Chapter Text
CONTRACT: an agreement to play a certain type of game
After the night spent with Seokjin, Namjoon felt lost. He couldn’t remember the reason why he was causing so much hurt to someone he loved so much or even why he was so vehemently defending his own side. He knew that if Jin asked him to, he would give it all up in a heartbeat and that scared him. None of it felt worth it anymore.
For once, he was allowing himself to think of what he wanted his future to look like. All his life, he’d simply taken what he was given and considered any of it a blessing since he got to live another day and his parents didn’t. He’d never asked for more and, really, he’d never considered it. It was enough to just believe that he was helping other kids to not go through what he did.
That was what he had to hold onto to keep going. It might have been for his own selfish reasons but Namjoon just wanted to punish the criminals that thought they were above the law. He wanted the type of people that could just kill innocents and get away with it because of the failings of the justice system to suffer.
He’d known it was farfetched but, at one point in time, he had let a sliver of hope manifest. He’d hoped that because they had been together for so long, and shared a lot of the same morals and ideals, that Kim Seokjin would understand him. He didn’t have to support Namjoon, that would have been hoping for far too much, but he had just wanted to be understood by the first person that ever made him feel the way Jin did.
It was ridiculous in retrospect. Of course, Jin wouldn’t understand him, he was just like every other member of authority that hid behind their laws and their rules so that they didn’t have to make any difficult decisions on their own. Maybe Namjoon had just expected more from him.
He’d been thoroughly disappointed.
But still, he would do anything for someone who refused to try to understand him.
Somehow Jin had found an opening in the defenses that Namjoon put around himself and had made a home close to his heart. For the first time, Namjoon truly understood why Yoongi had warned him against letting anyone close. The older had probably seen something like this happening a long time ago.
Namjoon had initially intended to return to Hoseok’s place to go over their plans for the rest of the week but halfway there he realized he wasn’t going to be able to get anything productive done with the storm raging in his head.
In an effort to clear his mind, Namjoon decided to make a detour and visit his parent’s graves. He couldn’t remember the last time he had been to see them and his heart sat heavily in his chest at the realization.
The weather had progressively gotten worse over the last few weeks and along with winter officially starting, it had begun to rain most days. It had begun to shower lightly as Namjoon drove to the cemetery but he wouldn’t let a little cold water deter him. Besides, he had to enjoy the rain while it lasted before it turned into snow and he had a lot more to complain about.
He left his phone in his car as he stepped out, not wanting anyone to bother him for a while, and started heading down the familiar path to where his parents were buried. Though the cemetery was just outside of the city, walking into it felt like walking into another dimension entirely. It was a suffocating sort of quiet, the kind that made it hard to break. The light rain was dampening any sound that was to be heard and made it hard to see the city behind him through the thick gray of the clouds. There was no one to be seen in the cemetery and Namjoon was glad that he wouldn’t have to worry about another presence while he was here. It would put him on edge and he just wanted to have a moment of peace before he returned to the chaos of his life.
Namjoon couldn’t remember the last time he’d actually come to see his parents but his feet led him to them regardless, as if his body wouldn’t let him forget where they were.
Two smooth headstones at the end of a row bore his parent’s names on them with words like “ in everlasting memory ” and “ loved by all” under their names. Namjoon wished he had more say over that when he was younger. He hated the tackiness of the words. He wanted the stones to more accurately represent how tragically they had gone and how deeply their departure had hurt him. The fluffy words didn’t mean anything to him and they sure as hell didn’t mean anything to anyone else.
In Namjoon’s memory, he never remembered his parents having many friends or relatives. It was more or less them against the world. But now it was just him against the world.
It was easier to bear that weight when there were three people doing it together.
There were withered flowers by both of the stones and Namjoon frowned at the sight of them. He had no idea who would have put them there. From what he was told, Yoongi’s parents were friends with his own and the only ones that had stepped forward after their death. Now, Min Junho was dead and Namjoon doubted that Yoongi’s mother would have brought flowers here. The woman was a lot of things but warm and caring would not fit her description. Besides, Namjoon hadn't actually seen her in years.
Namjoon picked up the browned and dying flowers and threw them away. He found himself wishing that he’d brought his own flowers to replace them with. But he knew that, with this weather especially, they would quickly wilt and decay. Everything died eventually.
