Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“You float out to sea then one day you find a port.”

Jeno parks his car on the nearest vacant spot he sees. He hits the call button on Jaehyun’s contact but it’s left unanswered again, possibly for the eight time that night.

You’re too kind, Jeno, and it will be your downfall someday, he remembers Renjun saying through his teeth as Jeno makes a beeline for the door earlier, from Renjun’s birthday party.

It has been tradition in their friend group since their university days to celebrate their birthdays as sleepovers. And now that they’re working adults, booze has been unsurprisingly added into the ritual. But Jeno has to miss the drinking part this time.

He opens their KakaoTalk group chat and sends an I’m really sorry Injun-ah, but Doyoung hyung and Jaehyun hyung need to get back together.

There’s an instant response from Donghyuck, saying, That’s not your job to do, idiot, but sure stay alive, Super Jen! Another response comes in, this time from Renjun, saying, Drive safely, Super Jen! with a sticker doing a peace sign. And that’s enough for Jeno to know that his friends, especially the birthday celebrant, isn’t really mad at him for his early exit.

It’s not his first time at a club but he’s already instantly repelled by the smell that reeks of different combinations of alcohol and sweat. Jeno’s much more familiar with the less rowdier clubs at Hongdae, where Dejun, Renjun’s boyfriend, frequently holds gigs with his band, Odd Wavelengths.

Jeno thanks his lucky stars that he hasn’t taken any sip of booze yet at Renjun’s. His mind is still pretty clear, dead set on looking for the purple-haired Jaehyun.

He sees Johnny, who, from what Jeno remembers, is Jaehyun’s best friend. They’ve spoken a couple of times and Johnny was even there for Jeno’s graduation dinner.

Johnny’s daytime work is a mystery to Jeno. He remembers Doyoung mentioning that Johnny frequents as a DJ on the strip of bars and clubs in Itaewon and Gangnam, which now Jeno figures to be true when he sees Johnny raising his beer to the crowd while changing the music to a wilder electropop song. Jeno thinks he knows this one thanks to Mark.

He gives the older guy a wave even though he’s pretty sure Johnny is too in the moment to actually pay attention to anything happening around him, let alone an acquaintance waving at him from the far end of the dance floor.

“Super Jen!”

Upon turning around, he’s suddenly got an armful of Jaehyun clinging on to him. The older reeks of beer when he shout-whispers, garbles more variations of Super Jen came, Super Jen is here! on to his shoulder.

“These idiots are so lucky to have you, Jeno!” shouts Yuta, another senior from university that Jeno has met through Doyoung. “He’s downed so many drinks I actually lost count! I’m supposed to drive—” Yuta pauses as he unlocks his phone. “Wait a sec, I gotta answer this. You could sit down first and I’ll help you get him into your car.”

Jeno wants to ask Where is it safe to sit?, but Yuta has already made his way out of the crowd. Jeno just really wants to get this done and over with.

He tries to properly position Jaehyun on his shoulder so he can support him as they make their way towards the exit. In the process of rearranging the older, Jeno collides with someone.

“I’m sorry!” Jeno apologizes immediately, hoping that the stranger wouldn’t get mad. He tries to steady Jaehyun, who seems to get heavier with every minute.

"It's okay," the stranger assures him breathily, smile visible even under the murky strobe lights of the club. "You obviously got your hands full."

Jeno returns the smile. "All in a day's work," he huffs out. "Saving the city, one drunk sunbae at a time."

The stranger chuckles, his hoodie gently falling off to his shoulder, revealing the pink locks underneath. "This might seem random," the stranger starts, his eyes twinkling with mirth. "But do you need help?"

The sensation of Jaehyun’s relentless whispering to Jeno's ear, as well as the smell of puke, are enough for him to take the pink-haired stranger's help.

“Er, do you know Jaehyun-hyung?” Jeno asks with difficulty as they carry Jaehyun. Jaehyun’s right arm is loped behind Jeno's shoulders, his left arm on the stranger's.

"No." The stranger beams at him, from across Jaehyun. "Just seemed like you needed help, is all."

Jeno makes a non-committal hum as Jaehyun's head almost hits the roof of his car. The pink-haired stranger prevents it in time, his hand docking Jaehyun's head down and avoiding the collision.

"Nice save," Jeno comments as they position his sunbae properly on the backseat.

Jeno lets go first, and then suddenly, Jaehyun's eyes immediately shoot up, before lurching forward at the stranger, puking all over his pristine black hoodie. Jaehyun slurs a Good night, Super Jen! and passes out, with said stranger arranging him on his side as if nothing happened.

"Fuck,” Jeno says. “I'm sorry, I—”

"It's fine." The stranger smiles, and for a moment, Jeno becomes hyper aware of the proximity between their faces.

Warmth creeps up to Jeno's face so he looks away. "I have something you can borrow,” he manages to choke out. "At the front seat."

"Oh good, let's get going then!" The stranger leads himself out, inspecting the amount of vomit on his hoodie before heading for the passenger seat.

Jeno slides in the driver's seat and inserts the key into the ignition, looking away at the stranger changing in his car. “Are you sure you'll come with us?” Jeno says.

"Pretty sure you'll still be needing my help to get him out of your car." There's teasing lilt in the stranger's voice. When Jeno spares the passenger seat a glance, the stranger’s still smiling as he takes off his black hoodie.

"It's okay to look. I'm wearing something inside, you know."

Jeno quickly looks away, embarrassed. The stranger giggles.

He unlocks his phone and sends a Got help from a friend, hyung. ^_^ Jaehyun hyung’s in my car now. to Yuta, and a Will drop by in a few, hyung. Hope you’ll open up. to Doyoung.

When he glances to his right again, the stranger is already wearing Jeno's red hoodie, a letterman font of 23, Jeno’s birthdate embroidered on the upper right chest part. Doyoung had it embroidered just for him, confessing to have already ran out of ideas on usable items he can gift Jeno. What’s the point of giving someone something they can’t use? is what Doyoung always likes to say.

Jeno’s hoodie fits the stranger perfectly. His pink locks complements the red hoodie quite remarkably, his slightly sunkissed skin glowing under the moonlight.

Jeno swallows. “Do you always get into cars with strangers?”

”Do you always allow strangers into your car?” the stranger cheekily replies, as he straps himself onto the passenger seat, looking more than comfortable in Jeno's red hoodie.

“Fair point.”

“So where are we taking this drunk older brother of yours?” That same twinkle from earlier is back, but now it's magnified tenfold—the moonlight seems to have amplified it even further.

“We’re not related,” Jeno replies, hands feeling a little clammy.

“Your boyfriend then?”

“N-no, he’s not," Jeno chokes out. "He’s the boyfriend of a sunbae I’m close with.” He pauses, considering, and then says, “I don’t know why I have to explain to you. I don’t even know who you are.”

“Na—” The stranger cuts himself off as if he said something wrong before continuing, offering his hand out, “Jaemin. Na Jaemin, at your service.” He says it so simply as if he’s not sitting in a stranger’s car, ready to continue helping said stranger in carrying home another stranger who is drunk and accidentally threw up on him.

“Lee Jeno,” he supplies back as he shakes Jaemin's hand.

“Nice to meet you, Jeno.” There’s that playful glint again in Jaemin’s eyes, but Jeno doesn’t dwell on it and instead gives the other a tight-lipped smile. "Likewise."

“Now let’s take this drunk hyung home, Super Jen!”

“Jeno, who’s your friend?” Doyoung pointedly asks, looking at Jaemin. Jaemin just nods politely in greeting.

“A poor victim to your boyfriend’s Saturday activities,” Jeno supplies, not wanting to spill the part about Jaemin being a total stranger less than an hour ago, who was just at the wrong place at the wrong time.

“Ex-boyfriend,” Doyoung corrects, tone clipped.

Jaemin coughs before speaking up, “Well, Jeno’s hyung, we’ve had enough adventures for tonight. Haven’t we, Jeno-ya?” He looks to Jeno for support. “I think it’s best to get going.”

Doyoung looks as if he’s gonna say something but sighs. “Thank you Jeno and Jeno’s friend.” The elder looks at Jeno. “I’m too sleepy now and I have to take care of this idiot.” Doyoung points to the passed out Jaehyun lying on the couch. “But we have to talk about this tomorrow.”

Jeno nods and smiles at the elder one last time as Doyoung enters inside and closes the door.

“You sure you aren’t related to either of them?” Jaemin asks as he opens the door to Jeno’s car and makes his way inside.

“Huh? No, I’m just really close to them. Especially Doyoung hyung.”

“We’ve breathed the same air for two minutes but I’m pretty sure he hates me already.”

“Doyoung hyung doesn’t hate people,” Jeno says as he fits in his key and starts his car. “Anyways, it’s not like you’re gonna meet each other again, so don’t mind him.”

“Ouch.” Jaemin pounds his chest jokingly, as if he was in pain. “Already getting me out of your hair, Lee Jeno. I’m hurt.”

“You’re really weird, Jaemin-ssi,” Jeno says but he can feel his lips twitching into a smile.

Jaemin just smiles sweetly at him, the little light from the lamp posts outside illuminating his features. Jeno feels a funny kind of rumble form in his gut.

“Now, about that payment you promised, Super Jen,” Jaemin starts, a cheshire grin on his face.

“I know, I know. I got you,” Jeno says as he turns his attention back to the road. He tries to shake off the funny feeling forming in his gut.

“When you said you ‘got’ me, I didn’t know you meant showing me your kitchen prowess, Jeno-ssi.”

Jaemin’s hoodie is down—well, Jeno’s technically—as he slurps the rest of the broth of the instant ramyun Jeno whipped up for his newfound friend.

Jeno’s red hoodie continues to fit the other’s frame nicely. Also, Jaemin’s pink hair continues to look soft even at this late hour; it’s a stark contrast to his slightly strong facial features. Against the harsh yellow lighting of Lee Noodle Shop, Jaemin looks nothing short of ethereal. Jeno honestly wonders what Jaemin’s day job could be, for the boy to be allowed to dye his hair to such an extent, for the boy to be this inhumanely beautiful and handsome at the same time. Jeno’s heart swells a bit.

“You should have made enough for the both of us,” Jaemin says with a pout before downing his glass of water in one go.

“It’s just instant ramyun, Jaemin-ssi,” Jeno says.

There’s an effortless composure and grace in the way Jaemin moves that is fascinating to Jeno, or maybe it’s just that Jeno rarely sees anyone look so pristine while eating instant ramyun.

“Were you running away earlier?” Jeno asks.

Jaemin smiles sweetly at Jeno—it gets under his skin. “Suddenly in the mood to interrogate, are we, Jeno-ssi?”

“Forget it,” Jeno says in surrender. It’s not his business to know anyway.

He watches as Jaemin grabs some napkin before asking Jeno, “Got any pen with you by any chance?”

Jeno deftly takes out a pen from inside the hoodie he’s wearing, reaching it out for Jaemin to take. The other raises an eyebrow before taking it and scribbling something on the napkin.

“You truly are a lifesaver, aren’t you, Jeno?”

Before Jeno could even come up with a reply, Jaemin slides the napkin with his messy handwriting to Jeno. “Ask me your question again another time and maybe I’ll give you an answer.”

Jeno hears a ping—it’s from Jaemin’s phone. He looks up to Jaemin smiling at him, who’s then saying, “My ride’s here. Walk me to the door?”

“I can’t believe you’re pulling out an Eat-and-Run on me, Jaemin-ssi.” Jeno mentally slaps himself for his lame sense of humor.

Jaemin stops in his tracks and turns back to Jeno, the light from their shop and the light from the midnight sky highlighting beautifully Jaemin’s features—his nose, his eyes, his lips...

The world slows to an agonizing stop as Jaemin leans in to peck at his cheek.

“See you around, Super Jen.”

°。°。°。°。°。°

It’s not until two days later, on a Monday, when Jeno finds out exactly who Jaemin is.

Chanyeol, Dream Labs Inc.’s co-founder and boss number one, has just finished reviewing everyone’s updates on their respective assignments for the completion of Candle Light. Candle Light, Dream Labs’ current project, is slated for a December release following its first official preliminary presentation during the Gamers’ Expo in Seoul on July and its official launch on November. It’s been in the works since its conception in December of last year. It’s one of those “endless runner” games that could go on forever, but their design team is making sure that the graphics with each increase in level becomes prettier and prettier for the player to enjoy the game until the end. Unsurprisingly, Jeno’s having the time of his life coding for every type of jump and backdrop shift in the game.

The only problem: it’s another brainchild of their resident star programmer, Guanheng, who Jeno really can’t stand.

Hearing Baekhyun, their other boss and head programmer, gush about the ingenious subtle parallax effects that Guanheng orchestrated for Candle Light would normally catapult Jeno into second-guessing his coding capabilities. But before he could do so, he feels his phone vibrating continuously in his pocket. He puts his boxed lunch on the table and takes a seat before taking out his phone.

His phone keeps on vibrating as the messages won’t stop pouring in. There’s a couple from Renjun, from Donghyuck, from Doyoung, and even from his older sister, Sungkyung. He clicks on the recent one, a text from Doyoung saying, Is it your lunch time yet, Jeno? Check @najaemofficial ASAP! You have some explaining to do.

He thinks he’s lost his grip on reality when he clicks on the pic on the topmost left, the most recent entry on said account. His screen loads a picture of Jaemin looking snuggly in Jeno’s red hoodie, the obnoxiously huge embroidered 23 in clear view, his pink locks looking as soft as it did that night at the noodle shop. Jaemin is holding up a thick stack of papers for the camera, with City of Angels in simple hangul print on the center. The caption on the photo reads Can’t wait to start filming!

Jeno can’t seem to process anything as he continues to gaze at Jaemin’s smile, partially crippled by the reminder that he saw that in person, saw the actor in person. He kissed you in person too, his mind unhelpfully supplies.

He accidentally clicks on another new message from Doyoung. Care to explain how Na Jaemin is wearing the hoodie I personally had custom-made for you?

Luckily for Jeno, Doyoung was too occupied with his students’ projects that he hasn’t personally made a visit to the Lees’ yet to hear Jeno’s detailed response on how one of South Korea’s rising small screen darlings ended up wearing Jeno’s hoodie. Jeno did what he can, though, and emphasized that Jaemin was indeed the “friend” that helped with taking Jaehyun home, leaving out the part where he took the actor back to the noodle shop for a cup of instant ramyun.

He shares the same abridged version of that night to his best friends, Renjun and Donghyuck. Both of them regularly pestered Jeno for answers when the news came out, and even went as far as to drop by the noodle shop every day to grill him.

“Tell me you slept with the guy, Jen, please,” Donghyuck says as he lies down on Jeno’s bed, socks on, as Jeno had requested. “Tell me so I can finally sleep peacefully at night knowing you won’t die a virgin. And your first time is with a celebrity! Well, not a super famous celebrity, but still a celebrity, so kudos!”

“Are you sure you want to be saying that?” Renjun asks with a snicker, comfortably lounging on the chair by Jeno’s desk.

“Oh my God,” Donghyuck exclaims. “Please tell me you changed the sheets at least!”

Jeno turns around on his swivel chair to face his friend. “Nothing happened, okay?” He looks from Renjun to Donghyuck when he continues. “I might have offered instant ramyun but that’s that and nothing else happened beyond that. I swear.”

“Chill, dude,” says Donghyuck, lying back down. “But you do know that right there—that was an opening, right?”

“Huh?”

“What he means is that ramyun is usually code for ‘Wanna go back to my place and fuck?’,” Renjun supplies.

The memory of Jaemin’s kiss rings clear and instantly, Jeno feels his face warm up.

“Guess I’ll keep on asking Mark to pray for your sex life,” Donghyuck announces with a sigh.

Renjun and Jeno both laugh at that. After a couple more jabs at Jeno’s virginity, his best friends soon leave him to his work, satisfied with getting the answers they wanted.

Jeno goes back to debugging, his mind trying to forget the feeling of Jaemin’s lips on his cheek and the number he left, still comfortably nestled in between his two favorite C++ books on the shelf of his bedroom.

The gears of the universe are at work, it seems, when Jaemin waltzes into the noodle shop on one of those few days that Jeno decides to work from home.

It’s to be expected, really, that during some months in the middle of the checking process of the prototype of any of their game releases, desks at Dream Labs' head office are empty. Most of the employees opt to work from home, especially those from the design and programming team. Both Chanyeol and Baekhyun allow that, and Jeno’s thankful for it. As much as he enjoys taking out the kinks within strings and strings of code, the modern, minimalist interior of the office can feel suffocating on certain days.

It's a little past 1pm when Jeno decides it’s time to help a little at the noodle shop and reward himself with a free lunch from Soojin ahjumma. Soojin ahjumma, Donghyuck’s mom, sometimes helps out at the noodle shop, especially when his mom leaves from time to time to meet her friends or go on her weekly trips to Sorae Pogu.

As Jeno goes down the stairs from their living room connecting directly to the noodle shop, he spots him.

Jaemin strides in, wearing denim on denim, hair now a warm shade of honey brown. There’s a cut on his right cheek, but it doesn’t diminish the actor’s beauty, not one bit.

Jaemin catches him staring. Jeno looks away immediately and heads to the register, his back facing the tables. When Jeno sneaks a glance, he finds Jaemin already seated on the same booth they were in last time. He’s raising his hand, asking for the menu.

Does he remember me? Jeno internally asks. But there's a chance he won't, so act normal.

Of course, Jeno’s the only one available to bring him the menu, since the other servers are still taking their lunch at the kitchen. There’s not much crowd at the noodle shop—only a few elderly people, the usual regulars who happily devour his mom’s cooking, never failing in telling her that their noodleshop’s ramyun is the pride of Incheon.

“What can I get you?” he asks as he hands the menu, not daring to make eye contact with the actor.

“I don’t know. Let me think about it.” Jaemin hums. “Your excuse, perhaps?”

“Excuse?” Jeno looks up and finds Jaemin staring at him, mischief dancing on his eyes and lips.

“For not texting or giving me a call. I didn’t think you’d be the type of person to lose things, or wait." Jaemin pauses, index finger tapping his chin. "Maybe you did throw it away on purpose!” The tapping stops. “Yikes, did I assume too much?" he adds, putting down the menu. "Don’t tell me you don’t swing that way?! Oh God, no!”

“Aren’t you supposed to be discreet?” Jeno mumbles. “Jesus, you’re so loud.”

Jaemin giggles, seemingly pleased to get a rise out of him. “What is it then?” he says, his doe eyes studying Jeno quite closely. They’re beautiful, but somewhat scarier in daylight. “What’s your excuse for not contacting me, Lee Jeno-ssi? And would you please sit down? I promise I’ll be out of your hair—” he briefly looks at his phone, “—exactly two hours from now.”

“Two hours?” Jeno asks as he sits from across the actor, who’s still grinning at him.

“I’m assuming they’ll take around two hours to finish filming the sequences with Eunbi noona and Seongwu hyung,” Jaemin says.

“Does your manager even know where you went? Do you run away this often?”

“Wow.” Jaemin raises an eyebrow, slightly leaning backwards, seemingly impressed. “I could’ve sworn you had no idea who I was the whole time that we were together that night.”

“Well, your post on Instagram wearing my red hoodie did it.”

Another eyebrow raise. “You’re following me on Instagram?”

“No!” Jeno exclaims as Jaemin nods to himself in contemplation. “Why are you focusing on the wrong things, jeez.”

The cheshire grin is back. “So…?” Jaemin prompts.

“My friends told me," Jeno admits in defeat. "And Doyoung hyung too. He bought that hoodie for my birthday last year by the way. I’m not saying I need it back, but…” He adjusts his glasses as Jaemin stays quiet, still smiling innocently at him. Jeno narrows his eyes. “What?”

“Nothing.” Jaemin cradles his chin with both hands, gazing at Jeno with something like adoration—which Jeno supposes is Jaemin's natural way of looking at people.

“What?”

“Nothing, really!” Jaemin grins wider. “You’re just cuter in daylight.”

Jeno almost chokes.

“But I guess I’d have to see you around more to prove it’s not just a one-time thing.”

Jeno scratches his nape, and zooms in on the cut on Jaemin’s right cheek. “I’ll get something to treat that,” Jeno announces as he tries not to appear too flustered, already standing up from his seat.

“No need,” Jaemin replies, fingers touching the cut. “The makeup department really went to town with it, huh?”

Jeno feels dumb, sitting back down. “Oh.” His mind is already running a mile a minute, going through strings and strings of possible responses to save face.

He finds none. "Yeah," Jeno says eventually. "They did great."

The actor just smiles warmly at him, an unreadable look in his eyes, before looking back at the menu on the table. “So tell me.” He looks back at Jeno. “What do you recommend I try today, Jeno-ssi?”

Jaemin insists on ordering two bowls of bibim naengmyeon, one for him and one for Jeno, all the while convincing Jeno to keep him company. Jeno wants to refuse, thinking back to the layers and layers of objects in Candle Light that needs to be re-run for more glitches. But when Jaemin taps his chopsticks against his, smiling and looking at him from under his long lashes, Jeno just drops all other thoughts completely.

After just a few bites and slurps, he takes a chunk of his mom’s kimchi and places it on top of Jaemin’s ramyun. “See if you like it.”

“Never tried this before,” Jaemin murmurs as he chews on the kimchi mixed with the noodles, his eyes growing wide as he smiles at Jeno. “Wow,” the actor chews again. “This actually tastes good.” Jeno feels triumphant and feels himself smiling.

The rest of their late lunch is surprisingly casual.

Jaemin tells him they’ll be filming City of Angels in Incheon for the next couple of months so he and Kun, his manager, will be staying at the Holiday Inn which is nearby Songdo Central Park. Jaemin coaxes Jeno to tell him about his day-job too and he obliges, shares about his passion for codes and gaming in general, mentioning as little jargons as possible.

For the rest of the lunch, Jeno somehow forgets the circumstances of how they met and that Jaemin is an up-and-coming actor. Because Jaemin talks to him like an old acquaintance, smiles at him and listens to him attentively. And Jeno’s unsure of what it makes him feel, unsure of the kind of friendship Jaemin is looking for.

But as Jaemin keys in Jeno's number in his phone and sweetly asks if he can drop by the noodle shop again in between filming, Jeno hums a Yes.

°。°。°。°。°。°

After a couple of texts from Jaemin, ranging from Good mornings with excessive amounts of emojis to the most random commentaries regarding some of what goes on set during filming, including the apparent awkward chemistry of his co-stars in between takes, Jeno relieves some of the stress from work.

Star programmer Guanheng still gets on his nerves on most days, smiling at him, all of his teeth on display as he reiterates some winter backdrops needing re-coding because of the instability they display upon consecutive runs. But after all is said and done, one simple message from Jaemin magically fades everything into background noise.

Continuously meeting with Jaemin may have kept him in a good mood too.

In between trying out everything on the menu of their noodle shop and other secret dishes that they only serve during special occasions, Jeno learns more and more about Jaemin, beyond what Naver search can provide.

Na Jaemin debuted as a model in 2009 at the age of 15, joining the ranks of some of the youngest models to ever walk the runway for Seoul Fashion Week. After spending years and years walking for a few more fashion shows, shooting ads for certain mid-tier brands and starring in music videos of some rookie idol groups, Jaemin is still tagged with a rookie-level of popularity by the press.

"A pretty face," Jaemin grits through his teeth one time as he pokes the mandu onto his plate. "After starring in everyone's favorite makjang, I'm only still remembered as just a pretty face."

They started to forego Korean at some point at the onset of spring, with Jaemin trusting Jeno to take him to Incheon's bests mixed cuisines. Jeno agreed, realizing it was getting difficult to avoid the probing Who’s your good looking friend, son? from his very curious mom, only to be followed by a Donghyuck-ah underestimated you from Soojin ahjumma. It’s also becoming even more difficult to not mind the stares of customers inside the noodle shop, especially the young adult regulars who often drop by after office hours, which happens to be Jaemin's favorite hangout time at the noodle shop. The actor waltzes in whenever he feels like it, only messaging Jeno minutes before his arrival. So Jeno decided it was best to take their not-dates elsewhere.

Elsewhere apparently meant in the busy midst of Sinpo Market. Jeno was initially worried that people might recognize Jaemin and they may get mobbed, but Jaemin brushed it off, smiling as he said, Bet you twenty thousand won, they won’t. And Jaemin was right, if the one group of highschool girls who mistook Jaemin as an idol doesn’t count. The actor just politely smiled at them, saying, I’ll consider that in my next life, thank you, ending it with a wink.

Soon after, they drop by some of the stalls that Jeno frequents. He makes Jaemin try his mom’s favorite dakgangjeong, and the beondegi that Sungkyung would die for, before settling on a pojamangcha that serves some of Jeno’s favorite Korean-Chinese food.

"Style and substance," Jeno murmurs, before sipping from his can of suanmeitang. "A game must always possess both."

It’s a give and take relationship. Jeno too, although with reservations, shares bits of his daily triumphs and mishaps at work, even going as far as to narrate the brief history of Dream Labs, as Jaemin jumps from game to game, starting from their company’s debut release, the 8-bit juggernaut Chewing Gum up to their latest release, the pastel themed three-dimensional We Go Up, which Jeno was already a part of.

“Yah.” Jaemin pouts. "I can't believe I'm being compared to a game now."

"No, I mean—" Jeno chokes out. "The cards are on your table now, Jaemin-ssi. You said so yourself that this is your biggest role so far.”

Jeno’s not really up-to-date with the dramas and films that Jaemin’s been in, or with any drama or film in general. He told Jaemin this, expecting the usual mockery of his monkly ways, but instead Jaemin smiled at him then, saying, It’s fine. You don’t have to watch them, Jeno. But of course he does. It’s only fair he learns more about his friend, Jeno thinks.

He downs the rest of his suanmeitang. “You just have to give it your all and hope the public falls in love with you."

Jaemin grins. "Including you?"

Jeno chokes for real. The actor breaks into a fit of laughter as he pours water into Jeno's glass.

"It's getting late, Jaemin-ssi," Jeno states, not knowing how to usually put an end to their not-dates. "You still have to film early tomorrow."

"And you still have to do—” Jaemin supplies, waving his hands in the air, “—voodoo magic on your codes.”

Jeno sighs. “I wish it’s as simple as that.”

“It can be,” Jaemin replies simply. “The cards are on your table now, Jeno-ssi.” Jaemin leans forward, as if to whisper a secret, eyes shining. “You just have to give it your all and hope they fall in love with your games. With your mind.”

“I do have more to offer.” Jeno smiles because he can’t help himself.

“Then why don’t you show them?”

Maybe he should, Jeno thinks. The smile Jaemin gives him is warm, reassuring, even under the low light of the pojangmacha.

Jeno smiles back and gestures to the ahjumma for their bill. He fishes out his share of the bill from his wallet when he hears an audible sigh from Jaemin as they get up from their table.

“Weeks into our friendship, and you still won’t let me wine and dine you, Jeno.” Jaemin’s eyes light up. His hand then comes up to cover his mouth, like he’s surprised at himself. “I’m sorry. My lips are getting tired of the formalities, it seems. It’s been a long day.”

Jeno laughs, shrugging his shoulders. “It’s fine.”

“I can pay for my own tangsuyuk, thank you very much.” He's not sure if it's the effect of the suanmeitang when he continues, “You can treat me next time, Jaemin.”

The smile on Jaemin’s lips is sweet, his eyes shimmering with the words Finally. Before Jaemin could tease him for it, Jeno walks away first, braving the cold spring air, trying to hide his smile and calm his racing heart.

Next time comes in the form of a not-date in Milim, a local movie house that screens indies and some of Chungmuro’s classics. The night flies by with spilling of more secrets, of exes, and lost loves over the finest Italian food in Incheon as recommended by Jaemin’s best friend Yangyang. The succeeding escapades are no better.

Sometimes Jaemin would charm his way into paying for them both. Other times, Jeno would stand his ground. I can’t believe we’re turning this into a competition, Jaemin tells him once. Are you keeping score of how many dinners we’ve had overall?

Jeno loses count.

“Not-date, my ass,” Donghyuck says to Jeno in passing when they were out lounging at a nearby nondescript pub.

Odd Wavelengths has just finished performing, meaning his best friends reverted back to picking his life apart, particularly his choice of companion for the past couple of weeks.

”You’re worried,” Renjun points out.

“Worried about what?” Dejun asks as he plops down on the seat beside his boyfriend.

Renjun and Dejun are an interesting pair. Jeno would have never pegged Renjun to have said yes to a seemingly perpetually dazed vocalist of an underground indie punk-rock band, but Jeno now knows he’ll always learn something new about people everyday. All of his doubts about them being a good match dissipates whenever the two exchange the fondest loving glances, with Dejun looking at Renjun as if his best friend had hung the moon for him and with Renjun looking at Dejun as if he’s the most important person in the room. Jeno wonders if he’ll ever know that feeling, if he’ll ever share that feeling with someone. A person inevitably comes to mind, but he downs his beer to wash such impossible fantasies away.

“Jeno might be in love but he’s saying they’re going on not-dates, and not actual dates.” Donghyuck supplies.

“Our Super Jen is in love?” Dejun croons. “Wishing you the best, bro!”

Jeno sighs as Dejun leans forward to ruffle his hair. “Who’s the lucky girl?” Dejun then asks.

“It’s a he,” Jeno replies without thinking, earning giggles and hollers from all sides of their small round table. Even Jungeun, the band’s bassist, and Yerim, the keyboardist, who he doesn’t really talk to, give him approving smiles.

“Just ride the wave, Super Jen,” Dejun says, leaning back on his seat, arm. “Let love and let go.”

“That sounds like your next hit, babe.” Renjun grins at his boyfriend before looking back at Jeno. “He’s right, Jeno. And we promise. Well, I...” he pauses before looking at Donghyuck, who’s about to drag Mark to who-knows-where to do who-knows-what. “I promise I’ll stop teasing you about it, so...”

Renjun then smiles, squeezing Jeno’s arm in reassurance. “Don’t overthink, Jeno.”

°。°。°。°。°。°

Things take a dramatic turn at work during one of their weekly progress evaluations as April comes to a close.

Baekhyun is in the middle of suggesting an alternate string of codes for improving the high-jumps of the player from cliff to cliff when a mad-eyed Chanyeol waltzes in and cuts in on his colleague speaking.

"We're going to Busan, my little dreamers!" The grin on Chanyeol's face is feral. Jeno's almost scared if not for the implication of what he just announced. "G-Star 2019! 1-hour showcase inclusive of the 20-minute Q&A portion!"

The room erupts into cheers. Even Jeno's shaking because presenting at G-Star is everything.

G-Star is an annual 4-day trade show featuring over seven hundred game companies from more than thirty countries across the globe. For years, it has been held in Busan. Jeno attended once as a computer science undergrad, wondering when he’ll ever get the chance. And now—

"What the fuck, Chanyeol?" The smile on Baekhyun's face is gone before it can even fully form. "That's less than seven months from now!"

"And? It's G-Star, Baek. Busan." Chanyeol placates his best friend and colleague by the shoulder. "Where all our crazy dreams started."

"But we're presenting Candle Light in July." Baekhyun frees himself off of Chanyeol's hold. "The crowd there won't be interested in a game they've already heard of months prior."

"Who says we'll be talking about Candle Light?" The room erupts into murmurs and then a shriek. It's probably Jiwoo, Jeno thinks. Poor girl has already been overworked in the past couple of weeks in trying to maintain the adjustment layers so that the backdrop avoids glitching.

"You're crazy, Park." Baekhyun's shaking his head but there's an unmistakable glint of wonder in his eyes. "It's impossible."

Chanyeol smiles lopsidedly before speaking to everyone in the room. "Team, here's our chance at Busan." He steps forward, stance firm, one of those textbook stances he uses in pitching their projects to possible investors, except this time, he's doing it to them. "All we need is another game. A new one."

Jeno's heart races. "It's not an easy feat but yes, we need something we haven't shared with the public before." Worried looks are exchanged inside the room but Jeno remains rooted to his swivel chair, his skin prickling, his mind flashing back to a conversation he had just a few days ago.

"Anyone with a side project you're willing to share to the team, just step forward and pitch it." Chanyeol laughs. "Not right now of course, not this week even, but a month from now."

Jaemin's Then why don't you show them? briefly comes into mind.

"It doesn't even have to be completely finished, but please—" Baekhyun speaks up, stepping forward to Chanyeol's side. "Do tell us if you plan on pitching. Maybe you'll need help and really, what are we here for if we can't?"

Chanyeol elbows Baekhyun before saying, "We'll be all ears to you and your babies."

Jeno guesses he'll be sleeping less tonight, the night after and all other following nights.

"Hit us with your best shot, my little dreamers!"

Jeno is on his way home after rendering two hours of overtime work stitching up the beta version of the game he’ll be pitching when he reads a text Jaemin sent him an hour ago. I'm dropping by today. I hope it's okay? We're done filming and I'm craving your mom's ramyun! *___* He briefly wonders why the actor remained quiet and didn’t pester him further for not having replied.

He stops by the noodle shop's entrance, Closed sign already hanging. His fingers start tapping on his phone for a reply when it's suddenly taken away from him. "Hey what—"

Renjun and Donghyuck pop up in his peripheral vision and the next thing he knows he's instantly shoved inside the shop, stumbling in, face forward. It’s a good thing he’s been held back by his best friends before he could completely fall over.

