Chapter Text
Weeks passed. Your fever faded away into health as if it had been nothing but a bad dream.
...But you knew better.
Of course, you tried to return to your fantasies; the pretense of blissful ignorance. But it was just like they said--Once that mirror was shattered, there was no true way to fix it.
And well...
That made you angry.
Angry.
At.
Everything.
You were irate at your closed off surroundings, the high energy of your irritation making the convergent claustrophobia almost intolerable. You sat sullenly at the dining table, giving short answers to Toriel as she asked about your day. You felt bitter about your guilt for being so curt towards her, couldn't bear to look into her tired and worried gaze. Your expression from day to day ranged from dead to utterly pissed off at anything you came in contact with.
You wanted to express your wrath to him, wanted to scream and cry and shout in his face and make him feel every form of regret. You were vexed by Frisk allowing what had happened to happen, though logic told you they probably tried to stop it with all their strength, and the guilt that consumed you when you realized you had murdered a god-damned baby countless of times because of their misfortune of picking up a Soul-sucking parasite only served to make you angrier. Occasionally, you felt that itch; the one that could only stem from the lingering after-effect of having LOVE (as short as that time was for you), and your constant fury only exacerbated that rare urge to feel blood on your fingers, bones snapping within your grip, or that terrifying feeling of magic pulsing underneath your skin wanting to rip a body apart...
And even if it was only Chara you fantasized doing such terrible things to...
It made you sick.
You were resentful upon waking up, seething as the world and day went on when you felt it should have been crashing down around your ears. Moseying along at its relaxed pace as if nothing ever happened to you.
Although in a sense... Nothing had, had it? That was the whole point of a RESET... And wasn't that the whole reason you did it? None of the events that plagued you actually occurred in this timeline, yet left you with all of the emotional and psychological scars that came from remembering.
You had always known the world was cruel... But this...?
This was... Torture.
But most of all, you were furious at Flowey for ruining that oh so sweet veil of Ignorance.
You hadn't seen him since he stole your denial from you, of course. You could hazard a guess as to why as well.
The Reset had taken away all of the physical evidence of the past timeline... But metaphysical was a completely different story.
You still had Magic.
Still had Determination.
It hadn't originally been yours. But it had been so bonded and intertwined with your DNA and Soul, that it irrevocably and inexcusably belonged to no one else but you anymore. And in your outburst so long ago, you had actually managed to hurt him. You had toyed with the idea that you had killed him by accident for a while... But upon realizing you had no EXP to speak of this timeline, you knew it wasn't possible.
You despised the relief you felt wash over you upon recognizing this. So what if he had died? Lucky bastard could get away with a few torn petals and uprooted vines while you suffered so much more? After he had stolen something so precious from you?
You wanted it back. The Denial. You wanted to feel anything but the never-ending fire of agony and hate and resentment burning your soul every day, every night, and even in your sleep. You wanted the pain to go away. You just wanted it all to come to an end.
It was shameful at just how much misdirected resentment you were showing towards everyone and everything you came in contact with. You realized this and, in self-disgust, began to pull away into yourself. You would leave into the Ruins before Toriel would awake in the morning, stay in one of the lower rooms that the puzzle pitfalls led to, and only return around dinner time; having learned if you didn't go back yourself, Toriel would just come looking for you. You were losing weight from skipping proper meals, looking more and more sickly as the days passed. If you were being completely honest with yourself, just the mere thought of food made your insides churn and the only reason you managed to choke down dinner was because Toriel refused to let you leave the table without finishing your meal.
If you kept this up, you would be the second ghost haunting the Ruins... Only, you'd be more like a poltergeist or a banshee with all the rage bouncing around your Soul. In fact, you had the suspicion that concerned monsters would heal you the best they could whenever you napped amongst the catacombs and that was why you hadn't keeled over just yet.
Heh. Ignorance truly had been bliss... You would welcome death at this point if it meant you could escape the pain of knowledge. The pain of existing with such a situation and having no power to change it.
After all, it wouldn't have been the first time... Right?
Apparently, today was going to be a day of exhaustion.
That was... Fine.
Yeah. You were okay with that. Days like these were few and far between anyway; when you were so tired of the fact that you even woke up to properly let yourself drown in the sullenness that settled deep into your bones. It was if you slept... But it only served to make you even more sluggish.
