Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

CHAPTER ONE- BOY MEETS BOY

 

TG: bro i have a favor to ask
EB: alright. what can i do?
TG: my friend needs a place to crash just for a couple of days nothing more
EB: someone i know?
TG: nah. but he’s chill
EB: okay send him over :B
TG: thanks bro

You are John Egbert, and you have just agreed to something you could never have imagined. Who knew Dave’s weird homeless friend would be so attractive. And such a pain in the ass.

Dave dropped him off around two in the morning, which was fine by you. It’s not like you were asleep. You were busy watching a movie with Vriska. She is about the only person you can watch movies with, who doesn't hate on it. She left around one. Said something about Eridan being mad or whatever.

You still can’t get over the fact that Vriska is with Eridan! They seem like the worst fit ever, but some how it works. Probably due to sex. Lots and lots of sex. She left after Con Air. What a great movie. You started watching some random chick flick.

Not because you love chick flicks. More like you know Dave Strider, and that he could show up any time. The movie was okay. You dozed off a few times, but managed to wake up again.

Then Dave came. he dropped off his “friend” with a quick explanation and was gone.
“Look he’s not my friend. He’s Jade’s and Terezi’s. Thanks a ton. Maybe Terezi won’t be mad at me anymore knowing he’s safe with you.”

And then he was gone, leaving you with a complete stranger. The kid was pretty short. About as short as Rose. Well Rose isn’t that short, but she is one of the shorter people you know.

He has olive tanned skin, maybe part Italian? And he has curly brown hair. You’re betting he is from somewhere Mediterranean. His eyes are a warm brown with a reddish hue to them. He is pretty lean and fit. He is staring at you as if it’d make you go away.

“What the fuck are you looking at?” wow his voice is loud.

“Hi, my name is John Egbert-”

“Fuck I know who you are! God we go to the same college and have all the same friends! Just because we’ve never talked before doesn’t mean I haven’t seen you around! You dumbass!”

That’s why he looked so familiar. You feel guilty.

“Oh yeah. You’re Karkat!” you grin at him.

“Wow the nooksniffer actually remembers me!” he still hasn’t stopped glaring at you. You keep grinning.

“So I have a bed already made up for you and everything! Don’t worry I washed the sheets and everything! Also don’t be alarmed if you hear a loud british guy at around 7ish tomorrow. He’s just my cousin and roommate.” you show Karkat to your room. It’s actually clean for once. You change into pajamas and get ready for a night on the couch.

“Thanks asshole.” Karkat manages to say as say good night. You smile at the gesture.

==>
You are Karkat Vantas, and holy fuck will he please shut up!

You guess this is the british guy John was telling you about. You have no idea who he is talking to. Until you realize he is singing in the shower.

For the love of Christ, and your sanity someone please shoot him!

“BABY COME COME! BABY COME BACK TO ME!”

Fuck he is way off tune. You don’t even think he is singing the right words. Suddenly he stops singing and the shower turns for.

You thank all the motherfucking miracles! You manage to fall back to sleep.

Only to be awoken not even an hour later.

“Fuck off asshole!” you yell covering your face from the blinding light.

“Sorry Karkat, but I need to get ready for school. Don’t you have classes?” John peeks his goofy face above you. You glare and grudgingly get up.

“Fuck classes!” John laughs at that. You awkwardly get ready, glad you had the foresight to bring clothes to change into and shit.

John goes into the kitchen, humming some annoying song. You join him a few minutes later. Not singing, but in the kitchen. Together you sit down to eat.

“Sorry if Jake woke you up,” he smiles. Wow his buck teeth are kind of cute. You mean stupid. He looks like a dumb ass.

“Tell that pompous freak to shut up in the morning!” you glare. Today is going to be a long day.

“If you don’t mind me asking, why do you need a place to stay? And why did Dave send you here?”

“You nook sniffing romping puke monkey! why the hell would I ever know why Dave does what Dave does. Also my shit eating landlord kicking me out. Said the neighbors filed complaints. Said I swore too much. Those douchey asshats!” John tries not to laugh.

For some reason, even though you don’t really know John, you feel as you could be friends. And by that you mean in the every far future you might not hate his guts.

John leaves to his classes. You decide that it would be wise to attended yours as well. John smiles and hugs you before he leaves.

What a creepy kid. Who hugs a guy they just met?

You can’t help but feel a little comfortably in his embrace. He gives good hugs.

Aw fuck. You are not, and will not get a crush on some dorky kid who happens to have buck teeth and messy hair. You just met him last night. You can’t have a crush. You will not allow it.

--gardenGnostic began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]--
GG: how was it? sorry you couldn’t stay with me. nepeta, feferi and i made a rule about guys sleeping in our dorm
CG: FUCK YOU. I DON’T GIVE A SHIT. AND WE ARE THE BEST OF FRIENDS. WE EVEN BONDED OVER HIS FUCKING COUSINS SINGING IN THE SHOWER!
GG: ohmigod! you met jake?
GG: did you get along? do you like my brother?
CG: HOLY FUCK STOP.
CG: JAKE IS YOUR BROTHER? THAT ANNOYING OOF WHO CAN’T SHUT THE FUCK UP?
GG: yep! 8)
CG: OH FUCK. AND I DIDN’T MEET HIM. BUT HE DID FUCKING WAKE ME UP BECAUSE HE IS A MONKEY’S BELLY LUMP!
GG: hehe did you like john? btw he is my cousin
CG: NO FUCKING WAY.
CG: YOU FUCKASS I KNEW THAT!
GG: sorry 0.0
CG: STOP. DON’T MAKE CUTE FACES.
CG: I WON’T ALLOW IT.
GG: why? 8(
GG: i have to go class is starting!
--gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]--

Sighing you put your phone away. Class is fucking starting.

==>
You stay at John’s house again. He puts in some stupid movie. You watch it, complaining the whole time.

“Karkat this movie is awesome!”

“No fuckass it is the shittiest movie I have ever seen!”

It continues like this for a long time. You watch movies all night. Neither of you have classes tomorrow because it’s fucking Saturday. You fall asleep on the couch.

The next morning you awake to find John right next to you. He has this cute dumbass look on his face. You decide to get dressed because you are meeting everybody later at Jade’s apartment. John wakes up a little later, lazy ass. You eat and drive to Jade’s.

Jade smiles as she opens the door. “Karkat! John!”

She hugs you both, pressing John’s shoulder into you. It feels kind of nice and-fuck no fucking way! You don’t want to ever be touched by Egbert again. You mutter curses under your breath as you march in.
A bunch of your friends are already here. God everyone is so fucking cuddly. And you feel left out. Until you see motherfucking Dave Strider almost boning Terezi. You blush and look away. Fuckasses should get a room. Or better yet leave. John sees what is happening and laughs.

“Sup?” Dave says. Wow you are fucking amazed he could pull away from Terezi long enough to say that. You go into the kitchen. Jade, Nepeta, Feferi, Jane, Roxy, Rose, Kanaya, Sollux, Aradia, and Calliope are talking. John ends up in there as well. Nepeta walks over to you.

“Karkitty!” she pounces on you, kissing you right on the mouth. You turn bright red as she giggles.

“Hey Nepeta.” you smile.

“So how are you?” she rolls her r’s into a purring sound. It’s cute. Nepeta is like a sister to you. One that gets on your nerves and always wants to cuddle.

“I’m fanfuckingtasic!” you deadpan.

“Oh good! Karkitty how is your love life?”

“Fuck have you been hanging around with Kanaya too much. You sound like a meddling little kitty!”

“Yes! I am one!” she grins ear to ear. Wow calm the fuck down.

“I have no love life dumbass!”

Nepeta tries to find someone you like. Finally she starts shipping you with people.

“You are Terezi would be sooo cute! But I guess that won’t happen.”

“No shit.”

“Oooh! How about John! You’re Pan aren’t you?”

You burst out, “What! John don’t be retarded! And yes I’m fucking Pan!”

“Do you like John? Eeeeee! I ship it!” Nepeta squeals and grins. You have to rub behind her ear. She finally stops and begins to purr. Works every time.

==>

Your name is John Egbert, and you find yourself enjoying Karkat's company. Sure he yells a lot, and you can’t never tell why. But he is a cool guy who is really fun to tease.

The party was fun. You got to talk with Dave, and Jade. Rose introduced you to her new girlfriend, Kanaya. She was pretty cool. You were glad Rose liked her. Then you had to get home.

“Need a ride?” you ask Karkat.

“John I hate you. Go fuck yourself.”

“Is that a yes?” he rolls his eyes and you both head out to the car. As soon as you turn the key in the ignition loud singing blasts out.

'My pussy tastes like Pepsi Cola!' you hurry to turn down the music. It was Lana Del Rey. This could only mean one thing. Fucking Dave.

>You look out of the car to see Dave laughing his butt off. You open the car door.

“What the hell Dave!”

That only makes him laugh harder.

>“Why Dave?”

“I thought it would be ironic. Cause you know, you don’t like pussy.”

“Shut up!”

“Wait you do?”

“Well no but-”

“Hah fucking irony! I owned you John.”

You roll your eyes and close the car door. You pull away. Karkat looks confused and angry.

“What the fuck was that?”

“Dave is a douche.” you both agree on that. Then Karkat gets this awkward look on his face.

“So you’re gay?”

“Yeah. Didn’t you know that?”

“Fuck John I just met you like two days ago! Use your think pan!” he blushes embarrassed. It’s kind of cute.

“Right sorry Karkat.” you laugh. He huffs.

==>
Do the windy thing.
What the hell does that mean?
Oh right you need to turn on the fan. You wouldn’t want anyone to get overheated. So you turn on the fan. It relaxes you. The airflow is perfect. Wind has always been you method of relaxing. It helps you think, and calm down.

Not much is happening at your work. Your job is over all a fun one. You work a trampoline place. Most your customers are teens and families. They have fun running, and jumping around. You love watching all the tricks they try to pull of. It pays well too.
Sometimes your friends come to visit and goof off. Because it’s not like they have anything better to do. What with college and their own jobs. You don’t mind, you like the company. Usually Jade or Jake come right before you have to close. That way they can jump around while you do all the chores. Man your friends use you. Dave only comes by when he is bored. He loves hanging with you, but Terezi hates jumping, and says it always smells awful. Which it does, but your nose isn’t as sensitive as hers. So they don't come as often.

Also Roxy always comes in right after getting wasted. There is a bar just around the corner. She always manages to stumble over here. Which you are glad of. You’d rather risk her making people annoyed, than have her walk all the way home, drunk off her ass.

Tonight no one comes in. It’s not like some one does every night. Not that many people are still hear. Just a few random couples and a family of three. You watch as slowly they all leave. You get to work on all of the chores that need to be done. You let your coworkers go home early, assuring them that you could close up by yourself.

You like how it feels.

The calm emptiness. It’s not lonely, just peaceful. You enjoy people, and being with them. But it’s also nice to just be alone with your thoughts. You take your time to lock up, then head home.

All the lights are off when you arrive at your apartment. You realize both Jake, and Karkat must be sleeping. You make it your best effort to be quiet as you get ready for bed. Karkat is asleep in your bed.

And for once he see his face softened, without anger or hate. It’s fucking adorable. His bottom lip sticks out a little, as if he is trying not to smile. He looks so calm.

You have to run out of the room, for fear of waking me. He is so cute! Wow, that’s just not okay. It’s not fair that he gets to be so cute.

==>
Be the other guy.
What other guy? There are so many fucking guys you couldn’t count them all. Which one are you trying to be?

Never mind, just stay the same guy. Be yourself.

Be John Egbert.

You awake to the sound of Jake laughing really loud. Karkat is yelling quietly for his to shut up.

“You nookhumping idiot! You will wake John up with all your stupid fucking laughter!”
Right Karkat, as if yelling wouldn’t wake you up. You make a muffled sound. They go silent.

“I think he is awake.”Jake states.

“No shit.” Karkat fires back. They start arguing over it.

“Shut up! I have a fucking hangover!” you yell. This gets their attention. You have to conceal your snicker. You couldn't help trying to prank them.

“John! You are only 20! You are not allowed to drink alcohol!” Jake scolds. Karkat glares at you. You can’t help it, the giggles burst out.

“John! Stop with the shenanigans!” Jake pretends to be mad, but he is smiling.

“You buttfuck! That was stupid!”