"Surprise!"

Oh.

"Happy Birthday, Jeno!" The small crowd in front of him yells before they break into singing Happy Birthday. Little Haneul breaks free from Soojin ahjumma and runs up to him, arms outstretched asking to be carried. Jeno complies, feeling like he’s on cloud nine because he literally did forget what day it was.

By the end of the song, his cake approaches, held by his mom and someone who he really didn't expect to show up. Someone with a smile so blinding it rivals all the stars in the night sky.

"Make a wish, Super Jen."

“Can you please stop looking at me like that?” Jeno gripes.

The small party they prepared for him moved to the rooftop, complete with a mini grill and the old noraebang machine that they are still using for only the most special of occasions, including tonight. The strips of Christmas lights are still hung up, and lit for the night, with the gentle spring air swaying them from time to time.

Jaemin, Donghyuck and him are currently huddled together on one table. The others are either dancing around little Haneul by the noraebang machine or huddled around the other table with the mini grill. Jeno isn’t really a fan of crowded gatherings so he appreciates that there’s not much people present. Only the ones that matter.

“I don’t think we can stop, Jen.” Jaemin giggles, warm gaze on him. “It’s your birthday after all. I know I can’t.”

“Already at a nickname-calling basis are we?” The grin on Donghyuck’s face is smug.

Jeno shrugs. “I’m touched you showed up even if Mark hyung isn’t here.”

Mark has always been a senior they’ve respected ever since their university days, but they never really hanged out a lot. Jeno especially feels grateful to him, with Mark recommending him to Chanyeol as an intern in Dream Labs, It still feels like yesterday when Jeno fell in love with Baekhyun’s games in his previous company, CBX, leading him to follow his college senior’s game-making career, all the way to his humble 8-bit beginning at Dream Labs. Jeno was so sure that Baekhyun never knew who he was and so when Mark randomly brought up that he knows Chanyeol pretty well, Jeno sent him his resume right away.

Mark also eventually got hired at Dream Labs. at the same time Jeno started his internship. After successive times of Mark and Jeno hanging out at the noodle shop, or at other restaurants and pubs nearby, Mark’s and Donghyuck’s paths soon crossed, and the rest is history.

“You think too little of me, Jeno.” Donghyuck winces. “I’ll have you know I’m here because of ahjumma. She was worried you won’t have other friends to invite so Renjun and I obliged.”

Jeno responds with flinging a napkin to his best friend’s face.

“Okay okay, I get it. I’ll give you young lovers some space.”

Jeno groans. He’s about to tear his hair in frustration but apparently he has no time to recover as his mom approaches their table, placing two bowls of seaweed soup in front of them, followed by plates of kimchi, gaji bokkeum and chunks of gyeran nari, all of which are Jeno’s favorite dishes.

She sits down, smiles at him before turning to Jaemin. “Thank you for not ratting us out, Jaemin-ssi.”

“It’s no big deal,” Jaemin easily replies, picking up some of the kimchi with his chopsticks. “It’s all thanks to your son failing to check his phone so I really did not do much.”

His mom inches forward as if to whisper a secret. “Our Jeno does seem a little bit forgetful, does he?”

“I’ve never met someone who forgot their own birthday, so,” Jaemin declares with exasperation. “Your son here is pretty special.”

The look Jaemin gives Jeno is soft and warm, and is clearly not unnoticed by his mom who just smiles at them knowingly.

“Jeno here didn’t really mention you liked my ramyun,” his mom starts. “Too bad we’ve already ran out of broth today so—”

“You don’t have to,” Jaemin says politely, putting down his chopsticks. “There’s no need, Mrs. Lee.”

“Call me, eomoni,” Jeno’s mom smiles sweetly at Jaemin. Something in Jeno’s heart swells. “You’re no stranger to us, Jaemin-ssi. Any friend of Jeno is always welcome here. Come by anytime you’d like and I’ll cook for you.”

Jaemin stills, before looking at Jeno, eyes seemingly glassy before smiling fondly back at his mom. “Thank you, eomoni.”

“Your parents must be very proud of you,” his mom notes. From the corner of his eye, Jeno sees Jaemin’s shoulder tense a bit but he recovers easily.

“I want them to be,” Jaemin says softly, wavering slightly, and in an instant the Jaemin he’s grown accustomed with is back again.

The conversation flows easily, mostly between Jaemin and his mom, moreso about what it’s been like for Jaemin being under the limelight for a long time. Jeno notes the easygoing grins Jaemin directs to his mom and him. Jeno revels in every single one of them, listening quietly as they exchange stories back and forth.

By the time he’s finished with his soup, his mom’s already fawning over Jaemin, telling the actor how honored she is to have cooked for him who just came to the shop straight out of filming after working hard for the day. Jaemin preens under the praise and admits how he just wants people to watch his dramas.

His mom reaches Jaemin’s hand from across the table to squeeze it gently. “We’ll make sure everyone in the neighborhood does, won’t we, Jeno?”

Jeno nods, delighted at how Jaemin lights up at such a simple promise.

Any poignancy that could further happen is broken with Jeno’s older sister, Sungkyung, joining them on the table. “So is Jaemin marrying into the family soon?” she says, point blank. “Jeno’s lovers are welcome to the Lee household. Not that there’s many of you—” Her eyes go wide. “Oh my gosh, am I ruining my little brother’s chances?”

“Noona!” Jeno wails.

“Have they already recounted their first meeting?” Donghyuck says, plopping down beside Jaemin.

“It’s drama material for sure,” Renjun chimes in as he takes his seat next to Donghyuck, Dejun in tow.

“What is this drama material I hear?” Soojin ahjumma approaches, little Haneul following closely behind.

“But I told you the story already,” Jeno defends. “And Haneul’s here, so.”

Everyone in the table goes wide-eyed at that. Soojin ahjumma covers Haneul’s ears. “So something did happen?” she says.

Jeno groans. Scandalized looks are exchanged around the table. He sees his mom covering her mouth with the back of her hand, hiding a smile before speaking up, “Let’s not burden the birthday boy too much.”

“Well I can tell you my version of that night but—” Jaemin turns to Jeno, gaze confident but earnest. “Jeno here prefers it stays between us so.”

Everyone whines. Under the table, Jaemin’s hand reaches out to his, squeezing it. Jeno squeezes back, not letting it go.

“I’m still wondering who called who,” Dejun finally speaks up.

“We went over this, babe.” Renjun nudges his boyfriend gently. “Jaemin gave Jen his number but Super Jen here was too shy to call first.”

“Then Jaemin found the noodle shop again by chance and here we are,” Donghyuck finishes with a flourish.

“So if Jaemin here didn’t find his way back, he might not be here right now? Is that it?” Dejun asks, right arm lazily finding its way to Renjun’s shoulders.

“Basically, yes,” Donghyuck replies, before scooping in some gyeran nari into his mouth.

“You would never have called me on your own,” Jaemin pipes up, more of a realization than a question. He looks at Jeno from under his lashes, his hand still holding his. “Would you?”

Jaemin’s gaze is probing but his hand is warm, and Jeno doesn’t know why but he doesn’t have the urge to fight both. Doesn’t want to.

“You’re really no fun, little brother,” Sungkyung sighs, taking Jeno’s silence as answer.

“I’ll make up for it then. Work for it until Jeno here deems me worthy of his company,” Jaemin announces, lips smirking as if accepting a challenge. The promise in his eyes ring clear. “Like I said, Jeno is pretty special.”

There’s a beat of silence. One. Two. He sees his mom and Soojin ahjumma exchange glances, while little Haneul is attentively still. The rest of them are all sporting quiet, small smiles. Jeno’s neck turns warm, his heart thundering against his ribcage when Jaemin squeezes his hand again.

“But enough about me,” Jaemin says. He’s shining, far too bright for Jeno’s weak heart. “Tell me every little embarrassing detail from Jeno’s childhood.”

Jeno’s starting to feel flustered again from all the attention but the hand on his lap, fingers intertwined with his, keep him at ease for the rest of the night.

The party relocated to the living room at around half past ten. The small crowd broke into smaller groups.

Jeno’s sitting quietly with Haneul, who’s showing him her recent scores on We Go Up on Soojin ahjumma’s phone. Donghyuck is discussing something with Dejun, perhaps about the upcoming gigs of Odd Wavelengths. Sungkyung started playing The Contact, roping his mom and Soojin ahjumma to watch with her. Renjun and Jaemin, who were also initially watching in at the start of the film, soon found themselves at the balcony.

Jeno would intrude, but he trusts Renjun more than he trusts Donghyuck. However, he still is slightly worried, because out of all of them, Renjun has the best judgment of people, and it would be reassuring if the two got along well. Jeno wants to hear what Renjun has to say about Jaemin, a person who effortlessly knocked down Jeno’s walls in only a matter of weeks, waltzing into his life as if he’s meant to make a residence in Jeno’s world.

Renjun is talking animatedly to Jaemin, to which the actor responds with as much fervor, genuinely engaged. This all feels both so bizarre and surreal for Jeno. Jeno’s in awe of Jaemin who’s effortlessly able to pull out reactions from his best friend, who doesn’t warm up to people easily. Maybe it just means even Renjun is not immune to Na Jaemin’s charm. Jeno smiles to himself, feeling slightly triumphant that his best friend likes Jaemin, whose company Jeno genuinely likes.

So when Haneul, who is comfortably seated on his lap giddily asks him “Are you marrying Jaeminnie oppa?”, Jeno just laughs before whispering a “Do you want me to?” without much thinking, swimming in the feeling of being up in cloud nine.

Jeno finds Renjun by himself a little later, calmly refilling his plate in the dining table. Jeno sits himself on the chair beside Renjun’s, casually bumping his shoulder onto his best friend’s.

“You enjoying the kimbab that much, huh?”

“It’s so so good,” Renjun mumbles theatrically. “You’re not getting any younger, Jen. Better start learning how to cook now or at least make these so you can properly marry Jaemin and start a family.”

“Renjun!” He lightly punches his friend’s arm.

“What?” Renjun interjects.

Jeno laughs at Renjun’s done-with-you face, stoically chewing on his kimbab. Renjun laughs thereafter.

This is nice, Jeno thinks. Everything about tonight just feels nice to Jeno. His eyes scan the living room and he sees Jaemin exchanging jokes with Soojin ahjumma and Donghyuck. Little Haneul is even sitting on Jaemin’s lap and Jaemin is just there indulging her, letting the little girl cling onto his sweater, as if they weren’t just strangers to each other just a few hours ago.

“You might be worrying for nothing, you know,” Renjun whispers.

Jeno frowns and responds with a stilted nod. He continues to look at Jaemin.

“I don’t think he’s faking it, Jeno,” Renjun adds, picking another kimbab with his fork.

“You think so?” Jeno asks. He tries to mask the glee he’s feeling from his best friend giving his stamp of approval, even if he never really asked for it implicitly.

“Actually, I’m not sure about how much he likes you yet. Like if he’s capable of dying and killing for you—”

“Hey.” Jeno hits Renjun’s arm again.

“But.” Renjun pauses as he swallows. “I do think he loves being here, around us all, I mean.”

Jeno hums, eyes on Haneul giggling at Jaemin as if he said the funniest joke in the world.

“For some celebrity who you randomly bumped into and helped you,” Renjun says. “He looks like someone who’s been here all along.”

Jaemin was preparing to leave when he told Jeno, “Your family is really nice. You’re really lucky, Jeno.” He said in a whisper, all soft, like a secret.

Jaemin’s ride arrived a little around past eleven, but it’s parked on the far end of the street. Jaemin was swallowed hug after hug by Jeno’s friends and family. Haneul, especially, was extra clingy and almost at the verge of tears when she’s told to let go of her hold on Jaemin’s sweater. Jeno’s mom was the last one to hug him, murmuring something into Jaemin’s ear, which Jeno wasn’t able to hear.

He sees Renjun and Donghyuck wiggling their eyebrows in unison at him. Jeno makes a face at them, scratching his neck briefly before he feels a light tug at his sleeve.

Walk me to the car? Jaemin’s eyes seemed to tell him, before turning back one last time at everyone to smile and wave goodbye.

The streets are quiet as they walk outside.

“Ï would trade anything in the world for a nice bowl of seaweed soup on my birthday,” Jaemin admits wistfully once they were out of earshot.

“Does your mom not cook for you?” Jeno asks carefully, not wanting to cross any boundaries Jaemin doesn’t want him to cross.

“She used to,” Jaemin replies instantly. “Then she got too busy, with her and Dad flying in and out, volunteering in the farthest of places, far from my reach and just...” His eyes turn resigned. “Just asked the help to cook for me. But sometimes she forgets to remind the help too and—” He pauses, sighing defeatedly. “I don’t know. I just never insisted that she cook for me again.”

Jeno looks at Jaemin, who’s just looking far into the distance, a sad smile on his face. Now, Jeno feels bad for asking about it. Jeno’s always used to the usual bright and infectious aura Jaemin radiates that he’s a little at loss for what to do at the moment. Jaemin seems to notice him staring so he looks back at Jeno again, smiling brighter, but the sadness still lingers.

“Soon enough I just accepted that it’s just, you know, like any regular soup, that I can eat on any regular day, from the restaurant of my liking,” Jaemin explains, turning to look at Jeno as he speaks. “I can cook too, just so you know,” he adds, matter-of-fact, his lips pouting. “It’s just, well having it prepared for you is different.”

Jaemin then wraps his arms around himself. “Makes you feel...” He trails off, then ends with a sigh.

Wanted, Jeno continues in his head, his chest tightening in sympathy. Loved.

It makes him say, “Then come here again.”

Jaemin stops on his tracks, the hood of his white jacket falling down.

Jeno steps forward, in front of Jaemin, hands in his pockets, reining his nervousness around Jaemin in general.

“Come here again for your birthday. I think my mom likes you anyway so perhaps we can give you a discount?” Jeno jokes.

Jaemin looks at him like a dam broke inside of him, his eyes a little bit glassy.

Jeno instantly panics. “I’m kidding, oh my God, we won’t charge you anything,” he says, raising both of his hands, unsure of whether to reach out and soothe Jaemin’s shoulders. “The ingredients are pretty cheap and easily available anywhere, and it’s just one of those basic soup recipes. You know what? Forget what I said—”

Jaemin holds him by his wrists, suddenly too close, a couple of breaths away from Jeno’s face. Jeno feels his hands retreat to his sides in surrender, burned by Jaemin’s touch.

Jaemin doesn’t seem to mind his reaction and just laughs at him, giving him one of his brightest and most genuine smiles, his eyes still glassy. His entire face is glowing.

A little unsure, but glowing.

And maybe it’s the cold spring air making Jeno a little light-headed, or the lampposts illuminating Jaemin’s beautiful face, or the increasing gallop in his heartbeat, but Jeno feels a spark of courage igniting in his gut.

“Like my mom said earlier,” Jeno starts, feeling a little braver with every second. “You can always come again, Jaemin, even if there’s no occasion.

“Lee Noodle Shop will always be open for you,” Jeno finishes lamely, smiling at Jaemin, who’s just smiling back at him, perhaps even brighter than before.

Jaemin looks like he wants to say something, mouth open and eyes focused on Jeno. But instead he turns away, a little hint of pink in his cheeks.

“Thank you, Jeno,” Jaemin whispers softly, a change from how he usually speaks. It’s hard to catch; on a regular day, Jeno would surely miss it, but he’s too attuned to everything Jaemin says and does whenever they’re together.

As they part ways with Jaemin getting into the car, Jeno wonders what he’s willingly flung himself into. He’s not sure if he understands how things are and how they will go from here, but when he assured Jaemin that he could come to the noodle shop anytime, he truly meant it.

Chapter Text

City of Angels premieres without a hitch. Jeno watches both episodes in real-time, even taking multiple breaks from planning his pitch for his game, which, unsurprisingly enough, still remains untitled. Jeno knows he should be halfway finished by now but his best friends somehow gatecrashed his night and launched a viewing of Jaemin’s drama in his living room, complete with hotteok and spicy chicken wings as bribes.

“What’s it about anyway?” Donghyuck asks in between munching on a chicken wing.

“Jaemin is playing the lead guy’s guardian angel and somehow when he’s about to save him—” Jeno points to Ong Seongwu on the screen with his chicken wing, “—the lead girl gets roped into it and saves him instead, and now Jaemin and Seongwu somehow vow to protect—”. He halts, feeling his best friends’ eyes on him.

“What?”

“We were asking about your game, Jeno,” Donghyuck replies, his grin devilish. “Since when was everything about your Jaemin?”

“He’s not—”

“Not yet,” Donghyuck supplies cheekily.

“But do you want him to be?” Renjun pipes up from his spot on the floor, sitting straighter, his gaze on Jeno.

Jeno settles for a sigh, not knowing what to say at this point. “We’re not like that” is all he says. He has his game pitch to worry about for crying out loud.

“Okay,” Renjun says, turning back to the TV screen, seemingly having sensed Jeno’s internal dilemma. “If you don’t want to talk about it yet, just tell us about your game.”

Jeno smiles. He loves one of his best friends for a reason.

“Hey!” Donghyuck shoves Renjun on the arm. “You’re making me look like a terrible best friend, Injun-ah.”

Renjun turns back around to look at Jeno. “Well, one of us has to be decent at least.” That earns another shove from Donghyuck.

“So,” Donghyuck starts, “What’s your game about, Jeno?”

Normally, Jeno would have already spilled bits and pieces of his project, except.

“I’m not too sure yet,” Jeno admits, eyes still on the screen in case Jaemin appears.

His current game is a revamped version of Wanderer, the one he presented for his mini reválida before he became a regular employee at Dream Labs. He still remembers the feedback of the panel back then. There was an ecstatic, This is market-ready. Congratulations!, from Chanyeol, a simple but appreciated,Your game looks clean. No sign of bugs, from Jonghyun from QA, an emotionless, Looks and works neatly. Passable, from Wonwoo from the programming team, and a lukewarm, Pretty but it feels aimless if I were to be honest, from Baekhyun.

Jeno’s heart might have broke a little after hearing those words from his idol, but later on he learns that even with those words, Baekhyun just means well. His frankness were due to his excruciating eye for detail, and has been instrumental to Jeno’s growth as a programmer. It’s something that anchors Jeno through all the games he’s helped code so far.

But right now, Jeno can’t even ask for Baekhyun’s help, not knowing where exactly he should begin asking for help in the first place. The only thing he’s sure of at the moment his main character for the game, but everything else is—

“Still unfinished, even the level sequences,” Jeno admits after narrating the basic premise of his game. “And I haven’t come up with a common theme yet for the places I chose for each level.”

“You’re not expected to submit a finished game yet, right?” Renjun asks, turning to Jeno and away from the TV screen.

“I guess.” Jeno puts down the bone of his chicken wing on the plate by the table. “But of course I want to come up with something at least sixty percent ready.” Jeno thinks of Guanheng, who’s been extra perky, despite the countless counter-checks with QA for bugs on their current working version of Candle Light. Guanheng asks him from time to time on the progress of his game proposal, to which Jeno just answers vaguely. Jeno knows Guanheng is easily out of the competition for the pitch, since he’s already occupied with Candle Light. Still, Jeno feels slightly competitive towards him. It doesn’t help that there’s something about Guanheng’s smile that still doesn’t sit well with Jeno.

He just wants to be friends with his same-day hire friend, Jeno. Give the guy a break, was what Mark told him at lunch the other day. But Jeno has always believed in sticking to his first impressions of people. He’s usually right anyways.

“What did I miss?” Sungkyung chimes in as she plops down beside Jeno.

“Jeno’s stuck with his game,” Donghyuck replies, sipping from his carton of banana milk.

“You still have some time left to spare, right, little brother?” she asks Jeno, ruffling his hair gently. “What’s it called again?”

“Jaemin!” Renjun answers.

Jeno’s about to reprimand his best friend when he turns to the TV screen.

It’s Jaemin. He’s clad in a leather jacket over a white shirt, with pants that have holes one too many, and a black cap tilted low enough to his eyes. He’s running from someone and eventually stops at a corner, leaning on the wall, hiding himself. He breathes heavily. The screen cuts to a tight shot of Jaemin’s chest heaving. Up, down, up, down. A closeup shot of his face shows his eyes constantly moving, eventually closing in frustration. He’s probably trying to come up with an escape plan when he gets caught. The screen cuts then to the man chasing him, seemingly going in the wrong direction. Jaemin slides down the wall, relieved. He’s still breathing hard but a small smile starts to form on his plump lips.

It’s not the usual smile Jeno’s accustomed with. But it’s still beautiful anyways. Perhaps everything about Jaemin just is.

A figure comes into view, and Jaemin sees him. The screen cuts to a close-up of Jaemin’s face, staring directly at the camera, staring at the viewers, piercing right into Jeno’s soul.

When Jaemin smiles again, eyes bright and piercing, Jeno knows he’s a goner.

Later that night as he’s lying down on his bed, Jeno texts Jaemin a simple, You did well. Congrats! And within a minute, Jaemin’s calling him, telling him how the cast and crew were monitoring the ratings of their pilot episode. Jaemin’s happiness radiates off of Jeno’s phone, and his heart can’t help but squeeze in fondness over listening to the actor from the other side of the line. He puts his hand on his chest, willing his heart to stop thrashing.

“What about you, Jeno?” Jaemin’s gentle question breaks his reverie. “Any progress on your pitch?”

“Not much,” Jeno replies weakly, closing his eyes briefly. “But I’ve been thinking of names for it.” He chuckles, feeling light over a simple question from Jaemin. “Naming it would make it feel real, I think.”

“And do you?” Jaemin asks him over the phone, his low voice soothing all of Jeno’s worries. Jeno feels cared for. He feels special. “Do you already have a name for it?”

Jeno’s mind betrays him, hearing Renjun’s “But do you want him to be?” from earlier.

Maybe. But he shakes his head in response, looking up at the ceiling, forgetting for a second that Jaemin can’t see him.

When he settles for an, “I don’t know”, he’s left both uneasy and a little breathless, not knowing for sure which question he really responded to.

°。°。°。°。°。° 

“Let’s look at the facts, shall we?” Renjun asks, lips pressed into a thin line.

Jeno’s best friends had dragged him out of his bedroom when he was trying to sketch out places he can use for his game. Jeno really had no plans of eating dinner until he’s able to create at least a few base set structures that would fit the storyline he’d come up with so far. But alas, his friends overpower him any day. Jeno’s mom had never been more grateful for Renjun and Donghyuck though.

Somewhere between stirring their respective noodles and Jeno opening up more about being anxious of his upcoming pitch, Jeno gives in and tells them that he might have started harboring a crush on Jaemin. He gets a triumphant but taunting Took you long enough! from Donghyuck, followed by a proud smile from Renjun. Sometimes they seem like his second parents more than best friends, really.

“When do you plan to confess?” Donghyuck asks him point-blank.

Jeno stills. “Do I have to? It’s just a crush.” Jeno’s no stranger to confessions possibly leading to relationships, commitments and other not-so-nice things that a relationship might entail. He averts his gaze from his best friends in front of him, his mind somehow replaying flashes of him with the last person he gave his heart to.

“It’ll be a waste to not know how he feels about this at least, how he feels about you.” Renjun answers him sagely. “We’ve already seen it but confirming it would be even better.”

Jeno’s heart soars, looking at his best friends watching him carefully. Their hopeful smiles makes Jeno feel a little hopeful too.

“You’ll just be telling him how you feel,” Donghyuck props his chin on his palm when he asks, “What could possibly go wrong with that?”

Jeno’s mind takes him somewhere. Takes him to everything from three years prior. Takes him to everything that’s been sitting quietly at the back of his mind, untouched, unopened. He mentally takes a step back. But Renjun catches his eyes, and sees right through him.

“Jaemin isn’t her, Jeno,” Renjun offers, tone light. “Not everyone will be.”

He smiles weakly as he looks at both of his best friends in front of him, who exchange worrying glances before seemingly waiting for Jeno to respond with anything.

But he doesn’t. He just goes back to finishing the rest of his jajangmyeon, briefly wondering if Jaemin has eaten dinner already.

An awkward silence hangs in the air, as it always happens every time the topic of her is brought up, but it passes eventually. Soon enough they’re talking about Donghyuck’s complaints about Dejun bossing people around even if he’s just the assistant stage director on their latest production, a retelling of Once set in Seoul. Renjun threatens Donghyuck in case he gives his boyfriend a hard time during rehearsals. And just like that, Jeno’s loses himself in their chatter once more.

Jeno’s thankful his best friends don’t bring up Jaemin again for the rest of the night.

°。°。°。°。°。°

 Jeno doesn’t know these people.

In the screen, the lead girl seems to have stumbled in the middle of a raid in the marketplace. People are running all around her, fleeing to hide from the police. Suddenly, someone bumps into her. The screen cuts to a dramatic slow reveal of the guy who took shelter under her umbrella. It’s one of the other leads, hair wet from the downpour that has just begun.

“That’s him,” Jaemin whispers to him in the dark. “It’s his role I plan to audition for.”

Jeno nods in understanding, turning his attention back to the screen.

He was talking with Renjun over the phone earlier this afternoon—Jeno was asking for suggestions on the places he can use for his game—when he received an SOS :< text from Jaemin, followed by a Do you have some time tonight?

Jeno had replied right away, saying he’s free. He bid Renjun goodbye, who then said getting some fresh air might be nice for Jeno’s so-called “designer’s block”.

Fresh air just happens to be at a screening of a romance film from the early 2000s, if the color scheme is of any indication. It’s called ”Temptation of Wolves,” or some variation of what Jaemin said to him earlier as they enter the halls of Milin. Apparently, it’s getting a remake, and since filming starts a few months from now, casting calls have already been announced. Talking about casting calls and potential projects usually brings out a different kind of light in the actor’s eyes but Jeno notes it’s not the case earlier.

Jaemin’s eyes have been glued to the screen in front of them from the very moment the opening credits started rolling. Jeno’s not sure if Jaemin’s up for conversation, apart from the few bouts of information Jaemin shares with him from time to time but Jeno tries anyway.

“Did something happen earlier?”

Jaemin turns to Jeno for a second before looking back at the screen, the saturated colors of the film dancing in his eyes. “I can’t cry on cue.”

Jeno keeps quiet, and Jaemin continues, “And on the last takes I was able to, it wasn’t pretty enough for the camera. Might as well just cast someone else and just magically come up with an excuse that my character changed faces or something. If not magic, then I hope angels are okay with plastic surgery.”

Jeno wants to laugh at that but resists, noting the pout on the actor’s lips, the crease of frustration on his forehead. Even at his low moments, Jaemin is funny. It’s a talent, Jeno supposes. It’s only been a few months but Jaemin never fails to make him laugh like a long-time friend.

Or maybe Jeno’s just too smitten.

“So now you’re distracting yourself with your next project, is that it?” Jeno asks.

The smile Jaemin gives him is blinding, even in the darkness of the theater. They don’t converse for the remaining of the screening, apart from the few jokes Jaemin tells him in hushed whispers. Jeno is still bothered by Jaemin not disclosing further details on what might have happened on set.

But as Jaemin gives him his spell-binding, child-like smile as he leans in before saying something to Jeno, like he’s sharing a secret with him and only him, relief washes Jeno’s worries away bit by bit.

He’s waiting for Jaemin, who’s excused himself to take a call, when they bump into her.

“Jeno?”

Three years have already passed, but Jeno still remembers that voice, colored in different emotions: joy, excitement, frustration, and surrender.

“Heejin,” Jeno says, almost gasps.

Her hair is longer, eyes shining and beautiful as ever. Beside her is a guy almost the same height as him and Jaemin.

“Long time no see, stranger.” The smile Heejin gives him is strained. She clasps the arm of the guy beside her. “Oppa, this is Jeno. Jeno, this is Jungmin oppa.”

“Hey buddy,” Jungmin says, offering his hand and Jeno shakes it as a courtesy.

“Seems like I’ve missed a lot.” Heejin sounds wistful. Jeno’s never really been an expert on reading Heejin and now he somehow feels like his tongue-tied twenty-two-year-old self again, confused about Heejin’s words and everything in between that remains unspoken. Some things never really change, Jeno guesses.

Are you back for good? hangs on the tip of Jeno’s tongue but his mind overrides it, unsure if it’s a safe question to ask. Instead he says, “No. Not much has changed, really.”

“You coming out of Temptation?” Jungmin asks, too casual for Jeno’s liking.

“Yes, we are,” a voice answers for him. In an instant, Jaemin’s beside him, linking his arm with Jeno’s. “You folks here to watch the next screening?”

“Oh my gosh, Jeno, is this…?” Heejin exclaims, her eyebrows furrowing.

Jaemin’s linked arm with Jeno’s turns lose as his other arm reaches out to shake Heejin’s and Jungmin’s hand.

“Na Jaemin, but Jaemin’s just fine.” The smile Jaemin gives them is the same one he normally wears in front of the cameras.

“Jeno,” Heejin starts, still a little starstruck, but also a little relieved somehow. “Is he… ?”

“I’m his date for tonight,” Jaemin easily answers for Jeno. His hand comes to cup his mouth, as if he’s telling them a secret. “But I hope this stays between us.”

Jeno notes that Jaemin still hasn’t worn his black cotton face mask. Since Jaemin’s drama started airing, it’s been harder for Jaemin to sneak out, it seems. And right now, Jeno sees some of the passers-by murmuring, raising their phones to take a picture of them, of Jaemin. Jeno takes it as his cue to free his linked arm from Jaemin. His hand then dips down his pocket, finds Jaemin’s face mask. Jeno hid it earlier as it kept on getting in the way of Jaemin eating his popcorn. He coughs to get their attention, Jaemin already in the middle of answering Jungmin’s curious questions about the glitz and glamour of the industry.

“Jaemin.” Jeno tries and catches Jaemin’s attention immediately.

Jaemin’s eyes turn softer like they always do towards Jeno as he takes the face mask.

“He’s really the sweetest, isn’t he?” Jaemin coos, schooling his expression back to his camera-ready smile as he looks back at Heejin and Jungmin.

“Yes he is,” Heejin says, eyes on Jeno for a second before looking back at Jaemin. “I’m clearly surprised to see him here. He doesn’t like going out much. I’m sure you know how he loves his games.”

“Oh.” Jaemin stills as he takes in this new piece of information. “Well, I can be really persuasive,” he then admits, winking at Heejin.

Jeno coughs again, wanting to remind Jaemin again that they’re in public. Jaemin gets the hint, clasping both of his hands together as if he’s ending a meeting. “This has been nice but we have to go it seems.” Heejin and Jungmin suddenly become aware of the slightly increasing flashes around them.

Heejin smiles, apologetic. “Oh, sorry, we were clearly intruding.” She’s as polite as Jeno remembers her. As polite as when they ended things together.

“No you weren’t.” Jaemin smiles at her again before wearing his face mask to conceal half of his face. Jeno wonders again how’s it like to be naturally amazing with people like Jaemin, as opposed to him who’s still tongue-tied when it comes to Heejin. But then again, Jeno’s the one that dated Heejin, not Jaemin.

“Enjoy the rest of your date you two,” Jungmin bids.

“Thank you,” Jeno speaks again after staying quiet for so long. “You take care, too.”

“See you, Jen.” Heejin smiles at him one last time before he turns around, placing his hand on Jaemin’s back to guide them both towards the exit.

“You didn’t correct them earlier.”

Jaemin’s smile is coy when he says it, casually plopping down on Jeno’s bed.

“It’s cool. She’s not the gossip-y kind. She’s not like that,” Jeno says as he takes his phone from where it’s plugged to his laptop. The game clearly isn’t phone-ready yet, and may inevitably crash due to its unstable build, but he wanted fresh new eyes to skim through it.

He hands Jaemin his phone, the screen already flashing the starting level of his game. Jeno’s told Jaemin earlier on the drive home that he’s still lost with some of the details of his game. He even goes as far as asking Jaemin for places he could use for each level. Jaemin turned to him then with a Then how about you make me play it? look, eyes pleading but also oozing with the confidence that Jeno’ sure he won’t be able shut down.

“You know you never told me who broke up with who,” Jaemin says not looking up from his phone. “You also hadn’t told me she was that pretty.”

Jeno felt like he didn’t need to, honestly. “She broke up with me,” Jeno admits, fidgeting on his swivel chair. The beautiful ballerina that deserves to be loved by the world used to be Jeno’s favorite thing to say to her.

Jaemin looks up, mouths an I’m sorry before focusing back on the game.

“I’m just happy she seems happy now,” Jeno confesses, his mind going through its stored memories of Heejin—her frustration marring her features. In some of them, she’s looking at Jeno. In others, she’s either looking down or looking elsewhere, clearly not wanting to look at Jeno anymore. Jeno stops his mind from going elsewhere, trying to think back to Heejin’s radiant smile from earlier instead.

“How about you?” Jaemin asks him, pausing from the game. His gaze on Jeno is earnest. “Are you happy?”

It’s a simple question, but the past few months waltz by Jeno’s mind. A lot of the memories surprisingly feature Jaemin in them. The uneasiness in Jeno’s chest starts to subside.