You truly don't even know how you got yourself out of bed and to your little hidey-hole. You could imagine you were like a zombie, aimlessly shuffling and stumbling to wherever you just decided to drop next. You don't remember putting on the robe Toriel had given you to wear, or your trek to your place of refuge but somehow, some way, you were collapsed onto your pile of always freshly fallen leaves and curling in on yourself, knowing you subsequently lost all will to move until your internal alarm clock told you it was time to force yourself to eat again.
Your mind grew even fuzzier then. Time passed; whether slowly or quickly, you weren't sure. Even if you had wanted to move, you were overcome by a sudden weak feeling that seeped into your muscles and just... Couldn't. Your sight faded in and out, the crimson leaves standing out yet blending with the violet ground in your blurry gaze.
I wonder...
Could my body turn into flowers if I let myself waste away here...?
That would be nice. You liked flowers. It would be far more... preferable as an existence. To be something to beautify the world, or lighten someone's heart, if only for a short season or two...
What flower would I become... If I gave in now...?
Lavender...?
Balsamine...?
Peony...?
Maybe I wouldn't even be a flower... I might just be a regular plant.
Aloe... Or maybe a Willow bush...
That would be fine too...
.....
..........
"You Delta-damned IDIOT."
Your eyes fluttered open feebly (when had you closed them?), the effort in itself tiring you, just to see a pretty pissed off golden flower looming over your face amongst the red leaves. Surprisingly, he didn't look as bad as you thought he would after your last encounter; perhaps he had used all that time away from you to heal... Or maybe you didn't hurt him as much as you thought you had.
You didn't move. You couldn't even flinch.
Why was he here...?
You stared with a glassy unfocused gaze in still silence, which only seemed to make him angrier. You couldn't really fathom as to why.
Thankfully, he deigned it necessary to enlighten you with a scary expression and a hiss.
"So what? Are you just gonna let yourself rot?" You gave a long slow blink as he shook in his position over your face, probably struggling with the effort to not hit you.
You stared a bit longer, hazy and uncaring.
"...Why are you here?" You heard a whispy, frigid voice say-- It was only with the uncomfortable feeling of slight strain seizing your vocal cords that you realized that the dull, hollow words originated from you.
You were surprised by that.
"Why do you think I'm here, you fool?!" He growled, little sproots just barely peeking out of the ground close around his stem.
Hm.
"...Are you going to kill me...?"
"What?!" He actually did a double-take, little eyes widening slightly in shock before he scowled once more. "N-No!! I'm here to get your ass up and moving!"
Ah.
"...That's a shame." You muttered quietly, closing your eyes again with the intent to ignore him. You weren't planning to move from this spot, even if your life depended on it.
Especially if that was the case.
"Wha-... H-Hey, you dumbass! You're going to starve to death if you just lay here like that!!" He screeched into your ear and seemingly growing more incensed when you gave no reaction or response. "You're just going to give up on life now that you know the truth?!"
Is that what you were doing...? You weren't very sure. It would make sense though. Anything was better than all this poison that was built up inside you.
"W-What about Toriel...? Are you going to subject her to burying another child if your Soul withers into dust?!" His voice had officially gone up a full octave now. "Are you that cruel?!"
This sparked... Something inside of you. What, you didn't know. But it willed you to speak, anyhow.
"Speak not of cruelty to me, Flowey..." You muttered, continuing to keep still. "You have no right, considering what you have done in the past yourself... You are not blameless in the slightest, so do not act as if you are."
...That was the most you've spoken aloud in a month, let alone to someone other than yourself...
He needed to leave.
"This has nothing to do with hypocrisy; I'm trying to keep you alive!!"
"...Your efforts are unwanted." You droned, ignoring that little voice in the back of your head saying that perhaps you were lying to yourself. "Go away."
"Never!" You released a soft, long sigh before opening your eyes slowly.
Your sight was still blurry so perhaps you had just missed when you first laid down, but... When had there been splotches of violet and pink amongst the red leaves? What were those...?
....Meh. It didn't matter. Your gaze flickered up to lock with Flowey's; the only reason he was so clear within your sight was because he was looming so close to your face.
