Chapter Text
Awareness comes slowly, in waves. Sounds are first; murmured voices that swirl around him, low and high, muted and clear. Touch is next, a hand squeezing his, the rough pads of fingers sweeping over skin. Time seems to pass in strange leaps, the sensations different every time he struggles up from the inky depths clutching at him. He hears Gaius' voice, Arthur's, Gwen's, Arthur's again. His mother's hand strokes his forehead, but he's not sure if it's a dream. There's a tingle of Morgana's magic, there and gone again, and then hands on his chest, unwrapping soft gauze.
Arthur's voice pulls him towards the surface again and he opens his eyes, Arthur's blurry outline in his vision.
"Merlin?"
"Arthur," he whispers, lips curving up because Arthur is here, looking at him with soft eyes, and everything is okay. Arthur's hand tightens around his, a tear slipping down his face, and Merlin wants to brush it away but can't move his limbs, and he wonders why Arthur is crying, wants to ask him what's wrong, but nothing comes out. His eyes droop again, darkness pulling him down, down, away from Arthur, and he clings to Arthur like a lifetime, suddenly fearing he will be gone when he next wakes.
"Stay with me," he mumbles.
"Always," Arthur whispers, and the darkness swallows him up again.
He thinks he wakes many times, but they are blurry, like looking through a smudged lens. Someone is always there, hands gentle as they steady him as he totters towards the bathroom, or help him spoon the soup into his mouth. He always falls asleep soon after, lulled to sleep by soft voices and the warmth of blankets drawn over him, awash in love and comfort.
When he wakes for real it is to sunlight filtering through his curtains, his room all at once familiar and foreign. A warm weight on his feet and the vibrations of a purr suggest Aithusa's presence, and the light breathing to his right and hand clutching his own make him turn his head, Arthur's form resolving in his vision.
"Merlin?"
He blinks, taking a breath as sensation returns. His body aches, his limbs feeling heavy and slack, but his mind feels clear and he finds his magic sitting in his chest, a warm ball of light that pulses softly.
Arthur looks like he feels, with dark circles under his eyes and normally perfect hair unkempt, as if he's been running his fingers through it repeatedly, body hunched in the small chair by his bedside.
"Arthur," Merlin croaks.
"Merlin. Here-" Arthur helps him sit up, positioning the pillows behind him and handing him a glass of water. Merlin's hand shakes as he raises the glass but he manages not to spill any, the cool liquid soothing his parched throat. He hands the glass back to Arthur and slumps against the pillows, trying to piece together his foggy memories.
"What happened?"
Arthur studies him. "What's the last thing you remember?"
"Going to Aredian, and then...." He remembers needles, and pain, the feeling of his magic writhing beneath magic suppressant, and then Arthur's voice, and then darkness.
He shakes his head. "It's fuzzy."
Realization strikes and he stiffens, hardly daring to glance at Arthur. He knows. Arthur must know.
"It's alright. I know," Arthur says, correctly guessing the source of his turmoil. "And I'm not angry."
"You're not?" He risks a glance at Arthur out of the corner of his eye.
"No." Arthur sighs. "Maybe in any other circumstance, I would have been, but all I could think of was finding you. I found your note, worked it out, and then mounted a rescue mission. It's Saturday now. You've been in and out for a few days."
"Oh." His thoughts whirl too fast for him to process.
"I wish you had told me," Arthur murmurs.
Merlin swallows, throat dry again. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean..." For you to find out this way, for you to get hurt, to lie to you...
"Were you ever going to tell me?"
"I wanted to, but..."
"But what?"
Merlin shrugs slightly. "I thought you'd...hate me."
"I could never hate you."
Merlin hunches his shoulders, feeling small and vulnerable, laid bare under Arthur's stare.
"Merlin. Look at me."
He turns his head, finally meeting Arthur's eyes, but instead of judgement he finds sorrow.
"I could never hate you," Arthur repeats. "I love you."
Merlin blinks, blindsided. "But...I...you said..."
"I was in love with you, you idiot," Arthur says in exasperation. "I was in love with Emrys."
"But that girl...I saw..."
