Archive of Our Own ^beta

Rey was always accustomed to loneliness.

She never knew her parents, spent most of her childhood alone under little supervision as she scavenged through the sands of Jakku for scraps of metal to make a living. There was no one as she laid awake at night in the broken AT-AT she called her home. There was no one on the days that she could barely move due to the aching in her muscles. There was no one. There was never anyone.

That is, there wasn’t until she happened upon Teedo hulling along with a very particular droid. After that, for better or worse, Rey was never alone again.

And most of the time, it was for worse.

She’d always thought she’d enjoy being around people after so long in isolation, but it turned out to be… disappointing, simply put. Her first taste of family had been with Finn, BB-8, and then Han Solo and Chewbacca. Maybe she’d become too attached too quickly, but they were the first to be there and, more importantly, the first to come back.

That reality had been quickly shattered after Kylo Ren got his hands on them. Finn was alive but only barely. Han… was gone. At the hands of his own son.

The second dose of isolation came quickly after. With Finn in a coma and only Chewbacca at her side, Rey set off to Ahch-To to find maybe the only person in the galaxy more alone than herself: Luke Skywalker.

Needless to say, meeting the hero of the galaxy did not go as expected. Rey expected to understand the Force better, maybe even herself, but, like everything, was only left with disappointment. Not to mention that a very unwelcome Force-user decided to show  up at exactly the wrong time.

And that was when Rey was finally not alone.

***

Their relationship, whatever it was, wasn’t one of security, but it was something. At the beginning, it was hard to get used to someone constantly just there at the very back of your mind. It was almost comforting, though, knowing that Ben was always there.

Even in the days after Crait, after Rey had closed the door in his face, he was still there. Their connections weren’t happy ones, usually accompanied by uncomfortable silences and glares. They never talked. There was nothing left to say most of the time.

Once a day it happened, sometimes more frequently. A week passed. A month. No inclination that Ben knew she existed except the occasional glare he sent her. He was bitter about her leaving, she knew. He wanted her to stay, wanted to make a “new order,” whatever that meant. Rey had wanted to as well, if only for a moment. His hand held out for her was still such a vivid image sometimes, and she wondered occasionally what would’ve happened if she had.

I wasn’t expecting you to, a voice in her head said. But I really hoped you would.

***

Ben Solo was a strange man.

It was obvious from the start that there was something not quite right with him. There were times he was collected and calm when he had every right to be furious. Other times he was a bundle of nerves and just one moment from completely raging on anyone and everything. It was a lethal combination, but it was one Rey kept finding herself drawn to.

He wasn’t a bad leader, she noticed quite quickly. Terrible at public-speaking, yes. Bad leader, no. Unlike his predecessors, Ben didn’t focus on snuffing out the Resistance (What was left of it, anyway). Whether it was for her or because he didn’t really care, Rey didn’t really know, but she appreciated it either way.

No, instead of snuffing out the Resistance, Ben’s new Order focused on itself. Most of its time seemed to be spent regrouping, changing things from the inside before pursuing the rest of the galaxy. Things were happening, but it was anyone’s guess as to what it was.

***

The HoloNet quickly became Rey’s favorite place. It probably seemed silly to all her Resistance counterparts, but she liked cooping up in her room and just scrolling for hours and hours on end. The silence was nice, even if she’d spent her entire life in solitude. Sometimes it got to be too much with everyone there, especially with the stares she received by the new recruits. Not to mention that it was a lot easier to find articles about a certain broody Supreme Leader.

Rey watched his speeches sometimes, not because she enjoyed his awkward demeanor on camera (no matter how entertaining it could be) but because it was hard not to miss his voice. They still didn’t talk much these days. Connections hadn’t become any less frequent, but they were usually inconvenient at best, not to mention awkward.

By month six, they’d spoken a total of around ten times, conversations usually short and fleeting. Rey shouldn’t have felt as bad about it as she did. After all, there were two sides to this kind of thing, and he was technically the one giving her an unfair ultimatum, to be fair, so really it was on him.

Still, though, Rey really wasn’t mad anymore, and she knew he wasn’t either. Now they were just tip-toeing around their feelings, refusing to talk like children. Knowing Ben, he wouldn’t crack, so it was, of course, up to Rey.

***

But as it turned out, Ben Solo was the one who cracked first.

“Um, hi.”

Rey barely heard it, didn’t even realize he was there, actually. It took her a moment to even process what he’d said. “Hey,” she replied after a bit of hesitation. He was across from her, sat on her bed in whatever reality this was.

“How have you been?”

The question wasn’t exactly out of place in small talk, Rey learned recently, but the fact that they saw each other nearly every day in some shape or form really ruined the meaning. “I’ve been alright. And how are you, Ben?”

She swore for a moment his cheeks flushed. “Decent.”

“Good,” she said and averted her eyes. “We haven’t spoken in a while. Have you been avoiding me?”

She heard him huff. “I could ask you the same. You look at me like I’m the scum of the galaxy every time the Force connects us.”

“Well, sorry if I’m less than thrilled to see the man who chose an evil organization over me.” It was a low blow, she knew, but the words spilled from her mouth before Rey could stop them. It was true, wasn’t it? He had chosen The First Order over her, over the well-being of the galaxy, and he’d certainly do it again.

His hands curled into fists, and he stood, turning away from her. “You act as if I really had a choice, Rey.”

She stood and grabbed his bicep, forcing him to face her. “You did have a choice. I gave you one, and then you left. Don’t pin this on me.”

“You think actually think I could’ve joined you?” He let out a wry laugh. “Rey, you’re not a stupid woman, but you actually thought even for a second the Resistance would’ve welcomed me back with open arms? You think I could’ve just left and pretended everything was okay, that I was okay?” When she didn’t answer, he rose an eyebrow. “Exactly. I couldn’t join you, just like you couldn’t join me.”

“That’s not the poi—”

“Sure it isn’t. Keep telling yourself that.”

She opened her mouth to say something, but the connection dissipated between them, and Rey was left alone.

***

They didn’t speak to one another for the next two weeks.

Rey busied herself with work more often now, taking less and less alone time as the days passed by. Her friends took notice, but they viewed it positively and didn’t comment on the dark circles forming beneath her eyes.

None of them knew about her connection with Ben, and Rey intended to keep it that way. The things they’d do if they knew… No, it was better this way. Despite how mad she was at Ben, she couldn’t betray his trust, even if it meant lying to her friends about a bond with their supposed enemy. Rey loved them, but she didn’t love them that much.

Leia Organa, however, was a different story. Rey had taken an immediate liking to her and enjoyed the attention the woman gave her. It was almost like having a mother, someone to talk to about life, no matter how despairing the news was. It was actually during one of their chats when the topic of Leia’s son came up.

“I haven’t seen Ben in almost eight years, you know.” Her expression was unreadable as she sat reading through reports across from Rey, but her voice was hard, if not a little sad. “Not really.”

Rey didn’t respond. She didn’t need to.

“I’m glad that Han at least got to see his face before he…” She shook her head. “I’d give a lot to see my son in the flesh, not delivering some speech with First Order propaganda. I always think about what I could’ve done differently, what I could do now to get him back, but it’s too late. It has been for a long time.”

It’s not too late. “Ben’s trying,” she said. “He’s trying to lead, and he’s not trying to wipe us off the map quite yet. Don’t give up hope on him, General.”

Leia gave her a sad smile. “I should’ve known he’d be good at politics.”

***

“You’re projecting your thoughts so loudly that I can’t even think. For the love of everything holy, stop.”

Rey only glanced at him. “Why should I?

He was sitting next to her on her bed, less than half a meter away. “Do you always have to be this difficult?”

“Do you always have to ask questions I’m not going to answer?”

Rey could only imagine all the things he wanted to say, but he threw no insults, only a tired confession. “I’m not in the mood, Rey. Just shut your mind and stay out of my business.”

“Right. This is my fault now, huh? Fine then, blame this entire situation on me. It’s not like you were the one who did this to us in the first place. Sorry if my thoughts are so intolerable to you. I’ll try better next time.”

“Rey—”

“Screw yourself, Ben.”

With that, she cut off the connection and was met yet again with that unyielding silence.

