Chapter Text
Renjun has a secret. One he has been keeping for quite some time. It started years back, when his brother Sicheng brought some of his friends home for a few days before Christmas and one of them stood out from everybody else. He was calmer, quieter and more importantly; didn't make Renjun want to smack him across the face for disturbing his peaceful vacation.
From then on, every time Sicheng mentioned his friends coming over, Renjun would perk up and feel his heart beat faster inside his chest. It was against his will, really. He just couldn't help but feel excited at the thought of seeing the boy.
He found out his name a year after they had first come over during Christmas vacation, it seemed it had become a ritual of theirs. They'd come over for one or two days and disturb Renjun’s peaceful lifestyle and then leave again just before Christmas.
At some point during one of their games, the boy had made his team lose and one of the other friends, face red with his fists up in the air threateningly, screamed at the top of his lungs: “Jeno i will murder you!” And so there it was, the boy finally had a name. Jeno.
Last year of high school was stressful, his Christmas vacation seemed to have to be spent inside his room revising for his upcoming exams.
Renjun tugs at his hair, frustration running through every fibre of his being after his fourth time trying to make sense of the stupid math problem staring back at him. He hated feeling dumb and helpless, but those seemed to have started to become recurring emotions inside of his tired brain. “What am i doing wrong?” He grumbles and then closes his eyes to rest for a minute or so.
A loud scream makes him jerk in his chair in shock, he couldn't quite process what could've caused it for the longest time. It's only minutes later that he remembers the date, it was the twenty third of December. Sicheng’s friends seemed to have arrived for their yearly vacation. With all the mess and stress of that school year Renjun had forgotten entirely about that small inconvenience.
He stays stoic in his seat, there was no way in hell he was going to greet them unless told to do so. Not even if his body begged for it, he didn't want to look desperate even if nobody seemed to care enough about his presence to notice his true intentions. Either way, he refused.
It doesn't take long for his mom to call him from downstairs to greet the guests, and maybe Renjun jumps out of his seat in a millisecond towards the bathroom just in front of his room with how excited he felt. He analyses the reflection carefully, his hair was a mess but at least his skin wasn't breaking out with the stress. Once the boy feels ready enough mentally to face everyone, he opens the door and casually makes his way down the stairs.
In the distance, the sound of laughter makes him start to become nervous once again. He wondered how Jeno looked now, it had been a few months since he had last seen him and deep down he had missed him more than he had let himself admit. It wasn't the type of missing where you think of them everyday, just sometimes they pop in your head and then don't leave for the rest of the day. He wondered how he was doing, if everything was okay, if well... he had gotten himself into a relationship.
That was one of his biggest fears – admittedly a stupid one. Even if Jeno was single what did it matter? In the end he was his friend’s younger brother and even if it was only a two year gap, everyone just seemed to treat him as if he was five. Jeno never made a reference to his age but even so, it was only natural he didn't see him in that light. Renjun refused to get his hopes up, and yet the idea of Jeno dating made his heart drop.
He clicks his tongue, fool. In the end, it was Jeno’s life not his.
“Injunnie where are you?!” His mother shouts impatiently after waiting for the boy for over ten minutes.
“Coming!” He peeks his head inside the kitchen and waves at his mom who rolls her eyes. “Sorry i was finishing up my exercises.”
She squeezes his face with the palms of her hands and chuckles. “My smart baby, you need to rest.”
Renjun hums, but he would never rest until he got the exams out of his way. It was his last year before university and he was not going to fuck it up, that'd be throwing all his hard work down the toilet. “Yeah, yeah. I should… Say hi or something.”
The woman pats his butt and he glares at her but doesn't say a thing, he was used to it. He walks towards the living room in small steps, the louder the voices got the more nervous he became. There was always the chance Jeno wasn't even there and his body was making a scene for nothing, Renjun wouldn't be surprised.
“Bro!” Sicheng calls out for him once he gets a glimpse of Renjun’s frame. “Are you dead yet with all that studying?”
“Not yet, but soon.” He snorts and doesn't dare move his eyes from his brother’s eyes to look at everyone else. “Your loud selves ruined my studying session so i guess i was saved.”
A few of them laugh, and then he hears that familiar low chuckle that makes his head finally snap up to look around. It doesn't take long to find who he was looking for, long black hair covered his crescent eyes now making him look as the same boy Renjun fell for four years back. He didn't want to stare so his eyes drift away a few seconds later, but the picture had already been burnt behind his eyelids. Jeno looked funny for a second year in university but Renjun was whipped, and so of course to him he still looked somewhat cool and intimidating. If Sicheng could read his thoughts, Renjun would be bullied for life.
“Please someone get the table ready!” A female voice speaks over the loud boys, Renjun turns to walk towards the kitchen right away by pure habit. Sicheng usually put everything in the dishwasher after the meals were over and Renjun set the table, it was their unspoken routine.
However when he turns around, glass cups in hand, Renjun finds someone towering over him. “Oh fu-” He gasps and closes his eyes instinctively only to crack one open a few seconds later to figure out who it was. “Oh uh, sorry do you need anything.”
“How can i help?” Jeno smiles widely like he often does when he's being polite. Renjun melts a little at the sight even if it was all out of mere courtesy.
“It's all good just sit down and wait for the food.” The boy smiles back and tries to pass though the other but he moves making Renjun shriek softly scared he might drop the cups on the floor.
