Chapter 1: The Crack
Notes:
Hello once again. This time I wrote something a little bit sad. I do not have personal issues with Jungkook, I actually love him. He may seem as a bad guy for the start but he has his reasons too just wait to see for yourselves. Also it is very late here and I wrote it while being tired. Propably it will need some editing. Sorry for any mistakes since english is not my mother language. Any corrections or recommendations are more than wanted! Enjoy ^_^
Chapter Text
Some stories are condemned to end the same way they started. For example a relationship that started via internet, ends via internet. What an irony! More specifically, Jin's and Jungkook's relationship. Jin had met Jungkook in an online game and they had immediately clicked with each other. Jungkook was then working in another country and was not to come back for at least a hole year. However, they chatted all the time and after Jungkook had paid Jin a visit for his summer vocation, they decided to go out. They had a lot of things in common and they understood each other perfectly. Or that was what Jin thought.
From Jin's perspective Jungkook was a real introvert who was naturally very awkward with everyone when it came to communication. For that Jin tried to endure all the times Jungkook was cold towards him, telling himself that everything would be different when Jungkook came back permanently. Also, Jin was quite older than Jungkook, so he felt a bit responsible to be the more mature and understanding one in the relationship. Jungkook was his first real crush and relationship and he wanted it to be a success. Jin was always afraid of relationships and he believed that no one would love him for the hole him... Jungkook was the only person he had opened up to and felt accepted by.
Time pasted, Jin endured some more maltreatment, and finally Jungkook came back permanently. Truth be told with Jungkook's arrival everything changed. He apologized to Jin for giving him the cold shoulder lately and blamed it all to the distance and the exhaustion from his job. Jin understood and was so over heals for him that he had forgiven him immediately. They both decided to start over and it came to no one's surprise that Jin gave him his all.
All seemed to be perfect. They lived in different cities but still they were closer than before. Moreover Jin visited Jungkook almost all the time and spend hole weeks at his home. Things went so good for the two of them that Jin was searching for a job and a place to stay near Jungkook. Jungkook had asked him to spend the holidays of Christmas and New Years together and had looked really sad that Jin could not go earlier. Jin had planned to surprise him by going there earlier so they could spend Jin's birthday together too.
That is what brings today, three days before Jin's departure. Jungkook had messaged him early in the morning and asked him for a video call. Little did Jin know for what was about to go down.
'Jin-hyung, I can't take it anymore... I must be honest with you; I do not feel the same way as before for you...' Jungkook started right when the call started.
Jin was speechless... He could not translate what he had just heard.
'You know you demand too much of my time. You want me to affirm you all the time about how good you are and also we bicker constantly lately. I feel like you try to find reasons to attack me lately...' Kook continued with a poker face.
'Come on! When did I ever do all that?! A-And we always bicker... that's how we got to know each other and fall in love! You never choose me against even your videogames and I never told anything about it until now... What attention are you speaking of? Do not bullshit me!!! How can your feelings change over night? Didn't you just yesterday tell me that you loved me back?' Jin let everything out with one breath... He didn't want to even think of what was happening.
'I was actually thinking of it for quite some time now... It is just it could not go any further' Jungkook answered coldly.
'Why haven't you told me anything? I may have changed things if I knew that they got in your nerves! Why do you not give a second chance? I had when you had come back...' Jin now had started to almost beg. He did not want it to end.
'Hyung... I know and I am sorry! I did love you but right now I do not want to be together anymore. You cannot change my mind! You know how hardheaded I am...' Jungkook said with glassy eyes.
'So you are telling me that you are ending us just because of your hardheadness?' Now Jin felt like crying and was not sure if it was by his anger or by his sadness.
'Yes! I am truly sorry! I really wish you find somebody else!'
'What are you talking about? You know my feelings for you and you say something like that? You are the only one right now I love...'Jin tried to digest Jungkook's suggestion.
'Do not be stupid! I was just your first. I understand you are hurt right now but you will find someone new I am sure of it' Jungkook said once more.
'No I do not want to! I do not open up just for anyone... Anyway, is this the end? Won't we talk with each other again?' Jin was now shaking with his effort to not cry or yell.
'If you do not want us to I would understand but I hope that we can be friends later on at least. To me you were a friend also and not just a lover' Jungkook sounded a bit affected at last.
'I see... You were a friend to me too but I see you as so much more still so I am not sure if I can do that... I'll try thought...'Jin didn't want to be friends, he loved him too much for that but did not want to lose him completely either.
