Archive of Our Own ^beta

“Sir, you can't be here.”

Maxx's arms were crossed, raising his eyebrow at the cop blocking the entrance to his home. “Uh, officer, this is my apartment. I'm just trying to get something from my room. I gotta get my cat from-”

“That's exactly it, this place is on lockdown.” The cop gently pushed him away from the door. “Please, you can come back in a few hours. We're positive your cat is safe.”

“Why is it on lockdown, what's going on?” Maxx felt his phone buzz, and he took it out, seeing a message from Cody. I'll check later.

“Sir… there's been a murder. The third one this month in this area. We're trying to find out who the hell is doing this.”

Another one? Maxx rubbed his arms. “Uh, what apartment was it?”

“Room one-fifty eight. You know who lived there?”

158. That's the apartment right in front of me. I could have been killed. “Um… I-I didn't know him personally, he was just my neighbor. Um- can I please get my cat out of there? I-I don't wanna leave her alone on lockdown.” His hands were shaky, and he stared at the ground, biting his lip hard.

“We can send someone in there to get her. What's your apartment number?” The cop asked softly. “Sir, can you hear me?”

“Um… One-hundred forty three. It's, like… Right across the, um… The other one. She-she’s mostly white, has black and brown spots on her.” He took his phone out, reading the text from Cody.

I heard your place was on lockdown. Are you okay?

Maxx did his best to text back as the officer assured him he'd get his cat back.

yeah im fine. im getting pistol and making my way to your place is that okay

He looked back to the apartment, rubbing his arms again. Did the killer try to come to my house first? Is Pistol okay? God, I really need Cody right now. He pulled his phone out again, nervously scrolling through their text history. The memories of the messages calmed him down, even just a bit.

Yeah, that's fine. You can stay here as long as you need.

thanks love you

He locked his phone just as the officer came out with a familiar white cat on her black leash. She wriggled out of the officers arms and ran to Maxx, meowing loudly.

“Pistol, hey!” Maxx kneeled down as she butted her head into his knee, almost demanding to be pet. “Hey, are you okay?” He got a hold of her leash, which was firmly connected to her harness. Of course she couldn't answer, but she definitely wasn't trying to get away from him.

“Mister, uh… Sir, you may wanna stay away from here for a bit, go somewhere safer,” the officer said. “There's obvious attempts of a break-in at your apartment. Until we catch whoever this is, you might wanna stay at, say, a girlfriend’s or parent’s house.”

“I, uh, I was about to go to my boyfriend’s, actually.” Maxx picked up Pistol, smiling weakly. “Thanks for getting her out. Um, yeah, I'll be at my, uh, my boyfriend’s.”

“Alright, you might wanna get to walking away, there's no more going in or out.”

As Maxx turned onto Cody’s road, he knew something was wrong. He didn't see anything different, it was an average sight to see. Though, when he got closer to Cody’s house, a sick feeling churned in his stomach. He stopped at the corner of the cul-de-sac, staring at the house at the end of the road.

Am I missing something? Quickly, he patted his pockets. Phone, wallet, keys, Pistol… I have everything. He pulled his phone out, making sure Pistol didn't run off and trying to make sure he hadn't missed any calls. Instead, he was greeted with a text from Cody.

<3 love you

Even though a text like this would make Maxx smile and give him a fluttery feeling, as if butterflies were flying in his stomach, now it was as if butterflies were stuck and trying to escape. Something's wrong.

Is he alright? As he started down the sidewalk at a quick walk, he recapped all the times he's seen Cody recently. He was acting odd yesterday with the hangout with Zach, but he said he was just not feeling well. The day before, he was fine. Did something happen last night? This morning?

Did he get hurt? His pace quickened just a fast as his thoughts. Each footstep grew louder in his ears, each quick tap tap tap forced a new thought in his mind.

Was that his last words to me?

Is he dying?

What's happening?

Why did he text me out of the blue?

Usually, it's him acting like this.

Pistol meowed softly, and Maxx looked down at her. Once more, he picked her up and started walking fast.

He stopped abruptly as the door, the white chipped paint looking eerier than usual. He stepped back, noting that his welcome mat was crooked. It was slid to the side, as if kicked away. Cody always makes sure it's aligned with the door. What the hell is going on?