“Sorry, but I’m not really hungover. And Jake you know I’ve had alcohol before. How could I not, Dave is my best friend after all.”

Jake blushes, probably thinking about the many times he has had a drink with the older Strider, Dirk. Which have led to more things than just a drink. You raise an eyebrow at him. He blushes again.

“Ah well fudge buckets! I must be one my way! I’m meeting Dirk for studying. Yep see you tricksters later!”

And Jake absconds seconds later. You hope his face will still be bright red when he gets to Dirk. Knowing Jake, it will be.

You laugh while Karkat looks confused. You get up off the couch. Karkat glances at you before quickly looking away. Oh right, you’re shirtless. Which isn’t uncommon when you are in your own house. You try and smirk at him, but it ends up being a smile. Teeth and everything. Well you can leave the smirking to the Striders and Rose.

“Hey moronic clusterfuck of shit. What the fuck do you usually do on Sundays?” Karkat asks.

“Um usually I just chill. Go on a walk and finish any homework I have. I think I’ll go on a walk today. Care to join me?” you waggle your eyebrows at him. He considers it for a moment.

“Even though you are a pain in the waste chute, I have nothing better to do. So yes I will grace you shitty walk with my greatness. Your nook sniffing shitface walk might even be fun.” he declares. You grin, knowing that he totally wants to go on a walk with you.

“Shut up asshole!” he demands when he notices your grin.

You get ready to leave on a walk with Karkat, your new friend. Friend! Not crush. Karkat Vantas is not your crush. You just met him!

Chapter Text

Wow John took you on the shittiest walk ever. Basically you just walked to a park. It was a quaint park for asshole douche muffins.

John sheepishly admitted that he wanted to swing. Sighing you walk up to a swing. This is just too awful. Why the hell did he drag you here? Oh right cause you are a dipshit who thought it might actually be fun.

You are the one at fault here. But it’s easier to blame Egbert. What with his stupid smile, and messy hair. And those blue eyes. That shine when he is excited or happy. They glow with the light of his heart.

Fuck.
Fuck. Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck! Did you really just think that? You are fucking serious. Did you Karkat Vantas just think that.

Well this is it. Time to go die.

Okay well besides that horrible, fucking shit thought you just had. You do think Egbert has amazing eyes. Not that you would ever admit it.

You really need to visit Sollux soon. Become sane again. Get away from Egbert and his cute little giggle. And the way he is so relaxed and genuine in everything he does. It makes you feel warm inside.

Ah fuck. You need Sollux. And now! Any later and it will be too late.

==>
You go to Sollux’s apartment. He is coding or playing some video game when you barge in.

“Jegus KK! Don’t you knock!” he glares at you from his desk.

“Hi fuckass. And I knew you would answer if I didn’t. Hoof shitting idiot!”

“KK shut the fuck up.” he looks around in panic for a moment. That’s when you realize the shower is going. What the fuck! You thought Sollux didn’t have any roommates.

“Who the donkey’s ass is here?” you let curiosity get the best of you. Sollux blushes uncomfortably.

“None of your beeswax!”

The shower stops. You here singing. It’s a really beautiful female voice. Some how it sounds familiar.

“Is that…?”

“NO! Fuck shut up KK!” Sollux is getting angry.

“Fuck calm down. Do you really think I don’t know who that is?” you give Sollux an incredulous look.

“Look KK, I don’t want it getting out. Neither does she.

You huff loudly, “Fine!”

He almost smile. “Thanks.”

The bathroom door opens. Out comes just who you thought. Still it shocked you to see her in person. And is Sollux’s grungy apartment! It shocked you that Aradia Megido. The lead singer/songer writer for one the today’s most popular and amazing bands: The Corpse Party.

You stand in awe as she smiles at you. Then she leans over and gives Sollux a gentle kiss. You can’t motherfucking believe it.

How did that inflamed nimfuck get some one like Aradia Megido! It blew your fucking mind to pieces.

Also she is way more beautiful in person. Sollux is giving you a strange look.

Fuck you might pass out.

“KK let’s go outside. So Aradia can get dressed.” Sollux pulls you out of the room. You hadn’t even noticed that she was only in a towel. You burn bright red. She sees your burning face and winks.

Holy cows shit you turned even more red. You didn't think that was possible.

Sollux shuts the door. You breathe heavily, trying to make your face go back to it’s normal color.

“What the hell you blithering incompetent dickscratcher! How in the world did your shitty ass end up with her at your apartment?” you still doubt this. Maybe it was a prank. Yeah that must be it.

“You asshole! What is that even supposed to mean?” his red and blue lenses stare at you. You feel guilty. That was shitty of you. But you are in shock.

“Nothing dumbass! So how did you meet her?”

“I was getting coffee, and I saw her. I asked her if she was from some band. She smiles and said yes. Kk she has a beautiful smile. So I bought her coffee. We talked all night. Then she had to leave. But not before I got her Pesterchum handle. Since that night we had talked every day. Fuck she is perfect. I asked her on a date.”

“Wow fuck man, I didn’t even know you liked people! This is a fucking exciting discovery.” your voice is really sarcastic.

“Fuck off. I’m telling you a story asshole.”

You grumble something like an apology.

“Anyways. We went on a few dates. It was really fun. She said that she wanted to me my girlfriend. I took her home. And then the next morning you had to come barging in, like the idiot you are.”

Fuck you are an idiot. Oh well, so is he.

“Wait doesn’t she have to tour and shit? Fuck how are you supposed to date a famous rockstar?”

“Don’t worry about it. We’ll figure it out.” he looks a little worried about it too. You regret bringing it up.

“Well I’m just glad you won’t fucking die alone.” you try to joke. Sollux rolls his eyes.

Suddenly the door opens. Aradia smiles as you both walk in.

“Hello my name is Karkat.” you try and introduce yourself like a normal person who isn’t starstruck. She laughs. It sounds like an angels laugh. So melodic and pure.

“Hi Karkat. I’m Aradia Megido,” she pulls you into a hug without another word. You make a fucking idiotic squeaking noise. You blush red again, as your face is engulfed into her hair. Her perfect auburn hair. Which smelled like Sollux. Sollux! Fuck she just showered, using Sollux’s soap an shit. Of course she is going to smell like him.

Sollux smiles as you break from your hug. Araida goes over to him, giving him a much more intimate hug. He hugs her back. You can feel their happiness radiating off of them. Wow. Holy fuck you are glad Sollux found someone. As his best friend, you want the best for him. You just hope Aradia is that.

==>
You spent most of the afternoon with Sollux and Aradia. You got to know Aradia better. You realized that even though she has a band called The Corpse Party, she is a every sweet person. She loves adventures and spelunking.
She has a very endearing softness to her. But you can tell she could get enraged when someone upsets her or hurts a loved one. You make a mental note to never get on her bad side.
Sollux seems head over heels for her. You just keep hoping that she won’t break his heart.
Aradia is also funny, but her sense of humor is very morbid, and cynical. She makes you laugh at things you would normally find terrible. And it’s not like she is being offensive, she just has a way to make things funny. You decide that you like her, and that she will be good for Sollux.

“Well I better get back to that insane asswad Egbert. He said he was making dinner.”

“Bye KK,” Sollux grin at you, showing of his teeth.

“It was nice meeting you!” Aradia, unlike Sollux, hugs you. You smile, letting the anger seep away from you. Then you leave to go back to the hell hole.

John let you use his car,that trusting asshead, so it wasn’t a long distance. Within minutes you were back at John’s apartment.

You go inside, and hear Jake singing. Bloody fucking fuck! Why is he singing all the goddamn time? For fucking reals! He need to stop. John sees your anger from the kitchen where he is cooking. He starts laughing. You can’t help but join in. John has a cute laugh that is infectious. Whenever you hear it, you just want to laugh with him. But even more you want to be the cause of his laughter.

Dinner is almost ready. John welcomes you into the kitchen, alongside Jake.
The three of you sit down together. John and John both have an easy going nature about them. They chat casually, and usually you are forced into the conversations. Not that you mind, it’s nice to have someone to talk to. Even a moronic asshole with the bluest fucking eyes you have ever seen. Which you do your best not to stare at. Fuck you can’t help that he smiles, showing off his crooked buck teeth. And his warm eyes flash with laughter. Fuck it’s not your fault is hair is so black and messy, but not stupid looking. And by not stupid, you mean completely stupid.

After dinner, you get on PesterChum, to troll your friends. The only people on at the moment were gallowsCalibrator [GC] and gardenGnostic [GG].

Ugh, only Terezi and Jade. You have got to be joking. You don’t need more shit from these assholes. Too late, Terezi “sees” that you’re online. Oh fuck you might as well talk with her.

--gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]--
GC: H1 K4RKL3S!
CG: FUCK OFF.
GC: J3RK >:P
CG: WHAT IN THE NAME OF FUCKING DAVE STRIDER’S ASS SHIT DO YOU WANT?
GC: 1 JUST W4NT3D TO T4LK W1TH YOU. 1S TH4T 4 CR1M3? >:D H3H3H3
CG: FUCK YOU.
GC: 1S SOM3TH1NG BOTH3R1NG YOU? YOU S33M UPS3T
CG: I ALWAYS TALK LIKE THIS YOU NOOK SNIFFER
CG: JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND, AND YOUR LIFE IS PERFECT, DOESN’T MEAN YOU CAN COME SNIFFING INTO OTHER PEOPLES FUCKING LIVES!
CG: DON’T BE SUCH AN ASSHOLE!
GC: SORRY K4RKL3S! 1 D1DNT KNOW TH4T T4LK1NG TO ON3 OF MY B3ST FR1ENDS WOULD S3T TH3M OFF.
CG: TEREZI I’M SORRY. THAT WAS OUT OF PLACE. YOU DID NOTHING WRONG.IT’S JUST EVERYBODY IS A MORONIC DOUCHE BERRY!
GC: TH4TS OK. 1 UND3RST4ND.
GC: SO WH4TS WRONG? >:?
CG: I AM JUST SICK OF SEEING ALL THESE FUCKASS HAPPY COUPLES! IT’S LIKE EVERYONE IS IN A RELATIONSHIP AND THEY ARE ALL RUBBING IT IN MY FACE! THEY ARE SHITTING ON MY FACE WITH THEIR IMMATURE AFFECTIONS. THEY ARE STINKING UP THE ROOM. I CAN’T BREATH THROUGH ALL THE AWFUL.
GC: 1 THOUGHT YOU W3R3 1NTO ROM4NC3 4ND LOV3. W1TH 4LL THOS3 MOV13S YOU W4TCH.
CG: THOSE ARE TOP QUALITY MOVIES. NOT SHITTY COLLEGE STUDENTS PRETENDING THEY ARE IN LOVE.
CG: AND IT’S FUCKING ANNOYING!
GC: 1M SORRY. 1 W1LL T3LL D4VE TO COOL 1T ON TH3 LOV1N’ >;D
CG: GOG DON’T EVER SAY THAT AGAIN!
GC: DONT WORRY. 1 WONT.
CG: GOOD! NOW I HAVE TO GO. HARLEY IS PESTERING ME.
GC: BY3 K4RKL3S!

GG: woof!
CG: HELLO TO YOU TOO FUCKASS
GG: how are you?
CG: FUCK! WHY IS EVERYONE ASKING THAT! I AM PERFECTLY FINE!
GG: because im your friends, and i care about you duh! :P
CG: WHATEVER. IT DOESN’T MATTER. HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU?
GG: great! 8D
GG: guess what!
CG: FINE. WHAT?
GG: guess!
CG: YOU FINALLY GREW UP AND STOPPED ACTING LIKE AN APE SHITTING KID? OR YOU ARE JUST SUPER BORED AND YOU ARE GOING TO TELL ME ABOUT THE SHITASS THING YOU JUST DID THAT WAS SO FUCKING HILARIOUS!
GG: nope! guess again 8P
CG: YOU ARE A FUCKASS SHITBAG WHO WANTS ALL YOUR IDIOT FRIENDS TO GUESS SOMETHING STUPID AND WASTE THEIR TIME.
GG: dont be so mean, you fuckass!:(
CG: FUCK THEN JUST TELL ME!
GG: i got a new car. now all the babes want me! hehehe ;)
CG: UGH! THAT’S NOT EVEN IMPORTANT. I ALREADY KNEW YOU HAVE A NEW CAR! YOU NOOK SNIFFER!
GG: but you didnt know that im getting all the babes!
CG: SHUT UP. I HATE YOU AND YOUR STUPID LOVE LIFE!
GG: dont be so mean! you jerk.