"...I don't understand why you're being so worrisome. I'm human, Flowey; surely you know what that means...? Whether I die now, or fifty years later- It would make no difference." Came the whisper as your gaze lingered uncaringly on the new patches of color. "I'd still die eventually... So why can't it be now?"
"The difference," He hissed sibilantly, growing increasingly more incensed with your blatant disregard for your survival, "Is all that Determination you have now--YOU'RE the one that Reset, idiot! If you die, the timeline will just keep Reloading!" You felt yourself twitch at this reminder. He noticed. "It'll just be an endless cycle of pain for everyone involved and I know you'd never be willing to put others through that bullshit again, let alone yourself!"
However, you had a counter-argument ready.
"...Only if I was Determined enough to keep living." Was the hum you gave in return, watching as he bared his little fangs at you.
"I know what you're thinking, go ahead and try that--It just means I'll gain control over the timeline again." He tilted his nonexistent nose up at you, smirking darkly in victory. "I still have Save Files back before you fell; Every time you die, I'll just keep LOADing you back."
The edges of your lips turned downwards only slightly. You'd take Flowey seriously on this threat; after all, hadn't he manipulated the timeline thousands of times before just to suit his own wants? The cruelty of it had never mattered to him; in fact, he had even reveled in it occasionally. He would do such a thing without question.
How annoying.
Still though... The question remained.
"And... Why exactly do you want me to live, Asriel?" You breathed, paying no attention to his responding flinch and frantic glancing around to make sure no one else had become suddenly privy to such secret information. "It is not like we were ever friends... Our arrangement in the last timeline was one of necessity--Not affection. You can't deceive me; Why does it really matter to you if I die or not...?"
The flower turned his head away, obvious confusion and frustration whirling like a hurricane on his little face. Silence coldly sat between you two before you spoke again. "My death would be useful to the Underground anyway... Monsters go free and I get peace." You had the urge to shrug but decided that would take too much effort. All Monsters that lived in the Ruins were aware of your humanity but since you never raised a weapon towards any of them, they honestly didn't care. You honestly wondered why they all seemed to care about you so deeply though. As you said, your death would only benefit them.
So you were perplexed as to why any of them would go through so much trouble for your meaningless life now.
After another moment of deliberation, he huffed and turned back to you with a glare. "...That's not important right now. I just can't have you dying on me--You're the only one like me in the Underground, the only one alive who remembers the past, other than-"
You knew what he was going to say, who he was going to name and without thinking, you lashed out.
"Dare say HIS name in front of me, and I'll fucking end you." You snarled aloud with startling ferocity, rage flickering to life like a hungry flame in your heart and damn near bubbling over. The fury took you by surprise in its suddenness, its inferno burning away your lethargy and sharpening your gaze into clarity for a few precious moments. Flowey reared back in shock and obvious fear, staring at a point above your head with wide, frightened eyes. "I don't EVER want to hear it again, do you hear me?"
You don't know why anyone should have taken you or your threat seriously at all. You still couldn't move, and you felt so terribly weak, so it wasn't as if you could carry out any threats. But that anger, that virulence... It was almost as if it had jump-started your heart from its cold intermittent beat and seared its warmth back through your veins.
You could feel your magic too, rising with your splenetic intent; malevolent flames burning from your left eye (just like his, you realized with no small amount of disgust) and forming a Red-Violet bone spear aimed right at him above your head. That was probably what he was so afraid of.
Logic dictated you were being unreasonable. But your Soul couldn't possibly give any less of a damn.
"O...O-O-Okay, okay, okay! I'm sorry, I w-won't say it, just please-" He began to shake slightly on his stem, his slightly ripped petals quivering and small tears beading at the corners of his eyes. "P-Please don't... hurt me..."
Your eyes narrowed inimically at the unwelcome emotion, and you came to the realization that you were done entertaining Flowey's actions any longer. "Now. Get. Lost."
"N-No. I... I-I'm not moving from this spot... until you regain some Determination...!" Despite the brave words, you could see the fear rooted deep in his face.
Tch... Stubborn brat.
He knew you could kill him. You knew you could kill him. If he was dead before you, he couldn't carry out any of his threats. After all, he meant so little to you personally. And you had killed before.
The itch... It would be so easy...
...But for some reason...
............