Jeno smiles and simply nods, already tired from remembering a part of his past.He’s not brave enough to cross the bridge with Jaemin, to confront this growing crush on him. It’s too much for one night.

“She said something about you and your games earlier,” Jaemin starts, pondering. “Is this all you’ve ever wanted to do, Jeno?” Jaemin’s attention is still on him. It’s a little bit overwhelming but there’s something in the tone of the other. “Is this your childhood dream? Like you don’t see yourself doing anything else?” It sounds as if he actually cares.

“Kind of,” Jeno replies, briefly thinking about how Anipang, and Tetris, and all other video games were there for him as a child, on moments the few people in Jeno’s life couldn’t. But he finds it silly to share the particulars with Jaemin.

“I just really liked playing them and thought that it would be cool if I can try and make them too.”

Jaemin accepts his answer and offers him a smile in return, before going back to tapping away on his phone. “I’m honestly not sure what you’ve been worrying about this. It already seems fine to me.” Jaemin pouts as he taps on his phone. “And your main character is cute.”

Jeno smiles awkwardly as he sees Jaemin completely immersed in his game. Jaemin’s too sweet sometimes.

“I can’t believe I’m having an exclusive demonstration on the next big thing on the App Store,” Jaemin pipes playfully.

“You can still see the grids and guides on the screen, Jaemin, what are you saying?”

Jaemin just rolls his eyes at him, eyes still glued to the screen of Jeno’s phone.

Jeno laughs, privately delighted at the sight of Jaemin sitting on his bed, in his bedroom, completely focused on his game. “I have the basic build of the game down but—” Jeno cringes as he recalls Baekhyun saying that during his revalida. “—It still feels aimless. I want it to be more personal, I guess.”

“Then why are you asking me or anyone else about the places you can use? This is your game after all,” Jaemin says, as if it’s the simplest thing in the world.

The actor then puts the phone down, levels his gaze at Jeno. Jeno’s breath hitches when Jaemin says his next words:

“If you can whisk anyone away to anywhere in the world, where will you take them, Jeno?”

Jeno decides to answer Jaemin’s question that night before going to sleep.

He texts Renjun, asking for his help.

Renjun works as a webtoon artist for LINE, but he also does commission work on the side. Before, he’d sketch some of Jeno’s ideas properly for him for free, but Jeno soon insisted he pay him, with food at least, to which his best friend only smiles with serene acceptance.

Jeno’s ready to treat Renjun to as much hotpot he wants. Right now, he’s giving Renjun a run-down of the places he’ll base the structures on. He can already picture himself laboring over his game pitch, making it at least seventy stable when he presents it to his superiors.

When he sleeps, he dreams in pastel, sees himself running across the unpolished moving blocks of his own wonderland. He sees himself following the ghost-like, pink-haired boy who skips merrily ahead, disappearing into thin air everytime Jeno comes close.

°。°。°。°。°。°

For the next couple of days until the pitch, Jeno wakes up with even more motivation from the weeks prior.

Renjun indulges him and tries to construct the structures Jeno has drafted on paper. Jeno further brings them to life on his laptop, planting the structures into the game mechanics. Sometimes, he loses track of how many hours of sleep he’s lost over it. Sometimes, Jaemin would stay up with him, commiserating with him over the phone— while Jeno works, he watches any film he thinks can help him with his crying-on-cue dilemma. Other times, he’d just go over his lines, and sometimes Jeno would react, because Jaemin just affects him like that. On the nights that they don’t talk over the phone, Jaemin sends him links to piano pieces, saying If I have to play again, I’d love to play these. Hope this helps put your mind at ease somehow, the same way it does for mine. ^___^ <3

Something tells Jeno he better talk with Jaemin soon, to know if Jaemin talks to someone over the phone in the same way he does with Jeno, if he sends them links to relaxing piano pieces too. Jeno needs to know, so he can squash the growing hope in his heart, so he can teach it that no, Jeno’s not special—no, not in the slightest—and that Jaemin’s just really the sweetest person on earth. Instead, Jeno just files all of his feelings and questions into the very back of his mind. He’s got a game pitch to win after all. He’s got no time for whatever this is.

And so day in and day out, be it inside the four walls of his bedroom or at the Dream Labs’ HQ, Jeno works out the code for the basic controls the player can use for the parts of structure to move, allowing the main character, a little girl, to get to the top and thus advance to the next level.

Is that our little Haneul starring in your game, Jeno? Sungkyung said to him once, peeking over his shoulder after having brought him a warm cup of Jasmine tea. She suggested it would soothe Jeno whenever he gets antsy over not making objects move according to his liking.

Do you think she’ll like this? Jeno asked, remembering how Haneul’s always whining about Jeno’s prototypes featured only boys as main characters. Jeno had found a kindred soul in Haneul, the only fellow gamer among the Lees. So for him, it just feels proper to dedicate a part of this game to his favorite Lee.

You’re literally moving things to make bridges for Haneul. She’ll be so pleased by this. I’m your sister, but you’ve never featured me in your games. I feel betrayed. Jeno laughed at that, getting more excited by the minute, already hyped to show his game to Haneul and the rest of the world.

Is this what I think it is? His mom asked him when she decided to bring Jeno his regular dose of Jasmine tea in Sungkyung’s place.

Jeno turned to see his mom smiling, who then proceeded to lovingly ruffle his hair. Your dad would have loved this.

That’s enough to power Jeno further, motivated more than ever to win the pitch with the game of his heart.

°。°。°。°。°。°

D-day comes soon enough.

Jeno sets up his laptop and the projector inside the conference room. So far, there’s nothing out of the ordinary. The last time he’s in front of the core group like this was a year ago; the panel was still riding high from the success of the addictive two-dimensional polygon cornucopia that was Go!. His three-dimensional Wanderer was refreshing then, too, with its pastel colors and easygoing gameplay, though it eventually fell short. He hopes his game pitch now will win them over this time. He’s sure he’s never wanted anything more in his life.

He starts with the basic idea first, the working premise for his game pitch. He emphasizes all the ways it’s a step-up from Wanderer, which gets an eyebrow raise from Baekhyun. He’s probably the person whose opinion Jeno values the most inside the room.

He goes through the few levels he’s got so far, proudness leaking through his voice as he explains the intricacies. He’s able to pull this off within a short period of time they were given, all with Renjun’s help, of course. He thinks he could have done more, but as far as the basic build goes, Jeno’s ridiculously happy with it, he might cry.

Once he finishes demonstrating the main character reaching the top of the structure—signifying the victory for that level—Wonwoo’s the first one to raise his hand. He fixes the glasses perched on his nose. “Of all places, why Incheon?” he says.

“I have to admit, I am curious too. You could have gone with something out-of-this-world,” Chanyeol pipes in. “Anything outer space-y might sell better, in my opinion.”

Baekhyun remains quiet, smiling as if he knows Jeno’s already got an answer prepared.

“It’s my favorite place,” Jeno finally says, briefly looking at the 3D version of the noodle shop at the screen before looking back at his superiors.

“Everyone’s realities are almost always about being too busy. We’re always surrounded, almost suffocated even, by the tall buildings in this fast-paced city. And sometimes, people just want a break from that. Don’t we? Don’t we all want to magically transport ourselves to the places we like? To the places where we feel safe, at home, and loved?” he continues, his confidence growing with every moment. “I want this game to be just that.”

Jeno can feel himself smiling He can almost feel the breeze of the spring air on his skin, can almost smell the ramyun from their noodle shop mixed with the other scents of the street food stalls littered all over Jayu Park.

“No time limits, no complex gameplays. Just a stress-free and worry-free escape for the young soul in all of us. For that—”

Where will you take them, Jeno? Jaemin’s voice is crystal clear in his head.

Jeno takes a breath and smiles. “I chose Incheon.”

Jeno wins the pitch.

He’s too happy to cry as Mark hugs the living daylights out of him, murmuring a warm, Congrats, bro! Can’t wait to score your game. Everyone in the office comes up to congratulate him, including Guanheng, who settles for a minute-long handshake, coupled with a simple, About time you show what you’re made of, Lee. Jeno doesn’t feel antagonized by it; rather, he feels challenged, especially with Baekhyun’s input during the latter half of the Q&A: It’s personal, alright. Keep on thinking outside of the box, Jeno. I know you still have a few more tricks up your sleeve.

He’s already called his mom, and sent messages to Sungkyung, Renjun, Donghyuck and even Doyoung, who can’t wait to hear the basic gameplay for more of his possible suggestions.

He’s got one person left with whom he wants to share his simple victory with, and maybe more.

He checks his phone for Jaemin’s reply earlier to see if he got the address right.

Jeno feels funny, as he starts to go upstairs, plastic bags and plastic bags of jjajangmyeon in both hands one of which he briefly puts down as he pushes number 5 on the elevator.

He’s never done anything like this before. Soojin ahjumma told him earlier that he was crazy for planning to do this, but was supportive nonetheless. His mom just smiled her huge megawatt smile, possibly Jeno’s favorite, before agreeing and even helping Jeno pack the necessary quantity of jjajangmyeon Jeno has to bring.

Jeno’s not particularly into surprises, but he figures Jaemin’s the type to like things like these.

When the elevator opens, he sees them instantly.

A couple of feet away, Jeno sees Jaemin talking to Kun when a tall boy approaches them, approaches Jaemin to be exact.

The tall boy with dark auburn hair, Jeno gauges, is probably older than both Jaemin and him. Tall boy hugs Jaemin for more than a minute and gives the actor a peck on his cheek. Jaemin leaves then, heads off inside one of the nearby rooms.

Something gets stuck in Jeno’s throat as he completely steps out of the elevator, suddenly feeling dumb and silly for showing up unannounced.

Tall boy walks past Jeno as he talks to someone over his phone, brushing Jeno’s shoulders lightly before riding on the elevator. Jeno feels small. The weight of the bags of jjajangmyeon in both of his hands grows a little bit heavier with every passing second.

The sound of the elevator closing brings Jeno back to the present and Kun notices Jeno, calls his attention.

Kun clasps him on his back. “Nana didn’t tell me you’d be coming,” he says. He guides Jeno to the room Jaemin entered. Surprisingly, Kun talks to him warmly even if they’ve only talked for the first time. Jeno had imagined managers to be as grumpy and terrifying as they’re portrayed in some of the makjangs his mom and Soojin ahjumma watches. He’s relieved Kun’s not like that. But still, Jeno remains mute, feeling a little out of place.

“Look who’s here to see you, Nana,” Kun announces as he takes the bags of jjajangmyeon from Jeno to place it on a table. “And he brought food! Look at these. Hwang PD will love this!”

“Super Jen!” Jaemin comes into view, approaching him with a grin on his face. It’s the same smile he always gives Jeno, but today it doesn’t warm Jeno’s heart as much as it normally does.

They don’t do much talking since it’s Jaemin’s scenes that are being shot for the day.

When Jeno tells him he surprised Jaemin because he wanted to tell him about winning the pitch face-to-face, he leaves out the part where he wants to confess to Jaemin and maybe ask him what the actor would possibly want from him.

Jaemin is overjoyed, but he tells Jeno he should have told him at least over text. He asks how much the jjajangmyeon is, telling Jeno he’ll pay for it all. Jeno shakes it off with a, No. I just wanted to do this as your friend, and Kun and the makeup noona exchange knowing looks after that. There’s a strange expression in Jaemin’s features, but it disappears before Jeno can commit it to memory.

As Kun leaves the room, Jeno picks up what little courage he has, trying to not mind the presence of the makeup noona retouching Jaemin’s face. He takes a deep breath and asks if Jaemin wants to go with him, after his shoot, so they can celebrate Jeno winning the pitch even over just a simple dinner.

Jaemin frowns then, declining his offer. “I have an audition coming up, remember? Yukhei’s asked to read lines with me earlier and I already said yes.” The smile Jaemin gives him in the mirror is apologetic, and he then faces Jeno as the makeup noona steps out of the room. “It’s in a couple of days so I’m taking all the help I can get. I really want to land the role, Jeno. I hope you understand.”

Of course, Jeno understands. Jeno’s turned down several of Jaemin’s offers to dinner too in the last couple of weeks, seeing as he needed all the time he can afford to have to work on his game pitch. It’s alright, Jeno tells himself. It’s no problem at all .

Still, Jeno’s heart feels uneasy, but his mind’s screaming he has no right to. He’s already won the pitch earlier. He thinks that maybe this is the universe trying to maintain some sort of balance.

You can’t always get what you want. Or in Jeno’s case... “Say what you want,” he says in a monotone.

A crew member calls out for Jaemin then. Jaemin hugs Jeno once again whispering a simple We’ll celebrate some other time, Jeno. Jeno smiles and nods at him as the actor smiles back one last time before leaving. Jeno takes that as his cue to go.

Some of the crew smile at Jeno as he steps out of the room, thanking him for the food he brought. He somehow finds the strength to smile back. He even sees Kun and other crew members waving him farewell from afar, sending him a thumbs up as he makes his way to the elevator.

With every step away from the apartment building, Jeno tries to reason with himself: of course he already considered Jaemin turning him down from the get-go—of course he wouldn’t be able to say what he wanted—of course he shouldn’t even try in the first place. He had no chance. Of course he doesn’t. He utterly triumphs in one occasion, one game pitch, perhaps one that he’s worked so hard to get, sure, he’s the fucking king of the world—until he’s not.

That kind of good fortune doesn’t last. He knows that. He should know that.

It was simple. Why hadn’t he thought of it before?

As he gets on the noodle shop’s delivery bike, Jeno vows never to do anything stupid like that again.

°。°。°。°。°。°

Jeno takes his mind off of Jaemin for the next couple of days.

Or at least he tries to. It proves to be a difficult feat as Jaemin continues to text him on a regular basis, inviting Jeno to numerous dinners all over Incheon like he normally does, going as far as sending him voice recordings filled with so much aegyo over KakaoTalk— it almost breaks Jeno’s resolve. Jaemin even tries to invite himself over to the noodle shop, asking if Jeno’s mom or Soojin ahjumma misses him. And he’s right. They both miss him badly, hyping up Jaemin to customers every time they’re able to. So Jeno did consider agreeing to Jaemin dropping by the noodle shop. But the image of Jaemin getting mobbed, flashes of cameras ganging up on Jaemin leading to him choking on his ramyun, was not a sight Jeno wanted to witness, especially now that he usually comes home to the noodle shop on Wednesday and Thursday nights to girls—and boys— squealing at the sight of a brooding, heroic Jaemin on the TV screen.

This is how things are, Jeno muses.

So he turns all of Jaemin’s invites down. This is how it should be, Jeno concludes.

°。°。°。°。°。°

“You’re being terribly unfair to him if we may say so.”

The look in Renjun’s eyes is firm, a complete contrast to how Jeno looks at his best friends every time they ask Jeno if he’d already confessed to the actor: evading and anxious. Jeno believes that as long as all things Jaemin are properly filed away into the deepest corners of his mind, they can be forgotten. But his best friends make it impossible.

“He turns you down once, and you retreat immediately, Jen,” Donghyuck points, as he stuffs his mouth with the chips Renjun and him bought on their way over to Jeno’s. “On second thought, he didn’t turn you down. You didn’t even let the guy hear your heart out, jeez!”

With Jeno caging himself in his room for a good number of weeks, he’s able to come up with additional elements for his game, such as trees and templates for the NPCs and other polygon characters. Naturally, Jeno called Renjun over for his feedback. And naturally too, Renjun dragged Donghyuck along with him, saying that by virtue, Donghyuck provides entertainment for free and therefore must always be dragged along.

“We’re not saying you’re a coward,” Renjun starts, looking up from the sketches of NPCs Jeno handed to him earlier.

“But you’re a coward, Jeno,” Donghyuck finishes with a pop.

“No, I’m not,” Jeno defends with little force, because he knows it’s impossible to win any argument against his best friends, especially when he’s going up against the both of them.

“Then prove it.” The fire in Donghyuck’s eyes is scary; Jeno instinctively knows trouble is brewing. “Invite him to my birthday party tomorrow.”

“Hey!” Renjun and Jeno both exclaim at the same time, albeit for purely different reasons.

“Funny how that head of yours is still useful from time to time and not just for show, Donghyuck-ah,” Renjun muses, tone laced in honey and sarcasm.

Donghyuck rolls his eyes before speaking further, “So what do you say, Super Jen? You feeling brave?”

This has Bad Idea written all over it, just like before, Jeno’s mind tells him.

“But he’s busy lately. And this is a very last-minute request,” Jeno explains, looking at his phone faced-down on his desk.

Donghyuck’s out to get him when he comes for Jeno’s phone and keys in the passcode Jeno willingly divulged with them—Renjun’s You never know when your best friends need to save your life by opening your phone so appears to be coming to bite Jeno hard in the ass now.

Before Jeno could even think, Donghyuck has dialled someone’s contact on his phone and—

“Jaemin? I can call you this right? By extension of Jeno’s friendship?”

Jeno’s about to end one of his best friend’s lives tonight.

“Hey turn loudspeaker on,” Renjun pipes, as he stands up beside Donghyuck. Donghyuck obliges. “Jaemin, you’re on loudspeaker now! This is Renjun, by the way!”

“Oh hey, Renjun! What’s up?”

Warmth creeps up to Jeno’s ears. He missed Jaemin’s voice badly. He missed hearing it in person, hearing him laugh, hearing him whine until Jeno gave in. But he tries his hardest not to show it, in front of his best friends at least.

“Is something wrong? Is Jeno okay?”

Both of his best friends look at Jeno knowingly.

Okay, that’s it. Jeno’s ending both of his best friends lives tonight.

“No, Jeno’s okay. He really is.” Renjun replies soothingly. “He just has something to ask you.”

Jeno grabs the phone the moment they hand it to him. He turns loudspeaker off, half worried of what Jaemin could say further, half worried how he’ll possibly make a fool of himself.

“I’m here.” Jeno thinks he imagines it when he hears a sigh from the other line.

“Yes, you are.” There’s rustling of sheets of paper perhaps, some movement, a change in volume which he muses is from Jaemin transferring his phone from one ear to the other. “How’ve you been?”

Jeno laughs at himself, his breath taken away effortlessly with one simple question from Jaemin.

“Or maybe the right question is,” Jaemin says, “Where have you been?”

Jeno chokes at the question, avoiding the burning stares of his best friends.

“Just, here and there, mostly in my room and the office,” Jeno replies honestly. “You know I still have to work on my game. There’s a lot to improve.”

“Yeah, how can I forget? Nothing gets in between you and your game, of course.” Jaemin’s tone is laced with something Jeno can only identify as jealousy, but Jeno dismisses that thinking it’s impossible—
“But do tell me how may I be of service to you? This call already feels like an honor if I may say so.”

And there it is again. Jaemin making Jeno feel like he’s special. The Jeno from weeks back would have crumbled and perished hearing those words but the Jeno from today is stronger and has something to prove.

“You can totally decline this—” Jeno looks up as his best friends both hissed in unison, “—but Donghyuck is celebrating his birthday tomorrow night over samgyeopsal. It’s just a small crowd. They’re asking if you’d like to come.”

“Only them?”

Jeno chokes, but he’s thankful he got off loudspeaker. Jaemin is so so dangerous to his heart, it’s insane.

“Of course I want you to be there too,” Jeno admits, feeling more foolish than brave.

“Then I’ll be there.” Jaemin responds with conviction. “We’re okay, right, Jeno?”

I hope I will be.

“Yes.” Jeno looks at his best friends, still unaware Jaemin agreed to go, before he continues, “Yes, we’re okay. See you tomorrow, Jaemin.”

His best friends cheer and holler when he tells them Jaemin agreed. He turns back to his laptop to avoid further questioning. Jeno’s always believed he can accomplish anything when he puts his mind to it, especially when he’s got the game plan all figured out. His friends need confirmation that Jaemin doesn’t like him the way they think he does. And although, Jeno has already confirmed that for himself, further proof won’t hurt.

If facing this head on will be the solution once and for all, then Jeno’s more than ready for it.

°。°。°。°。°。°

Jeno’s not ready for it.

He’s not ready once he spots Jaemin wearing a rose satin dress shirt that might not look amazing on other people. But because it’s Jaemin, it does. And Jeno’s breathless again.

“Too much? I’m going for casual,” Jaemin admits. “I want them to like me.”

“But you’ve already met them.” The They already like you remains unspoken.

“Well, nothing wrong with being in perfect form for them, right?”

“Why?” Jeno asks because he can’t help himself, holding the door of his car open for the actor.

“Because they are your friends, Jeno,” Jaemin replies simply. “You’re acting so weird lately.”

He is. Jeno mentally slaps himself, reminds him of his gameplay for tonight:
1. Take Jaemin to his friends
2. Prove them they’re just friends
3. Leave the party unscathed

There’s no need for codes, there are no objects to move around, no points to win, no levels to advance to. Jeno just needs to stick to his game plan. Easy.

Things are truly easier said than done.

The first couple of minutes went by fine. Jaemin sat closely next to Jeno, their thighs touching under the table, even more so with Jaemin cooking the samgyeopsal and galbi handed out to their table. Jeno wanted to stop him, or at least tell Jaemin he doesn’t have to, but Jaemin brushes him off with a smile. His I want them to like me rings loud and clear in Jeno’s head. So Jeno leaves him to it. It was fine.

Sure, Mark exchanged curious glances with him and Donghyuck at first, having met Jaemin for the first time. Renjun soon spoke up, telling Mark to treat Jaemin as if he’s one of them, that Jaemin was no different from them—apart from appearing on an ongoing hit drama on primetime television, Jaemin is perfectly normal. Jaemin shot a blinding smile at Renjun then and subtly nudged Jeno playfully on the arm as if saying Your friends like me Jeno. They truly do. It was still fine. Jeno was fine.

But apparently, the universe or whatever higher form of being up there is out to get Jeno, when he realizes he’s overlooked the possible appearance of some of the people he’s been trying to avoid lately.

“Johnny hyung!” Donghyuck exclaims with glee as Jeno spots Johnny walking towards their table, a box of cake in hand.

Johnny hands Donghyuck his cake saying, “Happy birthday, my protégé!”

Jeno‘s forgotten how Donghyuck and Johnny go way, way back, with Johnny awakening the stage actor spirit in Donghyuck, which had been largely dormant and unknown right before he shifted to the Drama program upon Johnny’s suggestion. But if Johnny’s here, then that means—

“Can’t believe I have to go to Donghyuck’s birthday to see you, Jeno-yah.”

Doyoung walks in, a smiley Jaehyun following closely behind, whose hair is already dyed back to the normal soft brown he’s always sported. Renjun and Donghyuck both scoot over from their respective seats, so that Doyoung and Jaehyun sit directly across from Jeno. And Jaemin.

“Hey pink fairy!” Jaehyun exclaims as he points to Jaemin who he feels tense a bit beside him.

Before Doyoung could even ask, Jaehyun explains for him, as if knowing the older was about to ask. “Remember when Super Jen here took me home to you? I don’t know if you remember that, seeing as I think we disturbed you from your sleep then,” Jaehyun says it all sweetly, as if he hadn’t been too wasted back then and threw up all over Jaemin. “I can’t believe I did that to a celebrity. I hope it isn’t too late yet to apologize?”

“No it’s not. There’s no need. No harm done, really.” Jaemin says, his smile a cross between what he normally flashes on TV and what he normally wears around Jeno’s family and friends. He stands up to extend his hand to shake Jaehyun’s. “I’m Jaemin. And it’s nice to properly meet you.”

“Wow. You’re cool. This is cool.” Jaehyun shakes Jaemin’s hand. “I’m Jaehyun and it’s nice to meet you while I’m sober. Sorry again.”

“You shouldn’t be sorry if he hasn’t returned Jeno’s hoodie yet,” Doyoung bites, putting some of the cooked meat onto his and Jaehyun’s plates.

“Shoot.” Jaemin scratches his snape, but his composure still in check. “I always keep on forgetting.” He turns to Jeno, his hand warm on Jeno’s thigh under the table. “Remind me the next time we meet, okay?”

“I’m Johnny and can I just say, I bet your popularity will skyrocket to household status with City of Angels.” Johnny offers his hand for Jaemin to shake, breaking Jeno’s reverie. Jaemin shakes it. The warmth of his hand on Jeno’s thigh is already missed. “Everyone at work is in love with you.”

And so is Jeno.

Jeno groans inwardly. He didn’t expect the night to go like this.

The hand on his thigh is back, and Jeno burns. “Are you okay? Do you not like how I cooked it? Do you prefer something else?”

Jeno tries to look at Doyoung, Jaehyun and the rest of his friends around them. It seems like they’re all absorbed in their own worlds, wrapping meat on lettuces, feeding them to their respective boyfriends. His daze is broken as Jaemin hands one to him. Jeno takes it right away, afraid Jaemin might feed him.

Jaemin laughs at him, free of inhibition, and for one second Jeno forgets his dilemma, his master plan of moving on from Jaemin. It’s replaced by just Jaemin, Jaemin and Jaemin.

The rest of the evening flies by slower, but also, not as dreadful as Jeno had expected it to be, once he went back to just letting Jaemin be Jaemin, Jeno’s gameplay be damned.

After they sing Donghyuck a Happy Birthday—led in perfect harmony by Renjun and Dejun—and cheer as they watch him blow the candles out on the cake Johnny brought, Doyoung gets back to business.

Doyoung interrogates Jaemin like an attorney in court, with Jaehyun piping in once in a while to break the tension. Jaemin, on the other hand, acts the same way he is, and gracefully counters every remark that Doyoung throws his way. And for most of the night, he talks more than Jeno does, exchanging jokes and compliments with everyone around the table, brandishing his confidence and charm almost like a shield. Jeno could only sit back and watch since Jaemin seems more than capable of holding himself well, even if Doyoung’s clearly out to get him, going as far as grilling him on dating scandals he’s gotten into. Most of them are ones Jeno haven’t even heard of.

Doyoung suddenly asks about some older Japanese actor, to which Jaemin stiffens. He finishes chewing the meat on his mouth before he replies with a short I’ve had my fair share of heartbreaks.

It shouldn’t bother Jeno. It really shouldn’t. But Jaemin’s sudden change in posture tells him it’s a touchy subject. And like all things Jaemin, Jeno’s not sure he’ll ever have the right to ask, apart from what Jaemin has already told him. Jeno’s had just one, but it gutted him to his core. He wonders how Jaemin picked himself up from each of his heartbreaks.

The moment Johnny orders for some soju and makgeolli, the tension finally dies down.

Apart from being one of the designated drivers for the night, Jeno himself doesn’t have a high tolerance, so he keeps his drinking to a minimum. He’s managed to avoid Donghyuck’s playful dares to get hammered as well as Renjun’s stare-downs. Jaemin, on the other hand, seems to be everyone’s target, especially Doyoung’s.

“What do you like about our Super Jen?” Doyoung asks frankly, gesturing for Jaemin to grab a glass for him to pour into, Jaemin’s fifth for their seventh bottle of soju for the night.

“What’s not to like?” Jaemin playfully exclaims as Doyoung pours onto his glass. “He’s the best listener, the best company. When I’m with him, I feel like I’m just myself, Jaemin, and not, you know, Na Jaemin.” Jaemin smiles, looking down at his glass full of soju, before looking at Doyoung to continue. “He’s so so sweet to me without even knowing it. I feel like I got lucky I met him really.”

Jeno’s ears burn. Without thinking, he takes a gulp of soju.

The look on Doyoung’s face tells Jeno he’s thinking about the last time Jeno gave his heart away. Doyoung knows of course, even if Jeno chose to keep the details of the breakup to a minimum, similar to what he had told his best friends. Three people knowing apart from himself is already too much, even if they might not have the complete picture. Talking about things he wanted to forget would give them a chance to turn into something inescapable. So Jeno didn’t.

“Our Super Jen’s heart is pure. Too pure.” Doyoung’s already slurring through his words, but his gaze on Jaemin is threatening. “Don’t break his heart or—” He makes a gesture of slashing his throat with his free hand, “—I’ll end you myself.”

Jaemin downs his drink in one go, clears his throat as he says, “Well, I’ll have to win it first.”

“Win what?” Jeno whispers to Jaemin.

Jeno shouldn’t have asked, because when Jaemin turns to him, eyes a little hazy, Jeno’s mouth goes dry. He braces himself as Jaemin almost falls over him, right arm holding onto Jeno’s shoulder, and Jeno’s hand flying automatically to support Jaemin’s back.

Jaemin giggles, waves his index finger, before pointing smack at Jeno’s chest. “Your heart.”

Jeno’s thankful Jaemin’s already too drunk to process anything. But Jeno isn’t, his heart beating madly as butterflies fill his chest with so much emotion he doesn’t want to acknowledge.

Jaemin sticks to him, inching closer, rosy cheeks coming into view against the lighting of the restaurant, eyes in a drunken daze but still as dazzling as ever, lips pouting seemingly asking to be kissed. The other is a breath away from Jeno’s lips when he whispers.

“I want to win your heart, Jeno.”

Jeno watches his meticulously orchestrated plan crumble into a pile of shattered bricks.

They all say their goodbyes and get into their respective rides a little before midnight.

Doyoung hugs Jeno, whispering a, Maybe Jaemin’s alright, before turning to Jaemin, gesturing an I’ll be watching you with his fingers. Jaehyun takes that as his cue to guide Doyoung and himself away, smiling sweetly at Jeno and Jaemin one last time before heading to his car.

Jeno guides Jaemin to the passenger seat of his car, smiling at the irony of the situation, also silently wishing Jaemin doesn’t go Jaehyun on him. He’s already had a hard time cleaning the puke from last time, thank you very much.

Jaemin’s a very calm, smiley drunk, it seems, only unabashedly staring at Jeno from under his long lashes from time to time. It’s just like sober Jaemin, except drunk Jaemin’s lips are almost extra poutier than normal. Once Jaemin settles in his seat, he looks out the window, humming an unfamiliar melody.

The drive to Jaemin’s apartment building is quiet, save for the random idol songs playing on the radio.

“What if I was an idol instead?” Jaemin’s still looking out the window.

Jeno chuckles. “Is this drunk Jaemin speaking?”

“I’m serious, Jeno.” Jaemin turns to Jeno, half-whining.

“I think you’ll be just as famous, just as loved,” Jeno says simply, just because Jaemin gives him such an impression. “You really like people that much, huh?”

“Sometimes, I just wonder if it’s different when you’re with people,” Jaemin starts, looking back out the window again. “In this field, it gets lonely, you know. I go out often, sure, but they’re not my friends, Jeno. They’re colleagues, business partners. The meetups are fancy meetings and courtesy dinners in disguise. Every encounter is a casting call. And I enjoy it to an extent, don’t get me wrong. I just—” Jeno hears Jaemin sigh “—I want to know what it feels like to share everything with someone. Quickly, as things happen.”

But now you share them with me, Jeno’s mind reasons. Instead he settles for a simple “You’ll fit right in, knowing you.”

Jaemin laughs, still sounding drunk, before turning to look at Jeno. “I can’t believe we’ve only just met this year. You already sound like you know me so much.”

“I could say the same for you,” Jeno says. He makes the mistake of catching the look in Jaemin’s eyes, clear and bright, even with only the moonlight outside shining for them. He decides to turn away and keep his eyes on the road. “All my folks and friends have already fallen in love with you.”

Jaemin turns to look at him. “But have you?”

Jeno should have seen this coming. It was inevitable.

Like all other times, Jeno can’t answer. Jeno’s not sure when he will. He must have looked funny having his internal crisis, for Jaemin breaks into a fit of giggles.

“Hey, why’d you choose acting?” Jeno asks, slightly wondering why they haven’t breached the subject before. He thinks back to when Jaemin asked him about making games being his childhood dream. “Is this all you’ve ever wanted to do? Like you can’t see yourself doing something else? Well, except for being an idol.” That brings out a laugh from the actor.

Once his laughs die down, Jaemin looks out the window, face too angled away for Jeno to get a look at the expression he makes. “Back in middle school I found out that parents were required to watch their child’s performance during plays. So I just knew I had to land roles.” Jaemin heaves a sigh. “I just wanted my parents to come watch me, Jeno.”

Jeno tries to study the features dancing on the other’s face but Jaemin seems intent on keeping it to himself. “So you just grew into liking it?”

“Yes, you could say that,” Jaemin admits, before looking back at Jeno. “I didn’t have that sure dream back then, when everyone wanted to be doctors and teachers and astronauts.” The other shifts in his seat, he’s now staring straight ahead. “But acting, well, it makes you feel you can do anything, be anyone. And I like that feeling.” Jaemin sighs again, but dreamily this time. “I figured might as well do something I like until I eventually figure out what I’m meant to do.”

“Sounds like you’ve already found it,” Jeno pipes.

Jaemin makes a noncommittal hum. “Maybe I did.” Jeno makes the mistake of looking at the other, only to be met with a gaze too fond and overwhelming.

“I found that and more.”

They soon arrive at the Holiday Inn. Jeno can already see Kun walking towards them. Jeno texted the older earlier that he’ll be dropping off Jaemin soon.

Jeno’s about to open his door to help guide Jaemin out when Jaemin tugs on his right arm.

