Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It's happens in early September.

It's chilly outside but still pleasant.

Mark and Jackson are distant. Again.

Jaebum and Youngjae are still dancing around each other, still not sure what they want.

Everything's a mess, really.

And it'll only get worse after that one night in early September, after Mark melts into Jaebum’s body heat, both of them panting and exhausted from their climax.

It's easier if you start at the beginning.

It's nothing too complex or dramatic, it's just that it's Mark's birthday and the only person who seems to have forgotten is Jackson.

They've only been dating a year but it still hurts. Mark feels like a fool waiting for a call or a visit from his own fucking boyfriend.

Maybe Jackson just doesn't care, who knows.

He sends gracious thank you messages to all his family and his precious dongsaengs who send lovely birthday wishes. Jinyoung and Yugyeom even manage to stop by his dorm to give him kisses and a birthday cake that's a bit too sweet but still delicious. He hugs them tight when they leave, feeling even sadder than he did before they came.

Because the one person he needs isn't here for him.

The day passes by in the blink of an eye and once the clock signals the end of his stupid birthday he makes his way to one of the nearby liquor stores and gets a bottle of fireball, intending to finish it all, hoping that will help get rid of the growing knot inside him.

He's just made it back inside when his phone dings. His heart leaps, thinking that it's Jackson but it's just Jaebum.

Mark tosses the phone on the counter, more interested in opening the bottle when the phone rings, Drake blasting in his too quiet dorm room, BamBam must be out studying again.

Mark remembers he was worried about finishing some literature paper. He had offered to help the Thai boy out but BamBam had laughed and said that he didn't want Mark working on his birthday.

The phone stops ringing and he finally peels the seal off the glass, taking a giant, burning swig when it rings again.

It must be important.

“What, Jaebeommie?”

“Happy birthday,” he says softly.

“You already texted me that,” Mark smiles a bit at his words, a bit of the anger and pain he felt dissipating. “What did you really call for?”

“What if that's all I wanted to say?” Jaebum says playfully.

“Yah” Mark chuckles, “Just spit it out before I hang up. ”

“I think I upset Youngjae,” he sighs  “I need to vent or something.”

Mark isn't surprised.

Jaebum isn't good with feelings and words. It doesn't take much for him to upset the younger, softer boy, only having to make one offhanded comment before the two of them end up ignoring each other for a while. It's almost become standard procedure since the two of them have realized that they might be more than friends. They flirt, they fight, they apologize and back to square one.

“I have a bottle of fireball if you want to come over,” Make finally says. “We can wallow in our misery together.“

Jaebum hums over the line, the sound reverberating in Mark's ear.

“Yeah,” Jaebum says. “I'll be over in ten.”

“He's probably busy,” Jaebum slurs, tone thoughtful. “Or maybe he's planning a surprise for you.”

“Usually the surprise happens on the person's birthday, Beommie.”

Mark sighs, subtly pushing into Jaebum's side, the younger notices and wraps his arm around his hyung's shoulders.

It feels nice being tucked up on the tiny little couch, watching some random reality show with one of his oldest friends.  

They watch one lady berate another one for talking shit behind her back for a while before Mark speaks again.

“I think he just forgot.”

It hurts to think that Jackson actually forgot his birthday but he'll get over it eventually, the fireball is helping already, diluting his emotions into a hazy nothingness.

“I'm sorry,” Jaebum says after a beat. He has no reason to be sorry, not really, but Mark appreciates the sentiment none the less.

“I'm sorry, too,” Mark hums. At Jaebum’s confused glance he continues, “About Youngjae. If you just explain what you meant he'll forgive you.”

“I feel like I never say the right thing.” He murmurs. “I'm always hurting his feelings. I don’t think I’m meant for relationships.”

“You guys are just getting to know each other,” He turns to Jaebum, finding the younger boy already looking at him, eyes glossy and intense. “It'll get easier, I promise.”

Jaebum doesn't say anything and Mark licks his lips nervously, the alcohol suddenly making him feel too warm, especially in Jaebum’s arms.

“You're staring,” Mark giggles, the sound loud in the living room. “Did you fall asleep with your eyes open again?”

Mark sighs tiredly, ready to call it a night when Jaebum quickly leans in, placing a chaste kiss against his lips.

Mark freezes, heart racing and mind spinning.

“Why?” he asks confused once Jaebum pulls back. “We- ”

“I just want one night,” Jaebum whispers, breath smelling sharp with alcohol. “Just one night where I don't have to worry about saying or doing the wrong thing.”

He goes to kiss Mark again and for some reason, Mark let's him, sighing when Jaebum slips his tongue into his mouth.

He tastes of cinnamon and it feels good to press into his warmth but a small voice in the back of his head tells him to stop. Mark pulls away reluctantly, turning to hide the heat on his cheeks.

“No…  we're drunk,” Mark states. “Jaebeom, I'm with Jackson. You have Youngjae.”

“But neither of them are here,” Jaebum says, grabbing Mark’s face between his hands and forcing them to meet eyes. He's so warm and Mark would be lying if he said he didn't like the feeling, the feeling of Jaebum. “It's just us right now. It's always us.”

He doesn't know if it's the alcohol in his veins or the hurt in his heart or maybe Jaebum's words, but Mark moves to straddle his lap, diving back in to kiss him. Jaebum’s hands grip his hips firmly and he bites Mark's lip with a small groan.

Just one night, Jaebum had said.

Just something simple, something easy for both of them to lose themselves in.

If only it were that simple.

[ end one ]

Chapter Text

“Hyung,” He hears.

Mark tucks deeper into the warmth of his bed, desperately trying to stay hidden from the morning light. He almost manages to fall back to sleep when he feels a cold hand on his shoulder, lightly shaking him.

“Hyung,” He hears once more. “You really need to get up!”

“Why?” Mark grumbles, finally turning to face the voice. Bambam stands over him looking impatient. “What do you want?”

“I want you to get up!” BamBam says. “ You guys made such a mess. ”

If they only knew how funny those words would become later on.

“Ah, Bam,” Mark says, tucking back into the covers only to feel warm skin against his. He blearily looks over and notices Jaebum sound asleep next to him, drool running down his cheek.

It’s then that memories rush back to him, making the slight pounding that he felt near his temples increase ten fold. Images of him and Jaebum getting drunk and making out, getting naked and… he remembers them doing lots of things that they shouldn’t have.

He groans into the pillow, hating his existence when BamBam speaks up again.

“You should probably go clean up the dirty clothes and…  uh, condoms you guys left.”

BamBam sounds mad and Mark feels even worse than he did five seconds ago. He seldom hears that tone from Bammie.  

“And do it quickly, Jackson has been calling me all morning because you haven’t been answering.”

Fuck.

Jackson. His boyfriend.

Fuck, what has he done?

Mark runs a hand through his hair, wanting nothing more than to wake up from a dream.

BamBam makes his way back towards the living room, pausing at the door frame.

“It’s not really any of my business, hyung,” Bam says. “Just- you should probably get him out of here soon.”

He closes the door softly behind him and Mark sighs deeply, a million thoughts running through his mind.

He goes to grab his phone off the nightstand and finds it completely dead. He quickly plugs it in and gets out of bed to clean things up since he apparently left such a mess. He’s naked when he slips from under the sheets and he notices that Jaebum is too. Mark tries to ignore that fact and just focuses on getting his day started.  

He slips on a pair of sweatpants laying on the ground and quickly gets a few painkillers out of his cabinet, swallowing them down with a handful of tap water.

Mark takes an extra second to splash away some of the sleep and grime from his face with the cool liquid before running some water through his hair as well.

He quickly inspects himself in the mirror and winces slightly, his eyes are red and puffy, and he can tell he’s getting a spot on his cheek but other than that he’s fine. Thankfully he doesn't have any hickies or bite marks.

Now that he feels more awake, Mark finally heads out into the living room, spotting the mess BamBam complained to him about.

The empty bottle of liquor sits on the table, mocking him slightly and he wastes no time tossing it in the trash along with the two used and tied up condoms thrown haphazardly onto the floor.

He doesn’t even remember him and Jaebum going at it for two rounds but after throwing out all the junk left around the living room he does start to feel a slight ache in his lower back and thighs. He hopes the painkiller takes care of that.  