'I know...' Jungkook said with a little broken voice. He did not want to show any kind of feelings but at the end he almost did. He knew how much he hurt Jin and he did love him just not as a lover anymore.
'Jinnie I must go now. We have to hang up.' He said softly.
Jin needed a minute to compensate for everything that had just happened. He took a deep breath and answered finally.
'Yeah... I guess this is goodbye. Bye Kookie' He tried to not let his voice break with the cries he was holding in.
'Bye Hyung!~' Jungkook said before he ended the call and them in general.
Jin was not sure what had hit him just yet...
He was rejected by the one person he had really opened up to. He always feared of relationships and tried to stay away. And for once he had let himself free of that fear and now he was in troumendous pain! Oh how much he regreted letting all his fears go away... He had just one thing go well in his life and from what Kookie stated he had ruined it by himself without even understanding it.
His past dark thought were back in full force. He felt like good for nothing, alone and in pain like never before. He wanted to end everything right then! He was alone no one would care anyway...
Just then however a new thought came to him. There was someone there for him maybe... Someone that would listen and give him a different way of thinking. He picked up his phone and dialed the number...
Chapter 2: The Friend
Notes:
Second chapter in a row. I wanted to publish it another day but oh well... I hope you'd like it. This part and some others are dedicated to my best friend. Also the other chapters are being made so maybe I'll update soon. Maybe :P
Chapter Text
Not all the sunny days are meant to be bright and lucky for everyone. A day like that had already started for Kim Namjoon. He had a day off from lectures and he woke up ready to grab the day by its 'horns'. He had decided the previous night that enough was enough and he had to hit the gym early in his free morning. Little did he know that he would not just hit the gym but also his butt. He had thought to sum up his training by using the new treadmill and to everyone's (no one's actually) surprise he had broken the key of speed so he lost his balance and landed with a big bam on his ass.
Now he tried to get back home by foot while his ass was throbbing. He put his earphones on to listen to some music. That was his only way to forget his hurt butt and his embarrassment. There was that guy he liked who danced a few feet away from the incident and he saw him fall. The guy really laughed his guts out. But Namjoon could not be mad at him. He was so cute while laughing! His mouth formed a heart shape while his nose scrunched up. Sooo cute!
Well at least now he was noticed by his crush. As he had read somewhere there is no bad 'advertising' if you make the other one really notice you and think of you. And Namjoon for sure left an impression to the other guy. Ha! Take that embarrassment! He continued his walking thinking of other things like why the sky was blue, why the trees grow above the ground, what was the meaning of existence in general(that exceled quickly), when his phone started vibrating. He looked at it and suddenly a bad feeling washed over him. It was Jin and from what everybody knew Jin never called... Jin always preferred texting about everything. He tried to put back any bad feeling he had and picked up the phone.
'Good morning Hyung~!' he sing-sang.
'Jooniee~Joonie can you come here please right now?' Jin's voice came out of the phone like he was drowning.
'Jin-Hyung what the hell? What happened? Of course! In ten minutes, I'll be there!' Namjoon said immediately.
'I broke up Namjoon' Jin cried from the other side of the phone call.
'Oh shit!!! Hyung wait for me! I'll get there shortly!' he let out and then he ended the call.
Namjoon found himself walking the fastest a person with a hurt but had ever walked before. Reaching Jin's house he finally paused a little and realized in what state he was. He wore his gray sweatpants with his white worn out puma shoes and he was covered in sweat. Fuck! Everybody knew how obsessed with cleanliness Jin was. Well whatever he had no choice anyway, friendship can be dirty and smelly too sometimes.
He didn't get to knock the door when a crying Jin almost jumped on him. Jin was a mess. Namjoon now was pissed. He didn't know what exactly happened but whoever made Jin like that had to pay. But now was not the time for him to create any more drama.
'Hyung come on, let's go to your room so we can talk. Alright?' Namjoon said while holding Jin to sooth him somehow. They went to Jin's room where Jin curled onto the bed while Namjoon listened to everything he said.
When Jin finished telling all of what had happened, he sat there trembling and waiting for a response from Namjoon. Namjoon on the other hand was trying to seem calm when he truly was seeing red with all he had heard. It was just yesterday when Jin had messaged him about his plans to go to Jungkook in some days and everything had seemed perfect. However Jingkook had broken up with Jin via just a video call(well it could be worse, aka just a call or a message), he had not given Jin a real reason for the broke up and on top of it all he had blamed Jin for his unableness to feel.
