Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The weekly Dead Poets Society meeting was coming to an end and the weather was getting worse. They had decided to ignore the angry clouds, mostly because of charlie, and they went to the woods to live deliberately.
Neil was getting nervous, he had never liked thunderstorms and he hated being wet. Of course he hadn’t told the other poets, none except for todd. Todd, the one person that Neil trusted with that sort of thing. Todd saw the distress on Neil’s face and tried to give him a look saying it’s okay, but the other boy wouldn’t meet his eye.
When the thunder finally started, Neil knew he wouldn’t leave the safe of the cave. Even though there was a huge hole in the roof of the cave, letting the rain in, and preventing any sort of fire, he felt safer than surrounded by trees, the worst place to be during storms. When the other poets started towards the mouth of the cave, Neil remained seated. ’’you guys go ahead, i think i’ll wait this one out,’ he said, with a slight smirk as to let the other guys believe that he really just didn’t want to ruin his hair. When the poets had left the cave, Neil was looking down at his hands, not noticing that Todd hadn’t left.
’’h-hey, Neil?’’
Neil was startled but soon he started to laugh. Stuck in a cave with the one and only Todd Anderson, he thought. His tiredness made him think this situation was hilarious.
Todd joined in and soon they were gasping for air. Why had they ever let Charlie convince them to go to the meeting?

After a long time in the cave, watching the rain fall down and listening to thunder, Neil pretending not to be scared, Todd started to talk.
’’d- do you- do you want to like, hug, or something? you know, t-to keep warm,’’
Neil was surprised and amused by the look on todd’s face. His hair had started to curl from the rain and Neil thought he couldn’t look more adorable.
’’yeah, let’s hug,’’ he said, smiling.
They were lost in each others touch and almost didn't notice that the thunder and lightning had stopped. It was Neil who suddenly snapped back to reality and let Todd know that it was finally over. Though they were sad to let go of each other, they had to hurry back to school. It was almost 5 am and the sun had already started to rise, early like it did in the spring. The teachers would start roaming the halls in a few hours, knocking on doors and waking everyone up, ignoring the fact that it was now the weekend.
Neil and Todd, both tired and happy, walked out of the cave and through the woods. The sun gave the forest a beautiful light and Neil was walking a few steps behind Todd. Neil observed the boy with the blond hair, turning gold in the sun, and realized something. damn. i’m in love with this boy. shit.
’’hey, Neil! look at the sun! it’s so beautiful.’’
Neil caught up to Todd and there they stood, watching the sunrise together, Neil falling in love with todd more every second.
Neil turned to Todd, ’’yeah. it really is beautiful’’ almost too quiet for the other boy to hear. Todd, hearing him, turned to Neil and they watched each other for a few moments, shutting out the rest of the world.

Todd grabbed Neil’s hand, he didn’t know why, but he thought it felt appropriate.
His eyes are so beautiful in the sun, golden brown and filled with passion, for acting, for his friends, for Todd he hoped. When Todd was in Neil’s arms, he felt calm for the first time in his life. He felt like he mattered, that he deserved attention, no matter what his parents made him believe for so many years. In that moment, holding Neil’s hand, he felt at home. The illusion that he would never be good enough shattering. He was in love, he realized. shit. ..well, it could be worse he thought, smiling a little to himself. in love with Neil Perry.. that sure is something.

They walked hand in hand through the woods back to the school, letting go only when it came to opening the heavy doors to the school. Todd thought he should write a poem about this night, but then he thought that words could never do it justice. The way they both knew what the other was feeling, it felt like something that only ever happened in the books Todd liked to read in his free time. Most of them romance, he was a sucker for love.

