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Chapter Text

"She defeated the Valkyrie, you know. Single-handedly killed them all." Loki spoke oh so casually from beside him in the Sakaarian lift. "Just thought you might want to think about that before heading back." Thor smiled a little, to himself. Loki's words were flippant but his want for Thor to stay was very real. Loki was only persistent with the things he cared about.

"How do you know this?" Thor asked, "The Valkyrie died before our time."

"The wayward Asgardian. I saw her memories." Loki said.

Thor's brow furrowed, taking in Loki's words, pondering on them. "You can do that? That's one of your gifts?"

Loki faced him. "What?"

"Seeing someone's memories."

Loki smirked. "I can wield the magic to do so. Don't worry brother, I'm not particularly eager to dwell in your reveries."

Thor chuckled. Times like this with Loki were nice. When they could be…brothers. That's what suddenly made this so sad. Brothers were all they could ever be. Anything else had been robbed from them.

Well, that and the fact that Loki would betray him here shortly made this moment bittersweet.

"I'm here."

Thor smiled. Yes, Loki was here. He was being loyal, at least when Thor needed him the most. And that was enough.

But lately, Thor had been thinking a lot about their lives. The past. He couldn't help but wonder if it would have been different if Loki knew. Shit, should he even tell Loki now? The last time the alpha found out about his half-true parentage, he went mad for years. Still kind of was.

Would another shock really do him any good?

"You're deep in thought, brother," Loki said. He had moved over to the window, looking out at the vast void of space. Beautiful and horrifying. Much like Loki himself.

"Yes," Thor said absently, moving to stand beside him. "Loki…" Deep breath. "When you view someone else's memories…do you navigate their mind or do they guide you?" Loki looked at him curiously, brow furrowed. Thor could see the 'why' at the tip of his tongue.

But instead, Loki answered, "It depends. I suppose it's both. Usually, what I need is at the forefront of their thoughts."

Thor nodded, "Interesting."

Loki gave him a narrow, knowing look. "It's something about me, isn't it?"

"Not everything is about you, Loki," Thor said, looking everywhere but at the alpha.

"Don't be coy, brother," Loki said, just shy of barked. Like he couldn’t find the energy to be angry. "My whole life is a lie. I knew there was more Odin didn't tell me." Most of his bite was gone. He was…resigned. Almost defeated.

"What did the All-Father tell you?" Thor asked.

Loki shrugged, "Enough. I am Jotun."

Thor sighed. "Do you want to know the truth? The whole truth. No lies this time?"

His words surprised Loki, making the alpha face him slowly, eyeing him narrowly, "Odin told you?"

"No." Thor said, "I was there."

The alpha thought about it. For longer than Thor expected him to. He wanted to reassure Loki the truth wasn't whatever horrors the alpha was probably expecting. But he couldn't be sure that was true. Thor honestly thought of him, Loki, a miracle. But Loki was…Loki. Who knows how he'd take it.

"Fine," The alpha said finally. "Tell me."

"It'll be easier to show you," Thor said, turning to face the alpha. Loki's eyes lit in understanding.

He could have asked Loki if he was sure this was a path he wanted to follow but…there was no need. It's been over fourteen hundred years. It was well overdue.

"Fine," Loki said, placing his palm over Thor's forehead.

"Thor, this hardly seems like an adventure," Sif said. Even though she still followed him. Volstagg, Hogun, and Frandral followed behind her.

"We are at war, Sif. Don't you want the right to say you've seen war younger than everyone else." Thor said. Hardly an argument. But there wasn't a justifiable reason for why he wanted to visit Jotunheim. He simply wanted to and when he was told no, Thor was used to manipulating his way into getting what he wanted.

"Just as long as we don't end up getting killed younger than everyone else," Hogun said, yet still, he was following too.

So, obviously, they all wanted the same thing. They always did when they were up to no good. He was the only one bold enough to act on it.

They had to hurry. The magic they used to conceal themselves wouldn't last too long and Heimdall, their watcher, must have noticed their absence already. But it wasn't too much longer at this point. They were already at the war dock. They just had to be careful not to bump against anyone as they boarded the warship.

Of course, three of the five did. Immediately as they reached the ramp, Volstagg tripped and knocked down Hogun, who knocked down Fandral. Thor was the youngest of them, so he was smaller and had a more flexible maneuver around the tall and broad warriors. Sif was just a graceful being who was a natural at evading.

The three's magic immediately failed when they became acquainted with the ground and were hauled away before any words could be exchanged. Leaving room for Sif and Thor to sneak further onto the ship, in a small corner.

"They are a pitiful sight," Sif said as they watched their friends be carried towards the palace.

"Yes," He said. "It will be a sad trip without them," Sif turned and gave him a stern look. "Fine, we'll go after them." He said, with no real intentions to do so.

They eased to the rail of the warship, a tricky task as the warriors were piling on again. Thor went through the act of climbing over as Sif hopped over the edge. And when she was gone, he sunk back to the floor. He heard her angry whispers when she realized he was gone but the ship was being started and they were rising in the air.

Suddenly, they shot forward and Thor felt the excitement bubbling in his belly.

"Brother, where is this going?" Thor could feel Loki's thought and…apprehension. As if he'd already guessed what would happen.

"Just wait, Loki."

When they landed, the warriors cleared the ship quickly, for which Thor was glad for. His magic failed not long after the last man ran off the ramp. Thor could hear the Army General giving instructions from below the warship, so the omega peeked over the rail to see what was going on. His eyes fell on the landscape instead. Jotunheim wasn't as ugly as he thought it would be. The icy scenery that laid before his eyes was...oddly pretty. In a chilling way. With the thought, he realized he was chilled. But he could endure. His Aesir blood ran warm.

The warriors ran off to do as instructed when the general finished. Not long after, a projection of his father appeared and Thor was quick to duck down. He heard his father say that the war has claimed too many lives, on both sides. He was looking to settle a peace treaty with Laufey.

The two talked a little longer but Thor's attention was lost when he heard ice cracking behind the ship. He crawled over and found three Frost Giants covering behind a frozen boulder, talking among themselves in a foreign language.

Thor stopped and closed his eyes, looking inside his heart and opening his eyes again. He had only just learned how to use the allspeak, so the translation was imperfect. But he could understand most of it. He caught them mid-sentence but they were wondering if they should bring the topic of a peace treaty to Laufey. Two of them were against it. One of them was tired of war.

Then, all at once they were around him. He hadn't even known they saw him. Having to crane his neck, he looked up at their massive forms.

"Is this not the Prince of Asgard's throne?" One said.

"An omega Prince." Another said. "I think Laufey would find this bargaining chip more useful than a peace treaty."

He yelled when chains were suddenly wrapped around his wrists. It seared his skin, a pain worse than he's ever felt in his life, even if his years were few. Then he was dragged off at an incredible speed, screaming for his father whose projection turned around, calling out to him in surprise.

When they reached what Thor assumed was Jotunheim's palace, he was thrown on the ground. Laufey was inches away from him in seconds. He grinned, his teeth sharp and terrifying. "I didn't realize the Throne's heir was a bitch."

"I'm not a bitch. You ugly monster." Thor spat. "You are." He realized, immediately after, that he wasn't in the position to call names. But he wouldn't take it back or cower. "I demand to be taken back to my father," Thor yelled as he hopped to his feet. "I am the All-Prince and I won't stand being bullied.

Laufey laughed, the sound cruel and mocking. "Odin should be glad for what I'm about to do. You need to be put in your place."

Thor pulled away mentally. There was no need to show Loki this.

But he felt Loki's rage. Flaring and flickering like a roaring flame. Thor almost hadn't expected it. It happened so long ago, he rarely thought of it anymore. But for Loki, this experience was fresh. His rage chased the memory, as if he could interfere and stop it.

But Thor instead guided him to the aftermath, when Laufey was through with him. When Laufey threw him on the ground. The unimaginable pain he was in. The incomprehensible cruelty of it.

There was no distraction from it. No peace to be found. He was consumed in pain.

"Well, All-Prince," Laufey said from above him, his voice mocking. "Do you still feel bullied?"

Thor was conscious long enough to see a white beam blast Laufey into the blue ice wall of the palace. The Jotuns that were gathered around, who had watched the horrid affair, came to their feet and brilliant beams shot all around him. The Bifrost opened above him. His mother came down, gathering him in her arms and he passed out just as they started their ascent.

He woke up to father shouting, for a terrible moment he thought father was yelling at him.

The dip in the bed beside him lifted, and he heard his mother yelling, "Odin, it is not Heimdall's fault. He's still a boy. He told us the second he noticed their disappearance. We wouldn't have found Thor without him."

There was silence for a moment before he heard a deep sigh and heavy footsteps walking towards him. He heard his mother's voice getting further away, "Don't worry dear. I thank you for everything you've done." Her voice got too soft for him to hear the rest. He tried to open his eyes but the light made him snap them shut again.

He felt a soft touch on his cheek. "Thor, are you awake, my son?"

Thor nodded as best he could, tried opening his eyes again. "It hurts, Father. Everything hurts."

The All-Father sighed. This was the first time Thor had ever seen him look so…sad. "I know darling. Go back to sleep. When you wake, the pain will have lessened." Thor fell asleep at once. Probably magic, he thought when he woke up. The pain had indeed lessened but was still present. In all the places he wished it wasn't.

He shuffled, sitting up gingerly. Confused slightly. About where he was. Until his eyes focused in the dark room. He could make out his books on the desk and the mirror. His friends had engraved their names on the frame. The door was ajar, letting a streak of light pour through. He took great comfort in knowing he was home. In his dreams…his nightmares, he was back on a frozen, cruel world.

He saw a shadow pass by and he called out, "Hey!" Not even sure who the person was. But he needed to see somebody. Anybody.

The figure came back, opening the door. "Thor?" It took a few blinks for him to recognize the training sentry.

"Heimdall!" Thor shouted, his arms outspread. The fellow omega came in, sitting beside him, and hugging him.

"I am never leaving your watch again." Thor said. "I hope father wasn't angry with you."

"Not for so long," Heimdall said. "Are you..." Okay, Thor thought he would ask but Heimdall trailed off with a sigh, saying instead. "Do you want me to get your parents?"

Thor shook his head. "Not just yet. I'm…" He didn't even know how he felt. He wrapped his arms around himself then thought better of it and hugged Heimdall again. Tried not to cry. Tried not to think about what had happened. But he kept remembering it. Kept feeling it. The touching. What Laufey did. The way his men watched it. Some laughed. Some cheered.

"It's okay." Heimdall said, "I understand."

Thor felt he was being deeply truthful. He remembered when Heimdall was sent from the orphanage to train at the palace, as all selected warriors did. Sending a lone omega into a sea of young, virile alphas ready for a fight was a disaster it seems no one saw coming. The older omega had to learn to defend himself very quickly. Thor never knew any particulars. He just heard his parents fuss about unhonorable alphas and Heimdall's name was thrown in the mix.

Now, Thor understood as well.

He buried his face in Heimdall's shoulder and cried. Cried in the way he knew he couldn't in front of his parents. He knew what they would say. What his father would say anyway about how a prince behaves himself.

When he saw his father, Thor found himself being lectured for leaving Heimdall's watch for nonsensical mischief that will cost him much. Him and the child he was carrying. His mother shushed him quickly, telling his father Thor made a mistake. He had already learned the harsh consequences of those mistakes. There was no need to repeat them.

But Thor was shocked about something else entirely.

"Child, father?" Thor echoed. "What child?"

That's how he found out he was carrying a tiny gift from Jotunheim. They immediately informed him that the child will be aborted so he need not worry.

But that wasn't what he wanted.

"Now darling, you know that's what's best. You are far too young to parent a child." His mother said as she sat beside him, held him as he wept. His father glared at the pitiful display but said nothing. Thankfully. "And you need to focus on learning, so you can grow up to be the great warrior and king we know you can be."

"But Mother!" Thor objected but she shushed him and told him this was best.

"All-father, if I may," Heimdall asked, speaking quietly from the corner of the room. Thor had never seen him be shy. The older omega couldn't afford to be. Odin gave him a tense look, as if he were going to ask how could the omega possibly have an opinion on something that was entirely their business. Which is what he would normally say, but this time he only nodded stiffly. "Perhaps you could raise the child like his brother."

"Yes, Heimdall, we've considered that. We feel this will be best." Odin said, brisk and dismissive while Thor was grasping at that possibility because it would keep his child alive.

"Yes, my King," Heimdall said with a bow of his head. "I just wanted to ensure there wouldn't be any…regrets." Heimdall met Odin’s eyes when he said this. Bold. Very few in the court would dare do such a thing. This was the Heimdall Thor was used to. Odin’s features eased immediately. He looked away, in thought.

Heimdall had spoken in a way that was personal. Such a thing being personal to Heimdall had never crossed Thor's mind. The fellow omega was as big as the other alphas, more adept with the sword than they were. For the longest, he thought Heimdall was an alpha too. Thor always wanted to grow up to be an omega like Heimdall. Not submissive or weak. But strong and mighty.

Thor's parents quietly shared a look, then spoke in a language Thor didn't understand. He held his breath, wrung his hand anxiously. Staring holes into their skulls.

His father turned to him and asked, "Thor, is that what you would want? This would be an adoption. He would be our child. Not yours." The all-mother gave Odin a look but didn't object.

"Yes father, I'll accept anything. As long as my child lives." Thor said, truly meaning every word.

Odin nodded, "So it shall be then. When the child is born, we will adopt him. Or her."

"Can I name him?" Thor asked, hopefully.

"I don't see why not." His mother said. Thor smiled. At least…at least he can give his child that. If he couldn't raise him. Or her. But Thor had a feeling it was a him.

His parents kissed him goodbye and told him to rest, telling him Heimdall will be there with him. They even thanked him as they left. Thor was surprised they even let him sit through such a scene. But Heimdall was an omega. He must have experienced the same things.

It was even more obvious when Heimdall sat beside him. There was a deep sadness in the way he looked down at his hands. Thor slipped his hand into Heimdall’s, giving his friend a sympathetic smile that the older omega returned.

"You should rest, Thor." Heimdall told him, tucking him back in, "I'll be here when you wake up. So you won't be alone." Thor wished, for a moment, his parents had done the same thing. But they were busy running a kingdom. They couldn't always be there when he needed them.

A few months later Thor was hurled over the sink. He felt as if he'd puke up the child before it could ever be born. When he was through, he washed out the bowl and brushed his teeth, easing back to the bed.

He was bedridden for the entirety of his pregnancy. The abuse he endured, the nature of the Frost Giants, had ravaged his body. The healers didn't think he would be able to carry again. But that was fine. As long as he carried this once.

Heimdall was training this morning so he was by himself. Well, no, his baby was here with him.

"Hey, little one," Thor said, rubbing a hand over the small swell in his stomach. "The healers said you can hear me now. I hope you remember my voice." He could feel his baby bouncing around, bumping into his hand. "I think you'll be a boy." Thor declared for the first time out loud. "And I shall name you Loki.”

Thor smiled, albeit very sadly, “You’ll be Loki Odinson in name, but always Thorson in my heart.”

His son was born in the wee hours of the morning, after a very long and painful labor. He was too early. Thor had done all he could to keep his son housed in his belly, he did everything the healers told him to do but Loki seemed quite determined to escape.

The labor took so long, there were so many complications that the healers thought it might be better to cut the child out instead but a few hours more and Thor finally felt his son pass through. His mother was by his side quickly, wiping away his sweat and tears, telling him it was over now and he did well. His father was away, talking over a peace treaty with Jotunheim. Thor would have gladly had the whole wretched realm destroyed instead.

Thor took comfort in his mother's embrace but after too long and hearing no child he started to worry, fear crept into his heart. “Mother, I don’t hear him. Is he okay?” He tried to get up and see where Loki was but mother gently held him in place.

“Yes, I believe so. Let the healers do their work.” She said.

Before long he heard the small cries of a baby and a small, blue form bundled in cloth was laid on his chest. His son was precious. Loki nuzzled his chest and squirmed. Strong little soul. Thor had to hold him tightly. He rubbed Loki’s small cheek with his thumb and a blush gathered under his touch. It spread through his face, down his neck, shoulder, and arms. He took the form of an Aesir.

“What’s his name?” Mother asked.

“Loki.” Thor answered, unable to hold back his tears, “Loki…Odinson.”

His mother smiled sadly and kissed his hair, “We promise him a happy life, Thor. And you’ll always be with him. Just as a brother.”

Loki pulled away in shock and hurt, turning from him, leaning on the glass of the window on one arm. As if this realization drained every ounce of the energy in his body.

Thor realized how shocking the truth had to be to him. He’d give Loki all the time he needed to process. He still clenched his fists, unsure how his son would take the news

Loki chuckled unexpectedly after a while, “You know if you were trying to beat Odin with the most shocking revelation, you most certainly did.”

“Loki,” Thor was cautious, “are you all right?”

Loki scoffed, “I just found out my brother is actually my father because he was raped by a Frost Giant when he was a child. No, Thor, I’m not alright.”

Please don’t embark on another murder streak, Thor thought.

“Yeah, well when you put it like that…” Thor said, moving towards Loki. “Will you be alright?”

Loki scoffed again, looking back out into the void of space. “It all makes sense now. Why fath-the all-father…why…everything.”

“Yes, I suppose so,” Thor said, even if he didn’t exactly know what Loki was thinking. He could guess.

They stood in silence, for quite a while. A comfortable silence despite the situation. Thor’s thoughts weaved in and out of worrying over Loki and worrying for his people. That was natural at this point though. Worrying over Loki had always taken half his concentration since the boy was born.

“Why don’t you hate me?” Loki asked, suddenly. Green eyes full of anger met him.

“I couldn’t. You’re my child, Loki.” Thor had never said it out loud. The words felt right but also wrong, like he wasn't supposed to say it. Like Odin would appear and demand never utter them again. The All-Father had been very adamant that Loki never found out. But Thor didn’t regret telling him. He only wished he had told him sooner.

“Conceived in the worst possible way.” Loki spoke sharply, enough to slice skin. Thor almost said there were definitely worse ways to be conceived, but that wasn’t the point, was it?

“Believe me, the second I found out about you, your conception was rarely a thought in my mind,” Thor said, thinking back on it. “I just wanted you to be okay. You’ll understand one day when you have a child.”

Was that true, though? Thor supposed it was for the most part. He used to wonder if Loki would turn blue. Or prefer the cold… If he'd…

“I was glad you didn’t turn out like Laufey,” Thor said.

“Didn’t I?” Loki’s words chased his, as if he had been thinking about that very thing.

Thor shook his head. “You’re a little shit, often misguided, but never ruthless or cruel.” And Thor was very aware of just how cruel Laufey could be.

"Well, All-Prince," Laufey said from above him, his voice mocking. "Do you still feel bullied?"

“I’m glad I killed him,” Loki said, his voice dripping with bitter, quiet rage. “I only wish I had known then so I could have done it slowly.”

On that sentence, Loki shimmered in green and disappeared.

‘Well,’ Thor thought, ‘as far as revelations go, that wasn’t too bad. Should probably just let Loki process this by himself.’

The thought lasted exactly one second before he rushed out of his room to find Heimdall. Maybe he could see where Loki had gone.

Chapter Text

Loki was a curious infant. Always looking around, reaching for something new to experience. Often reaching for things an infant shouldn't touch. Sometimes, if his parents were away and their new watcher was preoccupied with her new lover for the week, he would be allowed to keep Loki out of the things he shouldn't be in.

Thor took joy in those moments. An odd thing to savor, he supposed. But he was always afraid when he wasn't around, no one would protect his baby the way he would.

His parents were away often and the watcher was always preoccupied with something else. He knew this. He spent every moment very aware that his son could be getting too close to the fireplace, and she wouldn't be there to stop him. Or Loki would be crawling towards the balcony, and she would be too busy gossiping with her friends to notice.

He had faith in Heimdall when he was their watcher. He was competent in his job and everything he did was done with the utmost honor and dignity. But Heimdall was far too advanced with his training to be bogged down with babysitting.

This worry proved to be distracting. The omega would be in class and suddenly his thoughts would drift away, hoping Loki wouldn't eat something he found on the ground. Or Thor would be in the middle of sparring and suddenly get lost in concern, hoping Loki hadn't wandered too far around the maze-like palace and got lost. He could be crying out only for no one to hear him.

Then Thor would get promptly hit in the face and knocked down.

He wasn't this sloppy before. So after getting distracted one time too many, his instructors felt inclined to tell his parents. When his father asked what was stealing his attention, Thor told them his concerns. He realized his foolishness the second the words left his lips. He had been desperate, hoping they'd either get a new watcher or, even better, let him spend more time with Loki.

Instead, his father told him that Loki wasn't his concern. He had to focus. The pregnancy kept him away from his studies so the omega was far behind. Odin demanded he let them worry about their son.

Each word tore a piece from his heart.

Warriors didn't show emotions. Alpha’s weren’t sensitive so he couldn't be either. Thor blinked back threatening tears and grumbled, "Yes, Father.”

He stalked away. Down the hall to the nursery, despite being told to go back to training. He wanted to see Loki, so he would. If his parents yelled at him for his disobedience, then so be it. Laufey had already taken so much from him. He wasn't going to lose his son, too.

The watcher was down the hall, lips attached to an alpha he had never seen before. His child was in the room alone. It took every ounce of self-restraint he had not to strike her with a lightning bolt. He ignored her and opened the nursery door. Loki was trying to climb out his crib. He was almost over the top railing, seconds from plummeting to the ground.

Thor crossed the room in an instant, grabbing his son hastily. He didn't even know how Loki had done such a thing. He was still too small.

"Little one, you are mischievous." Thor said as he laid his son on his shoulder. Loki cooed a bit but didn't fuss. He never fussed in Thor's embrace.

'Oh how that changed,' Thor thought as the memory passed his mind. He rounded a corner and hesitated outside of Loki’s door. Before coming, he had found Heimdall standing at the helm of the ship, holding Hofund as if he were still standing guard at the bifrost.

Heimdall told him Loki had gone no further than his room, and that he appeared to be fine. Just in thought. Thor had sat down, suddenly feeling the weight of everything single thing that had happened within the last twenty-four hours.

"Maybe I shouldn't have told him." Thor had said.

Heimdall replied with, "He deserved to know. It was the All-Father that decided he shouldn't; and Odin, while a good king, was often misguided."

Thor had leaned back in his seat. "He would have had you executed if he heard that."

"Probably." Heimdall said, amused. His tone hadn't changed but Thor knew him well enough to tell.

Thor was hesitant. "Do you think I should bother him?"

"You're his father." Heimdall said. "What do you think?"

"It's weird to hear it said out loud." Thor said, as he stood, rolling it over in his mind. "I think if Loki didn't want to be bothered, he would have gone further."

"I agree." Heimdall had said. It gave Thor a bit of confidence.

Confidence that was wavering now.

He gave Loki life, yes, but...he wasn't his father. Odin had that honor. Some days, it felt like he stole it. Either way, it didn't belong to Thor. He was raised as Loki's brother. He wasn't given the chance to be the alpha father.

Now, out of the blue, he was supposed to be Loki's parent? No.

Hell, he couldn't even imagine Loki calling him "father". It would be weird. He wasn't old enough. He was painfully young when he had his son. He'd be Loki’s brother because that's what Loki knew. It's what Thor knew.

Armed with this decision, he knocked. The door opened as soon as his skin touched it. Loki had flopped, face up, on his bed by now. "I knew you'd come. You always do. And now I know why."

"You say that as if a brother wouldn't do the same." Thor said, walking in and taking a seat in one of Loki's chairs.

"You were far more persistent." Loki said. He took a deep breath, closing his eyes, "This is all sorts of fucked up."

Thor chuckled a little, "Yeah, but worth it." He was being very honest. Loki’s brow furrowed as if his words hadn't made sense.

"I wouldn't have faked my deaths if I had known." Loki said. It caught Thor off guard. It was almost an actual apology.

"Yes you would have. You just wouldn't have done it as often, maybe." Thor said, because it was true. What god of mischief would turn away from pulling off a trick as big as faking his own death. It’s too big of an accomplishment.

Loki smirked a little, but it slowly fell as he sighed. "I don't think I can forgive them for this."

"Loki," Thor said, hearing the pleadingly in his voice, "They were only doing what they thought was best."

Loki scoffed, "Yet they always ended up doing the worst."

"That's not true Loki." Thor said. He just nearly kept himself from saying, 'we survived so it couldn’t have been their worst.' But that would prove Loki's point more than anything. So he said, "Our lives would be very different if they did their worst."

Loki sighed, falling silent. Not convinced, Thor figured. Then again, if he were in Loki's shoes, he probably wouldn't be convinced either. Shit...Thor wasn't convinced himself right now. They did their best, yes. But for whom? For Thor? For Loki? For the kingdom? For themselves?

Admittedly, though, having Loki threw everyone off track. Thor didn't regret having him, though. Never did. He regretted how, and when. But if this was the only way to have Loki, then so be it.

"What are you thinking?" Thor asked because the alpha had been silent for too long and Loki plus silence usually meant trouble in the very near future.

"Do you remember when the Fire Dwarves attacked Asgard and released a poison that was aimed to kill children?" Loki asked. The complete change of topic made Thor snap his eyes up. Thor took a deep breath as he revisited the incident in his mind. He tried to forget each and every memory where Loki almost died. There were many.

"I do." Thor said. “The Fire Dwarves were wretched people that released some sort of gas on Asgard that affected young children. It took a week to pass through the body, but was only fatal for the first day.” It was a dark time on Asgard. The poison made children very ill and many died. The strongest one had survived and luckily his son was one of them.

Loki nodded, sitting up, "Well, let me tell you what I've been thinking about all this time."

Loki hated being locked away in these four walls. He hadn't even done anything wrong this time. He had only been playing in the corner of the throne room, as he always did, when Heimdall rushed in, panicking about Fire Dwarves. Suddenly, Thor sent him to his room. Thor! As if he had the right to give him orders. Loki would have paid him no attention but father told him to mind his brother.

Stupid Thor.

Loki sat on the floor, in a fowl mood until the door burst open and the very person he was angry with entered the room.

"Leave me alone." Loki grumbled.

"Shut up." Thor said, kneeling to his level. He looked concerned and crossed. "I'm trying to save your life dumbass."

"I'm telling mother you swore." Loki said, and his mouth and nose was immediately covered with a damp cloth.

"Hold this here. Do not let it drop." Thor said, gently gathering Loki in his arms, “The healers said you need to wear it." His voice was serious in a way it rarely was. It put Loki on edge.

Loki asked, "What's wrong, Thor?" His brother put him in bed, even though Loki wasn't tired. Thor sat beside him, hesitating.

"Fire Dwarves invaded Asgard, and released an attack on our children." Thor explained, "You're going to get sick for a bit. Okay?"

"Fire Dwarves?" Loki echoed, thinking about it for the first time. "I learned about them in class." Loki gasped, suddenly terrified. "Am I going to die?!"

Thor sighed, running his fingers through Loki's hair, "Don't panic, little one. I promise you'll be alright." His brother gave him an honest smile, there wasn't a waver in his gaze. Loki nodded, knowing his brother wouldn't lie to him.

Their parents came in soon after, telling Loki a web of lies of how children often get sick and he had caught the flu. Loki told them what Thor told him. Odin got so angry, the young alpha hugged his brother.

Thor didn't react to their father's angry lecture. He simply leaned back against the headboard. It was apparent that Thor was not leaving Loki's side. Of course, he wasn't. He was always there when Loki needed him. Thor was a big, stupid oaf but the best big brother Loki could ask for. Even if he'll never, ever, ever tell Thor that. It would go to his big head.

"He needed to know the truth, father." Thor said after a moment.

Their father glared at him, "He is our son. We'll decide what he needs to know. Not you!"

Thor glared back but there was something about the pinch in his brow; he seemed more hurt than angry. His jaw dropped as if to speak but his eyes snapped at Loki when the alpha started coughing and couldn't stop. Loki squirmed in discomfort. His chest burned, running up his throat and making his mouth dry. Quickly, it got worse. The sensation ran deep in his chest, like his lungs were on fire.

"Thor?" Loki called out. He didn't know why. Maybe because Thor was the closest to him. Maybe because Thor had told him the truth. But he immediately corrected himself. "Mother, I don't—my chest hurts!" He said, reaching out to Frigga, who picked him up.

"I know darling. It will pass." She said, holding him close, lightly patting his back.

Hours passed and it only got worse and worse. He started throwing up and coughing up blood. Loki was terrified. But for once, his parents were there. By his side when he needed them the most.

Until they weren't.

All Loki knew was one minute, they were holding him, whispering comforts in his ear, the next a healer said it's been twenty-seven hours and suddenly he was tucked in bed, his mother pressed a kiss to his temples as father explained that he'll be fine now and they had to go tend to the kingdom.

Then they were gone.

Loki didn't even know what to do, what to say. He didn't know why they left him when they still needed him.

"T-thor?" Loki said before he started coughing again. His brother had stayed there with him, too. Was still there. For that, Loki was grateful...but..."Why did they leave?"

"It's okay, little one." Thor said, pulling covers over him that Loki kicked off. He was cold but he was in a foul mood. "They have a lot of people to take care of. Not all children are as strong as you."

"I want Mother!" Loki whined, in misery. "Bring her back!" Thor sighed, he looked away, seemed a little sad. What did he have to be sad about? He wasn't the one suffering.

"Don't panic, Loki. I'm sure they'll be back." Thor said, bit his lip, looking towards the door as if uncertain. Still, Loki calmed down. He hadn't considered they would come back, he only knew he needed them now.

Except they didn't come back. He waited for them and they didn't come back. Didn't even send a guard to check on him. It was only him and Thor.

"I want Mother!" Loki screamed. He was in pain. He was scared. He was so, very angry. He figured if he fought with Thor long enough, he'd leave and make their mother come back. So he kicked and screamed and hit as much as he possibly could. It wasn't much, because he felt so weak.

"I know, Loki!" Thor said, reached around Loki’s flailing. He sounded exasperated, but it was covered by concern. Loki slumped in the bed, too tired to keep fighting. Thor rubbed his cheek. "I'm here." He said.

Loki slapped his hand away, "I don't want you! I want mother. I want father. Leave me alone!" He said it, he even meant it. He'd far rather have his parents here than Thor. But his brother wouldn't leave. He would never leave him. Not when Loki was so sick.

"I know!" Thor said, his brow creased, tone sharp enough to slice metal. Loki felt a rise of victory. But instead of moving from the bed, Thor reached over, pulling the alpha over to sit in his lap. Loki was all gross with sweat and spit and blood. Thor held him close anyway.

"I know you want your parents." Thor said, kissing his temple "They'll come back before too long. For now, try to rest." Loki felt too miserable to sleep, he was ready to protest again, but he heard a soft rumble from where his head was pillowed on his brother's chest.

It was rare for Thor to even acknowledge his gender, let alone act on it. Loki hadn't heard him purr in years, only when the young alpha was particularly distressed and Thor felt the need to calm him down. Loki felt himself relax almost instantly. He wondered if this was how a pet felt when they were scratched. He was still miserable but the fear eased away the longer Thor held him. Thor wrapped him in a blanket after a while, but kept Loki in his arms. It was nice. Loki felt safe. But the calm made him realize something.

"They're not coming back, are they?" Loki asked.

Thor chuckled a little, entirely without humor, "You say that as if they've abandoned you. You'll see them again very soon. When you're well."

Loki was quiet for a long time before he said, "You would have came back."

But then again, Thor had never left.

Thor sighed, "They're…running a kingdom. And I am not." He didn't sound quite right. Like he hadn't wanted to say it. He sighed again, adding, "They love you very much and want you to be well."

Loki didn't say anything else but he was wondering…if what Thor said was true, why weren't they there.

Thor was…stunned. Of ALL the things to dwell on in his fourteen hundred plus years, Loki remembered that one week in vivid detail.

Of all the devious, mischievous shit Loki got himself into and Thor had just the tiniest seconds to save him, of all the times Loki had been sick, sicker than then, this is what Loki remembered.

Why?!

"I saved you from a bilgesnipe THREE times!" Thor said. "And you've been dwelling on one of the times I purred."

Loki dragged a pillow off his bed and tossed it at him, "I didn't need you to save me! I could have handled myself perfectly fine."

"Yes, the panicked screams of you running away told me as much." Thor said, and his face was met with another pillow.

"I wasn't dwelling on your gender, oaf." Loki said, then knit his brow, in an almost remorseful manner. "All my life, all I ever wanted was a father who treated me like his son. I had that all along and never knew. Odin would rather have me searching for something where I'd never get it. I'll never forgive him for that."

Thor took a deep breath, "Loki, I'm not much older than you. I couldn't have been a father."

"But you were!" Loki said. "Everything I know, you taught me."

Thor sighed, looking down at his hands. What could he say? It was practically true. A lot of Loki's care did come from him. Especially as he got older. His parents weren't often available when he wanted them to be and they gave him closer attention than they had for Loki.

Was that why Loki was off kilter? Had he interfered too much? Thor felt as if he had.

"Maybe that was the problem." Thor said. "I was in the way."

Loki shook his head, "Without you, I would have been alone."

Thor sighed, standing and crossing the room to sit beside his son. "They loved you Loki. They really did."

Loki inhaled sharply, nodding absently. His eyes were almost wet but he blinked it away. "I know but they didn't like me. At least not father—Odin."

If that were true, Thor didn't notice. Odin was a hardened man. If one didn't know him well enough, they would have thought he didn't like anyone.

Well… Odin might have been resentful. Because of the way Loki was conceived. Maybe deep down, Thor knew that, observed it in the way he treated Loki. Maybe he always tried to shield Loki from it.

Clearly, he failed.

"You can still call them your parents." Thor said.

"That's a slap in your face." Loki said.

Thor huffed softly in amusement, "Oh now you get sentimental."

Loki smiled a little, meeting his eyes, "Don't expect me to call you Daddy." Thor laughed. He felt a bit better. If Loki was joking, then he felt alright enough. The problems came when the alpha became a monologuing, theatrical prima donna.

He patted Loki's knee, glad this little chat went far better than Thor expected it to. There was just one little thing that the omega was constantly aware of.

Loki was a little shit, who'd rather let sentimentality burn to a crackling crunch. Thor couldn't help but wonder if Loki was being genuine or…if this were all just an act.

Chapter Text

“You have to make sure the blade protects your body,” Thor said, adjusting the way Loki was holding his sword. When he was satisfied, he said, “That’s perfect.” It made the boy smile. He preferred learning from Thor rather than their father or instructors. They always yelled at him when he didn’t do things right, even though he tried so hard. Thor never got angry when he made mistakes.

“Now, lunge forward,” Thor instructed.

Loki tried, but the blade was too heavy. He stumbled forward, the tip of the blade plummeting to the ground. As always. Thor caught him before he fell.

“I’m bad at this!” Loki growled, pushing the sword aside and slumping to the ground, arms and legs crossed. “Father is going to be angry.”

“You’re not bad at it. You’re only learning. Father will have to live with that.” Thor said, taking a seat beside Loki. His voice changed a bit, his scent did too. He seemed a bit sad. Thor did that sometimes. The young alpha never knew why but it bothered him. Thor could never know, but Loki didn’t like it when his brother was sad.

“I can try again,” Loki said.

“You don’t have to right now,” Thor said, ruffling his hair. “You have plenty of time to learn.”

Loki shrugged, “I’m better at knives.”

“Why don’t you use them?”

Loki huffed. “Father doesn’t approve,” He said.

“I imagine he’ll approve even less if you’re killed from using a weapon you don’t like. As will I,” Thor said. “ It doesn’t matter what weapon you use, Loki. Do what's best to win the fight.” Loki looked up at him in surprise. His words seemed awfully profound to Loki. Father never made it seem like he had a choice.

“I can even use magic?” Loki said, eyes wide with hope.

“Of course,” Thor said, he smiled at Loki.

Loki thought about it, his enthusiasm waning, “What if father won’t let me.”

“Tell him it’s my fault and do it anyway,” Thor said, rather flippantly. As if he thought nothing would come of it. Thor must have known that wasn’t true. Father and his brother argued a lot. Always over Loki. Mother usually didn’t get involved. Loki always thought it was strange that father even allowed it. No one else was allowed to argue with the All-Father the way Thor did.

Loki asked Heimdall about it once because Loki knew the omega would give him an honest answer. Heimdall told him it was probably because Odin felt guilty. Loki asked him what father would feel guilty about and Heimdall told him only the All-Father could answer that. Loki asked Heimdall if he knew and Heimdall was as honest as always. He said he did know but it wasn’t in his place to tell Loki.

So in the end Heimdall was no help at all. But Loki didn’t tell him that. He wanted Heimdall to be happy too and telling him that might make him sad.

Loki looked down at the blade in his hand, materialized with magic. He changed its form over and over again as he thought. How often has he disrespected Thor, betrayed him, hurt him? His jealousy had been great. He showed his resentment every chance he got. Sibling rivalry, so he had thought. Odin watched this all unfold. Said nothing. Stealing respect that didn't belong to him.

Loki scoffed. To no one but himself. He came from rape. A violent affair, made worse by Laufey’s cruelty.

That’s why he was this way. All violent and cruel and…the worst.

A light tap on wood broke him from his dark train of thought. It wasn’t easy to sneak upon him. Only a few people could accomplish it. Even fewer would seek his appearance. Thor-his father was entirely too loud to be sneaky. He knew it was Heimdall before he even looked up. Loki met his golden eyes, calming a little now that he wasn't alone.

“You’ve been staring at that blade for a while,” Heimdall said. “Are you alright?” Loki felt Heimdall probably knew the answer to that question, which was a resounding NO. But the question reminded him of something from Thor’s memory. Something about Heimdall understanding his pain.

Heimdall was so...Heimdall. He was more adept with the sword than any alpha, being the second most important man in all of Asgard’s once glory. It was easy to forget that such a thing happening to Heimdall was even a possibility.

“Loki?” Heimdall said when it took the alpha too long to answer.

“Heimdall…” Loki started, then paused for a moment, wondering if he should even ask. He didn't think Heimdall had any family. Loki wondered if he ever had anyone to talk to about it. The alpha realized he’d probably be far from anyone’s first choice to talk about something this sensitive but…better than no one Loki supposed.

“Has anything like that ever happened to you?” Loki asked. It was incredibly hard to change Heimdall’s expression. He was a man who has, quite literally, seen it all. But this caught him by surprise if he raised eyebrows was anything to judge by.

“I’m sorry,” Loki said. “I probably shouldn't have asked.”

“It’s fine,” Heimdall said, leaning back against the wall, his arms crossed. A confusing mixture of calm, open yet distanced. “It has. When I was younger.”

The growl that came from Loki shocked even himself. “I don’t like that,” Loki said.

Heimdall smiled a little, in the saddest way. “I don’t suppose you do. Do you need to talk?”

Loki sighed, looking back down at the blade, “I don’t even know what to say. I just want to kill someone.”

“Talking is a healthier coping mechanism,” Heimdall said, crossing the room to sit beside Loki.

“There should have been someone watching both of you,” Loki said.

Heimdall sighed, looked a bit chagrined, “I was watching Thor.”

“I meant an alpha,” Loki said, “Preferably an adult.” He almost said a child couldn't watch another one but it scratched a little too close to the situation and he didn't want to confront it.

Heimdall shrugged, “I can see all. Thor still slipped from my sight. I never wanted him to know that pain but some things are unavoidable. Children will be children. You can’t account for everything.” That was true. It stung even. Was this the only way Loki could have been conceived? Through pain?

“I should thank you,” Loki said. “You saved my life. Odin would have had me aborted.” He didn't verbalize that maybe it would have been better if Odin had. Surely Thor would have been better off.

Heimdall faced him, perhaps he hadn’t known Loki knew that. “I suppose I did.” He said with a small smile.

Loki enjoyed seeing Heimdall smile, even if it was small, as it often was. Loki couldn’t recall a time he’s seen Heimdall happy. The omega always seemed distant at best and sad at worst. Loki had tried to make Heimdall smile as a child. It kind of became his life’s purpose for a while. But as he did with most people, Loki usually annoyed him.

Or at least that’s how it seemed. The omega was hard to read. And stoic. As a child, looking up at Heimdall in all his golden armor was beyond intimidating, especially since Heimdall would just stare down at him. No expression that Loki could see. No chuckle. Just golden eyes piercing down at his very soul.

Looking back though…Heimdall might have simply been facing him but actually looking elsewhere while Loki performed whatever he thought was entertaining with his magic. Maybe he wasn’t annoyed as much as he was bored.

“I’ve carried twice before,” Heimdall said, "Back when I was young." Loki figured he was right. Heimdall did need to talk.

“Odin thought he was doing me a favor. I refused to let Thor suffer through it. It hurts every second of every day.” Such words should have been paired with sorrow, a sigh, some sign of pain. Heimdall spoke so evenly, so calmly. His features gave away nothing. Loki only now noticed but it had to be trained behavior. No one could share such painful experiences without even a wince unless they were taught that.

“No one spoke on your behalf?” Loki asked, brow pinched. “Not even the all-mother?”

Heimdall shook his head. “I was to be the gatekeeper. No distractions were allowed. After the second time, Odin considered my nature an inconvenience. He had the healers close my womb.”

“Fuck Odin!” Loki said, truly taken aback. It was almost incomprehensible, doing something so deeply manipulative. So cruel. Anger simmered under Loki’s skin and there was nothing to do with it. The man who committed the betrayal was dead.

“He had his own plans,” Heimdall said. “It worked. I made an efficient gatekeeper. Thor will be a good king.”

“No, he was the most selfish person I have ever known,” Loki said.

Heimdall’s only response to that was, “Yes.”

Chapter Text

Thor was different today, Loki noticed as he watched his brother from the archway that led to the classroom. The way the omega walked, his slow gait, hands held behind his back. He was looking down.

Had Loki disappointed him that much?

Or was Thor actually pregnant?

He watched his brother walk towards the study halls. Loki was concerned. Even if he would never admit it, he didn't like disappointing Thor.

Mastress Eir was glowering at Loki, her arms crossed. Every now and then she would "humph". Loki sat on the bench and waited impatiently. Fidgety. He tried to use his magic as a distraction for Thor's unnecessarily long trek, but she tutted at him every time he tried.

It was a good sign, though, if Thor came instead of their parents. Maybe he wasn't in much trouble.

When the omega got closer, he looked up at Loki. A small smile graced his lips. An annoyed yet humored smile.

So not distraught over Loki then.

Maybe Loki wasn't even in trouble! Well, then again...it wasn't up to Thor to decide that.

Of course, there was still the possibility that Thor was pregnant, if he really were kissing alphas all willy nilly. They'd have to have a little chat about that.

"What have you gotten up to now, Loki?" Thor asked when he reached him.

Loki crossed his arms and looked away, "I did absolutely nothing wrong."

"Right, this room got in this state by itself." Thor said, looking at the destruction that used to be a classroom.

Thor didn't even give him the benefit of the doubt. Anyone could have caused that destruction! Sure Loki was indeed the cause, but that wasn't the point.

"Tell him the truth, Loki!" Mastress Eir snipped at the young alpha. Loki sighed and relayed the events of the day.

He started with the conversation that initiated it all.

Sylvie had told him her sister was in trouble and was being sent to Vanir to live with their grandparents. Sylvie had said this with great joy. Her sister and her could never get along.

When Loki had asked why, she told him it was because her sister got pregnant and the alpha who did it wasn't acknowledging her.

Loki had told her only whores got pregnant before marriage. To be honest, he hadn't meant any harm. He was just repeating what he heard other students say. Sylvie and Loki studied with older students and Loki liked to listen in on their grown up conversations. He figured the older students must have deep knowledge in such things.

Sylvie had hit him for the comment and called Thor a slut.

Apparently their strained relationship strong enough that Sylvie felt the need to fight for her sister's honor.

And fight the two did. Magic went blazing. Chairs, tables, and windows were broken. Any objects that could be lifted by magic were thrown. Students and even Mastress Eir scattered.

The battle was fierce. Two alphas were determined to protect, even if it were only reputations that needed protecting. As the two were pulled apart, she yelled that Thor was going to get pregnant too if he kept kissing alphas.

Loki conjured a venomous reptile that wrapped itself around the crown of Sylvie's head, hissing and snarling. Sylvie went running. Loki considered it a win.

When Loki finished, Thor was rubbing his brow in frustration. Loki thought he'd be more grateful. It was, afterall, THOR'S reputation he'd been fighting for.

"As I said, it wasn't my fault." Loki finished.

"Loki, you can't rip apart a classroom and attack someone with a snake because you didn't like what they said." Thor said.

"I was defending YOUR honor. You could at least say thank you!" Loki argued, "And she started it."

Mastress Eir huffed in annoyance, "This is what I deal with all day. Every single day. Take him. Go, go! Tomorrow you and Sylvie will clean up this mess you made." She said. Mastress Eir was too elegant to stomp away. So she did a dignified sway instead.

The bitch.

Thor sighed, looking down at Loki who couldn't help but look away. Perhaps the fight had gotten a wee bit out of control. But he wouldn't admit that.

Thor sighed again and reached his hand out to Loki, who took it.

"Am I in trouble?" Loki asked.

Thor snorted, "Most definitely." The omega hesitated for a bit, "You're confined to your room for a fortnight."

"A whole fortnight?!" Loki said, shocked. "I won't get to see Sylvie?!"

"The same Sylvie who may still have a snake living rent free in her hair?" Thor said.

"The spell will wear off soon. And we'll be fine. We fight like this at least once a week." Loki said. Thor chuckled. "She shouldn't have said what she said."

"Neither should you." Thor said, "You called her sister a whore."

"She called you a slut!"

"Because you called her sister a whore!"

"She is!" Loki insisted, "She's having a baby before marriage. Subs can't do that, she should have known better." Thor sighed again, he did that a lot.

"Mistakes happen, Loki." Thor said, looking away.

"You wouldn't do that." Loki said.

Thor huffed a soft laugh, "What makes you so sure?"

Loki considered this, considered his brother's careless, impulsive way about things. Maybe he shouldn't be so sure.

"Please don't get pregnant, Thor. That would be most inconvenient for me." Loki said. He was quite serious but Thor laughed at him, even if it sounded a bit tense.

"I can assure you," Thor said, "that is not something you have to worry about."

"Thor?" Loki asked. When Thor said, "Hmm?" Loki asked, "Were you kissing alphas?".

Thor rolled his eyes, "Why is that so important to you?"

"Because if you kiss alphas, you'll get pregnant. Everyone knows that, Thor." Loki said, slightly annoyed. Leave it to his brother to miss the basics.

Thor smiled, "Is that so?"

"Yes, and then they'll abandon you like Sylvie's sister." Loki said, "And it'll be all up to me to take care of you." Thor seemed humored by this.

"Babies don't come from kissing, Loki." Thor said. Loki snapped his eyes up at him.

"What? Yes, they do."

Thor laughed, "No, it's more complicated than that."

"Really?" Loki said, trying to wrap his young mind around that. "Where do they come from?"

"I'll tell you when you're older." Thor said, then his voice changed a little, "Or our parents will."

Loki tried to add it up. Where could babies come from? Kissing was the only thing that made sense.

"I'll have to share this with Sylvie." Loki said before he remembered his punishment. He looked up at his brother, "A whole fortnight?" Loki whined, "The allfather said that?"

Thor sighed heavily, "Yes, your father did." He sounded so sad.

"What's wrong?" Loki asked. Thor looked down at him with a sad smile, "Nothing. I'm fine, Loki."

The healers closed his womb?

Loki couldn't switch his attention from this newfound knowledge. Not just because it was cruel but... What did it even mean? Was Heimdall barren? Or was this something that could be reversed? Had the healers used science or magic?

Had they done it to Thor?

What had been told to Thor might not have been the truth. It certainly would be in character for Odin to lie about something so severe. Thor was to be the King. Another child before due time would prohibit that.

Or so Odin would have thought.

Loki walked in distracted thought, scanning the offerings from Triffflheim, an ally of once glorious Asgard. The Trifffles were watching him intently from their shelves along the hall walls, searching his face for approval. Loki wasn't good at...civility. He smiled at them with what he hoped conveyed genuine approval but they all cowered back.

Well...he tried.

News of the destruction of Asgard spread quickly and their allies were quick to offer assistance, hoping to beat their enemies in offering more destruction.

Thor and Heimdall were busy. The King and his advisor amicably accepted the gifts, diplomatically offering...something in return should the Trifffles want it. But if Loki's allspeak was correct, the tiny beings only wanted to help.

Which was just as well. Loki couldn't imagine they had anything to offer in return. But there was quite a bit of the all-father in Thor. Loki was sure his broth—father, had something up his sleeve.

The Trifffles were odd looking beings, as most of the Galaxy were. Their ears were bigger than their bitty bodies and flopped over, dragging on the ground when they walked. They only reached the height of an Asgardian's ankle and their skin was a bright glowing cyan hue.

It was because of this and Loki saying, mistakenly in Thor's presence, they could use the Trifffles as living lanterns on the ship, that Loki was banished from this meeting of important persons. Lest he say something inappropriate in their presence.

Not that he much minded. Because, well, he probably would have said something inappropriate, to be honest. But also, he couldn't imagine staring down at someone ankle height for a long time was very comfortable. But kneeling would have been considered rude.

To their credit, most of the Trifffles had the decency to climb to high places to communicate. Thank Valhalla, because if they had stayed on the floor, Loki just knew he'd step on one eventually.

They offered food that was mostly foreign to them. Clothes that were hideous and Loki didn't imagine would fit very well. He did admire their determination, however. How many of them did it take to sew just one giant sized garment? Let alone the thousands they were offering to them in crates.

There were other things as well, that would count for wealth. Beautiful stones and gems, weapons, whatever the Trifffles thought would be helpful.

Before Surtur, Triffflheim was under Asgard's protection. The realm was spoiled with riches just beneath the surface. Trifffles didn't believe in using more than was necessary and they were so small that what they used didn't even scratch the surface of their wealth.

So others, including Loki himself once, another reason he was sidelined, decided to use their resources for them. This usually involved killing them in groves. That wasn't as bad as it seemed as the Trifffles multiplied at astounding rates.

Loki tried to imagine it. How tiny their squabbling infants had to be. Infants. Babies. Full circle to the very thing he'd rather not think about. Children. Fertility.

Heimdall's fertility was a fine thought. His brother's, not so much. Especially since Thor wasn't at all his brother. Nevertheless, Loki couldn't help but have questions.

If the all-father was so intent on having his way that he would shut the womb of a child after he forced an abortion on that child twice...what else had he done?

The alpha overheard the Trifffle King offer the Asgardians the chance to mine their world for one percent of their resources to help regain their wealth.

Loki knocked down several crates of who knows what when he spun around in shock. Even one percent of Triffflheim's resources would be enough for several Asgardian generations.

Thor glanced at him in wary humor and politely declined, claiming the Trifffles' had already been overgenerous.

This must have upset their patrons, for every Trifffle in the room threw their head back and let out the most...Heinous...Wail.

A brain shattering wail.

Their ears even stood up and wobbled as they did so.

Heimdall even emoted. The way he winced, Loki wondered if his amazing hearing was more sensitive to the sound than the rest of them.

It took more self-restraint than Loki had ever exercised in his fourteen plus hundred years of life to not banish each and every one of these miserable miscreants to another dimension.

Had this been Odin, he would have done it just to spite the old bastard.

But Thor. For his true father, he could behave. For once. Loki had never thought he would feel this much regret for his treatment of Thor. He's spent his life being spiteful towards his not-brother for his childhood neglect and his parent had been giving him attention his entire life.

That made Loki hate Odin even more.

Thor was quick to offer his apologies and accepted the offer that had been made.

The agonizing wails ceased and were replaced with celebration, shiny cyan ears clapped happily. Loki had a sneaky suspicion that the Trifffles' generosity was self-serving.

They would have to take shelter on Triffflheim to mine the resources. They would essentially be bodyguards for the Trifffles during their stay.

Asgardians on their worst day were still a realm-destroying force. And the protection they could provide for the weak was undeniably substantial. But a respite from their travels and a new environment to decompress from...everything was well and long overdue. It was a fair trade.

The Trifffles explained they had tried to build homes for their massive allies but the task was too much for them.

They were an incredible race, Thor thought. They had started building the homes but their tools could only reach so far. So the homes were half finished. How they even made it that far was simply amazing.

Thor told the Trifffle King, Leklan, that they could simply continue living on the ship. But they would help the Trifffles finish the houses. When the Asgardians continued their journey, it would appear as if some had stayed.