***

“Damn, the HoloNet is thirsty for Ren,” Poe said one day at the Mess Hall. Rey sat next to him, along with Finn across from her and Rose next to him. Finn was the only one she was close with even after being apart of the Resistance for so long. Rose was nice but still seemed apprehensive about her, even with all the time that had passed. Poe was alright, but he was much too loud and rash, a huge risk-taker when she usually only did it out of necessity.

Rose laughed. “You’re surprised? I mean, I hate the guy, but I’ll be the first to admit he’s attractive. The Dark Side is supposed to be seductive. Right, Rey?”

Finn didn’t give her a chance to answer, and she was grateful until he actually spoke. “Are you kidding? Pretty sure that Snoke guy was more attractive than he is. I’m surprised Leia Organa and Han Solo, the two most attractive people in the galaxy, made that. ”

“He’s not that unattractive,” Rey heard herself say. “He’s got nice hair.” And eyes. And lips. And body.

Finn shot her a look. “Yeah, I guess.”

They all continued eating, and Rey felt her cheeks burning when a voice in her head said “Thanks.”

***

Rey had never had a drop of alcohol before. It was something her friends had laughed at, even Finn, who had drank some smuggled whiskey as a teenager. And thus, her first experience with alcohol had been somewhat of an event among the Resistance, no matter how General Organa had tried to discourage. There were just too many people who wanted to see a drunk Jedi.

Needless to say, they weren’t disappointed. Within a few hours of her first sip, Rey was absolutely smashed. Poe, it seemed, took great pride in that fact, but Finn worried over her, steering her away from any questionable choices that she’d regret in the morning. It didn’t take long for everyone to just give up and allow Rose to deposit her safely back to her room. Rey really didn’t bother arguing and collapsed into bed with little problems.

That was how Ben found her when their bond connected them.

“Damn it, go away.”

Rey just hummed in response and squeezed her eyes shut. He was pressed against her back, too close for comfort, but she didn’t make much of an effort to push him away. “You’re so mean to me,” she said, a whine escaping her throat.

He pressed a hand to her shoulder, and Rey fell silent. “Sleep. It’s the middle of the night.”

“But I don’t want to—”

Lips pressed against her shoulder, so softly that she wondered if she’d imagined it. “Sleep.”

***

Sometimes there were days that Rey couldn’t get out of bed.

On Jakku, she was never allowed that luxury. Even the days where she could barely move, she got up anyway just to stay alive. Now, though, General Organa understood her need for sick days, encouraged them actually. Most of sick days taken weren’t actually from sickness.

Rey wasn’t a slacker by any means. She enjoyed working, especially with the Resistance, and it was an easy means of distraction, but sometimes it was all too much. Rey had grown up alone but never enjoyed the solitude. She always figured being around people was where she’d be happiest, but it ended up just being exhausting most of the time.

That was how she ended up in her bed on a perfectly reasonable day to be working. The scavenger inside her insisted she needed to be working, but she couldn’t, not today.

“Are you sick?”

Ben’s voice made her eyes shoot open. Rey hadn’t even realized she’d started dozing, but it was needed sleep. “Huh? No, no, I’m not sick.”

He made a sound of a acknowledgement before turning back to the wall he was staring at. “I’m sensing you don’t want me to ask, so I’m not going to.”

“Very funny.”

“I’m not,” he insisted, “but I’d appreciate it if you told me. I’m not good at dealing with emotions.”

She rose an eyebrow. “Emotions?”

“You know what I mean.”

A smile tugged at her lips. “I’m not sick. I’m just… tired. Exhausted, really.”

“I understand.” And Rey had the sneaking suspicion he actually did. “Rest then. It’ll get better.”

She closed her eyes then, but the connection didn’t dissipate. For once, she was glad.

***

Rey had very few friends in the Resistance still, even after so many months. Finn, Rose, and maybe Poe were the only ones she’d become slightly more comfortable with. Besides those three, other Resistance members rarely made their way into Rey’s circle.

What she didn’t expect, though, was to become as comfortable as she was with Ben Solo.

Rey wasn’t sure exactly when it started, really. She should’ve known, though. She should’ve known that an effect of their bond was attachments. For the Jedi, it was forbidden, but it wasn’t like Rey was ever really a good Jedi to begin with. Even Luke knew she would’ve been a terrible student, so it was just a matter of time.

The more time she and Ben spent together (or were forced to spend together), the more she grew to enjoy his company. Was he frustrating? Definitely. But he wasn’t completely horrible and actually had a personality. He was sarcastic, relentless, a little mean sometimes, but he was nice when it counted. He was actually quite funny too, usually unintentionally.

Their friendship was strange, but Rey liked it a lot, and she could tell he did as well.

“So how are your rebel scum friends today?” he asked one night as he lounged in bed. Her bed, technically, that was definitely not built for two people.

She shoved him, tempted to push him off. “They’re great, actually. And how are you, Mr. Social? Make any friends this year?”

There was a slight smile on his face, something Rey had grown very fond of over the time they were together. “Just you,” he said. “Just you.”

***

Rey woke up one day cramped and overheated, an unfamiliar presence pressing into her back. The moment she realized it wasn’t her imagination, she bolted up and turned to face the intruder, only to realize it was none other than Ben. He was lying awake, just staring up at the grey metal of the ceiling. He made no other inclination that he knew she was there.

“Ben?” she asked, but his eyes didn’t meet hers. Rey just sat, wrapping the thin blanket tighter around herself. This was the least amount of clothes she’d ever been in around him, only dressed in a pair of shorts and oversized t-shirt. He, however, was shirtless, bottom half covered by the blanket but just barely. “Ben, are you okay?”

“The Force has a sick sense of humor, doesn’t it?” He said it abruptly, and Rey couldn’t ask what he meant before he continued. “Don’t you remember what today is, Rey?”

She stared at him while combing through her memories. What was today? There was nothing of significance, right? “Ben—”

“It’s the day we met. One year ago today.” He closed his eyes and pressed his lips together. “The anniversary of my father’s death.”

“Ben—”

“Don’t try and make me feel better. It’s not going to work.”

She nodded. “I know.” And she did, all too well. Rey knew better than anyone how much of a toll his father’s death had on Ben and how he’d never forgive himself for it. They didn’t talk about it, though, a silent agreement between them, but Rey knew. She always did.

Instead of commenting further, Rey laid back down and threw an arm over Ben, pulling him close. He was stiff at first but settled in quickly, and Rey could sense his relief and easing tension. That’s how they stayed for most of the day, and the moment he was gone, she found herself feeling a little less alone than before.

***

Rey loved the Resistance. They did great things for the galaxy, gave Rey a place to call home, a family of some sort. If given the choice between The First Order and the Resistance, she’d choose the Resistance every single time. Rey wasn’t exactly devoted, though. She wasn’t ride or die most of the time, but no one seemed to realize that.

To the Resistance, Rey was their Jedi hero. New recruits gawked at her, and the ones who got enough gall to talk to her usually sulked away when they realized she wasn’t what they made her out to be. Rey wasn’t a hero. Rey hadn’t done anything heroic.

“You killed Snoke,” Finn said when she expressed this concern to him, not realizing it hadn’t been her at all.

No, Rey hadn’t done anything at all except get lucky to stumble upon BB-8 and get sucked into whatever this new reality was.

You slashed my face. Hero material already.

Rey rolled her eyes. Get out of my head, Ben.

There was a chuckle somewhere in the galaxy that rang through her mind. Don’t talk to your brother like that. Did you know that’s what the HoloNet is calling us now? Twins, actually. I think my mother has some explaining to do if that’s the case.

The HoloNet can’t make up its mind whether we’re related or having sex, she shot back. Don’t give them any more ideas.

What am I supposed to do, issue a statement saying “The wannabe Jedi is not my sister or cousin?” That won’t go over well with Hux.

Your entire personality doesn’t go over well with Hux. She rolled over onto her side in bed and closed her eyes. I’m going to sleep now. Leave please.

Sure thing, sweetheart.

Rey tried to shove the pet name from her head, but it only aided in letting the even more intrusive thoughts flood her brain.

***

Being friends with Ben Solo was a strange thing.

It seemed like one day they’d be fighting, the next casually talking until the sun rose. Neither knew what kind of reaction the other would give them at any given time, but it was always fun to find out.

The Resistance recently relocated its main headquarters to Coruscant. Since Crait, they’d focused more on rebuilding versus attacks with so few members. Every single member at the time was able to fit into the Falcon, but they’d gone from under 20 people to the organization’s name to a little over 7,000, not including their other bases.