Jungkook had blamed Jin... The Jin that they both knew how broken used to be and what type of insecurities and depression he had. Namjoon was right to not like Jungkook for Jin from the time he was working abroad and was sending mixed signals to Jin. But Jin had back then decided to give him a second chance. Namjoon had to calm down if he really wanted to help his friend. They were best friends for almost eight years and when the one was hurt the other could feel the pain too.
'Joonie? What do you think? I did wrong didn't I? I pushed Kookie away..' Jin asked broken.
'Hyung listen; the fact is that there is no right or wrong in situations like this. I am sure you haven't done anything he said you have; in that extent at least' Namjoon started calmly selecting his words carefully.
'But I may have destroyed us and didn't realize it' Jin cried out.
'No Hyung! You tried your best from the start of this relationship. If something is wrong in a relationship is the absence of effort to fix it and the only one who didn't make any effort is him. Even if you had done all that he said, he had always the chance to speak to you about it and communicate his thoughts. He chose to let go so the problem is all his now' Namjoon said trying to not just say how much of an ass he thought Kook.
'You didn't like him from the start. You must think I am pathetic to cry over him...' Jin looked at his hands while he was nervously tagging his tissue.
'Pathetic? What do you mean Hyung?! We all have to love somebody at some time. He just happened to be the first one for you. If I liked him, or not, does not mean anything Hyung. There is no love that is pathetic people that trough it away are'
'What should I do now Joonie? Should I stop crying? Will everything end?' Jin asked.
'No Jinnie! You shouldn't stop crying for now'
Jin looked up at Namjoon confused.
'People should hit rock botton you know, if they want to ever rise above their feeling and thoughts. So you should let your feeling overwhelm you for now. Ignoring them won't erase them.'
'But it hurts'Jin sobbed.
'I know and I feel useless because there is nothing to say for you to feel better. It must hurt because that means you love him. Just cry as much as you need. When time to let go will come you will know and you will let go then. Now just cry. I'll be here anyway.'
'He was the only one who really knew me. The only one I really opened up.' Jin said.
'You are wrong to that. He may be the only one you opened up by yourself but he is not the only one who knows you. Your family knows you and I know you too. And we love as you are so others will do too! I believe that Jungkook will see later on what he missed and come back'
'He will?' Jin perked up.
'Sure Hyung he will! What I do not know is if you will wait for him until then.' Namjoon grinned.
'Oy what do you mean? I love him' Jin bit back angry now.
'I know you do now Hyung. Well it is to soon to say anymore let's let life take its own course.' Namjoon teased while he got up limping to take his way back.
'What happened to you? Also why are you so dirty? Kim Namjoon you sat on my chair while you were so stinky ewww!!!' Jin started nagging when recovered from his crying.
'Oh that! I had fallen on my butt while trying out the new treadmill at the gym. That red head cutie was there too. He might think my ass is broken now and lose interest.' Namjoon said while winking.
'Whaaat??? Ahahahaha' Jin started laughing at last. 'Come one why I always lose the best shots to take photos for blackmail?!'
'Well I love you too Hyung! See ya!' Namjoon said bitterly but feeling relieved that his friend laughed even a little.
Namjoon left to put his ass on ice while Jin felt a bit less heavy than before.
Chapter 3: The start of alter
Notes:
Yoongi makes an appearence at last however it still not much. I originaly wanted to make Yoongi and Jin meet very differently but *sigh*. Hope you enjoy next chapter will probably have some Jungkook reasoning ^_^
Chapter Text
There have been three days since Jin's break up; three days in which Jin hadn't stopped crying and three nights that he hadn't get almost any sleep. Today, however he had his birthday and he had invited some of his friend over in an attempt to not stay alone. Also, when he had a tendency to vent his depression by cooking, a gathering with friends was a good excuse for him to do just that. The time for everyone to gather was closing and he had already prepared a tone of different foods and sweets. He had even made two different types of birthday cakes; one with white chocolate and one with Bueno cream.
The past days apart from crying he had done some thinking too which had led him to the decision of changing himself as much as possible inside and outside. First step to this decision was to dye his hair black and chop them a little. He had already brought the dye and waited for some of his friends tonight to help him make the make over. His bell started ringing, as slowly everyone was coming up. Everyone was dressed casually or better almost everyone...
'What the hell are you wearing Namjoon?' Jin said in shock when his best friend entered the house.
It was common knowledge that Kim Namjoon never dressed too formally and was actually a walking fashion crime (idol thank you very much if you asked him) but tonight he was a surprise. He wear some very formal black trousers with an almost grey shirt and some too good oxford style shoes. To everyone's shock tonight Namjoon had not only dressed up formally but also pretty decently.
