Chapter Text
It was supposed to be a happy day. A chance to finally hold a concert at their dream venue. The Seoul Olympic Park Gymnastic arena. A goal BTS and especially Namjoon had always been working towards.
And don’t get him wrong. It had been a magical night. Unreal and emotional. A time of celebration and thankfulness with. A night that seemed like a blur yet was etched into their memory forever.
But just as BTS had always had to endure hardship and criticism, it seemed like it was too much to ask whether this day would end well. While behind the stage was pure nervousness and a flurry of activity a storm was brewing online, ready to greet them when they walked off stage.
--
It wasn’t the first time such an issue was raised. No, they had already had to deal with this issue in May 2015, their company even went to court for it. But it seemed like this name was now stuck to them. A brand they couldn’t escape, a lie set in stone.
When Bangtan finally got off stage, it seemed like that staff was trying to discourage them from going online, but they weren’t going to stop them. For one, they were adults capable of making their own decisions and second because they would eventually find out. It just seemed like a wrong time to be finding out.
Against his better judgement, Namjoon, feeling it his responsibility as a leader, did check on social media, and to say his heart dropped was an understatement. It was like someone had stabbed him and left his heart to bleed and he was slowly becoming numb.
Again, against his better judgement he began to scroll through the comments. “It’s just to clarify what is going on” he told himself. But he knew. He knew better than anyone that he was crushing his own mind and soul by reading through the comments.
“Plagiarism Boys”, “Plagiarism Soneyeondan”. For several minutes Namjoon scrolled through. Mind numb and suddenly feeling very tired. The accusations were preposterous, but what was even worse were other ways in which people were trying to tarnish their hard work.
It must have shown on his face because that is when Hoseok came and sat beside him, snatching the phone from his hand and seeing what Namjoon was looking at.
He visibly flinched when he saw the tag, running his hands through his hair and he tried to make sense of what was going on. In his confusion he pressed the back button and scrolled down to see many other hashtags of similar nature. But then he saw one “Bangtan We love you” and his heart unclenched, just a tiny bit. He quickly sat down beside Namjoon, trying to give him comfort by showing him the tag.
Hoseok shoved the phone in front of Namjoon’s face who was sitting slumped against the sofa, eyes unfocused and lips turned down “Namjoon-ah!” He said. “Look here, ARMY is still supporting us”. He tried to show Namjoon the hashtag.
Namjoon’s mind seemed to be under water as he slowly moved to take the phone and focused his eyes on the screen. “Bangtan we love you” the tag read, and he tried to feel happy seeing it. It was definitely comfort, but the crushing weight of the other tags was making it hard for him to think, breathe even.
He tried to give Hoseok a smile, but it probably turned out looking pained because Hoseok sort of lost the bit of spark he had left in his eyes and his lips turned down.
He gently patted Namjoon and told him quietly to pack up so that they can leave for the dorms.
Namjoon only nodded in reply. Slowly getting up and packing everything. Unsure of the hundred things going through his head and the heaviness he felt in his chest.
--
It was only a matter of time before the rest of Bangtan found out about the issue when they arrived at the dorm. One by one they saw what had transpired. Reacting in various ways. Some like Yoongi and Jungkook were quiet. Taehyung and Jimin were in denial, trying to say how this was a mistake. Hoseok was slightly more aware by now and was cursing a bit about people accusing without proof and Jin sat beside Namjoon, his hand gently stroking his hair and his neck to soothe and ease the tension from him. So far it didn’t seem to be working because Namjoon was just as tense as when Jin had sat down. They all needed food but didn’t have an appetite. The pizza they had ordered was sitting on the table cooling itself.
It was already pretty late, they should be preparing for bed but they all sat in the living room, too sad and worried to say anything, with only Hoseok’s occasional curse heard here and there.
Eventually when it around one o’ clock and none of them had made an effort to move, Seokjin could no longer stand it and he gently moved Namjoon off his shoulder. The guy had finally probably exhausted himself by overthinking and had slumped back into Jin, letting him comfort him.
