Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Hey, Emile?”

“Yeah, Pat?”

“Train. Go.”

“Oh- Station!”

“Bus.”

“What-?” Emile glanced over at his brother, his hand reaching up to put a book on a high shelf, frozen at the word Patton had chosen to use.

Emile and Patton had been working together in Emile’s bookstore-slash-library, Picani Librari, for several years now, and word association games had become a common method of passing the time when there was no-one using the facilities.

“You get bus stations. Bus.” Patton beamed from the desk. Emile shook his head and chuckled.

“Fine. Bus stop.”

“Wait.”

“Um…” Emile blinked, trying to think of a word.

“Grams.” A new voice caught their attention, causing them both to turn towards the door.

“Logan!”

“Hey, buddy!” Patton and Emile greeted the boy excitedly.

“Greetings.” Logan adjusted his glasses with one hand, the other clutching a copy of Alice In Wonderland. Patton had seen it often, but never questioned it. “Is grams acceptable?” Logan continued. “I understand you meant waiting, but I figured I could adjust the word to weight.”

“I’ll let you have it, but only because that’s really hecking smart.” Emile smirked, stepping off his ladder to grab another handful of books to pack away. Logan smiled slightly, removing his school bag and placing it next to his preferred seat in a darkened corner of the store.

“How was school, kiddo?” Patton asked, propping his elbows on the desk and resting his head in his hands.

“It was another average day.” Logan shrugged. “Do you know if anyone has checked out The Murder Of Roger Ackroyd by Agatha Christie?”

“You and I are the only people who touch that book.” Patton chuckled, moving from behind the desk to search for it. “I know I’ve mentioned it before, but… Why don’t you get a library card?” He added, spotting the book on a high shelf. “Or ask us to order a copy to purchase?”

“I cannot afford either… and I would rather sit in here to read. I cannot imagine reading anywhere else.” Logan confessed as Patton grabbed the book and handed it to him. “Thank you.”

“No problem. You okay?”

“Of course, why wouldn’t I be?” Logan asked, slightly defensive. Patton smiled kindly.

“You only read that one when you’re feeling low- gan .”

“...You did not just-“

“I did, I’m sorry.” Patton bit his lip to hide his smirk.

“To answer your question, I am… managing. Thank you for your concern.” Logan hugged the book to his chest with his Alice In Wonderland one, but upon noticing Patton wasn’t going to take that for an answer, Logan continued. “It is an… unpleasant anniversary.”

“Oh, kiddo, I’m sorry-“

“It is alright.” Logan whispered, and Patton almost whimpered at the sudden fragility of Logan’s voice. He’d never heard him like that before…

“Hey… Lo? Um… I-I’m sure Emile won’t mind, and no-one’s checked that book out in, like, two years… Do you want to keep it?” Patton smiled softly. Logan gasped.

“I-I couldn’t-!”

“Sure you can!” Emile perked up from the back of the store. “It’ll only get chucked out next month if someone doesn’t check it out. May as well go to a good home.”

“Are you certain…?” Logan asked, looking between Emile and Patton with an expression of such disbelief that made Patton wonder if anyone had ever given the boy a book before.

“Of course.” Patton and Emile spoke together. Logan’s arms tightened around the book, blinking back tears.

“Thank you so much…”

“Oh, Logan…” Patton smiled fondly, walking around his desk and giving Logan a small side hug. “You’re having a tough day aren’t you?”

“This has helped tremendously.” Logan sniffed, wiping his eyes and standing straight, as though to hide any evidence of his tiny outburst. “I appreciate this very much.”

“No problem, kiddo!”

It wasn’t until a month later that Patton discovered what that anniversary was.

“Would you stop tapping that pen?” Emile snapped, throwing a worn book down into a cardboard box. Patton dropped the pen immediately, straightening up behind the desk.

“Logan’s usually here by now…”

“Patton, he’s got his own life.” Emile threw another book no-one had touched in years into the box.

“He spends most of it here!” Patton cried, burying his head in his hands. “He’s always here after school, even when he’s sick and we have to send him home.”

“I’m sure he’s fine.”

The noise of something hitting the window at the front of the store made Patton and Emile jump; Emile was grateful he’d been holding onto the shelf or he’d probably have fallen off his ladder. They turned to the window in time to see a gang of teenagers grabbing a boy, whom they’d seemingly thrown into the window, by the collar and slam him into the trunk of the tree that stood outside the store.

Now that they could see the frightened boy’s face, they realised it was their favourite young customer.

“No, no, no!” Patton gasped, running from behind the desk and throwing the door open. “Hey! Get off of him right now!” He cried, forcing his way through the crowd and placing himself in front of Logan. The boys just laughed.

“You got a little pocket protector now, four-eyes?” The largest boy sneered. “I’ll get you one day, nerd.”

Logan said nothing as the boy joked and left.

“Logan?” Emile stood in the shop entrance, shaken by what’d just happened.

“Oh, god, Logan, are you okay? Did they hurt you?” Patton turned to face Logan with an expression of fear and concern on his face, but Logan seemed too focused on something on the floor to notice Patton’s concern. Emile froze and Patton blinked, both following Logan’s gaze.

Oh.

“Oh, Logan…” Patton whispered, watching Emile gather what seemed to be the remnants of what once was Logan’s treasured Alice In Wonderland book. Half of the pages were missing, likely having blown away with the wind. Emile held them carefully before moving to Logan’s side.

By now, the poor boy was crying silently, trying his hardest not to show how upset he was and failing. A dark bruise was forming on his face under his eye, which worried Patton greatly.

“Logan, honey, let’s get some ice on that bruise, alright?” Patton whispered.

“My book…”

“Logan-“ Emile tried to speak, but he froze when Logan whimpered.

“Please, fix it…?” Logan pleaded, his voice cracking as he looked up at Patton with tear-filled eyes. Patton was certain his heart had shattered at the sight.

“I-I’ll see what I can do…” Emile forced a supportive smile as he headed back into the store and over to the table in the darkened corner of he store. There was no way he could fix it, he knew that already. Most of the pages were gone, others had been ripped into shreds that would take forever to reassemble.

Patton gently guided Logan inside, taking his bag from the boy’s back and placing it behind the desk before indicating for Logan to sit in the desk chair. He knelt in front of Logan for a moment, whispering comforting words in the softest voice he could manage before going out back to the kitchen to get some ice. Logan choked back a sob when he thought he was alone, apparently forgetting that Emile was there.

“Logan?” Emile spoke up, causing the boy to jump slightly. “What’s this writing here on the front page?”

‘Dearest Logi-Bear,

I know how excited you are for school, so I bought you this book. It was one of my favourites when I was younger.

Life is a story, Logan. As you learn to read, you can start reading this as you begin to create your own story. I know you’ll make your story a great one, as you improved my own story. The chapters in which you exist are the chapters I will re-read for as long as I live. You’ll always be my favourite character.

All my love, Mom.’

“The-The book was a gift from my Mother.” Logan struggled to keep his voice level. “She wrote in it and gave it to me the day I started school.”

“Here, Logan…” Patton whispered, holding a small ice-pack out to the boy. “It’ll reduce swelling.”

“I appreciate you both looking after me. I apologise for causing so much trouble.”

“Don’t you dare apologise!” Patton cried. “They hurt you and pushed you around! That was their fault, not yours!”

“Patton, calm down, you’ll scare him…” Emile whispered before standing. “Logan… I-I’m so sorry, I don’t think I can fix this…”

“I know…” Logan whispered. “I do not know why I asked you to, it is clearly not possible.”

“Hey, no, don’t be like that…” Emile leaned over the desk. “I’ll order another copy for you, a fresh new one, exactly the same, and I’ll stick your Mother’s message in the front. I’m sure she won’t mind.”

“You do not have to do that-”

“I know.” Emile smiled. “But that isn’t going to stop me!”

“I will pay you back as soon as I-”

“Nonsense.” Emile waved his hand in dismissal. “Consider it a loyalty reward.”

“But I-”

“Logan, can I walk you home?” Patton asked suddenly. “I… I’m worried those boys might… Can I? Please?”

“I’d feel better if Patton took you home too.” Emile added. “Just for tonight.”

“Alright… Thank you.”

At 6PM, the store closed, and Patton walked close to Logan as the two of them walked down the road.

“I’m so sorry about your book, Logan…” Patton whispered, breaking the silence between them.

“Why? It was not your fault.”

“I know, but… I just wish there was something more I could do, something I could have done-”

“It was my own fault. I was told not to carry it around because something like this would happen, and it happened, so there’s no point dwelling on it.” Logan’s tone ended angry, but the volume of his outburst told Patton he was just trying to tell himself something, anything, to comprehend why it had happened.

“It’s not your fault. It’s the kids who hurt you. They should know better. You didn’t fight back.”

“I am a pacifist. I do not believe in violence solving anything.” Logan bit his lip nervously. “Violence is never a good thing.”

“No, it’s not…” Patton sighed. Logan turned into a side road, which confused Patton, and over to an old building. “Logan, why’re we going down here? There’s nothing down here except a dead end and the old orphanage.”

”Yes, that is correct.” Logan muttered, climbing up the steps and knocking on the door. “Thank you for walking me back, Patton.”

“You… you live here…?” Patton’s heart felt like it was being torn in two. Logan nodded, as though it were an obvious fact. “But what about your Mother…?”

“It was the anniversary of my Mother’s death last month.”

Everything hit Patton in the chest at full force.

Logan feeling down a month ago because of an anniversary: The anniversary of his Mother’s death. The book was probably one of few, if any, things he had left of his Mother. His Mother’s words were the only words he had to remember her by. His book, his Mother’s words, were destroyed. He had nowhere to go.

“You… don’t have a family…?” Patton’s voice cracked.

Logan was alone.

“There you are!” The door flew open as a woman’s voice split the silence. For goodness sake, Logan, curfew was 6:00, not 6:15.”

“I-I’m sorry, it’s my fault he’s late back.” Patton spoke up, his voice still wobbly from his discovery. “Some teenagers were pushing him around and tore up his book and I insisted I walk him home.”

“I told you what would happen if you carried that damn book around.” The woman sighed. “Get in, I’ll deal with you later.”

“Thank you again, Patton.” Logan nodded gratefully before going inside.

“Will he be okay?” Patton asked, not knowing what else to say.

“He’s been beat up far worse than this before, it’s not uncommon for him.” The woman scoffed. “It was nice of you to bring him back. Half the time, I don’t know if he’s even alive.”

“That’s… not good.” Patton whispered, wanted to say something more, but not knowing what.

“Anyway, thanks.” The woman turned and slammed the door, leaving Patton standing on the stairs with a mix of emotions flooding through his poor heart.

How had he not known…?

The more he thought about it on the way to his and Picani’s apartments, conveniently next to the store, he picked up more and more evidence. The fact he couldn’t afford a library card or even a book, the fact he spent every afternoon in their store instead of going home, the fact he loved reading so much, the fact he was surprised at a simple act of kindness such as giving him an old second-hand book.

Patton knocked loudly on Emile’s apartment door, a floor below his own apartment, thoughts still whirling in his head. The door opened.

“Hey, did he get home okay-?”

“Did you know he’s an orphan?” Patton choked, his eyes welling with tears. Emile blinked.

“What…?”

“His Mom’s dead.” Patton whimpered. “He’s all alone, why is he alone?”

“Okay, okay, come on…” Emile whispered, wrapping an arm around Patton as his younger twin broke down. “Come on, let’s talk about this over some hot cocoa, okay?”

“Okay…”

Chapter Text

“How did we not notice?” Patton whispered, staring into the abyss of his hot cocoa. “We saw him every day for the past four years, how did we not know?”

“Because he didn’t tell us.” Emile leaned forwards. “Perhaps he didn’t want us to know. He never mentioned it, made any indications, and we didn’t really give him a choice tonight when you took him home.”

“He never once said ‘home’. Did you notice that?” Patton asked. “He never said he needed to go ‘home’. We kept calling it ‘home’; do you think we upset him?”

“Patton-”

“The woman wasn’t very nice…” Patton muttered. “She didn’t react when I said he got pushed around, or when I said his book was destroyed. She just spoke to him as if it was his fault. She said he gets hurt a lot… A-and that she doesn’t know if he’s alive half the time. How is that okay?”

“We could always report her if you’re worried.” Emile suggested, but Patton shook his head.

“That’s not going to get him out of there, Em…”

“Patton...” Emile’s voice wavered dangerously. “I know what you’re thinking-”

“I want to-”

“No, no, listen to me. Why is this kid so important to you?” Emile asked.

“He… he just is! No one should be without a family, a-and he’s 15. People don’t adopt teenagers.”

“But why do you care?”

“Because I do!” Patton cried. “I don’t know why, I just do! And I want to adopt him! I’m going to adopt him!”

“He’s not a puppy, Patton, he’s a kid! A person! Look, Pat, I know what happened with Daisy was devastating-”

“Don’t you dare compare Logan to my-” Patton choked. “My dead child…”

“Patton…” Emile put down his mug and moved to sit next to Patton. “It wasn’t your fault. The Doctor said it was a weakness in the cervix, there was nothing anyone could do. Declan was a useless fuck of a boyfriend, pardon my French, who had no right to blame you.”

“Do you think she was in pain…?” Patton asked softly.

“I honestly don’t know… I wish I could say no, Pat…”

“I need to do this, Emmy…” Patton began to sob. “Not for Daisy, not for me, but for Logan. I don't even want to imagine what's going on in his head… He must feel like no one wants him…”

“Just… I think you should think about it. You shouldn’t make life changing decisions while you’re upset.” Emile rubbed Patton’s arm soothingly. “Come on, let’s get you to bed…”

Patton hadn’t changed his mind in the morning, or in the afternoon.

“I’m so excited, he needs to hurry up, when does school finish again?”

“Patton, you can't just say ‘I want to adopt you’ and expect him to accept that. He might not want a family.” Emile sighed from behind the desk, where he was flicking through a new copy of Alice In Wonderland, ensuring it was in perfect condition.

“Then I’ll ask him what he wants to do.” Patton beamed.

“He’s going to think you’re doing this out of pity, you know that? Because that’s what it looks like.” Emile raised an eyebrow.

“What? No! I don’t pity him! Do I…? I don’t want him to think that! I just…”

“God, I wish you didn’t fall in love so easily…” Emile smirked.

“At least I don’t have a crush on an animated lion.” Patton smirked.

“Excuse me, Kovu is the hottest animated lion I have ever laid eyes on.” Emile waved his hand. ”You must have fallen asleep halfway through the movie. And it’s not just me anyway. Roman admits he’s hot.”

“Oh, sugar!” Patton gasped. “I haven’t mentioned this to Roman…”

“You… didn’t tell your own boyfriend that you’re about to potentially adopt a child?” Emile snorted as he glued the back of the page with Logan’s Mother’s message on. “Wow.”

“Do you think he’ll leave…?” Patton asked. “Because I’m not… I’m not leaving Logan…”

“Hey, hey. Calm down. If he really loves you, he’ll accept the change and adjust to it, and he loves you. I’ve never seen anyone look at anyone with as much adoration as he does with you.” Emile assured him, sticking the message down into the new book. “Declan left because he was a twat who just wanted to use your kindness to his advantage, and got shit-scared when you caught on.”

“I guess… I’ll tell him later, I need to focus on Logan right now.” Patton sighed, glancing down at the book. “How’s it looking?”

“It’s not his book… But it’s his Mom’s message, and this is the best I can do…”

“Thank you for doing that, Em.”

“Look at you, Mr Dad-Mode.”  Emile chuckled before putting the book down. “There.”

“What would I do without you?” Patton beamed.

“You’d have a lot more work to do in here.” Patton nearly cried at the sound of Logan’s voice.

“Logan, hi!”

“Hey, bud. You okay?” Emile asked. Logan nodded.

“I want to thank you again for yesterday, I really appreciate all the help you gave me.” Logan adjusted his glasses.

“Logan-!”

“Patton, slow down. Logan, Patton wants to talk to you about something kinda serious, and he’s very excited about it, so please excuse him.”

“Something serious…?” Logan took a step back, as though scared.

“Logan, has… has anyone tried to adopt you before?” Patton asked.

“I have been interviewed by potential parents once, but they said I was too problematic.”

“Problematic? You?” Emile scoffed. “Clearly, they’re the ones with the problems.”

“No, it is me. I… I am difficult.”

“When was that?”

“Around 4 years ago.” Logan shrugged.

“That’s it, I gotta do it and I gotta do it right now!” Patton cried.

“Slowly!” Emile shook his head fondly.

“Logan, I really want to go back to the orphanage with you and go through the adoption process with you.”

There was a heavy silence for a moment. Patton waited patiently while Logan blinked, processing what Patton had just told him. He blinked, looking up at Emile, who offered a friendly smile, before turning back to Patton.

“I’m a challenge.” Logan crossed his arms.

“Then bring it on.” Patton beamed.

“I’m 15.”

“I’m 31.”

“I’m a teenager.”

“Teenagers need families too.”

“You are going to change your mind when Miriam gives you my notes.” Logan muttered. Patton’s smile fell.

“Logan-”

“Patton, you’re a… A good person, and I will not pretend I have not thought about what it would be like to have a Father like you, but I… I am not… Normal.”

“Screw normal!” Patton cried. “I don’t want normal, I want Logan!”

“Kid, he’s not gonna change his mind.” Emile smirked. “It’s gotta be a straight yes or no from you.”

“Or a gay yes or no.” Patton beamed.

“Can it be… j-just a yes…?” Logan whispered, as though he had suddenly gone shy.

“Yes!” Patton cried. “Yes! Let’s go right now!”

“Wait!” Emile sighed, picking up the Alice In Wonderland book and handing it to Logan, who immediately checked the front page, singing in relief when he saw his Mother’s message. “I’m sorry it’s not the same, but I hope it makes things a bit easier.”

“It does, thank you.”

“Come on, Logan! Hurry up!”

“You’d better get used to that.” Emile chuckled. Logan rolled his eyes with a smirk and followed Patton outside.

“You… want to adopt Logan ?” The woman, Miriam, asked. Patton nodded. “Logan Berry ?”

“Logan Crofter.” Logan muttered from besides Patton.

“Just because you made up a surname, it doesn’t mean it magically becomes your surname.” Miriam sighed. “I suppose we should get through the basics. If you’d follow me to my office, please.” Patton practically jumped on the spot, following the woman eagerly, Logan lingering behind.

“Take a seat.” Miriam indicated to the chairs on one side of the desk. Once everyone was seated, Miriam turned to Logan.

“Do you want Patton to adopt you?”

“He is preferable, yes.” Logan nodded. Miriam turned to Patton.

“Do you want to do an interview with him?”

“We’ve known each other for 4 years now, that’s a pretty long interview, isn’t it?” Patton giggled. Miriam rolled her eyes.

“Fine, we’ll skip the interview. There’s some things we need to go through regarding Logan’s health.”

“Wait, Logan?” Patton turned to the boy. “Do you want her to tell me, or do you want to tell me yourself?”

“I… um… Miriam can tell you.”

“Logan’s Mother died of Cancer when he was 4. He was orphaned age 11 after being beaten and locked in a cupboard for 3 days. His Father abused and neglected him for 7 years prior. He suffers PTSD as a result and has to attend counselling, which he often skips because he never comes back.” Miriam glared at Logan.

“It is not my fault that therapy is a waste of time.”

“He also excels at school, and has skipped a grade.” Miriam sighed. “He is allergic to cats, but insists on touching them. He doesn’t look after himself. If you leave him to his own devices, he will not eat, drink or sleep. He is always studying or reading. He needs constant attention.”

“I have lots of attention to give.” Patton smiled, though it faltered. He’d had no idea how much the child had been hiding… That was a lot for a small boy to bottle up.

“As for paperwork, I need you to fill out a few forms and send off for some stuff, then in about a week, it should all be cleared for you. Is that okay?” Miriam asked. Patton leaned forward excitedly.

“Where do I start?”

Chapter Text

“Greetings, Pat-A-Cake.” Logan, Emile and Patton all looked up from what they were doing to see a man practically dance into the store. Logan rolled his eyes and returned to his book, aware of who the man was and, quite frankly, done with his flamboyancy. Emile did the same, returning to his recent order sheets.

“Roman!” Patton giggled, putting aside his pile of books and rushing over to greet him. Roman grinned, suddenly wrapping his arms around Patton and dipping him down. Patton squealed and giggled.

“Get a room!” Emile smirked.

“We are in a room, actually.” Roman scoffed as he pulled Patton back to his feet.

“Roman, I’m so glad you could make it, I need to tell you something important…” Patton smiled as he watched Roman adjust his red bomber jacket. “You’ve met Logan.”

“Ah, yes. Greetings, Tiny Tutor.” Roman bowed dramatically.

“Hello.”

“I’m adopting him.” Patton beamed, unable to contain his excitement. Roman’s smile fell, scaring both Patton and Logan for a moment. Roman blinked, turning from Logan to Patton, then back to Logan.

“You… You’re an orphan?” Roman turned to Logan, who shrugged. “Oh, you poor thing…”

“I only found out a few days ago, Ro… If I’d known, I’d have done it sooner, but I need to do this-”

“Well, better late than never, I always say!” Roman grinned, taking Patton’s hand in his and kissing it. “We shall make a wonderful family for this Small Sir. Patton, sweetheart, you have such a wonderful heart…”

“You’d better get used to a lot of drama.” Emile whispered from across the table to Logan, who said nothing.

A week passed quickly, and that Saturday, Logan couldn’t help but feel an unsettling chasm in his chest where his heart should be as he packed his suitcase. He didn’t own much, just a few old shirts the other kids had grown out of, and his two books. Oh, and his secret jar of Crofters. He couldn’t forget that.

“Sup, gurl?” Logan looked up at his roommate of four years, who was standing in the doorway and sipping tea from a Starbucks cup.

“Good afternoon, Remy.”

“So… this is it, huh? You’re seriously going?”

“It looks like.” Logan zipped up his suitcase. “I’ll likely return once they realise how much trouble I am.”

“Oh my god, gurl, you have got to stop with this attitude!” Remy cried, taking a sip of his ice tea. “This guy loves you, anyone can see that. I mean, who walks a random kid home just in case some kids are gonna threaten him?”

“Yes, well, Patton was unaware that they live here also, so…”

“You have gotta start communicating, Gurl…” Remy shook his head. Then he sighed. “I am gonna miss you so fricking much…”

“Don’t. No- no, don’t cry, I don’t handle emotions, you know this.”

“I can’t help it!” Remy suddenly threw his arms around Logan, clinging to him like a lifeline.

“We will still see each other at school.” Logan tried to reason.

“It’s not the same. You’ve been, like, my brother-from-another-dead-mother for four years now!”

“I’m sure Patton will allow you to visit, if you really must.” With a sigh, Logan gave in, wrapping his arms around Remy. “If it is any consolation, I will… notice your absence tremendously.”

“Aw, I love you too, Lo-Lo.”

“That is not what I said.” Logan pulled away.

“No, but you implied it.”

“Ugh…” Logan rolled his eyes with a fond smirk. “I wish you the best of luck in being adopted.”

“Gurl, I don’t need no family to get by.” Remy scoffed.

“Fine, then I wish you a future in which you get what you desire.”

“Aww, thanks Lo.”

“Logan, are you ready?” Miriam asked, poking her head in the room. “Patton is here.”

“Yes, thank you.” Logan pulled his small suitcase off the bed and threw his school bag over his shoulder, glancing over at Remy one final time before following Miriam to her office.

“Hey, kiddo!” Patton beamed as Logan and Miriam entered the office. “You feeling okay? I know this is a big change…”

“I am fine.” Logan lied.

“All the paperwork and forms have been completed, and the papers you sent of for show there’s no reason you can’t adopt Logan. I’d like to conduct a review at your living space in about a week, and another in a month. In here,” Miriam held up a folder, “Is your adoption certificate, Logan’s GP and Therapy details, as well as his Optician detials, passport, birth certificate, and police reports from four years ago. If you could just sign here, then you two can go.” Patton did as he was told, quickly scribbling his signature with an excited grin on his face.

“There. Logan, you’re a Picani now. You can go. Good luck, you two.”

“Thank you.” Patton and Logan spoke over each other before leaving the room. Patton beamed down at Logan.

“You don’t have to be a Picani yet if you don’t want. You can be a Crofter until you’re ready.”

“I… don’t think it works like that, but I appreciate the gesture.” Logan muttered. Patton smiled, taking Logan’s suitcase from him and guiding him to the front door.

“Logan, wait!”

“Remy, I told you, we’ll see each other at- Oof!” Logan gasped as Remy threw himself him once more, his arms tight around him. Logan’s throat suddenly felt like it was struggling to swallow a lump. What was going on?

“Please stay safe…” Remy whispered, uncharacteristically serious. “Please.”

“I-I will… Thank you.” Logan choked, hugging Remy back, unable to stop the tears from falling. Why was he crying?

“Logan, do you want to stay here a while longer to say goodbye?” Patton offered softly, but Logan shook his head, pulling away.

“We have already said goodbye, Remy is just being dramatic.” Logan wiped his eyes. “I will see you at school.”

“Okay.” Remy forced a smile, watching as Logan left. “Hey, he’s not gonna tell you this, but he’s got serious claustrophobia and when he’s really fricking stressed he crawls into small spaces. Just… so you know.”

“Thank you, kiddo…” Patton smiled. “I’ll do my best for him. You’re welcome over anytime, alright?”

“Thanks.” Remy nodded before walking away, leaving Patton to follow Logan outside.

“Hey… Are you okay?” Patton asked, noticing Logan looked… lost. “I know this is a big change, but we’re gonna take it real slow, okay? Everything at your own pace.”

“I appreciate that, thank you.” Logan whispered. Patton smiled.

“Come on, let’s go home.”

“I’m sorry it’s not much, but it’s home,” Patton fumbled to get the key in the lock of his apartment. “And it’s right next to the bookstore and Emile is right downstairs. I’ll get another key made for you. Ah, here we go.” Patton pushed the door open and stood aside to let Logan in.

“Thank you, Patton.” Logan nodded gratefully as he walked inside. “This is cozy.”

“Isn’t it?” Patton giggled, closing the door.

His apartment was simple: they walked straight into a cream and beige living area, a kitchen tucked away in the corner closest to the door. The living room led to a corridor, where Logan assumed Patton’s room and the bathroom were.

“Do you wanna see your room?” Patton asked excitedly, clapping his hands. “Roman insisted on painting it, if you don't like it, he can change it.”

“I-I forgot I would have a room…” Logan confessed, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Come see it!” Patton giggled, leading Logan to the corridor. “It’s right opposite my room if you need anything, by the way, and the bathroom is at the end of the corridor, okay? You can access anything you want whenever you want.” Patton stopped outside one of the doors. “Here we are!”

Logan faltered for a moment before reaching for the door handle and pushing the door open. As soon as he stepped inside, he felt like he was going to burst.

The walls were a shade of navy blue, Logan’s favourite colour, with black carpet and a navy rug on the floor and one black wall with empty shelves, also a navy colour. Another wall was, well, it was barely visible, as a large bookshelf took up the entirety of the wall space. One shelf was already full of books Logan recognised from the store.

A neat pine desk sat near the bookshelves against the wall opposite a pine wardrobe, providing plenty of study space. Next to the desk, a bed with simple navy covers with lacy black curtains hanging around it from a hook in the ceiling, and a pine bedside table, with a navy lamp and a small star-chart light on the surface. An envelope stood upright against the lamp.

Not only that, but the ceiling was littered in a multitude of colours.

“Oh, watch this!” Patton squealed and closed the door, crossing the room and pulling the black curtains across, darkening the room immediately. The colours on the ceiling glowed with a soft light, creating it’s very own night sky of stars and nebulas and planets.

“Roman’s idea… He had a tonne of glow-in-the-dark paint that he had no idea what to do with, and I know you love astronomy, and that navy is your favourite colour and you like to read and study and sometimes it’s too light for you so you prefer to sit in the dark, hence why we never fixed the light in the store, and I wanted it to be perfect but-”

“Patton…” Logan winced as his voice broke. “This is… I-I cannot find the appropriate words…”

“Do you like it…?” Patton asked. Logan nodded, still staring at the ceiling.

“I-I do. Patton, this is far too much…”

“Nonsense!” Patton cried. “I-”

“This must have been ridiculously expensive…” Logan whispered, his voice wavering on the verge of panic, which Patton recognised from Roman’s brother, Virgil.

“Hey, look at me…” Patton knelt down to face Logan. “If it helps, Roman had all the paints anyway, and the bookshelf is one we had spare for the store. I made all the curtains myself with a bunch of fabrics I’d collected.” Patton smiled. “You’re too young to worry about expense like that, Logan. I just wanted to give you what you deserve.”

“But I-”

“Do you like it?” Patton asked. Logan nodded quickly.

“I love it…”

“Then I don’t see any problems, and neither should you…” Patton whispered, offering a kind smile. Logan nodded again. “What would you like do now? Would you like to stay here for a while, or talk with me? Or go to the store? I- I’d really like to talk a bit about some of the things Miriam told me, but only when you’re ready.”

“I… I think I’d like to stay here a while.”

“Okay, perfect!” Patton smiled. “I want to take you shopping later for some clothes and stuff, okay? We’ll go through house rules tonight. Anyway, I’ll come and get you when it’s time to go, okay?”

“Alright. May I look around the apartment?”

“Of course! It’s your home now! Or… it’s where you live, you don’t have to call it ‘home’ if you don’t want to.” Patton smiled. “Just shout if you need me.”

“I will, thank you, Patton.” Logan whispered. Patton beamed, ruffling Logan’s hair softly before leaving Logan to his own devices.

Logan didn’t know how to feel as he sat on his bed. He really should pull the curtains back and let in some sunlight, but he didn’t want to stop looking at the ceiling. He’d have to thank Roman when he next saw him.

His attention turned to the envelope he’d seen earlier, standing against the lamp. It was addressed to him. Should he open it? Well, it was the logical solution. He tore the envelope open carefully, pulling out a neatly written letter.

Hey kiddo!

So, I know I tend to ramble a lot so I’ll probably forget to mention half of this stuff, but it’s important you know so I wrote it all down.

I know this is a really big change for you, and I understand you haven’t had the best start in life… I hope you don’t mind me using your Mother’s words, but life is a story, and I want to do my best to make yours better. I don’t want to push you into talking about your past either, I want you to tell me in your own time, okay?

I’m pretty new to parenting, especially since I never actually got around to it the first time , so if I do something wrong, or something you don’t like, please tell me, okay? The last thing I want to do is make you feel nervous or hurt you. And… I know your Father was really bad. I’m not going to be like that, okay? I’d never hurt you intentionally.

Speaking of… You don’t have to call me anything you don’t want. I don’t expect you to call me ‘Dad’ or anything, just ‘Patton’ is fine, and you don’t have to call this ‘home’ if you don’t want to. Also, if you wanna change your surname to Crofter (I know it’s Berry, and will be Picani) then we can do that on deed poll. Just let me know, okay?

If you leave the apartment, please tell me where you’re going, because I will file a missing person report and I’m gonna look pretty silly if you’re sat in the store all along. Emile is just downstairs, his door is always open to you whenever you want. You can sit in the store after hours too, since it’s only next door, but please tell me where you’re going.

You wanna invite someone back? Do it! Friends are important! Just let me know so I can cook something for an extra person. Speaking of friends, Roman’s gonna bring Virgil to meet you at some point this week so you can get to know each other. Roman tends to turn up unannounced, so if you wanna hide in your room or leave, that’s fine!

I also got in contact with the U.S. Will Registry. Your Mother left you all the savings in her bank account and her pension funds, which you never got, so I’m still working on getting that for you. We’ll set you up a bank account online later.

I’m so glad you’re here, Logan. I hope you feel happy here.

Patton. (And Emile) Xx

Logan blinked, rereading the letter several times in disbelief, ignoring the tears that spilled down his face. Patton had said all that, done all that for him… Just because he wanted to. Who the hell was this man?

He curled up into a ball on the bed and cried.

“Patton?”

“Oh, hey kiddo!” Patton beamed, looking up from where he was kneeling on the floor, unscrewing a lock from a cupboard door. “Did you read my letter?”

“I did, thank you…” Logan forced himself to stand straight. “I appreciate everything you said. And… I was… unaware that my Mother had a Will.”

“Hey… have you been crying?” Patton whispered, putting his screwdriver down. Logan nodded.

“I apologise, I felt extremely… Um… I felt a lot of emotions I am not used to at the same time. They got the better of me.”

“Oh, Kiddo, you don’t have to apologise for crying! It’s perfectly healthy! It’s okay to be sad, or confused, or angry, or whatever emotions you’re feeling, and it’s healthy to let them all out. Just ask Emile! He’s training to be a children’s counsellor.” Patton smiled. “Would you like a hug?”

“Um… Not yet. Please.” Logan whispered, wincing as he spoke.

“That’s okay!” Patton smiled. “Why don’t you go get a drink. It’s important to stay hydrated, especially after crying.”

“Alright, thank you, Patton.”

“No problem. Once you’re ready, we’ll go shopping, okay?” Patton beamed before turning back to the lock, unscrewing it completely. Logan couldn’t quite place the warm feeling in his chest once that lock was gone, but he found comfort in it.

Chapter Text

“Are you certain you know how to drive?” Logan asked from besides Patton as said man stopped the car abruptly. Patton fumbled for the gearstick, waiting for the traffic lights to go green.

“It’s been a while…” Patton confessed. “I’m sorry if it’s scaring you…”

“Not at all…” Logan lied. “Just… When braking, start breaking sooner, but slowly lower your foot on the pedal until you reach where you want to stop. And when you go, make sure you’re feeling for the biting point.”

“Wh-what?”

“Keep your foot on the clutch, but as you slowly push the gas, lift slowly until the needle in the speedometer drops and then push the gas and let up on the clutch.”

“Okay…” Patton bit his lip nervously, slipping the car into first gear. The light’s turned green, and Patton slowly pulled his foot up on the clutch as he slowly pushed on the gas. He winced when cars started beeping from behind.

“Don’t listen to them, they don’t know what’s going on in this car, they’re only thinking of themselves. Focus.” Logan encouraged. Patton gasped as the needle dropped and he pushed down on the gas, letting his foot up from the clutch and beaming as the car smoothly moved forwards.

“I did it!”

“Who taught you to drive, because they were clearly bad at it.” Logan muttered. “Well done on your progress.”

“Thanks, Kiddo! Hey, how do you know so much about driving?” Patton asked, slipping into second, then third gears.

“I’m very attentive when being driven around.”

“Really? That's it?” Patton asked, pulling into a car park. “Wow…”

“Patton, please, whatever you do, do not attempt a parallel park…” Logan pleaded. Patton laughed.

“You read my mind. Let’s find a space with no cars either side.”

“Patton, my own clothes are suitable.” Logan whispered as Patton guided him through one of the clothes stores in the Mall.

“I know, but I want you to embrace your own sense of style!”

“You mean like you wear… atrocities, around your shoulders?” Logan smirked. Patton laughed.

“Maybe you’ll find your own atrocities in here.”

Indeed they did. An atroci tie , in fact. And no, Patton wasn’t going to apologise for that.

“I’ve never met a child who desperately wanted a necktie before.” Patton chuckled, reaching up and pulling a blue tie off the higher shelves to hand to Logan.

“I’ve been waiting for people to take me seriously for years. I would greatly appreciate a necktie…”

“Of course, Logan! Anything you want, you just let me know, okay?” Patton beamed, taking the tie and putting it in his basket.

“Alright. Thank you, Patton.”

Shirts were bit more difficult.

“You see anything you like?” Patton asked, watching Logan glance over shirts in a multitude of colours. Logan shook his head.

“I would prefer a black one.”

“Sure, I think I saw some on the end.” Patton beamed, guiding Logan to the end of the aisle. Logan sighed in relief.

“These are perfect.” He whispered, reaching up for a shirt with long sleeves. However, he froze, then moved to take one with short sleeves. “May I go and try some on?”

“Of course, I’ll come with you to make sure we get the right size.” Patton beamed, following behind Logan.

Patton couldn’t help admire how mature Logan was as he watched the boy politely ask the member of staff in the changing rooms if there were any available changing stalls. She smiled and nodded, pointing to an empty stall at the end. Patton followed, waiting outside.

“I believe I am not a size 14 like I imagined, but a size XS.” Logan announced. Patton smiled sadly. Logan was noticeably skinny. Hopefully he could help him reach a healthier weight. “But I can't tell…”

“Well, can I see?”

“I… I suppose…” Logan whispered, pulling the curtain back. Patton froze at the sight.

Logan’s arms were littered in what looked like cigarette burns buried amongst his freckles. Patton gasped and quickly pulled Logan back into the changing stall, pulling the curtain across and turning to kneel in front of the boy. Logan winced, taking a step back.

“No, no, it’s alright…” Patton whispered, trying his best to calm Logan’s nerves as he pulled his cardigan off his shoulders and draped it over Logan’s shoulders to cover the boy’s arms. “Logan, do you want this shirt or do you want a long sleeved one?”

“I-I want this one.”

“No, you don’t.” Patton whispered. “Logan, you look like you’re about to cry. You don’t want this shirt and I don’t understand why you’re forcing yourself to wear it.”

“I want this one!” Logan cried suddenly, throwing his hands over his mouth in fear. Patton gently reached for Logan, gently taking the boy’s frail wrists and pulling them down from his mouth.

“Why?”

“What?”

“Why do you want this one?”

“I…” Logan blinked. “It is $3 less for a shirt with short sleeves…”

“Loga- No! Logan- Oh, Kiddo… You don’t have to worry about that!” Patton whispered, rubbing his thumbs over Logan’s wrists. “Stay here. I’m going to get you a long sleeved one.”

“No…” Logan whimpered, pulling Patton’s cardigan closer.

“Logan… listen. I’m not like those people at the orphanage, or like the man who hurt you. I’m not worried about the cost of anything. If I bought you something that upset you like this, to force you to bear your battle scars to the world… That would hurt you, and that would make me a bad parent. I don’t want to hurt you… Do you understand?”

“Yes…”

“I’ll be right back…” Patton whispered, standing and absentmindedly pressing a soft kiss atop Logan’s head before leaving the stall.

Logan curled up on himself, embracing the warmth and the familiar scent of Patton’s cardigan around his shoulders, and the swift shift of his hair from where Patton had kissed him. He could run away now, rid Patton of himself before he came back, but part of him knew he wasn’t joking about filing a missing person’s report… He’d just get caught, then Patton would punish him.

“Here you go, Kiddo…” Patton smiled as he slipped back into the stall, this time holding a long sleeved shirt.

“Thank you…” Logan whispered, taking it from him.

“I’ll wait outside, okay?” Logan just nodded, not knowing how to act after his ‘moment’. Patton left, and Logan let out a breath he hadn’t know he was holding. Part of him wished he’d never met Patton, then he wouldn’t be in this situation, but the other part of him told him to be grateful that Patton had even thought about adopting him.

He shook Patton’s cardigan off, folding it neatly and placing it down before removing his shirt and putting on the new one Patton had brought him.

It fit him perfectly.

“Patton?” Logan pulled the curtain open to show Patton, who squealed and clapped his hands.

“Aw! Look at you! You’re so you !” Patton beamed. Logan blushed slightly.

“I would like this one very much…” He whispered, looking away. Patton gasped.

“Oh, I’m so glad to hear you say that. I’m so proud of you, Logan! Let me go and pick up a few more, okay? I’ll be right back.” Patton quickly rushed off. Logan pulled the curtain shut.

Why was Patton proud of him? Why was he proud that he wanted the more expensive shirt? Why hadn’t he yelled at him and told him he couldn’t throw money around on stupid things like shirts and ties like Miriam had? Like his Father had? And why hadn’t Patton hit him when he yelled? Why was Patton so nice ?

Logan gently hung the shirts back on their hangers. Realising his hands would be full, he wrapped Patton’s cardigan around his shoulders in a similar fashion that Patton did before taking the hangers back to the woman at the entrance of the changing rooms.

“Thank you.” Logan smiled as he handed her the short sleeved shirts, grateful to see them go. The woman smiled back, and Logan walked over to where Patton was distracted by more shirts.

