[Podfic] That is Not a Cow

Steve crouched down again, slowly, so he was on the same level as Bucky. “You remember me?” he asked desperately.
Bucky looked down at the portal remote Steve still held, then narrowed his eyes when he met Steve’s. “You let some yahoo experiment on you again, didn’t you? Some mad scientist said, ‘hold my beer,’ and you pushed the button, right?”
Podfic of the sequel to mandarou's Dishonor on Your Cow

Notes:

Inspired by That Is Not A Cow by mandarou

This is a podfic of the second installment in the Dishonor series by mandarou. If you haven't read Part 1, Dishonor on Your Cow, or listened to my podfic of it, IT'S AMAZING AND YOU WILL LOVE IT AAAHHHH
Also, read/listen to that first, because none of this will make sense without it. muahahaha
ENJOY!

Chapter 1: Hold My Beer

Chapter Text

Download mp3 (53:34) here

Chapter 2: Yay, Knock-off Nazi Serum

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Chapter 3: User Error

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Chapter 4: Close Your Eyes and Think of England

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Chapter 5: Lucky Strike

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Chapter 6: Tell Me a Story, Mr. Barnstaple

Notes:

Pardon my tone-deafness - Vintage Bucky can carry a tune, but I, mere mortal, cannot sing my way out of a paper bag.

Chapter Text

Download mp3 (42:07) here

Chapter 7: Pull the Lever

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Chapter 8: I'm the Nightmare They Made Me

Notes:

Whew, this one was a doozy...

Chapter Text

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Chapter 9: The Fourth Wall

Notes:

THIS WAS SO MUCH FUN TO READ. ENJOY!

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Download mp3 (56:32) here

Notes:

Okay, because trying to convert emoticons to audio is an art, not a science, in case you had no idea what the f I was trying to do here:
angry sounds = >:(
love sounds = <3
dramatic ominous sound = emoticon holding machine guns (because it wouldn't copy and paste aaahh)

Chapter 10: This Might Take More Duct Tape

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Chapter 11: Quest Structure

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Chapter 12: The Z Word

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Chapter 13: I'm Real Sorry About This

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Chapter 14: Sudden But Inevitable Betrayal

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Chapter 15: Shittiest Vacation Ever

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Chapter 16: That Doesn't Sound Like Us

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Chapter 17: Just Saying Hello

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Chapter 18: Do I Look Lost to You?

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Download mp3 (49:52) here

Chapter 19: Hell and Half of Georgia

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Download mp3 (1:08:39) here

Notes:

THIS IS IT, FOLKS!
Thanks for sticking with me through the second part of this absolute treat of an adventure - I'm so flattered by all of the kind comments and encouragement!
I'm marking this as complete even though the original story is not technically so, because it covers all of the chapters in the original. The last chapter will be a tracklist of the music (listen at your own risk, it's like a buffet of the Andrews Sisters, Toby Keith and Lady Gaga and may or may not give you a migraine muahaha).
THANK YOU, everyone!

Chapter 20: Epilogue: Soundtrack

Chapter Text

Tracklisting for the music used in the chapter intros and outros - kudos to anyone who knows why Chapter 9 used Take on Me ;)

It's the End of the World as We Know It - REM
Timebomb - Walk the Moon
Alone Together - Fall Out Boy
It's Been a Long, Long Time - Henry James
Comin' in on a Wing and a Prayer - Four Vagabonds
Goodbye Dear, I'll Be Back in a Year - Horace Heidt & His Musical Knights with Ronnie Kemper & Donna Wood
Don't Sit Under the Apple Tree (With Anyone Else But Me) - The Andrews Sisters
Everybody Wants to Rule the World - Lorde
Take on Me - a-ha
Bad Romance - Lady Gaga
Bad Blood - Taylor Swift, Kendrick Lamar
House of the Rising Sun - The Animals
POWER - Kanye West
Behind Blue Eyes - The Who
Good Lord Willing - Little Big Town
Save a Horse (Ride a Cowboy) - Big & Rich
Should've Been a Cowboy - Toby Keith
Desperado - The Eagles
Young Blood - The Naked and Famous

Thanks again, guys, for listening and I hope you all enjoyed this!

