Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The sun was setting over the city, as Yoongi looked out his window. Usually he’d bask in be moment of being away from all the members, but right now, he really wished one of them would be right next to him on his bed. A ray of sunlight to keep the room warm as snow fell outside, shining in the colorful sunset.

‘Just business’

The words stung like hell. Yoongi wrapped himself up in a blanket, clinging onto the little warmth he felt in the moment. His eyes stung from crying so much, it was hard to breath, his chest constantly hurt. “I finally get it…” he whispered to himself. “He never loved me… I was just delusional… I thought I missed my chance, but turns out I never had a chance at all,” he whispered to himself, not even moving to grab a  notebook to write his feelings down, like he’d usually do. No, this was too strong to describe in words.

It was an unbearable, miserable feeling of betrayal and disgust in himself. He really believed that someone as amazing as Hoseok, would ever love him, or even care for him in the slightest way. No, Hoseok saw the older boy as just a business partner. There was no friendship. None of they’re days together, none of their deep talks, none of Yoongi opening up to the younger meant anything to Hoseok. Not even the night one New Years…

Yoongi's heart aches at the memory. Before this day, it was always a soothing memory for the rapper. A way to have hope, that one day he didn’t have to stay in the shadows, and he could hold Hoseok's hand with pride and love, and Hoseok would do the same.

A stupid day dream.

Now, that beautiful memory turned sour, and even thinking of something related to it had him sobbing. “S-stop it… be happy for him! If you really loved him you’d be happy to see him with Minnie, loving each other. They’re meant to be. Stop trying to make something so perfect wrong.” Yoongi tried to tell himself, but it only burned more. He wasn’t meant for Hoseok. Minnie was. Min Yoongi wasn’t meant to be Jung Hoseok’s anything. It was a privilege being the man’s coworker, he just appreciate that.

“Stop it. Stop whining. Other members have it worse, you brat. You haven’t earned the right to cry or feel hurt. You’re a privileged, spoiled, rotten little brat.” Yoongi told himself, as Yoongi day inc implement darkness. The sun was down and he desperately cherished whatever warmth he could get in the frigid feelings of his heart. “Stupid. Idiot. Disgusting. Spoilt. Annoying. Narcissistic. Ugly.” Yoongi told himself. “Know your place! You’re already living in so much luxury, and here you are weeping over a person who doesn’t even care for you!”

Yoongi wrapped himself up in his blanket. “Calm down… calm down… you’re being weak. Don’t be weak. The members need you strong,” Yoongi tried to be more rational this time.

———————

Yoongi got up, looked out his window again. “Be strong. Don’t let them know. They don’t need to know. It’s not important. Just let them be happy.”  He told himself and walked out, almost immediately ready to turn around and hide in his room again, walking out to see all of the members sitting on the couch, staring at him with Hoseok and Jimin standing up together.

“Ah! Yoongi-hyung! Please join us! Hoseokie and I have an announcement to make!” Jimin smiled brightly, Hoseok smiling as well. Yoongi’s heart stopped. ‘Be strong. Be strong. They want you here. Be strong.’

Yoongi sighed softly and walked over, sitting on the couch, the members smiling at Yoongi excited, as if they already knew the news.

“Hoseok and I are dating!” Jimin exclaimed happily. Yoongi sat in shock, his face not showing any emotion, while his heart shattered completely, tears threatening to fall. Yoongi smiles warmly at the two, “congratulations,” he said softly while everyone cheered happily. Hoseok grabbed Jimin's waist and kissed the smaller boy, right in front of everyone, Yoongi in the middle, getting the best view of the kiss. His hands shook from the pain.

Everyone smiled and hugged the couple, “we could go on double dates!” Jungkook suggested to Jimin, who smiled and nodded. “Triple if Namjoon-hyung and Jin-hyung come along!” They started to laugh together. Hoseok finally started speaking, “what do you say, hyungs?” He smiled brightly at the two. Yoongi stood up and silently left to go back to his room, locking the door again, and staying the completely dark room.

Yoongi sank down against his door, the boy choking out silent sobs. ‘Be happy, be happy, be happy, be happy,” they little voice inside Yoongi's head chanted. “They are happy, you should be happy too. Stop trying to look for attention, you already get enough as it is with your disgusting behavior!”

“Where’s Yoonie hyung?” Yoongi could hear a voice ask outside, “probably got ‘tired of all this sappy shit’,” a very familiar and bright voice laughed. Hobi… Yoongi’s heart flipped between love and hurt. ‘He listens to me…’ ‘you’ve said that so many times he probably hates hat phrase’ he tried to think positive, but all the positivity he got was from the idea of Hobi loving him. No. Hobi loves Jimin and Yoongi has to accept that.

Yoongi sat the for a moment before unlocking his phone and going into his gallery. He scrolled to find a certain folder. “Happy memories” it was called. The folder was filled with photos of Holly, his brother and three other photos. It was three selfies of Yoongi and Hobi together. He stared at the photos for a moment, thinking he could finally calm down.

It was the Run ERA. Yoongi with his mint hair and Hobi smiling at the camera while an arm was around Yoongi's neck. They looked so happy… like best friends. Yoongi missed the feeling. He looked at the photo closer. Hoseoks jacket… something about it was… strange. It was Yoongi's favorite jacket Hoseok had ever warn.  Yoongi even told Hobi that while filming.