“Hey, Logan, look at this!” Patton giggled, holding up a shirt that said ‘You matter. Unless you multiply yourself by the speed of light squared… Then you energy.’ Logan regretted laughing at it when Patton shoved it in the basket.

The cardigan remained forgotten around Logan’s shoulders.

“Patton, why are we going in here?” Logan asked as Patton took him inside an electronics store. Logan’s heart raced. He prayed Patton wasn’t getting anything for him in here. Everything was expensive. He’d never forgive himself.

“I have to get you a phone.” Patton explained. Logan froze.

“No.”

“Logan-?” Patton turned.

“No.” Logan trembled, his breath catching in his throat, unable to escape through the sudden lump that had formed. “N-no…”

“Logan!” Patton gasped, quickly pulling Logan into an empty aisle. “Logan, honey, you need to breathe!” Patton pleaded, his eyes welling with tears of panic as Logan grew worse, seemingly unable to get any oxygen at all. “Logan!”

“Is everything okay?” A member of staff approached, looking worried.

“He’s having a panic attack, I-I don’t know how to- I don’t-!”

“Here, let me.” The staff member, or ‘Kai’ according to his name badge, kneeled in front of Logan, who sounded like he was choking. “What’s his name?”

“L-Logan.”

“Logan, look at me please?” Kai whispered. Logan did as he was told. “We need to take some deep breaths. In for 4, hold for 7, out for 8. Okay? Can you copy my breathing?” Kai asked before taking a deep breath, demonstrating his exercise. Logan shakily copied, unable to grasp it the first few times, but eventually, he managed to copy Kai completely, and finally, his breathing evened.

“I-I’m sorry.”

“No! Logan, don’t be sorry! You’ve nothing to be sorry for!” Patton gasped before turning to the staff member. “Thank you so much for helping us, I don't know what I would’ve done…”

“It’s no problem. Just remember 4, 7, 8. It works a charm.” Kai smiled before returning to stacking shelves.

“Logan…?”

“Please do not purchase a phone for me.” Logan whispered.

“Oh, Logan… What did they do to you…?” Patton breathed, brushing his hand through Logan’s hair. He pretended not to notice when Logan leaned into the touch. “How could they hurt you so bad that you panic over a small expense…”

“A phone is not a small expense…” Logan retorted. Patton smiled.

“If I know you at all, and I do, then you’re going to want a simple phone, not a fancy smartphone. Correct?”

“Yes. I see little point in inessential applications.”

“Then it’s a small expense.”

“But I don’t need a phone.”

“No, but I need you to have a phone. I need to know where you are, if you’re coming home, if you get hurt, if you need me to pick you up, if you get lost, if you… if you end up in hospital or something… I need you to have a phone for my own benefit.” Patton forced a smile. “Please?”

“A compromise.” Logan smiled. “We get one that’s in the sale.”

“Deal!” Patton beamed.

The overall cost was ridiculously cheap, it turned out, since the mobile Logan had chosen has a SIM offer with it, though Patton was certain Logan knew that.

Patton wanted to hurt- or yell at- the man who’d scared Logan so badly that he couldn’t handle Patton spending money on him. He hoped he was still in prison. He certainly deserved to be.

“Logan? Can we talk for a minute?” Patton asked, indicating to a bench outside a bookstore. He full intended on taking Logan inside and spending a fortune, but he knew he had to slow himself down. Logan nodded and moved to it on the bench, Patton sitting besides him.

“I told you I was trouble.”

“ I knew you were trouble when I- No! No, sorry, blame Roman… Ugh…” Patton sighed, ashamed of himself for bursting into song during serious-talk-time. “No, Logan, what happened in there was not you being trouble. That was you being scared… And you shouldn’t have been. Parents are supposed to buy stuff for their kids, and the fact you’re scared of that proves that your- that the man who was supposed to raise you didn’t do a good job at all.”

“I made a scene.”

“You could have-!” Patton froze, catching himself off guard.

Logan could have passed out. Because he didn’t know what to do.

“Patton…?” Logan whispered, leaning forwards. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah.” Patton forced a smile. “You didn’t cause any scenes, okay? You had a panic attack, that wasn’t your fault. Now, I want to take you into the bookstore behind us and get you some books, okay? But only if you let me. Because I… I care about you, and I don’t want to upset you again.”

Logan glanced behind him at the store. He wanted nothing more than to get some new books, well, except to stop Patton spending money on him, but… If Patton wanted to…

“There’s… there’s a 3 for 2 offer in there…” Logan whispered.

Patton’s smile could have lit the whole of Florida in a blackout.

“Patton, look!” Logan rushed over to Patton, practically throwing a book at his face.

“Alice Through The looking Glass?” Patton read the title aloud.

“Yes! It’s the continuation of Alice In Wonderland!” Logan cried, holding the book to his chest. “I wonder if my Mother ever read it… Do you think it will be as good at Alice In Wonderland?”

“Well, there’s only one way to find out.” Patton beamed. He hoped it was, Logan was so excited.

“Patton, this is the only book I need.” Logan smiled up at Patton.

“A-are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“Alright, let’s get it.” Patton chuckled. He’d hoped Logan would pick a few, but one was better than none. And he looked so genuinely excited by it.

“Will you write in it for me?” Logan asked suddenly. Patton nearly dropped the book in shock.

“Wh-what?”

“Will you write in it for me? Like my Mother did?” Logan asked. “This is the next book in a series, and you are the beginning of my next chapter. It seems only logical.”

“Y-yeah! Of course I can!” Patton fought the urge to cry. Why hadn’t anyone adopted this little bundle of nerdy excitement before him? Part of him was secretly glad.

The drive home was far smoother than the journey there. So much so that Logan had fallen asleep in the front seat, his new book clutched close to his chest. Patton pulled up in front of his and Emile's apartment building, hopping out the car and opening the door on Logan’s side.

“Hey.” Patton nearly jumped as he looked up to see Emile poking his head out the window of his apartment. “Oh my goodness, is he asleep? What did you do to him?”

“Emile, it was awful…” Patton sighed. “It was… It was the worst thing…”

“Sugar, I’m coming down, okay?” Emile closed his window and, after a few seconds, emerged from the front door. “I’ll carry him, you get the bags- Is that your cardigan?” Emile suddenly smirked, examining the clothing around Logan’s shoulders. “Aww, that’s so sweet.”

“Em, he’s so scared.” Patton whispered, pulling the shopping bags out the trunk. Emile ducked down and gathered Logan in his arms, cradling the teenage boy against his chest.

“Gee manetti, he’s hecking light…” Emile whispered. “Come on, let’s get him to bed and then we’ll talk, okay?”

“Sure…”

“He’s out like Sleeping Beauty. Ain’t nothing gonna wake that boy.” Emile chuckled as he entered the room, his smile falling when he saw Patton on the couch, his head in his hands as tears streamed down his face. “Pat…?”

“It was awful, Emmy…” Patton choked back a sob. “He was so scared of me spending anything on him… He made himself so uncomfortable trying to buy a cheaper shirt and he had a panic attack and I-I didn’t know what to do and… He could have passed out or something, Em, if Kai hadn’t helped us…”

“Patton-”

“He’s got so many burns on his arms, Emile… I couldn’t even count them. I-I mean… How old was he when those happened…? How could someone do that?!”

“Patton, shush…” Emile whispered, pulling Patton to his chest. “What’s important is that you’re helping him now, we’re helping him now.”

“Are we too late, Em?” Patton asked, blinking up at his twin brother through tears. Emile shook his head.

“No. No, of course not.” He whispered, rubbing Patton’s back.

They fell asleep like that, Emile curled protectively around his younger twin.

Chapter Text

When Logan woke the next morning, it took him a while to remember where he was. He hadn’t woken to the harsh snoring of his roommate, or to Miriam screaming about how if whoever committed whatever ‘crime’ the night before didn’t confess, they’d be responsible for them all having to clean the kitchen before school.

Then he remembered Patton.

Yesterday had been one of Logan’s messier days, and he wasn’t sure why. He assumed it was a mix of not having a schedule, adjusting to a large change, and the fear of being punished when he returned to the apartment with Patton.

Was that why he was asleep? Had Patton already punished him and he’d passed out and forgotten? But then why was his new book in his hands? And why was Patton’s cardigan still around his shoulders?

“I could be sat with him in a hospital right now!”

Logan froze. Was that Patton? Who was in hospital? He clutched his book tighter as he slipped out of the bed, faintly aware that he was still in his day clothes from yesterday, and opened his door slightly to hear the conversation better.

“But you’re not! He’s okay!”

“I had no idea how to help him, Emile! What if he’d passed out? Or died?”

“People can’t die from panic att-”

“This is why Daisy died, isn’t it? God saw what a fuck up of a Dad I would be and took her from me!”

“Don’t be so fucking stupid, Patton! Don’t you dare! Daisy’s death was an accident! You’ve been a Dad for a fucking day, okay? Give yourself some credit! I’m sorry, but I have to go, I have an exam…”

“Emile…”

“I love you so much, Pat… Just… Get those evil thoughts out your head by the time I get back, okay?”

“O-okay…”

Logan didn’t emerge from his room until he heard the door close, followed by a series of sniffles from Patton. He swallowed nervously, knowing what he had to do. He slipped into Patton’s room, rummaging through Patton’s drawers until he found a thick leather belt, and made his way to the living room.

“I don’t know what I’m supposed to do…” Patton whispered to no-one in particular. Logan winced.

“You could always send me back…” Patton jumped at the unexpected voice, freezing when he noticed Logan standing anxiously in the doorway, one of his belts in his hands.

Oh, fuck, no...

“Logan-”

Don’t give me that belt, Logan, I don’t know what I’ll do…

“I apologise for my behaviour yesterday, and for making you cry.” Logan muttered, holding the belt out to Patton. Patton hesitantly took it with a shaky breath, his eyes burning with tears as Logan turned and braced himself against the wall. As though he actually thought Patton was going to…

A soft whimper escaped Patton's throat as he threw the belt down and strode over to Logan, gently wrapping his arms around the boys fragile frame. Logan tensed, his breath hitching in shock. This… wasn’t what usually happened.

Patton carefully turned Logan to face him before pulling him up, the boy automatically grabbing at the back of Patton’s shirt as Patton pulled Logan up against his chest in a reverse piggyback and carried him over to the couch. He carefully lowered Logan onto the couch before sitting beside him, both of them teary-eyed and breathing heavily.

“I know I said that I’d let you tell me things at your own pace, b-because I wanted to be a good Dad. But yesterday was awful so I need to know now…” Patton choked. “Please, Logan…”

“What should I tell you…?”

“Let’s start with triggers?” Patton suggested.

“I do not have any triggers.”

“Th-the belt, is one.” Patton explained. “You thought I would punish you.”

“...Is that not what all Father’s do?” Logan asked, confusion visible on his face. Patton choked back another sob.

“No… No, Dad’s don’t… Don’t hurt their kids. Ever.”

“Then… What do Fath- Dad’s do?” Logan asked, shuffling closer to Patton.

“Dad’s love their kids… They’d do anything for them, they would never wish to hurt them. They don’t beat them with belts or burn them with cigarettes o-or lock them in cupboards and leave them. They… They hold them close when they’re sad, cry when they cry, hurt when they hurt… Dad’s protect their kids, and comfort them, and try to do their best for them…”

“Who is Daisy?” Logan asked suddenly, causing Patton to jolt upright. Patton didn’t speak, wringing his hands together as he thought about what to say. “Enclosed spaces.”

“Wh-what?”

“My triggers. Belts, enclosed spaces, cigarettes, and alcohol. However, I feel I could handle them if I prove to myself that being around those things will not bring me harm.” Logan whispered.

“Oh, I’m so happy you told me, Logan…” Patton forced a smile through his tears.

“My Father beat me for getting an A instead of an A+ on a test.” Logan whispered. “He’d been drinking anyway, since it was my Mother’s birthday… He decided to go to the pub, but I foolishly tried to stop him. He locked me in the closet under the stairs… and he never came back.”

“Logan…”

“Apparently, he’d been arrested that night after helping himself to a $500 bottle of wine and getting involved in a bar fight. It wasn’t until three days later, when he told them he ‘had to get home and feed his kid’ in a futile attempt to be released, that they realised I even existed.”

“Three days… I-I can’t imagine how scary that must’ve felt… For a child to be alone for so long in such a small space.”

“I didn’t know how long had passed… I-I kept panicking, passing out, waking up and trying to escape before panicking again, trapped in a loop. It felt like weeks. I was shocked when they told me it had only been three days.”

“Only? Logan, three days is a long time! Especially without food or water!”

“I would rather not talk about it anymore, but now that you know the basics, you can read the police reports.” Logan muttered. Patton nodded, not knowing what to say.

A long silence fell over the two.

“Daisy was my daughter.” Patton whispered, barely audible, but Logan heard. “When I was a teenager, I met a boy called Declan. He said I was pretty and we got to know each other, became boyfriend and… and girlfriend.” Patton bit his lip. “So, when I told him I wanted to be Patton, and not Patrica, and that I’d started taking testosterone, he… lost interest. So I gave up those ideas and we tried for a baby, to keep us together.”

“Declan doesn’t sound like a very nice person…”

“No… Well, things were going well, we were happy, and… and one night, I was feeling for her kicking but I couldn’t feel anything… It was the same for the next few days, so I went to the hospital. They said… They said there was a weakness in the cervix, and she didn’t survive… she was only 27 weeks…” Logan wordlessly wrapped his arms around Patton’s arm. “Declan said it was my fault, if I hadn’t tried to become a boy then she’d be alive right now… He left me as I held my dead baby in my arms…”

“It wasn’t your fault, and no-one took her from you. She would have been a very happy girl to have you as her Fath- her Dad.” Logan whispered, not knowing what else to say. Patton choked a sob as he suddenly pulled Logan against his chest and held him close. Logan returned the embrace by wrapping his arms around Patton’s waist, which Patton hadn’t expected.

“We got a lot to learn from each other, huh?” Patton chuckled brokenly, rubbing Logan’s arm. Logan nodded against Patton’s chest.

“Father always said emotions were weakness, but you embrace them… Why is that?”

“Because emotions are human, Lo. Everyone has them, and if you ignore them, you just make things worse… bottling emotion up like you and I have… It doesn’t help, does it? I mean, we’re both sat here crying so… it clearly hasn’t helped.”

“I… I am scared… and overwhelmed.” Logan confessed. “I do not know what my life should have been like, or what it will be like with you. However… I enjoy your company, and you are as strongly against violence as I am…”

“Logan, listen…” Patton whispered, pulling the boy away and holding him at arm’s length. “I love you. Whatever happens, I won’t ever take you back to that orphanage, not unless you decide you don’t want to stay here. I’m going to do everything I can to make you happy, to help you be you, to show you that you are loved and wanted, and that the way that evil man treated you was wrong… okay?”

Logan broke.

He choked back a sob as he threw his arms around Patton, leaning into him as the older man returned the embrace. Patton held him tight, whispering soft words of comfort as he gently rubbed Logan’s back in an attempt to soothe his tears.

For the first time in four years, Patton watched Logan release all the pain and confusion that he’d bottled up since his Mother died.

Logan had honestly never woken up feeling so warm and light before. He blinked a few times before nuzzling into whatever he as using as a pillow. He felt… safe. It was a pleasant feeling, he quickly found.

“Hey, Kiddo…” Logan blinked, looking up. Was he still in Patton’s arms? Patton smiled down at him, brushing his hand through Logan’s hair. “You’re exhausted. You had a lot built up in you, huh…?”

It suddenly hit Logan what had happened. He’d cried. He’d bawled like a child in front of Patton, and then fallen asleep on him.

“No, no, no, it’s okay.” Patton whispered as he felt Logan tense. “Let yourself have this, okay? I fully intend to make up for 11 years worth of missed hugs.”

It was surprisingly easy for Logan to sink back into Patton, a soft whimper escaping his throat as Patton tightened his hold on him. He couldn’t explain exactly what he was feeling, but it was a lot nicer that those feelings he’d gotten used to over the years.

“Are we having a cuddle pile?!” Patton and Logan looked up to see Emile enter the apartment with a grin that reminded Logan of the Cheshire Cat. “Why didn’t you guys say so! I’d have come straight home to join you!” He giggled, skipping over the couch and plopping himself down next to Patton, wrapping his arms around Patton and Logan and resting his head on Patton’s shoulder.

“Are you still mad at Patton?” Logan asked with a yawn.

“Mad?” Emile whispered. “Oh, no, I wasn’t mad! I was just upset, is all! You see, Patton here needs to learn that some things are just out of his control. But no, I’m not upset anymore.” Emile sat up, rummaging through his cardigan pocket for a moment before beaming and holding an envelope out to Logan. “I got you something.”

“Uncles do the same stuff Dads do, by the way.” Patton chuckled as Logan sat up, taking the envelope gratefully and carefully tore it open. He was surprised when it wasn’t a letter he found in there, but a plastic card. He gripped the plastic tight and pulled it out, his eyes widening when he realised what it was.

“It’s about time you had a library card, Logan.” Emile smiled, watching as Logan gently brushed his fingers over the name Logan ‘Crofter’ Picani.

“I-“ Logan’s voice caught in his throat. “This is really mine…?”

“Of course! It’s got your name on it.”

“I… I don’t know what to say…”

“Then don’t say anything.” Emile smirked, ruffling Logan’s hair.

“I am extremely grateful for everything… truly…”

“We know.” Patton and Emile spoke together. Logan chuckled, leaning back into Patton, who squealed and trapped both Logan and Emile in yet another hug.

“You’d better get used to hugs, Kiddo.”

Chapter Text

[To Patton - 08:20] I am informing you that I have arrived at school prior your request.

[From Patton - 08:21] That’s great! Thanks for letting me know, Kiddo! Have a great day, okay? Xx

[To Patton - 08:21] I do not get a choice in the matter of how good my day will be, but I shall endeavour to ‘have a great day’. What does ‘Xx’ mean?

[From Patton - 08:22] They’re kisses, Logan! One because I love you, and another to prove it! Xx

[To Patton - 08:23] I fail to see the logic behind that but I appreciate the sentiment. I shall contact you again when school finishes.

[From Patton - 08:23] Okie dokie! Xx

Logan pocketed his phone, looking up and searching the flood of students. He gave up after a long moment, turning to his locker and putting his coat and bag away. He gathered a few essential things and stood to close the locker door when his vision went black.

“Guess who, gurl.”

“Why do you insist on calling me ‘girl’ when I am clearly male.” Logan asked with a smirk, turning away from the hands covering his eyes to face his old roommate. Remy gasped.

“How would I know if you’re male or not?”

“Because I have told you I am male. 16 and a half times.”

“It was a joke- Wait, half ?”

“I never finish telling you I am male because you interrupt me and say ‘shush, gurl’ before I-”

“Shush gurl, God, I have missed all the shit that comes out your mouth…”

“Well… that was a misleading and self-contradictory insult that just proved my point.”

“Shut up.” Remy chuckled, throwing his arms around Logan. “You feel different…”

“What?” Logan blinked as Remy pulled away.

“I dunno. You just… You’re not so… solid? More chill.”

“‘More chill’?”

“Yeah, like… you don’t have the weight of the world on your shoulders right now.”

“I… had a rather emotional weekend.”

“Holy crab balls, did you actually tell someone about your Pops?” Remy sipped his Starbucks tea. “Not even the therapist Miriam paid to get you to spill could get anything outta you.”

“Yes, well, I didn’t ask her to pay for anything, especially not a therapist.”

“Whatevs, we all got therapists. So? What’s your new Dad like?”

“Patton is… patient, overly emotional, an appalling driver, and is very quick to love.”

“Wait, wait, quick to love?” Remy smirked. “Two days and you love this guy? Have you ever loved anything that didn’t have pages?”

“I-I meant he loves quickly!” Logan blushed. “I did not imply anything else!”

“ Sure. ” Remy chuckled. Logan pushed past him with a scoff, only to walk into another person.

“Hey, watch it- Oh! Hello again, four-eyes.” Logan tried to keep his posture as he glanced up at the tall figure before him, who stood between three other students. Two were from Logan’s grade, the other from the grade below, while Percy was from the grade above, making him the ‘ring-leader’.

“Percy…”

“Who said you could say my name?” Percy sneered.

“Gurl, just fuck off, alright?” Remy rolled his eyes behind his shades and grabbed Logan’s arm, only for Percy to grab Logan by the collar and tear him from Remy’s grip. Logan’s heart pounded in his chest as he heard Remy cry out. For a moment, he wished Patton were there. He wanted to be with Patton.

He was safe with Patton.

“What makes you think you’re better than me?” Percy asked. Logan bit his lip.

“That fact I was adopted and you likely never will be now that you’re 17. And the fact your Mother willing gave you up.”

Logan regretted his response the moment Percy’s nostrils flared in anger. He grabbed Logan roughly by the back of his collar and hauled him into the males toilets, the other kids laughing and jeering as they followed their leader.

“Dunk him!” Percy snapped at the larger two, who each grabbed one of Logan’s arms and pinned them behind his back before dragging him into a stall. Logan didn’t dare fight back. “And you,” Percy turned to the younger kid, holding up a permanent marker. “Draw on him with this fucker.”

By the time Remy had found a teacher, the damage had already been done.

Patton struggled to keep the panic off his face as he ran into the school building and over to reception.

“Hi, my name’s Patton Picani? I-I got a call about Logan, I was told to come here- Is he okay?”

“Oh, goodness, I’m sorry, I don’t know much about it… Would you please follow me to the Principal's office?” The receptionist smiled kindly, a sort of pity smile, before leading Patton down the corridor. Patton wrung his hands as she guided him over to a door labelled ‘Mr Thomas’ and knocked, pushing the door open slightly.

“Mr Picani is here?” She whispered. A muffled voice could be heard from the other side of the door before she turned back to Patton.

“I hope he’s okay…” She whispered as she stepped aside to let Patton pass. He nodded gratefully before entering the office, where Logan sat in front of the Principal's desk.

“Hi.”

“Hey, Mr Picani.”

“Patton is fine.” Patton whispered. “Lo? Are you okay?”

“Patton, could you please sit down?” Mr Thomas tried to smile, but barely managed it. Whatever had happened clearly wasn’t good. Patton nodded nervously, moving into the chair next to where Logan sat. At the new angle, Patton could clearly see Logan was dripping wet, his face covered in vulgar words and images drawn in ugly black marker.

Nerd. Freak. Useless. Pathetic. Dickhead. Cunt.

“No… Logan…” Patton gasped, immediately standing and kneeling in front of Logan. Logan winced, his eyes failing to meet Patton’s. He did, however, let Patton reach up and brush back his soaked hair, revealing the word ‘ unlovable ’ in large letters across his forehead. When Logan’s eyes finally met his, Patton’s heart broke.

“Three of the students were caught in the act and will be suspended. The other two were gone before the teacher could see who they were. We’ve tried asking Logan, but he hasn’t spoken since.” Mr Thomas sighed. “Then he tried to go to lessons… We can’t let him into classes like this, but we can’t get it off either.”

“Can I take him home?” Patton asked, his eyes fixed on Logan, who was staring at the floor again. Logan’s hand twitched as he considered reaching out for Patton’s hand. “He can’t stay here feeling like this, it’ll only upset him.”

“I agree, taking him home is probably the the best course of action, yes. I’ll collect any lesson notes and homework assignments and give them to you tomorrow, Logan. Is that alright?” Mr Thomas turned to Logan with a patient smile. Logan just nodded.

“Let’s get you home, sweetheart…” Patton whispered, standing and slowly offering his hand out for Logan to take if he wanted to. Logan decided to take it, pulling himself up and trying his best to half-bury his face in Patton’s side.

No-one spoke until they got back to the apartment.

“Patton?” Emile slipped into Patton’s apartment. “Did I just see you with Lo- Oh my god…” The older twin gasped at the sight of Patton attempting to wipe marker off of Logan’s face with a wipe. Patton looked up at his brother desperately.

“Em, I can’t get it off…”

“Okay, okay, we need to find something alcohol based.” Logan immediately tensed, Patton quickly reaching out and holding his hand to soothe him as Emile rushed off to find something to use.

“It’s just to get the pen off, okay? Just rubbing alcohol or something.” Patton assured him, pulling him down gently. Logan sat down and blinked without a word, relaxing visibly as Patton rubbed circles on the back of his hand, willing the boy to come back out of the metaphorical shell he’d hidden himself in.

“Nail varnish remover usually works.” Emile announced as he came back with a bottle of said substance and a wad of cotton balls. Logan watched as Emile carefully doused a cotton ball with the liquid, keeping his eyes on Emile cautiously as he brought it up to his face.

“It’s okay, Logan, you’re doing so well, honey.” Patton whispered as Emile scrubbed at the word across Logan’s forehead, smiling in relief when it started to fade.

“Let me know if I hurt you, okay? I promise that’s the last thing I want to do.” Emile forced a smile as he did his best to carefully rub away the pen.

It took a lot longer than any of them had expected, resulting in Logan leaning against Patton towards the end of it, exhausted from the morning he’d endured. Eventually, Patton left to go to the shop and get lunch, leaving Emile to tend to Logan.

“There.” Emile beamed. “All clean.”

“Thank you.” Logan whispered. “I apologise.”

“Shh, Patton will come back just to tell you to stop apologising.” Emile chuckled softly.

“Is he mad that he had to come and get me?”

“Logan, listen to me very carefully.” Emile sighed. “Patton is never gonna be upset or mad at you for something that wasn’t your fault, and neither am I. You didn’t ask for this.”

“Yes, I did.”

“What?”

“Percy confronted me in the corridor. I called him by his name, so he grabbed me and asked me why I thought I was better than he was. I told him it was because I had been adopted when he likely never will be, and because my Mother did not willingly orphan me.”

“Okay, first of all… What a burn!” Emile laughed. “I had no idea you had that in you!”

“But-“

“Second of all, did you say to him ‘shove me in a toilet and draw on my face’?”

“No.”

“Then you didn’t ask for this. Okay?” Emile smiled. “Lemme tell you a story about a boy called Emile and his sister, Patricia.” Logan’s eyes widened with curiosity. Patton had been Patricia once, he knew that much, but nothing more. He shuffled forwards, eager to hear this story.

“Patricia was a very happy little girl. She loved dressing up, having tea parties, playing with dolls, all the stereotypical girly things. But as she grew up, around age 12, she realised something wasn’t quite right with her. As much as she loved the frilly clothes and glitter pens and all that, she wasn’t… Patricia. So she started exploring.”

“Exploring?”

“Yup. She found out about gender and sexuality from the internet and some books, but she still couldn’t understand how she was feeling. At the same time, I started- I mean, Emile started to feel a similar way. Looking out for his Sister, he tried to help her find herself, only to get more and more confused about his own identity.”

“What happened?”

“Emile asked Patricia an important question. He said ‘Where do you see yourself in the future?’ And do you know what Patricia said?”

“What?”

“She said ‘I want to be a Dad’.” Emile smiled. “She said she couldn’t see herself as a Mom, but she could as a Dad. Then she cried and said she didn’t want to be a girl anymore. She cried for hours, even when her Mom, Dad and Brother told her that they would love her, no matter who she was. So she changed her name to Patton, and gender to male. He got surgery age 16, and completed the transition age 21.”

“What about y- Emile?”

“Emile struggled for a while, feeling out of place with boy or girl. He couldn’t decide which felt most right for him. Sometimes being a girl felt right, and sometimes being a boy felt right, and after a great deal of searching, he discovered a term called ‘genderfluid’. He could flow between genders and be whichever felt most right those days.”

“Is that why Emile wears a pink tie sometimes and a blue tie other times?” Logan asked with a knowing smile. Emile chuckled.

“Yup, but I usually always go by he/him. On rare occasions, I go full-girl. It depends how I feel. But I only recently accepted it... I was in your situation for a very long time after I came out at school, to the point that I had to go to hospital with a broken arm. To be honest, I don’t really believe in gender.”

“I’m sorry you went through that... I always believed gender was purely a label for copulation reasons.” Logan whispered. “It never occurred to me that it could be a mental understanding of one’s own identity.”

“Aww, you learned a little something! And you’re not even at school, how awesome is that? You got a day off, and you were productive!”

“My 100% attendance record is ruined though.”

“You should see Virgil’s.” Emile snorted. “That kid spends less time in lessons than he does out of them.”

“I have food!” Patton suddenly burst through the door with his arms full of grocery bags. “Hey, Lo! You feeling better?”

“Much, thank you.” Logan picked himself up off the floor, Emile following behind.

“Good! I got you a gift to help you feel better.”

“You did not have to do that.”

“I know, but you’re gonna want this.” Patton giggled, putting the bags down on the kitchen counter and rummaging around until he found what he was looking for. “Close your eyes and hold your hands out.”

“Okay.” Logan did as he was told. Was Patton going to play a trick on him and hurt him instead? He gasped as he felt a coolness against his fingers, urging him to curl them around the object.

“Open!”

Logan’s eyes flickered open as turned to look at whatever Patton had placed in his hands.

A jar of Strawberry Crofter’s.

“This is for me?!” Logan asked, looking up at Patton.

“Sure is, Kiddo!” Patton giggled. Logan let out a small noise of excitement, a mix between a squeal and a gasp, and put the jar aside before throwing himself at Patton. Patton, taken aback slightly but not disappointed with Logan’s reaction, hugged Logan tight.

“Thank you so much…”

“Aw, kiddo… It’s not a problem! There’s some more jars in the bag, so I’m gonna put them in the cupboard and you just take them whenever you want, okay?”

“Aww this is so pure!” Emile giggled. It was then that Logan and Patton realised he was filming them.

“Please may I open it?” Logan pleaded, turning back to Patton.

“Of course! Let me get you a spoon.”

“A spoon?” Logan blinked. “You… want me to eat it with a spoon?”

“You don’t have to, Kiddo. I-I just assumed that was how you ate it.” Patton put his hands on his hips with a laugh. “Guess I made an As out of Su and Me, huh?”

“That… isn’t how that goes, Pat.” Emile snorted. “You ever eaten Crofter’s with a spoon before?”

“Once, but…” Logan trailed off, wincing as he swore he heard the shattering of glass. He shook his head. “Father wasn’t very happy about it.”

“Patton and I use spoons! Roman uses a dessert spoon. And… Virgil will try and eat it with a knife, so as long as you don’t do that…”

“Here.” Patton almost squealed as he handed a spoon over to Logan, who took it excitedly and flipped the lid off the jar. He wasted no time scooping a fair amount of jelly onto the soon and shovelling it into his mouth, leaning against Patton as he sank into the feeling of complete and utter contentment.

“I love you.” Logan mumbled around the mouthful of jelly, dipping his spoon in for more and seemingly unaware of the words that slipped from his mouth. Patton froze in shock, causing Logan to tense. “Did I do something-?”

“No, no, it’s alright!” Patton assured him quickly. “Just… you said something and I wasn’t sure who it was directed at.”

“You, obviously.” Logan shrugged, spooning more jelly into his mouth, not caring that it’d somehow gotten up under his eye and around his mouth.  

“Aww!” Emile giggled. “I’m so glad I caught that on camera!”

“Wait, what?” Logan blinked, having forgotten about that. “Delete the footage!”

“Never!”

“I have arrived to grace you all!” Roman cried, letting himself into Patton’s apartment, followed by a small boy with his hood over his head, looking down at his phone. He didn’t seem interested at all in what was going on.

“Hey, Ro!” Patton ran over to his boyfriend, hugging him tight and pressing a kiss to his cheek. “How did the dress rehearsal go?”

“Oh, you know… I dazzled the other actors so much that they all messed up their lines. Same old.” Roman sighed dramatically. “But all is right with the world when I am in your arms.” Logan rolled his eyes as he stood from the couch and joined them.

“Aww!” Patton giggled, blushing red. “Oh, Logan, this is Virgil!”

“Sup, Pop Star, and Pop stars kid.” Virgil muttered, not looking up.

“Virgil, I know you don’t want to be here, but can you at least look up from your phone to say hi to Logan?”

“Ugh. Fine.” Virgil groaned, lifting his head up. His eyes widened when he saw Logan, who looked as equally shocked. “Fuck...” Roman gasped dramatically.

“Virgil, watch your mouth!”

“Logan? You okay?” Patton whispered.

“Yes.” Logan lied.

He was not okay. Not in the slightest. He’d seen that eyeshadow before. He’d seen it when he was pinned to the bathroom floor, struggling to get away from the pen that scribbled across his face.

“Do you… already know each other?” Roman asked, eyeing their shocked expressions.

“No.” Logan shook his head quickly and extended his hand. “It is nice to meet you, Virgil.”

“I-I… Yeah. You too.” Virgil didn’t move to shake it.

“Would you care to accompany me in my room?” Logan asked, indicating to his bedroom. Virgil knew he couldn't say no under the gaze of all the adults in the room, so he nodded, sullenly following Logan.

Once they were in his room with the door closed, they both turned to each other, a mix of panic and pity in their expressions.

“Why didn’t you tell them what I did?”

“What would be the benefit in doing that?” Logan asked. “If I told them you partook in an activity in which I was a victim, then you would get into trouble and I would have damaged any potential for a positive relationship with you.”

“You really are a fucking nerd.” Virgil scowled. “Thanks, I guess.”

“I would like to encourage you to keep away from Percy and his gang, but you have your own life and I have no right to control how you spend your time. In any case, you’re a talented artist.”

“Is that meant to be a joke?”

“No. I… was not referring to the… detailed drawings you did on my face, but the drawings on your wrists.” Logan indicated to Virgil’s arms. “It is very difficult to draw on oneself, especially with their non-dominant hand.”

“Yeah, well, I’m left handed, hence why this side is better than the other.”

“I, too, am left handed.” Logan adjusted his glasses. Virgil rolled his eyes, suddenly catching sight of a book on Logan’s bed.

“Through The Looking Glass?” Virgil asked. Logan suddenly grew defensive, scooping the book into his arms.

“It was a gift from Patton.”

“Ah. Hey, um… you ever see the Tim Burton movie of Alice In Wonderland?”

“There’s a movie?” Logan’s eyes grew wide in awe.

“Well, yeah, dude. There’s, like, loads of versions of it. The most popular are the Disney and Tim Burton ones.”

“I have heard of Disney. Is it good?”

“You’ve… never seen Disney before?”

“Is that a bad thing?”

“It’s only the biggest crime in the world!” Virgil cried, pulling his phone out and plopping himself on Logan’s bed.. “Right, sit. We’re watching some shit right now. God, you’re so uncultured… It’s gonna take years to bring you up to my level.”

Chapter Text

Virgil and Logan had spent most of their time together since the events of that day, Remy often joined them, but had yet to speak to Virgil after recognising him. Virgil taught Logan all the phrases the ‘cool kids’ used, and showed him the best Disney movies. Logan, in return, helped Virgil with his homework.

The two were very surprised at how quickly they’d hit it off, and the longer Virgil spent getting to know Logan, the guiltiest he felt for what he’d done. He’d only joined Percy’s gang to prove himself, to be a somebody in the shithole of a school he went to. Everyone was scared of him, and he loved it. He had power.

Then Percy returned.

“An A? A fucking A?!”

“I-I’m sorry-”

“What the fuck is wrong with you?! Do you know how much it costs to buy shit to keep you out of my life for 7 hours a day? And this is what I get in return? An A?”

“I was only 2 marks off. The test was merely a practice for-”

“Turn around. Now. I’ll show you what 2 marks gets you.” *snap* “1 mark.” *snap* “2 marks. I’m going out. I need a drink after all the shit you’ve caused.”

“Father, I-I do not believe that is a good idea…”

“Did I fucking ask you?!”

“N-no.”

“Then you need to learn some fucking discipline. Get in the cupboard.”

“Father, please, no-!”

“You don’t get to tell me what to do!”

“Don’t do this. Father, please! Father!”

*Slam*

Logan shot up with a gasp, throwing his hand over his mouth before he screamed. A muffle sound unwillingly escaped his throat as he shivered, his back stinging from the memory. Then he froze, bringing one hand down to feel his now-cold sheets.

They were wet.

Fuck.

He couldn’t let Patton know… He’d be so angry. He was 15, for goodness sake… He should be over this; Miriam had told him so. He was too old for nocturnal enuresis.

Logan quickly scrambled out of bed and, after cleaning himself up, changed his pyjamas before gathering the soaked sheets and pyjamas in his arms. Once ensuring the hallway was empty, he snuck out of his room and to the small room next to the bathroom, where the washing machine was. He quickly shoved the evidence into the machine, filling it with a small amount of washing liquid and turning it on.

Hopefully, it’d finish the cycle before Patton woke up.

A sudden familiar feeling fell over Logan in that moment, making him feel tight, smaller than he was. His heart felt like it was trying to expand out his throat. He needed a space, a small space, an enclosed space to take the pain away.

Which was how Logan found himself in front of the cupboard that Patton had taken the lock off the week before.

However, when he opened the door, he found the cupboard was full of the most useless things, as though their purpose was to simply use up any and all space in the cupboard. The feeling in Logan grew worse. He needed to-

“Logan…?”

No…

“Patton…” Logan turned to face said man, who didn’t look angry or upset. Just tired and confused.

“It’s 4:30, what’re you doing up, sweetheart?” Patton asked with a yawn before fully assessing the situation; Logan stood in front of the open cupboard door, looking a mix of guilty and fearful. “Did you need something in there?”

“No.”

“Then you were trying to get into there…”

“And I would have done if it was not already full.” Logan growled, growing irritated.

“Which is exactly why I filled it.” Patton whispered, kneeling in front of Logan. “Remy told me you’d purposely trigger yourself. It’s not healthy, Logan, trust me… When I lost Daisy, I often went to playgrounds, to stores, to parks, and I’d stand and watch the kids and think ‘I don’t get to have this because I’m not good enough’.”

Logan’s eyes burned with tears as Patton continued.

“I started doing it on purpose, because that self-hatred made me feel… It felt like I deserved it. Like I was punishing myself because I couldn’t handle someone else not punishing me. Does that make sense? Because I think that’s how you feel… Maybe you aren’t quite used to not being hurt, so you hurt yourself…”

“I ruined the sheets…” Logan choked, hiding his face behind the sleeves of his fleece space pyjamas. Patton carefully pulled his arms away and smiled.

“That’s okay.” Patton whispered. “We all have our moments of weakness, it’s nothing of be embarrassed about, I promise.”

Something suddenly snapped, and Logan pushed Patton away, tears pouring down his face.

“Why are you so nice?!” Logan cried. “Why are you not hurting me?! Why won’t you yell at me and hurt me?! You are being too nice! I cannot- I do not know how-” Logan choked back a sob, clutching his hair in his fists. “Please- P-punish me for something, Patton, please, I-I cannot… I cannot handle this any longer…”

“Logan…” Patton whispered, kneeling up and reaching for Logan, who recoiled at the slightest touch. “Logan, sweetheart, I’m not… I can’t hurt you, Logan, I’m sorry, but I just can't…”

“Can you just yell at me…?”

“About what? Logan, you’ve done nothing wrong! You’re the most well-behaved child I’ve ever known, and I know that’s only because you’re terrified of being hurt for acting out, which is why I can’t hurt you. Because you are begging me to do something that is terrifying you, do you understand?” Logan shook his head, choking back a sob. Patton suddenly gasped, as though realising something. “Logan… Did you let Percy and those bullies do those things to you on purpose…? So you’d get hurt?”

“If I did, then is it my fault…?” Logan sniffed. “Emile said you wouldn’t get angry for something that wasn’t my fault, but if I let him do it then it’s my fault so you are going to get angry and-”

“Logan, honey, stop… Please…” Patton whispered, pulling Logan into his arms. He was shocked at how quickly Logan had allowed himself to sit on Patton’s lap and be held by the man he had considered calling ‘Dad’ before breaking down into a trembling mess of tears. Patton held him close, rubbing his back soothingly.

“It’ll be okay soon, Logan.” Patton whispered. “One day you’ll know that you don’t deserve to be hurt, that Dad’s are good people who don’t hurt their kids, and that I love you no matter what.”

“I just want to be normal, Patton…” Logan whimpered, clinging to Patton’s shirt.

Patton had no idea how to respond to that.

