Chapter Text
I.
Studying. No one truly enjoys doing it. It eats up far too much time, is anything but amusing and seems essentially futile. Yifan especially hated it when Yixing wasn’t home. When the younger was around, the apartment seemed much more lively; there was always sound filling the space. It made the space feel a lot more like home. Yifan always wondered how he ever lived without Yixing when he was home alone. None of his previous roommates were able to make the apartment feel like home, but there was something about Yixing that made everything feel better.
That was no different tonight than it usually was; Yifan was sat at the dining room table with his various textbooks strewn about here and there. He had a glass of water to his side that he ran the tip of his finger over- emitting a quiet ring. Other than that and the sound of turning pages, the house was quiet. It was friday night, so Yixing was out with Luhan at one bar or another which left Yifan home alone to study for finals.
Luckily, though, Yifan didn’t have to worry about Yixing bringing a guy home. Ever since that night, Yixing had seemed reluctant to bring anyone home and once Yixing made Yifan sit through his recounting as he told Luhan, Luhan had made a habit of fully interrogating the people Yixing talks to. At least that what Yifan’s told when Yixing talks about his nights. It’s- nice. Their arrangement has melted into less of a necessity and more of a want.
Yifan liked sitting on the couch next to Yixing and listening to the younger about his day. He liked laughing when Yixing stumbled over his words in korean only to curse at himself in chinese. Yifan had grown to be fond of the small things Yixing did- the way he seemed to be clueless about korean sometimes, the way he blushed when he knew he messed up, the way he clung to things when he was tired, the way he hummed quietly when he cooked.
“Ah! Get out of my head!” Yifan says suddenly shouts as he throws his head back and fists his hair. He hears the doorknob begin to jiggle and quickly shakes his thoughts away before levelling his eyes with his textbooks again. He has to study. He can’t risk failing a class. He needed Yixing to stay out of his head. If only for an hour.
“Yifan-hyung~” Yixing’s voice echoes as soon as the door opens. Yifan can’t help but smile. He’s drunk. Of course he’s drunk. Yifan forces his eyes to fix on his textbook, not that it’d do him any good at this rate. He hears the younger boy pull his shoes off and throw them at the wall above their shoe rack before stumbling around. Then, Yixing settles on the floor by his feet and looks up at him with wide eyes. “Yifan-hyung. You never pay attention to me anymore.” He huffs as he lets his head rest against the elder’s thigh. “You’re always studying. It’s not fair. Those dumb books don’t make you smile. They can’t. I can though. Why do you look at them so much?” Yixing whines and Yifan only smiles down at him.
“Finals are coming up, Xing…” Yifan trails as he attempts to ignore the contact.
“But, hyung… You need to relax~” Yixing says before standing up and promptly pushing the elder’s books towards the other end of the table. Yifan looks at him expectantly, but he just lifts himself up and sits on the table- in between Yifan’s legs.
“That wasn’t very nice, Yixing. I was trying to study.” Yifan says softly.
“Fuck studying!” Yixing slurs before gently grabbing Yifan’s chin and angeling it upwards so their gazes met perfectly. Yifan’s heart pounded as he looked into Yixing‘s eyes. With that, the younger boy leaned down until he was centimeters away from Yifan. Then, with a smile, he closes the distance and connects their lips. At first, Yifan doesn’t know what to do. He’s too shocked to react at first. Yixing moves his hand from Yifan’s chin to cup his jaw as he presses deeper into Yifan’s mouth. Eventually, Yifan lifts his hands; one resting on the younger’s hip and the other resting on the back of Yifan’s neck and he kisses back fervorously.
Yifan’s head is racing with a thousand different thoughts he can’t even begin to process as warmth blossoms in his chest; petals of heat blooming down his stomach and legs and lacing up his arms. Tingles string themselves like vines underneath the petals and Yifan feels light. Yifan licks Yixing’s bottom lip as he stands- his arms framing the younger man’s sides. Yixing’s mouth slots open as if on reflex and Yifan licks his way inside. Yixing’s mouth is hot and he tastes of something sweet and bitter- he tastes like… alcohol.
Yifan pulls away from Yixing quickly. The younger tries to follow, but is stopped by Yifan’s hand. “This is wrong.” He croaks out; his head spinning. Yixing rolls his eyes and scoffs.
“Why? Because I’m a guy? Because it’s gay? Are you really still that shallow, Yifan?” Yixing bites out and Yifan’s blood runs cold.