Seokjin got up and handed each of them a plate, putting a few pizza slices on them. He then got some water in a jug and some cups for all of them to drink water. Slowly, they all began to eat. Taking more time than usual, but eating nonetheless. As soon as someone would finish Jin would tell them to go wash themselves and head to bed, telling them that they would discuss this tomorrow with the company and with a more rested mind and body. One by one, the BTS members made their way to their room, finally leaving Namjoon and Jin behind.
Jin held out a hand to Namjoon to get him off the sofa and on his way to the bathroom, who after staring at it for a few second finally took it. When he stood up Jin gave him a short hug and then clapped him on the back, hoping that Namjoon would at least be able to rest a bit before things truly went to hell in the morning.
After briefly making sure that the place didn’t look an absolute mess and as soon as Namjoon came out of the bathroom, Jin bid him goodnight and went to wash up as well. He wanted to say something to Namjoon, but knew that for now it was best to let the leader process and think on his own before he tried to dispel any worries.
Over the next several days, the boys saw one article after another from news outlets talking about the accusations. The netizens were ruthless, ready to tear apart a group that had worked itself from the bottom up. The general public didn’t care much for idols and was much used to scandals and therefore did not provide a very positive front either.
And at Bighit, Bangtan continued with their schedule, trying to keep working to distract them from the constant barrage of hate thrown their way. Trying to stay away from the internet for a while. And while all of this was taking a toll on the members it was taking the most toll on their leader. All of Bangtan had already been in several meetings regarding the issue. But being the spokesperson for the group, Namjoon had met one-on-one with Bang PD and other managers often to get insight on what was going on and how the company was going to handle it.
It was a stressful time, one that especially was hard on the leader of BTS who would find himself frustrated and depressed by finding out what people were saying. He knew, he was not good at handling negativity. It made him loose confidence in himself, it targeted his ideals and it bothered him to no end. Yet, he still could not bring himself to stop thinking, to let it go, to feel assured that the issue had already been dealt with and that people will continue to believe what they want.
As a leader, despite knowing it was none of his fault, a small part of him blamed himself for bringing this upon the other members. Maybe he should have foreseen this, maybe he should have been more careful with what they did, maybe just maybe he could have prevented this.
--
It was a night when he had already spent up to 15 hours in his studio, yet he had done close to nothing. He felt agitated and his brain was in overdrive. Nothing was making sense. Yet he still had stubbornly sat in front of the computer screen.
Another sigh escaped him as he clicked on the beat once again because he hadn’t really heard it. That’s when someone knocked on the door.
Wondering who it was, he got up from where he was sitting and opened the door to find none other than the eldest member of bangtan standing there, a plastic bag in his hand from probably one of their favourite food places.
“May I come in?” the eldest asked in a soft voice and Namjoon stepped back to allow him in as a way of answering.
Jin nodded his head in thank you and made his way over to the sofa and made himself comfortable. Closing the door, Namjoon went back to his seat, and after a few moments of fiddling with the paper on his desk decided to put the headphones back on his ear when Jin spoke
“Namjoon-ah”, he said softly.
He turned his face to the elder looking at the soft yet firm expression on his face.
“Tell hyung what’s bothering you?” Seokjin said.
Namjoon opened his mouth to say that it was nothing, he really didn’t want to be making a big deal out of his feelings, but Jin seemed to know that’s what he was going to say and said “And don’t say it’s nothing.”
Namjoon did not respond. Instead he put the headphones down, his chin jutting out like it did when there was too much on his mind and he was frustrated. He stared at the table, feeling too tired to even look up.
When he didn’t respond for several minutes, Jin said “Come here” and patted the space next to him on the sofa.
Namjoon hesitated. Thinking of refusing and telling Jin he’s okay and that he would be fine. But something in the elder’s gaze made him get up from his chair and make his way to him. He sat down heavily beside Seokjin, still not looking up.