Diplomacy never came naturally to Thor. It seemed more a task for Heimdall. But Heimdall rarely spoke more words than absolutely necessary. He had always been quiet but he's grown silent over the years. Thor had evolved in the complete opposite direction.

As it was, this was apparently a good move. The Trifffles greatly appreciated it.

Hell, maybe some would actually stay. While they were few in number currently, Thor wouldn't get in the way of any of his people who wanted to follow a different path.

Trifffleheim was a beautiful realm. Everything in the world was oversized except for the people who lived here.

Thor had wandered a bit, just a few clicks from basecamp. He had thought the second they'd reached any land, he'd never step foot on the ship again unless he had to. He was sick of looking at it.

But for the three days they've been on Triffflheim, he had rarely left the ship. To be fair, there was a lot to take his attention. His people had many needs. But most of his attention was handling childish disputes to be honest. He needed a break. So it was all Heimdall's problem until he returned.

Not to be a bad friend, but it kind of made Thor want to stay away for as long as possible.

"Hello, your Highness," Thor heard a voice say from behind him. He turned around and found Valkyrie. She walked up to stand beside him.

"I thought you'd be gone by now." Thor said, leaning against the trunk of a massive tree.

"Go where?" Val said, with a sly smile, "You guilt-tripped me out of my home." She didn't seem that distressed about it.

"Your home is with your people." Thor said, then cringed a bit at how much he sounded like his father.

"Yes," Val said, surprising him, "All I could remember was the war. Now that I'm back, I remember everything else. I wish I had come home before Asgard was destroyed."

"We will rebuild." Thor said, "Perhaps our new Asgard will be better than before." He said it more confidently than he felt. Not because he missed his home necessarily. As much as he hated to see it blown to bits, all the places that held horrible memories for him were blown away as well. It was why he spent so much time away from his home world in the first place. He suspected Heimdall felt the same way. Probably more so than Thor.

"I'd like that." Val said, moving closer. He caught her scent, which had picked up. She wasn't trying to dominate. She scented aroused.

Thor couldn't blame her, he was very arousing. Though it seemed sudden. Or maybe it wasn't. Maybe that's why she had come to him.

"I was just going to explore." Valkyrie said, "We'll be here for a while. Might as well get to know our surroundings."

She wasn't advancing on him, despite her closing the distance. Which he was grateful for. Her scent and the setting brought to mind an old memory. A painful, shameful one.

Thor pushed it deep down, where it belonged.

"Explore the forest?" Thor said, his voice teasing, almost to prove a point. If to no one but himself. "Or explore me?"

Val seemed confused at first, even when he closed the gap and kissed her. But she reciprocated, kissing him more passionately than he expected.

"Exploring you does sound fun," Val said when she broke away, taking his hand. "Let's find a place, a bit more secret. The memory he had pushed down had bubbled back up, filling his chest. He almost felt as if he were suffocating.

He followed her still, letting her use him and pretending to enjoy it.

Thor opening his door caught Heimdall off guard. The fellow omega ambled in and collapsed face first besides Heimdall on his bed.

"One of those days, I suppose." Heimdall said, setting his books to the side. He had been studying. But Thor always seemed to want the most attention when Heimdall was the most preoccupied. He cast his sight on Loki, since the boy was the only person who could get Thor this upset.

The young alpha was sitting on his bed, arms crossed in a foul mood. Confined to his room, Heimdall supposed.

Definitely Thor's doing. If it had been Odin, the boy would have been in his grandfather's office being lectured.

Thor wasn't big on talking. Probably because Odin did so much of it.

"I swear, for someone who's not supposed to be raising their own child, I feel like I'm doing all the work." Thor said. Honestly, Heimdall tended to agree. It seemed the only thing Odin was contributing was frustration. The Allmother never seemed as determined to be Loki's mother as Odin was to be his father.

But the Allmother was all around more sensible.

"Apparently, Heimdall," Thor said, propping his chin on his arm, "I'm a whore."

Heimdall's brow furrowed, "Loki said that?"

"Not on purpose," Thor said with a headshake, "He said any sub who has a baby before marriage is a whore."

If someone hadn't known Thor, his look of mild disinterest might be convincing. But Heimdall knew better.

"I'm sure he's just repeating what he's heard." Heimdall said, "I know the students who attend his halls. They throw such words around to sound mature." And they probably heard them from older siblings who used them out of cruelty.

Heimdall hoped Thor never had to face such cruelty. Laufey had already done too much and Heimdall had experienced enough cruelty for the both of them.

Thor was silent for a moment, brow furrowed as if he were thinking something over.

"What's wrong?" Heimdall asked.

Thor shrugged, "It's just...sometimes I feel..." Thor shook his head dismissively, "It's nothing."

"Sometimes you feel as if you really are a whore." Heimdall said, finishing Thor's thought for him.

"Do you ever feel that way?" Thor asked.

Heimdall felt that way now , the events of the day played out in the back of his mind. But he simply just said, "Yes."

"Now I feel bad." Thor said. The older omega wasn't even sure what he meant by that.

"There's nothing to feel bad about." Heimdall said gently, " You can't blame yourself for feelings."

"But..." Thor started then stopped, worrying his bottom lip.

"What's wrong?" Heimdall asked, reaching out, running his hand through Thor's hair. "You can always tell me anything."

"You promise you won't think less of me?" Thor asked. Heimdall's heart ached, wondering what could have happened that led Thor to that thought.

"Of course not." Hiemdall said, "Come." Thor moved to sit beside him. He has grabbed Heimdall's stuffed animal. The one that he's had since early childhood. It was a mistakenly half bear/half bunny hybrid that his father had finished for him before he died. He still held it sometimes, even though he felt he was too old for that. Thor was clutching it close to his chest. He had always been drawn to it.

Heimdall wrapped an arm around the younger omega, "What happened?"

"I...Apparently Loki got in a fight with Sylvie because he called her sister a whore and she said I was a slut because I kiss alphas." Thor said, a bit of sad humor shining in his eyes.

"But I..." Thor started and stopped. Tensing. After a moment he continued, "I don't even know how she found out... Unless they were talking about it already." Thor's face gradually fell as the weight of the realization fell on him.

That made it far worse, Heimdall always thought. When an alpha violated him and then bragged about it. It was a cruelty he wished he could have kept Thor from. But, Heimdall supposed, he couldn't protect Thor from everything. No matter how much he wanted to.

Thor wouldn't be a victim of such boasting too much. He was one of the only two omegas in Asgard but he was still the King's son. He was the heir to the throne. Respect had to be given even if it were begrudged.

"Thor?" Heimdall said, "They?"

"I...there were some alphagirls in my hall. They keep pestering me." This said, "They sort of trapped me in the woods."

"Why didn't you call for me?" Heimdall asked. He could see much. But he could only concentrate on one thing at a time. Maybe that would change over time, their gifts grew as they aged.

But if Thor had called, he would have heard him. Heimdall would have protected him.

Valhalla knows Heimdall would have done anything to have someone willing to protect him. He supposed Odin and Frigga would have been willing if it wasn't for Odin's personal philosophies.

"I didn't want you to get hurt again." Thor said

"I would have been fine." Heimdall said, "I can take on a couple of fifty year olds."

"They were older than me." Thor said.

"Even still, I would have come if you had called." Heimdall said.

Thor pondered on this, then shook his head, "But we have to protect each other."

"You need to protect Loki," Heimdall said, "I'll protect you."

"Then who will protect you?" Thor asked.

"I can protect you and still take care of myself." Heimdall said. It was true. Well, now it was. He wasn't bothered much by his peers these days, he was too fierce.

In childhood, however, when he first came to Asgard, Heimdall felt as if he had been thrown into a pit of jealous, vicious lions and was, quite literally, told to deal with it. Effective, he supposed. He only had two options. Either survive or be destroyed.

He learned how to survive.

Well, almost. While his peers weren't a problem, there were a few select elders who were.

"That seems unfair." Thor said.

Heimdall gave Thor a small smile, "I'll be fine."

Thor's 'okay' in reply didn't seem comforted. But he would probably listen regardless. "You still haven't told me what happened?" Heimdall urged softly. It was hypocritical, he supposed. There was much he hadn't shared with anyone.

Not because he didn't want to. No one ever asked. Well...Thor would whenever he noticed Heimdall's scent was off. But Thor was a child. He didn't need to share Heimdall's burdens.

Heimdall wished an adult would care enough to ask.

Thor sighed, looking down, eyes wet. "They...I didn't want to but they surrounded me and I was scared. I told them I didn't want to but they wouldn't listen. And I-I didn't want to lose another fight so I just...I did what they told me to do. They didn't force themselves on me. They just wanted to kiss and they put their hands all over me and...inside. I don't think they really knew what they were doing, to be honest. They just wanted to have an experience and I happened to be around."

That made sense if they weren't much older than Thor. The younger omega wouldn't have known much about sex himself if it hadn't been for Laufey.

"I didn't even know them and I let them use me." Thor said, "Sylvie was right. I am a slut." The words cut, as if the insult were personal, directed towards Heimdall himself and not a means of self destruction.

"No, Thor. You didn't consent." Heimdall said, "You're not a slut." He wished he knew what else to say. But it was a suffering he shared and never learned how to consolidate. He's done what Thor did. Fighting back often made it worse, alphas could get so aggressive. Sometimes Heimdall just snapped his eyes shut and cast his sight somewhere beautiful until the ugliness was over. Sometimes he never made a single sound of protest. And after, he felt like a whore too.

"But they won't mention that, will they, when they slander my name?" Thor said, voice dripping venom and pain, "I'll just be the whore who puts out in the forest." Heimdall knew that humiliation all too well, knew there were no words to comfort that shame.

Instead of trying, Heimdall hugged Thor. The younger omega clutched the stuffed bunny bear and cried on his shoulder.

A rather sad memory passed through Heimdall's mind as he threw his sight elsewhere, away from Thor. His friend's sex life held no particular interest for him, he just happened to cast his sight on Thor at an unfortunate moment. He did find it fascinating how Thor could, quite literally, meet someone in one moment and bed them the very next.

Heimdall never begrudged Thor of his... promiscuity. He was simply fascinated. The few times Heimdall had courted in his years, the sex was always nothing short of misery for him. He was happier being left alone. In every sense.

How Thor tolerated it so often for so long remained a mystery. Especially since Thor didn't seem to appreciate it anymore than Heimdall did. Which was worrisome.

But maybe it wasn't as painful for Thor as it was for him.

Heimdall sat at the edge of his bed, picking up the stuffed animal he's kept for nearly two thousand years. It was ugly. A patchwork of different materials and colors. Some patches stitched perfectly, others were nearly managled. A gift from his nine mothers and his father.

He had almost lost it on Asgard. But when he was gathering his people to escape Hela, he came across a little girl who had lost her own stuffed animal. She asked him to save hers and he gave her his ugly bunny bear promising she could keep it if he couldn't save her stuffed turtle.

Their world was coming to an end, Hela was destroying any and everyone in her path. And Heimdall made saving stuffed animals a priority.

He didn't regret it. The girl had her life and her turtle and he had the last gift his father ever gave him.

Chapter Text

Thor walked back to the ship with Valkyrie at his side. He smiled at her, kissing her on the cheek before they went their separate ways, each having their own duties to attend to. He certainly hadn't kissed her because he was desperate for affection that went beyond sex. Nope. Not this hardened warrior.

He snuck to his room quickly, before the people realized he was back. He needed to take a shower. He had to. Sex was always complicated for him, surfacing forgotten emotions and ripping open healed wounds. He hadn't been mated in a while, not since he and Jane had separated. He had gotten used to it with her and she was different than most alphas. It wasn't as painful as it was with others.

The water felt wonderful. He turned the temperature dial as far as he could, the water all but seared his skin. But it was good, it felt as if he were melting away the shame that had covered him. He would never admit, not even to himself, that he cried under the spray of water.

To ground himself, he ignored the ghosts of old memories and instead focused on the luxury of a real shower. While they were traveling, the best he got was lukelukewarm since the energy needed to be spared and regulated to fulfill the needs of everyone. The trifffles have been very generous in aiding them. The ship was fully stocked and connected to water pipes and generators to keep them powered during their stay.

After the shower, he went back to his room, looking at himself in the mirror. He ignored the feeling that he was staring into the face of a whore, and focused on his hair. It was in the ugly phase right now, just touching the top of his ears. There was little he could do to make it look better, no matter how hard he tried. But it wouldn't take long before it was back to its former glory.

A green shimmer appearing out of nowhere surprised him. Even still, he did NOT yelp and jump back. Absolutely not. He should have expected it anyway. Had he not been battling emotional turmoil, he probably would have. Even when Loki was at his absolute worst, ready to murder any and everyone standing in his way, he still made it a priority to meddle in Thor's love life.

"You've always known how to pick them, Thor," Loki said, leaning against the wall nonchalantly. Between Heimdall's vision and Loki's ability to be anywhere when wanted, unnoticed, Thor wondered if he ever truly had privacy.

"Pick who, Loki?" Thor said, "I'm not dating anyone." Those words were a mistake. Promiscuity, especially from a sub, had not been held in high regard on Asgard. A tryst with a near stranger in the woods was peak whoredom in their culture.

"Of course not." Loki said, his tone harsh like he was annoyed, "I'm sure she's already gotten everything she wanted. Why commit? It's easier to use and discard. " The words struck because it was true. He seriously doubted Valkyrie meant it as harshly as Loki said it… But while she would probably always be a friend, it was unlikely Valkyrie would want anything more. She wasn't the committal kind. Most of those he bedded weren't. Thor never did get around to consolidating how he felt about that.

"Loki." Thor drawled in the way he did when his son struck a nerve. It was very parent-like, now that he was thinking about it. He supposed instincts like that couldn't be helped. Odin hadn't understood that.

Loki sighed. "Sorry." He said as he flopped in a chair, tossing his legs on the table like he owned the place. "But you can't blame me for being skeptical. Your type is typically cruel and abusive. Those who aren't don't last long."

"That's not true," Thor said, feeling indignant. His bedpartners were chosen haphazardly, that was true. But those he dated, and had a relationship with, meant a great deal to him.

"Valkyrie is a fine warrior and a good woman," Thor said, even though they weren't dating. To add a better example, he said, "Jane wasn't abusive. She was as gentle as she was kind."

"Indeed." Loki agreed. "And she didn't last long." It was true and that was annoying. "Why is that?" Loki asked, folding his hands in his lap as if he had all day to wait for an answer.

"Loki, certainly you have something, anything, to do rather than meddling in my love life," Thor said. He was annoyed by the answer. Not by Loki. For once. He just didn't know how to explain it in a way the alpha wouldn't internalize. Laufey had given him his greatest blessing with his son, but in the same action, had stolen so much from Thor. His innocence and purity had been ripped from his grasp. Over time, others came and plucked away what little was left until he was old and strong enough to defend himself.

There was no way to explain how that made him a fit warrior for battle yet all but completely undesirable as a bond mate.

"Oh, let me see." Loki said, rolling up his sleeves to look at a non-existent watch on his wrist, "I just finished doing nothing this morning. And I have just enough time before my afternoon not-a-damn thing. Might as well meddle."

Thor sighed, "You know, it's genderist to hold me to a different standard than an alpha."

Loki snorted, rolling his eyes. "I don't care what you do, Thor. I care about who you're with." Loki said, "You've made a habit of scraping up the scum of all the nine realms."

"I have never dated anyone that bad," Thor said, hands on his hips. Sure, there had been some…questionable mates in his fifteen hundred years. But that was life. Mistakes were made. Nothing for Loki to freak out over.

Loki's green eyes stared at him, pointedly, "Let's review."

Amora was a bitch. Loki felt he was wise to have come to this conclusion. One Thor hadn't yet deduced. It seemed infuriatingly simple. Their parents never saw it but she yelled at Thor. Called him names. Grabbed him. She even hit him. Loki had seen it with his own eyes. Then she would apologize, promising Thor she wouldn't do it again. But she always did.

Loki had asked Thor why he let her do such terrible things. Thor always said it wasn't as bad as it seemed. He made excuses for the marks Amora left on his body. He claimed to have gotten hurt sparring or tripped and fell or ran into something.

They were lies. Loki knew. He practiced his magic often and had mastered concealing himself. He'd watch as he did now. He saw her hit Thor and call him names. Heimdall wasn't here to keep an eye on Thor like he usually could. The older omega had advanced in his training. He was off-realm with the warriors, observing war as all the students his age did.

Loki hid behind a vase in the hall. Amora and Thor were standing outside his brother's bedroom. It wasn't where Thor wanted to be. Amora had been complaining about Thor not letting her bed him, whatever that meant, and dragged the omega toward his room. Thor had snatched away when they reached the door. They stood there still, arguing.

Well no, Amora was insulting him and Thor was letting her. He just stood there, arms crossed, looking at her with pleading in his eyes.

This lasted until Amora said she couldn't understand what the problem was. Obviously, he had done it before. That struck a nerve. Thor suddenly growled at her. The look in his eyes made Loki gasp. He'd never seen his brother look so betrayed and heartbroken, yet so enraged. He told Amora it wasn't his fault and she knew that. His sudden aggression caught Amora off guard. She took an alarmed step back. Thor glared at her, brimming with anger. But there were also tears sliding down his cheeks.

Thor never cried.

Loki let go of his concealing magic and barreled down the hall, yelling, "Listen, you ugly, brutish hag!"

The two whipped around, surprised. Thor saw him and buried his head in his hands, murmuring, "Oh no."

"Loki." Amora sneered. She said his name as if the word felt foul in her mouth.

Thor looked up at her, eyeing her warily, "Amora." He said quietly.

He probably had more to say but Loki didn't give him the chance. He stood between Amora and his brother, glaring up at the heinous woman, "You will not speak to my brother in such a savage way."

Amora snorted, "He's a savage omega."

"Amora," Thor said again. His voice sounded as if he were giving her a warning but Loki spoke over him, driven by pheromones and instincts.

"You will treat my brother respectfully and gently or you shall face my wrath!" Loki declared, holding as much dominance as he could muster. Unfortunately, it didn't sound as intimidating as Loki had hoped it would. His voice was still young.

Amora laughed, "What does the god of destruction know of being gentle." Loki glared at her, fists balling at his sides. It's what people had started saying behind his back and he didn't fancy it. "And what of your wrath? You are nothing but a suckling, wailing for its mother. He's a whore. Nothing worth defending." Loki heard Thor gasp behind him, picked up the sudden sad change in his brother's scent.

In truth, Loki didn't mean to materialize a blade AND shove it in her thigh. He had simply meant to show it to her with a grave threat. She screamed in pained surprise, clutching the blade embedded in her, backing up against the wall. Thor yelled his name at the same time Amore yelled, "You little bastard!"

Loki's eyes went wide when she worked magic in between her fingers, a shiny, static ball of energy materializing under her hands. He wasn't sure he would win this fight but he made an, admittedly unimpressive, ball of magic of his own. But before he could throw it, he was pushed back. Thor was between the two of them, his scent had shifted. Loki didn't even know an omega could scent this protective. It seemed like another alpha was standing between them.

"Amora, hurt him and I will end your life with my bare hands," Thor said, his voice grim without the slightest quiver. Amora stumbled several steps back, her magic dispelling. Her eyes were wide with fear. Good. Maybe now she'll know better than to underestimate his brother.

"He stabbed me." She said, sounding almost meek. It was good seeing her quite humbled now. Loki peered from behind Thor, smirking as smugly as he could. Thor looked down at him, his eyes giving the young alpha a harsh warning. Loki looked down instead, realizing he was probably in trouble.

Thor faced Amora again. "Then see the healers." The alphess didn't utter another word, she turned and limped down the hall, her scent billowing discontent. Thor turned around to Loki, giving him a sharp look.

"Loki!" Thor said. The young alpha knew that tone well. Thor used it whenever Loki was in particularly deep trouble. It didn't make sense. Thor wasn't his dad. It wasn't fair that he got to scold Loki like he was. Loki chuckled nervously under Thor's glare and used his magic to teleport away, he heard Thor call his name as he did so.

The young alpha teleported to his room at first then thought better of it and went to the throne room. His sudden appearance caught his parents off guard. He only used magic in front of them because he felt stabbing someone, especially in front of a witness, was the type of thing that wouldn't go unnoticed for long. He decided it would be best to tell his side of the story first.

He told their parents about Amora's horrid treatment of Thor and that she viciously attacked him so he was forced to defend himself by stabbing her. It was an action that made him feel most remorseful. Thor had been so overwrought with emotions from Amora's cruel words that he had curled up into a ball of misery in the corner and couldn't help Loki.

Perhaps if he had cut the lie just a little short, he wouldn't have gotten caught. Thor rushed in just as Loki finished his story. He tried to teleport away but Thor grabbed him before he could. The young alpha hadn't yet figured out how to teleport when there was a physical connection keeping him in place. Thor gave Loki a harsh glare as Odin relayed the lie Loki had told and asked Thor if it was true. Thor assured his parents Loki was exaggerating a small tiff he had with his alpha. Thor was kind enough to frame the stabbing as if it wasn't Loki's fault. Which was only right. It wasn't his fault she deserved being stabbed.

Unfortunately, Thor's presence damaged the rest of his case. Loki was told to stop meddling in his brother's business and was dismissed. He wished Heimdall was there. For some reason, his parents trusted Heimdall's words over his. Now Loki had to wait until he was back and Thor would probably convince the stupid oaf to conceal the truth anyway. Well no. Heimdall wasn't a stupid oaf. Thor was. Deep, down Loki missed the tall, scary sentry. Even if he would never, ever, EVER admit it.

Thor smirked, triumphant. He stuck his tongue out at Loki. The young alpha scowled and stomped to his room. Thor followed him, calling his name. Loki didn't care. Why was Thor still defending that witch? Even after all she had said and done. The young alpha was forced to put his foot down. If their parents weren't going to do anything, he'd have to.

He stopped speaking to Thor and made it very clear that he wouldn't speak to his brother ever again until the greasy-haired weasel was out of his brother's life. Thor sighed and told Loki it was such a shame. He was soon going on a camping trip with his friends and he knew Loki would enjoy that kind of thing.

It put the young alpha in a conundrum. He had never been camping and Thor always promised to take him. He said there would be new things to see and experience. Give him a chance to practice his magic freely without the judgemental eyes of their elders.

As much as it sorrowed Loki, he had to stay firm. He crossed his arms and petulantly stuffed himself in his wardrobe, fully determined to not budge on the matter. Thor sighed again and told Loki if he went on the trip, he would think about everything Loki said and make a decision when they were back. Loki was resilient, staying silent and stewing. Thor groaned in annoyance, gave it a few moments then opened the wardrobe door. Loki glared up at his brother and turned his back on him. Thor sighed again, promising to tell their parents the truth when they got back. Then they could decide accordingly.

Lol had to think about it. It wasn't a promise to kick Amora to the side. But if their parents heard the real story, they'd make Thor separate from her. Hopefully at least. It was more than Loki had ever gotten from Thor on the matter so he begrudgingly agreed.

Loki tagged alongside Thor, who was holding his hand. Loki thought he was too old for such a thing. But not enough to tell Thor to stop it. Sif, Hogun, Volstagg, and Frandal joked alongside them. Laughing and poking fun at each other. Usually, Thor would joke with them. Sometimes he would seem detached and in thought, like now.

Loki looked up at him. Thor walked with his other hand in his pocket, looking down. He looked sad. Was it that terrible woman? Had Amora hurt his brother again?

"What's wrong?" Loki asked. Thor blinked, looking down at him. He smiled a bit, shaking his head.

"Nothing," Thor said. Lied. Didn't he know Loki knew when he was upset? And if anyone knew a lie. It was him. He was good at spinning them.

"You always make me talk when I'm sad," Loki grumbled.

Thor sighed deeply, "You are very young still. You don't need to worry about my issues."

"Is it Amora?" Loki asked. He barely got the words out.

"That's it ahead," Thor said, pointing down the dirt pathway, to a flat, grassy area that opened in front of them.

Regrettably, Loki was sufficiently distracted. He had never delved this deep into this forest before. The sapphire forest it was called. Now Loki knew why. The change in scenery started suddenly. The leaves of the trees were a million different shades of blue. The fruits that hung from them were a rainbow of color. Interestingly, none of the fruits were blue. The fruits were a variety of shapes and sizes, in red, purple, orange, yellow, and everything in between. None of them were familiar to Loki. Thor had mentioned that the fruits were ripe at this time of year.

Loki squealed in excitement and ran ahead. He heard Thor yell, "Be careful, Loki!" behind him. But Loki could hear the smile in his voice.

There was a river running through the forest. It was a deep blue that glittered under the sunlight. Crystal clear even with how deep the color was. The fish were all purple and green. Loki stood at the bank, looking at the way they swam up and down the current. He inched even closer, becoming determined to catch one with his bare hands. He felt it would be something worth bragging about.

He followed their patterns long enough to predict their movements. He got as close as he could without falling in. Loki took a second to ponder the depth of the river. He figured if the water was too deep, he wouldn't be able to see the fish. His eyes locked on a target and lunged for it.

He was caught midair and placed back on the ground.

"What did I say, Loki!" Thor said, his voice chiding. "These are gevlyrs. I know you learned about them." Loki's eyes went wide. He stared down at the fish with a newfound fear. When startled, gevlyrs expelled acid. It burned through Aesir's skin and was incredibly difficult to wash off.

"You didn't tell me that!" Loki insisted.

"I did," Thor said. "Back at the palace."

Loki remembered now that it was brought to his attention. But Thor had brought up an awful lot of things. Really, he should know Loki better by now. Loki hadn't listened for very long.

"You want to catch one?" Thor asked, kneeling beside Loki, slowly and gently casting his hands into the water, "Come, look."

Loki moved closer to his brother, watching his actions. Thor kept his palms open, the sides of his hands pressed together in a bowl shape. He let the fish swim around, bumping their mouths against his hands. A purple one swam into his palms and Thor slowly closed his hand around it.

"See," Thor said, opening his hands to show the baby swimming around. Loki was awed. The purple scales shimmered, shifting between dark purple and red.

"I wanna try!" Loki said. Thor smiled, slowly putting the fish back into the water. Loki leaned down beside the river and followed Thor's instructions. He caught a very tiny, green baby one.

"I did it!" Loki said excitedly.

Thor smiled, ruffling Loki's hair, "Treat him gently. He's still very young." Loki carefully rubbed the scales of the baby fish. They felt smooth and wavy.

Loki thought back to his scuffle with Amora, thought about what people said about him every time he accidentally broke something or hurt someone. "What does the god of destruction know of being gentle?"

Thor exhaled as if the air had been punched out of him, "Loki, you are not the god of destruction."

"I am!" Loki insisted, "I destroy everything I touch!"

"You don't." Thor said, "You are simply a rowdy child, as I used to be. As is every other alpha your age."

"No one calls them destructive!" Loki said, " What's wrong with me?" He, at once, felt every ounce of sorrow he tried to push away every time someone treated him as if he were an explosive that would set off at a moment's notice.

Thor sighed, kneeling down to Loki's level. There was a look in Thor's eyes. An uncertain look Loki wasn't used to. "Loki, there's nothing wrong with you. You just…" He sighed, looking at Loki, "You're…you're…" Thor trailed off, with a slight head shake as if he couldn't find his words.

"What?" Loki asked, scared suddenly, "Am I bad?"

"No," Thor said immediately, "It's just…sometimes the circumstances in which one is born influence their gifts. You were born from a bit of mischief and deception. But our gifts are merely tools we use to aid our efforts. A bit of mischief can bring joy and a lie can save a life. You choose who you are. Not your gifts and certainly not other people."

Thor could say the most profound things sometimes when he wasn't being an idiot. Odin never explained it to Loki like that. He just lectured and yelled at Loki every time he had done something wrong, demanding that Loki stop using his magic. Loki never knew why. Others on Asgard used magic. Mother did. Why couldn't he?

"Mother was mischievous and deceptive?" Loki asked. "How?" Thor pinched his nose with a heavy sigh, not unlike the way Odin did when he thought Loki was being tedious. Loki regretted the question.

"Your mother …has been known to get into situations," Thor said, dropping his hand. He smiled at Loki and ruffled his hair again. He didn't seem as annoyed as Loki thought he was. "You'll have to ask her about it. Or better yet, ask father. I'm sure he'll be thrilled to give you an answer." Thor said it in a way that implied the exact opposite. "Doesn't matter what your mother was up to. Just worry about what you do with the gifts you have."

"Okay," Loki said, his spirit was lifted. Thor had a way of explaining things that made Loki feel better about himself.

"Amora shouldn't have said that to you. I'm sorry little one." Thor said, nodding to the baby fish that was still swimming around in the palm of Loki's hands, "Let's get him back to his mother." Loki nodded and walked back to the river, gently placing the fish on the water. It swam away with a happy flick of its tail.

"How do you know it's a boy?" Loki asked.

"The green ones are boys. The purple ones are girls." Thor explained, giving Loki a humored look, arching an eyebrow, "Have you been paying attention in your classes?"

Loki groaned, "Mastress Eir bores me. She talks and talks and her voice is excruciating to listen to." Thor huffed in amusement. "And every time Sylvie and I try to practice magic, she hisses at us."

"In her defense, every time you and Sylvie use magic in her class, things go terribly wrong," Thor said. By now their friends were calling for them, telling them they'd set up the camp and could go hunting. So they started walking back to join them.

"I saw her hit you," Loki said. Thor sighed, taking Loki's hand even though it was wrinkled with how long he held the fish. Thor was silent and Loki couldn't have that.

"You let her hit you," Loki said. "Why?"

Thor sighed yet again, nodding absently, "You're not letting this go, are you?"

"Of course not! You wouldn't let it go with me." Loki looked ahead at their friends. "What if I told Sif and the three?" He wondered why he hadn't thought of that sooner.

Thor sucked in a harsh breath, and stopped, bending down to Loki's height, "You're a butt, you know that? Fine, fine, I'll leave her." Happiness gripped Loki so tightly that he immediately hugged his brother.

Thor stammered for approximately an entire minute. How did Loki keep remembering things like this? Why? His son sat there, arms crossed in smug confidence as if he had proven a point.

"That was one person!" Thor said finally. "Are you going to hold that against me for the rest of my life?"

"You have courted Amora countless times through the years. And let's not forget Lorelei. She used to leave marks on you. Farbauti. Karnilla. Titania—"

"Alright, alright!" Thor said, waving a dismissive hand at Loki. "I've made a few mistakes. What do you want me to do, Loki? Stop courting."

"That's a good start." Loki said, "Matter of fact, I made a rule of it long ago."

"You were two hundred! Being a petulant pain in my ass!" Thor said. "Of course I didn't take it seriously."

"I meant it then as I do now," Loki said. "I don't know how it's a problem. You don't like courting anyway. You especially dislike sex."

Thor was truly stunned. He sat on his bed, "How did you know that!—I mean, what makes you think that?"

"That's a stupid question. The same way you know things about me. Through observation." Loki said, sitting up straighter. A flash of remorse crossed his eyes. "I've always cared. I was just angry."

"I know that." Thor said, "You were also always scheming. Don't know when you found the time to observe my dating habits."

"What of Heimdall?" Loki asked, "He hasn't courted in a millennia."

"Were you prying into his personal affairs as well?" Thor asked. If he remembered correctly, Loki was as committed to protecting Heimdall as he was to protecting Thor. Perhaps from instincts.

Not that Loki would have ever uttered an indication of that from his lips. Even now, Loki exerted a lot of energy pretending he wasn't obsessively protective. Thor was never sure why. He always assumed it was simply alpha posturing. Despite a claim against it, on Asgard, alphas behaving savagely was not only expected, but at times celebrated. Quietly encouraging behavior Loki was never inclined towards as a child.

His son wanted grandeur treatment. Not to wield power over those beneath him.

Loki huffed in amusement, "Heimdall was significantly harder to pry on, despite my efforts."

His efforts had been extensive. Thor remembered Heimdall mentioning Loki…being a nuisance. He hadn't said it like that but Thor knew Loki enough to know that's what his friend meant. Heimdall could have told Loki to mind his own business but the omega wouldn't have done that. He would let Loki feel as if he'd helped, saving his tender alpha pride. Then go back to whatever he'd been doing once Loki was out of sight. It was just as well. It wasn't like Loki would stop being nosey when asked. Thor had tried.

"As I recall, as a child you were infatuated with Heimdall," Thor said, just to be annoying, especially since his son had felt the need to pull his love life apart. He hadn't appreciated it. "Do you remember that?" Thor asked.

Loki scoffed, "I simply protected when I felt the need to. Call me a good alpha. You two clearly needed an example. His choices weren't any better than yours." Heimdall most definitely would have heard that and Loki knew that. Though Thor couldn't imagine Heimdall caring. His friend, indeed, hadn't courted since they were young. Not because doms weren't interested. Heimdall was just…romantically obtuse. At times, purposefully so. Or maybe it was always purposeful, it was hard to tell with Heimdall.

"I also remember Heimdall trying to kill me on a few occasions," Loki said, presumably for Heimdall's ears as well.

Thor laughed, "He was trying to stop you from terrorizing Asgard. Believe me, if Heimdall wanted you dead, you would be." Valhalla knows that if Loki hadn't been Thor's child, Heimdall would have squashed him like a gnat long ago.

If their family had settled on normal instead of the mental gymnastics Odin insisted on, maybe Loki would have seen Heimdall as an uncle. As it was, Loki never treated Heimdall like an uncle and Thor didn't recall Heimdall behaving like an uncle to him either. He certainly cared for Loki, if nothing else, because he was Thor's child. But how they perceived each other was something Thor never thought about.

"But speaking of romances, what of little Sylvie?" Thor said. Green eyes narrowed at him. "Haven't seen her in quite a while." For which he was actually grateful. She was perfectly fine as a person, but when coupled with Loki, chaos was always at their heels.

"Didn't you task me with organizing the Trifffle's donations?" Loki said as he stood, sidestepping the question something crazy. Thor was humored.

"I asked you to do that forever ago." Thor said, "You ignored it then as you will now. I have a different task for you. The tesseract you took from the treasure room…" Loki's eyes went wide. Thor hadn't actually known Loki had taken it but he had a strong suspicion that was just confirmed, "Can you please find some secret corner of the universe to hide it that's not on your person? That damn thing is dangerous and attracts attention."

"I already have." Loki lied flippantly.

"You have not." Thor said, "I can feel its energy wafting off you."

Loki sighed regretfully, raising his hand. The tesseract materialized in his palm. "Such a shame. There's so much power in this trinket."

"Loki." Thor drawled.

His son smirked and with a green shimmer, he was gone. Thor pinched the bridge of his nose, hoping Loki would do as told.

Chapter Text

Trials were a waste of time. Performance art really. Maybe once, standing before the royal court and sparring with your hallmates was a valuable metric in improvement. As it currently was, Loki couldn't see any point to it.

He slumped back, arms crossed. Watching as the elder students conducted their battle royale. There were many buffoons throwing their weight about and didn't deserve his attention. He kept his eyes on only two. His brother and Heimdall. It was very important to him that they remained unscathed.

His brother was warrior excellence. Heimdall was perfection. Loki watched as the two omegas dominated the sparring grounds. Moving effortlessly. Like a butterfly in flight. Dodging strikes but connecting theirs with extreme precision. He was worried for them but he didn't need to be. That wasn't why he was sulking.

He glanced towards the gallery. Frigga was brimming with pride. Odin’s unspoken delight radiated from him, almost a visible aura. They were so proud and Loki was never, not once, allowed to experience their praise.  

The battle only lasted so long because Thor was feeling boisterous and Heimdall was supporting him. Once Thor was bored, he started fighting in earnest. Lightning bolts and quick-evades from Heimdall's brilliant sight made swift work of their hallmates. The standing ovation they received was loud and bothersome. Even the All-Parents stood to partake. Loki covered his ears until these fools calmed down.

He kept his ears covered as their instructor walked onto the ground, throwing his arms around the omega's shoulders. Loki watched his mouth move, read his lips. He was announcing the results, as he did every year. The two always outperformed their class. It was repetitive.

He glanced up without really wanting to and found himself starting. There was something about the way Heimdall had stiffened. And the way Thor was looking down. He never looked down. He usually soaked up all the glory everyone threw his way. Perhaps he had been lectured on the values of humility. It was about time.

So why wasn't Loki happy?

He wasn't given much time to consider it. His instructor was rushing the class to the deck to prepare for their own royale.

Loki grabbed his equipment but dawdled on purpose. If he must do this silly game, he wanted to annoy as many adults as he possibly could. He put his armor on one piece at a time. Making sure every lace was nice and tight. That every buckle was securely fastened. He triple checked his blade and shield. Made sure every strand of black hair was in place under his helmet. That seemed to be the last straw. He was grabbed and dragged to the line up.

It didn't help that he was forced to go first. One of the frustrating aspects of being an heir to the throne. Sylvie was supposed to be at the back of the line but she shoved her way through the crowd to stand at his side. Sometimes she was nice like that.

He smiled at her as she approached then turned to the floor sprawling ahead of him. At the crowd fidgeting and huffing in their seats, waiting anxiously.

He straightened and walked out, head held high, arms spread as if he alone could save the entire realm from any disaster that might befall them. Hypocritical, perhaps. This wasn't humility but he was nervous. This was the only way to hide it. Thor didn't need such crutches.

Odin rolled his one eye at his little display. Frigga ducked her head to hide a smile. Thor and Heimdall sat courtside. Slouching as well but only because they were tired. Thor chuckled playfully at his antics and Heimdall smiled a little. His face rarely changed to show any expression so Loki decided this was a success. Sylvie elegantly pranced onto the field in a way only she could accomplish, and stood beside him.

They whispered to each other as their hallmates were introduced. He studied with older students as Thor and Heimdall had. Their tall, towering figures were almost intimidating. But Loki had learned a lot in the past year and Thor always taught him what he knew.

Now, he just needed to be good enough.

Unlike his brother, Loki couldn't spare energy for blustery. He slithered through the crowd with Sylvie at his side, following movements to anticipate when to block. He was clumsy with the sword so he used it whenever he could, hoping it would get knocked out his hand. Then he could switch to his daggers.

Using their gifts was encouraged during sparring. They were taught how to use them during combat. Sylvie was offensive with her magic and he would protect the both of them from fire attacks. Floods. Someone manipulating the very ground they stood on.

Loki wanted nothing more than to use his magic. He felt it tingling his fingertips. But he simply could not sit through another one of Odin's lectures about weasley tactics. Perhaps the heir being defensive wasn't the best look but he didn't care so much for the feelings of the onlookers. He wanted to win. He needed to. Then maybe the All-Father would understand that he was just as good.

It was working. Everything was fine. Until some bastad with an uneven beard and lopsided haircut smacked a manifested boulder into them. The impact, the flyback, hitting the ground, it wracked his body, knocked the air out of his lungs. Still, he reacted quickly, sitting up. Sylvie was squirming beside him and just before he could check on her, he saw another boulder sailing towards them.

He wasn't thinking when he wrapped his magic around the mass, green shock held it in place. Then gold shimmered as he summoned energy to crush it, the pebbles rained down to the ground.

The sound of cheering almost made Loki fall over. It was so loud and unexpected. He glanced around, a smile almost crept up but a sword was hurled his way and Loki refocused, summoning energy to reach out and grab it, pulling it towards his hand.

Loki had just glanced at Thor. Joy had blossomed as his brother had stood, cheering him on. Heimdall was actually, truly smiling.

A loud, “No!” shot through like a lightning bolt. Startling Loki enough that he dropped the sword. He was merely caught off guard. Not surprised.

The cheers stopped abruptly. The room went quiet save for a few confused whispers. Loki dropped his head for a moment. From the annoyance of it. From the exhaustion. That's not how a prince reacts. He stood immediately, turning to face the direction the sound came from. He tried to relax his features but he couldn't help how deeply set his frown was, his narrowed eyes and clenched brow. A scowl mirroring Odin's own.

Frigga was looking down. Loki saw her chest move with a sigh. Odin had stood, hands clenching the rail of the gallery.

“You do not use magic, Loki!” Odin said. Loki inhaled sharply. He honestly hadn't meant to. Perhaps he should have explained that. Perhaps he should have simply apologized and returned to the fight.

But he was tired!

“Gifts are fair play.” Loki said. “I have done nothing wrong.”

“Not your gifts, Loki.” Odin said ‘“You will fight with respect and dignity.”

Loki scoffed. What had he done that was wrong? Why did the entire audience cheer if he had behaved dishonorably?

“Has magic been outlawed in Asgard?” Loki said. It wasn't wise to snap back at the All-Father but the words sprung from his mouth before he could catch them. “Perhaps you could have informed me of this new wonderful edict. Have it printed and displayed on a plaque at least, so I could know!”

“Silence!” Odin thundered. Loki felt his insides wilt. If Thor had used magic, Odin would have praised his versatility. Instead, Loki got this! Humiliation. For no reason. He had done well. Had gone the entire battle using his sword and shield as was expected. “Either use your magic as an Aesir or don't use it at all. I will not stand for you behaving as a Jotun!”

Loki gasped. The words felt like a physical blow, he actually stumbled back. What had he done to be likened to a monster? To a hideous, dishonorable creature? He hadn't lied. Hadn't cheated. He evened the odds and somehow that made him disgusting?!

“Father!” Thor yelled. Loki’s head shot up, not expecting how close he sounded. Loki was typically very aware of his surroundings. It wasn't easy to sneak up on him. “Tell us, everyone here, what has Loki done that is unjust?”

Odin sighed sharply. Already backing down simply from Thor’s presence. “Magic should be used skillfully and honorably.”

“Has he not done that?” Thor asked, his scowl made him look much older, “He defended himself and a friend. Disarmed an opponent without causing harm to anyone. Are these not the qualities of a fine warrior.”

Odin sighed again. He watched them quietly for a moment before he nodded absently. “So be it.” He grumbled, turning his back, “We will reconvene from the current standing next week.”

“Next week!” Loki echoed but the All-Father was already gone. Frigga gave him a soft smile as she stood and followed her husband. Loki huffed, looking back to see Sylvie had gotten to her feet. She was with the healers. She was okay.

Thor sighed, dropping to a knee to be at Loki’s height, “Worry not, little one. You did very well. I am so proud of you.” He wrapped his arms around Loki in a tight embrace that almost made it better. He watched over Thor’s shoulder as the crowd dispersed. Their brows were furrowed with confusion. They murmured amongst themselves. Heimdall was leaning against the wall. No smile. No expression.

Just a moment ago, they had all cheered for him.

Such memories didn't belong in his mind at a time like this. Loki stumbled over a hissing rock as he eased along the sole shore of Corsgard. This was as close as he could get. The realm didn't have shimmering, clear oceans. The sole body of liquid was a vibrant verdant, bubbling in its acidity. One drop would melt straight through his half-Aesir body. Perhaps his Jotun genes would prevent it though.

At least now he knew why Odin considered him a monster. It was true.

He refocused, using his magic to weave through the atmosphere, gathering specific atoms and bonding them together. He wrapped the result around the tesseract. A wonderful acid proof container he tossed far out into the ocean.

He could feel his magic through the wet corrosive. Knew how deep the tesseract sunk. He'd like to see Thanos fish it out of that.

The alpha backed away slowly. At this very moment, diving into the acid would suit him just fine. But Thor would be so deeply hurt. Maybe even Heimdall as well. He wouldn't inflict more pain on them.

Once his feet found solid ground, Loki wrapped himself in a glamour reflecting the inhabitants of this realm. Their skin was black and leathery, resembling charred wood. Bumpy in a way that was just shy of spiked. Short and hunchbacked. Hideous as well. Truly, they had evolved for this miserable, hideous realm they spawned from.

It's the kind of realm Loki would have destroyed. The entire universe would have been better off.

He hadn't spent much time on Corsgard, only retreating to it when he needed to hide. The realm was located in the far reaches of the universe and the people were brutish and cruel. The evidence of this was all around him. They didn't build prisons. Those accused of a crime were bound and chained along the dirt streets. They grunted, growled, and snorted at each other, to anyone passing by. They didn't speak in long, beautiful sentences. Their language consisted of words they simply shouted to demand what they wanted.

Their only redeeming features were excellent food and they had inns. If Loki wanted to make the long journey back to Trifffleheim, he would need to find one and rest. Even a master of magic, such as himself, had to rejuvenate occasionally.

He marched into a brown building, knowing it was an inn based on the color. At least the Cors kept things simple. The building had two floors. The first had beds along one wall and a bar on the other. No chairs. The Cors only stood. He couldn't imagine sitting on their spikey asses would be very comfortable.

No talking was necessary, he marched to the bar and dropped the required amount of coins for a private room on the counter. A key was strewn haphazardly in his direction. Their script scratched into the metal indicated he had the first room.

The entire realm smelled. The pungent aroma from their acrid ocean stung his nose. Nothing could overtake it. He stayed at the bar, ordering the only drink and plate of food this particular inn offered. The Cors didn't deal with decisions.

Giving his senses something else to focus on helped with the smell. He could hear some sleeping across the room but he had learned how to tune out loud noises over the years. But right beside him at the bar, there was a telegraphic conversation unfolding.

“Asgard destroyed.” The Cor said. Loki would never know if it was a man or woman. They all looked and sounded the same repulsive way. “Omega king. Want. You?”

Loki faced them, forcing himself not to move too suddenly. The Cors didn't respond well to displays of weakness. It was the kind of thing that got one locked up without the decency of a trial.

“How?” The barkeeper asked.

The Cor pointed in a certain direction. “Chemfyur. Find tomorrow.”

Loki’s brow furrowed. Chemfyur was their queen. But he couldn't tell if the Cor was going to find her tomorrow or something else. Perhaps the omega king of Asgard. This didn't worry him. Their technology was particularly rudimentary.

But if they had already heard of Asgard's fall, surely those closest to them had heard as well. They would be intrigued by the new omega king. Many wouldn't hesitate to try and overthrow him. Taking refuge on Trifffleheim wouldn't suffice for much longer.

He soon ignored the conversation. Their idiotic language left much to be desired. He finished his meal and went to his room. Dropping down on the sack of hay in the void dark room. No windows or even a lamp. But that was just fine. It hid whatever atrocities his eyes would find otherwise. For now, he'll sleep then head back to warn Thor and Heimdall in the morning.

Chapter Text

Gifts were ever changing, expanding and refining as they aged. During the past several decades, his gifts had grown significantly. He could look one place, scent another, and hear yet somewhere else. If he truly concentrated he could look towards two realms at once, and yet hear two different locations as well.

While Thor was currently in his company, Sylvie had caught his eye and Loki his ear.

He could hear Odin lecturing Loki about the use of his gifts yet again. Truly, the man was irrational. As Loki got older, the lectures were starting to turn into heated arguments. He saw Sylvie crying as her parents packed her sister's bags. It seemed she hadn't been living up to their standards and was forced to leave not only their home but the realm. Leaving Asgard wasn't a choice they could make for her, certainly not force. But there would be rumors and judgement for a single-parent sub with no options. Leaving would be best for her. Sylvie held her baby nephew, telling him good-bye.

He perceived all of this while speaking to Thor, telling him of his latest assignment.

Heimdall had reached practical training. Odin now sent the omega with the Captains and Generals on their missions to other realms. Their goals were often diplomatic but sometimes militant. At times, Odin trusted the omega enough to send him alone to handle surprising delicate situations. An honor, Heimdall supposed. No other youth his age had been given such a responsibility. However, he carried no official title just yet and it made negotiations quite difficult.

He felt greater honor when the All-Parents transitioned his role from mere babysitter to mentor for Thor. He took it upon himself to add to his duties until he was all but the younger omega’s full-time instructor. It was important to him. Their instructors' strict lessons had been undoubtedly beneficial but the attention he received from some of them had been…shameful and painful. He would always save Thor whenever he could.

The younger omega usually paid close attention to whatever his mentor taught. But today, his books were strewn across his bed and the one for his notetaking was laid aside. His blue eyes were focused on the happenings outside his window.

“Do you remember what I taught you about Bridthlyr’s geography? It's important for their politics.” Heimdall said, standing, arms half crossed, leaning back against Thor’s dresser. The younger omega sat against his headboard, one leg stretched out, the other tucked up to his chest. He blinked, facing Heimdall and then grabbed his notebook, flipping through pages. As if he didn't know better.

“No, I asked what you remembered.” Heimdall said.

Thor blew out air, tossing the leather bind aside, wrapping his arms around his knee, “Bridthlyr is located in the Dain sphere. The realm has only three landforms but they're massive. And… the rest of the world is made of water…” Thor trailed off as if there wasn't a wealth of history being overlooked.

Heimdall arched an eyebrow, “And?”

Thor sighed again. “It’s a lot to remember.”

“And remember it you shall.” Heimdall said, “You're not ruining trade agreements because you're lazy. Focus.”

Thor groaned, with as much exaggeration as he could muster. Truly Heimdall was never this mumpish at Thor’s age. “Sometimes you sound like father.”

“Surely, that was unjust.” Heimdall said and Thor snickered, “You're not usually this distracted. Did something happen?” Thor shook his head but hugged his raised leg, leaning against his knee. To anyone who didn't know the omega, they may have believed the causal display. “Nothing to do with Amora visiting earlier today?”

Thor groaned again, flopping over, “You can't spy on me whenever you want just because you can see.”

“She is cruel to you.” Heimdall said. Thor looked up at him, met his eyes, “You deserve better.”

Thor inhaled sharply, shuffling to sit on the side of his bed, “We're not back together. She simply…made a request. I obliged. Then we returned to our separate ways.” He understated it significantly. He hadn't wanted to do it but he did, as if Amora had any authority over him. Before it was properly over, she pushed him away as if the omega were trash and left. Used and discarded. Thor deserved better. Clearly he didn't know this despite their numerous discussions about it.

“As I said,” Heimdall said as he sat beside Thor, “She is cruel to you.” The younger omega looked down, as if he had something to be ashamed of. Then he shook his head again,

“This might surprise you but I was actually worried about you.” Thor said. Heimdall was surprised. He couldn't imagine a single thing Thor should be concerned about on his behalf.

“I am fine.” Heimdall said.

“So you say, but…I am Odin's son, heir to the throne. The doms will at least think twice before bothering me. But you were left alone. Yet, you go about each and every day as if nothing has ever happened.” Thor faced him, blue eyes fixed on his golden ones. Heimdall took a deep yet quiet breath. It felt as if Thor had dragged a nail over old, festering wounds.

Nonsense. He wasn't allowed to be wounded. He was fine.

“I…” He trailed off, not sure how to explain it for Thor’s young ears, “I am to become Asgard’s guardian. I cannot allow myself to be distracted. All ills and injustices must be forgotten—I know how that sounds.” Heimdall quickly added. Unlike Odin, he couldn't stare hypocrisy in the face and march forward.

“It’s different for me,” He continued, “I was built to put everything aside, trained for it. Our roles are different. You need to process so you can lead your people with a healthy mind.” 

Thor huffed softly, crossing his arms, “So all the hurting simply stops because of a duty you will have some day.”

Heimdall leaned back a bit, as if the words were a gush of wind. Oddly, the first thing that came to mind was that many would miss that Loki inherited his bluntness from Thor. The second was a sense of pride. Thor was becoming a level headed individual, maybe even more than the All-Father. Definitely inherited from his mother.

“I don't feel as if I'm hurting.” Heimdall said. It was the truth. Whether he truly could turn it off or it simply became a state of being no longer drawing his attention, he wasn't sure. But he didn't feel the fear, dread, and sorrow he had as a child.

Thor nodded slowly, leaning down on his knees, “Then you are much stronger than I am.” He was being dry, Heimdall knew.

“What brought this on?” Heimdall asked, “It’s been decades since I have been bothered by peers.”

Thor hummed a bit, “Father is sending you to Bridthlyr with Perrikus, yes?”

Heimdall tensed, looking away himself. He knew better. Warriors didn't show discomfort. “He is our instructor.”

“ Your instructor.” Thor said, “You won't allow him to be mine. Yet, you'll be alone with him with no one to protect you. No one ever protected you.”

“I am old enough, now, to protect myself.” Heimdall said.

Thor sighed, quiet for a moment before he quietly added, “I wouldn't want to be left alone with Laufey.”

Heimdall knew how deeply true the sentiment had to be. He knew the pain behind the words, had felt it himself more times than he would ever want to admit. In truth, he didn't want to be alone with Perrikus. But he had a duty to fulfill. One he couldn't ignore for mere discomfort.