“No, because you’re drunk! It’ll be a miracle if you even remember this in the morning! Not everything is about sexuality, Yixing.” Yifan tries not to shout as he fists his hair, pulling away from a table.
“Yeah, okay. You know what? You’ve had a problem with my sexuality since the second night I lived here! Would you have pulled away if it was some random drunk girl you met at a bar?” Yixing presses.
“Yixing, Stop. You’re too drunk. You don’t know what you’re saying.” Yifan says as he tries to keep himself calm. He’d always been a little hot headed and his confusion isn’t helping anything.
“I’m sober enough to know you’re a homophobic ass, Yifan! You never answered my question! If I was a drunk female you met at a bar, would you stop?!” Yixing shouts, still sitting on the table. Yifan’s getting to overwhelmed.
“NO!” Yifan yells, breathing heavily. Yixing’s lips quirk as tears collect in his eyes.
“You- fuck you, Yifan…”
“You’re not just some random drunk girl I met at a bar. You’re-“
“A homosexual guy you got stuck living with. I get it.” Yixing says softly. Yifan’s heart feels like it’s about to burst.
“That’s not-“
“Save it!” Yixing shouts then hops off the table. “I don’t want to hear it.” He seems fixed in place, but Yifan watches as his face slowly drains of color and he sprints towards the bathroom where he falls to his knees in front of the toilet and begins heaving. A few moments later, after a few deep ad calming breaths, Yifan follows- bringing a cup of water with him. Slowly, he opens the bathroom door to see his small roommate gripping the sides of the toilet and spilling his guts.
Yifan sets the glass of water on the counter and sits on the floor next to Yixing, gently rubbing his back until he’s done throwing up and his dry heaves have stopped. Yifan hands him the water and urges him to drink it slowly until the entire glass is gone. Touching the back of his hand to Yixing’s forehead, Yifan can tell the younger has a fever. “You need to change and get in bed.” He says softly. Yixing whines and ends up lying his head in the elder’s lap.
Yifan knows Yixing is still mad, maybe he has the right to be because maybe he was right, but he also knows that Yixing is in no condition to take care of himself. With a small sigh, Yifan lets his hand fall to Yixing’s head where he plays with his hair for a few moments. “Come on, Xing. Let’s get you to bed. I don’t want you getting sick, okay?” He says softly. The younger man weakly nods and slowly pushes himself up. Yian gets to his feet and slowly pulls Yixing up after him.
“I’m going to go get you some bread and water, so get changed.” Yifan instructs and Yixing nods again just before the door closes. By the time Yifan returns, Yixing is already dressed and in bed. Yifan smiles softly and hands the bread off to the younger; watching as he slowly eats piece by piece. After Yixing is settled, Yifan places a cool rag over his forehead. Yixing is asleep before Yifan even has the chance to move away from the bed. “Sleep well, Yixing.” He says with a sigh. With that, he leaves.
He’s unable to sleep all night and ends up just thinking things over in his head before realizing he was getting nowhere. He ends up texting Junmyeon until the elder wakes up begrudgingly and tells him he can come over. With a sigh, Yifan throws some shoes on, pulls on a jacket, grabs his keys, and slips out the front door.
The cool night air is enough to wake him up a little and soothe his worries the slightest bit. He sighs and walks down the street; only taking a few minutes to reach his friend’s apartment complex. He climbs the stairs and knocks on his friend’s door a couple times. It’s pulled open to reveal his very tired looking friend. He’d never been more thankful for such an understanding friend in his life. Junmyeon steps to the side to welcome him in.
In only a few moments, Yifan has his shoes and jacket off and he’s collapsing to the livingroom floor with a thud. “Shh!” Junmyeon scolds. “Sehun-ah is crashing here for the night and he’s getting sleep… which I would be getting too if you weren’t having some sort of crisis.” Junmyeon huffs before falling to the floor, quietly, next to the elder.
“I’m sorry, I just, I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t know how I feel. And I still feel like I’m being a homophobic ass.” Yifan murmurs as he sits up and fists his hair.
“Care to explain?” Junmyeon asks.
“I… kissed Yixing-ah.” Yifan says.
“You what?!” Junmyeon whisper shouts and Yifan cringes away from him.
“Well, it’s more than just that… It’s not that simple.”
“Explain!”
“I was studying at the dining room table when Yixing came home drunk as he usually does on fridays,” Yifan starts his recount. He makes sure not to leave any detail out from his teasing to how warm he felt when Yixing’s lips were against his.