Mark proceeds to grab his and Jaebum's clothes from the night before and swallows guiltily when he catches BamBam’s disappointed glare from across the kitchen.

He’s known the younger boy for a while now, the two of them developing a brotherly relationship and Mark is grateful that he doesn't say anything else about what’s happened.

“Jaebeom,” Mark says, chucking the man’s clothes on the bed. “Get up.”

“Yah, five more minutes,” He groans, rolling over and snuggling into the blankets.

“No!” Mark shouts, voice becoming more urgent. “Jaebeom you're naked and I'm pretty sure Jackson is on the way, so get UP!”

That, along with Mark ripping the covers completely off the bed forces Jaebum into action, moving slowly as he tries to comprehend what's been said.

“Mark? I thought- ,” Jaebum squints at him, face looking as equally puffy as his did. Mark wonders if he remembers what happened last night or not. He wants to ask but he gives Jaebum time, watching as the younger male gives him a confused look before sprinting past Mark to the bathroom, the sounds of retching causing Mark to wince.

Is he that bad of a lay or is it the fireball? Deep down Mark hopes it's the latter.

He gives Jaebum a bit longer to empty his stomach by heading to the kitchen, grabbing a glass of water and picking up a pack of emergen-c before heading back to his room after hearing the toilet flushing.

Jaebum is sitting on the bed, groaning occasionally with his underwear thankfully on.

“You all done?” Mark questions, offering up the water and vitamins.

Jaebum nods slightly, gratefully taking both from Mark with shaky hands.

“I’m really sorry about last night,” Jaebum finally says, gaze glued to the floor. “I didn’t mean to come onto you like that. I was just…”

He doesn’t say anything after that and Mark just sighs.

“You don’t have to apologize,” Mark says, Jaebum glances up. Their eyes meet momentarily but Jaebum wastes no time looking away again. Maybe he's as ashamed as Mark should feel. “It was both of us. We were drunk and kinda emotional. We can’t really undo it, so let's just move past it, yeah?”

Jaebum makes a thoughtful sound in the back of his throat in response.

It's silent for a moment, both of them just listening to the sounds around them. That's just how they are, and they always have been but this time is slightly different. The air in the room is definitely awkward but there's something else between them that he just can't place.

He nibbles on his lip distractedly and chances another glance at Jaebum, realizing that he’s already being stared at by the younger male.

Mark feels his heart skip a beat and swallows nervously.

It hasn’t done that in a very long time.

“I guess I'll get dressed.”

He watches as Jaebum quickly gets up to pull on his shirt and pants and feels his cheeks flush after catching sight of red marks running down Jaebum's expansive back. He decides then it'd be best to go shower away the mistakes of last night.

The water steams up rapidly and Mark slips off his sweats and steps under the pressure of the showerhead.

He scrubs at his face before reaching for the shampoo bottle, about to squeeze out a handful when he hears Jaebum’s voice behind the curtain, soft and careful.

“I think we should  talk about this later, if you want.”

“Yeah,” Mark says, hating how awkward he sounds. He's glad he can't see Jaebum’s face right now, he probably looks like an idiot struggling for something to say.

“Alright, I'm off then,” Mark hears as he starts to massage the shampoo into his hair. “I- I'm sorry, Mark.”

Mark wants to tell him not to be, he wants to grab his best friend by the face and say that both of them decided to do what they did, but he's too much of a coward so he stays silent. Knots of guilt forming in his stomach as he listens to Jaebum’s retreating footsteps.

Mark hears voices when get finally makes it out of the bathroom and heads into the living room where BamBam has already invited Jackson in, the two of them hugging and laughing by the front door.

Jackson notices him out of the corner of his eye and squeals, quickly sweeping Mark into a hug, kissing against his neck until Mark giggles from the sensation.

Mark can hear BamBam ‘ewwwww’ from somewhere but he just ignores it as he always does.

“Baby I am so so sorry about your birthday,” Jackson says, taking Mark’s face between his palms and kissing him sweetly “But I have a good explanation and your gift too.”

“It’s okay,” Mark says, smiling widely, hoping it reaches his eyes. “I love you.”

“I love you more,” Jackson sighs, leaning in to kiss him again when his eyes flash over Mark’s shoulder, in the kitchen.

“Hyung!” Jackson shouts. “What are you doing here?”

Mark turns around and swallows when he sees that Jaebum hasn’t left yet. He’s watching the couple sharply and Mark has to look away.

Jaebum grins slightly and walks over, greeting Jackson with one of their handshakes.

“Mark and I decided to get drunk last night,” he answers cheerily and Mark feels his eyes bug out of his head. Jaebum looks over his face but doesn’t lose his smile. “We had fun even though you weren’t here.”

Mark’s heart drops into his stomach at his words, hiding so much in them. Jaebum’s never been one to be this way, almost … taunting? He was just apologizing to Mark a few minutes ago but that side of Jaebum is seemingly gone, replaced by someone else, but Mark doesn’t say anything.

All he can do is stand quietly as Jaebum and Jackson interact.

“Ahh,” Jackson whines, lightly punching Jaebum on the arm. “I didn’t mean to disappear, hyung. But thanks for making sure he wasn’t alone. I owe you.”

Jackson pulls him closer as he says that and Mark just smiles, feeling like the shittiest person alive.

“Anytime,” Jaebum says, looking to Mark. “I should probably go though, I have a test to study for.”

“Are you sure?” Jackson asks, “Maybe we can all get breakfast?”

Mark is about to insist that they let Jaebum rest and Jaebum himself looks ready to refuse, already shaking his head when BamBam pipes up from the kitchen.

“Yeah! Birthday breakfast!” He grins. Mark wants to toss him out of the window but he refrains. “We can call the others.”

“We can go to that place you like,” Jackson smiles, leaning in close. “What do you think, baby?”

Mark clears his throat, looking to Jaebum who looks just as lost as him before he answers.

“Yeah, okay,” Mark sighs.

“Great!” Jackson says, BamBam already slipping on his shoes beside them. “You're coming too, right, hyung?”

“Uh, sure. I was looking for something to eat anyway,” Mark guesses that's why Jaebum was still here when he said he was leaving. “I can drive us to save time.”

They make it over over to Mark’s favorite diner in record time seeing as it's only a block away from campus and find the others already inside waiting for them. They must have just gotten out of class.

As soon as they take their seats Jinyoung questions Jackson, asking why he wasn’t there when him and Gyeom went. Yugyeom shakes his head disappointedly, flicking a straw wrapper at Jackson.

“I was busy,” Jackson squawks, offended.

“All day?” Mark asks incredulously. “Did you buy me another pet? You know I can't have one.”

“No, no pets this time,” Jackson says, turning to Youngjae. “How is coco by the way?”

“Perfectly fine,” Youngjae chuckles, sipping his drink. “Now hurry up and tell us where you were.”

“Right,” Jackson says, reaching into his coat. “Your gift! It was supposed to be delivered but something happened with my address and my phone died on the way there and I got lost and -”

“Jackson,” Mark laughs, cutting off his tirade.

He thinks over Jackson’s words and finds himself believing it, the craziest things do seem to happened to him and deep down it only makes Mark feel all the worse.

His lover was out getting him something thoughtful for his birthday and here he was, getting wasted and fucked by one of his friends. “Just show me what you got, baby.”

“Ahhh,” Jackson coos, cheeks turning a lovely shade of red. He finally pulls out a royal blue velvet box. His hands shake as he hands it over and everyone at the table oohs and ahhs . “Here open it.”

Mark looks over Jackson. Taking in his sweet eyes and soft lips, the delicate curve of his nose and feels a rollercoaster of emotions hit him. He loves this man, he really does.

He knows it in the depths of his heart, but Mark would be lying if he said he didn’t feel things last night too.

He doesn't know what it means but he doesn't dwell on it too much, letting his hands run over the smooth exterior of his present.

“Just open it baby,” Jackson says, a pleased smile on his lips.

Mark clicks the box open and finds a gorgeous white gold chain endowed with diamonds. Mark’s jaw actually drops and he looks to Jackson, the younger watching him with adoration.

His heart hurts so much he wants to cry.

“Why?” Mark asks. “Jackson how much was this??”

“Well, I know I haven't been the best to you,” Jackson answers softly, leaning into Mark’s space. “We were arguing and hadn't talked and I thought this was a good start to an apology. And don't worry about the cost.”