Ben acted like he didn’t know this fact, as if he wasn’t getting intel from inside the Resistance every other day from the very likely spy in their ranks. Frankly, his endless denial about knowing anything of the Resistance was rather amusing at this point. Rey still found herself relieved, though, even if he wasn’t at all focused on them, hadn’t been in a while.

Rey would never admit it, but she was impressed by Ben’s new Order. It was less violent, focused more on gaining support through negotiations rather than force. It was that way they’d made deals with many with poorer planets, exchanging goods and workers for protection and order. And it was also the way Jakku came to belong to The First Order.

“It’s on this day that five desolate planets in the Inner Rim struck a deal with The First Order, the strongest military and government organization existing in the galaxy.” Ben’s voice rang out from her Holopad, a little strained but mostly solid. “These planets no longer have to succumb to the rule of criminals to survive. The leaders of these planets have chosen the best option for them and their people and can now live in peace and prosperity for generations to come.”

Rey vaguely heard Poe snort next to her. “Get a load of this shit! The guy really thinks doing some ‘diplomacy’ on a planet like Jakku can make it less of a shithole. Nah, man, that place has no hope. Hey, where are you going?”

“Poe!” Rey heard Rose hiss as she was halfway out of the Mess Hall. “Wait, Rey, come back!”

***

“Is this some sort of sick joke?” Rey asked Ben the moment the connection activated. “You’re occupying Jakku now?”

“Rey—”

“I know I mean nothing to you, but I thought we’d become close enough that you wouldn’t use the place I slaved away at as some sort of safe for your Order. That is not okay on so many levels, Ben, and I’m frankly offended that you even—”

“Rey, hear me out for one damn second.” Ben reached over to touch her shoulder, but she jerked away.

“No. No, I don’t have to listen to a word you say. After everything I’ve told you, about Unkar and that sand hell I was stuck in, you’d go and take the place I grew up on for your own selfish agenda?”

“Unkar Plutt is dead,” he said, turning away from her.

She let out a wry laugh. “Is that supposed to make me feel better? Yeah, great, thanks for killing the shithead who starved me as a child. What a hero, right?”

Ben slouched against a wall with his arms folded over his chest. “Not really sure what you want from me, Rey. I made a deal with Jakku because I didn’t want anyone else to have to grow up the way you had to. Jakku now lives under the laws of the Order, which means there are officers now enforcing basic minimum wage, fair working conditions, and preventing child labor. Do you not want that?”

She did want that. As a child, Rey just wished for her family to come back, yeah, but now as and adult she realized that some type of government body stepping in would have made her entire childhood exponentially better. And that was the entire point. Her life on Jakku had been too hard on a child, and she had lived that reality alone.

When Rey didn’t answer, Ben stepped closer and cupped her cheek, gently brushing his thumb over her cheekbone. “You’re not alone, Rey. Not anymore.” And then he leaned down and pressed their lips together, just for the slightest moment. It was over before it really began, and Rey didn’t have to to speak before the connection dissipated and Ben was gone. She was left with the vague memory of his lips against hers.

***

Rey was distracted, and she knew exactly why.

It was understandable, really. Your first kiss was bound to be something to think about, especially if it was with someone who was technically your enemy. The fact that she worked for his mother as well didn’t necessarily help the situation.

A wretched blush seemed to be permanently colored onto her cheeks, every glance at her reflection giving her away. Even Rose asked if she wanted the temperature turned down since she was so red.

Long story short, Rey was an absolute mess. Usually she enjoyed work but found herself breathing a sigh of relief when her shift ended and she was finally able to return the solitude of her room. At least, she thought she’d be alone.

“B-Ben,” Rey sputtered out when she spotted him on her bed, “what are you doing here?”

He looked over at her, eyes only half open and hair sticking up in all different directions. “Huh? Oh, sorry. I was trying to sleep.”

She nodded quickly and turned away from him to steady herself. A kiss shouldn’t have changed things so much, but it did and now there was no turning back. “Ah, that’s okay. I won’t bother you then.”

She heard the bed shift and then felt the gentle touch of his hand on her arm. There was a gentle prodding on her mind, a silent plea to enter, as she turned back to him. Rey granted his request, not completely sure why, and he was there inside her head. Maybe it wasn’t a good idea with so much sensitive information contained there, but she had a feeling he really wasn’t interested in it, at least not in that moment. There was something very particular he was searching for.

“You’re nervous around me,” he said, still sifting through the memories in her mind. “Why?”

“Why do you think?”

He huffed out a quiet laugh as he settled on one particular memory: their kiss. “I don’t want you to be nervous. I’m sorry if it was too far,” he said, voice suddenly becoming nervous. “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

Rey shook her head, setting a hand on his chest. For a fleeting moment, she wished the black shirt that covered him was gone. “It wasn’t too far. I just… had never done it before, and I didn’t know how to react. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Really?” he asked as he sat his hand on her hip and leaned forward just slightly. “So you wouldn’t mind if I… did it again? You know, for science.”

Rey laughed and curled her hand into his shirt. “Nothing would make me happier right now.”

***

Rey was always a quick learner. She had to be to survive Jakku for as long as she did. It took one deal to know that Plutt was a crook and that she had to be smarter about what she brought him and when. It took one mugging for her to realize the need for protection, which was how she acquired her staff. It was a vicious, never-ending cycle that she’d lived through.

Most of the skills Rey acquired were based of necessity, few, if any, for herself. It was only recently that she started taking it upon herself to learn things to do for pleasure. She took up piloting, programming, and anything that else that peaked her interest. For once, she could use her skill set for herself and no one else.

Although, it did end up quite useful during other activities.

Ben had been a common occurrence on her room for more than a year, but recently his mouth had become a prevalent part as well. This was where Rey’s knack for quick learning had become quite useful.

It was needless to say that Rey was inexperienced in pretty much all aspects of relationships, especially romantic ones. Ben was as well, but while Rey craved every kind of affection she could get, he pushed it away. She couldn’t blame him considering how he grew up and the lack of any kind of physical attention he so desperately needed, but it could be frustrating. Of course, Rey had her own issues, but she tended to bury those down to the point that barely anyone ever noticed them.

The physical point of their relationship started with kissing, a lot of kissing. Rey was always sure it’d be her favorite part, but the moment clothes started coming off, she promptly changed her mind. Sex was definitely her favorite part by far. There was something thrilling about it, dangerous, like two teenagers sneaking around their parents to see each other. It was stupid, of course, sleeping with the enemy like a character in one of Rose’s trashy Holobooks, but everything they had was owned by someone. This, no. This was theirs.

“Rey.” Ben’s mouth was next to her ear, whispering just her name as he moved in and out of her in a rhythm that made her toes curl.

She wound her fingers into his hair and held him there as her eyes fluttered closed. “Gods, yes, Ben,” she rasped out, a slight whimper in her voice. They’d done this how many times now? The number escaped her. But it didn’t matter, not now, not anytime. Whenever they were together, it was just them. There was no Resistance. There was no Order. There was no war. It was Ben and Rey, Rey and Ben, and nothing else mattered.

She always came first, Ben quickly after her. And then they laid together bonelessly, Rey curled into his side. It was temporary, possibly a completely horrible use of the Force, but it was enough. They were enough.

“Rey, I—”

“Don’t say it,” she said, trailing her fingers down his chest. “Not yet.”

He nodded wordlessly and allowed Rey to drift off into a restless sleep.

***

“General, is this really necessary?”

Leia’s face gave her all the answers Rey needed, but Poe opted to answer on her behalf. “It’s time for The First Order to end. We have the manpower to do it now. It’s time, Rey.”

“I know, but does it really have to end with more destruction, more killing? The Order has been rather quiet in the past year, so maybe we could try to arrange a peace treaty. Leadership has changed. It might actually wor—”

Poe let out a stark laugh. “Are you serious? You want to make a peace treaty with Kylo Ren?” Another laugh. “No. Absolutely not. I want that bastard’s head on a stake. He is not getting out of this war alive. Assassination would be merciful compared to the things I want to do to him. By the time I’d be done, he’d be begging me for it.”

“You’re disgusting,” she spat. “You’re talking as if you can pull it off. Last I heard, Poe, you’re not the best shot. What are you going to do, send someone else to do your dirty work so you don’t have to die?”