“So you kissed him…” Junmyeon asks.
“Well, he kissed me…”
“And you liked it?”
“... Maybe?”
“So what’s the problem? If you think there’s a possibility that you like him, why don’t you talk to him about it?”Junmyeon asks.
“Well, I pulled away when I remembered that he was drunk.”
“Which was the right thing to do…” Junmyeon trails.
“Yes, but then I said that it was wrong and he blew up thinking it was because I had a problem with it because he was a guy, which made me start thinking that maybe he was right, but then he asked me if I would have pulled away if it was some random drunk girl I brought home from the bar. Of course I said no, and he took it the wrong way and I tried to explain that it was because he wasn’t just some girl from the bar, but he yelled say that he knows he’s just some homo that I’m stuck living with. He wouldn’t let me explain myself.” Yifan says in just two breaths.
“WHAT?!” Junmyeon shouts before slapping his hand over his mouth. A few moments later, they hear a door click open. From what Yifan knew to be Junmyeon’s room, a tall, orange haired boy wearing only one of Junmyeon’s sweatshirts, comes out rubbing his eyes.
“What’s going on, hyung?” He asks sleepily.
“Nothing, jingjingi… Go back to bed, okay?” Junmyeon says fondly. Yifan raises his eyebrow at the endearment, confusion and amusement taking over his face. The younger boy blushes and nods before dragging his feet back to the room.
“Cute girl that whines?” Yifan asks. Junmyeon gives him a warning look.
“This isn’t about me, it’s about you.” Junmyeon says softly.
“I wasn’t trying to offend him. I wanted to say that he wasn’t just some drunk girl I met at the bar because he wasn’t disposable like that; that I couldn’t bare to mess things up because living without him there would feel weird… I mean I’ve never-” Yifan takes a deep breath and looks up at Junmyeon who gives him a look that urges him on. “I’ve never felt so… light when I’ve kissed someone before. Be made me feel warm and tingly and I didn’t want to abuse that. He isn’t something I can just kiss and let go, you know?” Yifan says quietly.
“Yifan-hyung… wow.” Junmyeon says softly as he shifts. “How could you think you were being homophobic? I’ve never heard you talk about someone so fondly before. Don’t you think if he made you feel warm and tingly that means you have some kind of feelings for him? Especially if you see him as indispensable… Don’t you think you need to talk to him about this? If you’re having feelings towards him like this, You should tell him.” Junmyeon says.
“Do you really think so?” Yifan asks quietly.
“Yes. I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t.” Junmyeon says quietly.
“You’re right.” Yifan says softly. “I’ll talk to him about it, then…”
“Good.” Junmyeon says softly. “Let me know how it goes.”
“I will.” A small silence falls over the two for a few moments before a wide smile grows across his face. “So, you call Sehun-ssi Jingjingi now…?”
“So what if I do? If you’re done whining, kindly get the hell out. I want to sleep. It’s already day.” Junmyeon says softly, causing Yifan to smile warmly as he pushes himself to his feet.
“Junmyeon.” He says seriously. “I’m glad you’re happy.” Yifan teased Junmyeon a lot. He really did. He did it mostly out of love, but he accepted that he could be an ass because of it sometimes. He really did care about his friends, though. He was glad both Junmyeon and Sehun were happy in this situation.
“Thank you…” Junmyeon trails as he watches Yifan pull his shoes and jacket on. The elder is quick to get his stuff together and make his way towards the door.
“Thank you for listening to me. I’ll see you later, okay?” Yifan says.
“Of course.” Junmyeon says softly. “Get home safe.”
—-
Yifan doesn’t expect to open his apartment door and find it completely spotless. He doesn’t expect to be greeted by the smell of vanilla and cinnamon. He doesn’t expect natural light to be filtering through the windows. And he certainly doesn’t expect Yixing to emerge from around the corner, a hopeful look on his face, before bowing deeply. He’s sure the confusion is written all across his face when Yixing straightens his back and gives him a gentle and shy smile. “I’m so sorry about last night…” Yixing pauses as he rubs the back of his neck. “I don’t remember everything, but I remember enough and I was completely and utterly out of line.”
“About that, I-“ Yifan starts, but Yixing cuts him off.
“Hold on, just… let me finish? Last night was the biggest mistake I’ve ever made. I made you uncomfortable and then ripped you apart. I know you’re not like that; that you may be a bit uncomfortable with my sexuality but you wouldn’t ever judge me. Not to mention you took care of me even after I yelled at you. I seriously don’t even deserve to call you hyung…” Yixing pauses and looks up. “I’m just so glad you came back…”
“You make it sound like you thought you were never going to see me again.” Yifan says quietly as he looks at Yixing’s dusty cheeks.
