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Chapter Text

Chained Together Episode 1: Pilot

(We see a quick logo flash on the screen that reads “Power Struggle 2018”.  Then we see footage. Naito Vs Tanahashi serves as the first of four singles matches, as Naito defends his G1 opportunity against the ace. Hatred takes over and they brawl to a no contest. Through out the night, they emerge back from the locker room, ruining all but the main event, as they bulldoze the competitors in the ring in the midst of their brawl. We then cut to a press conference where NJPW president Harold Meji announces that, as penance for ruining the event, they’ll have to serve 4 weeks tied together with a 6-meter chain)

(We then cut to an establishing shot of Tanahashis house. It cuts to a documentary interview with Tana)

Tanahashi: You know, life with the chain hasn’t been so bad. A little inconvenient? Sure, but it’s not having a toll on me at all.

Naito: Oy!

(Suddenly, Naito comes into focus from the background, as he’s scourging through Tanahashis cupboard)

Naito: Do you have any good food?

(Tanahashi’s smiling face changes to one of frustration as he walks over to Naito, and we a low angle shot of them talking near the pantry)

Tanahashi: I have healthy food.

Naito: Let me rephrase that: Do you have any food for people who don’t hate themselves.

Tanahashi: Listen here you little shit-

(He’s cut off, as it cuts back to him in an interview format)

Tanahashi: Can Naito get…angsty? Hmm…yes…

(We cut back to their angry conversation which has devolved into a screaming match)

Tanahashi: Just because you look like a fucking twig 24/7 doesn’t mean everyone else does.

Naito: Fuck off! New Japan could probably piss on the ground and you’d lap it up.

Tanahashi: Oh yeah?

Naito: Yeah!

Tanahashi (Simultaneous with Naito): You stupid little fanpoll loosing, ignorant-

Naito (Simultaneous with Tanahashi): Mid-life crisis having, napoleon dynamite looking-

(Cuts back to Tanahashi interview, providing high contrast to the screaming match)

Tanahashi: But I think if we both handle this maturely, which we totally can… (We cut back to the argument except it’s a freecam shot of Naito near the fridge, arms overflowing with food)

Naito: HOW ABOUT THIS TANA? GO ACE! (He forcibly throws down a piece a food for each time he says this) GO ACE! GO ACE!
Tanahashi: That food is worth more than you make in a year, get your fucking hands off it.

Naito: GO ACE! GO ACE! GO ACE!

(We cut back to Tanahashi interview style)

Tanahashi: We’ll be fine! (Tana Flashes his winning smile)

(We then cut to a few establishing shots of (whatever city NJPWs currently in) streets. We see Tanahashi sitting on a guest chair, near the changing booths most fashion stores have)

Tanahashi: How much longer are you going to take?

(The camera pans seemingly through the wall to see Naito sitting down, playing with his phone, in regular Los Igno clothes.)

Naito: Oh, not much…maybe another half an hour? (He smiles as he hears a massive “Aggggggggh.”)

(We cut to an interview shot in the change rooms of Naito, who whispering.)

Naito: Clothes are great, but I wouldn’t want to shop for them every day…Tana doesn’t know that though (He pulls an “eh?” face at the camera)

(We cut to a time lapse of Tana in his chair, slowly growing more and more discomfortable, we see him go from sitting straight to leaning back to fidgeting to having his legs on the head of the chair and having his own head where his legs should be, to pacing around. As he’s pacing he accidentally goes to far and pulls the chain, causing Naito to bang into the door of the booth. We here the clank of Naitos phone hitting the ground)

Naito: Ahh my…shirt. Could you mind not yanking me into the wall “ace”? Thanks.

(Tanahashi pauses for a moment, before continuing to pull the chain and slam Naito against the wall)

Naito: Didn’t you hear me? I said-OF (He’s slammed against the wall)

(Tanahashi does this 3 times, each accompanied by Naitos grunt, before we cut to the next shot of the New Japan tour bus on its path, we see Tanahashi in an interview position outside the arena)

Tanahashi: So, we made it…it was a long journey…for a 10-minute ride.

(We see a shot of just Naito and Tanahashis seats, Naito is “asleep” and has an eye mask on and Tanahashi is socialising with others. Naito pretends his arm is moving on its own and punches Tanahashi in the head. We then cut to the interview again where Tanahashi looks on the verge of tears)

Tanahashi: I got 4 warnings…4!

(We then cut to Naito in the exact same position, smiling.)

Naito: I only got 4 warnings.

(We cut to Tanahashi taping his arms in the locker room in preparation for his match when the door closes and locks. Tanahashi runs at the door banging on it.)