He wasn't sure how to convey this. Perhaps he could have formulated a proper response but two mischievous alphlings caught his attention again.

While her parents stayed home, Sylvie had walked with her sister to the bifrost, holding her nephew during the journey. She gave him a kiss on the cheek before handing him to his mother and hugged her sister before the beta disappeared in a glimmering rainbow holding her son close. He heard Loki raise his voice with Odin and was immediately admonished and sent away. He heard the stomps of the boy entering into the hall. Loki sniffled and Sylvie wiped tears from her eyes.

They both turned and walked, heading to the same destination. They had made plans to study together before their days had been soured.

“Loki has been arguing with the All-Father.” Heimdall said. Thor exhaled, dropping his head into his hands.

“What about?” He asked.

“Same thing. His magic.” Heimdall said.

Thor sighed again, “This will end poorly.”

“Undoubtedly.” Heimdall said. He wasn't flippant. He didn't need gifted sight to see a future of chaos. But Odin seemed to refuse any other resolution. “Sylvie’s parents have sent her sister off-realm again. This time for good.”

Thor looked up, blinking in surprise, “Really? What has she done?”

“Nothing, truly.” Heimdall said, “They've folded to the pressure of rumors. I don't think shunning her will do anything to ease the situation either.”

“Right.” Thor said, leaning on his knees again, “Can't let anything damage an alpha's pride.”

“And they're so full of it.” Heimdall said, “However, there are greater matters. The two seem to be meeting at the archive to finish an assignment for one of their halls. Two alphas wrapped in rage will always end in disaster.”

Thor nodded, “You should tell Odin.”

Heimdall faced him, “Why would I?” Thor sighed sharply as he hopped to his feet and ran around the bed and out the room.

Loki had been gone for a long while. The longer his disappearance stretched, the more Thor worried. It usually meant he would be met with an ugly surprise when the alpha reappeared. Heimdall said Loki had gone to Corsgard. If he paid a little more attention to the older omega’s lessons, Thor would have known what that meant. As it was, Loki could be in the pit of Hel, he wouldn't know the difference.

The King made his rounds for the evening, checking in on the few people he had, ensuring their needs were met before heading back to his room. He felt more than tired. He was drained. It had been a long day of coordination, resources gathering, and judging affairs for his people.

Stupid affairs at that. There were many squabbles about misplaced trinkets that were supposedly stolen but were found later. Needless arguments over sharing resources despite the Trifffles abundant generosity. Thor suspected the people were simply decompressing. The weight of their loss was starting to pile on and they weren't sure what to do with the grief.

Shit, neither was Thor.

He saw Valkyrie when he turned the last corner. She was leaning against his door and smiled when she saw him. Her hand was behind her back as if hiding something.

Thor smirked in reply, refusing to acknowledge the way his stomach had fallen through the floor. He pushed away the premature shame, the humiliation for something he hadn't even yet done and instead twirled his finger in her hair when he reached her.

“Hello, there.” Thor said, using the flirtatious tone he perfected hundreds of years ago.

“Hello yourself. I noticed it was a long day. I brought a gift.” Val said, holding up a bottle of wine. Where she got it, he'd never know. They hadn't stored liquor when they left Asgard and the Trifffles had no access to alcohol or methods to make it.

Thor chuckled, “I’d expect no less from you.” He kissed her. He moved quickly and he probably caught her off guard. But Thor was determined to make the first contact. It was different if he started it. He had decided this at some point as a youth and kept it close like a secret.

She hummed against his lips, wrapping her arms around his neck. He could feel the bottle pressing against his back. It took a second, but he found the handle to his door and twisted it, pushing the door open.

A familiar scent made him snap his eyes up, looking inside. Loki sat on his bed, arms behind his head, ankles crossed. Like he belonged there. Val pulled back, noticing something was wrong and spun around.

Thor sighed, running a hand through his short hair. It wasn't the first time Loki had caught him mid-tryst and he was always annoying about it.

Thor heard Val sigh, “Loki.” She said, dry as a desert.

Loki’s grin was needlessly wide. “Valkyrie, always a pleasure. Am I interrupting yours?”

She stared at the other alpha. Unamused, lips ever so slightly pinched into a frown. She placed the bottle on the table but kept her hand on it, squeezing the neck. Perhaps imagining it was Loki’s.

“I was just—I…” She trailed off with a sigh. There was no way to explain it that would satisfy their Asgardian expectations. Subs didn't treat their bodies haphazardly, giving them to whoever showed interest at the moment; and no honorable alpha would accept a sleazy wanton.

“You don't owe him an explanation.” Thor said. Saving her and himself in the same breath. In truth, he liked Val. He felt she thought well enough of him. If he put his aversion to intimate desires aside, he felt they had a lot in common. Unfortunately, Val was only interested in a physical relationship as she only searched him out when she was feeling frisky.

He walked around her and maybe he saw her face drop in disappointment before she looked away. Clearly she had other plans for the night. But Loki wasn't budging. He even wiggled in his spot to show he was planted.

“Val, we’ll talk another time.” Thor said, taking a seat in the chair by his window. She gave him a tight small smile and turned to leave.

“Aren't you forgetting something?” Loki said, brimming with sheer glee. He wanted to throw something at him but there was nothing nearby. Val faced Loki, quietly questioning. He jutted his chain at the bottle.

She glanced at it, “It’s a gift. I meant that.” She said, closing the door behind her with a thud.

“Truly you've captured her heart.” Loki said, folding his hands in his lap, looking quite satisfied with himself, “That woman would never willingly become separated with a bottle.”

“Loki.” Thor said, rubbing his brow, “Have you hidden the tesseract?”

“Certainly.” Loki said, “It's well concealed on Corsgard. Surely Heimdall had informed you.”

“Believe it or not, Loki, there's an entire universe of souls he has to watch for.” Thor said, sitting back. “Your whereabouts are not his only concern.” Perhaps he should be more annoyed with Loki’s coitus interruptus but he was relieved. Mental gymnastics was tiring and he would have been stuck with them all night if he had lain with Val.

Sex was complicated and he never figured out how to simplify it.

“Well then,” Loki said, straightening. Suddenly so serious it caught Thor off guard. “Has he informed you that other realms are looking to overthrow Asgard’s omegan king?”

Thor exhaled slowly, leaning back, hand rubbing his chin. Heimdall hadn't mentioned it, no. But it wasn't unexpected. Matter of fact, they had been prepared for this their entire lives. Omegas being in power was a sudden political shift. There had been no records of such a phenomenon in Asgard's archives and they had spanned hundreds of millions of years.

Loki should have known Odin prepared for everything. But his solutions, his methods… This was not a conversation he wanted to have with Loki in the middle of the night. Or ever, really. But it had to be discussed.

“Heimdall should be here as well.” Thor said. He supposed the physical attendance of the fellow omega wasn't completely necessary. He could, and would, hear them regardless. But Odin had set up a lot of fuckery and he sure as hell wasn't going to try to explain it by himself.

Of course, Heimdall could pretend to have fallen asleep and ignore the entire situation. He wouldn't though. He cared too deeply for everyone and everything, especially the well-being of the two in the room.

Of everyone but himself. But that was another conversation. A repeat, actually.

No sooner than the words left his lips, did the door open and the older omega walked in. Of course Heimdall had already heard and knew where the conversation was headed. May have even waited until the right moment for dramatic effect. He could be playful when he wanted to be.

Loki made a sweeping motion with his arms, “So?”

“We're safe here, for the moment.” Heimdall said, leaning against the door when he closed it. Arms crossed as always. “Everything happened so quickly, our whereabouts weren't traced. We're also in a Sakaarian ship and they're already obscure. And no one has suspected we'd seek refuge in Trifffleheim.”

Thor nodded, exhaling in relief. So he had chosen wisely. Becoming King would have been stressful enough with the full glory of their realm but he took his place when Asgard was at its worst. There was no precedent, no history to learn from. Even if there were, their history was lost in the destruction and none of their elders had survived.

“Why do I sense a ‘but’ coming?” Loki said. Evaporating the moment of calm he had found. He wondered how Heimdall would phrase it around Loki’s protectiveness. If Thor had to explain it, he would have shuffled in nervousness, knowing how Loki would react. Heimdall, though, didn't sigh or flicker an eye. Thor never knew how he remained constantly calm.

“I don't think there's more to be said.” Heimdall said, “If there are changes, we can reconvene and if we are confronted, decisions will have to be made, of course. That's the nature of such things.”

Slick. Straight out of Odin's handbook. Loki nodded thoughtfully, moving to sit on the side of the bed. Thor thought they'd gotten away from it but then he turned to face Heimdall eyes narrow in suspicion.

“What do you mean by decisions? Why point it out?” Loki asked.

Heimdall hesitated for a single-second and said, “We just need to be prepared to make the best decisions for our people.”

Loki's suspicion deepened, “Such as?”

Silence fell, Thor might have even heard a slight sigh from Heimdall. Spelling it out would yield nothing but a quarrelsome Loki and Thor didn't feel like dealing with it at this time of night. But if he didn't, then the blow up later would be worse.

“Do you remember the day Sylvie's sister was sent away?” Thor asked.

Loki blinked, glancing down as he thought. “A little. What of it?”

By the time Thor reached the archives, Sylvie and Loki were at a standoff. Green shocks flickered between their fingers as they prepared an attack and Thor ran between them just as they threw their magic, getting struck by it. The shock didn't bother him—lightning was always at his fingertips, electricity courses through his veins.

The impact of the blow did hurt and the magic spread like an invisible flame through his body. A small attack but bothersome enough that it annoyed him to the core. The two didn't expect his sudden appearance. They, and the people around them living their normal lives, watched with wide eyes.

No one spoke save from a few background whispers from the onlookers. Thor grabbed the alphas by the neck of their robes, like an animal would bite the scruff of their babies. Sylvie accepted this quietly but Loki fought.

“The indignity! Put me down!” He shouted as Thor carried them out of the building.

“I will not.” Thor said, “You put our precious history at risk because you're in a foul mood. These are your consequences.” His words didn't deter Loki and he hadn't expected them to. He dropped Sylvie at her home first and tossed Loki over his shoulder since he was still complaining about his predicament. The alpha should have known it would only lead to a worse position.

Loki beat at his back and shouted his discontent as Thor carried him back to his room. Depositing the young alpha on the floor like a sack of potatoes.

“Do your work quietly and you can visit Sylvie in the evening.” Thor said. Very parental of him. He was glad Odin wasn't here to see it. Heimdall watched quietly as Loki tossed his satchel on the floor, snatching his book from it. He grumbled about Thor not being his father and he shouldn't get to boss him around.

The omega ignored the familiar pang of Loki's words, rubbing his brow as he sat on the edge of his bed. He sighed, “Where were we?”

“Diplomacy in Bridthlyr.” Heimdall said.

“Right, we’re on the brink of war.” Thor said. Heimdall nodded, asking why. “A collapse in our trade agreements. They don't have access to the variety of fabrics we have and we accept their produce even though we don't need or want it. But they've greatly overestimated the weight of their contributions so they're demanding more than reasonable.”

“Yes. I traveled there last month but their High King doesn't see me as a leader.” Heimdall said.

“Because of your title or because of your gender?” Thor asked, growing a little tense. Heimdall has encountered genderism before during his training. Honestly, it scared Thor. If they didn't accept the strongest, most capable man Thor knew, would he even stand a chance once he sat on the throne?

Heimdall was quiet for a moment, shifting his weight, arms half crossed, “I suppose a bit of both.”

Something was being left unsaid. The older omega spoke vaguely when he was hiding something. That something could be small or devastating. Heimdall reacted the same to all situations.

“Their realm is small with little to offer. The battle would be swift.” Thor said.

Heimdall gave him a narrow look, “Don't be flippant. Under the King are two thousand people living their peaceful lives. They shouldn't have to lose it because their leader is a fool.”

Right. That was impulsive; and the preservation of life was deeply important to Heimdall. Thor should have known better. “But they believe in him. If we remove him from power, we'll lose their trust and the realms will fall into chaos.”

“Yes,” Heimdall said, “Fortunately, their King is not particularly bright. Odin has offered a peace treaty.” Of course he did. “The trade is fair but they don't understand our productions to know that and I presented it as if he was getting more out of it than us.”

Now, Thor was just confused, “Why is this still being discussed?”

Heimdall shifted his weight again as he hesitated, though his expression never changed, “He made a specific request to Odin and he won't sign it unless we agree.”

Thor felt he was understating it significantly. He waited for a moment but Heimdall left his obscure statement to linger. He wasn't usually this vague. “And what was the request? It must have been considerable if Odin allowed it to pause the treaty.”

Heimdall pressed his lips together, glancing at Loki. Thor looked at him. He was reading, enthralled in his studies now. Or pretending to be but was listening.

“We are very rare to most of the galaxy.” Heimdall said. “And he expressed a desire to experience my rarity.” Usually he spoke clearly and confidently, but now, his tone was uncharacteristically soft. His words would be cryptic to a child but Thor understood immediately.

“Surely the All-Father wouldn't force that upon you?” Thor said, sounding more convinced than he actually felt. Odin…was a complicated man who rarely let the unforeseen deter his decisions. He was relieved when Heimdall shook his head but he knew it would be short-lived.

“No, he told me the proposed terms and emphasized that my decision could save the lives of thousands, including hundreds of children but told me it was my choice. Really let the decision weigh on my soul.” Heimdall said, speaking facetiously in a way he rarely did. Not for the first time, Thor wondered what Heimdall would be like if he hadn't been trained as a warrior.

“Surely you aren't considering this?” Thor said, “You don't deserve that.”

“It's not a punishment.” Heimdall said, speaking gently as if Thor was the one who needed comforting. “If we go to war, the realms around Bridthlyr will lose trust in us. It is incredibly unfair for the citizens of a small realm to lose their comfort and lives for a silly reason.”

“Alright,” Thor said, “But it's still fucked up!”

Heimdall shrugged, as if this were a small matter, “It’ll be a few unpleasant moments, then we'll maintain peace and I'll leave it in the past. It's fine.” There were no signs of uncertainty, no fear or discomfort. He spoke of it as if Odin asked him to pick up someone else's shift.

Thor sighed, feeling hurt and betrayed on Heimdall’s behalf. Anyone else would have cut Odin with harsh words and denied profusely. But Heimdall? The preservation of life was important to him and he cared too deeply for everyone and everything else except himself.

Perhaps Val would be upset that he opened Thor’s gift. Loki didn't care—sweet Valhalla, he needed a drink. He uncorked the bottle and tipped it up. The burn it left in his chest somehow helped. Something needed to burn for the shit Odin pulled.

“Tell me, Heimdall,” Loki said when he set the glass down, “Did Odin make this a habit? Trading you across the galaxy as some kind of valuable from his vault.” Heimdall's brow raised ever so slightly, yet he wasn't the one who spoke.

“Loki,” Thor drawled. Like a parental reprimand. It was a parental reprimand and the weight of the truth, of the years of lies, made Loki sigh, leaning against the wardrobe, arms crossed, not unlike Heimdall’s own stance.

“Sorry,” Loki said, “I don't mean to be crude.”

“I know.” Heimdall said. He was being truthful. He wouldn't have spared the words for a lie. “Odin never initiated such agreements.” Well, it seemed he would spare words for cryptic vagueness. Such agreements, he said. Plural.

The older omega was unreadable as ever. So Loki looked at Thor, watched how he rubbed the stubble of his beard with one hand and gripped the armrest with his other. There were many truths right beneath the surface, Loki could tell. He just wasn't sure how to unearth them.

“When Thor got older, he would join your diplomatic expeditions.” Loki said. Thor shuffled just a hint, looking out the window. Heimdall tensed, standing straighter and stiff. “Surely, some despicable, horrendous ruler would have preferred the King’s son.” The silence that followed felt syrup thick. Heimdall sighed, looking down. Thor shifted again, leaning his elbows on his knees.

“Agreeing to such trades would be…more damaging.” Thor said, “It wouldn't make sense to allow such disrespect to the person who would sit on the throne one day. It would certainly… imbalance future diplomacy.” Loki wanted to throw the bottle across the room. He hated it when they spoke like the All-Father. Using fancy words to sidestep the littering of issues that laid around them.

“That is a yes or no question, Thor!” Loki hadn't meant to speak aggressively. But the matter was dragging knives through his alpha instincts. So much had happened when he was a child and didn't know better. As he aged, no one made him aware of the injustices either. Their realm was destroyed, their people displaced. He was tired, grieving, and the only remnants Odin had left for them to grasp was nothing less than horrifying trauma. Inflicted on the two people he cared for the most.

Thor sighed, looking away. Neither said anything, letting the silence wash through the room and settle like a flood. Letting the lack of an answer be the answer.

“Right,” Loki huffed, “I am heir to the throne, am I not? Alpha heir at that.”

Thor faced him. Blue eyes on him as if he suspected Loki might throw his magic on the situation. He nodded absently, “Aye.”

“Good. I have authority I am choosing to claim.” Loki said. The two looked up at him. Perhaps it was unexpected. “Decisions will have to be made, but not this.”

“Loki.” Heimdall said, his voice touching like a gentle tap on the shoulder. So calm Loki had to face him, “Once, we were nearly ten thousand in population. Now, we are merely one hundred. A confrontation could drop us to fifty. Another could make us all but extinct. We cannot afford to follow our emotions. It is a small price to pay for a priceless cause.”

Loki blinked. He had tensed, hands gripping his arms so tightly it hurt but he couldn't relax. He was enraged, because Heimdall somehow made such a dismal outcome make sense.

“Such confrontations are avoidable.” Thor said. Usually his voice boomed. He was rarely quiet, but he sounded almost resigned. “We shall avoid them for as long as possible. There's no need to make a definite decision now.”

“Do you realize what this has done to you? Both of you?” Loki asked. Perhaps the question was sudden but it has been gnawing on his soul since he found out the real truth of his parentage. “Heimdall, you're quiet and always understated, as if someone snuck in at the dead of night and stole your voice.” He met Thor’s eyes, “And you're loud, always drawing attention as if you're constantly crying for help.” The two narrowed their eyes at him, as if indignant. But it eased into thoughtful reflection.

“There are many ways to end a confrontation." Loki said, "We will explore all of them. But I will not allow a trade. You're not currency.”

The two sighed, glancing at each other. Probably speaking some sort of unheard omega language. They did that whenever they thought the doms around them were behaving bullishly.

Thor sighed again, “So be it.”

Chapter Text

Restlessness was an old foe and it showed no signs of leaving him now. He stood at his window, staring into the void. The darkness was full of potential. The realms scattered out there held many corners to hide behind and crevices to seek shelter in. They could avoid a confrontation. Find somewhere to settle where they'd never be found.

Loki knew this. It wasn't like him to be troubled by a mere threat but his instincts had been well and truly ruffled. Maybe it was more than that. He couldn't imagine Thor agreeing to cower in fear simply because of his gender. The alpha would chalk it up to Thor trying to prove himself but Loki actually agreed. He couldn't be a true king if he lived in fear.

The alpha felt a shift in the atmosphere around him, his still magic was awakened by familiarity. He turned, watching as green sparked in the middle of the room, creating a jagged crack. It opened slowly, revealing a world of flames, red fog, and cracked stone. A slim heel-booted foot stuck out rather unceremoniously, the body attached was leaning over, wrestling with something the crack didn't reveal.

He had forgotten about Sylvie’s conquest. A fool's errand, really. Sweltheim was a realm of unobtainable riches that she had become determined to obtain. He leaned back against the glass, watching her struggle. Guards appeared over a hill, pointing and shouting in their language.

“Amateur.” He said.

“Shut up!—Ahh!” She fell back through and the crack closed, dissipating. But her magic lingered, he could feel her reaching. Almost an insistent demand. Loki rolled his eyes, using his magic to meet her, pulling her through the very fabric of space. She appeared in the air and dropped on the bed, the springs creeping with every bounce.

Her head snapped up and a wide grin spread on her face, like a true maniac. She tossed something circular and glowing at him, “As always, you're standing and brooding while I'm doing all the work.”

Loki evaluated the orb in his hands, feeling through it with his magic. Its molecular structure hummed. “Is this a power source?”

“Yes. From the Sweltun’s very core. Soon your brother's vault will be full.” She sat up on her knees, discarding her fire singed cape, tossing and teleporting it to a hanger in his closet. If she expected him to mend it she would be truly disappointed in the near future.

“The Sweltun’s core is powered by lava and is five times bigger than this ship. You've yanked a small component. Do you intend to fill Thor’s vault with nuts and bolts.” Loki said. Another one clunked against his skull and thudded on the floor. He hissed, touching the spot it hit. She must have concealed it with magic.

“Two bolts, thank you very much.” She said, moving to sit on the side of the bed. He bent down to pick up the ball and  juggled them as he crossed the room. Her eyes scanned him from head to toe, her brow knitting, “You're troubled, what's wrong.”

“A great wealth of things.” Loki said as he sat beside her, “Perhaps you've noticed, but currently our home is a stolen ship.” She made the motion of tossing something up but the orb didn't appear until it landed in his hand.

“We sell these and we can buy a new Asgard,” She said, “But that's not what's bothering you.” Loki sighed, absently using his magic to spin the balls around his hand. Sharing anything with anyone always felt odd. He never knew if Heimdall was listening in or not. Not that it mattered. He never shared what he heard unless it threatened Asgard and he wasn't always listening.

“How many of these did you steal?” Loki asked. Sylvie smirked, and a rainfall of glowing orbs flooded the room, a couple collided with his body. The abundance of them reached his knee.

Loki nodded in appreciation, “Slightly more impressive.” He whisked his hand and the mass of glow disappeared with a green shimmer, relocating to their storage room. He wasn't sure how anything else would fit in now that they've filled it with a foreign power source but that would become Thor's problem in the future.

“Is your family safe?” He asked, meeting her eyes.

She nodded, “Heimdall warned us far before Hela arrived. Funnily enough, my parents are staying with my sister. They’ve been enjoying my nephew’s company.” She shook her head, in thought. “They hadn't seen him since he was a baby. All that lost time to save face for people they outlived. Pathetic.” She folded her arms, giving him a knowing look, “You must be truly bothered. You're never sentimental.”

Loki chuckled softly. He wasn't avoiding the topic he just…wasn't sure how to explain it. He supposed straightforward was the only way. “So Thor…” Loki trailed off, hesitating.

She blinked, arms dropping in concern, “Is the King well?”

“That's debatable.” Loki said, “But he is unharmed. No, you called him my brother.”

“I know, I know.” She said, “You're adopt—”

“Noooo,” Loki drawled, “It's not that.” Her eyes narrowed in confusion. Nothing left but to spit it out, “When he was a child, he snuck aboard a warship to Jotunheim, where he was momentarily captured and abused by Laufey. And that abuse led to…” Loki pointed to himself. The wide-eyed, jaw dropped look Sylvie gave him would have been hilarious in any other context.

“Oh goodness, Loki that's…I'm sorry,” She said.

“So am I,” Loki said, “I'm nothing more than a constant reminder of the worst day in his life.”

Sylvie blinked, looking away as she considered his words. “Thor has never treated you that way,” She said.

Loki sighed, waving a dismissive hand as he flopped back on the bed, “He says his love runs deeper than that or something ridiculously emotional and omega like. He should hate me.”

“How emotionally repressed of you,” She said. She laid beside him, placing a hand on his chest and he snuck an arm under her, holding her close despite them being separated at the moment. Except they weren't truly. But pretending to be made them both feel better.

“There's more,” Loki said, “Apparently behaving honorably towards subs only applied to betas. I didn't know they were being hurt.” She couldn't have known what he meant by that. Couldn't have possibly known how deeply Thor and Heimdall had been betrayed, been used . She didn't ask him to clarify. She knew him better than that, would never pick at his already bleeding scars. Instead hugged him tightly and kissed his cheek. Sylvie was no more sentimental than he was, so he knew she was sincerely trying to balm his untangable wounds.

They laid in comfortable, thoughtful silence for a moment. Loki had so many thoughts and didn't know what to do with them. Then Sylvie broke the quiet.

“We could…fuck?” She said.

Loki stared blankly at the ceiling, then sat up, rubbing his brow, “Sylvie that's…downright psychotic!”

“I know,” She drawled, sitting up as well, “but…we'll never see home again. You're upset. I'm upset. Everything's pretty dismal and it all hurts. We might as well have some fun.” She smiled softly at him yet her eyes were slightly flared because she was batshit crazy.

Like he was.

He chuckled softly, pulling her into his lap, “That does sound fun.” He said before he captured her lips in a kiss and she wrapped her arms around his neck.

A whining creak made his eyes snap up, looking over Sylvie’s shoulder as she spun around. The door was slowly pushed open but a foot. Thor's foot in particular. He stood, leaning against the frame, taking a sip from a cup of tea. There was no fucking way he timed this without Heimdall's help.

Just to hammer in the nail, Thor sauntered in, with a hop, he slid onto Loki’s wardrobe. “Hello, Sylvie,” Thor said.

She slithered out his lap like a snake. Marriage had been important in their culture and intimacy was to be saved until after the ceremony. Not a single person in the room truly believed in Asgard's standards, yet they ran so deep they felt the need to tiptoe.

Sylvie chuckled nervously, waving quickly, and disappeared in a puff of glittering green. She truly had gone elsewhere, he didn't feel her magic intertwining with his. Coward.

Loki flopped back, “Heimdall, I will never forgive you for this.” He said, knowing the omega would hear it.

“Hurts, doesn't it,” Thor said, then took a noisy sip of his tea.

“It's not the same.” Loki said, pulling an orb through space and into the palm of his hand. “I was protecting you from yourself.” He tossed the object to Thor who caught it easily and gave it one quick glance. The look he leveled on Loki could be summarized as ‘what have you kids done now.’

“Please tell me this was Sylvie's doing.” Thor said.

“Aye. According to her, if we sell it we'll be rich.”

“And wanted.” Thor said, setting it aside, “I'll return it to Sweltheim and tell them a rogue stole it.”

Loki sat up, “I can't think of a realm more willing to savage an omega. You will do no such thing.” Thor narrowed his eyes, a silent admonishment. Loki has made protective stances in the past and whether Thor listened or sent him away with a severe tongue lashing depended on just one thing: how the omega felt at that particular moment.

Instead, Thor did neither. He pulled a leg to his chest, resting his arm on his knee, with his crummy boots on top of Loki’s wardrobe. He said, “You've learned a lot of shocking things within a matter of days. I'm worried about you.”

Simple words. Said with the most sincerity. They felt heavy, crashing and piling on the alpha like an avalanche. Every day of his youth, he worked hard for his parents to acknowledge him, care for him. Give him praise and approval. Thor was ever present, trying to fill a cavern that lies had dug. Forced to follow Odin’s rules, play his game, knowing it was causing pain.

Loki couldn't even wrap his head around it. To have a child under such circumstances, then not being allowed to parent his own child that was in desperate need of parenting.

“I’m fine.” Loki said, crossing his legs, his crummy boots on top of the quilt. Like father… “I'm not the one who was peddled like candy.”

Thor rolled his eyes, “I think you need to talk.”

Loki sighed. Not even sure where to begin. Or even how. What was there to say? Perhaps he could be honest and inform Thor he hoped Odin's soul was suffering eternally in Hel but he didn't think the omega would want to hear that.

“I have questions. A great many of them.” Loki said, meeting Thor’s eyes, “I'm not sure if you're ready to answer them.”

Thor nodded absently, silent for a moment before asking, “Are you ready to hear the answers?”

Loki hesitated, moving to sit back against his headboard. For some reason, he hadn't thought that far. He wanted the truth, to know it all. But he hadn't considered he would have to carry it.

“I am.” He said.

Thor nodded again, “What do you want to know?”

Everything. Loki didn't say that. He didn't want to overwhelm Thor. Instead he gathered his thoughts, and asked the question that had been pressing him the most.

“When you told me Laufey harmed you, I assumed that was the only incident you've endured. But now…” Loki trailed off, meeting Thor’s unwavering blue eyes. He wasn't as concealed as Heimdall but he never showed discomfort unless it was great, “Did it happen again?”

Thor sighed, taking a long sip of his tea before setting it down, “Right, I'm glad you started with the easy questions first.”

Yes, difficulty would have been a better metric for prioritizing his inquires. Any concern for Thor's feelings would have been kind. He truly was the worst.

“Sorry,” Loki said, knowing it sounded flippant even though he was so genuine, “I meant as a literal yes or no.”

“I know,” Thor said, “It has. Betas are considered weaker than alphas so there were no expectations for Heimdall and I. When we out performed our peers, there was judgement and resentment.” He spoke evenly but Loki was listening very closely. He heard the soft break when Thor spoke the last word.

“Did you tell Odin? Did he know at all?” Loki asked.

Thor clicked his tongue, “Odin…our parents—”

“Your parents.” Lok said, “Mine is before me.”

“They raised us both.” Thor said, speaking gently, “I feel as if you're searching for a reason to hate them.”

“I haven't needed to search as of late.” Loki said, “The reasons have presented themselves.”

Thor sighed again, “They did their best, honestly. They just…they made mistakes. There hadn't been an omega on Asgard for thousands of years. Then suddenly, there were two. No one knew what to expect or what to do. So…” Thor trailed off, shifting.

“They raised us like we were alphas.” He said with a subdued smile, “If any other child was struggling or falling behind, parents would submerge them with the problem and let them figure out a way to solve it themselves. Remember when Skurge’s parents left him in the woods for a month to toughen him up?” Loki nodded. He had forgotten until this moment and tucked it away for when he needed a good laugh later.

“Odin gave us the same treatment. If we're being harassed…” Thor paused, blowing out air, “Then learn to command respect.”

Loki inhaled slowly. Thinking back to growing up. To his own tendencies now. There were no memories of anyone handling the two gently. No warm hugs, or soft words. They were roughhoused and held to the same expectations of everyone else around them. Maybe on some level that was a positive. Thor was a leader, a fine one at that. Loki knew he would reign as resolutely and strong as Odin had.

But maybe there should have been some tenderness. Instinctively, maybe Loki knew that. Functionally, it wasn't what he had been taught. Is that why Thor always admonished him when he was too crude or why the two would get annoyed in the presence of doms and would separate into their own company? Did they even understand it themselves? They were sensitive towards each other but not to their own person. Was that trauma or learned behavior…or both?

Truly, Loki was terrified. He wasn't known for restraint and he sure as hell wasn't gentle. He wasn't even sure how or where to start.

But he tried. Like looking into the last bits inside of a jar, Loki scraped up the little sensitivity and sentimentality he had to give.

“I can't imagine…” He stalled out, had to scrape up a bit more, “I can't imagine how isolating that must have been. Even if you had each other. No one who made decisions would understand.” Loki met Thor's eyes, hoping he achieved what he set out for.

The omega nodded absently, inhaled softly as he looked away. His free hand clenched into a fist and in his other, the cup bent in his grasp. Without looking at it, he pushed it aside as if it offended him. An emotional response. One that was quickly corralled as Thor straightened, exhaling slowly.

It wasn't until this exact moment that Loki realized perhaps such a response was necessary. The two had shoved every painful experience down as deeply as possible. He couldn't understand how they hadn't gone insane. Maybe they would if they continued this way.

“It worked.” Thor said. “We learned to protect ourselves. Soon, our peers weren't a problem.” Hm. Yes. There was a whole lot of fucked up in that statement. Loki wasn't even sure where to begin dismantling it. He noticed Thor phrased it very carefully, specifying their “peers”. The trials from childhood came to mind, when the two would stand with their instructors. How they would tense. How ashamed they became.

Dozens of responses came to mind, maybe even hundreds. From cursing Odin’s very soul to gleefully pointing out that all those who harmed them on Asgard were surely now dead. But he remembered at the last moment.

Sensitive and emotional. His very antithesis but he had to try.

“It didn't work. It was completely unnecessary.” Loki said, “You were already outperforming them and you trained with older students. You would have naturally progressed, you just needed to be protected.” It wasn't until the last word left his lips that Loki realized he may have fumbled the sensitive part. He certainly hit emotional.

Thor shifted, dropping his leg and folding his hands in his lap. The alpha hadn't meant to make it sound like all the suffering was all for nothing. He could fix it, yes? There was hardly anything left at the bottom of that jar but he could still gather something.

He quickly but causally added, “Odin didn't make or train you to be stronger or better. That's who you've always been.”

Thor sighed, “It certainly didn't feel like that at the time.” Loki was actually stunned into silence. Thor would never admit weakness or anything resembling defeat. Was this working?

Shit.

Right.

Now that he had the emotional response, Loki didn't even know what to do with it. Thor didn't give him the chance, with an almost inaudible sniffle and another sigh, Thor quite literally shook it off. He could practically see the omega snatching every single thing their culture considered weak and feeble. The alpha could almost hear the chastises himself. Warriors don't show weakness. If a king breaks, then how can his people hold him in high regard?

Perhaps these were reprimands Odin had heard himself long ago. Maybe Loki could have felt some sympathy for the All-Father in that aspect if he hadn't weighed literal peace treaties on their souls, made them trade their dignity to preserve Odin's reputation as a peaceful ruler.

With a small, wry smile, Thor said, “He wasn't trying to hurt us.” His voice was steadier as if the sentiment was anything to anchor to. Maybe it was even true. Loki agreed to that point alone, that in raising Thor, Odin hadn't known to be gentle, sensitive, and kind. Loki hadn't either.

But even as a child, he stabbed Amora when she was cruel to Thor. His basic protective instincts were intact. What the fuck was Odin’s excuse?! Why did the All-Mother blindly follow her husband? Maybe she didn't know. Loki wouldn't ask, not right now. He didn't want to hurt Thor by piling on too much too soon. He just wanted the omega to…heal.

Thor chuckled, softly, “I can't imagine any of this would make you feel any better.” Clearly Thor needed more attention than Loki did. But the alpha usually shielded himself with deflections. No need to be hypocritical.

“I'd prefer it. I can't protect you two if I'm blinded by secrets.” Loki said.

Thor arched a brow, “Protect us?”

“Yes,” Loki said, without hesitation. “I'm claiming my title. I meant that. As an alpha heir, it's my duty to ensure the safety of the subs in the Royal party.”

“So you were paying attention in Masteress Eir’s class.” Thor said, “I thought you and Sylvie only used the time to fight each other.”

“I'm a man of many talents, Thor. Fighting and listening is elementary multitasking.” Loki said. Thor chuckled softly. Picking up the glowing orb beside him, eyeing it, then looking towards Loki.

“If you're taking the mantle seriously and are willing to make a fuss about returning these, then solving it will be your responsibility.” Thor tossed the ball to Loki. The alpha caught it with a sigh. He wanted to help them heal, not cause extra work for himself.

“Why are you so committed to doing the right thing?” Loki said.

“Think of it this way Loki, the wrong thing could lead the Sweltuns right to us.” Thor said. Repackaging it in self-interest did make a difference. Loki never said he was a good man.

“Are you sure you're alright?” Thor asked. So painfully sincere. He should hate Loki. Then again, he should hate Odin as well but the omega seemed committed to caring for those who've caused him pain.

Loki almost went with the tried and true, ‘Im fine.’ But he's heard Thor say that. Heimdall, too. Maybe to them those words translated to: I'm in peril but let's all ignore it.

“I will be. Truly.” Loki said. That…that worked.

Thor nodded a little, with a small, concerned smile, but he believed it, “Alright.”

Chapter Text

Loki took a deep breath and pushed against the oppression surrounding him, dispersing his magic into the atmosphere, letting it spread as far as possible. It was specifically coded, only one person in the galaxy would understand the desperate cry for help embedded within. He felt Sylvie reach out to him, almost immediately. Their magic touched, grasping like held hands.

He yanked her through the cosmos and she hurled into his expectant arms. She staggered as she found her footing, looking around. Surely the flames and fiery fog was a dizzying surprise for her.

They stood on the sole crumb of land that was the furthest from the lava rivers that made up Sweltheim’s realm, under a withered, crackling tree that provided practically no shade for the realm's unnecessarily close sun. Excessive heat has always been intolerable to Loki and it wasn't until he was made aware of his half-Jotun genes did he understand why.

“What the hell?” She said, eyeing him from head to toe, then slapped his shoulder. “You're fine! You should be gutted open or enslaved or something.” She huffed, walking to the edge of the land and looking around. “Or maybe you're trying to get me enslaved. I'm wanted here.”

“Oh, I'm well aware.” Loki said, materializing one of the orbs. He attempted to return an earlier favor by tossing it at her head while she was distracted. Clearly not distracted enough, she caught it without looking. She looked at it then flickered her eyes at him, brow knit in confusion.

“You made this mess. You clean it.” Loki said, crossing his arms. “We're trying to lie low and you've brought us a beacon of trouble. If you're going to get things done, at least think them through.” Sylvie gave the bright item an exaggerated frown, as if it had begged her to be stolen.

She rolled it in her palm, “How am I supposed to do that? I can't very well stroll to the front door and claim it was all a misunderstanding.”

“The same way you took them, I suppose.” Loki said. She huffed, eyes snapping to him in a glare. Like this mess was his fault. The alpha sighed, “This realm repels magic like a virus. How did you even manage to hijack their power?”

“The art of disguise.” Sylvie smirked, holding up her hands. Her conjure was delayed but slowly fabric appeared between her palms. Hoods of some sort, with protruding tusks and a single horn on top.

“How convincing,” Loki said, snatching the mask from her grasp, holding it up for a good inspection, “Tell me, how will the children have their play now that you've stolen their costumes?”

“Put it on and follow me.” She said, tugged the black wool over her head. Then she walked over to the tree, wrapping her hands around it strategically and pulling. It uprooted with little effort.

“Is this the entire costume?” Loki said, putting the mask on. The world became veiled in black. He looked down. “Every other part of us is exposed. Brilliant.”

She extend a middle finger as she walked to the edge of the island sticking the end of the tree into the rushing slag. “Things work differently here,” She said, waving him over before hopping on the exposed side of the tree. “Hurry, it'll get away.”

Loki’s hidden eyes were buck wide. He could barely tolerate the heat from where he stood, he couldn't imagine magma surfing would bode well for him. Not to mention, one small slip, and suddenly heat tolerance wouldn't be an issue anymore.

Sylvie was getting further away and she yelled, “Come on!” He groaned and sprinted forward, jumping and catching a firm grip just in time.

Fortunately, the trip wasn't long. After much sweat, turning a shade of red that couldn't possibly have been healthy, and constantly kicking his feet up to avoid the licks of aimless lava, Sylvie signaled for him to jump.

Foolishly he trusted her blindly, leaping when she did without first scoping the area. A metal-walled chasm greeted him with no floor in sight and he was immediately reminded why he should never trust Sylvie's judgement.

He didn't expect to see velvet fabric, inflated with air. They landed with an “oof” as the impact alone nearly knocked the air out of him but they were unharmed.

“Give me one good reason why I shouldn't abandon you right now.” Loki said as he attempted to walk and swim out of this ridiculous balloon.

Sylvie sounded breathless when she spoke, “You don't know the way out.”

“I hate you.” Loki said, glad when his feet finally touched solid ground.

“That's their transportation chute.” Sylvie said, running ahead of him, “We have to be quick. There’ll be another shipment soon.” He sighed and ran after her, following as she ducked down several hallways. He wondered how she could possibly know where she was going. All the surfaces were the same shade of gray and there were no indicators on the walls, no signs.

Just as he was going to chastise Sylvie for trapping them in a loop, they turned a corner that was washed with blinking green and blue lights. The walls gained a thin strip of glass just below his shoulder height. They showed only the heads of beings running back and forth through the halls. He didn't expect how accurate their masks were to the actual look of the Sweltuns. Every aspect of their faces looked off-kilter.

They inched forward, contrasting the panic in the halls running parallel to them. The further they went, the more he felt pressure against his magic, holding it in place around his very person. He felt locked away in a small enclosure.

“Was it like this when you robbed them?” Loki whispered.

She shook her head, “I've never seen them like this.”

They came to a room that opened up, the walls became full glass windows. The immediate heat was overwhelming. He staggered back making Sylvie look at him.

“Are you alright?” She asked.

Loki nodded, the movement limited by his misery, “I can withstand it.”

He eased to the window, standing beside the alphess. The other halls curved around the room and sloped down. Spread out before them was a catastrophe. The contained core sprawled as far and wide as a country but instead of the clean and empty halls he'd become accustomed to, the metal sheath around the core was riddled with blackened cracks. Lava seeped from them, slipping on to the floor. The Sweltuns were trying to block off the overflow.

“They are not going to be happy if they see us.” Loki said.

Sylvie nodded, sighing sharply, “Right…perhaps not my brightest idea.” It truly wasn't. He didn't tease her for this. Her remorse was genuine; she wouldn't have admitted the wrong otherwise.

“So how do we replace these without becoming a sizzling corpse?” Loki asked.

“I'm working on it,” She said. But time had already run out. There was an angry shout behind them. Loki spun around and dodged a basalt tipped spear. Though it didn't touch him, it sailed close enough that he could smell the sulphuric intensity of the weapon. The mask was the only thing protecting his sensitive skin from blistering. With the sound of shattering, the weapon becomes embedded in the glass.

He stumbled back, instinctively reaching for his magic to bring a dagger to his hand but it hummed in constraint, intangibly painful. Fists would have to do; he couldn't use their own weapons against them. It would sear his hands.

While he dodged another spear and Sylvie kicked the cracked window out, yanking him with her when she jumped out. They landed on the bottom floor with an umph and Sylvie immediately started running. A quick glance revealed a horde of Sweltun’s running towards them from every direction, with a great variety of fiery weapons. The heat was even more intense, being this close to the core and its lava. He followed Sylvie’s blonde hair as quickly as he could. He was grateful for his half-Aesir blood, the only thing keeping him going.

While running, Loki felt a strange sensation being his green irises. His world shifted slowly, a blur of motion as his sight became someone else's. He called out to Sylvie, panicked for a moment. He wasn't aware that the Sweltuns had advanced magic. He thought they rejected it.

He heard her yell, “What?” Then, “What's wrong with your eyes?”

As his view tilted, he realized what happened. His vision angled top down. Looking through the roofing to show him the layout of the halls. It trained on one in particular and Loki understood.

“Sylvie,” Loki repeated, reaching out since he couldn't see anything other than what was shown to him, “Grab my hand.” He felt her flesh and grasped tightly, running in the way he was led with her in tow.

“Where are we going?” Sylvie asked.

“Just trust me.” Loki said, “Well, trust Heimdall.” He couldn't see her reaction but he felt her hesitation. Loki understood, he wasn't aware the omega could wield his gift this way.

He would never be able to retract his steps if he had to, there had been too many sharp and quick turns along the way. As they ran, he gradually felt the heat lessen. He could run faster and the snarls and shouts of those chasing them faded away. Loki felt his magic loosen in its invisible binds, but it wasn't yet free.

His vision tilted again, returning to face forward as a room opened up at the end of the hall. All at once, his vision was his own. The alpha could turn his head and his eyes would follow.

“Thank you for the assist, Heimdall.” Loki said.

Sylvie huffed, “He's never done that when I was in a sticky situation.” She sounded slightly out of breath. They had been running for a long while.

“Clearly, he likes me more.” Loki said as they entered the room.

They slowed to a walk as they entered the dark room, looking around. In the corner was a closed off pit of blackened orbs, no brilliant glow to them. In the center was an empty basin attached to a thin conveyor belt with circular dips. Along the walls were empty shelves, begging for their lost power sources. Surprisingly, there was no one attending the room. Perhaps all resources had been pulled to handle the core. And now on the thieves that had broken in.

“Is this where you took them?” Loki asked.

Sylvie shook her head, “No, I sniped them right from the core. I thought they had plenty.”

“Maybe they do.” Loki said, “You may have interrupted the production line. It seems they need to be recharged.” He would pester Sylvie about this, for her lack of foresight but the only thought in his mind was…had he done this? How often had he strolled to a realm, claimed something as his own, and left without the slightest consideration. How much chaos had he left behind; how many had suffered from his actions?

Maybe these things would have never crossed his mind but…he certainly didn't appreciate his broth—father! being manipulated, used, then discarded. Left to lick his wounds and pull himself back together in the aftermath. Being confronted with the cruelty inflicted on Thor and Heimdall had faced him with a mirror.

Loki turned away from the reflection. He knew he wouldn't like what he saw and that was enough.

“Let's fix it.” He said, focusing on reaching through space to feel the orbs. His magic was still oppressed; he felt a pull against it like a magnet. He could reach through and feel the orbs but couldn't pull them through.

He met Sylvie’s eyes, “We might have to work as one for this.”

She nodded as her magic intertwined with his, wrapping and holding. It felt as intimate as love making and all at once, despite her presence right beside him, Loki missed her so deeply.

Quite a distraction. He needed to focus.

Usually, they could have brought all the orbs at once but oppression like this required care to tiptoe through. One by one, they grabbed the glows and guided them through the universe, dropping them into the basin when they materialized.

“We should leave a note.” Sylvie said when the last one was in place.

Loki gave her a wild look, “And say what? Sorry, clerical mistake. Please accept our apology for ruining your realm?”

Sylvie rolled her eyes, “Yes! Help me!”

Surely this was a waste of time. Using magic in these conditions was exhausting. They should save their energy for getting back home. But she was already struggling to do…something and their magic was still intertwined. Might as well. He followed her lead as they materialized paper as well as ink already printed.

She propped the note on the orbs in the basin. If his all-speak was intact, it read: Huge misunderstanding. Truly, so sorry!”

“Yes, I'm sure that'll ease their anger.” Loki said. She slapped his arm.

They both startled when sparkling lights surrounded them. It wasn't until they started ascending that he recognized the wide range of colors and the feeling of being stretched through space and time. He never thought he'd see the rainbow bridge again. Loki wasn't sure how. Shouldn’t have been impossible without the bifrost.

Their feet landed on the ship. In the open quarters where most of the citizens spent their day. Loki took comfort in the familiar setting, watching the crowd mingle. His magic released, spreading freely, fully under his command once again. His skin prickled with the cool air, being sensitive from the excessive heat exposure for far too long.

“I’d call that a job well done.” Sylvie said with a smile, dusting her hands.

“You're not the one who's heat burned.” Loki grumbled, raising his sleeves to inspect his red and dry skin.

“Loki!” His name rang out, said with intent. It wasn't often that Heimdall called his name. When he said it like this, it meant the omega was not happy. The background chatter quieted a bit as nosey onlookers tuned in.

The alpha turned slowly, as did Sylvie. The two omegas stood at the arched entry. Thor leaned against the frame and Heimdall's arms were crossed as always. His usually golden irises were a gradient of colors that faded into their normal golden hue. Had he summoned the rainbow bridge? He could do that?!

Thor chuckled in a way Loki did during childhood when Thor was the one in trouble. The thought was accompanied with a myriad of anxiety so he pushed it away.

“For once, I have done nothing wrong.” Loki said, walking towards them, stabbing a finger in the air at his short-sighted partner. “She's the one who caused all this!”

Sylvie chuckled nervously, with a quick wave. In a green puff, she was gone. Her magic snatched away from him and left completely. She would never hear the end of this.

“Come.” Heimdall said, as he turned, walking down the hall. Loki threw his hands up, groaning as if he were still a varling.

“You could help me.” Loki said to Thor as he passed by.

The omega shrugged, “No, I'm with him on this one.” Thor spoke as if they've already discussed it. Of course they did. He followed Heimdall into one of the conference rooms, sitting in the chair the omega pointed to. The omega stood tall at the front of the table. His arms were always crossed.

Heimdall said, “Since you ran away as a youth—”

“Ran away!” Loki echoed, feeling indignant. Sure, he had committed treason, assassinated a king, was facing a prison sentence, stared Thor in the face before he let go of Gungnir and hid himself with magic long enough that everyone thought he was gone for good, effectively faking his death.

He wouldn't call that running away.

The omega spoke over his interruption, “you never completed your training. This is your first of many lessons in the matters of diplomacy.”

Loki chuckled in surprise, “Me? I'm not diplomatic nor do I try to be. This is absurd.”

“If you're going to claim your title, you will learn.” Heimdall said. He was quite serious, there was no give in his expression. Golden eyes stared through Loki’s entire essence.

“That's Thor's responsibility, surely.” Loki said, rising to his feet, “My only obligation is to protect.”

“At any time during your lava ferry on a stick with Sylvie, you could have fallen and become nothing more than a memory.” Heimdall said, “How, then, could you protect anyone?”

The weight of the realization pushed Loki down, making him drop back into his seat.

“Do you know what would have happened then?” Heimdall asked. Silence lingered after he had spoken and Loki realized the omega expected an answer.

Loki thought for a moment, feeling he was already being quizzed. “Sylvie wouldn't have been able to return the orbs on her own.”

“Correct.” Heimdall said. So…they would have been back at the start.

“You could have done what she said, sold the orbs to avoid a confrontation.” Loki said.

“Such a sale would bring significant attention.” Heimdall said, “Not just to the Sweltuns but their allies, our allies as well. Many would then consider Asgard a people of thieves. There would have been a deluge of confrontation.” Gold eyes stayed fixed on him, simmering Loki in the heat of his own mistakes.

Loki put more thought into his next response but couldn't gather any good alternatives. They were illegally in possession of another realm’s livelihood. There was no way to turn that into a positive.

“Thor would have had to return them.” Loki said.

Heimdall nodded. “Sweltheim is a realm of betas. They rarely come in contact with other genders and alphas are held in high regard. All you needed to do was visit the realm with the orbs stored on a vessel and you would have been met with the highest respect.”

Loki blinked, faced with a wealth of knowledge he simply hadn't known. Heimdall continued, “Instead, you risked your life and a potential future alliance when such things are truly invaluable, to sneak around their private facilities.”

The alpha sighed, “How do they regard omegas?” He asked.

“As you said,” Heimdall answered, “They would have been ready to ravage. I wouldn't have allowed Thor to go alone. Tensions would have been high in the face of blatant disrespect and their impression of us would have been very poor. A trade probably would have been required and I would have accepted.”

Heimdall hadn't flinched but Loki did. His expression didn't change but Loki grimaced. The alpha had been facetious when he compared it to trading valuables or goods. But Heimdall was being too casual, as if that's all it was.

“You are not currency.” Loki said reflexively.

“They do not share your opinion.” Heimdall said. Loki felt he had been slapped. “So grab a book, take notes. You will be tested.”

The alpha sighed, materializing the objects on the table. “Surely Sylvie should be the one hearing this. It's all her fault.”

“I have my eyes on her.” Heimdall said. “But she is not the alpha heir. You're going to have to make smarter decisions.” 

Loki sighed again and grabbed his pen.

Chapter Text

Despite the week-long interruption, Loki and Sylvie won the trials. The crowd was significantly thinner. Heimdall had a mission off-realm and the All-Parents had an emergency to attend to.

Thor was there, cheering with the same enthusiasm as the week prior. And Loki wished, after all the literal blood and sweat, he would have felt more victorious. He wanted to feel Sylvie's joy when she hugged him. Instead he simply felt pyrrhic.

Why this was still weighing on his mind a month later, Loki wasn't sure. Even more confusing, he wasn't sure why the weight led him to this conquest. A bilgesnipe had wandered from the dark forest towards the inner city. It was suspected the animal would return to its home after a while. They didn't fancy Asgard's glittering gold.

But if Loki could kill it, well that would draw a crowd, wouldn't it?

The alpha wasn't a fool, even if this conquest wasn't particularly wise. For the past month, he practically lived at the archives, researching the beast extensively. It was big, stupid, and ugly. Horned and clawed. But tall enough that Loki could slide under it and slice through its innards.

They were one of the fastest animals on Asgard so it would be tricky. It didn't help that he couldn't practice the magical tactics to pull this off without onlookers scolding him, unless he was with Thor. He did what he could and developed a practice routine for himself through a game. He would wander the halls and whenever he was threatened to be seen by someone, he would quickly teleport the second before getting caught.

There was a learning curve and when he was caught by the elders, he was yelled at for using his magic, but he mastered it quickly. Then he moved this practice into the city until he was an expert at maneuvering without being seen.

Of course, no amount of maneuvering could escape Heimdall's sight. He asked the alpha what in the nine realms was he doing. Loki told him he simply wanted to be left alone and not encounter anyone. He wasn't sure if he was disbelieved or caused concern but Thor soon started asking him the same questions.

He would have been angry with Heimdall but he told only Thor, not their parents. Loki had to be appreciative of that. Nevertheless, he stuck to the story and though wary, the two weren't bothersome. It would make sense to them when he could mount the head of the repulsive creature in Odin’s vault.