Chapter Text

When Neil woke up the morning after the storm, he saw that it was already 9:30 and breakfast would be over in 30 minutes. Todd was still asleep and Neil didn’t want to wake him up, he looked so peaceful, something he rarely saw in Todd.
He quickly made his way down to the dining hall and walked over to the table where the other poets had gathered to have their breakfast. Pitts and Knox were sitting at the end of the table, a few seats away from Charlie and Meeks.
From the look on Knox’s face, and the uninterested look on Pittsie’s, Neil assumed that they were talking about Chris.
It was a tradition for the poets to have a long breakfast on weekends, only leaving when the teachers told them to. Charlie wore that mischievous smile on his face that he always had and it made him look like he knew exactly when the world was gonna end. Neil sat down and had some toast, not bothering to put butter on it, he never liked it anyway. When the guys wouldn’t stop staring at him, he had to say something, ’’What the hell are you guys staring at?’’
Charlie was obviously the one to answer this question, ’’How was your night? Gay?’’
Neil choked on a piece of toast and looked at Charlie with disgust, how dare he say something like that?
Charlie laughed and said ’’What?! It means happy. Have you ever even read The Great Gatsby?’’ he looked at Meeks who was laughing now too.
’’Oh, I have, let me tell you. And I hope you end up just like Gatsby, you twarp.’’
Charlie looked offended and put his hand to his chest.
’’NEIL! How could you?’’, then dramatically pretended to faint. Meeks looked amused and had the same expression that Neil often had when he looked at Todd. He smiled at this.
’’How about you two? Get any action last night? Cameron is away, I bet you guys took advantage of that.’’
Meeks looked paler than usual and Charlie only smiled. He didn’t know what to make of this but he liked the idea of the two of them together. It made sense somehow.

Neil loved their breakfast tradition but he wanted to get to Todd as soon as possible. He stopped and made some tea for the boy, Todd would miss breakfast anyway and Neil was pretty confident that he had a talent for making tea, a useless talent, but it came in handy when his friends were sick.
Carrying the cinnamon tea up to their room, he realized that he should probably have brought him something to eat instead but now it was already too late. Opening the door to their room, Todd was now awake and reading a book. He looked just as peaceful as he had when he was sleeping, which was new and lovely.
’’Good morning, Toddy. Sleep well?’’ Handing the cup of tea to him, he sat down on the opposite bed, which was Todd’s, because for some reason Todd had been in Neil’s bed. Todd blushed and took a sip of the tea, not saying anything. His eyes widened, ’’Neil! This is the best tea I’ve ever had! Did you put like cocaine in it or something? This is amazing!’’
Neil had no idea Todd loved tea so much.
He got up and leaned against the wall, shaking his head. He couldn’t believe he had the cutest roommate at Welton.
’’What are you reading?’’
’’Oh, just- just a romance novel, I- I like to make fun of them’’
Neil smiled. He knew it was a lie, he had seen him reading the book before looking very interested. Whenever Todd would tell small lies like this, Neil was the first one to see through them.
Before they knew it, Charlie bursts into the room with a boyish grin on his face, throwing confetti and saluting them, not saying anything and then running off. Seconds later, Meeks was in the room apologizing on Charlie’s behalf, ’’Guys, I’m sorry, he’s been doing this to three other couples already, he says he’s ’celebrating love’ or whatever. You guys know him- oh god, I’ll kill him when I catch him’’
Meeks was out the door in a second, leaving Todd blushing and Neil laughing, it was such a Charlie thing to do.