“Karkat?” John’s voice is so close to you. You shiver at the thought of how much closer it could be. No don’t be an assfucker. You are not falling for John. A dork you just met.

“What asshole? Can’t you see I’m busy?”

“Oh sorry, I’ll come back later.” he starts to walk away.

“Fuck no. Come back.”

“Are you sure? I can come back when you aren't bussy. It’s fine”

“No John, I motherfucking want you to come here right now and tell me your ass shit thoughts.”

John walks back up to you.

“The guys are going bowling. I was um just wondering if you wanted to come. So do you want to come?” fuck his blue eyes shine with hope.

“Are you asking me on a date?”

“Fuck no! I um, just thought you um, might want to come.”he blushes crimson. It looks really good on him.

“Oh shit I thought you were asking me on a date,” you pretend to be disappointed. You don’t have to pretend that much.

“Wait what? Do you want it to be a date?” he blushes again. You would be lying if you said you didn’t want to go on a date with this nerd.
“You dumbfuck I never said that!” shit do you want him to take you on a date? What if he doesn’t want to? Shit you are fucking everything up!

“Well then it doesn’t have to be a date. Alright we can just hang with the dudes.” he smiles unsurely at you. You sigh.

GG: hello fuckass?
GG: anyone there?
GG: karkat where did you go?

Shit you forgot harley was Pestering you.

CG: SORRY YOUR DUMBFUCK COUSIN WAS HITTING ON ME. I WASN’T TRYING TO IGNORE YOU.
GG: john? wait really?
CG: YES JOHN. WHO ELSE?
GG: my cousin jane? have you met her?
CG: OH FUCK I FORGOT ABOUT HER. I THINK I MET HER ONCE. SHE WAS HOT- I MEAN NICE. FUCK SUCKING SHIT. I DIDN’T MEAN THAT.
GG: its okay. your secret is safe with me ;)
CG: THANKS. NOW WHAT IS THIS VERY IMPORTANT SHIT INFORMATION I FAILED AT GUESSING.
GG: oh right! i finally made my move on callie! shit she is cute. and all MINE!
CG: FUCK NOW WHO AM I SUPPOSED TO ASK TO PROM?
CG: SHE WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO WOULD ACTUALLY SAY YES.
CG: I’M FUCKED.
GG: hehe you are funny. and also you dont go to prom. but maybe john would go with you ;P
CG: WELL SHIT THERE GOES MY BEST TEENAGE MEMORY. THANK YOU FOR SHITTING ON IT WITHOUT CARE
GG: alright whatever *rolls eyes* i have to go, callies home! ;P
--gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]--

You sigh, shutting off your computer.

==>
Be the dork.

You can’t fucking believe you almost asked Karkat on a date. And then chickened out! You don’t even know if he would have said yes. Oh well. At least he agreed to come. You put on your “bowling” clothes. Which is really just an old blue shirt, and jeans. Dave said they make your butt look good. But Dave is well, Dave. You never really know what to do with the information he tells you. They are hella comfy though. And if they really do make your butt look good, well that’s a bonus!
You exit your room, allowing karkat to get anything he needs. He glares at you as he walks in. You totally do not check out his ‘choice ass’ as Dave would say. You really need to stop spending so much time with Dave.But he is your best bro, so nah. It is a nice rump though. That makes you blush. You shake the thought from your head, and get your car keys.

Karkat is out of the house a few seconds after you. You both get into the car.

==>
“Fucking bowling? Why in the shitting horses did I agree to this?” Karkat complains loudly. You chuckle.

“Because you wanted to go on a hot date with me!” you joke. He turns red.

“Fuck I hate you! Why would I want to do that?”

“It must be my hot bod then.”

You see Karkat roll his eyes. You just grin wider. Then all the others all yelling at you. You jog over to them. Dave, Terezi, Eridan, Dirk, Jake, Rose, Kanaya, Roxy, Jane, and Vriska are all here. No one else that you know of is coming.

“Let’s get this party started!” Roxy yells.

“Come on losers! Watch as I beat you all!” Vriska grins devilishly.

You start playing. You aren’t half bad. Karkat is terrible. So is Dave. They both fight over who is worst.

“I’m not bad. I’m just sucking to be ironic!”

“My ass’s ass you are! And I can’t help it that you are all distracting me!”

Dirk is fairly good, much better that you. And Jake gets way too distracted. It becomes a game of who can get him the most unfocused. Dirk wins, but he has an unfair advantage. It’s not like you can say half of the things he says to your own cousin!

Jane and Terezi are about the same. Jane does okay for someone who never bowls. And Terezi can’t even see. Kanaya gets super competitive and takes 3rd the first round. Roxy beats every one, with Vriska right behind. Rose probably could have beaten every one, but didn’t care too. And Eridan threatened to kill everyone whenever he missed, or got a gutters ball.

Overall you had a good time. It has really enjoyable. Even Karkat seemed to have fun. Though he didn’t like it when Terezi kept licking his nose. Neither did Dave.

When it was time to leave, you all regrettingly packed up. Everyone went their own ways. You and Karkat left after most of them were gone.

“Let’s get out of this nook crunching place!”

You agree.

“Do you want to do something else before we head home? It’s only 10. Not like we have anything better to do.” you suggest.

“Fine asshead. Can we get ice cream or some shit?”

“Sure dude.” you grin to yourself. Does this qualify as a date?

Chapter Text

You really hope this is a date. You are getting ice cream for Karkat. You are buying it. Just pretend it’s a date.

“This ice cream is cooler than Dave!” you joke around.

“Nice try assfuck, Dave isn’t cool!”

You both laugh a little at Dave. Fuck he is your best bro, but that’s the reason you are allowed to tease him and make fun of him. It’s not like he doesn’t do it too. That’s just all part of your bromance. You love him.

“It is good ice cream though.” you smile widely at Karkat. He almost smiles back.

“Is it a date now?” he asks, suddenly flirtatious.

“If you want it to be,” you wink at him. It probably looks stupid and not seductive. He blushes anyways. Hehe victory.

“I-um- you asshole!” he grows even redder. You laugh at him. He rolls his eyes, and eat his ice cream. That makes you laugh even more.

“Okay then it’s not a date. Sorry to offend you.” you are still laughing.

“You didn’t offend me, asshat. I was just surprised. That’s all.”he grumbles. Alright no holding back, you can’t stop laughing.

“Fuck you Egbert!”

“Alright if you really want to!” he flares red again. Shit you have to pee. You get up from the table and go to the restroom.

==>
Be Karkat.

Fuck! John! Ugh! Why did he have to do that. why did he have to flirt with you, then act like he didn’t care. Aw shit, has Dave been telling him how to “get babes” or some stupid shit? Fuck! Dave! Fuck, why can’t this be a date? Why can’t you just be one a date? Why can’t you tell John you want to date him?

You lay your head on the table, ice cream forgotten. Shit why do you fuck up so badly?

John comes back. He isn’t smiling. But he isn’t frowning.

“Eat!” he orders, pointing at your ice cream. Sighing, you grab the spoon.

“Let’s go home.” he says when you are both finished. It’s almost 11, and the shop is getting to close. You leave, but not before John flicks ice cream droplets on your face.

“Fuckass!” you yell as he runs out of the building. Damn his urge to prank you! John jumps in the car. You yell at him the whole way home.

When you pull up, John looks over, smiling cheekily.

“This was totally a date!”

“Yeah fuck off.”

“Admit it! It was a hot Egbert date!”

“No.” you refuse.

“Fine!” he throws his hands up. You roll your eyes and hop out of the car.

==>
That night you watch movies with John until you both fall asleep. Jake wakes you up at 6 fucking too early in the morning.

He is singing something you have never heard before.

“Jake!!!!” John whines as Jake gets loader.

“Sorry old chap! I didn’t know you were sleeping in here.” he raises an eyebrow. That when you realize that you and John are spooning. Oh shit! You try and scoot away, but end up pushing John off the couch.

“Fuuuuck!” he mutters. Oh shit. Smooth. Very smooth.

Well you two have fun.” Jake teases. John rolls his eyes.

“Please, it’s not like you and Dirk haven't fallen asleep while watching a movie. Or done even more.”

“What!-I-Dirk-fucking cheese and crackers!” Jake blushes. You smirk at him. John chuckles.
Jake leaves. You both laugh as he exits the room.

John pulls on off the couch. You land on him. Both of you just stare at each other for a very long time.

“Karma,” John manages to say, breathlessly. Your heart skips a beat hearing his voice that way.

“You apeshit! You didn’t have to knock me off of the couch!”

“Dito!” he sticks his tongue out at you. Oh he is so dead!

That’s when you start wrestling.

John wins.

“Karkat, I live with Jake. I have learned how to wrestle.” he tells you matter of factly.

“Whatever you nooksniffer. I let you win.”

John laughs at that. Fuck that was a lie. But it doesn’t matter.

“Maybe Jake will teach you some.” John teases.

“I don’t want that looneyblock putrid douchepress to teach me anything!”

John gives you a goofy grin.

“I guess that means I’ll have to teach you.”

You try not to feel a fluttering in your stomach. Fuck why does he make you feel this way?

“Haha in your dreams fuckass!”

==>
Go to motherfucking school and get smart.

Ugh! School is annoying. You have to go into huge classrooms and pretend you give a shit about anything they are saying. Some classes are important. Others are just a waste of your time. You hate wasting time.

Today you have all your boring classes. You sigh and walk into the classroom. Terezi sees -more like smell-your presence. She waves to you.

“Karkles!”

God you hate it when she yells stupid nicknames in front of all these random students. Your face turns red.

“Hey asshole.” you glare at her, and sit. She grins, and moves to sit next to you.

“Fuck I’m not your boyfriend. That’s Dave.”

Terezi cackles at that.

“I know that! But you are my friend and I love you!” she laughs some more. Her laughter is really loud, and causes a lot of people to look over at you. You ignore them. Even though you hate her, Terezi is your good friend. And you don’t care if people give you shit for it. Terezi has had enough shit in her life. She doesn’t need more from these douches. So you don’t tell her to shut up like you usually would. You just flip everyone else off.

They turn away. You guess some might feel bad for judging. Others just don’t want to see your glares. You feel smug, but you don’t show it. You don’t want to stop glaring.

The professor comes in. He starts talking and you do your best to listen. But it’s too hard.
Terezi grabs her pen out and writes you a note.

TH1S 1S SUP3R BOR1NG! H3 JUST T4LKS 4ND T4LKS!
W3 SHOULD H4V3 D1TCH3D. 1 COULD T34CH MYS3LF
MOR3 TH4N TH1S UNCOOL GUY COULD. 4ND 1N L3SS
T1M3! TH1S SHOULD B3 4G41NST TH3 L4W!

 

You agree with her. But you do plan on graduating college. So you endure.

In the middle of the lecture, Terezi pulls out some paper and crayons. She starts drawing. And every time she picks up a crayon, she has to lick it before she can start drawing. It’s amusing to watch. You think she is drawing you, but you are not sure.

Yep it’s you. And she is drawing someone else next to you. It looks like you are holding hands with…..John?

What the fuck. You almost tear the paper from her hands. You don’t though. Because you don’t want to cause a scene. That would be shitting. In fact it’s one of the top five things on your list of shitty. Yes you do have a list of shitty things. It pretty much includes everything. Besides kittens. Fuck you love kittens. Also ice cream. That can never be shitty. But other than those two things, everything else is shitty.

You decide to draw your own shitty picture. It’s of Terezi being a total assfuck, while Dave is being even more of one. You laugh at how awful it is. Terezi sniffs it and grins.

“Good job Krakrab!”

“Shhh!” is all you respond. You turn back to your drawing. You add in Sollux being a douche. Soon it turns into a huge art piece, with all your friends. You are pretty proud of it. Maybe you should be an art Major. Ha! Who are you kidding. This is one of the shittiest things you have ever laid eyes on. And you have seen Dave Strider before. That’s saying something.

“Alright class in dismissed. The assignment is due on Wednesday!” your professor says. Everyone starts packing up their bags. Shit! You squint at the broad to see what the work is.

Come up with a survey that has to do with this class. You need at least 20 people to answer your survey. Then write a two paged paper on the results.

Fuck that is stupid! You do not want to do that in the slightest. You have better things to do in your time then ask shitty questions to people. Fuck you hate everybody.