With a heavy breath, Namjoon lowered himself to his knees and busied himself by cleaning the gravestones. The light rain helped him to wipe away the accumulated dirt and dust and fully reveal the neat letters that spelled out his parent’s names.
He stared at the names for a long moment once the stones were neatly cleaned. Truth be told, even though he missed them so terribly that it left a constant dull ache in his chest- especially now, he no longer remembered their faces or voices. In his memories, they were mere shadows that smiled, wrapped their arms around him, and brought warmth into his life. He was so young when they were taken away from him. If nothing else, he wished he had just gotten a bit more time with them. Properly appreciated them before they left him alone and cold. At one point in time, he had a picture with the three of them happily smiling in it but he hadn’t seen that picture in years and had no idea where it even was now.
Namjoon’s parents were taken from him in what was deemed an “accident” but the circumstances had never made any sense to him. His parents worked often and though they were busy, they always made time for him and at least one of them was always there to have dinner with him. He was an only child with parents that worked full time but they never let him feel like he was alone. Honestly, Namjoon couldn’t even remember what type of work they did anymore. After learning what Min Junho did, he wasn’t that interested in finding out, especially if his parents were closely associated with the man. There was no guarantee that they were involved in anything illegal but he didn’t want his carefully constructed views of them to be skewed by that sort of information.
Regardless of what they did, they were loving parents that deeply cared for him. They still treated him much better than how he’d seen Yoongi’s parents treat him.
The thing that made no sense was that they had suddenly left in the middle of the night and ended up getting in a devastating car crash. The other driver wasn’t at the scene and no other car was found so it could only be assumed that it was some sort of hit and run situation. But, even if that was truly the case, the other driver had never been found and had never been brought to justice. Namjoon had never believed that though. Everything about it was too strange and it didn’t actually make any sense at all. To his knowledge, his parents didn’t work at night and they certainly wouldn’t have left him alone without telling him what was going on.
And yet, they had taken off like thieves in the night and ended up dead with no explanation.
Guilt gripped at Namjoon with vicious strength. At one point in time, he had vowed to find out who took his parents from him and get some sort of closure on the situation but all these years later and he still had no idea. He, admittedly, hadn’t ever looked that closely into it. People generally tried to avoid things that were painful and he had been no different.
In the confusion after their death, Namjoon had been desperate to forget those bad memories and escape those bad feelings and so he had latched onto all the new things being thrown his way. He’d been drowning and wanted to just latch onto the first rope offered to him that would pull him out.
Min Junho had offered that to him.
Namjoon had been more than desperate to join the Min family. He’d felt the need to prove himself valuable in any way that he could so that he wouldn’t be deserted again. It wasn’t fair to his parents and he knew that. It wasn’t as if they’d left him on purpose but it didn’t change the fact that they’d gone somewhere that he couldn’t follow. Really, Namjoon’s loyalty should have been wholly and completely to them and their memory but he’d so desperate back then that he had latched on to first sign of warmth that he’d seen.
It hadn’t been as warm as he hoped but that was just the nature of the Min household. He’d taken it without complaint.
In the beginning, he was treated like an object. It was if he were something that Junho had seen in a thrift store and picked up for a cheap price. Then he gave it to his son in hopes that he would like it.
It was pitiful looking back on it but it wasn’t as though Namjooon knew any better. He had a new family taking him in and the idea of being a stray hadn’t sat well with him. So, he had happily become a means to an end for Min Junho to take care of his son. In a way, he was little more than a glorified child butler. Get Yoongi this, get Yoongi that, fold Yoongi’s clothes, bring Yoongi his dinner . It was never-ending.
Namjoon never spoke back and he never complained. He thought, for some stupid reason, that if he was perfect enough they’d never want to get rid of him and he’d never be alone again.
His entire life had changed in the blink of an eye and he had no time to be a kid and even less time to actually mourn the loss of his parents. It was nothing but fear that drove him at first.
