Chapter Text
"Wow," Katara murmured.
Zuko stopped behind her. The tunnel Joo Dee had taken them through had been narrow and crude, a makeshift route he assumed she had created prior to meeting them in order to avoid the streets. Now, the group stood in a cavern full of glowing crystals. The light was eerie, but it was enough to see without the assistance of flames. Water trickled from a crack in the wall, creating a small stream that disappeared somewhere below the platform where they stood. To Zuko's left, rough steps led down to the lower level. A huge mound of rocks was all that remained at the end of the path, as if there had been a cave-in once and no one had bothered to fix it. Still, it was clear someone must have used the cavern. There was a half-broken bridge that should have connected the two sides of the stream, along with a group of tiered, rudimentary houses carved into the stone wall: hovel-like things with nothing to cover the doors or windows.
"What is this place?" Zuko asked.
It was like nothing he had seen on the surface. Less structured. Almost primitive.
"This is part of the Old City."
Aang frowned. "Old City?"
"The ancient city that existed before Ba Sing Se was built. There are many caverns and tunnels like this hidden beneath the surface, but this is one of the few that the Dai Li have not reclaimed for their use."
Mai shot her a narrowed glance. "How can you be so sure? You were working for the Dai Li, weren't you?"
Everyone heard the silent accusation: this could still be a trap.
Joo Dee's mouth curved into a self-deprecating smile. "I know you find it hard to trust me, but rest assured that you will be safe here." She gestured at the mass of rocks blocking whatever was on the other side. "This section of the Old City was purposely sealed off from the rest of the catacombs. Even to this day, the few who know about it believe that those who come here will be cursed."
"C-cursed," Aang tugged at his collar. "Uh, that doesn't sound very safe. Maybe we shouldn't—"
"Don't worry. The area was purified many years ago. Nothing bad will happen."
Iroh made a thoughtful sound. "It's true I can't sense any negative energy." His gaze shifted to Joo Dee. "You seem to know a lot about this cavern. I'm curious to know how if it wasn't through the Dai Li. Forgive me, but it doesn't seem like something the average citizen would know."
Her expression turned oddly pained. "This was the first place I remembered when I woke up." She touched the stone wall as if greeting a friend. "I think I came here often before the Dai Li took me."
"It's, uh, cosy," Aang said, forcing a smile. "So where—"
Something white fluttered out of the corner of Zuko's eye.
"Momo!" Aang exclaimed.
The lemur landed on Aang's head and started chittering. Zuko glanced in the direction where Momo had come from and was relieved to see Sokka standing in the doorway of one of the houses. He hadn't realised how anxious he had been until that moment. It was like a weight had been removed from his chest. Not that his relief was anything compared to Katara's. She was already calling out to her brother and demanding that they hurry to him.
Joo Dee got Toph to help her collapse and seal the tunnel from which they had come, a precaution, she informed, to stop the Dai Li from tracking their whereabouts. Then the group made their way down the stairs and headed for the houses. Sokka came to meet them halfway. Katara and Aang practically fell over themselves to pull him into a hug.
"Guys," Sokka gasped, trying to free himself. "Can't breathe."
Katara and Aang pulled back, smiling and saying that they had just been so worried. Sokka assured everyone that he was fine. He confessed that he had been more concerned about their safety. It had been hard for him to stay put and wait for further news from Joo Dee.
"I wasn't sure if I could trust her," Sokka admitted in a low voice. "She just popped out of nowhere and said the Dai Li were coming for me, but that she could help me hide. It was creepy as heck." He shrugged. "Still, it wasn't like I had much of a choice. It was either go with her or try get back to the Lower Ring to find Smellerbee and Longshot, and—"
"Wait, what?" Aang exclaimed. "Smellerbee and Longshot?"
Zuko didn't understand why these names were such a big deal—aside from the fact they were kind of stupid—but the names seemed to have quite the impact on Aang and Katara. Both paled and demanded to know more information. Sokka explained that Smellerbee and Longshot had found him in the Lower Ring after Mai had left him pinned to a wall for the wolfbats in an alley.
"Don't give me that look," Mai said, unmoved by the stares she was receiving. "This idiot forced me to do it."
"You didn't have to go that far," Sokka complained. "What would you have done had someone else found me, huh? The Lower Ring isn't exactly known for its safety."