“ You look so good in green!”  The mint haired boy smiled warmly.

“Thank you, hyung! That’s so kind of you to say!!!” The bright smile flashed in response.

Yoonie stared for a while, before the realization finally set in… Hobi never wore the jacket again. The next day was Yoongis turn to throw away the trash and he saw the green fabric in the garbage. Yoongis heart shattered as he remembered that moment.

“Y-you looked so good in green…” Yoongi whispered quietly, as more gentle tears rolled down his puffy cheeks.

Chapter Text

Yoongi has gotten used to it by now. It’s been a year and a half since Jimin and Hoseok started dating. As much as it hurt, Yoongi always smiled at them. He’d listen to Minnie ramble about dates and gifts he’d receive from Hobi, which was both extremely sweet of Jimin to tell Yoongi about it, but also painful for the boy to listen.

All he could imagine in those stories was him and Hobi being happy together. Going out to amusement parks and being able to have fun together. Cuddling on cold and terrifying nights. That helped Yoongi through the days a little.

Hoseok and Yoongi started interacting again, as if they finally were becoming friends. That actually helped Yoongi a lot with his mental health. Being able to have the person he loved next to him was very relaxing. They’d go to the movies and spend days at restaurants or arcades together. They baked and gave each tower gifts. Even wrote a song. The last of Sope their fans would ever get. Everything was perfect.  

But that quickly stopped when Jimin came running to Yoongi crying. “Y-Yoongi-hyung!!”

Yoongi panicked, “what’s wrong? What happened?” He asked concerned before he saw that smile shine bright.

“Hobi, h-he proposed!” Jimin held up his finger to show off the diamond ring. Everything crumbled in Yoongi's world. He was extremely happy for Jimin, but now all he wanted to do was crawl into a dark hole and die. He hugged Jimin tightly, tearing up but smiling for the younger. He could hear Minnie’s happy sobs. “Congratulations,” he repeated quietly.

Jimin smiled brightly and ran off to tell the others.

Yoongi stormed into his room, slamming the door shut, rushing to his desk and started to scribble down a letter. A letter for Hoseok. Something special that only Hobi would be allowed to know about. While all the members were fussing over Jimin and Hoseok, no one noticed Yoongi was gone.

———————————————————————————————————

The day of the wedding. Everything was amazing. Cameras everywhere, people gathering and getting in their seats. Fans screaming outside the venue. Everyone felt in place except Yoongi. He was a groomsman for Jimin.

Currently he was helping Jimin get ready, reassuring the younger that he looked amazing and wonderful. Yoongi smiled at Jimin and told the boy how proud he was, but he could never tell the younger how much he envies him.

“W-what if he doesn’t like me anymore? What if he thinks I’m ugly?” Jimin panicked over and over as Jungkook, Jin and Yoongi reassured him everything was perfect. The wedding was gonna be beautiful.

Once Jimin finally calmed down, the brunette excused himself and left to one of the private rooms. He sat there and stared at the letter he wrote for Hoseok. So many tears were soaked into the paper after countless nights of rewriting it just to make it perfect. Everything started to settle in.

Yoongi smiles as tears welled up in his eyes. He knew he’d never find love. He didn’t want to give himself the fake hope, that one day someone as amazing as Hoseok would love him. That anyone would love him. Yoongi was designed to be alone. To sit in a room and cry and beg for love that he could never have. He was made to feel the constant pain of being alone and having no one to care for him.  And Yoongi was ok with that. As long as the people he loved were happy, the rapper was happy as well.

Yoongi heard the call and everyone rushed to get into position. Yoongi had to walk first. He was holding Hobi’s sister since she was Hoseok's groomsmaid, and Yoongi didn’t have a partner. They walked together down the aisle, and Yoongi felt strange. Suddenly he saw a bunch of familiar colors around. Earthy greens that reminded him of the selcas. The jacket.  

Yoongi kept waking and tried not to look at his love, but once he saw Hoseok he immediately teared up. Hobi was wearing a suit, the same green as the jacket he found in the trash.  It was so pretty on him. Yoongi immediately wiped his eyes and watched the members and guests, as Jimin walked down the aisle.

The ceremony went by so slowly, but Yoongi felt as if it only lasted a moment. By the end of it, he didn’t realize that tears were rolling down his cheeks, the members were able to see the cold, usually uncaring Yoongi crying. And as if seeing Yoongi cry was a spell, everyone else broke into tears clapping and cheering as the last command came through. “You may now kiss the groom.”

Hoseok picked up Jimin and spun the boy around as they kissed, and Yoongi smiled more. In this moment, he forgot the jealousy and pain, and was just relieved that Hobi was happy with Jimin. As everyone started to file out, Yoongi stopped Hoseok, smiling softly and handing the younger the little paper. Hoseok smiled and hugged Yoongi tightly, both of them crying together.

“Y-you look so good in green,” Yoongi whispered shakily to the dancer, who smiled brightly as more tears rolled, “Thank you hyung! It means so much to me to hear you say that again,” he whispered and pressed a gentle kiss to Yoongi's cheek.

Yoongi smiles and broke out into a shaky laughter in between his tears, all the members hugging the two excitedly, and Hoseok giving Jimin another kiss. It was perfect. Everything was perfect. Yoongi felt so happy to see them together, and he was ready to be there with the two no matter what. He’d be there, and he’d always tell Hoseok

“ You look so good in green”