'Oh Hyung you see umm I had some things to do before come here and I didn't have the time to change' Namjoon started mumbling out of shyness.
'Really now? Do I wanna know something? ' Jin said teasing him and raising his eyebrows with meaning.
'Oh it is nothing like that! I'll tell you about it later maybe...' the younger tried to escape.
The night was quite fan. Seokjin found himself letting go for a first after three days of self-pity and forgetting about all that had happened even for a little while. They played a lot of games, chatted, joked and at last dyed the birthday boy's hair. The result was quite breathtaking since black hair toned Jin's natural skin color even more and made him look much younger. However, except from his hair there was dye also in every surface of the room spayed. For that reason Namjoon was the only one that stayed behind when the 'party' was over and helped Jin clean up.
'Joon I have taken some decisions' Jin spoke first and broke the silence. 'I want to finally do some of the things I have postponed all this time like finding a new place, a more stable job and take some IT lessons.'
'Huh? You should do all of them hyung and you actually were pretty late to realize you needed to take some action. But change place also?' Namjoon questioned.
'Yeah I wanna find a better place probably with a house mate to share the expenses and the chores. I have some rendezvous tomorrow to see some homes, wanna come?' the elder suggested.
'Oh I see... I'll come, I want to see the other person too, to feel secure you'll be ok.' Namjoon said before they summed up cleaning and he left.
☼☼☼
The next day found Jin and Namjoon looking up 19 apartments but none was as Jin dreamed until they reached one that was in the back of the city's green park. Here the rents were quite expensive but the apartments were truly a blessing. They were very newly built, spacious and most of them had a view over the park and the mountains. Jin really wanted an apartment in this part of the city so he was determined to find one no matter the housemate. So that brings the present situation where he and Namjoon shit across a blonde guy with a pissed look on his face. The blond happened to be old classmate of Namjoon so when they met again they were surprised and awkward.
'Well hello my name is Kim Seokjin. I saw the advert for the apartment and I'm interested in it' Jin said politely at the blonde.
'I could guess so myself Seokjin for you to be here. I have to warn you though that if you want to stay here there will be rules.' The blonde said a bit slowly like he was bored and wanted to wind up everything as soon as possible,
Namjoon started to give glares to the smaller man for his attitude, which made Jin question as to what there was between the two males.
'Seokjin Hyung is a 92 liner Yoongi Hyung so you must address him accordingly for start, don't you think?' he retorted.
The two males stared at each other with such intense that Jin thought a war would break out. However, the smaller male blew out in laughter which showed a gummy smile and Namjoon followed suit.
'Oh RM you still are the same keep-the-proprieties freak like you were back in school.' Yoongi said softly this time.
'And you are as rude as always in first meeting hyung' teased the younger of the three.
'Well Jin-Hyung then, if you'd like to stay here there are some rules that we both must follow. You will have your own room in which you can do as you like, but for the rest of the rooms we will have to find some common ground as to how we'll use them.' Yoongi said kinder referring to Seokjin.
'Of course Yoongi I am open to discuss and make it work' Jin spoke happier this time. Maybe his to be housemate was not as bad as he first thought.
'For start, all the house expenses will be divided equally to both of us. If there is any financial problem at any point we ought to inform the other one early on.
Secondly, I really love quietness and privacy so I'd appreciate it if you did not intrude with any way into my space.' Yoongi turned and waved toward Namjoon. 'And when you have boyfriend over please be quiet, I hate loud noises.'
'Whaaat??? No no we are not like that!!!!' both Jin and Namjoon yelled. ' Hyung and I are best friends.' Namjoon explained.
'No? Better for him then considering your pervertness.' Yoongi answered making Namjoon choke with his own saliva. This hyung haven't changed one bit. Also haven't forgotten anything about him...
'Ok then when RM you come here please stay away from anything that is mine... If I remember correctly you are a walking disaster' Yoongi continued.
This time Seokjin burst out laughing with the redness of his best friend's face. He didn't know anything about the past relationship of Yoongi and Namjoon but from what he saw the two of them must have shared a lot in the past. That thought made Jin feel more at ease in the perspective of sharing a house with the blond male.
'Hyuuug!!! Don't laugh! You were supposed to be on my side!!! I should have never come with you anywhere.' The young one pouted.
'Can I ask what RM means?' Jin questioned while laughing.
'Oh it is a nickname he used to have when we rapped in school. We were a team, I was Suga and he was RM but after he changed school and we got busy with other things we stopped interacting in general.' Yoongi told simply.