The group awws loudly and Mark feels his ears run hot, regret quickly brewing inside of him.

“Jackson this is too much, I don't- “

“No, you deserve it,” Jackson says vehemently, “And look.

He dips his hand into his shirt and pulls out an identical looking necklace around his neck except in gold, a dopey grin spreading over his face. “We can match.”

“Jackson,” Mark starts again, at a complete loss for words.

He sets the box down and pulls his boyfriend into a kiss, moving to hug Jackson tightly.

“You're too thoughtful.”

Jackson laughs, taking the long hug as an opportunity to press more kisses into Mark’s neck. Mark sighs at the sensation before their audience begins to boo and gag, Youngjae whining at them to get a room.

Mark pulls away feeling embarrassed, unwittingly peering over at Jaebum who is already staring, his gaze keen.

He swallows harshly, unsure of how to feel when the waitress finally comes by with their food, smiling brightly at all of them.

Bambam and Jinyoung are eager to get a better look at his necklace and it ends up being passed around the group. Mark watches anxiously as it finally makes its way into Jaebum’s hands. He fingers the chain links, a strange expression on his face.

Of course Jaebum chooses then to glance up, their eyes locking. They share an awkward smile before Jaebum goes to hand the jewelry back. His fingers brush against Mark’s, leaving behind a trail of heat in their wake, their eyes meeting once more.

The tension between them suddenly feels suffocating, their secret hanging between them heavily when Jackson's cackle disrupts the moment.  

“Are you jealous Jaebeom?”

Another look crosses Jaebum’s face, one Mark hasn't seen before and he finds himself jumping in to ask, “Jealous of what?”

“The necklace!” Jackson says, smiling smugly as he helps Mark clasp it on. “I bet he wants one now.”

Of course, Mark thinks. What else would Jaebum be jealous of?

BamBam pipes up that he wants something nice too for his birthday followed by Yugyeom, setting off a tangent between them and Jackson.

Jaebum just chuckles in response, seemingly thrown out of the conversation.

Mark is grateful for the distraction, listening to them all bicker back and forth for a while. Jackson wraps an arm around his waist, pulling him into the discussion every now and then as usual.

The rest of breakfast isn’t too eventful, everyone is happy and enjoys their food but throughout the entire meal Mark can feel Jaebum watching him.

He doesn’t know what to make of it.

Things have definitely changed between him and Jaebum.

Mark doesn’t know if anyone else has noticed but he sure has.

They obviously pretend nothing has happened.

Playing the role of best friends that they always have. Laughing when Yugyeom makes a bad joke or cringing when BamBam tries to act cute, even bickering with each other when half of the group wants to eat ramen and the rest want to get burgers.

Technically everything the same, but between all those moments him and Jaebum share long glances that make him blush and fleeting touches that he doesn’t know how to decipher.

It all leaves Mark tired and confused and guilty as ever.

Why is he feeling this way? It could all be chalked up as meaningless, drunk sex between friends but there's just something else there that he can feel. Something more than what he feels when he’s with Jackson and Mark doesn’t know how to get rid of the feeling.

He sometimes wonders if Jaebum feels what he does.

He must right? Is it possible for Mark to feel so strongly about this and Jaebum not feel the same?

Maybe he’s just losing it.

“Mark!” A hand waves in front of his face and Mark blinks rapidly, finding Jinyoung staring at him oddly. “Are you there?”

“What?” He asks, finding that the group is staring at him.

“He’s out of it again,” Youngjae chuckles. “Are classes getting the best of you?”

Mark nods, smiling at the younger man.

“I guess so,” Mark answers, feeling Jackson rub at his back. “Just a little tired.”

They’ve all decided to get galbi at one of their favorite places before midterm week, since they probably won't be able to see much of each other during that time.

Usually he’d be dying to eat already but he’s lost his appetite lately.

“Maybe you’re getting sick,” Jackson comments, feeling at his forehead.

“I’m fine,” Mark pushes his hand away, noticing everyone's eyes still on them with the exception of Jaebum, seemingly enthralled in his phone.

Mark tries to change the subject, bringing up their upcoming tests and thankfully Youngjae and Jinyoung are quick to get the conversation flowing, discussing one of their shared classes.  

Before long the food is being brought out and cooked, the group enjoying themselves and having small side conversations.

“So,” Jackson starts after swallowing a mouthful of food. “Jaebum-hyung, what happened between you and Mark?”

Mark chokes on his mouthful of meat, eyes watering fiercely while Jaebum looks up anxiously.

“W-what do you mean?” Jaebum asks, nonchalantly shoving rice in his mouth.

Mark’s heart is hammering a mile a minute and he wonders how Jackson found out about them. He quickly scours his mind, ready to explain himself, to apologize when Jinyoung scoffs next to him.

“You guys have been acting weird with each other all week,” He admits, shrugging when Mark looks his way. “Did you two get into a fight?”

Oh.

Okay.

So they don’t know what him and Jaebum did.

Not exactly.

“How are we acting weird?” Mark says after his choking fit has passed, sipping on his water.

“Ah, it's like you guys are strangers,” Yugyeom laughs, mouth full of food.  “Just tell us what happened, hyung!”

“Nothing happened,” Jaebum says, ears going noticeable red. “We’re not fighting.”

“We’re really fine,” Mark nods in agreement, biting at his lips.

Jaebum makes eye contact with him and he feels his heart swell in his chest, he knows they’ve been friends forever but recently he feels so exposed.

Mark can’t help but look away, realizing that Jackson has been watching him. Does he suspect something or is Mark being paranoid?

“You’re unusually quiet, Bam,” Jackson says after a beat, averting his eyes from Mark’s face. “Do you know what happened?”

Suddenly all eyes turn on the Thai boy and he ferverently shakes his head.

“What? No, I’m just eating,” BamBam answers. “I’m sure nothing happened like they said.”

Bam is the only one who knows the truth besides him and Jaebum, and Mark knows he wouldn’t say anything to anyone and he feels guilty for having put Bam in a situation like this, having to lie to all their friends.

“I swear if you two are fighting over clothes again…” Jinyoung rolls his eyes, chuckling slightly.

“I bet they are,” Yugyeom adds, earning a jab in the rib from Jaebum.

The mood is significantly lighter after Jinyoung’s comment and everyone goes back to eating as normal, everyone except Jackson.

Mark catches his boyfriend sending both him and Jaebum strange glances every now and then when he thinks no one is looking.

It makes Mark’s stomach knot up, and he takes Jackson’s hand in his own after a particularly intense look towards Jaebum, stealing away his attention from the other boy.

Jackson smiles at him and Mark leans in to kiss him, pulling away before the younger boys can make any snide comments.

“You alright?” Mark asks quietly.

“Im fine, baby,” Jackson says. “When we’re done eating let’s go back to mine.”

Mark nods in agreement and leans onto Jackson’s shoulder, already full and feeling content just watching his friends finish off the food.

His eyes flit over everyone before landing on Jaebum, once again finding his friend already watching him. Mark’s cheeks heat up and he closes his eyes, tucking deeper into Jackson’s side.

He feels stupid for getting so flustered.

He has a boyfriend who he loves, he shouldn’t be feeling this way about someone, especially Jaebum. He keeps telling himself that throughout the rest of dinner.

Thankfully laughing and talking with his friends helps to ease his troublesome thoughts.

It doesn’t take long for everyone else to fill up and for the waitress to come around with the check, JinGyeom deciding to pay this time, earning thanks from everyone.

They all get ready to leave and Jackson goes to gather his and Mark’s coats.

Jaebum walks up to him a moment later and Mark sneaks a glance at the others, finding them all wrapped up in their own conversation.

“I think we should talk,” He says, tilting his head towards the bathrooms. “Somewhere private?”

“Yeah,” Mark nods, unsure of what he could want to say after a week virtually nothing.

They head off to the washrooms and as soon as they’re out of sight, Jaebum is on him, backing him into the wall.

“Jaebeom, what the hell,” Mark whines, pushing him back slightly. “What’s wrong with you?”

“No, what's wrong with you?” He asks, his eyes dark and angry. Mark suddenly feels lost. What reason does Jaebum have to be angry with him? Is he upset about their night together? He didn’t seem so the morning after but maybe he realized what an idiotic mistake that was. “How can you just- sit there with him? Kiss him right in front of me?