He tried opening the door. Cody never locks the door. More and more differences kept adding up as he stared at the porch. The porch light is busted. The welcome mat is crooked. The door is locked. He looked to a support beam, then tied Pistol’s leash around it. He tried the door again, still locked. What's going on, what's going on? He knocked on the door, a quick three raps.

A crash came from inside as a response, followed by a scream. “Get the fuck off me!”

Cody.

As quick as his shaky hands could work, he got his keys out of his pocket, jamming the spare key into the lock, trying to twist the door open. “Cody!” He called, banging on the door as another loud noise came from inside the house. “Cody, open the door!” the key won't work why isn't the key working WHAT IS GOING ON

Another loud noise. Someone got thrown against a wall. Oh my god, Cody please be okay. Once more, he tried getting the key to work, and this time, the knob turned. I can't lose him too. He and Pistol are all I have.

“Cody!” Maxx shouted, letting the door slam against the wall as he stumbled it the house. Blood. There's There's blood trail. A trail of blood. No.

He heard a small, hushed, “Oh, shit.”

“Cody, are you okay?” Maxx said, breathing heavily. He followed the blood trail, feeling a high tingling sense at the back of his throat. Oh God, I'm gonna throw up. He looked behind him, Pistol was laying down next to the beam she was tied to.

“Maxx-!” Cody rounded the corner, flecks of liquid flying from his clothes and onto the floor and walls. “Maxx, shut the door, you-”

He's covered in blood. Oh my god, what happened?!

“Where are you bleeding from?” Maxx demanded, stumble-running to him and looking him over. I can't see any cuts with so much blood on him. It's like he took a bloodbath!

“Shut the fucking door!” Cody hissed, shoving past him and closing it himself. “Maxx, listen to me-”

“What is going on?!” Maxx asked, “Why are you- what's with the blood? Why are you bleeding?!” Oh no. Please don't let that be his blood. Please just say you were cutting meat, or something.

“It's a lot to tell, I-I… Maxx, please, you have to understand…” Cody took in several breaths, wiping blood from his hands onto his jeans. “Maxx, I love you. I-I didn't mean to. I didn't mean to do this, I swear!”

“Do what?” Maxx tore his gaze from him to the blood trail, which led to the he living room around the corner. “Cody, what's around the corner?” Oh my god, the smell is horrible. It smelled like a bad mix of metal and raw burgers.

Cody wrung his hands together, shifting his eyes down. “Maxx, I-I didn't mean to. He-he charged at me, and I-”

“Who charged you?” Maxx asked. His voice was low, wavering. Then, he turned and started walking to the living room.

Cody grabbed his hand, pulling him back. “Maxx, no. Don't look.” Now he was crying. “Don't look, please. Please, I can explain.”

Maxx, without a word, snatched his hand away and looked around the corner.

What he saw wasn't an accident. That can't be an accident. This can't be real. He couldn't have done that. He stepped further, looking into dead, pale eyes frozen open. The knife stuck straight out of his chest. No. No, God, no.

A mix of rage and fear started eating him from the inside.

Cody did this. Cody did this Cody did this-

“Maxx…” Cody's voice was soft, almost calming. “Maxx, please, you have to understand-”

“Understand WHAT ?!” Maxx screamed, turning from Zach’s body to Cody. “What the fuck about this is there to understand?!” He felt the lump in his throat, he felt like choking. “You killed him. You deliberately killed him!” Zach is dead. Cody killed him, Cody fucking killed my best friend.

Cody’s guilt shone through his teary eyes. “I didn't mean to-”

“ Don't fucking lie to me! ” Maxx screamed, cutting Cody short. “You meant to do that. That sure as shit is no accident!” He angrily gestured to Zach, the lump rising in his throat and making him sob. “You killed him! You killed all of them, didn't you?”

Cody was backed into a wall. He didn't answer.

“You killed everyone at the apartment, didn't you?” Maxx asked, his voice not lowering from the angry shout. His hands were curled tight into fists at his side. “Didn't you?!”

“Yes,” Cody spat. “I did.” He wiped his eyes, streaking blood onto his face. “I killed Zach, I killed those people in the neighborhood. I did it, is that what you want to hear?” Now he was angry, but it was overshadowed by the sheer remorse and guilt.