'You rapped?' Jin was shocked he never had heard such a story by Namjoon, or better RM.
'Well what can I say we were young and swaggish, also back then Suga was one of my best buddies. But then I changed and wanted to concentrate solely on my studies. I changed schools and we lost each other. Later on I met you but it didn't occur to mention anything' Namjoon answered apologetically to Jin.
'Oh remind me to ask you more details about back then Yoongi-si for science reasons' Jin said with an evil grin. 'So it is a deal? I can come live here?' Jin asked.
'Yeah I guess the room is ready you can move whenever you like' Yoongi said.
After that they just discussed the details for the resettlement and then Jin and Namjoon went to start packing. Jin wanted to change place as soon as possible. Next on his plan now was to find a better job to make more money. He still felt sad but had no more tears to shed. Now he knew what happened could not change but he could and would change his self for the better, then maybe he would not be in pain no more either.
Chapter 4: Lost chances
Notes:
Here it is the side of Jungkook's thinking. Next chapter would be probably based on Jimin and Taehyung so the main plot of Yoongi/Seokjin would wait some more. Hope you like it! Suggestions for what's going to happen are welcomed as I haven't decided yet with whom I want Taehyung. ^_^
Chapter Text
Moments are precious because every each of them is unique, unreplaceable and unrepeatable. For that reason, one of the greatest lessons in life is to learn how to cherish time and moments. There are only two reasons for which a person can waste his moments; one is fear and the second is immaturity. Both of them were the cause of the biggest regrets of Jeon Jungkook.
Jungkook was raised in a small and very puritanical society. Taehyung and he grew up together as neighbors and best friends who used to be inseparable most of their time. However, as they grew their feelings did too, and at some point they altered from friendship to something deeper. Jungkook can not place exactly when his feelings for Tae evolved and formed to what they are now, but he could place the exact moment he turned away from them.
Taehyung seemed to not have any problem with the course of things between them, he was always the brave among them. Tae was always open about his feelings and wants without care of what others might think or say about him. Jungkook, on the other hand, was the exact opposite. He was always to aware of his surroundings which made him to conscious and afraid to admit his feelings or his sexuality. Because of his own unability to stand for himself he chose to interrupt the course of his relationship with Tae and put some distance between them.
At first, Taehyung seemed to be estranged by his treatment and change but soon enough he came in terms with the fact that his feelings were probably 'unrequired' so they both continued their friendship like in the past. Everything seemed to go smoothly for the duo until they reached the last two years of college. In those years a new person entered their college and lives, and his name was Park Jimin. Jimin lived in a village out of their town and due to not having a good college there he had started going to their college. Moreover, Jimin and Taehyung knew each other already since their parents were very close friends and they used to play together all the time as kids. Jungkook could tell from the moment he laid his eyes on Jimin that the boy shared the same feelings as he for Taehyung.
For that reason Jungkook was really closed towards Jimin at the start of their friendship. He came to notice though that Tae was pretty oblivious about Jimin's love but he was also very protective over him. Jimin was a small guy with a very kind and innocent personality. Jungkook couldn't keep distant from the older male for much time so they ended up being very close. And just like that his duo with Tae became a trio of mischief. Like that the first year of the two last past with the three of them being always together: Jk secretly crushing on Tae, Jimin openly pinning on Tae and Tae being Tae on his own word. All these however came to change the final year of college. Tae and Jimin started passing more and more time just the two of them and it didn't take long before they both announced to Jk that they were going out. Jk still remembers that moment when he felt like his guts were torn out of him and fed to wild animals. He did not show anything to his friends though, on the contrary he put his most happy façade on congratulated them.
It was the end of their year as college students when Jimin's parents kicked him out of their house after learning about their son's affair with Tae. Since then Jimin started to live at Tae's place becoming a member of their family. Tae's family was always more open-minded and they really hugged Jimin as a family when at the same time severing their friendship with Jimin's parents. Jungkook was sad for what had happened to his friend but was also envious of him and how close he was with Tae. Jimin had done what he didn't have the guts to do and was living maybe not a perfect life but a life that Kookie wanted as nothing else. Due to his perplexed feelings Jungkook decided to distance himself even more from the others by going to work abroad.
Going abroad helped Jungkook broaden his horizons of thinking and made him more brave. First of all there Jungkook was free to act and feel however he pleased with nobody he cared to judge him. Secondly he understood how necessary it was for him to experiment with what he wanted and liked. Lastly, he came to see that his true problem was not his differences but his fear to be himself and express whatever he needed. So he came to know how problematic was to be afraid of all the wrong reasons.