Tanahashi: Let me out! Let me out right now!”

(We cut to Naito leaning on the door, holding the key)

Naito: Sorry Tana, my hand slipped.

Tanahashi (Echoed): Very funny, now let me out!

Naito: Sure…just give me a minute. HEY, HIROMU!

(We cut to an interview shot of Naito close up.)

Naito: Pretty boys never been late to an entrance in his life. I’m just gonna give him a scare, that’s all.

(We cut back to Naito leaning on the door, with Hiromu watching as he juggles the key)

Hiromu: Wow, Mr.Naito! That’s amazing! You really got him good huh?

Naito: Ha, Yeah.

(As Naito juggles it, Hiromu suddenly grabs it out of mid-air and runs off with it. Naito looks shocked for a few seconds and then without moving his head says:)

Naito: Tana…

Tanahashi: Yeah?

Naito: We have a problem.

(We cut to Tanahashi in an interview, while he’s sitting on the ground.)

Tanahashi: So, Naito has sent Sanada and Evil to get the key that opens this locker-room. Meanwhile…I’m gonna look through the Chaos boys stuff.

(We cut to a montage of Tanahashi holding up different items, each Belonging to a member of Chaos. He finds the following:

Cat Bells- Will Ospreay

Rock em, sock em robots playset- Tomohiro Ishii

My Chemical Romance CD- Jay White.

We then see a low angle shot of Tanahashi walking up to Okadas locker. He exits the frame, as the camera lingers on the locker…before Tanhashi comes smashing through it. The camera quickly cuts away, masking any aftermath. We cut to a close up of Sanada with Evil in the background, as they look through a public fridge that’s been stationed at the arena. Shot from the inside of the fridge)

Sanada: All the cans of fanta are gone, chairs are toppled and a Kenta Kobashi lunchbox on the ground? Hirmous been here.

Evil: Well we gotta find him, who knows where he’s gone off to.

Sanada: **AHHH** Why does everything have to be so hard.

Evil: Everything is evil

Sanada: (Turning head) Would you shut the fuck up?

(Interview style shot with Sanada in the building)

Sanada: Things I don’t like? Let me see…Okada, Orange Juice, dried fruit…

(Audio and video skips slightly, creating the illusion that he’s talked longer)

Sanada: Pie, magazines, toy trucks…

(Skips again)

Sanada: I don’t like a lot of things.

(Cut to Sanada and Evil walking through the halls when they spy Hiromu through a door, playing a GBA)

Sanada: Hiromu, you asshole, get over here.

(Hiromu continues to play on his system, before Sanada walks up and snatches it.)

Hiromu: Hey! I was about to beat that level!

Sanada: Yeah, and I’m about to beat you if you don’t fess up to where the key is.

Hiromu: I don’t have to tell you anything!

Evil: Yes, you do. We’re heavyweights, you’re a junior, your legally required to tell us everything

Sanada: Yeah, it’s in the law.

(Cuts to interview style promo for Evil)

Evil: So apparently Hiromu took the key and sold it to Yano, in exchange for that system. Something about Yano really needing to get into that locker room, I wasn’t listening. Just makes you think why he needs the key so badly.

(Cuts to Tanahashi looking through the lockers again)

Tanahashi: Jesus…that’s a lot of porn. I don’t even know if half of these are human.

(Cut’s back to a shot of Yano talking to Sanada and Evil)

Yano: Look, we can make a deal...you give me Naitos cap, and I give you the key….

Sanada: You got the key on you?

Yano: Yeah.

(Sanada and Evil beat the shit out of Yano and drop him on the floor. We cut to Naito anxiously leaning against the door as Evil and Sanada walk up to him)

Sanada: Here’s your key (He chucks it up into the air before walking away)

(Naito hastily opens the door, and Tanahashi comes running out)

Tanhashi: How long until my entrance?!

Naito: About (checks stopwatch) …10 minutes.

(Tanahashi breaths a sigh of relief.)

Tanahashi: Thanks.

Naito: No…actually, no, problem, very big, time consuming problem.

(Cuts to Tanahashi interview shot in his house)

Tanahashi: Well, the match went off without a hitch, although Naito did try and run out of the building after the chain was removed for it.

(Cuts to flashback of Naito running through the halls, with Ishii chasing him)

Naito: NO! I’M NOT GOING BACK! YOU’LL NEVER- AHH (Ishii catches up and crash tackles him. We cut away before he hits the ground)

(Back to interview shot)

Tanahashi: Anyway, things are actually pretty peaceful for once. Naitos doing his own thing now, actually… I don’t know what he’s doing.