Mai gave him a flat stare, as if to ask if he was really going to keep whingeing about this. Sokka took the hint. He picked up his story again and said that Smellerbee and Longshot had come to Ba Sing Se with Jet to make a fresh start.
"I think they might have been serious about it," Sokka admitted, "but you know what happened last time. I didn't really want to get involved with them again."
"What happened last time?" Toph asked.
Sokka and Aang's expression both turned grim. It was Katara who responded. Her voice was cold yet simmering with anger, explaining how Jet and his band of Freedom Fighters had tricked her and Aang into helping them destroy the colony town of Gaipan. The only reason the townspeople had survived was because Sokka had seen through the plan and evacuated everyone before the flood waters came.
"Jet is not someone you can trust," she said bluntly. "It would be better if we never see him again." She stomped ahead to go walk with Iroh and Joo Dee, clearly having said her piece.
Sokka rubbed the base of his neck and turned back to the others. "Well, there you have it," he said, giving a one-shouldered shrug. "Now you know why I chose to follow the creepy smiling lady."
Toph blew her fringe out of her face. "Sweetness seems pretty ticked off. Was she in love with that Jet guy or something?"
There was an awkward pause.
"I don't know if I'd say it was love," Aang said slowly, though it sounded like he was more trying to reassure himself. "I mean, she did follow him around a lot, and she made that hat for him, and—"
"It was love." Mai shook her head, and a trace of pity crept into her expression. "Poor girl."
Zuko glanced at Katara. He couldn't see her expression, but her hunched shoulders and the tense, stomping way she walked, as if trying to crush the stone under her feet, told him enough. She was still hurt. Understandable, considering the guy she liked had almost turned her into an unwitting murderer. It was hard when the people you loved betrayed your trust.
"Well, I think it's great if Jet and the others are really trying to start fresh," Aang said, always one to look on the positive side. He scrunched his nose a little. "But, uh, it'd be kind of awkward if we met up again, so maybe let's not."
"No complaints from me," Sokka said. "I didn't want to get involved with them anyway."
The matter was allowed to drop. Zuko had to admit that a part of him was glad they had not wanted to renew their acquaintance with Jet and the Freedom Fighters. Everyone deserved a second chance. It would be hypocritical of him not to think that considering he and his uncle would have no place with the group had forgiveness not been granted to them. Still, he didn't like the fact that this Jet guy had taken advantage of Aang and Katara; he didn't like that the Freedom Fighters had hated the Fire Nation so much that they would have killed an entire town of innocent civilians. Put simply, he didn't like people who manipulated, lied, and acted without honour.
People like Azula.
"You look annoyed," Mai said, moving to walk beside him.
Zuko only noticed then that he'd been gritting his teeth. He relaxed the tension out of his body. "It's nothing," he muttered.
Her mouth twitched into the tiniest of smiles. "You're a bad liar."
Zuko didn't bother to respond. He knew it was true.
"I don't think it's a bad thing," she continued. "At least people always know where they stand with you."
Not like your sister.
The unspoken words lingered between them. Zuko frowned at the scar that marred Mai's otherwise flawless skin. Even now, the faint trace of his sister's hand could still be seen in the shape. The fact that Mai's hair was so short and jagged, doing nothing to cover the mark, made him want to grit his teeth all over again. It was just another reminder of what she had been forced to suffer.
"What?" Mai asked.
"Why did you do that earlier?"
She blinked at the sudden change of subject. "Do what?"
"The Dai Li would have left you alone if you'd just told them you were a girl. Why put yourself in danger like that? Why were you so determined to get involved?"
"I would have thought it was obvious."
"Obvious? What's obvious is that you don't seem to care what happens to you anymore."
"That's not true. I'm quite attached to being alive. It would be inconvenient if I died now that things have finally got a little less boring."
Zuko swallowed back a growl of frustration. He wasn't in the mood for her dry flippancy. "Be serious, Mai."
"You're supposed to call me Luan. What if that woman heard?"
When he just stared at her, she heaved a sigh and averted her face.
"It's fine, isn't it? Those idiots assumed I was a guy and didn't bother to check. Thanks to this hair and scar, they even thought I resembled you a little, so I figured why not use it to our advantage?" She shrugged. "Any bit of doubt would help you and your uncle, so—"
"You don't need to do those things," he murmured. "Seeing you lower yourself ... letting people think of you as a boy." He shook his head. "I didn't like it."
