Chapter Text
Local High School Student In Critical Condition After Car Crash.
Evan’s hands shook as he gripped his phone. The headline glared at him.
It was an accident, Zoe said.
He was intoxicated, Mrs. Kleinman said.
It’s not your fault, his mom said.
Looking at the comatose boy in front of him, he wasn’t convinced. All year and he had finally been convinced that what happened to Connor wasn’t his fault. He didn’t know him, not that he’d own up to that. He tried his best, but this… was less convincing. This could have been avoided. Unlike his… and Jared’s carefully crafted story, this Final Message was meant for him.
He thought back to the previous day, week, month. He should’ve seen it coming. He should’ve noticed the signs. Why hadn’t he noticed the signs?
Jared had been more involved with him this year. He was around him more. He was friendlier. He was trying. Until… Zoe. Until Zoe was his. Until he didn’t need more emails. Until Evan became Evan. Became Evan Hansen, Connor Murphy’s Best Friend.
He hunched over, shaking as sobs overtook his body. His phone was still clutched in his hand. Why hadn’t he responded sooner? He reached over, hesitantly, and grabbed Jared’s hand. It was warm, clammy, and everything that a human furnace should be. Except awake, alive, and smiling. Except calling him ‘Hansen’. Except prodding at Evan’s ticks. Except making fun of his “ Fucking shoes. ”
He wasn’t Jared . Evan wanted Jared . Evan squeezed the smaller boy’s hand and finally look up at his face. His eyes were shut and his left cheek was a swollen black and blue. He had stitches from the corner of his mouth to his the bottom of his cheek bone. If he had been awake, he without a doubt would’ve made a Joker reference. His neck was in a brace. Evan couldn’t remember what the doctors had said about his spine. Couldn’t remember the extent of his internal injuries. He knew Jared had flatlined— twice. He knew a blood transfusion was needed. He knew Jared could die.
One nurse had made a slip up and said would die.
That thought had haunted him ever since. Jared couldn’t die, not yet. If anyone, Jared was the last one Evan thought would die. He was too… Jared . He was too full of life— loud and proud. Jared was the kind of guy to dance through the halls, loudly proclaiming what a “how piece of ass Heath Ledger was,” disregarding Evan’s deep blush and mutterings for him to stop and be quiet. Now, though, Evan didn’t want that. He wanted to hear the loud and proud.
Jared’s face was peaceful. His eyes were closed
delicately and his mouth was resting and lacked any quirk of the lips. Evan released his hand and brushed his fingers lightly over the smile lines around his eyes. Evan couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen Jared smile. Not the sarcastic smile or grimace he’d thrown Evan yesterday, coupled with a cold laugh. No, Evan couldn’t remember the last time he had seen a smile reach Jared’s eyes, the gap in his front teeth on full display. He couldn’t remember the last time he heard the loud, goofy, contagious laugh that Jared had always been self conscious of but that Evan found to be one of the most beautiful sounds he’d ever heard.
Would Evan ever hear that laugh again?
His phone buzzed. It was Zoe.
— Evan
Have you seen the website? Someone posted
Connor’s letter. Mom & dad are freaked. Pls come fast!
Evan took a deep breath. He’d been expecting
this text. He looked back over at Jared’s unmoving form and felt another sob rise in his throat. Biting back the tears, he reached his hand out one more time and squeezed. Jared let out a deep sigh, but remained still. Nodding, Evan let go. Reaching the door, he gave Jared one final once over. His heart wrenched. Zipping his hoodie, he shoved his hands into his pockets and looked to the floor. He shut the door behind him. He’d be back.