“How was your day Namjoon?” Jin asked. “Is there another nice beat I can listen to?” he asked. He had turned to his side to completely look at Namjoon.
“No” was all Namjoon managed to say. He felt all the energy leaving him, leaving behind an emptiness he hated yet was very familiar with.
“That’s okay. I’m sure you will have another amazing idea soon. Now tell me, what is bothering you, Hyung will listen?” Jin said, now moving his hand to softly brush Namjoon’s hair.
Maybe it was the touch, maybe it was just the emptiness, but Namjoon found himself placing his head on Jin’s shoulder, and Jin only hesitated a second before wrapping his hands softly around Namjoon.
They stayed like that for a while, Seokjin gently stroking his neck, “Namjoon-ah, saranghae”, Jin said softly and Namjoon couldn’t stop the tears that started to fall. It was like a flood gate had been opened and he was no longer in control. It had been a while since he had cried this hard. His whole body shook as he sobbed in the embrace of his hyung, who kept repeating what he said earlier over and over.
After an eternity, (not really it had been about 15 minutes), Namjoon finally managed to choke out “Hyung, why do people hurt each other?”
Seokjin hummed in response. Knowing it was Namjoon merely stating his thoughts out loud. “Why, despite being humans and understanding what pain is, do we cause each other pain? Why must there be so much pain in the world? Why are we constantly striving to be happy when someone will eventually cause us pain anyway?”
Namjoon seemed to ponder about his own questions for a while before saying again “I feel like I let you guys down.” He finally said. Seokjin looked at him, an understanding expression on his face “Do you now?” he asked Namjoon in a soft voice. “How do you think you’ve let us down?”
“I feel like I could have done more to prevent this. Maybe I should have been more perceptive of what people would think. Maybe if I hadn’t been so excited looking at all the nice things we were finally achieving I could have avoided us going through this pain.” Namjoon said, a fresh set of tears making their way down his cheeks.
Seokjin wiped them away “Namjoon, there is nothing you could have done to stop this. You know it and we all know it, so please stop thinking like that. People will say things to hurt others because they are jealous or they feel like that others aren’t deserving. But in place of those people are many more who will support you and tell you that you deserve it. Don’t let those causing you pain occupy your thoughts, let those who cheer you on be the ones guiding you. Don’t you think it’s disrespectful to all those fans who are constantly defending and cheering us if we ignore their voice and continue to listen to those hating on us?”
“Ah, but Hyung, as much as I try, I can’t stop thinking about all the negativity, all the stress and the damage control and especially the name we now have attached to us. ‘Plagiarism Boys’ ”, he said, his face contorting as if he had tasted something bitter.
“Didn’t you say so yourself Namjoon-ah, that they won’t see us coming? People succeed when others wish them to fail, so we are going to succeed and show it to those who hate us that their hate is no longer our concern. We will keep standing on stage proud as long as we have even a few people behind us, because that’s what we stand for.” Seokjin said.
After listening to Seokjin’s words (and crying his heart out) Namjoon finally felt a bit better. His Hyung was right, he had always lived fiercely, and he was not about to give up now. For every hate they can rise above it and keep soaring higher. That’s how you leave those people behind.
He had ended up lying in Seokjin’s lap at some point while he cried, and he laid there for a while as Seokjin continued to stroke his hair, feeling a bit more at peace than he had for the past several weeks since the concert. He was grateful for his Hyung’s presence and would probably have fallen asleep right there if he hadn’t heard Seokjin’s stomach growl and he couldn’t suppress a smile as he looked up at his Hyung who looking embarrassed.
“What, I haven’t eaten yet because I was worried about you!”, Seokjin said trying hard not to blush but failing miserably. They both ended up laughing and Namjoon finally got up and hugged his Hyung. “Let’s have some of that food then.” he said, smiling as he rested his chin on Seokjin’s shoulder.