Series this work belongs to:

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Elisabeth_Berry on Chapter 1 Mon 13 May 2019 07:07PM UTC

YAY! This is one of my favourite stories, and you went and podficed it! You are the best<3

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1. wtfrenchtoast on Chapter 1 Mon 13 May 2019 11:07PM UTC
  
  Aw, shucks! Thanks for the kind words - positive reinforcement from you guys is what makes this so much more fun :) glad you're enjoying this!
  
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MistyDirtyInfiniteRoots on Chapter 1 Wed 27 Nov 2019 02:16AM UTC

I didnt know there was more, fuck me this is amazing.
thank you

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1. wtfrenchtoast on Chapter 1 Wed 27 Nov 2019 02:41AM UTC
  
  Omg, thank you so much! I’m so glad you liked it!
  
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EllyAvon on Chapter 1 Sun 08 Oct 2023 03:12PM UTC

I just finished listening to this (I binged it really hard) and it was fantastic. You have such great delivery and pacing. Thanks so much for recording and sharing this!

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undefinedkosmos on Chapter 2 Mon 13 May 2019 01:45AM UTC

Your deadpan delivery of the more absurd lines in these fics fills me with joy. Also, the file in this link appears to be not working.

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1. wtfrenchtoast on Chapter 2 Mon 13 May 2019 02:20AM UTC
  
  Hi there - thanks for the comment! I appreciate the validation of my delivery - the snark in this story is one of the big reasons why I wanted to podfic it. It's been way too much fun!
  Also, sorry to hear that the link is giving you trouble. I've tried re-uploading and re-linking the file. Could you try downloading the mp3 now and letting me know if it's still not working? I noticed that I have issues with all of the Google Drive files trying to be played within the browser, so if you still run into this after downloading I'll try something else. Thanks!
  
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2. 1. undefinedkosmos on Chapter 2 Mon 13 May 2019 02:25AM UTC
    
    Yeah, I'm still getting an error message when I try to download it.
    The snark is SO good. I'm really glad you're podficing this series.
    
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  2. 1. wtfrenchtoast on Chapter 2 Mon 13 May 2019 02:22PM UTC
      
      Oh man, I’m sorry! I’m happy to try and email it to you - just let me know and I’ll figure something out.
      
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    2. 1. undefinedkosmos on Chapter 2 Tue 14 May 2019 03:18PM UTC
        
        Tried one last time and it worked! Thank you for being so responsive in trying to help, I'm excited to listen :)
        
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      2. wtfrenchtoast on Chapter 2 Wed 15 May 2019 06:19PM UTC
        
        Yay! I’m so happy it worked :) enjoy and thanks for listening!
        
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emerson mcgee (Guest) on Chapter 3 Sat 22 Jun 2019 04:21AM UTC

hii

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1. wtfrenchtoast on Chapter 3 Mon 24 Jun 2019 01:07AM UTC
  
  Well hello there!
  
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nightmybeloved on Chapter 4 Sun 19 Dec 2021 09:58PM UTC

Alright so I listened to the first dishonor podfic in like three days and was in love with it so now I'm here listening to the sequel and I don't know how else to describe it but your voice really fits the story and adds to the characters thank you so much for recording and posting it <3

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Imawilburd on Chapter 8 Fri 05 Jul 2019 02:51AM UTC

Wow think I was about too cry. Your reading of this great story adds so much

Last Edited Fri 05 Jul 2019 02:54AM UTC

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1. wtfrenchtoast on Chapter 8 Fri 05 Jul 2019 12:14PM UTC
  
  Well, I never thought I'd be happy to make someone almost-cry, lol :) but in this instance I will accept that as the compliment that it is. Thanks for the comment! Glad you are (sort of) enjoying! Lol
  
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2. 1. Imawilburd on Chapter 8 Sat 06 Jul 2019 12:14AM UTC
    
    Very much enjoying it!
    
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NonExistantArtist on Chapter 8 Wed 23 Oct 2019 08:32AM UTC

Botch I don't need this kinda trauma in my life how dare you make me feel shit

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1. wtfrenchtoast on Chapter 8 Wed 27 Nov 2019 02:44AM UTC
  
  Hehe mission accomplished :)
  
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seleneaurora on Chapter 9 Sun 14 Jun 2020 03:54AM UTC

This is frickin hilarious, love it!