“What?” Mark sneers, completely blown away. “He’s my boyfriend! I- I love him, Jaebeom!”

“Do you really?” Jaebum asks and Mark clenches his jaw. “Are you telling me you haven’t felt anything since that night? Was it really just sex for you?”

“I…” Mark sighs, unsure of what to say. He didn’t expect this. For Jaebum to confront him like this, especially here.

But does this mean that perhaps Jaebum has been feeling the same things he has this past week?

“I don’t know what to tell you, Beommie.” He settles on, looking up to meet Jaebum’s scrutinizing gaze.

“I want you to tell me the truth,” Jaebum says. “I want to know if you feel how I feel, Mark. Do you honestly just want to move past that night?”

Mark licks his lips, a dead give away that he's nervous, scared of what he should say.

“How do you feel?” Mark asks, not noticing how Jaebum has pushed  back into his space, their faces so close together.

Jaebum takes a deep breath, staring directly in his eyes and Mark’s never felt so vulnerable, so anxious.

“I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you,” Mark feels Jaebum’s hands slide over his hips, trying to pull him closer, and Mark tries to calm down, feeling overwhelmed by Jaebum’s blatant confession “I didn’t ever think I’d be so jealous of Jackson but seeing you two together- “

“Mark.”

The two of them fly apart, eyes shooting over to find Jackson standing in the doorframe, watching them with steely eyes.

“I’m gonna go home. Alone.”

“Wait, Jackson,” Mark starts but Jackson has already turned to leave.

Mark follows after him without a second thought, cheeks flushed with shame and embarrassment of having been caught.

What was he thinking? How could he let himself get so enchanted with Jaebum to have forgotten his boyfriend was waiting for him?

He’s the worst person alive.

“Jackson, please,” Mark says, running after Jackson as he pushes past their friends and strangers alike, trying to rush outside. “I’m so sorry, please just listen to me!”

Jackson spins on him right before he makes it to the entrance, face twisted with disgust.

“What’s there to listen to?” He questions, tone dripping with sarcasm. “It’s funny, really. I knew something was up. You've been acting so weird this entire time but I was so stupid and in love with you that I trusted you. I couldn’t ever believe you’d actually cheat on me. Cheat with our fucking friend!”

He throws Mark’s jacket at him and Mark feels so ashamed, eyes welling up with tears.

“I can explain, please.” Mark begs quietly, well aware they've amassed a small audience, he can feel their eyes on them and he supposes it's what he deserves. “I love you, Jackson.“

“Fuck off, Mark“ Jackson says after a beat, jaw clenched. He quickly looks over Mark’s shoulder and points, eyes blazing hotter than ever. “And fuck you, Jaebeom. I thought you were a friend.”

He walks out of the restaurant and the resulting silence is somehow the worst sound he's ever heard.

What has he done?

[end two]

Chapter Text

Mark hits send, eyes roaming over his fifteenth message to Jackson.

The previous fourteen were ignored so he doesn’t know why he thinks Jackson would finally reply to this one.

Mark just doesn’t know what else to do.

All the texts say the same thing, essentially.  

Mark is sorry down to his core, he feels disgusting and guilty for what he’s done. For betraying Jackson's trust and love, and for ruining everything that they had and the future that they could have had.

Mark feels his throat go tight thinking about it all again and quickly throws his phone to the side. He tucks deeper into his nest of blankets, self pity engulfing him once more.

He just wants to sleep. Maybe when he wakes up, he’ll have finally gotten a reply from his ex lover.

He really did love Jackson, he still does, and being without him now leaves Mark feeling more lonely and confused than he ever has.

Mark shifts around, rearranging his pillows when his phone dings.

His heart drops into his stomach and he tentatively grabs the phone, unlocking it with shaky hands. He has one new message, but its not from the person he wanted to hear from.

‘Can we talk irl, please? I’m worried about you. We all are.’

       -Beommie♡

Mark sighs deeply, nibbling on the skin of his lip.

He debates whether or not he should reply and decides against it.

He knows that it’s not all Jaebum’s fault. That Mark realized that he had feelings for the other too, but the irrational part of his brain can’t help but feel upset. He can’t help but feel mad and blame Jaebum for what’s happened to him.

It's extremely unfair but Mark is hurt and it's easier for him to just push the blame on someone else.

Mark takes a deep breath, planning on taking another day nap when there's a knock on his door.

“What?” Mark asks monotonously, turning to face the door. “I'm not hungry, Bam.”

“Ah,” Mark hears before the knob is being twisted. Mark is surprised to see Youngjae's head pop through the opening. “It's actually me, hyung.”

“Oh,” Mark says, sitting up, feeling slightly embarrassed at the messy state of his room. He's sure his appearance is no better. “W-what are you doing here?”

Mark never expected Youngjae to visit him. Even before all this mess he didn't visit much, mostly because his and Bam’s dorm was so far away from the place Youngjae was leasing.

But now that Mark has slept with the guy Youngjae was supposed to be seeing, he's curious as to what the younger has to say to him.

“BamBam let me in before he left for class, I hope that's okay?” Youngjae explains. “I was worried about you.”

“Really?” Mark asks, a bit incredulously. “I thought maybe you came to call me out, maybe punch me.”

At that Youngjae laughs loudly, mouth going wide and head tipping back. It warms Mark's insides a bit, not only seeing him laugh but realizing that Youngjae isn't mad at him. The boy really is sunshine and happiness personified.

“Hyung, I would never!” Mark gestures for him to sit on the bed and he does, hand resting on Mark's covered leg. “I just want to talk, make sure you're doing okay.”

“I'm fine, thanks,” Mark says, hoping his lie is convincing. “What about you? What happened with you and, uh, Jaebeom?”

Youngjae's small smile goes tight, and he looks down at the covers, hand running over the soft cotton. Mark regrets asking the question immediately and he thinks about backpedaling but Youngjae answers before he can.

“I'm good,” He says. “Really good actually. I got accepted into the music program I've been dying to get into.”

“Youngjae that's so amazing!” Mark says, feeling a genuine smile pull onto his face for the first time in days. Youngjae blushes slightly and Mark pulls him into a hug, “Oh my God, I'm so happy for you. You deserve it.”

“Thank you,” Youngjae says shyly. “You helped me with the application essay, so really, thank you a lot, hyung.”

The memory of them sitting in the library, stressing over  and double checking every single line of Youngjae's letter flits back to his mind and he smiles again, feeling like a proud mom. At least Mark was able to do some good by Youngjae.

“It was really no problem,” Mark tells him.

The air between them falls silent for a beat and Youngjae sighs deeply.

“And about Jaebeom-hyung and I…  things never would have worked out.”

“What? Why do you think that??” Mark questions. “You're wonderful, anyone would die for you.”

Youngjae shrugs, cheeks going slightly pink.

“I think he was interested in someone else, you know?”

Mark’s heart drops and he shakes his head, snorting slightly.

“No, Youngjae,” Mark denies, grabbing the younger man's hand in his own. “I know he really had feelings for you, he always came to me to help you guys work things out. He truly cared about you.”

“I know he cared,” Youngjae says. “Just not in that way.”

Mark opens his mouth to tell Youngjae that he's wrong but he's cut off.

“It's fine, really.” Youngjae smiles, “We're much better as just friends, and honestly I think maybe he just wanted to try things with me to get over you.”

Mark frowns, nodding slightly to indicate he's listening and Youngjae continues.

“He's good at hiding it, but sometimes I noticed he'd look at you and it's not the way you look at a friend, hyung.

“I-I'm sorry, Youngjae.”

“Don't be,” he laughs. “I actually think I found someone I like, he'll be going into the same programme as me, too.”

“Do I know him?” Mark asks playfully, the mood lightening between them. “I'll want to approve that he's right for you.”

“Ah, stop it,” Youngjae chuckles, smacking him in the leg.

“Okay, okay,” He relents. “I really am sorry, for you having to deal with all of this.”

“It’s okay. I'm fine,” Youngjae squeezes his hand and Mark finds his throat going dry at the sweet gesture. “I have to go but you should reply to some of your messages, hyung. We all still love you, no matter what.”