(We hear the sound of something shattering)

Naito: Hey Tana…you know that expensive vase you got from your Mum?

(Tanahashis face turns to a look of disappointment as he follows the chain down to Naito)

End Of Episode 1.

Chapter Text

(We cut to a head on shot of Tanahashi and Naito in a car on a busy freeway.)

Naito: Are we there yet?

Tanahashi: No.

Naito: Are we there yet?

Tanahashi: No.

Naito: Are we there yet?

Tanahashi: What are you? 5?

Naito: Five inches deep in your mum (he then spits on Tanahashi)

(Tanahashi let’s out a growl and jumps on, Naito punching him in the face. There brawl continues for a few seconds before we hear the sound of police sirens)

Tanahashi: …. Shit.

(We cut to Tanahashi sitting sadly in a waiting room as Naito reads a magazine, then with Tanahashi in an interview format)

Tanahashi: So, they’re revoking my license, something about “disorderly conduct in a vehicle”. On the bright side, I get to take my re-evaluation test immediately after as they have also arrested the person I attacked…his was for resisting arrest.

(Cuts to Naito with a police officer)

Naito: Look, are you stupid?

Officer: No.

Naito: Cause you seem pretty stupid right now.

Officer: Sir, I’m arresting you for talking to a cop like that.

Naito: Well, I’m gonna arrest you for talking to Tetsuya Naito like that.

(There’s a long pause, before the officer decks Naito in the face. We cut another shot of Tanahashi being walked into a room with a metal door. The interviewer is asking him questions)

Interviewer: So, were you on any illicit substances at this time?

Tanahashi: No, I-

Naito: (Shouting, not in frame) He was, he drank a full bottle of scotch mixed with methamphetamine. Like a ton of meth, so much meth, he’s probably gonna die from that much met-

Interviewer: Thanks for your input. Can we shut this door?

(Naito comes into frame, smirking)

Naito: Sure.

Tanahashi: No! Don’t le-

(Naito grabs the steel door smashes it against the chain, using the friction to completely break it. We cut to an interview style shot of Naito in his car.)

Naito: I finally got out! I mean, what a relief, to not have to sit through Tanas boring driving lesson. They’re never going to get this chain back on me…as long as he plays fair and doesn’t do any-

(Cuts to Tanahashi on a payphone.)

Tanahashi: Hello is this New Japan Pro Wrestling? Yeah, this is Tana, Naito broke the chain? Why can’t I get him? Yeah, I have to take a driver’s re-evaluation. Why? I beat up Naito in the front of my car.

(Cuts to Harold Meji slamming the phone down of his desk)

Meji: God damn it! That’s it, bring him in.

(We see calls being made and it cuts to the doors of Mejis office as footsteps are taken (no music), the doors swing open to reveal…Tomohiro Ishii dressed like the terminator.)

Ishii: Do we have anything on him.

Meji: This hat (He reaches into his draw and pulls out a Los Igno hat. Ishii takes it, sniffs it and then discards it.)

Ishii: Got it.

(We cut to an interview style shot of Ishii in a locker room)

Ishii: I’ve seen what Naito can do firsthand. That guy is vile, the stuff he does…

(Cuts to flashback of Ishii eating a protein bar. Naito walks up to him, grabs the protein bar and throws it across the room)

Naito: You want it? It’s gone! It’s gone!

(Cuts back to Ishii)

Ishii: I wonder what sick twisted shit he’s up to know.

(Cuts to Naito waiting gingerly outside a house, suddenly the door flys open and Hiromu steps out).

Hiromu: Mr. Naito? What are you doing here, and there’s no chain…?

Naito: Quick, hop in my car, we’re going to the mall.

(Cuts to angled close up of Naito and Hiromu in the car. Naitos steering Hiromus in the middle backseat, when a song comes on)

Naito: Oh, hell yeah, I love this one.

Naito and Hiromu (Simultaneous): Here I go! Here I go! Here I go again.

(Cuts to Ishii in a dojo meditating)

Ishii: Naito….

Ishii: I don’t know what vile shit you’re doing right now…

(Cuts back to Naito, Hiromu and Bushi in the van)

Naito, Hiromu and Bushi: Oh, Ok then, chillin, chillin.

(Back to Ishii)

Ishii: But I will bring you to justice.

(He then smashes several stone manikins with only his head and a corresponding “HYAH!” We cut back to Naito, who has now added Evil to the mix)

Naito, Hiromu, Bushi and Evil: See what I want slip slide to it swifty!