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AnziWa on Chapter 9 Tue 05 Jan 2021 11:19PM UTC

Haven’t started to listen and already cackling because of your note. I don’t know what fresh hell this is going to be but I just know I’m gonna love it. Thank you so much for recording this. I’m amazed.

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1. wtfrenchtoast on Chapter 9 Tue 16 Feb 2021 11:08PM UTC
  
  Yay! I’m so glad. This was so much fun to read and record, I was honestly bummed when it was over. Recording funny stuff is just such a treat, and this story is the absolute best. Thanks again!
  
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nightmybeloved on Chapter 9 Tue 21 Dec 2021 12:00AM UTC

I'm losing my mind I have to pay more attention to what songs you are choosing they are like eastereggs!! First time I noticed how on point the music was when "It's been a long long time" played before the chapter where they landed in the past but "Take on me" together with the comic chapter?? That's literally a perfect match

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LaynieDane on Chapter 10 Wed 29 May 2019 02:45AM UTC

THANK YOU!!!!
*mentally jumping up and down, flailing in excitement*
QuietNight just posted an audio chapter, too, and I lost control and blurted out all sorts of words in my excitement.

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1. wtfrenchtoast on Chapter 10 Thu 30 May 2019 02:17AM UTC
  
  Haha I react similarly when I see her post new stuff :) thanks for the comment! So happy you’re enjoying!
  
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LaynieDane on Chapter 13 Wed 19 Jun 2019 08:38AM UTC

Thank you!

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1. wtfrenchtoast on Chapter 13 Mon 24 Jun 2019 01:10AM UTC
  
  :) you got it!
  
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LaynieDane on Chapter 15 Sun 23 Jun 2019 11:50PM UTC

Thank you! Just downloaded 14 & 15! I'm waiting until it's finished to listen. In fact, I'm holding off on part 1, too. I have to do something to earn it - listening is a reward I'm dangling over my own head, because I know how much it's going to make me smile, laugh, and cheer.

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1. wtfrenchtoast on Chapter 15 Mon 24 Jun 2019 01:07AM UTC
  
  :) thanks for letting me know that you’re enjoying this (or expect to enjoy it)! I’m so thrilled that my obnoxious delivery of this fantastic story can be an incentive for anyone haha. Happy listening!
  
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Eyestone on Chapter 17 Wed 07 Aug 2019 09:33PM UTC

Nooooo they just cant catch a break D: just kids and make up!!
Im enjoying this fucking rollercoaster Way to mich :D cant Wait for more :D

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1. wtfrenchtoast on Chapter 17 Fri 09 Aug 2019 01:57AM UTC
  
  Thank you!! More to come shortly :) I really appreciate the feedback!!
  
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PlantBasedCannibal on Chapter 18 Tue 13 Aug 2019 12:08AM UTC

hey! I don't know if anyone else has had this problem, but I can't view the audio or even download it because it's saying that the file is either too large or too many people have viewed it recently. it said to wait for 24 hours and I have, but it's been several days now and I still can't access it. please help :( I really love your podfics btw and you have an amazing voice with so much passion and LIFE and I fucking love you <3

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1. wtfrenchtoast on Chapter 18 Tue 13 Aug 2019 12:44AM UTC
  
  Oh no! Try it now - I took down the old file and uploaded it again, with a fresh link. If you still run into issues let me know and I'll find some other way to get it to you :) thanks so much for your comment! It totally brightens my day to know that you're enjoying this and that this absolute treat of a story is reaching so many people!
  
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2. 1. PlantBasedCannibal on Chapter 18 Tue 13 Aug 2019 07:18AM UTC
    
    THANK YOU SO MUCH IT'S WORKING!!! I legitimately hope you keep making podfics for the rest of my life cause its legit one of the only thing I look forward to lmfao (ugh, uni. am I right?). honestly, I hope you get positive comments like this every fricken day cause you deserve it. I can't imagine how much hard work you put into this stuff, but just know that it makes so many of us happy.
    
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  2. 1. wtfrenchtoast on Chapter 18 Sat 17 Aug 2019 03:37PM UTC
      
      Aw, that's great, I am glad it worked :) I appreciate so much that you are enjoying this! I originally had recorded them just so I personally could listen as I walk into and out of the office every day and was hesitant to post them. Hearing all of this great feedback makes me feel so much less self-conscious about how I sound haha. Thanks again!
      