“I will, I promise,” Mark says, the heaviness in his heart feeling significantly lessened. “Thank you for coming over,Youngjae. I think maybe I needed this.”

“Anytime,” Youngjae smiles. “And, uh, maybe take a shower, you smell.”

Mark grabs a pillow and starts smacking him with it, Youngjae's boisterous laugh ringing out in his room. The younger boy allows himself to get hit before scrambling out of the room, running out of the apartment and shouting at Mark to wash his balls.

At least he knows he's made amends with Youngjae. Now he guesses he should finally have a talk with Jaebum.

Mark still hasn't gotten any word back from Jackson and it makes the anxiety he's been dealing with all week get worse.

He rationalizes that crawling out of bed and taking a long hot shower will give him time to clear his head and stop worrying himself sick.

His stands under the hot spray, letting the water drown him away from reality.

The water calms him for a second but when his eyes close the only thing he can picture is Jackson’s upset face.

The moment always comes back to him so clearly, how embarrassed and terrible it felt standing in the restaurant as his boyfriend left him, the shame of having to turn and face his friend’s judgement glares.

He couldn't handle it.

And he couldn't handle how Jaebum had tried to comfort him either. He had pushed the younger male aside and left quickly before anyone could say a word to him.

He realized afterwards, remembering Jaebum’s hurt reaction that it was wrong, but he didn't know what else to do in the moment.

And even now he knows it's wrong that he's been ignoring all calls and texts from not only Bum but his other close friends as well.

That's just the way Mark has always dealt with things.

He needs time and quiet and peace to think.

But now, after talking with Youngjae, he's realized he's had more than enough time to think. Now he needs to try and fix things.

Mark let's the hot water soothe his shoulders a little longer,  making sure he's scrubbed clean before finally shutting off the tap.

He towels up and grabs his phone. Taking a deep breath and opening his messages, finally responding to Jaebum.

They really should talk face to face

‘hey, I'm sorry. about everything. do you want to get coffee and talk?’

The reply is almost instant and Mark snorts, imagining  Jaebum furiously texting a reply.

‘of course. I can meet in ten if you want?

no need to apologize btw’

Mark sighs, of course Jaebum would tell him not to apologize, even after acting like an ass.

‘yeah, at yugyeom's spot, he shouldn't be working today. see you xx’

Mark ends it there and quickly dries off, nerves steadily increasing as he tries to find a good outfit to wear. The weather is still cool so he tosses on one of his favorite hoodies and and a worn pair of sweats before he realizes he should dress up more instead of trying to seem hobo chic.

He switches the sweats for jeans and heads out before he can doubt himself anymore. The cafe Yugyeom works at is only five minutes away from his dorm so he takes his time walking over, running through every possible scenario that might happen when they see each other.

He catches sight of the shop and its fairly empty, probably due to the cold. It’s actually much colder than he realized but he didn't want to go back and change.

Much to his surprise he spots Jaebum already waiting for him.

How the hell did he beat Mark here? Either he was in the area or he's anxious to finally speak his mind. He hopes it's the former.

Mark wastes no time heading inside, being greeted by the pleasant blast of the heater and the calming scent of coffee.

The sound of the door chime rings out and Jaebum turns to meet his eyes. He's swaddled up in all black, looking a bit tired but handsome as always.

He sends Mark a small grin and Mark returns the sentiment, feeling his cheeks warm.

“Hi,” Mark says softly, not wanting to break the calmness of the small cafe. “You look good.”

“You too,” he gets back. “I already ordered for us, I hope you don't mind?”

“I won't mind if you got my hot cocoa,” Mark pouts playfully, easing the slight tension between them. Jaebum smiles and his top lip practically disappears It's an endearing action that Mark's noticed, it always happens when he smiles too hard.

“I did actually,” Jaebum beams. “I was gonna get food but it's so overpriced here.”

Mark cackles at Jaebum’s prudishness but doesn't disagree. University prices are usually shit.

“Maybe we can eat at mine?” Mark comments as one of the baristas brings over their drinks, steam rising from their cups. “Bam made some really good soup yesterday.”

“I might take you up on that,” Jaebum comments quietly, watching as Mark as he sips at his hot chocolate, sighing at the warm, rich taste. “I'm guessing you don't hate me if you're inviting me over?”

“Of course I don't hate you,” Mark says, almost offended at the thought. “I lov- “

Mark stops himself short but him and Jaebum both realize what he was going to say. Mark feels awkward, it's obvious he loves Jaebum but this time it all feels different, it is different.

All Jaebum does is take a sip of what smells like peppermint tea, eyes roaming somewhere behind Mark.

“You're my best friend,” Mark amends. “I could never hate you.”

“I'm glad you don't,” Jaebum says. “When you didn't return any of my messages I just assumed.”

“Well don't assume things,” Mark says. “You know how that saying goes. If you're really concerned ask me.”

“Well I am concerned, how are you? How is… have you and Jackson talked?”

“We haven't,” Mark says bluntly, mood dropping at the fact. “Other that that I'm fine I guess.”

“Mark I'm really sorry.”

“Don't be. It's not your fault I cheated.”

Jaebum sighs deeply at that and they both go quiet, running through their minds at where to take the conversation next.

“You could tell him it was me, if you want.” At that Mark's gaze flies to his. “He would probably forgive you. I don't mind being hated.”

“Shut up, Jaebeom,” Mark quickly says. “I'd never do that.”

“I just- ”

“I know you're just trying to be the good guy like you always are, but I don't want to fix things that way. Jackson always gets quiet like this when he's mad. He’ll come around eventually. Hopefully.”

“Hopefully,” Jaebum repeats thoughtfully. “Does that mean you want to get back with him?”

Mark opens his mouth to speak but nothing comes out.

He didn't really think of any other option, why wouldn't he get back together with Jackson?

“I still want you,” Jaebum says suddenly and Mark is thrown back to that night in the bathroom right before Jackson caught them.

Marks heart begins to beat rapidly and he focuses on the steam wafting from his drink

“Jaebeom… ,”

“I have feelings for you, and I think you have them for me, too. We wouldn't be here if… if there wasn't something between us, right?”

He isn't wrong and Mark knows it, but he hasn't even thought about the fact that Jaebum might still want him after everything that's happened. Didn't Mark ruin his and Jackson's friendship? Why would he want to still pursue things?

For fucks sake, their entire group might awkwardly break off because of this. There seems to be so many reason as to why this wouldn't be a good idea and Mark’s brain is steadily going through each and every one of them but suddenly he's snapped out of his revive.

“Mark?” Mark looks up and finds the younger staring at him, slightly worried. “Maybe I should take you back to your dorm? You look pale.”

“Yeah,” Mark agrees quickly, glad for the subject change. “Maybe I just need some food? It's much colder than I thought.”

That has Jaebum out of his seat in seconds and he goes to help Mark out of his chair. Mark feels a bit emasculated at the action but he chooses not to care much.

“Your cheeks do look less round, have you been eating?”

“Not as much as I should, probably. I've been sleeping too much.”

“You're lucky you have a take home final,” Jaebum comments as they make their way outside, his breath fogging out. It's began to snow lightly and Mark immediately misses the warmth of the cafe.

Thankfully it doesn't take long to get back to his place. Bam’s shoes aren't at the front door when they get there, at least they have the place to themselves.

“Go put some actual pants on,” Jaebum comments stripping off his jacket and heading to the kitchen as if he lives there. “I can't believe you wore those ripped things out today.”

Mark huffs out a laugh and finds himself doing as he's told, “I told you I didn't know it was so cold out!”

Mark is just slipping on his abandoned sweats from earlier when his bedroom door is pushed open, “Hurry on, I heated up some food.”

“Okay, mother ,” Mark jokes, avoiding an elbow to the ribs as he passes Jaebum to the kitchen.

Mark spots two bowls of soup sitting on the counter, wafting up steam and his stomach chooses then to growl. It's then that Mark truly realizes he hasn't eaten in much too long.

“Come on,” Mark says, “It's warmer in the living room.”

“Right,” Jaebum says, eyes wondering over the couch as they take seat. “Been too long since I've been here.”

Mark then remembers the last time they were on this couch very inappropriate things happened. A flush washes over his cheeks.

“R-right,” Mark says.