“I did…” Yixing trails quietly. There’s a long silence as they both take a moment to think. “But my point is, I’m really sorry Yifan-hyung and if you never wanted to talk to me again I’d understand. But you don’t have to worry about that happening again. I promise you I will never, ever kiss you again.” Yixing smiles broadly. A crushing feeling takes over Yifan’s chest, but he smiles back anyways.
“It’s okay, Yixing-ah.” He reaches out to ruffle Yixing’s hair. “It wasn’t too bad. I wasn’t even thinking of leaving you, okay? Don’t ever think that I would.” Yifan says softly. Yixing seems to melt under the fondness. He quickly grabs Yifan’s hand and pulls him into the kitchen.
“I made you cookies to apologize and your favorite coffee is brewing now.” Yixing says happily.
II.
Finals came and passed easily. With Yixing and Yifan helping each other study, they seemed rather easy and it was as if no time passed at all. Although, Yifan couldn’t help but notice the fondness in his chest growing stronger for the younger boy whom he never expected to like the way he does. Now, Yifan felt paranoid with the holidays coming up. He’d grown so accustomed to living with Yixing that he honestly couldn’t remember what it was like to live without him. He knew that he, himself, wouldn’t be going home for the holidays, so he was going to be stuck alone in the apartment, but Yixing would most likely leave for the rest of their winter break.
“Hey Yixing-ah.” Yifan calls out one morning. “Don’t worry about paying for rent this month since you’ll probably be gone for most of it. I’ll cover it.” He says quietly as he makes his morning coffee.
“Why would I be gone for most of it?” Yixing asks as he looks up from his book, eyebrows furrowed.
“You’re not going home for the holidays?” Yifan asks and Yixing shakes his head.
“My family lives in Changsha back in China. I can’t afford the travel costs. I was actually going to tell you I’d cover rent this month. I thought I’d be staying here alone, but you’re not going back home either?” Yixing asks- setting his book down and making his way to the kitchen to sit himself at the kitchen counter.
“No. My family lives in Canada.” Yifan explains shortly, pouring creamer into his cup before turning around with a shrug.
“So we’ll both be here for the holidays?” It’s more of a statement than it is a question, but Yifan hums in affirmation anyways as he sips his coffee.
“Do you think we could get a Christmas tree? Maybe decorate the apartment a little bit?” Yixing suggests. Yifan’s muscles tense up as he busies himself with organizing things that were already organized on the counter.
“No. Why would we?” Yifan asks quietly. “It’s not like we’re going to have a party or anything and if I don’t have the money to go home, why would I have the money for a Christmas tree?” Yifan says casually as he moves to open the refrigerator. Yixing slightly twitches. There was a bit of edge to Yifan’s voice that bothered Yixing.
“I just thought it’d be nice to still, you know, celebrate. You didn’t have to be so rude about it.” Yixing says with a shrug as he moves to pick his book back up.
“Excuse me?” Yifan gapes. He knows it’s a dumb thing to get mad about, but this was a sensitive topic for him and Yixing was just pressing his buttons. “I wasn’t being rude, I was being practical. I’ve never had a Christmas tree here before in all the christmases I’ve spent alone here. Why would I suddenly change that just because you want one? It’s not like the tree would even be up for that long anyways. It’s kind of pointless. I don’t really celebrate Christmas at all anymore.”
“Well sue me for wanting to have a Christmas with you! I just wanted to bring a little piece of home here. Christmas is important to me, okay?! It was the only time I ever got to see my grandparents truly happy. I just wanted to celebrate after a long week of finals. But you know what? Forget it, Yifan-hyung. It’s fine. I’ll just get a small tree for my room or something. I’m sorry I asked.” Yixing says as he slides out of the bar stool and heads to his room. Yifan doesn’t try to stop him.
Yifan finishes his coffee quickly before he puts the mug in the sink with a sigh, not bothering to clean it, before sulking off to his room. He flops down onto his mattress and runs his hands through his hair. Grabbing his phone, he unlocks it and clicks into his gallery. He scrolls down to find a picture album that had been well abandoned and started scrolling through the images there. He slightly sniffles before locking his phone again and throwing it aside. He ends up staying in his room all day; letting his thoughts fester before he can’t take them anymore and he throws clothes on.