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Eyestone on Chapter 18 Tue 13 Aug 2019 09:57AM UTC

I was about to write an angry comment along the lines: Noooooo not separated again. Them poor souls. But they got back together! Aaaas

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1. wtfrenchtoast on Chapter 18 Sat 17 Aug 2019 03:41PM UTC
  
  Haha ikr! It's such a rollercoaster!
  
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oper_1895 on Chapter 19 Fri 16 Aug 2019 01:45AM UTC

Yay! I just finished relistening to what already existed. Looking forward to "finishing" this at work tomorrow!

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1. wtfrenchtoast on Chapter 19 Sat 17 Aug 2019 03:39PM UTC
  
  Yay! Enjoy the rest - the last chapter really brings things full circle, even though the story isn't technically marked as complete. Hope you like!
  
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EvilDime on Chapter 19 Fri 16 Aug 2019 08:24PM UTC

Bloody hell, woman - this is some tough, awesome shit!
I know you're not the one who wrote it, you just interpret it; but as I think I've said before, you make these characters really come to life and if they hurt, I hurt. And there's a hell of a lot of hurting going around in this part. It seems like mandarou traded in some of the fun and levity of the first part for more angst, more darkness, more heartache (and more zombies). But also, more action and excitement.
I was pretty much glued to my headphones for the last three days. :P
Thank you so, so much for recording yet another terrifyingly long fic. I draw my hat to you!
The sound effects for the emojis were great, especially the <3 one. XD
...Also, will you tell me if you're going to podfic the other parts of this series? I'm itching to read them, but if you're going to record them, I might manage to make myself wait.
(P.S.: I just peeked at your bio, and I find I must disagree: I recently picked a friend's nose - because they were careless enough to challenge me - and I assure you it's entirely possible. :P)

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1. wtfrenchtoast on Chapter 19 Sat 17 Aug 2019 03:45PM UTC
  
  See now that makes me mad because I definitely tried to pick my husband's nose once and HE GOT REALLY MAD AT ME WTF IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE THESE DAYS
  Admittedly I haven't tried again since but you have inspired me to give it another go ;)
  This part of the series is definitely in counterpoint to the first - no shortage of snark, sass and self-aware irony, for sure, but certainly Not Your Mother's Steve/Bucky, if that makes sense. It was a challenge to record because I wanted to give it the full range of emotion but without losing sight of the charm the author gives it. Thanks for the kind words! And I love that you liked the sound effects for the comic world hehe that was one of my favorite chapters just for that reason!
  I'm actually tackling the shorter addendum that mandarou put out there that takes place after this one! I plan on posting that one in the next few days, if you're interested :)
  Thanks again for the comment and your thoughtful feedback!
  
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2. 1. EvilDime on Chapter 19 Mon 19 Aug 2019 09:07PM UTC
    
    What is wrong with people indeed. *nods sagely*
    Yes, do that! [Though I shall not be held responsible for other people's potentially unreasonably ungrateful reactions.]
    Well, the full range of emotion is definitely in there. What a roller-coaster!
    I have to confess I didn't manage to wait. I needed more of that world, and closure, dammit! But I am totally looking forward to your recording of that part. Your voice makes it *more* in every respect and I can't wait! ...Weeell, except for the z-world part, of course. I am kind of dreading that one, because that, too, I am sure you will make more - more badass, more painful, more terrifying. *gulps*
    Hope to see your update notice soon! ^^
    
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  2. 1. wtfrenchtoast on Chapter 19 Fri 23 Aug 2019 02:52AM UTC
      
      :) well, I'm flattered - and I so appreciate your encouragement. The next part, Goodbye Vintage RCA Remote, is on its way. Thanks a million, friend!
      
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seleneaurora on Chapter 19 Sat 13 Jun 2020 08:09PM UTC

So good! These two are getting added to my rotation of frequent-listens :)

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1. wtfrenchtoast on Chapter 19 Mon 15 Jun 2020 12:57PM UTC
  
  Aw, I'm glad! It was so much fun to read and record this series - I have never had aspirations to become a radio personality but I imagine it's a little like reading podfic. Entirely too much fun :) thanks!
  
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