They didn’t find Charlie, Meeks, or Pitts in the dining hall and they assumed that Knox was planning his next move on Chris, his future girlfriend. Todd was rooting for Knox. They walked over to an empty table far away from the rest of the students, Neil leading the way.
’’Todd? You never told me what that book was about.’’
’’I told you, it’s a romance novel.’’
’’Yeah I got that, but what is it about?’’
Todd sighed but Neil wasn’t about to give up and he knew that, so he finally gave in.
’’It’s- it’s about these two b-boys. They fall in love and stuff so yeah, that’s what it’s about.’’
Neil grinned. ’’Huh. Can I borrow it? Sounds gay.’’
Todd loosened up when he realized Neil wouldn’t judge him for his taste in literature. ’’Hah. Yeah, yeah you can borrow it, just let me finish it first.’’ ’’How about we read it together? You looked to be about 100 pages in, I can catch up.’’
’’Neil, you know I- I don’t like reading aloud.’’
’’What if you didn’t have to? I will read it to you, and you can just listen.’’
’’That seems unfair,’’
Neil sat quiet for a few seconds, then looked up at Todd with a smirk on his face. ’’What if you made it up to me somehow?’’
’’And h-how would I do that?’’
’’Oh you’ll come up with something, Toddy’’ he said as he grabbed Todd’s hand under the table. He was surprised when Todd squeezed his hand and didn’t look uncomfortable at all. After all, it did feel very natural, the two of them holding hands. More real than anything he had ever felt before.

That night, Neil stayed up for two hours reading the first 100 pages of the novel. Todd was already asleep, and Neil enjoyed the idea of innocent little Todd, the shy wallflower, reading this romance novel and probably imagining himself as one of the main characters, like we all do when reading books.

On Sunday morning, Neil was exhausted. He hadn’t slept well, that romance novel really made him all mushy inside and he was imagining himself and Todd as the main characters of the story. He did this unintentionally and would have loved to stop, but the idea of wearing Todd’s sweater, kissing Todd, laughing with him, it was all too much. He forced himself to wake up at 8 to have breakfast with the poets, but he was way too tired to deal with Charlie’s bullshit, or Knox’s love life.
’’Todd, can-can you be a darling and bring me some, some breakfast?’’ he started, ’’I was up all night reading that novel,’’ (This wasn’t entirely true, but it wasn't a lie either. He had been reading it last night, but it wasn't the reason for his lack of sleep).
Todd was happy that Neil liked it, and was happy to give something back for the tea yesterday. ’’Sure, Neil, what do you want me to bring you?’’
But Neil was already asleep, with his arm thrown over the side of the bed. Todd couldn’t help but smile at that, he always looked so comfortable.

’’I brought you coffee, toast, and an apple.’’ setting it all down on Neil’s desk, ’’It’s what you usually have, right? I don’t know why y-you bother with drinking coffee, you make the m-most amazing tea I’ve ever had,’’
’’W-wait, is that my sweater?’’
Neil didn’t say anything in response, he only walked up to Todd, gave him a kiss on the cheek as a thanks, and sat down to eat.
’’It smells like you.’’
Todd had no idea how Neil could say those four words with such ease, make it seem so natural.
Then Neil was sitting on his bed, with the romance novel in his hands, waiting for Todd. ’’Come on, Todd, we might as well get started!’’
Todd was lost for words, all he could do was lay down on the bed, with his head in Neil’s lap. He figured that this was appropriate, it’s what they do in the books, right?
Neil started reading, Todd could smell the coffee on his breath and felt Neil’s fingers in his hair. He had no idea how he managed to hold the book and still play with Todd’s hair, but he did it, and he enjoyed every second of it. This was the first time anyone had read to him, and he could see why children found it comforting. Somehow he took in the story better when it was read to him. If he could get Neil to read his textbooks, maybe he could get straight A’s and his parents could stop tormenting him about it.
Neil stopped after 50 pages, an hour had gone by but it felt like minutes. Todd’s eyes were still closed as Neil put the book down and they remained that way for a while, Neil still playing with Todd’s hair. He took one of Neil’s hands in his own and brought it up to his mouth, kissing it one time and then letting go.

Todd was the only one who could make Neil blush. A simple kiss on the hand shouldn't have been a big deal, Charlie was always jokingly kissing his friends hands as a way of greeting, and he had never paid it much attention. Another one of Charlie’s quirks. But Todd doing it took the breath right out of him. He leaned his head against the wall and enjoyed the company.