After some pacing and running his hands through his already messy hair, he walks up to Yixing’s door and knocks softly. “What?” Yixing’s soft voice drifts through the wood. Yifan can hear the distaste in his tone. He takes a deep breath.
“Get dressed.” He calls and he hears shuffling inside the room before the door is opened to reveal Yixing in only his boxers.
“Why?” He asks, unamused.
“Because you can’t wear boxers to the store, can you?”
“The store?” Yixing asks.
“The apartment stinks.” Yifan shrugs as he heads towards the door to pull his shoes on. “We need a tree or something to make it smell better… pine’s a strong scent.” Yifan says without looking up from his laces.
“Okay…” Yixing says with a warm smile.
It takes less than five minutes for Yixing to re-emerge into the living room, fully dressed and ready to go. He smiles as he bounces on his toes while he waits for a Yifan to wrap a scarf around his neck. “Let’s go.” The elder says eventually before pulling the door open for Yixing and leading him towards the supermarket he knows of only a few blocks away from their apartment. They walk mostly in silence; Yixing marveling at the brightness of the city which was decorated in twinkling Christmas lights. Yifan still felt tense at the thought of celebrating Christmas and his stomach slightly churned, but he couldn’t punish Yixing for what happened in his past. It was time he got over it anyways.
“Pick out a couple decorations while we’re here too.” Yifan says passively as he looks around the store and basically anywhere but at Yixing. The younger man giggled giddily before grabbing a cart and skipping around to the different Christmas isles. He picks out various decorations and tosses them in before asking Yifan’s opinion on which ornaments to get for the tree. They end up picking silver and royal blue ones along with a silver star and a blue tree skirt.
“Thank you.” Yixing says eventually. He’s looking at Yifan with soft acknowledgment, but Yifan pretends not to see it.
“For what?” Yifan asks, but Yixing only smiles and turns away, pulling Yifan towards the clothing section. He’s quick to pick out two sweaters that have cheesy and punny festive slogans and looks at Yifan with pleading eyes. Yifan rolls his eyes, impervious to the look, and sighs. “Fine.”
“Yay!” Yixing says as he tosses them in the cart before dragging Yifan to one final place; the liquor aisle. He picks out a couple different bottles of various types of alcohol with the excuse; “it’s not Christmas if no one gets drunk.” Yifan only laughs and shakes his head as he yanks Yixing away from the store before he can find more things to by and checks out quickly. Yixing offered to pay since it was his idea, but Yifan turns him down and pays for it all before leading Yixing to one final place.
“There’s a small tree farm that sells the best Christmas trees according to Junmyeon over here.” He explains shortly before they come to a stop outside the place. They wander around for awhile before they find one that Yixing thinks is perfect. It looks like it’s the perfect size to fit inside their apartment and it’s full. Yixing takes all the bags as Yifan pays before carrying the tree back to their apartment. Once they get inside, Yifan begins to set up the tree as Yixing turns on some Christmas music.
“Let’s do the tree last.” Yixing says softly as he unpacks the bags; popping open a bottle of liquor and pouring both him and Yifan glasses. As the music plays, Yifan and Yixing wander around their apartment and begin decorating- making it look like Christmas threw up on it. They’re mostly quiet before they get to the tree (after several glasses of whatever drink Yixing poured). They unbox the ornaments and work together to put them around the tree cutely.
“Can I ask about it?” Yixing asks quietly; just loud enough to be heard over the music.
“Ask about what.” Yifan asks as he slides an ornament onto a branch.
“The reason you’re a Christmas grinch.” Yixing says jokingly. Yifan chuckles a bit before shrugging.
“You don’t really want to know. It dumb.” Yifan says.
“I do.” Yixing says, watching Yifan.
“Uhm… I was engaged once.” Yifan admits. “She was a nice girl. She listened well and she was really beautiful- she took everyone by surprise when she entered a room. She was definitely someone I thought I could spend the rest of my life with. My parents loved her. Often times more than me.” His look of nostalgia turns into a grimace the more he talks. “I proposed to her one Christmas, but we’d never found the time to get married. So by the time the next Christmas rolled around, we were still just engaged. Come to find out… she was-“ Yifan’s nose twists up. “She was fucking my brother behind my back. I found out on Christmas. On a day that’s supposed to hold nothing but happiness and family time. I couldn’t bare to look at my brother anymore- let alone be in a room with both of them at the same time. But my family- they loved her. So, when push came to shove, her and my brother were more important than me. My parents kicked me out saying I was the one being over dramatic and that I was the one who needed to come to my senses. So, I took my ring back and I left. I moved here to pursue my dreams. I haven’t talked to them since. My best friend from back home told me that my brother and her got married on Christmas last year. I just… don’t have any good memories on Christmas anymore I guess.” The more Yifan talked, the slower Yixing began to work as horror filled his body. Who does that? To their own brother? Their own son? No wonder Yifan hates Christmas.