“What I want to hear is why you did it.” Maxx didn't move. He just stared at Cody, silently demanding an answer. “Don't sugarcoat it, just tell me. Why the fuck would you do something like this? Why my apartment?”

“To be honest… I don't know,” Cody said. “I started it earlier this month. And I couldn't stop. I-I only chose your apartment because everyone there least expected it. It was the only way for me to do it. It-It was so accessible.”

“Why Zach? What happened?” Maxx asked. “I heard loud noises at the door eat happened?” His mouth was dry, his throat raw.

“He f ound out. He-he knew I did it. Wh-what was I supposed to do, just let him call the cops?!” Cody’s shaking got so severe he slid down, grabbing his hands. “I-I didn't want to, I swear l, but I can't! I can't go to jail.”

Maxx was shaking almost as bad, the sick smells and sights finally sinking in. My boyfriend is a serial killer. I'm dating a fucking serial killer who killed my best friend. Zach is dead and Cody killed him.

“I can't believe you.”

I WAS dating a serial killer.

“ This is- I-I can't do this. We're done.” Those two words sent Cody and Maxx through a slew of emotions. “I can't handle you. I can't handle... this .” He shook his head and stepped away from him, starting at a quick walk to the door.

Cody shot up from where he was sitting. “Maxx, please!” He said, “Please, don't go! You-you’re all I have!”

“You should have thought of that before you became a fucking murderer,” Maxx snapped back, taking his keys out of the door lock. He looked at the spare key to Cody's house, then ripped it off the keychain, tossing it on the floor. “Bye, Cody.”

“Maxx, wait-!” Maxx slammed the door in Cody’s face, hurriedly untying Pistol and picking her up, burying his teary face into her fur. He heard Cody slam his hands into the door, and Maxx stumbled off the porch, walking aimlessly. He had nowhere to go. Zach is dead, and his apartment is on lockdown. Cody's house is not an option. It never will be an option again.

His world is collapsing. He's sitting on a park bench, Pistol sleeping next to him, looking through their old photos and breaking down. They were so happy, they were so in love. He loved me. Why did he do that? Why would he do that if he loves me so much WHY DID HE DO THAT.

With angry tapping, he deleted every photo. Every selfie where they're smiling together, kissing, hugging, Cody with Pistol, he deleted them all. He never wanted to see them again. They looked better deleted anyway. Forever ingrained into his memory. Looking at them through memories hurt less than looking at them on the screen.

I never want to see him again. I never want to see him again, I'm never going to see him again even if it means moving out of this shit town. I never want to see him again. My biggest mistake.

He didn't have many followers on Twitter, but where else was he supposed to vent?

DON'T LET YOURSELF GET PLAYED. KNOW YOUR SELF WORTH. DON'T FUCK WITH PEOPLE YOU DON'T KNOW ABOUT.

I should have seen this coming. He was shifty from the start WHY DID I TRUST HIM

I thought we had it all. He was perfect. I thought he was. He rested his hand on Pistol’s back, trying not to cry harder. He just lost almost all of his world. All he had was his cat and the clothes on his back.

He had basically nothing, just like he started out.

-----

He misses him. He misses him so much and all he can do is lay down on Zach’s old bed and cry.

He's been so close to turning Cody in. He's lost count of the number of times he's had 9-1-1 dialed, staring at the numbers on the screen before closing out and throwing his phone down. He was so lost in life, he didn't know what to do.

Then he started going out more. He went to the store for food, he went to work, he struck up conversation with random strangers on the street. None of it filled the obvious gaping hole inside him. He would smile, he would laugh, but everyone who's known him for more than an hour knows he's hurting.

And all of his happy progress would fall apart and shatter all around him and he'd be back to a sobbing mess, shut in with the curtains closed, curled up and crying on his dead best friend’s bed.

Zach's death wasn't even found out about. Cody must have cleaned up too well, buried his body somewhere.

Today was the day when Maxx’s world really started breaking down. Breaking to the point of never being fixed.

He was ready to try and be social again. Maybe this time, he’ll really get his shit together. That's what he told himself, at least. It's gonna be an okay day. Nothing bad is going to happen. You haven't seen him at all since that day. Why will anything be different today?

So, he stepped out of his door, making sure Pistol had plenty of food and water before he left, and started on his way to Starbucks. He decided to treat himself before he went to work.

