Chapter Text
Chapter 21: Future
I didn’t have anything to worry about with the party. Well, except for my fangirling habits, and Brendon’s wallet. Also the fact that William and Brendon as a party planning team scares me to death now. I’m planning on skipping my birthday next year so that I know that I’ll be safe from their parties. It’ll be easier since my mother didn’t show up at the party.
She called an hour into the party and told Brendon that she had changed her mind. Brendon told me that it was because she was afraid that my father would catch her visiting me. But Brendon has gotten worse at lying. She didn’t want to come because she couldn’t approve of us. She never will be able to.
“Don’t be a loner, Ryan,” Joe purrs, and then claps his hands on my shoulders, “come and join the last of the party”
I shake my head slowly, “Pete told you how he’s closing Smoothie Hut?”
“He sold the place to fund our first CD. He thinks that we really have a shot,” Joe shrugs his shoulders, his curls bouncing. “Brendon offered to pay for some of it. He said that it would be an investment, but we want to do this ourselves. Be a real band”
I roll my eyes with a faint smile on my lips, “You guys are crazy”
“We aren’t crazy, we’re Fall Out Boy”
I chuckle and stare down at my red cup which is filled with sparkling cider, “You really think that you can make it? Nevada is a big state, Joe”
“And yet you met Brendon, William met Spencer, and I met a midget, an Emo Elmo—he told me about that and I wish that you would have taken a photo—and a man made of beard. Fate and destiny works in weird ways”
“Shit—I’m twenty two, Joe and how does it feel like I’m starting my life all over again? I have no idea what I’m going to do now. I dropped out of college before I could do anything”
“I still live with my parents, I haven’t had a girlfriend in years and I have to deal with Patrick and Pete cooing. Somehow Andy uses his beard as earmuffs. If I can get through that then you can figure out what you want to do with your life”
“I don’t want to leave or mess things up. I’m really happy. What if I mess it up? His parents aren’t approving of us—yet—and they pay for everything. What if I do something and—“
“You are stupid if you think that Brendon is going to leave you. Have you seen the party he threw for you? I don’t think I’ve seen that mini wiener dogs in my life and he got you a fucking signed blink182 guitar—he’s not leaving you. If his parents don’t ever accept him, then you’ll find some way to make ends meet. Things will be okay, Ryan. Stop trying to bring back emo and join us in the living room. Pete, Patrick, Andy, and Brendon has this four part harmony thing going on. It was fucking killer”
“I’m alright, Joe. Now run off and tell Spencer that I’m fine”
Joe raises his eyebrow, “Spencer and William are upstairs and are probably not coming back down for a while,” he raises his cup up to his lips and takes a shy sip.
“Are they?”
“Totally”
“On my birthday too”
“Can’t fight the feeling, I guess,” he shrugs his shoulders, “it’s alright to be scared, ya know”
“I’m not—“
“It’s alright, Ryan. Everyone gets scared. But you’ve got the rest of your life to decide these things. Enjoy your birthday, and be a kid for once, instead of someone who used to walk around like an adult in a young adult body. You’ve been through a lot of shit, you grew up really fast. Don’t worry about the future is going to bring, just be in the moment”
“I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. Something to happen. The last time I was this happy everything blew up in my face. What if that’s going to happen again?”
“Don’t worry about the what ifs for now. Just to try to finally live” He gives me a wry smile, and claps me on the shoulder. His sneakers squeak on the way out of the pool room and into the living room.
Living is a hard thing to do, even with Brendon and my new friends. And living has a different meaning to everyone, but maybe I’m finally able to start for once in my life no matter what could happen in the future. I’ve got my new family backing me up, and I can’t wait for my life to finally start, no matter if me and Brendon break up, or if we live the rest of our lives together.
It’s time.