Now that all the preparation was done, he walked to the forest. Practiced and equipped. The sword was still clumsy in his hands but he knew how to weld it. He didn't like the feel of the shield but it worked and he could use his magic whenever needed.

Loki walked carefully through the trees. Their massive height, sprawling branches and leaves, instantly dimmed the sun. He…hadn't quite accounted for the darkness. But he could still see. He produced a glow with his magic to help his vision.

Idly, he realized Heimdall would see this stunt as well.

There was an old maxim, that if you thought of a gatekeeper, it meant they were watching. But Heimdall was still off-realm. He couldn't interrupt. Loki decided to count it as calculated.

He was wandering for over an hour and was beginning to believe that the rumors had been nothing but a farce. Then he heard growling. Low and rumbling. Oh. Yes, he was being hunted. He read about this, had formed a plan around it.

Loki kept going, changing nothing about his movements but stayed very aware of his surroundings.

When the creature suddenly jumped from behind a bush, barrelling towards him, Loki had only a few seconds to teleport out of the way. He stumbled in his new location. It happened so quickly he was a bit confused. A sharp sting in his arm grabbed his attention and he looked at the source, finding a cut that hadn't been there before.

That has been closer than he would like to admit.

The creature swung its head in both directions, bewildered it seemed. It stumbled in confusion until it turned around, red eyes locking on Loki. But it was exactly where Loki wanted it. In the open, just enough distance that he could react. He had practiced this.

The young alpha ran towards the creature and it growled, its legs moving in a flurry of motion. Loki dropped into a slide at the exact right moment. The perfection, he hadn't known he was capable of it.

He could do this!

The creature reacted almost immediately. Dropping its horned nose to Loki's height. The young alpha was not aware it could react so quickly. All his research suggested otherwise. He was forced to halt his momentum to jump out of the way.

Half a second too late. The bilgesnipe caught his leg in midair, the horn cutting through his flesh, scraping against bone. The alpha cried out, blood splattered. He collided with the ground, among the sharp twigs and crisp leaves, all poking and agitating the wound.

He snapped his head up as the creature turned sharply. Didn't have to search this time. It knew exactly where he was. Loki stumbled to his feet and fell over. He tried to teleport but he was tired and he couldn't concentrate. He held his shield up, knowing that wouldn't stop the creature for long. But he didn't know what else to do.

He braced for impact but heard thundering instead, the earth shook as lightning struck the creature and the ground under it, making the animal writhe in the electric shock. Its pained screech shook Loki to the core. He groaned as he tried to get to his feet, not sure if he could run.

It wasn't until Thor landed beside him, that he realized what had happened. The omega hadn't stuck the landing, there was too much force and he stumbled, actually fell which Loki hadn't expected.

No time was allowed for him to contemplate it. Loki was snatched, and Thor leaped. Perhaps Loki would have been jealous or his pride wounded if his leg wasn't hurting so badly. He clutched it during their flight. Blood spilled on his shaking hands. It all went wrong so fast and there hadn't been any options. No way out.

Thor landed in the Royal garden, holding Loki close as he all but crashed. The blonde was so powerful he couldn't even control it. He tried to land on his feet but the force knocked him to his knees.

Oh, there it was. The jealousy made an appearance. Creeping up alongside the thrumming, burning, throbbing sensation of his split leg.

“Loki!” Thor yelled, staying knelt at Loki’s height, holding the alpha at arm's length to give him a critical look over. Felt over his chest and back as if looking for puncture wounds. By now, Loki accepted Thor’s parental tendencies. Even if it were severely unfair.

“The hell were you thinking?! What in the nine realms possessed you to do something so stupid .” Thor ranted, face red with anger. He had never seen Thor so angry. But when he hugged Loki, the embrace was tight yet gentle.

“I thought—” Loki was quickly cut off.

“You thought?! War hardened veterans avoid bilgesnipe at every opportunity. But you thought you could take one!” Thor fussed, still holding Loki. He didn't usually lecture him like this. Loki hoped this wasn't the beginning of a new tendency.

But then the omega sniffled. Was Thor crying? He never cried.

“I was just trying—”

“I don't care, Loki.” Thor said, pulling back to hold out Loki's tender leg. “One second later and I would have seen a truly horrid sight—I can't leave you alone for a single moment—I don't know why you feel it's necessary to worry me so!” He gathered Loki into his arms. Walking quickly towards the healers. His lectures were different from Odin’s. The All-Father would have picked apart every single thing Loki had done wrong from birth until now. Thor was overwhelmed.

He kissed Loki's cheek as they walked. Surprising Loki, honestly. He always showed affection but the alpha hadn't expected it when he was in so much trouble.

“I'm sorry.” Loki mumbled. He wasn't used to apologizing. Usually he could get away without saying the words. But he honestly hadn't meant to trouble Thor so much.

The omega sighed as he walked into the healing room, sitting Loki on a table. He wiped his eyes with one hand and ruffled Loki's hair with the other.

“Be sorry enough not to do it again.” Thor said. The healers gasped as they saw the state of him. Thor stepped back so they could do their work.

Loki sighed as he walked through the halls. Apparently he hadn't been sorry enough as his life was full of close-call stunts. In his defense, every risk he'd ever taken was thoroughly calculated and believed. His goal had never been to worry anyone. He had only focused on the glory that was to come.

Even now. It wasn't until the memory crossed his mind that he realized he had done it yet again. Had brushed death, danced and played with it on Sweltheim, leaving Thor…and Heimdall, to watch. Burdened to interfere before he’d done himself a fatal disservice.

Heimdall hadn't explained it like that when he scolded the alpha. Then again, he wouldn't. Expecting Loki to be mature enough to figure it out.

The alpha sighed again, heading in a certain direction now. He reached the door and, first, put his ear up to it. Listening in for a feminine voice. He heard no speaking or giggles. No sounds of intimacy. Had he, he would have teleported in, hand up to shield his eyes. Just to be an immense bother. It would certainly stop Val because Thor wouldn't.

Since it was quiet, he simply knocked.

Thor opened the door, brow crinkled in bemusement as he let it fall open. “Heimdall finished beating you over the head?”

Loki huffed, “I have never received a pragmatic tongue lashing before. His powers are ever evolving.” Thor chuckled softly, sitting on the edge of his bed. Loki took his usual spot in Thor’s chair, kicking his legs up on the table.

“I’m sorry.” Loki said. He had to be quick or else his pride would have snatched the words and run away with them, “I didn't mean to worry the two of you.”

Thor’s brow furrowed. He was quiet for a moment then said, “Did you hit your head when you were on Sweltheim?”

Loki glared at him playfully, clicking his tongue, “I remembered the first time you…assisted my quest in defeating a bilgesnipe.”

“By assist do you mean when you were seconds away from death and I had to save you?” Thor asked. Loki glared at him. “Then two weeks after you had healed, you went and did it again.”

Loki grimaced, “Only because I was certain I knew what had gone wrong the first time.”

Thor snorted. “At least that time you were smart enough to run away.” The memory came to mind. That time Loki’s hand was nicked and he had indeed run, screaming for Thor and Heimdall, hoping one of them would save him.

Loki magically pulled one of Thor pillows to him and tossed it back at the omega, making the omega chuckle, “My point,” Loki said, “is that I didn't mean to make scaring you a habit.”

“I know.” Thor said, dropping the pillow back where it came from, “You're impulsive. I couldn't fuss about it too much. It was a taste of my own medicine.” Loki’s brow raised as he thought about it. Only now realizing perhaps it was an inherited trait.

“I don't remember you getting into situations.” Loki said.

Thor smiled, “Because I had you. I had to grow up quickly. Before that, I was always doing something ill-advised. I worried Mother as you worried me. You challenged a bilgesnipe. I snuck to Jotunheim.”

Then they both suffered for their little escapades. But if Loki looked past the ugly consequences he was born from, something about knowing these were parts of Thor helped. He wasn't just an asshole.

Inevitably, he had to wonder what he had inherited from Laufey. Loki didn't just push the thought away, he kicked it.

“I still don't understand how you don't regret me.” He said it without meaning too. Sensitive and emotional. He had to remember that.

Thor shook his head immediately, “I regret how young I was and I regret not being able to raise you on my own.” Thor trailed off with a sigh, leaning down, elbows on his knees.

“Odin…he kept…” Thor sighed again, “He pushed every button in the exact combination to make an alpha rage and I regret not being able to protect you from him. But I've never regretted you.”

So very omega of Thor. But even his alpha hardness cracked under the weight of such tenderness. He felt his eyes sting and he had to blink it away.

“I've done nothing but cause you pain.” Loki said. Quite literally proving his own point in the same breath. The way Thor whispered ‘oh Loki’, the hurt that shadowed his eyes. Sensitive and emotional. He had done neither of that.

“Come here.” Thor said, patting the space beside him. Loki obliged, dropping his legs to walk over, settling beside Thor. The omega wrapped his arms around him, holding him close and gentle, as he always did. Like he would when Loki was a child, when he used to run to Thor’s room after Odin gave him one of his many harsh criticisms. Thor would hug him, apologizing for an injustice he hadn't caused and Loki would bury his face on Thor’s shoulder, pretending he wasn't on the verge of tears.

“You were always my beacon of hope in darkness.” Thor said, “I hope you never forget that.” Loki wished he could believe it. Maybe one day he would. Right now, if he pushed away all the ugly reminders of the monster he was, he could feel the weight of Thor love. And he supposed that was enough.

Chapter Text

Heimdall didn't hold on to anger. The next lessons were less biting but the omega was just as clinical. Loki did prefer it to Masteress Eir and her dignified, elated style of teaching. He supposed he was different as well. During childhood, he was flippant about everything. He was smart so the subjects came easy to him. He could ignore every single word from her lips then study all night before a test and excel.

Now, while he had no interest in the subject, it was important, so he'd try his best.

“Do you remember what I taught you about Sweltheim?” Heimdall asked, leaning against the wall of the conference room, arms crossed. Loki pushed his book aside, knowing he was to recite from memory.

“It’s a realm in the Dyrathror Sphere, ruled by Queen Melyn,” Loki said, “Women are rare there so she's under a lot of pressure to perform as well as her fathers. Honor and honesty is important in their culture so negotiations have to be made carefully and straightforwardly, and it's best to communicate without any extra fluff.”

“Correct.” Heimdall said, “When you're healed, we'll take a vessel and visit to apologize for the behaviors of rogue Asgardians.”

Loki couldn't help the absolute panic that sparked in him, “If she breathes a single letter of trade, I will destroy the entire realm.”

“No,” Heimdall said, “What have I taught you?”

Loki sighed, sitting back as he remembered, “Because I'm an alpha, they'll follow my lead. As long as I respect you, they will too.”

Heimdall nodded, “Correct. You can't afford to be emotional with them.”

Loki sighed again, “Alright.” He only now thought about what Heimdall had said. “When I've healed? I'm fine.”

“If we stepped foot on Sweltheim right now, you'd fall over from a heat stroke.” Heimdall said, his voice softening, “Have mercy on your Jotun form. It sits right under the Aesir and is still healing.”

He actually hadn't known that. He hadn't given the Jotun in him much thought other than hating it. Loki thought the casket changed his form, not surfaced it. Nothing about that was comforting except for the hope that one day he could eradicate his other form altogether.

The alpha mentioned none of this, knowing it would reach Thor's ears.

“You can see that?” Loki asked, “Down to the damage under my flesh.”

“I can.” Heimdall said, “Seeing all isn't a figure of speech.”

“That's only slightly disturbing.” Loki said. As expected, Heimdall didn't dignify that with a response.

“Can you bring Sylvie here, please?” Heimdall said. Loki was immediately filled with absolute glee, like a child handed candy. He reached out to her with his magic, in a tender, sensuous way. She reached back, grabbing hold in kind.

He snatched her, making her materialize in the air and plummet to the ground with a shout. She looked around, eyes falling on Heimdall. Then she glared at him.

“I am sick of your mixed messages.” Sylvie said, climbing to her feet.

Loki feigned innocence, palms up, “You've been summoned.”

“Take a seat.” Heimdall said to her. “You're learning diplomacy as well.” Sylvie's eyes went wide and Loki couldn't help but grin.

She sputtered for a good while at first, then exclaimed, “Me? He's the prince. I'm just a nobody!”

Heimdall actually rolled his golden eyes, “When you two finally tire of near death experiences, you will settle down. I'm not waiting until then to train you. Sit.”

That stunned both of them into silence. Wiped the smirk right off Loki's face. It was probably true and there were a lot of unspoken, unaddressed sentiments between them. Sylvie said nothing as she sat down.

“Surely I can leave.” Loki said, standing, “I've already…” He trailed off. Heimdall's icy stare was on him. He sat back down.

Honestly, Thor was a bit nervous on Loki's behalf. He'd been trying very hard lately, and the two omegas saw it. But Loki was the exact opposite of order and this was his first diplomatic mission. On a realm that wasn't particularly kind to omegas. Thor was afraid it would remind the alpha of their destroyed home.

“Do everything Heimdall tells you.” Thor said, watching the two pack a vessel for the travel. “Just because they might say things you don't like, doesn't mean you should react.” Heimdall lifted a crate and flickered a look at him. Wordlessly screaming he was being unhelpful.

Thor tried to fix it. “But if you do react, just follow Heimdall. All will be well.”

Loki chuckled as he placed a crate on the floor, “I've never noticed, but you're a complete mother hen.

Thor’s eyes narrowed, “No, I'm a rooster. A rooster hen.”

“There isn't a realm in the universe where that makes sense.” Loki said, he turned and looked at Thor, “I’ll be careful. I promise.”

Thor sighed, nodding. Eying the items in the crates. Visiting certain realms required trading gifts. Physical gifts in this case. Luckily, normal assets were rare in the far out spheres. They could send their junk and it would be held in high regard. He still sent some nice offerings too. He needed this to go well. Honestly, Thor didn't really care about the Sweltuns, they were too far away to cause too many issues. But it was the perfect first lesson for Loki. Challenging yet simple.

But Loki was exceptionally talented at overcomplicating simplicity. However, Thor knew if he put his mind to it, the alpha could do anything.

When they were done, he watched the vessel lift and disappear in the sky. He sighed. He had faith in Loki, but not in the realm they were visiting. He knew all too well how one fool could make everything fall apart. But Heimdall was there and the omega could see the way out of anything. In every sense.

They would be gone for a month and Thor wasn't sure what to do without their presence. He'd grown accustomed to them being within voice reach.

He got used to it after a couple of days. Thor missed them, he worried. But the intensity has lessened. At the end of another long and frustrating day, he walked around the ship, to the spot Valkyrie had her training grounds for combat. She was whipping a select few into shape for now and then they'd figure out how they wanted to proceed. It certainly wasn't the army they used to have but it was the start they needed.

She was finishing up for the day, setting aside her materials, looking up with a smile when he got near. “Your highness. I hope today wasn't as troublesome as usual.”

He hadn’t approached her first since they started this occasional dance, but only because Loki was determined to be nosey. Approaching her was as important as making the first move. It put them on the same footing.

Thor made a face, “No more than usual. But I've come to tell you that unfortunately Loki drank your gift.”

Val rolled her eyes with a smile, “Well, luckily I keep a stock in my room. Help me clean up and I can show you.” She really did have the prettiest smile.

“My pleasure,” He…lied. But they talked as they cleaned up. She told him about the students, their eagerness. Some were older than Thor or as young as varlings but they all understood the weight of being prepared.

After, they walked to her room and she showed him an impressive array of choices in her liquor cabinet. She playfully never answered when he asked her, “How?” And they shared the Maní Melon wine from Asgard. It was bittersweet.

Their humor was similar and she spoke to him as a person. Not as the King. Not the god of thunder. Just Thor. He kissed her, had to. Before his omega feelings got confused and would mistake this for an actual connection.

She hummed against his lips in surprise as she always did and wrapped her arms around him. He lifted her and dropped her on the bed, but she ended up on top because of course she did. Val always unclothed first, which helped. Then she took off his shirt as she kissed him again, sliding her hands down his side.

All at once, a memory exploded behind his eyes.

He hoped Heimdall wouldn't see this. But he was thinking of the gatekeeper when he wasn't before so his friend must have dropped his gaze on them. Thor sighed, knowing he'd hear about it. Amora pushed him down on the bed. He immediately scooted away from her.

“You always move so quickly.” He said. She rolled her eyes. Climbed onto his waist.

“I will never understand you, Thor.” She said, tugging at his shirt, “You'll put out for literally anyone else but reject me when it's my turn.”

The words cut deep. Most of what she said did. He had never been with another because he wanted to. She knew that. Knew he had fought and objected, saw the bruises and tears when he wasn't strong enough to fight back.

A voice wriggled into his mind, sounding a bit practical like Heimdall, yet a tad innocent like Loki, pointing out Amora was behaving similarly. She pushed at his pants even though she knew he didn't want this.

“Amora, stop!” He said, pushing her away. She fell over, exaggerated if he was being honest, barely any force had been in the action. Her eyes widened with anger. That truly had been a mistake. The omega braced for a hit, like she always did. But this time her eyes softened. She reached out to him and he flinched. Not sure what her intentions were. She rubbed his cheek, gentle as she rarely was.

“I'm sorry, lovely.” Amora said, sounding so sweet, “We can take a walk on the beach after. I promise. We'll have a picnic, even.”

They wouldn't. He knew this. Truly, he did. When it was over, she'd claim she forgot another engagement and leave. But sometimes she surprised him. She could be sweet and caring. Loving. But only if he did what she wanted.

He sighed, nodding a little, “Okay.” She kissed him, gentle and tender in a way she usually wasn't. It was nice. But she shoved her hand in his pants, touching him.

Amora knew he hated it. Knew why. But he was being unreasonable, wasn't he? She was an alpha, of course she got what she wanted. They always did.

Val’s hand landed at his hip, lingered there until dipping into his pants, touching him. Phantom touches followed hers. Laufey. His hallmates. Instructors. Kings and Queens he didn't even know. Yet, for the sake of Asgard, they were allowed to know him.

Thor shifted, put a hand over Val's and took a deep breath. Tried to shove the shame down but it spilled past his grasp, gushed out. Making him push her away. Val was stunned, eyes wide with confusion and surprise. The omega scooted away from her, backed against the headboard. It made him feel trapped.

He covered his face with his hands, “I'm sorry,” He said, his voice shaking, sounding entirely too feeble, as if he were afraid.

The omega quickly grounded himself, stiffened his voice and said, “I'm sorry. I've been very stressed lately.”

“I've been stressed. I've bedded others that were stressed. I've never been pushed away before.” Val said. He heard her inch towards him, felt the movement.

This was unlike him. He hadn't fucked up like this since childhood. He knew how it went, what was necessary. If he didn't initiate, if he lost footing, if he didn't give himself away, alphas would take and it would be so painful.

“Hey,” She said, sounding closer than he expected. Sounding as soft as Amora sometimes did. She touched his shoulder and he flinched. A sign of weakness. It made him clench his hands into fists, showing the room over his knuckles.

His movement made her snatch her hand back. It was unexpected and he faced her. The look on her face caught him off guard. Her brow was knit in concern, she looked…almost sad.

“I'm sorry.” She said, “Did I hurt you? I didn't mean to.”

He sighed, scrubbing his face with his hands, “No, it's not you.” He said, knowing it didn't make sense. He could barely think, every second was laced with the fear that she might put her hands on him again.

Val wriggling under his arm caught him off guard, making him flinch again. His heart truly fell when she brought her arm up. How many had touched him even though he cowered in fear. Even though he cried and begged them not to?

The omega didn't expect the way she wrapped her arm around him, above his waist. “It's okay. We don't have to do anything you don't want to.” He didn't believe her at first. Amora had tricked him before with compassion. He said nothing, waiting for the alphess to make demands. They always did.

“Did I come on too strong?” Val asked, lying her head against his shoulder. He didn't answer immediately, being unsure where she was headed. When she didn't take it any further, only looked up at him in concern, he blinked, forcing his shaking breathing to even.

He finally said, “You haven't come on to me at all. I approached you.” She nodded and he panicked, shifting away from her, afraid she’d flip the words on him, guilt him, as Amora would have done.

Instead, she said, “But sometimes we alphas can be pushy with our scents. I had a sister…” Val trailed off, becoming thoughtful for just a moment, “She was a beta. I didn't mean to pressure you. I've never met an omega. I should have been more sensitive.”

“You’ve…” Thor started then stopped, not sure if her kindness was a trick. She still hadn't touched him though, so he continued, “You've been very kind. It's not you. I'm just…” He trailed off, not knowing how to explain. Not knowing if he should.

“We don't have to do anything you don't want to.” She repeated. She looked up, meeting his eyes, hers suddenly unsure, “I…I like you. I don't want to push you away. I tend to do that to people. But if you want, we could court instead.”

Thor wondered what she meant by court. On Asgard, there was a lot of fanfare that he never experienced. His partners either thought his lack of purity didn't warrant it or simply didn't see it as necessary.

But he liked Val. And right now, she was being so kind. He finally dropped his hands, nodding a little. Val smiled a bit, inhaling in relief as if she thought she'd be rejected. He was cautious, not knowing if she'd touch him again now that they've made the decision. He still didn't know what courting meant to her.

Val didn't push him, though. She settled beside him, talking about her sister. She was the first born and was used to playing with alphas as a child. She had to learn to be more gentle with her sister. The story made him smile a little and calm over time. Amora certainly hadn't softened for anyone, especially not him. Not unless she wanted something, then her softness evaporated the moment she got what she wanted.

Fear still lingered. Nonsensically. He wasn't a child anymore. He was a warrior and a king. There was no reason to keep secrets anymore. It literally wasn't even an option. Between Loki's ability to hide in the shadows and Heimdall's ability to see everything, they would know if Val became unkind.

He was safe, even if Val became unsafe. Thor still felt unsure but just in case she was being genuine, he tentatively reciprocated her embrace, listening to her speak.

Chapter Text

Loki wished Heimdall hadn't enlightened him about his other form. It was given a voice that the alpha couldn't ignore. It didn't help that it was screaming in discontent at the moment, enraged that they were back on this wretched realm.

The Sweltuns greeted them exactly how Heimdall said they would. A gaggle of them stood in a semi-circle around their vessel as they parked it. He could distinguish Queen Melyn by her glittering green robes and the tall purple staff held by her side. Her first commander wore matte blue. The rest were nearly indistinguishable from their land with the brown they wore. Without the robes, they all looked exactly the same to Loki’s eyes. Granted, he wasn't looking too closely.

“Remember,” Heimdall said as they lowered the door, “You have all the power here, so wield it carefully.”

Loki sighed quietly, nodding. His previous stint in a position of power yielded a nearly destroyed realm, assassination, exploiting Asgard, and self imposed exile. But yeah, this should be perfectly fine.

They walked off and the betas approached him with awe, all but bowing in his presence. Melyn stepped up, speaking in their grunted language that all-speak translated for him.

“Ruler of Asgard, welcome to our land,” She said. Loki took a deep breath then forced a smile. She had only set foot in his proximity and he was already annoyed. 

“Prince.” Loki corrected, with a smile, mimicking the circular hand gesture they used for greetings. “It's a pleasure to visit. I regret the circumstances. We are deeply ashamed that rogues have treated you so poorly.” This was at least comfortable. Lying came naturally to him and was quite fun.

He held a hand towards the omega by his side who stood a step behind, “Please accept the king’s advisor, Heimdall.”

For the first time, Melyn looked at him. All in the company followed her lead, staring at the omega in utter silence. Heimdall didn't greet them the way Loki had. He simply smiled and bowed just a hint. His hands were folded as expected of an omega, but in front of him, not behind his back. A calculated image of an omega with authority.

Heimdall's restraint was admirable. Loki couldn't have shown respect under such conditions. Truly, his gender had been rightly assigned. He never would have survived as a sub.

“Very well.” Melyn said, holding her staff out towards the omega. A sign of respect, a signal for the others to follow her lead. Her attention returned to Loki, “Ruler, we have shelter for you and any potential guest. We offer the wealth of our land. Please follow me.”

“Without hesitation.” Loki said, walking beside her. Heimdall followed as well, walking about three steps behind. Because here, he had a place. Loki supposed this had been true in Asgard as well. But at the very, miniscule least, they had the decency to present the lie of equality. Signs of submission were new to Loki and unappreciated.

The Sweltun’s docking bay was quite a distance from the palace, out of necessity. The blackstone castle sat on the largest landform of the realm, but it was surrounded by lava rivers, with bridges connecting the lands.

When they reached the mouth of the bridge, Melyn asked, “Can you withstand our elements to reach the other side?”

As with his reverse-heist with Sylvie, his magic was bunched around him, oppressed. Or else he would have used it to ease the sensitive prickling under his skin. It was just a hum right now so he answered, “I can.”

He felt golden eyes glaring holes into the back of his skull. He could scent the omega’s discontent, so he casually added, “For now.”

Melyn nodded, “We have protection for visitors at the palace. We will keep you safe.” Some fucking leader. Why wouldn't she have brought it with her?

Loki smiled and thanked her, following her lead across the bridge. They weren't halfway before the hum became a roaring. The pain gripped him from head to toe. Instinctively, his arms curled around his body but he'd flinch if he pressed too tightly. The discomfort ran deeply under his flesh, like he was burning from the inside out—well…he was.

By the time they reached the palace, Loki’s skin was dry and red. But not blistering, so he counted that a plus. Melyn turned to face him and stumbled back.

“My deepest apologies.” She said quickly, “I should have come more prepared.” He hadn't thought he looked that bad.

“It's alright.” Loki said, “It's worse than…” He trailed off as Heimdall caught up to him. When he saw the alpha, he sighed sharply, gingerly taking one of Loki's arms to observe his rubicund, flaky skin. He met Loki's eyes. The alpha thought Heimdall would be frustrated but he was met with an overwhelming amount of concern. It made Loki look away.

Their hosts stiffened, watching quietly as Loki allowed this. But he was allowing it and they would follow his lead.

“He needs accomodation.” Heimdall said, “He has Jokul genes.”

Melyn faced Loki as if he spoken, and apologized profusely. “My deepest apologies, Ruler, I was not aware. We will adjust accordingly. Hurry inside, the conditions are not as harsh.”

The omega fell into place behind them as she held the door open. Each step forward was met with a singing choir of discontent from his entire body. When the metal door clanged closed, he realized they had two different definitions of ‘not as harsh’. He still felt the immense heat, felt almost faint.

With the thought, Loki realized he might faint and he wasn't sure how to avoid doing so. Melyn’s first commander led them to their rooms while she went to fetch something. He couldn't imagine a realm where every being had evolved to withstand the conditions of a fucking lava crucible could invent a remedy for their polar opposite.

Fortunately, he remained conscious long enough to reach their rooms. The conditions surprised him as he wasn't expecting luxury. He wasn't expecting much of anything, honestly.

But their stone carved furniture held intricate, hieroglyphic designs. They told a story, he could tell. Even if he couldn't quite decipher it. Heimdall taught him that there were no woolen animals on Sweltheim but their small patches of land produced an abundance of fruits with fibrous shells. The Sweltuns processed them to create soft threads.

He hadn't given it much thought at the time, but experiencing it was different. The feat was actually kind of incredible. Or maybe it would be if he didn't have to limp to cross the room, taking a seat on his bed with a wince. Even his tukus was overheated.

A mirror across the room showed they had truly overreacted. Yes, he was a frightening shade of red but he had feared much worse from Melyn's reaction. Perhaps they weren't used to fragility. Heimdall had barely broken a sweat. Aesir were incredibly strong. This felt pathetic. If he must be half monster, he could have at least been a formidable one.

The first commander said Melyn would return shortly, then darted off. He had announced his name at some point. Glepo? Glepi? Gloopy? Loki couldn't remember.

Heimdall walked over to him, touching Loki’s chin to tilt his face. He was focused; Loki realized he was probably looking beyond the surface skin.

“How careless,” Heimdall said. His tone wasn't chiding or scolding. Just a whisper full of solicitude paired with an almost silent sigh.

“She was indeed.” Loki said and was met with an icy stare. “Oh…did you mean me?”

“This will take some time to heal.” Heimdall said.

“But it will,” Loki said, looking at his arms, “I could at least evaporate or something equally dignified. I'm drying out like a fish.”

“Loki,” Heimdall said. Soft as cotton yet intent. An admonishment. It wasn't until this exact moment he realized Heimdall didn't appreciate seeing him in this state like Loki didn't appreciate the Sweltuns disrespecting the omega. Right. Sensitive and emotional. Right now, he was being very harsh, even if it was self-directed.

“Sorry,” Loki said, “I didn't realize it would get this intense.”

“Yes, you did.” Heimdall said.

The alpha fell silent, averting his eyes. The uncomfortable truth was, thankfully, interrupted by a knock on the door. Heimdall walked over and opened it. Melyn damn near ran in. She was carrying robes around jars in her hands.

“My deepest apologies, Ruler.” She repeated, “These will absorb the heat and the ointment will calm the rash.”

Lovely. This would have been great half an hour ago. She was a stupid, miserable woman. Loki didn't say that. Oh, he wanted to, but he didn't. He smiled and thanked her, looking at the jars full with a lavender colored cream. He hadn't seen a single thing on Sweltheim that could produce such a color.

“It's a solution we use for healing.” Melyn said this with warm pride, as if she expected him to be impressed. As if Asgardians weren't known for their advanced medicine.

Loki wasn't sure how to answer, what exactly she was looking for. He almost didn't care. He settled on, “Much appreciated. I look forward to learning more about your health technology.”

That worked, she bowed in gratitude saying, “We will let you rest, Ruler. Tomorrow, we will give you a tour.” He simply smiled because that didn't sound remotely pleasant and she left the room. Heimdall had moved to the corner when she entered. Hands held in front of him instead of arms crossed. Loki had never seen either omega behave submissively. It prickled him as his overheated skin did.

He opened the jar and rubbed the cream on his arms. Only because he was being watched by golden eyes. There was already much that would be shared with Thor and Loki didn't want to add more to the distressed fallout that was sure to come.

The ointment caused a cooling effect. Perhaps they thought it would be a relief to him. Maybe if he was in Jotun form, it would be. But his Aesir skin was hot to the touch and the cold sensation just caused further irritation. But after a few seconds of feeling two extremes at once, it soothed the dryness and the cold seeped deeply, comforting something he wished wasn't there.

He wished he could rip it out.

Loki set the jar aside, with a sigh. “I absolutely hate this realm.” First he leaned down on his knees, but his skin's immediate scream made him adjust, palms on the bed.

“I can imagine.” The omega said, crossing the room towards him. He took the discarded jar and gathered some cream just to the top of his fingers and very tenderly applied it to Loki's exposed neck. Being significantly more careful than Loki had been to himself.

It worked. The cold spread more quickly and a little less intensely. Funny how things improved when done correctly.

“Very few realms compare to the comforts of one’s own home.” Heimdall said. He had worked up to Loki’s chin, “But we all have the same problems and there's a universe's worth of unique solutions. Even the worst realm has an abundance of good to offer.”

Loki heard his words but let them settle in the back of his mind. Heimdall's gentle actions reminded him of childhood. Loki was told the omega had been his watcher when he was a baby but he couldn't remember, of course. He believed it though, because he always felt a sense of familiarity with the omega.

As a child, when he was too young to train but old enough to cause mischief, his watchers were usually preoccupied with anything other than caring for him. He could sneak around, trying to go somewhere by himself or experience something new while Thor was away at training.

The All-Parents weren't paying attention. So, why not?

Whenever his schemes were too dangerous, Heimdall always interrupted, lifting the young alpha into his arms. He would say Loki was “simply restless” and either take him to the park, where he met Sylvie. Or hold his hand and walk with the young alpha into town, into the markets. He would let Loki browse the offerings, and would buy things for him.

When Thor was back from training, Heimdall would hand him to the younger omega and promptly snitch. At the time, Loki only heard his misdeed being spread and Thor telling him to “please behave”.

Then he was allowed to play with whatever Heimdall had bought for him. Loki only now remembered the way the two would gather together. Thor would say Heimdall certainly had no time for babysitting and they would grouse about the watcher who still hadn't noticed the young alpha was missing.

Because of Heimdall's stoicism, giving practically nothing except his very rare small smiles, Loki had assumed it had been nothing more than his regular duties. Now though, he realized Heimdall hadn't been required to care for him.

Like now, the omega wasn't required to give the extra moment of concern Loki hadn't given himself. Heimdall just did.

“Even Jotunheim has beauty to offer,” The omega said. Spoke so casually. As if it wasn't a realm as miserable as Sweltheim. The harsh, extreme conditions fit only the heinous individuals living there, making both realms extremely isolated. As they should be.

“It’s as ugly as it is useless.” Loki said, tilting his head as Heimdall worked his way up to his cheeks.

“How would you know?” Heimdall asked, “You've barely spent any time there.”

That was true. Loki preferred it that way. He'd rather dwell on a realm where he so obviously didn't belong than spend a single second on that frozen wasteland.

“I’ve seen their palace. It's nothing more than dank caves and that is all they have to offer. It's a realm of brutish, unethical, hideous monsters.” He hadn't spoken. It was a hiss of the purest disdain.

With an almost audible sigh, Heimdall met his eyes, “Is that what you think of yourself?”

The alpha fell silent, pondering something he already knew. He just didn't know how to say it that wouldn't be met with empathy. He wished Heimdall hated Jotuns as much as he did. He hoped Thor did. It made no sense to give the fiends sympathy.

“What else could I possibly be?” Loki asked, “They are half of my make up. They're why I'm like…this.”

Heimdall hummed quietly, moving up to his temples. Didn't roughen his touch the way Loki wished he would, the way the alpha would have for himself. If anything, Heimdall was even more gentle.

When the omega spoke, his words caught the alpha off guard, “Thor didn't tell you how the disagreement with Bridthlyr ended.” He said.

Honestly, the implication filled him with terror. He couldn't imagine the situation yielded anything positive. Still, Loki said, “He didn't. Why?”

He hated the way Perrikus watched him. The leer always lingered, making Heimdall feel as if any moment the alpha would reach out and take. The omega grounded himself as they walked the rainbow bridge. If the alpha did make a move, it wouldn't be anything new.

Four guards stood at the bifrost. His older peers. One day, he would take their positions. Folding the duties of four into one capable individual. This didn't stop them from snickering as he walked past.

“I’m sure you'll do very well, Heimdall.” One said.

“He doesn't have to do much,” said another, “Simply lie back and think of Asgard.” This was met with laughter.

He wasn't a royal heir. He didn't have parents whose ears such words might graze. There were no threatening consequences for the things they said. Mockery was common. Something he had learned to simply ignore.

Finally, Hofund was turned and they were pulled through space, feet landing on Bridthlyr’s purple grass. The King's assistant met them. No, met Perrikus. She stepped in front of Heimdall to give the alpha a greeting. Usually the omega would command respect as he had been taught. As he had during his previous trips here.

But today, considering why he was here, he couldn't scrape up the words. He was silently drowning in insult. Not from his peers. From Odin allowing this.

With an inward sigh, the omega reminded himself why it was necessary. Prevention of war. Saving lives. That was important to him.

The assistant led the alpha to the palace, and Heimdall followed behind. The royal party greeted Perrikus, escorting him to their feast hall. Heimdall was led to the King's chambers.

“Wait here. He'll find you when he's ready.” She said, turning on her heels, green hair wisping as she walked away. It was just his sad, miserable luck that this was a realm that didn't believe in private doors. Every room held an arch in the entryway.

The omega walked in, sitting on the bed. There was nowhere else to sit. He buried his head in his hands. The wait was merciless. Torturous. He heard laughter in the distance. Music playing. The sun cast shadows grew.

Apprehension curled around his neck, like a noose. Tightening. Its grip, unrelenting.

Until he heard the echoes of heavy footsteps down the hall. With his sight, he followed the king in his black robes as he leisurely strolled across the wooden floors. He wore no worry or anxiety. Authority and status powered every one of his steps until he appeared in the doorway.

The omega took a deep breath as he stood. Holding his hand behind his back would have been a submissive gesture Heimdall wasn't willing to give. He held them in front instead. Giving respect he desperately hoped would be reciprocated.

The king barely glanced the omega’s way as he walked past, letting his robe fall from his shoulders. “It is my understanding, you are mine for the evening.”

It would have been too kind to simply get on with it, wouldn't it?

“Yes, king.” Heimdall said, adjusting his tone to be soft. He’d grasp what little dignity he could but he didn't want to anger the man either. The omega would only suffer from it.

“Kneel.” The king said, pointing to the space in front of him. The omega was all too aware it was right in front of the opened door.

Heimdall did as told regardless, walking over and dropping to his knees. Didn't matter that he didn't want to. He had too or else everything would fall apart.

“You lied to us.” The king said, as he took off his shirt, throwing his clothing to the floor. The omega understood now. These actions were, indeed, deliberate. Because the king was not a smart man.

“In what way, alpha?” Heimdall asked, softening his tone even more. Resentment was tricky to dance around, even more so to reverse.

“You came here with the lies of being a noble official.” The king snarled, “You tried to take the place of the warrior who accompanied you today.”

The omega took a deep breath. It was diplomatically stupid to have approached the situation in the manner Odin had. Sending an omega alone, with no title or actionable authority, had been careless. Perhaps the All-Father thought Perrikus would have spoken up on Heimdall's behalf, making sure his future status was understood. Odin didn't understand who Perrikus truly was, only the honorable facade the alpha presented. The All-Father hadn't given the omega the courtesy of asking.

“I assure you I have not.” Heimdall said, knowing it wasn't enough. Regretting his lack of proof. “Odin wouldn't have sent me at all if I didn't carry authority.”

At this the king paused, looking away as he thought. The omega's hands clenched into fists against his thighs. Hoping the king was smart enough to draw conclusions, knowing such a thing was a despairing dream. The king wouldn't magically become logical.

“Why, then, does the All-Father trade you like a whore?” The king asked, moving to stand directly in front of the omega. His shadow heavy like a tangible burden.

“The maintenance of our relations is important to him.” Heimdall said.

The alpha smirked, unbuckling his pants, eyes boring down at Heimdall's kneeling form, “Then you are not so important.” The omega looked down, even though he knew better than to show weakness. A whisper in the back of his mind told him the words were true.

The king let the leather drop and Heimdall closed his eyes.

A few unpleasant moments.

It was over and the king shoved him into the hall, half dressed. The omega stumbled from the force and found a nearby pillar to hide behind. Thankfully, the halls were empty at these wee hours. He snatched his pants up and tugged his shirt down, ignoring the way his hand trembled. He tried to make himself look as presentable as possible.

He needed a shower. But more importantly, he wanted to leave here.

The guards wouldn't open the bifrost unless Perrikus was with him. Heimdall scoffed, crossing his arms and leaning back against the marble. For a moment, just a moment, it was all too much. He felt as if he'd burst open and his anguish would paint the floors.

With a deep breath, he gathered sorrow, pain, and the last shreds of his dignity and stitched himself back together. Odin would surely call this a pathetic display of weakness. Gatekeepers couldn't be so fragile.

The omega stepped into the hall, using his sight to find…he wasn't sure. The king's assistant wasn't present and nothing more than this… task had been explained to him. He wasn't sure if he had a room, was to share with Perrikus, or if he had been expected to spend the night with the king.

He couldn't stay here, exposed in the hall. Someone was sure to find him in such a state and he was already overwhelmed with humiliation. With a deep breath, he walked in the direction of the room Perrikus was in. There was an adjoined bathroom and if he was quiet he could slip past the alpha sleeping in the bed.

After avoiding a few guards wandering the hall, he reached the room soon enough. His steps were light as he eased towards the bathroom but had to pass closer to the bed than he would have liked.

His scent was high at the moment. From the act and his quiet, seething distress. It was his biological design to catch a dom’s attention. The alpha shuffled as he roused. The omega sighed, closing his eyes. Was he allowed no grace?

“Oh, finally back, are we?” The alpha sounded gruff as he sat up, rubbing his eyes. The omega said nothing, marching forward, wishing so desperately there was a door he could slam.

“Hey now, don't be sour.” The alpha said, rising to his feet to follow the omega.

Heimdall sighed, standing as far away as he could get in the small space. The omega tried to steel himself before speaking, “I do not require your supervision,” He said. There was no bite, his voice all but trembled. Still, being snarky was stupid. He had no leverage.

“I just want to take a shower and get some sleep.” Heimdall said. Tried to speak as he would have to when he would become the gatekeeper.

Perrikus leaned against the arch. Watching. Leering. He nodded, “Then let's take a shower.” The omega closed his eyes, shook his head. Why were alphas like this? Why were they so cruel?

There were a million possible responses, from a sturdy ‘no’ to even an agreement so it could be done and over with. But when he spoke, eyes still closed, he said, “Perrikus…have mercy on me, please.”

This was embarrassing. There was no worse display of frailty than a plea.

“If you want respect.” The alpha said, crossing the room. Approaching the omega, standing just a breath away. “Demand it. Fight for it.”

He grabbed Heimdall's arm, yanked him. The omega tried to pull back but this wasn't a battlefield. The omega wasn't armed, there was no distance to adjust his strategy. No ally to parry off of. He was gripped with the pure alpha strength of a grown man and he was still young.

The omega tried to snatch away, making the alpha tighten his grip. Unnecessary force. Physically, they were unmatched and Perrikus knew that. He threw the omega to the floor.

“Get up.” Perrikus said, “Get in the shower.”

The omega sat on the floor for a moment as Perrikus disrobed. Heimdall covered his face with his hand, trying to conceive any possible way out of this.

Distance gave him leverage. But this wasn't war. If Heimdall struck him, if he attacked an ally, he would be accused of treason. If he disobeyed an instructor, he would be held back in his studies, accused of being rebellious. He could try to plead his case, he has tried so many times. They always said the same thing. That a warrior either earned respect or suffered the consequences.

Nevermind the violation. Alphas fought with weapons and fists and anything outside that went disregarded.

It all felt like a trap. A box carefully crafted to force humiliation on him. 

“Come.” The alpha said, turning on the water. The omega took a shallow breath. He ran his fingers through his locks.

What else could he do but suffer the consequences?

The omega sighed, rising on unsteady legs. Perrikus watched him as he disclothed. His hands shook as he dropped the fabric, letting it fall in a sprawl of misery on the cold floor.

The alpha was waiting. Leering. The omega briefly entertained the idea of running. But that would be cowardice. Still, it was inviting. But where would he go? He couldn't get home on his own and he refused to dwell on the realm for longer than necessary.

And who would protect Thor?

“Come!” Perrikus demanded. He was losing his patience. Heimdall knew better than to annoy him. With a shuddering breath, he stepped into the shower.

A few more unpleasant moments.

Loki’s hands clenched into fists. He held the grip so tight it ached his damaged skin. The rumble of his growl came from deep in his chest. All alpha and he couldn't contain it.

“It's okay. I'm okay,” Heimdall said, his voice touching like a warm embrace. He had reached Loki's other cheek. “This was many years ago. I just need you to understand.”

The alpha nodded with an unsteady breath, “Alright.”

He wanted to feel relief when his feet touched the bifrost. But he was met with four smirks. The omega took a deep breath. If they all battled on fair circumstances, where he wasn't forced into a corner at his lowest moment, the battle would be swift and he would stand as the victor. Yet they taunted.

“Well, Heimdall, did you serve our realm well?”

Perrikus chuckled, slapping his back, “I can assure you, very well indeed.”

He stalked past them as they laughed. Perrikus stayed behind. The omega could hear the bragging though he gained distance. His gift at times felt like a curse. But he chose to use it as a blessing, listening towards Thor who was speaking with Masteress Eir. It seems Loki hadn't come to his halls that morning and no one knew where to find him.

Thor was near panicking but wasn't quite there yet. He knew Loki liked to play games. Ditching halls was a basic trick.

Heimdall looked towards the young alpha, sensed for his soul. The palace kitchen fell before his eyes but he saw only the cooks as they prepared meals. Maybe one day he could see through Loki's magic. As of now, he had to play a searching game.

He almost missed it but he caught a cookie float away from a jar before disappearing. Then another one. Loki worried his father just to steal some deserts. Heimdall smiled a little. It was weighed down by… everything. But the humor of Loki’s antics, the innocence of it, helped ease the pain a little.

The omega entered the palace from the side, where there were significantly less people. He took the steps towards the kitchen but slowed to a stop at the landing. He looked up, seeing the shadows of people walking by and the voices of their chatter.

He didn't want to worry Thor and he didn't want to lose sight of Loki but he just…he needed a moment. He couldn't face anyone yet. His shame felt bright and glowing like a sign. One that spelled out every single thing that he had done.

The omega leaned against the wall, hugging himself. He was supposed to leave the experience on Bridthlyr. But the memories surrounded him, closing in. He felt it all. Phantom touches. Whispered demands. The mocking.

Tears fell without him meaning to and they refused to be stopped. This was unlike him. The most pitiful display. Warriors didn't cry.

Warriors weren't traded either. Gatekeepers weren't whored like a wanton in a brothel.

They weren't used and discarded.

Tiny arms wrapped around his waist and caught the omega off guard. If he hadn't been drowning in misery, he probably would have noticed the small prince sooner.

“You never cry.” Loki said.

The omega sighed as he wiped his eyes, “It's been a worrisome day.”

“Someone hurt you.” Loki said. His alpha scent rose, surrounding Heimdall protectively. The omega blinked, wondering how Loki perceived that. But he was growing up, wasn't he? One day he'll be a man, ready to protect what's important to him.

“I'm alright.” Heimdall said. He patted Loki’s back, as if the boy was the one who needed comfort. He picked Loki up. The alpha probably thought he was too old for that but he was still small enough to be held and Heimdall missed carrying him.

“You worry Thor.” Heimdall said, ignoring the headache from his dismay and the sting in his eyes from crying. As expected, the boy wiggled from being held but didn't climb out his arms, “You've been missing since yesterday.”

“I was just practicing.” Loki said.

“Surely there's another game you can play. One that won't upset Thor.” Heimdall said. He never referred to the omega as Loki's brother. The lie was too big to participate in. Even if it had been his idea. But what other options could he have proposed? Odin would have aborted the boy and it would have crushed Thor's soul.

He had been the voice for Thor he wished someone had been for him.

Now, the boy was here. In Heimdall's arms, sheepishly dropping his head on Heimdall's shoulder because he had been chided. Loki was so young, only a few decades old. He had shown more mercy than any of the adults around them.

This wasn't a memory Loki had forgotten. But it was held by the hand and brought to the surface. It played behind his eyes as Heimdall reached the other side of his chin. As gentle as the memory.

“Bridthlyr’s king wasn't Jotun and Perrikus was Vanir.” The omega said, “Odin was true-blood Aesir and he used us in the cruelest way.” The omega’s voice broke. Such a soft sound that echoed centuries of pain.

With just a second, his voice was steadied, “Thor, as powerful as Odin, has never been cruel. You're as formidable as Laufey. But you're not a monster. Not unless you choose to be. Yes?”

Loki nodded as the omega finished applying the ointment. “Good.” Heimdall said, “Then stop punishing a part of you that has done nothing wrong.”

What could Loki say in the face of so much misery? How could he contest it? For once, his tongue was defeated.

He even felt guilty. The advice made sense, being logical and true. The Aesir caused far more pain than the Jotuns had. But his father was Aesir. He could find love for it. Laufey was nothing more than the embodiment of everything he hated.

But Heimdall wasn't asking for belief. He was protesting self-destruction.

With a slight nod, Loki said, “Okay.”

“Rest," Heimdall said, setting down the jar, "Apply this often until tomorrow.”

“Alright.” Loki said, then blinked as a horrible realization blossomed in his mind, “Surely Thor won't be made aware of this.” More consideration should have been given to his father before allowing himself to become a dried out fish. The omega would have a full rooster hen freak out.

“As long as you don't do it again.” Heimdall said.

“I won't.” Loki said, “I promise.” Heimdall gave him a small smile.

Chapter Text

It’s so cold. His tears freeze before shattering on the icy ground and if he counts the shards, he can ignore the sounds Laufey makes. But it's okay, because he's home now. Except Heimdall isn't here to protect him and if he calls, Heimdall might get hurt too. It's different with instructors. They always overpower them. He blinks and sees a world of beauty, hears the ocean rushing and the tweet of birds. He feels protection wrap around him even though he's in so much pain. He can’t hear himself scream but he feels it in his throat. But Amora is so angry. He was just running late, his workload is heavy but she isn't listening. So he kisses her, lies back and pulls her on top of him. He apologizes and says he wants to be good for her. She follows her pleasure and it's always painful.

Then father wipes his eyes. Sits beside him and apologizes. He tells Thor ruling comes with sacrifices they have to be prepared to make. He saved thousands, not just for Asgard but for their new ally as well. He tells Thor he should be grateful he was sent to someone kind.

The words feel like a slap to the face and a punch to the gut. Odin doesn't know how he screamed.

Thor shot up with a shout, the force of his movement dented the headboard. He breathed heavily, eyes flickering around the dark room. For a moment he wondered why Odin’s office was so dark. Then he saw the bottle still on his wardrobe and it slowly came to him.

His father's office didn't even exist anymore.

The omega shivered. He was cold. Definitely. He wasn't shaken. A nightmare was nothing to fear. It was odd, though. He grew past them long ago.

He tried to steady his breathing as he turned to the side of the bed. He made the mistake of closing his eyes. The perfect backdrop for memories. No, just one. The same memory. It was intertwined with a beautiful world and the feeling, the guilt, of someone trying to protect him. His body remembered something else. He pressed his thighs together.

This was pathetic.

He opened his eyes. Blinked. Determined that he needed a shower. He felt…sticky. Nasty. He was sweaty, that's all. Didn't explain why he touched his lips with the back of his hand. Wiping off something he knew wouldn't be there. He washed it off years ago.

He was being ridiculous.

The omega stood, walking to the shower. It took longer than necessary. Annoying. Every time he shut the water off, it slithered back. The sticky, slimy feeling. He'd turn the water back on. Circular stupidity, he finally stopped after the fifth time.

After wasting resources, he flicked on the lights before settling back on the bed. Light was necessary to see. Not to chase away imaginations in the darkness.

He wondered if Heimdall suffered with childhood ailments like nightmares. Ah. The omega settled back against the headboard, quickly glancing at the dent. He'd fix it later.

“Hello, friend,” He said. A different world emerged before his eyes. The omega sat on the edge of his bed as well. Thor had never visited Sweltheim. It seemed they favored dark stone for building and cool colors for decorating.

“You're unrested.” Heimdall said. Yes, but he'd rather not talk about it.

“Just a stressful day.” Thor said. The older omega shifted, tucking a leg under him to face Thor’s direction. He was clearly alone. Maybe he had his own room. His locks weren't tied up, they flowed down his shoulders and he was never so casual in body language unless it was just the two of them.

His friend wouldn't believe the avoidance, surely. But at some point during these years, they decided to leave the painful unsaid.

“Loki does well.” Heimdall said, “He dislikes Sweltheim as much as expected but he's been cordial and effective with the people. I’m proud of him.” Thor smiled a little. He wasn't surprised. His son was very capable when he wanted to be. 

“He’s been bristled lately.” Thor said, “I expected you to tell me he burst into an overprotective rage.”

Heimdall gave him a small smile, “Be patient.” Thor chuckled softly.

“Is he surviving the elements?” Thor asked.

“When he's not alpha posturing.” Heimdall said, “They have accommodations to prevent overexposure.” It was just vague enough that Thor knew he wasn't sharing something. The omega wasn't surprised. Loki was the definition of self-destructive. But if the alpha was in danger, Heimdall would have said so.

“Valkyrie seems to be kind to you.” Heimdall said, his tone changed ever so slightly to suspicious. Thor smiled. If she became unsafe, he was still safe.

“She does,” Thor said, “The last time we were intimate, I had a…strange moment. And she stopped. I thought she would insist but she hasn't.” Heimdall's brow furrowed as if confused then his brow raised as if impressed.

“Then she is very kind indeed.” Heimdall said.

A voice echoed from Thor's own manifestation, the deep murmur of someone he wanted to still trust, saying he should be grateful he was sent to someone kind. He remembered Heimdall protecting the only way he could.

“I hope so.” Thor said, knowing he sounded distracted. He remembered the two of them being left on a realm, knowing what was coming.

His sorrow spoke with the memory in mind, “When the Myr—” No, no, no, absolutely not. That would be far too painful for both of them. With a sigh, he said, “I fear Loki has come to hate his grandparents.”