Namjoon didn’t resent Min Junho or the Mins, though. He’d spent more of his life with them than he’d spent with his own parents. They’d taken him in at his time of need, gave him shelter, food, and clothes to wear. It wasn’t asking too much of him that they expected him to work for his keep. For as frigid as that house had been, not a single member of the family able to show the warmth that Namjoon was used to, they treated him decently. He had strict rules and was reprimanded harshly for his mistakes but every time Namjoon got in trouble and they didn’t throw him out on his ass, he couldn’t bring himself to be upset.
In fact, the only one that had actually gotten upset over Namjoon’s treatment had been Yoongi himself.
For the majority of the first six years that Namjoon had stayed with the Min’s, Yoongi’s attitude towards him had been cold. It wasn’t as though the older was mean to him or purposefully cruel. It just seemed like he’d gotten used to Namjoon being around but had no intention of acknowledging his presence unless he had to. They barely spoke despite Namjoon’s efforts and eventually, Namjoon had to accept that Yoongi wasn’t going to be the older brother that he wanted him to be.
Over time, Yoongi had warmed to him but only from a fierce blizzard to a frigid winter day. They began to talk more often though Yoongi only entertained Namjoon for so long before he grew bored of their conversations and stopped responding. He did little things from time to time; bringing back double his portion of food or snacks he bought when he was out only to give it to Namjoon with no explanation, stopped asking Namjoon to do things for him when he was capable of doing it for himself, and often let the younger get away with things that his parents would never.
Things like calling him oppa instead of hyung .
At first, Namjoon had been sort of scared of Yoongi. He hadn’t been around many kids when he was young and he’d never met someone around his age that was as mature and reserved as Yoongi was. Likely due to his strict upbringing, Yoongi was a no-nonsense kid. Most of the time, even though he wouldn’t say anything, Namjoon could just tell that he’d done something to annoy him. The older just had a way of letting his displeasure become evident in the air without needing words to make you aware of it.
When Namjoon was new to the Min household he felt that oppressing feeling more times than not. But eventually, Yoongi just seemed to get used to having him around or at least stopped getting as annoyed by little things.
Namjoon didn’t even realize the change himself until Yoongi brought up something suddenly one afternoon as he was preparing for exams at the end of the school year. He would be starting high school soon and he was almost always studying. Namjoon usually tried to be around the same space as him unless he seemed to be in a bad mood, especially since Yoongi’s parents were rarely home and the house was quieter than normal without them. No matter how much time passed, Namjoon would never be comfortable in silence.
“Why don’t you ever defend yourself?” Yoongi had asked and Namjoon frowned, almost not hearing the words until he looked up and found the older looking at him with a bored expression.
“What?” Namjoon choked out, startled by the sudden question. He was supposed to be studying too but his mind had checked out twenty minutes ago.
“Everyone knew that you didn’t leave that plate in the sink. I did. I got distracted and left it there. Why didn’t you tell him that it wasn’t you?” Yoongi continued, a frown appearing on his face.
Namjoon swallowed, looking down. A few days earlier, when Junho was in one of his moods as Namjoon liked to call them, the man had shouted at him for leaving a dirty plate in the sink. Obviously, the person who had actually left the plate in the sink was Yoongi who had just been eating in the kitchen less than an hour before. But it wasn’t the first time that Namjoon had taken the punishment for Yoongi and it probably wouldn’t be the last. Firstly, Namjoon knew better than to go against Junho when he got into one of his moods because it would most likely end up in violence that was otherwise avoidable and, secondly, Namjoon didn’t really mind being reprimanded.
He hated the immediate panic that swelled up in him with the constant fear that it was finally the time where the Min’s had enough of him and threw him out but other than that it didn’t really bother him. He’d gotten used to it. He had to. If he took it to heart every time that he was yelled at, he would lose his mind especially after coming from a family that had never raised their voices at each other.
Besides, he’d long since been taught to put Yoongi’s needs before his own. The older was studying for exams and wasn’t eating and resting as much as he probably should have been. The last thing he needed was his father getting on his case for something as stupid as a dirty plate.
“It wasn’t that big of a deal.” Namjoon shrugged, avoiding Yoongi’s hard glare.
“I don’t care if it’s a big deal or not. Why don’t you ever speak up for yourself?” Yoongi pressed and Namjoon felt almost embarrassed by his persistence. It really hadn’t seemed like that big of a deal at the time. Sure, Junho was in a worse mood than usual and had actually slapped him but it was nothing Namjoon couldn’t deal with. Clearly, it had been bothering Yoongi more than he wanted to admit, though.