“I’m playing piano after so long for this...” Jaemin looks away for a bit, seemingly shy, lashes fluttering. “This Charity Gala next week. I know you might not like this sort of thing, but—” Jaemin glances at Jeno, hand on Jeno’s arm burning.

Jaemin breathes, “I wanted to ask if you’d come with me.”

Jeno’s sure he’s not drunk when he replies with a short, “Yes. I’ll come with you”. He’s already accepted his defeat when it comes to Jaemin, after all. Might as well go all the way, he thinks.

But Jaemin is ten steps ahead of him, it seems, as he leans in and pecks him on his right cheek. Before Jeno could even process what happened, Jaemin leans in again and pecks him on the other side. Jeno closes his eyes, trying to find his grip on reality. But Jaemin gives him no time to breathe— Jeno feels one more peck on his forehead, on the space between his eyes, then another on the tip of his nose...

The last one leaves Jeno reeling, the scent of soju and makgeolli filling his nostrils. Jeno braves through it as he slowly opens his eyes to find Jaemin watching him.

And even though Jeno’s wearing a thick jacket over one of his favorite shirts made of thick fabric, he feels utterly exposed.

They’re a few breaths apart. Jaemin is so, so close, and Jeno feels himself drowning, not knowing what he must look like to the other.

Jaemin stares at him as if he’s asking for something from Jeno. He makes the mistake of looking down on the other’s lips, and when he looks back up, Jaemin is leaning in again, kissing the corner of his lips this time. Jaemin presses further, mapping Jeno’s lips with his, slowly, as if they have all the time in the world. Jeno’s mind catches up with him when he decides to kiss back. He feels Jaemin smile against his mouth, and when he does so once more he returns it again, and again, and again, his hands making its way to wrap around Jaemin’s neck.

Jaemin’s phone suddenly rings.

In an instant, Jaemin’s lips leave his, but his grasp on Jeno’s arm remains. “Okay, Kun hyung. I’m just saying good night.”

The actor ends the call, grinning at Jeno again before stepping out of the car, his hand finally letting go. Jaemin closes the door and leans at the window by the passenger seat, the lamp post outside illuminating his features, as well as the unabashed adoration in them, directed towards Jeno.

“Will you dream of me tonight, Super Jen?”

Jeno smiles in answer. And Jaemin gives a smile back before turning his back.

As Jeno watches Jaemin’s back disappear into the hotel’s revolving doors, he thinks of Yukhei, the Japanese actor, and all of the other faceless famous people Jaemin might have dated. As Jeno drives home, he tries to stop thinking of everyone else and instead finds his mind reliving the feeling of Jaemin’s lips on his.

Jeno’s making himself a cup of Jasmine Tea when he receives a text from Jaemin, probably the fifth one for that afternoon.

You sure I didn’t try anything else? ??

Feeling a little curious and playful, seeing as he’s normally used to a confident and flirty Na Jaemin, he sends a challenging, What would you have tried doing? as a reply. He swirls his cup and puts it down on the counter, letting the tea leaves steep. Jeno then follows up with a teasing, apart from kissing me more; he blushes despite himself and hits delete as soon as he finishes typing it.

Jeno’s phone buzzes.

I would have kissed you until I lose my breath, of course is Jaemin’s reply.

Jeno feels his ears burn. He then receives another text:

You sure I didn’t try something with my tongue?

Jeno almost spills his tea, re-reading Jaemin’s response. Na Jaemin’s back, he guesses.

Jaemin please don’t is what Jeno sends quickly, still able to replay perfectly the picturesque scene of the good-looking, tall, auburn-haired guy leaning down to peck Jaemin’s cheek. And now, there’s even a Japanese actor in the equation, whose face Jeno doesn’t know, but he’s sure is handsome all the same. Too many variables. Jeno knows he should directly ask Jaemin about all of it one day, but he figures he’s not ready for the other’s answers yet, and all the unspoken words in between. He doesn’t want everything to end yet. Not today. Not just yet.

Jeno sends the defeated-looking emoji, hoping to pacify the meaning of his previous text to Jaemin.

Kidding. is what Jeno receives, a row of winking emojis next to it. He almost tucks his phone back in his pocket, thinking the conversation is done, but he feels it vibrate yet again.

It’s another link to a playlist of piano instrumentals, a different one from what he sent before. He receives one more message again.

Something that will get me through the days until we see each other again. ^_^

°。°。°。°。°。°

The lights are dim when Jaemin steps into the stage.

His caramel brown hair, artfully tousled for this performance, softly frames his face. His perfectly ironed black suit complements the lilac turtleneck he’s wearing underneath. His sun-kissed skin glows under the spotlight. There’s a wave of pride that washes over Jeno, knowing that Jaemin is indeed the most beautiful person in the room.

As soon as the actor’s fingers touch the keys, Jeno loses himself in the music, Yiruma’s River Flows In You.

He’s been listening to the playlist Jaemin sent him, and Jeno being Jeno, he soon grows accustomed to the major progressions of some of the pieces. It also proved to be a helpful selection of songs, soothing his nerves every time he did his codes. And when Jeno asked Jaemin what piece he’d be playing for the Gala, a few days before, the younger guy had only sent him starry-eyed emojis, saying Jeno should wait like everyone else.

In the end, Jeno gave in to his curiosity and searched videos of Jaemin playing the piano. Surprisingly, Jeno only found around three results, one of which wasn’t related at all, and the other two videos showed a younger Jaemin posing for the camera as his fingers danced over the keys of an old grand piano. Jeno had laughed to himself then, thinking that perhaps waiting really wouldn’t hurt.

The piece starts as slow as Jeno recalls it.

It takes its time to weave the story it wants to tell, until it reaches its first climax—the song becomes faster, more passionate. It’s fiercer, and with every chord, Jeno drowns.

As the music dips in the middle, he focuses on Jaemin, whose lashes flutter beautifully under the spotlight. Jeno’s breath hitches.

The second part of the piece begins, progressing similarly to how it began. There’s patience and understanding as it paints the same story again.

As it hits its second climax, the feeling of familiarity washes over him. There’s that confession again, louder, with more conviction than earlier.

From the excitement, it then wanes down, repeating the first few notes of the piece as if it reassures that the feeling is real and mutual. There’s contentment and peace.

When the song ends, Jaemin stands up to bow, beaming at the crowd, his eyes searching for someone. Jeno blushes at the thought, knowing he’s getting too ahead of himself, but still holds onto the hope that Jaemin would see him.

Jaemin doesn’t see him, of course. Jeno’s too far from where Jaemin’s standing.

As the actor heads backstage, all bright smiles for the crowd, Jeno starts thinking of a backup plan, a contingency for when he falls too deeply for someone that’s almost too good to be true.

Jaemin joins him for the second half of the performances.

The actor shakily whispers a How was I? Hope I wasn’t too rusty up there. Jeno whispers back a You did great, Jaemin. The crowd loves you, his smile proud and reassuring. The grin Jaemin gives back is blinding even in the dark, his eyes laced with relief as he mouths, I guess you’re my lucky charm, Jeno-yah. I’m glad you came.. Jeno finishes with a Me, too, before they both turned their attention back to the gayageum performance of what Jeno remembers to be Falling Slowly.

Even after months of seeing Jaemin, dining with him, talking with him, everything still feels surreal to Jeno. Especially now, where Jeno feels out of place. Even with Jaemin beside him, smiling at him from time to time, as if Jeno belongs in his world.

As the gayageum quartet reaches the climax of their piece, his hand yearns to hold Jaemin’s. He wants to envelope it with his warmth, wants to confess that It took me this long, but I’m here now. Jeno wants to know if Jaemin will smile once his fingers move to intertwine with his.

Jeno doesn’t dare try.

It’s a little past nine in the evening when a tall, smiley guy wearing a long sleeved red dress shirt approaches him in his corner just near the balcony.

Jeno’s hiding place is far from the rich array of catered food, far from the extravagant mahogany tables, luxurious couches and larger-than-life chandeliers, far from all the fanfare and chatter. He tried to mimic the perfectly still potted plants near him, not wanting to attract unnecessary attention. And yet.

“Mind if I join you, Jeno-ssi?”

Tall smiley guy introduces himself as Liu Yangyang; the name sounds familiar to Jeno. He introduces himself in kind, extending his hand to shake Yangyang’s.

“I don’t know if he’ll deny it, but I’m Jaemin’s best friend,” Yangyang says with a smile. “Well, he is my best friend, at least. Not too sure if it’s still mutual, seeing as Superstar Nana is getting too busy to meet with me now.”

Jaemin’s told him stories about Yangyang, not too detailed ones, but enough for Jeno to paint a picture of Jaemin’s favorite confidante, the one friend who Jaemin swears to have known him the most. Like Jaemin, Yangyang started out as a model, but he eventually branched out into variety, both in South Korea and back in China, his home country. He’s still modelling presently as he’s always booked in fashion weeks across Europe. Jeno remembers the proud smile on the actor’s lips every time he tells Jeno about his best friend.

“Jaem was amazing earlier, wasn’t he?” Yangyang asks.

Jeno distinctively feels he’s being baited, but he’s not feeling too talkative tonight. Unknowingly, his grip around his glass of Rosé has tightened. He then settles for a nod.

“I told him he had nothing to worry about, seeing as he keeps on missing out on my invites to practice playing the piano again,” the model narrates. “There are some things you cannot completely unlearn, anyways.”

Jeno’s gaze heads towards Jaemin’s direction on autopilot. Jaemin’s still happily chatting with a group of older men clad in polished suits. A small girl in a simple cocktail dress and a tall dark-haired guy dressed in a dark maroon suit approaches them. Jeno squints as he studies the tall dark-haired guy, his face familiar to Jeno.

“Wong Yukhei,” Yangyang announces, lips pressed into a thin line. “Jaemin’s recent heartbreak.”

Jeno’s eyes slightly widen at that. He turns to Yangyang, who’s already looking at Jeno, seemingly gauging Jeno’s reaction.

“I think I’ve seen him somewhere before.” Jeno tries to recount the last couple of weeks, and then it hits him. He turns to look at Yukhei, assessing if he’s really the tall auburn-haired guy that has been plaguing Jeno’s mind every time he thinks back to him and Jaemin kissing on the night of Donghyuck’s birthday. “I’ve seen him before, alright.” He tastes a hint of jealousy on his tongue, slightly acidic.

“You shouldn’t be worried about him if I were you,” Yangyang starts, eyes following Jeno’s line of sight. Yukhei is bending down as Jaemin happily whispers something into his ear. “They’ll always have history sure, but—” Yangyang looks at Jeno, then leans close to Jeno’s ear, as if he’s about to tell a secret “—he’s not the one on Jaemin’s phone right now.”

Yangyang finishes with a wink before drawing back. Jeno almost chokes on the glass of Rosé he’s drinking.

“I mean it though,” Yangyang says, raising an eyebrow in concern. “This industry can be pretty small, so sometimes we have no power over who we will be working with.”

Huh?

“Jeno.”

He doesn’t need to look up to know the owner of that voice. Even so, he stills, sipping from his glass of Rosé.

“Ya,” Jaemin playfully taunts as he comes in between Jeno and Yangyang, the actor’s hand briefly making its way on Jeno’s back. No pressure, but it lingers. “What have you been telling him, Yangliu?”

“I’ve only told him nice things about you, Jaem,” Yangyang sweetly says. “Besides it’s not like Jeno here will magically change his mind about you.”

Before Jeno could even open his mouth to ask the model what he means, Yangyang leaves them, whispering a Catch up with you soon, Superstar! to Jaemin, and to him, a playful I’m just an Instagram DM away in case you’ll be having problems with this one. He watches as the model waltz away from them to join a nearby crowd.

“Whatever he told you, he probably exaggerated, I’m sure of it,” Jaemin tells him. His hand still rests on Jeno’s back. The warmth somehow anchors Jeno; in the midst of being surrounded by faces and faces of unfamiliar people, in an unfamiliar place.

“We didn’t talk about much,” Jeno answers, voice a little rough from being unused for most of the night. “He seems like a cool person.” The I’m glad you have him as a friend. goes unsaid, seeing as Jeno finds it overstepping to provide commentary on Jaemin’s relationships.

“Are you tired, Jen?” His nickname sounds foreign on Jaemin’s lips. Though it’s not unwelcome, it still catches Jeno off-guard.

“Do you want us to go home?” Jaemin asks again. Something akin to worry swims in the actor’s eyes. Jeno doesn’t understand it. Jeno doesn’t understand him.

Jeno smiles at him weakly, hoping Jaemin takes it as a good enough response. The actor complies. Jeno watches the other’s retreating back as he moves in the room to bid his goodbyes and necessary apologies to Kun, Yangyang and presumably some of their agency’s executives for leaving before the party ended.

Once he sees Jaemin approach the crowd with Yukhei in it, Jeno looks away.

The ride home to Incheon is quiet.

Jaemin indulges him in a conversation or two, before sensing Jeno’s indifference.

Soon, they reach Jeno’s stop, a few blocks away from the noodle shop, exactly where Jaemin is normally fetched by his driver every time the actor drops by.

“Thanks for the ride. And for inviting me tonight,” Jeno starts dismissively, right hand already at the door. “Good luck with the rest of your filming.”

“Hey.” Jaemin’s hand grabs him by his left arm, worry swimming in his eyes again. “We’re okay, right, Jeno?”

Some form of an answer sits there at the back of Jeno’s mind, but it’s a fragmented, convoluted thing, and it clogs up Jeno’s throat and renders him unable to speak. The moment he starts to acknowledges this, the moment he starts to put a name to whatever he’s feeling, to breathes this gnawing, painful uncertainty into existence—it will be the moment all of this falls apart. Jeno’s certain of it. And he doesn’t want that. He doesn’t. Not yet. Not tonight.

Jeno rests his right hand on top of Jaemin’s, squeezing it. He surprises himself further when he says, “We’re okay, Jaemin.”

The look Jaemin gives him is undecipherable, but his hold on Jeno’s arm loosens. It’s Jeno’s opening to leave. He smiles at Jaemin one last time before stepping out of the car.

“Why is it hard to tell me what you really feel, Jeno?”

The humid evening air of summer envelopes him, sticking to him like second skin as he walks to the noodle shop with heavy steps and a heavier heart.

°。°。°。°。°。°

“Aren’t you gonna get that?”

Jeno reaches his phone, Jaemin’s caller ID glaring back at him from the screen. He sighs and shoves his phone inside his drawer, hoping the heavy downpour from outside drowns the incessant ringing.

It’s been a couple of weeks since he last saw Jaemin. Between the last minute re-runs of Candle Light and their artists’ and animators’ initial construction of Incheon’s bests in his game, which still remains untitled, Jeno has, he thinks, successfully kept himself preoccupied. The summer rains in the evening keep him company, as he either works overtime or stays up late until the wee hours of the morning, busying himself on work he takes home. He’s gotten too busy that he’s even excused himself from hanging out with Renjun and Donghyuck.

Work yourself to death and you might die alone for real, little brother, Sungkyung had said to him once. I’m glad you have Jaemin at least.

The undecipherable look Jaemin gave him on the night of the gala sometimes comes to him in flashes. The lingering touches, the lingering looks, and all of the actor’s actions that can mean one thing or another—Jeno can’t afford to make assumptions, not this time, and so he doesn’t.

But Jaemin is Jaemin, and work is work. He has a timeline to follow, deadlines to meet. Everything outside of it can wait.

He still replies to Jaemin, of course, but he limits all forms of communication with text messages. He’s turned down dinner invites, even simple calls, always saying he’s too busy to talk. Which he is.

Strangely enough, Jaemin doesn’t seem to mind it. In fact, Jaemin’s texts suddenly become brief and stilted. And when Jeno replies with something dismissive, Jaemin no longer fights it with his aegyo. Jeno thinks Jaemin must have taken the hint, and decided to contact him less upon Jeno’s multiple rejections. That, or maybe he must have gotten tired of Jeno already, the fascination in the normalcy of Jeno’s company already waning down. The possibilities are endless, and it’s much more complex than anything Jeno’s ever coded in his life.

“Trouble in paradise?” Guanheng asks, eyes shifting from Jeno to Jeno’s drawer. “We can take a break, you know. You look like you need it.”

Jeno almost hisses at the older, but holds back. He’s not pleased with the unsolicited advice from his least favorite person in the office, but he tries to keep things professional. “It’s still work hours, Guanheng-ssi. Where’s the script I have to run?”

Guanheng looks at him knowingly before giving Jeno the parts he’s assigned to re-check.

Nothing really changes in his demeanor at work or at home, as far as he knows. But apparently, according to Mark and even Chaewon, one of the animators who rarely comment on people’s behavior at the office, has been saying that Jeno’s been a little cold, even colder than his usual demeanor. Even little Haneul calls him out on it once, pouting at Jeno for not teaching her tricks on playing the newest 2D adventure game she’s into nowadays. Haneul sighed defeatedly then, mumbling Did you have a fight with Jaemin oppa? I miss him, which automatically thawed Jeno’s sour mood.

I miss him too, he wanted to say to her, but he settled for a gentle ruffle across his little cousin’s hair, giving her and her new favorite game his full attention for an hour so.

Still, Jeno makes no move and maintains laser-like focus on work. He needs to pour all of his attention to what’s real, to what’s right in front of him.

Because even if Jeno’s been entranced for months now, he knows what it feels like to be a side character, a temporary existence, transient and unmemorable. He’s never been quite magnetic enough to become a fixture of great importance in someone else’s life. Why would he suddenly become one now?
He knows he’s no match to Yukhei, the mysterious older Japanese actor, or any of the co-stars Jaemin either dated for real or had a casual fling with.

Jeno knows this, is sure how this will all fare. So rather than an abrupt ending, he chooses the slower, quieter way out.

And it seems Jaemin might have finally chosen it too.

°。°。°。°。°。°

The sky is a dark gravel gray as Jeno drives home one night in the middle of July.

He’s nearing the shop when he views his unopened voicemails. It turns out he’s got five, three of them from his mom and two of them from Sungkyung. It seems like his mom forgot to tell him beforehand that she’s visiting some of their relatives in Jeonju, Sungkyung having accompanied her to the airport earlier. The remaining ones are from Sungkyung telling Jeno she’s staying over at a friend’s, who need help with their exhibit; the other is an aegyo-filled, Wish you’ll survive overnight without our cooking, Super Jen! which makes Jeno cringe to his toes.

Before he can even reply, he notices a slight movement by the porch. Jeno slowly makes his way to the entrance, the rain rhythmically beating against his yellow umbrella.

It shouldn’t have come as a surprise to Jeno when he sees a familiar tall figure hunched by the noodle shop’s entrance as if he’s peering into the glass door.

Jeno’s feet move on their own, quickly but careful against the harsh pitter patter of the rain on the pavement. His lips call out before he can even process it, “Jaemin.”

Jaemin’s back straightens into its normal posture as he whips around, a relieved smile on his face as he closes the distance between him and Jeno. The actor stands under the tiny roof by the porch, but it’s clear he’s drenched, if his damp bangs and the sagging hood of his jacket are of any indication.

“Surprise, surprise,” Jaemin says, smile sheepish. “I was gonna call, but then I figured you might stop me from coming.”

Jeno’s grip on his yellow umbrella remain firm, but he leans it a bit forward in case Jaemin decides to step closer. “Sorry, I’ve just been—”

“Busy with your game, I know, I know,” Jaemin says nonchalantly, stepping forward taking shelter in Jeno’s umbrella. “I just missed hanging out with Incheon’s prince.”

“Have you been waiting long?” Jeno’s ears feel warm when he asks his question, but he persists, wanting to drive home a point. “What if I decided to go home later? Jaemin, we have phones for a reason.”

“That’s ironic coming from you,” Jaemin chastises him but his face grows fonder as he inches closer to Jeno’s. “I just want to celebrate with one of my favorite people in the world.”

Jeno raises an eyebrow, watching Jaemin’s face transform into one thankful glee. Within a second, Jaemin has his arms around him, his face smushed into Jeno’s shoulder. Jeno feels a wet patch on his shoulder. He’s unsure if it’s from the rain or something else, until he hears Jaemin gently whisper to him:

“I got in, Jeno. I got the role.”

Chapter Text

Jeno’s dad died of a heart attack when he was five.

He doesn’t remember much, apart from following Sungkyung around during the wake and standing next to their mom when needed. Soojin ahjumma and Donghyuck stayed with them for the entirety of the wake, with Renjun and his folks dropping in almost everyday.

Apart from them, Jeno can’t remember all the other faces that expressed their condolences.

The only truly vivid memory Jeno has of that time was days later, after the funeral, when he woke up to the sound of his mom crying in the kitchen. Sungkyung had slept over at a friend’s house, to which their mom agreed. It’s good you have friends to turn to in times like these. Home can be more than just one place, she had said.

Jeno had walked to the kitchen, with the light still on, welcomed by the sight of his mom sitting at the dining table, sipping from her bowl of ramyun. She wiped her tears away before picking him up and sitting him on one of the chairs. There wasn’t much fanfare, compared to the animated antics of his dad when he did it with him.

She asked if Jeno wanted some or anything, offering a weak smile. Being the quiet kid Jeno was, he said nothing and just kept on watching his mom as she finished the rest of her ramyun in silence.

It’s not until years later that he learned they were supposed to move houses somewhere in Jeonju, where his Dad had wanted to open up a noodle shop, just because they couldn’t find a decent place in Incheon that time.

Luckily, together with the help of Soojin ahjumma and their other relatives, his mom persevered to turn the first floor of their house into a noodle shop. There were fewer tables and chairs then, but Jeno remembers his mom being so happy.

There’s no other place I’d rather fulfill his dreams in.

°。°。°。°。°。°

“Is instant ramyun your response to everything?”

They’re in a convenience store to celebrate Jaemin landing his role. The downpour outside has started to wane, with the raindrops trickling gently against the glass pane.

“I’m beginning to think instant ramyun is your level of expertise, Jeno,” Jaemin continues, lips moist from the broth of his ramyun. “Next to your precious codes or whatever.”

“Why do you hate my codes so much?” Jeno asks, humoring the actor beside him, accusatory, pointing his chopsticks at the actor. “What have they ever done to you, Jaemin-ah?”

“They’re my greatest rival,” Jaemin easily says as he slurps more of his noodles, voice sounding whinier with every syllable. “We’ve been at it for over fifty episodes now. The most excruciating makjang in the history of makjangs.”

Jeno lets out a laugh, probably his loudest one in the past couple of days. He feels his whole body shaking. He stops his glasses from falling off his face and puts down his chopsticks for fear he may spill his ramyun.

They eventually fall back into their normal groove as Jaemin tells him the apparent extension of City of Angels by two episodes on top of its sixteen-episode run, due to public demand. The happiness in Jaemin’s face continues to radiate as he tells Jeno about not believing the various love calls he’s getting to film various commercials. They want me to film a fried chicken CF, Jeno. That’s like the dream, Jaemin exclaims dreamily. I’ll be sending you boxes and boxes of fried chicken one day, just you wait for it, Jeno-yah. Meanwhile, Jeno tells Jaemin about the upcoming Expo in Seoul, and how, even though he dislikes Guanheng so much, he’s excited for his officemate officially presenting his brainchild to the world.

“What’s your beef with this Guanheng guy anyways?” Jaemin asks him, tearing the packaging of his Melona ice cream bar. It’s the mint chocolate chip one he likes. “Don’t tell me he’s my rival, too.”

Jeno laughs at that, before his mind replays the end of his year of internship at Dream Labs, and how Guanheng didn’t intern at all but was instantly everyone’s favorite—including Baekhyun’s—at his first week of work, which coincidentally coincided with Jeno’s first week as a probationary employee.

“He’s not an awful person, really.” Jeno tears his own strawberry-flavored Melona bar open, briefly thinking about Jaemin’s pink locks on the day they met. “I just can’t help but feel I was replaced somehow, with someone shinier. And it can’t be helped, I guess, since the guy is always smiling like he’s proud of his sparkly front teeth.”

He feels a pinch in his cheek. “Ow.” He looks up to Jaemin, leveling his gaze with a smile.

“You’re cute even when you sulk,” Jaemin says. “It’s unfair.”

You’re the one being unfair Jeno’s mind retaliates, but his lips come up with nothing, settling for a sigh.

“Maybe you should smile more too. Blind them with it,” Jaemin offers casually, grinning. “I like it when you smile.”

Jeno stills, feeling warmth creep up to his cheeks. “I like it when you smile too.”

The look on the actor’s face tells him he wasn’t expecting to hear that. But Jaemin breaks into a smile nonetheless.

“Why haven’t you dated after Heejin, Jeno?”

Jaemin’s question rings loud and clear amidst the pitter-patter of the raindrops outside. If Jeno closes his eyes, he can take himself back to three years before, when the rain outside was harsher, but not as harsh as the hopelessness that swallowed Jeno whole that night.

“I just never got the chance to, uhm—” Jeno clicks his tongue. “Meet new people again. That’s it.”

“You answered the how Jeno, not the why.”

Jeno smiles weakly, lowering his eyes. “Not jumping into something won’t hurt you.”

Jaemin remains quiet, and Jeno takes it as his cue to continue, “I just learned from before. That’s just it.”

Jeno then feels a squeeze on his hand. “More people won’t have the chance to get to know you either, and everything under the surface.”

Jeno looks up to Jaemin’s eyes, and feels himself drowning in the warmth in them.

Jaemin’s hand then leaves his as easily as it came. Jeno misses the warmth.

“But I can’t argue with you, really, it’s—” Jaemin bites his lip, a hint of his nervousness showing. He looks outside from the glass of the store “—perfectly normal to avoid things so we won’t get hurt again.”

The actor’s tone is somber, gaze unreadable before looking back at Jeno. “It’s like you’re just always wondering if one day, the people who claimed to like you, or could come to like you, might wake up and realize, they’ve found another person they liked better,” Jaemin says wistfully. “And then you’re out of their life, just like that.”

It makes Jeno wonder of the skeletons in Jaemin’s closet, be it in his career or outside of it. He wonders if he can ever completely soothe away Jaemin’s worries. He wonders if he’s allowed to.

“So you have your own Guanhengs too, huh?” Jeno tries with the intention of making the mood a little lighter.

“Bring him up one more time and I’ll totally believe you’re secretly in love with him.”

Jeno laughs. “I’m not.”

“But you like someone right now?” Suddenly, Jaemin has inched closer, waiting for his reply. Jeno’s heart gets stuck in his throat.

“Is this someone driving you a little too crazy that you can’t think of a title for your game yet?”

“That’s a foul.” Jeno laughs weakly, feeling the other hit the nail on that one. “I’ve written down names and tried to put them together but somehow they don’t feel right.”

“Maybe you’re overthinking, you know,” Jaemin says as-a-matter-of-factly, leaning back a little. “Like what you did before choosing Incheon for your game?”

Jaemin may have a point, Jeno thinks. “Then what do you suggest I do? How do I come up with the perfect title?” He orients his body in way that he’s completely facing the other. “If you’re in my shoes, what will you name your game as, Jaemin-ah?”

“Easy.” Jaemin smiles as he mirrors Jeno, body completely facing him too as he leans forward, clothed knees touching and caging his. “I’ll just think of my favorite things.”

“Like what?”

“Acting.”

“What else?”

“And food.”

“Only food?”

“And Incheon.”

“Really now?”

“And you—”

“Jeno oppa?”

Jeno and Jaemin both jump, distancing from each other. Jeno turns to look at who called him.

The girl gasps, “It is you!”

It’s Wonyoung, one of students Jeno used to tutor before he started his internship at Dream Labs. He smiles at her. “Hello, Wonyoung-ah.”

“It’s been so long since I saw you, oppa,” Wonyoung exclaims, eyes twinkling. In his periphery, Jeno sees Jaemin paying attention to him and Wonyoung’s interaction. “I heard from Heejin unnie that you got the job in the company you wanted to work for.”

“Yes. I did,” Jeno says. “And I’m still working for them now. Make sure to download the game I’m making once it’s out. I’m working hard on it.”

“Of course! That’s a given. I hope you find some time to watch the production I’ll be in too,” Wonyoung says, some shyness mixed in her bold invitation. “It’s just a small role but I’m really excited about it.”

“Send me the details and I’ll clear my schedule for you,” Jeno promises with a smile.

“Sure, oppa.” Wonyoung smiles wider, before turning to Jaemin. “He can come too, if he wants.”

“That’s nice of you, Wonyoung,” Jaemin says, shifts to sit in his seat properly. “I’m—“

“Na Jaemin,” Wonyoung finishes.

Jeno and Jaemin exchange glances.

“Unnie filled me in on the, uh—“ Wonyoung grins. “—details. And I told her I’ll believe it when I see it.”

“And do you?” Jaemin chimes in, hands on his lap as he braces himself slightly forward. “Do you believe it?”

“I believe it, alright. Doesn’t mean I support it,” Wonyoung boldly says with a smile. Jeno could almost sense Jaemin flinching before Wonyoung breaks into a fit of giggles. “Just kidding. Not sure if you’re prettier than unnie—” Wonyoung scans Jaemin from head to toe “—but you’re a pretty decent actor. You’re actually holding your own very well against Ong Seongwu and The Kwon Eunbi.”

Jaemin looks like a deer caught in headlights before he breaks into an easy smile, albeit one that’s partly shy. “Thank you.”

“Our teacher uses your performance as a reference sometimes,” Wonyoung narrates, gesturing with her empty hand that’s not holding a basket. “We’re all waiting for the episode next week.”

“Everyone knows Seongwu oppa’s going to end up with Eunbi unnie’s character but—” Wonyoung leans forward as if she’s telling Jaemin and Jeno a secret “—we’re all kinda rooting for your character.”

Jaemin’s at a loss for words, a faint blush appearing on his sun-kissed cheeks. He somehow recovers and chokes out, “Thank you, really. It’s nice to know people are actually rooting for the character I’m playing.”

Jeno wonders how often does Jaemin get complimented for him to react as if it’s his first time hearing one. “She’s taking up acting now,” Jeno says, thinking it’s relevant information for Jaemin. “I remember how she went on and on about how she doesn’t know how math and trigonometry will be useful for her in her future career.”

“Unfortunately, I still have a basic college math class. I’m actually sleeping over at a friend’s now because we have a problem set due tomorrow,” she explains with a pout. “I told her I’m buying us snacks so I think it’s best to get back to her.”

“Do you want us to accompany you home?” Jeno asks.

“No need, oppa,” Wonyoung declines with a smile. “It’s just a block away from here I swear. And besides—” She shifts her eyes to Jaemin then back to Jeno again. “—I don’t wanna intrude.”

“Jeno’s right,” Jaemin says, making a move to clean his and Jeno’s empty cups. “We insist, Wonyoung-ssi.”

As they arrive at their destination, Jeno finds out it’s the Once production by Dejun and Donghyuck’s theater company that Wonyoung will be starring in. Wonyoung hums a smiley, Good night! It’s a shame you found someone new but invite me to your wedding, Jeno-oppa, before going inside her friend’s house.

Jaemin nudges him by the elbow, and Jeno’s suddenly aware of their proximity due to sharing Jeno’s yellow umbrella. “Is she her sister?”

“Cousin,” Jeno easily answers, as they both start walking back to the noodle shop. Jaemin just hums in acknowledgement as they fall into step together under Jeno’s yellow umbrella.

“She’s got a crush on you, you know, probably likes you more than her cousin does at this point,” Jaemin says, casually linking his arms with Jeno’s. “I got another rival to add to my growing list. A fellow thespian at that.”

Jeno laughs. It joins the sound of the gentle raindrops tapping on his umbrella.

“I can’t believe the whole of Incheon is in love with you, Jeno-yah,” Jaemin says dramatically, his other hand coming to rest on his hand that’s linked with Jeno’s. “I’ve got so much competition. I have to work harder.”

He starts to remember his conversation with his best friends; his mind begins to dwell on Renjun’s, Jaemin isn’t her, Jeno. Not everyone will be. Jeno feels something get lifted off of his chest as he lets his best friend’s words sink in.

Before he knows what he’s doing, Jeno’s left hand moves to cover Jaemin’s. He opts for a squeeze. Jeno wants to talk to the actor longer, spend more time with him. Courage seeps through his veins with every passing second before he asks, “Do you want to stay the night?”

Jaemin halts from walking, making Jeno pause as well. The actor turns to him, surprise coloring his features, before it turns to mischief, bordering on something dangerous. “Are you asking what I think you’re asking? And you’re not using ramyun this time since we just ate.”

Jeno catches onto what Jaemin might be thinking and stiffens, retracting his left hand from resting on top of Jaemin’s. “It’s just getting late and you might be tired already. I don’t mean it like—”

“I don’t even know what you’d like, oh God—”

“Hey!”

“We haven’t even done much kissing.”

“Jaemin!”

The laugh Jaemin lets out warms his heart; Jeno realizes it’s now one of his favorite sounds.

“Yes, Jeno,” Jaemin beams at him, reaching out to place back Jeno’s left hand on top of his. “I would like to stay the night.”

“Okay. Cool,” Jeno says lamely, choosing to look ahead as they resume walking, still in sync. A few steps in and he gives in, trying to steal a glance at Jaemin who he catches looking at him. “Hey, eyes on the road. You might trip over something.”