(We then cut to Sanada in what’s basically a porno, with an attractive woman around his age, theirs like the porn music, the porn moans, all that shit)

Sanada: C’mon baby, yeah that’s- (He’s cut off by a beep which is ignored, but the beep is spammed until Sanada gets up and checks whats outside)

Sanada: Sorry, two seconds (the girl nods in approval. Sanada opens the blinds and we cut to a POV shot of him, as he looks down to see a waving Naito.)

Naito: SAAAAAAAAANAAAAAAADA!

Sanada: **Ughhhhh** What?!

Naito: Come with us to the mall!

Sanada: Piss off! (Sanada closes the blinds and walks back to his lady friend)

(We cut to a group shot of LIJ (Naitos outside the car, Hiromu and Bushi are stepping out and Evils inside the car)

Naito: Welp, you know what to do, EVIL get the cloak.

(We cut back to Sanada and we’re about to see actual stripping by both of them before a loud SMASH is heard, and EVIL storms in dressed in his entrance attire.)

EVIL: IT’S ME SATAN! AND I KNOW FOR A FACT THAT SANADA IS A PAEDOPHILE RAPIIIIIIIIIIIIST!

(The girl screams, kicks Sanada in the head and runs off. We cut to him in an interview style scenario.)

Sanada: I’d be really angry…if this wasn’t the seventh time they’ve done this. What pisses me off though, is my fucking door. Every time, I pay for a good one and every single goddamn time it ends up like this.

(Cuts to a behind shot of Evil and the door)

Evil: (Smashes through the door) HEY IT’S ME SATAN

(Cuts to an identical shot)

Evil: (Smashes through the door) SANADA LISTENS TO SOUNDCLOUD RAP!

(Cuts to an identical shot)

Evil: LASER FINGERS MOTHERFUCKER!

(Cuts back to Sanada interview)

Sanada: Seriously…we’re tag partners, he has the key!

(We cut back to the previous sing-along shot, with Sanada joining Naito with the seat to his right)

Naito, Bushi, Hiromu and Evil: I like what ya do, when you do

(Suddenly, SANADA reaches over and clicks the music player, opening the disc drive and giving him the disc which he throws out the window, LIJ all explode into simultaneous fits of anger)

Naito (Simultaneous): That’s a good fucking song you piece of shit, ungra-

Evil (Simultaneous): What a heel, what a heel

Bushi (Simultaneous): What do you listen to, godamn bring me the horizon or wh-

Hiromu (Simultaneous): You’re a stupid mother fucker, what a fucking asshole go fucking jum-

(Cut back to Tanahashi at the DMV driving around. We have a head on shot of he and his instructor)

Instructor: Make a left. Make a right. HYAH (The instructor grabs Tanhashis arms and throws them off the wheel before punching him in the face)

Tanahashi: AHH! What the fuck?

Instructor: You should’ve caught my blow. Any time, ninjas could’ve attacked you just like they did to me (the man starts randomly shuddering).

(Interview style shot with Tanahashi)

Tanahashi: This guy is fucking nuts. Like, I think he’s a serial killer…let me check.

Instructor: Hey! No Lollygagging!

(Cuts to LIJ in some sort of party shop.)

Naito: What the hell are we even doing here.

Hiromu (Picking Up Stuff Off the Shelves.): It’s daryl Jrs. Birthday party! We need party supplies.

(We cut to a POV shot of the shelf, where a bag of party poppers is in focus. The Focus quickly turns to Naito, who looks at the bag confusedly.)

(Cuts back to shot of instructor and Tanahashi.)

Instructor: I was in the war in 2055 against the Germans, good fight that was, I had two AK-

(Cuts to an identical shot, to create the illusion of time passing. Instructor is now wrestling control away from Tanahashi.)

Instructor: Hit the children! I SAID HIT THE CHILDREN!

Tanahashi: Stop, fuck off, for god’s sake.

(Eventually we cut to a shot of the car pulling up near the DMV. The instructor and Tanahashi step out)

Instructor: That may have been the best driving I’ve ever seen.

Tanahashi: Tha-

Instructor: But you didn’t hook up the flux capacitor on the engine beforehand so I’m going to have to fail you.

(Tanahashi is left stunned as the instructor walks away in a close up. We hear Tanahashis anger rising before he runs up and hooks the guys arms in a dragon suplex position, before we see him hit the move we cut to an interview style shot)

Tanahashi: Yeah, he died directly after taking the impact and I didn’t get my license…. however, the guys at the front office ended up paying me ten thousand yen in cash (holds up money)

(Cut to wide shot of LIJ in a bar.)

Naito: Oy! Waiter, get us another round of flaming shots.

Hiromu: Two rounds!