“What difference does it make whether he yells at you or at me?” Namjoon deflected, not wanting to talk about his real reasons. Yoongi would probably end up getting pissed off at him and leave and Namjoon was going to go crazy if he spent another day silently cooped up in his room alone. “He’s still mad either way.”
Yoongi stared at him silently for such a long time that Namjoon finally looked at him. When they met eyes, Yoongi rolled his eyes with a tsk and readjusted in his seat, finally returning his gaze to the textbook in front of him.
“Whatever. You better not let other people walk all over you the way you let my parents do. I don’t want someone that can’t even speak up for themselves associated with me.”
Namjoon had been confused by that at the time but, after years, he finally realized that Yoongi was worried about him and probably feeling guilty that his junior had been punished rather than him. It was a turning point in their relationship that wasn’t easily forgotten. After that day, Yoongi started to stand up to his father more often in defense of Namjoon and even though it was a small thing… it meant a lot.
The older was still cold as the arctic ocean but he actually began acknowledging Namjoon and was more open to conversations even when it was obvious that he wasn’t interested in what Namjoon was talking about. To some extent, Yoongi even confided in him as the years passed and they both entered their final years of school. He would actually go out of his way to ask Namjoon his opinion of things and start his own conversations.
Around that time in their life, there were strange people constantly in and out of the Min house and Namjoon honestly had no idea what was going on until Yoongi started to tell him. At first, it was pointing out who was who and what guests were important and which weren’t.
Then, it became more elaborate explanations. Yoongi spoke of his father with reverence and respect that Namjoon didn’t understand at first. He spun vivid tales of what his father did, getting rid of the bad people that couldn’t be touched because of the stupid laws that actually allowed them to go free without enough solid evidence. Yoongi painted his father as the perfect anti-hero, the villain to take down all villains.
Namjoon didn’t really understand it at first.
He hadn’t been surprised to hear that the Min family were criminals, but he had trouble understanding it completely until Yoongi explained to him what a vigilante was. He’d told him that if Namjoon tracked down the people who caused his parent’s deaths and killed them, that the law would see it as wrong but it would still be justice. Namjoon understood it then, like a switch clicking in his head, and though he was still scared of Yoongi’s father, he understood why people like Min Junho needed to exist.
After that, Namjoon was fully invited to the secret world that had been just beyond his reach but right in front of his eyes.
He was informed about the Min’s business and how Yoongi would eventually take it over after his father. Namjoon wasn’t directly asked but he knew that he was expected to join as well and if he could help get justice for people that were wronged like he was, then he could get behind the cause easily.
At the age of fifteen, he held a gun for the first time and started training extensively in self-defense and combat. He was surprisingly good at it. He was a natural behind the metal barrel of a gun and his aim was exceptional for someone who hadn’t had any prior practice.
He trained every day for two years without any off-days even when he was exhausted or ill. Junho had more or less demanded it and his trainer, a scarily average looking man, did what Junho told him to. Eventually, all the hard work paid off and turned Namjoon from a regular citizen into someone that was absolutely lethal. He’d been tall but scrawny before but with all the muscle he gained from training, his form had filled out handsomely.
It was during that time that he met Jung Hoseok, a boy from another family close to the Mins and the two often sparred together. They were the same age and Hoseok had none of Yoongi’s cool and aloof demeanor, in fact, despite the fact that he’d almost broken Namjoon’s leg the first time they sparred- Hoseok was sunny and cheerful and just the right amount of warmth that Namjoon had been craving.
Jung Hoseok was Namjoon’s first real friend and they quickly grew close to each other.
After Hoseok, came Park Jimin who Namjoon didn’t officially meet until almost a year later. He’d seen Jimin around a few times but he was never properly and formally introduced to the boy a year his junior. Something about Jimin was somehow the exact opposite of Hoseok. He had a sad disposition that always seemed to be there despite the situation and he usually kept to himself. Hoseok often spoke to him but Namjoon wasn’t sure how to approach him so he kept his distance and Jimin seemed to do the same.
Honestly, the only person he seemed to be close to was Yoongi. The two were close in a way that he and Yoongi weren’t. Namjoon had never really understood why that was, but anytime he saw Jimin he was usually around Yoongi.