“No point in warning me. I’ve already fallen over and can’t get up,” Jaemin says smoothly. “But I’m happy to know I’m not the only one.”

“Would you tone it down, Jaemin-ah,” Jeno pleas. Jaemin just lets out a giggle.

The rest of their walk back home is quiet, casual, with Jaemin’s arms still linked with his all the while as the latter tells him some silly things he remembers that happened on set. Somehow, it doesn’t feel strange to Jeno.

Between the street lights reflecting in the raindrops like specks of gold against the night sky and Jaemin’s arm tucked comfortably with his, Jeno’s never felt warmer.

It stops raining when they arrive home. Jeno gives Jaemin clothes and a towel. He lets Jaemin use his bathroom and uses the one in his sister’s bedroom. Jeno takes his time on the shower, going through all the decisions he’s made from earlier that day that led to this very moment. He lets out a breath he doesn’t know he’s been holding before stepping out of the shower.

When he walks into his bedroom, he’s welcomed by the view of a bare-faced Jaemin wearing his white shirt and pajamas, perched on his bed, his honey brown hair wet and messy. Jaemin looks up from his phone and beams at him.

“Wow.” Jaemin exclaims. “Has anyone ever told you how handsome you look without your glasses, Jeno?”

Jeno feels his cheeks burn and he hesitates before answering, “Heejin did.”

“Of course, she did. No surprise there, really,” Jaemin says casually as he pats the spot next to him, placing down his phone. Jeno follows the movement. “I’m more surprised no one else did. But hey, whatever. It’s their loss, right?” Jeno looks up to Jaemin’s flirtatious smile before the other starts to dry his hair with the towel Jeno gave him.

“Can I see your phone?” Jeno asks absentmindedly.

Jaemin hums a Sure, and hands Jeno his phone before going back to drying his hair.

Jeno’s not sure if he’s relieved that Jaemin’s lockscreen is a samoyed. Jeno doesn’t recall Jaemin having any pets. “I need to unlock it.”

Jaemin snickers as he takes his phone for a moment and returns it to Jeno. “If that’s what you wanted to see.”

Jaemin’s lockscreen is an unfamiliar picture of a very familiar day. It’s Jeno, smiling wide, as he blows on the candles on his birthday cake. It’s a memory that Jeno’s sure only lasted for a second because of how slightly blurry it is. It’s a fleeting moment. Too candid, too personal.

“Why?” Jeno says, not knowing what else to ask.

“It’s a nice photo. Why can’t I use it?”

“Someone might get the wrong idea,” Jeno replies quickly and dries his own hair, avoiding Jaemin’s eyes as much as possible.

“Instead of asking me about it, why don’t we talk about more pressing matters at hand?” Jaemin drops the towel, facing Jeno to look at him inquisitively. “Like you avoiding me like a plague, for example. What’s up with that?”

Jeno almost thought Jaemin is gonna let it pass. He continues to dry his hair in silence, hoping the topic dies before it even begins.

“Already sick of me, is that it?”

“No. That’s not—” Jeno stills his movements, turning to face Jaemin. He sees a hint of wariness in Jaemin’s gaze. “You replied less too,” Jeno finishes lamely.

“Wow, didn’t think you noticed,” Jaemin easily says back. “For the record, it’s hard when you’re talking to someone who seems to have gotten tired of talking to you.”

“Jaemin, it’s not like that—”

“Then tell me what happened so we can sort it out. If it’s something I said, then tell me too. It sucks being in the dark, Jeno.”

Jeno laughs humorlessly at that—they are sitting on his bed with only the lamp light on.

“This is not supposed to be funny,” Jaemin says with a pout. He tosses his towel aside.

Jeno takes it and hangs it along with his own towel inside the bathroom.

“Hey,” Jaemin calls out as Jeno plops back down on his bed beside him. “It’s Yukhei, isn’t it? What did Yangyang tell you about him?”

Jeno stays quiet, opting to flatten his palms on the mattress, trying to anchor himself against the wave of Jaemin’s honesty.

Jeno’s gut tells him, Fuck it. “Are you seeing him?”

“Not anymore. I liked him a little too much. But we broke up. I broke up with him on the night we met, Jeno. He wanted to talk more, but I ran from him and ran into you.”

Jeno keeps his head down, taking in this new information. On the outside, he remains stoic and silent, but his mind is working overtime. He moves down to the next question in his list: “The Japanese actor?”

Jaemin sighs before speaking up, “Was my first love. Hansol hyung, who is not Japanese. I don’t know how people came up with that. He got back with his childhood friend and moved to Sapporo for good. I never even got the chance to tell him I liked him.”

Jeno makes the mistake of looking up. Jaemin’s eyes are peering right into his very soul, bare and waiting.

Jaemin grins. This time, his smile reaches his eyes. “Any more questions for me?” he teases.

Jaemin looks like the sun. Jeno can’t look away even if he wants to.

“You can always know it directly from the most reliable source,” Jaemin says. His hand finds its way to rest on top of Jeno’s own. “All you have to do is ask, Jeno.”

Jeno is rendered speechless, breathless. Jeno’s not sure if he deserves Jaemin’s honesty, his heart.

There’s a beat of silence.

One.

Two.

Then, Jeno feels the squeeze in his hand as Jaemin leans all the way in, invading Jeno’s space.

“So no one else really told you that you look handsome without your glasses?”

Jeno can only nod in response, too overwhelmed with his proximity with Jaemin. He can count the other’s eyelashes.

“Have you considered wearing contact lens?”

Jeno nods again.

“Will you let me tag along when you do buy them?”

And another nod.

“Please tell me you want to kiss me as much as I want to kiss you.”

Jaemin’s voice is too gentle. Too gentle for Jeno’s weak heart.

Jaemin leans in further, a breath away from Jeno’s lips, when he whispers, “Can I?”

It’s a timid plea, stripped of the usual charm Jaemin effortlessly uses. It’s raw and it makes Jeno’s insides burn. He wants.

Everything slows down as he nods, granting Jaemin permission, his own small step forward in this battle he’s about to lose.

Jaemin leans in and kisses him slowly, one hand making its way to Jeno’s waist, one hand still cupping Jeno’s cheek. He’s holding Jeno as if he’s fragile. With every press, with every gentle caress, Jeno burns. When Jeno kisses back, he makes sure to press his lips onto the other’s just as hard, just as passionate. He tries to give as much as he takes.

In a matter of moments, Jaemin pushes him down, their lips still connected, breaths mingling with each other.

Jaemin kisses his way to Jeno’s neck, stops at the tender base of his neck before peppering it again with delicate kisses. Jeno’s world spins as he drowns in the overwhelming attention Jaemin is giving him.

A moan escapes from Jeno’s lips when Jaemin bites his neck.

And when Jaemin hears it, he stills completely to look at Jeno from under his lashes. Through the open window, the moonlight streaming from outside illuminates all the beauty and adoration in Jaemin’s features.

“Nana,” Jeno tries to say, too starstruck, too lovestruck. One of his hands makes it way to settle over Jaemin’s chest. He feels it: the other’s heart beats in sync with his. Jeno files it as another favorite sound of his, in his growing collection of everything Jaemin.

“I like you so much,” Jaemin whispers before he dives in again, capturing Jeno’s lips, He kisses slower and softer than before, as if they have all the time in the world.

The I like you too never makes it out of Jeno’s mouth as Jaemin swallows it all, slowly and all-consuming for the rest of the evening.

Jeno wakes up to the sound of an alarm that is not his.

Jaemin’s phone.

Jaemin slept with you last night.

Slept in the literal sense, Jeno thinks, correcting the voices in head that suspiciously sound like his best friends’.

His eyes slowly open to the sunlight streaming through the curtains by his window. He finds the other side of his bed empty, but the sounds of movement outside assure him that Jaemin hasn’t left yet. The latter’s phone is still comfortably lying on his bedside table, after all.

Not everyone will leave, echoes in Jeno’s mind. He tries to beat down a distant memory and safely tucks it in the farthest corners of his mind.

He gets up to wash his face. All the loving gazes, touches and kisses shared under the moonlight last night comes to him in vivid flashes.

“I see our Super Jen is finally awake.”

Jaemin is standing by the island counter of the kitchen. His golden skin clings to the white shirt and pajamas Jeno lent him, and his honey brown hair is a ruffled, beautiful mess, a beautiful reminder of last night. He’s sipping from a mug that Jeno identifies as his.

Jaemin registers the look in Jeno’s eyes and winces slightly. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know which ones are for guests and just took one out—“ Jaemin inspects the mug “—and it’s the cutest one. You know me. I’m weak to anything cute.”

Jeno’s grip on Jaemin’s phone loosens when he looks up to Jaemin’s eyes. He sees fondness there, along with a bewildering mix of caution and invitation. It’s almost the same look Jaemin had last night, but somehow, it’s even more beautiful and overwhelming in broad daylight.

Jeno braves the distance and walks towards the counter, propping himself on a stool. Warmth and adoration fills his chest and spreads, so much so that he can’t help but smile at the actor in front of him. “Good morning to you too, Nana.”

That apparently is an opening. Jaemin swoops in and steals a kiss on his lips. It’s shy more than imposing.,The actor’s cheeks are slightly red when he pulls away. Jaemin slides another mug towards Jeno. “I also stole one teabag for myself. I hope it’s alright. I usually start my day with coffee but you had a lot of these. I figured, why not shake up my routine?”

Like how you shook mine? Jeno thinks.

“It’s fine. Sungkyung noona loves it and buys boxes and boxes of it. She’ll be happy knowing you like it,” Jeno reassures him with a smile. He slides the phone towards Jaemin before finally registering the delicious smell filling his nose.

“Should I feed you myself?” Jaemin asks, voice laced with the usual seductive charm that makes Jeno’s toes curl.

Jeno beats him to it, taking a spoonful of what Jaemin had cooked for him. “Wow. You made this?” Jeno asks in between chewing what tastes like a new kind of heaven in his mouth.

“Soy sauce egg rice, recipe by yours truly. Although I tweaked my usual recipe a bit,” Jaemin announces as he sits on another stool., He props his elbows on the countertop and rests his chin on his palms as he continues with his explanation, “Either your sister lied or the definition of no food left in the refrigerator has a different meaning in this household. I ended up using whatever I felt could be used. And I checked. They still taste fine. And you still had rice left so I made you this.”

Jeno smiles but notices the lack of another bowl. He’s about to point it out when Jaemin’s phone vibrates.

“Shoot. I have to go now. My ride’s already outside.”

“Work?”

“Gotta put food on our table, Super Jen,” Jaemin announces with a wink.

Jeno almost chokes.

“You don’t have to get up. Finish your food. I’ll show myself out,” Jaemin says with a smile before heading off to Jeno’s room. Within a couple minutes, Jeno hears footsteps making towards him and feels a pair of hands rest on both his sides. Jeno’s heart stutters as he feels Jaemin’s breath on his cheek, followed by a light peck.

“We can talk more about this later,” Jaemin whispers. “Thank you for letting me stay over.”

A couple of minutes after Jaemin leaves, Jeno hears footsteps walking upstairs. Sungkyung soon appears, approaching Jeno with a questioning gaze. “Was I hallucinating or did I just see Jaemin come out of the shop just now in a hoodie?” she says.

Jeno takes a spoonful of Jaemin’s soy sauce egg rice before nodding.

“And was he wearing your pajamas?”

Jeno sips from his mug.

“Oh my God. He slept over?” Sungkyung’s hand shoots up to cover her mouth. “Does Donghyuck know this? I can’t believe I owe him money now. Oh God, I underestimated you, little brother.”

Jeno laughs, only slightly alarmed at the knowledge of an apparent bet between his sister and Donghyuck. “No, noona. We just slept. That’s it.”

“Oh,” Sungkyung shoulders sag, a crestfallen expression on her face. “Did you not want to sleep with him?”

“We really just slept. He didn’t push me into doing anything,” Jeno says, more of a realization to himself. He pushes his bowl towards Sungkyung. “He’s sweet like that. Always asking, always careful.”

Sungkyung smiles, but there’s a hint of concern in her eyes. “And he made you this?”

Jeno nods. “I—” He takes a deep breath, not knowing where to begin unpacking everything that’s been brewing inside of him when it comes to Jaemin. “—he likes me back. But we still have to talk about things. And I haven’t told him how I feel yet. Explicitly, I mean.”

Sungkyung reaches out to him, cooing as he ruffles his hair. “Our Super Jen is in love, taking bold steps! I’ve never been prouder!”

“I just—” Jeno sighs, “I’m happy, but I’m scared. I want to make Jaemin happy, noona. As happy as he makes me. Even more, if possible.”

“You’ll be fine,” Sungkyung smiles at him reassuringly, before taking in a spoonful of rice. “As long as you two talk it out soon, you will be.”

°。°。°。°。°。°

City of Angels’s ratings shoot up to 24% for its highly awaited finale, the highest for the entire run of the drama. Jeno films their household viewing for it and sends it to Jaemin, who calls him and coos at Haneul professing that he wants to see Jaemin soon. There’s an I want to see you too that almost comes out of Jeno’s lips, but Jeno doesn’t know how to say it without sounding too weird—he’s never been good with words, anyway—so he doesn’t say it.

Jaemin’s schedule has become extra hectic with either filming of variety show appearances for the City of Angels cast, or for CFs of popular brands that are hitching a ride on the drama’s success. There’s so much genuine happiness in Jaemin’s voice as he says, This is the most employed I have been in all my years doing this, Jeno. It’s insane! that Jeno’s own heart feels like it’s about to burst out of happiness for the other boy. Unlike before when their calls normally end on plans on them meeting up, these recent ones don’t. And Jeno understands. Besides, it gives him more time, not only to work on his game, but also for the side project he has decided to organize for Jaemin’s birthday.

“Your sister told me he slept over,” his mom says, breaking his reverie.

Jeno almost burns his tongue taking a sip from the seaweed soup he has been trying to make, under his mom’s guidance.

It’s officially his fourth day trying to recreate his mom’s seaweed soup that Jaemin had fawned over. Sungkyung had snickered when Jeno announced he wanted to try and make it. She said, Oh, the things you do for love, little brother. His mom, on the other hand, beamed at him and promised to help him to the fullest of her abilities.

“So did he?” his mom presses. “Did he stay the night, son?”

Jeno reddens as he nods slowly. “The soup tastes kind of bland, don’t you think?” he mumbles. He hands out the ladle to his mom to let her check the taste herself.

“It could taste better,” she says, lips pursed, squinting her eyes before smiling at Jeno. “But it’s already your best miyeokguk since you started trying to make it.”

Jeno sighs, his shoulders deflating.

“You’re actually learning faster than your dad ever did, you know?” She beams before continuing, “I’ve always wondered why he wanted a noodle shop when he can barely cook anything edible.”

Jeno looks at her, watches as she settles on the stool. “Do you still miss him?”

“Everyday,” she replies simply, and Jeno just knows she means it. It’s what he believes to be true love, in a way. His heart swells, wanting to experience it for himself too, or even just a semblance of it. Unwittingly, he then thinks of Jaemin, but he shakes off the unwelcome thoughts.

“I wish I remembered more of him, just so we could talk about him more,” Jeno says. “Like you do with Sungkyung noona.”

“That’s alright, Jeno,” she says. “I’m sure he would have been happy knowing you’re both happy, growing into people any parent will be proud of.”

Jeno smiles. He’s the less vocal one between him and Sungkyung for sure, but despite that, their mom’s always been generous and equal with her love and affection. Her smiles are as warm as all of her embraces, always tender, always assuring.

“So how do you plan on celebrating Jaemin’s birthday? Is he joining you on the festival?”

Jeno nods. Donghyuck has been raving about it since the official setlist for the highly awaited Incheon Pentaport Rock Festival was released. Odd Wavelengths has been invited to perform as one of the opening acts on the third day of the famous festival.

Mark’s going, of course, as a boyfriend’s obligation. And Renjun, still as a boyfriend’s obligation. But you’re also required to come, Jeno, Donghyuck had said. Jeno was about to cut off whatever they’re going to say next, knowing already what direction they’re headed, when Renjun beats him to it.

You can take your boyfriend too, Jeno, Renjun had said. We won’t mind.

Boyfriend. Jeno gulped then. It’s time to make it official.

“I asked him to come to the last day of the festival and he hasn’t confirmed yet but he said he’ll try,” Jeno admits, feeling his face warm up as he leans at the counter. He pushes his glasses back from sliding off the bridge of his nose. “It’s the day before his birthday and I plan to give him the best seaweed soup he’s tasted.”

His stomach is filled with butterflies again. Jeno’s already starting to accept that perhaps the butterflies has taken permanent residence in his gut, and will always flutter about whenever he thinks of Jaemin.

“Well, we still have a few more days for you to get it right,” she says as she starts to clean up the mess they’ve made. She stops in front of Jeno and goes in for a quick hug. “Jaemin will love it. I’m sure of it.”

“Thanks, eomma.” Jeno revels in the warmth of the embrace, feeling as if everything’s falling perfectly into place.

°。°。°。°。°。°

Jeno puffs a sigh as he struggles with Candle Light’s tarpaulin.

It’s a day before the Gamers’ Expo, and he’s picked to be a part of the logistics team tasked with making booth for the event. When he entered the hall earlier, he saw some of the other small-scale companies set up their own booths. The colorful tarpaulins and LCDs showcasing what’s in store for the event proper is already enough to spark the excitement in Jeno. This year’s Gamers’ Expo, much like its predecessors, will feature an enormous amount of gaming categories including PC, online gaming, arcade games, mobile games. More doors are for Virtual Reality this year as well, which is promising. The expo’s smaller than G-Star in Busan in scale, but it’s still one of the most highly anticipated, jam-packed event for South Korea’s continuously growing gamer community.

“Here, let me help you,” a voice from behind him says. It’s Baekhyun, placing two cups of latte on the table. He then swoops in to properly fasten the right side of the tarpaulin on the stand.

“Thank you,” Jeno mouths, holding the other side in place for Baekhyun to fasten as well.

“How’s your game coming along?” Baekhyun says, flashing him a small smile. “I’m personally excited to know the progress once we’re done with Candle Light. Seems like Seulgi and her team already finalized the art style for the structures.”

Their artists team, led by Seulgi, personally visited Incheon to make sure they translate its essence into a hyper-realized 3D game. Jeno had treated them to his mom’s ramyun and her signature kimchi after their short expedition.

“As much as we all praise you for your game, have you—” Baekhyun leans back on the table, reaching out for his latte. “Got a title for it already?”

“It’s still nameless,” Jeno admits. “I’m hoping the Expo somehow inspires me.”

“That’s the spirit,” Baekhyun hands Jeno the other latte. He takes it. “I don’t think I’ve mentioned how I liked your choice for the main character. It reminded me of fairy tales.”

“My cousin, she’s a gamer too, just like me,” Jeno explains. “I did it for her and for myself.”

“Isn’t she the little tyke that’s too adorable for her own good?”

“The very one.”

“A gamer at a young age. She’s one of us, eh?” Baekhyun says, pleased, as he raises his latte as a toast. “Here’s to more Dreamers, then.”

Jeno bumps his latte against his boss’.

Baekhyun nudges him. “Kinda amusing, don’t you think?” he then says.

Jeno raises an eyebrow in question. Baekhyun returns it with a smile and a faraway look in his eyes.

“We dream about making games, and when we do make them, kids who got into them may dream about making them too. The beautiful cycle of creation never stops.” Baekhyun sips from his latte before continuing, “It’s the circle of dreams.”

Jeno smiles at that.

The pre-launch is a success.

Guanheng, in true Guanheng fashion, succeeds in selling Candle Light to perhaps one of the most intimidating crowds Jeno has seen. Their star programmer’s able to answer all the questions, especially the most technical ones, with the right amount of charm and enthusiasm. As the hall is filled with cheers and applause, Jeno thinks about G-star, feels the fire of excitement burning in his veins.

They decide to celebrate over dinner at a famous jokbal chain restaurant in Hongdae. He’s trailing after his officemates when he gets a KakaoTalk notification from Doyoung.

It’s a, Where are you, Jeno? followed by two pictures of Jaemin in the midst of a busy crowd. The next message from Doyoung reads, Apparently, my students struck some luck and caught your boyfriend filming something in Hongdae. Just thought you would want to know.

He sends a Thank you, hyung!, his heart skipping a beat at the thought of seeing Jaemin, even if only from afar.

He calls out to Baekhyun and Chanyeol then and excuses himself, saying he’ll follow later. Guanheng teases him, saying their dinner should be Jeno’s treat as penalty for bailing on them. He bows once, apologizing and assuring them he’ll be back, that he just has something to attend to.

A few strides later towards the heart of the streets of Hongdae, Jeno finds himself amongst a bustling crowd of onlookers and passersby. It’s a mixed crowd of working adults and teenage girls holding I love you, Jaemin! signs of varying colors and sizes, as well as legal-sized cardboard cutouts of Jaemin’s face. Jeno suddenly feels unprepared, having nothing but his phone with him.

He takes out his phone to film Jaemin who’s standing a few meters from him, though they’re separated by a thick crowd of people waiting to get a glimpse of the rising South Korea’s sweetheart.

Jeno catches Jaemin smiling, scratching his nape while doing so, and Jeno just knows—right now, Jaemin is not Na Jaemin, the actor, he’s the Jaemin he knows. The host must have asked him something that made him feel shy for a moment.

“He must have gotten back together with Yukhei oppa,” a girl beside him pipes.

When Jeno looks at her, he notices the obnoxiously huge banner she’s holding. He cranes his neck to see it properly, and confirms that it’s a picture of Jaemin and Yukhei, with Yukhei giving a pink-haired Jaemin a piggyback ride. Jeno focuses on Jaemin’s arms looped around the taller man comfortably, the smile on Jaemin’s face, bright and blinding, even in low resolution.

His heart aches. But it’s faint. This is history. Yukhei is history, just like Heejin is to him. Jeno knows that now. He replays the words Jaemin said to him, over and over, his mind ready to launch a thorough pep talk to kill the spark of jealousy starting to ignite inside of him.

“They look good together don’t they, ahjussi?” the girl asks him, perhaps noticing Jeno staring at her banner for too long. “I’m hoping Jaeminnie oppa gets back together with him.”

Jeno sure hopes not.

“Ya,” the girl from Jeno’s other side speaks up, swooning. “It’s only a matter of time since they’ll be filming together again.”

Again?

Jeno feels as if a bucket of ice has been poured onto his head.

“What do you mean?” he asks, trying to keep himself from sounding too invested. A bitter taste starts to form at the tip of his tongue.

“There are rumors circulating in DC Gallery saying they landed both of the lead roles for the new adaptation of Temptation of Wolves,” she explains to him in a hushed voice. “Former lovers working together again for a movie. Insane, right?”

“Maybe sometimes the universe just works that way for some people,” the girl from earlier says to them.

“Maybe,” Jeno says not louder than a whisper. He’s already stopped recording Jaemin. He’s not sure if he even saved it.

“Look at that smile!” the girl from his left exclaims. “That’s the smile of someone in love.”

Both girls coo together, too loud in an already boisterous crowd. Jeno feels something inside of him give, his limbs numb, his chest squeezing tight.

“If I were Jaeminnie oppa, I’d grab onto Yukhei and never let go again!” the girl from his right declares with passion. “They’re literally made for each other. Imagine what it’s like to have found your soulmate in this line of work, oh my gosh!”

He looks at Jaemin laughing at something the host said. Normally, the sight of the other laughing would make him smile. Instead, he feels trapped.

He makes a move to get himself out of the crowd, giving half-smiles and apologies to the people he comes in contact with. They’re all faceless, as unfamiliar as the crowd at the Gala, but somehow they make Jeno feel ten times more suffocated.

As Jeno frees himself from the crowd, he turns to look at Jaemin one last time.

He looks happy, loved, and heartbreakingly far from Jeno’s reach.

°。°。°。°。°。°

Doyoung calls Jeno on a humid Saturday morning, days after the Hongdae incident.

Jeno’s mind has been far from peaceful since Hongdae. He tries his best to to relax, especially when Jaemin agreed over text to meet him. Jeno wanted to ask Jaemin questions, yes. But they are questions he wants to ask in person, and not through text or a KakaoTalk message.

Doyoung says they’re having a small celebration, inviting Jeno to go. Jeno’s fumbling for an answer might have tipped off his lack of intention on going when Doyoung outright tells him the reason for said celebration.

He proposed to me, Jeno. Doyoung’s voice is crisp and clear, with only the slightest quivering. And I said yes.

An hour later, he finds himself at Doyoung’s doorstep—soon to be his and Jaehyun’s, if they don’t choose to get a different place, that is. Doyoung and Jaehyun take turns hugging him, with the latter hugging him for a minute longer. Once he’s ushered inside, he’s welcomed by What’s up’s and Hello’s from Johnny, Yuta and other close friends of Doyoung and Jaehyun. Jeno’s never completely acquainted with every single person in their friend circle. But Doyoung and Jaehyun are practically family to Jeno, almost as much as Donghyuck and Renjun are, so Jeno manages. Or at least, he tries to.

He’s in the middle of Yuta mocking Jaehyun’s proposal to Doyoung when his phone rings. He walks towards the balcony to answer it.

“Jeno?”

Jaemin’s voice sounds smaller than usual. Jeno already knows what’s coming before he hears it.

“Something came up on the last minute. I have to be in a meeting later and I don’t know when it’ll end. I can’t meet you today. I’m sorry.”

Sincerity rings in Jaemin’s voice from the other side of the line. Jeno believes it. He wants to. “I’m so sorry, Jeno.”

It’s too small, too faint and if Jeno’s not paying enough attention, he might not have heard it.

“It’s okay, Jaemin.” He means it. He briefly spots Doyoung watching him with careful eyes amidst the chaos in the dining room. Jeno nods and sends a smile his way. “We’ll see each other at the festival anyways, right?”

Jeno hopes he sounds alright, and not as broken and desperate as he feels. There’s no point in avoiding the inevitable, he thinks. But hearing what Jaemin has to say in person is what he needs. It’s what he wants.

“You see, that’s the other problem.” Jaemin hesitates. “I checked with Kun hyung and suddenly he’s saying I have something booked for that day too? But it might end early? I don’t know. I’ll find out on the day itself, I guess. I’m so, so sorry Jeno, really.”

The chaos from the living room erupts louder.

“It’s okay,” Jeno finally says after a long pause. “I understand.”

Relief seems to have washed over Jaemin as he said those words. But it’s the complete opposite for Jeno.

“I’ll let you know once I’m available, Jeno,” Jaemin says. “I promise.”

Jeno smiles weakly, settling to hold onto that. “Okay.”

He ends the call with a simple goodbye. And when Doyoung corners him later to ask him if everything’s alright, Jeno puts on a brave smile as he lies, saying, Yes, everything’s alright.

°。°。°。°。°。°

Dejun is sing-screaming Run on the bridge of Radiohead’s Creep on stage when Jeno finds Renjun in the crowd.

“About time you arrive, Jeno!” Renjun goes in for a hug before singing with the crowd again.

Normally, Donghyuck proves to be the more theatrical vocalist of the band, but for some of their song covers like these, Jeno admits Dejun is just as much of a scene stealer as Donghyuck is.

“He’s so fucking showy, right?” Renjun shout-whispers. “Can you believe this is the same song that I saw him perform for the first time when I met him?”

Jeno remembers the story like the back of his hand. Renjun normally doesn’t like crowded places, but somehow Dejun magically waltzed into his best friend’s life and whisked him away. In between comic book conventions, art shows and music festivals, two seemingly different people fell in love with each other, as if it’s the most natural thing in the world.

“I can believe,” Jeno whispers back. His own heart aches, but his lips can’t help but smile at Renjun’s blatant adoration. “And now you’re so in love with him.”

“Right?” Renjun swoons, his cheeks blushing, love-drunk. His gaze turns back to his boyfriend on stage. “Love is so ridiculous. I hate this!”

The song ends and he briefly sees Dejun and Donghyuck meeting halfway on stage for a high-five. The crowd screams as they start their next number.

“Is Nana coming?” Renjun asks him casually. “We haven’t seen him since forever.”

Jeno’s throat tightens at the familiar way Renjun said the nickname. Something must have showed on his face for Renjun’s forehead creases in worry.

He shakes his head in reply. His mind flies back to Hongdae and Yukhei and everything in between.

Time’s finally up, his mind says.

“Is everything alright?”

“I don’t know,” Jeno says honestly, heart twinging.

Renjun frowns, clasping Jeno on the shoulder, squeezing it for comfort. “What happened to wooing him into marrying you with your seaweed soup?”

Jeno laughs at that, relaxing under his best friend’s touch. “Don’t mind me. Tonight is all about Dejun and Donghyuck.”

“They’re killing it up there,” Jeno continues, delighted in watching Donghyuck belting the chorus of the popular alternative rock song that his best friend just used to sing to him and Renjun. As Dejun ends the song with his guitar solo, Jeno sees Jungeun, Yerim and Donghyuck all raise their fists in cheer.

“I’m friends with rockstars, wow,” Jeno says with glee. That seems to do the trick; Renjun laughs in delight.

The performance of one of the more popular main acts is on full swing when Jeno’sphone vibrates.

He sees the caller ID and answers it on autopilot.

“Jeno! Are you still there?”

Jeno makes a confused sound, and makes an attempt to get out of the crowd to hear Jaemin better. There’s noise too at the other end of the line, and Jaemin’s loud breathing. “What do you mean ‘there’? Where are you?”

“We wrapped up earlier than expected! I wanted to surprise you!”

“Huh?”

“Look to your right!”

Jeno whips his head to his right, instantly spotting Jaemin walking towards him. Despite himself and all the weight Jeno’s been carrying around his chest, his lips automatically tug into a smile at seeing the other, even if there’s a good number of people between them still. Jeno feels his feet moving, his body yearning to bridge the distance, but his eyes land on something that stops him from moving.

It’s Yukhei, trailing behind Jaemin, towering over the latter and most of the people around them.

Jeno’s hand falls to his side, ending his call with Jaemin as Jaemin and Yukhei move closer to where he is standing.

When Jaemin reaches him, the actor goes for a hug and leans in to whisper, “Turns out he has tickets too, so I hitched a ride.”

“Hey, bro!” Yukhei flashes his teeth. For a second, Jeno’s reminded of Guanheng.

Jeno nods in greeting, not knowing what to say. Jaemin’s smiling, but it’s doing nothing to appease the heavy feeling in his chest, spreading, making it hard for him to breathe.

The crowd seems to have recognized Jaemin and Yukhei, but luckily, most of them are too invested on the performance to really confirm their identities.

“What’s on your mind, Super Jen?” Jaemin asks him.

“Nothing,” Jeno replies, hoping the other doesn’t see through his lie. It doesn’t help that the bass beats matches the erratic thudding of his heart, uneasiness starting to make his palms sweat.

From his periphery, he sees Jaemin whispering something to Yukhei. A few moments after, Yukhei leaves.

“Are you mad I showed up?” Jaemin asks apologetically. His eyebrows furrowed in worry, his attention solely on Jeno. “You don’t look too happy to see me.”

“It’s not that.”

There’s one question Jeno’s itching to ask Jaemin. But as he hears the people around them murmur, Jeno decides it’s not the right time nor the right place to ask.

I miss you he wants to say.

“I’m happy you’re here,” Jeno says instead. The answering smile Jaemin gives him is as blinding as ever, bathed in the neon lights flashing from everywhere around them. The actor’s hand somehow finds Jeno’s, intertwining his fingers with his, as if to say everything he’s wanted to say in person and not through variations of Have you eaten? and heart emojis.

But why is he here?

“I’m happy I’m here too,” Jaemin confesses gently, completely locking his fingers with Jeno’s.

Jeno looks away from Jaemin’s overwhelming gaze, afraid Jaemin might peer right into his soul, and see how it has already become Jaemin’s for the taking.

Ready. Willing. Waiting.

The rest of the performances passes by in an excruciating pace, and somehow he finds himself counting the minutes, to distract himself from being trapped in the shackles of his mind.

Even the fingers interlocked with his, the ugly feeling that has taken over his chest doesn’t dissipate. Instead, it’s rests.

Jeno and Jaemin find Renjun and the others a little later. Jaemin hugs each one of them, even Jungeun and Yerim as if they’re all long-time friends. Donghyuck jokes about inviting them to celebrate but winks at Jaemin saying, “We know he’d rather have you all to himself, so.”

Jaemin laughs at that, bright and big before linking Jeno’s arm with his. They part ways. The arm linked with his remains as they start walking towards the parking lot.

“Excuse me,” a timid voice calls out to them. They both stop in their tracks, Jeno freeing his arm from Jaemin’s as Jaemin looks back to who called their attention.

“I’m sorry but can we take a picture together?” It’s a girl, her hair tied in a bun. She’s maybe around the same age as Wonyoung, Jeno assumes. “It’s okay if you say no, I just wanted to take a chance.”

Jaemin turns to Jeno as if asking for permission. Jeno gives him a small smile, extending his arm out to ask for her phone. “I’ll take your picture, come on.”

