Chapter Text
There hadn’t been many times in Cas’ existence when he’d felt truly at peace. The angels had gift wrapped him the false sense of it and for a long time, that’s what he believed to be true. Angels were made to be peace givers. They were the embodiment of it. It was their duty to make sure their Father’s mankind had someone- something to pray to. To seek peace in.
Castiel has always held his duty. He would serve mankind with all his heart. He still remembered the pride he’d felt pulling the older Winchester out of Hell. The peace he’d given back to Sam and Bobby. That fulfilment of success.
So when Castiel first stepped on Earth, he was lost. The humans had peace, but their own kind of peace. It wasn’t like the idealistic version the angels prided themselves in. It was a raw emotion. Something they were constantly fighting for. Not through some prayer to someone they didn’t quite believe in, but through themselves. The Winchester’s were always fighting. Always striving to keep humanity at peace from the monsters that they didn’t know existed.
Therefore, Castiel had thought it his duty to protect them. Yes, he was an angel made to serve heaven but also, he thought, to serve all humanity. Slowly, that humanity had changed into the form of the Winchesters. He would do anything to save them. But he’d failed- multiple times.
Once the aftermath of the near-apocalypse has subsided, he’d tried protect the brothers from Crowley’s deal, but that only ended in heartbreak and betrayal. After, he’d tried to save Sam from Lucifer, but he only let him in instead.
It was his fault that Bobby died.
It was his fault that Dean was stuck in purgatory for a year.
It was his fault that his brothers and sister’s fell.
His duty seemed futile.
He was now just heaven’s weakest.
He kept trying though. Castiel hadn’t come this far to fall back to bad habits. He’d accepted that the angels had disowned him. In many ways, the bunker was his home now. He’d decided to try and discover human peace instead.
Some days, when the brothers had just come back from a tiring hunt, Dean would convince Cas to watch another cult movie that he classed frankly unmissable. Cas would grumpily agree, hiding the stupid excitement he’d feel whenever he got to spend time alone with Dean. They’d sit in Dean’s room with their arms pressed against each other and laptop across both of their laps. Castiel would try really hard to stay focused in the first few minutes of the movie, and try to stay extra still when he’d find Dean slumped on his shoulder asleep by the last few minutes.
Spending simple moments held so much reward, that the old Castiel had never considered. He’d decided that human peace wasn’t a duty. It was a choice.