Chapter Text
[taeberry, kookiebun chat]
taeberry: hey i’m coming back early
taeberry: you there?
taeberry: see you in a few
[taeberry, cuddlymochi chat]
taeberry: seriously something’s up with jungkook
taeberry: he’s so unresponsive
cuddlymochi: i told you not to worry too much
cuddlymochi: i know it’s hard not to
cuddlymochi: don’t you trust him?
taeberry: i think so
taeberry: but he’s supposed to be home right now why wouldn’t he respond
cuddlymochi: sleeping? working?
taeberry: i guess
taeberry: i’m about to be home so
cuddlymochi: lmk what happens
cuddlymochi: i’m sure its nothing
taeberry: its something
taeberry: fuck
taeberry: fuck i knew it
taeberry: jimin
taeberry: fuck oh my god
cuddlymochi: what???
taeberry: jaehyun
taeberry: i just saw jaehyun leave our dorm
taeberry: what the fuck
cuddlymochi: okayyyy that's bad
cuddlymochi: breathe tae
taeberry: i’m gonna kill him
taeberry: i fucking knew it
cuddlymochi: you don’t know anything right now
cuddlymochi: there could be a million reasons why he was there
cuddlymochi: have faith in him
taeberry: i don’t
cuddlymochi: taehyung
cuddlymochi: taehyung??
“Jeon fucking Jungkook,” Taehyung barked as he entered the dorm, “what the hell is going on?” Jungkook was sitting next to his bed, papers and pens scattered across the floor. He looked exhausted, and Taehyung immediately scanned the room for signs of foul play.
“Tae?” Jungkook’s eyes blew wide, “I-I thought you were going to be-”
“Late?” Taehyung laughed bitterly, “so you are fucking around behind my back. I texted you ten minutes ago”
“Taehyung- no, no baby I’m not- I’m sorry I-”
“Right, you’re not fucking around, that’s why Jaehyun just left and you look terrified of me.”
“No-” Jungkook scrambled to his feet and reached out for his boyfriend, papers flying from his hands “he’s my partner for the project, we got paired randomly-”
“Like I believe that.”
“Tae, please, you have to believe me, it’s not what you’re thinking.”
“Why didn’t you just tell me it was him when I asked?” Taehyung pushed the boy away, fighting back the burning tears in his eyes. He couldn’t help but assume the worst.
“I-I didn’t want you to get mad,” Jungkook defended weakly, voice shaking, “I thought you’d be hurt if you found out.”
“Give me one good reason why I should believe you.”
Jungkook’s face fell in an instant, his heart sinking into his stomach. Taehyung didn’t trust him enough to believe his words? Jungkook thought he had been a better boyfriend than that, he thought Taehyung knew much he loved him. He felt his heart break a little; there was nothing more crushing than knowing your lover didn’t trust you.
“Hyung…” Jungkook started quietly, trying to think of what he wanted to say. He didn’t know where to start. He was telling the truth- he and Jaehyun had been paired up for a literature presentation and he had no say in that- he avoided telling Taehyung for fear of upsetting him, he knew he would be jealous and he genuinely wanted to protect him from that. It seemed he had done the wrong thing in staying silent, he just prayed Taehyung would trust his heart enough to let Jungkook banish his jealousy, although he knew what it looked like.
“Well?” Taehyung looked up at him with raised eyebrows, arms crossed in annoyance. “Are you going to keep trying to explain yourself or can I leave?”
Jungkook flinched at his words- leave? All of his thoughts began to shift into fear. Taehyung couldn’t leave him. He couldn’t be without Taehyung, he needed him. He couldn’t leave.
“Hyung...why would you leave?”
“Why?” Taehyung scoffed, “when did I stutter?”
“You didn’t-”
“Then why are you asking?”
“Hyung,” Jungkook looked at him in fear, pleading for him to cooperate, “I don’t know what you think is going on, I wouldn’t do that to you, please trust me.”
“Pft,” Taehyung shook his head, “figured you would say that.”
“What do you want me to say?” Jungkook cried, “oh yeah, Jaehyun and I make out all the time behind your back, we’re in love,” he said mockingly. “Is that what you want to hear?”
“Of course I don’t want to fucking hear that,” the elder snapped. “I want the truth.”
“The truth is we’re not a thing, hyung,” Jungkook said as firmly as he could, though his voice was quivering, “I don’t know why you think I would do that.”
“Uh, maybe because he was the one you were supposed to go out with that day? He was the one you were interested in, the one you dated before me? And now I see you two together, alone in our fucking dorm, what else would I think?”
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” Jungkook was beginning to panic, “I didn’t want you to assume the worst, please believe me.”
“Why would I believe that?”
“Taetae don’t you trust me?”
“No, obviously,” Taehyung hissed, “not right now at least.”
“Are you- you can’t be serious.”