Heimdall nodded a little, “That is not unexpected for Odin but he seemed to think highly of his grandmother.”

“He hasn't mentioned grievances with her directly.” Thor said with a small shrug, “But he hasn't excluded her either. She…” did her best, is what he was going to say. Because he remembered the look of pure devastation she wore whenever Odin made his final decisions. But Heimdall was always the one who spoke up, and when no one listened, he spoke louder.

“She always seemed so mournful.” Thor said instead.

“Odin had that effect on many.” Heimdall said. Rarely did Heimdall's tone change, but the dip into resentment was clear. Thor nodded, knowing the sentiment all the well. He thought of Loki, how Odin pushed him. Provoked him.

“I wish I could have protected him.” Thor said, without meaning to. But he continued because he knew Heimdall would understand. “Sometimes Odin treated Loki so…” Thor sighed, searching for the right word, “harshly. I tried to shield him but…” Thor took a deep breath, “there was nothing I could do.” He noticed how soft his voice had gotten. But with Heimdall, he didn't have to boom.

Heimdall’s sigh was soft, his gaze drifted as if in thought. Thor almost missed it — the way Heimdall's hand came towards his stomach, but he stopped as if realizing he was reaching for a memory. Instead he let his hand fall to his lap. Odin had made a final decision and there had been nothing Heimdall could do.

“You did well with Loki.” Heimdall said, meeting his eyes, “I see much of you in him. The All-Father contributed nothing but rage and Loki is more than that.” Thor smiled a little. But Loki did carry rage, didn't he? He hadn't been born with it. Thor watched Odin plant it. Who could he blame for that if not himself? Is this how his mother felt?

“And he's healing,” Heimdall continued, “His anger has died down under the weight of the truth. Maybe that's why Odin was determined to keep it a secret.” Thor blinked, letting the words dwell in his mind. There were a lot of implications in the observation and the omega wasn't sure where to begin.

“That…” Thor trailed off as a world of beauty came to mind. He heard the rush of the ocean and birds tweeting. “That does…” Odin's voice was in his ear, telling him he'd have to make sacrifices. Told him he had done well, as if he should be proud. But how could he feel pride in that?

Thor took a deep breath, ignoring the growing sensation of feeling sticky and slimy. Heimdall's brow crinkled in concern.

“That does sound like Odin.” Thor said.

Chapter Text

Heimdall wasn't just sad, he was miserable. Loki had intended to keep his stolen treats to himself but he had never seen the omega like this. His scent was off, not just sad but…entangled with something else.

He held up a cookie as Heimdall carried him, even though the alpha could walk perfectly fine. He always made the same walk over the field to the classrooms on his own. The offering was also slightly self-serving. Perhaps it would keep the omega from telling Thor his whereabouts.

Heimdall gave his small smile. Even smaller than usual. “I'm not hungry.” He said.

Loki didn't like this. He felt deeply discontented when the two were unhappy. He didn't know how to fix it. How to make them better. How to…protect.

“Do you want to see a magic trick?” Loki asked. Heimdall didn't answer but Loki held his hand out anyway. “I've been practicing a different kind of magic.” He said, producing the sparks of light he'd been learning to conjure. They swirled and twisted, following his nudges. The image he produced wasn't clear, being jagged and slanted. But if one tilted their head and squinted their eyes, they could see the bifrost.

Heimdall watched this, his smile grew just a hint. Maybe if he kept practicing, Heimdall would smile for real.

The omega looked up and the alpha followed his line of sight. Thor was just ahead, talking with Masteress Eir. He turned, eyes landing on the two of them. His brother covered his face with his hand, Loki saw him sigh in relief.

“I wasn't gone that long.” Loki said, dropping his head on Heimdall's shoulder.

“Since yesterday.”

“My parents didn't notice.” Loki said, brow furrowing with the thought. He didn't mention how he waited for them to send a guard to fetch him or for Odin or Frigga to appear in the halls looking for him the way Thor had.

He felt the rise and fall of Heimdall sighing heavily even if he couldn't hear it. “Your father did.” The omega said as Thor reached them, arms outstretched to receive the young alpha.

“Sweet Valhalla, Loki! Shit!” Thor said, hugging Loki so tightly.

“You can't swear.” Loki said.

“I can when you scare me so.” Thor said. Loki grumbled, shuffling to get out of Thor’s arms.

“Oh, so Heimdall can hold you, but I can't.” Thor said. He was being playful, but Loki felt chided enough that he held Thor’s hand. He thought he'd be in trouble but Thor had turned to Heimdall, “Where was he?”

“In the kitchen, stealing treats.” Heimdall spoke with a softness, maybe he was a bit humored. But there was something here that Loki didn't understand but Thor did.

His brother sighed, looking down for a moment before saying, “I'm sorry.” Soft enough that only the two would hear it. But Loki had been listening very carefully.

Heimdall crossed his arms with the slightest shrug. “It is done. I'll be fine.” He gave Thor his small smile. His brother didn't seem comforted. He merely nodded.

Thor was not going to be happy about this. Loki had hoped the Sweltun’s stupid cream might clear up the redness but continued exposure to the elements had made it worse. The most brilliant apple would be jealous. At least he was no longer flaking and the pain had lessened, only flaring when he touched something harsh.

Loki sighed, turning away from the mirror, putting on the robe that fit him poorly. The Sweltuns were short and squat. The robe fit him like a puffy dress. They could have at least made the damn thing pretty.

He almost took it off but he made a promise. It at least covered his arms and his core. That should keep him from getting too faint. Didn't keep him from regretting needing it in the first place.

The alpha went to his door when he heard a knock. Opening it to find Melyn. “Good morning, Ruler. Did you sleep well?”

No. But for once, that wasn't their fault.

“Yes,” Loki said, stepping out into the hall. Heimdall stepped out a moment after him, hands held in front of him.

Despite it being one of the most miserable hellscapes in the entire galaxy, the Sweltuns seemed to be proud of what they've built. He’d toured their palace. Their buildings and monuments. Damn near the entire realm. They were like children at a show and tell.

“We hoped today you would observe our core.” Melyn said, bowing with the request. “We need help restoring it.”

Guilt slammed into the resentment, kicking it out of the room. Unearned guilt. He hadn't stolen the damn orbs. But he has mated the woman who did. He supposed it was guilt by proxy.

“Of course, we will be happy to right the wrong.” Loki said. Feeling like a puppet. Held by the strings of affection for the two people who ever cared for him. He had to do well or he'd disappoint them.

Melyn stopped, as did her royal party, spinning to look at him. The horns on her face shifted in a way that could have been surprise. Resentment. Joy. Constipation, even. He couldn't tell.

“We?” She asked. Ah, he understood. It was puzzlement.

Loki turned, holding a hand out to the omega standing politely behind them. “Yes, we.”

He hadn't left Heimdall alone while outside their rooms, and he didn't plan to now. The omega could handle himself; he knew that. But in the face of diplomatic precarity, would he?

Melyn’s head tilted, “But Ruler, this will require intelligence.”

In truth, if his magic hadn't been suppressed, Melyn would have been destroyed. He actually pushed his magic towards her and it screeched in constraint. He was left standing, a look of anger distorting his reddened features.

He heard boots shifting on the ground behind him. He could feel Heimdall’s suspense, bringing to mind the practicality he had been taught. If he had attacked Melyn, the Sweltuns and their allies would have been pissed. It would call attention to them and, right now, the Asgardians weren't ready for a fight. 

“Heimdall is the advisor to the king.” Loki said, holding the gaze of Melyn's beady eyes. He needed her to understand. “He should be treated with respect until I return.” Truly he hated this. He shouldn't have to speak as if the omega wasn't there and he didn't want to dance around Melyn's feelings. She insulted an Asgardian official. Why the fuck did courtesy matter at this point?

Oh yes. What did Thor tell him? Just because he didn't like what they said, doesn't mean he should react? His strings of affection puppeted him, made him put the matter in his hand. Not forgotten, he was entirely too petty for that. He just had to make smarter decisions.

“Yes, Ruler,” Melyn said with a bow, “Please follow me.”

They started walking but for once her royal party stayed behind. Standing ahead of Heimdall because here, omegas had a place. The alpha stopped, looking back. “Your party doesn't follow?”

“They will watch him.” Melyn said. He wasn't sure if that was for Heimdall's protection, to soothe his alpha-domineering, or if something else was afoot; but Heimdall gave him a subtle, measured nod.

Loki sighed, falling in step behind the queen. He waited until they were well out of eyesight. Heimdall would hear him regardless, the alpha knew. But he was far enough away that he couldn't interfere.

This will either be brilliant or blow up in his face. Truly, Loki didn't care. He needed to right a wrong.

“Queen Melyn,” Loki said.

“Yes, Ruler?” She said, turning to look at him.

“Your first commander seems to be a capable man.” Loki said. He was lying but it got the job done.

“He is,” Melyn said, her voice warming. “He served under my father and has helped us achieve many things.”

“Do you know him well?” Loki asked with a smile, dangling a treat in her face, “Did you grow up with his influence?”

“I did,” She said, perhaps this twitch of her horns was a smile, “I used to play in his office growing up. And he taught me basalt fishing. He is nearing the age to end his servitude but I am grateful he is with me for now." The treat was in her hands.

“How then,” Loki said, “would you feel if you visited Asgard and our king called him stupid?” Her feet halted, she looked up at him, horns twitched wildly. Oh, that was definitely anger.

“Why would you say such a thing?” She asked.

“As I said, Heimdall is the king’s advisor.” Loki said, facing her, “To imply he isn't intelligent was a great offense. To him, the king, and me.”

The horn twitching slowed to a stop as she stood in silence. With a blink, she bowed. “My apologies, Ruler.”

“Prince,” Loki said, for the second time, “The King is my father.” She would never know the anxiety attached to the words. He had never spoken them outside of the ship they now called home. Perhaps he should have waited. For the realms that knew Asgard's history, it would be a shock.

But it was the truth. He didn't regret saying it.

“Prince.” She echoed.

The alpha nodded, “I appreciate your grace. Shall we continue?” She bowed again and led the way to the core.

He was being unwise. He only had a matter of time and it was quickly running out. If he confessed it, Odin would praise his maturity. But would it change his decision?

The omega stood outside Odin's office. Facing the intricate wooden design but his sight was focused inward. On the life forming within him. It was growing and moving. He could see it, watch it. He had to wonder what it would look like when born. What type of person it could grow up to be.

The first time he hadn't been much older than Thor when Loki was born. He hadn't known why he was constantly sick and fatigued. His instructors informed the All-Parents of his illness and soon he was brought to the healers.

The All-Mother told him about the life. Immediately after Odin gave the command. Then it was gone.

Not a moment had been given for him to be heard.

Did it matter? He would have been ignored.

The touch to his shoulder was unexpected, but he knew who it was from the contact alone. No one was ever gentle with them so they had to be gentle with each other.

“Heimdall?” Thor said. He didn't ask what was wrong. He didn't need to. He simply said, “It must be severe.”

Heimdall steadied his breathing. Calmed himself enough to speak, “I…I don't know what to do.” In no way did he answer the unasked question. Thor looked beyond his words, thought on them. One look, head to toe, and he understood.

“Oh, Heimdall.” Thor whispered. He reached out, placing a soft, gentle touch to his stomach. Hand covering the life that Heimdall desperately wanted to live.

He nodded, the movement stilted.

“He…” Thor trailed off, looking around. There were guards at each end of the hall, servants of the court wandering. He took Heimdall’s hand and pulled him away to a private corner. Yes, this wasn't the conversation to have in front of Odin’s door. He wasn't thinking clearly.

“He let Loki live.” Thor said, trying to sound hopeful. For that Heimdall was grateful. But his tender words were pushed aside by a heavier, crueler voice.

“Why, then, does he trade you like a whore?” The king said, unbuckling his pants. 

“It's different for me,” Heimdall took a deep breath, “He was saving his grandchild. I'm not so important.”

With a solemn sigh, Thor wrapped his arms around him, “You are to me.” Heimdall returned the embrace, took comfort in it. Truly, sometimes it seemed the entire universe was against the two of them.

“What should we do?” Thor asked when they pulled back.

Heimdall crossed his arms, with a heavy sigh, “Odin would expect me to behave honorably.”

Thor scoffed, “Alphas don't know the meaning of the word. Most fail every time they're tested.”

“I can only keep it a secret for so long.” Heimdall said. He was so tense, his whole body ached.

“Maybe…” Thor trailed off, looking away as he thought, “Maybe if the child grows, he'll feel obligated to allow it to live.”

Heimdall nodded absently. It's something he's considered himself. “And if he doesn't? It feels…” He trailed off because he knew his words were nonsensical. But Thor would understand. “It feels like I'm giving my child a false hope.” Thor sighed, quiet as he thought. 

“I feel like you want to do everything you can. No matter what happens.” Thor said.

Heimdall took a deep breath, his lip quivered. A tear fell despite him fighting it. It wasn't like him to cry. Maybe it was hormones. Maybe his deep sorrow.

“I do.” Heimdall said, just a whisper of sound.

Thor's touch was so tender when he wiped away the tear, “That is honorable. We'll keep it a secret.” Heimdall nodded shakily, knowing it was a bad decision, but it felt right.

He took care of the child as if it would live. It gave him some peace, made him feel as if the child knew it was loved. It helped that his training no longer included sparring or physical excursion. He was sent on diplomatic missions on his own more often and lately, Odin sent him to realms with less aggressive beta populations.

Heimdall hoped guilt influenced this decision. Perhaps he could use that to his advantage.

The more the child grew, however, the more it required. His appetite grew but that was easy to explain. The headaches and occasional dizziness weren't yet problematic.

But the sickness hit at the worst time.

They were contacted by a people from the far reaches of the galaxy. Myrkir, a highly advanced realm that resided in the Duneyr sphere. They were an incredible race. Being strong and extremely technologically advanced. More so than Asgard, in every regard.

Despite reaching out peacefully, Odin was uneasy.

He banded a committee to discuss a great wealth of topics. How likely were they to attack? What should be hidden from them should they visit? What preventative measures should be taken to avoid a confrontation?

Heimdall was finally given a title. Odin made him head of this committee. Thor was included but only as a student. It was a decision Heimdall pondered over. The omega was intelligent and capable but still quite young for the discussions. He had much to learn and the gap could lead to confusion.

Heimdall could adjust his mentoring and perhaps Odin knew that. Still, concern lingered.

As the head, Heimdall was expected to conduct these meetings. Standing before a group, leading discussions, concentrating, all proved difficult when he was struck with dizziness or a headache. It drew attention. He'd work around it, push through the discomfort.

Until he was struck with something he couldn't ignore. Had to excuse himself to rush to the bathroom. He saw the realization cross on Odin's face, heard his sigh of understanding. Odin dismissed the group, rescheduling for the next week. But Thor stayed, moving to stand by the bathroom door.

Time had run out.

Maybe. Yes? He could…he had to try.

He had thrown up in the toilet and he flushed the evidence. Threw water on his face. He leaned on the sink, fingers tapping the stone as he waited for the water to dry. Grounding himself was necessary. If he emerged in a fit of emotion and tears, Odin would dismiss him immediately.

He wasn’t a child this time… Yet, he still wasn't a man. But he could raise a child, surely. Younger than him had. Yes? He could make a logical argument? That's the only thing Odin would hear.

Heimdall didn't dwindle. Odin would think he was being a coward. He opened the door, stepping out with an apology. Thor, speaking to him, casually said, “Gwengoth must have caused this.”

Heimdall nodded, aiming to mirror his calm. He crossed his arms, leaning against the wall. It was a realm he had visited within the last year and recently they had fallen under a plague. Asgardians falling ill was almost unheard-of.

But it did happen.

“I knew something was off when I visited.” Heimdall said, “I had sensed something in the air. If Asgardians can catch it, we should further limit visitation there.” Odin stood at the other side of the room. Watching in silence as they stood together.

He sighed, dropping his gaze. “An illness will fall away eventually.” He said, walking towards them. Heimdall tensed with every step he took. “But something more would certainly show itself.”

“Something more?” Thor said, “What else could it be? The symptoms are the same.” Whether Thor was playing the part or specifically rousing Odin's guilt Heimdall didn't know. He didn't court, hadn't given himself to anyone. Everyone in the room knew that.

There was no doubt when the child had been conceived.

Odin hesitated, spinning Gungnir in his hand. “Has Loki not been a distraction for you?”

“No.” Thor said. His answer was unhesitated and resolute.

Odin sighed, his direction changed, moving towards his window to gaze on the city. “Asgard needs a gatekeeper.”

“And they will have one.” Heimdall said, “I am committed, you know that.”

“The pressure feels unnecessary,” Thor said, “Currently four men stand at the gate and Asgard still stands. Does Heimdall need to carry all the weight?”

Odin sighed, “Those men would fall the very moment they're challenged. Heimdall is strong. He will serve as his father had, with his power.”

“I didn't distract my father.” Heimdall said. Mentioning him pressed at a wound. An old one that refused to heal. If his parents were still alive, he'd be safe. None of this would be happening.

The alpha turned to them, met Heimdall's eyes, “You had mothers. Nine of them. Thor has Frigga and I. You have no one to help carry the burden. If the child becomes sick, if they misbehave, or just need attention, you will have to leave your post.”

Heimdall inhaled slowly, felt his breathing shudder. It was true. Thor often had to do so with Loki. What logic could combat that?

“I don't have to guard alone.” Heimdall said, “Find another formidable person to stand with me.”

“Asgard will appear weakened. It would invite confrontation.” Odin said, “And raising a child alone would damage your reputation. It would bring judgement and shame to the position.”

“You would kill my child for your reputation.” It wasn't a question. Heimdall knew this. But he wouldn't allow Odin to hide away in his excuses.

“You speak of his father's legacy.” Thor said, “Yet rob him of it. Twice.” Heimdall felt as if Odin were ripping him apart with his bare hands but Thor’s presence was holding him together.

His friend was trying to be the voice for him that no one else would be.

“Silence.” Odin said, moving from the window. His mind was made up. Heimdall knew. “If this is nothing more than the Gwengoth flu, then this discussion is meaningless.” The alpha crossed the room to them, reaching out to Heimdall. Patted the omega's cheek as if he cared. “If it's something more…Heimdall, I do not make this decision easily. I know it pains you. But it's what's necessary for the good of Asgard.” He wiped Heimdall's tear away with his thumb. Thor dropped his gaze with a sigh.

“This isn't a mistake we can afford to make yet again.” Odin said, pulling away to walk towards the door, “I will have the healers eliminate the possibility.”

“What?!” Heimdall said, at the same time Thor said, “Father?!”

“My decision is final.” With that, Odin opened the door and walked out. They stared at the entrance in silence for a moment. In utter disbelief. Heimdall took a deep breath, tried to push back the pain. But he felt his baby move, he looked and saw it. It was still growing.

Who could it have grown up to be?

“I'm sorry.” Thor said, as if he had caused this himself, “I'm so sorry.” Thor hugged him, held him close.

Heimdall touched his stomach, looked for the life he knew wasn't there. It was a silly notion. Over a thousand years had passed. He was behaving foolishly.

The omega sighed, dropping his hand and turning his sight towards Loki. The alpha had been patient with the Sweltuns in fixing the problem Sylvie caused. It didn't help that the alpha couldn't approach the problem too closely, or else he'd faint of a heat stroke.

But a solution had been reached and a plan made for implementing it. They were now returning.

Thor would be proud. As he should be. He expected a fallout when Melyn overstepped. Especially when the two were alone. He hadn't expected Loki to use his silver-tongue with diplomatic precision.

Heimdall was proud of him as well.

He stood, opening the door as he watched Loki approach. The omega folded his hands in front of him, gave the guards around his door a small smile. He wasn't used to being watched so closely but they were trying to be kind and offer a sense of protection. He was sure they had never encountered an omega in their lives.

Loki and the Queen turned the corner, walking down the hall towards them. The alpha’s emerald eyes scrutinized the guards but he wasn't glaring. Thankfully. That would have been an offense. The guards bowed when the alpha reached them, as did Melyn.

“We are deeply grateful for the assistance, Prince,” She said.

“My pleasure.” Loki said, with a smile that Heimdall could tell was begrudged but the Sweltuns wouldn't. The guards quietly dismissed themselves but Melyn stayed, unexpectedly approaching Heimdall.

“My apologies for my earlier indiscretion,” She said. The words weren't paired with a bow as Loki would have received. However, Heimdall was surprised they came at all. Maybe he shouldn't have been. Betas were more likely to be accepting and gracious.

“Thank you.” He said. She turned to Loki, bowed yet again, then bid the alpha goodnight.

The second her back was turned, Loki turned to him, sniffing right below Heimdall's chin. He allowed this, knowing the alpha was driven by his protectiveness, scenting for any entanglements that didn't belong. He was glad Loki hadn't done it in their presence. It would have been a great offense.

“Did they harm you?” Loki asked, pulling back.

“No,” Heimdall said, “They simply escorted and were obsessed with keeping me fed but there was no harm.”

Loki nodded, “I cannot wait to leave this miserable realm.” The alpha scowled as if the people had done him a disservice.

“They've been very kind to you,” Heimdall said, “Why do you dislike them so?”

Loki sighed, leaning back against the wall then wincing because he was still healing. He was quiet for a long moment, brow furrowed before saying, “This place is so oppressive. It just feels like…” He trailed off with another sigh. His features softened, “I didn't know I was half Aesir growing up. I just knew I couldn't keep up. So I mastered magic.” That was Odin's doing certainly. The alpha outperformed his older peers like they had. Yet Odin stole any joy Loki would have found in victory.

“Then I was half Jotun.” Loki continued, “But if I ignore Laufey and consider my people, maybe I could scrape up some pride in that. But here, look at me.” Loki said, gesturing towards his scarlet face. “My magic is oppressed, I look like a sun ripened tomato. Elsewhere, I know exactly how powerful I am but here I feel…weak.”

Heimdall nodded absently. Feeling weak on another realm was something he had encountered often. “If I remember correctly, you never lost a single trial. Like your father.” Heimdall said.

The alpha shuffled, “But it was effortless for the two of you.”

“It may have seemed that way.” Heimdall said, crossing his arms simply out of reflex but no Sweltuns were near, “We’ve had to master appearances since we were young. Combat is never easy for us, even when swift.”

Loki’s brow crinkled in thought, “That's a lot of pressure.” Very insightful of him.

“You speak as if one stops where the other starts.” Heimdall said. Loki faced him, met his eyes, “You are Aesir and Jotun. Let one protect the other when it's struggling. Let them coexist, or else you will tear yourself apart.” Loki sighed heavily, quiet for a moment.

“What if that's what I want?” Loki asked. Then he shook his head, regret crossed his eyes as if he hadn't meant to say it.

Heimdall hummed thoughtfully. For a moment he saw a boy who hugged him when he was at his lowest. Already, he had become a man, ready to protect what was important to him.

He dropped his hands. An omega holding their hands behind their back was a submissive gesture. One, for once, he was willing to give. “Then how will you protect us?”

Loki's chin raised. As if he'd been given a challenge he was stepping up to. With a quiet sigh, he held his hand out from under the robe, giving his own skin a look, almost as if resigned, “I suppose I will have to embrace the monster.”

Chapter Text

He had known Heimdall was hiding something. But not this. His son stepped out of the vessel and Thor gasped. “What the fuck did you…?!” Thor yelled before he even processed the whole sight.

Loki was a bright cherry red with highlights of blue, as if his Jotun form was starting to bruise. A strong gust of wind blew through and the alpha winced. Surely his skin was sensitive. Heimdall gave Loki a concerned, knowing glance before picking up a stone crate and carrying it off the ship.

“What did he do?!” Thor asked Heimdall.

“I told you.” Heimdall said, his stoicism making way for a touch of frustration, “Alpha posturing.”

Thor believed it partially, but there was only so much physical discomfort one could take for keeping up appearances. Heimdall's vagueness might have been to protect Loki's pride.

The alpha gestured to the stone crates stiffly, as if sore, “The Sweltun's were very generous,” Loki said.

Thor buried his face in his hands, “Every time you leave my sight, every single time, you ruin yourself!” Thor ran his hands down his face, “Look at you!”

“I don't have to look. I feel it.” Loki hissed, stepping lightly down the ramp. Thor sighed sharply. Leave it to Loki to put himself in this position. Fixing it wouldn't even be easy.

“Come!” Thor said walking ahead but then thought better of it, motioning for Loki to walk ahead. “Get in front so I can see you. Or else you might run yourself a foul, tear yourself apart or whatever else you can think of to make me cry at night.”

Loki threw his hands up, “This wasn't on purpose! The Queen is a miserable and stupid woman who didn't prepare for guests outside their realm.”

“She gave you the chance to speak up.” Heimdall said as he walked past, carrying another crate towards the ship.

Loki glared at his back, then turned to Thor, “I didn't realize crossing their bridges would cause an internal uproar!” Thor pointed towards the ship. Loki spun around in annoyance but moved too fast and winced.

The people gasped as Loki walked by, eyes wide at his appearance. This frustrated the alpha, Thor could tell. He always hated to be signaled out. Valhalla knows, Odin scrutinized him enough to create a complex.

Thor sighed, the guilt slithered up like a parasite, bringing the echoes of slimy sticky with it. The omega pushed it all away. Right now, his reckless son needed his full attention.

He ushered Loki in his room, pointing towards the chair. The alpha huffed as he sat carefully. Thor searched for cloth as Heimdall came, bringing two buckets of ice water. Loki brow furrowed. They were taught how certain genes recuperated, but Loki hadn't paid very much attention in school unless the subject was magic focused. Now, he'd suffer the consequences of that.

Thor dropped the cloth in the buckets, let them soak for a moment.

“Why do I feel like this will be very unpleasant?” Loki said, grimacing.

“I told you it would be,” Heimdall said, looking towards the opened door as if he saw something.

“You said it would take a while to heal,” Loki said, following the omega’s line of sight as Thor did. A woman walked up, with a pile of leaves in her hands as well as a vial filled with crushed herbs, it seemed. She shuffled the items, hand raised to knock and startled slightly at the unexpected eye contact.

“Oh, hi, sorry, I don't mean to be a bother.” She said, speaking softly. She nodded towards Thor and gave Heimdall a little wave. “I'm Gifta.”

“Gifta,” Thor said, giving her a wary smile. He hoped she wasn't bothering him for something stupid as his people had made the habit of doing. “Do you need assistance?”

“No, actually, I overheard the prince was visiting Sweltheim. So I prepared beforehand in case he ended up,” She nodded towards Loki, “like that.” That surprised all of them it seemed. Loki’s brow furrowed. Only a select few had known the alpha was half-Jotun and most had died in Asgard's tragedy.

“Why did you make the assumption?” Heimdall asked, arms crossed. His golden eyes watched her as if calculating every move she may possibly make.

“Oh, back home…” She trailed off, with a soft, longful sigh, “I was training to be a healer. They told us about the prince, in case we ever needed to care for him.”

Thor nodded and Heimdall tensed a little less. Loki clicked his tongue quietly, looking away. The anger was subdued but Thor saw it. He even understood it; Thor hadn't been aware of this himself but it was exactly what Odin would do. The secret had run deep. Purposeful planning was made to keep Loki in the dark, and sometimes everyone else.

No one said anything so Gifta filled the silence, “I've been trying to preserve as much as I can.” She said, moving towards the table that was closest to Heimdall. The omega simply held a finger out, pointing to the otherside of the room. She apologized quickly, moving away from him to place the herbs on top of the wardrobe.

“I've been experimenting with the wildlife around the area and applying our methods to find their benefits.” Gifta said, “If you pour this in the water, it will ease the swelling more than water alone,” She handed Thor the vial and pointed towards the leaf pile, “and he should bathe with at least three of these soaking in the water for a week then stay out of the sun as much as possible until he's healed.”

“Have you been caring for the people all this time?” Thor asked.

She looked up, hands folding as if that somehow would have gotten her in trouble, “Yes, just doing what I can. I was midway through my studies.”

“I deeply appreciate your initiative,” Thor said, opening the vial, “Thank you.” She gave him a small smile, waving at Heimdall again before quietly dismissing herself.

Thor divvied the contents into both buckets, swirling it with the cloth. The herbs dissolved, turning the water just a hint green. Fitting for Loki and his emerald eyes. The omega used his foot to push a bucket towards Heimdall.

“Is your whole body like this?” Thor asked, draining the cloth and gingerly wrapping it around Loki’s cherry red hand. Heimdall mimicked his actions, but started with Loki’s arms.

The alpha jumped with a hiss, “No, just what was exposed.” He jumped again as Thor wrapped another cloth around his wrist. “Surely there's a better way!”

Thor hummed, “Yep, not getting yourself in this mess.” He sighed, pushing past the utter misery of seeing his child in peril. He has often tended to Loki during the years. The alpha was always confidently getting himself into these situations.

They didn't let him off easily, either. They were gentle in their care but let icy stares and harsh sighs do all the scolding. Loki couldn't look at either of them and find peace. The alpha hissed his discontent and complained until Heimdall placed a cloth over his mouth and kept moving as if the alpha wasn't glaring at him. Thor could help but chuckle.

When it was finally done, the alpha's face and arms cacooned, he told Loki, “Well let this soak for a while then we'll do it again until you stop looking like you'll pop.”

Loki sighed, slumping back in the seat. Thor peeled back the cloth on Loki's hand, checking the progress but something caught his eye. Heimdall's attention had drifted, the way he did when his sight was elsewhere. He was leaning against the wall, arms crossed but his hand drifted down, touching his stomach.

With a soft sigh, a quick look of annoyance and so much regret, the omega dropped his hands, looking at the pails. Maybe noticing they needed more ice, as Thor had. Heimdall walked out without announcing where he was headed. Which was normal, Heimdall never spoke more words than strictly necessary.

But this was something more, Thor could tell. He wasn't sure how to help either. The omega supposed there was nothing he could do. They both suppressed pain until it finally stopped hurting. Had to wait, he supposed.

After hours, they finally calmed Loki's skin down from a cherry red to a slightly less troubling strawberry. They decided to pick up again the following day and Thor told him to soak in a bath as Gifta had instructed.

The rest of the day was spent tending to the needs of his people, as always. He kept an eye on Heimdall but his friend gave nothing in his unchanging expressions and even tones. So he waited until the still of night. When no one would call for them unless for an emergency.

He walked to Heimdall's door, wondering if the omega actually slept now. When he stood at the bifrost, his post was usually everlasting. Unless Odin…

A beautiful world and his muted screams…

Thor pushed the thought away as he reached Heimdall's door. It opened just as he faced the wood, of course. He wondered if Heimdall ever longed for the element of surprise.

“Hello, friend.” Heimdall said, closing the door when Thor walked in. His hair was allowed to flow. The omega had tightened his locks at some point and because Loki had given him yet another terrible scare, Thor only now noticed.

Heimdall sat at the foot of the bed, leg tucked under him and Thor sat beside him, pulling his knee to his chest. “Did Loki do what I told him?”

“Finally,” Heimdall said, “He spent a long time pretending he didn't need to but Sylvie arrived and convinced him otherwise.”

Thor sighed, rubbing his brow, “Those two.”

“I know.” Heimdall said, “But they love each other and they're maturing and learning. I'm sure, soon enough, they'll start using their chaos for good instead of mild amusement.”

Thor smiled a little. “It’ll be interesting if they have children. That would mature them very quickly.”

Heimdall gave his small smile and his hand dropped, shadowing his stomach but he folded his hand in his lap instead. If these were gestures Heimdall made after the abortion, he probably did them in private. Thor couldn't help but wonder what caused the overflow now. He wouldn't bring it up, though. Heimdall had always tried to protect him from extra burdens. The way to reach him was to act like it wasn't a burden at all.

Right now, all Thor could offer was his presence and desperately hope his friend would share.

“That would be an interesting situation to witness.” Heimdall said, voice warming. He spoke as if nothing was bothering him at all. Of course he did. Thor hadn't seen him express sorrow since…Myrkir. He quickly pushed the thought away.

“What do you think of Val?” He asked.

Heimdall met his eyes, “She seems to still be kind.”

Thor nodded, “Yes, it's been different. We usually talk and share a bottle of wine. Honestly, it scares the shit out of me.”

“Does it seem like she'll change?” Heimdall asked.

Thor worried his lip, shaking his head, then shrugging, “No but…in the beginning, Amora didn't either. Nor Titiana, or any of the bad choices Loki likes to remind me about.”

Heimdall nodded absently, “If I remember correctly, someone did try to warn you.”

Thor grimaced, “That seems to have slipped my memory.”

Heimdall gave the slightest huff of a chuckle, "Jane was good for you. I don't think you'll tolerate cruelty as you once did.”

Thor's brow crinkled as he thought. Val was his first romance since Jane dumped him. Maybe that was why. He hadn't found anyone like Jane. Perhaps dumped was a strong word. He had left her on Midgard, without a single word, for a couple of years. When he returned, she had moved on.

“If Valkeryie is kind, I hope I don't push her away.” Thor said.

Heimdall nodded again, gently saying, “Then don't.” Sometimes the best advice, was the simplest.

But wait… Thor realized he was standing at the door. He just needed to knock.

“Have you ever courted?” Thor asked.

Heimdall shook his head slowly, brow slightly pinched as if he could already see where Thor was heading. “Not because I wanted to, no.”

The “why?” was left unsaid.

“I wonder how long it will take Gifta to ask you.” Thor said.

“Because she waved?” Heimdall asked.

“I've seen all the flirts, Heimdall.” Thor said, “That was the flirty wave of a very shy woman.” He did believe this but he only brought it up because it was part of the gymnastics of getting Heimdall to open up. The omega arched a brow, quietly challenging Thor’s stance of seeing all.

“I never told you why I courted Perrikus.” Heimdall said. It worked. Heimdall opened the door.

Thor shook his head, speaking softly, “I always assumed it was for the baby.”

Heimdall nodded, arm moving ever so slightly towards his stomach. He stopped and shifted instead, leaning back against the post with an almost audible sigh. “For the baby indeed.”

Time was running out.

An illness would have fallen away by now. Odin would call for him soon, Heimdall knew. He heard the All-Father speaking about it with the healers. With Frigga. She didn't challenge her husband. Just listened quietly.

The omega watched as the printers worked on the letters to be sent to all citizens. Since an advanced race had reached out, Odin was limiting all travel from the bifrost. Only those with permission could enter and leave.

Heimdall buried his face in his hands. He could have left. Should have left when he had the chance. The omega had been trying to prepare for it. But he needed more time to prepare then he could afford and his taunting peers at the gate would have stood in his way.

The omega took a deep breath and pulled himself together, dropping his hands. Had to ground himself. Perrikus thought little of him as it was. Being emotional would cause mockery. Heimdall took a deep breath and left the palace, walking towards the sparring grounds.

He waited until it was late enough that the alpha would be alone, probably working in his office. He reached the building’s door, putting a hand on it. He stopped, eyes sliding closed. His eyes stung with sorrow but he blinked it away, took another deep breath and pushed the door open.

The alpha was at his desk as expected. He looked up when Heimdall walked in. The omega met his eyes. It always got worse if he showed weakness.

“Future gatekeeper, usually you avoid me.” The alpha said, rising to his feet. “To what do I owe this…pleasure.” He leered at the omega and he closed in, moving to stand in front of Heimdall. His very presence wrapped around the omega's neck like a hand and squeezed.

Heimdall looked down, even though he knew better. He felt his child stirring within him, cast his gaze on it. Already, it had grown so much. Who could it grow up to be?

He met the alpha’s eyes, ignoring the way Perrikus snorted. Heimdall's jaw dropped to speak but he hesitated. Not sure where to start. Pleads would get him nowhere.

“I'm pregnant.” Heimdall said. The alpha's only reaction was raising his brow. “There's a strong possibility the child is yours.”

“Strong possibility,” Perrikus said, “Don't know who the sire is?” Heimdall's jaw set but he was concentrating, making sure to give nothing away. “What a whore.”

“I didn't come here for your mockery,” Heimdall said, “The child could be your heir and part of your legacy.” He had chosen his words specifically, knowing such things were important to alphas.

The alpha hummed thoughtfully, “It could also be the heir of Bridthlyr. We don't know for sure, do we?” Perrikus scoffed, touching Heimdall's chin. “I don't suppose you're looking for congratulations either. Why are you really here?”

Heimdall sighed, without meaning to, “Odin wants to abort the child.”

“Oh!” Perrikus said, with a snap of his fingers, “I see. Desperation. How weak of you.”

Heimdall barely stopped himself from looking away. He had to behave like an alpha, “Do you want your legacy destroyed?”

Perrikus scoffed, jaw working yet he said nothing. His leer covered Heimdall from head to toe. The omega knew that look, had seen it since he started training. Mentally, he had known this would happen. Emotional, though, perhaps he had hoped for the best.

“Poor thing,” Perrikus said, rubbing his cheek, “This means much to you, doesn't it?”

The omega winced without meaning to. Closed his eyes and looked down, knowing it was the wrong way to behave. If he wanted respect, he had to play the alpha game.

Perrikus didn't respect him. And he had no leverage.

“If you're going to make demands, do it boldly.” Heimdall said, despite his misery. He looked up, meeting the alpha's eyes.

There was no hesitation. Perrikus said, “Now, is that any way to talk to the man who could save your child?” Heimdall said nothing. The silence must have touched a nerve. Perrikus grabbed his arm, gripped with all his alpha strength.

Out of reflex, Heimdall swallowed a cry.

“Get on your knees.” Perrikus said. Heimdall closed his eyes. He could fight it but…what else could he do? Perrikus had all the power and knew it. They both did.

The omega dropped to his knees, looking up at the alpha looming over him like impending doom.

“Beg.” Perrikus said, “Tell me what you're willing to do.”

Heimdall took a shuddering breath. He softened his voice, the way Perrikus liked, “Please, alpha. Save my child and I'll do whatever you want me to.”

The smile that spread on his face was wide and ugly. Siphoning joy from Heimdall's defeat. The alpha looked up, put his hand to his chin as if pondering. “Now what could I want from you that I haven't already gotten?” He hummed thoughtfully, then snapped again as if an idea came to him, “Servitude! There it is! We shall marry.”

Heimdall couldn't help the tears that rolled down his cheeks or the devastation he wore so clearly on his face. But he watched as his baby moved, protected in his womb.

He spoke, barely a whisper, “Yes, alpha.”

Perrikus chuckled. Heimdall knew where this was going, had watched the alpha's arousal grow since he had fallen to his knees. The alpha stepped back, patting his desk,

“Right here. Just like old times.” He said.

Heimdall sniffled as he got to his feet with a stumble, his grief made him unsteady. The wood was hard against his arms and he fully realized this was going to be the rest of his life.

Perrikus touched him but he refused to live in the moment. He cast his sight to a realm he'd been watching occasionally. It was desolate. There was no water. No growth. The few sparse trees were withered and ashing in the wind.

Yet, two animals had survived. A male and a female. They roamed the destruction peacefully, had since he was a child. It seemed the only thing keeping them going was some sparse withered grass and each other.

“Shit, Heimdall!” Thor said, taking a deep breath. What else could he say? Heimdall cared about everything and everyone so deeply, he protected every soul he could reach. To be treated so cruelly. He hadn't deserved that.

“It's alright.” Heimdall said, meeting his eyes. There was concern in his soft golden gaze, but only because Thor was upset. His tone hadn't changed. He gave nothing away, as always, “I'm alright.”

That wasn't comforting. The exact opposite, actually.

“Did Odin know he was like this?” Thor asked.

Heimdall looked away as he thought, “I'm not sure. I suppose he added it up. I guess that's why Odin put him in the front lines before we could wed.”

Thor nodded absently, “He was full of so much cruelty and he didn't even survive his first battle.” The omega took an unsteady breath, shaking his head, “I remember it being so bitter and barely sweet. I was glad you were free but…”

“Heimdall is so sad.” Loki said, pulling on Thor’s arm as if urging the omega to make it all better. Thor sighed, looking down at his son. He would have been here himself years ago but… Heimdall had spoken up and Loki survived.

It was a debt Thor could never pay back.

“I know, little one.” Thor said, kneeling to his height and reaching in his pocket for coins, “Why don't you and Sylvie go to the market and buy him a gift. Okay?”

Loki smiled, glad he might be able to help, “Okay,” he said, and disappeared in shimmering green.

Thor stood, walking down the hall towards his father's office. He could hear Odin in the distance. Apologizing. Telling Heimdall that he was ruling against tradition, for the sake of Asgard's future. His friend didn't seem surprised. Neither of them were. Nothing could stop Odin when he made up his mind.

Odin turned to call the healer.

Thor stood by his friend’s side. The All-Mother wasn't here. Maybe she couldn't watch Heimdall suffer through it another time.

“I'm sorry.” Thor said. Yet again. He wondered if Heimdall was sick of him saying it, “I wish I had more to give.”

His friend shook his head. He seemed frighteningly calm, arms crossed, leaning back against the wall. Giving nothing away in his body language. But he said, “It helps.”

Odin returned, the healer in tow. “Heimdall, it's time.” He spoke as if this was just another task in his list for today.

Heimdall sighed, head dropping back against the wall.

The All-Father took a deep breath, dropping his gaze. He turned, raising a hand towards the healer. He gave it the slightest moment then came towards them, “Come on. Be strong.”

His friend looked down the hall, pushing away from the wall. But stopped, looking down. Of course he did.

“I know it pains you,” Odin urged, “but we cannot waste time. Come.” He had the audacity to sound impatient.

“You don't father.” Thor said, “You couldn't possibly know how it pains him.” Odin looked at him with surprise. The healer did as well, shuffling uncomfortably.

Thor ignored both of them. “I understand if you want to go alone.” Thor said. Heimdall met his eyes. “But I'm here for you if you'd like me to come.” His friend said nothing, his expression didn't change. But he grabbed Thor’s hand. Thor could feel the silent gratitude.

With another deep breath, Heimdall walked ahead and Thor followed him.

The memory circled them, creating walls around a world no dom could ever understand. “You were devastated.” Thor said.

For just the slightest moment, Heimdall closed his eyes. Thor could see the absolute sorrow his friend was carrying. Then he shook himself just a little and sat up. Every emotion was tucked back where it came from.

“I suppose I was being silly.” Heimdall said. Thor visibly winced, as if the words were a physical blow. They hurt as bad as seeing his son in his reddened conditioning this morning.

Heimdall hadn't touched his stomach but he wanted to. One hand laid in his lap, while his other arm crossed over his stomach. As if shielding the memory. Maybe even from himself.

“Parents build memories with their children. Get to hold them and connect. I was just grasping…hope.” Heimdall spoke evenly but the words were so cruel. Thor knew it was Odin’s echo, didn't need to ask. Heimdall met Thor’s eyes again, surely he saw the concern.

“It's okay.” Heimdall said, “I grieved a long time ago.”

Heimdall could be so harsh to himself. Perhaps Thor was being hypocritical. He shoved pain and discomfort deep as well. But watching this? Thor couldn't.

He sighed, reaching over to grasp his friend’s hand. “Heimdall, those were your children. Yours! You had plans for them, a future. They were with you and you loved them. And Odin stole them from you. If you need to grieve for the next ten thousand years, that is your right and your business. Yes?”

Heimdall watched him as he spoke. Listened quietly. He shook his head as if maybe he would disagree but he said nothing. He took a shuddered breath, looking down.

His grip on Thor’s hand tightened, as if the omega was his single source of strength.

“I…” Heimdall trailed off. He made a small, broken sound. Made a face, tried to shake it off in silence.

“It was a girl.” Heimdall said, voice so quiet. He had never shared that. His friend shifted, perhaps trying to force it all back down. Thor saw the misery fight back. Heimdall grabbed his other hand as he fought a battle he couldn't possibly win.

“I saw her leave me,” Heimdall whispered, “I saw her die.” He closed his eyes, dropped his head as if ashamed.

The sound Heimdall made when he cried shattered Thor’s heart. The most mournful wail from the depth of the omega's wounded soul. Over a thousand years of grief burst from him at once.

Thor wrapped his arms around him, held him close. Let Heimdall cry on his shoulder as his friend had done for him so many times during the years.

“I've protected Asgard. I've saved the nine realms.” He sobbed, voice strained with the weight of all the pain, “But I couldn't protect her.”

“You did, though.” Thor said, his own voice quivered. His own tears fell knowing how deeply his friend was hurting, “You made the ultimate sacrifice. So Odin switched the board to get what he wanted. That's blood on his hands. Not yours.” He didn't think Heimdall would believe it. Guilt was a merciless, relentless shadow. But maybe his friend would remember the words all the same.

Nothing else was said. There was too much pain that no amount of words could heal. Thor held his friend, petted his hair. Letting Heimdall grieve for the first time in a thousand years.

Chapter Text

Diplomacy with the Myrkir was tricky in a subtle way. They had a way of speaking that felt as if there was an ulterior motive. He understood why Odin was uneasy with them.

Heimdall had been given another title. Defense General. Perhaps a promotion though it hardly felt like it. The phrasing of it, such things were usually sanctioned for experienced warriors and veterans. He had been in wars during his expeditions. But they felt like sparring sessions. True war had escaped him so far.

It didn't sit well with the elders either. They always glared at him when he passed through the halls. As if he had made the decision himself. Misplaced judgement was just another day in his life. Nothing worth his concentration.

Why, then, couldn't he ignore the uneasy feeling of being…a sacrifice. Perhaps because Odin had done it before. It was too easy to throw the omega's body towards another situation, like coins for a purchase.

…Is that why Odin had included Thor in a situation he was too young to study?…

Heimdall pushed the implication aside with a desperate hope for the best outcome. He sighed as the bifrost’s beam sparked and glittered. The wait took longer because the Myrks were so far away. There was only one guard, an elder the omega didn't know. His peers had been dismissed. Odin was callous in this announcement, as if the four would embarrass Asgard.

Truly, it was the single only thing the alpha had done that seemed to be in Heimdall's favor. It was immediately doused by the All-Father sending him to meet the guests by his lonesome.

The form of their guests—no guest —appeared. Taller than he expected. Heimdall and the guard had to look up to meet his eyes. The king came alone, which was rare. As if he thought Asgard didn't pose enough importance or threat to bring a party. He supposed the disrespect was mutual. Odin had sent only him, a student with a title he hadn't yet earned.

The king smiled brightly, ignoring the guard. Holding out a hand and bowing graciously in greeting. His silk charmeuse flowed and perhaps he thought it was impressive. Fabric production was one of the few things Asgard dominated in the entirety of the universe.

Heimdall didn't think the king would learn this with grace. His arrogance flowed alongside his silk. The omega made a mental note to hide their further accomplishments for as long as possible.

“Ruler of Myrkir, I warmly welcome you to Asgard.” Heimdall said, mimicking the bow. He held his hands in front of him, preserving his authority, but glanced up at the king through his lashes to appease any ego. For the sake of Asgard, he would concede a small submissive gesture.

“Please,” The King said, cupping the omega's chin. The Myrkir were formed as the Aesir. Except for their clawed hands. They groomed them, keeping them smooth with a shine. “Call me Gogma.”

“Yes, king.” Heimdall said, taking a quiet breath as Gogma turned his face, as if getting a good look. How rude. Heimdall hadn't given him permission to touch and he hadn't asked. Like a tightrope, he had to balance demanding respect. Behave too gently, he would appear submissive. Too strongly, it would be an offense.

Heimdall allowed the attention for just a moment, then placed just a couple fingers against Gogma’s wrist.

“We have much to attend to, King Gogma.” Heimdall said, careful to use the title. It would be a fool's error to take the bait of first-name basis.

“I've heard of omegas.” Gogma said, dropping his hand, “They speak of your beauty but I see they've never captured the essence.” Oh, sweet Valhalla, not a charmer. They were typically annoying in their insistence.

Heimdall simply smiled in return and changed the subject, leading the king towards the palace.

Thor was talking with Gifta when they passed the conference room. Gogma's name tiptoed by his ears and he stopped, looking down. For a moment, all he could see was a beautiful world and he felt his soundless scream.

Gifta had walked a step ahead but noticed his hesitation. “King?” She said, sounding soft. The beta reached out in concern but he ever so slightly flinched. She noticed, and casually dropped her hand to her side.

“Yes,” Thor said quietly, turning to face Heimdall lecturing Loki and Sylvie. The sight of them was a guiding light that led him back to the present. Diplomacy didn't interest the alphas, but they were trying, staring at Heimdall as if magic was holding their eyes open. They would have been too young to remember when Myrkir was a threat. Maybe the entire realm had forgotten. For everyone else, the situation probably passed like an overcast day. For him and Heimdall, it had been…

Thor cut off his own thought, listening in to Heimdall. The omega spoke of Myrkir’s customs. Expected behaviors of him, as an omega, of the beta court stewards, and the alpha warriors and representatives. Yet, he shifted his weight from one foot to the other. His arms were crossed as always but he was tense.

Miniscule cracks but Heimdall never showed discomfort publicly. He'd been shaken lately. Shit, so was Thor. The feeling of slimy sticky had creeped up, crawling on his skin like tiny insects. He needed a shower.

No. He was being ridiculous. No amount of water could wash away the lived experience, could it?

“King?” Gifta repeated, stepping closer, “Are you alright?”

Thor took a quick breath, facing her, “Yes, sorry, I just…” He trailed off to consider how to phrase it but covered the hesitation with a smile, “Something just caught my ear. You were saying you've been rewriting all of our old methods?”

She nodded, “Yes, as best as I could remember it. The Trifffles have been kind. They saw I was writing on scraps and have continually provided paper.” Gifta handed a book to him and he flipped it open. Her script was neat, as if it came from their very archives.

So many had come to him with a problem. It was refreshing to be met with a solution.

“You need students.” Thor said, handing the book back. Her eyes widened with surprise.

“I was only a student myself,” She said.

Thor nodded, “And now you're the master. That which you hadn't yet learned can still be studied and gained in time. For now, find a few willing and teach them.”

She smiled, “Yes, King. I appreciate your trust.” She walked away. Not before a quick glance towards a certain someone.

Thor sighed, already disappointed for her. Heimdall’s method of courting was to simply ignore the interested party until they finally got the point. The omega knew exactly why. They were rare. Exotic. Raising intrigue in their nature only. Alphas could be bothersome in their enchantment. Persistent. Often threatening and aggressive.

As they aged, Heimdall could shield himself with his title. Thor was expected to engage diplomatically with all people. It was easier to let intrigued alphas experience him then move on and fulfill his duties.

Give, before they could take. Thor closed his eyes, pushing away slimy sticky. The graze of claws.

Focus. Gifta didn't seem like that. He had never seen hunger in her eyes. Just admiration and curiosity. Like Val looked at him. The thought of her opened his eyes, with a miffed sighed. Memories kept distracting him and he hadn't yet found a way to stop them.

Thor let the matter drift to the back of his mind as he made the rounds. Checked in on the sparring group. Watched as Gifta gathered a few for health studies. He met with King Leklan to maintain relations with the Trifffles. The small king was a dom himself but the Trifffles were tiny enough to understand exploitation. The king appreciated peaceful efforts as much as Thor did.

When he came back, Loki and Sylvie were in the open quarters. Heimdall was across the room, listening to a woman who had a Trifffle in the palm of her hand. Thor recognized the unlikely pair. They wanted to marry but the Trifffles' family thought it was incredibly unwise. Maybe Heimdall could find the solution because Thor was stumped.

Sylvie saw him approaching, gave him a quick wave and disappeared in a puff of green, causing Loki to roll his eyes. Thor wasn't sure why she suddenly avoided him. Maybe Loki had informed her of their true relation and thought he had certain expectations.

Thor exhaled. The two were going to marry, weren't they? They would marry and have a chaotic life and have chaotic children and get into all sorts of situations. Forever worrying his poor omega soul.

Despite this private rant, when Thor reached his son, he asked, “Why is she avoiding me?”

Loki waved his hand dismissively, “Who knows, could be just general psychosis or fear of commitment.”

Thor chuckled, touching Loki’s chin, checking the resilient bruising. The alpha still had highlights of blue, his Jotun form had been deeply damaged but the red had subsided to an ever present pink. “Have you been doing what Gifta said?” Thor asked.

“Yes,” Loki said, with a sigh, leaning against the wall on his shoulder, “Sylvie has been awfully nagsome about it and the thought of the sun touching my skin is nothing less than a horror. So, I'm confined like an animal.”