Hoseok, who had been exposed to everything that Namjoon was still learning about much earlier in life, and had been around Jimin and Yoongi longer, kindly explained to Namjoon when his gaze was lingering on Jimin curiously one day what their relationship was. According to him, Jimin’s family was killed by the Min’s, probably Min Junho himself, but Jimin’s life was spared. Yoongi had started accompanying his father when he had sensitive situations to deal with and that had been one of the times that he’d gone along. Hoseok guessed that Yoongi had probably talked his father into leaving Jimin alive since he hadn’t done anything and the younger likely felt indebted to him because of that.
Hoseok didn’t know all the details surrounding the situation but even what he had to offer was a lot for Namjoon to digest.
The sad pull on Jimin’s face hadn’t been a trick of Namjoon’s mind, the boy’s entire family had been killed right in front of him and he had to live with their deaths and the fact that he’d survived instead.
Namjoon felt a bit more inclined to make friends with Jimin after hearing that information. Clearly, the two of them had more in common than he’d initially thought. Though, he found himself wondering what the hell Jimin’s family had done to deserve such a brutal ending.
He knew better than to ask, though.
The year after Namjoon finished school and finally started working full-time on assignments with Yoongi, Min Junho died of a sudden illness and suddenly Yoongi was the one in charge.
Yoongi had been prepared thoroughly for it though, and in the interest of keeping a lower profile than his father, Yoongi came up with the name Blackjack for their company and assigned each of the three men surrounding him roles.
There was no practicing, it was time for the real thing.
Namjoon’s hand had shaken like a leaf when he had made his first hit a few months before that but he felt proud to be a part of something bigger than himself and though he sometimes felt remorse for taking lives as he did, he made sure to remind himself that their deaths were justified and that some poor kid out there that had gone through something just like he did when he was younger was finally getting the justice that they deserved. Too many parents were wrongfully being ripped out of their children’s lives because of the sick and twisted people of the world and Namjoon took a certain kind of joy in ridding the world of them.
That was why Namjoon had to continue on this path that he’d set himself on. He owed it to his parents to at least do this. He’d lost the motivation to avenge them since bad things happened to people anywhere in any situation, but he wasn’t going to stand by and not do anything about all the other people that could be affected. Namjoon was a lot of things, but he wasn’t delusional. He knew that investigating into his parent’s death and finding the person responsible wasn’t going to bring them back to life. He’d come to terms with their departure from the world many years ago.
Moving on and accepting the past was one of the better lessons that Min Junho had taught him. No good came from grudges or revenge, just reckless action and skewed judgement.
The soft rain that had fallen while Namjoon sat with his knees in the dirt staring at his parent’s graves had soaked him completely and he was shivering so hard that his teeth were making audible noise.
With a labored sigh, he lifted himself onto his feet again. He bit his lip as he tenderly ran his hand over the grooves in each of the gravestones. He couldn’t tell if it hurt more that he’d almost been swept up and forgot the purpose that he’d found in Blackjack or to realize that there really was no going back this time.
Even though he was soaking wet, Namjoon walked back to his car after letting his parents know that he missed them and loved them very much. He was dripping water as he settled in the driver's seat and after a long moment of silence, he finally turned on the car and cranked the heat up as high as it would go and backed out of the parking space and back onto the road.
❖❖❖❖
When Namjoon finally arrived at Hoseok’s house late into the morning, the rain had stopped but it was still far too cold to be wearing wet clothes.
He let himself in and stepped through the front door, already going over what outfit he could wear that would be the best in keeping him warm. He’d slowly been moving his clothes from the apartment into the spare guest closet at Hoseok’s place but Namjoon guessed that he might want to hurry up that process and grab the rest of his stuff. He could be a gentleman and let Jin have the apartment.
“Is that you, Namjoon?” Hoseok called from somewhere in the house as Namjoon started for the stairs.
“Yeah, it’s me,” Namjoon responded just loud enough to be heard. He was sort of exhausted, he realized. He hadn’t slept much and spending so much time out in the cold rain earlier wasn’t doing him any favors.
“Oh, good. I was wondering when you were gonna oh-” Hoseok stopped in his tracks at the top of the stairs and Namjoon was pleased to notice that he wasn’t favoring his leg nearly as much anymore.