He leaned down until he was eye-level with her, a smirk lining his lips. “I’m the best damn pilot in the Resistance. Think you can do a better job? Feel free to shoot the guy yourself.”

She opened her mouth, unsure of what to say, but was saved by General Organa. “That is enough, Dameron. You’re leaving in three days. Go get yourself and squadron ready and briefed. Everyone else except Rey, get out.”

Rey had completely forgotten until that moment that other people were there in the room with them, including Finn and Rose. Poe had been different lately, more extreme. At first Rey could’ve tolerated it, but it’d gotten so much worse. Leia, however, was more than just a friend. She was a mentor, an icon, a stand-in mother sometimes.

“Rey,” Leia said once everyone was cleared out, “do you have something to tell me?”

Yes. “No, everything is fine. I just don’t think assassination is the right course of action. We’ve only ever had squabbles with Order troops in the past year. Things have changed for the better, I think.”

“Rey, what are you saying?”

“I’m saying…” Jakku now lives under the laws of the Order, which means there are officers now enforcing basic minimum wage, fair working conditions, and preventing child labor. Do you not want that? “I’m saying that your son changed the Order. It’s no longer some terrifying regime hellbent on galactic domination.”

Leia pressed her lips together. “So you’re a sympathizer now, are you?”

“I was never the Resistance hero, General,” she said, turning away from her. “Your whole life was devoted to defeating evil. My whole life was devoted to fighting for my own life on a desolate desert planet. I was alone. No one came to save me, not the Republic or the Order. They mean nothing to me.”

Leia pressed a hand to Rey’s shoulder. It was a gesture she’d grown fond of, but now it stung more than anything. “The First Order is not good, Rey. Don’t let your head get infected with their ideologies. You killed Snoke, remember? You have to understand.”

“I didn’t,” she snapped and jerked away. “I didn’t kill Snoke. That was your bastard of a son. I didn’t do anything. It was him, all of it.”

“Killing Snoke doesn’t make a him a good person. I want my son back as much as you do, but we have to be realistic about it.”

“He didn’t want it, any of it. You don’t know what it took to give Ben what he needed to take that final step and kill Snoke.”

Leia stared at her for a moment, eyes narrowed. “Ben is gone, Rey. Kylo Ren killed him. That monster is all that’s left inside him.”

“It’s not. There’s bad in him, yes. There’s anger, hurt, betrayal, but there’s a bit of that in everyone. The point is that there is good in him, but he believes everyone’s given up on him, so he’s given up on himself. Ben Solo is there. He always was.”

There were tears in Leia’s eyes now as she gave a disbelieving shake of her head. “I’m not sure what to believe anymore. Your beliefs obviously don’t completely align with those of the Resistance, but I trust you, Rey. If you believe we can make peace, then I want to try. I really do.” She reached up to cup Rey’s cheek and smiled. “Go to him. Negotiate. I know you can do it. I’ll give you three days. Any longer than that and the assassination plan goes on.”

Rey smiled for the first time in what felt like months. “Thank you, General. I won’t let you down.”

***

Rey left in the dead of night on Coruscant with Leia’s blessing. She sensed her apprehension still, but that wouldn’t stop her, not when Ben’s life was at stake. Maybe it was stupid, maybe she’d regret this later, but Rey couldn’t just sit by and let Leia issue the death of her own son while Poe was named a hero for killing him.

What are you doing? she asked down the Bond, praying silently he’d respond.

She wasn’t disappointed. In a meeting. Can’t talk now. Sorry.

Please stay. It’s important. I need to know where you are. Tell me your coordinates.

Why? Is everything okay?

It wasn’t. It never was okay. I don’t think I can explain right now, but please tell me. I promise I won’t leak it. We have a few things to talk about.

Their connection was silent for several moments, and Rey worried that he wouldn’t tell her. Finally, Ben sent a set of coordinates into her mind, and Rey immediately entered them into the Falcon. He was on Xa Fel, a planet in the Core region. The location was better than anticipated, and she’d be able to arrive in a few hours.

Somehow that fact terrified her more than anything.

***

Xa Fel was an industrial planet historically occupied by Imperial forces and now The First Order. The moment Rey entered the planet’s atmosphere with the Falcon, she noticed the difference between it and Coruscant. Coruscant was busy, extremely populated, but Xa Fel was darker, more worn in comparison.  Rey couldn’t imagine for a moment why Ben would be here until she passed over the shipyard he’d sent her to.

The Order was a smart organization, had to be to survive a galaxy like this. Ben, as their leader, had to be even smarter to survive in a galaxy like this. Even Rey knew that the Order was losing supporters due to it ignoring the Resistance, and that meant it was losing money as well. Xa Fel had skilled workers and materials that could help the Order gain momentum again if the leaders struck a deal, so Ben was no doubt trying to secure an alliance. Perhaps Rey’s arrival wasn’t greatly timed, but it was either that or letting him get killed by Poe, and that was not going to happen. Common courtesy be damned.

Getting through each checkpoint into the hangar went much more easily as expected. You can still turn back. You don’t have to do this. She was unsure whether the voice in her head was hers or Ben at this point, but she was too focused on landing her ship in the hangar to think too much about it. Even as the transmission powered down, Rey still found herself refusing to turn back, so with her mind made up, Rey opened the door of the Falcon.

She was immediately met with a line of soldiers. Their uniforms were ones she’d never seen before, most likely forces from Xa Fel, and all their blasters were pointed at her raised hands. “State your name and affiliation.”

“Rey,” she said. “No affiliation.”

The man narrowed her eyes at her and sent to of his men toward her. “The Supreme Leader is waiting for you, ma’am. Come with us please.”

It took Rey a moment to realize his request. There were no cuffs, no forced contact, just a group of men escorting her to wherever Ben was. Something was wrong here. She took what she could get, though, and followed the men off the ship. They didn’t try to take her saber, and she didn’t resist. It was the first peaceful encounter of the sort she’d ever had.

The shipyard was the largest Rey had ever seen. It reminded her of Jakku in some way, just with much less sand. The building they were in was large, going up at least fifty stories or so, and smelled of the cleaner the medbay used back in Coruscant. Everything was impersonal and bare, nothing to distinguish itself from every other building in the galaxy.

The only difference, though, was the fact that she could feel Ben’s presence vividly. Before it was just the slim sense in the back of her mind, just enough to know he was alive. Now the feeling was almost overwhelming, only growing more as they traveled further up the building in an elevator.

In a desperate attempt to get her mind off him, Rey attempted likely fruitless conversation. “So are you all from Xa Fel?”

The man who had first spoken when she got off the ship was standing next to her with a risen eyebrow. “I’m not sure I understand what you mean, ma’am.”

“I-I mean, do you work in the shipyard or are you just here on duty?”

He cracked a smile. “No, no, none of us are from here. We’re stormtroopers.”

Rey stood dumbstruck for half a second as she glanced around at the group around her. Three men, two women, all completely normal looking. Just like Finn. “But you’re not…”

“Wearing helmets? No, we only do that on the battlefield now, new orders.” At Rey’s look of confusion, he went on. “Supreme Leader Ren decreed it about a year or so ago. Everyone was pretty surprised, but we didn’t argue. We were to only wear our uniforms onto the battlefield. In our bases and quarters we wear a new standard uniform. No numbers either. It’s pretty great. General Hux is pretty perturbed, though.”

Rey almost nodded. She was lucky enough to have never really had an interaction with the man, but he was arguably more hated in the Resistance than Ben was, and Rey understood completely. “Sounds like Ren is doing some good.”

“Damn right he is,” another trooper said from the back, a young woman. “Even let us pick our own names. I’m Ruana. There’s also Naya, Rail, Caldun, and that’s Montari.”

Montari, the one next to them and seemingly the leader, snorted, opting to ignore her comment. “We’re very devoted to the Supreme Leader and the changes he’s made to the Order. Even if he let many of his forces go if they pleased, I stayed because I knew he was going to make a difference. Besides, I’d take him over General Ginger any day.”

“Me too,” Rey said as the elevator dinged, signalling their arrival at the top floor. “Me too.”

***

There was no throne room on Xa Fel, so Rey’s first meeting with Ben took place in a conference hall. The moment the door opened, she spotted him across the room, back turned to her as he stared out a window into the shipyard. As if sensing the direness of the conversation-to-be, the troopers left them, and then Rey and Ben were left alone together since their battle in the throne room. Somehow that thought terrified her more than anything else was supposed to in the coming days.