While abroad Jungkook also came in touch for the first time with Jin via an online game. They clicked as friends almost immediately and wasn't long before they exchanged contacts and started to communicate on a daily base. Jin was funny, beautiful and very sensitive. He always understood Jungkook's need for space. It was natural for Jk when on vocation to come back in their country and meet Jin face to face. Jin got Jk mesmerized with his looks and personality. He was the most wonderful person after Taehyung he had ever met. So Jungkook understood that Jin might be his last chance to really move on from Tae who he no longer could claim.
They both soon decided to start going out even though they knew the distance would be a problem at start. Even when Jungkook went back abroad he and Jin kept in touch but his emotions could not settle on just Jin because of their physical distance. That had as a result for him to be often cold and moody towards Jin but Jin endured it all and not just that, when Jungkook returned he forgave him giving him a second chance. Jungkook knew he was Jin's first real relationship and was truly surprised by the amount of belief and understatement the elder showed him. That was one of the reasons for Jungkook to love Jin even more as a person and want to try be with Jin 100%.
Coming back though meant that he lived back in his hometown. Jin took off as often as he could and went to stay with him. However, in his hometown were also Taehyung and Jimin, The couple still lived together as before Jk leave but now they had a lot of inner problems. They fought almost all the time and Taehyung retreated to Jungkook's home most of the time. That really put pressure on Jungkook who even though wanted to make an effort with Jin could not detach himself from Tae. All this led him to present where he chose to break up with Jin without even giving him a real reason. He even went as far as to blame Jin for the situation. He found himself unable to explain to Jin how he felt for his best friend and the hopes that he should have long buried but for some reason they still came to hunt him. He was a coward and a liar two things he hated the most. He knew Jin had done anything but love him but he could not return the feeling at least not in the right way.
Jungkook's reminiscing was interrupted by a fuming Taehyung who almost broke into his house.
'Kookie!!! You won't believe it! Jimin kicked me out! He even blocked me on facebook! Can you believe his audacity?' Tae started right when he stepped in.
'What? Again Hyung? What happened this time?' Jungkook asked while he rolled his eyes. Lately his friends argued even while stating the same things.
'Well he said I do not understand him or spend time with him just because I started to get ready to go out with the Hyungs from work! When we actually live together can you get it?' Tae spit out.
'Well truth is you go out with those Hyungs way to often TaeTae. Also Jimin doesn't have anyone except from you and me you know right?' Jungkook tried to calm the other one.
'I know' Tae said softly and sad suddenly. 'That is why I came here to calm down. I prefer to be around you so that I won't do anything I'll regret later'
'I think you should calm down first. You can sleep here tonight but you should go and make aments with Jimin tomorrow morning ok hyung?' Junkook taunt the elder one.
'Kay, Kookie. Can you explain to me how can you be such a good fairy for me and Jimin but you still let Jin-Hyung?' Taehyung said.
'Tae stop it! You know I do not want to talk about it!' Jk responded. Especially with you he thought.
'Kay, Kay Kookie whatever... There is a new series I want to see lets start tonight'
And so, they sat together once more to do something so domestic that had become their daily life lately. Jungkook felt guilty for the happiness he was getting by his time passed with his friend.
Chapter 5: Loneliness vs Solitude
Notes:
Warning this is just a Vmin angst so if not interested just skip it. From next chapter I will return to Yoonjin story. Sorry for not being consistent with the updates but lately I haven't had a lot of time to spent on my computer to transport what I have written, due to some exams that I'll take by the end of the week. Hope you enjoy it ^_^
Chapter Text
Being lonely and being solitary are two totally different states. While solitude is a situation that the person usually chooses and wants by himself, loneliness is a feeling that occurs unexpectedly, it is painful and people often are not ready to face it. The second was the case that Jimin got to confront in his present and he had to learn to be accustomed with it.
Jimin grew up as a person who was always surrounded with love from his family and friends. He was cute, cheerful, sensitive and lovable, so it was no surprise that he had a ton of friends. He did not know what being lonely meant at the time and he had never being seriously hurt by anything. When the time came and he lost everything he did not realize immediately how painful it would be. Jimin back then thought that having just one person would be alright and that Taehyung could be his whole world. How little did he know about being alone. No one can be another’s whole world is the other person is not whole by himself.