“Come here.” Yixing says quietly as he grabs Yifan’s hand before pulling him to the opening of the hallway. He looks up at Yifan expectantly before looking up. Yifan’s eyebrows furrow as a small bundle of mistletoe hung above their heads. When did Yixing even put that in the cart.
“Yixing, what-“
“A good memory. Even if it’s just me.” Yixing shrugs. “Even if you just look back on it and laugh. Make a good memory to smother all the bad ones.” Yixing says softly. Yifan looks down at Yixing warmly. Slowly, Yifan takes a step closer and raises his hand to rest it on the back of Yixing’s neck. With his thumb, he pushes Yixing’s jaw up so their eyes can meet. With one more questioning glance, Yifan lowers his head. His lips meet Yixing’s gently. It’s barely a whisper of a kiss, but as Yixing grabs onto Yifan’s hand and kisses back, Yifan can’t help but press against him harder. He places his free hand on Yixing’s hip and pulls him closer. He doesn’t know if it’s the intimacy of being alone with Yixing, if it’s the alcohol talking, or if it’s the sexual tension that’s been building up in his head, but he feels more desperate for Yixing this time.
He pulls the smaller man’s body flush against his, gently nipping at Yixing’s bottom lip before slipping his tongue into the bitterness of Yixing’s mouth. He feels light headed as he makes the kiss more passionate; pressing Yixing’s back against the wall and trailing his hand from Yixing’s waist to his ass. The warmth from last time blooms in his chest once more and he never wants it to end, but Yixing’s placing his hand on Yifan’s chest and slightly pushing him away. Immediately, Yifan backs off and watches as the younger wipes the saliva from his swollen lips.
“If I didn’t know how straight you are, hyung,” Yixing laughs lightly, “I would think you want to kiss me.” Yifan crumbles as he turns away.
“I do.” He says softly.
—-
When Yifan wakes up in the morning, he has the worst hangover he’s ever had. His head is pounding and throbbing. He rubs his temples, but that somehow only seems to make things worse. Slowly, he sits up. The light streaming through the curtains seeming a lot brighter than it actually is, he closes his eyes again and focuses on standing up without causing the pain in his head to worsen. He pushes his way back out to the kitchen where he plans on getting water. There, he’s greeted by his roommate who smiles warmly at him.
“Good morning, hyung!” He says cheerfully. Yifan squints at him.
“How are you so cheerful?” He asks quietly as he stumbles towards the cabinets. “God… what happened last night?” Yifan wasn’t paying enough attention or he’d have seen the smile on Yixing’s face falter. Nevertheless, the younger forces a laugh.
“What’s the last thing you remember?” Yixing asks.
“Telling you about… my ex I think.” Yifan trails as he scrubs at his eyes. “I don’t know, it’s all a little hazy.”
“Oh.” Yixing says softly. “Nothing interesting really. We just finished putting the tree together and you lifted me up on your shoulders to put the star on even though I told you I could reach it without that.” Yixing laughs. Yifan facepalms and lets out a groan.
“I’m sorry.” He pauses. “I don’t usually drink.” Yixing’s smile looks sad, but Yifan doesn’t notice and just drinks down the cool water he poured himself.
“I can tell.”
IV.
Christmas goes off without a hitch and Yifan thinks it might be almost too domestic. Yifan was still asleep with Yixing woke up, but that didn’t last long as the younger woke him up by jumping on him and shaking him until he threw Yixing off the bed. The younger had made a breakfast scramble that they decided to eat after they opened presents. Yixing practically swooned over the gifts Yifan managed to get without him knowing; a sleek black ring on a necklace that perfectly contrasted his pale skin and a framed picture of the two of them- the first one they ever took together. (Yifan then helped Yixing hang it up in his room.) And Yifan fell in love with the elegant watch Yixing spent almost all his savings on. (The younger almost had a heart attack when the face ended up broken after he dropped the box when giving it to Yifan, but the elder only smiled and said he loved it and would get it fixed as soon as possible. He still wore it with the broken face until the shop opened back up.)