“Ben,” Rey said simply.

He turned to her then, and Rey began walking forward to meet him. His expression was unreadable, a mixture of shock, fear, anger possibly? Rey stopped a few meters from him and watched as he took her in. “Rey.”

“We need to talk. It’s important.”

He gave her a half-smile, just for a moment. “Breaking up with me face-to-face? I’ll give you props for effort.”

“I’m not breaking up with you. I’ve come to discuss, uh, politics.”

Ben sighed and took the last few steps toward her, setting one hand on her hip, the other on her face. “Enough of politics. This is the first time we’ve seen each other without that echoing. I say we make the most of it.”

Damn it, she wanted to agree, almost did, actually. Using the last bit of her restraint, she shook her head. “It’s important, Ben. The Resistance is planning your assasination. I don’t know when they’ll do it now, but they’re determined to have you dead within the month.” At his incredulous look, she added, “They’re not some little band of fighters anymore. They’re stronger than they’ve ever been before. We both know the Order isn’t doing as well anymore with you as their leader. Now, you’re not doing a bad job in my opinion, but that means nothing to First Order supporters. Your forces and defense have gone down significantly. The Resistance wants your head on a stake, and they’re going to do it unless you cooperate with me.”

Ben let go of her as if he was stung. “So that’s what this is about? You want me to give up everything and come back? Haven’t we discussed this?”

“No! That’s not what I want at all. I think you’ve been doing great things, but there still is a war, and we can’t ignore that.”

“Why should I believe you?” he spat. “The Resistance has made my life nothing but a living hell since the very beginning. Why should I help it?”

There was no good answer to that question. And, really, there was no good reason for him to help them at all. Right and wrong? There was no such thing. Everything was subjective. “Do it for me,” she said finally. “Do it for yourself. I know you hate the war. I know you just want everything to stop, and I’m giving you a way out.”

“This isn’t just about me.” He was closer now, leaning down to be closer to her eye level. “It’s not that easy. There’s more than just me in this war. The Order and the Resistance are completely different things, Rey.”

“But it’s not! I’ve seen what you’ve done with the Order. It’s beautiful, Ben, and I am so proud of you for it. I know you care about the galaxy and don’t buy into the galactic domination bullshit. I don’t think you even know what you want out of this. You just want it to be over, don’t you? Well, it can be, and now I’m giving you a chance to end this here and now.” He didn’t speak, just watched her as she reached up to set both hands on his cheeks. “There is good in you. I know you might not see it, and I know there’s darkness too, but it’s in there. You’re a good man, Ben.”

His resolve was crumbing quickly, tears pooling in his eyes. “I’m not. I’m weak. I can’t do this anymore.”

“You’re not,” she whispered. “You’re not weak at all. You are the strongest person I know. You killed Snoke, remember? You saved yourself.” Rey was waiting for him to refute it, but he didn’t, so she pulled him into her arms. “You don’t have to decide right now,” she said as he clung to her. “But I need to know within a day from now. I’m not going back to the Resistance. I can’t sit back and watch them use their resources on solely trying to snuff you out.”

“You can’t?” he asked, pulling away just slightly.

“I don’t know. Whether or not it makes me a traitor or not, I don’t know, but I just can’t go back, not yet.” She ran a hand over his hair and smiled. “No big deal. We’ll figure it out together.”

“Together,” Ben repeated. “I like it.”

***

They didn’t get into politics discussion right away. They didn’t even stay on Xa Fel for more than a few hours and were shuttled privately onto a dreadnought, Ben’s troopers in a ship behind him. Rey hadn’t wanted to come with him, the last time she was on a First Order ship still fresh in her mind, but Ben had insisted.

The ship was smaller than the Supremacy had been, but not by much. According to Ben, who had taken to spouting certain facts about the ship to distract himself from the anxiety of taking her on board, it held over a million people, not including outside personnel, and Ben was the sole commander of every single one.

People were scared of him, made apparent by the scurrying of everyone on duty the moment he exited the shuttle, but they also respected him. He was held in high regard by all the stormtroopers, so much so that even if Rey didn’t brush over a few of their minds, the outward signs were still there.

Ben was the best leader the stormtroopers ever had, only because they’d given them rights. They were treated like human beings now, not robots. They had benefits, a living wage, and even a choice to leave if they so desired after their contract was up. The lower level loved him more than anything.

And that, ironically, was the reason the higher-ups absolutely loathed him. Weak, one lieutenant thought as they passed him. Pathetic bastard, thought another. It was almost funny how much giving basic human rights to people ticked the top 1% off.

“I know,” Ben said as they walked. “I know they hate me.”

“Stop going through my head, Ben.”

“Stop thinking so loudly and I will.”

Rey smiled, but it immediately dropped when they stopped in front of a door. In reality, she shouldn’t have been so afraid of his room. They already had sex many times at this point, but that had been in Rey’s quarters through their Bond. This was real life, and they were alone for the very first time since Crait.

Ben dropped his cloak the moment his door closed behind him and draped it over a chair as Rey surveyed the room. It was black and sleek, everything you’d imagine a Dark Sider’s room to be, but it held nothing personal. She wouldn’t imagine he would. “Make yourself at home. Are you hungry? I can get some food.” She could hear the nervousness radiating off his voice.

Well, if they were going to do this, they might as well do it now. “Yes, actually, but I think that can wait.” Rey stood up and wrapped her arms around his neck. “It’s been a while, hasn’t it? I think we need to catch up.”

“Really?” he asked, a smirk on his lips as his eyes lowered to her chest. “Has it?”

She pulled away then and started undoing the wraps on her arms. Ben watched intently as one set fell to the floor and she began working on the other. The moment the other dropped, Rey moved her focus to her shirt, slipping it over her shoulders easily.

It wasn’t the first time he’d watched her do this, but for the first time it finally felt real. They weren’t an entire galaxy apart now, brought together through the Force. They weren’t at risk of disconnecting at any time. Right now, it was just them and them alone.

With each of them stripped completely bare, they made their way to the bed, and when he slipped inside her, Rey completely forgot why she came in the first place.

***

“No, absolutely not. This is absolutely absurd. Supreme Leader, tell the scavenger she’s delusional.” Hux’s face was almost as red as his hair, a fact Rey would laugh at if the man wasn’t the largest obstacle in getting Rey’s treaty passed.

To his credit, Ben managed to remain composed, even if his hands were curled into fists at his sides. “That’s enough, General. I’ve made up my mind. I think it’s time to put the war at an end, and you can either get your opinion heard or you can walk out of this door with that stick permanently up your ass. Your choice.”

Hux’s eyes flickered between Ben and Rey, who sat with a smirk on her face that she didn’t even bother to hide. Rey fully expected him to sit down begrudgingly and protest every single action they agreed upon, but Hux merely sneered and walked straight out of the room. “You’re making a mistake. You’ll regret ever bringing that sand heathen onto Starkiller in the first place.”

When the door slammed shut, Ben turned back to Rey. “He’ll be back. For now, let’s focus on the task at hand. Peace treaties. Mitaka?”

Rey had completely forgotten the man had slunk into the shadows while they were talking with Hux, but he was standing at attention for Ben. “Do you have the requested channel open for contact to Leia Organa of the Resistance?”

“Yes, Supreme Leader. Fully encrypted and ready to go whenever you’re ready for it.”

Ben nodded and opened the folder that was set in front of him on the conference table. “Let’s get to it then. First thing’s first, Poe Dameron is banned from ever piloting again.”

***

Coming to an agreement was a lot easier than Rey had earlier anticipated. Compromises were made, not everyone was completely happy, but in the end it ended decades of war, and that was all that mattered.

Ben was to retire as Supreme Leader, and The First Order was to be almost completely disbanded. In return, the Resistance would also disband, and the surviving New Republic members would work closely with Ben’s forces to settle disputes. They’d meet further to discuss integration of laws and how to deal with the imbalance between the two parties to form a government that would satisfy both of them. It wasn’t everything, but it was a start.

Rey wasn’t the only negotiator for the Resistance, obviously not adept in politics, so none other than Leia Organa herself was projected into the conference room. It didn’t even occur to Rey that it was the first time the woman had seen her son for nearly ten years until she mentioned him growing into his ears. That had earned her quite a scowl.