==>
You are now John Egbert.

Fuuuuuuuuk! Karkat is sitting on the couch, doing homework. He looks confused about something, and he is biting his lip in frustration. It’s fucking adorable.

And you maybe want to kiss him.
You totally do.
Fuck.

You log into PesterChum and start talking to Vriska.

EB: hey um vriska?
AG: yeah????????
EB: how do i know if someone
AG: if someone what????????
EB: likes me back.
AG: you like someone? For reals? Who????????
EB: you dont know him.
AG: whateveeeeeeeer! 8luh! Tell me! ::::D
EB: fine! his name is...
EB: Karkat
AG: vantas? for reals? that is hilarious! you like karkraby pants!
AG: hahahahahaaaaaaaa!
AG: gog this is pricelessssssss
EB: SHUT UP!!!!!!!!
AG: this is gr8! you and vantas!!!!!!!!
EB: you arent helping. i need advice.
AG: fine. you wanna know if he likes you 8ack?
EB: yes.
AG: does you flirt with you????????
EB: yeah...
AG: does he even like dicks?
EB: VRISKA!
AG: what? it’s a real question 8luh!!!!!!!!
EB: well i dont know. maybe?
AG: gog John!!!!!!!! you n88d to find these kind of things out!!!!!!!!
EB: okay! i will!!!!!!!!

You stop pestering Vriska, and start pestering Jade.

EB: what is karkats sexuality?
GG: what?
GG: that was way random.
EB: sorry. i just want to know!!!!!!!!
GG: john that was 8 :( 8 times!
EB: shit sorry. i was just talking to vriska and…
GG: okay :) so karkat huh?
EB: yeah.
EB: wait what is that supposed to mean?
GG: oh you know! XD
EB: shit no! just tell me!
GG: *sigh* fine! karkat is pan. ;)
GG: you can have him if you want ;p
EB: JADE!
GG: just dont bone him too hard. ive heard buttsex hurts.
EB: jade stopstopstop!
GG: i bet he has really soft skin
EB: nope. this is not happening. nope not at all.
GG: i already know his hair is soft. i bet youll have fun running your hands though it.
EB: fuck stop!
GG: hehe 8P
GG: fine! ive gotta go anyways. callie is making me dinner. then im going to eat her up! 8D
EB: okay i so didnt need to know that. bye jade.

You can’t believe your cousin. She seems like a cute innocent girl. But that is a lie. She always says stuff like that to you on purpose!

You sigh. Well you already talked to two unhelpful people. Might as well talk to some more.

EB: dave
TG: sup?
EB: um how do i know if someone likes me?
TG: well just ask them
EB: dave! be serious.
TG: dude im being so motherfucking serious. more serious than dirk then the newest my little pony episode comes out.
TG: thats how serious i am being.
EB: i cant just ask them!
TG: why not?
EB: because…
EB: shit just because!
TG: hah. admit it egderp i totally give fantastic advice.
EB: shut up dave!
TG: whatever. so who is this person?
EB: no one you know.
TG: its karkat isnt it?
EB: pssssshh no.
TG: i knew it.
EB: fuck you!
TG: i think that what you really want to do is fuck karkat.
TG: but if you want to, i think terezi will be fine with a threesome
EB: dave oh my god SHUT UP!
TG: what i know you want this ass.
EB: nope nononononononononono!
TG: liar.
EB: fuck off!
TG: i have a choice ass

You are so done with everyone! You log out of PesterChum.
You are so mad! Why can’t you have helpful friends?

Karkat looks over at you.

“What the literal fuck John?”

“Dave is a turd. Vriska is unhelpful. And Jade is annoying!” you explain. Karkat just grunts in agreement. You pull out your homework.

At least one good thing came out of talking to those assholes. You now know Karkat is pansexual. Which is good news. If he returns your feelings. Fuck!

You are having a very hard time concentrating. Karkat looks so damn cute! He is really trying to do something. But it looks like he is having a hard time.

“Need help?” you offer.

“Fuck off! Not all of us are math whizzes!” you roll your eyes.

“Karkat! I’m not a math whizz. But I do want to help.” he sighs loudly.

You scoot over, and start helping him. You banter, and Karkat is really hard to help. But you find yourself enjoying it anyways.

And he does end up finishing it. You are glad it worked.

“Thanks assfuck. I still hate you though.”

“I know!” you grin. You think Karkat just thanked you.

Fuck you want to kiss him.

Chapter Text

The shower beats down on your body. You relax under the steady stream of warmth. It calms you down. You start to wash your hair. You love the feel of wet hair. It’s so smooth and soft. You smile softly. The shower is one of the only places where you smile. You aren’t angry, and there is no one there to annoy you.

Too soon there is a knock on the door. You sigh. Like most good things, your shower had to come to an end. You switch off the water, and wrap a towel around your waste.

You open the door. John is standing there. He looks over at you. You see him blush. Your heart kind of skips a beat. John is blushing at you, and you didn’t even do anything.

“Hey globefondling garbage, move out of my fucking way.”

John quickly moves out of your way. You start walking towards the bedroom, where your clothes are.

“Hey you have a bunch of friends here!” John says right before you can close the door. Who the fuck is here? Saturday is your day off. You don’t want to talk to a bunch of losers.

You pull on a grey hoodie, and black jeans. You brush your curly brown hair. Then sighing, you leave the quiet of the room.

In the living room, there are three people, sitting and talking. As soon as they notice you, Nepeta jumps up and runs over to you. She squeals and kisses you right on the mouth. It’s just a peck, but you cheeks go on fire. You wish she wouldn’t kiss you so much. It’s weird, because she is like a little sister to you. It’s fine most of the time, but it’s uncomfortable in public.

You look at the other two people. It’s Sollux and Aradia! What the literal fuck!

“Hey kk.”

“Fuck what the hell?”

“Hi Karkat!” Aradia- ARADIA MOTHERFUCKING MEGIDO- grins at you. You feel faint.

“What are you guys doing here?” you manage to ask.

“We came to visit you asshole. What else?” Sollux asks.

“You never visit any of us!” Nepeta pouts. “So we decided to visit you!”

You roll your eyes. Suddenly John comes in. He is asking if anyone needs anything.

“No thank you,” Aradia flashes him a smile.

“Holy shit! You’re Aradia Megido!”

“So you’ve heard of me?” she grins slyly.

“Heard of you! The Corpse Party is one of my favorite bands!” John is getting super excited. It’s amusing, and admittedly cute.

“That’s good to hear.” Aradia looks over at Sollux. They share a secret look.
“You guys are sooo cute!” Nepeta squeals. You grunt. These fuckballs are all so moronic.

“Well I better be off to work!” John says. He starts to leave, but you notice he looks back at you once. He is looking slightly upset. You wonder why. That’s when you remember Nepeta is practically on your lap.

Shit what if John thinks you are dating Nepeta? FUCK!

Why does stuff like this happen? Why are you so cancerous to potential relationships.

“Your friend John is pretty attractive,” Araida winks at you. Your whole face burns red. Sollux huffs at the comment.

“Yeah when are you gonna date him?” Nepeta fucking inquires.

“Fuck off! I’m not dating anyone you shit eating idiots!”

They all laugh at that.

“Kk you are so obviously head of heels for that guy!” Sollux smirks.

“I am not! Fuck you!”

They all snicker again.

“Whatever you say!” Nepeta sings.

“Well Karkat I think it’s great. John seems like a wonderful person. You two would be good together.”

“Fine!” you give up trying to defend yourself. It’s useless anyways.

“Cool, now we are going to kidnap you.” Sollux stands up and grabs your shoulder.

“Holy mothershitting dogs! What the fuck!”

Nepeta grabs your other shoulder. She is surprisingly strong, they all are. Aradia picks up your feet. They start walking. You yell at them to put you down, sadly they ignore you. Finally you give up, not wanting to risk them dropping you.

You sigh as they roughly stuff your body into the backseat of a car. Nepeta scoots in next to you.

“Okay nooksniffers, what the fuck are you doing?” you ask as Sollux starts driving.

“We are kidnapping you!” Nepeta assures you.

“Don’t worry Karkat, we are doing this in your benefit!” Aradia calmly tells you.

Fuck that didn’t make you feel any better.

After twenty minutes, you arrive at who knows fuck where. You all get out of the car.

“Holy fuck…” your eyes widen when you realize when you are.

“Come on Karkitty!” Nepeta grabs your hand, and pulls you towards the building. Sollux grins at you. You still don’t understand what is going on, but you feel like you will in a short while.

==>
John… be John. RIGHT NOW!

Fuck your feeling are all the jumble of emotions. Does Karkat have a girlfriend? Does he not like you that way? Shit!

You saw them kiss! And next they were snuggling on the couch.

Your face burns with embarrassment. You really thought you had a chance with him. Now you feel stupid for ever believing that.

Your chest feels tight, you are having a hard time breathing.

Your coworker, Zac, asks if you need your inhaler. You nod yes. He goes and gets your spare that you always keep at work.

“Thanks.” you tell him once you are breathing okay.

“Sure man.”

You go to doing your job, pushing all thoughts of Karkat aside.

It isn’t easy. Every Time your thoughts wander off… Nope. You aren’t thinking of a certain angry boy, with curly brown hair. Hair that looks so soft. Hair that you want to tangle your fingers in as you kiss him…

Fuck! You aren’t thinking of that person at all. You focus on your job.

==>
Finally your shift ends. You decide to go to Dave’s. You don’t want to go to your apartment. You might do something stupid in front of Karkat. Then he wouldn’t even be your friend.

Dave’s house is pounding with music. You let yourself in, wondering if there is a party or something.

No one is there. Alright, you guys it isn’t a party. Just Dave being Dave, trying to annoy his neighbors.

Dave is in his “office” mixing or something. You walk in. He turns around. You grin at him.

“Sup bro?” he fist bumps you.

“Nothing, just got off work.”

“Cool.”

“Guess who I met today?” you are giddy with excitement. Dave is going to blow his shit.

“The queen of England? Obama? Who?”

“ARADIA MEGIDO!”

“Shit! For reals?” Dave asks in disbelief.

“Yes! She is a friend of Karkat or something!”

“No fucking way. Karkat?”

“Yeah she came to visit him today along with…” shit that reminded you of Nepeta. You don’t know her very well, but she was definitely kissing Karkat.

“You okay man?”

“Yeah yeah. I’m fine!” you grin at Dave. He doesn’t buy it. Because you two are the best of bros, you know each others moods. You can always get a good read on each other.

“Come on, I’ll make my famous chocolate shake. Then we can talk about all your troubles.” Dave teases. It makes you feel better. You know you can talk to Dave. Even if he is a major douche, he always makes you feel better.

“Okay,” you grin. Dave walks into the kitchen. He starts grabbing out supplies for his shake.

“Alright, don’t starte at my butt too much. You know I can only make shakes while shaking my ass.”

“Dave I’m not going to stare at your butt.”

“Why not? I have a choice ass John. Don’t dis my ass,” he gives you a very serious look. You roll your eyes.

“Oh Dave you so fine, your ass blows my mind!” you sing to him way off key. Dave starts laughing. Soon you are both on the floor, laughing so hard your stomach hurts.

“Alright John, I’m gonna make this shake happen.” Dave stands up, and starts twirking.

“No Dave! The horror! Stop!” you can hardly breathe, you are laughing so hard. Dave finally stops, and starts actually making the shake.

“John, you can tell me now. I have put the power of this ass way for now.” Dave looks me right in the eye. “ Tell mama Dave your problems”

“Okay. Well I think Karkat might have a girlfriend.”

“That bastard!” Dave curses.

“Well I don’t know for sure. Maybe I should ask Jade, she knows a lot about Karkat.”
“Yeah but until then, just chill with me.”

“Cool,” you smile. “But Aradia Megido!”

You start to freaking out about that again.

“Maybe it was one of those celebrities prank things.” Dave tries to rationalize.

“No she acted like they were old friends. They totally have met before.”

“Humh?”

“Well the other guy that was there looked like her boyfriend? I don’t really know him, though I think I’ve seen him before. But they were totally together.”

“What did the guy look like?”

“I dunno. He was asian I think. He had spiky black hair, and glasses with a red and blue lenes. Also he lisped a little.”

“Fuck! I know him. He is Sollux Captor. Huge douche, also way smart. He was in some of my classes last semester. He didn’t talk much. Though when he did it was to make a smart ass comment. I think he is bffs with Karkat.”