In the Starbucks, he was taking full advantage of the free WiFi, scrolling through his Twitter feed. Funny videos of dogs (most Shiba Inus) and aesthetic pictures took most of it up, but it was endearing to scroll through. He kept an ear out for his name to be called.

Soon, the barista called out, but it wasn't his name.

“Cody? Your drink is ready.”

Maxx paused, his finger held down on the retweet icon of a picture of a foggy woodland scene. The name shot through his ears like a knife, he felt a physical ache in his heart.

Oh my god. Oh my god no no no it can't be him it's not him it can't be him. It's not him he's on the run he's a fucking murderer IT'S NOT HIM.

He slowly looked up, looking to see who stood up for their drink.

Nononono he can't be here that's not him HE CAN'T BE HERE.

Cody was smiling at the barista, paying for his drink with a ten.

He's smiling. He's happy. Like nothing ever happened, he's smiling and happy. He said he had nothing without me and yet he's still here smiling and laughing.

He found himself thinking, he used to smile at me like that. He missed it. He hated that he missed it, but he still missed it. As much as he hates to admit it to himself, he misses him.

He looked down at his phone, tears blurring his vision and his mind going numb. I said I didn't want to see him again. He's nothing now he's nothing. As much as he told himself that, everything he did, a new happy memory flooded his mind of each other together.

He's everything. He's everything and I tried to make him nothing.

The only thing left of Cody on Maxx’s phone was his twitter.

Cody sat down, right next to him at a table. His heart was pounding as he tried to keep his sobs quiet. He tapped around on Twitter, searching up his profile.

He doesn't recognize me. I'm breaking down right next to him and he doesn't fucking recognize me.

His finger hovered over the unblock button. Do it don't do it do it don't do it.

He fucked you up. He was going to kill you. He killed Zach. Don't do it.

You love him. You love him and nothing is going to change that. Unblock him and talk to him. He's right next to you. Talk to him. You know he misses you.

You mean nothing to him. Look at him, he's smiling without you. He doesn't need you. He's only going to kill you. Turn him in.

He misses you so much. You saw how he acted when you left. He was devastated. Talk to him. Shoot him a quick message. You know he'll want to talk.

Murder is inexcusable.

The inner battle just made him shake and shut off his phone, burying his face into his arms on the table.

“Maxx? Your drink is ready.”

Thank GOD.

He shot up, stuffing his phone into his pocket and taking a crumpled up five dollar bill out of his pocket. “Thank you,” he choked out, grabbing his drink and not even waiting around to get his change back.

He only got a block away from the starbucks, on his way home, when he heard him.

“Maxx, wait!”

He said my name. He said my name.

“Maxx, you forgot your-”

“Get away from me.” Maxx stood stock still, not wanting to look up and see him. “I don't care what I forgot, I don't want it from you. Get. Away from me.”

“Maxx, please, can we just talk? I-I-” Cody was standing in front of him. He was close, his shadow blocked the sunlight from Maxx’s ducked face. Either he's wearing freshly washed clothes or he put on cologne. “I just want to talk. We don't have to talk right now, but-”

“No.” Maxx shook his head, crossing his arms. “No, I'm done. I told you, we're done .”

“I'm not asking to get back together, I just wanna-”

“Cody.” Maxx looked up, into his pained eyes. They were bloodshot, and he saw tear tracks running down his cheeks. “I…” miss you. I miss you so much, I want to kiss you and have you hold me and tell me it's going to be okay. “I can’t. I can't talk to you. Not after what you did.” He pushed him away and started walking again, his mind going number and number.

He felt his hand being grabbed. “Maxx, please.” Cody was getting choked up. “Please let me explain my actions. It doesn't have to be now, it can be a month from now, I don't care. I just want to explain myself.”

People were starting to look their way. Two grown men standing close to each other about to cry.

“Later,” Maxx forced himself to say. “I'm gonna be late for work.” He pushed past him, finally drinking from his latte.

“Wait- how am I going to contact you?”

“I'll unblock you on Twitter,” Maxx said, not even looking back.

God dammit god dammit god dammit god dammit GOD DAMMIT. WHY DID I SAY THAT. He was frustrated at himself. Beyond frustrated, infuriated . Still, the bigger part of him, the part of him that missed Cody so much, opened up Twitter and unblocked him. Then, he sent him a message.