In total, it took around two days for them to come to a loose agreement. No, Poe wasn’t banned from flying, and no, Ben wasn’t going to cut off his hair on camera, but it was something, and for that Rey was grateful. By then end of the second day, Leia announced that they were to meet in person, despite Ben’s many objections.

“Enough, kid,” she’d said. “ I haven’t seensince you were a teenager. You’re not avoiding me forever, and I want this treaty signed in person. Hell, throw a party if you feel like it. I don’t care.”

And that’s what they did. Rey spent three more days on the dreadnought in Ben’s chambers while he attended to figure out several complications that the treaty placed on the ship, and before she knew it, they were being flown out to the near halfway point between Coruscant and Xa Fel: Aaeton.

“They’re going to hate me,” she whispered, more to herself than Ben, but he answered her, anyway.

“No, they won’t. Not as much as me, anyway. The Resistance loves you, Rey.”

She shook her head. “Not anymore. I’m a traitor now. I left them, and now they’ll never forgive me for it.”

“Screw them then,” he said, squeezing her hand. “Doesn’t matter. You did what you thought was best, and if they can’t respect that, then they don’t deserve your friendship.”

Ben was right, she knew he was, but the thoughts of leaving so abruptly still nagged at the back of her head. Rey knew Leia wasn’t too disappointed in her, but Finn was surely upset, Rose as well. Poe was guaranteed to loathe her at this point, and so was the rest of the Resistance. If there was anything they hated more than The First Order, it was traitors.

Even so, Rey held her head high, even when she was met by the steely glares of her old comrades. Leia, however, was more than ecstatic for her return, going as far as to throw her arms around her shoulders. With Ben she had more restraint and just looked at him with what seemed like nothing other than pride.

Ben looked more affected than she’d ever seen him, barely keeping it together for the numerous branches of military that stood by for them. They spoke softly together, only of politics, but Rey could sense the underlying emotion there, communicated only via the bond between mother and son.

The treaty was signed quickly on camera, broadcasted to the entire galaxy as the Dark and Light did something that generations before them could not: Find balance. When the paper was signed by both parties, Ben looked at his mother and nodded, the slightest smile on his face. Leia did the same in response.

***

The party was… something. Rey had only ever been to three birthday parties in her entire life, and they were all small things that the Resistance threw together. She had, however, never been to a party of this scale, especially not a ball.

Things had been a blur after the treaty was signed. Everything afterward had been a rush of diplomatic pursuits and cameras. Rey was never sure on which side she would stand on, but she found herself gravitating toward Ben more often than not, unable to stand the glares from her former Resistance comrades.

It would surely be a story on the HoloNet. “Jedi and Jedi Killer caught together at party? An affair in the making?” They wouldn’t be wrong, even if they did paint the story in quite an unflattering light. The seductress they painted her as, the one who brought the Supreme Leader to her knees before her, wasn’t anything close to accurate. Their relationship was strange, confusing for everyone involved, and wasn’t some romantic sexcapade. It hurt somehow, and Rey had no doubt it would stop hurting any time soon.

Eventually, Rey found herself hovering near the snack table, trying to calm her nerves with a strange bread and cheese spread while Ben focused on navigating his interactions with all the other guests. It was there that she came face to face with Finn for the first time in what seemed like months

“You look like you’re enjoying yourself,” he said, not meeting her eyes.

Rey really didn’t know how to respond and just settled with sipping on a fizzing drink. It was quite possibly sarcasm, but she really wasn’t in the mood for it, so she just stood there and waited for him to leave.

Except he didn’t.

“Leia told me why you left.” He paused. “I’m not sure I agree with it, but you got us to where we need to be, even if you worked with The First Order to do it, and I respect that. I just… wish you would’ve told me first, you know? I was so worried about you.” Rey opened her mouth to speak, but he held up a hand. “I know, I know, I’m not your keeper, but you’re like my sister, and I get worried sometimes. Especially when you’re running off with some bad boy evil douchebag to negotiate a peace treaty.”

Finn had a point. Leaving was abrupt, but she had to do it. “I’m sorry, Finn. I didn’t mean to worry you, and I’m sorry for avoiding you so much. These last few days have been so complicated, and I’m caught up in the middle of two sides of a thirty-year feud. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s already forgiven. No big deal now. You’re here now, and that’s all that matters. After this whole mess, we can go back to how things were, you know?”

Finn looked so hopeful, happy for once, that Rey hated to break the news to him, but it was better now than later. “I’m not coming back with you.” At his bewildered look, she went on. “I’ve decided I need to stay with Ben.”

“Ben? You mean Kylo Ren, the traitor?”

“He’s not like that, Finn. He’s got some issues, he’s done bad things, but we all have. Just remember that he ultimately made the decision to end this entire thing.”

“That was not Kylo Ren,” Finn hissed. “He did this because he had a target on his back and didn’t want to get his ass killed. Don’t mistake his motivations for him caring about you, about anyone. He’s a monster, and he’ll never be anything but a monster.”

“Finn—” Rey cut herself off when she spotted a flash of black out of the corner of her eye. Her head thrummed then, but it wasn’t her own emotions she was feeling. It could only be… “I have to go.”

“Rey, wait, I’m sorry!”

***

“You really shouldn’t eavesdrop,” Rey said when she found Ben slumped against the wall of a hallway. He hadn’t done much to dress up for the party, wearing only a nicer version of his regular attire. She’d really never paid close attention to his clothes, honestly, preferring it to be on the floor much more than on his body.

Ben didn’t answer her and just continued looking down at the floor. It was a strange site to see him in such a vulnerable position, emotions almost completely open for her mind to see. “I’m sorry Finn’s being a jerk. He’s really a nice guy if you get to know him. Just give him some time and—”

“I don’t care that he doesn’t like me,” Ben snapped. “What the traitor thinks of me doesn’t matter.”

Rey just stared at him then, eyeing the fists at his side. “Then what is it?”

“I…” He sighed. “I am a monster. Finns knows it, my mother knows it, everyone here knows it, the galaxy knows it, you know it, I know it. It’s plain and simple at this point.” Rey opened her mouth to respond, but he gave a quick shake of his head, and that was enough to silence her. “Don’t try and change my mind. Don’t lie to yourself.”

She didn’t. “Ben…”

“I love you, Rey. I love you more than I’ve ever loved anything in this galaxy.” He was silent for a long moment before straightening up.

“Ben,” she said again, looking up at him, “what are you doing?”

Rey could faintly see the tear tracks on his face in this position, just before he turned away. “That’s why I’m going to need some time to think about this.”

“Ben, don’t—” She said it because she knew, she knew. It was only a matter of time before this happened, before time caught up with them and it all became too much, but this was so soon. It wasn’t time yet, she wasn’t ready to leave him.

“There’s a lot riding on this, Rey. You know I care about you, but I can’t drag you into my life like this. You’re too good for that.”

Rey reached out a hand and pressed it to his shoulder, watching as her turned toward her to meet her eyes once more. “Don’t do this, Ben.”

“Let the past die,” he said, a strange echo of what the words once were. Then they were asking, pleading, with her to stay. Now it was an unspoken goodbye, an end to what could have been. An end to the future that Rey always imagined she could have. “Kill it if you have to.”

Her lip was quivering when he left. There was no last glance, no goodbye kiss. He was just there, and then he wasn’t. He was there, and then he left, just like every other person in her life.

“You’re not alone,” Ben had once said. It was funny that she once believed him.

***

“Rey, there you are! Wait, are you okay?”

Who was that? Was that Rose, Jessika maybe? Leia?

“What’s wrong with her? Rey, you okay?”

“She’s probably sick from sucking Kylo Ren’s cock.”

“Poe, I will kick your ass. Get out of here.”

Damn it, she couldn’t breathe. Why couldn’t she breathe? Why was this happening? Damn it, damn it, damn it. Stupid Ben and his stupid pride. Why couldn’t he understand how much he meant to her? Why couldn’t he have stayed, put his own selfishness behind him for once?

“Rey, look at me.” Finn. She knew that voice, would know it in her sleep. All those days in the mess hall, those easy conversations and smiles. Finn was her friend, even if he hated Ben. She wasn’t too hot about him now either. “Rey, please.”

Rey could make out his face now, everything suddenly becoming clear as day. The lights of the party were blinding, and her dress suddenly constricted her breathing beyond what she could bear. Finn, Rose, Poe, and General Organa stood in front of her, too close for comfort. She wished she could just slink away unnoticed and find her way back to her room alone.