Chapter Text

Neil had seen Todd struggle with writing poems for class a lot. He was the best writer Neil knew but he didn’t perform well under pressure. When Keating had asked him where his poem was, Todd said he didn't do it. the captain didn’t look very surprised, he probably had a lot of students back in England who hadn’t bothered to turn in their assignments. He was sure that the captain knew that this was not the case, Todd had wanted very much to write that poem, Neil had stayed up and comforted Todd a lot of nights when he didn’t know what to write. Once, in a failed attempt to make him laugh, he had said ’’Write about us! Call it Slut and the Falcon!’’ He instantly regretted it, Todd had started crying. It wasn’t because of what he had said, but just the pressure that school had put on him. Todd was smart, very smart. He just needed some calm and peace. ’’Todd, if you finish this, that’s great. If you don’t, that’s okay too! I’m sure Keating will understand.’’ This had calmed him a little but Neil still made sure to stay up until Todd had fallen asleep.

And then the captain had made Todd improvise a poem in front of class. When Todd had started talking about life and death, Neil felt his jaw dropping. This brave side of him he rarely saw. He saw glimpses of it, like the time Todd had suggested they hug, or when he had kissed Neil’s hand. They weren’t big, but he was proud of him. And now, standing before the class and making up this amazing poem, he couldn’t be more proud. If it wasn't for the public setting, he probably would have kissed Todd. Hell, he even contemplating doing it anyway, screw anyone who would judge them. But he wanted to keep this thing they had between themselves. And Charlie and Meeks he supposed.

When Todd opened his eyes again, the world looked different. The first thing he saw was Neil. His eyes were wide and a soft brown color. The world looked warmer, the sun was shining in though the window and even the dull classroom looked welcoming. He could see the love in Neil’s eyes. He wasn’t going to find some excuse this time, he couldn’t. For the first time, he had found something, someone, that made the world a little less scary, and he was going to take advantage of that.

They both walked a little faster than usual when going to their room. Closing the door, Neil smiled at Todd and took his hand. ’’You were- just- you were so great up there, Todd! I mean that thing about the blanket and th-’’ but before he knew it, he felt Todd’s lips on his own. It was awkward but Todd was so, so gentle. His lips felt as soft as they looked and he tasted of raspberry.
’’Todd Anderson, did you just kiss me?’’
’’I’m so sorry, N-neil I didn’t-’’ but Neil shut him up with another kiss.
This time, it was less awkward. Todd brought his hands up to Neil’s face and that made Neil smile. When it was over, they both started smiling and Neil was shaking his head in disbelief. And when Todd suggested that he read a part of the romance novel, he could cry. He kissed Todd on the forehead and went over to the bed. The rest of the evening was spent reading, Neil kissing Todd in between chapters to encourage him.

Chapter Text

Ever since Neil had gotten the part in a midsummer night’s dream, he had been worrying about it. If his father ever found out he’d send him off to military school immediately. At least, that was what he always threatened Neil with whenever he had done something his father didn’t approve of. He didn’t want to disregard this threat, he was fairly sure that his father would follow through with it. That’s why he did everything in his power to keep it from him. He had asked anyone who might know his father to keep quiet about the fact that he was in a play, and so far it was working. The play was tomorrow night and he was reading his lines for what must have been the 500th time. Todd had been helping him but they weren’t very productive when Todd was with, they were always laughing and jumping around. Todd was great at reading his lines, better than Neil had expected. But still they found the dramatic language of Shakespeare hilarious.