"Liking and doing what's practical don't always go together."
"That still doesn't mean you have to put yourself through that." He gripped her shoulder and met her gaze. "We all know you're strong. Let us be a shield for you sometimes."
Tiny spots of colour darkened her cheeks. She pulled back from his touch. "Why are you always so nice?"
She said the words as if it was a crime. Zuko shifted on his feet, a bit at a loss. He didn't understand why she was frustrated. He just wanted her to respect her own worth more and not put herself in danger so much. Not for him anyway. Yet Mai's tone suggested he was at fault somehow. For some reason, Azula's spiteful words flickered in his mind.
"That's what you do, Zuzu. You sneak into people's hearts and you twist and twist and twist until they'll do anything for you!"
He swallowed. "Mai, I—"
"Oi, lovebirds!" Sokka called. "You're going to get left behind if you keep flirting like that!"
Zuko was annoyed to feel his face heat. He could have cursed Sokka in that moment. Talk about poor timing. His eyes sought Mai's, but she did not look at him and simply walked ahead.
"Come on," she said in a flat voice. "We're going to be left behind."
Zuko had no choice but to follow. The conversation was over and he got the feeling she wasn't going to give him another opening. He tried his best to forget the issue. Girls were far too complicated. Instead, he focussed on figuring out a way to cleanse Joo Dee of tainted energy. That was the real problem here. If he couldn't help her to reclaim her mind and identity, it would be like hitting a dead end. Saving Shizue, learning the truth, finding his mother—it all rested on this Joo Dee.
Iroh, meanwhile, was trying to ensure that this cavern was indeed as safe as she claimed.
"It's not that I don't trust you," he told her as they stopped outside the largest of the hovel-like houses. "Rather, I wonder—"
"You wonder if my mind or my memories can be trusted," Joo Dee finished for him. She shook her head. "The truth is that I don't know. I don't recall being tortured, and the Dai Li don't have the ability to make a person tell the truth." Her voice lowered and she brushed her fingers against the stone house. "I might not know who I am or why I used to come here, but I do know that I wouldn't give this place up to the Dai Li. Not without a fight."
"It must have been really special to you," Katara said.
Mai was less impressed. "Special or not, the fact remains that this woman's mind has been tampered with. We can't trust anything she says."
"That's not nice, Luan," Aang said, frowning. "Joo Dee is trying her best. You don't have to—"
"Spare me the feel good speech." Mai folded her arms across her chest. "I'm only saying what you're all thinking. Frankly, I'd rather not get stabbed in the back because you're too busy worrying about her feelings."
Katara puffed her cheeks out, a sure sign she was about to leap to Aang's defence and start arguing with Mai. Zuko quickly stepped in before she could speak.
"There is a way we can find out," he told them. "I don't know if it will return Joo Dee's memories—Katara might have to help with that—but if I remove the taint from her mind, it will at least put an end to the Dai Li's influence and maybe clear up some things."
Joo Dee stared at him in a mixture of wonder and hope. "You can do that?"
"I can try," he emphasised. "I'm still new to this."
She gripped his hands. "Please, help me. I want to know who I am."
Zuko stepped back, startled by her sudden intensity. "I can only try."
"Trying is enough."
He nodded in understanding. If someone had offered to heal his amnesia when he thought he was just a boy who hid his face behind a mask, he would have jumped at the chance as well.
Joo Dee released his hands and ushered the group inside the house. It was bare of any furniture or decoration aside from a dusty looking rug, a few cushions, and a low table made of stone. A Pai Sho tile rested on the centre of the table. Zuko recognised it as the white lotus flower.
Iroh made an odd sound. "This—why is this here?" He picked up the tile and stared at Joo Dee with renewed interest. "Does this tile have any significance to you?"
She made a helpless gesture. "I don't know. It seems familiar, but everything is so fragmented in my mind. I'm sorry."
"Then how about this?" Iroh knocked on the table, and when he spoke his tone was oddly formal. "Who knocks at the guarded gate?"
"One who has eaten the fruit and tasted its mysteries."
The words slipped from Joo Dee like a preconditioned response. She blinked and placed her hand over her mouth. Iroh smiled in satisfaction.