 [From Patton - 08:20] Logan, honey, are you sure you want to go to school today? If you wanna come home you can say, I won’t be upset. Xxx

[To Patton - 08:21] I cannot keep missing school over such small events. Why have you used three Xs today?

[From Patton - 08:22] Your viewpoints don’t match mine, Logan. What happened this morning wasn’t a small event, it was a big leap forwards. One to say ‘I love you’, one to prove it, and another so you’d notice them today instead of overlooking them. Xxx

[To Patton - 08:24] I always notice them.

[From Patton - 08:24] Maybe I just thought you needed an extra kiss today. Promise you’ll call me or text me if it gets too much for you? Xxx

[To Patton - 08:25] I promise. I have to go.

[From Patton - 08:26] Okay. Try and have a good day. I love you. Xxx

[To Patton - 08:26] I appreciate you too. [Delete unsent message?] [Message deleted]

Logan got through the majority of his day with few problems, the only issue being that he was rather unfocused, trying to understand where he stood with Patton.

Then the real problem hit at lunch time.

Logan had just wanted to wash Crofters off his hands after lunch, but somehow, he found himself in Percy’s grip, held up against the bathroom wall.

“You think you can get me suspended and get away with it, four eyes?” Percy spat, curling his fingers into a fist.

“Percy, stop.” Logan froze, he and Percy turning to the voice.

“Didn’t think you were coming. You gotta wait your turn, Virgil.”

“He’s boring now, isn’t he? “ Virgil muttered, pulling his hood up. “Shouldn’t we find someone new?”

“Virge, Virge, Virge… You are never going to find someone like this little nerd.” Percy chuckled, petting Logan’s hair in a mocking manner.

“Why him, though?”

“You see, Virgil. I spent most of my life in an orphanage with this dickhead. This dickhead thought it was funny to steal my brother from me!”

“You and Remy are not brothers.” Logan muttered.

“We were as close as brothers, until you came along!” Percy spat. “One couple tried to adopt us both! But Remy said no! You know why? Because he didn’t want to leave your sorry ass!” Logan’s eyes widened in shock. He hadn’t known about that… Why wouldn’t Remy have told him? “I lost any chance of a Family when he said no!”

“They wouldn’t adopt you on your own?” Virgil asked.

“I wouldn’t let them, not without him!”

“Then it’s your own fault.” Logan rolled his eyes.

“Can’t we just leave him alone?” Virgil asked, his eyes wide as he realise Percy was reaching his breaking point, with Logan still in his hold.

“Ah, but you see, Virgil… Logan’s a good boy. He takes what’s coming to him because his own Pops beat the crap outta him and now he craves it. He’s used to it, you see?” Virgil turned to Logan, regret and sympathy etched in his features. “He won’t fight back, he won’t tell, he wouldn’t dare, because he wants me to beat him as much as I want to.”

“Actually, I do not want you to hurt me.” Logan spoke up. “I would like to return to my classes.”

“Come on, man, he’s had enough.” Virgil tried. Percy smirked, letting go of Logan and storming over to Virgil.

“Maybe we do need a new punch bag. You volunteering?” Percy sneered. Virgil took a step back. “I made you a somebody, Virgil. Without me, you’re just a fucking nobody, just like Logan. Do you know what I do to friends who betray me?”

“No…”

“I make sure they can feel how pissed off I am for weeks.” Percy raised his fist.

“I would not do that if I were you.” Logan interrupted. Percy chuckled, turning back to Logan.

“And why not, four eyes?”

“Because my cellular device has a video recording feature that I activated when Virgil spoke up.” Logan smirked, holding up his phone to show he was still filming. Percy’s face fell as he lowered his fist. Logan ended the recording. “This could cause a lot of problems for you if Mr Thomas found out that you were still beating up other students. I believe the phrase goes: ‘I have the dirt on you’.”

“You fucking-”

“Yes, boi.” Virgil chuckled.

“Leave us alone and I shall keep the video to myself. Touch us again, and I will ensure the video goes… Um… Viral?”

“Or just to Mr Thomas.” Virgil shrugged. “Either way, you’re fucked, Percy.”

To the surprise of them both, Percy grumbled something to himself before storming away, leaving both Logan and Virgil alone in the bathroom. Logan beamed at Virgil, who looked away. Logan’s smile fell.

“Did he hurt you?”

“No, nothing like that, just… I didn’t know all that stuff about your Dad.”

“Father.” Logan corrected.

“Yeah, whatever, just… I feel bad, okay? You went through shit and I know Patton and Emile did too and obviously Percy’s been through crap too but, like… You’ve been through way worse than me.” Virgil sighed, sitting on the bathroom floor and leaning against the sink.

“And… that’s a bad thing?” Logan asked, joining him.

“I just mean… You guys all have a reason to feel depressed.”

“Everyone feels depressed from time to time.”

“Yeah, no, Logan, I’m talking about all the time.” Virgil muttered. “I feel shit. All the time. For no reason.”

“You mustn’t compare your own feelings and events to others. Everyone is different. For example, the murder of an ant may not affect some people, but could cause deep feelings of guilt in others.” Logan tilted his head. “I understand both you and Roman lost your parents when you were young.”

“Yeah, but I never knew them, so why would it upset me? I was only 4.”

“So was I.” Logan whispered. “I remember little of my Mother, but losing a parent is a valid ‘reason’ to feel low, though I cannot imagine how it must have felt to lose them both… You have my condolences…”

“My parents are probably pissed with me after what I did with Percy.”

“But they would be proud that you finally changed your ways. I know I am.” Logan smiled fondly. Virgil spluttered.

“Sh-shut up…”

“Did Roman raise you by himself?”

“Ha! Hardly!” Virgil cried. “He was never fucking there! He always dropped me with whichever girl or boy he was sleeping with and fuck off for the night!”

“Oh… I-I’m sorry…”

“We should get to class. We’re going to get into trouble.” Virgil muttered. “See ya, nerd.”

“Bye, Virgil.” Logan whispered, not quite knowing what to do with himself once he watched Virgil leave. He held his phone up, considering calling Patton.

“Logan?”

“Remy?” Logan blinked, looking up.

“Hun, what’re you doing down there?” Remy asked, sitting down next to him with a Starbucks tea. “You Gucci?”

Logan whacked the tea out his hand.

“Why would you pass up an opportunity for a family for my sake?!” Logan cried. “Percy told me about how you refused to be adopted!”

“Woah, gurl, chill!” Remy chuckled nervously. “You really think I want a Princess like Percy for a brother? No fricking way! That, and… you needed someone, you know? And maybe I sorta, kinda… wanted someone too.”

“I still don’t understand why you put me above a family.”

“Bitch, you need to get your glasses checked because you ain’t seeing the obvious, babes.” Remy laughed, placing a hand on Logan's shoulder. “You are my family.”

“I… What…?”

“You owe me a tea. Later, Lo.” Remy picked himself up off the floor, leaving Logan to ponder about the warm feeling in his chest.

“Patton? I’m back. You weren’t in the shop so I assumed you were in here.” Logan called upon realising Patton wasn’t in the living room. 

“Hi, Logan! We’re in your bedroom, Kiddo!”

“We?” Logan asked in confusion, following the sound of Patton’s voice. He froze, however, when he saw Miriam with Patton. He knew it. He’d become too much trouble. Patton was sending him back. Patton had lied. Patton hated him. He was going back to the orphanage.

“Did you have a good day?” Patton asked. Logan nodded, knowing his voice would fail him. The thought of no longer living with Patton.. It didn’t bear thinking about. Perhaps he did love Patton like Remy said...

“Are you happy with your living arrangements, Logan?” Miriam asked. Logan nodded again. “And Patton is not neglecting any of your needs?” Logan shook his head. “Any complaints or anything to add?”

“Patton is… good.”

“Aww, thank you, Kiddo!” Patton beamed.

“Then my checks are complete. Your apartment seems suitable, and Logan doesn’t have any complaints, so I’ll leave. I’ll be back in a month.”

“Thank you.” Patton smiled, showing Miriam the way out. Once she was gone, Patton turned his attention to Logan. “Hey, you okay…? You froze up for a second.”

“I… forgot about the checks.” Logan confessed. “I believed for a moment that I was too much hassle and that you were returning me.”

“Return-? Logan, you’re a person, not a shirt that doesn’t fit. I’m not returning you anywhere. Not unless you want to go back.”

“I don’t want to go back.” Logan muttered. Patton smiled.

“That’s a good sign. It means you prefer it here, right? So I must be doing something right.”

“We are both new at this.” Logan told him. “But we’re getting the hang of it.”

“That we are!” Patton giggled. “Oh, I put your sheets and stuff back on your bed. Did you wanna catch up on your sleep?”

“Actually… I would rather do something with you.”

“W-with me?” Patton asked. “Sure, kiddo! What would you like to do?”

“Please can we watch Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland?”

“Sure! Let me dig out the DVD!”

Chapter Text

[To Patton - 08:25] I have arrived at school, albeit five minutes late.

[From Patton - 08:26] Thanks for letting me know, Kiddo! I’m sorry we woke up late this morning. Xx

[To Patton - 08:26] It was my own fault for falling asleep during the movie.

[From Patton - 08:27] Now, Logan, sleeping isn’t a ‘fault’. If you needed to sleep, you needed to sleep. I should have set an alarm. Xx

[To Patton - 08:28] There is no use arguing about it now.

[From Patton - 08:29] No, you’re right. Try and have a good day, Kiddo. Xx

[To Patton - 08:30] And you.

“So, Gurl,” Remy smirked as he plopped down in a chair next to Logan, his eyes fixed on his phone. “You heard from Percy today?”

“I have not.”

“Virgil told me what you did.” Remy smirked, looking up. “I got a newfound respect for you.”

“You… did not respect me before?”

“Sure I did, but, like, now I respect you 10 times more.”

“You are so dramatic.” Logan rolled his eyes. Remy laughed, leaning against Logan.

“Whatevs, Babes.”

“Why are you-?”

“I’m tired, and you’re comfy.”

“We are in Alebra class.”

“Doesn’t change the fact I’m tired.”

“Fine, but if you get a detention, I will not feel sorry for you.”

“You’d be lost without me, Gurl.”

“I know where I am, regardless of whether you are with me or not.”

“It’s an expression, Lo.” Remy laughed. “You’re adorable.”

“W-what?”

“The way stuff flies over your head. It’s adorable.”

“What flew over my head?” Logan asked, looking up. “Is there a bug?”

“Aww.” Remy chuckled, taking a sneaky selfie with Logan in the background.

[From Patton - 11:43] Hey, Lo! Sorry I know you’re in class. I just wanted to let you know your Mom’s Will money was transferred through today! Xx

[To Patton - 12:31] Thank you, Patton. You may take as much as you need.

[From Patton - 12:33] LOGAN NO! I am not taking money off you! Especially from your Mother! It. Is. Yours. No-one but you is going to take it! Do you understand? Xx

[To Patton - 12:35] Yes, Patton, I apologise.

[From Patton - 12:36] No, don’t be sorry! It’s okay! Ask me how much she left you. Xx

[To Patton - 12:37] Why?

[From Patton - 12:37] Just ask! Xx

[To Patton - 12:38] Alright. How much has she left?

[From Patton - 12:39] $35,000! Xx

[From Patton - 12:41] Kiddo? You okay?

[To Patton -12:43] Why is there so much?

[From Patton - 12:45] Because she left absolutely nothing for your Father. Logan, Honey… I think we should talk about this later, not over text, okay? Xx

[To Patton - 12:47] Alright. Thank you, Patton.

[To Patton - 12:48] I love you. [Delete unsent message?] [Message deleted]

[To Patton - 12:48] I am glad it was you who adopted me. [Delete unsent message?] [Message deleted]

[To Patton - 12:49] Xx [Delete unsent message?] [Message deleted]

[To Patton - 12:49] The offer still stands to take as much as you need.

[From Patton - 12:50] LOGAN STOP IT. I love you! Xx

[To Patton - 12:51] Apologies.

[From Patton - 12:52] You have nothing to be sorry for. Xx

“Psst. Mr Thomas is giving you weird looks.” Remy whispered, causing Logan to snap out of his train of thought to look up at his Principle, who was covering a lesson for an absent teacher. Mr Thomas quickly looked away.

“What?”

“You keep staring, are you Gucci?”

“I… do not know.” Logan confessed, turning to Remy. “My Mother left me a very large sum of money in her Will… But left nothing for my Father.”

“Oh, shit, you know what that means, right?” Remy leaned forwards. “It means he’s not your real Father!”

“You read far too much fanfiction.” Logan poked Remy in the head.

“Wouldn’t that be awesome though? To know your dickhead Father isn’t your Father at all! I mean, I wish my Father hadn’t been my Father.”

“I just… I am… scared.”

“You’re scared?” Remy’s expression softened. “Why…?”

“What if my Mother… I-I… Rem…?”

“Lo, I… Oh, fuck, Sir!” Remy threw his hand up, his heart racing as Logan’s breathing suddenly grew too heavy to be normal. Mr Thomas looked up, his expression turning to panic when he noticed Logan. He quickly left his desk and crossed the room, pulling Logan up.

“Logan, come with me…” Mr Thomas whispered. Logan grabbed at Remy’s arm, wordlessly begging for Remy to follow them. Remy did as he was told, leaving the class to wonder what the hell was going on. Once they were a god halfway down the corridor, Mr Thomas knelt in front of Logan. “Logan, breathe…” Mr Thomas whispered. “Do you want me to call Patton?”

Logan wanted desperately to nod, to say yes. He wanted Patton, Patton would make everything okay, like he always did, but he didn’t want to bother Patton during the 7 hours a day he got to himself.

“I got it.” Remy announced, reaching into Logan’s jean pocket and pulling out his phone. He quickly dialled Patton, thankfully on speed dial, and handed the phone over the Logan. Mr Thomas went back to the classroom, standing in the doorway to keep an eye on Logan as well as his class.

“Logan, Honey? Are you okay?”

Logan tried to speak, tried to do anything, but he couldn’t.

“Logan, talk to him.” Remy whispered uncharacteristically. Logan shook his head. Remy snatched the phone. “Mr Picani, it’s Remy. Logan’s panicking.”

“Oh, goodness… Remy, sweetie, can you do me a favour? Could you ask him to breathe in for 4, hold for 7 and breathe out for 8? Please?”

“Patton says to breathe in for 4, can you do that, babes?” Remy asked. Logan nodded, taking a shaky breath. “Okay, now hold it for 7, okay?” Logan nodded again, trying his best to hold it. “You’re doing so well, Sugar, now breath out for 8, yeah? Keep doing that for me, okay?”

“Remy, does Logan want me to come and get him?”

“Hun, do you want Patton to come get you?” Remy asked. Logan shook his head. “He said no.”

“Okay, tell him I’ll come pick him up when school finishes, okay?”

“He’s gonna pick you up after school, Lo, okay?” Remy whispered. Logan choked a sob, mumbling something about ‘waste of time’. Remy brushed Logan’s hair back. “Lo, babes, I know… But he cares about you, he wouldn’t do this if he didn’t want to, okay?”

“Can I talk to him?”

“Lo, he wants to talk to you. Is that okay?” Remy asked, not giving him a chance to answer before holding the phone out. Logan took a wobbly breath.

“Patton…?”

“Lo, honey, I’m so sorry… I shouldn’t have text you earlier and I knew that but I was just so excited for you- I’m sorry, Logan, are you okay?”

“I-I am better.”

“Logan, if you want me to come get you, I will. You don’t have to put anyone before yourself right now.”

“There is only… 90 minutes of school left.”

“If you think you can do it, then I won’t stop you, honey, but I can come and get you whenever you need. I’m gonna come pick you up after school though, okay? I don’t feel good letting you walk home after a panic attack.”

“Alright…”

“I’m so proud of you for calling me, Lo.”

“I-I didn’t, Remy did…”

“Then I’m grateful to Remy for calling me, and proud of you for not hanging up.”

Hanging up? That hadn’t even occurred to him. He could have hung up, avoided anything with Patton, but he hadn’t.

“I didn’t hang up.”

“I know, Lo, I’m so proud of you.”

“I love you.”

Well shit. There was no deleting that one…

“I love you too, Logan! Don’t ever doubt that, okay?”

“Alright.” Logan whispered. “I would like to go back to class now.”

“Okay, Honey. I love you. Thank you, Remy!”

“No probs, Mr Picani.” Remy beamed before hanging up. “You Gucci?”

“Yes, I apologise.”

“Don’t.” Remy held his hand up. “Come on, let’s go back.”

“Alright.”  Logan nodded, brushing off his shirt before heading back into the classroom, Remy following behind. Mr Thomas placed a hand on Remy’s shoulder.

“You did the right thing, Remy. Well done.” He smiled. Remy nodded. “Have you… thought anymore about… you know?”

“No offence, but I don’t think I could have Percy as a brother.”

“What if… you didn’t have to?” Mr Thomas whispered. “I already asked him to reconsider, but he was adamant that he didn’t want me, personally , to adopt him.”

“So… just me?” Remy asked. Mr Thomas nodded. “Can I think about it?”

“Of course. Let me know.”

“Okay.”

“Are you sure you don’t want to invite Remy back?” Patton asked for the second time since Logan had gotten in the car.

“He has other things to do tonight.” Logan muttered. “I apologise for earlier, I-”

“Logan, listen to me very carefully.” Patton sighed. “I am always going to prefer you calling me over you hiding your emotions, okay? I get that sometimes you’ll want to hide stuff, and I can’t stop you, but I will do my best to encourage you to talk to me, because… Let’s put it this way. If Remy was hurting, and he wouldn’t tell you but you could see it, how would you feel?”

“Scared. Concerned.”

“Because you’re very close to him. That’s how I would feel.”

“You would… Rather I call you and interrupt your day than manage on my own?”

“I would prefer you call me for support if you need it, rather than hurt yourself trying to cope alone. Do you see what I mean?”

“Yes…”

“I’m so sorry… I knew I shouldn’t have text you. I was just so excited and I knew as soon as I did it that I shouldn’t have. I’m really sorry, Logan.”

“You do not have anything to apologise for. It was my own overthinking that triggered the panic attack.”

“Oh, Logan…” Patton leaned over, pulling Logan into a side hug. “Lo, your Mother left a letter with her Will… They sent it to me with a cheque for the money… I don’t think it’s going to be good.”

“Can we go home?”

Home. He hadn’t even thought about it. He called it home.

“Home?” Apparently, Patton had noticed too, because tears welled in his eyes as he beamed down at Logan. “Of course we can go home, Lo!”

“Hey.” Emile smiled as Patton and Logan entered the store. “How’re you feeling, Lo? Sorry, I was in the room when you called Patton.”

“I am better, thank you.” Logan muttered. Patton disappeared to go and get some things from the apartment.

“Logan… If there’s ever anything bothering you that… You know, you don’t wanna tell Patton about, I’m always here.” Emile offered a small smile of reassurance.

“Wouldn’t you just tell Patton?”

“Not unless it was really bad, like life-threatening bad.”

“Okay. Thank you.”

“Logan?” Patton whispered, walking into the store with an envelope in his hand. “Shall we go upstairs?”

“Please…” Logan nodded. Patton smiled kindly, holding his hand out for Logan. Logan took it.

“Do you want to sit down…?” Patton indicated to the couch. Logan wordlessly sat down, Patton sitting beside him. “I… I opened this, I’m sorry.”

“It is alright.”

“I just wanted to protect you but I can’t from this.”

“I know.”

“It’s… not good, Logan… Are you going to be okay?”

“I will try to be.” Logan nodded, reaching out for the envelope. Patton reluctantly handed it over.

Logan stared down at the envelope, knowing he would likely have answers. Why hadn’t his Mother left his Father any money? Why had she written this letter? It was addressed to him, and to whoever found the Will, which had technically been Patton. He took a shaky breath and pulled the letter out the envelope.

The door flew open.

“Patton, my dearest!” Patton and Logan looked up to see Roman.

“Roman, honey-”

“My show was tremendous!” Roman beamed, flicking his hair back. “So much so, that I purchased tickets for you all!”

“Roman-”

“You’ll come, won't you?”

“Yes, but Ro-”

“Fantastic!”

“Roman!” Patton snapped, making Logan jump. “I understand your show was a success, and I’m very proud of you, but-”

“Let me stop you there, Pattoncake-”

“No! You will not stop me there! Logan and I are trying to have a serious talk, and you won’t let me get a word in!”

“Oh.” Roman blinked over at Logan, who was staring down at the letter in his trembling fingers.

To whom it may concern,

I, Alicia ‘Acai’ Berry, wish to leave all of my savings and any pension earnings to my Son, Logan ‘Hatta’ Berry.

I wish for Logan Berry to be removed from the custody of Mitchell Berry.

Mitchell Berry has been an unstable man ever since we became aware of my Cancer. We were told it was stage four Lung Cancer, likely caused by my Father’s smoking habits and not helped by Mitchell’s. Mitchell lashed out later that night, almost striking Logan, who was a toddler at the time.

Mitchell began to drink after that, believing he caused the Cancer. I spent most nights putting Logan to bed early in an attempt to keep him safe. It worked for a few months, until he began threatening me, telling me he’d hurt Logan if I didn’t go and get him more alcohol or cigarettes.

I tried to leave him once. I took my sleeping Son and I made it to the back door, but he caught me. I hid Logan in a pile of washing and he beat me that night and told me if I told anyone about anything he did, he’d kill Logan.

I beg you, whoever you are, don’t let Mitchell hurt my Son. Please get him out of there.

Signed Alicia Berry

-

Logan, my sweet child,

If you’re reading this, I’m so sorry. I tried my hardest to protect you but it wasn’t enough. I hope you find an exciting new chapter to make up for all the poor first chapters I’ve given you… Write your own story, and don’t let anyone else finish it for you.

As soon as you are safely out of Mitchell’s custody, my story will have it’s own happy ending.

I love you so much…

Love Mom.

“Logan…?” Patton whispered, trembling as Logan’s eyes welled with tears. Roman quickly slipped out the room. “Logan, honey?”

“I hate him…” Logan choked, his grip on the letter tightening. “I hate him!”

“Logan!” Patton rushed to Logan’s side, taking the letter from him and gathering him in his arms. Logan broke down as Patton pulled him up, sobs wracking Logan’s skinny frame as he clung to him. “Logan, honey, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

“I hate him, Patton!” Logan cried, burying his face in Patton’s shoulder.

“Me too, Kiddo…” Patton whispered, holding Logan close. “I hate how much he hurt you both and how he made you believe you aren’t lovable and how he made you feel worthless… He was so wrong, Logan. He didn’t deserve you. Hell, I don’t deserve you… We don’t deserve such a kind, smart, innocent, selfless little boy… He deserved to have you taken away from him…”

“Do I deserve you…?” Logan choked.

“You deserve more than I can give you, but I’ll do my best for you, Logan…”

“B-but I want you.” Logan pulled away, shuddering as he looked at Patton. “I don’t want more, I just want you.”

“Then yes, Logan, you deserve me!” It was Patton’s turn to burst into tears. Logan gently took Patton’s arms in his hands and wrapped them around himself. Patton got the message, tightening his hold on Logan as the two simply held each other through tears.

“Knock knock?”

“Who’s there?”

“Roman.”

“Roman who?”

“ Roman around out here is boring, can I come in?”

“Alright.”

Roman pushed the door open, slightly surprised to see Logan on the couch with the letter in his hands, Patton sleeping next to him.

“Hey, um… I’m really sorry, about earlier…”

“It is alright.” Logan whispered. “What is your play about?”

“I-I… what?”

“Your play. What is it about?”

“Um… It’s Les Miserables.”

“I do not enjoy theater.” Logan muttered. “However, the soundtrack is…”

“Flipping fantastic?”

“I was about to say two four six oh one-derful.” Roman burst into laughter. Logan smirked. “Blame Patton.”

“Combeferre enough.” Roman chuckled. Logan snorted.

“That one was Grantaire -ible.”

“You don’t Époneed to compete with me.” Roman was almost hysterical by this point. Logan adjusted his glasses.

“Please stop. I cannot Ja-bear it.”

“Victor-y to you, nano-nerd.” Roman bowed. “You a Fan-tine of the book then? Sorry, I’ll stop now, couldn’t help myself.”

“I adored the book.” Logan smiled. “I would be interesting, I suppose, to see how you portray your character. I assume you are playing Enjolras.”

“H-how did you know?” Roman asked.

“A main character: a leader, self-sacrificial for a greater cause, seems like a good character match for your personality.”

“You- you really think so?” Roman asked. Logan nodded. “That’s… cool.”

“Hm.”

“Are… you okay?” Roman asked, sitting on the arm of the couch. “You seemed pretty upset earlier.”

“I will be fine.”

“Anything I can help with?” Logan considered Roman for a minute, then looked at Patton.

“Just… Promise you’ll never hurt Patton.”

“Logan…” Roman shifted to sit next to him. “I know we don’t know each other very well… But I would never hurt Patton, I swear on my acting career, on Virgil’s life even! Patton means everything to me, and anything that means everything to Patton also means everything to me.”

“Do you always talk this much?”

“Only all the time.” Roman smirked, wrapping his arm around Logan’s shoulders. Logan sighed.

“I am a waste of a human being.”

“Wha- Logan!”

“My Father beat my Mother because she tried to protect me. He beat me once she was gone. I’m scared and confused and I don’t know if there’s an ‘I’ in family.”

“F. A. M. I. L. Y.”

“No, I- I know there is a literal ‘I’ in the word ‘family’, I meant that I do not know if I, myself, have a place in one.”

“Of course you do! Patton chose you , didn’t he?”

“I… Yes.”

“Then you belong with him, with us, in this family.” Roman sighed. “Family is what you make it, Logan. They say you can’t choose family, but you can. If your Father was no Father to you, then screw him! He’s not family! He’s an asshole! He left you behind!” Roman suddenly stood. “Ohana means family! And family means nobody gets left behind!”

“Ohana…?”

“Oh, god, please tell me you’ve seen Lilo And Stitch…”

“I have not. Virgil has yet to introduce me to that one.”

“Well, shucks, kid, let’s watch it now! I know Patton has it here somewhere.”

“Is Virgil your family?” Logan asked suddenly, causing Roman to freeze.

“Virgil is everything to me. I know he doesn’t consider me his family… but that’s something I’m not willing to talk about.”

“Oh, of course, I apologise…” Logan whispered. Roman forced a smile.

“Let me find the DVD…”

Chapter Text

“Logan, sweetheart, did you have enough to eat?”

“Yes, thank you, Patton.” Logan glanced up from his book. Patton was standing by the coffee table in front of the couch, frowning down at Logan’s plate, which had a half eaten pancake on it. “However, perhaps I could indulge in some Crofters?”

“Sure, kiddo!” Patton’s face lit up. “I’ll go get you some!”

“I can manage.”

“No, no, I don't want you to lose your page.” Patton beamed, taking the plate to the kitchen. He grabbed an open jar of Crofters from the cupboard, and a teaspoon, and took them over to Logan. Logan took them gratefully, watching as Patton returned to the kitchen.

The rest of the week had passed, thankfully, with no more incidents. However, Logan had started to notice that Patton was trying to force food into him at every opportunity. Logan knew he had yet to reach a healthy weight, but it was hard to eat so much when he was previously offered so little.

A knock at the door tore Logan from his thoughts.

“I got it!” Patton cried, running to answer the door. Logan felt slightly guilty for not moving while Patton rushed around. “Oh, hi, Remy!”

“Hey, Mr Picani. Is Logan here?”

“No.” Logan called, shoving a spoonful of Crofters in his mouth. Patton giggled.

“Come on in, Remy.”

“Thanks.” Remy beamed. “Hey, so, I got adopted and I’m going to a new school.”

“What?!” Logan’s head shot up as he nearly choked on his jelly, looking up at Remy. “Y-you… You’re leaving…?”

“Oh, fuck, now I feel bad…” Remy whispered. “No, Lo, I was kidding.”

“Sometimes I wonder why we’re friends.” Logan muttered, putting his jar down to wipe his eyes with his sleeves. Patton couldn’t help but smiled sadly as he went back to the kitchen. Logan would never confess how much his friend meant to him, but it was obvious that he cherished Remy.

“Oh, babes, I’m sorry!” Remy threw his arms around Logan, feeling guilty when Logan gripped him tight, as though he’d disappear if he didn’t hold him close enough. “I didn’t mean to make you cry. I wasn’t kidding about being adopted though.” Remy smiled, pulling away. “Mr Thomas asked me to reconsider. And I did.”

“Wait, Mr Thomas was the one who wanted to adopt you and Percy?”

“Yup.” Remy shifted so he sat next to Logan, resting his head on Logan’s shoulder. “And I said yes this time. Percy said no.”

“You lied.” Logan muttered. “You said you didn’t need a family.”

“So did you, once upon a time.” Remy smirked. “I was just proving you wrong.”

“Again, why are we friends?” Logan asked, resting his head atop Remy’s. “Congratulations on being adopted. Was that the reason you came over?”

“Um… Not really.” Remy sat up, a look of anxiety on his face that made Logan nervous. “I was gonna go visit my Pops… Do you wanna come?” Logan said nothing for a moment. “Please? Hun, I-I need to get some stuff off my chest… And there’s a chance to hear my backstory?”

“Give me a minute to get my coat.” Logan muttered, standing and heading to his room.

“Are you two going to be okay?” Patton asked. Remy shrugged.

“We're just going to the graveyard.”

“Oh. Maybe I could come? I-I’ll stay out your way.”

“Sure. Logan! Your Paranoid Pops is coming!”

“His name is Patton!” Logan called back. Remy shrugged.

“He’s this close to calling you Dad, I can feel it.” Remy pressed his fingers together. Patton giggled.

“He can call me whatever he likes.”

“I’m ready, shall we go?” Logan asked, appearing in the living room with a thick black coat. Patton smiled. Usually, Logan insisted he could tolerate the cold and Patton would force a coat on him, but today, Logan had done it himself.

He’d looked after himself.

“I’m so proud of you, Lo.” Patton pulled Logan into a side hug. Logan blushed.

“Patton, we should go now.”

“Yeah, yeah, sorry, I’ll grab my coat too.”

“Do you mind if I stand outside?” Patton asked as he pulled the parking brake up and switched off the engine. “I’ll stay out your way.”

“Patton, you can do whatever you like.” Logan told him. “You are the adult.”

“I know but… I didn’t wanna intrude on what you two were gonna do.”

“We’re just gonna mope.” Remy shrugged. “Probably lie on the floor and cry or something.”

“He’s being dramatic.” Logan scoffed, tugging Remy’s arm. “Hurry up.”

“Alright, alright, I’m coming.” Remy rolled his eyes, pulling Logan in the right direction. Patton’s smile fell as he glanced over at the opposite end of the graveyard.

“Remy,” Logan started, following Remy. “Do not say anything you are not comfortable saying.”

“I got a whole script planned, gurl.” Remy chuckled. “I just wish I had a Starbucks.”

“I’m certain Patton will take us on the way home. I can purchase the tea I owe you.”

“Logan, babes, I was kidding about that!” Remy snorted. “You’re my best friend, that’s worth more than a sacrificed tea. Ah, here we go.” Remy stopped in front of a gravestone: It was a simple grey headstone, not much special about it. “Sup, Dad. We meet again.”

Logan could tell from the tone of Remy’s voice that he was already struggling. Remy had never told anyone about what had happened for him to wind up in an orphanage. There were no reports, no anything. The only person who knew was Miriam. Remy took a deep breath.

“I got adopted, so… fuck you, I guess.” Remy started, looking down at the weeds growing over his Father’s grave and making no attempts to remove them. “8 years ago, I went to bed, like normal. A normal day, a normal night. I went to sleep, like every other kid…”

Logan wasn’t sure who Remy was talking to, but he listened, just in case.

“I woke up because I heard a bang. I thought someone had fallen over or dropped something… Until you came into my room with a gun in your hand.”

“Remy…”

“You were such a selfish bastard…” Remy whispered. “You were going to kill yourself that night, but you wanted to take us with you. I was fucking 8, Dad. I was a kid, a scared kid who ran to find his Mom, only to find her dead in her bed… Because you killed her. The bang I heard was you killing my Mom…”

Logan’s heart grew heavy in his chest as Remy choked back a sob. He reached over and took Remy’s hand in his, doing his best to silently support him.

“I called the police and hid. As soon as you heard the sirens, you gave up chasing me. You just fucking shot yourself right there in front of me.” Remy whimpered. “I just wanted to wake up and go to school, you know? But then I find myself dragged in this huge building full of kids and run by adults who don’t give a shit if we’re alive or not.”

“I made friends with an asshole called Percy. He was like you. That’s why I liked him at first. He reminded me of the good times we had together… Until he started pushing this nerd around.” Remy lifted Logan’s hand, as though his Father could see. “They bumped into each other, so Percy was gonna punch him. I stopped him and Logan’s been my best friend ever since.”

Logan found himself blushing slightly, his hand tightening around Remy’s as he tried to understand why his heart felt like it was going to burst out his chest. He found himself glancing up at Remy. He was rather handsome, Logan supposed, not that he’d taken any interest in Remy’s appearance before.

Why was he doing it now?

“Logan’s the best friend I ever had! And I nearly missed him because of you! Because you decided your 8 year old kid was going to die with you because you couldn’t fucking- I- I fucking hate you!” Remy cried, hot tears spilling down his face.

Logan had never seen Remy cry like that before, not properly, not in this undignified and devastated manner. He’d always laughed through tears, joked until he stopped crying. Not like this.

Logan slowly wrapped his arms around Remy, giving him time to push him off if he wanted, but Remy just grabbed at Logan’s shoulder, pulling him in and throwing his arms around Logan’s neck. Logan gasped as Remy buried his face in Logan’s shoulder, his body trembled as 8 years of pain and secrets spilled out his fragile form.

“You did very well, Remy.” Logan whispered, holding him close. “I am very… proud of you for talking about it.”

“You were my only reason for living for a long time, Lo.” Remy sniffed. “I have more reasons now, and I don’t hate life so much anymore, but you… You made everything easier… You were my family when I didn’t have one a-and you kept me alive.”

“Remy…”

“I love you.” Remy sniffed, tightening his hold on Logan.

“I… appreciate you too…” Logan whispered. Remy tensed, pulling away. Logan wondered if he’d done something wrong.

“Did you wanna see your Mom?” Remy asked. Logan glanced over in the direction of his Mother’s grave, only to find Patton already standing there, crouched in front of the gravestone. Logan took off running, startling Remy for a moment before he thought to run after him. Logan froze, however, when he got close enough to hear what Patton was saying.

“I’m so sorry we didn’t find it sooner… But I promise I’ll look after Logan for you…” Patton wiped his face with his hand. Was he crying? Why would he be crying? “He’s so scared of love and affection and… he’s so good at hiding his emotions and I’m so scared that one day I’m going to miss something important… I know I haven’t adopted him for long, but after those four years together… I-I couldn’t bear to lose him.”

“You’re not going to lose me.” Logan whispered, making Patton jump.

“Goodness, Kiddo, warm me if you’re gonna sneak up on me!” Patton laughed, wiping his eyes once more. “I-I talked to Daisy a-and I was just waiting for you and I stumbled across this grave a-and I just… wanted to talk to her, I’m sorry, I should have asked first…”

Logan smiled sadly, joining Patton on the ground before leaning into him. Patton automatically wrapped an arm around his shoulders, looking up at Remy and indicating for him to join them. Remy sat next to Logan, but made no attempt to get closer.

“She would have liked you both.” Logan muttered. “From what I remember, she found positivity in everything and likes jokes and puns, hence my name.”

“Logan?”

“Logan ‘Hatta’ Berry.” Logan smiled fondly. “Loganberries were her favourite berries. Hatta is a character from ‘Through The Looking Glass’.”

“She did read it! Aw, Logan!” Patton beamed. “Remy, honey, are you okay?”

“I’m Gucci.”

“No he is not, do not listen to him.” Logan scoffed, reaching over and pulling Remy onto him. Remy relaxed into him, allowing Logan to wrap his arms around him.

“I like this affectionate side of you, Lo.” Remy joked. “You’re snuggly.”

“Aww.” Patton giggled.

“Patton, please could we go to Starbucks on the way home?” Logan asked.

“Sure, kiddo.”

“Here we go.” Patton beamed, putting a tray down in front of the boys. “Lo, honey, are you sure you just want a smoothie? I can get some food if you’re hungry.”

“Thank you Patton, but a smoothie is fine.” Logan assured him, taking the drink from the tray as Remy sipped at his tea.

“Thanks for being there today, babes.” Remy whispered. “I… I couldn’t trust anyone else with… that…”

“I am always here for you.” Logan replied with a small smile. Remy smiled back.

Chapter Text

The rest of the weekend passed by pleasantly.

Sunday had been the day of Roman’s performance, and Logan may have changed his viewpoint on theater. The music, the portrayal of each character, the way they all spoke with such raw emotion… And Roman…

Roman’s acting was flawless, and Logan could now understand why he prided himself so much in regards to his acting. Roman expressed Enjolras’ pain as if it were his own, as if he were the character he was playing. Logan had almost believed he was really watching the French Revolution.

That night, he started re-reading Les Miserables.

Patton tapped his fingers against the desk nervously, glancing up at the clock once more.

“Emile, are you sure that clock is right?”

“Last time I checked, it was. Get it? Last time ?” Emile chuckled at his own joke. “Why, what’s up?”

“Logan isn’t home. A-and he hasn’t text me.”

“What?” Emile glanced up at the clock. “But he’s always back by- Have you tried calling him?”

“Yeah but he’s not answering.” Patton whispered. “I-it’s only 20 minutes though… Maybe I’m just too overprotective.”

“I don’t know, Pat… He’s always here by now. The only time he was late was when-”

“When he was being bullied.” Patton gasped. “What if-“

“No! Nope, we don’t do ‘what ifs’ in this house.” Emile stopped him. “Why don’t you call Remy? If anyone knows where he is, it’ll be him.”

“Yeah. Yeah, that’s a good idea.” Patton whispered, suddenly grateful Remy had given him his number after Logan’s panic attack at school, just in case. He called Remy’s contact and held the phone to his ear.

“Sup, Mr Picani. Is Lo-Lo okay?”

Patton paled.

“He… isn’t with you?”

“No? What’s going on?”

“Logan didn’t come home.”

“But he’s always back at the same time, he always follows a routine.”

“Do you know where he could be?”

“Um… Maybe school? I’m gonna head back and check. I’ll let you know if I find him.”

“I think I’ll head down there too… Thank you, Remy.”

“No problem.”

“I’m going down to the school, I-I got a really bad feeling, Em.” Patton sighed as he pocketed his phone and rubbed his hands over his face.

“Okay…” Emile whispered. “I-I’m sure it’ll be okay.”

“I hope so.”

“Mr Picani.” The receptionist smiled as Patton approached the desk with a shy smile. “What can I do for you?”

“Hi. I-I’ve been trying to get hold of Logan… He should have been home a while ago and I can’t get hold of him on his phone, and his friend doesn’t know where he is either.”

“Oh. I didn’t see him walk out actually… Let me go and get Mr Thomas for you.”

“Thank you.” Patton looked around nervously. There were hardly any students around, and if Logan had intended to stay after school, he’d have text Patton first.

“Patton?”

“Hi.” Patton turned to Mr Thomas, who smiled nervously.

“Logan didn’t get home?”

“No, I tried calling him but he won’t pick up. Remy doesn’t know where he is either. He’s always home by now…” Patton whispered, fiddling with his hands nervously.

“Why don’t we check his locker?” Mr Thomas suggested. “If his bag is gone, it’s likely he left. If it’s still there, we know he’s likely in the building. It give us an idea of where to look.”

“I… Yeah, that’s a good idea…” Patton nodded before following Mr Thomas in the direction of Logan’s locker. “This has never happened before, what if something bad happened-?”

“Mr Picani, take some deep breaths. Logan is smart, it’s unlikely he got caught up in anything like that. He could just be taking advantage of the library.”

“I hope so…” Patton couldn’t shake the feeling of dread in his chest. Logan had a strict time table that he followed to the dot. He was always at the shop at the same time every day, and had been for the past 4 years. What if something awful had happened to him? Patton would never forgive himself.