"What girl?"
"The one with the blonde hair, I saw you."
Arthur groans, pressing his hands into his eyes. "I was lonely and drunk, Merlin, and I picked her up at a bar. I sent her home. Nothing happened."
Merlin gapes. "I thought...I..."
"You're a complete idiot," Arthur mutters. "We're both complete idiots." He drops his hands, looking slightly manic. "If we had stopped to have a bloody conversation, none of this would have happened!"
Merlin scowls. "What was I supposed to think? This isn't all my fault, you know. You can be a colossal prat sometimes."
"I know!" Arthur nearly shouts, throwing up his hands. "I bloody well know, alright! I'm a prat, and you're an idiot, and we're both incredibly stupid and oblivious and can't communicate to save our lives, and yet somehow I'm still madly in love with you!"
"Oh." Merlin suddenly smiles widely, feeling his heart skip a beat. "Oh," he breathes.
"What?"
"You love me."
Arthur looks confused. "Yes. I just said that. Many, many times."
"You love me."
"Are you alright?" Concern touches Arthur's expression. "You haven't got any brain damage, have you?"
"No, you clotpole." Merlin laughs giddily, reaching out to grab Arthur's hand. "I love you too."
"Oh." It's Arthur's turn to look breathless. He twines their fingers together, blue eyes sparkling. "Well, that's good. Great, even."
"Prat," Merlin murmurs, tugging on Arthur's hand until he leans forwards, connecting their lips.
There's a knock on the door and they pull apart to see Merlin's mother, eyes shining.
"Merlin. You're awake."
Arthur pats his hand and lets go, getting up. "I'll give you some time." He exits the room as Merlin's mother wraps her arms around him, squeezing until he thinks he'll burst.
"Ow, mum-"
"That's what you get for lying to me, Merlin Ambrosius," she scolds, pulling back to take his face in her hands.
"I'm sorry. I didn't want you to worry."
"I'm your mother. I'll always worry about you." She strokes his hair. "Is this why you've been dodging my calls?"
Merlin shifts guiltily. "Maybe." He meets his mother's eyes. "I knew if I talked to you you'd figure it out immediately. I can never keep anything from you."
"But you did. You kept all this from me, for over a year, Merlin. You knew I never look at the news, all the way out in Ealdor. One look at Camelot's paper and you're plastered all over the front page."
"I know."
Her grip firms on his face. "Tell me this isn't because of your father."
Merlin looks away, ashamed.
"Oh, Merlin."
"It's not the only reason," he protests. "At first it was, but not anymore. The city needs me. What I can do...I have a responsibility to use it for good, to help people."
"You don't owe them anything."
"But what is my magic for, if not for this?" Merlin searches his mother's eyes, trying to make her understand. "This is what I'm meant to do. I know it."
His mother's eyes water and she suddenly pulls him into a hug, squeezing him briefly before pulling back and wiping her eyes.
"I know, dear," she says. "I've always known you're meant for great things. Just be careful, won't you?"
"I promise."
She smiles shakily. "I have to get back to the farm, now that you're awake, but talk to Arthur."
"Arthur?"
"I've seen how much he needs you, how much you need him. You're like two sides of the same coin."
Merlin smiles softly. "Yeah. Yeah, I guess so."
His mother pulls him to her to plant one last kiss on his forehead. "I'm proud of you, Merlin. Never forget that."
Merlin snuggles down against Arthur's chest, yawning as his eyelids droop. Arthur chuckles, a hand coming up to run through his hair. Merlin's throat feels raw from talking, spilling everything to Arthur as Arthur listened and responded in turn. It feels like a weight has been lifted off him, not having to lie to Arthur any more, being able to share his deepest secrets without fear.
"I'm glad you know," Merlin confesses into Arthur's soft shirt.
"Me too." Arthur's hand trails down Merlin's neck, tracing small patterns. "I don't want any more secrets between us."
"I know." Merlin shivers at the feeling of Arthur's fingertips on his skin. "It's just...hard. I'm so used to lying that I-sometimes I don't even notice I'm doing it."