Thor’s brow raised; he smiled from the familiarity. The dramatic flair was absolutely from his grandmother. A part of her that only blossomed when Odin wasn't near. The thought tickled Thor’s mind, made him open the door of memories but apprehension kept him from entering.

Odin had cared…right? There had been love? He soothed Thor when he had been sad and encouraged him when he failed…when he was available, at least. Often, the All-Father had a realm to rule over. Nine of them to judge for. He was busy and if Thor was upset he reached towards Heimdall. It hadn't even been a conscious thought. The older omega had watched him as a baby and the care just continued.

Loki folded his arms suddenly, making Thor look up. Val and her class were coming in. The students were panting from exertion, sweaty and limping. She hadn't been going easy on them. Couldn't afford to.

Val spoke with one of her students but when they walked away, she looked up, smiling at Thor. Perhaps he could understand why Sylvie avoided him. If he watched her nearly as critically as Loki watched Val, it made sense.

The alphess didn't cringe under Loki's gaze. She actually met it, and started walking towards them. Every step she took did nothing but stir suspense. Especially when she approached Loki directly. Thor watched as the two bristled in the way only alphas could. Pheromones clashed in two different means of protection. He meandered to the side, leaning against the rail of the ramp. Letting the alphas have their space to scratch whatever itch headbutting eased for them.

“Hello, Loki,” Val said.

“Val,” Loki said calmly, a hand coming up to sit under his chin. Surprisingly, he was calmer than Thor expected. Loki faced the omega’s past companions with far more confrontation. Perhaps that was because of their violent tendencies.

“We started on the wrong foot, and I apologize for that,” She said.

Loki's only response was, “Interesting.”

Val gave a thin-lipped smile, “I just want to be friendly.”

Loki hummed, “Suddenly, that's important?”

Val sighed, jaw working, “We're courting.”

“Oh!” Loki gasped, exaggerated in surprise, “Well, that was certainly backwards, wasn't it?”

Val held her gaze on him. Didn't glare though, didn't move her hands from her side. A calculated measure. One Thor appreciated. She truly was trying. Loki was all but toying with her and it was obvious.

“Your brother can make his own decisions.” Val said, “We can be backwards if we choose to.”

Loki sighed sharply, looking past her. A moment of hesitancy as he came to a decision. He let the silence linger, glanced at Thor. Silently asking for permission. Val watched this exchange in quiet curiosity but didn't ask the question she must have had.

Thor shifted, arms crossing. A small truth would tell an entire story. One he wasn't sure how Val would handle. Maybe it would be too tender for her liking, something she would feel the need to dance around. He still liked Val and he didn't want her to be pushed away. Especially not by this.

But if he thought about it practically, like Heimdall would…she would have to find out eventually and if she couldn't be kind to him, he would rather learn that now.

Thor nodded.

“He’s not my brother.” Loki said, meeting her eyes. “He's my father.”

Val’s brow furrowed in confusion, glancing at Thor, “That doesn't make sense. He would have only been—oh,” Val said softly. She looked down as she thought. Perhaps it made his hesitancy towards sex make sense. Shit, this was the first time he's even admitted it to himself.

“Oh, I…I’m sorry. I didn't know.” Val said, meeting Thor’s eyes before Loki’s.

His son nodded silently, watching her closely. Val reached into her pocket and held out a pendant. Thor couldn't help but wonder where she kept getting these things that should have been lost. She handed it to Loki who took it, holding the charm between his fingers with a quiet inspection.

“It makes sense then, that you see me as a threat.” Val said, “But I don't want to hurt him.”

Loki hummed.  “I don't see you as a threat,” He said, holding the charm out for her to retrieve, “My magic runs deep. Even when you don't see me, I can see you. If you harm him in any way, I possess the ability to erase your very soul from existence. You're not a threat at all.”

Loki had spoken calmly in a way he only did when completely confident. When he had practiced something to perfection. Thor hadn't even realized he was capable of such a thing. He tensed, watching Val. She wasn't the type to be scared away, but she might find the confrontation too tedious to bother with.

She nodded slowly, held Loki’s gaze, “I understand,” She said.

“Good.” Was Loki's only reply.

She glanced down at the charm, “Are you handing that back to me?”

“Do you want it back?” Loki asked.

“It's a gift for Thor.” Val said. He wasn't sure why this surprised him. It wasn't like it wasn't obvious. The omega supposed he didn't expect Val to take the courting this seriously. But he had never received a courting gift. Wasn't even sure what to think of it now.

Loki hummed a bit, holding the pendant out to the omega. He didn't think Loki had ever approved of any of his relationships. They hadn't asked for it; Jane never knew she needed to.

Thor took the pendant, held it in his palm. Rectangular gold with a blue gemstone in the center. Pretty.

“Thank you,” Thor said to her. If he remembered correctly, wearing it showed romantic interest or a claim or… something. He put it on for whatever the something was. Val smiled, walking over to stand beside him. Loki eyed them calmly, but watching with nothing less than protective concern. Thor wouldn't ease it either. Payback for putting his father through so much.

Thor couldn't see all, so he had to roam the halls until he found his friend. Despite his best efforts, Myrkir remained fixed in his thoughts, anchored deeply to his growing anxiety. Heimdall had prioritized the realm in his earlier lesson for a reason.

He touched his pendant, as if reaching for a calm in his growing storm. The omega smiled a little, thinking of Val.

Heimdall was in the last place Thor thought to look. Standing at the helm of the ship, holding Hofund as if already prepared for a fight. He was deceptively calm, as always. Thor had to look for the tension, finding it in the way Heimdall gripped the hilt of the sword.

The omega sat on the control panel since it was powered off. “It's not like you to be anxious.” Thor said.

Golden eyes looked around as if looking for a threat in Trifffleheim’s night darkened trees, but his sight might have been cast elsewhere. “It's a very sweet gift.”

Thor smiled a little, hadn't even realized he was still toying with it, “Did you see how she came about it?”

“I think she always had it with her.” Heimdall said, “Perhaps it is sentimental for her.” The words touched Thor's heart in a way he didn't even know was possible. The omega had to push it away, it was too gentle.

“You’re slipping into old habits, my friend. There's no need to stand guard. You can sit.” Thor said, “Even on Asgard I always longed for a chair for you.” Heimdall soft chuckle was almost inaudible. But he listened, gently letting Hofund sit against the wall as he took a seat.

The older omega sighed softly, pulling the tie out of his hair but he didn't shake the locks out, so his hair remained in place. “They haven't heard of our destruction just yet. But the news is traveling far and wide. They will soon.”

Thor nodded absently, “It was only a matter of time.” He said, hand touching his pendant without really thinking about it, “Is it cowardice that I've thought about relocating instead of facing them?”

Heimdall shook his head, his locks falling a little with the action, “I've considered it myself. But he would only follow.”

A beautiful world and his silent scream. Thor took a deep breath, shifting, hands running along the edge of the panel. He kept himself from gripping, or else he would break something.

“We were young at the time. Maybe he'll want something different.” Thor said. The hope felt childishly foolish but he knew Heimdall would understand.

The older omega sighed, calmly rubbing his hands together, “The same thing but differently, perhaps. We're exotic and he'll want a trophy. He would look towards marriage.”

Yeah, Thor had been afraid of that, too.

Golden eyes were on him. Thor met them. Very rarely did they clash in opinion but he knew this would be one of those times.

“It could be a beneficial alliance.” Thor said.

“Asgard needs their king.” Heimdall said, “We were built to be proud. The people would reject folding into another civilization.”

Thor nodded slowly, “The king needs his advisor and the people need their guardian. You are not expendable.”

Heimdall hesitated with another soft sigh, “We might be able to offer a trade.”

Thor knew Heimdall would say that. It was the logical best outcome. The omega’s stomach twisted from the thought, making him wonder about his father. How could Odin allow such a thing without recoil? But the All-Father hadn't been exploitable. He couldn't possibly have fathomed the terrifying horror he inflicted on them. Thor recoiled because he knew from experience.

“Sure.” Thor’s arms crossed, “If you're willing for the trade to be me.” He said, knowing damn well Heimdall wasn't.

His friend’s eyes narrowed just a hint, perhaps annoyed, “We can't afford to be emotional. If we don’t prepare to give an offering, he'll take whatever he wants. We don't have the luxury of options.”

“I gave you one.” Thor said.

Heimdall’s wry smile was small, one that seemed equally tired and defeated, “Not one I'm willing to allow.”

Thor clicked his tongue. They were two bulls standing at opposite ends of the road. No one was passing through. Well…he supposed someone could.

“Loki will have to learn of this eventually,” Thor said. Heimdall looked away. Thor didn't miss the quiet yet sharp sigh of annoyance, “Whatever we decide, he will not allow.” Heimdall was quiet for a moment. Thinking, Thor could tell.

“He’ll know we're weakened.” Heimdall said, “He’ll approach with an unnecessary amount of force knowing we can't compete. We cannot afford to gamble…” Heimdall trailed off with a soft grimace, looking to his left. Thor followed his sight, seeing nothing under the soft overhead lights in an otherwise dark room.

Shimmering green startled the shit out of Thor. He didn't yelp and there wasn't a soul in the universe that could force him to admit otherwise.

Loki leaned against the wall, one hand on his hip, “Who is this ‘he’?”

“How long have you been standing there?” Thor asked.

“Long enough to know that someone will eventually meet my wrath.” Loki said.

Thor sighed, a hand rubbing his brow. Heimdall looked away, folding his hands tightly. This wasn't something either of them wanted to talk about on any level.

It was a miserable situation to even be forced to face. They had already lost everything. Had already endured Myrkir before. Couldn't they find some peace in a little realm and be left alone?

Thor exhaled again, “Let me find some alcohol and we’ll tell you.”

Chapter Text

Despite the tension of his arrival, Gogma's visit went well. At least on the surface. He and Odin got along. The king seemed to enjoy the tour of their realm. Odin seemed pleased with the developments. Until it was time for Gogma to leave.

Odin had prepared a cornucopia of Asgard’s most valuable offerings. This was a decision Heimdall had questioned in private. Gogma had come with no party and no tokens. Offering too much might shift perception in strength. Odin simply said the omega had much to learn, offering peace first was leadership.

Gogma evaluated the offerings with awe. The fabrics were hand woven from materials that existed in no other realm, soft and brilliant in hue. Some medicines were offered from their latest advancements.

Gogma stared at Odin in surprise, “Myrkir’s mountains! All-Father, I didn't expect you to keep secrets from me.” The king sounded impressed, as if he hadn't expected it from Odin.

The All-Father's puzzlement was soft, “We would only send the best. As a token of our peace.” Gogma hesitated and Heimdall saw the realization dawn on Odin. The omega sighed softly, knowing this would end poorly for him. He considered speaking up but interrupting would be incredibly unwise.

“Were you not shown all of our productions?” Odin asked.

Gogma smiled. It was tight and small. Whether it was annoyance, condescension, or perhaps curiosity, Heimdall wasn't sure. Gogma met his golden eyes, “Maybe the beauty simply forgot.”

“Yes, my mistake,” Heimdall said, with a small bow. It would seem as if he were silly, certainly damaging his reputation. Better to take the wrong than cause offense.

He was willing to endure this blow even longer. He made no effort to right the supposed wrong. Heimdall met Odin’s eye with an inconspicuous shake of the head. He was met with a narrow gaze.

“Heimdall, such a slip up is no way to treat a guest,’ Odin said, “Fix it immediately.” He faced Gogma, “You'll have to excuse him. He's still a student. Usually he's very capable but perhaps the workload has become a bit heavy, causing distraction.”

Heimdall didn't dignify this with a response. He held out a hand towards the door with a small smile, “Please, follow me.”

Odin accompanied them this time, as if the task needed monitoring. Heimdall supposed it had been foolish to assume his instincts would have been trusted. He should have informed Odin of his decision beforehand.

Despite the deception, Gogma was captivated by their output. Their goods weren't manufactured. Every item produced was hand crafted or harvested. The omega suspected Gogma would have attempted to replicate their methods but their fabric workers didn't craft with their hands alone. Their gifts were utilized, sometimes woven into the work their fingers created.

The Myrks were stronger in every sense, but they didn't possess gifts or personal abilities as the Aesir. Reproduction wasn't an option. For a moment, Heimdall wondered if he were being overly critical. The king and Odin were conversing, sharing ideals. Their alliance was clearly budding.

When they visited the Healing Room, Gogma spoke with a dropped jaw and wide eyes, “Access to such a marvelous facility would be a great asset to our people.” Gogma smiled, meeting Odin's eye.

The All-Father all but smirked, his pride as apparent as Gogma's avarice. “We are certainly happy to offer assistance where we can,” Odin said. His words were careful, promising nothing more than distanced aid.

“But to possess such a marvel, that would be a treat.” Gogma said, casting his gaze on the omega, “Are you keeping any other secrets from me?”

Heimdall shook his head, “No secrets, King. It was an amateur mistake.”

“No harm, youngling.” Gogma said, reaching out to touch Heimdall's cheek but Odin gently put a hand on the king’s wrist.

“He is young.” Odin said with a careful smile, “But his title, Defense General, is proper and well earned.”

Gogma gave a thin, tight smile, “Understood.” He dropped his hand, softened his features, “I should return to my home but this visit has been an absolute pleasure. I must return with my party.”

Heimdall took every word the king said, holding them up to peek through the holes. It sounded almost like a threat. But already, the two were walking ahead, the subject changed to something lighter.

His golden eyes stayed on Gogma as he returned home and immediately gathered his party. Heimdall watched as the king prattled on how he didn't expect much but the realm was golden and beautiful. He claimed the Aesir had little to offer except for their fabric and, most importantly, their medicine.

The Aesir had the ability to heal any wound and sickness with just the drink of the right liquid. Yet, they rarely used such methods. It was better for one's whole health to let a wound heal naturally. Quick fixes prohibited the body’s innate defenses.

Gogma was taught this, he pretended to agree with the philosophy. Yet when he presented this to his party, he referred to them as fools. Heimdall listened as Gogma made plans to utilize their technology. To spread it for profit.

The news was shared with Odin. As were the Myrkir's strategic meetings to invade. Not much thought was given to this. Gogma relied on brute force and if they had been caught off guard, it would have worked.

Only three months had passed and Gogma's black warships circled their realm. However, they remained at a distance. They hadn't expected Asgard's shields to be up. Or for their already waiting warships. Or for their allies to be standing with them.

Myrkir's generals opened communication with Asgard and Gogma. They negotiated with Odin. Purely performative, stalling so their messages could reach back to the Dyrathror Sphere.

Gogma's surprise was satisfying to watch but Heimdall didn't dwell on it. The king paced around his office desk before sitting down with a heavy breath. He conceded, only to his assistant, that he may have underestimated the Aesir.

Now, Gogma was uncertain. He gathered his party in whispers, wondering what else had been hidden. Care was taken in this conversation. Hours stretched into days as they strategized a backstep.

Asgard was quiet during this time. Myrkir's generals grew nervous. No update had been sent and stalling was inherently limited. The Aesir were nervous but quietly preparing. Families kept weapons within arms reach and warriors stayed constantly vigilant.

Heimdall listened as Myrkir decided to show vulnerability and invite Odin to visit their realm. No one spoke of betrayal but Heimdall watched carefully for the unspoken as they gathered the wealth of their realm to establish export agreements.

When Heimdall shared this, Odin listened with consideration. Even when the omega suggested to gently decline this offer.

Odin paced. “Have they spoken of an attack?” He asked.

Heimdall shook his head, hesitated in his response. Already, he feared he would be ignored. “Not out loud, but they may have methods of communicating I cannot see.”

Odin was quiet in thought for just a moment, “What have been their actions?”

Heimdall cast his sight on them again, eyes scanning the royal workers as they travelled the realm with the king’s instructions. He listened in on their planning.

“They are gathering gifts.” Heimdall said, “Currently they are discussing what to offer in a peace treaty.”

Odin nodded, slowly coming to a stop, “Turning a potential enemy into a trusted ally would demonstrate great power.” Heimdall wouldn't deny that.

“Our image is pristine and resolute to most of the galaxy,” The omega said, “Intercepting their attack has already spread quickly and is being praised.”

Odin’s smile was small but full of approval. “Already, they've changed their perspective of us. Our status will reach even further within the Dyrathror Sphere. We will become a beacon of peace and attract further allies.”

Heimdall withheld a sigh, glancing towards Thor sitting beside him. His friend met his look, subtly rolling his eyes. Why were alphas like this? Why did they never have enough?

“If I recall, honey, a certain someone has been right before.” The All-Mother said. She sat across from them, legs crossed, hands folded neatly in her lap.

Odin sighed, looking at her, looking towards Heimdall, “He has not objected.”

“I do not think this is wise.” Heimdall said, since it needed to be plainly stated, “It feels like a trap and we will be in their territory.”

Odin nodded slowly. “I do not disagree,” He relented. “However, you can see any betrayal coming and though they are mighty, our gifts should carry us just fine.”

Heimdall nodded, working hard not to make a sound of annoyance. He must have tensed. Thor bumped his shoulder. Gave a supportive shrug and a small smile.

“Who will you bring?” Heimdall asked, “I feel we should over prepare.”

“Yes,” Odin agreed, “All the royal guards and our top warriors. As well as you and Frigga. We want Gogma to know we won't cower from a battle, even on their realm.”

Heimdall nodded, standing, “As you will, All-Father.”

Odin glanced at his son, “Thor as well. This will be a good lesson for him.”

Heimdall hesitated, meeting Odin's gaze, “He is young. This could become a territorial war.”

“Should we war, his safety would be your only concern.” Odin said. He spoke as if addressing a truth instead of giving a command. “Bring him back to Asgard as soon as possible and remain here yourself. The war would extend here and I need your capabilities.”

The words seemed sound. The actions were still baffling…or were they? Thor had been included so far, it would make sense that Odin would let him see it through. Still, the omega worried. Odin always prepared for the most peaceful outcome. Heimdall knew the cost of peace far too personally.

Heimdall trailed off, fist clenching for just a second. Loki only caught it because he watched carefully. Thor shifting, pulling a leg to his chest, boots on the quilt, called more attention. The two met eyes, something unspoken was shared.

The alpha remembered the Myrkir’s threat. The tension had been inescapable as no one in Asgard had known why it was happening. No one suspected Odin to have been the cause, not even Loki.

He said nothing as they came to some sort of decision, and Thor picked up where Heimdall left off.

Thor had hoped Myrkir would be ugly. The name certainly was. But the landscape that laid before him was undeniably beautiful. They had different natural resources than the Dain sphere that were incorporated into their builds.

A beta woman greeted them, smiling widely. She was sent alone, which was odd but perhaps Gogma was attempting to seem as unthreatening as possible.

They followed when the woman asked them to. Heimdall pulled him close as they walked. Thor tried to ignore the weight of unease but it was too heavy to carry without struggle. The adults towered. Though he was a varling, the Myrks watched him in surprise and pitying mercy. As if he were a child.

Heimdall's mother-henning certainly wasn't helping. Yet, Thor didn't pull away, allowing himself to be pulled under wing.

The woman driveled, voice rising high with anxiety. Thor ignored her and focused on what Heimdall had meticulously taught him. His friend hid uncertainty behind an even tone but every word he had spoken was deliberate, wanting Thor to be prepared for everything.

But…there was something unspoken. It made Heimdall watch him with the deepest sympathy, then turn away as if there was something ugly hovering just above Thor’s head.

Myrkir’s palace was a red striped dome with open arches that led inside. Their footsteps echoed in the room. The more that followed, the more the sounds layered, sounding like rainfall. They stopped for a moment as the woman spoke about the history of the palace. As if anyone cared. Myrkir had planned an attack on them, now they wanted to chat about history?

Before long, she led the royal party down a corridor. Odin signaled for the guards to follow but let the warriors fill the foyer. The woman hesitated as if this were an offense. She was ignored.

The door to Gogma's council hall was open and he stood in it. Wearing a hesitant smile that no one matched. He started with apologies, at least.

They sat at a table. Gogma on one side, Thor's family on the other. The guards stood closely behind. Glaring unapologetically. Odin and Frigga folded their arms on the table as did the king. He and Heimdall placed one arm on the cream wood, bent at the elbow. Their other hand sat politely in their lap. Palms down. A respectful gesture from omegas.

Thor hadn't yet decided if he would maintain such gestures when he reached adulthood.

Gogma started with another apology and didn't attempt to excuse his behavior. He signalled for gifts to be presented. Items were handed to Odin and Frigga for inspection. Their beta guide even presented them to the royal guards. The omegas were left to use their imagination. Thor expected nothing less.

This went on for entirely too long. Finally, Gogma got to the point of all this. These were their offerings for a peace treaty and establishing a trade agreement. He apologized profusely once again, admitting he should have started here in the first place.

Thor listened very closely to the terms being set. Heimdall had mentored him in this but the omega had to admit, seeing it unfold did provide a different understanding. Gogma tried very hard to wiggle more health benefits out of Odin than he could provide in value. Usually, the All-Father was very generous. Today, he was sending a message.

An agreement was reached. Thor exhaled quietly as the two kings were handed pens. Feeling too tense to be hopeful. Their scent walked through the air, an incessant reminder that they were exotic. Inevitably, it would be mentioned, but hopefully after the agreement when they would be in the position to say decline.

At the last moment, Gogma pulled back, saying, “One moment, All-Father.” Odin glanced up warily with his one eye. Gogma wouldn't have seen it. His focus was on the two anomalies sitting diligently to the side. Thor had hoped their silence would have allowed them to hide in the tension. Foolish and naive.

“You've still been holding out on me, dear king.” Gogma said, “I didn't realize Asgard had two omegas.”

“Thor is my son.” Odin said. There was no puffery or diplomatic care. He was as direct and obvious as his protective scent.

Gogma let his eyes drift to Heimdall instead, “Still, they are an enchantment. I don't think they exist outside the Dain Sphere.”

Odin nodded slowly, his scent falling but only a little. “That is correct.” Heimdall didn't squirm under the hungry gaze. He sat quietly as if already resigned. Thor knew he always prepared for the worst outcome.

“We've already offered the most precious possessions we have to offer,” Gogma said, “Is it unreasonable to expect the same?”

Odin sighed, quiet only for a touch of time, “Heimdall can remain with you for one night.” Thor tensed, not expecting the quick fold. Odin could have pretended the decision was heavy. Somehow, Heimdall hadn't reacted to this. Nothing more than a quick and subdued look down.

Gogma nodded in approval, but his eyes drifted back towards Thor. His eyes shined with intrigue, “Odin, you are a man of peace. It is a well-known fact. Why not—”

“Be a man and stand firmly.” Odin said, his voice carrying a bite Thor didn't often hear.

Gogma met the All-Father’s eyes. The warmth eased away to a true coldness, “Our warships are still planted outside your realm. You are here, unable to lead your men. We may not win this war, but countless lives would be lost. I'm simply asking for their company. For me…and my men. Three short nights. Not a single soul has to die.”

For a moment, there was no sound. Not the huff of a breath or the squeak of movement. His mother looked down at her hands as did Heimdall. The quiet was loud and suffocating as the request slowly filled the room.

Odin looked over towards him, but turned before Thor could meet his gaze. With that, the omega already knew. Yet, he supposed he was selfish. Terribly selfish. He desperately hoped he would hear Odin say, ‘No.’

Instead, silence lingered.

“I'm not a monster.” Gogma said, softening his tone, “We will be kind.”

“We will write it into the treaty.” Odin said. Thor’s breath hitched but he managed to keep it silent. He swallowed his devastation. Truly he was being selfish. No one should have to suffer because he didn’t want to endure a few unpleasant moments. “With it, Asgard rescinds all of its trade offers but Myrkir's will remain.”

Gogma deflated. The first thing he had done that didn't seem performative. “We'll double our offerings in exchange for them,” the alpha said, a claw pointing towards the omegas, “and one of your full health vials.” There was no arrogance. The king had someone he wanted to save.

“Fine.” Odin said quietly.

The sound the All-Mother made shook Thor to his core. A quickly contained cry of peril. She pushed her chair back and stood, moving to a corner of the room. He heard her soft sobs. Heimdall's hand had clenched. A small infraction of their submissive gesture that he didn't correct.

The treaty was amended in silence. The only sound was of Frigga’s tears. Their earlier guide scribbled wildly. Her hand slipped at one point. Black ink created a jagged river through an entire page that had to be rewritten. Once done, the kings grabbed their pens.

Heimdall's voice broke through like thunder during a storm, “I did not take you to be a fool, Gogma.”

Eyes snapped to the omega. Every single one of them were wild with bewilderment edging towards anger. Thor only looked down, his curiosity weighed down by realizing his grim reality.

“I'm not,” The king said, eyes sharp with rage, “But certainly you are.”

“Why would the king share his most precious prize?” Heimdall said. The king blinked, eyes drifting to Thor. His jaw worked a little before a small smile graced his lips.

“Interesting,” Gogma said, “You're awfully bold for being the weakest gender in the room.” Heimdall didn't respond. Just held Gogma's gaze. The king huffed in laughter, “Would have been nice if you had mentioned it before to save time. Ridi, redraft the treaty. I’ll keep Odin's son for myself. My men will get the one with pretty eyes.”

Thor almost broke, his lip quivered despite trying to remain calm. Why hadn't Odin caught it? Why hadn't he used the one leverage they had to better negotiate their demise?

Why was Heimdall the only one who truly tried to protect him? For that, he always ended up suffering a worse fate and Thor couldn't help but feel so guilty.

The treaty was again redrafted. Gogma signed it hastily as if to outrun another interruption. Odin hesitated, pen stiff in his hand, before a sloppy signature was strewn on the page. He stood immediately, gently taking Frigga's hand and leading her out the door. The guards followed without hesitation as they had been taught.

The two were left alone, tense and barely breathing as Gogma regarded them quietly. His assistant stood beside him, hands held in front of her, staring at the ground. 

“You got what you wanted,” Heimdall said, his voice wavering the slightest hint. “Can we have a moment, please?”

Gogma scoffed, yet rose to his feet, “Of course, as I said we're not monsters. Ridi will give you a tour of our realm. You won't be called until the evening.” He turned and walked out.

“I'll be waiting when you're ready.” The assistant said, following the king, closing the door behind her.

Loki rubbed his brow, already a growl murmured quietly from his chest. Odin had been a complicated man, he knew that. But this felt dangerously close to negligent. As if he constantly banked on being able to use Heimdall in any way possible to get what he wanted, until it backfired and a true sacrifice had to be made.

The alpha didn't say that. Didn't say anything at all.

At some point, Heimdall had crossed the room, sitting beside Thor on the bed. His locks flowed and Loki was used to seeing them tied up.

Thor had trailed off, looking down. So Heimdall spoke for him.

He exhaled slowly, truly lost for words. He hadn't doubted Odin would allow Thor to be traded but he truly had wished Odin would have been more protective. Once Gogma had shown desperation, Odin had all the leverage. Maybe the All-Father had been too overwhelmed to think clearly.

Thor took an unsteady breath beside him, “When I sit on the throne, you won't suffer like this.”

The words were said with so much care and regret, it was actually painful. Heimdall had to gently set it aside. 

“I’m fine.” He said. Thor sighed, looking down but Heimdall pressed on, this was important, “The dynamics have shifted. Try to maintain as much dignity as you can. If you cry, that's fine. But try to conceal it from them. We’ll have to be as submissive as possible for the best outcome. Alright?”

Thor nodded stiffly. “Okay,” He said, voice sounding tight.

Heimdall nodded, glancing around the room as if an answer would appear on the walls. They were in an unfamiliar place on a foreign realm so far from home. Already, the All-Parents had gathered the gifts and the royal party and disappeared in the bifrost.

The two had no support but each other.

Thor was trying very hard, aiming to be the warrior Odin taught him to be. But he trembled, a few tears fell from his eyes that Thor wiped away.

“We're strong.” Heimdall said, touching Thor’s cheek, “We'll survive the three nights and leave the experiences here on Myrkir.” Thor nodded in agreement, perhaps simply because Heimdall had said it and it was the only thing to anchor to.

They took a moment to regain their composure, pushing away all the hurt and fear they couldn't afford to show. With a heavy sigh, they joined Ridi in the hall. She gave them a tour as if they were still here as diplomats. Perhaps they were. But come evening, they would become something else. The wait was heavy, closing in like a hand slamming on an insect.

Heimdall didn't listen to Ridi as she spoke. Even she seemed unconvinced. Her voice had softened and picked up a waver that never slipped away. By the time they’d returned it was evening. Ridi told them to wait in the empty foyer.

They stood. Still and barely breathing under the warm yellow glow in the chandelier. Tense and quiet. Thor had grabbed his hand. He would hold on to his friend for as long as possible.

The clack of heels ran a shiver through both of their spines. Ridi appears in the archway. “It's time.” She all but whispered.

“Remember what I told you.” Heimdall said, giving Thor’s hand a reassuring squeeze. “We're strong. We can survive this.” Thor nodded as they followed her wordlessly.

She led them to a parlor first, leaving Heimdall at the door. Their hands broke as she led the younger omega away.

The dread for his friend felt heavy. Heimdall looked down, slowly closed his eyes. Murmurs caught his attention, making Heimdall face forward. A room of warriors had their gaze on him. Men and women watched with wonder and intrigue. For some reason his practical mind started to count, but once he reached twenty, he came to his senses. Instead he focused on staying calm and stepped inside.

He could tell by the hungered eyes that they were eager. The omega held his hand respectfully in front of him. There was no hope for reciprocity. He was simply bracing himself.

A woman said, “Follow.” Then turned, heading towards an arch. He hesitated for just a second before crossing the room, walking through the crowd. They followed closely behind. A horde of doom chasing him.

Rarely was Heimdall caught off guard. If he hadn't been overwhelmed, he would have cast his sight ahead and saw it coming.

The room they entered was dressed like any other parlor except for the windows lining the wall. Revealing onlookers, some standing, some sitting. All eyes were on him.

His breath caught silently, though it was unwise, he spoke, “This is outside the peace treaty.”

An obvious mistake that immediately showed itself. Eyes sharpened and narrowed at him. He was surrounded by resentment. He knew better. Emotional reactions never yielded a good outcome.

“You call us unjust?” The woman asked, “We read the agreement. You were given to us and we will have you.” 

They spoke as if this were common sense. He could tell by the silk the onlookers wore, they were esteemed in some way the warriors weren't. Perhaps this wasn't cruelty but rather a cultural difference. On Asgard savage behavior was often expected, sometimes celebrated. But never overt.

“Right here.” The woman said, pointing to the center of the room, “Facing them.” He inhaled deeply. Hesitating, even though he knew better. Stalling would do nothing but aggitate their resentment. He forced his feet to obey and moved across the room. Standing where told, eyes floating over all that stared back at him.

Her voice gripped him like fright, “Disrobe.”

Heimdall's breath shook as he closed his eyes and tugged at his clothing.

Thor followed quietly as he was led up a flight of stairs. Ridi had fallen silent. Eyes on the ground. He almost felt the need to reassure her but apprehension held its hand over his mouth.

She led him to an entry that she knocked on, then she all but fled as if trying to outrun a sight. Gogma opened the door with a wide smile, wearing nothing but a robe that hung open. Thor met the king’s eyes initially, refusing to play his game. The king’s smile tensed, his eyes narrowed. Right. Submissive. Heimdall hadn't spoken for the wind.

Thor exhaled quietly, letting his eyes drop to the sight Gogma's cruelty wanted him to meet. They were different from the Aesir in a grotesque way, promising nothing but misery.

Jotunheim had delivered on the same promise. An unhelpful memory Thor pushed away.

“Do not keep them waiting,” Gogma said, letting the door fall open. His words confused the omega, brow pinching in an unspoken question.

His eyes fell on a small gathering. They sat in a small circle as if the room was a theater. His heart thumped in his chest, from the surprise of it. Disgust distorted Thor’s features and it quickly morphed to brow furrowed, hand clenched anger.

“This breaks the peace treaty.” Thor said, meeting Gogma's eyes with a narrow glare.

The king scoffed, “I am honorable. Only I will delight in your pleasures. They will simply enjoy vicariously.”

Thunder clapped. It was unintentional, but he felt lightening at the tip of his fingers. The alphas look towards the window, wondering what had caused the sound. Thor closed his eyes while they were distracted. Forced himself to think clearly.

Attacking would lead to a war they very likely could lose. Asgard would one day be under his leadership and protection. He couldn't risk his people because of personal shame.

The doms mumbled that rain didn't fall at this time of year but their attention drifted back to him. Heimdall was right, submission was expected. Thor held his hands respectfully in front of him.

“Yes, alpha.” Thor said, his tone was sharp with resentment. He was met with narrow eyes. He shook himself a little. There was no room for indignation.

“I meant what I said,” Gogma said, looping his arm around Thor's. The omega flinched without meaning to. “We're not monsters.”

Gogma pushed him towards the bed. Thor stumbled, from the force and the apprehension that unsteadied him. The king stepped back, walking towards the wall. He heard a flick and the audience disappeared into darkness. A warm glow rained down from the bulb ahead.

“Unclothe.” Gogma demanded, already sounding husky. Thor's lip quivered without meaning to. He was being foolish. He lost his virginity under taunting red eyes on a frozen world. Nothing to cry about now.

He tugged at his clothes and Gogma said, “Slower.”

Thor's hands dropped, his face fell. He stood for a moment, with his shirt pulled over one shoulder. Even Laufey hadn't dragged it out like this.

Thor swallowed. With an almost hidden self shake, he pulled himself together. He was strong. Just get it over with and they could leave this misery on Myrkir. With a slow inhale, he put on the show they wanted to see.

When his last piece of garment crumpled to the floor, Gogma moved on him quickly, pushing the omega onto the bed. Maybe Thor would have seen the predator pounce on its prey, maybe he would have heard the growl, but suddenly his vision wasn't his own.

A world unfolded before his eyes. A field of the most luscious green, dazzled with flowers of brilliant shades and shapes. Beauty he had never seen before. His focus closed in on an animal a bit like a frog, but it was furry. Followed by three tiny babies, waddling as best as they could.

Pain almost yanked his attention. Everything Gogma did, he felt. He was making a true spectacle. The omega’s body was nothing more than spotlight for the king’s most aggressive dominance. The pain was unbearable and Thor felt his scream; he couldn't hear it past the wind rustling through leaves, distant water rushing, and the animal calling their children to come near.

For a moment he wondered if his mind had broken. Was he that feeble? But he remembered Heimdall describing a realm once, very similar to this. A tiny realm with no people and life flourished unbothered. This vision wasn't at all his own but Heimdall’s, sharing his gift to spare Thor as much as he could.

Despite Heimdall's warning, Gogma's cruelty had driven him to tears but at least he had the private satisfaction of knowing the motivation had changed, from brutality to the most tender of kindness.

When it was finally over, Gogma pushed him away and the vision lifted. He just barely caught himself from falling to the floor. Darkness still covered the audience but he heard their soft pants, could scent their sated desire. Even the Jotuns had been more decent than that.

Thor turned his body away from them, pressed his thighs together. His hand came up to shield his face. Nonsensical. They had already seen it all.

Gogma stood with a satisfied sigh as he grabbed his robe. Thor heard the party as they shuffled to their feet. Light peeked through the darkness as they open the door to leave. Yet, he stayed frozen in place. He watched as Gogma passed him, disappearing into darkness.

With a deep breath, the omega steadied himself enough to ask, “Can I use your bathroom?”

“You have a room.” Gogma said, “Furnished with the luxuries of our realm. You can shower there.” With another flick, the lights turned on. The overhead bulb still burned, as hot as his shame.

Thor closed his eyes, took another deep breath but forced himself to stay calm, “Please, grant me the mercy of not having to be seen like this.” His voice broke at the end and he hated himself for the pathetic display.

He heard Gogma moving closer, felt as the alpha grabbed his his wrist, holding out his arm to view Thor’s body and the marks he left on the omega. He hummed in approval.

“Go ahead,” Gogma said, “Be quick. Ridi is waiting.”

Thor pulled his hand back to his body, instead of snatching like he wanted to. Gogma walked around him as he gathered his clothes. He found the bathroom and closed the door behind him.

The mirror was avoided at all costs and Thor yanked a towel from the wall. A white one, so his blood could stain the fabric and he hoped it would be a bitch to get out. He took another one and wiped his face. Held the towel against his cheeks. If tears flowed into the fabric, it was no one else's business.

With a sniffle, he tossed the rag to the floor and redressed. When he left, Gogma had changed the sheets and fallen asleep. Ridi was waiting for him and Thor was glad. If left alone, he was sure Gogma would have suffered a lightening strike.

Ridi kept her eyes on the floor as he followed her down the hall, her hands folded in front of her. It was intriguing.

“Does he harm you?” Thor asked. Voice carrying weight as if he had any power to save her. As if his arms weren't crossed tightly because of the horror he had just experienced.

She shook her head, “There is no reason to harm me. I obey.”

He nodded, realizing there was a cultural difference. He couldn't tell if Gogma had acted out of tradition or from alpha malice. Perhaps it was both.

Their room wasn't nearly as far away from Gogma as he would have liked. The alpha hadn't lied about their arrangement. Comforts fit for a king and his party. Maybe this irony would offend him later, when he had enough energy to hunt down the shredded pieces of his dignity. He closed the door when Ridi left and leaned back against the pearl wood, running his hands through his hair.

The Myrks aroused differently than the Aesir. It was thin and slimy. Sticky and gritty. He had cleansed every place Gogma had smeared his mark but…he still felt it. It clung to him like a parasite, feeding off his shame.

The door to the bathroom was opened and he rushed to it, stepping into the shower. He turned the water on the hottest setting. Scrubbing his skin so harshly it hurt. But every time he thought he would finally feel clean, the feeling of it crawled back. Gogma's sticky, slimy victory.

With snarl of frustrated misery, he threw the soap down. It clunked on the stone floor. Thor buried his face in his hands. He refused to cry. He already had broken once and he wouldn't do it again. With a long inhale, he pushed it all down and dropped his hands.

Thor only now noticed Heimdall wasn't here. This surprised him. Irrationally, he hoped his friend wasn't still suffering. Of course he was. The omega crossed his arms, leaning back against the wall as the water hit him.

It always ended this way. Heimdall would protect him the best way he could and Thor could never give back.

It was foolish to waste resources on another realm. Thor couldn't scrape up enough care to stop the water. He was angry enough to flood the room but retaliation would only bring resentful punishment.

Thor stayed just long enough to prove a point to no one but himself and turned the water off. Slimy sticky echoed against his skin but he moved on. Redressing and sitting on the side of the bed. He pulled a knee to his chest, calm as if his mind wasn't a raging storm, and he waited.

Heimdall took a slow, deep breath. Tugging his shirt back on. He must have been a sight when Ridi returned from him. She sighed sharply, looking down and led him down an empty corridor to a hidden bathroom so he could shower.

Kind of her.

He winced as the fabric touched his skin but ignored the discomfort, crossing his arms. He cast his sight on the All-Parents. They had long returned to Asgard and Odin was desperately trying to steer the day as if nothing was wrong. Yet he had snapped at three stewards and was now spewing absolute venom at a student who had done nothing wrong.

Frigga had retreated to her office, head in hands as she still sobbed. His heart was heavy for both of them.

Ridi was waiting for him. Had stood by the whole time. Like a declawed kitten standing guard. She led the way in silence, walking away quickly as he opened the door. Thor shifted as if afraid of who was coming, then his eyes fell on him.

His entire face crumpled, “Oh, Heimdall,” Thor whispered as the older omega sat beside him. He gently held out Heimdall's arm to examine the damage, delicately running the tip of his fingers over the open wounds. The Myrks had snatched, yanked, and grabbed as if he were nothing more than a sack of goods, mindless of the way their clawed grip tore and punctured wherever they had touched.

“It's all surface,” Heimdall said, “It'll heal quickly.”

Thor's only reply was a sigh. Heimdall knew he must have been damaged as well. Gogma wouldn't have left marks that could be seen. 

“You're our gatekeeper.” Thor said, his voice didn't tremble but simmered with rage, “They should have been more kind.”

“Right now, I'm only a student.” Heimdall said, letting Thor gently pet his wounds. It was in their nature to take comfort in kind touches, but alphas would see that as a weakness.

“Did they…” Thor lost his breath. With a sigh, he grounded himself, “Did they force you in front of an audience?”

Heimdall exhaled softly, the memory of being watched threatened to invade but he pushed it away. “Yes.”

“Stupid, miserable, fucking realm.” Thor hissed. Making Heimdall smile despite the horror lingering just out of reach.

“Loki gets his sharp tongue from you.” Heimdall said.

Thor huffed softly in amusement, “How is he? Does he behave?” Did he ever? The young alpha kept them both amused with his antics.

“Right now,” Heimdall said, casting his sight on a small prince misbehaving at that very moment, “He and Sylvie are playing a game of who can sneak the most sweets from the market.” Thor sighed, rubbing his brow, “Now that he's noticed my sight, he trying to sneak them back.” Thor chuckled softly, then his brow pinched in frustration.

“Odin has been so cruel to you.” Thor said, “He closed your womb because he knew he would trade you again.” Heimdall almost touched his stomach, just barely resisting the urge to look for a life he knew wasn't there.

“It is fine if it's only me,” Heimdall said, “It is necessary to save lives and our realm. You didn't have to be here. Odin was blinded by overconfidence.”

“Then you would have suffered alone,” Thor said. As if that wasn't far preferable.

Heimdall sighed, watching his friend. Thor was still young. Trying so hard to bear more responsibility than his years could manage. Heimdall could tell by the way the younger omega looked away, brow pinched, he was breaking and didn’t want to admit it. Normally, he couldn't.

He hugged Thor, holding him tightly. The omega leaned against his shoulder, and finally let himself cry softly.

“Just two more days now,” Heimdall said, how own voice trembling, “We’re strong. We’ll endure. Then we'll leave the shame behind.”

Thor nodded slowly, “Okay,” He said, voice tight. Perhaps agreeing simply because Heimdall said it.

At some point, their hands found each other. Holding as if they were each other's source of strength. Thor took a deep, shaken breath, and Loki had only seen Heimdall cry once, but the omega wiped away the single tear he shed, looking down as if ashamed.

“As I said,” Thor’s voice broke and for the first time, he didn't try to hide it, “Trading me would imbalance future diplomacy.” Thor trailed off, looking away, “Facing him will be… difficult .”

Loki sighed, his growling grew. It felt Odin was in the room with them, a hand holding them down under the oil thick, putrid of suppression. Every action he took, every single lesson he taught, stripped them of agency so they would feel helpless.

“Only because we've been thinking about this backwards.” Loki said, “You're no longer children held under the thumb of a fool and there are no more diplomatic games to play for someone else's impossible ideals.”

They turned to him slowly, watching with pinched brows surrounded by uncertainty and apprehension. As if Odin would jump from the shadows, and chastise them.

“They had the power to overthrow our realm in our full glory,” Heimdall said, “We have no defenses now. A confrontation would destroy us.”

“No,” Loki said, with a steady head shake. “How many realms consider us gods? We don't need a glittering army. The three of us would survive just fine.”

Thor regarded the alpha curiously, yet Heimdall hesitated.

“Gifted sight wouldn't be very beneficial in a war. The two of you possess great power. However, challenging an entire realm with advanced weaponry would require support no one here could provide.” Heimdall said, “And we have limited resources to reach other allies.”

Loki sighed, rising to his feet. He was used to only seeing Heimdall in golden armor, standing tall, defending Asgard before a threat ever became serious. Not once had he ever thought the omega held any amount of insecurity.

“Heimdall, you can control the sight of others and summon a bifrost. You are ever capable of defending Asgard as you always have.” Loki said. The omega blinked thoughtfully and Loki barely caught Thor giving his hand a reassuring squeeze.

“All we need to do is plan carefully and be ready if Gogma wishes to wage war.” Loki said.

“We should try to avoid it. Anything could go wrong,” Thor said, sounding soft, it truly ached Loki's heart, “Diplomatic games will still have to be played.”

“But on our terms.” Loki said, “Not Odin’s. We're not on a ridiculously stupid quest to bring peace to the galaxy.” The two took a deep breath, glancing at each other. Speaking their silent, omega language.

They faced him again, looking nothing less than uncertain and…scared but together they said, “Alright.”

Chapter Text

There was something going on and no one would tell him what it was. The ships had left by the time his parents returned. Asgard celebrated, leaving gifts of gratitude on the steps of Odin's throne. Their cheers carried the King and Queen to the palace.

Yet, they did not join. Odin didn't smile and Frigga walked away from her husband, wiping her eyes.

Loki tried to comfort his mother but she merely patted his head and sent him away. He left his father in his angry misery. Maybe he would understand how the young alpha felt every time he chastised him in public or implied he was Jotun.

Three days passed and Loki was told to remain at the palace while they greeted the omegas in their return home. Heimdall took many missions, no one ever greeted him. However, this was Thor’s first diplomatic mission. Maybe there was fanfare?

Except it wasn't. Odin sent a steward to dismiss the bifrost guards and he told Frigga they should leave the palace from the side to avoid the crowd. Then told Loki to stay at the palace.

Why did he have to stay? Sure, Thor was a big stupid oaf and Loki made sure to remind him of this often, but he still had missed his brother.

The alpha concealed himself in magic and followed closely behind his parents. Usually when they walked together, their shoulders touched. Now, Frigga stood a step away and behind. Just before they left, Odin paused, turning around. His eye scanned the room.

“Loki?” He called out, voice sharp as if already frustrated. So was Loki. Did he really think a call out would make the young alpha squirm? The All-Father called a steward and asked her to find the prince.

Squirm at this, he did. He had only begun practicing projections so they weren’t clear yet. Still, he tiptoed behind a pillar in case his magic failed from the extra strain and projected an image of him running across the field towards the sparring grounds. Hopefully distance would shield his blurry and distorted image.

The steward returned, telling Odin the prince was going to practice. Odin nodded and the two walked towards the bifrost. Loki was just behind them.

When Thor and Heimdall stepped through, Loki gasped. His magic almost slipped from his gasp. He had never seen such a look on their faces. A quiet devastation that made them look down, making the distant sounds of celebration and music feel inappropriate.

The All-Mother sprung forward, sweeping Thor into her arms. Every tear falling from her eyes was matched with an apology. Odin stood afar off, hand tensed around Gungnir.

When Heimdall walked towards the bridge, Odin met him, reaching a hand towards the omega's cheek, “This sacrifice came at a great cost—” Heimdall pushed his hand away, going around the All-Father as he stalked across the bridge.

Loki was shocked. He thought Odin would yell, demand Heimdall to come back and apologize. But instead, he did the unthinkable. The All-Father looked down. His eyes stayed down, even as Frigga walked around him, guiding Thor along in her tight embrace. Neither of them spared the All-Father a glance.

For just a moment, Loki thought to reveal himself and hold Odin's hand. He came to his senses at the last moment. He would have been chastised for disobedience and using magic. He maneuvered around Odin as well.

Leaving behind the King of Asgard alone, standing on the brilliant, glistening gradients of their beautiful rainbow bridge.

Following Gifta’s advice would be wise. Confrontation with Myrkir was unpredictably inevitable and Loki needed to heal if he wanted to match their force. However, walking the same halls of the ship had gotten old before they had landed on Trifffleheim and scrounging around under the darkness of night was monsterish behavior he couldn't face right now.

With a silent hope Heimdall would keep his sight to himself, Loki teleported to the forest. Under the shade of a tree. He took a deep breath of fresh air, looking around. For the first time, he thought not of the resources they were allowed to mine and appreciated the beauty in the realm’s oddity. The people were tiny but the trees rose high, their trunks street wide. The grass was tall, and the blades were as thick as his hand.

Though the trees were huge, they were sparse enough that sunlight broke through the leaves of each one, leaving a wide circular path of light around each giant. His current vampiric lifestyle tied him to just this tree for now. He couldn't walk around. But being outside was enough.

He sat down on the surprisingly soft grass, leaning back against the bark. Calm, quiet. No chaos surrounding him. No sign that he was absolutely fucking furious.

How dare Odin abandon them on an absolutely demented world. Then pontificate peace and alliance as he sat comfortably on his throne. Slept at night without misery. Leaving them to suffer, to be consumed by pain and humiliation.

To not even give them the small dignity of an apology.

Footsteps approaching caught his attention. Loki sighed. Of course Heimdall saw. Of course, he hadn't kept it to himself. Thor's footsteps had been quieter than usual but he had never been light on his feet. Perhaps as calculated and measured as Heimdall in image. He had to present the image of a King before others realized he was an omega.

“Hey,” he said softly, when he reached Loki, looking around, “Usually when you find peace and quiet, you're planning someone's demise.”

“I was getting there.” Loki said, crossing his legs. “Not yet for that wretched brute, for Odin. Damn his soul for dying before I could get to him.” He realized Thor probably wouldn't want to hear that, but it needed to be said. Thor had every right to be angry and if he refused to be, then Loki had enough rage for all three of them.

Thor sighed heavily, taking a seat beside Loki, pulling a knee to his chest. “Peace was very important to him.” He said, speaking from a soft place. Genuine care aided with instincts perhaps, trying to soothe an angry alpha before he could make emotional decisions.

“Too important. Selfish in a way that makes no sense.” Loki said, fist clenching, “You want to preserve Asgard, yet you haven't spoken of selling me off for the greater good.” Thor shifted just a hint, sitting up a little straighter. The way he did when an uncomfortable truth struck a raw nerve. 

Loki inhaled slowly, trying to quell his anger. As a child, he would lash out at Thor when he was angry. It was not a habit he wanted to restart. Yet, he wouldn't let Thor use peace to hide his pain as Odin had.

After a long moment of silence, Thor said, “Your great grandfather died when I was young.” The subject change was unexpected. He met Thor’s eyes, “I didn't know him well but I remember he was a very militant man. Odin rarely spoke of his childhood but I know he was sent to war very young and helped conquer most realms in the Dain and Dvalin spheres. When Bor stepped down, father chased peace the way Bor chased war. Maybe he was trying to find peace for himself.”

Loki sighed, looking at his hands. He hadn't known that. His exposure to war had been minimal, since he had been training when he escaped Asgard's shimmering golden lies. Maybe he could find some sympathy for Odin, but…

“Truly only for himself.” Loki said, “Unrest became waged on everyone he should have loved.”

Thor nodded a little, looking down, “He was called the god of war for a reason.”

“Well earned. He used you in his conquest as Bor had used him.” Loki said. Thor’s brow pinched, glancing at Loki questioningly, “How many times has he sent you two on diplomatic missions to secure alliances, maintain relations, or ease tension? Just so he could feel better?!—Sorry!” Loki said, shaking his head. Sensitive and emotional. He had to remember. Shoving the violating euphemisms in Thor's face was not kind.

“Sorry, I don't mean to…” Loki trailed off, with a sigh, looking at Thor, “I realize it's painful.”

His father had barely reacted to his rant. Nothing more than curling his other leg towards his body. Folding himself into a pretzel of self protection perhaps. The omega’s body language spoke differently depending on how words made him feel but Loki wasn't yet fluent in the language.

At least he spoke in some way. Loki would scream if he had been as silent as Heimdall.

“I know. It's okay.” Thor said, speaking softly with a small, almost tragic, smile, “It wasn't always…” The omega trailed off, closing his eyes, “Not every realm saw us the same way. Especially the beta ones in the closet spheres. Some saw us as unique in a graceful and peaceful way.”

Thor shifted again, crossing his legs like Loki had, hands wringing in his lap, “But…it started off as rare occurrences. To prevent war.” He took a deep breath, one that shuddered, “Over time it became…convenient. We were shortcuts that enabled his aims. Heimdall was…sent to establish peace treaties. Me…” Thor shrugged, going quiet. Loki watched him, equally silent.

Thor leaned back suddenly as an oversized butterfly almost flew into him, flapping wildly as if trying to escape the massive bird that flew overhead. Their eyes followed as it found a nook in the tree, ducking in just as the bird landed. Its beak was too big for the opening, it pecked the bark a couple of times before flying away. After a moment, and a thorough peek, the butterfly hopped down and flew to a nearby flower.

Thor smiled a little, perhaps a silent cheer for the prey escaping a predator. He blinked, stiffening as he spoke again, “We were both quietly taught appeasement. Our instructors told us to demand respect, but when we did they either ignored it or put us in our place. We had no choice but to obey every command with a dignified smile on our face.”

The omega shrugged again, with a slight head shake, “When Odin assigned missions to me, the violation wasn't spelled out and preserved in historical documents. I was sent with the…expectation that I would obey and appease.”