“I am. I thought I trusted you but lately, I don’t know,” Taehyung shrugged, as if his words were nothing. “You haven’t given me much reason to.” Taehyung’s tone was flat, void of emotion, something Jungkook just couldn’t understand. Taehyung was also the more expressive of the pair, more comfortable handling his emotions. But right now all feeling seemed to be absent, like he had them locked away in a cage behind a strong facade, and it broke Jungkook’s heart.
“Do you...do you think I don’t love you?”
“Jungkook, what the hell are you not understanding?” Taehyung snapped loudly, “if you loved me like you say you do, you wouldn't be going behind my back with Jaehyun. You wouldn’t be seeing him without me knowing. You wouldn’t be making me feel like you’re hiding something! And if I trusted you I wouldn’t be here, having this conversation, would I!?”
Jungkook felt completely broken down. Taehyung’s words hit him deep, ripping his heart apart from the inside out. The one person he poured his heart out to didn’t believe that he loved him. Didn’t trust him. It hurt too much to put into words.
“Tae…” In his broken state of mind he began turning the situation on himself. If he hadn’t been so reckless, if he had just stopped talking to Jaehyun, if he had been honest, maybe Taehyung wouldn’t be feeling so horrible. Maybe they would be fine, if only…
Jungkook didn’t realize he was crying until he heard another scoff, Taehyung looking away from his face quickly.
“If you’re going to cry about it, can I go?” In an instant Taehyung’s voice changed, wavering with emotion and a thickness that had to be caused by a growing lump in his throat. Jungkook’s eyes snapped upwards at the shift, relieved to know that Taehyung did care- he was obviously affected by Jungkook’s tears.
“No, don’t go,” Jungkook pleaded, doing his best to keep his voice steady, “we can talk this out, please, don’t leave.”
“There’s nothing to talk about,” Taehyung moved backwards toward the door, “I’m staying with Jimin tonight.”
“No-” Jungkook choked, following him, “please, tell me how I can fix this, don’t go.”
“I need space right now,” Taehyung turned, reaching out for the door.
“Please Tae,” the younger grabbed his wrist, pulling him lightly towards himself, “please don’t leave, I don’t want to fight. Nothing happened between us, I promise. I love you so much-”
“Just let me go,” Taehyung ripped his arm back and jostled the door open.
“Baby, please-”
“Don’t call me baby.”
“Tae,” Jungkook was getting louder, more desperate. He didn’t want to spend the night knowing Taehyung was upset with him, he couldn’t possibly sleep without Taehyung curled up against his side. He couldn’t handle the guilt, the hurt, the loneliness, the sadness that came with Taehyung walking out the door. He didn’t want Taehyung to leave.
Leave.
Taehyung was leaving.
Jungkook panicked.
“Taehyung you can’t,” Jungkook reached out for him again, but the latter dodged his grip, “please, please you can’t leave please, I love you, don’t leave.”
“I can, and I’m going to,” Taehyung turned his head before he could focus on the heartbreak in Jungkook’s eyes.
“Don’t, don’t, don’t,” tears were streaming down Jungkook’s face as he chased Taehyung shakily out the door, pleading for him to come back, to stay please stay.
Taehyung’s body disappeared at the end of the hall and Jungkook crumpled to the ground, just barely having the strength to close the door. He had no idea why everything had changed so suddenly, how just yesterday Taehyung was sleeping soundly in his arms but today he was walking out cold as ice. The confusion swirled the events into fear, Jungkook thinking that the boy was gone for good. The image of him leaving was burned in his mind, making his hands shake and lips quiver. He didn’t know what to do, he needed Taehyung back, he needed him here.
[taeberry, cuddlymochi chat]
taeberry: i’m coming over
cuddlymochi: oh god
cuddlymochi: are you okay?
taeberry: idk
cuddlymochi: ok well hurry up
cuddlymochi: i’m here for you it’ll be okay
The room around Jungkook faded into shadows, his vision blurring with his own tears and mind unable to focus on anything other than how much his heart hurt. He was already so stressed,- busy because he was taking more classes than he could handle, adjusting to being at college away from his family, coping with the loss of his previous friend group- and now this.
“Stupid,” he hissed at himself, “should have told him, so stupid.”
Jungkook remembered clearly the way his heart dropped into his stomach when his professor paired him with Jaehyun. He remembered the heat that filled his body, sweat and nerves making him sick. He didn’t know what to do, but quickly resolved to keep quiet about it. If he could just get through the project without Taehyung knowing, nothing would go wrong and Taehyung wouldn’t be hurt. But it did go wrong, everything went wrong. And now he was sitting here in dark, curled in on himself, a mess of tears and loneliness.
