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What Never Really Left

Summary:

“Maybe you want to train with your, uh, blade?” Keith says, holding out his luxite blade. “I mean, it’s yours anyways, so, yeah. You can have it back.”

Krolia stares down at him in silence and then slowly pushes his hand down. “I made a choice years ago and the blade knows who it belongs to. It’s yours to keep, Keith.”

“You made a choice.” He hums humorlessly, a sharp cold anger boiling inside him at the words. “The choice of leaving me behind, huh? Lucky me, I got a sword as prize.”

[In which Keith has new found feelings that come with his lost mom and doesn't know how to do words. Lance's there to provide comfort and common sense. Two knuckle-heads work it out and bond over blades.]

Notes:

For @kiilea on tumblr.

Happy late late late birthday <3

disclaimer: voltron doesn't belong to me.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

“She loved you.”

Those had been his dad’s words the first and last time Keith had asked about his mom, back when he was only four years old.

“She loved you so much.”

Those were the last words his father ever said to him, one late night when Keith had been nine years old, all tucked in his bed before waking up the next morning alone with only his late mom’s knife and his dad’s necklace as his personal belongings.

It’s these same words that echo inside Keith’s mind as he sets their escape’s shuttle on autopilot, the Castle’s coordinates already logged in just like Kolivan instructed a varga ago. Keith leans back and rest his head on the seat.

He takes a deep breath, counting the few planets and stars outside as a timer before he exhales slowly and steals a quick glance towards Krolia. His mom .

The word seems foreign. Once upon a time, it had meant something unreachable, something that was meant for him but was taken away. It had meant a faceless figure and faint soft humming in the back of his head.

Now, the word had a name and a face.

Keith’s not sure what to do with this new information.

‘I didn’t think I would make it this far.’ Keith thinks bemused as he tries to think back in case he might’ve had a plan prepared for this situation. He comes blank.

He watches in silence, taking in every detail as if she would disappear in the next tick. Which she might do, having Keith’s record of losing people.

She’s taller than his dad, that’s a fact. It’s a funny image in his mind, picturing his tall broad dad with an even taller, slimmer but definitely stronger Galra woman that could probably easily bench press the older man.

Keith wonders what exactly did he inherit from her. Maybe the eyes? Her nose, jaw, cheekbones? Maybe her smile? Her eyebrows, eyelashes, birthmarks?

Keith wants to know. He wants to know all of it and yet…

He draws back and sets down his old walls before he even acknowledges he’s doing it. He pushes and keeps his distance as much as it aches him on the inside.

‘She loved you.’ His dad had said once.

‘She left you.’ His mind snaps back without mercy.

Keith bites down his lower lip, index finger already rubbing against his thumb anxiously. He’s been reaching for so long and now that he has found her…

Keith doesn’t know what to do. He wants to laugh and cry, all while hugging her or maybe screaming at her. He wants to be held and yet be left alone.

He needs to make a choice and do something, anything .

The chance is taken from him because their intercom comes to life and Allura’s voice echoes around the shuttle, her bright and pleased tone clear in her formal greeting as she gives them an open hangar for them to land inside the Castle.

Keith’s fingers stop rubbing against each other the moment the rest of his friends butt in the background; Pidge’s rambling mixing with Hunk’s as they ask him a question per tick, while Coran’s voice goes on and on about safety maneuvers for landing and Lance…

It’s faint, barely audible for Keith to hear but the words are spoken nevertheless, like a secret only for the two of them to hear.

“Welcome home, samurai.”

Keith instantly feels lighter and keeps his eyes firmly on the sight of the incoming Castle, making an effort to ignore the piercing stare coming from his right side.

One thing at the time.

 


 

Keith’s tackled the moment he steps out of the shuttle and damn, he has never felt more warm than when Pidge’s arms wraps themselves around his waist quickly followed by Hunk’s and then Lance’s with a crying Coran on his back.

It’s a greeting Keith will never get tired of receiving.

“Alright, team, ease up and let him breathe.” Shiro chuckles behind the hugging pile, Allura next to him as she stares fondly at them, “Good to see you, kiddo.”

“Good to be here, sir.” Keith says quietly as he ruffles Pidge’s hair and accepts Shiro’s hand to stand up now that his limbs have been returned to him.

“Keith, it’s so good to see you.” Allura says softly, pulling him into a brief hug.

“Right back you, Princess.” Keith says with a smile before he straighten up and moves to the side, “I actually come with company.”

At his words, the entire group turns and settle their eyes on the extra figure on the background. Krolia nods back at them formally before she steps forward and quickly kneels before Allura, right hand over her chest.