“Yep that’s him.” As soon as Dave said his name you remembered.

“How in the fuck did he get Megido?”

You shrug. That is beyond you.

Dave finishes the shakes. You drink them up. They are the best shakes you have ever had.

“So what’s new with you?”

“Nothin’ much. Just chillin’ makin’ babies with Terezi.” he winks.

“Ahaha! You and Terezi would be the shittiest parents ever!” you laugh at the thought.

“Fuck you! We would be boss parents. Screw you Egbert!”

“Whatever. You know it’s true. So do you ever see Dirk?”

“Haha funny. Nope. And whenever I miraculously do, he won’t stop texting little ‘Jakey Poo!’”

“Oh god, does he really call Jake that?”

“Sometimes, when Jake won’t agree to something. It’s awful.”

“Man those two are pretty much glued together. Jake is either in classes, at work, or with Dirk. I swear they have attachment issues.”

Dave smirks and you grin.

“Yeah it’s pretty bad. But at least have have some one. It must have been hard growing up alone.” Dave notes. He almost looks sad. That’s when you remember. Dave was always a loner. He didn’t make friends at school. In fact you were his first friend, and that was online. So Dave knows what it’s like to be alone. Just not the way Dirk and Jake do. They both grew up in isolation. Jake on his island, and Dirk in his apartment that he wasn’t able to leave.

They both had it rough. Same with Dave. Whereas you had a supportive Dad. Sure sometimes he could be overbearing, but only because he loved you. Also You had your sister Janey. You had some friends at school here and there. And now you have a lot of good friends.

“Yeah.” you agree with Dave. “So where is Terezi?”

“Had a girls night or some shit. Pretty much means they are all making out, having some girl time getting sweaty.”

“Dave! Ewww!”

Dave smirks. “Sorry that’s only your cousin with her girl. Oh and my sister and her woman. So only four of them.”

“Dave stop! That’s not what happens at girls night out!”

“Oh you would know.” he teases.

“Yes actually I would. You know how many times Jane had those things. And all her friends came to our house. Of course they all thought I was the cutest fucking thing alive! So I had to attend too many of those. Much to Jane and my annoyance!” you explain.

“Wait annoyance? The fuck John, not many guys can say that. You lucky bastard.”

“Dave. It is the most boring thing in the world!”

“Lies man. I know you are just saying that so I won’t get jealous.”

“Shut up!”

You talk with dave all night. It feels good to be hanging out with your best friend. You hardly think about Karkat the whole night.

“Welp, I better get home!” you hug Dave goodbye.

“Seeya Egderp.”

You roll your eyes and get in the car. Dave waves goodbye like the dork he is. You grin and drive off.

==>

You change into your pajamas. Which is just your boxers. Jake is in the next room with Dirk. You don’t want to interrupt anything. So you don’t watch a movie. You just put on some music, and get ready for bed.

You brush your teeth, wash your face, and get comfy.

You are glad your couch is so comfortable. Karkat has been living with you for a while. Sometimes you switch off who gets the bed. Most of the time Jake just lets you use his bed. He hardly ever sleeps here anyways.

But tonight you are taking one for the team, and sleeping on the couch. You don’t mind.

You doze off, thinking about what you should do tomorrow.

==>
Be the angry one. You mean Karkat?
Yes be Karkat.
Okay well you are Karkat.
And surprise-lying, you aren’t angry.

You spent the whole day with Sollux, Aradia, and Nepeta. It was fun. Aradia wanted you to write a love song with her.
You still had no idea why. But it was fun. And they wouldn’t tell you, so you just went with it.
Though the song sucked, Aradia made it work. She would change things a tiny bit to make it less shitty.

But when you got home, John was asleep. You were bummed about that. Fuck he looked so torn when he left to work.

Shit it was because of you. You felt so awful about that. You wish you could explain. But you don’t really know how. Shit you fucked up so badly. At least he didn’t see Nepeta kiss you. Not that it mattered.
Nepeta is like a sister to you. Nothing more. And her greeting is kissing you. You never really think much of it. It’s just her way. So it’s a good thing John didn’t see. He wouldn’t have known that about Nepeta.

John looked so peaceful, sleeping. A small smile tugged at the edges of his lips. It looked really perfect. John looked really perfect.

Sighing you go into the bedroom and get ready for sleep. Maybe Aradia will tell what that was all about. You really want to know. Why would she want you, of all people, to write a song with her?

The thought kept fucking with your head. You really wanted to know.

= =>

The next day you found two tickets to the Corpse party concert. One had your name on it, the other one had John’s.

You felt like Alice from wonderland. Curious. Very curious.

Chapter Text

Your name is Jade Harley, and you are spending this beautiful sunday afternoon on a picnic. It’s a wonderful day. The sun is shining, everything is so green, and you are with people you love.

Rose pours some wine into four glasses. You grin as you sip yours. You remember when you were just a little girl, around 9. Your grandpa had left on a trip. You can't remember why. But you were a curious girl, still are, so you decided to see what was in those bottles grandpa never let you have. So when he was gone, you went into his study, and opened one. You knew children weren't supposed to drink it. But you wanted to know so badly that you didn’t care. You took a swig. And almost spit it out everywhere. It was the worst thing you had ever drank!

You look back at that memory with fondness. You were always doing things you weren’t supposed to. Grandpa always forgave you. You miss grandpa a lot. You think about him everyday. You know he would be proud of you. Following your dreams, going to school and getting a girlfriend.

You are so happy right now.

Calliope looks over at you. You smile at her.

Calliope has beautiful chocolate brown skin. She has bright green eyes, similar to your own. She has the biggest dimples in the world. She is all soft curves, and she has fingers of a writer. She dyes her dark hair white. It is strange against her dark skin, but she makes it look really good. And she was the cutest british voice.

Callie is so beautiful, despite what she thinks. And even though you love her looks, you love her personality even more.

She is so clever and funny. She loves so many things you take for granted. She seems so shy and timid, but wants to share her ideas with everyone. She loves to write, and create wonderful stories.

You love her with all your heart. And sometimes when you fall asleep at night, the last thing on your mind is how lucky you are to have her.

You realize this all sounds like stupid cliches, but you couldn’t give a fuck.

You finish off the rest of your wine.

“This is truly a beautiful day,” Kanaya sighs, and leans to Rose’s shoulder. You think how cute they are together.

“I agree. It’s a splendid day to be outside enjoying nature,” Rose smiles.

“Yeah!” you yawn. “ It's so warm I’m getting sleepy!”

Callie giggles at that, “Everything make you sleepy Jade.”

“True.” you rest your head to her lap. She strokes your face softly. It feels nice, so nice. So sleepy. You start to fall asleep.

==>

“Come on, it’s time to go,” Callie says. You stir, and begin to wake up. That was wonderful sleep. You feel energized and ready to move. You stand up quickly and start to pack up the picnic. Rose and Kanaya already did most of it. You grin as you notice that they are over by a tree, most likely kissing.

You look over at Callie, and motion to them. She giggles.

“Get a room!” you yell at them. Rose and Kanaya break apart, both blushing. They make their way back to you.

“Hehe sorry to break up your make out session, but we need to go. We are supposed to be at Dave’s in 10 minutes!”

“Wow did the time really go by that fast?” Kanaya wonders out loud.

“Haha yep. Now let’s scoot!” you skip over to the car. Rose laughs at your energy.

“Come on slow pokes!” you say as you get to the car.
“Hold up Jade!” Callie yells as you open the car door.

“Jade some of us enjoy walking and talking our time.” Rose chuckles as you roll your eyes.

You all pile in the car. Rose in behind the wheel.

“You sure you can drive? You had a wine!”

“Only one drink, and we all did.”

You sigh, Rose is always right. She peels out of the parking lot, and you speed away to Dave’s.

==>
Dave’s house is full of people. Some are dancing and partying’ it up. Others are just talking and hanging out. You say hi to all your friends. Finally you find Dave. He is the DJ of course.

“Dave!” you yell, cupping your hands around your mouth.

“Sup”

“Is John here?”

“Yeah, I think he is dancing with Vriska. He may or may not be wasted.”

“Dave!”

“What? It’s a party!”

You roll your eyes, and start searching for John. He is in fact with Vriska. But you don’t think he is wasted. He sees you and grins. Vriska stops dancing with him, and he walks over to you.

“Hey Jade!”

“Hi John. How much have you had to drink?”

“Like 4 beers?”

“Ugh John! You promised me you wouldn’t drink again. Remember what happened last time?”

“Yeah, but Jade-”

“No John! You are a huge bitch when you drink. Now come outside with me so we can talk!”

John sighs and follows you outside.

“What do you want to talk about?”

“Are you going to the concert?”

“What concert? Why?”

“The Corpse Party! Didn’t you get the ticket?”

“Oh yeah. I totally am.”

“Okay good! Are you going with Karkat?”

“Um maybe…? Why?” shit maybe you shouldn’t have asked.

“No reason. But you should make it a date or something.”

“What?”

“Don’t you like him?”

“Yeah. But he doesn’t seem interested in me.”

“What?”

“Yeah I think he has a girlfriend…” John trails off, looking upset. Shit no wonder he had alcohol.

“No he doesn’t. Trust me, I would know!”

“Well does he kiss every girl that’s just his friend then?”

What? Shit did that fuckass really kiss a girl? And in John’s presences?

“Um maybe it was his really good friend?”

“On the lips? Then they were cuddling.”

“Oh fuck! I’m so sorry John. I really thought he liked you!”

“It’s okay.” John tries to smile.

“Well I’m going to go find Callie. Is Karkat here?”

“Nope. He went somewhere with Sollux and his girlfriend. Again.”

Oh fuck. Poor John. You can tell that he really likes Karkat. That little fuckass. When you get your hands on him-

“Jade!” Callie calls from the car. Oops, she must really want to leave.

“Coming!” you go grab John, and pull him to the car with you. Rose and Kanaya are already in the car.

“I have my own car!” John tells you.

“Sorry, but you can’t drive. Give me your keys, I’ll drive it to your apartment.”

“Fine.” he mutters, and gives you his keys.

You send a text to Dave, apologizing for leaving so soon. Callie didn’t like big crowds, and John needed to leave before he did something he would regret.

You get into John’s car, and drive to his apartment. Rose meets you there. You get john inside. Help him into bed.

“Now don’t leave. Call if you need. Jake or Karkat will be home soon. I will leave them a note to be quiet.”

“Thanks Jade.”

“Of course!” you smile and kiss his forehead. Then you leave his room. You get a piece of paper and a pen.

Make sure to not wake John!
Also help him in the morning with his hangover!
Thanks ~Jade 8D

You leave, taping the note to the door.

==>
That night, you are comfy in your bed. Callie is asleep next to you. You are about to follow her lead. But first you need to talk to someone.

 

--gardenGnostic [GG] started pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]--

GG: what the fuck!
CG: WHAT IS IT NOW?
GG: you asshole. You didn’t tell me you were dating someone!
GG: you led john on!
CG: HOLD YOUR FUCKING SHIT EATING GABHOLE! WHAT IN
THE NAME OF FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
GG: you hurting john!
CG:YOU BLATHERING NOOKSNIFFER HOW DID I HURT JOHN?
GG: he saw you with a girl. how could you do that?
CG: FUCK I DON’T HAVE A GIRLFRIEND. AND I DIDN’T MEAN TO HURT JOHN!
CG: HE SAW NEPETA CUDDLING WITH ME!
GG: wait really? then who did you kiss?
CG: HOLY MOTHER- DID HE REALLY SEE NEPETA KISS ME?
CG: FUCK I SHOULD JUST DISAPPEAR NOW.
GG: so it was only nepeta? does john know how nepeta is?
CG: APPARENTLY NOT! OH FUCK THIS IS BAD.
GG: you done fucked up now. john is in a very
upset state right now. just leave him be, alright?
CG: ALRIGHT. FUCK WHAT IF HE WON’T GO TO THE CONCERT WITH ME?
CG: IF I TELL HIM BEFORE THEN, THEN THE WHOLE THING WILL BE RUINED!
GG: shit youre right. maybe just explain that you don’t have a girlfriend.
CG: WILL YOU TELL HIM FOR ME?
GG: *sigh* i guess.
CG: THANKS JADE!
GG: sure 8D also im so excited for the concert! how is the song going?
CG: SHITTY. AT LEAST ARADIA IS GOOD ENOUGH TO PULL IT OFF.
GG: hehe well good night!
CG: NIGHT ASSHOLE

--gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]--

You put your laptop away, and curl up to Callie. Soon you are fast asleep.