The few days between Christmas and New Years were rather uneventful. Yifan started having to go back to work and became a little distant- Yixing assumed he was drained after all his emotions came out. That time for Yixing was mostly spent trying to figure out his emotions which had been out of whack ever since Yifan came home the day after he drunkenly kissed him. It didn’t help that Yifan had been insanely nice to him since and that night they decorated, well… It had made Yixing actually think about what it would be like to date Yifan. It was driving him nuts. However, he devised a plan once he found out Yifan had to work an all day shift on New Year’s Eve.
As soon as the elder left in the morning, Yixing got ready and ran to the store to get various ingredients including things to make dessert and wine. When he gets home, he quickly gets to work; starting with the baked goods.
—-
By the time Yifan finishes his shift at work, he’s completely and utterly exhausted. Dealing with prissy and entitled people for the expanse of the entire day takes way too much out of him. So, when he gets home, he plans on kicking off his shoes, ordering some takeout, cracking open a beer, and laying down (on his bed or the couch, he doesn’t care). However, when he opened the front door a variety of smells hits his nose and he finds himself greeted with a set table; flickering candles being the only thing lighting the area.
“Oh! You’re finally home.” Yixing says with a warm smile. He reaches up to Yifan’s shoulders and helps the elder ease his jacket off. Yixing hangs it up before scampering back to the kitchen. “I’m almost finished if you want to take a seat.” Why does that sound so familiar? Yifan does as he’s told, albeit confused.
“What’d I do?” He questions and he hears Yixing laugh from somewhere in the kitchen.
“Nothing, I just thought I’d be nice and cook a good dinner while you worked all day.” Yixing said before coming back into the dining room with two plates in his hand. He sets one down in front of Yifan before setting the other back down across the table. He scurried away once more only to re-emerge with a bottle of red wine in his hand. He pours some into Yifan’s glass before filling his own and finally sitting down.
“Wow…” Yifan manages as his eyes graze over the table which was covered in a table cloth and was set nicely. The candles were small, but they were cute; floating in s small bowl of water along with soft pink petals. “Thank you, Yixing-ah. This smells amazing.”
“Of course. It’s only natural to eat a good meal and drink some good wine on New Years.” Yixing says with a wide, warm, smile. “What are you waiting for?” Yixing asks as Yifan hesitates to eat. The elder is quick to pick up his chopsticks at that then digs in, letting out a pleased hum as the various flavors of the meal spread over his tongue.
“It’s amazing, Yixing.”
“Thank you. It’s my grandma’s recipe.” Yixing says before beginning to eat himself. The meal is finished rather quickly. Too quickly, if you ask Yifan. The bottle of wine is gone by the end and their plates are left in the sink. Yixing is standing by the window that looks over the entire city. He huffs, though, obviously not pleased by the view. “I wish we were on a higher floor. It’s going to be hard to see the fireworks from here.” He pouts. Yifan seems to contemplate something before he makes his way back towards the front door.
“Wait here. I’ll be right back.” He says then slips back out the front door. Yixing watches him go before he looks back out the window and watches as the cars on the street below run back and forth. As they drag people to and from parties. For a moment, Yixing wishes he was at one of those parties; drunk of his ass and unable to hear his own thoughts because of the thrumming bass coming from the crappy club speakers, but then he realizes that isn’t true. He much preferred the quiet that was Yifan. He was glad he was here; in the small and quaint apartment. Normally, Yixing liked the clubs because he could get attention there- he could forget about his loneliness in this large city in the touch of a stranger. But now, he found that he wasn’t lonely. He was pleased with where he was. At the sound of the front door opening, his thoughts fade away and are replaced by Yifan’s smiling face.
“Come on. Grab your comforter and the booze.” Yifan says.
“What?” Yixing asked, confused. Yifan chuckles.
“Just do it. Trust me..” Yifan smiles. Yixing does as he’s asked and grabs the comforter and the two bottles of alcohol that was leftover from the Christmas haul. Yifan takes the younger’s free hand and drags him to the stairwell. Yixing giggles as he stumbles over his feet.
“Where are we going?”
“You’ll see.” Yifan says softly. They go up (far too many) flights of stairs before coming to a stop outside a door that was radiating cold air. Yixing smiled at the sign that displayed ‘roof access’. Yifan fumbles with the keys that Yixing didn’t realize he had before sticking one into the handle and pushing the door open. As the cool air surrounds him, Yixing realizes why Yifan told him to bring the comforter. They walk towards the edge of the roof. There was a siding that went up to about waist level. Yixing sets the bottles down there and wraps one half of the blanket around him before offering the other half to Yifan. They lean against the wall and watch the night sky.