Alone. It was a strange thing she’d have to get used to it now.

“What happened, Rey?” Rose asked, setting her hand on Rey’s shoulder. “Is everything okay? Did Kylo Ren do something to you? I’ll kill him if you want me to.”

There was no doubt in her mind that Rose would do it somehow. “No. No, I just… want to leave. Where did he go?”

Rose pointed across the room to where Rey could see Ben making his way through the crowd. They parted easily for him, seeming to understand the death glare, but there were still the one or two women deciding to take their chances and try to hang off him, a rookie mistake.

Rey wished she could go to him and stop him from leaving, not because she wanted him to stay but because she was absolutely livid. He could have at least waited until the end of a high-profile party to break up with her, but it wasn’t like Supreme Leader Kylo Ren was known to be the most chivalrous man. She should’ve known this all too well.

“I hope he trips on that stupid cloak in front of everyone and those cameras.” She said it only for the fact that she knew he could probably hear her through the bond, but Poe’s satisfied snort beside her made her skin crawl.

Leia sat a hand on her arm and nudged her to walk with her, and Rey did so willingly. “What happened, Rey? You were so happy today. What did my idiot son say?”

Leia knew Ben too well. They were so much alike, more than Ben would ever consciously admit. Rey saw the same fire in Leia’s eyes that were in Ben’s. They had the same spunk, same temper, and the same death glare that made people crumble at their feet, not to mention great hair. It was an uncanny resemblance, and that somehow made speaking to her so much harder.

“H-He left me,” Rey said, willing herself not to break down right there. She was already attracting a few stares, and crying wouldn’t make that any better. “I’m sorry, General. I would really just like to leave.”

Rey waited for her to say no, tell her that she couldn’t just abandon her place when things got hard, but Leia merely nodded and pulled her into an embrace. “Don’t be too hard on Ben. He’ll come around, especially for you.”

Rey just nodded and began walking fairly aimlessly, only trying to find her way out of the crowded ballroom. She could feel they eyes on her back as she found her way out to the gardens, but the fresh air gave her what she needed to ignore them. Finally, finally, Rey could breathe. Even in the darkness, the universe seemed brighter somehow, more awake than ever.

It was easy to imagine everything being alright the further she wandered into the garden. The air was cool, a slight wind whipping her hair over her shoulder, and it was only then that Rey could try to forget the last ten minutes. If she closed her eyes, she could imagine Ben there, his body pressed against her while he leaned down to press his lips softly against her neck.

Something did press into her neck, though, but it wasn’t soft, and the stars were the last thing Rey saw before she hit the ground.

***

“Lovely, you’re awake. For someone who allegedly killed Snoke, you were quite easy to take out, I’ll have you know.”

Rey had never spoken more than a few words to Armitage Hux in the brief time she knew him, nor did she wish to. One would imagine he’d be a forgettable man, ginger and tall with a naturally unsettling aura about him, but there was just something there the just stuck with you. It was hard to imagine him having the order to execute billions of people, but the longer Rey was around him, the easier it was to believe it.

“I know you’re awake, scavenger. You’re not fooling anyone.”

Rey opened her eyes then to the blinding light of a grey cell and was met with the smirking figure of Hux, standing over her like she was some kind of vermin. “What do you want? You lost this war, remember? You’ve lost, you’re done. Get over it.”

He laughed, a noise that made her stomach recoil. “Done? Darling, I haven’t even started. I once said that I would see the end of the Republic, and I meant it.”

“I’m not the Republic,” Rey snapped. People had always assumed so much about her. They assumed she was the savior of the Light, a means to an end of the Dark, but she was never anything close to it. Rey was not the Resistance’s token Jedi for them to toss around. It was like trading one form of captivity for another.

“They don’t seem to share the same ideal. They own you, and you know it.” Rey squirmed as Hux leaned close, that sickening sneer still on his face. “I may not have the ‘Force magic’ like Ren, but I can absolutely promise that any method of torture involving my forces will bring an end to whatever charade you’re hiding behind.”

Rey jerked forward and growled. “When I get out of here, I’m going to end you, and I’m not showing any kind of mercy. I will tear you limb from limb if I have to.”

Another laugh. “Good luck, scavenger. I’m not making the same mistake Ren did when he brought you here. He underestimated your power. Snoke underestimated your power. I will not do the same.” He glanced down at her restraints then back at her eyes. “Hope you enjoy your captivity, scum. Your execution is scheduled in three days time.”

Hux left without another word, shutting the light off behind him and leaving Rey in utter darkness. Alone.

***

Time passed.

Rey wasn’t sure how long exactly, only that the seconds ticked by painstakingly slow. Hux didn’t come back in, only droids on occasion to give her nutrients by needle and sometimes drugs that would knock her out for hours on end. She wasn’t exactly sure what happened during the time she was out, only that her body always ached even more than it did when she fell asleep.

Rey felt very little emotionally. Her body was in constant pain, yes, but her mind was spent feeling numb and empty, more so than usual. Maybe it was a combination of the drugs and the darkness, maybe it was just her own mind shutting down. None of it matter, anyway.

Beyond that, there was never much of the torture Hux had been talking about, but Rey didn’t suspect for a moment he hadn’t gotten what he wanted. Knowing him, as little as she did, he’d probably sent the Resistance into a panic at this point, claiming that Rey had completely given up information. That was the best tool to keep them in line: Fear.

And so, Rey was alone, and she had a feeling she’d be until the very end. That is, until there was a very familiar thrum within the Force, a feeling she hadn’t experienced in what felt like weeks.

“Rey! Rey, are you okay? What happened? Do you know where you are?” Ben’s voice was frantic, a stark contrast between the air of calm it usually had. It made Rey’s blood boil.

“What, like you care?” She snapped her head toward his voice, the room still too dark to make out even the faintest outline of a person. Maybe it was better that way. Seeing his face would just make everything so much worse.

“Rey, don’t say that,” he said shakily. “I’ve never not cared. I’ve never cared about anyone more than you. I haven’t slept since you disappeared. I’m so damn worried about you. I’ve talked to as many people as I could to find out where you are, but I’ve gotten nowhere. I don’t know what else to do.”

Rey almost laughed. “You’re worrying now? Funny, you didn’t seem to be when you left me just minutes before. Go away, Ben. I can see through your act. You never loved me, and you never will. I’m not playing your games anymore. Go back to whatever Sith hovel you’re currently moping in, and leave me the hell alone.”

Ben was silent for a long moment, so long that Rey almost wondered if the bond had disconnected, but then she heard a gasp. And another. And another. It took longer than it should have for her to realize he was crying.

“Ben?”

“I’m sorry, Rey,” he choked out. “I thought leaving you would be for the best. I thought I was doing the right thing for you. I still think it. Nothing good can happen to you when I’m around, but I’m a selfish man, and I miss you. I miss you so much. Please forgive me, Rey. Please tell me where you are.”

Tears filled her eyes for the first time since her capture. “I don’t know. All I know is Hux is planning something. I don’t know where I am or how to get out. I haven’t left this room as far as I know, and it’s completely dark. I can’t even see you.”

Ben gave her a pitiful laugh. “Probably for the best. Can I touch you?”

“Please.”

It took a moment, but she could feel the faintest touch of his fingertips on her arm. “You need medical care.”

Rey didn’t doubt that. Usually she tried to avoid going to the Medbay as much as possible at the Resistance, but she couldn’t deny the fact that the moment she got out of here there would be an immediate visit there. “You don’t need to talk about that. Just… touch me, Ben.”

He did, slowly but surely. It was the first soft thing Rey had felt in days, and it was enough to keep her going for days more. “I’m going to find you,” Ben said against her lips, just as the connection was dissipating. “I’m going to find you, and we’re going to get out of here, leave everyone and make our own life together. I promise you that.”

And then he was gone, but Rey was suddenly feeling less alone than ever.

***

The day of Rey’s execution took her by surprise.

She was sleeping one moment, as much as she could at least, the next the lights were flickered on and two masked stormtroopers were there to escort her out. Rey could barely stand, let alone walk, so she was practically dragged out of her cell.

Hux had somehow acquired enough loyalists to follow him in order to fulfill the original First Order dichotomy and gotten enough resources to pose a legitimate threat within days of him leaving. The man was determined, she’d give him that.