Jaebum makes himself comfy on the floor, blowing on the hot soup before gingerly slurping it up. An appreciative groan slips past his lips “Whoa this is good. So spicy.”

“I know,” Mark chuckles. “I was surprised when I first tried it. Bambam’s come a long way from burning pancakes and pasta.”

Jaebum laughs to himself before taking another slurp and Mark decides to follow suit.

It's quiet between the two of them, but not at all uncomfortable. Mark tries to focus on whatever Jaebum has decided to flip on the tv but his mind finds it hard to focus. For a moment, Mark wonders what Jackson is doing while he's here having dinner with Jaebum. Is he as lost as Mark is, or has he already moved on completely?

Mark knows it wouldn't be hard for him. He's outgoing and handsome, he could have anyone really… and for some reason he wanted Mark.

“Mark,” Jaebum says, and when Mark snaps out of it, he  realizes he's been staring at his food. He licks his lips and finds Jaebum watching him intently.

That same look he's been sending Mark for weeks now, the same exact look that both led them here, that got Mark dumped.

He feels a tug of anger in his chest but it passes as quick as it came.

“Yeah?” Mark asks, setting his food aside. “Jaebeom, what's happening? Between us?”

“I don't know,” Jaebum says after thinking it over. “I guess it all depends on you.”

“What do you mean?”

“I was serious when I said I want to be with you. But I don't know where you stand exactly and I don't know about you and Jackson either. I don't really know anything right now.”

Mark scoffs rather meanly without really meaning too and Jaebum’s brows scrunch up.

“I wouldn't be surprised if Jackson was done with me completely. Thanks for that by the way.”

“Thanks?” Jaebum repeats, tone changing completely. “Are you serious?”

“I mean,” Mark shrugs, he knows deep down he's being a total dick but he can't help it.

All week he's been moping in bed feeling nothing but now, finally in front of Jaebum, so many feelings are rushing to the forefront of his mind and Mark decides it would be a great time to hash out his feelings, why not? “You couldn't have waited to talk to me some other time? You just had to corner me in the bathroom with our friends there?”

“You didn't seem to be so opposed to being cornered,” Jaebum goes rigid, voice growing stern. “In fact you seemed to be completely into whatever was happening between us.”

“Wow, you're actually crazy!’ Mark laughs. “I was just listening to you speak, that's it.”

“Oh, bullshit,” Jaebum seethes, leaning over the table to point a finger in Mark’s face. “You know that's bullshit.”

“You're bullshit!” Mark says, face heating up and throat going dry.

He's always hated conflict like this but once he gets going he just can't stop, not until someone is hurt or crying.

Usually himself.

“God,” He starts, voice watery and sarcastic. “I can't believe I ruined my relationship over one night!”

“It wasn't just one night and you know it, Mark!” Jaebum shouts, face going red.

“That night was just a- a culmination of all the other nights we've had before!! How many times have you came crying to me because he's hurt your feelings or because you had a fight? Huh? How many times have we tip toed the line of best friends and something more? There's something between us and you're just too afraid to go after it because… because you already have something you know that works. That night happened for a reason, Mark. You can deny it as much as you want, but this all started way before your birthday.”

He is stunned listening to his words. He doesn't think he's ever heard Jaebum say so many words to him all together, in all the time they've actually known each other.

Mark has to take a deep breath, and after he does, he feels beyond pissed. His eyes begin to swell with confused and angry tears.

“So what? Is this what you wanted all along? To ruin things for me and him?”

“Don't- “ Jaebum says firmly, sounding tired. “Don't do that, don't twist my words.”

“How else am I supposed to take it?! What else am I supposed to do, Jaebeom?” It's then that Mark breaks down completely, unable to keep his feelings inside, tears flow freely down his face. He's sure he looks like a complete fool.

“I'm such a piece of shit.” He hiccups. “I cheated on my boyfriend and he really loved me. I just threw it all away.”

Jaebum’s expression softens and he moves over to Mark, grasping his hands tightly.

“I’m sorry Mark. I should've just dropped it all. Just pretend I didn't say anything, okay?” Jaebum says. “I never meant to hurt you.”

“No,” Mark sniffs, attempting to regain some composure. “You're right, Beommie. I'm just… so confused. How can I love Jackson and love you too? It's unfair and stupid and I don't know what to do.”

It feels good to finally say it out loud. He is confused. Is it right to love two men, is it normal? Mark has wondered and doubted his feelings for both Jackson and Jaebum for the past few days and it's been driving him a bit crazy. Is he even in love with either of them?

Maybe he'd be better of alone.

“It's okay to feel confused.” Jaebum grabs his face, wiping away as much of the wetness from Mark’s face as he can before he leans in softly, his lips dry yet soft.

He pulls away slowly and they stare at each other for what feels like eternity, so many unspoken words flitting between them before Jaebum pushes him back onto the couch.

Mark’s hands tangle their way into Jaebum’s hair and their lips meet again.

The kiss is messy and wet but it's so passionate Mark finds it easy to lose himself. To forget about all the fighting and all the hurt and the confusing feelings.

Jaebum makes quick work of his sweats, sliding them off Mark’s slender legs before diving back in for another kiss.

“Take off your clothes too,” Mark says, breathing heavily.

Jaebum slips off his shirt in record time to reveal his soft tummy, his happy trailing disappearing into his jeans.

Mark doesn't know what the fuck they're doing right now but it feels nice, and nice isn't something he's felt in a while.  So he lets kisses be pressed along his throat. Signing when Jaebum pushes his knee between his legs, the pressure feeling so good.

Mark turns his head to the side, allowing room for Jaebum to bite and suck when his eyes land on one of Jackson's coats, tossed inconspicuously across the back one of the recliners.

He doesn't know why this stupid little thing bothers him but it does, reality slapping Mark right in the face.

He is still technically taken. Yes, Jackson has been ignoring him but just because they haven't talked doesn't mean this is okay, does it?

Mark wants to bang his head against the nearest metal surface. Even now he doesn't know what he wants, he never really does.

He always gets other's to make choices for him, maybe that's why he's ended up in this situation.

But maybe now he can start trying to do something right.

“Wait,” Mark says, the heat that was coiling in his stomach completely gone now. Jaebum seems distracted, sucking a bruise into his neck. “Beom, wait.”

Jaebum pulls back then, lips slightly pink and spit slick.

“What’s wrong?”

“I- this isn’t right. Jackson and I are still together.” Mark sighs, sitting up slightly. “Jaebeom I don’t want us to just be some fling.”

“We’re not. I want more than that.”

“Then we should do this right.” Mark officially decides. “I need to do this right. Jackson deserves better. From both of us.”

Jaebum looks over his face, expression going soft.

“You're right. Sorry, I just, I always get carried away with you.”

Mark scoffs, amused.

“I'm pretty sure the feeling is mutual, if you couldn't tell.”

They separate slowly their food now long cold but neither of them really care.

The rest of the night is spent talking about the feelings they obviously have developed for each other along with some of the doubts that have been clouding both of their minds, going over all of the little details that have happened during the last few years of their friendship.

It's nice, talking so openly and deeply with Jaebeom about everything that's been plaguing him lately.

The last thing Mark remembers is running his palm up and down Jaebum’s abs, the younger man's humming slowly lulling him into a deep sleep.

//

Mark floats into consciousness when he hears his name being called out, softly and sweet.

“Mhm?” Mark shuffles around in the covers, feeling a bit groggy, he turns and finds Jaebum watching him. “Beommie?”

Mark doesn't remember them moving to his bed but he feels so warm and soft, a huge contrast the the shitty mornings he's been having the past few days.

Jaebum kneels onto mattress, leaning in to press a light kiss against his temple. Mark takes the opportunity to wrap his arms around his expansive shoulders, pulling him in close.

“Yah, I have classes.” Jaebum explains, allowing himself to be smothered into the pillows. “I should be back around twelve or so.”

“That's so loooong,” Mark whines, breathing against Jaebum's pulse point. “I thought classes were done.”

“This is my last day,” Jaebum tells him, giving him another kiss before pulling back into a sitting position. Mark can't help the whine that escapes his lips. “You’re acting like a baby.”

“Am not,” Mark responds automatically.

“You are,” Jaebum chuckles softly, running a hand through Mark’s fringe. “You really have gotten thinner. Your chubby cheeks are gone.”