==>
GG: i talked to karkat about this girl.
GG: you didn’t tell me that is was nepeta!
EB: well did it really matter who?
GG: yes! nepeta is like karkats sister. but she always kissing him on the lips.
GG: she always has. thats just how she shows her affections for him.
EB: wait what?
EB: and karkat doesn’t mind?
GG: it’s just how it is. like how i kiss your forehead. nepeta is not dating karkat!
EB: SHIT!
EB: now i feel stupid.
GG: it’s okay. i think you should go to the concert with him. just have fun.
GG: maybe it will even be a date!
EB: maybe :B
GG: hehe! 8P

You smile to yourself. Mission accomplished!
Now John can give Karkat a chance. And Karkat won’t fuck up again. It’s so perfect.
You can’t wait to hear Karkat’s song! It is going to be the cutest thing in the world!
Well second to Callie. Because honestly she is fucking cute.

 

The day goes pretty well. You go to all of your classes, getting all your homework. Then you go to your job. You work at a cute little coffee shop. It always smells heavenly, and you enjoy meeting new people. That’s how you meet a few of your friends. And it pays alright.
You smile as you walk in. Feferi is already here. Damn she beat you again! You have a little competition with Fef, just for kicks. She is a good friends, and you love working with her. She is a good housemate as well. Though you don’t see her as much anymore. School, and Callie take up a lot of your time. But you can always see Fef at work.

“Jade!” she smiles as she sees you. You wave enthusiastically back.

You spill behind the counter, finding you’re cute little apron. It’s kind of frilly for your taste, but it’s still cute. It is green, with pink lace lining it. And it has a ton of pockets, so you can put anything you need in it!

You quickly clock in, and start making coffee. You go around to tables, delivery their orders. You realize that most coffee shops don’t wait. Well you don’t here exactly, you have them order at the counter and pay. But then you deliver their orders when they are ready. You like that. You know how nice it is to not have to wait awkwardly for your coffee. You’d much rather sit, and talk with your friends while you wait. So you love this set up a lot.

You smile and say hi to the regulars, and other people you know. Most people you know. Not many new people come in, unless it’s a new semester or something. But if there is a new person, you make sure to be polite and usually start up a small conversation. Not small talk, because that bores you to death. Just a normal conversation that you cut short so they can enjoy their time here without you annoying them.

You finish making the rounds, then go back behind the counter to talk with Feferi.

“It’s not too busy today,” she notes. You nod in agreement.

“Yep, but that’s okay. I’m actually fine with that for once.”

You hate when no one comes in, then you have nothing to do. You always end up cleaning half of the building. Which is lame.

“Well I for one don’t want to clean the toilets!” Fef huffs, but she isn’t really mad. Feferi is usually a super nice and kind person. She laughs at jokes that suck, and she is always the one to ask if you are okay. But if she gets angry, and that’s a rare thing, then you need to steer clear and hope she calms down. Luckily you have never pissed her off.

“What toilet cleaning is your favorite pastime!”

“Whatever!” she rolls her eyes.

You continue to talk and joke with her. It’s enjoyable. People come and go. You help them, but for the most part you don’t have to do anything.

Chapter Text

Your head hurts a little. Maybe more than a little. You stumble into the kitchen, looking for Advil.

“By golly John! You shouldn’t drink so much! Have you been hanging around the Lalondes too much?” Jake teases you. You don’t reply, but simply flip him off. He laughs too loudly.

“Fuck what does a hung over guy have to do around here to get some peace and quiet?” you grumble.

“Someone is grumpy,” Karkat says as he joins you in the kitchen.

You glare at him,”You’re one to talk.”

Jake snickers. Fuck you wish everyone would stop making noise. You start making a pot of coffee. Jake goes back to eating his breakfast, you didn’t even know he had food. Wow you need to stop thinking. It’s causing a massive headache. Once your coffee is finished brewing, you take it into your bedroom with you.

You start getting undressed, there is a knock on the door. You glare at the noise.

“What! I’m getting ready to shower!”

“Oh fuck, I’m sorry. But you aren’t allowed to be an asshole just because you’re idiotic enough to drink too much.” Karkat yells through the door.

You roll your eyes and open the door, only clothed in a towel.

“You blithering fuck monkey, you’re not the only one who has clothes in he-” Karkat stops yelling when he realize the state you're in. His whole face goes flaming red.

“You were saying?” you tease.

“Never mind. Just go shower you stinky shit bag!”

“As you wish,” you start to walk past him, making sure he can see your smug smile, and the wink you add at the last moment. He stands there dumbfounded, until he starts scowling again.

You walk into the bathroom laughing. Nothing like a flustered Karkat to lighten your mood. You start the shower.

==>
The coffee, (which you left in your room and had to heat up again) and the shower really helped. You felt like normal. Jade pestered you today. You talked about Karkat’s girlfriend. Apparently Nepeta and him weren’t like that. You felt so stupid, yet relieved that you were wrong.

You hung out with Jake and Karkat all day. Dirk had work, so Jake didn’t want to bother him. You watched movie after movie. Complaining when you didn’t like it, or even if you did just to bug Karkat. And he equally grumbled when it was a movie you chose.

Dave talked to you later.

TG: yo egderp
TG: fuck stop ignoring me. that hurts man. more than Terezi when her licks turn into bites. And youre like fuck bro dont bite my nose.
TG: are you macking on vantas? cause if you're not then there is no excuse for ignoring your best bro
EB: dave chill out! im watching movies. Without kissing karkat.
TG: why the fuck not?
EB: well i dont even know if he wants me to kiss him!
TG: whatever vantas totally has it for you.
EB: also jake is here.
TG: wait he isn’t glued to dirks side?
TG: there really is a first for everything
EB: hehehe yeah :B
EB: so whats up?
TG: aw you know just being super cool
TG: playing video games
TG: kicking terezi’s ass
EB: dave you are such a dork. and i now terezi is beating you
EB: dude you never win against her unless she is having an off day
TG: fuck you
EB: so how was the party after i left?
TG: mostly the same. too bad everyone missed out on your sick moves
EB: dave you know i cant dance
TG: oh fuck yes you can
TG: and its sick bro
EB: whatever! i am going to go back to my movies
TG: boring. at least get in a few smooches with vantas
EB: dave!

You roll your eyes at him. Sometimes he is just impossible.

After like ten hours of movies, you fall asleep right on Karkat’s shoulder. He doesn’t seem upset. He just gives you a strange look, you wonder what it means. But you are too tired to think, so you doze off.

“Wow that movie has capital! BUt holy moly it's late!” Jake yawns, your eyes flutter open.

“Oh fuck did I sleep through the whole last movie?” you sit up.

“Yeah, but it sucked so you didn’t miss anything,” Karkat says.

“You staying here tonight?” you ask Jake.

“It seems so. I wouldn’t want to bother Dirk at this hour!”

“Alright, I'll set up the couch.”

You get up to go get some bedding. Karkat follows you, looking nervous.

“Hey lumpsquirting biscuitshit dont take this the wrong way, but we could you know share the bed.”

“Wha-”

“Not like that fuckass! But it’s big enough for both of us. And that couch is shitty.”
“Are you sure?” you raise your eyebrows.

“Do I look like an ass donkey who isn’t sure?”

You don’t really know what that meant, or how to answer. So you say nothing, and you both head into your bedroom. He is right, you could both easily fit on your bed. You strip down to your boxers, and climb into the cool bed. Karkat follows suit. You both kind of lay there awkwardly for a few minutes.

“Well good night.” you finally say.

“Shut up asshole.”

Slowly you both start to fall asleep.

==>
You wake up with the comfortable pressure of a body next to yours. Your arm is dangling off their side. You snuggle in closer, rest your head on their shoulder. Wow this is nice.

Wait who is in your bed with you? Your foggy mind slowly starts to remember.

It’s Karkat. You are snuggling Karkat in your bed!

You smile against his skin, you never want to move. You just hope he stays asleep a little longer. You don’t want him to feel weird about this, so you pretend to be sound asleep until he wakes up. Just to see what his reactions are. And you don’t want him to know you are awake.

You almost fall asleep when Karkat finally wakes up.

“Hmmm.” he presses against you. You try not to giggle.

“Oh what the fuck?” he questions. You do your best fake sleeping that you ever had in your whole life. Karkat buys it.

He keeps laying there. He doesn’t try to move to get away. He actually grabs your arms and pulls it over his side more than it already is. You sigh contently.

“We should get up now,” Karkat suggests. Neither of you say a word. You silently curse. He knew you were awake! Damnit!

“Yeah okay,” you move your arm away from his body, and roll towards the side of the bed. You were startling cold. You didn’t realize how warm Karkat was making you. You get of the bed, and head to your closet.

“Remember today is the concert!”

“Oh right. Does it matter what I wear?”

“Not really. Just something thats not stupid.”

You take your time looking for clothes to wear. You end up with dark jeans, and a blue hoodie with an air symbol on it. It’s a random print, but you like it. And it’s blue, which is good. Kanaya says that wearing blue matches with my eyes.

You feel comfortable and relaxed. Karkat nods with approval. He is still in bed.

“Wow lazy ass, get dressed!”

“Fine!” he gets out of bed and marches to the closet. He is still living out of suitcases, but you’ve tried to give him as much space as you can.

He pulls on some grey pants and a darker grey long sleeve shirt.

“Wow we need to get out more,” you joke, gesturing to each of your outfits. Both of you are pretty much only wearing one color.

“Shut up.”

“Make me!” you run out of the room and into the kitchen. looking for something to eat.
Karkat marches in after you. He glares, and goes to the cupboards.

“Shit we need to go shopping.” you are almost out of food. That is bad.

“Later, tomorrow. We need to go.”

“Already? Fuck what time is the concert?”

“9 fuckass. But we are meeting up with everyone beforehand! You goose laying fucker don’t you ever listen.”

“Of course I do!” you argue back. Okay that is kind of a lie. But hey you get distracted easily.

You go for some cereal, for lack of other food. Jake is of course already gone. Probably having Dirk withdrawal after not seeing him for a whole day!

You brush you teeth, and fail at taming your hair. Then you leave the apartment.

“Alright can I drive for once?” Karkat grumbles.

“What you didn’t like my driving?”

“I hate it. You shouldn’t be allowed behind that wheel. It puts millions of unsuspecting peoples lives at risk.”

You scoff and hand over the keys.

“I bet you're not better.”

You regret saying that. Karkat was the best fucking driver you have ever had the privilege of riding with. Like holy shit was he born behind a steering wheel? It blew your mind away.

==>
your name is John, you are hella gay, and you have been hanging out with your friends all day. Seriously you left the apartment around 10:30 and it’s now 5 in the afternoon. Like what.

“So how did you manage to get all of us tickets?” Rose asks Sollux.

“I know people,” Sollux grin slyly. Karkat rolls his eyes. Nepeta giggles. You smile softly. Is Rose the only person who doesn’t know.

“Oh god Sol just tell her!” Eridan huffs. You aren’t that close to him, but apparently he is a good friend of Sollux. Vriska is also here. You talked with her for a while earlier.

“Fine asshole!” he glares at the other boy. “If you really give a shit, I’m dating Aradia.”

“As is Aradia Megido?” Terezi grins.

“yes. But don’t go telling the fucking world. It’s a low-key thing. Because Aradia doesn’t want people surrounding us when we are together.”

Rose nods in understanding. Now that everyone knew, you went back to your conversations. You were currently talking with Callie and Jade. They are the cutest couple you know. And you love Jade so much. You are glad she is happy.

“Yeah is it was pretty chill. After my hangover wasn’t too bad. We just watched movies all day. Jake even stayed the whole time.” you tell her about your day.

“Wow that is cool. I was at work with Feferi. It was great.”

“That’s fun.”

You talk with all your friends for a while. Vriska walks up to you when no one is near.

“So how is your Vantas thing working out?”

“So far the same. But I think I could be getting somewhere. How are you and Eridan?”

“Gr8! But he is such a baby sometimes!” you both laugh.

“Yeah, maybe Karkat likes me. I kind of think he does. But I want to be sure before I do anything.”

“I say just go for it. Don’t be the loser who waits for something that never happens! That’s so boring!”