“Why are you soaking wet ?” Hoseok cried, stepping to the side to let Namjoon up.
“Tossed myself into the washing machine and forgot to use the dryer afterward.” Namjoon joked, heading to the guest room. It was an accurate representation of how felt, honestly.
“Are you okay?” Hoseok questioned and the frown was evident in his voice.
Namjoon thought about it for a minute before shrugging. “I guess. Sorry I’ve been a little out of it. Just needed some time to get my head in the game.”
Hoseok looked at him carefully, eyes lingering on his knees where there was probably mud caking on his pants because sometimes Namjoon was an idiot and he hadn’t thought to clean that off.
“...Alright. If you say so. We really need you at your best right now so let me know if there’s anything I can do.”
Namjoon smiled slightly and shook his head. “No. I’m good. I promise. I just needed to clear my head. Let me know the plan for the day when I get out of the shower.”
"Okay." Hoseok nodded and headed downstairs.
Namjoon sighed, suddenly feeling grossed out by the way his wet clothes were sticking to him. Somehow it had been more tolerable when he was freezing cold.
He shuffled into his room, grabbed some warm clothes and then headed into the bathroom. It was an ordeal to peel the wet clothes from his body and, once he did, he was cold again. He swore under his breath lightly as he waited for the water of the shower to heat and then stepped under the warm spray.
Now that his head was somewhat clear he could think properly again. He went over all that had happened over the last few months and suddenly regretted his behavior. No wonder Yoongi was getting so angry with him. He was acting like a first class asshole.
He still didn’t know if he’d be able to kill Jin if he needed to but that didn’t mean he had to throw a tantrum just because Yoongi was right.
The older had warned him from the very beginning and now Namjoon was distracted, acting on emotion rather than thought, and dragging the whole team down with him. He needed to get his shit together, and fast .
With that in mind, Namjoon rushed through the rest of his shower and threw his clothes on before he was fully dry. His hair was wet too so he returned to his room to quickly grab a beanie so he didn’t catch a cold or something. That was the last thing he needed to be dealing with.
“Are you out of the shower, Joon?” Hoseok called from somewhere in the house.
“Yeah!” Namjoon replied, wandering around so he could pinpoint where Hoseok’s voice was coming from. “Where are you?”
“Come downstairs, I’m in the kitchen!”
Namjoon obediently followed Hoseok’s directions and went down the stairs. He turned to walk into the kitchen and saw the man sitting at the table with a case of soju in front of him. Namjoon raised an eyebrow.
“I thought we could both use a drink.” Hoseok grinned, twisting the cap off a bottle and raising it in the air before bringing it to his mouth.
Namjoon rolled his eyes. “It’s barely even noon . Besides, you want me to deal with you, drunk ? Yeah, right.”
“Hey!” Hoseok cried indignantly. “I’m a fucking delight when I’m drunk!”
“You’re a lightweight .” Namjoon argued. “And you literally never stop talking once you start drinking. You just start going on and on about the universe and what it means to be alive other philosophical bullshit.”
Hoseok stared him down as he raised the bottle to his mouth again. “Well, that’s what you sound like when you’re sober , so I guess we’re even! Besides, Jimin thinks I’m hilarious when I’m drunk!”
Namjoon scoffed. Jimin probably liked Hoseok drunk because he had absolutely no filter whatsoever when he drank and was unapologetically blunt.
“Well, why don’t you invite him over, then. Besides, I think I’m going to go and drop by Yoongi’s place. I need to talk to him.”
Hoseok’s eyes widened. “Oh. Do you want me to like… go with you?”
“What for?” Namjoon asked curiously.
Hoseok shifted positions and shrugged, nearly sending soju spilling onto the floor. “I don’t know. Moral support? Everytime you guys are in the same room for more than five minutes you end up yelling at each other. Maybe you need a buffer or something.”
“Yeah,” He sighed. Hoseok had a point but there wasn’t anything for them to argue about. Namjoon just felt like he should go and apologize, really.
“Don’t worry about it. I’ll be fine. Seriously, though, don’t get shitfaced we have stuff to do when I get back.”