“I can’t help my metabolism,” Mark bites back. “I’ll eat something later.”

“Eat something now,” Jaebum tells him, getting off the bed completely and grabbing his shoes off the floor. Mark wraps the comforter around his shoulders and begrudgingly gets out of his warm nest, following Jaebum into the living room.

“You should get something to eat from the diner.”

“No cash,” Mark says, “I’ll just eat leftovers.”

“Here,” Jaebum sighs, quickly pulling out his wallet and handing Mark a twenty before slipping on his shoes. Mark laughs at him, delight warming up his stomach. “Seriously, you need to eat.”

“Wow, thank you, sugar daddy,” Mark replies, wrapping the blanket around him more snugly. “I'm glad you care.”

“Shut up,” Jaebum says, although Mark doesn’t miss the red tint to the younger’s cheeks. “I have to go for real, I can’t be late today.”

He turns to Mark then and leans in slightly before pausing, eyes flickering over his face quickly.

Mark bites his lip and moves in the rest of the way to kiss Jaebum goodbye. He knows things aren't officially official yet but a few kisses won't kill anyone.

He pulls Jaebum in by the nape of the neck, pecking his soft lips twice, the comforter falling off his shoulder slightly.

“Go,” Mark says, pushing him out the door. “We’ll talk later.”

“Bye,” Jaebum says, a small grin on his face as he waves.

“Bye, good luck on the test!”

Mark stands at the door frame and watches Jaebum disappear out of sight, wondering about all of the things going on in Jaebum's mind.

Mark decides to take a hot shower to wake himself up after Jaebum has left.

He looks over his face in the mirror after he's scrubbed clean and notices that he really has lost weight in his face, his cheekbones looking more hollow and defined.

Some greasy unhealthy food would do him some good right now.

It doesn’t take long for him to toss on one of his infamous oversized hoodies and a comfortable pair of joggers before heading outside into the world.

Mark spares his phone a quick glance, hoping he'll have some word from Jackson but still nothing. He doesn't know if they're done or if he's just getting the extreme silent treatment as punishment for what he's done, either way it leaves a gaping hole of anxiety deep in his gut.

Mark sighs and turns the corner before he reaches the common district, almost running smack into none other than Jackson Wang himself. Mark feels his stomach drop into his ass and from the look on his face, Mark is assuming Jackson feels the same.

“Hey,” Mark greets softly, licking his lips.

“Hey,” Jackson returns, forcing a smile. “Good to see you.”

“You sure?” Mark tries to joke, earning a faux exasperated sigh and a smirk.

He thinks that's a good step in the right direction.  

“Really,” Jackson says. Then, after a beat, “I was just about to get something to drink? If you like, wanna talk? Or something?”

“Yeah,” Mark nods. “That would be good.”

They don't speak much on the way to their coffee shop and Yugyeom is behind the counter when they get there, eyeing the pair warily.

“Well, well, well,” Gyeom hums, grabbing two cups, already very accustomed to Mark and Jackson's drinking habits. “What a wonderful sight, Romeo and Juliet are alive.”

“Yah,” Jackson says at the same time Mark tells him to, “Shut up.”

Yugyeom almost chokes on laughter, face twisted in delight as he passes Mark an iced tea, seemingly getting started on Jackson's beverage.  

“You guys are so cuteeee,” he says, handing Jackson his hot green tea before ringing them up with his employee perk. “I hope you two work everything out. I know you love each other a lot.”

Mark wants to toss his tea at him for being so patronizing but after the last sentence he finds himself wanting to give the sweet maknae a hug. It's a wonder how he can always be so annoying and yet so cute all the time, it must be his other talent besides dancing.

“You're the best,” Jackson winks, lifting his drink in thanks and Mark smiles slightly, also thanking Yugyeom for their drinks and the kind words before Jackson tugs him out into the chilly air.

It's gloomier now, a slight breeze whipping at them.

“I want to hit him,” Jackson comments as they meander off in no particular direction. Mark snorts at his words and catches his ex’s eyes, “You look thinner, by the way.”

He downs half of his drink while taking a second to look his ex (?) lover, finding that Jackson is as good looking as always.

Everything on him is the same as it's always been, really. Although his eyes are monumentally kinder now than they were in the restaurant that night. If anything, Jackson looks tired, maybe a bit resigned. “I've heard. I guess I don't eat as much without you forcing me places.”

Jackson smirks at that, huffing through his nose.

“I'm sorry.”

“What?” Mark asks incredulously. “Isn't that my line?”

“Probably,” He shrugs, taking a sip of tea. “But I shouldn't have made a scene like that. And I shouldn't have been ignoring you. We're both adults right?”

“I guess we are, now,” Mark agrees, feeling grossly old for some reason. “Did you see my messages then?”

“I did,” Jackson takes a deep breath, the wind picking up speed around them. “I don't know how to feel.”

“I don't really either,” Mark admits, tucking deeper into his hoodie. He should have brought a scarf.

And as if Jackson's read his mind, he takes off his and wraps it around Mark, causing his cheeks to heat up. Jackson always was and always will be too kind for his own good. It's one of the reasons Mark fell in love with him in the first place.

“I have layers on,” he says in lieu of explanation. “You looked ready to blow over from the breeze.”

Mark pops him on the shoulder eliciting one of Jackson's signature cackles.

For a moment things feel normal, back to the way they were before… Jaebum.

But things won't ever really go back to the way they were.

“Jackson. I really am so sorry. I didn't… I don't know why I did it. You probably don't believe me but I love you a lot. I don't think I could ever stop loving you.”

And here come the waterworks.

Mark has always been this way and he hates it, he angles away from Jackson, quickly wiping at his eyes when he feels a warm hand grab his.

“I love you too.” Jackson sighs. “But I'm guessing I'm not the only one you feel that way for, anymore.”

Mark shakes his head minutely, unsure of what to say.

“I'm not mad anymore,” He says, pulling Mark in closer.

They're chest to chest now, and Mark takes the liberty to lean his head forward onto the younger’s sturdy shoulder, snaking his arms around Jackson's waist, while jackson does the same.

Someone walking by might think they're strange for standing together this way in the middle of the path but he doesn't care, not now at least. It feels good, being in Jackson's arms, knowing that he doesn't hate him,

“I think I've accepted it.”

“Accepted what?” Mark asks, voice muffled by Jackson's coat.

“You and Jaebeom. That you like each other. I've been talking with jinyoung about things, and if you two want to… try things out then I'd be okay with that. With just being your friend.”

Mark swallows harshly.

How can he just be so understanding about everything? It makes Mark feel more terrible about himself, that Jackson even had to deal with all of this.

“Jackson, I don't - ”

“Just,” Jackson cuts him off, putting some distance between them and their eyes meet. “Can you just tell me what happened?”

Mark sighs and looks down, swirling around the liquid in his cup while thinking about where to start.

“You can tell me if I was a shitty boyfriend.” He jokes, always so self deprecating. “I know it wasn't the best near the end.”

“Shut up, Jackson.” Mark scolds. “You're an amazing boyfriend and an even better person.”

“But somehow you slipped through my fingers, huh?”

“Stop.” Mark says, hating that he did this, hating that Jackson thinks he wasn't good enough. “It- it was the night my birthday. And when you didn't show or text I just felt so hurt and he was there.”

“Like always, he's there,” Jackson comments. “You know, I was always a little jealous of him. Lowkey.”

“Jackson,” Mark tilts his head. He wants to say he had no reason to be jealous but he can't really say that now. “If I need to apologize a hundred times I will.”

“No, no. It's okay. Hearing how it happened makes me feel better.”

“Better?”

“My mom always talked about fate when I was younger, you know. And it just seems like it all happened at the perfect time. Everything was laid out how it should have been.” Jackson says, and Mark just listens. “It's your birthday, I get out of the city to meet some people and to get you a gift but my phone dies? You two are there.. really, what are the chances? I see it as fate, I guess. It was meant to happen. Maybe my someone is still out there.”

Mark's heart swells at his words, his mouth going a bit dry. He's never been too invested in fate, not the way he knows Jackson is but hearing him say all of that has his heart strings pulling painfully.

“Jackson, whoever you decide to be with is going to be the happiest and luckiest person alive. I already know.”