"Then I hope you enjoy just swaying there until dinner time." If you were even still strong enough to move by then. "Rot, for all I care. I'm not going anywhere until then." You gave him one last venomous look before dispelling your magic and letting your eyes fall shut again, completely intent on ignoring him now. You didn't want to be bothered any longer. He wasn't worth it, you told yourself.
......
.................
He was gone again. With your eyes closed, you didn't witness him leaving, but you felt his presence disappear.
It took him some time for him to leave, but eventually, he did. Strange, considering all that big talk he was spewing of not leaving until you had the will to live again. Though it made sense to get away from a presence that had threatened your life.
Hmph.
...........
Your previous state of exhaustion hadn't come back, however. Your ability to stay as still as stone had vanished. The weakness in your bones was being leeched away by your irritation, the only sign that it had been there in the first place was the weird jelly-like feeling lingering in your muscles as if they had simply fallen asleep for a long time and were now just waking up. You squirmed restlessly in your fetal position upon the leaves, attempting to find your comfort again... But it wouldn't come.
The fire inside you wouldn't allow it.
You tried to fight against it, really you did. You didn't want to move, didn't want to feel.
But that was exactly what was happening.
You stayed there for perhaps an hour longer purely out of spite, before you broke. With a loud impassioned sound that sounded like a cross between a growl and a screech, you forced yourself to a sitting position. The whole room was feeling incredibly stifling now.
Sitting and stewing in your impotent rage was most definitely not one of the healthiest things to partake in, your body decided; not when you could be doing more productive things. With an impatient rumbling that could dissuade a tiger from approaching, your stomach made its feelings extremely well known with a nice side of pain to go along with it.
Your body no longer cared if your brain thought it wasn't hungry, it knew it was lying by this point. And strangely enough, your magic agreed with said decision.
And you didn't carry food or money on you anymore, so you knew if you needed to eat, you would need to head back to Toriel's house.
How bothersome...
Lost in your grumblings, you didn't realize you were feeling more resistance than what your weak body could expect until you had managed to bring yourself to your feet.
You swayed a little, somewhat light-headed. It was to be expected. However, what wasn't expected was your foot snagging on something as you turned to shamble to the slot leading back to the main path.
Your mind went to the assumption that Flowey was attempting to stop you from moving, despite how illogical the idea was (he was the one that wanted you to get up, in the first place) and you had whirled around with a snarl on your face and magic sparking warningly on your fingertips to properly frighten the bloom for attempting to accost you again.
Well.
There was flora clinging to your foot. But it wasn't yellow. Or sporting a face.
These were purple. And pink.
And there was a cluster of them all over the red leaves.
Your irritation abated slightly as your eyes narrowed at the perennials, thin young vines clinging to your bare feet like a child's greedy grip around a beloved toy. The ends pinched into your skin somewhat uncomfortably and you hissed softly at the digging feeling into your flesh as you shifted.
Upon closer inspection, you could see that there were some little green hooks of vegetation broken off in some areas of your robe, ripped off from the creeping vines that had been outlining your body amongst the crimson leaves.
.....What?
You stared for a moment before leaning down to rip the vines away from your feet, freeing yourself from the encroaching grip. Your rough handling of them caused one of the flowers to snap off into your hands, the frail petals nearly crushed between your numb fingers.
Were these what I had seen earlier...? When had they gotten here...?
You took the flower with you as you made your way back to Toriel, taking your time in your trek to study it.
It was small, fitting in your palm, and shaped like the Bell of a trumpet, the connection of the petals a dark purple star. Due to your connection to flowers upon the surface, you were able to identify it rather quickly.
You had honestly mistaken it for a Morning Glory at first... But some characteristics, like the leaves and the strength of the petals, were rather telling.
Solanaceae family member, specifically known as a Petunia.
You were just rounding around the large tree in front of Toriel's home when the meaning of said flower came to you, bringing you to a halt.
Anger... And Resentment.
......
Heh.
An ironic, bitter smile took your face then, lasting no more than a few seconds as you were suddenly trapped in the hug of a sobbing Goat Monster, the flower falling from your fingers to flutter to the ground beside your feet. She had apparently been anxiously waiting, hoping you were still alive after she had awoken and seen you nowhere in sight.
...How fitting, indeed.