"We'll work on it. But you have to talk to me, Merlin. We have to talk to each other. No more misunderstandings."
Merlin nods against him, closing his eyes. "Tell me again?"
Arthur's arm loops around him, holding him tight. "I love you."
Merlin smiles. "I love you too."
He falls asleep to the sound of Arthur's heartbeat under him, steady and strong.
Merlin spends Sunday surrounded by friends, all of them happy to have him finally awake. They have been taking turns looking after him, he learns, even covering for him at work with an explanation of the flu. He's still tired and weak but he manages to sit up as they all gather around his bed, voices overlapping as they try to fill him in on the past few days. Arthur is pressed up next to him, one arm around his shoulders, and Merlin feels happier than he can ever remember.
Morgana shoves a newspaper into his hands, wearing an expectant expression, and Merlin reads dutifully.
'Witchfinder' Killed in Police Raid on Secret Facility
The elusive 'Witchfinder,' the serial killer who has been targeting magic-users, has been revealed to be none other than Thomas Aredian, age 60, a researcher and professor of genetics at Camelot University. He was killed just days ago in a police raid on his home, where underneath was found a lab worthy of horror films and science fiction novels. Aredian was responsible for the kidnapping, experimentation, and murder of over a dozen magic-users, and sources say he was obsessed with uncovering the mysteries of magic. In a culmination of his life's work, Aredian kidnapped Emrys, Camelot's resident vigilante and most notable magic-user, and attempted to kill him. Thankfully, Emrys got away, assisting the police in the take-down. Sources say Emrys is recovering, and we eagerly await his return in light of the most recent development: His instatement as official protector of Camelot by police commissioner Uther Pendragon.
Merlin chokes. "What?" He stares at Morgana, then Arthur. "Is that true?"
"Is our father really appointing you official protector of Camelot?" Morgana asks wryly. "Yes, it's true. I could hardly believe it myself."
Merlin gapes at Arthur, who shrugs. "You're strategic," he says. "Father would rather have you on his side than against him, and he thinks a show of goodwill might help that. Of course, what he doesn't know is that it's all completely unnecessary." Arthur smirks. "I think you've already picked your side."
"I don't know what you're talking about," Merlin says innocently. "I have very important plans for world domination, I'll have you know."
Arthur grins, eyes crinkling, and plants a kiss on his cheek. "Of course you do."
Merlin pouts, trying to stop the smile spreading across his face. Morgana rolls her eyes.
"You two are sickening."
"I think it's wonderful," Gwen interjects, from where she and Lance are perched on the side of the bed. She smiles at them. "You deserve happiness."
"Thank you, Gwen," Arthur replies. He glares at Morgana. "Harpy."
Morgana huffs, but her eyes are fond.
"I just want to say, I totally called it," Gwaine blurts. "I was just waiting for the Princess here to figure out the two people he was in love with were the same person."
Merlin frowns. "How did you know?"
Gwaine grins. "Mate, you really can't hold your liquor. You unlocked your door with magic and then mumbled something about being Emrys before passing out. Besides, you're not too subtle."
Merlin colors. "Oh."
Arthur sighs. "You really need to work on the 'secret identity' part, Merlin. Key word secret."
"It's not like I meant to say it! I don't even remember that night."
"I'm slightly concerned about your drinking habits." Arthur suddenly gapes at him, pointing an accusing finger. "You! You showed up to my flat as Emrys, and got drunk, on my whiskey, and then-"
Merlin slaps a hand over Arthur's mouth as Arthur's eyes go wide. "Nope. No. We're not talking about that."
"What's this?" Morgana has a curious glint in her eye that spells trouble. "What happened?"
"Nothing," Merlin hurries to say. "Absolutely nothing."
Arthur pries Merlin's hand off his mouth, clearing his throat. His cheeks are slightly pink. "He's right. I..got confused. It was-perfectly night. I mean, perfectly normal. A perfectly normal night." He clears his throat again, nodding.
Morgana looks delighted, a grin growing across her face. "You're a terrible liar, Arthur."
"I will turn you into a toad," Merlin threatens. "I don't know how, yet, but I will figure it out, and when I do...I will. So."