“Princess Allura, a pleasure to be before you and be an asset in our common cause in this war.” Krolia nods, raising her head to meet Allura’s surprised gaze, “I’m Krolia, a member of the Blade. We have urgent news that must be addressed to immediately.”

Allura’s stance quickly changes at the urgency in the marmorite’s words. “Please, stand. We shall discuss this on the bridge; Coran, please contact Kolivan immediately.”

“On it, Princess.”

Keith makes a move to follow them but Shiro holds him back with his prosthetic.

“Hey, maybe sit this one out?” Shiro says softly, offering a smile, “You just came back, and from what Kolivan’s been reporting, you have been on the move for the last few weeks. Take a break, you’re home now.”

Keith blinks and then he nods slowly, relaxing his posture. Shiro nods back at him before he walks off, jogging a little to catch up with both Krolia and Allura.

Keith watches them until the hangar door closes behind their backs.

“So, why is Lara Croft suddenly on board in our Castle?” Pidge chips in as she jumps on Keith’s back, humming contently when Keith’s automatic response is to grab her legs to prevent her from falling.

“Yeah, I mean, don’t get me wrong, she looks super cool and...scary, but she looks oddly familiar?” Hunk hums, eyes narrowing as if he had x-ray and could see behind the closed metal door for a better look.

Lance nods next to him as he drops his forearm on Hunk’s shoulder. “Maybe the hair? I mean, there’s just...something I know I have seen before?”

“She looks like the furry version of that emo singer back in the early two thousand.” Pidge says, dropping her chin on top of Keith’s head.

“No, no.  She looks like one of those old rock stars from my mom’s era.” Hunk says, scratching his chin as he tilts his head, “Actually, no, scratch that. She looks like my old neighbour back home. She was an accountant.”

“Interesting fun fact, Hunk.”

“Thank you.”

“She’s my mom.” Keith deadpans abruptly and ignores the three pairs of eyes that stare at him in shock. Lance’s the first one to recover and break the silence.

“Well, that explains the hair - Ouch, Keith! That’s my good arm!”

 


 

His feet make their own way towards the training room before Keith even knows where’s he going.

He can’t say he’s surprised, knowing full well that the training room is his place to go whenever he’s stressed and unable to throw out the excess of energy inside him.

Turns out, he’s not the only one who uses the training as their escape.

Keith halts abruptly at the entrance, barely acknowledging the door closing automatically behind him as he stares unblinkingly at Krolia as she trains against the training gladiador.

He makes his way to the side in silence, watching her every move. Krolia is quick on her feet, moves smoother and longer now without the urgency that comes in the middle of a battlefield.

Keith recognizes some of the moves, a few that Kolivan has been trying to teach him since he arrived to the Blade’s headquarters. Sure, most of them had ended up with him on the ground without breath, but he’s getting there.

“How did you learn that?” Keith asks once the session is over and the gladiator drops down the hole on the ground. Krolia doesn’t seem surprised by his presence, merely brushing her bangs out of her face before she looks at him.

“Hours of training.” Krolia replies calmly, rolling her shoulders back before she drops the training sword back on its place. Keith watches her in silence and then he reaches behind his back.

“Maybe you want to train with your, uh, blade?” Keith says, holding out his luxite blade towards Krolia and looking away when she steps forward. “I mean, it’s yours anyways, so, yeah. You can have it back.”

Krolia stares down at him in silence and then slowly pushes his hand down. “I made a choice years ago and the blade knows who it belongs to. It’s yours to keep, Keith.”

“You made a choice.” Keith repeats slowly, eyebrows furrowed as he looks at his blade before he raises his eyes. He hums humorlessly, a sharp cold anger boiling inside him at the words. “The choice of leaving me behind, huh? Lucky me, I got a sword as prize.”

Krolia looks confused before her eyes swim with shame and guilt. “Keith, you need to know that the mission -”

“Comes first. Always, I know.” Keith snaps, closing his eyes to calm down before he sighs. “I’m sorry, I just, I need to know why.”

“Why what?” Krolia asks softly.

“Why did you leave?” Keith whispers, fingers anxiously playing with his blade before he raises his head and meets Krolia’s eyes, “Didn't you lov -"

‘Don’t cry.’ Keith thinks desperately as he feels his eyes being filled by unshed tears when the silence drags on with no answer, ‘Don’t cry. Don’t cry. I won’t cry.’

“Didn't you want me?” Keith asks instead wetly, his eyes never leaving her as he silently begs her for an answer, for some kind of closure.

His heart shatters when Krolia looks away in shame.

“Yeah, okay.” Keith laughs humorlessly, taking a step back when Krolia tries to reach for him. “That actually answers a lot of questions, thanks.”

He leaves the room and ignores the small call of his name from behind.