He takes five pictures in total. The encounter ends with Jaemin signing a piece of paper the girl has with her. Jaemin goes in for a hug and Jeno can practically see the girl’s soul leaving her body as she walks away, stealing glances at Jaemin, who’s still beaming from having been recognized.

“You’re really too famous now, huh?” Jeno says rhetorically. He feels a bittersweet sensation forming in his gut.

Jaemin seems to have caught on, moving closely to his side again as they head to where Jeno’s car is parked.

The tension disappears the moment they get into his car.

A pair of lips seek his, seemingly deprived and waiting for the entire night or longer. Jeno kisses back, willing all his worries away, thinking that if this is as good as it’s gonna get, then so be it.

Jeno’s thankful his parking spot is somewhere hidden, away from prying eyes, from passersby that could take a snap of South Korea’s rising small screen darling kissing the daylights out of some nobody. It sends an ache to Jeno’s heart just thinking about it. But as he kisses his way down to the column of Jaemin’s neck and bites the soft skin there for good measure, the moan that escapes Jaemin’s lips overrides Jeno’s senses, and everything else fades into the background.

Jaemin tugs his hair to bring Jeno’s lips back to his. It’s like they’re running on borrowed time, as they kiss the breath away from each other’s lips. They soon hit pause, foreheads touching, lips only breaths apart.

“I missed this,” Jaemin whispers as he tries to catch his breath, reveling in their post make-out afterglow. His eyes shift from Jeno’s lips to his eyes when he says, “I can’t believe I’m gonna miss this for three months.”

Jeno’s eyes widen. “What?” he says.

Jeno’s the one who backs away first. He sees the look of alarm in Jaemin’s face.

“We’re filming overseas, in Sapporo,” Jaemin explains, tone apologetic, even if it sounds nothing but good news for his career. Jaemin keeps his fingers intertwined with Jeno’s like he’s afraid Jeno will flee. “They’re trying to tell a different story this time around and wanted to start with changing the location.”

Jeno’s listening to everything Jaemin is saying, but somehow he can’t hear the words properly, can’t make sense of them.

“It’ll be tough, and I’ll miss you,” Jaemin says, his face honest and earnest. “But I can call you from time to time and we can video call, especially when Haneul’s staying over at your house. I miss her so much, and eomoni, and Soojin ahjumma.”

In his mind, Jeno starts to hear the rain from a memory he doesn’t want to return to.

“We’ll make it work, Jeno,” Jaemin sounds so hopeful, making Jeno want to hope too. “I know we will.”

“When will you be leaving?” Jeno asks. The When were you going to tell me? is trapped on the tip of his tongue, as always.

“Next week? I think? Once they settle the final cast.”

Of course, Jeno thinks bitterly. Of course, they always wait until the last minute to tell you.

In an instant, his last night together with Heejin from three years ago flashes by in perfect detail, every second of it a shot to his heart. It grows in volume inside Jeno’s mind until it blurs Jaemin’s words of promise into FM static.

“Hey,” Jaemin squeezes his hand, leaning closer as if he wants to kiss Jeno again. “It’s just three months, Jeno.”

Jeno regrets his next words as soon as he says them.

“What about Yukhei?”

“What about him?” Jaemin asks him, brows furrowing.

“Why didn’t you tell me about Yukhei being in the same film as you?”

“Jeno,” Jaemin calls out, voice small and careful. “That’s not public information yet. Their own camp hasn’t even confirmed it yet. And when they do confirm it, it shouldn’t mean anything.”

“Then why didn’t you tell me? If it shouldn’t mean anything?”

That catches Jaemin by surprise but he recovers, his voice shaking slightly. “I never thought it would. Where did you even hear this?”

“Forget it. It’s not important,” Jeno says, waving off his hand in an attempt to end the conversation. “It’s a silly question. Everything is silly.”

“Hey, stop doing that.”

“Doing what?”

“Ending conversations we need to have.” Jaemin looks like he’s on the verge of snapping but somehow he maintains his composure. “I told you before. If you have a problem, talk to me, Jeno.”

“I am. That’s why I asked you and I got my answer.”

“You think I’m lying to you?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“But you think I am.”

“Stop putting words in my mouth.”

“Then tell me! Tell me what you feel! Scream at me, fucking curse at me if you have to!”

Jeno’s grip on the steering wheel tightens.

“Why is it hard to tell me what you really feel, Jeno?”

Jeno turns to Jaemin at that. Jaemin’s fuming, jaw clenched and lips shaking in anguish. Jeno runs the question over and over his head, checking if this is his present and not a trick of his mind, a mockery of what Heejin asked him three years ago.

“Give me something to work with here,” Jaemin pleads. “Anything.”

Jeno avoids the other’s eyes, hoping the cracks on his armor won’t show. The cracks from Hongdae, the cracks from the Gala, the cracks from having stepped out of a dingy elevator carrying one too many bowls of jjajangmyeon for a boy who may never be his to keep.

Jaemin takes one deep breath, and says, “Don’t you trust me, Jeno?”

Jeno looks up to pleading eyes, realizing something.

“I don’t know you,” Jeno says.

For the first time, he sees Jaemin look at him as if all the fight he had has left him. It’s just Jaemin, stripped of all the confidence and power. He blinks his eyes, once, twice as if he’s replaying everything Jeno had said. His face reveals no emotion. His mouth makes no sound.

“Three months is a long time,” Jeno finally says, not sure if its his voice when he does. “It may not be that long for people like you but for me—” He feels the tears threatening to spill. He shuts his eyes to keep it from happening. “—it is. I can’t give my heart to someone I can never know completely.”

It’s a remix of a scene that’s buried beneath the depths of Jeno’s mind. But now, this time, it’s going to be different. He’s in control. He can’t get hurt now.

“Do you mean that?” Jaemin finally asks him in the smallest of whispers.

Jeno opens his eyes and stays still, struck by the sight of Jaemin’s sun-kissed skin. Everything about Jaemin is still too blinding, too beautiful. And Jeno’s hurting just looking at him.

Jaemin must have taken his silence as a Yes, for he smiles shakily and nods to himself, saying, “Okay. I know now, at least. Somehow, I’ve always known, I think.”

He looks at Jeno again, eyes downcast in surrender. “That you didn’t like me as much as I did. Or as much as I hoped you would.”

Every beat of silence feels like the last, and a part of Jeno wishes they could end this differently, but alas.

“You could have picked a better day to tell me this.” Jaemin’s eyes are glassy as he looks outside. Jeno hears him laugh timidly, broken and dripping with bitterness. “Happy birthday to me, I guess.”

Jaemin’s hand is on the door, ready to open it, before he smiles at Jeno one last time. Jeno hates everything about it.

“Thank you for these past few months, Jeno-ssi.” Jaemin says, but he’s not looking at Jeno anymore.

He’s looking outside, at the ground, everywhere else except back at Jeno.

Jeno comes home to his mom waiting for him.

He’s looking at the two bowls of seaweed soup on the table when he braves a smile, saying Jaemin won’t be coming to the shop anymore. She doesn’t ask him to explain. Instead, she envelops him into a hug. Apparently, Jeno needed it more than anything. His tears finally spill over.

She also doesn’t question it when Jeno enters her room and slips into the covers with her, his back against her. Instead, she hums an old folk song Jeno used to love sleeping to as a child, stroking his back while doing so.

It doesn’t feel like the ache in Jeno’s chest is going away anytime soon.

But for tonight, he focuses on his mom’s gentle hums, letting it lull him into slumber, into peacefulness, even if the solace will last just for the night.

Chapter Text

Heejin’s hair was tied up in a bun when she broke up with him.

She was coming from her rehearsals for her ballet company’s upcoming performance then. Jeno had suggested they dine at the noodle shop, subtly bragging about his mom’s new recipe of her favorite japchae. It was his way of making up to her, since he’d been unable to meet with her for the past couple of months ever since their final year at Kyunghee University has started. He was either late or unable to be there at all for some of her mini showcases, even missing out on their habitual lunches together on their special spot on campus, the halfway point between their two college buildings that rest on the opposite ends of the campus.

She turned Jeno’s offer down politely, offered him a weak smile as she insisted they talk inside his car first.

It turned out their dinner plans were no more, and that she’d been wanting to break up with him earlier on but can’t always seem to find the proper opening. She told him she’s leaving the country soon, about to embark on the European leg of her ballet company’s tour. It’ll be her biggest break so far, one she’d always gushed about endlessly at Jeno even from before, when they were just friends. Just two university students with different majors and two totally different dreams but happen to gravitate towards each other.

Jeno’s always believed Heejin was meant to see the rest of the world and be loved by it. So hearing it made Jeno smile, even if he felt a tinge of hurt and betrayal, feeling as if he was only secondary to the dreams of who was then the love of his life.

But that moment wasn’t his to rain upon. It was hers. Jeno knew she deserved nothing but his full support. Looking at her, he sort of realized that it’s alright losing to the rest of the world.

He held her hand tight then and squeezed it saying, “You’ll be amazing out there, Heejin-ah.”

Heejin had looked at him then in disbelief, as if he said something wrong. Her voice sliced through the sounds of raindrops on the roof of his car when she said, “You’re letting me go just like this?”

He’d been aware of her expressions, and the minute changes in them for every emotion. The one that she’d worn then, at that moment, tore Jeno from the inside.

“Is it too much to ask for you to at least say you’ll miss me?” Her eyes spoke of nothing but exasperation. “Because I miss you. Even if I’m still here.”

Jeno had stayed mute then, as she frees her hand from his. Her eyes pierced him, asking for answers Jeno’s not sure how to properly piece together. He’s never been good with words anyway.

Heejin then sighed, shoulders sagged in defeat, surrender swimming in her gaze as she mouths one last question.

“Why is it hard to tell me what you really feel, Jeno?”

°。°。°。°。°。°

Jaemin becomes a taboo within the walls of the noodle shop for the rest of the humid summer.

Jeno’s thankful that Jaemin’s drama has already ended so there are less chances for the shop’s regulars to talk about the actor. His mom even refrains from asking about what to do with the remaining seaweed that she’d set aside for Jeno’s side project. Sungkyung seems to have caught on as well, who only looks at Jeno warily from time to time. Jeno hasn’t told his best friends yet, although not completely intentionally. Renjun’s been swamped with work deadlines whereas Donghyuck has been fully occupied with their production.

Jeno feels like it’s all a blessing in disguise, really. The universe aligning things, aiding in Jeno’s efforts to blur everything, to help him restore his routine into the way it was before.

He’s been through the motions. He’s already learned that not talking about it is his own best way to deal with it.

Out of sight, out of mind.

So he carries on.

Nothing really changes, when Jeno thinks about it.

Everything is just as it was from before Renjun’s birthday. Jeno arrives at work a little before eight and leaves at five in the evening so he could arrive home by six to eat dinner. And sometimes, he’d work overtime, coding the rest of the much more complex movements for the elements in his game, which still unfortunately remains nameless.

It’s all routine.

Simple, careful, and scheduled.

Except for when Jeno unlocks his phone after the end of a meeting, almost foolishly expecting something.

Because routine for the past few months had been Good mornings and emojis and occasional set gossip exchanged with the most mundane events in Jeno’s life at the office and out of it. Most of the time, Jeno still makes the mistake of typing something that just happened at work, only to hit Delete halfway, his mind remembering that No, you’ve no one to pester now, remember?

It happens more than once, and as hard as he tries, Jeno can’t seem to shake the feeling off. The feeling that maybe, if Jeno sends one message, perhaps accidentally, he’d get a response back, just like before.

But he doesn’t. Of course, he doesn’t try.

It gets harder when he’s out and about in the streets of Seoul, in Hongdae, in Gangnam, in Itaewon and even in the streets of his own hometown.

Because nothing can prepare Jeno from seeing Jaemin’s face in almost every bus stop in the city. He sees his face in a moving bus while he’s driving. He sees him in posters and tarpaulins across the streets of the shopping districts in Hongdae. Once, he even catches a glimpse of the other’s face, smiling winningly and posing for a fried chicken brand on one of the biggest billboards in Seoul.

And it doesn’t stop there.

Because even looking at all of the most ordinary things around him hurts—hurts even more, in fact: the porch of the noodle shop, their favorite booth at the noodle shop, their kitchen island counter, and even his bedroom.

It’s like Jaemin incorporated himself so much in Jeno’s life, and Jeno has no idea how to get rid of all his traces.

Because Jaemin is everywhere and nowhere at the same time.

It’s ironic, Jeno thinks, how easily Jaemin waltzed into his life and how easily he waltzed out of it, taking spring and summer with him.

As the leaves start to fall, painting the roads maple, bronze and gold, Jeno realizes that while he was never meant to have a place in Jaemin’s life, Jaemin has carved a place in his.

Now, all that’s left is a gaping hole—a hollowness that grows and grows everyday—and Jeno, who’s left to pick up the pieces of his own doing.

°。°。°。°。°。°

Jeno’s resolve completely breaks during Guanheng’s birthday celebration at the end of September.

Jeno had insisted he didn’t want to go, that he had things to do, to which his mind just bitterly reminds him, No, you don’t. But it was Baekhyun who personally told him to join them, that the team could really let off some steam together even for just one night.

It’s an hour into drinks and numerous interpretation of idol group songs when Guanheng announces that the next rounds of drinks are all on him, and that they could drink up to how many as they’d like. Jeno raises his own can of Hite in fake cheer, watching everyone holler and cheer for their star programmer.

Guanheng and a number of his colleagues have then somehow pushed Baekhyun into singing when an old trot song starts to play.

Jeno sets his can down, briefly looking at his watch, thinking on what time of departure will be considered polite.

“Bailing on us already, Lee?”

Jeno looks up, and is welcomed by the sight of Guanheng who’s draped himself at the seat beside Jeno. He’s chugging on his own bottle of soju, before he raises it to Jeno.

“My peace offering,” Guanheng muses, lips curling upwards displaying the set of teeth Jeno’s grown to hate. “So that you know, we can start over. And I don’t know—” Guanheng taps his chin with his index finger “—leave everything behind us, I guess. Whatever it is.”

Jeno raises an eyebrow.

“And who knows? Maybe after a couple of drinks you’ll finally name your game,” Guanheng challenges with a grin, still offering his bottle to Jeno. “What do you say?”

Jeno quietly takes the bottle, thinking he still has to be professional even after work hours. He chugs the remaining liquid in one go. Guanheng whistles.

“You’d rather drink than talk to me, huh?”

Jeno’s about to correct Guanheng when the latter shouts, “Gather ‘round for soju bombs, people! Me and Lee have a score to settle.”

After downing more shots than he can count, Jeno finds the world spinning.

Somewhere between tasting all sorts of combinations of beer, soju, whiskey and even a little of bit of cappuccino, Jeno stops thinking and just downs every shot in one go. And another. And another. And another.

The last thing Jeno remembers is watching one of his co-workers, Dani from Marketing, fill a shot glass with beer until it fills to the brim before somehow finding himself vomiting into the cream-colored toilet in a restroom with obnoxious red walls. There’s a hand on his back, patting it in soothing motions but Jeno’s everything continues to hurt like hell.

“Donghyuck will be mad when he finds out about this.”

Jeno sits on the floor and looks up to Mark, who’s about to grab his phone, presumably to call his boyfriend. Purely acting on instinct and self-preservation, he braces himself and grabs his friend by the arm, surprising the other into almost dropping his phone in the toilet.

“What the hell, Jeno?”

“Please don’t tell—” Jeno covers his mouth and launches himself into the toilet seat again to vomit some more.

When Jeno’s done, Mark tears a hefty amount of tissue paper, dabs it with water from the faucet and crouches down to Jeno’s level to wipe the vomit away from around the corner of Jeno’s lips.

Jeno’s about to open his mouth to continue his protest from earlier when Mark speaks up first, “I won’t tell him. Or Renjun.”

Mark helps Jeno stand up and makes him lean by the sink. He’s tearing a few more tissue paper when he speaks again.

“But you have to tell them sooner or later though, whatever this is that’s been going on with you. They think you’re just too busy with work, Jeno.”

Mark crouches down to wipe the traces of Jeno’s vomit around the liquid seat. Jeno feels the guilt kicking in, amidst the blaring headache and stomach pain.

“If you don’t want us to call any of your best friends, who do we call to pick you up then?” Mark asks him as he washes his hands.

Jeno’s lips crook into a broken smile, knowing just who to call at the moment.

Jeno’s leaning by the hallway waiting for Mark to say his goodbyes on their behalf when a pink-haired guy passes by him.

Huh.

Quickly, Jeno is on his feet—albeit unbalanced—and staggers to follow the pink-haired stranger through the loud red walls of the Noraebang joint. His vision is a deep yellow and it isn’t spinning as quickly as it did earlier, enough to lock in on the figure with a mop of pink hair.

It’s impossible, his subconscious miraculously pipes. He said three months and it’s only been six weeks—not that Jeno’s counting—of course, it’s impossible. There’s just no way.

His heart rate picks up, his face flushing just as quickly, wobbling on his two feet racing towards the very person he wants to talk to. The one person he’s missed so much.

You said you didn’t know him and now you do? He hates you. He hates you so much.

But Jeno hates himself more. He has no idea how he sounds at the moment—his throat burning—but he calls out anyway.

“Jaemin-ah!”

Even in his drunken stupor, Jeno forgoes breathing for a heart-stopping second, watching as the pink-haired figure turns his head towards him, illuminated by the deep yellow light of the hallway.

“You needed more booze, sir?”

Bitterness sits on the tip of Jeno’s tongue.

Of course, it’s not Jaemin. Why would he be here? He’s in fucking Sapporo, Jeno’s mind berates him.

Jeno has no idea how long he’s staring, haziness invading his senses, throat clogging up but with a different kind of vomit—the kind that Jeno’s been harboring for almost two months now, the kind that he’s been trying to ignore, bury beneath strings and strings of code, willing it to go away just as it did before, because that’s possible, right?

“Why is it hard to tell me what you really feel, Jeno?”

“I’m sorry sir. If you don’t need anything, I’ll be going.”

The stranger’s retreating back translates into the back of another in Jeno’s mind.

“Jaemin-ah,” he repeats, small, and faint and broken. And again. And again. And again. He says it over and over, until it’s down to a breathless whisper, wishing he might be heard somehow, because that’s just how attentive Jaemin is, right? Wherever he is, he’ll hear Jeno’s plea and listen to him. That’s how kind Jaemin is. Always asking, always careful. And he kept on giving and giving and giving that Jeno would often feel his heart bursting. The other’s heart was right there, close to the touch, open and honest, ready, willing, and waiting.

And Jeno just…

Fucked up.

Jeno’s legs buckle, failing him as he falls to his knees. The pounding in his head subsides, only to be replaced by nothing but raw pain, all from the shards of regret still piercing his gut.

“I owe you for this, hyung.”

“Wrong,” Jaehyun says as he straps on Jeno’s seatbelt for him. “I owed you. This is me returning the favor.”

Jeno takes a deep breath before asking another favor when Jaehyun cuts him off.

“I won’t tell Doyoung either.” Jaehyun smiles as he fits in Jeno’s key, starting the car into ignition. “Just sit back and relax as I drive you home, okay?”

“How are you going home then, hyung?”

“I’ll call a cab, maybe?” Jaehyun muses, turning on the radio to settle on a station playing a ballad. “Stop thinking about others and just relax, Jeno. Your head must hurt like a bitch right now.”

Jeno laughs, but in doing so he feels his head hurting again. “I’m never doing this again.”

“It’s okay to let loose once in a while though. Just don’t do it all the time. I don’t think I can cover up for you from Ahjumma and Sungkyung noona every day. Let alone, from Doyoung.”

Jeno struggles to keep his eyes open, but he tries to keep Jaehyun company until they arrive home. “So you proposed to Doyoung hyung.”

“That I did.”

“And here I thought you broke up when you drank yourself to death like this.”

“That I did, too.” Jaehyun turns to him to smile, warm and blinding before looking back at the road. “But then he took me back.”

“Do they—” Jeno clicks his tongue nervously, ”—do they always take you back?” Jeno knows he might have messed up his pronouns but at this point, he doesn’t even care anymore.

Jaehyun looks at him in worry, before reaching his arm out to ruffle Jeno’s hair.

“You’ll never know if you don’t try asking.”

Jeno wakes up to the consecutive knocks to his door.

“Get up, Super Jen! We’re coming in and there’s nothing you can do to stop us.”

He makes a move to get up as he struggles to keep his eyes cope with sunlight streaming in between the gaps in his curtain.

“And we’re live at the Lee Household where we’ve caught our perpetrator Lee Jeno, red-handed, who’s just woken up and who’s about to probably experience the worst hangover of his life,” Donghyuck narrates, watching him as he’s leaning on Jeno’s doorway. “The drinking is surprising, I’ll give you that, but not telling us why you were drinking? That’s your cliché right there.” Renjun’s there, too, but he remains quiet, watching Jeno with pity.

Jeno puts on a smile and tries to get up but he lies down again, his splitting headache rendering him helpless.

“Hey, your mom made something for you,” Renjun says, approaching his bed to sit down on it. “You can eat it while we grill you.”

Jeno makes a noise of protest but it dies at the back of his throat, which still awfully feels like sandpaper.

“For the record, Mark didn’t tell me. I only found out when I asked him just now,” Donghyuck says, plopping down on the other side of his bed. “And Jaehyun hyung didn’t rat you out either.”

So who did?

“Good morning, Jeno oppa!”

Jeno sees Haneul on his doorway coming to run into his bed and possibly jump on it when Renjun intervenes.

“Hey, he just woke up and his breath smells terrible, Haneul-ah,” Renjun says as he’s crouching down to meet Haneul’s eyes. “You won’t like it very much, I’m afraid.”

“He’ll come down later to play with you once he’s ready,” Donghyuck says as he pats his sister’s hair gently. “Be sure to give him a scolding for waking up late.”

Haneul flutters her eyelashes, as she watches Jeno with childlike wonder before looking back at Renjun and Donghyuck. “But he’s okay, right?”

Somehow, Jeno finds the strength to sit up through the nausea as he smiles and says:

“I will be.”

“First, you forget your birthday and now even Haneul’s,” Donghyuck says as he taps his finger on the table. “Don’t even bother lying to our faces, Lee Jeno. You can’t escape us even if you want to.”

The smell of the haejang-guk fills Jeno’s nostrils, and it’s somehow enough to lighten up his hangover a bit. Jeno takes a sip of it and lets the taste take over his tongue.

“What’s been really going on with you, Jeno?” Renjun asks. The sincere worry in his eyes is too unsettling for Jeno to ignore.

There’s still a dull ache in his head, but his mind is clearer when he speaks up, “I fucked up with Jaemin.” Jeno feigns a smile, wanting nothing but to run back to his room and seal it shut. He wants to hide under his covers for the rest of the afternoon. “It’s been a month since we last talked. Since he last talked to me.”

He sees his best friends exchange worried glances as his mind replays the look of frustration in Jaemin’s eyes, and then the look of defeat, and then Jaemin not looking at him at all before leaving Jeno at the parking lot.

“Did you try talking to him again since then?” Renjun asks.

Jeno puts down his spoon, not wanting to admit sending Jaemin texts even if he no longer had the right to. “I don’t think he wants to talk to me anymore after what I told him.”

“What exactly did you tell him?” It’s Donghyuck who asks this time. “Because last we saw you guys, he was… well, he was looking at you like he always did.”

Being the masochist that he is, Jeno asks, “How does he look at me?”

“Like he wants to look at you forever,” Renjun answers with a weak smile.

Jeno aches.

“It’s like how Dejun looks at our Renjun here and how Mark looks at me, I think,” Donghyuck elaborates. “We honestly thought he was the one for you, Jeno.”

Jeno feels his shoulder sagging. He hides his face in his palms, the ache in his head replaced with regret, torrents and torrents of it, as it brings the hollowness in his chest back to surface, where anyone could see.

“We’ll make it work, Jeno.”

Jeno feels foolish. Jaemin offered his heart to Jeno on a silver platter and Jeno just gave it back. No, he tore it apart before throwing it back, not knowing that in doing so, Jeno tore a part of himself too.

“I’m an awful person. I’m the worst.”

He’s looking at his best friends again, feeling the honesty fill him to the brim, leaking out, out of his control.

“Well, I’m not sure about you being the worst,” Renjun pipes. “You’re awful alright, but maybe not too awful. Jaemin liked you after all.”

“Hey let’s stop making this about Jaemin,” Donghyuck whines. “Isn’t our love and presence enough proof that Jeno isn’t a completely awful person?”

“Just say you’re jealous of Jaemin’s popularity and go, Donghyuck-ah.”

“Ya, Huang Injun!”

And just like that, Jeno feels like things will somehow be back to normal. Broken, but normal nonetheless.

The little party for Haneul breezes by quickly.

A few kids from the neighborhood and some of Haneul’s classmates filled the noodle shop with noises of excitement and glee. And even though, Jeno still is nursing a hangover, he’s grateful for the sudden change of atmosphere. His mom even smiles at him from time to time, and it’s not the polite but wary smile she gives to Jeno to asks if he’s okay—it’s the smile that says I’m glad you’re feeling better now.

Which he is. He’s more than thankful for Renjun and Donghyuck too, who together made up for Jeno’s dwindled supply of enthusiasm and entertained the kids to their hearts’ extent.

The little celebration comes to a close around five in the afternoon, with the kids leaving one by one until it’s just Haneul left, and Renjun and Donghyuck.

Jeno spots his best friends occupied with helping his mom and Soojin ahjumma take the empty plates to the kitchen. Haneul’s comfortably sitting down on one of the booths, flashing Jeno a toothy smile. Jeno settles on the seat from across her. He opens his phone to the latest working version of his game. “Haneul-ah, mind if you try this game for me?”

She takes Jeno’s phone and goes wide-eyed as the game starts to load, Mark’s sample score starting to fill the noodle shop.

“Oh!” Haneul exclaims, eyes lighting up into crescents. “She’s a girl, oppa!”

“Her name’s Han and you have to guide her towards the top of the buildings so she can restore everything back to normal again,” he explains, receiving eager nods in return.

Jeno watches carefully as Haneul reacts animatedly to the movements of the blocks in the first level. Once she wins, she grins at Jeno before focusing on the game again.

“Is Jaemin oppa coming?” Haneul asks suddenly, somewhere perhaps in the middle of playing Level 3.

Jeno ponders upon how to answer it before allowing himself to breathe.

“He’s not.” Jeno says honestly. “I don’t think he’s dropping by the shop anytime soon, Haneul-ah. Oppa said some really bad things to him. Oppa is a bad person.”

“Did you say sorry?”

Jeno stares at her, dumbfounded.

“Songsaeng-nim says you should always say sorry when you say something bad.”

“No,” Jeno finds himself answering quickly. “Not yet.”

“Then you should,” Haneul exclaims simply, seemingly wanting to end the conversation. She then slides Jeno’s phone back to him and reaches out for her phone—Soojin ahjumma’s phone—to play since the copy of the game on Jeno’s phone only lasts up to Level 3. The noises of another game already fills the interior of the shop as Jeno smiles at the sight of his favorite Lee. She really is a mini Jeno.

“This has been fun but we have to go now, Jeno,” Renjun says as he approaches the booth.

Jeno’s already moving to walk his best friend out when he feels himself swallowed by slender, albeit strong arms. Renjun’s struggling, with their height difference and all, but the hug is warm and cozy all the same. It lasts for more than a minute before Renjun breaks the silence.

“Jaemin’s Guerilla Date in Hongdae,” Renjun whispers. “Watch it and see for yourself, how he’s sincere about you.”

“Why are you whispering?” Jeno asks, feels himself smiling from the secrecy of it all.

“Because Donghyuck isn’t Jaemin’s biggest fan, and he’s just snorting the whole time we’re watching it.”

“Hey, hey, hey, hugging without me?” Donghyuck exclaims as he strides to them quickly, engulfing both Renjun and Jeno into his embrace. “Always leaving out the superior best friend in this trio!”

“Thank you,” Jeno says to them, feels his lips stretching to an effortless smile. “For today and forever.”

Donghyuck snorts, a cue for them to break the hug. “Bold of you to assume we’re staying with you forever.”

Jeno laughs and Renjun just rolls his eyes and says, “And that’s why you’re Jeno’s lesser best friend, Donghyuck-ah.”

Donghyuck throws a fake fit as he playfully pushes Renjun on the shoulder but Renjun outsmarts him and somehow ends up catching him in a chokehold as they step outside of the noodle shop.

“Play nice!” Jeno shouts at them. Both heads turn and wave him goodbye.

As he watches the retreating backs of his best friends, Jeno thinks maybe, just maybe, everything will be okay.

Jeno had washed up, ate the remaining haejang-guk for dinner when he thinks about Haneul’s mini lecture.

He sits himself comfortably on his bed, takes a deep breath and unlocks his phone to dial the familiar contact. His heart is stuck in his throat as he waits for it.

“The subscriber cannot be reached. Please try your call later.”

Jaemin must be using a different phone, Jeno thinks. He lets out a breath he doesn’t know he’s holding when he lies down. A bittersweet feeling prevails in his chest.

Renjun’s instruction comes to mind and in an instant, he finds his fingers tapping into Naver, typing in Jaemin Guerilla Date on the search bar. Several results come out, but he clicks on the first one, clocking in at nine minutes.

He sits up properly, leaning at his headboard before pressing play.

“On one peaceful summer afternoon, amidst the busy streets of Hongdae, the car with the star of the day arrives. A rising star as hot as the weather! Our favorite guardian angel is here! Na Jaemin!”

Jeno’s heart drops to his stomach when Jaemin smiles, happiness radiating all over him. Jeno feels queasy because he knows this, he’s been there that day. He remembers that afternoon in perfect detail and even if he’s aching, he persists. He’s missed Jaemin too much that he’s completely focused on the other in his phone screen, even if it isn’t real-time Jaemin.

Jeno watches and watches until they arrive at a certain segment.

“The public wants to know,” the host starts. “Is Na Jaemin in love with anyone right now?”

In the video, the crowd erupts into screams and Jaemin smiles shyly, scratching his nape slightly.

Jeno sits up. Because it’s this. It’s the scene that caused the hairline crack in his chest to propagate.

“I am,” Jaemin beams and the crowd erupts into louder screams, if that is even more possible. “This person makes me so happy. And I’m happy that I make them happy too.” Jaemin laughs, beautiful and bright.

Suddenly, Jeno feels the ghost of the heat of Hongdae on his skin, sees the version of himself feeling trapped in the crowd before ultimately breaking free.

“We won’t ask who this mystery person is but—” the host leans in as if he’s telling Jaemin a secret “Would you by chance any have tips how to make the people we love happy, in general? For all the folks watching!”

Jaemin thinks for a bit before his lips start to curl upwards. The camera changes to the one directly in front of him and now Jeno’s left reeling as Jaemin stares directly at the screen, looking directly at him.

“Just talk to them,” Jaemin starts. “Sometimes all you need is to do is listen. Then you’ll find out exactly how to make them happy. Next thing you know, making them happy will feel as normal as breathing.”

Jeno feels his breath taken away, as he soaks the meaning of Jaemin’s words and the glaring possibility that for Jaemin, it’s been Jeno all along, and that’s Jeno’s just too rigid, and too cynical to even consider the weight of Jaemin’s feelings.

Jeno opens Instagram right after finishing the clip, goes to a certain profile and sends a Hello? Yangyang-ssi? This is Lee Jeno and I would like to ask for your help.

°。°。°。°。°。°

Jeno doesn’t know what to expect when he returns to work on Monday.

But what he definitely doesn’t expect is Guanheng randomly asking for a fistbump the minute they enter the conference room for the weekly updates on Jeno’s game, and mumbling a Sorry for provoking you to drink, Lee. Jeno is weirded out by it but obliges the older before they proceed to find their seats around the table, his seat directly across Guanheng’s.

The meeting proceeds as it normally does—updates on bugs, structure corrections and color palette suggestions.

Things get shaken up once Guanheng raises his hand and says, “I have a proposition, actually. I thought of it while nursing my hangover last weekend.”

Truly, the star programmer, Jeno thinks.

“I just thought we can spice things up,” Guanheng starts, hand gesturing for them to look at the screen. “I know it’s complicated as it is, but I’m just saying giving the player the ability to walk on walls will even add further appeal to the game.”

True enough, the main character is walking sideways continuously on the screen. There’s a chorus of oohs and ahhs as Guanheng speaks further.

“I tried this because it got frustrating moving the cubes around for Level 10, and voila, I just made her walk on the wall. Problem solved,” Guanheng explains, lop-sided-grin on his face. “We could, I don’t know, have it embedded as some sort of special skill?”

Jeno’s still looking at the screen when he feels all eyes turn to him, including Guanheng’s.

“Jeno?”

Jeno turns to look at Baekhyun who’s tapping his chin in thought, as he waits for Jeno’s reply.

“I think it’s all right,” Jeno finally says after a stretch of pause. He looks at Guanheng and then to the screen when he continues. “It could make some paths faster, especially for the trickier levels.”

He looks at Guanheng again before looking at the rest of the group. “As per Guanheng-ssi’s suggestion, we can code this feature for level ten, and maybe levels eleven and twelve, too.”