"You really need to work on threatening people," Morgana sighs. "Amateur."
Merlin manages to get Gwen alone when Gaius comes and kicks everyone except her and Arthur out, citing Merlin's need for rest.
"I'm sorry," he starts, as she sits down on the edge of the bed. "For not telling you."
Gwen gives him a small smile. "It's alright. I understand why you didn't. Plus, I had my suspicions, especially after you ran off that day Nimueh attacked."
Merlin reaches out to catch her hand, squeezing. "You're my best friend, Gwen. And I've been...I haven't been a good friend to you lately. Not just the magic, but everything. I'm sorry."
Gwen slides her other hand on top of his, patting. "I forgive you."
Merlin exhales, feeling another weight lift off his shoulders. "Don't be mad at Lance, either. I made him swear not to tell anyone, including you."
Gwen's lips quirk up. "I know. Lance already begged for my forgiveness, not that he needed it. I'm glad he was there for you."
"Me too," Merlin admits. "And I'm glad you two are alright. I'd hate to come between you."
"I doubt anything could do that." Gwen's eyes go far-off. "I just...know, you know? He's the one. I want to spend the rest of my life with him."
Merlin nods, thinking of finding home in blue eyes. "Yeah," he murmurs. "I know how you feel."
He goes back to work on Monday, welcomed back by hugs and back-slaps from all the DIs. It's strange, knowing that they know who he is, and yet they treat him no differently, if a little more awed and deferential. He thanks them for saving his life, even Leon smiling broadly and ruffling his hair as he tells Merlin he'd do it again in a heartbeat. It's almost overwhelming, having so many people know about him and not only not care, but accept him. Elyan had thanked him solemnly for all he's done for the city, and Percy had told him he'd always protect him.
Lance has been promoted to Detective Inspector, practically bursting with excitement and nervousness, and Merlin catches him just sitting at his new desk and running his hands over it in awe, obsessively wiping his nameplate free of smudges. Gwen looks happy to have Lance nearby during the day, sunny smiles returning in full force and Lance wearing a besotted expression to match. They both hover over Merlin, volunteering to help him with anything and checking that he's not about to fall over. Between them, and the rest of the men, and Arthur, he's never felt less alone.
Work tires him out quickly, but he rests often and lets Gwen do most of the hard work, sitting at his computer and logging samples. Arthur brings him lunch at midday, and they eat it sitting in the break room, feet tangled under the table and smiles pulling at their mouths.
"Come over tonight," Arthur says, running his foot up Merlin's calf. "I'll make dinner, we can watch a movie, maybe do other things..."
Merlin smiles slyly, shivering as Arthur's foot continues its path upwards. "I'd love to."
"We'll do it right this time. No secrets."
"No secrets," Merlin repeats, smile growing.
Arthur's hand cups his cheek, mouth pressing against his softly, and Merlin parts his lips to let him in, deepening the kiss. He presses against him, Merlin stumbling backwards until the backs of his knees hit the edge of the bed and he falls, pulling Arthur with him. Arthur settles between his legs, kisses turning heated and arousal building low in Merlin's gut as he rocks his hips up towards him, rewarded by Arthur gasping into his mouth.
Arthur's hands fumble at his shirt, unbuttoning it and pulling it off to land somewhere on the floor. He trails kisses down Merlin's neck and over the burn scar on his chest, the sensations strange through the damaged nerves.
"Arthur," Merlin breathes, hands fluttering nervously over his scarred chest.
Arthur grabs his wrists and pins them over his head, looking Merlin in the eye.
"Don't move."
Merlin nods, breathing shallowly as Arthur continues his path down his chest, kissing over each scar with a tenderness that makes Merlin's eyes burn. He reaches the waistband of his jeans and pops the button, slowly dragging the zipper down as Merlin bites his lip, fighting the desire to squirm. The rough material drags over his legs as Arthur pulls them off, throwing them in the same direction as the shirt and making quick work of Merlin's shorts. Merlin realizes with a flush of heat that he's naked, sprawled out on the bed completely at Arthur's mercy, Arthur raking his eyes up and down his form like a starving man at a buffet.