"What—what was that?" she asked.
"A test, and one that you passed." Iroh's gaze shifted to Zuko. "Do your best to heal this woman, Nephew. I believe there will be many things that she can tell us."
Zuko's brow creased. He vaguely remembered that his uncle and the old relic who had played Pai Sho with Iroh back at the Sandy Oasis had shared a similar conversation. Geez, what was it with this white lotus tile? The stupid thing had troubled him the whole time he'd had amnesia because of the ambiguous note he'd found with it, and now it was popping up again in this cavern. Of course, his uncle still wanted to be cryptic and not tell anyone what was really going on. Because that wasn't annoying at all.
"Uh," Sokka said, glancing between Iroh and Joo Dee, "is there something we should know?"
Iroh smiled in that mysterious old man way Zuko oh-so-hated and mumbled that things were getting very interesting. Zuko knew better than to waste time prodding his uncle for a better answer. He turned to Joo Dee and asked if she was ready to begin the healing session.
"I don't know how long this will take," he admitted. "The sooner we start, the better."
"What do you need me to do?"
He gestured to one of the cushions. "Just try to get comfortable. This is going to feel a little invasive, so I want you to relax as much as possible."
She nodded and sat on the cushion. He sat cross-legged opposite her, ignoring the curious stares of those around them. He had to be calm and not let himself get distracted. Katara moved to stand behind him.
"Do you want me to help?" she asked.
He shook his head. "Not yet. I'm the only one who can see the taint in her mind. It's better if you save your energy for now."
Katara squeezed his shoulder in an encouraging gesture and sat down next to Aang, who had taken position on one of the nearby cushions with Momo. The others soon followed suit. Zuko tuned them all out and locked eyes with Joo Dee.
"You were under a healing sleep last time," he said, "so I don't know if that will change things, but I'm hoping having you conscious will make it easier for me."
"Was it so difficult for you the last time?"
"Yes." He was not one to lie, and he wanted her to understand what she was getting herself into. "I honestly don't know if I can fix this. The taint is extensive and deeply embedded. I don't want to risk damaging your mind further by being too forceful."
She bowed her head a fraction. "Thank you for your concern, Lee, but please do whatever it takes to get rid of this thing inside my mind." Her features hardened with resolve. "I do not want to be controlled any more. I will take the risk."
"Understood."
She closed her eyes and waited. Zuko let out a breath and placed his hands on her head, letting the golden threads extend from his fingers to link their energy. Her body twitched at the contact. Instantly, he felt the shifting presence that contaminated her mind. His skin crawled at the ugly, foreign taint of it, so twisted and wrong. The nausea was already rising within him, but he pushed the feeling down. He couldn't let himself get overwhelmed. Not this time. He had to help her, because right now he was the only one who could.
Please let this work.
Zuko brushed against the edges of the dark mass. It tried to slither away from his reach, but he held fast. The problem was that he didn't know what to do next. Katara had told him that healing was mostly instinctive. Learning about the make-up of the mind and body helped to give a healer direction and make an accurate diagnosis; it made it easier to figure out the best way to speed up the healing process. Sometimes, though, there was nothing to be done except trust your instincts. Lucky for Zuko, his instincts had always been good.
The last time he had let his panic get in the way. Now, he accepted that he would have to be very careful with how he progressed. This was a wound that could not be healed just because he willed it to be so. Minds were fragile, complicated things. Even now his instincts warned him that much. So he painstakingly began to separate a strand from the dark mass. He knew it was too dangerous to take on the whole thing at once—too much, too embedded. He hoped that detaching one piece at a time would make the healing process more manageable. That didn't stop it from being slow, unpleasant work. The shifting mass fought him at every turn. It was like trying to untangle one thread from a convoluted knot of thousands. When he finally got a strand free, he curled his energy around it in an imagined fist to hold it trapped. A shudder passed through his body in response. Even touching this tiny piece of the taint was like embracing a writhing, awful mass of wrongness.
"Lee, are you—"
"Don't!" Zuko snapped, not even sure who had spoken but not caring either way. "Don't distract me!"
It was taking all he had just to keep his grip on this single piece. Worse, he still didn't know what to do to remove it permanently. His instincts warned him that letting go would achieve nothing. The strand would just slot back into place. Still, fire was special. There had to be a reason he could see the taint. Something. Something only he could do.