We can talk tomorrow.

At work, he had to excuse himself halfway through his shift to go to the bathroom. He was trying so much to hold it together, but every smile and “How are you doing” and every interaction with someone else sent him spiraling further down. In the bathroom, he locked himself into a stall and sat down on the toilet seat, trying to regulate his breathing. Was it a panic attack? He didn't know. All he knew is that he couldn't think straight or breathe right and he needed Cody.

I need him so much. He killed my best friend and I still need him why.

He saw a message on Twitter from Cody.

That's fine. Meet up at the park at 1?

Yeah sure

I lov

Quickly, he deleted what he was going to write and shut off his phone.

One o’clock. He had until one o’clock tomorrow to get his shit together and quit having a constant inner battle with himself. Like a switch, his feelings would change from I love him so much to I hate him and never want to see him again . It was tiring. It's what's making him have a panic attack in the middle of work and it's making him stay curled up on Zach's bed crying. He's sick of it.

He has until 1 o’clock tomorrow to either forgive or abandon him.

You have to choose, he told himself. Forgive him. You know you can't live without him. He may be able to function without you, but you can't function without him. Forgive him.

At home, Pistol kept Maxx company. She was happily purring, curled up in his lap as he watched some youtube videos of dogs, trying to keep his mind off of one o’clock tomorrow.

------

Where are you?

Maxx glared at his bright screen in the middle of the night. I should have put night mode on. And turned my phone on silent instead of my loud ass ringer.

What do you mean?

We were supposed to meet at one today. It's okay if you can't come, I was just wondering.

Maxx groaned loudly, mostly frustrated. Why the fuck did he think I meant one in the morning? Who the fuck just stays awake at one in the morning?!

i meant in the afternoon. why the hell did you think we agreed on one in the morning

I'm sorry, I just assumed. We can wait until the afternoon I'm sorry.

no whatever I'm already woken up. ill be there in a few minutes lemme get ready

God dammit. Why am I doing this for him? He sat up, deciding to change clothes. He was still wearing his work clothes from yesterday, and they reeked. He just grabbed one of Zach’s shirts off the floor and another pair of jeans, putting them on. Then he grabbed his phone and earbuds and was out the door.

He shot Cody one more message before meeting in person.

you better have a damn good explanation for doing what you did to wake me up this early. i dont want a shallow excuse. im putting my life on the line by not turning you in so im not asking much am i.

And he didn't. He wasn’t. He wants the honest truth and why he became a serial killer. The cold wind chilled him, and made him wish he brought a jacket.

He saw Cody sitting on a park bench, his face lit up by the orange streetlights. He was looking around nervously, hands stuffed into his hoodie pockets. Maxx shivered and ran his hands over the ‘GOOD VIBES’ graphic on his shirt, taking in a deep breath.

When Cody saw him, he tamped down a smile and just nodded. “Uh, hi. Um, I-I'm sorry for, uh, getting the wrong time. I-I just assumed, and-”

Maxx shook his head. “Doesn't matter.” His arms were crossed over his chest. “We're awake now, aren't we?”

“Uh, yeah… I-I guess.” Cody looked down, then back up at Maxx. “Uh, are you cold?”

“...Yeah,” he breathed, nodding.

“Uh, do you…” He grabbed the hem of his hoodie. “You wanna borrow my jacket?”

Maxx sighed and nodded, and the next thing he knew, he was holding back tears as he sat down next to Cody on the bench, wrapped in warmth that smelled like him. “Explain. Now.” that's all he trusted himself to say in the moment.

Cody bit his lip. “Uh, where do I-”

“Start from the beginning. When it started. Why did you start killing people?” He's starting to think that one in the morning was a much better time to have this conversation, as nobody was around to hear them.

“I, uh… okay. Remember when we went to that dive bar? A few months ago, you got really drunk. Like, blackout drunk and stumbling all over the place. Uh, it's where you got that messy cut on your hand. You cut yourself with some broken glass.”

“Yeah?” All I remember is that Cody helped me back home and we fell asleep.

“Um… There was someone else there that kept saying she was gonna, uh, take you away from me. She was being really fucking creepy. I-I… we were already at your place anyway and she followed us there. I-I was so scared, so I put you to bed, and… led her around the back of the apartment. I didn't want her hurting you, and she wouldn't leave us alone.” His clenched hand was shaking as he stared at the ground. “It started there. And I just… couldn't stop. I don't know why, I just couldn’t.”