He’d been distant but that didn’t mean he was enjoying himself either, he genuinely didn’t have enough time to be with Taehyung like he did before and it was clearly taking its toll on the both of them. Jungkook wanted nothing more than to kiss Taehyung’s fears away and hold him until he knew how much he was loved, but now he was gone. He visualized Taehyung disappearing out the door once again and he sobbed harder, wanting him to just come back. It was all too much, he needed Taehyung- his best friend, his love, his rock- he needed him here. It hurt too much to be without him. It hurt even more to know that Taehyung didn’t trust him, didn’t understand how much Jungkook adored him. What hurt even more than that was knowing Taehyung was upset, probably crying just like him- knowing that he’d caused the person he loved most this kind of pain was torturous. He promised himself he would never put Taehyung in this position. The pain of seeing someone you love abandon you for another person hurt like a scalding hot blade to the heart, and Jungkook knew it too well. He’d been through it.
“I’m going out with Minkyu!” Taehyung had laughed, smiling and clapping like a child, “he
finally asked me out!”
“Oh...good for you,” Jungkook smiled tightly, though he began to feel sick to his stomach. That precious smile of Taehyung’s was put there by someone else and he hated it.
“He’s gonna take me out on Friday to the movies, isn’t that sweet?” The elder boy cooed with stars in his eyes, a pretty blush on his cheeks that drove Jungkook crazy. He wanted to be the cause of that pretty flush of his cheeks and the sparkle in his eyes, he wanted to be the one to make Taehyung’s heart beat happily on a cute date.
“Yeah, that’s nice.”
“I’m so excited!” Taehyung squealed again, “I can’t believe he asked me out, I was so nervous.”
Jungkook’s throat was growing thicker by the second. Each word Taehyung spoke felt like a bee sting in his chest, his heart thumping unpleasantly and stomach churning.
“You really like him,” Jungkook commented, trying his hardest to keep a smile on his face.
“I do,” Taehyung sighed, a dreamy look on his face, “he’s so handsome and he’s really sweet...he likes classical art too! Oh, we should go to the museum together, that would be so romantic!”
Jungkook could only nod, doing everything he could not to cry. He’d fallen so hard for Taehyung, completely head over heels. Thinking about Minkyu kissing his perfectly pouty lips and playing with his tousled hair and holding him close and-
“Are you okay Kookie?” Taehyung pouted and leaned forward to make eye contact with the boy, his face mere centimeters away, “you look like you’re gonna cry.”
“Yeah, I’m fine,” Jungkook jolted back and stood up, “I gotta go to the bathroom, I’ll be right back.”
To this day Taehyung had no idea how hard Jungkook had cried in that bathroom stall. He stayed there the entire lunch period, shoulders shaking as he muffeld his cries into his sweater sleeve. A sweater that Taehyung had bought him for Christmas, no less. Jungkook felt the same way now, and it felt as if his dorm room was morphing into that same bathroom stall. It was suffocating, too small, too dark, too lonely- Jungkook couldn’t breathe. He was sure Taehyung was feeling the way he did, only ten times worse, and that thought ripped another sob out of his throat, guilt burning in his stomach until he thought he was going to throw up.
Still a mess of soft whimpers and harsh sobs, Jungkook summoned what little energy he had to stand up, knowing that if he stayed alone for any longer he’d end up drowning in his own sadness. He headed to the one place where he knew he would always be safe.
-
Frantically knocking on the door, Jungkook struggled to pull himself together, even if just a little bit. It was nearly impossible to get a hold on himself when he was so devastated, and that's why he was utterly relieved when the door opened.
“Joonie-” Jungkook choked out, begging for someone to tell him it would be alright.
“Whoa, whoa, Jungkookie, baby,” Namjoon was completely taken off guard but he instantly brought Jungkook in and squeezed him tight, “what’s wrong, what happened?”
“Jungkookie?” Seokjin launched himself towards the door, eyes wide, enveloping the both of them in his arms. “Baby, are you okay?”
“T-Taehyung,” the youngest sobbed, “left- he left.”
“Left?”
“He broke up with you?”
“I don’t know,” Jungkook gripped onto Namjoon tightly, barely able to steady himself, “he’s gone, he left.”
The pair gently ushered Jungkook inside and onto Seokjin’s bed, the latter combing his hands through the boy’s hair while Namjoon rubbed small circles on his back. Jungkook was unresponsive through it all, he didn’t move when he felt the mattress below him, didn’t answer when Seokjin repeatedly asked him what had happened- all of it went in one ear and out the other.
“Baby, tell us what happened,” Seokjin pried, beyond worried at this point. It wasn’t like Jungkook to break down; throughout the eight years Seokjin had known him, he’d never seen him this inconsolable.
“Taehyung left,” Jungkook whined again, making Namjoon’s heart clench painfully.
“Can you tell us why?” he asked, but to no avail. Jungkook continued to cry like no tomorrow, each sob breaking another piece of Namjoon’s heart. “Kookie, talk to me,” he pleaded, slinging an arm around his shoulders delicately. It earned no recognition at all, Jungkook was legitimately inconsolable.