“C’mon i wanna help.” He says before grabbing some of the cups Renjun was holding and heading towards the big table leaving the younger with his mouth hanging open in pure shock.
Renjun blinks, once, twice, and then snaps out of it. “O-okay then.”
How he ends up as Jeno’s partner during their card game baffles him, somehow it had happened in the span of him texting Chenle about how nervous he felt and what was he going to do? Say no?
“Okay bud we can do this.” Jeno smirks and shoots finger guns at Renjun. “We'll get the hang of it.”
The boy feels so giddy and yet he has to keep his casual posture even if Jeno was being all smiles about being in the same team as him. He was over the moon deep down, just scared of showing it too much and looking like a fool.
First time Renjun feels something touch his leg from under the table he squeaks loudly and blows Jeno’s cover like a total idiot, his body goes on fire from both embarrassment and the fact that Lee Jeno really just had tried playing footsie with him. Second time though, he tries to keep it cool and subtly raise his gaze to look at Jeno so the boy could share tactics with gestures or simply their eyes. For some reason it worked and Renjun was able to understand what the other meant every time.
“I'm never changing partners, Renjun and i are perfect for each other.” Jeno declares when the game ends.
Renjun feels his face heat up and tenses up when Jeno winks at him. “Thank you.” He laughs awkwardly and stares at the table so he didn't have to look at Jeno for one second longer.
“So, another round then?” Yukhei asks and everyone nods.
“Renjun.” He hears and perks up, Jeno was giving him a look asking him if they were in it together again. The boy nods and smiles softly. “Yes! Thank you!” Jeno smiles brightly and warmth spreads across the younger’s body at the reaction. Whipped.
Another thing they always did when they'd come over was watch movies together which, to be fair, was nice even if all they wanted to watch was either weird mystery movies or horror and gore. Renjun wasn't the one that screamed the loudest anyways, that was Yukhei’s job, so he didn't even feel all that bad for almost shitting himself over little things.
He sits squished between Jaehyun and Yukhei, which was probably the worst sitting placement ever. By Jaehyun’s side he'd have to deal with his own brother hitting on the poor dude. On Yukhei’s side… well, his hearing might be heavily damaged by the end of the night. Renjun wished someone else was near him, but Jeno was comfortably sitting on the little puff sofa away from them all. He sighs and tries to not let his eyes land on the boy too much, but the blue light of the television highlighted his face in such a way that it made Renjun want to pick up his drawing book and make the boy his muse. Jeno was too eye catching, he couldn't look away.
The movie starts after a loud and long discussion about what exactly they should watch, needless to say Renjun spent the whole time analysing every detail of the older’s face as he watched whatever was playing on the TV. Jeno often would just space out, or exclude himself from the rest of the group. In a way that was what called for Renjun’s attention above the good looks, every single one of Sicheng’s friends looked good so it had obviously taken more than just that to make Jeno special in his eyes.
He wakes up with Yukhei’s shriek, apparently the movie had been so boring he had fallen asleep. Renjun rubs his eyes and straightens himself up, Yukhei chuckles and pats his head when he notices the weight of the boy’s head on his shoulder was gone. The younger can't help but feel flustered at that and ducks down before looking ahead and finding Jeno staring their direction with empty eyes, it was a weird sight. Jeno usually looked happy or serene not like a robot that had lost its battery.
His eyes drift away but Renjun keeps on staring for a while longer with confusion. Then he tries paying attention to the movie, no matter how boring it was he didn't want to fall asleep on Yukhei again.
The movie ends but nobody really moves from their seat, instead they discuss the movie and talk about things he couldn't understand for he had not payed attention to more than half of the movie. So he sits there, motionless, the discussion soon becomes background noise as he watches the people on the TV screen.
“Shouldn't your brother be in bed by now?” Someone says and Renjun snaps out of it.
“It's like one in the morning.” He rolls his eyes at Yuta who chuckles. “I'm seventeen.”
The older mocks what he had said in a high-pitched tone which only makes Renjun's blood boil even worse. “Oh look at him he's seventeen!”
“I'll be eighteen in four months shut up!” He growls but the teasing just grows bigger so the boy sits back with a loud huff.
Yukhei pats his back but keeps on laughing along the stupid jokes so it doesn't make him feel any better about it. His eyes drift towards the television to try and muffle out the voices again, but instead his gaze locks with Jeno’s who gives him a sympathetic look before looking back at his group of friends.
His lips don't curl up once hearing the annoying jokes, and maybe that does make Renjun feel better. In a way it meant Jeno didn't agree with them, he hated feeling left out just because he was two years younger. To him it made no sense, Sicheng always told him to not take it too personal, but he just couldn't.
“Alright lets go guys.” Sicheng pats Jaehyun’s thigh and stands up.
Everyone follows behind him except Renjun who decides to go last so his friends forget his presence. Before he closes the door to his room he looks at the end of the hall where the boys spoke loudly about which beds they'd share. He feels jealous, part of him wished he could do the same with his friends but everyone was too busy worrying about school to hang out properly.
Renjun sighs and closes the door, but not before he catches a glimpse of Jeno looking in the direction of his room. He presses his back against the cold door and closes his eyes, a smile ghosts in his face thinking about that day’s events. No matter how hopeless it all was, Renjun really couldn't wait till the next time he would be able to see Jeno again.