Arthur quickly strips as well, crawling back up Merlin's body to connect their lips. His hips press down against Merlin, length rubbing along his, and Merlin arches into it, groaning into Arthur's mouth.
"Shhh. Patience." Arthur climbs off, rustling around in his drawers before returning, dropping the objects onto the bed and answering Merlin's silent demand with a kiss. He pulls back to kneel between his spread legs, muscled chest dusted with fine golden hair and eyes dark with desire as he meets Merlin's gaze.
"Alright?" he murmurs, hands roaming down to caress Merlin's thighs.
Merlin nods, nudging Arthur with his leg. "Come on."
Arthur chuckles. "So impatient." There's the click of a lube cap and then Arthur's finger presses against his entrance, making him gasp and tilt his head back against the mattress, right hand gripping his left wrist tightly to keep from moving.
"Okay?"
"Yes, yes, God, Arthur-"
Arthur holds his hips down with one hand as he works him open, until Merlin is panting and squirming beneath him, completely wrecked. He can feel his magic slipping from his control, swirling around him in sparks of gold.
"Arthur, please-"
Arthur crawls back up to cover Merlin's body with his own, crushing their lips together. He hooks an arm under Merlin's knee, drawing it up as he pushes in slowly. Merlin gasps, hands flying up to clutch at Arthur's back, nails digging into his skin.
"God, Merlin-" Arthur groans. He stops when he's all the way in, both of them panting into the space between them. Arthur's arms bracket Merlin, muscles flexing, his hair mussed and darkened with sweat and eyes dilated so only a thin ring of blue remains. He stares down at Merlin, face flushed and a soft smile working its way onto his face.
"I love you," he murmurs.
Merlin smiles back up at him, magic wrapping around Arthur and haloing him in golden light. "I love you."
He tilts his head up and Arthur meets him in a searing kiss, hips starting to move in torturous strokes. Merlin's magic intensifies, filling him up, and he can tell his eyes are gold as Arthur stares, transfixed.
"Beautiful," he whispers.
His pace picks up, Merlin's nails raking down his back as their panting breaths fill the room, magic swirling around them. He watches as it crackles over Arthur's skin, sparks trailing from his fingertips and making Arthur shiver beneath his touch. Heat builds in his gut, coiling tighter; Arthur reaches between them, wrapping a hand around him, and Merlin comes with a shout, vision whiting out and magic exploding around him. Arthur comes a second later, burying his face in Merlin's neck and biting down hard as his hips stutter.
Merlin's magic settles, ghosting across Arthur's skin like a caress. Merlin thinks, distantly, that it's never done that with anyone else.
Arthur rolls them onto their sides, reaching up to brush sweaty strands of hair away from Merlin's forehead.
"Hey."
"Hey," Merlin murmurs back, lips curving up into a smile.
Arthur traces a finger down his cheek. "I can feel it. Your magic."
"It likes you."
Arthur's lips twitch. "Gaius says I'm a conduit."
"Hmm." Merlin's eyes droop, sleep pulling him down.
He feels Arthur chuckle lightly against him, and then Arthur carefully disentangles himself, leaving Merlin cold. He pouts, but Arthur returns only a minute later, cleaning him up with a washcloth before slipping back into bed, wrapping his arms around Merlin and pulling the blankets over them. Merlin snuggles into him, warm and happy, safe in the warm circle of Arthur's arms as he drifts off to sleep.
Morgana brings Mordred over the next evening, retreating to the other room to let them talk. Merlin sits them down on the couch, taking in Mordred's downcast expression and red-rimmed eyes, fingers twisting nervously in his shirt.
"I'm sorry," Mordred blurts, finally looking up at him. "I didn't want you to get hurt but he-he said he'd hurt Kara and I didn't know what to do, and he just wanted the one thing, I didn't tell him anything, I swear-"
"It's alright." Merlin lays a comforting hand on Mordred's shoulder. "Here. Look." He pulls the small black devices out of his pocket, showing them to Mordred. "He bugged my flat. That's how he knew so many things, like about Morgana. Arthur found them after he brought me back."
