, only disgusted looks on his back when he’s walking. That’s the only interactions he has with them because they don’t really see him, they only see his damaged skin and his dad’s reputation. No one sees him for who he is.

He feels a push in his back and his fast reflexes are the only reason he doesn’t fall on the hard ground. He catches a breath, pressed on the lockers and look up only to see piercing cold blue eyes framed by charcoal black locks and a dangerous smirk.
He really didn’t need that today. A few boys behind the black-haired one are laughing, Dean try to think of a way to escape but why bother? He can’t stand a chance.
“What’s going on Winchester? Can’t even stand on your own feet? I bet it’s because you’re starting to catch up with your daddy.” Everyone around laughs, because of course, you laugh when Castiel Novak, quarterback on the football team and captain of the basketball team, says something.

Of course, Dean isn’t allowed to say anything, it would be like agreeing to his own death, but god, how he despise Castiel Novak. And how he despises himself even more because he can’t really hate him. He doesn’t know why, maybe because he’s the only one who dares says what he thinks in front of him, maybe because of his eyes that seemed to see right through him or because of what he sees in them sometimes that makes him wonder why he’s doing that.

Fortunately, the bell ring and in seconds, everyone has left the hall, even Novak after addressing a huge smile to Dean, the kind of smile that makes you want to crawl into your own skin and disappear quickly.

A few moments later, he enters his classroom and everyone pretends that he’s not even here. Even the teacher just give him a weird look and let him go to his desk without talking to him. He hates that so much but what can he do?

And like always, the day pass without anyone noticing, he doesn’t even try to find Sam and Jo’ at lunch, he hates having to impose on them the looks and the whispers. Instead, he just ends up in a desert hall and sits on the floor to eat alone, away from the crowd.

A few hours later, he tries his best to concentrate on his math paper but the only thing he can think about is how he wishes he could be normal, just another boy in high school, not someone popular because those are jerks, just a mister nobody. And he can’t help but thinks about Novak again and again, he doesn’t realize how angry he is until the teacher clears his throat next to him “Winchester. I do not give you this paper for you to takes it out on it.”
Startled, he looks at his hand and finally sees that the paper is crumpled and torn in his fist. But it’s not his fault.

Finally, he thinks he’s free to go after his last period but it seems that this day is cursed because right after the ring, the principal’s voice echo in the halls “Mister Castiel Novak and Dean Winchester please report to the principal’s office”
Well, just when he thought his life couldn’t get any worse. He felt sick hearing people calling him out while he was walking to the office, maybe he should have tried throwing up on them to shut them up.

But even in his worst nightmares, he wouldn’t have thought of what was happening inside the room.
He was sitting next to Castiel Novak who was obviously trying to kill him and the principal with his own eyes while the adult was explaining to them why they were here. And after a few moments of explanation of the situation, the sentence fall, and Dean wishes he could just die right now because he is really not ready to support this.
“So, Dean you will be tutoring Castiel in science until prom, do not let his grades fall any further even if I don’t think that will be possible.”
The two teenagers look at each other with apprehension and the only thing Dean can think of at this moment is “Well, fuck.”