“Thank you, Mark.” Jackson says after a beat, licking his lips, his eyes suspiciously glassy. “I hope things work out between you and him.”

He feels his eyes tear up, again and he quickly swipes at them. Damn his sensibilities.

“You've always been and always will be a softie, Yien,” Jackson laughs, pulling him in for a tight hug, trying not to spill his now lukewarm tea.

“I really love you, Jiaer,” Mark sniffs. “I'm so sorry that I hurt you.”

“I'll heal, you'll heal, we'll be okay.” They stay embraced for what feels like forever. “I love you too by the way. I always will, we were friend long before this and we will be long after.”

Mark inhales sharply, trying not to cry on his ex's shoulder, but he fails miserably.

They're going to be okay.

Things won't be perfect, but they'll be able to work on it and that's all he could ever ask for.

The huge hole that's been eating away at his insides over the past few days fades away minutely, and Mark finally starts to feel a but more like himself.

Maybe all of this really was meant to be.

Chapter Text

Mark tosses his hard back in ecstasy, his hips slowly raising up and down, immensely enjoying the drag of Jaebum sliding in and out of him.

One particular thrust down makes his vision go white and he can't stop the gasp that slips out, biting his bottom lip hard in pleasure. Mark is dripping in sweat when he raises up and repeats the move, trying and succeeding to hit the same spot. An intense wave of pleasure surges through him and he clenches hard around Jaebum.

“You feel so good,” Jaebum groans beneath him, trying desperately to stay alive for the ride. He drags his fingertips across Mark's bruised inner thighs, feeling like he's being hypnotized by every move that Mark makes.

He's surrounded by velvet heat and Jaebum swallows hard, truly believing that if he died right now, he would die a happy man.

“Go faster baby,” Jaebum whispers, his hips bucking up slightly, heat shooting up his spine as he watches his cock disappear into Mark. “You're so hot.”

Mark ignores him completely, stopping to grind down on Jaebum's lap as if he can somehow force Jaebum further inside of him. It might be one of the hottest things he's ever experienced and he has to grab Mark’s hips and still him before he cums earlier than he wants.

“Fuck,” Mark mewls, the only other sound in the room besides them is Frank Ocean playing softly in the background. “I want you deeper.”

“I'm glad you're enjoying it, baby.” Jaebum comments, a bit dryly. “You're kind of killing me.”

He's sure it feels amazing for Mark and it's good for him, don't get it wrong, but he wants more. He always wants more when Mark is involved.

It's just that all he wants to do is bend the smaller boy over and fuck into him until his legs cramp. Just imagining the sounds that Mark would make as Jaebum pounded him into the mattress makes him twitch. Mark looks down at him, eyebrow raising in interest as he continues to work his hips in a slow circle.

“Shut up,” Mark says rather meanly, beautiful face twisting in pleasure when he presumably hits his prostate, his lips red from being bitten. Jaebum finds it odd that the rude comment sends a spark of arousal through his gut but he tries not to dwell on it at the moment. “Let me enjoy this. Think of it as payback for dropping my coffee earlier.”

“Baby,” Jaebum scoffs,choking when Mark purposely clenches around him. He really does think Mark could kill him. “It was an accident. Please, just… move a little faster before I die.”

He could move if he wanted to. He could push Mark off his lap and switch their positions easily, he's sure Mark wouldn't mind terribly in the moment, but he knows how vindictive the older can be. He'd probably be denied sex for weeks.

And now that he's gotten a good taste of Mark he doesn't really think he can ever quit the older.

Mark smirks down at him, hair falling into his eyes, framing his face perfectly. How he managed to capture Mark’s heart, he will truly never know, but he’s eternally grateful, so happy that his best friend could become his lover.

Jaebum runs his fingers along Mark's jaw before running them over his lips, watching in interest as the tips are sucked into Mark's mouth.

Fuck. Is that legal?

Mark then grabs his hand and interlaces their fingers, before leaning forward and pressing a sloppy kiss against his mouth, tongues swiping together lazily. The kiss helps him regain some composure, redirecting his away attention from his impending orgasm.

Jaebum has tunnel vision after that, everything he sees, smells and tastes is Mark. Mark, Mark, Mark.

“You're so good, Beommie,” Mark tells him, widening the stance of his hips, his hands coming to rest against Jaebum’s stomach. “So good for me.”

His mouth goes completely dry and he swallows roughly as Mark decides to finish him off.

He starts to ride Jaebum almost fervorously, working his way all the way up and back down until the slap of skin on skip is audible, making sure he tightens his hole around Jaebum’s cock with every downward stroke.

The sudden and intense slip and slide of heat on his dick has him melting into the mattress, heat coiling hot and fast inside of him, begging to be released.

Jaebum is gasping and grunting along with Mark, his hands gripping onto Mark's slender hips tightly, his body bucking his hips up to meet Mark’s every stoke, the room heating up until sweat is running down his temple.

It doesn't take long before Mark starts losing his tempo, his mewling getting louder and more frequent.

“You're gonna cum aren't you, baby?” Jaebum starts, voice gravelly and wild. “You don't even have to touch yourself… you always cum just from my cock.”

“Fuck,” Mark breathes. Jaebum decides to take some initiative and grabs his neglected dick,it doesn't even take two strokes before Mark is spilling all over his stomach. “Oh, my god.”

Mark’s tight heat spasming around him feels too good and manages to finally push Jaebum over the edge, groaning deeply as his aftershocks hit him, cumming deep inside his boyfriend.

“Wow,” He says after they've had a second to breath. Mark tips forward, flopping onto Jaebum like he's some sort of body pillow. “That was amazing.”

“Very amazing,” Mark agrees rolling over, Jaebum’s dick slipping out of him, allowing the younger to remove the condom and quickly tie it up, tossing it in the vicinity of his trash bin. “I think I could sleep all day.”

“We're supposed to go to Jinyoung's photography thing,” Jaebum reminds him, feeling supremely relaxed and content as Mark pulls the sheets over them, cuddling up close to him. He always feels this mellow high after being intimate with Mark, it never gets old to him. “You can't be lazy.”

“Well it's not my fault,” Mark says, slapping Jaebum's chest. “I'm the one who just did all the work, you just layed there.”

“You act like it's not your favorite position,” Jaebum grins, grabbing Mark’s hand and intertwining their fingers. “You like fucking yourself on me.”

“Shut up, I do not!” Mark lies, hiding his face in Jaebum’s shoulder. “Anyway, when do I get to top you?”

Jaebum chuckles at his change of topic, kissing Mark’s hand before answering.

“Not for a long while, probably.”

Mark pauses next to him, letting go of his hand.

He worries that he's said the wrong thing until Mark drags his hand up Jaebum’s chest, letting it rest of the nape of his neck. Their eyes meet and Jaebum feels his heartbeat pick up pace, he tries to keep his facial expression as neutral as he can, waiting for Mark to say something

“So, you really see us being together for a long time?”

The question shocks him, a bit.

He knows that he and Mark’s relationship didn't start in the best of circumstances, and it definitely wasn't easy for them and everyone around them to adjust to the change but despite all of it; all of the petty fights at 2 am and the awkward days when they didn't know if they would actually work out, despite all that, Jaebum deeply loves Mark.

He’s always loved Mark.

His best friend, the person he could always count on to be there for him. The person who somehow, unknowingly managed to steal his heart, no matter how hard he tried to deny the feelings.

Things probably won't be easy all the time, but the feeling he gets knowing that the object of his affection cherishes him the same way back, after years of doubt, makes up for the hardships ten fold.

Jaebum truly can't imagine being with anyone else.

He wishes he could articulate all of these thoughts to Mark, knowing that he isn't the best with feelings and being vulnerable but he plans to soon. Maybe through some cheesy love note, he knows how much the older loves things like that but right now he bites his lip, realizing that he's been inside his head too long.

“I hope so. I don't know what will happen in the future,” Jaebum says sincerely, grabbing Mark’s chin lightly, thumb running over his plush bottom lip. “But I know that I love you, Mark, and I'll love you for as long as you'll have me.”

Mark smiles bashfully, leaning up to place a chaste kiss against his lips.

“I love you so much,” Mark sighs, kissing him once more before they sleep. “I always knew you were a big sweetheart.”

Jaebum smiles at his words, unable to think of any other place in the world he'd rather be.