"But I led him here," Mordred says quietly. "And all the others....it's all my fault." He swallows. "I would find them, and then I'd lead them outside; I said I needed help, and then he'd...." He makes a stabbing motion. "With a needle. And I knew-I knew it was bad, I knew, but I-" His face crumples, chin trembling.
"What you did was wrong," Merlin agrees, "but I understand why you did it. You were just trying to protect Kara. Aredian was scary, and you're young and vulnerable. I know you didn't want to hurt anyone."
Mordred shakes his head. "I didn't, I don't want to hurt anyone."
Merlin gives him a slight shake. "That's what matters. That's what makes you a good person, and Aredian a bad one. Do you understand?"
Mordred nods shakily. Merlin takes both his shoulders, meeting his eyes evenly.
"I forgive you, Mordred."
Mordred sobs and flings his arms around Merlin, burying his face in his chest. Merlin rubs his back soothingly, his own eyes burning with tears as something unlocks in his chest.
"It's alright," he murmurs into Mordred's hair. "It's alright. I've got you."
Merlin carefully sets a sleeping Mordred into the backseat of Morgana's car, Mordred yawning but not waking as he fastens his seatbelt. He closes the door softly, turning to hug Morgana briefly.
"Thank you," she says softly. "He's been inconsolable all week."
"He'll need help." Merlin glances at his sleeping form. "He's been through a lot. Too much."
Morgana nods. "I'm finding him a therapist. Kara too. They're inseparable."
Merlin's lips quirk. "You're keeping them both, then?"
"God help me." Morgana sighs. "How did I end up with kids first? I was the one who was supposed to have fifty cats and never marry."
"You can still do that," Merlin points out.
"True." Morgana looks thoughtful. "Kids and cats, then. Besides, it's not like they're just mine. Mordred adores you, and Arthur as well. I expect you two to help out."
"Of course." Merlin smiles. "Then there's Gwen, and Lance and all the DI's too. They're going to have the biggest, most wonderful family ever."
"Most dysfunctional, you mean," Morgana says with a smirk. "I look forward to it."
Merlin chuckles, then sobers, watching the faint light from the streetlamp glint off Morgana's hair in the darkness. "Do you ever feel like....things could have been so different if one thing was changed? Like if Aredian hadn't killed my father, would I ever have become Emrys? What if I never met Arthur, or I never made that deal with you?"
Morgana cocks her head. "I think that...some things are inevitable, no matter what you do. Call it destiny, or fate. I think you were always going to become Emrys, and you were always going to meet Arthur and fall in love with him. Us? I don't know. Maybe there were some futures in which I take Nimueh's place, in which we are enemies. If that's so, then I'm glad we live in this one, because you're the best friend I've ever had."
Merlin blinks away tears. "Me too." He clears his throat, regarding Morgana curiously. "Did you See this? All of it?"
Morgana just smiles slyly, eyes unreadable. "Goodnight, Merlin." She rounds the car and gets in, pulling away into the darkened street as Merlin stands, staring after her.
Merlin drops to one knee, head bowed. The crowd behind him rustles and murmurs and Merlin glances up slightly to lock eyes with Arthur, standing next to his men on the precinct steps. The air is crisp and cool, a slight breeze ruffling the mask pulled over his face and catching the underside of his hood. Uther stands before him, tall and stately, but it is Arthur Merlin kneels to, Arthur who his magic belongs to.
Uther lowers the ribbon over his head, golden pendant thumping softly against his chest.
"Rise," Uther orders, voice ringing out clearly. Merlin stands, turning to face the crowd as Uther addresses them. "I hereby name Emrys Official Protector of Camelot!"
The crowd cheers. Merlin raises his hands and makes shimmering sparks appear in midair, shaping into a dragon that swoops over the crowd. The sun shines down through the clouds, bathing the square in gold, glinting off the heads of children riding on their parents shoulders with eyes wide in wonder. Merlin stands and looks out over the mass of people, something infinite filling his chest. Love.
These are his people, and he is their protector.
He is their hero.