“Haha I’ll try.”

==>
It’s now seven. Everyone went to someplace or another for dinner. Some went to hang out, others went on a date.You didn’t want to impose on the dates, and as for the others, you didn’t want to go to those restaurants. They didn’t seem appealing. So you were left alone with Karkat. Which didn’t bother you at all.

“So where do you want to go?” you ask him.

“Any place that isn’t full of nook sniffers!”

You end up going to a small chinese places. It was cute and authentic.
You order something random. Karkat however takes his sweet time deciding what to eat.

“Oh that sounds good. Oh hmm maybe that one? Argh! Fuck this shit!”

“Oh just get the special!”

“Fine,” he mutters. The waiter comes around, you order your food.

“Are you excited?”

“I’m as excited as a bulgesmoking nooklick, actually I am very nervous.”

“Nervous? Why are you nervous?” you don’t understand what he means.

“Nothing. Shit I- nevermind.”

Well that was weird. You shrug it off, as your food is placed in front of you. You dig in. Karkat does the same. Wow this food is amazing.

When you are finished, and have payed, you go back to the car. You have roughly 30 minutes to be at the concert. It will take maybe 15-20 to get there.

“I will drive this time.” you inform Karkat. He rolls his eyes and gets into the passenger seat. Hehe victory.

You drive to the concert in comfortable silence. You can feel Karkat’s nervous energy.
You still have no idea why he is nervous.

You park the car a few blocks away. There isn’t any parking left, you got there too late.

You notice some of your friends are also walking to the building.

You walk in, excited.

==>
The concert is wild. You love the energy in the room. It’s a pretty big crowd. You love how everyone is dancing and enjoying the music. You sing along sometimes. Karkat looks amused. You dance with your friends. It’s one of the funnest things you’ve done lately.

Aradia is an amazing performer. She adores her fans, and she owns the crowd. You love how high and deep she can make her voice go. It is thrilling to see what she is going to do next.

Sollux is jamming out to the music. You really hope their relationship lasts, they are really good together.

You dance with Karkat. He isn’t too happy about that, but humors you. All your friends are rocking out.

“Alright,” Araida smile as the song finishes. “ Next is a song my friend, karkat wrote. It’s time to really rock!”

You stare at karkat. He blushes really nervous.

“You didn’t tell me you wrote a song!” you yell over the noise.

“I wrote it when I would go off with Sollux and Nepeta. Be quiet, I want you to hear the song!”

You grin and look back at the stage. Aradia is smiling, and she is starting to sing.

You listen to the words, and you find that you can’t breathe.

your lips stains my heart
more and more each time we part
you’re always on my mind
always in my life

but you aren’t mine
you are never mine
I want to hold you as you speak softly
I want your laugh to be the only thing I hear at night

You can’t fucking breathe. Who is this song about? Who!

you aren’t will be mine
and I am not yours

I stare into your eyes
pools of blue so bright and clear
and I know that I don’t need anything else

Shit is it about you? You really hope it is.

you give me a look that stops my heart
you tug at my thoughts
never leaving me alone

you aren’t mine
but the doesn't matter
cause I am here
and you are here

you are here and thats all
all I need

why can’t you just be mine?

 

Fuck you want to be his. You want that so much. You want to look at Karkat. But you are too scared to. What if you see him looking at the person this song is meant for. Oh fuck you can’t. You can hardly hear the words any more. Your heartbeat is too loud.

Finally you can’t take it any longer. You whip your head back, and find Karkat starting right at you.

Your heart stops. You almost pass out.

It is you. Isn’t it?

You move closer to karkat. He is staring at you, trying to find your emotions.

You walk closer, you are almost inches apart.
Quickly as to not psych yourself out, you lean closer.

The gape is gone.

You are pressing your lips onto his.

 

 

 

 

 

You are kissing Karkat.

He is rigid for a moment. Then he relaxes into the kiss.

 

 

You are kissing Karkat.

 

 

Karkat is kissing you.

 

 

 

 

 

And it feels so fucking amazing.

You part, for breath and just gaze into his beautiful reddish brown eyes. And he is looking back into your eyes. You smile.

“Fuck don’t stop!” he grins back.

You kiss Karkat again.

And the song is over. And people are cheering.

You break away from Karkat.

Friends and stranger alike are clapping. Aradia is congratulating you.

“Fucking get a room!” Dave calls. Jade high fives him.

“About fucking time!” Sollux says.

“Way to go!” Vriska yells. You grin and look back at Karkat. His smile is as big as yours, maybe bigger.

You intertwine your fingers with him.

The concert continues. Aradia starts singing again. Your friends dance, and come talk to you. You dance as well.

But for the rest of the night, you refuse to let go of Karkat’s hand.

Chapter Text

You, Karkat Vantas, have been dating John Egbert for three months now. He is the cutest dork ever. And sure he still pisses you off, but mostly you just pretend to be mad. You know that he thinks you’re cute when angry. You take full advantage over that fact.

Right now John is at work, leaving you alone in this boring apartment. You sigh as you sit on the couch, doing nothing. Fuck you are so bored! Normally you would have homework to do, but the semester just ended, and it’s summer so you’re taking a break from your studies. Which is really nice. You hate cramming your brain with shitty facts day in and day out. It makes you irritable, more than usual. You're going on a road trip with your friends soon. Even though that's stupid, at least you'll do something.

John thinks you should get a job. He’s right, but you hate people, so you don’t really want to. But it would give you something to do, and then you’d have money. Money is always an useful thing to have.

 

Your train of thought is rudely interrupted by your computer. You groan and pick it up. What now? Oh it looks like someone is pestering you. How fucking wonderful.

--gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]--

GC: K4RKL3S!
CG: WHAT THE GRUBSHTTING NOOKLICKING FUCK DO YOU WANT?
GC: TO H4NGOUT! 1 N3V3R S33 YOU 4NYMOR3 S1NC3 YOU GOT 4 BOY TOY!
CG: I DON’T HAVE A BOY TOY! AND YOU HAD A BOYFRIEND BEFORE I DID!
GC: DON’T B3 RUD3! J3GUS K4RKR4BY! 1 JUST W4NT TO SP3ND T1M3 W1TH MY B3ST FR13ND! TH4T’S NOT 4 CR1M3, 1 SHOULD KNOW!
CG: YOU NOOK SNIFFER SHUT THE FUCK UP. YOU CAN COME OVER ANY TIME!
GC: HOW 4BOUT NOW?
CG: SURE WHY FUCKING NOT.
GC: OK! 1’LL B3 OV3R N 4 F3W >:D

--gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]--

Great, now Terezi is coming over. You don’t know if you should be annoyed or grateful. Sure you are fucking bored out of your mind. And yeah Terezi is your best friend. But sometimes she is too crazy. Also she makes fun of you more than John does. You think that it doesn’t help that she’s dating Dave, the douchiest douche to ever douche. Oh fuck what are you even saying?

Whatever. It doesn’t fucking matter. You haven’t seen her since you had class with her. Which wasn't too long ago, unless it’s your best friend. You do feel a little guilty. You’re becoming one of those people you despise. Ones that are too busy making googly eyes at their boyfriend. Oh shit, you can’t let that happen.

==>
Be the red obsessed girl.

Okay you wouldn’t say that you were obsessed. Sure it’s your favorite color and all. But obsessed? Nah you must be confused with someone else. Just because you think red is the best color, and you enjoy licking it, doesn’t make it an obsession. You are however obsessed when your boyfriend wears that particular color. But he looks ravishing in it.

“Terezi you asswipe, are you going to say hi, or just stare like a nook sniffer.” you grin. Oh how you missed the annoying boy. He is your best friend, and you love to toy with him.

“Hi Karkles! I was just marveling at this sick set up you’ve got.” you cackle.

“Oh har har. You are so funny. So funny I can’t even give a shit.”

“Shut up.” you continue to laugh at him. Karkat could spend the whole day talking about the amount of fucks he gives. But you would rather do something fun. So you push Karkat out of the way, marching into the apartment. You’ve wasted enough time chatting.

“Let me beat you on all the shitty games you have here!”

“How about no.”

“Look do you want to play or not?” you throw a controller at him. He barely manages to catch it. You just smirk, showing off your sharp teeth. He grumbles, and sits next to you.

“Just so you know I’ve gotten better. I’m not a globshitting loser anymore.”

“Oh good, that means it will be all the more fun to beat you!” he just glares. “You now I will beat you. But it’s too tempting to try and fail to prove me wrong!”

Karkat huffs out a sigh. You start playing whatever shitty game that’s already set up.

You play a lot of different games. Some you play often, others that you’ve hardly played. You still manage to beat him almost every time. But he has gotten surprisingly better. You tease him endlessly about everything and anything you can. You can’t help it, it’s so cute when he is embarrassed.

“Karkles, don’t be a poor sport. I’m the best of the best. The only people who could beat me are Latula, and maybe Sollux. face it, I’m just cool.”

He groans at your cockiness. “Yeah, yeah. You’re so fucking great. I’m sure everybody wishes they were you. Fucking celebrate or whatever.”

“Oh don’t be so crabby! You had fun getting your ass handed to you!”

“Go fuck yourself nooklicker!”

“Oh but that’s not as fun! If you want, I can call Dave over.” you grin suggestively at him. He performs a very amusing, and dramatic face-palm combo.

“Fine! I'll hold that call for another time. Now do you have any food? I’m starving!”

“Uh yeah I think.” he leads you into the kitchen. It smells interesting. Like males, stale bread, and dish soap. You approve. Karkat opens up the fridge, pulling out an leftover pizza. It smells delicious, but cold.

“Heat it up! Heat it up!” you chant. Karkat grabs out the remaining pieces, and sets them on a plate. He then puts them in the microwave. You are impatient as you wait for it to be ready. You jump onto the counter, swinging your legs.

“How the fuck did you get up there?”

“Um dipshit, I jumped up. What kind of question is that?”

“I’ve never been able to do that.”

You chuckle, “Really? Like never in your whole life?”

“Yes my whole fucking life! My legs aren’t long enough!” he pouts. You don’t miss this opportunity to tease him.

“Oh are you too short? That’s so cute. Let me help you!” You hope down. Karkat isn't exactly short. But he isn't tall either. You are a good five inches taller.

“I’m not short you assfuck! Just because you are unnaturally tall doesn’t mean I’m short!”

“Just let me give you a boost!” you step closer, trying to grab his sides. He squeals.

“Oh god you are so ticklish! Stop squirming! Damnit!” you try and lift him again. It doesn’t work.

“You could have fucking warned me. Instead of suddenly fucking picking me up!”

You roll your eyes, and pull up a chair. “Use this”

Karkat grumbles as he steps on the chair. He turns around, sitting on the counter. You remove the chair and hop up next to him.

“That was so fun!”

“If by fun you mean the shittiest thing anyone on this planet has ever accomplished?”

“Oh shut up! You love spending time with me! Remember when you had a crush on me?” you poke his shoulder.

“God fucking forget that already! I was 13 and you were my friend! Of course I had a crush on you! But then I saw the light.”

“Rude! I’m not that bad. And you liked me for a long time.”

“Yeah that’s what you and all the other bloated idiots want to think.”

“You little shit! It’s okay to have a crush on your friend. Hell I even liked you back at one point. But then I saw the light!” you mock him, cackling.

“Don’t fuck with me!”

“But Karkles, it’s so fun! You’re so cute when you are embarrassed.”

“Thanks for reminding me, as you do so thoughtfully everyday of your shitty existence.”

“Someone has to say it.”

“Not really.”

“Stop talking! I’m hugging you in blissful silence. Not a word.” you wrap your arms around him, resting your head on his shoulder. He grudgingly puts his arms around you. The microwave beeps as it finishs heating up the food.. Neither of you move to get it. You’re silent for what seems like a long time. Just breathing. You like hearing the sound of someone breathing, and feeling their chest rise and fall at the same time. It’s comforting and soothing.

“Karkat you are great.” you smile against his shoulder.

“You too.” he sighs softly. You lift your head from his shoulder, and lean closer. You give him a soft kiss on the cheek. Quickly pressing your lips to his soft skin, then resting your head back on his shoulder. You don’t normally kiss him. That’s Nepeta’s thing. But once in a while you have the urge to show him your affections.

“You’re a big softy,” he smiles.

“Yeah well not as much as you are.” Karkat chuckles you both know this is true.