It becomes quiet for a second before Haseul from Game Design speaks up. “I agree.” She nods as she looks at the screen, turning to Jeno when she further explains. “The gameplays for levels one to five are more or less final, but this feature can help with the much more complex structures. Seulgi unnie and her team can complicate the structures a bit and take this feature into consideration for those levels.”

“Ah,” Chaewon from Animation pipes. “It’s like how we only have the structure rotations for level four and other select levels?”

“Exactly!” Guanheng grins and Jeno finds himself doing the same.

“It’s settled then,” Baekhyun exclaims with a clap of his hands. “Jeno and Guanheng, please finalize the levels with this feature and run them over with Haseul and Seulgi.” He taps on the table as he turns to Yoojung from Animation. “If Seulgi and her team finishes one structure, can you animate it within this week?”

Yoojung nods, giving Baekhyun a thumbs up.

The meeting concludes on a positive note, with a refreshing spirit of excitement in the air.

Just as he’s about to stand from his seat and leave the room, Guanheng approaches him.

“Thanks for earlier, Lee,” Guanheng says, flashing him the same smile he’s used to hate. “I would have gladly stepped back if you thought it’d be too much.” The other’s smile doesn’t look that detestable anymore.

“Maybe you should smile more too, blind them with it.”

Jeno smiles. He registers the look of surprise in Guanheng’s face as he raises his fist to the other. Guanheng obliges and bumps his fist into Jeno’s in a trance.

“No problem, Guanheng-ssi.”

Guanheng walks out of the conference room in a daze. Jeno’s about to lose himself in a daze too when he hears someone cough theatrically.

“If you weren’t dating that actor dude, I would have rooted for you and Wong in a heartbeat.”

Baekhyun sighs and Jeno can only furrow his eyebrows in concern, more alarmed by the former statement than the latter.

“There’s no shortage of celebrity gossip in the office, Jeno-ssi, especially ones that involve one of our own,” Baekhyun says pointedly. “You would know if you mingle with your colleagues more, Lee.”

Jeno offers a weak smile.

“It’s okay,” Baekhyun assures him, patting his arm as he walks past by him.

“It’s never too late to start over.”

Jeno has already disappeared into his world of codes, blocks and grids when an unknown number called his phone.

“What do you mean by ‘I would like to ask for your help’?”

Liu Yangyang’s voice is scarier and ten times more intimidating than it was in person. Jeno can’t blame him, really.

Jeno gulps, clutching his phone tighter as he shifts on his swivel chair. “How did you—”

“Got your number from Kun-ge, if that’s what you’re asking.” Jeno could almost picture the smirk on the face of the model. “I was going to ignore you and leave your message on Seen but then I figured I should at least hear your side, no matter how shitty it might be.”

“I’m sorry, Yangyang-ssi. I—” Jeno hesitates, “I would have never bothered you but I don’t know who else to ask.”

There’s a sigh on the other line. “What do you want, Jeno-ssi?”

“How is he?”

“Oh, now you care about him again?” The other’s voice is laced with so much spite that makes Jeno flinch. But Jeno fights it.

“I tried to call him but his phone is switched off, I think.”

Yangyang scoffs. “You can’t just expect to easily reach out to someone after you’ve blatantly pushed them away. That’s not how it works.”

Jeno stands his ground. “I’ve hurt him.” He heaves a sigh. “I’ve hurt the very person who’s made me happy for the past couple of months. I’m a really terrible person.”

“Okay, I like where this is going. Continue shitting on yourself and maybe I’ll consider.”

“I just—” Jeno focuses on the hollowness in his chest that he’s aware he brought upon himself. Because for the past couple of months, Jaemin was just… Jaemin. And he had been nothing but kind, and sweet, and careful. While Jeno had been the cruel antagonist, the very foil to the sun that is Jaemin, who mercilessly took Jaemin out of the place he’s rightfully earned in Jeno’s life.

“I just want to hear his voice again, even if he might be mad at me. And I know whatever friendship we had is impossible to build back but I—” Jeno feels his heart starting to hurt again.

“—I just want to say sorry for making him feel like he’s not wanted, that I was itching to cut him off of my life.”

Tears threaten to spill from his eyes as he goes on as the other line remains quiet.

“I don’t think any apology might be enough, really, but I’ll try anyway. As much as I can. As much as I’m able to. He deserves that, at least.”

There’s a heavy sigh on the other line before the other finally speaks up.

“I don’t think he’s opened KakaoTalk since he’s been to Sapporo because he’s never replied to my messages there since he landed but at least there’s a chance he might read them.” Jeno hears shuffling from the other line before it comes to a halt. “You can leave him voice messages too, if you’re feeling brave.”

Jeno smiles, feeling relief seep into his system. “Thank you, Yangyang-ssi.”

Once Jeno decides to call it a night after testing Guanheng’s script for a different level, he opens KakaoTalk.

He clicks on his and Jaemin’s chat thread, takes a deep breath, and presses Record.

“Uhm. Hello, Jaemin. I don’t know when you’ll be able to open this. You probably don’t want to talk to me right now, or ever. But I just want to tell you things I should have told you in person.” He lowers his eyes, feeling a little bit flustered for talking as if the other’s actually listening. Chances are Jaemin might actually delete his thread with Jeno and block his number anyways. But still.

“I should have probably written this down. But knowing myself, I may end up not reading them, so—”

He smiles to himself, feeling silly, but it feels right.

“Here I go.”

°。°。°。°。°。°

There’s always an exhilarating feeling when Jeno sees his loved ones doing what they love.

It’s no different this time as he sees Donghyuck effortlessly fit his character like a glove, dancing merrily on stage to a korean version of Ej Pada Pada Rosicka.

Jeno’s still acquainted with the familiar tune he’d heard before when he was dragged to the fancy Charlotte Theater in Jamsil-dong, for the first South Korean tour of Once, back when they were still undergraduates. He remembers sitting in the middle of Renjun and Donghyuck, equally immersed in the musical from start to finish. They were on their second year of college, still on the cusp of transitioning from wandering young souls from Incheon into young adults actually working towards the respective degrees. It was before Dejun even started openly vying for Renjun’s affections. It was just them three, the original Incheon trio.

And now, years later, he’s watching Donghyuck perform his heart out on the stage of Inha University Theatre for a crowd of at least a hundred.

Renjun is still sitting beside Jeno, and is still as attentive to the musical as ever—but now he’s got this extra dopey in-love look at his face which Jeno assumes to be for Dejun, who’s had a hand at directing this production. Joining Renjun on the dopey in-love boyfriends club is Mark, who’s reacting a little too loud for theatre.

“Wow, they’re so great. Hyuck’s so great,” Mark says to him excitedly. “I’ll write him a song one day, I swear.”

Jeno feels himself smiling. “At this point, I’m surprised you still haven’t.”

“Will you keep it down, you two,” Renjun whispers to them scathingly. “I want to watch until the end without being escorted out for breaking theater etiquette, jeez.”

Mark and Jeno both snicker, only to be silenced by Renjun’s piercing glare.

As the whole ensemble sings a livelier version of Falling Slowly during the finale, Jeno’s heart soars as he lets the familiar song take him back to the memory of listening to it, albeit a different arrangement, beside the person he’d fallen in love with without meaning to.

He lets the feeling of bittersweet nostalgia wash over him in waves, hoping he’s able to translate it into his voice recording later, for the very person he’s missing at the moment. Apparently, recording voice messages for Jaemin has been a cathartic experience to Jeno. He’d somehow treated his KakaoTalk chat thread with Jaemin like a diary, going as far as sending some updates on the progress of his game—screenshots of some of the finished levels of his game complete with the final lighting and shading, snippets of the cutesy upbeat score Mark has composed for said finished levels—to the most random things in Jeno’s life—Haneul having a crush on someone in school, Dejun serenading Renjun on their anniversary and ending it with a ticket to Beijing for Christmas. In hindsight, he might actually seem foolish for choosing to record everything as if Jaemin will magically hear them all and possibly respond to them like he used to before.

In fact, Renjun, Donghyuck and even his mom and Sungkyung have expressed their support on Jeno sharing his thoughts and sentiments even if only in the form of a voice recording.

So Jeno guesses he won’t be stopping anytime soon.

Jeno follows Mark and Renjun as they squeeze into the throng of people in the hallways leading up to the dressing rooms after the show.

Applauses and cheers fill the air as loved ones greet and congratulate their loved ones on the cast and crew.

They easily spot Donghyuck as he comes out of one of the dressing rooms, makeup and hair from the finale still in perfect form. Dejun comes out soon after, and in an instant, Mark and Renjun flee, leaving Jeno to slowly trail after them.

“Better tell Jaemin I gave him a run for his money tonight,” Donghyuck cheekily whispers to him as Jeno envelops him in a hug. “Maybe if I’m feeling extra nice, I won’t threaten his status for a year or two.”

Jeno can’t help the laughter that escapes from him as he detaches from his best friend. “I’ll be sure to let him know.”

As Mark hogs Donghyuck’s attention with his endless praises, Jeno spots Wonyoung and Heejin.

He makes his way to them, trying to ease any discomfort that’s starting to bubble up inside him at the sight of his ex.

“Congratulations, Wonyoung-ah,” Jeno croons once he knows he’s in earshot.

Wonyoung turns to him, beaming, immediately reaching her arms out to hug him. “Thank you, oppa. Think I have a chance of landing a lead role within a year or so?”

Jeno hums a Yes as he disentangles himself from Wonyoung, who gets called by someone from a nearby crowd. Wonyoung smiles at him again before leaving.

“Our Wonyoungie seems to be more happy about you being here than me being here,” Heejin finally speaks up. She’s smiling at Jeno like an old friend. Jeno smiles back.

“Wow, I never knew I’d see the signature Lee Jeno smile again,” Heejin comments and before Jeno could even process what he’s about to do, he encircles Heejin in a hug. “Wow, the hugs are back too.”

When they draw back from each other, they both laugh before settling into a comfortable silence, walking away into the hallway.

“I’m sorry for not being as friendly when we bumped into each other,” Jeno says. “That caught me off-guard.”

Heejin nods as if she’s thinking about it before breaking into the lovely grin Jeno’s always been accustomed with. “You were on a date, Jeno. Of course, you’d be caught off-guard.”

Jeno almost chokes. Heejin seems to have noticed and asks him instantly, “Wonyoung told me Jaemin might come and I didn’t laugh because I knew there’s a chance he would.”

There’s a question in Heejin’s gaze. Genuine worry.

Jeno gives in and spills the truth, “He can’t, because he’s out of the country right now. And we kind of fought. Well, I fought with him.” Jeno’s lips tug into a weak smile. “I sometimes think I’ve lost him for good. But most days I pretend I still haven’t.”

There’s a hand on his arm, squeezing it in comfort, accompanied by a warm gaze from the other. “As long as you haven’t completely given up, then I believe you’ll be okay.”

The hand squeezes his arm one last time before letting go.

°。°。°。°。°。°

It’s almost four weeks into sending Jaemin his mini diaries when Jeno’s hopes skyrocket even further.

Haneul tugs on his jacket when he’s about to leave for work, and of course, Jeno could never say no. It’s one of those mornings when Soojin ahjumma arrives at the shop earlier than usual, with an overeager Haneul in tow.

He bends down to her and ruffles her hair. He’s about to ask her if she’s got a new game to show him when he sees her pointing on the TV screen by the register.

“Jaemin-oppa!”

Jeno whips his head around quickly and confirms. It is indeed Jaemin, on the MBC Morning News.

He’s walking at the airport, posing for several members of the press, and some of his crowd of fans at the arrival section of Incheon International Airport.

Jeno’s heart beats wildly in his chest.

Jaemin looks different in some ways, but still the same.

His hair is a shade darker from its previous honey brown. His sunkissed skin glows, as radiant as ever—even more somehow. His smile is still as blinding and as warm, as if the sun has toppled down straight from the sky and made a nest in Jeno’s heart.

Jeno can’t help the butterflies in his stomach from fluttering so wildly as he reads the headline on TV: South Korea’s Drama Prince is Back Home.

At work, Jeno calls Yangyang and confirms this. He gets a snicker from the other line before Yangyang tells him that apparently, the overseas filming finished earlier than expected, and that their management wanted to make sure Temptation gets it well-deserved promotion every chance they can get. Thus, they’re having Jaemin attend the yearly anticipated Busan International Film Festival.

Jeno’s too delighted at the news, and for a second he feels like the universe is on his side, even if there’s too little of a chance for Jaemin to want to see him, let alone speak to him.

Jeno wants to say a lot of things, too—an apology on top of his list—but he knows he should tell them directly to Jaemin and not through a text message, a phone call or a video call. Because Jaemin deserves more. Besides, Jaemin still hasn’t opened their KakaoTalk thread, and since he’s in the same postal code as Jeno now, Jeno’s more than determined to seek him out.

So when Jeno asks Yangyang how long Jaemin might be staying in Busan and Yangyang says “You can ask him yourself,” Jeno starts to feel hopeful.

After having dinner, doing the dishes, and pacing back and forth in his room for almost thirty minutes, Jeno decides to get right into it.

He sends Jaemin a text saying, Hello, Jaemin. Saw you in the news earlier. I was hoping we could talk. Can we?

Jeno counts down an excruciating five minutes before his phone lights up from a caller ID, belonging to someone he’s missed so badly. The text reads Sure, Jeno. You can give me a call.

Jeno’s hand shakes as he dials the familiar contact, his stomach tied in knots, his heart ever so restless.

It takes five rings before the call is picked up.

“Hello, Jaemin,” Jeno starts, heart lodging on his throat. “Thank you for letting me call you.”

There’s mellow music playing on the other side of a line, and a sigh before Jaemin responds.

“Hello to you, too. It sounded urgent. What is it, Jeno?”

Those statements sound too formal from Jaemin’s voice. Jeno starts to feel the urge to end the call and drop his plans altogether. But that would make everything counterproductive, his mind fights him. And Jeno’s past running away at this point.

“I just—” His voice falters as he sits down on his bed, no longer trusting himself to stand with his wobbling knees. “—I have things to tell you that I want to tell you in person, Jaemin-ah.” The grip on his bed sheets tighter as he tries to tether himself into stability.

“Can this wait?”

Of course, I’ve waited three months. I can wait until I’m allowed to, his mind supplies.

“My schedule’s just really packed right now,” Jaemin calmly adds. “I’ll get in touch with you on when we can meet.”

Jeno feels his chest grow heavy with how dismissive Jaemin’s tone is but he fights it.

“Yes, of course.” He gulps. “I have G-Star anyways. I don’t know if you still remember that.”

“Of course, I remember, Jeno.”

“Oh.” Jeno’s grip on his bed sheets loosen.

“I’ll see you after that then,” Jaemin says. “I have to sleep now. Big day tomorrow. Good night, Jeno.”

Jeno parrots a “Good Night” before Jaemin cuts the call.

He then lies down on his bed, and stares up at his ceiling feeling as if he had run a marathon somehow, his shoulders tensing so much from a call that barely lasted five minutes. He closes his eyes for a brief moment, letting all the worries and doubts of the past few months fade away into nothingness as he repeats the words that will anchor him until he meets Jaemin again.

“Of course, I remember, Jeno.”

He sleeps with his hand over his heart, taking a little too long to calm down, his mind reliving the sensation of the heart of the other as it beats as fast for him.

When he wakes up, he texts Baekhyun a title suggestion for the game and gets a quick reply that says About time, inspiration hit you, Lee. Good morning to you, too.

°。°。°。°。°。°

G-Star turns out to be exactly what Jeno dreamed to be, and more.

The cold Busan air welcomes him as he and his colleagues arrive outside the venue. He sees fans in long queues for their tickets to the highly-anticipated event. Below the huge block letters of BEXCO at the entrance are streamers of G-Star 2019, a couple of Fortnite ones, PUBG ones, and even streamers of Google Play.

He’s already happy just thinking about having walked the halls of BEXCO back then—a mere undergraduate with a little too much passion for games. But now, it feels ten times more satisfying, having to experience the event as both a gamer and a game creator.

They take turns in manning their booth, with Jiwoo in the Han costume, and Jihoon in the Ten costume—the main character in Candle Light—also resting in between cosplaying Dream Labs’ flagship characters. They eat snacks and lunch in the cafeteria and the food stalls strategically placed inside and outside the venue before going back to business. When he’s not manning their booth, Jeno’s either with Mark or Baekhyun, and sometimes even Guanheng. He goes crazy trying out the soft launches of yet-to-be-released games of both industry giants and rising indie game developers.

As the event goes on and he’s met with rows and rows of LCDs with games he knows and doesn’t, colorful cosplayers from game franchises he has or hasn’t played, action figures and merchandise from games he owns and doesn’t, Jeno knows he wouldn’t trade this for the world.

On the third day of G-Star, Jeno’s casually watching as a cosplay competition ends on one of the exhibition platforms when Baekhyun approaches him.

His boss playfully nudges him on the shoulder, and he can only respectfully nod in response.

“You excited for tomorrow?” Baekhyun’s got his arms crossed. He’s not looking at Jeno, but at the team setting up on stage, possibly for the next event: a game demonstration, flashing on the LCD screen. “Chanyeol will be called to the stage first to give a short intro about us, then he’ll call you when it’s—” Baekhyun breaks into a show of jazz hands. “—Showtime.”

Jeno smiles, already mildly nervous about his presentation, but he’s also giddy about the idea of showing his creation to the rest of the world.

“What did you think about when you first went up to introduce your game?”

Baekhyun’s eyes grow fond with nostalgia as he laughs. “Frankly, I don’t remember much of the details at this point.” He goes back to crossing his arms, dopey smile plastered on his face. “I just remembered feeling I was on top of the world.”

Jeno settles himself beneath the hotel’s comfortable covers as Mark’s snores rumble across the room. He thinks of Jaemin.

He opens his KakaoTalk thread with Jaemin only to be met with a single check, mark which means his voice messages—well, all of his messages, really—are still left unread.

He’s looking at his perfectly ironed three-piece suit by the dresser while thinking if he should send Jaemin a text. Jaemin’s somehow been a part of this journey after all, and it would only feel right for Jeno—energizing, even—to at least receive a message, no matter how short from Jaemin.

He quickly sends a Can’t wait until we meet again knowing Jeno-on-a-normal-day won’t probably send that at all. He holds his phone close to his chest, feeling his heart gallop when it vibrates, the screen lighting up.

Is your presentation over?

He hears his heart beating loudly as he swiftly replies, Not yet. It’s tomorrow.

A minute almost passes until he decides to call it a night, but his phone vibrates again.

You should be sleeping then. Good luck, Jeno.

In films he’s watched, there comes a moment where the main character’s life flashes in front of their eyes. It’s normally when said character is at the brink of death, meeting it face-to-face with no way out.

Last time Jeno checked, he isn’t dying. No, he isn’t.

But he’s about to introduce his baby to the rest of the world, and whether or not it’ll garner hype and a following on its official release rests on him, and entirely him. Jeno gulps.

He looks at the crowd. He estimates a crowd a little over a hundred of gamers, game creators and investors alike, listening to Chanyeol’s introduction of Dream Labs.

Before he knows it, he hears Chanyeol say, “Let me call onto the stage, the lead programmer for Dream Labs’ next big hit, Lee Jeno!”

He walks up the stage, his breathing rapid and shallow. He tries to crack a smile, hoping it doesn’t look as awkward as it feels before clicking on his pointer.

The LCD screen flashes the first slide of the deck he and Baekhyun and several people in the team has put up for this presentation. He sees the animation of Han following the pink-haired guide NPC below the game title, written in uppercase using the serif font Jeno personally handpicked.

“Heartbeat City.” Jeno reads before looking at the crowd. “Today I’ll be talking about this little game we made, Heartbeat City.”

Several slides into his presentation, his nerves somehow calm down. He’s able to hold people’s gazes too without feeling too antsy, too anxious to run away.

Heartbeat City is his baby. No matter how nervous he might feel, at the end of the day, it’s his, and he’d regret it if he doesn’t give his all.

Towards the end of the slides, he even manages to crack a joke or two. He feels triumphant hearing some of the audience members laugh with him.

He’s not the world’s best public speaker, but by the time he’s reached the last slide, he’s filled to the brim with happiness, excitement and pride.

There’s a round of applause before the hosts announces a five-minute break before they proceed with the fifteen-minute question-and-answer portion.

He hears Baekhyun call him from backstage so he briefly goes to him.

A bottle of water is handed to him as he starts collecting his breath. “Look at you even joking with the crowd, Lee. Who are you and what have you done to Lee Jeno?”

Jeno laughs a little.

The ads for G-Star’s main sponsors briefly play on screen when he feels Baekhyun squeeze both of his shoulders. “You have fifteen minutes left, Lee. If you get a question too difficult and challenging to answer, just look my way. Either I or Chanyeol will deal with it. Comprende?”

Jeno smiles at the Spanish from his boss before he makes his way back to the center of the stage.

The portion begins with simple questions about what sets their game apart from all other games, challenges they faced when they playtested the game, and the artistic decisions that were rejected before they came up with the final look.

Jeno breezes through them all, answering to the best of his capabilities, his nerves completely forgotten. As he’s thinking of the answer to the question of a possible sequel to the game, Jeno realizes that maybe, just maybe, when it comes to his games, he’ll never be tongue-tied.

“We can accept one more question before we end this session,” the host says.

One of the audience members, a guy in a corporate attire, goes to the nearest microphone stand and speaks.

“Good morning. First of all, congratulations with your game. It looks really good, story-wise and graphics-wise. Clearly, your game title comes from the mechanics, that you’re restoring the city by making the heart of the buildings beat again.” He clicks his tongue. “I’m just curious where the idea of ‘heartbeats’ came from. If it’s okay to ask. Thank you.”

Jeno feels himself blushing, knowing perfectly well why he chose to name it that way.

He takes a deep breath before answering. “Thank you for your praises and for your question. Uhm, to answer your question, well—” He scratches his neck, feels the warmth slowly making its way to his cheeks all of a sudden. “Earlier this year, I met someone. And I don’t know, call me a fool, but for most of my time working on this, I was thinking of that person. Originally, I just had the idea of Han restoring the buildings back to normal but then in the middle of working on this game, including getting stuck with the title, this person—”

He pauses to smile just because he can’t help it.

“This person gave me the idea of thinking of my favorite things, and after a while I eventually realized—” He swallows nervously, but soldiers on. “Everything about him is my favorite. His jokes and how effortless his wit is. His smile and how bigger it actually gets when he gets even happier. His warmth and how he never runs out of it. And above all, his heart—”

He smiles fondly, no longer feeling nervous.

“His heart, and the sensation of it beating right under my palm. His heart and the sound of it loud and clear to my ears. His heart and how it was beating, the shining indication that he might have truly liked me back as much as I liked him.”

He can’t help the bittersweet taste in his mouth as he’s reminded that he’s the one that threw it all away.

“I don’t know why I should even answer this in detail, but yeah. I can’t always say what’s on my mind, so I just wanted to show it here. In the best way I know. I’m hoping he hears it one way or another.”

The crowd breaks into a round of applause and cheers.

Jeno feels his heart in his ears as he smiles and takes his bow one last time before making a move to leave the stage. As the host delivers her closing remarks and introduction for the next activity, Jeno sees a familiar looking silhouette in the crowd. The moment he blinks, the figure is gone.

Jeno laughs bitterly to himself, thinking that perhaps he’s just missed that person so much, his mind’s already playing tricks on him.

They head over to one of the popular samgyeopsal places in Haeundae to celebrate the success of Jeno’s presentation.

When Jeno makes a move to wrap one of the cooked meats into a lettuce to offer it to Baekhyun, they laugh at him in unison with Chanyeol calling for orders of soju and beer.

Jeno, of course, makes a mental note to keep his drinking to a minimum, not wanting to have an encore of time he became unhinged due to his drinking. He can’t say the same for the rest of his colleagues though, especially Guanheng, who’s only a couple of shots away from completely going wild.

He’s on his way to the restroom when he decides to check Instagram. He stops on his tracks, seeing Yukhei’s recent post—he almost hears Renjun’s voice saying, Brave of you to follow the enemy, Jeno.

Yukhei’s post is a picture of him and a couple of other people raising their soju glasses. Jeno almost chokes when he sees Jaemin in the picture. He reads Yukhei’s caption over and over, thinking no, it can’t be real, it can’t be a real-time post. He freaks out as he enters the restroom, and sends a Is Jaemin still in Busan? to Yangyang.

He gets a response right away, and finds himself staring at his reflection in the mirror, looking back and forth at Yangyang’s reply.

Yes. Jaemin is still in Busan.

The group decides to go for a second round on drinks. Mark and Jeno, however, decide to bid their farewell, with their flights back to Incheon earlier than everyone else’s. And besides, Jeno’s soul has mostly left the building already, now knowing Jaemin is in the same city as him at the same exact moment.

Baekhyun grabs Jeno by the shoulders, reeling him into a hug. “You did great today, kid. Can’t wait to get back to work and finish this until it’s launch-ready.”

When Mark and him step into the cab that Mark hailed, Jeno decides to follow his gut.

“Can we stop over somewhere before we go back to the hotel?” he asks Mark, hoping the fire in his gut translates to his gaze for Mark to agree. It works. Mark nods at him, perhaps bewildered at Jeno’s sudden request.

He unlocks his phone and calls Yangyang. It almost takes a minute of Mark looking at him weirdly before Yangyang picks up the call.

“Hello, Yangyang-ssi. This might sound crazy but I need your help for real this time.”

The hotel receptionist smiles at him as she ends his call with Yangyang.

When she ends the call, she gestures to the elevator. “He’s staying at Room 31, sir.”

Jeno steps into the elevator, clenches his fists a little too tightly. He tries to swallow the forming lump in his throat, and slow down the maddening throbbing of his heart in his chest.

This is out of schedule, what are you thinking?

Insane. That’s what Jeno feels now. Insane, unhinged and very much in love.

Jeno tries running the words over his head, the words he’ll say to Jaemin. It doesn’t look to be all put together, if Jeno’s to be honest. An apology sits on the very top of his priorities to say to the other so he focuses on that instead.

He steps out of the elevator and takes deep and shallow breaths as he slowly makes his way towards Room 31.

He stops in front of the door, feels his hand shaking as his knuckles make contact with the door when he knocks.

He inhales and exhales before knocking once. And again. And again.

He’s about to knock once more when it opens.

“Oh.”

Jeno doesn’t know if he’s the one who says it or the person in front of him.

“Super Jen, right?”

It’s Yukhei, in his half-naked and chiseled glory, only wearing a towel from his waist under. His hair drips as if he’s just stepping out of the shower.

“I thought this is—”

“Jaemin’s room? Yes it is. He’s over at Kun’s I think.”

I liked him a little too much. Jaemin’s honest confession rings a little too clear in his head.

“Hey, tell you what. You can come inside while we phone—”

“No need. There’s no need.” He’s fumbling over his words, Jeno knows, but he has no control over anything right now. His heart already getting torn to shreds as he stands there longer.

“You sure? You look like you’ve got something to say to him. Does he know you’re coming?”

“I...” Need to get out of here, Jeno’s mind supplies. “I’ll text him, Yukhei-ssi. Don’t tell him I stopped by.”

Yukhei looks at him curiously, perhaps deciding if he’ll call out Jeno’s bluff.

Jeno doesn’t give him the chance to. He starts walking back to the elevator. He faintly hears Yukhei saying “Hey, man. You sure you’re leaving?” but he lets it blur into white noise as he steps into the elevator with the sound of his heart breaking as the only thing he hears in his ears.

Mark snaps him out of his daze once he gets into the cab.

“How was it? You two sorted it out that quickly?”

Jeno directs their apartment’s address to the driver, trying to sound as put together as he can before mumbling “Our flight tomorrow’s early, hyung. We have to go back now” to Mark without looking at him.

Before Jeno could let everything come crashing down on him, his phone vibrates in his pocket. It’s a text from Yangyang.

Is Jaemin there? Did you see him?

Jeno’s quivering fingers types a No, I didn’t. and hits send. He quickly switches off his phone, wanting to live in his bubble, for just a little longer, for fear that he could accidentally spill the truth of what transpired tonight to Yangyang, and to Renjun and Donghyuck. He’s still meeting Jaemin when he goes back to Incheon, even though the when and where isn’t decided yet. He’s still talking to the other no matter how utterly aching his heart is right now. Jaemin still deserves to hear a proper apology. Jaemin still deserves Jeno’s heart even if Jaemin’s heart is no longer his—was it even Jeno’s in the first place?

“Hey, Jeno. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Jeno answers quickly, thinking nothing’s really wrong except for the fact that he was just at the wrong place and at the wrong time. He braves a smile at Mark to assure the elder. “Nothing’s wrong, hyung. I’m just tired.”

His mind is reeling, his heart is hurting. He leans on the passenger seat, takes off his glasses, and closes his eyes.

The time to deal with all this will come, Jeno knows, but clearly it’s not tonight. It doesn’t have to be.

Until then, everything can wait. Tonight, he needs the space.

Tonight, he needs to breathe.

“What do I tell him, Jeno?”

Mark tilts his phone screen so Jeno can see the obnoxious caller ID--My Full Sun <3--of his best friend on Mark’s phone. “He’ll probably want to know why you haven’t switched on your phone yet.”

Jeno, in fact, doesn’t plan to. Not until he gets the rest of what he wants, that is. They’ve been given the day off, so Jeno’s hell bent to sticking to being dead to the rest of the world. No exceptions.

“I’ll call them myself later, hyung. Maybe tonight?” Jeno says, lips making its best effort to smile at the elder. They’re sitting and waiting for the boarding announcement of their flight back to Incheon. “I promise.”

Mark doesn’t fight him and instead smiles at him with worry. Jeno looks away not wanting to continue the conversation any longer.

It’s pitying, Jeno thinks. After wallowing in his self-misery but fortunately stitching himself together, here he is waiting for his flight home to Incheon, with a possibly more broken heart than before.

“Wakey wakey, Super Jen,” Mark announces as their cab arrives at his house. The familiar sign of Lee Noodle Shop makes Jeno feel he’s home.

Mark offers to help him with his luggage, but Jeno smiles it off and bids Mark farewell. Mark has put up with enough of Jeno’s hopelessness for most of their team’s stay in Busan, so Jeno thinks Mark deserves to rest now and maybe reunite with his boyfriend who missed him so much, as evidenced by their lovey dovey exchanges in their KakaoTalk group chat.

He sleepily trudges with his luggage towards the porch of their noodle shop and sees the Closed sign still hanging by the entrance.

He expects to hear his mom’s playful nagging once he enters the shop, followed by the familiar clinking of the bell by the door. He hopes to smell food being cooked in the kitchen. He's quite famished. It’s been a long day.

What he doesn’t expect is a familiar pair of brown eyes immediately catching his attention.

Jaemin slowly stands up from where he’s sitting—from the same booth they always used to sit in.

Jaemin’s hair is indeed a darker shade of brown, darker in person than on TV, a striking difference from the honey brown that Jeno was used to the last couple of months before the festival.

Jeno gulps nervously, feeling something large and heavy settling in his throat, rendering him speechless. His feet stays rooted from where he’s standing by the entrance, his hands clammy, itching to reach out and touch, to check if the boy he’s been missing is really here, and not just a fucked up figment of his desperate imagination.

He blinks his eyes, once, twice and thrice, making sure he’s not hallucinating, still looking at
Jaemin who’s also seemingly unable to move from where he stood.

Jaemin breaks the silence first.

“Hey.”

Jeno doesn’t notice his mom coming out of the kitchen and sauntering towards the booth Jaemin’s at, two bowls of ramyun in hand.

“I see you’ve come home, Jeno.” She smiles at him. “Not sure what ramyun you’d want for breakfast but I’ve prepared your favorite. Let’s hope Jaemin here likes it too.”

“I promise I’ll pay for my bowl, Mrs. Lee.” The smile Jaemin gives his mom leaves a bittersweet pang in Jeno’s chest.

His mom shakes his head, smiling warmly. “This one’s on the house, son. We still owe you a seaweed soup. And I told you to call me ‘eomoni, Jaemin-ah,” his mom sweetly says to Jaemin before walking towards Jeno and enveloping him in her embrace.

“He’s been waiting since earlier, when the sun has barely risen,” she whispers to him.

Jeno holds his breath.

“You need to find your words and talk it out, okay, honey?”

“I’ll try,” he finally whispers back, returning the embrace just as fiercely, like he’s trying to re-charge to full capacity; he knows he’ll need it. The moment ends, and his mom pinches him lightly by his arm one last time before letting go and going back to the kitchen.

After what seemed like forever, Jeno’s legs start to function again. He starts walking towards Jaemin.

“I’m finally returning this to you.” The actor slides over a paper bag to Jeno. From his periphery, Jeno sees his familiar red hoodie peeking out. The sound of his heart breaking commences. He’s cutting the loose ends now, Jeno’s mind supplies.

“I would also like to ask you about this,” Jaemin says as he presses something in his phone, laying it on the table. “I wanted to hear the real thing, with my own ears.”

“Uhm. Hello, Jaemin. I don’t know when you’ll be able to open this.”

Jeno gulps. In a daze, he finds himself sitting down as Jaemin plays the recording that is all too familiar. Jaemin mirrors him and sits down as well.