“Yeah, yeah.” Hoseok waved him away. “I’ll just finish this bottle.”
Namjoon seriously doubted that but decided to leave without saying anything more about it. Clearly, Hoseok needed more than just one drink if he was willing to drink this early in the day. He wasn’t someone that drank often, so Namjoon would just let him be. He doubted they would end up getting anything worthwhile done when he returned though.
❖❖❖❖
It had stopped raining by the time that Namjoon arrived outside of Yoongi’s house. The sun had come out, shining down brightly for the first time in weeks, but it did little against the cold wind.
Namjoon knocked on the door and waited. He had his keys with him but he didn’t feel like texting Yoongi and letting him know that he was coming over. He was already at the door anyways and he wasn’t just going to let himself in unannounced unless he wanted to deal with a bullet wound. Yoongi had always been jumpy about people showing up when he wasn’t expecting them.
The door opened suddenly, barely half a minute passing after Namjoon’s initial knock. Yoongi looked at him with a carefully toned look of indifference but his expression changed when he realized who he was looking at.
“Namjoon.” He greeted cooly, and curiosity lowered his eyebrows slightly.
“Were you expecting someone else?” Namjoon wondered, looking around behind him.
“No,” Yoongi shook his head, leaning against the doorframe so that Namjoon could step inside. “I just wasn’t expecting you .”
Namjoon walked in and drifted towards the kitchen. Apparently, Yoongi had been cooking himself lunch. The older trailed in after him, walking directly to the stove and turning it off.
“So, why are you here? What’s the problem?”
Namjoon sighed, leaning against the counter as he watched Yoongi spoon out a soup into a bowl. He seemed to hesitate before he turned and looked at Namjoon gesturing to the bowl.
“Sure, I’ll take some.”
Yoongi handed him the bowl he’d just filled before reaching into a cabinet for another one and fixing a bowl for himself.
“There’s not a problem.” Namjoon replied after a long moment of silence as they both ate. “I just felt like we should talk. I wanted to… apologize for how I’ve been acting lately. You were right about everything, just like you always are, and I didn’t want to accept that.”
Yoongi stared at him for a moment with a stony expression before he sighed. “I was only looking out for your best interest. You should have never gotten involved with Kim Seokjin and I’m sure that, by now, even you have to realize that.”
Oh, Namjoon had realized that alright. But it didn’t change the fact that he had and regret didn’t change the past.
“I know. And I know you were. Which is why I’m apologizing.”
Yoongi continued to eat and Namjoon followed suit even though he suddenly didn’t feel like eating anymore. He realized he had something else to ask Yoongi and, because he already knew the answer, unease was settling heavily in his stomach.
“So, I guess that since you’re here to apologize, that means Kim Seokjin is dealt with?” Yoongi asked as he turned to wash out his bowl in the sink.
“No. I can’t do it.” Namjoon admitted. Telling Yoongi that was difficult, since he knew what it would mean and what would happen next, but if he wanted to truly apologize he had to stop protecting Jin.
Yoongi looked at him, eyes slightly widened, as if he was surprised Namjoon had admitted that. He nodded after a moment and looked Namjoon in the eye.
“Fine. Then I guess that, as usual, I’ll have to clean up your mess for you. It’ll have to wait until after we deal with Ryu Seungryeong. We need to put our undivided focus into this hit.”
Namjoon was relieved that he, at least, had some time to come to terms with the fact that he’d basically just offered up Kim Seokjin’s life on a silver platter to someone who’d wanted him dead for years but the relief was brief.
“Um…” Namjoon began unsteadily. He’d only realized after he opened his mouth that asking Yoongi this question would be admitting that he’d been in contact with Jin recently but it was already too late. “The last time I talked to Jin, he mentioned something to me. He told me that his parents were FBI agents that were investigating your father and they were murdered by him. Is that true? Did you know that this entire time?”
Yoongi grabbed Namjoon’s bowl even though he obviously wasn’t finished with it and dumped the contents into the sink before washing it out as well. When he was done, he turned and faced Namjoon completely. He was frowning with an irritated look of disbelief on his face.
“Why does that matter?” He demanded.
“Did you know that your father murdered Jin’s parents and still let me marry him anyway?” Namjoon pressed and now he was starting to get upset.