"Fire is life."
Yes, his mother had told him as much. Fire could chase away death with its warmth; he had seen it happen multiple times. But Joo Dee wasn't dying. He had to think. What else was special about fire? Fire was warmth, it was light, but it was also destruction. Its very nature was to burn and consume. And yet ... and yet that was not always a bad thing. Fire burned, but sometimes that was what was needed. Wild fires purged forests of disease, parasites, and all the weak and decaying vegetation that hindered the health of the forest. Fire was the heart of forges. It burned and melted, but it also purified. He wondered if the same could be applied to his healing abilities.
Zuko tightened his hold on the strand he had untangled. Then he willed it to burn, to be cleansed away. His energy pulsed like a flare inside Joo Dee's mind, white hot and intense. She flinched and dug her nails into her knees. Zuko grimly held on. He burned through the dark thing he clutched until even the ashes were non-existent. Not that it was easy. Beads of sweat were already forming on his forehead. The realisation that this was only one fragment of spirits knew how many was enough to make him want to give up, but he reached for the next strand. He couldn't abandon her. Not when he had at last figured out what to do.
"Stay with me," he murmured.
The purification process was not pleasant for either of them. Linked as they were, he could feel her energy flinch just as much as her body when he burned through the taint. It had to hurt. Everything was so meshed and embedded. It didn't help that the shifting mass kept trying to dig itself deeper. Zuko couldn't be gentle. He was definitely careful, but there was no mistake that this was a battle for her mind. If he hesitated or was too timid, he would be driven back. It was frustrating. It was draining. All too soon, his breathing turned ragged and a fine tremor started in his hands.
Disentangle. Trap. Burn.
How many times had he repeated the pattern now? Everything about this was agonising. So slow. So seemingly endless. Bit by bit he destroyed the taint that spread like a disease through her mind, yet he could never make it to the core. His stamina was failing. The tugging on his energy felt sharper, more demanding. When the ringing started in his ears and his vision burst with black stars, Zuko knew he had to stop.
He broke the connection and swayed, almost collapsing against her. She gripped his shoulders to help steady him. It was hard to meet her gaze.
"I'm sorry," he mumbled, bowing his head. "I couldn't remove it all."
"You tried." She raised his chin and her eyes softened into a smile. "That is all I asked."
Zuko could not return her smile. He had wanted to purge all of the taint for her, to at least give her freedom back, even if he couldn't restore her memories. He had sensed that the damage inflicted on her mind was beyond what he or Katara could fix. Years of brainwashing had taken their toll. The effects would not go away with a few healing sessions—not today, not tomorrow, maybe not even months from now. Perhaps she had realised it too.
She released him and got to her feet. "I'm afraid I cannot confirm for you whether it is safe to stay in this place; however, hiding here will not solve anything in the long term. You need to decide what you want to do."
Katara reached for her. "Wait. There's no need to give up on your memories just yet. I can still use waterbending to try—"
"No." Joo Dee shook her head. "I have remembered enough to understand what you are up against. Trying to heal me further will be a waste of time. You would do better to escape the city while you can."
"We can't," Zuko said bluntly. "A person I know also got brainwashed. She was the Joo Dee who replaced you when you went missing, but then she got taken away by the Dai Li when her memories started to return. I won't leave without her."
"And we still have to meet with the Earth King," Sokka reminded everyone. "Leaving now would be pointless."
Joo Dee frowned. "I cannot help you to meet the Earth King, but if it's true that woman's memories started to return, then there is only one place where the Dai Li would have taken her."
"Where?" Zuko demanded.
"Lake Laogai."
Toph wriggled some of the dirt from her toes. "Don't tell me we have to go on a boat. I hate boats."
"No boats are required," Joo Dee said with a hint of amusement. "The lake is just a cover to hide the bunker underneath."
"Secret bunkers, eh?" Toph flashed a grin. "Now we're talking. When do we leave?"
Zuko got to his feet. "We should leave now. The Dai Li are likely still searching for us, but that will work in our favour. They won't expect us to turn up in their secret bunker."
"I agree," Joo Dee said, giving him an approving nod. "If Long Feng realises this woman is your goal, you will lose your chance to save her. It is better to make a move now while he is off guard."