“Here.” Thomas tore Patton from his thoughts, indicating to a tall locker with a poster of Albert Einstein stuck to it, as opposed to graffiti and stickers that the other students opted for.

“The lock’s open.” Patton whispered, reaching out and sliding the padlock out of the latch. “Why is it…?” As he pulled it out, the locker door flew open. Patton barely had time to register what was happening as he caught a barely conscious Logan in his arms.

“Logan!” Patton gently lowered him to the floor, running his hand through Logan’s hair.

“Oh my god…” Mr Thomas knelt down.

“Logan…?” Patton whimpered as he pulled Logan close, the boy muttering tiredly. “Logan, sweetheart, what happened…?”

“Father…?” Logan blinked up at Patton in fear, and at this new angle, Patton could clearly see the tear tracks staining Logan's face. That’s why he was so drowsy. He was exhausted from crying. Being in a small, dark space…

He’d had a PTSD flashback.

“Please, don’t…”

“No, no, it’s Patton… y-you’re not with him anymore, I promise… I-it’s just me, just Patton…”

“Papa…” Logan curled into Patton at the new information, gripping at Patton’s shirt desperately as he tried to bury himself away from the world. Patton’s heart broke at the sight. Logan was never this fragile, not willingly.

“That’s it… I-it’s Papa… Oh, god, Logan…” Patton choked, pulling Logan as close as he could manage. “Oh, honey, you must’ve been so scared, I’m so sorry, sweetheart…”

“Logan!” Patton glanced up in time to see Remy run down the corridor, skidding to a halt and falling to his knees in front of Logan. He held his hands out, as though debating whether or not to touch him, as Logan tiredly blinked up at him. “I’m gonna kill them, Lo, I-I…”

“Remy…” Logan reached for his friend weakly. Remy looked up at Patton, who nodded, before reaching forward and pulling Logan into his arms. Logan nuzzled closer, burying his head under Remy’s neck. “Tired…”

“Go to sleep, Lo, I’ll protect you…” Remy whispered, pressing a soft kiss top Logan’s head. Patton whimpered as Logan closed his eyes, allowing himself to relax against his best friend.

“I-I- He’s not coming in tomorrow, I can’t-“

“I wouldn’t ask you to.” Mr Thomas assured him. “Take him home, take all the time you need. We’ll find out who did this-”

“Percy.” Remy scowled, pulling Logan closer. “It had to be him. He’s pissed because Logan’s got a video of him threatening to beat him and Virgil up. Logan said he’d share it if Percy came near him or Virgil again.”

“Wh-where’s his phone?” Patton whispered, looking around.

“Hold on.” Remy pulled his own phone out his pocket, his brows furling in confusion. He fiddled with the lock screen for a moment, the his eyes widened. “Fuck…”

“What is it?”

“A video…” Remy whispered, tapping the video to view it.

It was blurry, but one figure was clear enough to be identified as Logan. Three blurry figures laughed as a larger figure grabbed Logan by the hair and pinned him to his locker.

“How’s Remy gonna feel when we tell him you took this for him?”

“Whatever it takes to keep him safe.”

“Fucking fag.”

The larger figure slammed Logan back into the locker, earning a whimper of pain of fear, no-one could tell, before shoving him back to the three blurry figures. The larger figure chuckled as he pulled open Logan’s locker.

“I wonder how long it’ll take for anyone to even notice you’re in there.”

“N-no…!”

“Shove him in.”

“No! No, please, don’t!”

The video ended abruptly, leaving the three of them in shock.

“Who… who sent that?” Mr Thomas whispered.

“It’s from Logan’s phone.” Remy whispered as he dialled Logan’s number. The three of them jumped when one of the nearby bins started ringing. Patton stood and went to find the source of the ringing.

“I’m calling the police. I-I’m so sorry, Mr Picani. If I’d had any idea this was still going on, I’d have let you know.” Mr Thomas whispered as Patton pulled Logan’s phone out the bin and declined Remy’s call. Patton nodded. “Remy, forward those videos to my email address if you can.I promise I’ll find who did this, all four of them, and ensure they never set foot in this school again.”

“Thank you…” Patton choked, turning to look at Logan. The boy looked so small, curled up in Remy’s arms. Remy’s eyes were closed under his shades, holding Logan close as he whispered to him. “Remy, honey… Why don’t you come home with us?”

Remy didn’t speak, he just pulled Logan up, bridal style, and waited for Patton to move.

No-one spoke until they reached Patton’s apartment. Remy wordlessly carried Logan to his room and lay him down on his bed. Patton watched as Remy pressed a gentle kiss to Logan’s forehead.

“I’m so glad he has a friend like you…” Patton whispered. Remy shook his head.

“This happened because of me.”

“Remy…”

“You heard that video. He was hurt because they threatened to hurt me.”

“Logan took that upon himself because that is who he is.” Patton told him as he and Remy left the room. “As much as I hate it, Logan is used to being hurt, and he doesn’t know how to cope without that constant. But I don’t doubt for a minute that you wouldn’t do the same for him, so you’re not allowed to blame yourself, alright?”

“Where were you four years ago?” Remy forced a laugh. “He needed you.”

“I was there.” Patton reminded him with a reassuring smile, sitting on the couch and indicting for Remy to join him. “I didn’t know he was an orphan.”

“When we shared a room, he used to have the worst nightmares…” Remy whispered, sitting beside Patton. “He woke up screaming and the sheets would be wet, and I’d clean him up and move him to my bed and I’d hold him until he fell asleep again. I’d lie there and think about all the ways I could kill his Father until I fell asleep too. It drove Miriam mad, Logan sleeping in my bed, but screw her.”

“Remy…”

“I love him… And it hurts that he doesn’t feel the same, but if he’s happy, I’ll be happy for him, you know?”

“Remy, he adores you!” Patton cried. “I know you can’t see it because the ways he shows his love is so… It’s so subtle, and if you blink you’ll miss it, and other times it’s so… so… Reckless? But he loves you. I know he does. I’ve seen it.”

“He loves you too, you know?” Remy muttered, looking down. Patton nodded.

“I know. Listen… I’m gonna go tell Emile what happened. You can help yourself to food or whatever you need.”

“Thanks.”

“I’ll be back in a bit.” Patton forced a smile before leaving the apartment. Remy sighed and sank back into the couch.

“You think I don’t love you?”

“Shit, Logan!” Remy gasped, turning to face said nerd, who was leaning heavily against the wall and looking about 5 years younger than he was. “Babes, you should be in bed.”

“Do- do I not show you enough affection…?”

“Okay, you, gurl, are exhausted. You’re like a drunk when you’re tired, you know?” Remy smiled fondly before standing and approaching Logan, who flinched back. Remy held his hands up. “Babes, I’m not gonna hurt you.”

“Percy said he’d- he was going to hurt you.”

“You should’ve let him, Lo. You’re worth more than I am. You got a family who love you. I’ve not even finished the adoption process yet.”

“But… but… You’re worth everything to me.” Logan blinked, a devastated look on his face. “I’m your family that love you…” Remy smiled.

“Come on. Bed.”

“Come with me?” Logan whispered, almost shyly.

“Yeah, sure, babes…”

When Patton came back, he wasn’t surprised to find Logan and Remy in Logan’s room, the two curled around each other as though they could protect each other from the world in their sleep. Patton felt his heart crack in his chest.

The world was horrible to allow any children to go through so much pain… but he was grateful that they’d found each other at least.

Chapter Text

The next day, Remy went to school, leaving Logan and Patton to talk about the events of the day before. Logan confessed to Patton that Percy had approached him, threatening to beat Remy up if he didn’t delete the video. Logan had pretended to delete it, but Percy decided that wasn’t enough and shoved him in his locker.

Once Patton had called Mr Thomas and explained what Logan had told him, he and Logan had spent the day in the book store, where Logan buried himself in The Murder Of Roger Ackroyd. However, he struggled to read it, unable to stop thinking about Remy’s past and how close he’d come to never meeting his only friend.

He read Les Miserables instead after that.

“Logan!” Logan jumped as Virgil burst into the store, a grin on his face. “Roman was gonna take me to see Incredibles 2 but he’s cancelled, again, so there’s a spare ticket if you wanna come instead?”

“Oh, Lo, that’s a great idea!” Patton beamed. “It’ll be a great distraction after yesterday.”

“I’d love to have someone to talk to about it too.” Emile spoke up from the back of the store. Logan sighed.

“Alright. Let me get my coat.”

“Awesome. I just gotta make a stop first, okay?”

“Alright.”

“Why are we here?” Logan asked, looking up at the theater Roman performed in. It was a grand and beautiful building, Logan couldn’t deny that, but he couldn’t fathom why they were there.

“I gotta chew Roman out.”

“Virgil, I understand you are upset, but he likely had a good reason to cancel.” Logan tried to reason as they entered the building and headed backstage.

“Bullshit. He’s always put everything else before me, and this time, I’m gonna show him how badly he fucked up.”

“No, Virgil!”

“Roman!” Roman froze as Virgil stormed over to him, leaving Logan to wait by the exit. Virgil rarely came to visit him at work. He was surprised the crew remembered who he was to eat him get backstage.

“Virgil? I-I’m about to go on stage, can this wait? Are you okay?”

“Um, no?” Virgil scowled. “You promised me we’d go see a movie tonight! Together!”

“I know but one of the actors is sick, I was asked to step in. I sent you a text-”

“And you couldn’t say no?” Virgil snapped. “You couldn’t put me first for once? Does the spotlight really that much more to you?”

“Virgil-“

“No, fuck you, Ro.” Virgil spat before turning to leave, marching over to where Logan stood waiting for him. “I’m taking Logan. At least he gives a flying fuck about me!”

“Virgil, wait!” Roman cried, but Virgil just pulled Logan away. Roman sighed, pushing back the lump in his throat before heading onstage.

“I still think you were harsh on Roman…” Logan sighed as he and Virgil sat down in the cinema. Virgil scoffed, pulling out his phone.

“I’m not finished yet. He’s gonna regret ignoring me.” Virgil snapped.

“Um, Virgil, you are not supposed to have your phone out in here…”

“Shush, nerd.” Virgil ignored Logan’s protests, scrolling through his photos on his phone until he found what he was looking for and showed Logan with a smirk. Logan gasped.

“You cannot post that!”

“Shh!” A man in front hissed at Logan, making him wince. Logan muttered an apology.

“Why not?” Virgil growled, already selecting the photo and writing a caption. “If he gave a shit about me in the first place, this wouldn’t have happened.”

“Virgil-“

“No. He is going to pay this time.” He looked over the post one last time before posting it. “Fuck you, Roman.”

Roman beamed as he dashed off-stage, more than satisfied with his performance, considering he’d only had half-an-hour to rehearse his lines. He was lucky he was such a huge musical fan, or else he probably couldn’t have learned the lines of Prince Charming from Into The Woods.

“Roman!”

“Wasn’t that just magnificent?” Roman laughed as the show producer approached him.

“I want you out of my theater in thirty minutes before I have security escort you out!”

“Wh-what…?” Roman’s smile fell.

“I cannot believe I let scum like you into my theater! My reputation is ruined! It’ll take years to fix this!”

“I don’t- What happened?”

“What happened? I’ll show you what happened!” The producer whipped his phone out, showing it to Roman. Roman’s heart fell.

“Th-that was in the past-”

“I hired a stripper to be an actor!” The producer cried, earning the attention of the other actors backstage, who immediately began to gossip. Roman shrank in embarrassment.

“H-how did that image even-”

“It’s gone viral! My name is scum! Just like you!” The producer cried. “I never want to see you again, and I promise, as long as I live, you will never act in this theater again, or any other theater!”

“B-but-”

“Get! Out!”

Roman looked around, watching as the other actors scrolled through their phones, giggling and glancing up at him. Roman turned and left the theater, his heart growing heavy as he fought back tears.

“Did you two have a good time?” Patton asked, handing Logan a jar of Crofters, and Virgil a can of Gatorade.

“It was awesome!” Virgil chuckled. Logan guessed he wasn’t referring to the movie. He kept fiddling with his phone, like he had been since they’d left the theater. He hadn’t put it down in the coffee shop they’d stopped at on the way home either.

“I think-” A rapid knock at the door cut Logan off.

“Sorry, Lo.” Patton smiled apologetically as he went to answer the door. He yelped as he suddenly had an armful of sobbing Roman. “Roman?!” Patton gasped, pulling Roman in. Logan and Virgil glanced at each other. Virgil suddenly didn’t look so proud of himself. “Roman, what happened?”

“I-I lost my job…” Roman whimpered, burying his face in Patton’s shoulder. “Th-the producer said he’d never hire me again, a-and would make sure no-one else ever did, and said m-my days as an actor are over…”

“Roman…” Patton whispered, rubbing his boyfriend's back. “Why? What happened?”

“D-do you remember how we met…?”

“Yeah?”

“S-someone posted a photo online… It went viral…”

“I don’t… You mean…” Patton suddenly gasped. “Oh, no, Roman…”

“I-I knew I was risking everything but I had to Pat- I-I don’t know- I… Patton-”

“No, Roman, shush, it’s okay, it’ll be alright… Oh, honey, come on, let’s get you to the bedroom…”

Logan and Virgil watched as Patton led Roman out the room. Logan turned to Virgil.

“Well, I hope you're happy with your result.”

“H-he shouldn’t have ignored me.”

“He was going on stage and you were throwing a tantrum. Of course he ignored you. It was his job over you. A job he loved and relied on to support you both.”

“He always chose his job over me!” Virgil cried. “He never once put me first!”

“My Father never put me first, but at least I’m not a brat about it!” Logan cried. Virgil blinked as Logan sighed. “I’m sorry… I don’t know what that was…”

“No, you’re right… He’s always done what he needed to do for me…” Virgil sighed. “Fuck, he lost his job, Lo.”

“I suggest you try and make things right.”

“Yeah…”

By the time Virgil had found the courage to talk to Roman, Roman had fallen asleep, his head on Patton’s lap as Patton sat on the bed, stroking Roman’s hair. Virgil cleared his throat, causing Patton to jump.

“Oh, hey, Kiddo…”

“Is he okay…?” Virgil asked. Patton sighed.

“He’s worked so hard to get to where he is- was… He’s devastated, Virgil…”

“D-did he figure out who posted it…?”

“Yeah…” Patton whispered. “It linked back to… to Logan’s facebook.”

“I- W-wait, what?”

“I didn’t even know he had a facebook account…The photo of Roman is the only thing on it…” Patton whispered, brushing his hand over Roman’s tear-stained cheek. “I don’t… understand why…”

“Fuck…” Virgil looked down at his own phone. “Fuck, I-I gotta talk to Logan.”

“No. I will talk to Logan.” Patton whispered. “Virgil, I think I should drive you both back home.”

“But-” Virgil froze, looking down at Roman. “Yeah… yeah, okay…”

“Go get your coat… I’ll wake him up.”

The drive to Roman’s apartment had been painful for Virgil. The silence was deafening, and every time he opened his mouth to confess it was him and not Logan who posted the image, he remembered how broken his brother had looked and backed out.

Patton dropped them both off, hugging Roman a final time and promising they’d find him another job, that this wasn’t the end of the world, but Roman didn’t seem convinced. He just forced a smile and rubbed Virgil’s shoulder before heading inside.

Logan, however, sat on the couch, awaiting Patton’s arrival fearfully. He wondered if Patton would send him back to the orphanage. The door opened and Logan tensed, sitting up straight as though it’d help him somehow. Patton sighed, closing the door and sitting next to Logan.

“I saw what you posted.” Patton whispered. Logan nodded, his throat sore from futilely trying to push down the lump that had settled there as he tried to push back tears. “I don’t understand, Logan…”

“I…” Logan bit his lip. ”I’m sorry…”

“You should be…” Patton whispered, pulling Logan close. “Why would you lie about such a thing?”

“I- What…?” Logan blinked, looking up. Patton smiled sadly.

“I know it wasn’t you who posted it, Logan. I know you. I’m not stupid.”

“I never said you were-”

“How did you… Whatever you did… How?”

“I… take a computing class at school. I cut the code from Virgil’s account to redirect any shared posts to my fake account so Roman would not find out it was Virgil. I originally wanted to delete the post, but by the time I got to it, it had already gone very public…”

“But why, Logan?”

“Because… Virgil has an unstable relationship with Roman in which he wants nothing more  than to fix it… I did not want him to lose that… and if that meant losing the Family I have… Then…” Logan’s eyes burned with tears. “I-I would have… I would be happy that Virgil still had his relationship with Roman… Even if I’d lost mine with you.”

“Logan, honey…” Patton choked, hugging Logan tight. “Even if you had been the one to post it, I wouldn’t have sent you back o-or whatever you believe I would have done. I would have been upset, yes, but I would still love you. Don’t you understand? Family isn’t temporary… Family is forever. Roman would still love Virgil if you hadn’t taken the blame.”

“My family was temporary.” Logan whispered. “As was Remy’s… We thought we were safe, but we weren’t…”

“I know, honey, I’m sorry… I know it’s hard… It’s so hard to trust people after what you’ve been through, I know it is, but I’m not… I’m not going to toss you aside when you make a mistake, okay…? And Roman isn’t going to do that to Virgil…”

“I tried to stop him-“

“Shh, Logan…” Patton whispered, pulling Logan to his chest. “It’s okay… Try not to think about it. What’s done is done. It’s up to Roman and Virgil now. But Logan… delete that account, okay?”

“Alright…”

Chapter Text

“God, Patton, they all hate me…” Roman whispered, scrolling through the bitter comments on his Facebook page. Virgil sat awkwardly on the couch opposite them next to Logan, who was busying himself with a news article about Roman’s exposure. Patton sighed, pulling Roman’s phone from his hand.

“Roman, love, it’s been 4 days now, you can’t keep hurting yourself like this.” Patton rest his head on Roman’s shoulder. “Have you had any luck with those job applications?”

“No. They won’t even interview me.” Roman sighed, taking Patton’s hand in his. “I… was thinking about accepting that offer from the news people…”

“You want to draw more attention to yourself?” Emile asked from the kitchen.

“She doubled her offer… It’d be enough to pay the rent for 2 months…” Roman sighed. Virgil sank down guiltily. “It’s the only thing I’m gonna get for a while. It gives me more time, if anything. And… I can talk about it, I guess.”

“Roman, don’t force yourself-”

“I know, but why am I acting like what I did was a bad thing?” Roman asked, sitting up. “I did what I had to, right? What’s so bad about that? Why am I letting people tell me I’m disgusting when I was doing the only thing I could do to- I want to do this, Patton. I need to do this.”

“If that’s how you feel, then I fully support you!” Patton beamed.

“As do I.” Logan spoke up.

“Sometimes you gotta just keep swimming.” Emile chuckled. “You got this.”

“Thanks, everyone.” Roman smiled shyly.

“Almost everyone.” Logan muttered, looking at Virgil. Virgil rolled his eyes.

“I don’t care.”

“Virgil… would you… Would you come with me?”

“No way.” Virgil crossed his arms, glaring at Roman. “I don’t want anything to do with this.”

“Okay.” Roman forced a smile before turning to Patton. “I’m gonna go call her, I’ll be back.”

“I love you.” Patton whispered, pecking Roman's cheek. Roman blushed before leaving the apartment. Logan turned to Virgil.

“First you lash out because he doesn't spend time with you, but the moment he actually wants you to go with him, you lash out anyway. What is wrong with you?”

“Logan!” Patton hissed, but Logan ignored him.

“You need to fix this!” Logan snapped. “And you can start by going with him. He clearly wants you there or else he’d have asked Patton instead.”

“But-”

“No. You are going with him and you are going to fix the mess you caused.” Logan told him.

“...Would you come with me, then…?”

Logan sighed, his expression softening.

“Alright.”

He was interviewed the next day.

It was weird, Roman thought, to finally have an interview on live TV, not because he was a successful actor, but the opposite. He was a fallen actor, and the media were rolling around in the pieces he was trying to pick up. If he didn’t have rent to pay, he’d probably have kept those pieces to himself.

“Mr Roman Sanders?”

“Hi, yes, that’s me.” Roman smiled as a woman approached him.

“Hi, I’ll be conducting your interview with you. Who are these little people?” She asked, smiling at Logan and Virgil.

“Logan and Virgil are here for… support.” Roman blushed slightly. The woman nodded.

“I understand. Thank you for agreeing to do this.”

“Are the media usually this enthusiastic about people’s downfalls?” Roman asked. The woman nodded.

“All the time. They’re our best selling stories.”

“Hm…”

“We’re on in five, are you ready?”

“As I’ll ever be.”

Virgil and Logan stood behind the camera crew as Roman and the Woman introduced themselves on set,the two sitting on armchairs opposite each other. Roman did his best to look like the world wasn’t falling down around him. He almost had Logan convinced. Logan sighed. What a waste of talent…

The image that had been posted online appeared on a large screen behind Roman and the woman. Roman shrank down in embarrassment.

The image was one that had sneakily been taken without his permission by someone who had requested him privately. He had no idea how anyone else had gotten hold of it, but it didn’t change the fact it was here, for the world to see; an image of him wearing very little.

“Mr Sanders, is it true you were a stripper?”

“I prefer the term exotic dancer… but yes, I was before I became an actor, but not because I wanted to be! I-I had to. My Mom and Dad died when I was 20 before they could write a Will. My little brother was 4. He was born premature… We almost lost him twice. I-I love him more than I love acting… So… I gave up my drama studies in an attempt to support us.”

Virgil gasped, his eyes fixed on his brother on the set. Logan wished he hadn’t felt so smug in that moment.

“I tried to get a job, but no-one would hire a 20 year old with ‘Uni drop out’ to his name, so I started lowering my expectations… I applied for strip clubs, pole dancing, I-I considered prostitution, whatever it took. I got lucky. One of the strip clubs asked for me to do a week trial. They said I’d have to lose weight, but they liked what I offered. So… I’d leave Virgil with any colleagues who had the night off, and spend the night trying to keep us alive.”

“Did Roman raise you by himself?”

“Ha! Hardly! He was never fucking there! He always dropped me with whichever girl or boy he was sleeping with and fuck off for the night!”

“Fuck…” Virgil choked, his eyes burning. Roman was never there for him because he was too busy keeping him alive… And here he was, throwing his brother’s past back in his face. Logan placed a hand on Virgil’s shoulder.

“How did you manage that? Looking after a child in the day, working at night?”

“I just…” Roman swallowed nervously. “I did what I felt I had to do to look after my brother… If I was lucky, a customer would ask me for a private session, and I’d get to sleep for a while before going home. My…” Roman chuckled. “My boyfriend and I met while I was in that line of work.”

“Oh, you have a boyfriend?”

“Yeah, we met outside the strip club. I was… having a really bad night and he saw me. I explained everything in the midst of a mental breakdown, so he paid for a private session with me just so I could sleep. He did that every week until I found better work. He actually convinced me to audition of plays.”

“But it looks like your acting career is over.”

“Yeah… But it was a good run. My family is more important.” Roman gave a small smile, forced but somewhat genuine. Virgil broke.

“Roman…” Virgil burst into tears, ignoring Logan’s cry as he ran onto the set and threw himself at Roman, hugging him tight. Roman looked down at Virgil in shock.

“Virgil?! What’re you-?”

“It was me, Roman! I posted that photo!” Virgil cried, trembling as Roman wrapped his arms around him. Virgil pushed him off. “I was mad at you and I was stupid and I didn’t know! I ruined everything and you did all of that for us and for me and I’m so sorry!”

“No, Virgil-!”

“You shouldn’t have bothered keeping me alive, I just ruin everything-!”

“Virgil, stop!” Roman grabbed Virgil by the arms, looking him in the eyes. In that moment, Virgil realised, there were cameras all around them, and Roman was paying attention to none of them, just him. “Don’t you dare think that! Virgil, you’re my brother. You were always going to be my first choice, no matter the second option. You are worth far more than I can offer.”

“But-”

“You made a mistake, and so what if it ruined my career? I knew that risk when I chose you over acting, and that decision is not one I have regretted. You’ll always come first, Virge… ”

“I love you, Roman…” Virgil whimpered, burying his face in Roman’s shirt. Roman blinked back tears as he held Virgil tighter. The woman smiled at the scene in front of her.

“Virgil, was it?” She asked. Virgil looked up, pulling away.

“Yeah?”

“Would you mind if we interviewed you too?”

“Sure, but I don’t come cheap.” Virgil wiped his face and crossed his arms. The woman laughed, as did most of the camera crew.

“I’ll make it worth your while.”

“Alright.”

The woman called for someone to bring another chair through for Virgil, who sat down and tried to look s menacing as possible, but it was difficult when he looked like an edgy Emo try-hard.

“So, Virgil… You say you posted this photo online?”

“Yeah… I got of a mate at school whose Mom took it… He’s not my mate anymore, but it was quality blackmail material… I wasn’t kind to Roman. I didn’t know he’d gone through all that for me… I was mad that he wasn’t spending time with me, but he was just following his dream after putting me first for so long… I wish I hadn’t done it now. He deserves better.”

“Virgil, don’t you dare…” Roman whispered.

“The truth is, I’m a self-entitled little… you know, and I just wanted to spend time with my brother, but he’s always so busy with work and going to the gym and I got annoyed when he cancelled on my again. My immediate reaction was to ruin his life… My friend tried to stop me, he even took the fall for me… But I was wrong.”

“Well, on the bright side, work won’t get in the way anymore.” Roman smirked. Virgil whacked him.

“That’s not funny.”

The woman chuckled, smiling fondly at the two.

“Virgil, if you could say anything to Roman’s previous employer, what would you say?”

“I’d say: It’s your loss, mate. If you’re gonna let Broman’s past define him, then you’re the scum, not him. You lost an amazing actor, just because he tried to survive , and one day you’re going to regret letting him go. Man, I wish I had a mic so I could drop it.”

“Here.” The woman laughed, handing her own microphone over. Virgil took it and dropped it with a smug grin, earning a laugh from the entire set.

Logan couldn’t help but smile at the sight.

“I’m so proud of you!” Patton threw his arms around Roman and Virgil before they could even get through the door. “That was adorable!”

“I agree, it was a pleasant interview to witness.” Logan smiled as they pulled away. Patton practically dragged them into the apartment.

“And it’s gone viral on YouTube.” Emile spoke up, holding his phone up. “Everyone think you’re the cutest.”

“I can’t believe you called me Broman on TV.” Roman rolled his eyes. Virgil chuckled.

“Hey, how much extra did they pay you, Virgil?” Patton asked.

“Same as Roman. We got four months worth of rent.” Virgil smirked.

“Well… if you wanted to go to the cinema or something, we could put some money aside…?” Roman rubbed the back of his neck. “I-I’m sorry I’ve been ignoring you, I just… I got so caught up in work and-”

“Get a job first, then worry about spending time with me, okay?” Virgil smiled. “Besides, we don’t need money to do stuff together, right?”

“Oh, we can have a picnic!” Patton gasped. “We can have one tomorrow! I’ll make the food! Logan, you can invite Remy!” Logan tried to ignore the blush in his cheeks.

“Excellent idea, PatMan.” Roman beamed.

“Was that a pun based on Pac-Man or Batman?” Logan adjusted his glasses. Roman shrugged.

“To-may-to, To-mah-to.”

“Solanum lycopersicum.” Logan offered. “That’s the scientific term for tomato, in case you didn’t know.”

“Why would any of us know that?” Emile couldn’t help but laugh.

“Picnic it is then!” Patton clapped his hands excitedly. “Aw, I’m so excited! Our first family picnic! I can’t wait!”

For some reason, Logan found he couldn’t wait either.

Chapter Text

Logan woke before Patton the next morning.

Roman and Virgil had gone home shortly after arranging the outing, and Logan couldn’t deny that he hadn’t felt excited at the idea of a family day out. He’d never had one of those before. Remy had talked about the times his Mom and Dad had taken him out as a kid, but Logan had never experienced that, or if he had, he didn’t remember.

However, now the day was here, he couldn’t help but feel… queasy.

But Patton had been so excited about it. Logan didn’t want to mention it, or else Patton might try and cancel in an attempt to help, so he decided to go to Emile about it instead. He left a note on the outside of his bedroom door, so Patton would see it as he left his room, and slipped out of the apartment.

It didn’t occur to him that Emile could still be asleep until after he knocked on his apartment door. He quickly pulled his hand back, as though it’d erase the fact he’d just knocked. The door opened.

“Logan! Come in! Do you how do?”

“I am well… Though you do not appear to be the same…” Logan furled his brows at the state Emile was in as he watched him close the door. He was still in his pyjamas, though it didn’t look like he’d gotten much sleep if the bags under his eyes were anything to go by. “Are you alright?”

“Aww, Logan, you don’t have to worry about lil’ old me! I’m fine. What can I do for you?”

“I… I wanted some advice, but you appear to be busy-”

“I’m never too busy for my favourite nephew. Can I call you my nephew?”

“First I’d like to point out that I’m your only nephew.”

“Lion King reference!” Emile suddenly punched the air with a giggle.

“...You do realise you are referring to the scene where Scar, Simba’s Uncle, set up first of many murder attempts on his nephew?”

“Yeah, no, that wasn’t such a good example.” Emile seemed to deflate. “Ah, tartar sauce, well. Have you had breakfast? I’ll make some toast, you like toast, right? With- With Crofters?”

“You know I cannot turn down Crofters…”

“Wonderful! I’ll get started. You just wait right there. Take a seat, just give it back once you’re done!” Emile gave hearty laugh at his joke before leaving the room. Logan rolled his eyes before looking around. He didn't mean to be nosy… but if Emile was upset, and he seemed to be, then he was going to deduce his way around it.

“Your apartment is the same layout as mine and Patton’s.” Logan offered for conversation, sparing a glance up at the computer. He frowned when he realised it was on, the monitor was switched off.

“Oh, yeah, makes it easier to make our way around each other’s places, you know?”

“Have you and Patton always lived here?” Logan asked, glancing up before turning the monitor on. A bank webpage filled the screen, and Logan almost immediately turned the screen off again, if it hadn't been for the large ‘Amount available: -$1853’ in red letters.

Emile was in debt…?

“No, not… not always. Patton was with his Ex for a while before… You know.”

“Daisy.” Logan sighed, clicking a closed tab. He blinked. Why was Emile looking at buildings online, especially when he was in debt? He turned back to the original tab and switched off the monitor. “Declan didn’t… He didn’t harm Patton, did he?”

“Physically? No, no, he was pretty mentally messed up though. He had a lot of issues, which doesn’t excuse anything! But Patton was far too soft with him and Declan took advantage of his kindness… Patton adored him. But Roman isn’t like that. Sure, his ego is bigger than his head, but he loves Patton.”

“That’s good.” Logan muttered, finally sitting himself down.

“You gonna tell me why you came to see me?” Emile asked as he entered the room with a plate of toast, one slice in his mouth, and placed the plate on the coffee table in front of Logan. Logan took a piece gratefully.

“Thank you. I… I feel strange about the idea of going on a family picnic.” He confessed, taking a bite of toast. “I feel sick.”

“My cooking isn't that bad, is it?” Emile stared at his own toast in offence. Logan chuckled slightly.

“I meant the strange feeling I have. I feel sick.”

“Hm… What is it about this outing that’s making you feel like that? Is it Patton?”

“Doubtful. I both trust and admire Patton.”

“Roman, then?”

“We’ve seen eye-to-eye a few times. I feel comfortable with him.”

“Virgil?”

“While he is… impulsive and, frankly, reckless, he is a good friend, and he changed his ways for my benefit, as well as his own. I trust him.”

“Is it me?”

“I trust you as much as I trust Patton. Besides, would I be here talking to you if it was?”

“Good point.” Emile muttered. “Then… is it Remy?”

“Wh-why would it be Remy?” Logan asked. “We’ve been best friends for years.”

“You see, it’s funny that you question why it would be him before offering a reason why it couldn’t be him.” Emile smirked. “That and you two have been getting very… I dunno, there‘ something about you two.”

“Yes, I believe that’s called friendship.”

“Hold on just a diddly darn minute… That sounded very defensive.” Adjusting his glasses, Emile leaned forwards. “Let’s try an exercise. I’ll say a word, and you say the first word that pops into your head.”

“Like a word association game?”

“Yeah! Just like that, but I say a new word every time and you say the first thing you think of. Got it?”

“Got it.” Logan nodded.

“Friend?”

“Trust.”

“Home?”

“Patton.”

“Life?”

“Story.”

“Remy?”

“Love.”

“Gay.”

“Disgusting.”

“Woah, woah…” Emile leaned forwards, only for Logan to flinch back. “Hey, Lo, I’m not gonna hurt you…”

“I-I… My Father said-”

“Logan, honey, he’s not here. We’re not like him. Patton will love you no matter your sexuality, or your gender! I mean, Patton and Roman are both gay! That doesn’t change how you feel about them, right?”

“No…”

“Maybe you just haven’t found the right label… I, myself, am Pan. That means I’ll date any gender, or non-gender! Any guy, gal or non-binary pal! Gender doesn’t matter to me. I know Virgil is trying to figure out if he is Bi or Straight… May I throw a few others out there?”

“Of course.”

“There’s Ace, where you don’t feel an intimate attraction at all. There’s Demi, where you only get an intimate attraction after forming a bond, or there’s Andro and Gyno! Andro is where you’re attracted to more masculine people, and Gyno is where you’re attracted to more feminine people.”

Emile watched Logan process this new information, a look of confusion on his face.

“I am not attracted to people at first glance. At least… I don’t look at people and think they’re attractive…”

“I see. Do you think about being romantic with anyone?”

“No…”

“I sense a but.”

“I think those ways about Remy.” Logan confessed. “I… think he’s aesthetically pleasing. And I want to make gestures to show him I appreciate him. I want to… to be with him more.”

“Sounds to me like you’re Demiromantic. Perhaps Ace or Demi.” Emile smiled. “And it sounds like you got it bad, Lo.”

“Got what bad?” Emile and Logan looked up to see Patton enter the apartment. Emile looked at Logan, silently asking permission. Logan sighed.

“I may have developed… romantic feelings… for Remy.”

“Aww, Lo, that’s so sweet!” Patton beamed. “I remember when I realised I loved with Roman. It wasn’t immediate. I saw him in an alleyway struggling to call home and he was crying and my heart just went out to him. I let him use my phone to check that Virgil was okay. He said he was working so I paid him the same amount as someone getting a private session and told him to sleep in my spare room. He tried so hard to repay me but I told him I just wanted him to sleep, and we’d worry about it in the morning.”

“When did you know you loved him?” Logan asked. Patton chuckled.

“I don’t know, but it was the fourth week of paying for a private session, and he invited me back to his house rather than going to mine. Virgil was so excited to see him… Roman just, I don’t know. I knew I loved him when I saw him dancing around the room, singing Disney at the top of his lungs and vowing to ‘protect Virgil from any beasts that dare shadow his path’.”

“How do I know if what I’m feeling is… romantic love?” Logan asked. Patton forced a smile.

“I don’t think you know until you know… you know?”

“No.” Logan sighed. “I’d like to apologise, when I said ‘disgusting’, I didn’t mean-“

”Hey, I understand.” Emile smiled fondly. “Your Father was a shitty teacher, that’s not your fault. Why don’t we just see how things go today, okay?” Emile suggested. Patton nodded in agreement.

“You don’t have to do or say anything you don’t want to.”

Logan sighed. He supposed it was worth a shot.

“Alright.”

“Earth to Logan?” Logan blinked as fingered snapped in front of his face, tearing him from his thoughts. “You okay, babes?”

“Yes.”

“Sweet. Help us set up then.” Remy shoved a black blanket at Logan, who blinked down at it as though it were some forbidden object. Eventually, he snapped out of it and lay the blanket on the grass next to Roman and Virgil’s red blanket, and Patton and Emile’s baby blue blanket; Blue to match Emile’s tie, Logan noticed.

“Patton, dear, you chose a wonderful day for a picnic.” Roman chuckled around a mouthful of sandwich. Patton blushed.

“Aw, shucks, Roman. Here, Logan! I brought your Crofters!”

“Thank you, Papa.” Logan took the jar from Patton before turning to Remy. “Remy, what is your sexuality?” Logan blurted. Emile’s hand flew to cover his mouth as Virgil rolled his eyes. Remy blinked.

“Gurl, I am clearly not straight.” Remy chuckled. “Why? You having a crisis?”

“I identify as Demi-romantic.” Logan adjusted his tie. Patton suddenly shrieked.

“Oh my god!”

“No!”

“But Emile-!”

“Don’t!”

“It rhymes!”

“Patton!”

“I swear you two are telepathic… No-one has any idea what you’re talking about.” Roman muttered. Remy laughed.

“What’s Demi-romantic?”

“I am romantically attracted to people I… develop strong bonds with.”

“Aww, that’s cute, Gurl.” Remy smirked. “How do you know?”

“Wh-what?”

“How do you know you’re Demi-romantic?”

“I-I… It just feels right…”

“Oh. Well then, congrats on discovering yourself.” Remy beamed before laying down. Logan sighed and shuffled over to Patton, who immediately pulled him to his chest, trying not to drop salad on him.

“It okay, Lo… take your time.” Patton whispered, pressing a mayonnaise kiss to Logan’s forehead. Logan just lay there, watching Remy lounge in the sun.

“Logan…?”

“Hm?”

“Sweetheart, are you okay?”

“Hm.”

“We can go home if you’re not enjoying yourself…”

“There is no need, I’m being ungrateful and I apologise.” Logan sat up. Patton’s heart shattered.

“No, Logan, that’s not what I meant… If you don’t want to be here, you don’t have to be. I know you have a lot on your mind right now…”

“Why is it so hard?”

“Because you don’t want to say it.” Patton smiled sadly.

“How did you and Roman confess your feelings?”

“Oh. Um… I just… Well… I kissed him. And then ran away.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, don’t do that.” Patton chuckled nervously. “Lo, you gotta do it your own way, honey. There is no ‘right way’ to tell someone.”

“Tell someone what?”

“Ah!” Logan yelped as he jumped and fell back in shock.

“Oops, my bad, hun…” Remy giggled, helping Logan up. “What y’all up to being secretive over here?”

“Puberty.” Logan muttered, leaning against Patton once more. Patton snorted, wrapping his arm around Logan.

“Logan, babes, you hit puberty before you turned 10.” Remy rolled his eyes. “You’re acting weird.”

“I’m…” Logan sighed. “I’m trying to determine the best way to confess my romantic feelings towards you without potentially ruining a long and precious friendship.”

Everything seemed to stop in that moment. Patton tightened his hold on Logan, while Roman and Emile just stared at the scene unfolding in front of them. Virgil couldn’t help but peek up from his phone.

“Well, first of all, ain’t nothing gonna ruin what we have, so get that thought out of your head right now. Second, just be honest with me, Gurl.” Remy sat next to Logan. “Then I’ll be honest with you.”

“I think I love you. Romantically.”

“I think it’s about fucking time you saw I was into you.” Remy retorted. Logan winced at first from the harshness of Remy’s tone, but upon seeing Remy’s smile, he couldn’t help but smile back.

“Can I say it now?” Patton turned to Emile, who sighed, burying his face in a solid facepalm. “Logan, you’re Remy-romantic!”

“And you’re dead to me, I’ve just decided.” Logan retorted. Emile snorted as Roman fell to the floor in a fit of giggles.

“Should we wake them?” Patton asked, indicating to Logan and Remy, who were lying on the black blanket, Logan’s head resting on Remy’s chest as they both snoozed in the afternoon sun.

“Nah, let’s leave them here and go home.” Emile retorted. “Of course we should wake them, Pat!”

“Oops, silly me.” Patton giggled.

“Wait!” Roman gasped, pulling his phone out his pocket and taking a quick photo of the pair. “There.”

“You are so sending that to me later.” Patton pointed at Roman before kneeling down next to Logan and Remy, shaking them gently. “Boys? We’re getting ready to go now…”

“Papa…?” Logan whimpered as he rolled over slightly, rousing Remy from his own slumber. Patton smiled.

“You fell asleep. We’re getting ready to go home.”

“Did I dream that you said you loved me?” Remy asked, looking down at Logan. Logan shrugged.