BUSHI: Three

Naito: Okay, now your just being ridiculous.

(The waiter slides the drinks over, and we get a bit of visual comedy as Hiromu snags Sanadas. Naito takes his and looks over his shoulder to see a crowd of people. Suddenly, Ishii comes into focus in that crowd of people, walking around him. We cut to an establishing shot of the bar with Naitos surprised eyes being a bold wavy line and Ishiis focusing ones being another)

Naito: We gotta go.

Hiromu: But Mr. Naito! Why?

(We cut to Ishii running at them before cutting back to the bar where Naito and LIJ vault the counter.)

Naito: They found me. I don’t know how but they found me. He must’ve sniffed me out, he can do that?

Sanada: Or maybe it’s just that (He motions his hand to Naitos ankle where we see a beeping ankle bracelet with the NJPW logo on it.)

Naito: Look, I didn’t ask for your bullshit Sanada (Sanada rolls his eyes.) Hiromu hit me.

(Hiromu full on punches him in the face.)

Naito: Ah, Fuck! I meant pass me the bottle.

(Hiromu quickly passes him the champagne which he shakes and looks over the bar to hit Ishii with…only to not see him anywhere. Suddenly Ishii bulldozes into the counter smashing a large chunk of it off.)

Naito: AHHHHH! BUSHI do your thing.

BUSHI: Mist, right?

Naito: Nope, taking the fall!

(Naito shoves BUSHI into Ishii, in response, Ishii hits a counter assisted Ishii Driller as Los Igno runs away. We zoom in on Evil and Sanada running as they suddenly stop.)

Sanada: (Motioning to his right) Should we?

EVIL: Yeah.

(We zoom out to see them going into a hot topic which has half off sales everywhere. Cut back to Naito and Hiromu running and leaping over the counter of a fast food place.)

Naito: Now Hiromu, don’t pa-

Fast Food Worker: Sir, I respectfully request you respect the boundaries of the counter of Subway. Would you like to try our new 3 pepper chic-

Naito: Yeah, yeah, whatever, send the check to “Hiroshi Tanahashi”

Fast Food Worker: ….Sir I respectfully request you.

Naito: (Worker is still talking in the background.) Okay, it’s gonna be fine, Ishiis a big softey and he’s really fat and short and sad and can’t do anything.

Hiromu: Really?

Naito: Yeah, totally. Now jus-(suddenly the camera starts shaking. We zoom out to see Ishii picking up the entire stall. He puts the building on his shoulders and shatters through the centre of the mall with an brainbuster. Dust fills the screen, as we see Naito coughing. The dust clears and it reveals Ishii sitting there with a party popper to Hiromus head)

Ishii: You’re coming with me. Or he gets it.

(Naito looks at the exit and looks back at Hiromus face before sighing and thrusting his hands up)

Naito: I give up.

Ishii: Good, I’ll fill in the details but first…we’ve got places to be.

(Cut’s to a few establishing shots of Ebirus. We cut to Naito and Ishii at the bar)

Ishii: That’s a big shot of whiskey.

Naito: Shut up. I’m an adult I do what I want. (Naito chugs the whole thing before faceplanting on the countertop, we cut to Juice and Tana sitting at a table)

Tanahashi: God, Juice, I feel so alive not having to take him with me, everywhere.

Juice: Good on you man! Fuck him, Naitos an asshole…now onto more pressing matters, how do I win over the ladies, Pirate hat or backwards cap?

Tanahashi: Neither.

Juice: That’s what you think! (Juice puts on both caps and walks over to a table of Japanese girls.) Hey I’m a famous wrestler! You guys down to clown?

(We cut back to Tanahashi (Juice being beat up by security guards is out of focus in the background) sipping his beer contently before Ishii marches into frame.)

Ishii: This is yours. (He attaches an almost unconscious Naito to Tanas arm as the Ace breaths in, ready to scream. We to a front on shot of a car, Tana is in the passengers, Naito is in the drivers.)

Tanahashi: For the last time, let me drive.

Naito: Nu-uh. Your license aint’ any good no more.

Tanahashi: Your drunk out of your mind.

Naito: Ayyy! Trankwheelo acid.

(Theres a long pause before Naito looks over the window.)

Naito: Hey, I know that guy!

Tanahashi: Naito no! (Tanahashi grabs the wheel and tries to steer back control while Naito bonks him in the head. We cut to Naito and Tanahashi in a prison cell with a prison sound effect)

Tanahashi: Knew I shouldn’t have let a dumbass like you drive.

Naito: You suck Nakamuras dick with that mouth?

(We repeat the same shot but now a divide is placed in between the cells)