“Now stop talking. You’re ruining the moment!”

You both shut up. It’s nice.

==>
Be the angry motherfucker who is short.

Okay you’re not even angry right now. Yeah yeah, surprise. Take a picture it will last longer. Also you aren’t short. Well not that much.

It was really nice to spend time with Terezi. You would never admit it, she would tease you endlessly. But you enjoy her company. And it’s good to not become one of those assholes who never see their friends because they have a boyfriend. Ugh, the very thought of that makes you sick.

Once Terezi is gone, you have some quiet time. It’s very relaxing. But kind of boring. So you decide to pick up one of your favorite books. It’s filled with adventure and danger, also romance. God you have a weak spot of romance novels. As long as they’re not shitty.

The book is thrilling, but you have read it before. So you already know what will happen. Maybe it’s high time you get some new books. You consider it. You haven’t been reading a lot since college. You never have time. But now that it’s summer you could totally start it up again. Rose might even have some you can borrow. You start to get excited. You’ll ask her about that later.

For now, you will start packing. This next week you are going on a road trip. You didn’t want to, but John talked you into it. A lot of your friends would be going. So you guess it could be fun. Oh who are you kidding, it’s going to be shitty. If John hadn’t begged you to go, you won’t. Who the fuck even goes on road trips? What even is the point. You drive around for ever, accomplishing nothing.

You sigh and continue to pack.

Chapter Text

Holy fuck road trips are long! Of course you realized that, but you didn’t expect it to be this long. Fuck. At least John is entertaining you somewhat. With his sweet kisses.

“Guys you’re fucking adorable and all, but please let’s keep it PG. I don’t want my innocent eyes to be scarred.”

“Dave shut up you bulge fucking shit.” you glare at him. He sticks his tongue out. Wow real mature.

“Alright let’s play a game!” John suggests. You groan.

“What I think that's a splendid idea.” Kanaya smiles warmly at John. You know she’s just as bored as you. Rose is asleep on her shoulder, and she can’t do anything that would make her carsick. So she isn’t really doing anything. Terezi is ignoring everyone while she draws some weird picture. John is sitting next to you, thinking hard about something. Probably about which game to play. Dave is annoying the shit out of you, like always. Jade is driving, but she is still talking and laughing.

“How about the license plate game!”

“Ugh no! There aren’t even enough cars to play! And I hate that god awful game.”

“Karkat you hate every game don’t you.”

“Whatever. I don’t.”

“Alright then you should pick the game.” John grins at you. Even though you’ve seen that smile everyday for the last what 5-6 months, it always manages to make your heart flutter.

“How about the shut your gabhole you nook sniffers and sleep! game”

“That isn’t a game!”

“We could play ‘I spy’. I’m quite fond of the game. It’s very enjoyable.” Kanye interrupts your argument.

“Oh I’m a pro at that game. Bring it on!” Dave smirks. You roll your eyes.

“Karkat?” John asks, you know he’s asking if you want to play or not.
“Fine!” you sigh.

“Yippee!” Jade giggles from the front of the car. Wow is everyone suddenly a 5 year old? Why do they all want to play shitty games? And why did you agree to play? Oh right, cause you are going to lose your mind to boredom. Your heart will just stop, and you will shut down completely. That’s what boredom will do to you, it will kill you if you’re not careful.

“Kanaya you should go first. Also are we playing with only things outside, or in the car as well?”

“Not in the car!” Dave shouts louder than necessary.

“Alright. I spy with my little eye, something green.”

Oh fucking god! Outside the car is a forest. You are driving through a mother fucking forest full of trees. With green leaves! How the fuck are you supposed to guess.

“A tree!” John goes with the obvious. You laugh. Of course it’s not a tree. Kanaya is too clever for that.

“That fucking sign.” Dave asks. Kanaya just shakes her head knowingly.

Everyone takes turn guessing, and no one can seem to figure it out. Kanaya is grinning smugly.

“Do you give up?”

“Never!” John and Dave cry. You grunt. Jade just giggles.

“For all we know, it could be miles back there! You grub shitters!”

“Keep guessing!” Kanaya laughs.

“Was it a leaf? Oh my fucking god! I know what it is!”

“What!” John sounds urgent.

“It’s: I don’t give a fuck this game is for wrigglers!”

“Karkat shut up!”

“There was a small clearing a few miles back. it the middle of the clearing was a patch of tall grass. And in the grass, there was a small green flower. Have no idea what type of flower, but it was cute.” Terezi says, coloring the whole time. Your daw drops. How in the glub fucking universe did she know.
“Very good. I believe that makes it your turn now.” Kanaya smiles at Terezi.

“I spy with my shitty eyes something red!”

Of course. Terezi wouldn’t look for anything that wasn’t red. You play another round of the world's worst car game. Then you stop. The others pick a new games. You tune everything out, resting your head of John’s shoulder. You close your eyes, feeling very tired.

==>

“Karkat! Wake up we are stopping!” You nudge him off your shoulder. He groans tiredly. You kiss his head as his eyes flutter open. Karkat smiles briefly before remember where he is. Then his scowl appears. You just laugh.

You hop out of the car. A cool breeze rushes over you. You take a deep breathe, the air smells fresh, and salty. You are at a small beach home that Jade’s grandpa owns. It looks like a big cottage, with a huge garden surrounding it. There is a pathway leading down to the beach. You hear the sound of waves crashing down against the sand. It’s refreshing. You are glad you’re here!

“Last one to the ocean is a rotten egg!” you yell grabbing Karkat’s hand.

“But we don’t have our swimming suits on!” he protests.

“Is that a problem?” you wink at him. His face goes bright red.

Dave and Jade win the race with a tie. Terezi isn’t far away. Surprisingly Kanaya beats you. You had no idea that girl could run like that! You jump into the cold water with a splash. Rose laughs, dipping her feet in, which you guess counts.

“Haha Karkat’s the rotten egg!” you laugh. You had managed to pull him down to the beach, but he still refused to go in without his swimsuit. So you decide to start splashing him. He shrieks and runs away. You jump out of the water, chasing after him. You tackle him to the ground, making sure that you get him as wet as you can.

“Fuck get off me you repulsive crotchblistering cactusfuck!”

You just laugh and kiss him. He kisses you back with ernest. Slowly you make the kiss more intense, picking him up. He is to distracted by the kiss to notice what you’re doing.

You whisper, “I love you,” into his ear before kissing him. Then suddenly you let go of him. He falls right into the ocean. Karkat sputters coming up for air. He yells angrily at you. You almost double over laughing. You’d feel bad if it wasn’t so funny. You just hope Karkat forgives you later.

You’re laughing about how great this prank was, Dave is smirking and giving you a thumbs up. Rose looks amused, Jade is laughing as hard as you are. Terezi is grinning like a demon, and Kanaya is trying not to giggle.

You are laughing so hard that you don’t see Karkat coming until he’s rammed into you. You both topple over into the water. Karkat keeps on jumping on you. he yells and glares at you.

“I’m sorry Karkat.” you say sincerely. He folds his arms, huffing.

“Please forgive me. I only wanted to have some fun.” you give him you’re best puppy-dog eyes. He just frowns, his face softening slightly.

“Only if you make dinner tonight and give me a message.”

“Of course.” you pull him closer, “Anything for you.”

He shivers under your words, blushing.

You kiss his jaw lightly. “I wasn’t lying when I told you that I love you.”

Karkat turns his face, and cups your face with is hands. He kisses you fiercely. You kiss him back with just as much passion. That is until Dave pushes you both over. After that, everyone joins into the “fight”. It’s fun, and just what you all need.

==>Be the smitten boy.

Wow John told that he loved you! Granted then you dropped into freezing water in your clothes! But still, he LOVES you! You’re heart beats faster at the thought. This is just like all you beautiful rom-coms! No, it’s better because you’re actually living it. After the water fight, which was admittedly fun, John goes and makes dinner. You change out of your soaking wet clothes. Hanging the wet ones out to dry, you head outside for a walk around the beach. You need to find a really romantic spot to repeat the words John has already told you. You can’t wait, after dinner you’ll pull him somewhere just as the sun is setting. You’ll kiss and talk. Then just as you are ready to go back you will confess to him. It will be the perfect moment.
You find a beautiful spot. it’s right next to the beach you were at today, it’s a little cove of boulders. That way you could still be in the ocean without being in the water. It was perfect!

You head back the the beach house. Dinner is already ready, everyone was just waiting for you.

“ ‘bout time!” Dave smirks. You roll your eyes and dig in. Oh god! John’s cooking is amazing! You close your eyes, enjoying the fantastic flavor. It’s sad that John never cooks! He was such talent. But you know that he usually just doesn't like cooking. Maybe one day he’ll change his mind.

After dinner you help clean up. You have to force Kanaya to go away, she insisted on helping. Rose had to coax her to go on an evening “stroll” with her. Dave and Terezi were cuddling on the couch. Jade was reading some random book. You feel bad that Callie couldn’t come. But you know Jade doesn’t mind. Still it would be good for Jade, and you know she misses Callie, though they have been texting all day.

Once the kitchen is cleaned up, you go get John. He was in the bedroom you’ll be sharing. You’re so used to sharing a bed now, it isn’t weird or comfortable.

“Hey nookfucker, I want to show you something.”

“Oh okay!” he grins like the huge dork he is.

“Put your shoes on.”

==>
Your name is John Egbert, and you and excited to see where Karkat is taking you. The sun will be setting soon. You follow him out of the cottage house thing. He takes your hand and starts walking past the beach.

“Isn’t it nice out?” he mutters.

“Yeah, so where are we going?”

“Patience is a fucking virtue, so shut up.”

Well you guess surprises are nice. You just hate not knowing! Karkat leads to a small cove that is filled with boulders. He climbs up on one. You do the small. Then he starts weaving a path, hopping onto off rocks and pretty soon you are at the last bolder. Waves crash around it.You aren’t far enough away from real land to be worried. Karkat sits down. You sit next to him. You try to study his face, understand what he is thinking.

“So is this what you wanted to show me?”

“Look,” he points to the horizon. You gasp at the amazing sunset. The sky is on fire with deep reds and oranges, then it fades to a beautiful purple. You can’t believe how breathtaking it is. You wish you could see something like this everyday.

“It’s so awesome,” you manage to say, still in awe.

“Yeah.” Karkat agrees.

“After college, lets move here.” you suggest.

“Okay,” he agrees again. That takes you back a little bit. You’ve never really talked about your future. But you know that you want Karkat in it.

“Karkat never leave me, okay?” you lean your head on his shoulder. You know that you’re asking a lot. Fuck you’re asking him almost the equivalent of marrying him.

He turns his head and kisses you.

“I love you John Egbert. I love you so fucking much is scares me. Because I’m scared that I won’t be enough for you, or that I’m not good enough. I mean I know you deserve someone better. And I could hardly believe when I found out you liked me back. And now that you said that you loved me today. I almost died of happiness. It just doesn’t seem real. And I know it’s not perfect, but it doesn’t need to be. I just fucking love you and I want to be with you forever. But I'm too afraid that it won’t work out. And I just want you to be happy. Because you make me happy. I’m so glad I met you, even if it was because that annoying piece of shit how’s your best friend. But-”

You have to shut him up with a kiss. You push him down against the bolder. It’s dark now, the sunset is gone. You don’t care, you just kiss Karkat for all you’re worth.

When you pull back from kissing him, you just stare into his eyes. You say nothing for a really long time. Too caught up in his eyes. Those rusty brown eyes that hold so much emotion and love for you. You could look into those eyes forever, and never stop loving them.

FInally you speak. “You know when I was looking at the sunset, I thought to myself that I wish I could see something that amazing the breathtaking everyday. But when you were talking, and then when we were kissing, I realized that I don’t need to wish that. Because you are all I need. And if you were the only thing I could see, I’m be perfectly fine with that. Because I love you. And I want to be with you every day for the rest of my life. I don’t care what happens, as long as I have you. You are my sunset.”

==>
You are going to die. John is going to be the death of you. With all his sweet words. And how he manages you make you feel like you are flying. You kiss him with everything you have. He kisses you back with love. You can feel the love he has for you through the kiss.

This night turned out perfectly. Sure it didn’t happen how you planned, but that’s a good thing. You know that it couldn’t be better.You also know that you wouldn’t exchange anything thing in the universe for even a second of your time together. Because you love John so much that you could lay in his arms forever, kissing him, and it would never get old.