“Tae,” was all that Jungkook could say, over and over again.
There was nothing more Seokjin and Namjoon could do than to hold their younger friend, waiting as patiently as they could for him to be able to explain what had happened. It took a while- to Jungkook it felt like years- but he finally began to calm down, focusing on Namjoon’s heart beat and the equal rhythmic motions of Seokjin’s hand in his hair. Finally, after nearly an hour of endless tears, Jungkook felt like he could breathe again.
“You remember Jaehyun?” Jungkook sighed between sniffles.
“The guy you almost went out with before Tae?”
“Yeah,” the boy winced at his own stupidity, “we got paired for a project in lit, and it's been taking up so much time.”
“Taehyung took it the wrong way, didn’t he?” Namjoon whispered, giving Jungkook a small squeeze.
“I didn’t tell him,” Jungkook swallowed hard, leaning further into Namjoon’s hold, “I thought he’d be hurt if I told him who I was spending so much time with but he just saw us at the dorm together and-” he cut himself off, breathing growing unsteady, “he left.”
“I understand,” Seokjin squeezed his hand, “you didn’t want him to be jealous.”
“I really didn’t,” a few tears slipped down his cheeks again, “now he thinks the worst but- but I wouldn’t do that to him,” he whimpered.
“I know,” Seokjin spoke softly, massaging the younger’s hand.
“I love him so much I would never- but he didn’t believe me.”
“I know it hurts Jungkookie,” Namjoon kissed the top of his head, “but he loves you too, you’ll work it out.”
“I want to be with him,” Jungkook began to cry harder once again, “I know I’ve been neglecting him a-and now he must be so sad and- I just want to be with him.”
Namjoon gently shushed the boy and brought him closer as he broke down once more, feeling absolutely terrible for him. He knew how devoted Jungkook was to Taehyung, and he was a bit surprised that Taehyung would doubt him like this. But it had to have looked bad, seeing the person who nearly stole his love away alone with him. Namjoon would have reacted the same way.
“I’m sorry, Kookie,” Seokjin whispered, wincing at his sobs. He knew how much it hurt not to trust your lover, how easily the mind begins to make up situations that didn’t occur. He didn’t blame Taehyung but he hated to see Jungkook so torn up, and he could only imagine Taehyung was suffering the same.
[modelstatus, cuddlymochi chat]
modelstatus: hey what happened
modelstatus: is tae okay
cuddlymochi: bruh i have no idea
cuddlymochi: was jungkook really with jaehyun??
modelstatus: unfortunately yes
cuddlymochi: tae said he saw him leaving their dorm and jungkook was scared when he walked in
modelstatus: tae really thinks he’s cheating?
cuddlymochi: yeah
cuddlymochi: idk why jungkook would be with jaehyun but i really don’t think he was cheating
cuddlymochi: jungkook wouldn’t do that
modelstatus: it was for a project
modelstatus: he didn’t tell tae because he was scared of hurting his feelings but that didn’t work out
modelstatus: he came over but he hasn’t stopped crying
cuddlymochi: oooohhh that makes sense
cuddlymochi: poor baby
cuddlymochi: i believe him :(
modelstatus: me too
modelstatus: how’s tae?
cuddlymochi: literally shaking
modelstatus: these two-
modelstatus: SIGH
modelstatus: keep me updated
cuddlymochi: i will!
“You should stay here tonight,” Seokjin patted his thigh, “sleeping alone will make you feel worse.”
“Thank you hyungs,” the youngest smiled lightly, glad to at least have their support.
“Anytime,” Seokjin’s smile was warm, making it just a bit easier for Jungkook to get a grip on his breathing, “who do you wanna cuddle with tonight?”
Jungkook smiled a little brighter at the question, burying himself deep under Namjoon’s arm but keeping a tight grip on Seokjin’s hand.
“Both of you,” he muttered childishly, earning affectionate laughs from the both of them.
“Whatever you want,” Namjoon grinned, pulling him down so they were under the covers. Seokjin switched off the lights and nestled in on Jungkook's other side, glad to see that the boy had stopped crying. He threw an arm and a leg over him, trapping him underneath his body.
“We haven’t cuddled in too long,” he mused, kissing the back of Jungkook’s head.
“I know,” the younger whispered, sighing against Namjoon’s chest. With Seokjin pressed against his back and Namjoon’s comforting warmth surrounding him, he momentarily forgot how it felt to be with Taehyung, basking in the safety of his two hyungs instead. It was thanks to them that he was able to sleep; if he had been alone he would have cried the night away, missing Taehyung. But tonight he was still surrounded by love, and he allowed himself to relax into it, only hoping that Taehyung wasn’t hurting too much right now.