 


 

Keith knocks, because he’s polite.

It doesn’t take longer than three ticks for the owner of the room to answer.

“Keith -”

“I said I wouldn’t cry.” Keith groans, head down as he wraps his arms around himself and falls forwards, sniffling when his face collides against Lance’s chest.

“Hey , man.” Lance says softly, eyebrows furrowed in concern as he raises one hand and places it on the back of Keith’s head, “Alright, come on, emergency spa session.”

Another sniffle. “Ew.”

“Hush, follow me.”

 


 

“And then what did you say?”

“I said that it actually answered a lot of questions.” Keith says, still nibbling on his small green goo circle in peace once Lance gave up on putting it on his eye, “And then I left.”

“It answers like, nothing, Keith.” Lance huffs from his side of the bed, goo mask well placed on his face and not needing to look for him to nudge Keith on the face with his foot, “You are such a drama queen.”

“Ew, don’t touch me with your foot.” Keith leans back, pushing away Lance’s foot from his face, “You’re gonna ruin my mask and look who's talking, the drama king himself.”

“Keyword: king .” Lance replies smugly, raising one finger up in victory and Keith rolls his eyes.

“Yes, well, it’s done.” Keith mumbles, finally finishing his green circle and picking his last one from his right eye, “I’m pretty sure she’s gonna leave once Kolivan arrives. I’m just gonna...you know.”

“Hide in my room until then to avoid being an adult and actually have a heart to heart with your own mother?” Lance finishes for him and Keith hums.

“Yeah, that.”

Lance sighs before he grunts as he sits up crossed legged next to Keith, pulling off his own two goo circles from his eyes. “Alright, since I’m your common sense -”

“Since when ?”

Lance ignores him. “I’m gonna be the one to tell you this: you gotta talk to her, Keith.”

Keith groans, resisting the urge to roll down and hide his face on the bed, knowing full well Lance would kill him if he spread green goo over his sheets. “No, go away, common sense.”

“This is my room.”

“Away.”

Keith .” Lance laughs before he reaches down and grabs his friend by the forearm, pulling hard so he would sit up, “Come on, what are you afraid of?”

“I don’t wanna be rejected again, Lance.” Keith confesses softly once he’s up, letting out a small defeated sigh, the side of his knee resting on top of Lance’s as he sits, “I can’t - I don’t, don’t want to go through that again.”

“Aw, mullet.” Lance murmurs before he takes a deep breathe. “Listen, I know this must be hard, but you gotta understand, man, that you need closure. You have been searching for this moment basically your entire life, this is your chance .”

“I didn’t think it through.” Keith grumbles, throwing his green circle into his mouth and chewing with a sour look.

“Surprise, surprise,” Lance jokes before he smiles and nudges him on the shoulder, “but that’s why I’m here. That’s what being your right-hand man means, right?”

Keith chuckles fondly, nodding along. “Yeah, yeah, of course.”

“Just remember that at the end of the day,” Lance says quietly, hand over Keith’s shoulder and squeezing comfortingly, “Family is more than blood ties; whatever the outcome of that talk is, remember you already have a family right here with us.”

Keith’s breathe hitches, the lump in his throat coming back without a warning and then he laughs wetly. “I - yes, you’re right. Thanks, Lance.”

“Anytime.” Lance nods with a soft smile before his look turns playful, “Just beep me if she hurts you, I got a new sword to show off.”

Keith laughs loudly before he stops short. “You have a what .”

“Later, go wash that goo off your face and be an adult with your ma.”

 


 

Krolia finds him in the end.

Keith clears his throat, awkwardly standing next to the door as Krolia shifts in front of him. Neither of them talk, avoiding eye contact as if it was the plague before Krolia speaks up.

“Keith.” She says quietly, “I hope I’m not intruding, but I need a word with you.”

“Uh, yeah, sure, come in.” Keith says, standing to the side to let her inside his room, “How was, uh, the meeting?”

“The meeting was fine.” Krolia says, “But that’s not why I’m here.”

Oh boy, here it comes.

“Okay?” Keith replies slowly, crossing his arms over his chest as the door behind him shuts close. There goes his escape. “I’m all ears.”

“An apology is not enough to express how much my past decisions have weighted on me and those around me, Keith.” Krolia starts, voice strong, unwavering and straight to the point. It reminds him of someone. “But I can at least try and hope for an opportunity from you to hear me out.”

Keith takes a deep breath, shutting his eyes close as he pinches the bridge on his nose. “I just - I know you had your reasons, I know this war was ongoing before I was even born but - it’s just so hard.”