The stormtroopers escorted her out into a large hall with windows where several other lines waited, also in full uniform, Hux seemingly not abiding by Ben’s new policy. Then again, none of this was Ben’s. Hux’s version of The First Order was not his, and it never would be.

They were on a ship then, somewhere in space. That would be much harder for Ben to find, even if they could track through lightspeed. The ship was surely smaller than a dreadnought, small enough that it had momentarily escaped Ben’s notice, but there were enough stormtroopers crowded into the hall that she knew it was large enough to cause serious damage.

“Look at that, the rebel scum has finally arrived. Took you long enough.”

Rey just stared at Hux, not giving him the satisfaction of seeing her react. Instead, she just focused on her surroundings, tried to channel what little of the Force she could—Light side and Dark—through the suppressing cuffs. Ben was there, just the slightest speck of him in her head, but he was still there.

“Look at me when I’m talking to you, you disgusting rat.”

Rey’s eyes flickered up to Hux’s, who still had that look in his eyes. Maybe it was meant to be nothing, but this was the face of a murderer. This was the face of the man who killed billions just because he felt like it. “Execute me if you want, Armitage, but everyone in this room knows who you really are: Nothing. Maybe killing me will give you a momentary sense of satisfaction, maybe it will just fuel your rage even further, but you… you will always be nothing. In the end, I’ll be dead with pride, and you’re going to be a disgusting lowlife with the respect of absolutely no one in this room.”

There it was, the lowest blow that he could ever conceive. “Kill her,” he ordered, face flushed with anger. The comment did affect him. If angering Hux was her last action, so be it. She could die with his humiliation in mind.

A stormtrooper came up, blaster in tow. Hux watched fondly as they pressed the blaster to her temple. Rey didn’t look away, staring straight into the unfeeling black eye holes of the mask. So this was going to be the last thing she saw then? Well, fine. So be it. Let her die not a Jedi, not a Light Sider but not a Dark Sider, not a rebel, not a traitor, not a hero. Let her die as Rey, as someone yet nobody at all.

You’re not nobody, a voice screamed at her, one that was not her own.

“Why aren’t you firing, you bloody idiot? Give me that blaster. I’ll do it myself.”

Not a second later, the blaster raised from Rey’s head to Hux’s, and the mask of the stormtrooper fell to the ground. “Miss me?”

Rey wasn’t exactly sure whether it was the drugs or not, but all she knew was that Ben Solo was standing in front of her in almost full stormtrooper get-up. In another time, maybe she would’ve mentioned how ridiculously attractive it was on him, but it was hard when there a standoff happening, and she was in the middle of it.

Hux was absolutely fuming, hands curled into fists and face almost as red as his hair. “Kill him! Get this bastard off my ship!”

Ben laughed and gestured to the stormtroopers surrounding them. “You think they’re going to listen to you. You’re not a stupid man, Hux, but you should’ve realized earlier that the more you treat a particular group of people like animals, the less loyal they are to you.”

“You know nothing,” he spat back. “These are my troops. They are loyal to me and me alone.”

“Really? Then why are they not firing?” Ben dropped his blaster and held up both his hands. “Go ahead. Order them to shoot me. Order them right now, all of them.” Hux glanced over to the stormtroopers, then back to Ben. “Just as I thought. You look down upon your troops, and now they turn against you when it really matters.”

“You…” Hux didn’t dare go on. Instead, he just took a step back and shook his head. “You can’t give these people what they want, Ren. They will be your downfall. They’re nothing, and you’re nothing, and that rebel scum is nothing too.”

Ben looked around at the troopers, a hint of a smile on his face. “Did you hear that? You’re nothing. Take off your helmets and show him how ‘nothing’ you are then.”

Helmets fell to the ground, slowly at first and then faster than any human could count, until every trooper was unmasked and staring unrelentingly at Hux. Among the crowd, behind Ben, were the stormtroopers from Xa Fel: Ruana, Naya, Rail, Caldun, and Montari. “These are the people you so adamantly loathe, Hux. Take a good look because these are also the people who’ve led to your downfall.”

***

Rey really had suspected more of a fight from Hux, but there was very little, more of an acceptance as he was cuffed and led away. It was still up in the air what they would to him, but for now he was to be kept in a maximum security prison on a planet in the Outer Rim.

As for Rey herself, it was all kind of a blur after Hux was apprehended. She’d passed out pretty hard on the flight home and was immediately taken into a Medcenter once they arrived in Coruscant where the former Resistance had made their home. She was in and out of consciousness for quite a while, the days passing by quickly. By day four, she was finally conscious enough to hold a conversation with more than a few exchanges.

Ben was the first Rey spoke to. He hadn’t left her side since he got her back, spending his days and night in a chair next to her bed while she recovered. By the time Rey got a good look at him, he was half-asleep with a stubble on his chin. “Hey, Supreme Leader,” she said, and he immediately jolted awake.

“Rey, you’re awake.” Ben immediately moved off the chair and slunk to his knees. “I am so, so sorry for leaving you, Rey. I—”

“Get up here and kiss me, you nerd.”

“What?”

She reached over and tugged on a lock of his hair. “I know you were being stupid, and I also know you’re sorry. You’ve already apologized. There’s no need to agonize about it further, so get your ass up here and kiss me like I got kidnapped a week ago and thought I was going to die.”

He laughed, stood up, and did exactly what she asked.

***

“Wait, so let me get this straight. You and Kylo have this weird Force thing where you both can talk through it, and somehow you and him fell in love, and now you both are leaving to settle down and have weird Force sex?”

“You got about half of that right. I’ll take it.” Rey took another sip of her caf and sat it back down in front of her on the table as Finn stared at her completely dumbstruck. “Please stop looking at me like that. I’m not completely insane, Finn. I know what I’m doing. After the war, after everything, I just want to kick back, you know? I want a family, a life.”

His eyes grew wide. “Wait, so you’re actually going to make babies with that guy?”

“Finn, who I make babies with is none of your business. I’m just telling you this because you’re my friend, and I want you to know before anyone else, okay? You can get in touch with me anytime.”

“Isn’t this kinda sudden, though? I mean, you barely know the guy, and now you’re talking about marrying him and having a family with him. Isn’t it kinda soon?”

Rey smiled. “There’s no time like the present. I’ve gotta go now. Lots of planning still to do. Promise not to hate me forever and ever?”

Finn stared at her for a long moment before shrugging. “He’s not a totally evil douchebag, I guess. If you’re happy, then I’m happy, but if he’s ever awful to you, let me know and I’ll destroy him with my expert lightsaber skills. But if everything all and good, you have to make me the Best Man at your wedding.”

She flicked his forehead as she stood. “Love you too, Finn.” With that, Rey left the break room and ran straight into none other than Ben Solo. “Were you eavesdropping? That’s undignified for a prince, you know.”

Ben rolled his eyes and pressed a kiss to her cheek. “I was just listening in. Two very different things obviously. Glad it went well, though. Not sure I could take more of your moping.”

“I do not mope.”

“It’s moping.”

She pinched the back of his thigh, ignoring his small yelp of protest. “Come on, Ben. We’ve got a busy day. We’re leaving tomorrow, remember? We still have to tell your mother. Hopefully she’s not gonna ask for an invitation to the wedding.”

“That’s gonna be hard considering it already happened.”

“Minor details. We’ll deal with that later. For now, we lie through our teeth and pretend we didn’t get married in secret.”

“You what?”

Ben and Rey stopped in their tracks, whirling around to come face-to-face with none other than Leia Organa. “Oh, shit.”

The woman hummed. “‘Oh, shit’ is correct. But please, carry on planning whatever romantic getaway you haven’t told me about. Just know that I expect two grandchildren at least. And pray that they’re girls for the sake of the galaxy.”

Rey glanced at Ben, who seemed rather amused at this turn of events. “Trust me, we are too.”

Leia walked off without another word, and Ben wrapped his arm around Rey’s shoulder. “Well, would you look at that. We’re home free. All we have to do now is survive each other.”

“Somehow I think that’s going to be the hardest part,” she said, squeezing his hip. “But we’re gonna get through it. We always do.”

“Together?”

“Together.”

Ben leaned down and kissed her then, just like he’d done what felt like a million times before. Things had never been easy, never been straightforward or happy for them, but suddenly it looked like things would get better, and from that point forward, Rey was sure she’d never be alone again.