“Depends how you behave…”

“Logan.” Patton chuckled fondly. “Come on, you two, you can sleep in the car.”

And sleep in the car they did.

Chapter Text

Logan wasn’t sure what he’d been thinking. Perhaps he hadn’t been thinking at all… Because why in anyone’s right mind would someone be sitting on a bench in an old abandoned park in the middle of the night in the midst of a thunderstorm?

“Because I am pathetic.” Logan reminded himself, wrapping his arms around himself. He hadn’t worn his coat, he hadn’t worn anything other than his usual attire. And he’d told Patton where he was going. Sort of.

It had been a week since the picnic, a week since it was announced Percy and the three other students were expelled and never to set foot in the school again, a week since Roman had gotten a job offer from a producer who admired his story, a week since Remy had been officially adopted by Mr Thomas.

And here Logan was, drawing all attention back to himself again.

Patton had been as kind and patient as ever, and it was really starting to irritate Logan. Of course he loved Patton and he loved how much he cared for him, but sometimes he just wanted him to hurt him, to punish him for something. Punishments told Logan what was right and wrong, but he was never wrong in Patton’s eyes.

Emile was very good at making Logan talk about his feelings, so Logan knew he was going to be a great therapist once he completed his courses. But Emile was equally as good at hiding his own problems and feelings, and Logan didn’t know how to help without confessing to being intrusive.

Remy and Logan had settled into their relationship quickly. It was almost the same, but they didn’t have to hold back any of their not-so-platonic thoughts. Remy spent the whole week holding Logan’s hand under the desks at school, and scribbling little hearts in the margins of his notes, but Logan still didn’t feel good enough.

Roman was very understanding and grateful that Logan had tried to protect Virgil by re-coding the post, and even gave Logan a tight hug to prove it. He’d also announced that he was glad Patton had decided to adopt him. Logan wasn’t sure he entirely believed that. Roman was an actor, after all.

Virgil and Logan spent time together after school, Logan teaching Virgil anything he didn’t understand in his classes. Virgil was a difficult student, unwilling to learn, but he always mastered the subject in the end. However, Logan still felt like he wasn’t doing enough.

He was a bad Son, a useless nephew, a pathetic boyfriend, and a difficult friend.

He’d left a note on his bedroom door along with a cheque for $10,000, explaining to Patton that he couldn’t handle so many emotions, couldn’t imagine ever feeling right with them, despite his head telling him he’d finally found his home, and telling him to use the money to fix Emile’s debt and replace the money Patton had spent on him.

But Logan knew one of three things would inevitably happen:

One. Patton would call the police, and they would find him.

Two. He would cave, go back home, and apologise.

Three. Patton would find him himself.

As much as he wanted to run away and start a new chapter somewhere alone, like he deserved to be, he knew he was inevitably going to go back to Patton to continue his story, one way or another. Would Patton be sad? Would he miss him? Would he be angry? Or scared?

Logan didn’t want to worry Patton, though he knew he would. He didn’t want to worry anyone. That was the problem. He just wished he’d never been born, that none of this had happened, that he’d never existed. Everyone’s lives would be so much better without him.

And how, god, how Logan tried to avoid that train of thought, but knowing there was one way to rid Patton and the others of himself seemed to spur his fanticious thoughts. Death was a possibility, and would solve all his problems.

But Patton…

Logan choked a sob, curling into a ball. He couldn’t do that to Patton, not after Daisy. Patton loved him, and though he often doubted it, he knew deep down that it was true, and to throw that back at him by repeating history… It didn’t bear thinking about.

With a sniff, Logan stood and headed back to Patton’s apartment. With any luck, everyone was still asleep, they wouldn’t have noticed he was gone. He could pretend this had never happened.

He couldn’t help but relate to Riley from Inside Out. It was as though his Happiness and Sadness had just walked off and left his Fear, Anger and Disgust in control, and inevitably cut him off from his emotions all together before he saw sense.

Wow, his emotions clearly could not work together.

After a half hour walk (He wasn’t sure how he’d gotten that far either) he finally found himself outside his and Patton’s apartment door. He lifted his hand to knock when he heard a voice.

“What do you mean it hasn’t been long enough?! My Son is out in a storm in the middle of the night! He left a note saying he wasn’t coming back!”

Logan winced at the tone of Patton’s voice. He sounded angry… Was he mad? He pressed his ear against the door.

“He’s not like that! He’s never done this before! I don’t fucking care if it’s common for teenagers to run away or not!”

A smash from the other side of the door made Logan jump.

He ran.

He knew he was pathetic, running away again after coming to the logical conclusion of returning home, but Patton had sworn . He’d sworn and smashed something; Logan knew he’d made him angry, he knew it, he knew he’d upset him-

Logan cried out as arms snaked around his chest, pulling him close and preventing him from getting away. He’d only just made it outside the apartment, and already, he’d been grabbed. He whimpered, panic kicking in as he struggled and twisted to get free.

“Let me go!”

Whoever had grabbed him was talking, but he wasn’t listening. His logical mind told him to pretend to faint, to go limp and scare the attacker, but he kept fighting. Why was he fighting? He wanted to die anyway, didn’t he?

“Go on then! Kill me! Do everyone a fucking favour!”

“Logan!” Logan tensed.

“Roman…?”

“Hey…” Roman released his hold on Logan, moving around to kneel in front of him. “Thank the stars…” He sighed in relief, offering a weak but supportive smile before whipping off his red bomber jacket and wrapping it around Logan’s shoulders.

“F-for what?”

“That you’re here! Safe! Alive !” Roman cried, only pausing to press a soft kiss to Logan’s forehead. “Patton’s been worried sick- We all have! We’ve been out looking- Where…? What on Earth were you thinking…?” Roman’s voice was soft, tender. Logan shook his head, shivering as droplets of ice-cold water dripped from his hair.“Come on, let’s get you inside, you must be freezing…”

Logan said nothing, just allowed himself to be guided inside by Roman. His heart pounded as he pondered over Patton’s reaction. What was he going to say? Was he going to punish him? Was he going to send him back?

“Patton?” Roman cried as he threw the door open. Logan tensed. Suddenly, all eyes were on him; Roman’s, Emile’s, Virgil’s, and of course Patton’s. Patton dropped the phone in his hand, an expression of relieved disbelief visible on his tear-stained face.

“Logan!” Patton was at Logan’s side in an instant, scanning him quickly before pulling him into his arms and sobbing. Logan paid no attention to anyone else in the room, nor did he make any attempt to move. He just allowed the man whose heart he’d likely just broken to cry on his shoulder.

“I’m sorry…”

“Shh, none- none of that, Lo… God, I-I’m just so happy you’re safe…” Patton whispered, pulling away. “You must be freezing, Lo… Wh-why don’t you change, then we’ll have a talk, okay? Just… Just us two?”

“Okay…” Logan nodded and handed Roman’s jacket back to him, avoiding everyone’s gazes as he left the room.

A while after Logan had finished changing, Patton entered the room with a small knock.

“I… filled a hot water bottle.” Patton smiled shyly, holding up a unicorn hot water bottle as he approached the bed and sat besides Logan. Logan took the bottle gratefully, biting his lower lip.

“I-”

“You scared me to death, Logan…” Patton whispered, leaning forward and pulling the boy in for a gentle hug, holding him lightly as though Logan were fragile enough to break at the slightest touch. He choked back a sob, alerting Logan that he hadn’t stopped crying since Roman brought him home. “I had the police on the phone and everything… Emile was shaking so bad he dropped his glass. Lo, i-is it something I did? Am I doing something wrong?”

“No…” Logan shook his head, clinging to Patton. “I do not know how to word it.”

“Okay.” Patton sniffed, holding Logan closer. “Roman… Roman told me you said something really worrying, Lo, and I’m not mad at you, sweetheart, but you can’t do that, do you understand? I already lost Daisy, I’m not losing you too.”

“But I was never going to-“

“No, but you were going to let someone else…” Patton whimpered. “If anything happened to you, Logan, I don’t know what I’d do…”

“I’m sorry…”

“Lo… You’re probably going to be upset with me, and I understand, but… I-I think we should arrange for you to see that therapist again.”

“Okay.” Logan didn’t want to fight with Patton, not while Patton was holding him like this, as though he were the only thing that mattered in the world. “That sounds logical.”

“What was going through your head to scare you that bad…?”

“I wish I hadn’t been born, Papa…” Logan trembled against his will. “It was so much easier when no-one wanted me…”

“Logan…” Patton pulled away, taking Logan’s face in his hands. “You- you stop that, right now, y-you hear me?”

“Papa-?”

“That is no way to talk about yourself…” Patton took a shuddery breath, pressing his forehead to Logan’s. “D-don’t…”

Logan suddenly broke, the overwhelming emotions from Patton triggering his own.

“I just want to be a good Son…” Logan choked, gripping Patton’s arms tight, as though to ground him. “I want to be good but I don’t know what’s good and what’s bad because no one is punishing me for anything, and I do not want to bother anyone, but by trying not to bother anyone I have bothered everyone and that was never my intention, but I do not fully understand my intentions and I do not know how to stop this loop, Papa, I-I’m stuck and I cannot get out-”

“Oh, Logan, honey…” Patton pulled Logan into a tight hug, pressing his cheek to Logan’s. “You’ve got so much going on in that intelligent little brain of yours, haven’t you…?”

“I do not understand my emotions, I want them to stop…” Logan choked. Patton rubbed his back.

“I know, Logan, but you can’t… You have to listen to them and express them, or you’re going to get very depressed, and I don’t want that for you, okay? I know what it’s like to want to protect people by leaving them… but it’s too late for that. Whether you like it or not, you mean the world to me, and you mean a lot to Roman and Emile and Remy, and even Virgil.”

Logan sniffled, trembling as Patton held him. Patton slowly lay them both back on the bed, allowing Logan to shift to get comfortable. He was surprised when Logan nestled closer to him.

“Logan… You are a good Son, don’t you ever doubt that… You’re too kind for your own good sometimes. On that note, I expect you to rip that cheque up later. We don’t want your money, we want you .”

“But Emile-“

“Emile is sorting himself out.” Patton whispered. “You shouldn’t even know about that.”

“I was deducing.”

“And what conclusion did you come to?”

“Just that Emile is in debt.” Logan muttered. “Papa, please tell me?”

“Okay… Emile… The shop isn’t doing well, Lo… People don’t read books like they used to, and… Emile isn’t getting enough profits to keep paying the rent for the building, or to pay me. I’ve been living on my savings for a while now.”

“He’s selling the shop…”

“I’m so sorry, Kiddo… He didn’t want to upset y-”

“But I can give him money.”

“Logan.” Patton sighed, rubbing Logan’s back. “Now isn’t the time to talk about it, honey. You’re freezing and upset and tired and you need to put yourself first right now, okay? You need rest.”

“Please stay…?” Logan whispered. Patton nodded.

“I’m not going anywhere, honey.”

Chapter Text

Logan moaned as he stirred, feeling a tightness around his waist as he blinked his eyes open. He hadn’t expected to wake to a wall of bright blue, since his walls were navy, but as said wall shifted, the events of the night before flooded through his mind.

He’d run away, and for what reason? He’d run away knowing he would go back, knowing nothing would change, knowing his family loved him. He’d known he had a good life now, a better life, a life where he meant something to someone. Why had he run away when he’d known the only thing that would come out of it was hurting his family. He sat up with a sigh.

“Logan, honey?”

“Papa?”

“How’re you feeling…?”

“I need to go to school.”

“No, you don't.” Patton sat up. “Emile called the school, you’re off sick today and tomorrow.”

“But-“

“Logan, sweetheart, I know you don’t want to talk about last night, but it’s so important that we fix whatever’s going on, or… I’m scared I’m going to lose you. Roman could have been anyone last night, he could have been someone bad who wanted to hurt you, and you were going to let him… You practically begged him to kill you, Logan. Do you have idea how that makes me feel…?”

“Like you should have listened when I told you I was difficult?” Logan growled.

“Logan!”

“I warned you that you would regret adopting me, Patton!”

“And you’re putting words in my mouth!” Patton cried as he stood.

“I am doing nothing of the sort! Words are not a physical object to be fed to people!”

“I meant: You’re telling me how I feel when you don’t know how I feel! You’re telling yourself I think things that I’m not thinking at all, and I don’t know how to fix it-!”

“I’m not broken!” Logan snapped, standing with Patton.

“I never said that!”

“Then why fix me?!” Logan cried. “Why the therapy and the adoption and the ‘happy family’ charade?! A month ago, you didn’t know I was an orphan! You wouldn’t have cared if I dropped off the face of the Earth!”

“Logan Hatta Picani! How dare you accuse me of such a thing! I have cared about you ever since the first day we met! I cared when you were late! I cared when those bullies hurt you! I cared when they shoved you in that locker, and I cared when you ran away! Why on Earth do you believe I wouldn’t care if you were dead ?!”

“Stop it!”

“No!” Patton gripped Logan by the shoulders. “I will not stop telling you that I love you! I will not stop telling you that I would notice if anything happened to you! I will not stop loving you! I will not let you die too!”

“What if I’d rather die than be your Son?!” Logan spat.

“That is a falsehood, so don’t you dare try that with me, young man!” Patton retorted, putting his hands on his hips. Logan paled, stepping back.

“I-I’m sorry-”

“Logan…?”

“F-Father-” Logan yelped as he fell backwards, hitting his back against the bed frame before turning and curling in on himself, his shirt rising slightly as he arched his back in an attempt to protect himself. Patton froze, his eyes falling on the scars that peaked out the bottom of Logan’s shirt. Then it hit him.

His hands were on his hips. On his belt.

“Logan, honey, I-I wasn’t… I’m not… Logan?” Patton whispered, moving his hands immediately and kneeling down next to Logan. “Logan, sweetheart, please look at me.”

Logan shook his head.

“Can you hold my hand then…?” Patton whispered, holding one hand out. Logan snatched it in his, pulling it to his chest. “Logan, honey, can I check your back?” Another shake. “Why not? Squeeze my hand once for yes, twice for no. Is it a PTSD trigger?”

Logan squeezed twice.

“Is it the scars?”

One squeeze.

“I get it… I-I got a really big scar under my tummy, and I get really insecure about it sometimes… Do you wanna see?” Patton forced a smile. Logan blinked, looking up at Patton. He squeezed once. Patton smiled softly, pulling his shirt up with his free hand to show Logan the scar. “They… had to remove Daisy somehow. I get bad memories looking at it, about holding her and knowing I’ll never see her eyes open… but… if I share those memories, it makes the pain easier…”

Logan blinked, his eyes fixed on Patton’s scar. Wordlessly, he turned his back to Patton, squeezing his hand ‘ yes ’. Patton dropped his own shirt, whispering a soft ‘thank you’ before pulling up the back of Logan’s shirt.

Patton couldn’t see and new injuries from Logan hitting his back, which he was grateful for, but he could very clearly see the criss-crossing belt marks that marked his Son in a threatening and possessive manner. As if to say ‘I’m in charge, and he’s my property‘. Patton choked back a sob, gently tracing one of the darker scars as he pulled Logan’s shirt down.

“Logan-”

“Are you still angry…?”

“Sweetheart, I wasn’t angry…” Patton whispered, squeezing Logan’s hand. “I know I was shouting, but shouting doesn’t mean I’m angry. It means I want to be heard. That’s why you were shouting too, we just wanted to be heard.”

“I wouldn’t rather die.”

“I know.”

“I was lying.”

“I know, poppet.”

“Papa…?”

“I’m here.” Patton whispered, holding his arms out. Logan practically scrambled into his arms, hugging him tight. “I’m right here, Lo, always… Nothing’s going to stop me loving you, I promise…”

Logan finally brought himself to leave his room, his eyes red and sore under his glasses, and allowed Patton to guide him into the living room, where Emile was lying on the couch.

“He loves you so much, Lo. He was so scared.”

“I did not want to hurt anyone.”

“Why don’t you wake him up?”

“But he’s sleeping.”

“Wake him up, and you’ll see what I mean when I say you mean the world to us.” Patton gave him an encouraging smile. Logan sighed, moving around the couch as Patton went to the kitchen. He gripped Emile’s shoulder gently, shaking the man slightly.

“Hm…?” Emile groaned, blinking his eyes open. As soon as he saw Logan, he shot up.

“Logan!” Emile didn’t even ask, he threw his arms around Logan and held him tight, his heart racing in his chest. “Are you okay?! Where did you go? Are you hurt? What were you thinking? No. No, this isn’t your fault. Oh, god, Logan, I’m so happy you’re safe! Don’t you ever do that again, you hear? We were worried sick! Oh, Logan, thank god…”

“I’m sorry-“

“No, no, no, don’t be sorry.” Emile pulled away, looking Logan in the eyes. He expression softened even more when he noticed how red they were. “I know it’s hard, Logan, it’s not easy for you right now, I understand that, but you can’t up and leave now. You mean too much to us.”

“I-“

“No, I’m not done fussing over you yet, shush.” Emile interrupted. “And what was the deal with the money, Lo? You know we don’t want anything from you. We just want you here.”

“I don’t want you to sell the shop…” Logan’s eyes burned with unshed tears. “I want to be a good Son and a good Nephew…”

“Then don’t run off, Logan.” Emile smiled. “I’ll admit, I was sceptical at first when Patton announced out of nowhere that he was going to adopt you, but after getting to know you and… and seeing you become a part of our family, I know it was the right thing to do. You are amazing the way you are, and I couldn’t have asked for a better nephew.”

“Please use the money for the shop, Uncle… I-it’s home .” Patton choked back a whimper from the kitchen. “It’s been my home for the past four years, I don’t want it to go. Please? Even if you take it as a loan, I-I can’t… lose another home…”

“Logan, buddy, you’re killing me here…” Emile whispered. “Okay. If- and I mean if. If I consider taking a loan from you, we’d still have to do something to get profits up in the store. Books alone aren’t working. No-one buys library cards anymore, and I haven’t ordered new books in for a while.”

“A library isn’t working, so why not sell all the books?” Logan suggested. “Raise money to revamp the store, while advertising your future plans to raise awareness beforehand. We should focus on areas that you, Patton and I enjoy, as we will be running it.”

“Woah, woah, Logan.” Patton butt in. “I understand you don’t want to lose the store, but this is a huge step for us all. It’s a career change for myself and Emile-”

“Patton, a bakery!”

“Wh-what?”

“You’ve always wanted to run a bakery!” Emile beamed before turning back to Logan. “We can keep a nook for reading and serve coffee and cakes!”

“Remy would definitely appreciate coffee.” Logan smiled. “We could have cake sales leading up to the opening. I can run one at school. Perhaps offer student prices for breakfast?”

“Yes! It’d be on the way to and from school for a lot of kids. Oh! We could lend out textbooks!”

“Oh, thank heavens, someone with the common sense to realise students can’t possibly afford their own textbooks…”

“Boys, boys…” Patton sighed. “I know you’re both excited, but there’s more important things to think about right now, like Logan’s mental health.”

“I already agreed to see my therapist.” Logan spoke up. “I’ll pay for the sessions.”

“No, you will not!” Patton cried.

“Well, how do you propose we pay for it? You only have so much in your savings, and Emile is in debt.”

“I-“ Patton blinked. “Shit…”

“Patton…?” Emile stood nervously.

“No, I- I didn’t even…”

“I can pay, it is not a problem to me.” Logan tried to reassure Patton, but it somehow seemed to make thing worse. Patton started hyperventilating.

“Patton, what if I-”

“Emmy, you can’t.”

“I can, Patton. I’m so close to finishing my course, and Logan trusts me, don’t you, Lo?” Emile turned to Logan, who nodded.

“Emile was especially helpful in regards to identifying my sexuality.”

“But I thought you couldn’t do therapy on family?”

“It won’t be official, Pat. Just… Just me applying my knowledge to a real life situation.”

“You intend to give me therapy in your own time for no cost.” Logan blinked. Emile beamed.

“It’s better than any alternatives right now, and you can talk to me whenever you want. Just let me know when.”

“Friday? After school?”

“Perfect! There, see, Patton? Easy.”

“What if Logan tells you something I need to know?” Patton asked. Logan just scoffed.

“I am not looking to confess anything you don’t already know. I am looking to understand and organise my emotions.”

“Exactly.” Emile smiled. “At least let us try, Patton.”

“I would like to try with Emile.” Logan added in agreement. Patton sighed, eventually turning to Logan and nodding.

“Alright.”

Chapter Text

“Hey, Lo.” Emile greeted, stepping aside to let Logan into his apartment. “Did you tell Patton that you’re back?”

“I did, and he hugged me for a whole 5 minutes and told me he was proud.”

“We’re both proud of you.” Emile smiled as he and Logan sat down, Logan on the couch and Emile in an armchair, before opening a black notebook. “How do you wanna do this, Logan? Do you wanna do this in a familiar environment? Maybe your room? Or would you rather do it here?”

“No, here is fine.”

“Okay, that’s fine! What’s that you brought with you?”

“It’s a book Patton bought me.” Logan looked down at the copy of Alice Through The Looking Glass in his hands. “It is a continuation of the book my Mother gave me.”

“Is it a good book?”

“It is… Different.”

“Oh? How so?”

“Alice climbs inside a mirror to find a world where everything is reversed and all logic is figuratively thrown out the window.”

“Logic is important to you, isn’t it?” Emile leaned forwards. “Why is that?”

“Logic always makes sense. It’s easy to follow.”

“Unlike your emotions.”

“...Have we started the session?”

“Yup. Is that okay?”

“Of course, I just… hadn’t noticed. You are very good.”

“Aw, thank you, Lo!” Emile beamed. “It seems like you’re main issues are your emotions around the idea of family, and your own self-worth… Let’s start small. How do you feel about Patton? Just Patton.”

“He… is supportive. Protective. He-“

“No, no, Logan, not describing him. How do you feel about him?”

“I… My chest hurts at the thought of hurting him or disappointing him… I want him around when I am faced with difficult situations. I am scared of not having him in my life… but I am scared to be in his.”

“Scared to be in his life? Why is that?” Emile asked, scribbling in the notebook.

“When you’re no-one to anyone, anything could happen to you, and no-one would notice or care. For 7 years, no-one noticed or cared about what my Father did, so I assumed it was normal, that everyone treated their children the same. But Patton said that is not the case…”

“Well… Parent’s should aim to be supportive, and encourage their children to reach new goals, but not all kids are that lucky. Unfortunately, a lot of kids suffer abuse and neglect from parents… It is wrong and sick and not at all okay. You didn’t deserve any of what he did to you, no matter what he told you.”

“But I made him do those things.”

“No. No, he chose to do those things. Give me an example of something you did that he reacted violently to.”

“I got an A in a test.”

“You.. got hurt for that?”

“It was not an A+, so it was not good enough.”

“That’s disgusting…” Emile whispered, a slight snarl in his features. “He should have been so proud of you.”

“You wanted an example, I gave you one.”

“Yes, sorry. Instead of hurting you for that, he could have acknowledged that you achieved that grade and made you feel good about it, motivating you to achieve even better. He could have offered to help with your studies, or asked where you didn’t do so well so he could explain. He chose to react badly, and that was not your fault.” Logan looked down, but didn’t speak. Emile forced a smile. “Earlier I asked why you were scared to be in Patton’s life and you avoided the question, which is fine… But instead you spoke about why you’re scared of your Father. Do you often compare Patton to your Father?”

“I try not to, but I cannot help it.”

“It’s understandable.” Emile spoke as he wrote. “Your Father is the only base for comparison you have for a Father-Figure. You never watched movies or TV, you don’t read about family, your Father is the only idea of a ‘Father’ that you have. It’s normal that you would compare Patton to him. That’s like… Like you growing up watching only the Lion King, and having the idea that all Uncles are like Scar because he’s the only Uncle you have for comparison.”

“But Patton is nothing like my Father.”

“Which is confusing you, because your definition of ‘Father’, based on your own experience, is ‘abusive, high-standards, cold, neglectful’. Patton fits none of those things. You can’t decide if that’s because your definition is wrong, or if Patton is wrong. What do you do if you don’t know the definition of something?”

“I look in a dictionary.”

“Perfect! Let’s do that!” Emile beamed as he stood and crossed the room. He scanned his bookshelf for a moment before plucking out a book and moving back to his chair. “Here.” He held the book, a dictionary, out to Logan, who took it. “Look up the word Father.”

Logan did as he was told, flicking through the pages until he was on the right one, scanning down the list until he found ‘Father’.

“This first definition is ‘A male Parent’. Under that, it says ‘A man who provides care and protection’… ‘To look after and care for as a Father does’.”

“Patton fits that definition, right?”

“Yes.”

“And you can’t fault a dictionary, can you?”

“No, I suppose not.”

“I know it’ll take time, but it’s important to remember that Patton does care, and he wants to look after and protect you.”

“That’s what I’m scared about.” Logan muttered. “I now affect so many people’s lives, after 11 years of not being anything to anyone, I am now a lot of things to a lot of people. If anything happened to me, it would affect you, Patton, Roman, Virgil and Remy. I don’t want to mean anything to anyone.”

“Why not?”

“Because that’s how people get hurt!” Logan threw his hands over his mouth, blinking back tears. He tried again, quieter, lowering his hands. “People get hurt by the ones they love, it is inevitable, and I do not want to hurt anyone…” Emile scribbled quickly before looking back at Logan.

“Who got hurt, Lo…?”

“Remy… His Father betrayed him. When we were roommates, he rarely slept. He tried his hardest not to sleep, and usually screamed when he woke. He said he had to sleep with one eye open, and I didn’t understand what he meant… He was hurting and it hurt me to see that… He told me his story in confidence only a few days ago.”

“And you’re scared to hurt Patton in the way that Remy’s pain hurt you?”

“Yes.”

“It’s impossible not to hurt a loved one. Everyone has emotions. I mean, look at Big Hero 6. Tadashi meant a lot to all of the main characters, but they didn’t let the pain of what happened stop them from doing the right thing in the end. Pain is a difficult emotion, because a lot of people handle it differently.”

“Hiro resorted to revenge and violence, like my Father.”

“Tadashi’s death was an accident; it happened because Callaghan wanted to steal the Microbots because he was fuelled by his own emotional pain: Losing his daughter. He turned to revenge, destroying everything Krei had created to make Krei see how hurt he was, to punish him. Hiro wanted Callaghan to see how hurt he was too, to avenge his brother, but instead, Hiro saved Callagan’s daughter and didn’t kill him because Baymax reminded him of what was important.”

“Tadashi.”

“Exactly. Tadashi wouldn’t have wanted Hiro to kill Callaghan, he didn’t condone violence. He was trying to make the world a better place, and once Hiro realised that, he devoted himself to doing the same. He would still miss his brother, and feel the pain of living without him, but he’d feel good knowing he was doing what Tadashi wanted.”

“I still don’t understand…”

“When your Father was in emotional pain, he lashed out violently. Patton hides his emotional pain until it overwhelmed him, and then cries. I handle mine by relating to cartoon characters, like we just did with Hiro. How do you handle yours? What do you do when you are in emotional pain?”

“I… don’t want to feel, feelings are weakness.”

“You ignore them until they become too much, then you panic or break down. Does that sound about right…?” Emile asked, pen poised on the page.

”Perhaps.”

“Emotions aren’t a weakness, they’re normal. Everyone has them, and they’re nothing to be ashamed of. If you want to apply logic to them, then consider this: It is more logical to hurt yourself until you break down, or to allow yourself to feel those things in a healthy manner?”

“I thought we were talking about hurting other people.”

“And I thought you still didn’t understand your emotions.”

“Touché. I suppose feeling emotions in a healthy manner is the safer option…”

“Good, then you can learn to better understand them as they all happen one at a time, and not all at once in an overwhelming tidal wave of feelings. Think of it as shoving things under the bed to tidy your room, instead of putting them away in their places.”

“But I don’t-“

“It’s a metaphor. Okay? Okay. You’ve shoved your things under the bed. You don’t really know what’s there and what’s not, and half the time you can’t find anything you’re looking for. You keep shoving things under, not really paying attention to what you’re pushing under there, until there’s no space. Then you have to pull it all out and make a huge mess before putting everything away in their normal place. It’s tidy for a while, it ll makes sense, until you end up shoving more stuff under the bed.”

“Logically, you would just put everything away in its place to avoid that big mess.”

“Exactly.” Emile beamed. “That ‘huge mess’ being the inevitable breakdown, and those things being your emotions.”

“Oh… I think I understand now.”

“Okay, that’s good! I’m not saying to completely change right away! A new mindset isn’t easy to adjust to, but just try and handle a few of those little bits of emotion instead of brushing them under the bed. Now that you understand how you handle emotional pain, you can think about why you’re scared you'll hurt your loved ones.”

“I ran away.”

“You did, and you scared the living daylights out of all of us.”

“I did not intend to. I just… I wanted to… I do not know what I wanted.”

“Then let’s break it down. You planned it, because you left a note. Did you have it planned for long?”

“It has been a… an idea I’ve had for quite some time.”

“Okay.” Emile jotted it down in his book. “Did you think about it often?”

“No. Just when I felt like I did not belong. I remember thinking it after Patton saw my arms and insisted on spending money on me.”

“But you didn’t run away then.”

“No. I…  believed Patton would punish me if I did.”

“But since knowing Patton wouldn’t hurt you, you ran away. Almost like you were given permission?”

“The fear of being punished wasn’t there until I went back and heard the glass break. I thought it had been Patton.”

“Punishment was a constant in your life, wasn’t it?” Emile scribbled as he spoke.

“It told me what was right and what was wrong.”

“But your Father’s ideas of right and wrong are no the same as Patton’s, and Patton won’t punish you like he did. Along with your Father being your only base for comparison, that must feel very confusing. Patton and your Father are complete opposites, as though you are Alice through the looking glass.”

Logan blinked, seemingly in shock for a moment, looking down at his book. Emile smiled.

“When you ran away, what thoughts did you have? Do you remember?”

“I thought about everyone… about how I knew I was going to return home even though it was illogical for me to run away just to go back. I thought about Patton… about how I couldn’t kill myself after learning about Daisy. I thought about how Patton loves me, and about Inside Out.”

“You could relate to Riley, I’m guessing. That makes sense. When Riley ran away, it was because she couldn’t handle the changes after moving. Her emotions struggled to work together to cope and, in the end, they lost control and Riley couldn’t feel anything . Perhaps your reason for running away wasn’t to do with not wanting to hurt the ones you love, but the fact that… you’re struggling to adapt to the change.”

Logan said nothing.

“It sure seems to me that, with all the comparisons and mixed up definitions, the change is overwhelming you, so you had to get away from it, just for a while. You knew you’d go back, but you also had to get away from the change. You wanted to get away from the change so you didn’t have to deal with it.”

“I went from being nothing to anyone, to being someone to many people… I don’t know how to be someone . I feel like I am doing it wrong…”

“You can’t do ‘being someone’ wrong. Just be yourself. We don’t want anything in return, we just want you to have a better chance at life. We love you, Patton loves you, we just want you to be you.”

“But I do not know who I am.”

“That’s okay. We’ll get there. For now, we’re just working on understanding emotions for now.” Emile closed the book. “I think that’s enough for today, you did so well, Logan.”

“Thank you, Uncle.”

“Now, it’s up to you whether you share this with Patton, but I’m not gonna say anything to him, okay?”

“Alright.”

“Patton, I’m home.”

“Hey, Lo!” Patton beamed, standing from the couch. “How was your session?”

“It was insightful. Emile is going to be a very good therapist.” Logan told him. “If you’ll excuse me, I have homework to do.”

“Oh. Okay, sure thing, Lo.” Patton forced a smile, nervously sitting back down. Logan thought for a moment.

“Perhaps… we could talk? In my room?” Logan offered.

“Of course, Lo!” Patton’s face lit up as he stood again, a slight bounce in his step. Logan couldn’t help but feel slightly nervous as he led Patton to his room. Patton waited for Logan sit on the bed before sitting beside him, offering him a comforting smile.

“Emile and I talked about some things. Mainly my emotions. Emile feels I am constantly comparing you to my Father because my Father is the only example I have to compare to. You are nothing like him and so I am… struggling to cope with the changes.”

“That’s understandable, Logan.” Patton assured him.

“We also reached the conclusion that I ran away because I could not handle the emotions around those changes, and so I am going to better work towards emoting healthily.”

“That makes sense. But if you feel like that again, please let me know where you’ve gone and how long you’ll be. I don’t mind if you want time to yourself, Lo, but I was scared because I didn’t know where you were or if you planned to come back.”

“Alright. Emile and I also determined that my punishments were a constant in my life. My father used violence, the orphanage used emotional manipulation, but you don’t use any form of punishment, just positive reinforcement.”

“Is that bad…?”

“No. Just, I am not used to it yet. It is difficult to adjust.”

“I… I’m really sorry, Lo…” Patton whispered. “I want to help you, I-I don’t want you to hurt like this but…”

“Papa? Are you alright?”

“Sorry,” Patton forced a laugh, wiping his eyes, “J-Just… the thought that… I couldn’t imagine ever hurting you… How could he do what he did to you…?”

“Because… he was not a Father. You are.” Logan smiled. Patton gasped softly, bringing his hand to his chest over his heart. He let out a soft cry of emotion, throwing his arms around Logan’s shoulders. Logan leaned into Patton, sighing in content.

“I am incredibly proud of you, Logan…” Patton whispered. Logan smiled.

“I love you, Papa.”

“Aw, I love you too!”

Chapter Text

A frantic knock at the door startled both Logan and Patton, who were watching Inside Out to better understand the events of the day before.

“I got it.” Patton stood and strode over to the door, peaking through the spyhole. He chuckled. “I think it’s for you, Lo.”

“Me?” Logan blinked. When Patton opened the door, he understood.

“Logan, babes!” Remy barged in, pushing past Patton. “Let’s go on a date!”

“Good evening, Remy. I am well, thank you, how are you?” Logan rolled his eyes. “A date?”

“Yes, a date!”

“Patton, what is a date…?” Logan turned to his Dad, who giggled.

“It’s when you spend time with your romantic partner and get to know them better.”

“But I already know Remy.”

“Gurl, I just wanna spend time with you.” Remy groaned. “And now that we’re boyfriends, we should go on dates.”

“Remy, it’s 9PM.”

“And?”

“Fine… Where would we be going?”

“Wherever you want, babes.” Remy beamed. “You want coffee, we’ll get coffee. You want a museum, let’s go find one. You want to sleep, we’ll stay here, or head to my place. Whatever you want. Thomas says it’s fine if you wanna spend the night.”

“I… would enjoy something small where money is not involved…”

“I got it! Come to my place, and then I’ll take you someplace special and bring you home in the morning.”

“Um…” Patton spoke up. “By ‘someplace special’ you don’t mean… you know…? The bed thing…?”

“Ew! Gross, no!” Remy cried. Logan blushed bright red, choking at the idea. “I meant going out! God!”

“Okay! Okay, just, you’re both young and… teenagers, that’s all!” Patton held his hands up in surrender.

“Yeah, and we both have brains! God, that’s disgusting.” Remy pretended to retch to prove his point. “Logan, pack a bag!”

“I have to ask Patton first.”

“Of course you can go, Logan.” Patton beamed. “Go and pack a bag, okay? Remy, could I have Thomas’ number so I can call in the morning? I’ll give you mine to give him.”

“Sure, gurl.”

“Do not call Patton ‘gurl’!” Logan growled suddenly, getting closer to Remy. “He is not a girl.”

“Woah, okay!” Remy held his hands up.

“Logan, honey, it’s okay, he didn’t mean it like that-“

“I say gurl all the time!” Remy cried.

“Not to Patton, you don’t!” Logan scowled before turning and leaving.

“Oh, Logan…” Patton shook his head fondly. Remy gave nervous chuckle.

“He’s so hot when he’s angry.”

“I… apologise for getting frustrated back at the apartment.” Logan whispered as he and Remy made their way to Remy’s house. Remy just waved his hand.

“Gurl, it’s fine. He explained he’s trans, and that it didn’t bother him, but for you, I won’t call Patton ‘gurl’ again.”

“Thank you.”

“It’s really cute how close you two are, you know?” Remy smiled. Logan blushed.

“I am glad it was Patton who adopted me.”

“You mean you love him.” Remy chuckled. “Lo, I think I fucked up.”

“Oh, heavens, what have you done now?”

“Um… Thomas and his boyfriend got in a fight and… yeah they’re not boyfriends anymore.”

“And… you had something to do with that?”

“You know what, forget I said anything, okay?” Remy laughed. “It’s nothing.”

“But-”

“Here we are, isn’t it funny how close we live now?” Remy stopped in front of a house with a wide grin.

“Remy, we are two streets further apart.”

“Oh, yeah.” Remy shrugged, opening the front door. “Ah well, after you, babes.”

“Fine, but we are talking about this later.” Logan warned him before entering the house. Remy followed.

“I come bearing boyfriends!”

“Hi, Logan!” Thomas called from somewhere in the house.

“Good evening, Mr Thomas.” Logan called back. Remy rolled his eyes as Thomas exit a room on the left to greet them.

“Ugh. You’re so formal.” Remy moaned.

“Remy, be nice. Logan, it’s just Thomas outside of school, okay?”

“Alright.”

“How are you?”

“I am well, thank you. And yourself?”

“Good, thanks.”

“Liar.” Remy muttered.

“Remy, please.” Thomas sighed. “Logan, do you need anything to eat or drink? Remy has snacks upstairs but I always like to ask.”

“I ate a little while ago, but thank you.”

“No problem. I’ll let you two get on with it.”

“Awesome. Logan, dump your stuff, like, we’re going out.”

“Remy, it is pitch black!” Logan cried.

“Well, when else are we gonna see the stars? Duh.”

“Just keep your phones on you and don’t go far, okay?” Thomas told them. “If anyone approaches you-“

“Call the police, we know, Logan, shove your bag away!” Remy shoved Logan slightly, who rolled his eyes and went upstairs. “First room on the right! Oh, yeah. I was told to give this to you.” Remy scrambled around in his pocket, pulling out a slip of paper and handing it to Thomas. “It’s Patton’s number.”

“Thank you… Remy?”

“Yeah?”

“Just… Are you okay?”

“Sure I am, why wouldn’t I be?”

“Because I had a huge fight with my boyfriend yesterday and he dragged you into it.” Thomas whispered, kneeling down. “He made you feel like it was your fault and it wasn’t, okay?

“Yeah, sure, like… whatever…”

“Remy-“

“Is that better?” Logan asked as he strode downstairs and crossed his arms. Remy beamed.

“Perfect, let’s go!”

“Boys, please don’t go far! Be back by midnight, okay? If you’re not, I’m gonna come find you.”

“Okay.” Remy grabbed Logan’s hand and tugged him out the door before he could respond. Thomas just rolled his eyes, looking down at the paper in his hands.

“Remy, where are you taking me?” Logan asked nervously as Remy pulled him across the empty road, their hands clasped tight together.

“To your missed childhood!”

“I do not understand… You cannot take me to a… a past event, especially one that never occurred.”

“No, but I can take you somewhere where you’ll feel like a kid.” Remy beamed. “I can’t believe I hadn’t thought of this before… Here we are!”

“A playground?” Logan shivered, wrapping his arms around himself as he stared at the large children’s playground in front of them. He didn’t want to admit he was cold; He’d forgotten to grab his coat before leaving Patton’s apartment.

“Yeah! And it’s empty because it’s, like, night time. We can do whatever we want.”

“That sounds suggestive. And creepy.”

“You’re as gross as Patton, you know that, babes?” Remy rolled his eyes and let go of Logan’s hand to open the gate. “Just come play with me.”

“That sounds somewhat worse.”

“Ew! Stop it!”

“I’m just teasing.” Logan rolled his eyes with a fond smile as he walked through the gate, Remy following behind.

“You ever been in a playground, babes?”

“Yes, the night I ran away from Patton, I went to a park.”

“Jeez. I meant, like, in your childhood, Lo.”

“Oh. Then no, I have not.” Logan looked around. “What is that?”

“Only the best thing in the world, Logan! That’s a zip wire!” Remy took Logan’s hand again, pulling him along. He left him at the start of the wire, rushing down to fetch the seat and take it back. “Come here, hold this seat.”