He did it for me. He wanted to keep me safe.

It's still murder.

“What about Zach?” Maxx whispered quietly. “He wasn't trying to hurt me, why did you kill him?” No. No crying. You are not crying on Cody's hoodie.

“Zach came to my house and confronted me about the killings. That day we hung out, he knew something was off with me. The way I knew everything about the murders.”

“I noticed that too,” Maxx admitted. “I was going to ask you about it, but… it was a weird thing to ask.” I didn't want it to be the truth.

“I'm sorry, I should have told you.” Cody, almost on instinct, reached to hold onto Maxx’s hand, but he pulled back. “Um… it got to a yelling standpoint, he threw a punch at me. I shoved him back, and he busted the porch light to try and scare me… I dragged him in the house, locked the door, and we fought it out. I-I got a knife at some point, and-”

“I think I know the rest,” Maxx mumbled. “Where'd you put his body?”

“I buried him in the backyard. It's all covered up.” Cody wiped at his eyes, sighing heavily.

No crying no crying no crying-

He was crying. He lifted his head up, resting against the bench. “You could have just knocked him out. You should have called me.” The words barely made it out of his mouth. He stuffed his hands into the pockets of the hoodie, feeling both his and Cody's phone.

“I didn't want the truth getting out. I-I was terrified from the second it started, Maxx. I was scared I was gonna lose you.”

“You did.” Maxx tilted his head to the side, looking at Cody. “You really fucking did.”

He was done crying. He was done having this constant hurricane of emotions swirling inside him ready to burst at any moment.

“I'm sorry, Maxx,” Cody said. “About everything. Sorry doesn't cut it, but I'm sorry. I shouldn't have killed anybody, I should have told you everything.”

You have to choose right now. Forgive him.

His reasons don't justify his actions. He still killed Zach. He still killed those innocent people. Move on.

He did it for you.

“Maxx?” Cody whispered, softly laying his hand on Maxx’s, which was clenched in his lap. “Um, do you need help getting back home?”

Maxx didn't answer. He just looked up into the orange glaring streetlight glowing above them, tears running down the side of his face. What do I do what do I do?

“Maxx-”

“I'll be fine.”

Maxx leaned forward, trying to stand up, but he immediately collapsed on the cold earth.

He wasn't fine. He wasn't fine without him.

“You okay?” Cody asked, helping him sit up. He was crying hard, hands covering his face. He was leaning into Cody, crying and hating himself for forgiving him and also hating himself that he hated that. And unending hurricane of hate just whipping through him and making him unable to breathe correctly. He heard something falling out of the hoodie pocket, and Cody grabbed his phone. “Hey, c'mon.” He helped Maxx stand up. “Do you wanna go home, or what?”

“Yeah,” Maxx said, and he tried getting his tears to stop. “I'm, um….I'm staying at Zach’s house.” He wiped his eyes with the hoodie sleeve.

Cody quietly walked him home. There was nothing to say. Maxx clung to his side, holding his hand like he'd never let go. Cody helped him inside, onto his bed. Maxx couldn't walk by himself, he was shaking so bad. He sat down next to him, patting his back.

“Uh, you can keep the hoodie,” Cody insisted when Maxx tried tugging it off. “I, um… I have another one at home.”

Maxx just nodded and petted Pistol, who was sitting at the edge if the bed. “Thanks,” He murmured. “For telling the truth.”

“I shouldn't have lied in the first place.” He started to stand. “Um, I'll be going now. I should really be getting home.”

“Don't.” Maxx grabbed his hand, and Cody sat back down. Maxx could see his confusion in the small light. “Please, I… I'm sorry, I just- I can't be alone right now.” He was breathing heavily as he continued. “You fucked up. You really did, but…. You're all I have, okay? You took everything else, and now you're all that's left.”

Cody looked down at their hands, then nodded. “Um, okay.” Maxx pulled him down as he laid down, and he stared at the ceiling. “Maxx, I don't deserve-”

“Shut up,” Maxx interrupted, burying his teary face into Cody's chest. “Shut up, please.”

Cody just nodded and held him close.

Things aren't perfect. They were far from perfect. But they had each other, and that was just enough.