Loki barely withheld a sharp sigh as Thor fell into silence again. His jaw working as if a truth was held captured inside. This was so painful for him, Loki could see it in the way he had tensed, hard as diamond, hands still wringing. Doing what he'd been taught. Pushing all the pain away to present an image of composure.

Sensitive and emotional. But also gentle, yes? Heimdall had said it, almost like an afterthought but Loki had kept it close to heart. They took comfort in kind touches. He scooted closer, looping his arm around Thor’s, gently caressing his arm, and lying his head on Thor’s shoulder. Hoping for the best.

The tension eased from Thor slowly, like ice sitting near fire. He huffed a chuckle where humor was replaced with sorrow, “He used our bodies like a product in an export agreement. So many allies were made this way and now,” Thor sighed deeply, “I'm king. We’ve lost everything. Maybe I should approach our allies but…”

Thor trailed off, closing his eyes as he looked down in nothing but shame, “I'm supposed to stand before them and expect them to take me seriously?” The weight of the words slammed down on Loki. It was knowledge that may have floated in his mind, but he had focused so narrowly on how they had been hurt that he missed how they had to live with the deeper consequences.

The omega scoffed, “Maybe Odin didn't take me seriously either. Maybe he didn't think I could handle the realities of the throne. Maybe he thought being dominated was the only way I could lead.” Bitterness flooded every word he said.

The omega spoke with the calculated cruelty that was written in Odin's very person. So accurate for the All-Father that Loki wondered if he had told Thor such a thing, in a more flowery way to preserve his image of being a good father.

Loki closed his eyes, feeling the reverberation of Thor’s anguish. He took a deep breath, quieting the alpha in him that wanted to rage and spit venom. He needed a quieter response. Sensitive. Emotional. Gentle. All at once. Thor was hurting too deeply to fuck this up.

“I think…” Loki hesitated, rearranging his thoughts. Silence was better than the wrong words, “I think he feared the two of you. Asgard expected weakness from omegas but you outperformed doms in every aspect. He didn't want his legacy overshadowed…” By omegas, Loki almost said. Thankfully, he caught his tongue before he slipped into insensitivity.

Thor looked at him, eyes red, brow pinched. “Was he that insecure?” Thor asked, “His legacy was secure. He was highly revered.”

Loki shook his head, “Thor, Heimdall,” He said, knowing the guardian would hear him. They both needed to understand, “Bor had already conquered the most difficult realms. Odin’s peaceful diplomacy was no deeper than constant appeasement, gift wrapped in generosity. He wasn't a good king. With your genuine care for the people and Heimdall’s strategic planning, the entire universe would have seen him for who he truly was.”

Thor blinked, but said nothing. Looking away as he thought. For just half a second, Loki saw something flash in his eyes. Pure anger. But regret immediately took its place. His hands clenched then released to instead rub Loki's arm in return. The action was automatic, absent-minded. So instinctual and omega that Loki realized they didn't just take comfort from touch. It was a way they communicated.

The realization came with the cost of deeper understanding. Violation wasn't just painful humiliation. It spoke horrors to them in ways the alpha would never fully understand. At least, not the way an omega would. His protective instincts took the information and read it like instructions on how to care for them.

Thor exhaled slowly. Loki thought the omega would make another excuse for the All-Father but Thor only said, “That selfishness does make sense.”

Chapter Text

They were still sad and no one was talking. Mother barely left her office. Father was angry all the time. Thor had gone quiet. The only person who hadn't changed was Heimdall. So Loki asked him what had gone wrong. The omega had looked down at him, no change to his expression but when he patted Loki’s head, his touch was gentle.

“Odin…has made poor decisions.” He said, picking Loki up. He was still too old for this but Heimdall was so sad, he allowed it. The omega said nothing as he carried the boy across the fields to the sparring grounds. The area spanned out, nearly the entire width of their realm, with sections designated for appropriate skill level.

Odin was evaluating a group of students. The sounds of his shouting carried in the wind and Heimdall held him a little closer, as if protecting Loki from the harassment, though it wasn't aimed towards him.

Thor came into view over the hill. He wasn't sparring, he was pacing. Thor had been distracted lately. He looked up as they approached and a small smile graced his lips. As always, Loki was handed over. He wiggled in Thor's embrace but didn't climb out his brother's arms. He didn't want to make Thor any more solemn.

“Was he misbehaving?” Thor asked. Loki felt quite indignant from the assumption.

Heimdall shook his head, “No, just concerned.”

Thor sighed, “Yeah, that makes sense.” He gave Loki a small smile and kissed his temple. The boy looked around, hoping none of his peers saw this. Surely they'd jest if they witnessed him being coddled like a baby.

Thankfully, they were alone. Even more so as they walked down the path towards the shore that encircled their entire realm. The water washed onto the green grass and stone pathways. Children his age weren't allowed near the shore on their own, lest they get into a terrifying situation. The young alpha climbed out of his brother's arms to go near the soft waves.

Thor gave him a firm, “Be careful, Loki.” Effectively slowing down the boy’s rush, “Don't go any further than right here.” He said, pointing towards the most shallow point. Loki huffed but the air was too sad for him to protest.

Loki could swim. He wasn't just a child. He'd be a varling soon enough.

Yet, he obeyed. Leaning down and putting his hands in the water while Thor and Heimdall sat on a nearby bench, talking about something that sounded awfully boring and adult. The water was freezing. The cold spread on his skin. He almost snatched his hand back because it shouldn't be comfortable. But the chill ran deep, soothing under his skin.

The alpha pulled his hands out of the water, seeing a thin layer of ice that gathered on his palms. Loki smiled as a whole new avenue of magic opened up to him. He squatted down, putting his hands back into the water. He felt the cold, pulled it to himself. Condensed it.

The water froze around his hands, expanding. Usually, it took much practice to learn new magic but this came to him naturally. The tips of his fingers tinged blue as the freeze clung to him. As it bent to his will.

Should have planned ahead a bit better. Now his hands were embedded in the sheet of ice. But with enough tugging, they pulled free. He tentatively stepped out on the frozen land he had created. It was always fun when he could interact with his conjures. Though, this didn't feel like an illusion. The ice was solid and thick, holding his weight like a stone path.

“Be careful, Loki.” Thor called out. The alpha turned around, seeing how the omegas watched him curiously. Thor's brow was furrowed in concern.

“It's sturdy.” Loki said, taking cautious steps though he wasn't slipping.

Heimdall looked around, suddenly. Loki read his lips. “Odin.”

Thor snapped his eyes away, following Heimdall's line of sight. He jumped to his feet, moving towards Loki. The omega gave him a gentle smile but his eyes were shadowed by an even deeper sadness.

“Are you able to hide it?” Thor asked, hand outstretched for Loki to come to him, “Just for a little while?”

“I don't know.” He said, bending down, putting his hands on the ice. Trying to undo his conjure but the learning curve showed itself. His magic did nothing.

“It's okay,” Thor said, speaking quietly and quickly, beckoning with his fingers, “Just come to me.”

Loki stood quickly, but the sudden change, the nervousness, made his feet unsteady and he slipped, falling with an umph but not sliding. Odin approached, talking to an instructor. He looked up, his one eye widening as he saw Loki as he took in the scene.

“He has done no harm.” Heimdall said, rising to his feet. Odin walked around Heimdall, a hand held up as a signal for the instructor to stand away.

Thor took a deep yet quiet breath, facing the All-Father, “Yes, he's young, father. He didn't know what he was doing.” Thor usually stood tall and resolute, but now he trembled just a hint.

“Then he will learn,” Odin barked, as if Loki was the one thing he hated most in the universe, “to not behave as a Jotun!”

Odin stomped and the ice shattered, making Loki fall through the water. He heard his name called twice as the cold prickled his skin. It soothed deeply as before but the comfort was pushed away as the chill pinched his skin.

The discomfort only lasted for a moment. He was grabbed by the hand and pulled through. Loki coughed, body convulsing as he tried to fill his lungs with air.

“That was cruel, father.” Thor said, voice trembling as if the offense was personal. The omega snatched his cape off, wrapping it around Loki, then hugging him, “That was so very cruel. He did nothing wrong!”

Loki couldn't see the All-Father from being tucked in Thor’s shoulder. He heard Odin scoff.

“He will not behave like the monsters of that cold world!” Odin said, spewed with the most vile venom.

Thor’s breath shuddered, as if he would cry but when he spoke his voice was firm, “The Jotuns are no different than the Myrks .” The last word was spat, matching Odin's viciousness.

Quiet followed like a silent scream. Loki heard nothing but soft breathing. Then the crunching of boots as Odin walked away. Thor huffed softly when he was gone, still holding Loki closely.

“I'm so sorry, little one,” Thor said after a moment, pulling back, pushing Loki’s wet hair away. He tried to give Loki a smile but it was broken, “He shouldn't have done that. Or said those things.”

Loki huffed quietly, trying to to cry. Odin never backed down for anyone but Thor. He trained Thor, spent time with him. Loki got nothing but rage and harassment.

“He loves you.” Loki said, snatching away, “He loves you and he hates me.”

“Loki, please,” Thor said, reaching out to him but the alpha slapped his hand away. The omega pulled back as if he had been burnt. Good. That's how he felt. Loki spun around, determined to hide himself away but a tall training sentry stood in his path.

Golden eyes were on him. Intense in a silent scolding. It made Loki look down. Heimdall knelt on one knee. Touching Loki’s chin and raising it so their eyes met.

“Did Thor harm you?” Heimdall asked. Loki blinked, stuffing away a sniffle. He shook his head. “Then why make him suffer for someone else's crime?”

The words hummed like a struck bell. Loki blinked again, slowly turning to his brother. He dropped his eyes because Thor still held his hand as if hurt, tears were in his eyes and he never cried. The alpha walked back to his brother, hugging him.

“I'm sorry.” Loki said.

“I know.” Thor said, wrapping his cape around Loki again, like it was a shield against the harsh world. Thor was half wet too, cold water dripped from his water-matted hair and soaked sleeve. “You were just upset.” He kissed Loki's temple, “Let's get you back home.”

They've been on Trifffleheim for a year. Loki didn't think Thor meant to stay for so long but the people were comfortable for the time being and the Trifffles were happy to have them. So much so they were planning a celebration for the day, were adding it to their calendar as Asgardia Feasts. Thor accepted this notion from King Leklan skeptically. Maybe afraid it would suggest permanency.

The Trifffles were overjoyed he agreed. Loki watched their little bodies scamper from the mouth of the ship, preparing for the feast. Thor had sent some volunteers to hunt big game the Trifffles loved but could rarely catch due to their limitations. This added to their joy; their ears had been clapping all morning.

It was odd that they took this alliance so enthusiastically. So far, the Asgardians had done nothing but take from the Trifffles. From sanctuary to resources. But maybe they were submissive by nature. Ready to obey whomever was kind enough.

“Hey,” Thor said, his voice cutting through Loki’s thoughts. For once, he had snuck up on Loki, as if scolding his alpha arrogance on his view of submission. Thor’s eyes scanned a scroll, scripted with an awful lot of to-do’s Loki had the sneaky suspicion would be handed to him. Thor's hair had grown long enough now that he had to hold the strand out of his eyes to read.

Loki had been raised with the understanding that subs were, as the term suggested, submissive. But the two had never given submissive gestures unless socially obligated to. Or maybe submission meant something different to them that alpha culture hadn't made space for.

Thor ripped the list in half, handing it to Loki, “Can you magic fireworks?”

“Can you breathe?” Loki said, taking the paper, looking over tasks. Thor snorted, following Loki’s sight to the bustling outside.

“It will mostly take place at night.” Thor said, attempting to appease Loki’s unspoken plight. For some reason, the omega was constantly worried about Loki’s well being. Well…maybe that was a normal parent thing to do. What Loki grew up believing in as parents was nothing more than a cruel facade.

“I know.” Loki said, looking down at his arms. The pink had subsided significantly but the blue highlights remained. If he stepped into the sun, the pain would run deep. Heimdall told him health would be prolonged. He hadn't known it would take this long. It's been a while since Sweltheim.

A memory of water and ice touched his mind. Of Odin calling him a Jotun monster. He looked up, watching everyone else move freely. As always, he stood just outside normalcy.

He had drifted and Thor looked concerned. “I know,” Loki repeated, “It's fine. I'll join in when I can.”

“You're troubled.” Thor said, touching his cheek, meeting his eyes, “I can't let you out of my sight when you're upset.”

Loki sighed, “I'm confined to the ship. There's nothing for me to find trouble with.”

Thor chuckled softly, rubbing his brow, standing beside Loki, “Yeah, I've fallen for that before. I used to think, ‘he's a baby in a crib. He'll be safe.’ But you would climb over it, dismantle it, knock it over and get into everything. We had to watch you so closely.”

Loki huffed in quiet laughter. He knew it had to be true even if he didn't remember it. “You told me I got it from you. I'm hardly to blame.”

Thor smiled, saying, “As I'm often reminded.”

There was a snake in the distance that Thor had every intention of catching. It had four eyes and he found them the most interesting. Luckily, Heimdall had gone to training. Usually, he wouldn't let Thor go this far by himself but the boy snuck away the second his watcher was out of sight.

The young omega dropped down to all fours, crawling as slowly and quietly as he could. The snake was lying down, still and silent. Surely it was sleeping.

The journey was long and tedious, but he got close enough to see its eyes were opened. It's tail started to sway slowly. An idea tapped on his shoulder, asking him to consider he might be the one being hunted.

Nonsense. He was Aesir. Heir of the throne. All those in Asgard would bow before him.

Perhaps the snake should have been informed of this, as it jumped forward, snapping its jaw, missing Thor by just a hair. He scooted back, trying to climb to his feet. It sprung up again, this time within range.

An arm was wrapped around Thor just in time. Its teeth sunk into flesh but not Thor’s. Heimdall hissed, giving Thor an icy golden eyed stare.

“That was very unwise.” Heimdall said, youth breaking his voice just a hint. He pried the animal’s mouth open so it could unattach and threw it far enough away that it couldn't attack again.

“I'm sorry,” Thor said, sounding shy. Hoping Heimdall wasn't angry with him. He picked Thor up, holding him tightly in his arms.

“Be sorry enough not to do it again.” Heimdall said, carrying him back to the palace. He didn't lecture as father did. Letting the silence do all the talking.

“Stay here.” Heimdall said, placing Thor in the royal garden where he wasn't supposed to leave to stay hidden from the guards and stewards. “I can't train and constantly watch for your mischief as well.”

“Alright,” Thor said, glad his watcher wasn't angry. Heimdall gave him a small smile and patted his head.

“Stay right here, away from the guards.” Heimdall repeated before walking down the staircase towards the training grounds.

Thor sat on a bench, looking around, legs kicking. There were plenty of flowers to observe and stones to throw. But he wanted an adventure . The omega sighed, looking down. He wanted his parents. He hadn't seen them in about two days. Because they were busy, as they always told him when he complained about it.

Still, he didn't want Heimdall to get hurt again because of his disobedience. So he meandered in the garden, chasing frogs. Catching butterflies. He got close to the stone wall that enclosed the garden. His eyes travelled up the wall. He could climb it. He wanted to.

Surely, as long as he stayed the inside of the wall, he was staying in the garden. Thor considered himself very mature and smart for figuring this out. He gripped the rocks and was careful where he placed his feet. Climbing it took time and he got tired, but the top was reached.

He pulled himself over with a smile that quickly turned into a scream as he fell over the side, scraping his arms and legs as he collided with the wall.

Thor closed his eyes as he expected to crash into the ground. Arms wrapped around him just in time. The omega landed on something softer than stone but by the following yelp, that something hadn't been spared.

The boy peeked up, afraid he'd be met with scolding but Heimdall's eyes were full of concern as he got to his knees, holding Thor out.

“I'm sorry.” Thor said, voice quiet, lip quivering because he was hurt but didn't want to show it. And because he had done what Heimdall told him not to.

“It's okay,” Heimdall said with a soft sigh, inspecting Thor’s arms and legs. He gathered the young omega safely and tightly in his arms. “It's alright. The healers will make it better.” He said, voice soothing like a balm.

Loki smiled a little, “I hadn't realized he watched you as well.” He said, thinking back over his childhood. Only now realizing there had indeed been days, sometimes literally weeks, where he hadn’t set eyes on the All-Parents. He was tended to by Thor and Heimdall.

“Yes,” Thor said, “Odin and Frigga were always so busy.” That seemed to be the common consensus. But Loki couldn't help but notice his father had noticed his child was upset, and stopped his duties to reach out and talk. Was standing by because he was afraid Loki would harm himself while upset.

That's what good parents did, wasn't it?

Loki had never considered Thor had been equally neglected. Never knew what Thor had passed down was learned from Heimdall. When Loki was young, only saw Thor being trained for the throne. But now…he thought back and a picture that was once blurry cleared under the right lens.

Training wasn't always the same as care.

It was incredibly ironic that they were considered the All-Parents, yet it didn't appear they had raised a single child that had been in their care. It also seemed quite unfair that Heimdall had been burdened with their responsibilities since literal childhood. Had he ever been allowed to simply live?

Loki almost asked, almost questioned if Heimdall had wanted something different. But he thought about what Thor had said, that Heimdall had kept him in a secret place away from crowds, where an omega scent would call attention. A protective measure from one omega to the other. Perhaps he didn't mind keeping Thor safe, giving security that should have been given to both of them.

“You realize I will never let you live this down,” Loki said.

Thor rolled his eyes, with a sound of amusement, “Truly my worst mistake.” He gestured to the paper in Loki’s hand. His concern lifting now that Loki wasn't glowering at the crowd that sparked his memory, “If you're done standing around, I need you to do that. And actually come to the celebration. I have much for you to learn.”

Loki’s brow furrowed. He glanced at the list, “Surely you don't mean to teach me how to conjure confetti.”

Thor rolled his eyes again, in a ‘he's hopeless’ kind of way, “You have to learn how to play nice as alpha heir. That's important. You have to learn everything I did.”

Loki glanced at him, a grimace for all the work hurling towards him in the near future. He wouldn't mention he wasn't much younger than Thor; by the time the omega would retire, Loki would be equally too old to rule. The words risked bringing to mind the violation that conceived him when Thor was so young. The threat of Myrkir was simmering just beneath the surface, an unpredictable outcome they were silently wishing the best for. The omegas were raw and tender at the moment and he didn't want to exacerbate that.

“I don't suppose there's any way to wiggle out of this.” Loki said.

“Nope,” Thor said, eyes back on his list, “And if you send a projection instead of your actual person, I will have your head.” Loki snorted.

The tasks were menial for him but the Trifffles would certainly take great joy in it. He quickly completed what Thor had asked, storing the magic crafted celebration items in the storage room Thor had designated.

The Asgardians were helping the cause enthusiastically. A year of uncertainty called for a lighter occasion. For Loki, however, the atmosphere felt all too similar. The people laughed, giddy with the prospect of something new but the royal party was weighed down by hidden horrors the Myrkir presented.

Loki retreated to his room. Closing the door and simply standing in place for a moment, arms crossed. His Jotun form was sensitive under his touch, a silent beg for mercy. So he squeezed. Then winced from the pain. He couldn't hurt the monster without hurting himself.

He held his hands out, eyes trailing the unnatural blue highlights. Bruising under his skin. His brow pinched in thought. As a child, he hadn't known about his genes. He had thought the ice was a conjure from his magic. In reality, it was a natural and true manipulation.

For some reason, despite knowing the truth for some time, he hadn't tried it since childhood. Well, no, not for some reason. Odin had left a nasty, ugly scar on the experience that bled whenever he was near ice. It gushed every time he thought of his Jotun form.

The monster within.

He was supposed to embrace it.

Loki sighed, hands out, fingers out spread. He wasn't sure what to do or how. Did he want to bring a chill or…change his form? Could he change his form without the casket?

He took a deep breath and reached for his second form. Its grasp was feeble, weakened by damage but it latched on tightly enough to surface. Just a spot at first, in the middle of his palms. Then the blue spread slowly, prickling as it met the warm air of the room. It stopped. Right below the elbow. He wasn't sure if it was his doing or because the monster was suffering under the casual heat of Trifffleheim.

There were lines along his arms. Some thicker than others. They looked like scabs. As if the Jotuns were born cut, bruised, and broken. Fitting for a world of frigid sorrow and misery. Ruled by the cruel and merciless.

The door opened and Loki snatched his hands behind his back as he spun around. He felt the monster scamper back into hiding, like the pathetic coward it was. He panted as if he had been doing something exhausting. Maybe he had. His green eyes fell on Heimdall as the omega watched him quietly.

There was a sliver of hope that the little episode had escaped the sentry’s sight. He seemed casual, hand still on the knob.

“I was…” Loki trailed off with a sigh, “Just deep in thought. Practicing magic.”

Heimdall nodded slowly, “I can see that.” His voice was calm, as always. No sarcasm as Loki would have done, but the alpha's silver tongue appreciated the wordplay. Still, the moment would be swept straight into the garbage, never revisited again.

“Did you need something?” Loki asked, despite still feeling a rush of panic, letting his arms fall to his side. He glanced at them to make sure they were decent. Heimdall hummed quietly, stepping in and closing the door. Oh. Maybe Loki should have been prepared for him to reach in the trash and pull the matter back out.

For once, Heimdall's arms didn't cross. His hands folded behind his back. A submissive gesture, or just casual posture? Loki wasn't sure.

“I imagine your Jotun form is sensitive right now.” Heimdall said, “It just needs more time. Jotuns can survive in warm environments just fine.” If that was fully true, Sweltheim wouldn't have rendered him useless. But Heimdall said warm. Not lava-realm-excessive-heat-exposed-without-protection.

Loki sighed, sitting on the edge of his bed, “I just…” He trailed off, his fist clenched. Sure, on Sweltheim Heimdall had made a swell point. He wasn't a monster unless he chose to be. But the monster still lived in him. Currently making itself known. Confining him to dark spaces like a fucking rat.

Golden eyes were on him, compelling him to speak. “I remembered I accidentally used my…” Gift? His Jotun gift? He couldn't call it that but he didn't think Heimdall would let him call it a curse.

“I made a sheet of ice on the ocean once.” Loki said, “And Odin…”

Odin scowled at him, hissing with the most venomous hatred, “You will not behave as a Jotun monster.”

Loki shook his head, looking down. “I just thought it might be helpful in…” He trailed off, closing his eyes. He hadn't meant to bring up Myrkir. It was a far away threat for now, no need to mention it.

Heimdall exhaled ever so slightly, crossing the room to sit beside him. Elbows on his knees, “Odin had been very cruel.” The omega said.

Loki hadn't expected him to remember the incident. He would rather like to forget it himself. “I guess it makes sense. If I were him I'd…” Hate me too. He just barely cut himself off. “Have some resentment.”

Heimdall shook his head, “Makes no sense at all. You hadn't done anything wrong.” Loki supposed that was true.

“But I'll always carry the mark.” Loki said, “It's a reminder of a horrible memory just beneath my skin.” He closed his eyes again, to stop something utterly stupid like shedding tears. What could he possibly be upset about? Cruel words? He hadn't been violated by a literal crowd in front of an actual audience.

Alphas couldn't be traumatized like that. Why was Heimdall even entertaining this nonsense?

Heimdall hummed again, brow slightly pinched. He reached over, gently taking Loki’s hand, lying Loki’s palm down on his knee, “Show me.”

The alpha damn near clawed his way out the room like a cat. Stupid. Illogical. Heimdall could see his other form all the same. What was there to hide? Yet, he did nothing more than tense, hand twitching because he wanted to snatch back, hide away in himself.

“It's alright.” Heimdall said, soft and gentle, “Show me.”

With a deep breath, Loki reached for his other form again. It grasped on and he slapped it away out of reflex, having to reach out again. The blue gathered as before, spreading just up to the elbow. The alpha couldn't help but tremble. It was so ugly and…marred.

He didn't expect the way Heimdall traced the lines with his fingers. Delicate and kind. He remembered. Omegas communicated through touch. Heimdall spoke through this form and he couldn't receive the message if he pushed it away.

“Do you know what these lines are?” Heimdall asked.

Loki exhaled, “They look like scars.” Heimdall shook his head and for the first time, Loki really looked at them. Fine lines swirled over his skin but rising above them were three prominent ones that ran down the length of his arm. One in the center and two to either side, spaced evenly. At least his genes were symmetrical.

“Jotuns carry their legacies on their skin. Your genetic traits are listed here like a book and they can only be accumulated. Never lost.” Heimdall said, tracing the center line with the tip of his fingers. “This shows only for those of the royal bloodline. It reveals a gene of generational strength.” He traced the line to the right, “This reveals strength in magic. And this,” He moved to the left, “Is the power of your abilities. Should you decide to use your Jotun gifts, you would prove to be very formidable.”

Loki was stunned. Speechless. He hadn't thought there was meaning behind the hideousness. The alpha watched as Heimdall turned his hand to the side, observing the line that broke in even intervals along his arm.

“This is new and unique.” Heimdall said, tracing with his fingers, “The mark of Aesir. It would be solid for full Jotun blood and it breaks in specific ways based on the race the genes blend with.”

He turned Loki's hand palm up. Two thick lines ran down the sides. They looked almost matted. “These are the gender marks. Jotunheim is a realm of alphas. They've bred out and eliminated subs, seeing them as weak. But here,” Heimdall said, taking Loki’s other hand and guiding his fingers down the center. Loki felt the faintest line. So wispy it could barely be seen.

“Omega, from your father.” Heimdall said, “The return of something considered unworthy. You can't resent this form without resenting him too.”

The omega had been intent with his touches but it eased into absent-minded tracing, instinct guiding his actions as it had with Thor. Loki still couldn't parse the message. He just felt an overwhelming sense of trust. He couldn't tell if it was from Heimdall or from him. Maybe they were meeting in the middle.

“I hate that you made this something I now have to love.” Loki said, wiping his eyes from tears that still felt unbelonging. He wasn't sure why they'd risen at all.

“As you should.” Heimdall said, “You have a long lineage full of history. It runs deeper than the act of one man. I hope you seek to learn your people one day.”

Loki sighed, nodding slightly. His voice trembled when he spoke, full of fear he hadn't let show since childhood, “But what if Thor saw it. How could he see anything other than pain?”

Heimdall sighed, almost fully audible. He met Loki’s eyes, “I think you should ask him.”

Loki sucked in a harsh breath, “I couldn't. What if I hurt him?”

“I can't imagine it would hurt worse than you thinking he might resent you.” Heimdall said, “Don’t let Odin's cruelty overshadow your father's love.”

Loki looked away, the words were painful. He didn't want Thor to have to love this. Of course, Heimdall traced his fingers along his faint omega mark. The most delicate, gentle touch. Guiding the alpha from a place of self hatred even though he had pitched a comfortable tent there.

“Alright,” Loki said. A picture of Odin spawned in his mind. His absolute vitriol in the way he called Loki a Jotun monster. “I'll ask him.”

Chapter Text

He slapped Thor’s hand away. The omega held his hand as if he'd been burnt. Loki was glad he was hurt.

The celebration began at evening. The sun was just setting, its warmth still washed the realm. Loki stood off to the side, watching as Asgardians walked off with the fireworks and confetti he made. They greeted the Trifffles, handing festoonery to the people who had greeted them openly. A year ago he had missed it but there was something so kind about welcoming someone unconditionally.

Quite fitting he had to watch this from the sanctuary of the ship for the time being. Exiled. Well deserved for someone so entirely unwanted, down to his very creation.

Almost like a summoning, his father walked up beside him. Surely the man had a Loki-Is-Unhappy radar or something. Or perhaps Thor was tipped off by the scowl the alpha had to ease from his features.

He bumped Loki's shoulder, “You alright?” Thor asked.

Loki nodded, “Yeah, just waiting. The sun will set before too long.”

Thor sighed, watching him quietly for a moment. Like a hesitation. Then said, “You're troubled. I can tell.”

Loki inhaled quietly. The truth tickled his tongue but he swallowed it. Now was not the time for cornering questions and bringing up horrific memories. Unfortunately, he didn't have a lot of options to escape in.

“I'm just on edge, I think.” Loki said, “I feel like danger is closing in.” Thor nodded absently, a look crossed his eyes. Loki saw the uncertainty, the fear. Watched Thor shove it down. Loki had done exactly what he hadn't meant to with mentioning Myrkir. The realm carried nothing but horror for the two. There was no need to shove it in their faces.

“If there was a need to worry, Heimdall would tell us,” Thor said, “Try to relax. We’ll figure it out.” Their shoulders were touching and Loki realized he was trying to communicate. But Loki had tensed into a rampart, blocking any affection the omega was trying to give.

With a deep breath, he let the tension drop. He still was far from fluent in this somatic language, but Thor’s warmth overflowed to him. The kind that wouldn't harm the monster and it almost made Loki harden again. He wouldn't. Rejecting the connection would hurt his father.

“I don't want to hold you up.” Loki said. Thor shook his head, maybe an answer to the statement or refusing to leave Loki alone. Or both.

“Heimdall will cover for me,” Thor said, looping his arm around Loki's, now that the alpha was listening. Gently rubbing Loki’s arm. Speaking. Loki returned the touch, trying to listen.

They watched the crowd, watched the sunset. Peaceful and his mind absolutely revolted. Dragging up every memory he had of hitting Thor, shoving him away. Shit, he's stabbed his father on multiple occasions. Sibling rivalry. Alphas fought with fists and weapons, even in jest. Not a single concession had been made for omegas. No thought they may have needed gentler treatment.

He supposed the alternative would have been coddling. Loki didn't think they would have appreciated that either. It has been fascinating learning about their private culture. He had been in their presence his entire life, yet only now had he begun to understand them. Maybe Asgard's destruction had taken its suppressive domination down with it.

Thor stayed with him until the sun had gone down. The omega could have pulled away at any moment, justifiably. Even in celebration, there was work to do, people to appease. That's what the All-Parents had done. Everyone and everything was a priority.

Except for their children.

But Thor stayed, looked at Loki when it was safe and asked, “You ready?”

Loki groaned playfully, trying to scrape up something other than his sorrow, “I have never been known for playing nice.”

Thor chuckled softly, “I am aware. That's why I'll be there.”

Loki nodded, following Thor out into the cheer and confetti. The second his foot landed on the ground, a Trifffle jumped on his leg, several of them followed. They jumped on Thor as well. Loki just barely kept himself from shaking them off, letting them climb his body, perching on his shoulder and climbing to the very top of his head. Ears clapping.

They were mindful of his arms though and he wondered how in the nine realms they knew to do that. He trailed behind as Thor walked over to King Leklan. He followed his father's lead, taking in what he was being taught, even if he wouldn't use it.

This was different from diplomacy alone. He had to understand Trifffle culture enough to be friendly, truly a friend. It made sense, now, why Heimdall was so thorough in his teaching and why he required so much memory.

Forgetting a custom could be forgivable or be a war inducing offense. He didn't think the Trifffles would jump to war, as it wouldn't end well for them. But the threat of fucking up still lingered. Loki supposed he was being a bit ridiculous. There was no real pressure; he was merely an observer right now. Accepting the guidance he had longed for since childhood.

Heimdall had tried to bridge a gap before it could show itself. But the force pulling them apart was greater than any of them could fight.

They had returned to the palace and Thor toweled Loki dry from being submerged in the ocean. Odin approached them, head down. Seemingly sorrowful. He patted Loki’s half wet hair and apologized. Thor looked up at their father curiously. Then looked away when Odin told Loki he shouldn't have lost his temper but it was very important to leave all frozen tendencies to the cold monsters of Jotunheim.

Loki smiled a little when Odin walked away. Looking at Thor, surprised with the way his brother sighed, running his hand through his hair. The omega looked down as if sad.

“He's never apologized to me before.” Loki said. Thor looked up with the most brittle smile. He hugged Loki, holding him tight as always.

“That is very true,” Thor said. He sounded as cold as the ocean Loki had fallen into.

The apology stuck like a fungus to their relationship. A foreign blemish to an otherwise clean field of kinship in their brotherly love. Until yet another realm reached out, upset with Asgardians for a reason Loki never attempted to understand. It was grown up stuff and he was fine with living in his small world with Sylvie by his side.

Odin sent Thor and Heimdall to ease diplomatic tensions. The palace was lonely without the two of them. His parents were always hard to find, unless he got into trouble. Loki had found a quiet place outside to practice his magic, staying clear of ice and the ocean. But conjuring frost was fun. He casted icy fog on marble of the palace, and traced drawings in them.

Odin snuck up on him with a growl so vicious, Loki scampered away from him. The All-Father’s words were incandescent, forged with cruelty, bent into a message the All-Father branded onto Loki's very soul.

“If you behave as a Jotun, you will never be worthy of the throne!” Odin yelled, “You will never be worthy of the throne! Thor is the only heir I have.”

His father's scowl turned from him, leaving Loki cowering in the corner, hugging his legs. There was no one to run to. No hug or soft words to find comfort in. He was left alone. Tears streamed down his face that he tried to hold back, then realized it didn't matter. Princes didn't cry but he wasn't a prince.

Loki didn't know what he was. He was trapped in a damp and enclosed space, no light to clear the darkness of misery, no air to breathe. The fungus grew, spreading, turning black and invasive.

The young alpha waited until the sun fell for Odin to come back. To apologize for the hurtful things he said. It wasn't until the sun peeled out on a new day did he realize. Odin had meant every word. He ran to his room, locking himself in his wardrobe. He wiped away his tears. Thor wouldn't cry because of cruel words. Loki wouldn't either. He would never cry again if it made him better.

Two days passed. He was locked in his room, studying hard for once. There were no tests coming up but this was important. He could do well. Odin would see it and apologize. The All-Father would be proud. For once.

His door opened with sudden swiftness and he got hopeful, wondering if his private wish was coming true. It wasn't his father. Thor appeared in the doorway. The true heir. Loki almost yelled ‘get out!’ But the sight of him grabbed Loki and made him pay attention.

From his reddened eyes to the bruise on his cheek. His scent was high and…off. Mangled and mixed with something. Or maybe…someone?

The omega crossed the room, wrapping his arms around Loki, holding him close as if that's the only thing he's wanted to do for the past three days.

“I'm sorry, little one,” Thor said. Loki wasn't little anymore. He didn't say that though. Just crossed his arms. He couldn't deny the anger that flared like a flame. It wasn't fair that Thor could be everything. Strong and gentle. Smart yet sweet. Kind but sturdy.

Loki was only loud, destructive, and intrusive.

“Odin hurt you when I was away, didn't he?” Thor asked. Loki wished so deeply Heimdall would allow at least one moment of privacy.

“I'm fine.” Loki said, holding in the tears that stung his eyes. He was supposed to be better.

Thor shook his head. “Do you know how smart you are?” His brother said, pulling back to rub Loki's cheek, giving him the saddest smile. “You're smart and powerful and you care so deeply when you're allowed to. You are more than worthy to rule.” Thor kissed his temple, hugging him again, “I hope you never forget that.”

Loki sniffled, tears falling. Proving he wasn't better at all.

Thor didn't mock him, though. Didn't yell or rip his pride apart. Didn't call him a monster. He only shined a little light in Loki’s dark world. Dried up his misery. Gave Loki enough air that he could breathe.

For a moment, the mold was frozen in place.

Loki scoffed, sitting up in a black room. Shaking his head with a sharp sigh. He gave up on sleeping. Memories kept playing out in his mind. For some reason he couldn't get his shit together.

He glanced at Sylvie. She slept beside him. Usually she magicked herself across the universe, doing Valhalla knows what. Robbing. Stealing. Until recently, they would mischief as one. Despite usually disappearing during the day, she returned to him at night. A pattern she's kept for the past couple of weeks. He usually wasn't so stationary himself.

Maybe Heimdall was right. Perhaps they were growing tired of near death experiences.

He pondered on if he should wake her but he didn't know what he could possibly say. This was a stupid thing going on with him. She didn't even have the full context. She knew he was Jotun, yet had never seen his other form. Sylvie had never asked and he never offered. Maybe that's why she hadn't asked.

She remained with him, however. Even with knowing the full truth. That he was forged from pure evil. He couldn't show her his full form. Didn’t want to see her disgusted with him.

He rolled his eyes for her. She's been disgusted with him plenty of times.

With an annoyed sigh, he leaned back against the headboard, gently running his fingers through her hair, soft so he wouldn't wake her. He wasn't the type for affection and he belatedly realized he was attempting to speak a language he didn't actually know and she couldn't possibly translate.

Loki didn't stop. He continued to pet her hair, trying to stop the memories from invading his mind. They battered his mental walls instead. Pounding, demanding to be let in.

The fungus only stopped when Thor was near enough to show his care. Then Odin would send him on diplomatic missions, or to settle scuffles in other realms. The All-Father would strip Loki’s world down to a dark, dank, and dismal closet. Where the mold could grow. A localized infestation. Straight between the two of them. They could reach over it and touch, pretending something rotten wasn't just below their hands.

But Loki had been angry so he didn't hold on for long.

When Thor was just a bit older than Loki’s current age, the omega had already been sent on diplomatic missions. Trusted to secure and maintain sacred alliances. Heimdall had always been granted significant trust and titles far younger than anyone else.

Loki couldn't say it wasn't well deserved. It still pissed him off.

He paced Odin's office, hidden in his magic. Listening for Odin's plans for him. The omegas were off-world at the moment. Sent on separate missions for something prestigious he absolutely refused to commit to memory.

Was he not capable as well?

His feet moved silently as Odin’s royal party went down the agenda. Until they finally reached the only thing he cared about.

“Loki is still young but he's advanced in his training.” Frigga said, “He should start observing war or else we'll have to hold him back.”

“He's immature,” Odin hissed, “and violent. Chaotic. He's not fit.”

The room fell quiet. Frigga looked down, jaw setting, “He's no different than the other boys his age. He's been working very hard for a long time.”

“He's not fit!” Odin insisted, voice rising but not yelling, “What would it look like if he represented Asgard? It would forever tarnish our reputation.”

Loki's feet stopped. Jaw dropping. He glared across the room at Odin despite being hidden. The lifeline of a childish hope was snatched and he felt a withering deep inside. Yet the child held on, trying to grasp hope that his mother would stand up for him. That she would insist on his behalf.

Frigga looked away, as if confronted with an uncomfortable truth. Still, he hoped she would push back and demand Odin acknowledge how hard he's worked to master everything that he's encountered.

Instead the next item wiggled through the silence. They discussed decreeing Heimdall as the official Gatekeeper. Odin surprised everyone in the room, especially Loki, when he announced his desire to retire and crown Thor as King.

The alpha hadn't cried in a long time. But his lip quivered as he watched them discuss these possibilities. Vote on them. Officiate them. Allowing Thor and Heimdall to be the youngest officials decreed in all of Asgard's history.

Loki watched as the party was dismissed. The room was vacated and the lights turned off. He released his magic. Left to stand alone in the middle of the room.

All the hard work. Only to be written off as a tarnish. Thor got to bask in accomplishment and glory and Loki was left in the shadows.

He hadn't cried since childhood and he wouldn't start now. He was better than that. Even if Odin refused to see it. Better yet, he would make Odin see it. Thor was nothing more than a petulant, overemotional, oaf. A whore. How often did Thor roam these halls with the scent of many intertwined with his.

That wasn't tarnish? What the fuck had Loki done that was worse than that!

The alpha magicked himself to the woods. Finding a quiet place under the stars to sit and think. To plan. How could he show Odin that he was better than Thor in every way? No, the goal was too low. All of Asgard would witness this.

Loki turned, sitting on the side of the bed, burying his head in his hands. He remembered sitting in the woods for hours, first trying to think of what would hurt Thor the most but his father showed no malice towards anyone or anything, giving nothing to wield against him.

Or…maybe Loki hadn't truly wanted to hurt him. So he fashioned some complicated reasoning to protect the omega, targeting Odin instead. For the All-Father the answer came quickly and clearly. Ruin the most important day in his ancient life with the thing he hated the most.

Jotuns.

With that Loki made a decision. A final one. Allowing nothing to change his mind. He hadn't known the resulting fallout would crash so hard, they would all feel the shockwave of pain for years to come.

Yet, Odin hadn't felt a single fucking ounce of that sorrow.

Loki scoffed again, face scrunched in anger. He was so fucking useless, he couldn't even get revenge right. The All-Father had been right. He was unworthy.

Loki wasn't sure how long he sat there, could have been minutes or hours. He felt the sun, though. Looked up to meet its rise. Unfortunately, the window was protecting him from the heat. Sylvie shifted and he scrubbed his face with his hands, glad his back was to her so she wouldn't see how broken he was.

He took a deep breath and said, “Good morning.”

“Morning,” She said, blinking her sleep away with a yawn. She watched him with tired, thin eyes as he stood, facing her. “What's wrong? You're never up first unless something's wrong.”

“Nothing, the sun woke me up,” He said, leaning over to kiss her cheek. It was awfully domestic and nothing scared Sylvie more than the potential trap of commitment. As expected, she slapped him away playfully.

Loki chuckled, kissing her lips instead, falling on top of her. She warmed up to this, leaned into all his touches. Truthfully he wasn't in the mood but they could work around that. He just had an odd feeling of needing to be useful.

Heimdall eyed him carefully as he lectured. Concerned, but a little deeper than usual. The way the omega did when Loki would soon collide with an inescapable wall of truth. Thor claimed there was an entire universe to occupy Heimdall’s sight. Yet, he always saw the things Loki wished he wouldn't.

It absolutely didn't help that Myrkir was still a topic to be discussed. The only saving grace was the name was mentioned only occasionally. Each sphere had a wide collective of similarities that affected the cultures of the realm, even when the races didn't know others existed in the galaxy. They had reviewed the characteristics of the Dain and Dvalin spheres. Now, it was Dyrathror and Myrkir was the anchor for it as Asgard had been for the Dain.

As was his state of being, Heimdall gave nothing away in expression or voice. But since the name was spoken so sparingly despite its importance to the sphere, Loki wondered if the omega would rather avoid the topic as well.

When dismissed, Sylvie disappeared into a green puff. He knew her location this time. She was going to spend some time with her family. Which suggested she had been doing something else up until then and he desperately hoped she wouldn't get the Asgardians into another situation.

Heimdall spoke quickly, as if expecting Loki to disappear as well, “Have you shown her your Jotun form?” Damn it, Heimdall!

“She knows I'm Jotun, yes.” Loki said, hoping that would be enough as he moved to stand. Icy golden eyes stared at him. “Oh, you meant literally.” Loki said, feigning ignorance he knew would be seen through.

“If something kept her unsettled all night, wouldn't you like to know?” Heimdall asked. It felt as if Sylvie herself had dropped on his head. He looked away, trying to avoid the already spoken words by moving to sit on the table.

Loki’s brow furrowed in genuine curiosity, “How much did you watch? How? Why?” He said, then regretted asking. He knew Heimdall cared.

“I've been worried.” Heimdall said. Frustratingly, his body language was absolutely silent. Thor spoke his unspoken through muted reactions but Loki was learning to understand it. Heimdall was like trying to read air.

Perhaps Loki was overthinking it. Maybe the omega had seen enough, encountered so many situations in his years, that he could see through deflections and they bothered him no more than swatting a gnat.

“Sorry, I didn't mean to make it sound like that.” Loki said, “I’m just…” Afraid she'll find me abhorrent. He didn't say that. No need to justify Heimdall's concern. Loki was fine. Just being ridiculous.

With a sigh, Loki slipped into the easy humor that always pushed concern a safe distance away, “She doesn't do well with pressure, and there's nothing more pressing than being an emotional crutch.” He made a gesture as if shooing the matter away. “We're fine. It's the way we've always been.”

Heimdall hummed a little, shifting his weight, arms crossing. Oh. That was something. What that something was, Loki wasn't sure.

“It seems…” Heimdall said softly, trailing off. Almost as if hesitating. “It seems as if you're both reaching for more, but you're never standing still long enough to reach each other.” He spoke with just a hint of uncertainty that Loki had never heard from him.

What about it would make him uncertain? Was it Sylvie herself? Or maybe commenting on their relationship… Now that he was thinking about it, did Heimdall court? Loki had only seen him with one person, many years ago when they were young. The alpha mistreated Heimdall and Loki attempted to step in whenever he could.

If Heimdall was hesitant because of his lack of experience in relationships, it would be exceptionally annoying that the omega zoomed in with precision by sheer chance.

“What makes you think that?” Loki asked.

“Sometimes she looks as if she'll speak to you but either leaves or remains in silence instead.” Heimdall said.

Loki’s brow furrowed in concern, subconsciously reaching out to her through magic. She responded, her magic wrapping around his. Ready to react if needed. “I didn't know something was bothering her.”

“I'm sure she would say the same for you,” Heimdall said.

The alpha crossed his arms. His other form was still sensitive, hoping he would be merciful this time. He squeezed and barely contained the wince so Heimdall wouldn't worry.

Heimdall saw it. Of course he did. There was no delay, the omega crossed the room, touching Loki's chin so he could look up and meet disquieted golden eyes.

“You need to talk to your father.” Heimdall said.

The words made him want to squeeze harder. His fingers twitched but he couldn't hurt Heimdall again. He wouldn't want to watch that. The memory played in Loki’s mind, of being young and so stupid. Angry that Heimdall could protect everyone. He protected Thor. The entire Nine Realms. But never Loki from Odin’s cruelty. So Loki tried to burn Asgard to the ground and everyone who had hurt him with it.

If only he had known how misplaced all the anger was. Heimdall was having a hard enough time protecting himself. Shit, he didn't protect himself. Couldn't. The omega was too busy protecting everyone else and he was only one person. He couldn't save everyone.

“I am.” Loki said, sounding uncharacteristically quiet. Even to himself. “He's just been busy lately.”

“Not too busy for you.” Heimdall said.

“Okay.” Loki said, looking down, deciding to put it off for as long as possible. “I'll find him later when he's at rest.”

“Now,” Heimdall said, “He's walking back from King Leklan’s palace. Magic yourself to him and talk to him.” Loki made a small noise that was quite unbecoming. He didn't want to hurt Thor. He couldn't. Maybe along the way, Loki convinced himself Thor forgot he even had a Jotun form. It would be awfully cruel to remind him of it.

Without meaning to, he wrung his hands. Ignoring how much it hurt because he wanted it to hurt. He wanted the monster to know how much it was hated. Heimdall gently took his hands, and held them to his chest. Loki felt the rumble of Heimdall's purr before his ears heard it.

The shock snatched Loki from the emotional cliff he'd been edging towards. Heimdall gently rubbed his thumb along the back of Loki’s hand. Gentle so he wouldn't cause harm.

He had never heard Heimdall purr. Shit, Thor hadn't purred since they were kids. The thought reminded Loki how young Thor had been. With a child he wasn't allowed to parent. But the purring wouldn't let Loki get upset.

The alpha was met with an overwhelming sense of trust and he realized they were meeting in the middle. The care wasn't one sided. Heimdall had watched and protected Loki as he had done with Thor, feeling guilty if he failed but not being able to risk them seeing that. He had to be a strong figure in a very cruel world.

“I can't tell you what you need to hear from him.” Heimdall said. “You need to talk to your father. Hear it for yourself.” Loki couldn't get upset at the moment but he was still miserable. He only nodded in response.

Heimdall still held his hands though, letting Loki feel the purr until he genuinely calmed down, when he could trust Loki wouldn't magic himself into a situation that would gleefully rip him to shreds.

He touched Loki’s cheek, “Go to him. It'll be alright.” Heimdall said. Loki took a deep breath, nodding stiffly and disappeared into a green puff.

It was his incredibly poor luck that he picked a path to teleport to and purely by chance, he appeared right behind his father. He immediately concealed himself with magic but Thor heard the sound of his feet on the grass. He looked around absently, probably assumed it was a nearby animal and continued his way.

Loki teleported elsewhere, under the shade of a tree. He wasn't sure how far he'd gone, hadn't paid attention to his surroundings. He just hoped Heimdall would see him taking a moment and let him have space to gather his thoughts.

He needed a plan for what to say. The words had to be kind, so he wouldn't hurt Thor again. Even though he kept doing it. His tongue was sharp and he could spit the most vicious venom.

The way Odin could. The way he had every time he called Loki a monster. Or unworthy. Violent. It was all true, wasn't it? He invaded realms and took things. Hurt people, without ever looking back. He had been as bad as Odin.

As bad as Laufey. What else could he be? He was forged from the cruelest pain, inflicted on a child.

What the fuck could he say to Thor? How could he possibly ask his father to love that?

Loki took a deep breath, thought about something else for a while. Heimdall hadn't been kidding when he said the alpha would be tested. He should focus on that.

Some of the realms in the Dyrathror were very young, others, like Myrkir, were almost ancient. They had been pushed out by a blast about fifty million years ago. Loki winced as he stepped into the sun, glancing up at the clouds in the sky. If Heimdall saw this he could explain it away. The Aesir shouldn't have to suffer in darkness because the monster was weak.

It didn't matter. He crossed his arms and squeezed.

The Dyrathror realms didn't have the resources the closer ones did. Animals and vegetation were typically sparse. But Myrkir had gotten an advantage, having started in a space where life could thrive. Being pushed to the fringes of the universe created a unique environment for their evolution.

Loki winced. The monster screamed, started to beg. He didn't care. He walked ahead. He hoped it would die. Could he live without it? Was the Aesir forced to coexist with the monster, to depend on it?

Maybe he hoped it would take him with it.

Relief came so suddenly, confusion replaced his misery for a moment. He looked up, recognizing the cape being held over him as his father stepped around, making sure all of Loki was covered.

He didn't see Thor’s face. He heard the shuddered breath and looked down. Why did he always do this? He brought Thor nothing but pain. Why couldn't he just die already so everyone would be better off?

“Come on, back in the shade.” Thor said, voice almost firm. But heartache shook it. It was just like him to waste time. The alpha should have been thinking about what to say.

He supposed, truly, he didn't want to say anything.

Loki inhaled, nodding slightly, stepping towards the sanctuary of a nearby tree. Thor dropped his cape over Loki’s shoulders, knowing his singed form needed the extra protection. Loki kept his eyes down, still too cowardly to face the pain he caused.

Too afraid to find love where hatred should be. Too scared to see love turn into scorn if he mentioned the monster.

Thor's hand touched his cheek, a caress so tender, Loki couldn't handle it. He crossed his arms, hidden under the cape. And squeezed.

“Loki,” Thor said, “Look at me.”

The alpha exhaled slowly, touching his magic. The thought of teleporting away taunted him, pointed and laughed and beckoned in the same breath. Running from Thor would hurt him and Loki had done enough of that.

The alpha looked up slowly, inhaling sharply as he met Thor’s eyes. His father's brow was pinched in concern and his small smile was so sad. Loki wondered what Heimdall told him. Had Heimdall sent him or had Thor simply found him?

“What's wrong?” Thor asked, so unbearably gentle. Full of worry and care. Loki made a pathetic and small sound, then shook his head, trying to shake off this nonsense. He was being so stupid. Weak. The two had suffered so much worse.

“I…” Loki trailed off. Squeezed harder but didn't allow a wince. He dropped his eyes again, with another headshake. “I’m fine. There's just been…a lot on my mind lately.”

“No,” Thor said, touching Loki’s chin and raising, so their eyes could meet again. “It's okay. Talk to me. What's wrong?”

His eyes stung and he hated it. He was better than this. He worked hard to learn how to deflect and push everything away so he could never feel. Nothing was allowed to get close enough to hurt. But how could he push Thor away?

It didn't help that Thor was kind in his reaction. He cupped Loki's face, rubbed his cheeks with his thumbs. Speaking through touch. All Loki felt was love.

And it absolutely broke him.

With a cry, he plummeted to the ground. Thor was right beside him, wrapping his arms around Loki and holding him close. Letting Loki cry on his shoulder.

“I wish you hated me.” Loki gasped in between his sobs, “I wish you hated me as much as I hate myself.”

He regretted it the second he said it. The words hit Thor so deeply, the pain was silent, yet it echoed. It showed in Thor’s restrained grimace, as if it was the most painful thing he's ever had to endure but he wouldn't let it show.

“Now why would my smart, powerful, deeply caring son,” Thor said, kissing Loki’s temple, “who’s put so much effort in learning to be careful, protective, and gentle to his omega father and uncle, think he should be hated?”

The words curled around him like a bandage to a gushing wound. Loki hadn't realized they noticed, wasn't doing it for their attention. They'd been hurt and unprotected. The alpha had only been trying to right a wrong.