“Alright.” Logan did as he was asked, holding the chain to keep the seat in place. Remy sat on it with a smirk.

“Now get on my lap.”

“What?”

“Get on my lap or I’m gonna make you.”

“Fine.” Logan sighed, taking a deep breath before jumping onto Remy’s lap. He gasped slightly as they began to move, Remy laughing at Logan’s priceless expression.

“Isn’t this fun?” Remy asked with a whoop. Logan couldn’t help but laugh; the adrenaline and crisp winter air felt like nothing he’d ever experienced before. “Hold onto me, babes.” Remy tightened his hold on Logan, who gripped Remy’s shirt and yelped when they hit the end with a ‘clunk’. They both laughed as they bounced in place.

“Can we do that again?” Logan asked, sliding down from Remy’s lap.

“Bet you can’t do it your own.”

“Yes, I can!”

“You couldn’t do it a minute ago!”

“And you can’t do it in a minute.”

“What does that- Agh!” Remy cried out as Logan shoved him off the seat and snatched it, running back up to the start with it. Remy laughed and chased after him, fumbling for his phone as he ran. Once he’d caught up, he held up his phone and started recording.

“Go away, it’s mine.” Logan whined as he held the seat back away from Remy. “What are you doing?”

“Filming your first go on a zipwire all by yourself, like a big boy.” Remy giggled. Logan glared at him. “Well? Go on then.”

“This is peer pressure.” Logan rolled his eyes and sat on the seat, Remy laughing as he filmed his boyfriend gliding down the wire. Man, he was so sending this to Patton.

“Remember to hold on!” Remy shouted.

Just in time to see Logan fly off the end.

Remy couldn’t help it, he laughed. He laughed so hard that he cried as he ran down to the end of the wire, where Logan was sitting in the grass, grumbling to himself.

“Oh my god, babes, are you okay?” Remy asked through giggles. Logan glared up at him, adjusting his glasses.

“Do not show that video to Patton.”

“I’m totally sending this video to Patton.”

After a few more goes on the zip wire, Remy showed Logan how to use the slides, the see-saw, the climbing frame, and the merry-go-round. Which was why Logan was sat on the ground, clinging to the leg of the swing set.

“Don’t you wanna swing?” Remy asked from his swing.

“Maybe when the world stops spinning…” Logan muttered. “I understand the Earth rotates on its axis, but this is ridiculous…” Remy smiled at Logan’s nerdy addition, but it quickly fell.

“You’re having fun though, right?”

“I… am. Yes. I am cold but I am having fun.”

“You’re cold? Wh-why didn’t you say something sooner?!”

“Remy-“

“I didn’t even think- I’m so sorry, Lo, here.” Remy slid off the swing and pulled off his leather jacket, draping it over Logan’s shoulders. “I’m such a bad- Ugh, I should have realised you were cold.”

“Why is it your job to notice things like that?”

“Because you’re my boyfriend! I’m supposed to take care of you but I'm ruining everything just like-” Remy froze.

“Like what?”

“Nothing.”

“You’re acting weird… What’s going on?”

“Nothing, Lo, honestly.”

“I’m offended that you would lie to me, especially on a date.”

“It don’t want to ruin this…”

“You won’t ruin anything.” Logan’s voice grew soft, gentle. “Please?”

“I…” Remy sighed, sitting in front of Logan. “I ruin everything, Lo… It’s my fault Thomas’ boyfriend left, my fault Percy hurt you, my fault my parents are dead. I cause more messes than I fix and I… I don’t know what to do, Logan…”

“Remy…?”

Logan hadn’t seen Remy emote like this since the graveyard. Tears spilled down Remy’s face as he took off his sunglasses and rubbed at his eyes in a futile attempt to stop them.

“My Dad was super depressed. I made it worse. Mom didn’t work, so he worked to support us, so he was never home. I’d pester him whenever he was home. He barely got any sleep because I just constantly asked if he’d play with me or read to me or… anything. He was always tired, he hated his job, he hated coming home. The day of the night he killed himself, he told me ‘You never think about anyone but yourself’. A-and he was right…”

“Remy, that’s not true-”

“I punched Thomas’ boyfriend.” Remy choked. “I freaked out. He was in my room, checking to see if I was okay, and I just got up and punched him and he yelled at me and said he never wanted me anyway, that he should have adopted Percy instead and went to hit me back but Thomas got in the way and yelled at him, and Thomas just… He just kicked him out… because I can’t handle anything.”

“Remy, stop.” Logan reached out, taking Remy’s wrists in his hands.

“I should have let my Dad shoot me that night…”

“But then you would have missed me.” Logan echoed the words he’d heard at Remy’s Father’s grave. “And I would have missed you.”

“But I’m just like him, Logan…” Remy choked, going limp. “I’m as selfish and stupid as he was.”

“Stop it.” Logan leaned forwards, pulling Remy into his arms and against his chest. “Stop it right now. You are not selfish, nor are you stupid.Percy told me about how you gave up a chance for a family to stay with me. You looked after me all those nights I struggled to get through. You brought me here, tonight, to experience the childhood I missed. None of those things are selfish.”

“But-”

“If your Father had succeeded in killing you, I… I very much doubt I would have stayed alive long enough to be adopted.”

“What?”

“When you said at the graveyard that I was your reason for living for a long time? The feeling is mutual.” Logan whispered. Remy sniffed. “Thomas’ boyfriend shouldn’t have lashed out like that, especially over something you couldn’t help. It’s not your fault they broke up. You wouldn’t call me selfish for protecting myself, so why are you calling yourself selfish for the same reasons?”

“But you had it worse-”

“Don’t you dare.” Logan hissed. “My past was not better or worse to yours, it was different. My past was completely different to you, you cannot compare the two. Abuse and murder are different. Have you told Thomas about any of this?”

“No. I don’t wanna bother him.”

“He’s not going to mind. He’s not like your Father.”

“I’ll tell him tomorrow.”

“We all know that’s a lie.” Remy tensed in Logan’s arms at the new voice, looking up to see Thomas a few meters away. “Logan text me, said he needed help.”

“How…?” Remy blinked. Logan smiled sadly, holding up Remy’s phone.

“I apologise.”

“How much did you-”

“Not enough, but I got some idea.” Thomas knelt in front of Remy and Logan. “I know it’s gonna take a while to trust me, and that’s okay, but what happened between me and him happened because I don’t want to be with him. He showed his true colours when he yelled at you and went to hit you. I can’t love someone like that.”

“Okay.”

“I just hope that one day you’ll be able to talk to me more openly, but we’ll take our time, and it’ll feel better once everything’s properly settled.”

“I can confirm, it is a lot easier once you have sifted through the emotions and uncertainty.” Logan offered. “Hugs help.”

“I can do hugs.” Thomas smiled, opening his arms. Remy crawled out of Logan’s arms and into Thomas’, allowing the unusual feeling to sink in.

“I don’t remember the last time I had a Dad hug…” Remy muttered. “It’s nice.”

“You can have as many Dad hugs as you want.” Thomas whispered. “How about we get you home?”

“Okay…” Remy yawned. Logan chuckled.

“Is it a piggy back night?”

“Yeah…”

“Hop on then.” Logan smirked as he stood. Remy tore himself from Thomas and weakly jumped onto Logan’s back. Once Logan adjusted him slightly, Thomas led them home.

Remy was asleep by the time they got home. Logan fell asleep not long after, next to Remy on his bed, his head resting on Remy’s chest.

Chapter Text

[To Patton - 08:20] I have arrived at school. Did you watch the news this morning?

[From Patton - 08:21] Thanks for letting me know, Kiddo! I didn’t actually. Has something happened? Xx

[To Patton - 08:21] My Father was released from prison last night.

[From Patton - 08:22] Oh god Logan Im so sorry… Are you sure you wanna be at school today? I can come and get you if you want. Xxx

[To Patton - 08:23] Thank you, but I believe I can manage. It is just unsettling to know he is out.

[From Patton - 08:24] Okay but I’m gonna come pick you up after school, okay? Take it easy, kiddo. Xxx

[To Patton - 08:25] Thank you, Papa. Xx

[From Patton - 08:26]  <3 !!! Xxx

“Hey, babes. You okay?”

“Good morning, Remy. I am. How are you?”

“Tired.” Remy yawned as he wrapped his arms around Logan’s waist and rest his head on Logan’s shoulder. Logan smiled fondly.

“Remy, we’re about to go into class.”

“And that means I can’t, like, hug you?” Remy moaned.

“It means you can’t go to sleep on me.”

“Who said I was gonna do that?”

“You always do that.”

“Touché. I heard second lesson was cancelled. Like, Mrs Dot isn’t in.”

“My Father was released from prison last night…” Logan whispered, wincing as he said it. Remy looked up.

“They let him out?”

“Child abusers don’t get locked up for very long unfortunately.” Remy and Logan turned to the new voice to find Virgil smiling weakly. “If there’s anything I can do, Lo…”

“I will let you know. Thank you, Virgil.”

“Hey, so… Mrs Dot is off so I don’t have class. I’m skipping the next one. Do you two wanna skip with me?”

“Sounds sweet, hun. We don’t have second period. We can, like, have the morning off. What do you say, babes?” Remy beamed, turning to Logan. Logan blinked.

“You mean… willingly not go to class?”

“Ugh. Logan’s been to every class ever.” Remy rolled his eyes, resting his head back on Logan’s shoulder. “He’s a goody-two-shoes. Like, never skipped one class, not until Patton adopted him anyway.”

“Just tell the teacher you’re having a mental health crisis and that you want to study in the library. That what I do.” Virgil shrugged. “They’ll probably call Patton and let him know, but do you honestly think Patton’s gonna care?”

“I don’t know…”

“Gurl, it’s one class. Live a little.” Remy beamed. “Everyone’s skipped class, like, at least once before they finish high school. And, let’s be honest, do you really think you’re gonna focus on algebra right now?”

“You are having a mental health crisis, so you’re not lying, are you?” Virgil raised an eyebrow. Logan sighed.

“I… suppose I could ask for worksheets…”

“Yes!”

“Atta boy!” Virgil and Remy laughed over each other.

“Meet me by your locker, okay?”

“Alright.”

It was surprisingly easier than Logan had thought to get out of his lesson, especially since Mr Thomas was substituting again. Once Logan and Remy explained, he told Logan to take things slow and gave him some worksheets to complete instead. Remy only just got away with it, because he gave Mr Thomas the most convincing puppy-dog-eyes Logan ever did see.

If Remy ever used them on him it the future, he’d never be able to withstand them.

“So… You escaped.” Virgil smirked as the two met with him by Logan’s locker. Logan shrugged.

“This feels wrong.”

“Yeah, well, you need this.” Virgil muttered, taking Logan by the wrist and tugging him through the nearest exit door. “Come on.”

“Wait, I thought we were going to study in the library?”

“Haha, no.” Virgil smirked. “That’s what I told you to tell him so you’d skip class. No, we’re going outside.”

“Ew, nature.” Remy groaned. “Why?”

“Because.” Virgil pulled Logan along, Remy following behind, until they reached what seemed to be a large bush between once of the school gates and the school building. “Go on.”

“You want me to go in a hedge?” Logan asked. Virgil sighed and shoved him, giving Logan little time to react. However, he realised once he was on the other side why Virgil had brought him here.

It was a small garden at the back of the school, mostly hidden by hedges and overgrown plants, leaving patches of fence, and cut off by the back of the school building.

“It’s a lot nicer in the summer, but yeah. No-one can see us here.” Virgil smirked. “I like to chill here in moments of stress.”

“Virgil, every moment is a moment of stress for you.” Logan rolled his eyes fondly. Virgil shrugged.

“Do something relaxing until third period.” Virgil told them, settling himself down on the ground and pulling out a thick black book and a wired notebook. Remy settled down in his own little patch of grass, fully intent on sleeping. Logan frowned and sat where he was, pulling out his worksheets, only to have them snatched out his hand.

“No! Work is not relaxing!”

“But-”

“Don’t you have a hobby? Like… Like drawing? Or something?”

“He likes to read.” Remy muttered. Logan sighed.

“I did not bring a book.”

“Ah, jeez… Then… Then read mine.” Virgil growled, tossing the notebook at Logan.

“What is this?”

“Writings. Poems. Whatever. Just… don’t comment on them.”

“These are your own works?” Logan asked, flicking through the notebook with awe. “Are you certain you want me to read them?”

“Sure, why not? Anything to get you to chill.” Virgil muttered, opening his thick black book and proceeding to draw in it.

“Just give in, Hun.” Remy yawned. “Come keep me warm.”

That was how they spent the next two hours.

Remy lay sprawled out on the grass on his stomach, his face resting on his arms as he snoozed lazily in the the winter sun.

Logan lay on the grass, his head resting on Remy’s back as he read through Virgil’s writings, genuinely impressed with the majority of them. He hoped Virgil would consider publishing something in the future. He’d definitely read it.

Virgil just sat over his book, scribbling something. Logan couldn’t see what it was clearly enough, though he was wary to only look when Virgil wasn’t looking. He didn’t want to be caught invading his friends privacy.

Patton text after Mr Thomas apparently called.

[From Patton - 10:06] Hey Lo, Mr Thomas just called and said you weren’t feeling too great mentally. You sure you don’t want me to pick you up? Xx

[To Patton - 10:08] I am alright, thank you. Virgil and Remy convinced me to ‘chill’. I figured I could always do the work later.

[From Patton - 10:09] I’m just glad you’re looking after yourself and taking your own needs into account. Xx

[To Patton - 10:10] Thank you, Papa. I will go to the remainder of my lessons.

[From Patton - 10:11] You’re such a good boy, Lo. Do what you need to do. I love you. Xx

[To Patton - 10:12] Thank you. I love you too. Xx

The rest of the day passed without much trouble. Logan was able to concentrate on his Computing class, Physics class, and English class without much thought towards his Father.

Until it was time to go home.

“Do we wait here or under the tree?” Remy asked as they waited outside reception, indicating to the roundabout at their end of the car park that parents had to drive around to get onto the right side of the road to pick up their children. Logan frowned.

“He’s picked me up here before. I assume he’ll do so aga-.”

“Well.” A voice cut him off. “If it isn’t four-eyes and his little pet.”

“Percy, you are banned from school grounds.” Logan growled, adjusting his glasses as he turned to the taller boy. “Kindly leave before I go and tell Mr Thomas you are here.”

“A nerd and a tattletale.” Percy snorted. “Such a teacher’s pet.”

“Percy, leave us alone!” Remy pushed in front of Logan. “If you so much as touch Logan again, I swear to God herself, I will lose my shoe up your ass and I don’t give a damn about the consequences! You’re lucky I didn’t wax your goddamn eyebrows off after the shit you pulled with the locker!”

“Remy, just ignore him.” Logan sighed. “Come on, we should go and wait somewhere else.”

“What’s this?” Percy snarled, grabbing Remy by the back of his leather jacket. “You running away, pussy?”

“We’re taking the figurative high road.” Logan growled. “Let go.”

“Hmm… No.”

A loud beep caught Logan’s attention, and he turned towards the found. He sighed in relief when he saw Emile’s car coming down the road towards the collection point. Patton would tell Mr Thomas that Percy was back, and Percy would get sent away again.

“I suggest you leave us alone, unless you want to see my Father when he’s angry.” Logan warned, waving to Patton.

Three things happened in rapid succession.

As Logan turned back, Percy glanced over to where Logan had been looking, his eyes lighting up with an idea that Remy and Logan saw too late.

Remy was grabbed by the front of his jacket and shoved out into the road with force, straight into the path of Emile’s car.

Patton panicked, swerving the car as he accidentally pushed down the accelerator instead of the brake, sending the now speeding car crashing into the large tree in the center of the roundabout.

Percy ran as Remy picked himself up from the middle of the road, panting for breath and causing under his breath as it hit him what had just happened. Logan stood frozen, his eyes fixed on the now smoking wreck under the tree.

“Patton…?”

Chapter Text

“Remy, call an ambulance!” Logan cried as he ran across the road towards the wreck, screaming Patton’s name. Remy pulled out his phone without hesitation, frantically dialling 911 with trembling fingers.

He’d nearly died… But he hadn’t, at what cost…?

“Remy!” Virgil pushed through the crowd of students to get to the boy’s side. He skidded to a halt upon seeing the wreck. “Fuck, is that Emile’s car?! Who…?”

“Patton…”

“Fuck, Logan!” Virgil dropped his rucksack, sprinting off to catch up with his friend as the call operator picked up.

“911, what service do you require?”

“A-Ambulance…” Remy jumped as a hand fell on his shoulder; He barely registered the reassuring smile Mr Thomas gave him before the teacher ran after Virgil.

“Patton!” Logan rounded the back of the car, running over to the driver’s side. He froze momentarily when the first thing he saw was blood trailing down the window. Tears burned in his eyes almost instantly. He shook them away.

He had to be logical. For Patton.

Pushing his emotions under the metaphorical bed, Logan pulled open the driver side door, trying his hardest to stay strong as he looked over Patton’s limp form. The worst of the injuries seemed to be a wound on his forehead where the airbags had failed to inflate.

Patton was unconscious, or dead, Logan wasn’t sure which, and he was scared to find out. As long as he didn’t reach up and feel for his pulse to confirm, Patton was floating in a state of both alive and dead, or at least he was according to Schrödinger. Logan shook his head. Now was not the time.

“Logan!”

“Virgil.”

“Fuck, is he breathing? Do we move him?” Virgil asked. Logan held his breath, reaching up for Patton’s neck and placing his two fingers over where Patton’s pulse should be.

“He’s alive.” Logan breathed a sigh of relief, unable to move his hand away. He instead rest it on Patton’s shoulder. “I am uncertain as to the extent of his injuries, so no, we shouldn’t move him.”

“What happened?” Mr Thomas asked as he caught up, paling at the sight of Patton sitting unconscious and deathly pale in the driver's seat.

“Percy pushed Remy in front of Patton. Patton panicked.”

“Lo, don’t cars explode?” Virgil asked suddenly.

“I-I do not… Know…” Logan winced as he hit himself in the head. “If the fuel tank has not ruptured, there is no threat of fire.”

“Lo, is he conscious?” Remy panted, coming to stand with them as Mr Thomas knelt down to check under the car. Logan shook his head. “No.” Remy paused. “They said don’t move him just in case.”

“The fuel tank’s fine.” Mr Thomas assured them.

“Someone needs to call Emile.” Logan turned to Virgil, who nodded immediately and pulled his phone out.

“Nng…”

“Patton?” Logan tensed as Patton whimpered. “Patton, try not to move.” He ordered, squeezing his Dad’s shoulder. Patton blinked his eyes open. “It’s going to be okay. We have called an ambulance, they will be here soo- Patton?” Logan panicked as Patton’s head dropped. “Patton, stay awake!”

“Don’t move him, Lo!” Virgil cried, phone still pressed to his ear. Logan fought back the urge to cry, to focused on Patton’s wellbeing to notice the sirens that slowly grew closer. Remy gripped Logan by the arm.

“The ambulance is here, Logan.” He whispered, pulling Logan back, but Logan couldn’t bring himself to let go of Patton’s shoulder. “Lo, babe, we gotta move, they need to get him to a hospital…”

Logan let go.

The journey to the hospital was tedious, for lack of a better word.

Logan sat in the back of the ambulance with Virgil, the two of them forcing down any emotions that tried to bubble over. Logan had to be serious, to increase Patton’s chances of survival. Virgil had to be positive, to support his friend.

Thomas and Remy drove behind, Remy refusing to speak, simply staring at the back of the ambulance in front of them. Thomas bit his lip, trying to think of something to say, but was unable to think of anything. It would be easier once Remy had comprehended everything that had happened.

The ambulance sped into the hospital car-park and pulled up in the ambulance bay by the entrance, followed by Thomas, who parked wherever he could. Nurses spilled out the hospital doors and clambered into the back of the ambulance, eager to get to Patton.

Apparently, that’s when Logan had reached his limit.

The boy screamed , trying to get closer to Patton, who was being unloaded from the ambulance. Two nurses, plus Virgil, were desperately trying to pull Logan back as two paramedics and two nurses took Patton inside. Thomas clambered out of the car, running over to scene.

“Logan!”

“Let go of me! Get off! Papa!” Logan struggled against the nurse’s grip. “I’ve been good! Let me go!”

“Logan, Logan!” Thomas cried, kneeling in front of the boy and taking his wrists in his hands. Logan thrashed harder, a choked sob escaping his throat.

“I’ve been good! Please! I don’t want Papa to be with Momma!”

Thomas’ heart broke. He didn’t know much about Logan, except what Remy and Patton had told him, which told him the kid had had it rough for a long time. It didn’t make it hurt any less though.

“Logan, sweetheart, you’re not in trouble, and Patton’s going to be okay, but you need to calm down before we go inside, okay?”

“I can’t!”

“Lo,” Remy whispered, coming to his side and gently wrapping his arms around his terrified boyfriend. The nurse backed off. “4, 7, 8… C-can you do that for me?”

“No!”

“Can you try? Please? It’s okay to be upset but you’re going to hyperventilate and then you’ll be no use to Patton at all.”

“I- Remy, help me…”

“I got you, hun… Breathe with me. In for 4. That’s it… Hold for 7. Good job, Lo. Out for 8.” Remy whispered, rubbing Logan’s back as the younger boy did his best to copy the breathing.

Thomas watched as Logan’s breathing slowly eased. Remy pulled his boyfriend close, pressing a kiss to Logan’s forehead as he watched Logan succumb to the exhaustion.

“Logan!”

“Uncle…?” Logan glanced up, looking around to see where the voice had come from. As soon as he caught sight of Emile he broke free from Remy’s hold and ran to meet him halfway, allowing himself to collide into his Uncle. No sooner had he thrown his arms around Emile’s waist, the tears were back and he broke into sobs.

“I don’t want to be an orphan again…”

“Shh, Logan, h-he’s gonna be okay, I’m sure of it. We’ll be okay…” Emile choked, leaning down and readjusting Logan’s hold on him so the boy’s arms were around his neck before pulling him up into a back-to-front piggyback. Logan clung to Emile, too upset to feel embarrassed or ashamed about being carried like a child.

He couldn’t remember much after that, mostly because he’d fallen asleep.

“Thank you…” Emile whispered, turning to Thomas. The two of them sat in an empty waiting area with Logan, Virgil and Remy, all deathly silent.

“For what? Logan took charge-”

“I mean for being here.” Emile tightened his hold on Logan, who lay slumped over his lap in the same back-to-front piggyback position, his face smooshed against his chest. “He’d have tried to do everything alone. He’d have needed someone. I’m Emile, by the way… Patton’s brother.”

“Thomas. Remy’s Dad.”

“Thanks, Thomas.”

“You gonna be okay…?”

“No.” Emile sniffed, forcing a laugh. “But I’ll have to be.”

“I didn’t see what happened…”

“Percy pushed me in front of Patton’s car.” Remy spoke up. “He should have just hit me.”

“Shut up.” Virgil spat.

“Virgil! Remy, don’t say that.” Emile whispered. Thomas reached over, pulling Remy close and pressing a soft kiss to Remy’s hair.

“But he’d be okay…”

“And you wouldn’t be.” Thomas whispered. “I know you don’t matter to yourself, but you matter to me and I don’t care how long it takes, I am going to make you see it one day, like Patton made Logan see it. Either way, Logan would be sitting here now, so don’t overthink it, okay?”

“Thomas is right. Thinking about it won’t change what happened. It’s better to just focus on the here and now.”

“What if Patton doesn’t…?” Remy bit back a sob.

“No ‘what ifs’.” Thomas hugged him tight. “They’re too dangerous.”

Emile couldn’t help but smile sadly at that.

“Where is he?!”

“Roman’s here.” Virgil muttered sleepily against Emile, who hummed. The commotion coming from reception was enough to wake any of the patients, even those in comas. After a few more shouts and a threat of removal from security, Roman was finally calmed enough to be led through to the corridor. As soon as he saw the five sitting there, he sighed in relief.

“Virge…”

“Ro…” Virgil reached up lazily, allowing Roman to pull him up and sit down, adjusting himself so Virgil could sit comfortably on his lap.

“How is he?” Roman asked, turning to Emile as Thomas and Remy started their own little conversation.

“The Doctor said he’s stable at the moment. We can’t see him until they finished stitching his head.”

“He hit his head…?” Roman whispered.

“He’s gonna forget everyone or be paralysed or go blind or deaf or-“

“Virgil, we’ve talked about this.” Emile hissed. “Patton is fine until proven not-fine.”

“It doesn’t work like that!”

“Don’t overthink it, Virgil.” Roman shushed him, running a hand through his hair.

“Easy for you to say, Ro. You weren’t there.”

“How’s Logan…?” Roman asked, turning his attention to the boy in Emile’s lap. Emile sighed.

“He’s terrified… He’s scared of being orphaned again.”

“B-but Patton’s okay, right?!”

“As far as we know, it was just a head injury.” Emile quickly reassured him. Roman thought for a moment.

“If… anything did happen…?”

“I’d adopt him myself, but it’s not going to happen, you hear me?” Emile choked. “He’s fine.”

“Okay.” Roman whispered, his voice cracking as he turned away. Virgil reached up and hugged him.

“Excuse me… Emile Picani?” Emile’s head snapped up, his eyes widening at the sight of the Doctor in front of him.

“Y-yeah?”

“We’ve stitched up the wound and he is stable… but we won’t know if there are any complications until… well, if he wakes.”

“I-if?” Virgil paled as Roman held him tighter. Emile whimpered.

“Well… the body goes into a coma to recover from any swelling or bleeding after a head injury. It’s… nearly impossible to tell if he’ll wake soon or not…”

“O-okay. Thank you.” Emile whispered. The Doctor nodded sadly and left, leaving the family in silence.

Remy nuzzled into Thomas’ side as Virgil clung to Roman, while Emile buried his face in Logan’s hair and allowed himself to sob.

Chapter Text

“Can you stop pacing for, like, one minute!”

“No, Virgil, I can’t! Because pacing helps when stressed!”

“Stabbing people helps when stressed, but I’m not gonna go around doing that because that would piss people off, like you’re pissing me off, so stop it!”

“Stop criticising my coping mechanisms!”

“Your coping mechanisms piss me off!”

“Boys! Stop it!” Emile hissed, one hand over Logan’s ear to prevent waking the boy. “Act your age. Both of you.” Roman and Virgil made a face at each other before Roman returned to pacing, and Virgil went back to scrolling through tumblr.

Logan was still asleep, and had been since his emotional meltdown. He didn’t wake when the Doctor led them to Patton’s private room, or when Emile handed the teenager over to Roman so he could go and cry in the bathroom for 10 minutes, or when Roman had most dropped him because sure Logan was light, but he was awkward to hold.

Emile sighed, turning his head to where Thomas and Remy sat in the window seat, Remy’s head in Thomas’ lap as the two slept, oblivious to the world. Thomas was really sweet, Emile thought, to stay and support them.

“Roman, sit your goddamn buttocks down before I throw something.”

“You’ve got nothing to throw!” Roman whined. Emile glared at him and pointed down at Logan.

“Don’t test me.”

“Patton would wake up just to kill you.” Virgil sniggered as Roman sat down, crossing his arms grumpily. Emile sighed, wrapping his arms around Logan’s skinny frame.

Patton lay in a bed next to Emile’ chair, deathly pale and looking ten years younger. Emile hadn’t seen Patton so fragile in his life, not even when he’d broken down about coming out as trans to their parents. How Emile wished this problem were as simple as that one had been.

“Papa…?”

“Lo…?” Emile looked down as Logan shifted and blinked his eyes open, lazily gazing over at Patton as he smooshed his face against Emile’s chest. “Hey, Hold on a sec, bud.” Emile whispered, pulling Logan’s glasses from his pocket, which he’d removed to prevent Logan hurting himself whilst asleep, and gently placed them on Logan’s face. Logan yawned.

“Is he okay?”

“We… Don’t know yet.” Emile whispered, rubbing Logan’s back. “He might not wake up anytime soon…”

“Oh… a-and Remy…?”

“Remy’s alright. A bit shaken, but he’s asleep right now.”

“I focused on Patton.”

“I know, he won’t blame you for that.”

“I want Remy…”

“He’s over there on the window, look.” Emile whispered, pointing over to where Thomas and Remy were sleeping. “Roman and Virgil are here too, see?” Logan turned his head to sleepily face the other two, who immediately dropped any evidence that they were stressed and upset and smiled at Logan.

“Hey, bud.”

“Hiya, Sleepy Specs.” Roman forced a smile as he reached over and brushed a hair from Logan’s eyes. “How’re you feeling?”

“Tired. Scared. Thirsty.”

“I can help with one of those. What would you like to drink?” Roman asked. Logan shook his head.

“I can get it.”

“But-“

“I… want to be alone to get it.”

“Oh. O-Oh okay, sure. There’s a machine in the reception area, and the toilets are at the end of the corridor.” Roman whispered. “Unless… You want some help?”

“Perhaps… you could just show me where the toilets are…?” Logan whispered. Roman nodded with a knowing smile on his face.

“Of course.”

The impending breakdown was almost immediate. They’d barely reached the toilets before Logan started crying, whimpering softly at first. As soon as Roman knelt down and pulled him into a tight embrace, Logan bawled like a newborn child.

“I don’t want to lose him…” Logan choked, burying his face in Roman’s shoulder as he choked back sobs. Roman shushed him softly, rubbing Logan’s back. “I know I have not been the b-best Son… a-and that I’ve been conflicted about b-being someone in this Family, but I d-didn’t want this…”

“Logan-! This isn’t your fault! “ Roman whispered, holding him close. “Is that what you’ve been thinking?! Oh, Logan… You mustn’t think that… This was Percy’s fault, not yours. You didn’t make Patton come to school, you didn’t make Percy push Remy in front of him, and you didn’t make Patton drive into that tree.”

“I-If I hadn’t skipped class-”

“Percy could have seriously hurt you and Remy anyway. He was there, at the school, when he shouldn’t have been. He could just as easily have pushed either of you in front of someone else’s car instead and then we’d be here anyway.”

Logan didn’t speak.

“Logan, no one here blames you, so why blame yourself?” Roman whispered. “You did nothing wrong.”

“He shouldn’t have adopted me, I was a mistake, I shouldn’t-”

“Shut up, right now.” Roman growled, grabbing Logan by the shoulders and pulling him away. Logan blinked in such shock that Roman almost dropped his seriousness to apologise. “No-one is a mistake! Do you think I thought I was worth something when Virgil and I were living on whatever I earned when I was half-naked?!”

“I-I didn’t-”

“I know you didn’t, but my point stands. I am someone, I have been all along, but I never realised it until I met Patton… Patton’s good at that…” Roman smiled fondly. “He’s good at making people see their own worth… And he sees so much worth in me, in you, in everyone he loves. You are someone, Logan. He doesn’t lie about love. He’s not an asshole like Declan, not like your sorry excuse of a Father, not like that Miriam bitch. He’s an honest person, and he loves you.”

“I don’t want him to die…” Logan broke all over again, throwing himself at Roman. Roman choked back his own sob.

“He’s not going to die, Lo. He wouldn’t leave you.”

“Is he okay…?” Emile asked as Roman entered the room alone. Roman shook his head.

“He’s gone to get a drink.”

“How do you know?” Virgil asked, worry in his expression. “He’s emotional and alone. What if he’s run away again? What if he’s gone to kill himself?”

“I-I didn’t think-“ Roman whispered. Emile stood.

“I’m sure he’s fine, I’ll go look for him.”

It didn’t take Emile long.

Logan was at reception, talking to the lady at the desk, two paper cups on the desk in front of him. Emile didn’t think anything of it, until Logan handed over a form.

“Woah, woah, Logan!” Emile cried, running over to the desk. Logan blinked. “Wh-what’re you doing?!”

“I am paying Patton’s hospital bills.”

“Logan!”

“You are not in any position to do so, and neither is Patton. Roman is jobless. Logically, I should pay them since I have the money sitting in an account and not going anywhere.”

“But-“

“If it helps, you can pay me back when you are more financially stable. Consider it a loan without interest.” Logan forced a smile. Emile sighed.

“Logan…”

“You know this is the best way.”

“I know, but that doesn’t mean I like this, and Patton won’t either.”

Logan turned to the woman and thanked her before picking up the cups and handing one to Emile.

“Hot chocolate.”

“You know your old Uncle so well.” Emile chuckled slightly as they made their way back to the room. “So, my car’s been written off.”

“I’m not surprised… I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine. Just means we’ll have to use a bus or taxi for a while.”

“...When is your birthday?”

“December?”

“Darn.”

“Logan, for the love of Steven Universe, please tell me you weren’t thinking about buying a car.”

“Then I will not tell you.”

“Logan.” Emile knelt down in the middle of the corridor, wincing when Logan flinched. “Lo, Turtleduck… You need to put yourself first right now, okay? Everything else can wait. You’re like… You’re like Kyoya Ootori from Ouran High School Host Club. You ever seen that?”

“No.”

“Well, Kyoya was the third and youngest son of Yoshio Ootori, who owned a lot of businesses and hospitals. Kyoya wanted to inherit the company from his Father, but being the third son, he was neglected and ignored, even when he proved himself worthy.”

“How am I like him?”

“You’re trying too hard to prove to others that you’re worthy to be part of this family, like Kyoya tried to prove he was worthy of the Ootori name.” Emile smiled. “You don’t need to try, Logan. You’re already family, and you’ll always be family.”

“Wh-what happened to Kyoya?”

“His Father hit him in front of his friends, and his childhood friend left to go to Paris. After stopping him, he realised who his real family were and abandoned his dream of pursuing his Father’s company to stay with them. To put it simply, he said ‘fuck you’ to his Dad.”

“Oh. Who are you like?”

“From Ouran? I guess I would be… Hunny maybe? He acts younger than he is, but is the oldest of them all. Patton would probably be Haruhi. Roman would definitely be Tamaki. I feel like Remy would be Renge. You know what, why don’t we watch an episode now?”

“I suppose that would be acceptable.”

Turned out Roman and Virgil were both fans of said Anime.

Emile was able to display the episodes on his phone on the TV by some wireless thing he didn’t understand. Virgil showed him 12 times but he still didn’t get it. Thomas and Remy awoke to the theme song, though neither seemed bothered by it, and just sat to watch it.

“Hey, you and Kyoya look the same.” Remy turned to Logan, who blinked.

“How can I look like an animated character?”

“By having dark hair, glasses, and an ‘I’m better than you’ attitude.”

“Virgil!” Roman snapped.

“Umehito is such a mood.” Virgil muttered behind his glass of water.

“Who?” Logan blinked up at Emile, who smirked.

“A guy never goes out in sunlight.”

“Ah.”

“Oh, and what do you mean: I’m like Tamaki?” Roman suddenly turned to Emile, who smirked as Tamaki on-screen curled up in a corner after being called obnoxious.

“He’s definitely Tamaki…” Logan muttered. Virgil snorted so hard his drink nearly came out his nose. Emile laughed. “I am very confused as to why the twins are homosexual with each other… Surely that is incest.”

“It’s ‘taboo love’.” Thomas explained. “They’re just acting for the customers.”

“How long is it going to take them to realise Haruhi’s a girl?”

“No way!” Roman gasped. “You could tell?!”

“Yes.”

“You are so Kyoya, oh my goodness!” Emile gigged. Logan rolled his eyes.

““Kyoya is rude and arrogant.”

“A perfect match.” Virgil sneered. Roman elbowed him.

“I can see why Patton is like Haruhi.” Logan admitted. “Though I do not think you’re Hunny.”

“Oh?” Emile asked.

“Perhaps one of the twins… Thomas can be the other twin.”

“Fine but I’m Hikaru.” Emile gave in. Roman snorted.

“That’s basically the same as saying ‘Fine but I’m the top’.”

“Oi!” Emile whacked him as Thomas snorted with laughter. Logan smirked, turning towards Patton to check on him. His entire body tensed.

“Lo? Hey, what’s wrong?”

“Patton.” Logan whispered. Everyone turned their attention to the bed, where Patton was lying.

But his eyes were open.

“Oh, my god, Roman, go get a nurse.” Emile gasped. Logan clambered out of Emile’s lap as Roman ran out of the room. Emile approached the bed and took Patton’s limp hand in his. “Oh god, Pat… I-I…”

“Happy…” Patton whispered, a small smile on his face. “Family…”

“That’s right, Pat. I-I’m happy and we’re your family.”

Patton shook his head.

“D-don’t move, okay? Roman’s gone to get a nurse… Lo, Lo, come hold his hand.” Emile whispered. Logan practically snatched Patton’s hand from Emile, hugging it to his chest. Patton let out a small chuckle.

“Love…”

“Yes. I love you.” Logan whispered. Patton nodded, squeezing Logan’s hand.

“Love.”

“You love me too.” Logan smiled slightly as Patton nodded again.

“I got a nurse!” Roman announced as he entered the room, a nurse trailing behind.

“Stay…?” Patton whispered. Logan nodded.

“Stay.”

Chapter Text

Logan stayed with Patton as the nurse conducted a few tests, holding his hand supportively. When the Doctor came in to conduct his own tests, however, he forced Logan to go and wait outside with the others.

Which only made Logan all-the-more smug when the Doctor came out with a sigh and asked him to come back in because Patton was refusing to co-operate without him there.

“There’s no signs of brain damage or memory loss, which is miraculous considering we didn’t expect him to wake any time soon.” The Doctor read off his notes to the others after he’d called them into the room.

“Maybe you’re just a shit Doctor.” Virgil muttered.

“Virgil.” Roman hissed.

“Why is he using one word sentences?” Emile asked.

“You try talking properly after crashing a car.” Patton chuckled. “I was tired.”

“We’ll continue to monitor him and, if he continues to improve, he can be discharged in a few days.” The Doctor told them. “I’ll be back later to assess you again, Patton.”

“Thanks.” Patton smiled. As soon as the Doctor left, Patton giggled. “You were all so cute watching anime together!”

“Papa, don’t ever drive again.” Logan whispered, reaching out and taking Patton’s hand in his. Patton beamed.

“No chances of that happening. We couldn’t want another car -tastrophe!”

“Only you would make puns in hospital.” Emile smiled, leaning down and pressing a kiss to Patton’s forehead. “We’re all just so happy you’re okay, Pat…”

“You had us all worried!” Roman cried dramatically. “Emile, move, it’s my turn to kiss him.”

“I’m surprised he didn’t try and ‘break a spell’ while you were in your mini-coma.” Virgil rolled his eyes with a smile as Roman barged past Emile and pecked Patton’s face repeatedly. “It’s good to have you back, Pat.”

“Thanks, kiddo!” Patton giggled. “Roman, honey, you’re tickling me!”

“Apologies.” Roman bowed, backing away slightly.

“Patton…?” Patton turned his head to see Remy on the other side of the bed, looking down as though he’d rather be anywhere else. “I-I’m so-”

“Stop. Right there.” Patton smiled, reaching over and taking Remy’s sunglasses off his face. Once they were gone, it was clear how hard Remy was trying not to cry. Patton brushed Remy’s hair aside fondly. “I’m just so glad I didn’t hit you…”

“Why?” Remy choked. Patton gasped softly, letting go of Logan’s hand to wrap his arms around Remy as best he could.

“Because I love you, Remy…” Patton whispered. “You’re as much a part of this family as Logan is. I would never forgive myself if I’d hurt you…”

“But-“

“No matter who had been pushed, even if it had been Percy in the road, this would have happened, okay? Don’t blame yourself. I’m talking to you too, Logan.” Patton pulled away and turned to his Son, who nodded. ”I want both of you to get it out of your heads that this is in any way your fault.”

“Okay.” The two boys nodded.

“Can someone now explain why I woke up to ‘kiss kiss fall in love’?” Patton giggled.

An hour later found them all sitting and watching the third episode of Ouran.

Thomas and Remy had gone home, despite Remy’s protests, though Thomas promised to bring him back to visit. Emile sat on his chair as close to Patton as he could possibly get, gripping his brother’s hand almost desperately. Roman sat next to Emile with Virgil on his lap, who was scrolling through his tumblr.