Jimin met Taehyung when they were very very young, since their families used to hung out a lot. They both had quickly become good friends and played with each other often. Jimin’s feelings for Tae though changed pretty soon. As he remembers he had just become five years old and his parents held a party for him and his friends. Taehyung was also there blending very smoothly with the rest kids. Back then Jimin was a bit portly and a kid from the party had found it funny to tease him about it in a no so kind way. Jimin had felt pretty bad about himself but then Tae came to his rescue and scolded the other kid. Tae later took Jimin away and told him that being chubby was fine and that he himself preferred people like that cause his grandma always told him chubby people were healthy and warmhearted people. From then on, Jimin started to admire Taehyung for his way of thinking and also started to have an innocent crush on him.
As time flew, Jimin and Taehyung kept their friendship and the former was falling for the later one more and more as the years passed. Soon though, Jimin discovered that Taehyung was in love with somebody else. Jimin was envious of that person and started thinking of giving up hope for Tae. However, one day the younger one confided to him that he had decided not to confess because the other person seemed to not return his feeling and he did not want to make their relationship uncomfortable. After that Jimin set as his personal goal to persuade Taehyung no matter what at the first chance he would get. And that opportunity indeed would come some years later.
Jimin lived with his family in the countryside where there was not an appropriate high school for him to attend for the three final years of it. Because of that, his family send him to finish school at the nearest city in which by his great luck he came to be classmate with Taehyung. He was truly happy back then that he would be able to meet Tae every single day. Moreover, he believed that this was his chance to confess to Tae at some point. He blended in the new environment easily due to his personality and he made acquaintance with Jungkook, Tae’s best friend. He understood at first glance that Jungkook had special feelings toward Taehyung but was really surprised by the fact that he never made a move, always preferring to keep his distance. The three of them became pretty close with each other and Jimin tried to show his feelings for Taehyung in every opportunity he got.
At the start, Tae seemed oblivious of Jimin’s efforts but the later never gave up. They were almost at their final years of high school and the two of them were returning from the cinema when Jimin finally decided to confess his feelings. He did not expect Tae to return his feelings; he just wanted him to be aware of them. So it came to a big surprise when Taehyung laughed and kissed him. It was the first kiss for both of them and even though it was totally clumsy, for Jimin was one of the most precious moments. Taehyung and he never talked about their relationship after it, it just came naturally to be together as a couple. However, their dating was in secret due to Jimin’s family puritanism.
It was in their final months of school when words of their relationship reached Jimin’s parents. Even though he always showed his preferences they just tried to not face it, so when they learned about him and Tae they tried to make him choose between them and Tae. He chose the second and his family just kicked him out. He had nowhere to go. He and Taehyung were not dating for that long but he was in love with him from when he was five which made him think that as long as he had Tae he would be fine. Tae’s family accepted him and gave him a place to stay. However, Jimin was still traumatized by the fact that his own family abandoned him in a way.
Furthermore, his change of home meant that he also got disconnected with his old friends who lived in the countryside. But he still had Taehyung and Jungkook with whom he could hang out and open up. By the end of the school, Jungkook left to work abroad and Jimin lost his last friend. He had only Taehyung but he had also come to realize that Tae had his own life to live. They were too young so it was natural to hang out with others like Tae did, but Jimin didn’t have anyone. After the insident with his parents he had altered to be more introverted than ever. He had always to wait for Tae or Tae’s family to spent time with him. The whole situation had made Jimin quite depressed and jealous of Taehyung, something that he had started to let out on Taehyung. They fought a lot, especially when the younger would go out with his other friends because Jimin was envious and afraid that Taehyung would leave him.
One entire year had passed until Jungkook returned from abroad being a totally new person. Jimin was happy to have his only friend back. Jungkook had a new boyfriend whose name was Seokjin. Jimin was the first one introduced to Seokjin as Jungkook’s friend. To Jimin’s surprise Seokjin was a gorgeous person from every perspective. He was very funny, beautiful and easygoing. The two of them quickly developed a brotherly relationship. Jin would even call Jimin when they were away to talk to him and hear his problems. Jimin had started to feel happy again, he even stopped lash out on Taehyung about every little thing. However, their relationship seemed to be already too damaged. Taehyung had developed a new habit to leave home all the time to go out with Jungkook or his other friends. It was almost as he avoided contact with Jimin, especially whenever they would fight, Tae would selter himself at Jk’s place.
Jungkook and Jin broke up eventually and he was made to take sides. He wanted to take Jin’s but due to his longtime friendship with Jk, he stood by his side. He said however what he thought to Jk and how stupid he was which had as a consequence to be distanced by him. Life continued for Jimin the same as before, he was again alone and depressed for losing Jin and somehow Jk. Jimin knew that he had suffocated Taehyung with his over attachment to him. To add up to that he understood that when he had confessed his love to Tae, Tae had accepted it but he never had said he loved him back. They didn’t have the chance to explore it since they started living together way too soon and hell broke out for Jimin. He believed that Tae loved him but he did not know in which extent it was love and in which it was pity for what happened with Jimin’s parents. He had started to think that he should let Taehyung and go live by himself. Maybe that would help them both, but he was not ready to do it just yet.