Yoongi’s eyes went wide before he narrowed them and stepped forward. “ Let you ? I let you marry him? How many times did I tell you to stay away from him? How many times did we argue about your relationship with him? Don’t give me that fucking bullshit Namjoon, don’t try to deflect the blame and put it on me. I told you not to get involved with him. It’s not my damn fault if you didn’t listen.”
“You didn’t tell me his parents were FBI agents! You didn’t tell me that he was an FBI agent!” Namjoon argued.
“Since when do I have to explain myself?” Yoongi hissed. “I tried to help you and you were determined to learn the hard way."
"Why didn't you tell me before!?"
Yoongi was scowling now. "Because I didn't think it would change anything. If you wouldn't listen to me, why would you listen to me telling you something you didn't want to hear? If you'll remember, when I did tell you with irrefutable proof that Seokjin was an FBI agent, the first thing that you did was deny it. And even knowing all that you do now, you still can't kill him."
Namjoon was quiet after that. It was hard to argue. After the first night that Namjoon met Jin, he was smitten. In a way, it had been like love at first sight. Even that first day, Namjoon had said and done things that he would have never done with anyone else.
Yoongi had a point. He probably would have fallen in love with Seokjin no matter what.
"That's exactly why I've always said that personal relationships aren't allowed. They only complicate things." Yoongi continued when Namjoon remained silent. He'd turned back to the soup on the stove and opened the refrigerator to grab something out of it.
"What about your relationship with Jimin?" Namjoon shot back.
Yoongi froze in what he was doing and turned to Namjoon and his face expressed his bewilderment.
"What?"
"If relationships aren't allowed then how come you and Jimin are a thing?" Namjoon elaborated. He was still kind of annoyed with how their conversation had gone so far but his curiosity was outweighing that. He'd never really asked Yoongi questions like this and he didn't want to stop while the older was still answering them. "Or is it only relationships outside of Blackjack that aren't allowed?"
"What the hell are you talking about?" Yoongi wondered and he sounded just as confused as he looked. "Jimin and I aren't dating."
"Really?" Namjoon pressed. “You’ve never had sex with him or anything?”
Yoongi frowned. “What the hell? No. Why are you even asking that?”
“You let him really close to you for someone you’re not fucking.”
"I'm not letting him close to me, I’m keeping him close to me.”Yoongi snorted and continued what he was doing. Namjoon didn’t know what he meant by that but Yoongi continued before he was able to ask.
"I'm not dating Jimin and I don’t have feelings for him. Do you have any idea how many people he's slept with? If I had feelings for him do think I would just let him do that? Honestly, where are you even getting that idea from? Does Hoseok know that you think Jimin and I are dating?"
Now it was Namjoon's turn to be confused. "Why are you asking about Hoseok?"
Yoongi looked at him again and actually laughed. "You have an amazing talent for ignoring the obvious."
"What is that supposed to mean?" Namjoom demanded.
Yoongi waved a hand. "Nothing at all. Don't worry about it. Anyway, we’ll be fine if you just listen to me from time to time. I don’t say shit just to say it.”
Namjoon wanted to keep asking but figured he’d probably have to bring it up with Hoseok if he wanted a real answer. It didn’t seem like Yoongi was interested in telling him anything else.
“Yeah, you’re right.” He agreed. “I’ll at least try to listen to you from now on.”
“Good.” Yoongi nodded. “So, what do you and Hoseok have planned for Seungryong? Our window of opportunity is closing. The FBI have put surveillance on all the candidates. I guess they’re anticipating something happening. We have to move soon.”
“I know,” Namjoon sighed. He’d seen more and more people around Seungryong lately. “We’re working on finalizing a plan. Hoseok had to take more time than we thought to make sure his wife and kids weren’t going to a problem.”
“I want a plan finalized by the end of the day tomorrow.”
“Got it,” Namjoon said, grabbing his keys out of his pocket. “I’ll get going then.”
“Thanks for coming by.” Yoongi said, glancing at him. “It’s nice to know that your head’s finally in the right place again. I was beginning to think you were a lost cause.”
“Yeah…” Namjoon knew he took too long to respond but Yoongi was absorbed in what he was doing with his back to him so he turned and left.
His head might have been in the right place but his heart really had become a lost cause.