Logan yawned as he leaned against the end of Patton’s bed, having refused to leave Patton’s side since he woke. Patton smiled fondly, more focused on his family than the anime playing on the TV.

“Lo, come here, sweetheart…”

“I’m fine.”

“I know, but I wanna cuddle you.” Patton smiled. Logan couldn’t argue with that. With a soft smile, Logan crept up the bed, allowing Patton to wrap his arms around him. He nestled down against Patton, like a small child would cuddle against their Mother, and sighed in content as Patton began playing with his hair.

“I’m gonna go get a drink. Anyone want anything?” Emile asked, standing suddenly. Everyone muttered a no, except Patton, who was ‘craving some cheese and onion crisps’, despite Roman reminding him that he didn’t actually like cheese and onion crisps. “Okay, be right back.”

Truth be told, Emile was desperate for a coffee to keep him awake. He’d been awake for 24 hours now. Logan, Remy and Thomas had all slept, as had Roman and Virgil for a short while before Roman grew too anxious and started pacing.

But Emile wouldn’t sleep.

He had to look after his family, take Patton’s place of being the protector until Patton was okay. That, and… he feared that, if he fell asleep, he’d wake up and discover this had all been a dream…

“I told you to stop coming here!”

“I need to be here, Dad.”

“You don’t need this therapy shit. It’s a scam to get more money out of you.”

Emile couldn’t help but follow the voices until he rounded a corner, where two people stood arguing, one considerable older than the other, the younger of the two wearing a black and white striped jumper that hung over them adorably.

“I just need someone to talk to about stuff.”

“Talk about what, Elliott? You have no reason to be depressed!”

“I know I don’t, but that doesn’t make me feel any less depressed!”

“No. Come on, we’re going, you don’t need to see this therapist.”

Emile stepped out before he could stop himself.

“Excuse me, Elliott?” He wanted to smack himself in the face, but he continued. “My namesh Dr Picani, I’m shtepping in for your therapy sheshion today. Would you like to come with me?”

“No, he’s not having therapy today.”

“ They , Dad.”

“No, they are. They’re on my lisht.” Emile beamed. “Come along, Elliott.”

“See you later, Dad.” Elliott muttered before following Emile, leaving the man stunned. Once they were a safe distance away, Emile turned to Elliott with a sad smile.

“I-I’m sorry, I’m not a therapist, I mean, I am, but not yet… What I mean is… You didn’t look comfortable and I don’t really know why I got involved and-”

“Dude, it’s okay.” Elliott laughed. “Thanks.”

“No problem.” Emile smiled. “Um. I’m Emile Picani.”

“Elliott Stokes.”

“Emiott.” Shit.

“What?”

“What?”

“Did you just-“

“Just what?”

“You said Emiott.”

“No, I shaid Elliott.”

“Sounded like Emiott.”

“Was definitely Elliott…”

“Right… Well, thanks for saving me and all, but I gotta go find my real therapist.” Elliott smiled. “Um… have you got a pen?”

“I alwaysh have a pen.” Emile winked, pulling a pen out his pocket and handing it over.

Oh dear Mufasa why had he winked what the heckity heck-

“Here’s my number.” Elliott grabbed Emile’s hand and scribbled over it with the pen. Emile had to bite his tie to stop himself from squealing. “Call me later so I can thank you properly, okay?” Elliott handed his pen back, which Emile took gently, as though it were a priceless artefact.

“O-okay.”

“Thanks, Dr Picani .” Elliott smirked before rounding the corner and disappearing. Emile let out a breath and looked down at his hand.

And didn’t take his eyes off it until he was back in Patton’s room.

“Hey, you okay?” Patton asked, cradling a now sleeping Logan to his side. “You went to get a drink but you came back empty handed.” Emile blinked.

“I shaw shomeone.”

“Uh oh. You only do that when you’re head over heels.” Patton giggled.

“Do what?”

“Say ‘sh’ when you say ‘s’.” Patton laughed as Emile blushed. “So… Was he cute?”

“They.”

“Oh, sorry, were they cute?”

“Very.” Emile smiled fondly, looking down at his hand. “They touched my pen.”

Roman almost spat coffee over Virgil, who broke down into a fit of giggles.

“They what?!”

“Not like that!” Emile cried. “I gave them my pen and they gave me their number!”

“What’s their name?”

“Emiott- Elliott! Elliott!”

“Aww! You got a ship name already!”

“You said it in front of them, didn’t you?” Roman smirked.

“You have no proof of that…”

“Oh my god, you’re hopeless.” Patton giggled. “Go and get a drink.”

“Okay.”

Emile finally returned with a drink, only to find Roman and Virgil had gone.

“They’re going home for a while, they’ll be back soon.” Patton smiled, rubbing Logan’s back as the boy slept. “I told them to go eat and sleep. I should tell you to do the same, but you’re my brother, I know what you’re like.”

“Aw, shucks.” Emile chuckled. Patton sighed.

“Em, what’re we gonna do about the bills…?”

“Um. We… don’t… needtopanicaboutthat…” Emile blurted, sitting down in his chair. Patton blinked.

“What do you-?” Then he froze. “Logan.”

“I tried to stop him.”

“I don’t know whether to be mad or grateful.” Patton sighed. “We’re paying him back, right?”

“Of course we are.”

“Good.” Patton whispered. “Hey, Emile…?”

“Yeah?”

“If… anything happened to me, and I couldn’t look after him…”

“Of course I would, Pat. But don’t think about that. We don’t do ‘what ifs’.”

“That only works in relation to the past.” Patton smiled sadly. “We have to prepare for stuff like this…”

“I know, but… I don’t want to think about it…”

“I know, Emmy…”

“Look what you did, you useless, pathetic child!”

“No…”

“You broke him.”

”Papa, please…“

“I should never have told them you existed.”

“Papa, wake up!”

“You’d still be in that damn cupboard today!”

“Papa, please!”

“You belong in that cupboard.”

“Shut up!”

“You couldn’t hurt anyone in there, could you?”

“Stop it! Papa, wake up!”

“He’d still be alive if you were still in there.”

“Papa!”

Logan woke with a gasp, his hand flying to his mouth to prevent himself from screaming as he sat up.

The room was dark, the TV switched off. The only noises were the beeping of Patton’s machines and Emile’s soft snoring. He guessed it was late at night.

With all the strength he could muster, he glanced down at Patton, sighing in relief when he saw he was simply asleep, no blood in sight. Not like in his nightmare…

He never wanted to hold Patton’s bloodied and broken corpse like that ever again, dream or otherwise.

“You couldn’t hurt anyone in there, could you?”

Logan knew he was right. If he’d just died in that cupboard, Patton wouldn’t be here in this bed. Emile wouldn’t be here panicking. Remy would have been adopted far sooner.

And he would be gone.

Part of Logan wanted to go and run and hide in a cupboard, to subject himself to the memories and the fear and he panic to teach himself a lesson, but the other part of him knew Patton wouldn’t want that… Patton wouldn’t want him to do that. He’d be scared.

“Papa…?” Logan whispered, shaking Patton slightly. Patton stirred, blinking his eyes open in confusion.

“Lo, honey…?”

“I want to punish myself.” Logan confessed. Patton shifted slightly to better face him, not that it mattered since he wasn’t wearing his glasses. That didn’t stop Patton leaning forward and pressing a kiss to Logan’s forehead though, even if he missed and got the bridge of his nose instead.

“Logan, I’m so proud of you for telling me, sweetheart… What happened?”

“A nightmare. M-my Father said I should have remained in the cupboard until I died. He said I couldn’t hurt you in there.”

“Lo, it seems to me like those are your own thoughts…” Patton whispered. “I promise that those thoughts are wrong. I’m so… so happy you’re here, Lo… You’ve made my life… better .”

“As you have mine…” Logan sniffed, his eyes burning. Curse his emotions… “I love you.”

“I love you too, Logan!” Patton pulled Logan close, laying them both back down. “I love you so much, Lo, don’t you ever doubt that…”

“I will try not to, though I believe I am getting the hang of it.”

“I’m so proud of you for telling me, Lo.” Patton whispered. Logan nestled closer to Patton.

It appeared talking about his feelings had a similar effect to locking himself in a small space. The bad feelings had subdued just the same. Except, they hadn’t got worse before they got better.

Logan just hoped his nightmare didn’t come true.

That his Father wouldn’t hurt Patton.

Chapter Text

“Logan, you don’t have to do that-”

“The Doctor said you were to rest and recover.” Logan retorted as the sink filled with water. He turned to the couch Patton was sitting on as he rolled his sleeves up. “I can handle the chores until you are stronger.”

Patton had been discharged 5 days after he’d woken, though he’d been instructed to rest as best he could, which Logan was taking very seriously.

Roman and Virgil had already visited. Roman excitedly announced he’d started his new job with the Director who was touched by his story, and boy was he excited for his first performance with him. Virgil just rolled his eyes and offered any support he could to Logan, as well as asking to copy his homework.

Logan hadn’t been to school since the accident, which Mr Thomas had been very understanding about. Remy popped in after school everyday to give Logan a copy of his lesson notes and some worksheets from teachers. The lesson notes had touched Logan more than he could say, since Remy never took notes. Logan always took notes for the both of them.

Remy had gotten a lovely peck on the cheek for that.

The police had been over several times to discuss Percy’s actions, and arrange a court date, since Percy was tried for premeditated attempted murder, and diagnosed as a psychopath. Logan grew more and more stressed at every mention of court, but tried not to show it. As long as Percy wasn’t a threat, he’d be happy.

“Let Emile do it when he gets back, Lo.” Patton tried, smiling sadly as the boy busied himself more by trying to make Patton some tea while the tap ran.

“I am certain he does not want to end his date with chores.”

“Logan-”

“I asked Remy to get the most relaxing herbal tea he could find in the store, since he is such a tea expert, so I apologise if it tastes… unsatisfactory.”

“I’m sure it’s fine, honey, but-”

“I also dealt with the insurance paperwork to get Emile’s car taken care of.” Logan walked over and placed the tea down on the coffee table in front of Patton.

“Logan, why don’t you do something for yourself? Maybe your schoolwork, or seeing Remy?” Patton suggested, but Logan simply returned to the kitchen o turn the tap off and started washing up.

“I have completed my schoolwork, including my homework, and I would not dream of leaving you here alone.”

“Then why don’t you invite someone over?”

“Because they will distract me from tending to your needs.” Logan froze. “U-unless I am irritating you…”

“No! No, not at all!”

“Good.Then I shall continue to do what I set out to do.”

“Well, then let me help.” But no sooner had Patton stood, Logan stormed over to him, pushing him back down onto the couch.

“Patton, you are supposed to be resting!” Part of Patton was tempted to tell Logan he was irritating him, just so the kid would go and do something for himself, but he wouldn’t hurt Logan like that… “Now your shirt is wet. Stay here.”

“Logan!” But Logan was gone before he could stop him.

Patton never liked being firm or strict, especially towards Logan, but he felt the need for it rising. Logan had been non-stop since they got home, rushing around like a single Mother to try and complete everything to its highest standard. Logan had always tried to help with the chores, but never like this.

Part of Patton wondered if it was related to his past somehow… If Logan was used to doing all the chores, because Patton didn’t believe for a moment that his Father did them. His heart ached at the visual of a tiny Logan slaving away for his useless Father.

“I have a fresh shirt.” Logan announced, approaching Patton.

“Logan.”

“I can help if you require, though I believe you can do it yoursel-”

“Logan. Stop.” Logan tensed at the raised voice. “Sweetheart, please just sit down for a moment. Relax with me. Breathe. Please?”

“Alright…” Logan whispered, giving in and sitting beside Patton, tossing the shirt on the coffee table. The teenager had seemingly forgotten that his sleeves were rolled up, which pulled Patton’s attention to the cigarette burns he’d first seen on his first shopping trip with Logan, seemingly connected with thin marker. Logan caught him staring.

“Remy thought he could make constellations out of them to make them look better. My words, not his. He insists they are nothing to be ashamed of.”

“He’s right.” Patton smiled. Logan rolled his eyes.

“Have I finished relaxing now?”

“No.” Patton suddenly threw his arms around Logan’s waist. “You’re my prisoner now.”

“Patton!” Logan pushed him off, only for Patton to lie on top of his lap, pinning him down.

“Haha! Mine forever!” Patton giggled. Logan sighed.

“While that is an appealing fate, I-”

“Da! Da da da da, da da! Da da da-”

“Emile, do you want another noise complaint from the neighbours?” Patton called over to the front door, where a hand stuck half in, half out of the apartment. Emile poked his head through.

“Oh yeah. Forgot about that.”

“So? How’d it go?” Patton asked, making no attempts to sit up as Emile entered the room and closed the door, a soft blush tinting his cheeks.

“We got a shecond date.”

“Awww!” Patton giggled.

“What’s the dealio here then?” Emile crossed his arms.

“Patton has trapped me.” Logan sighed with a fond smile. “Forever.”

“Come on, Patton, let him up.” Emile smirked. Patton pouted, but did as he was told.

“Thank you, Emil- EMILE!” Logan practically screeched as Emile sat in front of him and pulled him into a piggy back. The stunned boy had only just managed to grab ahold of Emile’s shoulders as the man stood.

“Now he’s mine forever!” Emile cackled before throwing open the door and running out the apartment. Logan laughed as Patton yelled after them, giving chase as Emile ran down the stairs, out the door, and into the shop next door.

Logan and Patton both froze.

The shop was completely empty, albeit one wall covered in scraps of papers.

“Oh wow… I forgot how big this building was… Those shelves took up so much space.” Patton gasped. Logan blinked.

“I never thought I’d see it empty…”

“I’m sorry we couldn’t save it, Lo…” Emile whispered, putting the boy down and pulling him in for a side hug. “Some things just…”

“Weren’t meant to last.” Logan finished. “I understand.”

“So… how do you feel about painting it this afternoon?” Emile smiled, leading Logan over to the wall of papers. “I’m gonna go get some paint later, but I’m not sure which colour to use… I tried to make a mood board of ideas but I couldn’t decide on pink or blue.” Logan looked over the mood board on the wall.

“I would ask for Roman’s opinion on this, but if my Psychology classes serve me correctly, you need a colour with positive connotations. For example, red usually means danger, an so isn’t often used for interior. Bright colours are too energetic for walls, perhaps a pastel colour… I agree with a soft pink or blue. Pink often has connotations of ‘sweetness’ and ‘love’, while blue has connotations of ‘calm’ and ‘peace’. Which you would know because you are a studying therapist, I apologise…”

“Hey, no! Don’t apologise!” Emile beamed. “I’m glad someone gets it emotionally! It’s not about ‘making it look pretty’, it's about the mood, right?”

“Right.” Logan smiled. “Most cafes go for a brown and cream colour, likely because brown is a coffee colour and so a colour we associate with cafes, but since we’re not strictly a cafe, we should aim to be colourful. That, and colour is very you and Patton.”

“Aww!” Patton squealed.

“Have you considered peach?”

“Peach?” Emile and Patton looked at each other.

“Yes. Pastel peach for the walls, and a bright turquoise colour for the furniture, for some energy.”

“Roman would have a fit!” Patton laughed. “He swore he’d never see those two colours together as long as he lived.”

“Then Roman has poor taste. All I’m saying is peach and turquoise match your energies.” Logan crossed his arms.

“No, I… I can see that.” Emile whispered. “Patton?”

“I can make all my cakes brightly coloured! And pastel smoothies!” Patton clapped his hands. “Oh, I’m so excited!”

“I agree, this will be… fun.” Logan smiled slightly, approaching the wall and picking a pin out the wall. He reached into his pocket, pulling out a scrap of paper, and pinned it up with a smile.

“Lo, honey-”

“Logan…”

“Do not argue with me, or else I will just withdraw the money and throw it at you.” Logan chuckled to himself, his eyes fixed on the cheque he’d just pinned to the wall. “You may pay me back when you are in a financial position to do so.”

“But-”

“A few days before my Mother died, she took me to the aquarium. We were on our way to get ice-cream before going home when we saw a homeless lady sitting on the floor. My Mother gave her the cost of an ice-cream, and as we walked away, I questioned her: ‘Why did you give a stranger money instead of buying yourself something nice’?” Logan smiled fondly, rubbing his eyes under his glasses. “She said ‘Because some people don’t have anything nice, and need that money a lot more. We are lucky that $1 is an ice-cream to us, but to her, $1 is hope, a meal, water, or maybe it’s a new start’. So I ran back to the woman and gave her my money too.”

“Logan…” Patton whispered, couching down next to the boy.

“You deserve something nice.” Logan turned to Patton, then to Emile. “ We deserve something nice. As a Family.”

“You have no idea how happy I am right now, Logan!” Patton cried, unable to contain his excitement.

“Logan… Out of all the kids in the world, how did we get so lucky as to get you?” Emile whispered, his vision blurry from tears. “I’m sorry, I just got a lot of feelings…”

“Look at what you did, Lo, you made everyone happy. How rude.” Patton laughed, ruffling the boy’s hair as Logan chuckled to himself.

He couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt so… happy.

“Patton!” Emile gasped, peach paint in his hair and on his face. Patton giggled.

“It wasn’t me!”

“Logan, who flicked paint at me?”

“I didn’t see.” Logan smirked as he and Remy worked on painting a corner together.

“It was definitely Patton.” Roman sneered. Virgil rolled his eyes. “I can’t believe you’re putting peach and turquoise together… no two colours were worse made for each other.”

“Red and purple.” Logan offered. Virgil hissed.

“Yeah, he’s got a point.”

“What?! Red and purple go great together!” Roman cried.

“Yeah, only on Halloween, Broman. Oh, I see what you did there, Lo… I’m purple, Roman’s red, we don’t get on.”

“Um, actually, no? I was actually referring to colours.”

“Sure you were, bud.”

“I was- Remy!” Logan cried out as Remy’s paint brush tickled his cheek. Logan retaliated by using the paint roller over Remy’s front, earning a horrified gasp from his boyfriend. Logan stepped back with a smirk, only for said smirk to fade when Remy removed his sunglasses.

“You are so dead!”

“Patton! Save me!” Logan turned and ran to Patton, who quickly placed himself between Logan and Remy, armed with a large paint brush. Remy chuckled darkly, removing the roller sponge from the roller and dipping it in the paint can. Patton accented his fate, closing his eyes as Remy threw the roller sponge.

Only for Roman to jump between them, taking the hit.

“Roman!” Patton gasped dramatically, catching his boyfriend and lowering him to the ground. Roman coughed weakly. “Roman, honey, it’s gonna be okay…”

“No… It’s too late for me…” Roman whispered, reaching up and brushing Patton’s hair back before holding up a long paintbrush. “Take my sword… Save yourself…”

“Roman… Roman, don’t leave me!” Patton cried, but there was nothing to be done. Roman went limp in Patton’s arms.

“I will avenge you!” Logan cried, removing the roller sponge from his own roller and throwing it at Remy, directly in the head. Remy mocked a cry of pain as he collapsed onto the floor. Logan took Roman’s paintbrush and marched over to Remy, looking down at him.

“I thought you were my friend…” Remy whispered. Logan held the brush out towards him.

“I thought you were mine.” He whispered before throwing the brush. It bounced off Remy’s head with a ‘twonk’. “The evil has been defeated!”

“I am literally so happy that I filmed that.” Virgil snorted, fiddling with his phone. “That is so going on Facebook.”

“Virgil, my reputation!” Roman cried.

“And my dignity!” Logan added.

“And my hair!” Remy gasped. Virgil laughed.

“Relax, I was kidding. I’m not posting it anywhere. I am gonna keep it forever though.”

“I want a copy of it!” Patton cried.

“I want it deleted.” Logan growled.

“And I want a painted wall, but it looks like we’re not all gonna get what we want!” Emile interrupted with a laugh.

The walls did get finished, or the first coat did.

“Logan, I am… Proud doesn’t begin to describe it…” Patton whispered as he helped Logan climb into bed. “You were so happy, I could see it in your eyes, and that makes me so happy that… that I want to cry…”

“Today was a very good day. I apologise for this morning… I realise I may have been… overdoing it.”

“You were just trying to help, but you don’t need to all the time.” Patton reassured him. “We had fun today, just because you were you, and I was me. We had a great day without being perfect. And I promise I’ll rest tomorrow.”

“Thank you, Papa.”

“I love you.” Patton smiled softly as he took Logan’s glasses off and folded them neatly on his bedside table before leaning down and pressing a kiss atop Logan’s head. Logan smiled.

“I love you too.”

“Goodnight, sweetheart.”

“Goodnight, Papa.”

Chapter Text

Patton’s hands gripped the wheel tight as he drove to the school, his mind racing. He shouldn’t have let Logan go to school, especially when he had his Father’s prison release on his mind. While he was grateful that Logan took care of himself by skipping class, he knew something was seriously wrong.

Logan never skipped class.

Patton’s heart ached for the boy. To lose your Mother was hard enough, but to have your childhood taken away and be constantly hurt by someone who was supposed to love and protect you… It was a whole other unthinkable thing… Logan hadn’t even known that Dad’s loved their kids.

As Patton pulled into the school parking lot, he couldn’t help but think about his own childhood, his own Dad collecting him and Emile from school, the two of them in tears as Patton gripped his skirt with mixed hatred and fear, Emile holding him close, supporting a black eye meant for Patton.

Patton caught sight of Logan waving, and couldn’t help but smile and wave back, turning the car towards the roundabout. Patton’s heart dropped as he saw a yellow gloved hand fell on Logan’s shoulder.

Then Logan was in front of him.

Patton screamed as he slammed the brakes, but the deafening ‘thud’ told him he was too late. Patton’s heart dropped as he panted heavily, his eyes burning with unshed tears, blurring his vision.

Oh no… No, no, no… no, no. No no. No nononono!

“Logan?!” The door flew open, Patton almost falling out the car trying to get to Logan. The sight that met him dragged those tears from his eyes.

Logan lay on the ground, his eyes open and lifeless, blood pooling around him as though it were going to swallow him into the ground. Patton choked a sob, kneeling down and pulling Logan’s body into his arms.

“L-Logan… Please…?” Patton whimpered, brushing Logan’s hair back. “Please, baby boy… L-look at me… Look at me, Honey…”

“Oh dear…” Patton tensed. “What a tragedy.”

“What are you doing here?!” Patton cried, cradling Logan to his chest and looking up at his ex-partner. Declan laughed.

“A baby is one thing, Patricia, but a teenager? Tut tut… Ah well.”

“Get away from us!” Patton held Logan’s body to him, rocking back and forth as he choked on his sobs. “Get away!”

“You’re a bad Father.” Declan chuckled. “I just saved him from another shitty chapter.”

With newfound emotion that Patton didn’t quite understand, he tenderly lay Logan down and stood abruptly, grabbing Declan by the collar of his coat and throwing him into the road, straight into the path of an oncoming car.

No sooner had the sickening crack reached Patton's ears, he woke with a strangled scream, broken by a sob. His hands flew up to fight off the blanket that suddenly smothered him, trying to free himself; from what, he wasn’t quite sure.

Logan.

He had to find Logan.

Patton practically fell out of bed, choking back a sob as he scrambled from his room and into Logan’s. His hands flew to his mouth to muffle his sobs of relief.

Logan was asleep in his bed, curled up on his side, cuddling a plush Baymax that Roman had bought him while Patton was in hospital. He looked so much younger without his glasses, Patton noticed, which didn’t help when his eyes fell on the cigarette scars on Logan’s arm.

While Logan still refused to wear short sleeved shirts in public, he trusted Patton enough to wear short sleeved shirts at home. It didn’t make it any easier when Patton saw them, didn’t make him hate Logan’s Father any less…

A sob escaped Patton’s throat as he fled the room and hid in the living room, the dream replaying over and over in his head s he curled up on the couch, pulling his knees to his chest. Was he a bad Father…? Was that why Logan was still scared? And that feeling he felt over losing Logan… The feeling that drove him to doing what Percy had done to them.

“Papa…?” Patton jumped, turning to see Logan standing by the hallway, rubbing his eyes with one hand, the other blindly opening his glasses up and placing them on his head.

“O-oh, hey, Kiddo.” Patton sniffed, forcing a smile. “Are you okay?”

“What happened?”

“I’m alright, honey.”

“Falsehood.” Logan yawned. “You do not have to talk about it, but do not lie to my face.”

“I…” Patton swallowed nervously. “I had a nightmare. It just shook me a bit, that’s all.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Logan asked. Patton shook his head. “Alright.” And with that, Logan turned and went back to his room. Patton sighed, disheartened, burying his face in his hands. He stayed like that for a while, willing himself to stop crying.

“This is Baymax.” Logan spoke, making Patton jump again. He looked up at Logan, who was holding out his Baymax plush. “He is your personal healthcare companion. He has noticed you are feeling low. Treatments include hugs, and comfort from loved ones.”

Logan smiled when Patton giggled, taking the plush from him and hugging it close. With a sense of achievement, he moved to the kitchen.

“What’re you doing, Lo?”

“Making herbal tea.” Logan told him. “I am listening if you change your mind about talking.”

“Lo, go back to bed, Honey. I can make tea.”

“I know you can, but I am not going to let you.”

“But-“

“I would not be here if I didn’t want to be.” Logan told him. Patton nodded.

“Alright.”

The silence that followed was comfortable, only filled with the soft tinkle of the spoon against china mugs and Patton’s sniffles. Logan carried the mugs through to the living room and placed them down on the coffee table, along with a plate of cookies.

“You earned them.” Logan smiled.

“You’re so good to me, Logan…” Patton whispered, pressing a soft kiss to Logan’s temple.

“Papa, I must apologise…”

“For what, Lo?”

“I… feel I have been unfair to you.” Logan sighed. “I have been so wrapped up in my own emotions and issues that I neglected to consider that you had your own, and I cannot have helped much in regards to those. I feel if I had paid more attention to your emotions, as you had for me, then perhaps tonight might not have happened.”

“Hey, hey, Lo, it’s okay!” Patton whispered. “You’ve taken my own feelings into consideration! Remember how you told me about your nightmare a week ago? And how you told me about your therapy session? And you tell me that you love me, and you trust me to see your scars.”

“I don’t-”

“You knew I’d rather you spoke to me than hurt yourself, and you knew I’d want to hear anything you trusted me with, and you’re opening up to me, and they all make me feel like I’m a good Father.”

“Good Dad .”

“Hm?”

“You’re a good Dad. I… apologise if I have made you feel otherwise. I assure you that was not my intention. I feel safe and comfortable around you, I want you around when I am scared or stressed, and I think about you often when I see something that I consider Patton-esque.”

“Oh, Logan, Honey…” Patton sniffed, new tears falling but for an entirely different reason. “Logan, that makes me so happy, you have no idea…”

“I-I have some idea, based on the crying… U-unless I have hurt you-”

“Can I hug you…?”

“You don’t… usually ask for permission.”

“It’s gonna be a different hug.”

“Okay.” Logan nodded, slightly surprised when Patton pulled the teenager up onto his lap and cradled him to his chest. Logan blinked. “This is a similar to when Emile held me in the hospital… When he was scared.”

“I’m a little bit scared.” Patton confessed, running his hand through Logan’s hair. “I dreamt that I hit you.”

“Hit me?”

“With the car…”

“Oh…”

“Declan pushed you and I hit you and you died and I killed him…”

“I’m sorry, you killed him?” Logan asked with a chuckle, nestling closer. “I do not believe you are capable of murder.”

“Neither did I! But… I felt so… I can’t describe it, Logan, the feeling was so real … I felt like I had to get rid of him. I was so angry at him for taking you away from me… It’s like I wasn’t in control.”

“What is it that you’re scared of?”

“Losing you. And murdering someone.”

“Well, you do not have to worry about the first one. I do not wish to run away again, or to leave my family.” Logan smiled as he felt Patton hug him tight. “The second one? I highly doubt an incident will occur where you feel the need to murder a person.”

“I suppose…” Patton sighed, resting his chin atop Logan’s head. “Logan?”

“Yes, Papa?”

“Adopting you is the best thing that has ever happened to me…” Patton choked back a sob. “I can’t imagine my life without you anymore, and I don’t want to… I love you so much, Lo, I’m so proud of you and I-I never want to lose you…”

“I assure you, the feeling is very much mutual, Papa.” Logan smiled against Patton’s chest as Patton hugged him tighter. “However, you are obstructing my airways.”

“Sorry!” Patton released him immediately, only holding him again once Logan had settled into a more comfortable position.

An hour later, when Patton tried to carry an unconscious Logan to his bedroom, he realised Logan had gripped his shirt so tight that Patton couldn’t put him in his own bed without waking him. Logan had made the most heartbreaking whimper when Patton tried, so he settled on taking the boy to his room.

Logan was going to look so tiny in his queen size bed…

Patton lay them both down gently, wary not to accidentally hurt Logan. He carefully pulled Logan’s glasses off and placed them on his bedside table, then did the same with his own pair. With a content sigh, he rolled over and dropped the duvet over the two of them.

He was right. Logan looked tiny in his bed.

Chapter Text

“Papa…?”

“Hm…”

“Papa.”

“Hmph… Lo…?”

“Patton…?” Patton forced his eyes open, half-surprised to see a blurry Logan sitting at the end of his bed in his usual outfit.

“Lo? Are you okay?” Patton asked, reaching for his glasses.

“I… Yes.” Logan swallowed nervously, his hands resting on his stomach as he trembled. “I have school today…” The moment Patton put on his glasses, he knew something wasn’t right.

“Not until you tell me what’s wrong, you don’t.” Patton whispered, leaning forwards. “Honey, you’re shaking like a leaf and you look really pale…”

“I-I don't feel-” Logan cut off when whatever the boy had eaten the day before came up over both the covers and Patton’s front. Patton gasped and quickly reached for Logan, but the boy whimpered pathetically, avoiding Patton’s gaze.

“Okay, okay, it’s alright, Honey… Let’s get you to the bathroom…” Patton whispered, helping Logan to stand and guiding him to the bathroom. He gently sat Logan in front of the toilet and pulled the lid up, rubbing Logan’s back as the boy retched, though nothing more than bile came up.

“Oh, Sweetheart…” Patton smiled sadly, brushing Logan’s sweat-soaked hair back from his forehead. He frowned, pressing his hand flat against Logan’s forehead. “You feel really warm… Let me go and get the thermometer…”

“I can go to school…” Logan whispered, blinking up at Patton.

“Even if I let you go, which I’m not going to do, they won’t let you stay. I’ll be right back, Honey. Call me if you need me, I’ll only be a minute.”

No sooner had Patton left the bathroom, Logan burst into tears. Not his usual crying where he silently let the tears fall and occasionally hiccuped. No, these were sobs; Sobs that sounded like Logan’s throat was going to be sore later, that sounded like Logan was falling apart inside…

Patton’s heart tightened in his chest as he left the poor boy in the bathroom to change his shirt. He threw it down on the covers, planning to wash them one Logan was settled, and threw on the softest woolly jumper he owned.

He knew Logan had been excited about returning to school since Patton had been discharged. Patton hadn’t argued about the school Logan had missed, as he was likely still in shock after witnessing the crash and dealing with the emotions that came with that.

Was Logan upset about not going to school? Or because he’d thrown up on Patton? Or was he just really vulnerable while he was sick? What had his Father done when he was sick? What he expecting a punishment of some sort?

Patton shook those thoughts from his head, as he entered the kitchen. He grabbed the digital forehead thermometer from the medicine cupboard before making a quick glass of water and carried them through to the bathroom.

Logan looked somehow worse, his face pale, sweaty and tear-stained as he trembled, hunched over the toilet as though he wanted to be sick again but was too scared to. Patton knelt down beside him, reaching up to brush Logan’s hair back. Logan shivered, whimpering at the touch.

“It’s okay to be sick, Lo, I promise…” Patton forced a smile before preparing the thermometer and held it against Logan’s forehead. “Sweetheart, you got a fever… I’m going to take your shirt off to try and cool you down, okay?” Patton asked, putting the thermometer down. Logan blinked at him.

“’m sorry…”

“Shh, none of that, Sweetheart… It’s not your fault you’re sick.” Patton whispered, pulling Logan’s tie off and unbuttoning his shirt, pulling it off as gently as he could. Logan shivered as he sat in his vest, though his skin was hot to the touch.

“Hurts…”

“I know, Honey, it will do for a while…” Patton whispered, opening his arms out in offering. Logan accepted, crawling into Patton’s lap and nestling against his chest. “I got you, Lo… Here, have a drink for me, okay?” He held the glass up to Logan’s lips, and Logan gave in, taking small sips.

Eventually, Logan shook his head, and Patton put the glass down.

“Do you want to go to my room, your room, or the living room?”

“M-mine…”

“Okay, do you think you can stand?” Patton asked softly. Logan shook his head. “That’s okay, Sweetheart, you’re doing so well… Hold onto me, Honey.” Logan’s arms snaked around Patton’s neck as Patton stood, carrying Logan with little effort to his bedroom. He carefully lowered Logan onto his bed and smiled softly as he tucked the covers up over him.

“Do you wanna see a magic trick?” He asked as he sat on the floor next to the bed. Logan nodded; Patton giggled to himself before knocking on the floor.

Tap Tap Tap-Tap Tap.

“Ten. Nine. Eight. Seven. Six. Five. Four. Three. Two. And…”

“Patton? You okay?”

“We’re in Logan’s room!” Patton smiled. Logan let out an amused huff when Emile appeared in the doorway.

“What’s going- Lo?”

“Logan’s been sick.” Patton explained. “Could you just watch him while I call the school and go out to get some stuff for him?”

“Yeah, of course…” Emile whispered, sitting at the end of Logan’s bed. “We’ll be okay, won’t we?” Logan nodded, wincing at the effort.

“Make sure he stays hydrated a-and don’t let him work. Logan, honey, do whatever you need to do but no homework or chores, okay?” Logan nodded again, pulling at his duvet. Patton leaned over to press a kiss to Logan’s forehead, only for Logan to pull the blanket up over his head until Patton backed up. Patton smiled softly, instead settling on kissing his hand and blowing a kiss to Logan.

“I love you. I’ll be as quick as I can.” Patton promised. Logan nodded, but as soon as Patton left, Logan started to cry. Emile panicked.

“Hey, it’s okay, Lo… He’s gonna come back, he’s just gotta get some stuff to make you feel better, that’s all.” Emile whispered. Logan nodded with a sniff, wiping his eyes. “How about I go and get Patton’s laptop and we can watch whatever you like, yeah?”

“‘lrght…”

“Alright, Lo-Kun, I’ll be right back.” Emile told him, brushing Logan’s hair back before naruto-running out of the room.

Logan closed his eyes tight. If he’d dared be sick around his Father, he’d have been forced into every jumper he owned, buried under duvets with all the hot water bottles his Father could find, and locked alone in his room until he’d ‘sweat the fever out’.

He’d hoped to get to school before he threw up so Patton wouldn’t find out. Now Patton was probably going to go and buy jumpers and blankets and hot water bottles to sweat the fever out.

“Lo…?” Logan opened his eyes to see Emile standing next to him, Patton’s laptop tucked under his arm. “Logan, is something worrying you?” The boy shook his head, though Emile didn’t look convinced. “Do you want to watch something or would you like to rest?”

“Watch…”

“Okay. Big Hero 6?”

Logan nodded.

The film had just finished when Patton knocked on the open bedroom door.

“Hey, Lo… How’re you feeling?”

“Fine…”

“Logan.” Emile’s tone was warning but caring. “He threw up again.”

“Oh, my poor boy…” Patton whispered, stepping into the room with several shopping bags. “Thanks, Emile.”

“No problem. I’m right downstairs. Knock if you need me, both of you.” Emile smiled before leaving the room. Patton turned to Logan.

“The internet said to keep you cool, rested and hydrated, and before you tell me not to trust the internet, I looked at 5 websites and they all said the same thing.” Patton rambled as he started unpacking the bags. “I got you a thinner blanket so you don’t overheat, and some fever patches. Oh, and some bottles of water. Do you want me to put the patches on now?”

“Wrong…” Logan whispered. Patton blinked.

“What’s wrong?”

“Hot…”

“That’s what the patches are for, Honey.”

“No…”

“Logan, sweetheart…” Patton whispered, kneeling in front of Logan. “Lo… It’s really important that I bring your temperature down… Please let me put them on.”

“Wrong…”

“No, it says on the box: ‘Fever Cooling Patches’. They were made to help with fevers. They wouldn’t sell them if they weren’t going to help.” Patton tried to explain, but Logan’s eyes burned with tears of frustration. Patton didn’t understand. Patton was supposed to sweat the fever out.

“Hot… Sweat…” Logan tried. Patton’s expression was apologetic as he tried to decipher what Logan wanted. “Sweat… Out…”

“Sweat out… O-oh, sweat the fever out? Logan, that’s an old theory. I’d rather stick to what I know is right, which is to cool you down.”

“Father…”

“Your Father?” Patton blinked. “He made you sweat it out?” Logan nodded. Patton couldn’t help the overwhelming rage burning in his throat. “He was wrong about a lot of things, Logan. That included.” Patton scowled. “Hurting you, scaring you, locking you up, treating you the way he did? It was all wrong, Logan, and I don’t want to be anything like him.”

“Not…” Logan whispered, reaching out for Patton’s hand. Patton took it, pressing a soft kiss to the back of it.

“Shall we put some patches on then?”

Several hours later found Logan asleep, draped with a thin blanket and covered in cooling patches. Logan hadn’t drunk as much as Patton would like, but he decided any progress was progress when Logan was so vulnerable, and clearly afraid to show it.

Patton found himself thinking back to his dream, and wondered, if given the chance, would he perhaps… kill… Logan’s Father?

His initial answer was no. Logan wouldn’t want that. Logan didn’t like violence. Killing Mitchell would take him away from Logan. But that didn’t stop him from wanting to, from fantasising about it. He could just… get rid of Mitchell. Logan wouldn’t need to be scared anymore.

But that was a falsehood… Logan would be scared of him instead.

Patton shook the dark thoughts from his head, looking up from where he sat on the floor next to the bed. Logan didn’t look so pale, but he didn’t look healthy at all. His sleep had been fitful, and as much as Patton wanted to, he couldn’t take the pain away with cuddles and kisses. In fact, he’d make it worse.

Logan suddenly shivered violently, a broken whimper escaping his throat as he tossed around to get comfortable. Patton gently reached up and brushed Logan’s sweat-soaked hair back from his forehead.

“Momma…?”

“Shh, it’s alright, Sweetheart…” Patton lied.

It was not alright. Not it the slightest. It was far from alright.

How dare the world take away an innocent boy’s loving Mother and abandon him with the living embodiment of cruelty? How dare the world allow Logan to suffer in silence for so long that he struggled to accept any kind of care or kindness?

Patton would do anything to bring that woman back.

Logan finally settled back down, his breathing easing as Patton continued to brush his hair back.

“Papa…?”

“Hey, Lo.” Patton whispered. It seemed that, even though Logan’s eyes were closed, he was awake. “How’re you feeling?”

“Better.” Logan muttered. Patton pressed his hand to Logan’s forehead. He definitely felt cooler, and was almost back to his natural skin colour. “You’re… still here…”

“Of course I am, Honey. I’m not leaving you until you’re all better.” Patton smiled. Logan blinked his eyes open for a second before closing them again.

“Love you…”

“I love you too, Logan.”

Chapter Text

When Logan awoke the next morning, he was surprised by two things.

The first being that he felt a lot better than he had the day before. It had usually taken several days to sweat out a fever, but somehow, Patton had known what he was doing. His temperature was normal, he didn’t feel like vomiting and his head and muscles hurt a lot less.

The second was that Patton was sitting on his bedroom floor in front of his bedside table, leaning against Logan’s bed as he slept. Logan winced; It couldn’t have been comfortable to sleep like that. But Patton’s bedroom was across the hall. He could easily have gotten into bed.

“Papa?” Logan whispered, shaking Patton’s shoulder. Patton jolted up.

“Lo-? Oh! Hi, Lo! How’re you feeling, Honey?” Patton asked, pressing his palm against Logan’s forehead.

“I feel a lot better. I’d like to return to school today.”

“I-I’m afraid I can’t let you, Lo… Mr Thomas said you have to wait 48 hours after being sick.”