“You probably don’t want to talk to me right now, or ever. But I just want to tell you things I should have told you in person.”

“Stop that,” says Jeno, now finding his voice.

Jaemin pauses it, arching an eyebrow.

Jeno soldiers on, “Please don’t break my heart this early.”

Jaemin looks at him confused, devastated.

Jeno lowers his gaze. “Can I at least eat first?” he mumbles, hand blindly reaching out for the chopsticks, but then Jaemin’s hand covers it.

“You wanted to meet, right, Jeno?” Jaemin says. “We didn’t make specific plans yet but we were gonna meet and talk things out, yeah?”

Yes, Jeno wants to scream, but that was before I found out you got back together with your ex and before you surprising me out of nowhere, ready to smash what remains of my heart into pieces.

Instead Jeno just says, “Yes.” He starts to stir the ramyun and lets the scent of it calm him. He soothes himself to stop the tears from falling.

He still doesn’t look up at Jaemin when he continues, “But we’re meeting now, right? I’m not sure why you decided on your own and showed up here, this early. I may be done with my presentation but I’m too tired to comprehend anything right now, Jaemin-ah. So please be gentle with me.”

The last bit stings more than it should.

He’s about to take a bite when Jaemin stops him.“Can you at least look at me, Jeno?”

Jeno complies, slowly putting his chopsticks down, but not without acting as if Jaemin’s touched burned his skin. He could almost see the dread that flashed in Jaemin’s eyes when he retracts his hands back.

“Was that too hard?”Jaemin says, clicking his tongue. His gaze then falls upon Jeno in earnest. He looks terrified.

“I wasn’t planning on extending my stay in Busan,” Jaemin explains slowly. “Especially with the schedules lined up for the next few weeks.” Jaemin’s eyes are the ocean, all-encompassing and overwhelming for Jeno’s sleep deprived hurting heart. “But when you sent me that text, I knew I made the right choice to stay, Jeno.”

Jeno stills.

”You were so great up there and I just wanted to come up to you then, but—” Jaemin stops, heaves a sigh. “I knew you wanted to meet up after, when you’ve come back. And I don’t want to rush things—”

“What did you say?”

“I didn’t want to rush things with you, but I gave up on waiting because I—”

“You went to my presentation?” Jeno asks, struggling to string his words together.

“Yes, Jeno,” Jaemin softly replies in defeat, shoulders sagged.

Jeno’s mind wanders back to the Q&A portion, when he’d not-so-subtly professed his feelings, when he thought his eyes, his heart, deceived him and made him see things he wanted to see.

“You went and heard everything?”

Jaemin nods twice.

“I thought I was hallucinating,” Jeno starts, his mind in a daze. “I thought my mind’s trying to trick me into seeing you, and then I saw that post.” He swallows nervously. “And then I asked Yangyang and confirmed that you were there, and you were…and I asked if he could help me go up straight to your hotel room.”

Jeno’s struggling with his words now, barely holding it in but he continues. “I didn’t even know what to expect, Jaemin, I thought I could see you and maybe—”

“Maybe what, Jeno?”

“I thought we could talk things out like ordinary people, but Yukhei was there—”

“The shower in his hotel room was broken, Jeno! If you stayed a little longer like he offered, you would have known!”

“Oh,” he says, suddenly feeing dumb.

“What did you think, Jeno?”

“I thought—” Jeno starts but ends up with nothing. When Jaemin sighs, Jeno feels air constricting his lungs. “You liked him a little too much.”

Jaemin smiles bitterly. “Of all the things you choose to remember, you choose that.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. You didn’t answer my question, Jeno,” Jaemin says softly but with more conviction than before. There’s a hint of a sad but hopeful smile on his lips.

“Why’d you come to the hotel, Jeno?”

Jeno looks down on his ramyun as he gives up, ready to offer what remains of his heart to the boy in front of him.

As long as you haven’t completely given up…

There’s no shortcuts, no software, no cheat codes for this situation. Jeno realizes there’s no other way for Jaemin to know other than this:

“I missed you.”

Jeno inhales once more before he continues, regarding Jaemin’s silence as a sign to go on. “I know I don’t have the right to, Jaemin-ah. Since I was the asshole who made you cry and pushed you away—and I apologize for that. I hated myself once I let the words out. I still hate myself now and I know it’s too late now but—” Jeno pauses to look up to the boy in front of him who deserves a proper apology.

“I just wanted to let you know that no, Jaemin, as awful as it sounds, it’s not you. It’s not your fault. It never was. I was a coward and an idiot for not being honest with myself, for not being honest with you. Because I know you, Jaemin. I know you and your beautiful heart, all your smiles, all the secrets and all the heartbreaks that you’ve graciously shared with me. I know you, and I trust you so much.”

“Jeno—”

“And now—now, I lost that. I lost the chance to be with someone who makes me happy, who I want to share my life with, down to the tiniest details that won’t even really matter to some people.” Jeno pauses to breathe. “I miss sharing every little thing with you, I miss our dinners—which I refused to acknowledge as dates, I know, I’m sorry—I just. I just miss everything. Everything about you. I still don’t understand how feelings work, but fuck—” Jeno’s eyes start to water. “I miss you, Jaemin.”

Jeno can’t stop, he’s not sure how.

“I miss you even when you’re sitting here in front of me right now. I know—I can’t believe it. And I know I’ll miss you even more after today, but I will try to move on, I promise. Just give me time, Jaemin-ah.”

His chest is squeezing almost painfully, but he feels lighter, a sense of triumph in finally saying what he wanted to say, what he had been wanting to say for months now to the boy who has stolen his heart and ran away with it.

Jeno hadn’t known it was possible for anyone in the world to love someone as much as he has come to love Jaemin.

“I’m so in love with you, Jaemin-ah. I might not have said it back to you when it mattered, but you were wrong, Jaemin-ah. You were wrong when you said you’ve always known that I didn’t like you as much as you liked me—” Jeno’s voice breaks and he can’t help it at this point. “I’m in love with you then, and I’m still in love with you now. ”

He’s full on sobbing now, and he must look utterly pathetic. But he can’t make himself regret anything. He knows he has more to say but he doubts he can say anything more, so he tries to stay still, waiting for the final blow to his heart.

“Why do you sound so sad saying it?” Jaemin finally says.

Jeno is rendered immobile as he watches a relieved Jaemin get up and move to Jeno’s side of the booth. He grabs Jeno’s face in his hands, so gentle, that Jeno isn’t sure what to feel. Anxiety brews in the pit of his stomach.

“I miss you too, idiot,” Jaemin says.

“Jaemin—”

“I’m holding your face since you can’t seem to look at me, when really,” Jaemin says before sighing. “All I wanted was to properly look at you and tell you that I fucking missed you too, Jeno.”

“Jaem—”

“Shush! You didn’t even stay and wait for me at the hotel, Jeno. Yukhei is my ex, sure, but I’ve made it pretty clear that all I want is you, you and only you, Jeno.”

“But when I visited you, he kissed you—”

“I should really orient you with how people in this field greet each other.”

“And he went with you to the festival—”

“I told you I just hitched a ride with him. On that entire ride, I was telling him about you, Jeno,” Jaemin explains with exasperation. “I was going crazy for the longest time not knowing if I was fighting the good fight. I never really knew if you really liked me back. You’re always doing all these things for me, showing up on set when you didn’t have to, going to the gala with me when it was clearly not your thing, sharing parts of your life with me just as I was sharing parts of my life with you...”

Jeno’s cheeks are burning but Jaemin’s grip remains firm but gentle.

“It drove me crazy that I never knew for sure. And at one point I accepted that maybe—maybe it was all one-sided. And I was okay with that.” Jaemin swallows, exhaustion permeating his features. “But you let me stay over and somehow you let me all the way in. And I’ve never been more thankful, but then that night happened. The night of the festival. And it’s like your walls climbed right back up, so high and strong. It was like everything that I’ve poured out was useless—”

Jeno is stunned. He opens his mouth to speak, but Jaemin is still dead set on making Jeno hear him out.

“Thank God my flight back here was earlier than yours so I could slap some sense into you because god damn it—” Jaemin closes his eyes in frustration. “I’m still very much in love with you, Jeno, you moon-eyed idiot.”

Jeno’s eyes are starting to tear up again as he takes in the sight in front of him, registering what has been spoken by the boy he’s madly in love with.

The hands on Jeno’s face are gone; they’ve made their way around him, holding him in a warm embrace. Jaemin’s breath tickles the skin on his neck.

“Don’t you dare move on from me, Jeno,” Jaemin whispers to him, hugging him tighter, with no sign of letting go anytime soon.

Jeno returns the embrace, just as warm, just as tight. He finds himself smiling as tears trickle down his face. “Only if you don’t move on me from me, too.”

“Well, it’s kind of hard to. I don’t think anyone can top a confession like yours.”

Jeno laughs, feels it vibrate through the other’s shoulder. They both draw back, but not completely detached from each other, Jaemin’s hands still around his neck, his own hands on Jaemin’s waist.

“And in case you forgot.” Jaemin grins. “I still have to return your shirt, and your pajamas.”

“I’m surprised you still have my hoodie. You have all the right to burn it.”

“I return everything I borrow, Jeno.”

“Along with my heart?”

Jaemin smiles, shaking his head. “I’m afraid that’s, er—non-returnable. ”

“Then I won’t return yours, too,” Jeno professes without preamble. “All’s fair in love and… you know.”

“Oh, I know,” Jaemin says knowingly and winks.

Jeno laughs, unravelling. The smile Jaemin gives him makes Jeno feel as if there’s no space left in his heart, all of it filled with just Jaemin, Jaemin and Jaemin.

“If you truly mean what you said, then please do something about it,” Jaemin finally says, his fingers idly playing with the hair on the back of his neck, his eyes darting down to the other’s lips before looking back up.

Jeno may still not know everything there is to know about love, but he does get that.

“Can I kiss you?” Jeno asks, overwhelmed by Jaemin’s stare.

“Yes,” Jaemin says breathily. “I’d hate you if you don’t.”

Jeno is smiling as he closes the distance between them, finally chasing the lips of the boy who means the world to him. Jaemin being Jaemin, inches closer to further close the gap.

When their lips finally meet, the rest of the world falls away.

A couple of kisses and hushed I really missed yous later, they find themselves stumbling into his bedroom, Jaemin falling on his back into Jeno’s bed.

And when Jeno finally cages Jaemin and mumbles a quiet I love you against the other’s lips, he can feel Jaemin smiling wide in return. Jeno knows he’s never been happier.

He has come home.

Chapter Text

“Well, you have suffered enough,

and warred with yourself.

It's time that you won.”

The lasting memory Jaemin has of his childhood is his parents’ kisses on his forehead as they leave the house for work.

His parents were highschool best friends turned sweethearts who both shared the same dream of getting into the medical program of Seoul National University. So it wasn’t surprising really, for them to end up marrying and starting their own family, buying a spacious house in Apgujeong and providing Jaemin the luxurious life that any parent would dream for their child.

But Jaemin knows not all luxuries can be bought.

It’s during his final year of highschool when he comes to accept that perhaps their house may never really be a home.

He was coming home from a casting call for an SBS drama when he was welcomed by the smell of his mother’s kimchi jigae, which Jaemin knew to be an indication that they’re celebrating something. It turned out that they were indeed celebrating something when his parents broke the news of them joining Doctors Without Borders. They’ve recently volunteered to be a part of the team that helped the victims of torrential floods in South Pyongan province at that time. So when the organization announced that they were launching an office in Seoul, his parents couldn’t simply pass up the opportunity. Jaemin remembers their smiles and how satisfied they were with their work that he tried so hard to bury the spark of jealousy in his gut which he doesn’t really know who to direct to. Instead, Jaemin smiled at them, wide and bright, telling them he’s proud to have been raised by them and their love that seems to have no limit.

Jaemin idly wondered then what it’s like to be so happy with what you do to the extent of forgetting everything else.

It’s true, there was not much thought to his decision of applying into the Theatre program of Chung-ang University. Acting was just, well, enough reason to somehow make his parents come to school to see him. Between school, a couple of modeling gigs and the DVDs of classic films that somehow got Jaemin’s interest in acting piqued, Jaemin’s really got nothing else.

But as he comes out of the CGV Theater in Cheongdamdong a year later, from a midnight screening of Ode to My Father, slightly teary-eyed over what he had just watched, Jaemin finds himself satisfied with the path he chose.

He comes to the decision to make the most out of his degree, thinking that maybe, just maybe, if he plays his cards right, he’ll hopefully have somewhere to belong.

°。°。°。°。°。°

When Jaemin sent Jeno his text saying I'm dropping by today. I hope it's okay? We're done filming and I'm craving your mom's ramyun! *___*, he surely didn’t expect to be at the noodle shop waiting for Jeno who’s apparently celebrating his birthday.

But it’s truly worth it, as Jeno breaks into the most beautiful smile Jaemin’s ever seen on him. It might even be one of Jaemin’s favorite Jeno faces—no, he’s totally not keeping count. No, he isn’t.

Still, he snaps a photo of it as his own personal souvenir, on top of the many intangible souvenirs Jaemin had kept for himself ever since Jeno somehow became a part of his life.

“I feel like we should apologize for not even asking if you had other plans for tonight, Jaemin-ssi,” Renjun says, smiling weakly at him.

Renjun had invited him to the balcony for some fresh air while everyone else was busy with their own thing, including Jeno who’s doting on adorable Haneul.

“I’m sure you’re running on a very tight schedule with your filming and all.”

Jaemin shakes his head in reply. “I only planned to invite Jeno to dinner—maybe Italian? I just have the sudden craving for pizza, or maybe pasta? He liked the Prosciutto too when we last had Italian.” He leans comfortably on the railings. “If I had to really choose, I would probably take him to this favorite restaurant of mine in the back streets of Sangsu-dong. Jeno would have liked their prosciutto. Also, I know the chefs there, they always cooked pasta that were al dente.”

“Sounds like it’d be a nice date, Jaemin-ssi,” Renjun says. Jaemin knows it’s a trap, but he takes it anyway and says, “Yes, it’d be lovely.”

Renjun hums in agreement as he leans at the railings too, a sign for Jaemin to go, on so he does.

“Or maybe I would have just asked Jeno where he wants to go but knowing him, he might just smile and tell me to take him where I want.”

Renjun laughs, propping both arms on the railings as he looks into the sky. Jaemin follows suit.

“Forgive me for being too bold for asking this but—“ Renjun cuts himself off as if he wants to be careful with his next words. “Where do you plan on taking this, Jaemin-ssi?”

Jaemin looks at him, still looking far away.

“I’m not saying you’re a bad person, it’s just that I’m speaking as someone who knows Jeno very well and I just—” Renjun turns to look at him, cautious and probing. “I want him to keep his heart intact in case something goes wrong.”

“The ex broke his heart too badly, I presume?”

“Jeno told you about her?”

“Just enough,” Jaemin says casually.

“And you don’t want to squeeze the details out of me?”

“Nah. I’ll just wait for him to share them to me on his own. When he’s ready.”

Renjun remains quiet, regarding him carefully.

“But to answer your question earlier, Renjun-ssi—” Jaemin lowers his gaze before looking back at the sky, trying to piece his words together.

“I’ll take him wherever he allows me to. As long as he allows me to.”

When Renjun flashes him an earnest grin, Jaemin can’t help but flash one in return, dispelling any of the remaining tension in the air.

The warmth in Jaemin’s chest continues to bloom as he gets manhandled into hug after hug when he bids them all goodbye.

When it’s Mrs. Lee’s turn, she smiles at him before hugging him tightly and whispering, “Jeno’s a smart boy, but he might be slow on the uptake in other matters. But he’ll get there, eventually.”

And as if that’s not enough, Jeno knocks Jaemin off his feet, inviting him to celebrate his birthday with them, with the promise of his mom’s delicious miyeok-guk.

As Jaemin gets into his car, he rolls his windows down to watch Jeno’s retreating back, only to be met with Jeno still watching him, presumably until his car leaves. Jaemin hears the alarms, senses the telltales of falling, and really, he should be worried. The scars from Yukhei are still fresh.

And yet.

As he rolls up his window, Jeno’s smiles and promises, spoken and not, are effortlessly burned at the back of his mind, and Jaemin’s heart swells.

Jeno just makes it so… easy.

That night, he sleeps with a smile on his face as he realizes that he’d somehow already left his heart in the pocket of the moon-eyed boy from Incheon. It might be awfully fast and a little overwhelming, but he finds that he doesn’t regret any of it one bit.

°。°。°。°。°。°

Jaemin agrees to meet up with Hansol three days before his flight back to Seoul.

Hansol sends him an address of a very popular ramen shop in the heart of Susukino, just a two-minute walk from Susukino station.

Jaemin arrives early and takes off his coat, settling at the table Hansol has reserved for them. He studies the foliage of trees outside, ranging from maple to elm, all boasting of rich reds and yellows. He briefly wonders how the trees look like back in Incheon.

“Beautiful view, huh?”

Jaemin turns to the voice and stands up slowly, his hand reaching out for a handshake on autopilot, as normally as it would when meeting producers and directors and fellow actors.

To his surprise, it's Hansol reaching out to him and enveloping him in an embrace. “You’ve grown up, little one.”

Jaemin finds himself smiling as they slowly detach from each other. “Eight years and you still treat me like a little kid, hyung.”

“You sure don’t look like a little kid anymore.”

The smile Hansol gives is as fond as Jaemin remembered it to be. It’s the smile Jaemin has committed to memory, up until Hansol left to start anew somewhere Jaemin cannot reach.

Hansol raises his hand, calling for the server. He smiles politely at the man, says their order in perfect Japanese.

As the server finishes writing the orders down and walks away, Jaemin thinks Hansol really acts like a local now.

“They have the best Shoyu Tsukemen,” Hansol says, clasping his hands together. “Rei loves it and orders it everytime we’re here even if I insist on exploring their menu.”

“She treating you well?” Jaemin asks on impulse, hoping it sounds lighter than it sounds in his head.

Hansol beams, brighter and blinding than Jaemin remembered it to be. “She’s the best, Jaemin-ah.”

An old scar aches within Jaemin’s chest but he braves a smile somehow, and Hansol takes it as his cue to continue his praises about the love of his life. Jaemin’s first love’s first love.

Hansol tells him how he ended up teaching Acting classes for the Performing Arts Department at Hokkaido University, which is a couple of blocks away from his then-fiancée’s craft shop. He also tells Jaemin they got married after three years of engagement, just before autumn meets winter. Jaemin tells a compressed version of his own milestones and mishaps, which he slightly finds to pale in comparison with Hansol’s present; fate has been evidently kinder and warmer to him than Jaemin.

Their orders soon arrive in the middle of Hansol complimenting Jaemin’s performance in City of Angels.

“I think at least eighty percent of the population in all of my classes combined have a crush on you, Jaemin-ah,” Hansol says as he mixes the contents of his bowl of ramen with his chopsticks.

Jaemin dips his wooden spoon into the broth of his own ramen and takes a sip when Hansol further compliments him, showering him with praises, most of which he’d already heard before but is still welcomed. Being Jaemin’s first love does that, Jaemin thinks.

“Do you have anyone you’re seeing right now?”

The question slows Jaemin down. He looks into the eyes of his first love as bravely as can when he honestly says, “Well, I was. I used to.”

“Do you want to tell me what happened? Am I allowed to know?”

Jaemin feels his insides melt.

Hansol’s not the first one who asked how he’s feeling after the events at the festival, after Jeno broke it off with him. He’s talked to Kun and Yangyang, both individually and together. But on all of those occasions, Jaemin only told them what he wanted to tell them. He doesn’t tell them he’s slowly come to terms that maybe he’s only meant to give love and not receive the love he yearns. Jaemin realizes it isn’t so bad on most days, except for when he finds himself scrolling down his Instagram feed on some nights, reminded of the little Jeno things he’s subtly peppered on his posts.

“Jaemin?”

Jaemin takes a deep breath of courage before telling Hansol in fine detail of how he fell in love with a moon-eyed boy from Incheon.

Their reunion continues over cocktails and wine-infused desserts at one of Hansol’s favorite bars. Hansol mostly coos at Jaemin wearing his heart on his sleeve. He asks Jaemin whether given the chance, would he try all over again with Jeno. Jaemin, even under the haze of tequila, surprises himself when he easily replies, “Yes, hyung. I’d love for us to try again.” Hansol smiles at him then, raising his glass to toast with Jaemin’s, saying, “To second chances, then.”

In between the beautiful evening view of Sapporo’s skyline and Hansol’s words of comfort, Jaemin lets himself breathe.

The easiness in his chest prevails for the rest of his stay in Sapporo. By the time he boards the plane back to Seoul, Jaemin’s sure he’s leaving with a lighter heart than when he arrived.

He gets his phone back from Kun on the night before the first day of Busan International Film Festival.

Jaemin still feels as if he’s on vacation since technically, the promotions for Temptation will only start once he steps into the red carpet tomorrow with his co-stars Yukhei and Saeron in tow.

Reality comes crashing in waves as he opens his phone to find a plethora of KakaoTalk messages from Jeno. He doesn’t dare open them.

A little bit overwhelmed, Jaemin braces himself and pours himself a glass of white wine the hotel gifted him. He knows he has to sleep early tonight, so he vows to read them at a later time, when he’s ready.

His phone lights up to a new text that reads, Hello Jaemin. Saw you in the news earlier. I was hoping we could talk. Can we?

Jaemin reads it again and again, feeling a little hopeful with every second. He thinks of honest confessions with Sapporo’s skyline as his witness when he sends a Sure, Jeno. You can give me a call.

°。°。°。°。°。°

The chilly November air seeps through his skin as he steps out of his cab and finds himself in what has been his favorite place a couple of months ago.

“Your Super Jen was just here a few seconds ago. I think he might have gotten the wrong idea of me being here in your room, Nana.” was what Yukhei told him over the phone while he was drinking herbal tea in Kun’s hotel room. Jaemin instantly shot up from his seat and raced towards the reception, confirming that yes, Jeno, was at the hotel just then and totally got the wrong idea. He even receives a worried phone call from Yangyang saying ”I’m trying to contact Jeno but he’s not answering. He told me he was gonna see you, Nana. Even if he’s flight back tomorrow is early, he wanted to see you so badly.

The next thing Jaemin knows is he’s at Incheon International Airport, parting ways with Kun who’s taken Jaemin’s things with him except for the paper bag with Jeno’s hoodie. He frantically hails a cab and gives the instructions to the driver to head to the noodle shop.

It’s still too early for anyone to be awake, but he knocks anyways.

After three or more knocks, the door of the noodle shop opens, and he’s welcomed by the sight of Jeno’s mom. She looks surprised for a moment but instantly breaks into a warm smile, the very smile that Jaemin has missed from basically everyone in Jeno’s life.

She lets Jaemin in like she always did. It’s as if Jaemin never really left in the first place.

“He’s not here yet, but he’ll be arriving today, too.”

“I’ll just stay here,” Jaemin says. “If it’s alright?”

She smiles at him before disappearing into the kitchen.

Jaemin settles down on the booth where Jeno made him eat the instant ramyun on the night they met. He closes his eyes and feels the bittersweet pang stinging in his chest.

The aroma of Jasmine tea makes him open his eyes.

“What would you like to eat, Jaemin-ah?”

He shakes his head. “I’ll just eat later, Mrs. Lee.”

Mrs. Lee frowns but doesn’t voice why. She makes a move to leave but Jaemin stands up, his mouth moving before his mind can catch up.

“I’m sorry I left him.”

Jaemin didn’t expect for arms to envelop him in a warm embrace. Mrs. Lee pats his back in gentle motions.

“Breathe, Jaemin-ah. All will be alright, soon.”

°。°。°。°。°。°

The trophy in his hands isn’t as heavy as he anticipated, but his grip on it becomes tighter regardless.

One day, you’ll win a Daesang, Jaemin-ah. I’m sure of it, Jeno dreamily told him once, while gently tracing his cheeks. They were lying down on Jeno’s bed during one of Jaemin’s free days. Jaemin remembers kissing his boyfriend’s hand before sighing and saying And will you... will you still be here by my side then, Super Jen? Jeno inched closer then, replacing his hand with his lips, and kisses his answer into Jaemin’s lips, Yes I’ll be here, as long as you'll allow me.

His fingers graze over the embossed Best New Actor, and his heart swells with so much pride and joy.

Like clockwork, he feels his phone vibrating on his breast pocket. It’s a message from Jeno that reads Congrats, Best Actor! Jaemin almost loses it; he loudly coos on his phone screen. The string instrumental for the next set of awards remind him he’s in public. He has to save all of the love for his boyfriend later. He replies with a simple Thank you, Jen. It’s Best New Actor, by the way. He immediately receives a, You’re still the Best Actor for me. Jaemin wants to correct him and explain that it really doesn’t work that way, but his lovesick self prevails, so he just replies with Well I expect my reward in the form of kisses later! *__*

It’s barely two months into officially dating Jeno but Jaemin’s already certain he’s never been happier.

Sure, the frequent texting, video calling, and phone calls while they watch films until one of them turns sleepy didn’t change. The dinner dates were still as random, but just as lovely as those before they were officially dating.

But Jeno’s been bolder, more vocal and upfront about his feelings.

Jaemin has learned that Jeno expresses his affections mostly through his actions, down to the simple gestures of holding his hand during one of the emotionally gruelling scenes of Jaemin’s character in Temptation of Wolves. Jaemin assured him that it’s okay for Jeno to skip on the premiere of his film, but Jeno simply shook his head and said, I’ll be there next to you, Nana.

And he was. That night, from the ride to the venue up to the brief celebratory dinner with the invited press, Jeno stuck to Jaemin’s side, assuring him, No, Kang Dongwon would not be disgusted having his career-building performance be played by you. You were great, Jaemin-ah.

And now, here’s Jaemin, properly seated in a table with half of his co-stars from City of Angels and a few from Temptation of Wolves, including Yukhei and Saerom. Jaemin’s all prim and proper on the outside, but deep inside he’s just trying to fight off his incessant desire to come home to Jeno’s arms, with his trophy in hand. He wants to kiss his boyfriend with all the love and happiness he’s feeling at the moment and more.

He’s about to get himself a glass of water at the holding area just outside the hall when he feels a light nudge on his arm, taking him out of his reverie.

“You’re shining so bright tonight, Nana,” Yangyang says.

Jaemin sips on his water, humming before thanking his best friend.

“You seeing Jeno after this?”

“Of course. There’s no one I’d rather share tonight with.”

“Yikes,” his best friend exclaims, a shadow of a smirk forming on his lips. “You keep it in your pants until then, Jaemin-ah. I do not need to know that.”

“Hey!”

The knowing smirk on his best friend’s face softens into a smile. He gets himself a glass of water too. “I’m really so happy for you, Jaemin-ah.”

As they make their way back inside, Yangyang whispers to him, “Remember to use protection tonight, no matter how much you wanna bone Jeno.”

Jaemin can only respond with a nudge to the other’s shoulder.

Once he returns to his seat, he opens a set of pictures Jeno sent via KakaoTalk. It’s mostly Jeno carrying Haneul in his arms as she poses next to Jaemin’s face on the TV. Haneul’s toothy grin is infectious, and Jaemin feels himself smile, warmth spreading on his chest

The pictures were followed with a slurry of messages saying, Haneul wanted me to do this. She said you’re always so handsome on TV. Said she can’t wait to see her favorite oppa. Pfft. As if you’d make a mobile game for her.

Jaemin’s cheeks hurt.

All he wants to do is laugh his heart out but he’s reminded that he’s very much still in the middle of an awards ceremony as he sees the Baeksang Arts Awards flashed on the LED screen on stage.

They exchange a few more messages throughout the rest of the ceremony. Jaemin tries to be subtle when he’s typing his replies, preventing himself from grinning too hard. From across their table, Yukhei raises his eyebrows at him from time to time. Jaemin feels himself flush and proceeds to face his phone on their table.

He continues to smile at the cameras as the photographers waltz by their table for their reactions, the images of little Haneul in Jeno’s arms burned at the back of his mind for the rest of the night.

The familiar block of shops come into view when his phone rings.

It’s an overseas call.

“Mom?”

“Hey, Nana. We saw you on TV just now, your Dad and I.”

Jaemin shifts in his seat before inching forward, his heart beating erratically against his chest.

“You looked great up there, honey. Your hard work is finally paying off,” she says. Jaemin preens at her praise. “We’ll fly home for your birthday this year, Jaemin-ah. We’re hoping to finish your dramas by then.”

“You know you don’t have to, Mom.”

“Nonsense! Of course we have to! Hoping the DVD of your latest film comes out, too.”

He’s fighting the tears when he says, “I can just give you a copy when you fly home, Mom.”

She laughs. There’s a warm kind of content in her voice, and Jaemin commits it to memory. “Will you sign it for us, honey?” she asks.

“Yes,” he manages to say, tears starting to trickle down his cheek. “I’ll even give you each a copy.”

“You’ve come far, Nana,” she says. “We’re so proud of you.”

The car stops. He turns to his right and sees the familiar exterior of the noodle shop he’s come to love.

“Thank you,” he whispers back almost immediately, wiping his tears away with his left hand.

“Your Dad likes to brag about you to the kids here, you know,” she divulges. “Says he’s got a superstar for a son.”

Jaemin laughs through the tears that are about to build up again. “Then he better tell me that in person so I can record it and listen to it everyday.”

“I wouldn’t have it any other way, really,” his mom says. “Someone should always tell you you’re doing a great job, honey.”

“Jeno does,” Jaemin admits a little too quickly, hand flying to cover his mouth, even though taking his words back are impossible.

“He better!” his mom exclaims. “Speaking of that handsome young man—” Jaemin swears he can almost imagine his mom’s eyes light up with mischief and glee. “Your Dad’s so excited to meet Jeno. I know I am.”

As if on autopilot, he hears a knock on his window.

It’s Jeno, wearing the sweatshirt with the huge face of a cat that Jaemin bought him for Christmas. This way you can have a cat close to you without your allergies acting up, Jaemin had excitedly told him. Jeno responded with a kiss and an earnest, Thank you. I love it, I love you.

“Nana? Are you still there, honey? We can end the call here, one of my colleagues is already calling for me.”

Jaemin rolls down his window to gesture clearly to his boyfriend to wait a bit.

She adds, “Say thank you to Jeno for me, for taking care of my son.”

Jaemin feels the blood rushing to his cheeks. “You can thank him when you meet him, mom.”

She chuckles. “That is duly noted, honey.”

Jaemin turns to Jeno again briefly, who’s just smiling at him, eyes crinkled to crescents like they normally do.

“See you soon, Nana. We love you.”

“Bye, mom.” Warmth sears his chest. “Love you, too.”

He bids his driver goodbye before stepping outside of the car.

“Hey, Best Actor,” Jeno greets him with an embrace and a gentle peck on his lips.

“I told you I’m not,” Jaemin says, all bark and no bite, smiling because perhaps Jeno will always call him that. The thought makes his insides churn wildly. And it really has a nice ring to it. Perhaps he’ll have to make it a reality.

“Was that Kun hyung on the phone just now? Did he tell you your schedule for tomorrow?”

Jaemin shakes his head as he lets himself be led by his boyfriend. Jeno’s hand is a warm presence on his back.

“That was my mom.”

“Oh.”

“She said they streamed the awards just now and that they want to meet you when they fly home here for my birthday.”

“That’s great news, Nana!” Jeno exclaims. “Not the part of your parents meeting me, of course, but them flying home for your birthday part.”

The look on Jeno’s face is ridiculous. The warmth in Jaemin’s chest is ridiculous. Jaemin leans in to steal a kiss from his boyfriend’s cheek, just because he can’t help it.

“Hey! I thought I was the one supposed to give you your reward,” Jeno pouts as he detaches himself from him. Jaemin coos at how it’s too endearing.

“What can I say—” He grabs his boyfriend’s arm and locks it with his. “I like kissing you, reward or no reward.”

Jeno makes a move to intertwine their fingers, and brings up Jaemin’s knuckles to his lips, kissing it. Jaemin stills.

“I love you, Jaemin-ah” Jeno says.

Jaemin can’t help the hopeless grin that spreads on his face. “I love you too, Jeno.”

This time, it’s Jeno who steals a kiss—a kiss from his lips. Jaemin presses back, smiling into the kiss before they hear coughs from across them.

“You two lovebirds come in here or else we’ll finish all of the food ahjumma prepared!”

Donghyuck and Renjun are standing by the noodle shop’s doorway. Haneul clings to Renjun’s arm, her other hand excitedly waving at them.

“What he said,” Renjun says. “Hello, Best Actor!”

Jaemin blushes. “I’m not—”

“Yeah, yeah, we know,” Donghyuck pipes. “It’s Jeno’s idea. We’ll lose free ramyun privileges if we don’t follow him.”

Jaemin turns to Jeno who’s scratching his nape with his free hand.

“Ugh, I’m going in now. I don’t want to keep on watching this,” Donghyuck says.

Just before Haneul comes running at them, happily waiting to be whisked away onto his arms, Jaemin leans in for another kiss—

At that very moment, he knows for sure.

There’s no other place he’d rather be.