Keith lets out a shuddering breathe, throwing his head back before he meets his mom’s eyes once again, keeping his unshed tears at bay. “I’m just so...mad. I’m happy that I finally have the mom I wished for since I was a kid and it feels right but I’m also angry at you and sad. I- I don’t know .”

Krolia’s eyebrows furrow down in concern. “Keith -”

“Dad said you loved me. He, he said -” Keith cuts in quietly before he sighs, rubbing his face with his free hand in frustration. “Was he wrong? That’s all I want to know. Was it just a lie?”

Krolia doesn't hesitate to shake her head. “Your father was many things but a liar was not one of them.”

Keith’s breathe hitches, heart hammering against his ribcage as he licks his lips nervously. “Then, do you still...ya know?”

“Are you asking if I still love you?” Krolia asks slowly, a smile smile genuine growing on her lips as she looks at him in a way he ever thought it will be directed at him, as if he was something precious . “I never stopped, Keith.”

“Then...why?” Keith asks quietly with an odd feeling of security that allows him to put down his walls. He wonders if Krolia has anything to do with that.

Krolia takes a deep breath. “As you said, the war was there before you were even conceived. I was sent to Earth once we traced the Blue Lion’s quintessence. My mission was to protect it, report any anomalies around the area and be an outpost in case the Empire made an appearance.”

Keith frowns, tilting his head to the side. “For how long?”

Krolia shrugs, tilting her head towards the bed before she sits on it. “Undefined at the time. It sounded simple enough, except for the fact we did not anticipated earth’s...odd gravity.”

“What do you mean?” Keith asks as he sits on the edge of the bed, an obvious gap between them.

Krolia shrugs. “I crashed my ship on your father’s living quarters.”

“You crashed on the shack?” Keith asks, eyes wide and leans closer, the loud snort that leaves his mouth taking him by surprise. “ How ?”

Krolia laughs quietly. “It’s a tale for another time, Floofball.”

Keith stops short, head turning back to meet Krolia’s eyes. His mom stares back at him.

“Floofball?” Keith repeats confused, tilting his head to the side curiously.

“Ah yes...” Krolia says softly, her lips doing a small twitch upward as she looks down at her feet, eyes traveling years back inside her mind as she replies, “That’s what I used to call you, when you were just a cub - ah, a baby, I mean.”

“Why, why ‘floofball’?” Keith questions softly and this time Krolia laughs fondly as she raises her head and meet her son’s eyes.

“Because you used to have so much hair .” She says quietly, “Even as a newborn, your hair used to take half your face. Your father found it...oddly amusing, saying it looked like a lion mane.”

Keith snorts, hand covering his mouth as he tries to hide his laughter. He fails, but that’s okay, because Krolia just seems to beam at his reaction.

“He used to say you got that from me.” Krolia confessed with a small shrug, “The hair, I mean. I never saw it, to be honest; still don’t.”

“My friends said the same thing.” Keith whispers in as if he was sharing a top secret conspiracy as he grins in mocking disbelief, “I don’t see it neither? It’s the Voltron chant all over again, I swear.”

Krolia laughs next to him, taking a step forward until she’s close enough to reach out and stroke his bangs back, pulling away only when Keith’s breathe hitches at the touch.

“I apologize, it’s just that...” Krolia hesitates, eyes roaming among his face for a few ticks before she let her shoulders loose and offers a small smile, “You have your father’s grin, looking as endearing as his did back then.”

“Wish I could say the same.” Keith mumbles quietly, “He never really told me much about you.”

“Don’t hold it against him.” Krolia whispers sadly, “I asked that from him. Felt like the right choice at the time.”

“He missed you.” Keith says, “He never said it but...I could tell.”

“And I him.” Krolia murmurs before she sighs, “And you; I missed you too.”

Keith freezes, the lump in his throat making it hard to get any words out but he still tries. “I missed you too, mom.”

“I, I would like to mend my mistake, Keith.” Krolia says quietly, eyes soft as they shine with hope, “If you will let me, of course.”

Keith swallows, clearing his throat as he rubs his arm. “Okay, yeah, I want. I want to know you better, I mean. I’d like that.”

Krolia shoulders visually drops in relief and Keith takes comfort in the fact he’s not the only one trying his best here.

“Where...should we start?” Krolia asks cautiously, lips pursed in confusion.

Keith doesn’t hesitate. “Shack crash, please.”

Hearing his mom laugh so freely it’s something Keith never thought he will witness, but now that he has, he just hopes it stays in his life for a change.

“Alright, but let me tell you, your father was a drama fanatic because I barely even scratched it -”

“Oh my god.”

Notes:

Thank you for reading! <3

Here’s my tumblr, just in case: bleusarcelle
AND my writing tumblr for small drabbles I don't post here: bleusarcellewrites