Iroh placed his hand on Zuko's shoulder. "Are you sure you don't want to rest first? You still look a bit pale."
Zuko shook his head. "I'll be fine. The dizziness has passed."
"I wasn't talking about the dizziness."
Zuko's jaw tightened. Iroh must have sensed that he had used too much of his energy to create the purification flames. Judging from the worried glances Aang kept shooting his way, Aang was the same.
"I'll be fine," Zuko repeated. "Besides, I have my swords if all else fails."
He'd retrieved the dual weapons from the house before Joo Dee had come to meet them. Now he was glad for the familiar weight pressing on his back. His firebending likely had been weakened. He'd need sunlight to restore his chi, and he wasn't going to get that underground. Not that Iroh seemed too happy with this view of the matter. It was probably only the urgency of the situation that kept him silent.
"Let's go," Zuko said, moving towards the exit.
"Wait!"
They all turned to look at Katara.
"What is it?" Zuko demanded.
She must have noticed the impatience in his voice, because she threw him an irritated glance. "This is important." She shifted her gaze to Joo Dee and her expression softened. "I mean, I feel weird if I keep calling you 'Joo Dee'. It's just an identity that was forced on you, right?" A hopeful gleam entered her eyes. "Did you remember your real name when Lee healed you?"
"No. Personal details like that ... those are the things the Dai Li want to erase the most." Her mouth twisted into a bitter smile. "Names work too much like an anchor; it makes it difficult to maintain control."
"Oh." Katara stared down at her hands. It was obvious she was distressed. "Are you sure you don't want me to try healing you? Maybe—"
Joo Dee brushed her hand against Katara's cheek. "I appreciate what you're trying to do, but this isn't something you can fix." She pulled her hand away. "If you really want to make a difference, then focus on helping your friend who is still being controlled by the Dai Li. Perhaps her mind will be less damaged than mine."
"But—"
"Enough," Joo Dee said firmly. "We should hurry."
"But you really wanted to know, didn't you?" Katara clenched her hands into fists. "I heard what you said before Lee tried to heal you. You wanted to know your identity more than anything!"
Joo Dee closed her eyes. "Yes ... I wanted to learn that I had a name, a family. I wanted to remember who I was before I became a woman who just smiled and did as she was told." She spread her hands. "But those memories are gone. I realised it when Lee healed me. The lies pressing down on my mind have lessened, but there's nothing to fill the blanks. I've heard amnesia isn't supposed to be permanent, but what happens when your identity and past are rewritten? What then?" She shook her head. "Do you understand now? Whatever the Dai Li have done to me isn't going to go away any time soon. It's pointless to push yourself."
Katara took a step forward. "You can't just—"
Zuko placed his hand on her shoulder. She glanced up at him in a silent demand to know why he was stopping her, but he just shook his head. Maybe Katara couldn't see it—she was always so optimistic and so certain she could fix everything—but Zuko had experienced a complete loss of self before. He understood that what Joo Dee was trying to protect was, in fact, her own sense of hope. If Katara healed her now and failed to retrieve the desired memories, it would be a crushing blow. It would only confirm that the Dai Li had tampered too much with her mind. It would make her wonder if there was no hope for her at all, because even those with the power to create miracles couldn't fix her.
Aang scratched his cheek. "Well, I don't know if this will help, but if you don't like the name Joo Dee then why not come up with a new one for yourself in the mean time?"
She blinked. "Give myself a new name?"
"Why not?" His eyes crinkled into a grin. "I'm sure your memories will come back, but there's no harm in filling those blanks now until that day comes. I mean, isn't it better to just move on instead of waiting for the answers to come?"
Iroh chuckled. "A wise observation indeed." He smiled at her. "Well? What do you think of Aang's suggestion?"
Her brow furrowed. "I ... I never really thought about giving myself a name." She shrugged a bit helplessly. "I don't even know where to begin."
"I've been calling you plenty of nicknames in my head," Toph offered in a far too innocent voice. "If you wanted, I can—"
"None of that, brat," Mai muttered, slapping her hand over Toph's mouth to muffle the rest of her words. "We all know what your nicknames are like."
Before Toph could retaliate, Joo Dee said she would think about the matter more, but she'd rather they hurry to Lake Laogai. "My name can wait," she pointed out. "Your friend can't. Let's go now."
No one could argue with that.