“Oh…”

“Hey, no, it’s okay! If you feel well enough, I won’t force you to stay in bed today. You know what you need best right now.” Then Patton smirked. “Unless someone wants a new book…?”

“BOOK?!” Logan cried, quickly slapping his hands over his mouth. Patton laughed.

“Of course! You’ve been through a lot, and you’re doing so well. I think a few books and lunch out is just what we need.”

“I would love nothing more right now…” Logan breathed. “I would hug you, but-”

“Logan, I’ve been with you for the past 24 hours and I haven’t been sick by now, so I’m probably not going to get sick. I looked it up, and they say a lot of fevers are due to extreme stress, so you getting sick doesn’t surprise me at all. But it means you can hug me!”

“Thank goodness.” Logan chuckled, clambering out of bed and crawling into Patton’s lap, hugging him tight. Patton held him back.

“I wanted to do this all day yesterday…” Patton whispered, pressing a kiss to Logan’s forehead. “Oh, my poor baby boy…”

“Papa, I’m not a baby.”

“You’re my baby, shush.” Patton smirked, poking Logan’s side. Logan jolted with a giggle.

“Papa!”

“Are you ticklish?”

“No!”

“That sounds like a falsehood.” Patton chuckled.

“I falsehood your falsehood!”

Patton tickled him. Logan squealed.

“Papa! Papa, stop it! Papa!” Logan laughed as he tried to escape Patton’s hug. “Papa!”

“You’re my baby boy forever!” Patton continued to tickle Logan, failing to hear a tap tap tap-tap tap over Logan’s laughter. Logan tried to count as he suffered Patton’s wrath.

Suddenly, he was pulled from Patton’s lap and plopped on the bed.

“Stay back, this guy’s dangerous!” Emile smirked as Patton stood to face him. The two circled each other for a moment, unable to contain their laughter.

Emile pounced. Patton cried out as he was tackled to the ground, straddled, and brutally tickled by his brother.

“Emmy! Agh, not there! Emile!”

“I will let you go, on one condition. Pancakes.”

“Okay, okay! Just stop! Emmy!”

It took a while, but Emile eventually let Patton go, and the three of them happily ate pancakes together. Patton had gotten one of the pancakes stuck on the ceiling, which had resulted in Logan laughing so hard that he fell off his chair, only just saved by Emile.

Patton glanced over at where Logan was browsing the Family section of the bookstore. He’d never in the four years that Patton had known him read any Family stories… He couldn’t help but feel like he’d done something right by Logan.

He turned back to the books in his hand. One was about coping with PTSD with stories from victims of abuse and war. Another was a book about parenting and how to use positive reinforcement over negative reinforcement. The other two were copies of Alice In Wonderland and Alice Through The Looking Glass, so Logan would have someone to talk to about the books.

“I found a story I hadn’t considered reading before.” Logan announced as he appeared at Patton’s side, two books in his hand. One was To Kill A Mockingbird, which Logan had been talking about since that morning, and the other was The Road. “It’s about a father and his son trying to survive in a post-apocalyptic world.”

“That sounds interesting.” Patton smiled. Logan browsed the books in Patton’s hand.

“Put that back.”

“Sorry?”

“This.” Logan took the parenting book out the pile. “You are a perfectly good Dad and you do not need this.”

“Thank you, Lo, but-”

“Please put it back.” Logan whispered. Patton nodded.

“Okay.”

“Why don’t you borrow my Alice books?” Logan asked as Patton slipped the book back into the shelf.

“Well, they're special to you. I don’t want to, you know, mess with something that’s sentimental to you. And I’m a bit clumsy so chances are I might rip one and I really don’t want to do that…”

“Fair enough. At least let me purchase them for you, since you’re purchasing mine.”

“Logan-”

“Please?” Logan blinked at Patton, pulling his best puppy eyes. Patton sighed and smiled.

“Roman taught you that, huh?”

“Yes, he did.”

“Good work.”

“Are you sure you don’t want more to eat?” Patton asked, watching Logan sit back on the bench they were sitting on for lunch.

The two had decided to share a portion of cheese chips in the park; Something Logan confessed to always wanting to do. Remy had talked about doing it with his own family a few weeks before his Father… Well. Patton couldn’t deny Logan a simple childhood experience like that.

“I am very content, Papa, thank you.” Logan sighed contently and leaned against Patton, who wrapped an arm around his shoulders fondly as he finished off the last few chips before throwing the container in the nearby bin.

“I love you.” Patton whispered, pressing a kiss to Logan’s hair.

“I love you too, Papa. Thank you for today.” Logan smiled, nestling against his Dad. Logan was pleasantly surprised at how quickly he’d learned to embrace affection and physical comfort, considering he hadn’t grown up around those things. Perhaps it was for that reason that he was so grateful for it now.

“ What’s wrong with you?! ” Logan perked up, turning his head to find the voice. He followed it to a man who was walking a tiny black puppy. The puppy whimpered and lay on the ground, refusing to move.

“Lo?” Patton sat up. “Logan, are you okay?”

“Fucking move!” The man cried, tugging the leash harshly. The puppy yelped.

Then the man kicked it.

“No, stop!” Logan cried, pulling away from Patton and running over to the man, ignoring Patton’s cries to stop. He barged into the man with all his weight, pushing him aside before gathering the puppy in his arms. The puppy whined and nuzzled Logan’s face, burying its nose under Logan’s chin.

“The fuck is wrong with you, kid?”

“If anyone has something wrong with them, it is you!” Logan spat, cradling the puppy close. “If you are not going to love and care for this animal, then you do not deserve to have it!”

“It’s my dog, I’ll do whatever the fuck I want with it.”

“It clearly does not want to go with you! I will not allow you to harm it further.”

“Then it shouldn’t have been so fucking stupid!”

“It is not the dog’s fault that you chose to lash out at it! That was your decision!”

“Give my fucking dog back before I kick you , you little shit!” The man jumped forward, scaring Logan back a few steps, the boy whimpering and ducking down to the floor, turning his back to the man to protect both himself and the puppy.

No, not now. Not now, not now, notwnownotnownonono-

“Touch my Son and I’ll call the fucking cops!” Patton cried, kneeling down besides Logan and rubbing his back. “Logan, Honey, breathe for me, Sweetheart… 4, 7, 8.”

“N-no, Father, please-”

“The fuck?” The man chuckled.

“Get away from my child, now!” Patton glared up at the man, Logan whimpering at the raised voice. Patton growled. “If you’re not gone in three seconds, I swear I will make you regret it!” He turned his attention back to Logan.

“Give me my fucking dog!” The man grabbed Logan by the shoulder, drawing a terrified scream from the trembling boy.

Patton stood suddenly, grabbing the man's wrist and looping it over his head, pulling the man’s back against his stomach and twisting his arm around, locking him in place against him. Patton practically snarled into the man's ear: “Get away from my boy or I’ll fucking bury you .”

“Fucking psycho !” The man scowled as Patton released his grip before running off. Patton knelt back down to Logan, who was panting on the ground with tears in his eyes, the puppy licking at his face as he trembled violently.

“I d-didn’t mean to scream, Father…”

“No, no, Logan, it’s Papa.” Patton soothed, rubbing Logan’s back again. “It’s me, it’s Papa. I’m right here. I’m not gonna let anyone hurt you, baby boy. Look around, what can you see, Honey?”

“T-trees…”

“That's right! What else, Lo?”

“You… Th-the puppy.”

“Perfect, Logan! What else?”

“Grass…”

“One more thing, Lo, you’re doing so well, sweetheart!”

“A-a bench.”

“Perfect, Lo! What can you hear?”

“Y-you, birds, puppy…”

“Can you hear one other thing?”

“Cars.”

“That’s so good, Lo. What can you feel?”

“Puppy. Your hand. My heart pumping.”

“That’s it, honey. What can you smell?”

“Puppy. You.”

“Brilliant! Hey, I don’t smell bad, do I?” Patton asked with a chuckle. Logan smiled shakily.

“No. Your cologne. It’s comforting.”

“Oh, Logan… I’m so sorry, sweetie.”

“I am okay now.” Logan assured him. “I tried not to-“

“Shh, none of that. I would have been terrified, you were so brave.”

“But you didn’t look scared.” Logan blinked up at him. Patton smiled.

“I was, I was very scared.” Patton whispered, pressing a kiss to Logan’s temple. “I was scared he’d hurt you, or that you’d faint, or that I wouldn’t be able to help you.”

“You did well.” Logan reassured him before pulling the puppy away to check it over. “He reminds me of Remy…”

“Aww, he’s so cute…” Patton cooed, reaching out for the puppy to sniff his hand. “You know… Thomas has been debating getting a dog… We should take her to the shelter and let Thomas decide.”

“Will she be okay in a shelter?” Logan asked. Patton smiled sadly, wrapping his arm around Logan’s shoulders and rubbing his arm.

“She will. I know a great shelter.”

[From LoverBoy - 17:36] hey babe :3

[From LoverBoy - 17:38] that photo ur dad sent thomas??

[From LoverBoy - 17:38] effing beaut :O

[From LoverBoy - 17:38] i luv her <3

[From LoverBoy - 17:39] hes gonna think about it :D

[To LoverBoy - 17:40] Remy, have you changed your name in my cellular device again? I am going to have to change it back now. Also, why must you sent multiple messages at the same time? Surely it is easier to type your message and send it as one instead of five.

[From LoverBoy - 17:41] idk who changed my name ;)

[From LoverBoy - 17:42] just habit

[To Idiot - 17:43] Not to worry, I changed it back.

[From Idiot - 17:43] ur no fun :(

[To Idiot - 17:44] And you’re appalling at grammar.

[From Idiot - 17:45] u know u missed me :3

[To Idiot - 17:46] Perhaps a little. Papa took me out today.

[From Idiot - 17:47] hes a little old 4 u isnt he? ;)

[To Big Idiot - 17:48] I do not know why I bother talking to you sometimes.

[From Big Idiot - 17:48] harsh D:

[From Big Idiot - 17:48] u luv me rlly! <3

[To Big Idiot - 17:49] I suppose I do. Just a little.

[From Big Idiot - 17:49] :D :3 <3

[To Big Idiot - 17:50] Please stop sending me random symbols, I have no idea what any of those mean.

[From Big Idiot - 17:50] ur so cute :3

[To Big Idiot - 17:51] I will see you tomorrow. I love you. Xx

[From Big Idiot - 17:50] ud better! Luv you gurl! :3 <3 Xx

Chapter Text

[To Papa - 08:20] I have arrived at school. It has been many moon since I walked these lonely halls. I wonder if anyone will remember me.

[From Papa - 08:21] It hasn't been that long, Honey! Xx

[To Papa - 08:21] I was trying to be amusing in an attempt to cheer you up. You seemed down when I left this morning. Are you alright?

[From Papa - 08:22] Aw, Logan. I’m okay, Kiddo. Just a bit worried about you, is all. Xx

[To Papa - 08:23] I assure you I am fine. Yes, the past few days have been stressful, but I have had my time to process it, and now I must continue onto my next chapter.

[From Papa - 08:24] I’m so proud of you, Lo! Your Mom would be so proud and happy… I wish she were here to see it… Xx

[To Papa - 08:24] She would have loved you, as I do.

[From Papa - 08:24] Aw, shucks, Lo… I love you, and I know I would have loved her too. You go on to class, Kiddo. Text me if you need anything. I hope you have a good day. Xx

[To Papa - 08:25] I am also here if you need anything. I hope you have a good day too. Xx

Logan sighed as he pocketed his phone and opened his locker, hanging his bag up. He couldn’t help but feel guilty for not talking to Patton longer this morning. If only his routines weren’t so-

“Logan!” Logan turned, only for Remy to throw himself at him. Logan caught him, just barely, as Remy threw his arms around Logan’s neck. “Gurl, how have you been ?! I haven’t seen you in days!”

“I am well, Remy. I apologise for not returning sooner. I could not leave Patton on his own, and I was sick the past few days.”

“I almost didn’t believe you when you said you’d be in today, babe.”

“Would you believe me if I said I was going to drop you if you don’t get off?”

“Nope.”

Logan dropped him.

“Ow! Harsh, gurl!”

“I warned you.” Logan smirked, closing his locker door. “Ugh, Remy, what class do I have now?”

“Algebra, hun.”

“Ah, yes, thank you.” Logan sighed. “I apologise, I am a little lost today.”

“Yeah, no kidding. You always know what class you have. Oh, Mrs Dot isn’t in again, so no biology third class!”

“Then I intend to spend that time with you, to make up for no seeing you recently.” Logan announced, then he froze. “How have you been, Remy?”

“Um… Gucci? Why?”

“You were nearly hit by a car, and with everything that was occurring with Patton, I barely had time to ensure you were alright. I did not intend to make you feel like you are any less important to me as Patton is.”

“You didn’t make me feel like that! I mean, it scared me so bad I thought my dick had turned into a vagina, but I’m okay!”

“I’m just glad you’re alive…” Logan whispered, reaching to take Remy’s hand. Then he pulled it back. “You scared us all.” He muttered, turning his back to Remy, who sniggered.

“You know you love me.”

The morning passed relatively quickly. Logan was more than happy to slot himself back into his school routine and pick up from where he’d left off. Of course, the teachers were very understanding, which irritated Logan a little since they all tried their best to sympathise, which just made things awkward for him.

When third class came around, Remy found himself being shoved by Logan in the direction of the secret garden Virgil had shown them.

“I’m not going first! What if someone is in there?!” Remy cried.

“They won’t be. Just go.” Logan shoved him again, but Remy pushed back.

“No way, Jose!”

“Remy, go through the hedge!”

“You go through it!” Remy snapped, grabbing Logan by the arms and pushing him into the hedge. Logan quickly turned them, only for Remy to trip back on a root and send the two crashing to the ground on the other side of the hedge.

Logan groaned in pain, pushing himself up. It was then he realised he’d landed on top of Remy, his hands either side his head, holding him up mere inches above Remy’s face. Remy blinked up at him in confused shock, his sunglasses having been knocked off from the fall.

“Ow?”

“Are you alright?” Logan asked, his voice softer than he’d liked. Remy nodded breathlessly.

“Yeah.”

“Good…” Logan whispered, glancing down at Remy’s lips, then back to his eyes, only to find Remy staring at Logan’s own lips. Logan felt himself drawn closer to his boyfriend, as though the two were magnetically drawn to each other, until his lips met Remy’s.

Logan had never kissed anyone before. At least, not on the lips. He wasn’t sure how to describe the experience. It was a bundle of emotions that neither boy had words for. It was messy, but it was warm, tender, loving… Almost desperate. Logan moaned, trying to drink up more of the new feeling.

“Hm… Lo…?”

“Wh-why did you stop?” Logan whispered, pulling away. Remy smirked and indicated with his eyes. Logan followed the gaze. “V-Virgil!” Logan scrambled off Remy as Virgil laughed from where he sat on the grass, sketchbook resting on his lap.

“It’s about fucking time, Lo.”

All Remy and Logan could do was laugh sheepishly.

[From Papa - 11:50] Virgil told me that you and Remy took a big step in your relationship today. Xx

[To Papa - 11:51] It was an accident. I apologise. It will not happen again.

[From Papa - 11:51] No, no! Logan, you misunderstood! I’m really happy that you and Remy trust each other so much! I really am! I just want you to be really, really careful… Xx

[To Papa - 11:51] We are.

[From Papa - 11:52] I know you, Logan. You put others first, and you don’t understand a lot of your emotions. When you’re in a relationship, you MUST listen to your emotions. If Remy wants you to do something, and you don’t know if you want to do it, DON'T do it. If you only want to do it to please him, DON’T do it. You HAVE to put yourself first. If you’re even the slightest bit unsure, you have to think about it first. I’m not just referring to… you know… but everything. Kissing, holding hands, dating, experimenting… I don’t know what you teenagers do nowadays but you have to think about yourself. Xx

[To Papa - 11:54] You are saying all that from experience, aren’t you?

[From Papa - 11:55] I just don’t want you to hurt yourself like I did. I was stupid. I got pregnant to keep a man happy, a man who didn’t want me for love, and I paid the price. I’ve learnt my lesson the hard way. I don’t want you getting hurt… Xx

[To Papa - 11:56] I promise I will take both my feelings and Remy’s feelings into account before engaging in anything. The kiss was initiated by me. I wanted it.

[From Papa - 11:57] Okay, I just worry sometimes. The last thing I want is for someone to take advantage of you again. I know how easy it is to slip into a routine where everything you do is to please others, but that doesn’t work in relationships. I trust Remy, but I also trusted Declan. Do you see what I mean? Xx

[To Papa - 11:58] I do. If anything occurs that I am unsure about, I will talk to someone first, whether it be you, Remy, or Uncle Emile. Thank you for sharing your experiences, I know that cannot have been easy.

[From Papa - 11:58] You would have been such a good big brother to Daisy, you know that? She would be 11 next week. Xx

[To Papa - 11:59] Thank you. I would have loved her very much, as I do you. Xx

[From Papa - 11:59] I love you too. Xx

[From Papa - 12:05] I haven’t been entirely honest with you, Lo. Since the crash, I feel like I’ve been constantly on edge. Anything could happen to any of us at any minute and no-one will ever know when until it happens. We’d never know what they were thinking, how they were feeling, you know? And the accident has just… enhanced that. Xx

[To Papa - 12:07] Perhaps that is something worth talking to Emile about. He is very good at sifting through emotions. However, I suggest trying to remind yourself that everything life is uncertain.

[To Papa - 12:08] If it helps, if anything were to happen to me, I would think about you. I would feel guilty for leaving you, but hopeful that you would move on as you had with Daisy. I would feel scared, but loved. I would wish to see you one last time, and if that wish were granted, I would promise you that I will look after Daisy until we see each other again.

[To Papa - 12:13] Papa?

[From Uncle - 12:13] Patton’s okay, Lo. Just a little emotional right now. I’m right here with him, he’ll be okay.~

[To Uncle - 12:14] I apologise, I did not mean to upset him.

[From Uncle - 12:15] Hey, no, don’t you apologise! You said nothing wrong, Lo, nothing at all. He needed to hear it, and now he’s emoting in a healthy manner. You did good, Lo. Let me look after him for a while, okay?~

[To Uncle - 12:15] Alright, thank you.

“Papa, I’m- Agh!” Logan cried out as arms threw themselves around him, pulling him into a tight hug before he’d even had a chance to throw his bag down. “Papa?”

“I just need to hold you…” Patton whispered, hugging him close. “I love you so much…”

“He’s been like this for hours.” Emile spoke up from the couch. “He’s been sat at that there door waiting for you for the past half an hour.” Patton choked back a sob, nodding into Logan’s shoulder. Logan anxiously pet Patton’s hair, trying to offer some sort of comfort but not knowing how.

“I just get so sad when I think about you all alone and- and feeling unloved… I never want you to feel like that again…”

“You need to stop rereading my previous chapters and start reading my current one.” Logan smiled, pulling away. “I am not alone anymore, nor am I unloved. I have a family, in which I belong, and a boyfriend who clung to me for many hours today. I do not think I will be feeling unloved anytime soon.”

“You’re such a good boy!” Patton sobbed. “Why are you such a good boy…?”

“Okay, I believe you are tired…” Logan whispered. “Let’s go and lie down.”

“Y-you’re my good boy, Lo…” Patton whimpered. Logan took Patton’s hand in his and began pulling him towards his bedroom.

“And you are my good Dad. Let’s get some rest, and then we can talk more once you are calm.”

“Will you lie down too?” Patton asked pathetically, pouting as Logan sat him on his bed. “I missed you…”

“I suppose a rest could not hurt…”

Which was why, when Emile went to find them, he walked in on the two curled up in Patton’s bed, both looking far more comfortable than usual.

He definitely didn’t take any photos.

Chapter Text

[To Papa - 08:20] I have arrived at school.

[From Papa - 08:21] Thank you, Honey! Don’t forget we have our month assessment today. Xx

[To Papa - 08:21] I would not worry about it. You have done nothing to give any reason why you are not a suitable parent. I am far happier with you than I ever imagined I would be. You make my past worth living through.

[From Papa - 08:22] That’s really kind of you, Lo… You shouldn’t have gone through any of that in the first place. Xx

[From Papa - 08:22] Sorry, I said I’d stop saying that. Xx

[To Papa - 08:22] It is alright. Just remind yourself that my life is far better with you and that is where I am focusing my attention.

[From Papa - 08:23] I’m so proud of you, Lo. Xx

[To Papa - 08:23] I am proud of you also. Xx

“Hey, babe.” Remy strode over to Logan’s locker smugly.

“Good morning, Remy.” Logan smiled, blushing slightly as he pressed a soft kiss to Remy’s cheek. Remy chuckled.

“Is that, like, the best you can do?”

“It is the most I am comfortable with in public.”

“Fair enough. So… I called Thomas Dad yesterday after we got the dog.”

“Oh? How did he react?”

“He cried and hugged me for, like, an hour.”

“I feel that is similar to how Patton would have reacted, had it been under better circumstances.” Logan smiled. “I am glad you trusted him enough to do that.”

“Yeah, well… He’s a good Dad.”

“As is Patton. We actually have our month assessment today.”

“After that shit, it’s all officially official, right?” Remy asked. Logan nodded. “Aww, and it seems like only yesterday we were crying ourselves to sleep together.”

“Falsehood.” Logan smirked, then whispered: “We both know you fall asleep before you can even start crying.” Before walking away. Remy blinked for a moment.

“Logan, you bitch!”

Patton had spent the majority of the day cleaning the house and preparing for the assessment. He knew they’d be fine. Logan was happy, he was happy, so the assessment would go smoothly, but he couldn’t stop that nagging feeling telling him he could easily have Logan snatched away from him like Daisy had been.

Late in the afternoon, there was a knock at the door. Patton took a deep breath, adjusted his posture, and opened the door.

“Hiya!” Patton beamed.

“Good afternoon, my name is Sloan.” The man pointed to his name badge and quickly flashed his ID card. “I’m here to complete your monthly assessment. You must be…”

“Patton Picani.” Patton beamed.

“Of course. How has Logan been?”

“Oh, he’s doing so well, I’m so proud of him…”

“That’s good to hear. May I look around?”

“Of course. Would you like a drink?” Patton asked, stepping aside and letting Sloan in.

“No, thank you. I’d like to do this quickly.”

“No, no, that’s fine!” Patton beamed. “I’ll just wait here then?”

“Please.” Sloan nodded. “I just want to ensure Logan’s environment is appropriate.” Sloan quickly disappeared into Logan’s room. Patton couldn’t help but wonder, as he sat on the couch, why there were still children in the world who were abused and neglected and without help. His heart broke for them. Never did a day pass where Patton didn’t think about how happy he was to have adopted Logan, and how sad he was for the boy’s past.

It suddenly occurred to Patton that the year Logan’s Mother had died was also the same year Daisy had died. He found himself wondering if they were together up in Heaven, watching over him and Logan together. He hoped Daisy had a Mother figure up there… Or a Father figure, or at least a friend.

“Papa, I’m home.” Logan broke Patton’s train of thought as he slipped into the apartment, closing the door behind him.

“Oh, hi, Logan! Perfect timing, Sloan came to do our monthly assessment.” Patton beamed.

“I liked Sloan. He was nice.” Logan smiled and approached the couch, pressing a kiss to his Dad’s cheek. “I will put my bag away and come to say hello properly.”

“Okay, kiddo.”

Logan went to his room, placing his bag down on the ground by the door and pulling out any homework he had to do. He didn’t notice Sloan in Patton’s room. Logan placed his homework neatly on his desk with his mobile before adjusting his tie and heading out the door.

He suddenly gasped as a hand wrapped around his neck, slamming him against the hallway wall. Logan tried to cry out, tried to scream, but all he could manage was a strangled gasp. So he did the only thing he could think of: He kicked against the wall.

“Logan?”

The hand around his throat tightened, earning a strangled croak of fear from the teen.

“Get off him!”

The hand tightened, then it was gone. Logan slumped to the ground, coughing violently as he lungs tried to drag oxygen back into them. He felt more hands on him, though the time, not trying to hurt him… He couldn’t see through his tears, even though he was wearing his glasses, nor could he hear over the sound of his heart beating in his ears.

“Logan?!”

Patton.

“N-Not Sloan…” Logan choked between body-wracking coughs. He feared for a moment that he’d be sick.

“I really thought you’d be able to see some sort of resemblance, being his Father and all.” Logan looked up at the man as Patton rubbed his back.

“Mitchell…” Patton sounded scared… Logan panted heavily, Patton shifting so he was in front of Logan, protecting him if anything were to happen.

“You’re a slow one.”

“Get out or I’ll call the police.” Patton threatened shakily as he grabbed Logan’s arm, pulling him up off the floor and keeping him behind him. Logan clung to Patton’s shirt, his eyes fixed on the blurry man in front of them. “I’ll do it!”

“What did you think I was doing as I ‘assessed’ your house?” Mitchell chuckled, holding up a knife. Patton took a shocked few steps back towards the living room. “Your phones aren’t going to work. And besides, you invited me in. It’d be rude to kick out a guest.” Mitchell turned his gaze to Logan, making Patton step back once more, Logan crying out as they hit the back of the couch. “You caused quite a scene in the park the other day, Logan. Thought I’d follow you back, make sure you got home safe...”

“L-Leave him alone.” Patton growled, fumbling in his pockets for his mobile, but he couldn’t find it.

“You gonna stop me, pretty Kitten?” Mitchell chuckled, reaching up and tilting Patton’s chin up. Patton tried to scowl, only to shiver in fear. “Aw. You’re as pathetic as he is.” Mitchell sneered, pointed down at Logan with the knife. Patton scowled then, moving to grab Mitchell’s shirt, only for him to grab Patton’s wrist first. Patton gasped.

“Nice try, Kitty.” Without warning, Mitchell pulled back and tugged Patton towards him by the arm, swinging him to the side and kicking him backwards before turning to Logan, only to find the boy was gone.

“What?” His legs suddenly gave way, as though they were kicked out from under him, sending him crashing to the floor, dropping the knife. Logan quickly scrambled up, running towards Patton and pulling him to the door, only to find it was locked.

“Looking for something, boys?” Mitchell asked, holding up a key. He smirked, pocketing it. “Do you know what they do to child abusers in prison?” He spat suddenly, the knife pointed towards Logan. Logan gripped Patton’s arm as Patton did his best to shield him.

“No…” Logan whispered.

“Do you wanna find out?”

Patton lunged for the man, grabbing the knife and wrenching it out of his hand, tossing it across the room. Mitchell growled, elbowing Patton in the face hard. Patton released him with a cry to hold his now bleeding nose in pain, giving the man the opportunity he’d been waiting for.

He grabbed Patton by the collar of his shirt and threw him back, sending him crashing into the coffee table and tumbling over it, landing in a motionless heap on the floor.

“Papa!” Logan screamed, running to reach him, only for Mitchell to grab his wrist.

“You’re going to regret ever leaving that fucking cupboard.” Mitchell spat, alcohol lacing his words as he dragged Logan towards the discarded knife. Logan panicked. He tried hard not to, tried to be logical… He had to be logical. He started to scream, to pull back, to kick at him, to hit him, to do anything he could to get back to Patton.

But to no avail.

“Fucking freak.” Mitchell snarled, reaching down for the knife. While he was distracted, Logan took a chance and bit him. “Agh! Fucker!” He cried, tossing Logan to the floor. Logan braced for impact, only to be caught against Patton.

“-two… three… four…”

“Papa, are you alright?”

“I’ll fucking get you ,you fucking useless shit!” Mitchell spat, the knife in his hand, fingers tightening around the handle.

“-eight…”

“Fucking bit me, little fucker…”

“Papa?!”

“Ten!”

Mitchell lunged at the boy, knife in hand.

Patton pulled Logan out the way, narrowly escaping the knife himself, which had wedged itself into his paper-like wall. Mitchell pulled it out with a cry, turning to Logan, who was cowering and trembling on the floor in front of Patton.

“Say hi to your Mom for me.” Mitchell raised the knife.

“No, no, no!” Patton cried, quickly pulling Logan to his chest and turning his back on Mitchell, shielding Logan with his body as he waited for the inevitable.

But it never came…

Instead, the door crashed down, stunning Mitchell long enough for the intruder to tackle him.

“Emile…” Logan gasped, clinging to Patton so tight that Patton couldn’t feel his arm, but that was the least of his problems.

“Logan, go.”

“No!”

“Logan! I won’t tell you again! Get out!” Patton cried. Logan blinked, shocked by the unusual tone. So he left. He ran downstairs to Emile’s apartment, grabbed the phone, and called the police. Once he was certain they were on their way, he made his way back upstairs.

Only to run into Mitchell halfway up. So he did the only logical thing.

He threw himself onto his front and grabbed his Father’s leg, tripping him and sending him tumbling down the stairs, only stopping when he hit the ground, a puddle of blood leaking out from under him.

“Leave him alone!” Patton cried, suddenly appearing at the top of the stairs, his shirt stained as red as his hands. As soon as Patton took in the sight, Logan standing halfway up the stairs, and Mitchell lying on the floor at the bottom, he sighed in relief, tears falling as he opened his arms for Logan. Logan took the stairs two at a time to reach him, the two enveloping each other in a tight hug.

”Papa, there’s blood!”

“Thank god you’re okay, I’m so sorry, Lo, I-I’m so stupid, I-I need to call an ambulance, the Police! I need-“

“I called the Police... A-are you okay? Where’s Emile…?”

Logan knew there was a reason Mitchell ran. If he and Patton were alive, Michell wouldn’t leave without achieving his goal: Killing them. Unless he’d fucked up…

“Papa?”

“I need to call an ambulance…” Patton released Logan and rushed downstairs to use Emile’s phone. Logan ran upstairs.

“Uncle? Why is Papa covered in-”

“Lo… Don’t come in… Please.”

Logan didn’t listen. He regretted not listening.

Emile lay on the floor, propped up against the couch, the knife protruding out of his abdomen. Logan choked a sob, running over to Emile and pulling a throw off the couch. He bundled the material into a ball and pressed it to the wound around the knife.

“Uncle-“

“Logan…” Emile groaned, blindly reaching for Logan’s hand. “I’m gonna be fine… I promise. We’re all gonna be fine...”

“Then why are you losing consciousness?!” Logan cried. “Uncle, stop it! Wake up!”

“‘M fine… gonna…”

“Emile!”

Chapter Text

One year later:

“I’m sorry I didn’t come to visit sooner. Things have been… difficult.” Logan whispered, staring down at the flowers in his hand. He’d chosen them himself: Pink two-toned Carnations to say ‘I cannot be with you’, solid pink Carnations and blue forget-me-nots to show he’d never forget, blue Iris’ for faith and hope, and pink Gladiolus for remembrance.

Patton smiled sadly from behind Logan, the name ‘Picani’ on the gravestone in front of them catching his eye for the third time since they’d arrived.

“Papa, I do not know if I can do this…”

“Take your time, Lo. It’s okay. There’s no rush.”

“Alright…” Logan sighed, kneeling down and placing the flowers down on the ground. Patton didn’t flinch at the full view of the gravestone. Not like he used to.

“I… have been planning this speech for some time. My mother used to say that life was a story, one that we write ourselves. But you did not get a chance to finish yours… You did not start it to begin with.”

Logan blinked up at the grave, blank apart from the name ‘Daisy Picani’ and a single date.

“Your story is not a fiction of what was, it is a book of blank pages, leaving all room for ‘what ifs’ in the imagination of the reader. I will treasure your story with my Mother’s. I will read it despite the pages being blank, and while you do not have a story to call your own, you are a part of mine, and a part of Patton’s.”

“That was beautiful, Logan…” Patton whispered. Logan nodded solemnly.

“Can we visit Uncle Emile now…?”

“Sure, Kiddo.”

The walk felt far longer than it was, Logan barely taking in anything around him as he kicked up grass. It had been a long day. Patton had finally convinced Logan to come down to the graveyard for the first time since they’d come down with Remy. They’d cursed Remy’s Father, spoken to Logan’s Mother, and struggled upon talking to Daisy…

Eventually, they got to where they needed to be.

“Think fast!”

Neither had time to react before Patton was hit square in the face by a cupcake with blue frosting.

“No, no, no! I told you not to waste the cakes like that!” Patton cried, wiping the frosting off. “How many have you thrown at the customers?”

“Just one… or twelve.”

“Emile!”

“In my defence, I was left unsupervised.” Emile beamed proudly. Patton rolled his eyes.

“And to think I used to work for you . Where’s Roman? He was supposed to help.”

“He’s out back, serenading himself.”

“No, he’s not. He’s practicing something.” Virgil muttered, walking from his and Remy’s table over to Patton and bending down to pick the thrown cupcake off the floor before eating it.

“Virgil, no! Don’t eat that!” Patton cried, but Virgil quickly shoved the whole cupcake in his mouth before Patton could stop him. Remy laughed.

“That’s the fifth one he’s eaten. Hey, how’d your thing go, babe?”

“It went well, thank you.” Logan smiled. “Though I almost backed out.”

“I’m just so happy you felt strong enough to talk to your Sister…” Patton whispered reassuringly, wrapping an arm around Logan’s shoulders.

It was hard to imagine that a year ago, they’d nearly died. They all remembered it, clear as day, but never spoke about it.

Never spoke about finding the real Sloan unconscious in the entrance of their building, or the ambulance sirens, or the flashing lights, or the doctors telling them there was a huge chance that Emile wouldn’t make it out of surgery… Never spoke about how Patton hadn’t stopped crying since he stepped out the ambulance, hadn’t stopped screaming and sobbing, Logan doing his best to hold him and reassure him through his own tears.

They never spoke about how Emile had died for a total of 2 minutes and 43 seconds before a Doctor restarted his heart, or about how Patton had gone as far as to punch Emile in the shoulder when he woke, or how Logan had unashamedly hugged Emile for about 2 hours, or how Emile was especially proud of the scar on his abdomen.

Logan later learned that Emile had stood between Patton and his Father, taking an injury that would likely have been fatal for the slightly shorter and younger twin, but they didn’t speak about that either.

They never spoke about how apologetic Sloan had been once he’d recovered, having suffered a head injury when Mitchell knocked him out and stole his ID and files, or how the police questioned them all for evidence against Mitchell, or how they stood in front of a court and told their stories before finally, finally , getting a ‘guilty’ from the jury.

They never spoke about it, because they feared if they did, they’d wake up from a perfect dream and find they were still living that nightmare…

“Emile, I think I got it perfe- Oh! Patton! You’re back!” Roman giggled sheepishly as he rushed out from the back of the cafe.

“What about my back? Finish your sentences, Roman!” Patton giggled. Roman blushed.

“Patton, if I may…” Roman suddenly leapt over the counter, grabbing Virgil’s glass and spoon and tapping them, capturing the attention of anyone who hadn’t previously stopped to witness Patton yelling at Emile. “I have an announcement!”

“Get on with it!” Virgil yelled, earning a few laughs.

“Alright! A few years ago, I met Patton, the love of my life, the man of my dreams, and occasionally my nightmares…” A few chuckles urged him on. “I never expected anything to come out of accepting a place to sleep once a week, but… I’m really glad it did, because here I am today, in front of you all. I have my little brother, my boyfriend, my best friend, and my Son.”

“I am not legally-“

“You’ve always been my Son, shush.” Roman scoffed.

“Hey, what about me?!” Remy cried.

“Oh, yeah, and my Son’s… thing.”

“Charming!”

Virgil snorted.

“Shush, this isn’t about you. Patton, darling, you dragged me out of Hell and helped me to see that I am more than I felt… I am deserving of love and worthy of your heart, I am an actor, a brother, a lover, a friend, a Father and… something to that thing …”

“Dream on!” Remy smirked.

“You’ve made me more me that I possibly could have ever done by myself, Patton… You showed me I was more than whatever was under my costumes, and I never imagined myself here… Patton Picani,” Roman knelt on the floor, earning a few gasps and squeals from around him as he pulled out a ring box and flipped open the lid.

Patton’s hands flew to his mouth in shock as he stared down at the ring box in his boyfriend’s hands. A small gold band sat in the middle of the box with a blue sapphire stone heart sitting on top proudly.

“Would you do me the honour of becoming my husband?”

There was a long silence for a moment, Patton struggling to find the right words. Logan smiled.

“Papa, this is where you say yes.”

“Yes.” Patton blurted. “Yes!”

“Oh, thank heavens.” Roman chuckled as he stood and pulled the ring out the box, slipping it onto Patton’s trembling hand. “I love you.”

“I love you too!” Patton cried tearfully before leaning in to kiss Roman messily, causing the man to drop the empty box. They quickly adjusted themselves as everybody clapped and cheered, only pulling apart when they ran out of breath. Roman turned to Logan.

“Lo, I have something for you too.”

“You don’t have to kiss me.” Logan held his hands up, earning a chuckled from several people in the room. Roman laughed.

“No, no, I won’t. You’ve come a really long way since Patton adopted you. I’ll admit, I was a bit worried when Patton announced it out of nowhere, but I trusted him; He wouldn’t do something so life-changing for no reason. You two were made for each other… It’s clear to see. You and Patton just… fit, and Patton is trusting me to love you and care for you like he does. He’s trusting me with you.”

Patton wrapped an arm around Logan’s shoulders fondly.

“Logan Picani, would you do me the honour of being my Son?” Roman asked, pulling out another box and opening it to show Logan.

The band was a simple silver, an 8 pointed star engraved in the middle with a darker blue sapphire stone sitting in the middle. Logan didn’t answer, instead settling on throwing his arms around Roman’s neck and hugging him tight. Roman smiled, rubbing Logan’s back.

“I’m super proud of you, Lo. I can’t wait to be your Dad…” Roman whispered, slipping the ring onto Logan’s finger before rubbing the boy’s back. Logan nodded against Roman’s shoulder, by way of saying ‘me neither’.

“I got it all!” Emile screamed suddenly, holding up his phone. “I filmed every bit of it! My wedding present i complete!”

“Yes!” Roman chuckled, keeping his hold on Logan. Patton giggled.

“What wedding present?”

“Only a compilation of all our videos of the past year.”

“Oh, I can’t wait! You know I love that nostalgia!”

“It’s a good thing you’re getting it early then, isn’t it?” Emile smirked knowingly.

That evening found Patton, Emile, Logan, Roman, Virgil and Remy sitting on the couch in front of Patton’s TV, watching clips of their many shenanigan’s over the years.

Logan leaned into Patton, nestling himself in a warm nook between Patton and Roman. He’d never have pictured himself here a few years ago. He’d never have thought someone would accept him as Patton had, and help him to grow past his previous chapters and focus on writing his next ones.

Maybe one day he’d confess to Patton that he’d purposely avoided telling him he was an orphan in fear that Patton would ask about his past and reject him or see him differently, especially since he believed he had too many issues to be loved.

He couldn’t have been more wrong.

And though he’d dreamed of having Patton as his Father a few times before being adopted, he’d never been this content in his dreams… because this was real. He had a family.

It seemed to Logan that there was an ‘I’ in family after all.

Chapter Text

Hi!

So, this is like my favourite fic I’ve ever written. I love the world it’s set in, I love that I can relate to each character in some way, I love Logan in general. But when I reread it last week, I hated how old it is. I tried to edit it multiple times to add and remove stuff. I couldn’t relax this time.

Long story short, I’m rewriting this fic. It’s is officially now the “old version”. 

The new version will be longer, and will include Roman’s brother, Remus, who has been in psych wards longer than he’s been out of them, and his accidental husband, Janus, who becomes Logan’s wine aunt. Declan will be the rumoured Orange side, and not Deceit.

I’m gonna change and remove some stuff I hated, or that didn’t make sense (like Patton not telling Roman about adopting Logan, wtf Patton?) and include more stuff from the actual Sanders Sides web series (Like Logan lashing out and throwing paper at Roman.)

I suppose what I want to do is ask is what do you guys want to see? More interactions between the characters? Less? More angst? More fluff? Wanna see Mitchell bite the curb in a different way? Literally, I’ll keep note of any and all suggestions and try and fit them in where I can.

I’ll be posting updates on my TikTok story, so here’s the link to that: @_lwes.cosplay

I’d love to hear some feedback or ideas from anyone who might be interested.

Thank you.