When it was time to go to bed the night before the play, he had trouble falling asleep. It was only 9, the sun was setting and the sky was a deep green. Instead of sleeping, he borrowed a book from Todd’s shelf and started reading, as a distraction. Todd was an avid reader and he had a fairly large collection of books, a lot more than Neil had. Before he knew it, it was four hours later and he had read 200 pages of some sci-fi novel and he had to force himself to stop reading. He went to put down the book but tripped and dropped it on the floor. He turned around and saw that he had woken Todd up. ’’Neil? Why are you still awake? It’s 1am’’ ’’Oh, I couldn’t sleep, you know, the play is tomorrow..’’ ’’He won’t find out about the play.’’ ’’Yeah but what if he does? He’ll send me off to military school, Todd, I can’t go there! Not now’’ ’’What do you mean ’not now’?’’ ’’Todd, you know what I mean, I can’t leave the dead poets society’’ Todd got up and sat beside Neil, putting his head on Neil’s shoulder. ’’Todd, you mean everything to me. If my father finds out, I’ll lose both acting and I will lose you’’ He looked up at Neil who was now crying, ’’I know’’ They fell asleep in each others arms, Neil’s head on Todd’s chest.

When they woke up the next morning, everything from the night before felt like a dream. That way most things that happen late at night when everyone else are asleep feel unreal. ’’Good morning, Puck.’’ Neil got up and kissed Todd softly on the lips, then went over put on some clothes. Todd sat there on the bed blushing looking a bit dazed and confused. ’’Todd, stop looking so damn cute! It kills me’’ he got back into bed with Todd and they stayed like that for an hour, occasionally kissing each other and saying something sickly sweet. They had accidentally become the couple from the first romance novel they had read together. Everything in Neil’s life seemed to be falling into place.

’’…If you pardon we will mend. Else the Puck a liar call. Give me your hands, if we be friends, and Robin shall restore amends.’’ It was over, he delivered his lines flawlessly and he didn’t need to worry about his father finding out. If he were to question him about it, he could simply just deny it. There was no real proof he was there. When the curtains closed for the second time, it was several minutes before the applause died down. His heart was beating too fast and his cheeks hurt from smiling. He was absolutely ecstatic and now he was sure that this is what he wants to do with his life. ’’Neil, your friends are here to see you, they're waiting in the storage room.’’ As soon as he walked in the room he was greeted with applause. The poets were giving him compliments and patting him on the back. Charlie even went as far to say that it was the best performance he had ever seen, and that said a lot, seeing as he was constantly going to plays with Knox. Neil was so caught up in the moment and kissed Todd without thinking. He was on a high and frankly, now that he had successfully acted in a play, he felt like nothing was impossible. When he drew back he became aware of the other guys in the room but when he looked at them, instead of giving disapproving looks, the poets were smiling. ’’I knew it! Damnit, I knew it,’’ Knox spun around and threw his hands up in the air, ’’I look at you two and it just fits!’’ No one else had anything to add, but the atmosphere in the room was positive and Neil knew that all the poets, even Cameron, were supportive of them. When Todd leaned up and kissed Neil on the cheek, he was the happiest he had ever been.

They decided to walk home instead of taking the car. Pitts, Knox, and Meeks were walking ahead, talking about the movie king of jazz, their new favorite thing to talk about lately. Cameron grabbed a handful of snow and ran up to Pitts and threw it. This resulted in a full on snowball fight between the four of them. Todd, Neil, and Charlie slowed down to avoid getting dragged in. Todd and Neil were holding hands and Charlie was looking smug. ’’So. You two are a thing now huh?’’ ’’I guess so,’’ ’’You know, out of all of us, I thought Meeks was the gay one’’ ’’What, Meeks? Really? He's definitely straight’’ ’’Oh come on, I’ve seen how he looks at me. He isn't that straight.’’ ’’Jesus, Charlie, can we let this go?’’ ’’Fine.’’ Charlie grabbed some snow and sneaked up behind Meeks. He wrapped his arms around him and took the snow and shoved it down Meek’s shirt. ’’Very funny, Dalton’’ but Meeks was laughing. ’’You know, Todd, maybe Meeks isn't that straight.’’

When they got back to Welton, Neil closed the door to their room softly and leaned his head against it. Todd walked up to him, grabbed his shirt and kissed him. ’’You were good, Neil, you were really good.’’