That was until he and Taehyung had another very big argument about the younger ignoring Jimin, always choosing his other friends. This time Jimin did not hold himself, he accused Tae of not understanding nor loving him and when Tae didn’t say anything to that he asked him to leave for the night. When he had calmed down it came to him that he had lashed out on Tae about all of his fears and that the younger had not tried even once to defend himself, not even at the ‘love’ part. So Jimin understood how much the other was tired and burdened by him. Jimin could not continue living like that. He didn’t want to be just a weight for the other and later on even be hated by him. He collected himself up and took the decision to leave. He had some money kept for an emergency, he could use those now. He spent the night thinking of where to go and what to do. He needed to change his life completely. If he did not have Taehyung then he did not need anything he already had. He would quit his job and he would go to the capital, there he would seek a new job and a better self.
The morning came but Tae hadn’t returned. He felt disappointed and afraid for what he was about to do. Taehyung had never left him before for so long. Actually, even though they had their differences in past Tae always tried to stand by Jimin’s side. The younger must have had enough of him already. He grabbed the chance to gather up his things, find a hotel to book at the capital and also find tickets to travel there tonight if it was possible. Luckily, he did not possess a lot of things, he just shared Tae’s, he found a cheap hotel to stay until he found a job there and he also called to quit his current one.
It is alright, everything is going to become better with time Jimin tried to convenience himself.
Two hours before his departure he called Taehyung to meet up. He did not want to leave without informing the other or seeing him one last time. Inside, he hoped that Tae would stop him. When Taehyung returned he was shocked to see all the preparations Jimin had done.
‘Hey… What are all these? Are we going somewhere?’ Tae asked while he stared at everything.
‘Hey… Nope TaeTae they are mine, I’m going…’ Jimin started slowly trying to keep his breathing even. Now that he was looking at Taehyung’s face he was not sure at all he wanted to let go.
‘What do you mean Jiminie?’ The other one questioned stoned by what he had heard.
‘You know I thought a lot yesterday. We aren’t getting any better and I burden you a lot. I had become what I hate and I am not sure anymore if you endured me because you loved me but not anymore or because you felt bad about me. Either way I cannot stay like that anymore.’ Jimin explained as calm as he could without crying.
Taehyung seemed to be paralyzed, not able to process anything that was happening.
‘You leave? We fought and you just leave me?’ He almost yelled it.
‘Yeah, I do not want to fight anymore…’ Jimin returned.
‘I see… But you said you loved me’ Tae sounded more like he was accusing him.
‘I still do and probably will but you know that right now you can’t say it back and that hurts Tae… I was afraid of being lonely but as we have become I am lonely anyway so why put you down too? I will go see what I can do totally by myself.’ Jimin said while he made huge efforts to not start tearing up.
Tae didn’t do anything, didn’t answer he just stayed there staring at Jimin. Another habit of Taehyung was keeping a poker face when he was too shocked or sad. Jimin waited for a reaction but nothing.
‘Well TaeTae, I guess time is up. Thank you for always being there and for enduring with me all this time.’ Jimin concluded their meet up. He wanted to say goodbye too but the word didn’t want to come out of his mouth.
As he turned to leave, he thought he saw Taehyung moving towards him with a pained expression but then he looked again and Tae was stilled with just hurt in his eyes. Jimin felt the need to take that hurt back but he shouldn’t, so he finally left. He just freed Taehyung by breaking his own self down.
orangesandpeachess on Chapter 2 Sun 04 Feb 2018 11:33AM UTC
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Nimertis on Chapter 2 Sun 04 Feb 2018 12:05PM UTC
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orangesandpeachess on Chapter 3 Tue 06 Feb 2018 06:20PM UTC
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Nimertis on Chapter 3 Tue 06 Feb 2018 08:01PM UTC
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orangesandpeachess on Chapter 4 Thu 08 Feb 2018 01:02PM UTC
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Nimertis on Chapter 4 Thu 08 Feb 2018 07:29PM UTC
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TaebelongtoChim (Guest) on Chapter 4 Thu 08 Feb 2018 06:08PM UTC
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Nimertis on Chapter 4 Thu 08 Feb 2018 07:34PM UTC
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