“I forgot to bring glasses…” Yixing trails softly as he stares at the bottles.
“It’s okay.” Yifan replies before reaching forward and opening one bottle up. He takes a swig straight from it with a smile before offering it to Yixing. The younger shakes his head with a smile as he takes it before he knocks it back and stares out at the sky. “Hey,” Yifan starts quietly, breaking the silence, “can I ask you something?” He asks.
“Of course.”
“Why have I never heard you talk about your parents? When you mentioned Christmas, you said it was the only time you got to see your grandparents really happy. Did you live with them?” Yifan asks and Yixing lets out a hum.
“Yeah. I moved out of my parents’ house when I was only thirteen and my grandparents took me in.” Yixing explains shortly before taking another swig.
“Can I ask why?”
“I came out.” Yixing says simply. Yifan’s head snaps to him, but he just keeps his eyes fixed on the sky. “My parents didn’t think that it was okay that I was gay. They thought it was a sickness and that it was something that could be cured, but I knew that wasn’t it. I just loved guys. That’s all there was to it. And my grandparents knew it to. They’d always been forward thinkers, so as soon as they found out how my parents were treating me because of it, they offered for me to come live with them and when my parents wouldn’t let me, they took my parents to court and won custody over me.” Yixing says.
“Oh, wow… I’m so sorry.” Yifan says quietly. No wonder he was so sensitive about it at the start.
“No, it’s okay. My parents weren’t the best people in the first place anyways. I love my grandparents.” Yixing smiles before passing the bottle off to Yifan who takes a rather large drink. Time passes quickly as they reminisce about their childhoods. They get rather wasted passing the first bottle back and forth until it’s empty. Yixing kept periodically checking his phone throughout the night.
Finally, when he sees the time reaches 11:59, Yixing looks to Yifan hopefully. “Hyung?” He asks quietly. Yifan looks down at him, smiling. “Will you… will you be my midnight kiss?” Yixing asks shyly and Yifan smiles, blushing.
“Why not?” He asks as he turns to face the younger. He gently took Yixing’s head in his hand- using the other to hold the blanket up. Just as the first firework shoots off, Yifan crashes their lips together. It’s the most hungry kiss they’ve shared yet; passionate and lustful as Yifan dominates the younger boy. Yixing seems to cling to Yifan’s arm, but it isn’t too long until the blanket is falling off their shoulders and their full attention is on one another. As Yifan pulls Yixing flush against him once more and gently reaches down to cup Yixing’s ass, the younger gasps into his mouth.
“Fuck… Yifan…” Yixing breathes out as he ferociously kisses the elder back. Yixing feels like he should be cold, but the heat of Yifan’s lips against his keep him perfectly warm. His heart is racing as he tries to cling to every last second of the kiss. However, the elder pulls away far too soon and leaves Yixing wanting so much more. He didn’t realize how badly he had fallen for his roommate until that exact moment when tears began gathering in his eyes. He tried to pull away and turn so Yifan wouldn’t see him cry, but the elder wouldn’t let him and, instead, made him look into his eyes.
“What’s wrong, Yixing?” His eyes looks so gentle and sincere. It only makes Yixing cry more.
“Nothing… it’s nothing, hyung. I’m fine.” Yixing manages. Yifan slowly lets him go, a look of horror crossing his face.
“I’m so sorry, Yixing… was I too aggressive? Did I go to far? I didn’t mean to-“ Yifan begins to ramble, but Yixing immediately shakes his head and grabs the elder’s arm.
“No… not at all. I would’ve stopped you, it’s just…”
“What?” Yifan asks. Yixing steps closer to him again, places one of the elder’s arms around his waist and the other back on his neck. He looks up at Yifan like he expects him to pull away, but Yifan stays still and waits for him to speak with the most gentle eyes Yixing has ever seen.
“How many times am I going to have to drunkenly kiss you before you ask me out or kick me out?” Yixing whispers out against his lips.
“How many times am I going to have to kiss you back before you realize I like you?” Yifan whispers back before he kisses Yixing again; this time much more gentle and caring. He holds the boy close and kisses him until he feels like he’s made his point before he pulls back and kisses along the tear tracks on the younger’s cheeks. “Zhang Yixing, will you be my boyfriend?”
“Yes.”