Odin never acknowledged anything he'd done, so he never looked for approval. But Odin wasn't his father.

Thor was.

Loki was still so afraid but somehow, Thor had reached him, relaxing Loki's grip over the words he had clutched close to his heart.

“I never knew why Odin hated me.” Loki said, voice tight, “I never knew why he called me a monster. Not until I found out it was true.”

Thor shook his head just as quickly as the words left his mouth, “You're not a monster. You were just a child that became a target for his guilt. And I'm so, so sorry,” Thor's voice broke, the regret landed with a clang, “I'm so sorry I couldn't protect you from him.”

He wished Thor had given himself credit. He hoped Thor would mention that every time Odin turned his venom towards Loki, Thor tried to shield him. When he couldn't, though he had to reach from the back seat Odin forced the omega into, Thor tried everything to stitch his son back together.

Instead, Thor said, “You can hate Odin, okay? You can hate Frigga. You can even hate me. But don't hate yourself. Please.” Not just words. They were a desperate plea from a father who didn't want his son to suffer.

“But…” The word literally came out as a squeak. Loki had to try again, “But what about what's buried inside?” The last words were barely spoken, sorrow had stolen his voice.

“Your Jotun form?” Thor asked. Loki nodded, barely a movement. “Oh, Loki,” Thor whispered, giving him a gentle squeeze. “Show me.”

Loki's breath hitched, he shook his head, “I don't want to hurt you.”

“You won't.” Thor said, “I promise. Trust me.”

With a shaken breath, Loki reached out for his other form. It was beaten, battered, and weeping. But it still grasped on, holding as best as it could. Blue peeked out in several places, spreading slowly. His heritage lines showed themselves, travelling the length of his arms, on his face, flowing down his chest. He was splotched. Dark blue, almost black, sat on his arms and face like thrown paint. Heat damaged and sensitive. The breeze he hadn't noticed became apparent with a soft sting.

Thor placed another gentle kiss on his temple. “Yep, I still love you.”

“It's hideous.” Loki hissed.

“No, just different.” Thor said, “To the Jotuns, perhaps the Aesir is ugly.” Somehow, Loki never considered that. Maybe he hadn't wanted to.

Thor sighed, looking at the bruises along Loki's arm. He gently grazed his fingers along the dark blue, delicate so he wouldn't cause pain. Petting Loki’s wound because that's how omegas communicate.

“Laufey was cruel to me,” Thor said, “but having you was such a slim chance. At first it was a miserable experience with nothing to bring me from the darkness. But I found out about you and,” Thor smiled a little, “you were my proof that something beautiful can come from something so ugly.”

It was too genuine and soft. Loki almost didn't know what to do with how it made him feel. He didn't deserve so much mercy.

Thor glanced up suddenly with a small smile, making Loki follow his gaze. He startled every so slightly as Heimdall sat beside him, gently taking Loki’s hand, holding it. Absent-mindedly tracing his lines of heritage. Thor held him close, still rubbing his arm.

Loki could parse it a little more clearly now. Love. Trust. Acceptance. Maybe there was more they were telling him that he couldn't understand just yet. But that was okay. This was enough. It was all he could carry right now.

“Would you like to see Jotunheim?” Heimdall asked. Loki lost his breath. He heard the echoes of a harsh voice calling him a Jotun monster.

But Odin wasn't his father. Thor was.

“I…” Loki trailed off, thinking of a cold and cruel world that harmed his father. Taking so much from just a boy. How could he have pride in that?

“You have a family.” Thor said, “I hope you get to meet them one day.” Loki blinked. He hadn't known that. Hadn't given Laufey's life any thought besides ending it…oh…yeah, that.

“I killed Laufey.” Loki said, sounding shy as if he regretted it. Truly, if he could he would dance on Laufey's grave. Have a band playing for it and all.

“For that, I'm sure your siblings would shake your hand.” Heimdall said, making Loki snap his eyes to the omega. He had siblings?! “Would you like to see them?” Heimdall asked.

“I…” Loki was still stunned, looking down. “I guess so.” He said it as if suspicious of what they would do. Like they would appear before him and commit a crime.

He felt a shift behind his eyes and the world he saw was white with snow and covered in blue ice. Heimdall's vision scanned over the realm, searching perhaps. But the search slowed down as a village came into view. Loki had been on Jotunheim only twice, both times under secrecy with the need to escape the second his business was done. All he had seen was a palace made of dank caves.

He hadn't realized they carved ice as Asgard had carved stone. Engraving flourish and decorations. Used to build their tall structures, wide enough to accommodate the giants living in them. Their architecture was…unlike anything he'd ever seen. They shaped their homes like caves. Heimdall looked through the roof of one, showing Loki a building with no rooms. They used stone and wood to furnish and establish space. Beds to the far right. A kitchen to the left. Toys on the other side and in the center a dining table.

Heimdall looked elsewhere, searching again. Slowing down to show a family playing in the snow. A hunting party going after big game. Making sure Loki understood when regions changed, as did the temperature. The omega showed a sprawling city in a warmer climate. The ice thinned, making way for stone the people covered, meandering in shorts and sleeveless shirts, as if the entire realm wasn't frigid. But to them…it may have felt like the tropics.

Finally, Heimdall's sight stopped at a mountain, with massive dank caves…wait…Heimdall looked around the mountain, letting Loki see the architecture and the emblems. Finally Loki understood. The Jotuns had built this. Probably by hand.

Loki didn't want to be amazed by this. He refused to be impressed. Unfortunately, he had to concede it was very unexpected. The world closed in on a woman, sitting on a throne. Her left arm was missing at the elbow and below the knee, she had stone chiseled as a leg, attached by ice.

“That's Nal.” Thor said. “Your oldest sister. She was born whole and should you meet her one day, she can tell you her story.” Loki watched her as she judged for the people. Heimdall let him hear her thoughtful questions, making sure she understood everyone's needs before speaking the fairest judgement possible.

“She tries very hard,” Heimdall said, “To be a different person than your sire.” Loki held his breath without meaning to, watching as someone created from the same evil he had been was trying their best to be good.

Two children ran up on the throne, crying for their mother. She apologized to the person waiting for their judgement asking for a moment, and held the children, listened to them.

“That’s Helblindi and Byleistr.” Thor said, “Your nephews.”

He watched as Nal sighed, giving them both a hug, telling one to stop being naughty and the other to stop being bossy. They grumbled with this judgement, but climbed out of her lap. Perhaps the real problem was they had been alone for a moment too long and simply wanted her attention. He knew that all too well, but she had given her children something he had been denied.

No, that wasn't right. When the All-Parents withheld affection, Thor always gave it to him tenfold. Sitting with him and comforting through a mask he had been forced to wear. If Thor wasn't available, Heimdall would reach through his stoicism, giving the best care and protection he could. Disciplining yet quietly spoiling. Rarely was Loki denied when he asked Heimdall to buy or do something.

Nal freely gave the same love and Loki wasn't sure what to do with the shattered pieces of his expectations.

Heimdall tensed suddenly, his absent-minded tracings changed just slightly, thumb running over Loki’s alpha genes. Thor stiffened as the slightest echo of a voice whispered in Loki's ears.

Not from the family sitting with him or the family he never knew still before his eyes. This was a language he's never heard before but he remembered what Heimdall taught him. The almost lyrical sounds of the Dain sphere were blended with the stunted sentences of the Dyrathror.

His All-Speak translated: “Asgard has been destroyed. But we don't know about the people.”

The scene before his eyes shifted. People taller than Asgardians sat around a table in an office. A man sat in the ornate chair. He was graying in his hair and beard. Circles sat under his aged eyes. His hands were folded in careful placement so his claws wouldn't puncture his own skin. Loki tensed in anger. Had Gogma been so careful with his father?

The omegas said nothing as they watched the Myrks discuss Asgard. What became of Odin? Where are the two beauties?

Thor changed his touch as well, taking Loki’s hand. Loki understood though. Their body language didn't change. They didn't cower or cry or hide their faces. But their touch told him they were afraid.

Loki felt his fluency with their language was in an odd place. He could understand but still wasn't sure how to speak. He decided to follow instincts, walking the path Heimdall had paved earlier. The alpha took their hands and laid them against his chest, letting them feel his protective growl.

He looked down, realizing he was still in Jotun form. For a moment, it had simply been his skin but he still wasn't ready for it to become who he is. He didn't change. They accepted this part of him and he wouldn't disrupt the peace they were finding.

They tensed a little less. Heimdall softly released a breath it seemed he had been holding. “We still have some time.” The omega said. “They don't know where we are.”

“It’s okay.” Thor said, his voice trembled softly, “We'll figure it out.”

“We will,” Loki said, “Together.”

Chapter Text

They were brought a vast breakfast. To their room, of course. Omegas should be used, then discarded. Certainly not seen or heard. Thor scoffed as he watched a beta bring in plates of food. All foreign to them, but honestly, Thor expected to be given scraps. Perhaps Ridi had arranged the meal, as she had the room and every other miniscule ounce of decency that was strewn their way.

When the man had brought in the last plate, he smiled at them as if they should thank him. The most they could scrape up was a blank stare in reply. With a nervous chuckle, the beta swiftly left the room.

Heimdall took a deep breath, wincing a bit as he shifted. Thor looked down. He hated that Heimdall got the worst of everything. His friend gave him a small smile, patting his cheek.

“You should eat, little one, and rest.” Heimdall hadn't trailed off but Thor heard the unspoken ‘before they come for us.’

“You haven't called me that since childhood.” Thor said.

Heimdall only gave him another small smile. Maybe to his friend he was still little. But Heimdall was at the cusp of adulthood, hadn't crossed over himself. Odin could have at least waited until they were adults to put them in these situations.

Would it matter? His friend was older. He would still get hurt. Except Thor wouldn’t be here to help him through it, even if Heimdall suffered the worst of it. At least Thor could help make it a little less.

He ate a bit only because of Heimdall's soft urging and laid down because his friend told him they couldn't survive this if they weren't at full health. Heimdall rubbed his cheek until he fell into a restless sleep.

He woke up a short time later, unease made him wake with a start. The movement caused a sharp pain and he groaned softly in discomfort, sitting up gently. Remnants of a cold world and a ravaged body. Their experiences here had done nothing but make it all so much worse.

The omega ignored it, taking a quick look around. Realizing he was alone. He didn't remember Heimdall eating and he couldn't imagine the older omega had taken a rest himself. Perhaps his friend wanted to save him the pain of seeing Ridi come for him.

Thor sighed, closing his eyes. Knowing his friend was being hurt.

Thor exhaled slowly, toying with his pendant. He needed to think about something else. Except that something was the echoes of his son saying he hated himself. How could that be anyone else's fault but his?

He slowed to a stop, glad no one was roaming the halls at the moment. Allowing him the freedom to lean against the wall. Complications, as the healers had called it. It always got worse when he was stressed. Didn't help that he'd been standing so much for the last few days. With the celebration and the planning for it.

Just a moment. Only a moment. He pushed away from the wall and continued on as if nothing was wrong. He'd long learn to live with it.

Val's scent greeted him, maybe he heard something but his mind was on his son. His bruising. His pain. Surely Loki must have been burdened for some time. Why hadn't he reached out? Did Loki know he could?

Val’s arms wrapped around him as she said, “Hey.” He covered his flinch with a chuckle that sounded nervous, even to him.

“I didn't see you there,” Thor said, returning her embrace. Glad for it and terrified all at once. Afraid she'd slipped her hand in his pants.

“You seem a little down.” Val said, “Have been for a few days.” His brow pinched a little. He hadn't expected her to notice. Usually he kept his upset to himself. Jane hadn't even been able to see through it. Preferable. It made it hurt less when they turned on him.

But Val had been kind and Jane never turned on him. Maybe Val wouldn't either. But he hadn't given Jane the time to change. Maybe that's why he left Midgard for so long.

“Just busy.” Thor said, “And stressed.” He wasn't lying, just in case she was safe. He didn't elaborate, just in case she wasn’t. Val looked up at him. His heart fluttered with how concerned she looked. He'd been tricked before. Amora was excellent at faking sincerity.

Well…to him at least. Heimdall certainly had seen through it with crystal clarity. Thor relaxed a bit, remembering. Heimdall would see through Val if she were insincere.

“That's what you said last time.” She said, “You didn't tell me you had been hurt. You could have. I wouldn't have pushed you.” Thor closed his eyes. Suddenly Gogma’s hand all over him. A beautiful world and his silent screams.

He took a deep breath, opening his eyes and tried to pretend her concern hadn't deepened, “I'm fine.” He gave her a smile, “It happened a long time ago. Over fourteen hundred years.”

“But…” Val hesitated, rubbing his back gently, “It seems like it still bothers you.” He wished she hadn't said that. Laufey's hand joined alongside Gogma's and…

It was too much.

“I…” Thor trailed off. Pushing her away without meaning to. She stepped back, looking surprised and hurt, “Sorry, I didnt—I just remembered I have a meeting and I don't want to be late.” He kissed her cheek because…if she was kind, he didn't want to push her away.

Even though he literally just did.

“We'll talk soon.” Thor said, “I'm just in a hurry.” He turned, feet moving quickly.

“Okay," she said, but the words hit his back as he walked down the hall.

The crowd was slightly thinner today and he hated his practical mind noticed things like that. Heimdall took a deep yet quiet breath. Hands folded in front of him. Naked. As they had demanded. This wasn't a respectful gesture. He was simply trying to maintain a sliver of dignity for as long as possible.

The warriors gathered around him. Yet, they hadn’t advanced. Told him to stand in the center and then left him waiting. Wielding apprehension like a sword. They were clearly planning something so he cast his sight for the woman who seemed to be in charge.

She was talking with Gogma, reviewing the treaty. He came in at the end of their discussion, as they agreed on something. They mentioned making a profit. The woman turned, leaving the room swiftly.

Heimdall closed his eyes. This was going to get worse and he so desperately hoped Thor's status would save him from it.

He wished he could have saved Thor from all of it.

Too tender. Too painful. Especially for now. He had to push regret away so he wouldn't cry when they… He had the day before, breaking his own advice. Not until the end, when the weight of it all had become too much. Not a mistake he intended to repeat.

He pushed that away too, keeping his sight still. Perhaps he shouldn't abandon his dedication to being prepared but right now, it was a burden. They had already lost so Asgard could win. Preparation was useless now.

He heard the door open and snapped his eyes towards the sound. The woman walked in, followed by a small crowd. High ranking individuals, based on their clothing. But not warriors.

As if prepared for his contest, she said, “This is within the treaty.”

Heimdall hesitated for just a moment. Weighing his options of response. Demanding respect, even when there was none to grasp, is what they'd been taught. He couldn't allow a change this severe to abide without pushback.

“Are they part of the royal party?” Heimdall asked. He kept his tone firm yet quiet. Submissive enough that it wouldn't cause trouble.

“No,” The woman said, “But they won't have you.” She held a hand out, inviting one of the officials to cross the room towards him.

“Kneel,” The woman said, “Before him.”

Oh.

This…

Heimdall didn't move, eyes on the official but not meeting his gaze to avoid offense. He thought back to what had been agreed on. Gogma had simply said who would “have” whom. But no specifics had been exchanged.

No protection.

It was a technicality. A cruel, dishonorable tactic. But what could he say? He had no defenses. For Thor, or himself.

“Kneel!” The woman insisted. Annoyed. He was taking too long. Or she didn't want him thinking it through too clearly. He could dig his heels in, argue the matter. But Odin was on the other side of the universe. They were alone and pushback would breed resentment.

He turned, dropping to his knees, closing his eyes as the man opened his robe.

Heimdall closed his eyes, as if it would block the memory. He shook his head, annoyed with his own foolishness. He couldn't let the past distract him. With a soft breath, he opened his eyes, looking towards Myrkir again. Watched as Gogma sent a messenger out to learn more. His royal party asked what could the Asgardians possibly have to offer. All their marvels would be lost.

Gogma pointed out the Aesir could bring their knowledge to Myrkir’s technology. Unfortunately, this was true. But that wasn't what Gogma truly wanted. Heimdall waited, watching the discussion until the king dismissed most of his party, keeping just his closest behind. He spoke of the beauties. Of marrying one and tying the other as a concubine.

From there, they could follow Odin’s playbook but take it further. Trade the bride for alliances. Sell the concubine for profit.

Heimdall’s eyes snapped shut. His grip tightened on the hilt of Hofund. This was unlike him. He was usually steady, setting all discomfort aside. He took a deep breath, grounding himself.

It had been a long while since they'd been hurt.

They were safe on Trifffleheim now.

Their whereabouts were unknown.

Odin wasn't here to betray them.

Thor was safe. Loki was safe.

Was Loki safe?

With a deep breath, he opened his eyes again. Facing his bedroom window but his sight searched for Loki. The alpha was outside, by himself. Concerning. Except the alpha took shelter under a tree. Whether he was inflicting self harm, Heimdall wasn't sure. Loki was looking at his hands, which were in Jotun form. The bruising had spread over the past few days, tingeing Loki's Jotun skin an even deeper blackish blue.

Heimdall was worried. He set Hofund aside and walked out, casting his sight on Thor. The omega was speaking with King Leklan and, for now, Heimdall wouldn't worry him. Loki’s distress had shaken Thor and he wouldn't worry his friend unless necessary.

It had shaken Heimdall as well. But he knew Thor well enough to know Loki had inherited self-destructive traits, they just presented in different ways. Loki harmed himself. Thor partnered with a horrible person to do it for him. However, Val seemed to be very kind, even if his friend wasn't sure what to do with the kindness and what it meant. Especially now with Mykir hovering over their very minds. Hopefully Thor would find healthier coping mechanisms.

The warmth of Trifffleheim’s sun caressed his skin as he walked outside. At least Loki hadn't gone far. Heimdall's brow pinched slightly as he considered his own copes. He wasn't sure he had any, but…possibly.

A familiar scent pulled Heimdall from his thoughts. Wrapping around him protectively even though Loki hadn't noticed him yet.

“Are you alright?” Heimdall asked.

Loki spun around with a soft gasp. Hands dropping, changing form as if they were shameful. The omega couldn't help but wonder if the wounds Odin had branded would ever heal. Maybe they would close but remain forever tender.

“It would be awfully nice of you to announce your presence,” Loki said, with easy humor, “You almost scared me into my other form.”

The hypocrisy.

“Would you prefer I used concealing magic instead?” Heimdall said. Loki chuckled softly at this. Genuinely humored. But Loki concealed emotions as he did his person. The omega would aim to pull them out before Loki could spiral again.

“I see your point,” Loki conceded with a small smile. “To ease your concerns, no, I wasn't punishing the monster. I was trying to…” Loki sighed, looking at his hands, letting them change form, “Trying to wield it. It might as well earn its worth.”

Heimdall sighed silently, wishing Loki wouldn't refer to his Jotun form as if it were separate from him. As if a parasitic alien was stealing refuge inside his body. The omega wasn't sure how to address it in a way Loki wouldn't reject.

Small steps.

“You are already worthy,” Heimdall said. Touching Loki’s hands gently. Looking at the damage. “Do you find using your gifts difficult?”

Loki shrugged, “A little. I can create but not reverse it seems. But anything past ice and a meager snowball seems to escape me. Maybe it's because I'm only half.”

Heimdall shook his head, “That's not how Jotun genes work. Whatever’s written in your heritage lines is true.” Loki's brow pinched, as if disappointed. His fingers twitched in Heimdall's hands. Which is why the omega still held them. To protect Loki from himself.

“You are unwell at the moment.” Heimdall said, “You will need to heal a little to show more of your gifts.”

“It's just the Jotun form.” Loki said. The words came easily. He truly was convinced.

“The Jotun form of your person,” Heimdall said, “It's not a separate entity. You need to take care of yourself.”

Loki blinked slowly, meeting his eyes. His hands clenched, but Heimdall's hold prevented pain the alpha could self inflict. Loki’s eyes reddened just a hint, as if facing the reality broke something deep inside. The alpha blinked it away.

“Stuffing emotions is dangerous.” Heimdall said, “I'd rather you talk about what you're feeling.”

Loki's eyes snapped to him, eyes wide. His silence held up a mirror Heimdall couldn't ignore.

Heimdall met his silence. Rarely was he so lost for words. His first instinct was to push the matter aside, to insist he was fine, but there was no need to wallow in hypocrisy.

Heimdall took a soft breath and said, “I see your point.”

“This might surprise you,” Loki said, “But I worry about you as well.”

“I'm fine.” Heimdall said, simply out of reflex. But he could justify it, “I have left the experiences in the past as I was trained to.”

Loki nodded slowly, “You've separated them from your person?” Loki asked, “Removed them from your mind and threw them in the trash?” Heimdall almost crossed his arms but he couldn't trust what Loki would do without his contact.

“It's different for me.” The omega said, “I am not prone to self-destruction.” He said this gently, not wanting Loki to balk at the words, but hoping Loki would recognize the tendency as well.

“Not the way I do, no,” Loki said, sounding thoughtful, “But you're not just silent. You hide away in it. It's very hard to get to know you.”

Perhaps his silence was proving Loki’s point. He just didn't know what to say. He hadn't expected Loki’s words. He couldn't help but wonder if Thor felt the same way. But they were close, certainly. Had to be. They had suffered through much together.

“I've spent many hours watching the Jotuns train their youths. In case you would ever wanted to learn,” Heimdall said. Loki's brow raised at the change of subject. But he had pressed on something the omega couldn't face right now. “I can teach you what I've observed. When you're well.”

Loki looked down at his hands, then back to meeting Heimdall's eyes, “That is…very thoughtful. Thank you. Truthfully, I wouldn't bother but I fear it will be necessary to confront them.”

“The Myrks?” Heimdall asked. Taking a soft breath now that Loki has discarded the mirror. He cautiously released Loki’s hands, prepared to interfere if the alpha harmed himself again.

“Yes,” Loki said, “The realms pushed to the Dyrathror were altered by extreme heat. Yes?” Heimdall nodded, glad Loki was retaining what he had been taught. “So they must have evolved based on excessive temperatures.”

It wasn't like Heimdall to become distracted emotionally. Usually, he would have thought this through himself. Loki was right. Though Myrkir didn't hold lava lakes like Sweltheim, their core was also lava based. The people had built around it and harnessed the caloric force to power their technology.

“You could even the odds.” Heimdall said, “Should they come here. Depending on how many they bring, a confrontation might be possible.”

“And you can see them coming.” Loki said, “It will give us enough time to strategize. You can even train me for it.”

Heimdall nodded. The raging fear he had been ignoring calmed a bit. He could protect them with a plan. “You can't train at all unless you allow yourself to heal.”

“Yeah,” Loki sighed, looking at his hands again. Heimdall was ready to interfere. “And staying that way. I'm aware and I'm trying. Truly.” Heimdall believed him, for the most part. He would hold him to it regardless. 

“Good,” Heimdall said, “Then you should see Gifta.”

Loki's brow furrowed in curiosity, “Why?”

“You've sustained significant damage in a short amount of time.” Heimdall said, taking off his cape, “I can see it but I am not a healer. I don't think you should use the energy to magic to her either.”

Loki sighed heavily, no doubt seeing through the flimsy, if true, excuse for not using magic. But Heimdall didn't care to convince him. He just needed Loki to obey. Which he did. Stepping under the cape as Heimdall held it above him.

His friend had been gone for hours when Ridi came for him. Heimdall still wasn't back. Her knock was light, almost timid, before she opened the door. Thor sat on the bed, pushing away dread. For Heimdall. For himself.

He folded his hands in his lap, submissive as he's supposed to be. But Ridi, so far, hadn't been a threat. He needed to behave this way with Gogma.

“The King is ready for you,” She said. There was a silk fabric draped across her arm. “He requests you come…” She hesitated, looking down, “without clothes.” Thor closed his eyes. He heard rain lightly hit the window. No thunder. He couldn't muster a clash right now.

“I brought a robe so you can be decent during the walk.” Ridi said. Eyes fixed on the floor.

Suffering through this was nothing less than horrifying. But she was trying so hard to be kind and he appreciated the effort. He wondered about the rest of the citizens. Were they aware their leader was an utter piece of shit?

She handed him the fabric and stepped back into the hall. Tears fell as Thor took off his clothes. Knowing what was coming. The pain. The audience. The soul crushing humiliation.

He wiped the tears away and slipped the robe on. Pushing down all the hurt. Holding on to Heimdall's words. They were strong. They could endure. When it was over, he would go home and hug his little boy. Tell him to stop robbing the poor merchants for sport.

Loki was so far away from him. But he still managed to make Thor smile a little.

Thor stepped into the hall, letting Ridi lead him to Gogma's room. He stood outside the door and took off the robe. She angled her body to shield him from being seen, looking away when he was exposed. She held the fabric up around his body as he opened the door.

Thor took a shaky breath, brow pinching in frustration. He couldn't lead his people if he kept getting distracted. The memory didn't care. It was relentless. Touches. Pain. Watching eyes. On his knees.

Thor cut off his own thoughts, touching the back of his hand to his mouth. Tears threatened to rise. He closed his eyes. Slimy sticky. Thin and gritty.

He opened his eyes again. Taking in Val’s orange door as if he hadn't deliberately walked here. He knocked, toying with his pendant, listening as she shuffled in her room. The second her door opened, he kissed her. This wasn't what he came for but pushing her away has been unkind and he wanted to make it up to her.

She was caught off guard. Humming against his lips. He hoped she wasn't angry. He had to be more careful. Inciting anger was an excellent way to get hit. But Jane never struck him. Maybe Val wouldn't.

But if Thor never angered her, he wouldn't have to find out.

Val pulled away, a hand to his chest, “Thor?” He didn't want the situation to get away from him so he picked her up, kicking the door closed as he walked to the bed.

“I didn't mean to leave you so unexpectedly this morning.” He said, with an easy, flirty smile he perfected long ago, “Let me make it up to you.” His insides withered as he laid on her. But he had to. The only way to calm an alpha was to give. Or they would take. And it would be so very painful.

“Thor!” Val said. His tone wasn't harsh but sharp enough that it surprised him, making him pull away from her. He absolutely hated the way he trembled. Once they knew he was afraid, their claws snapped around him, digging into all his wounds.

He flinched when she cupped his face, eyes full of nothing but concern, “I don't…” She hesitated, then shook her head as if disagreeing with herself, “I don't think—you’re so tense. I don't think you want this.”

“I'm fine,” He said, forcing himself to be steady. He shifted, lying on her again. Controlled this time. He supposed if she had sex bombed him unexpectedly, he'd be confused as well.

“I've missed you.” Thor said. It was true. He'd seen her at the celebration but he was busy. Also, Loki was there and he may have exploded from overprotection.

“I've missed you too.” Val said, but we don't have to do anything you don't want to. I meant that.”

“What makes you think I don't want to?” Thor asked. His tone was flirty but he felt indignant. She kept noticing things he usually hid so well.

“You're tense.” She said, “And your scent is a bit off.”

He inhaled sharply, without meaning to. Complications. He could ignore it but she brought attention to it and that wasn't helpful.

“I am…” Thor trailed off, brow pinching. Not sure how to handle this. Sex always worked, distracting even Jane at times. Val was being kind, despite whatever intentions she may have. He could be good for that. “I am willing to try.”

“I'm not, if it'll hurt you.” Val said, surprising him even more, “We can just talk if you'd like.” No, he really wouldn't.

“I've been talking almost non-stop for several days.” Thor said,  sliding down to her side, wrapping an arm around her. “I'd rather listen at the moment.” He hoped she wouldn't notice how quickly he let go of intimacy. He would do it for her if she changed her mind. But she only settled beside him, with a sweet smile. Telling him about the progress she was making with her students.

Heimdall dropped his cape as they reached the sanctuary of the ship. Loki turned to him, the omega could see an excuse on Loki’s tongue. Heimdall disrupted it by pointing to the healer across the room. Sitting at a table with books and different colored pens, swapping between them as she scribbled.

Loki followed his sight and sighed. Walking ahead. Heimdall followed him, allowing no escapes.

“Hi,” Loki said when he reached the beta. She looked up and Loki smiled. Charming but tight.

“Prince Loki, what a surprise,” She said, giving Heimdall a warm smile, “Do you need something?” Her eyes were already scanning Loki, taking in the blue highlights that have worsened over time.

“I'm sure it's fine.” Loki said, “It just seems like the—my other form is delayed in healing.” He spoke softly to avoid the ears of those around, despite it probably being unnecessary. Gifta had situated herself in a remote space in the public area. Perfect for those who might discreetly need her.

She nodded, standing, “I have a makeshift examination room.” Gifta said, “It's not much but I keep it sterilized and it works.” She led the way and Loki hesitated before following her. Heimdall was close behind, drawing a look from Loki.

“I'm sure I've got it from here.” Loki said.

“I'm not.” Heimdall said, firm but gentle. Making no room for his alpha posturing. Loki sighed again, but allowed it.

The room Gifta had prepared was noteworthy. What was perhaps a pilot seat was propped up and covered with plastic. The way she arranged the drawers was reminiscent of operation rooms of Asgard's healing room. He even caught the scent of disinfectant. He appreciated her dedication.

Heimdall closed the door as she found yet another book and pen. Loki stood in the middle of the room, staring at the chair as if challenging it to a duel. Gifta flipped through the book and told Loki he could sit. It seemed the chair yielded to his dominance; Loki finally sat down.

It eased his worries just enough that Heimdall felt the deep ache that always came with standing for too long. He had gotten used to it during his post but he hadn't stood at the bifrost long enough that his body forgot how to ignore it. Heimdall crossed his arms out of habit, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. Gifta noticed his movements, glanced at him curiously yet quickly and turned to Loki.

“What's going on?” She asked.

“Nothing too alarming, truly.” Loki said, “The bruising is just persistent.” The minimizing was annoying.

“Can you show me?” Gifta asked.

Loki hesitated, plastic crinkling as he shifted. Then the Jotun form surfaced. Perhaps only because he glanced up and met frustrated golden eyes.

“Oh, that shouldn't be happening.” Gifta said, rising to her feet. “Do you mind if I touch you?” Loki shook his head. Quiet, and he rarely was. She pressed his wounds gently yet firm to see a reaction. Loki restrained a wince, shaking his head when she asked if he felt pain. Incredibly unhelpful.

“Would it be useful if you could see below the skin?” Heimdall asked. Loki shot him a look but these were the consequences of posturing.

Gifta nodded, with a sad and wistful sigh, “It would but the Trifffles don't have that sort of technology.”

“You can borrow my sight.” Heimdall said, “If it doesn't bother you.”

She looked at him, eyes wide with surprise, “Really, how?”

He felt for her soul, touching the body encasing it. Felt her sight and he eased forward, until he felt that she saw what he saw.

“Oh!” Gifta said, she turned around and he allowed her to see what she needed so she wouldn't run into anything. “That's a powerful gift.” Loki had said the same thing. He supposed it was.

“It tickles, doesn't it?” Loki said. Speaking for the first time since he switched forms.

“It truly does,” Gifta said. He felt it too. But the feeling would fall away the more he became acquainted with a soul.

Gifta turned to Loki and Heimdall allowed her to see past Loki's skin. To the Aesir now sitting just below the Jotun, and past it. He eased back, just a bit, so he could follow the nudges of where she wanted to look.

“Oh Valhalla, this is amazing.” Gifta said, voice bubbling with an impressed chuckled. “I can see everything. The damage runs deep but…” She trailed off, silent for a long while as she circled Loki, studying how deep the damage ran. Her eyes followed his veins. His nervous system.

“Maybe I hadn't advanced far enough,” Gifta said, “But I don't remember Asgard taking records of your physiology. Your Aesir and Jotun forms are perfectly blended. And your vascular system is unique, designed specifically for temperature control.”

She was fascinated. As was Heimdall. He could see it but didn't have the healing knowledge to define it until now. He couldn't see past what he was showing Gifta at the moment. He could split his sight, even when sharing but not when she needed to focus so closely.

However, he didn't need to see Loki to know how he tensed. Well, he could see it. Heimdall saw his muscular system contract. Full body.

“Do you have gifts tied to your Jotun form?” Gifta asked.

“Yes,” Loki said. Quiet in a way he never was. Heimdall saw his lungs expand and collapse in a sigh. “But lately I seem to be limited.” His voice had steadied.

“Makes sense,” Gifta said, “It seems your vascular system is compromised. There's discoloration. You're deeply damaged.”

Loki sounded surprised when he said, “Oh.” As if Heimdall hadn't said this repeatedly.

“Yes, you must be feeling fatigued and I can tell you're struggling to breathe. You're in critical condition, Prince.” Gifta said.

Loki’s “Oh,” was surprised and a bit dismal. Perhaps looking ahead as Heimdall was. Pushing past the frustrated concern that only Loki could stir in him. It would take the Myrks quite a while to reach them. The Aesir and Jotuns were quick healing. They should have more than enough time but Gifta hadn't given a treatment yet and he always planned for the worst outcome.

She looked towards her book and Heimdall let her find it. Watched as she took notes and circled the alpha slowly again. She had a personal shorthand and a private medical language. She even switched languages for concision and let the All-Speak translate for her. Maximum efficiency.

Rarely was Heimdall impressed.

“I think I've gotten everything,” She said. Heimdall gently returned her sight. Moving too quickly could cause shock.

Loki returned to his Aesir form almost immediately but Gifta shook her head, “No, you need to stay in Jotun form as much as possible, except maybe when sleeping to avoid brushing your bruises. Your Jotun needs to breathe to heal.”

The alpha's brow pinched. Looking almost devastated when he said, “Oh,” looking down at his hands. Remaining as Aesir. “Are you quite sure that's necessary?” Loki asked.

“If you want to heal quickly, yes.” Gifta said, placing the book on the table and turning to a clean page. “You also must avoid all contact with temperatures too warm. The ship should be comfortable, but if you are in the sun, within two hours, your vascular system will probably collapse.”

Loki hummed a little. The surprise easing into something Heimdall wasn't sure of. It was a sharp emotion that he could tell. He didn't meet Heimdall's eyes though the omega wasn't glaring. He was too worried. Too upset that Loki had willingly done this to himself and he didn't seem concerned enough about his current well-being.

“Thor will not take this lightly,” Heimdall said gently. Loki's brow furrowed. He shifted, sorrow crossed his eyes. Opening back up instead of closing off.

“He shouldn’t.” Gifta said, “I think we should control the temperature in your room and I'll create some ointments and whatever else that will be helpful by this evening. You can be healed in a little over a month if you follow my exact instructions. No physical exertion. You have to take it easy.”

Loki made a soft sound of frustration, running his hand through his hair, but shifted to his Jotun form. “I don't do well with being idle.”

“You'll have to learn.” Gifta said, ripping the page from her book and handing it to Loki. “Your life depends on it.”

Loki sighed, running a hand down his face. But he said nothing. Didn't look at the instructions he’d been handed.

“Thank you,” Heimdall said to Gifta as he crossed the room, taking the paper to read over. Gifta was already working through several things at once. He could tell by her quiet flurry of motion.

“I'll figure out how to cool down your room.” Gifta said, before leaving. She controlled her movement, perhaps to make it seem a little less severe for Loki’s sake. But healers only got this nervous when the royal family was involved and it was serious.

He gently took one of Loki's hands because he felt this was the exact kind of thing that would make the alpha self harm.

“It'll be alright.” Heimdall said, “Just follow her instructions. We have plenty of time.”

Loki sighed heavily, “No, I can feel your concern. I didn't mean to…” The alpha trailed off with a sharp exhale, arm on the rest, hand on his brow. “If something happens, I can't protect you like this.” True. But it was terrifying that Loki would anyway.

“I am concerned for your person.” Heimdall said, “I haven't cared for and protected you all these years for you to fall to the sun. It would be most dishonorable.”

Loki snorted, it eased into a soft chuckle. “No, there's glory. Who else has lost such a battle.” He tensed less with having humor to wrap into. Yet, Loki didn't move to stand and Heimdall knew why. He'd wait here all day if it took that long for him to talk.

Perhaps he was inching back towards hypocrisy. However, silence wasn't life threatening. Loki couldn't point it out with ease.

It only took a moment more for Loki to exhale, squeezing Heimdall’s hands, saying, “It would be quite a shock for a Jotun to stroll through the ship, out of nowhere.”

“We can maneuver through the halls.” Heimdall said, “But if it makes you feel better, I don't think shifting to Aesir during the walk would cause further harm.”

Loki immediately shifted, relaxing as his Aesir took hold. He took a deep breath as if relieved. Or maybe, he was only now showing his weakness. Loki had hid it so well, his struggle escaped Heimdall's sight. This realization deepened concerns and Loki felt it, rubbing a thumb over the omega's knuckles. Trying to calm him perhaps, as Heimdall didn't think Loki had reassurance to give at this moment.

The alpha scoffed, eyes narrowing as he looked away, “This is pathetic.”

Heimdall shook his head, “No, it's just…” Heimdall trailed off, shifting his weight as he considered his own deep ache that he had been ignoring, and why. “It's natural to have limitations.”

It was true but it still stung. Maybe some of Loki's copes weren't just inherited, but learned through observation. The thought felt uncomfortable, like a twist deep inside. He kept it down deep, proving his own private point.

“I have two royal bloodlines, some of the strongest in the universe,” Loki said, moving to stand, “Surely I should be more formidable.”

“You are,” Heimdall said, “Reconsider all you've put yourself through. Yet, you're still standing.” Dancing on a fine line. He didn't want to awaken Loki's guilt but he was hoping to reframe it in the alpha's mind. Attempting to untwist the warping Odin had done.

Loki sighed, looking away, “Can I wallow in self pity in peace?”

“No,” Heimdall said, casting his sight on Gifta. She was bringing in buckets of ice to Loki’s room. Her swift movement told him exactly how panicked she truly was.

“I think Gifta has updates.” Heimdall said. Loki nodded, exhaling softly as they walked towards the door.

Thor was troubled. Deeply so. Loki could see it under his father's calm demeanor, listening to Gifta quietly and covering every possible consideration in his questions.

It felt too familiar. How often has Thor stood by his side, talking with a healer because Loki was suffering the consequences of yet another situation he put himself into. What made it worse was Thor wasn't angry. Heimdall didn't give him an icy stare. They were so deeply disquieted and Loki wished he didn't keep hurting them.

Regret was shoved away. Heimdall sat beside him on the bed, idly tracing his gene lines. Ever speaking his care through his touch, ever listening for a painful cry. Regret might be the most painful of all of them.

Perhaps he should be more concerned about his own health, especially since the monster needed to be well in case the Myrkir came. But Heimdall wasn't worried, or else he would plan for it.

Most importantly…why the fuck did Loki feel like he was constantly on the verge of tears! This was so fucking pathetic!

The frustration slipped through his grasp, quite possibly a sliver of the self-hatred too, despite how he chased the emotions, ready to snatch them and force them down deep where they belonged.

“It's alright,” Heimdall said softly, “Try to relax. I don't think you need to be stressed right now.” His brow narrowed slightly after he spoke, but it eased away.

Loki didn't know how to explain the only way he could relax is if they stopped giving a damn. Give up on him like he's given up on himself. But at the same time…he was so damn tired of hating himself.

The alpha sighed pushing it all away. Watching how Thor shifted his weight, bracing himself with a hand on the wall. He winced slightly, took a steady breath. Then batted all of Loki's concerns away by asking Gifta,

“If we do everything, he'll make a full recovery?” His father spoke calmly but Loki could see the tension. The absolute dread of facing the possibility that his son could have died.

Gifta assured Thor, though, that Loki would be fine. Especially now that they could monitor him until he was well.

His alpha instincts had been raging in contradiction, knowing the omegas were guarded but the threat was Loki himself. There was no way to protect. But Gifta's reassurance made them both sighed in relief, their scents shifted. Making it easier now that they were calmer.

Sylvie might not appreciate the cold. Loki wasn't sure what made him think about it. Maybe because she usually came to him at this time of day and he desperately hoped she wouldn't now. He didn't want to see her disgust with this hideous form.

He had a sister. And nephews. He saw them and hadn't thought they were hideous. Very unhelpful. He had seen them in Jotun form, so maybe acceptance was mandatory. Sylvie would have no choice but to be horrified.

“At least I can sleep in my proper form.” Loki spoke quietly. Not realizing the thought had escaped his mind until Heimdall spoke.

“When you were in the womb, you did the same thing,” The omega said. Loki looked at him, not sure what Heimdall was talking about. “You typically slept as Aesir, possibly taking comfort in matching the cord. But when you woke, you would switch to Jotun.”

Loki blinked, letting words process, “You could see that?” Loki asked. A stupid question. Of course he could. But that was better than being surprised that Heimdall had cared enough to look.

Heimdall nodded, hesitating and looking away with the slightest exhale, “I watched you as I had my…my daughter. Before she was taken.” He spoke so gently, Loki had to concentrate to hear him. So raw and soft, the alpha was caught completely off guard.

He wasn't quite sure how to respond. Heimdall gave nothing away that Loki could gauge. It was like a test. Taking everything he had learned with Thor and answering without a measure of correctness. Sensitive. Emotional. Gentle. But, most importantly, not pitying. Perhaps with Heimdall, the less said, the better.

“I never knew that,” Loki said. He waited just long enough to know Heimdall had nothing more to say, and spoke quickly enough so it didn't seem like Loki expected him to reply, “I guess it makes sense. There's no judgement in the womb. Just love and peace.”

Heimdall took a soft breath. Quiet for a moment.

Then he said, “That is a comforting thought.” Loki was glad he could bring that to him.

Thor walked over, his concern felt so apparent, like another person had joined them in the room. “Did you hear her?”

Loki nodded, looking towards Gifta and her folded hands, “I'm confined to the ship.”

“To this room,” Thor said instantly, as if he expected Loki hadn't listened to a single word the woman had said.

Loki glanced up, meeting unyielding blue eyes. “I…surely that's unnec…” Thor narrowed his eyes at him. It was so familiar. Loki was in the kind of trouble where love and worry did all the disciplining. He looked at Gifta instead, “Earlier you said to the ship.”

She nodded, “But it's healthier if you stay in the low temperatures.” Gifta said, “And we can concentrate enough energy here to keep the room cold enough.”

“For a month?!” Loki said, “What about the needs of the people?”

“The Trifffles are helping,” Thor said, sitting down gently, piquing Loki's concern again. Especially since the omega's scent was a bit off. “It doesn't require too much power.”

Alright but… “What can I possibly do in this confinement?” Loki asked.

“Perhaps consider all the choices that lead you here.” Heimdall said. His tone was soft yet the chiding peeked through, giving Loki a stern look.

“These limitations might ease in a couple of weeks.” Gifta said, “I’ll visit often to monitor your condition.”

Loki looked past Gifta at all the many assortment of vials and herbs she had brought, sitting neatly on top of his wardrobe. She had shared the instructions with Thor and Loki already knew there would be much rooster henning in the near future.

Despite this he said, “Thank you, Gifta. I appreciate your help.”

She nodded with a small smile, “Come for me if there are any changes. Even the slightest thing.” He wouldn't get the chance. This quarantine would be paired with close omega supervision. They would reach out well before he could.

The beta gave them all a warm smile before leaving. Loki grimaced when the door closed, looking around the room, fully realizing this was all he would see for an entire month.

“This is…impossible.” Loki said.

Thor shook his head, rubbing his brow, “It’s very doable. I spent twelve months in bed to bring you here. I think a month can be done just fine.” Loki frowned, pushing aside all the emotions to chew on this nugget of new information. Aesir carried for eighteen months. Loki hadn't known he was that premature.

“Does the cold help?” Thor asked.

“I can't really feel it.” Loki said, becoming aware that everyone else could. He probably would if he could surface his proper form.

“But your body is responding.” Heimdall said, “Already starting to heal.”

Thor relaxed a bit with the words, looping his arm around Loki’s, gently tracing Loki’s bruising. Heimdall still traced his heritage lines. They were communicating so much and he didn't deserve any of it.

“I'm sorry.” Loki said, just barely keeping his voice from straining. “I didn't mean to do this .”

“We know,” Thor said, placing a soft kiss on his temple, “You're hurting.” Something about Thor saying it out loud was painful. Like the truth was tender and sensitive to touch.

Heimdall’s sigh was barely audible, “I guess…” He started, trailing off. His tracings stop for a moment, holding Loki’s hand. Taking comfort instead of giving it. “We all are.”

The soft words settled around them, gentle yet inescapable, like a fog. He felt Thor tense, saw the omega look away. Quiet for a moment before saying, “I suppose so.”

Loki was surprised. Downright confused. Thor never admitted defeat. Heimdall was never unconcealed. It took the alpha giving death a warm handshake for them to peek through their defenses?

But why?

Thor didn't dwell in it for a single second. He looked down at Loki’s bruising. “Did you hear what she said to do?”

The alpha hesitated, knowing his mind had been elsewhere while Gifta spoke, “Mostly.”

Thor sighed, giving Loki a knowing narrow look. He stood slowly, “You hate being coddled but then you don't take care of yourself.” Ah, yes. Let the rooster henning begin. “You didn't listen so, as always, we have to fill in the gaps. I don't want to hear a single breath of complaint. You're over fourteen hundred years old and we still have to care for you.” Thor grabbed two vials, handing one to Heimdall when he came back.

Loki wondered how Gifta came about the oil-like substance in the glass. The two opened it, pouring just a little on their hands and gently applied it to his darkest bruises.

“And if I see one green puff of your magic outside,” Thor continued, “I don't care if you take cover, I don't care if you have an excuse, I will lose my shit.”

Loki withheld a sigh, the way he would as a child, when Thor would lecture him. Hoping his silence would keep his brother from getting more upset. When that wouldn't work, he would simply say, ‘Yes, brother,’ to show he'd been listening.

But Thor wasn't his brother.

“Yes, father,” Loki said. The lecture turned into a small smile and Loki realized he had never referred to Thor as his father out loud. Not like this.

The alpha did hate to be coddled but he didn't complain. Letting them tend to his wounds. Maybe they found some peace in caring for him. Maybe he found some in letting them do it.

Chapter Text

Sylvie’s magic reached out to him. No panic or cry for help. Just reaching, like a mystical embrace. He returned in kind, purely out of habit. He glanced up to stare at the other wall and caught a glimpse of the monster in the mirror. She usually came to him at night and she couldn't see him like this.

His magic snatched, as if running away. He felt Sylvie's surprise, reaching out like a hand, wondering what was wrong, where had he gone.

At first he thought to stay away then he realized how absolutely ridiculous that would have been. They had shared far too much, from the earliest of childhood until now, for her to simply turn away with inexplicable rejection.

Even if he could explain, even if he stood before her and demanded she never set foot in his presence again, she would be too damn stubborn to actually leave.

Truly…he didn't want her to.

He reached out again, grabbing hold of her. Letting her feel a twinge of regret and relief, as if something had distracted him. He thought that would be enough. But there was a shift and he knew she'd come to him.

He switched to the proper Aesir, wincing from the cold as he did so. Looking at the myriad of medications Gifta had left him. The instructions Thor had nailed to the wall. Without thinking, he conjured his book of diplomacy notes and magically hid the vials and herbal evidence of his weakness. The book was leaned back over the instructions.

Just in time, Sylvie's form appeared before him. He gave her a smile, just barely concealing a deep breath. With a little self shake, Loki pushed past the feeling of being pulled with no give. Did Gifta say something using his magic? Heimdall had, claiming he should save his energy. But these were small uses. Surely it was fine.

His blonde lover looked around, arms held out in surprise, “You’re fine!” She twirled around, “You and your mixed messages! Why'd you pull away from me?”

Loki inhaled slightly. Then again because he felt a bit breathless. “Can a man make a mistake?”

He moved from the wardrobe to sit on the side of the bed, refusing to acknowledge how much relief it brought him. Just before his… strange moment a few days ago, he felt alright. Even a couple of hours ago he felt fine, if a little drained. Why, now,  did he feel a bit worse?

“That's not a mistake, and why is it so cold?” Sylvie said, moving to sit beside him. Brow furrowed with concern, “What's wrong?”

“Nothing,” Loki said, “Just…the healer said cold temperatures would clear up the bruising. If it bothers you, I can probably make it more tolerable.”

Sylvie shook her head, “I'm fine, especially if it helps.” Her silver eyes scanned him full body, as if searching for something. Heimdall had said something was bothering her.

He was going to ask but she shivered just a hint, “I'm sorry. It must be uncomfortable for you.” He wrapped an arm around her, pulling her close.

“Just unexpected.” Sylvie said, “I can acclimate. I'm already starting to warm up.”

“Because you're siphoning my body heat,” Loki said and she chuckled, laying her head on his shoulder.

“Well if it gets too cold, you can warm me up,” She said.

He smiled, kissing her cheek, “You'd have to get cold first.”

She giggled, capturing his lips. It's been a while since they've been truly intimate. He wasn't quite sure he was in the mood now either but it kept deep conversations at arm's distance as he preferred. Plus, it was something to do outside of staring at the same four walls.

His door flew open with just enough force that they both startled; Sylvie scooted away as Thor appeared, giving them a warm smile as he walked in. Heimdall leaned against the door frame. The team up was incredibly unnecessary.

“Hello Sylvie, would you like to see a magic trick?” Thor said. Their interrupting came so suddenly and fast, Loki only now fully realized he should be panicking.

Loki said, “Wait!’ just as Thor picked up his book, tossing it on the bed. Sylvie’s brow pinched as her eyes scanned the note that had been hidden.

“Can you please return all of Gifta’s hard work?” Thor said, hands on his hips.

Loki groaned, running his hands down his face, “Thor, please.” He grumbled.

“Nope,” Thor said, shaking his head, “Hurry, so we can follow her instructions.”

Loki sighed, letting the medicine resurface. An easy and small action, baby magic, but he felt a deep pull from the effort. Sylvie’s eyes went wide. She turned to him but he looked away.

Thor grabbed some of the herbs and went to his bathroom. Loki heard bath water running. Heimdall walked in, grabbing a bottled tonic. The omega shook it, before finding a cup and pouring an exact amount, handing it to Loki. Icy golden eyes told Loki he shouldn't dare argue.

The alpha took the cup and swallowed the contents. Wincing at the bitter taste. Heimdall reached for another one bottle.

Thor returned, giving Loki a look that conveyed he was not in the mood for complaints, “In about ten minutes, soak in cold water as Gifta instructed. If you don't, I swear by the nine realms, I will bathe you like a child.”

“How undigni-” He was cut off by Heimdall shoving a cup in his face. Loki took it before it could be poured down his throat. He swallowed the sickening sweet and oily substance. Surely, this nonsense couldn't be helpful.

“Oh, and Sylvie,” Thor said, his features softening when he faced the alphess, “Please don't mate my son. It might literally kill him.”

Sylvie gasped, eyes flickering around the room in an absolutely flustered look that would have been hilarious if she wasn't also pissed. It showed in the way her shoulders tensed.

“Well, I'm sure you two have a lot to talk about,” Thor said. The two omegas left, closing the door behind them.

He could feel the heat of Sylvie's anger. He could even understand it. If she held such a secret from him, he would probably glare holes in the side of her skull as well.

“Loki ,” She spoke his name quickly, the way she did when they would soon argue.

“Have you been hiding something?” Loki said, finally facing her anger. This was the exact wrong moment to bring it up but, despite holding it back, his concern had wiggled through his defenses since Heimdall made him aware of her burden.

Her eyes went wide in disbelief. Truly, he had made this worse for himself.

“Am I hiding something?” She exclaimed, “What's all this? Herbs and medicine for bruising?! That doesn't make sense! What's going on?”

Loki sighed, leaning back against the headboard. Belatedly, he realized Thor hadn't mentioned his Aesir form. For that, Loki was grateful. The only smidge of grace his father had afforded to him.

He wasn't sure how much he wanted to share. Well, truthfully, he didn't want to share anything. Pain and humiliation had kidnapped and dragged him to this state. There wasn't a single thing he wanted to recall.

If she heard it…maybe she wouldn't leave immediately but…how could she look at him the same?

“I…” Loki sighed again, “I'm sure you remember Sweltheim.”

Sylvie winced a bit, as if the memory struck her, “Yeah, because you came back looking like an Aesir shaped bloodstain.”

Loki narrowed his eyes at her, “Thank you for that wonderful visual.” She jutted her chin at him as if this were part of a punishment. “Well, I was told to stay on the ship. And I did for a long while so I thought I was fine and could take a stroll. It didn't go well.”

“What do you mean?” Sylvie said, arms crossing.

Loki grimaced, “Gifta said if I'm in the sun for longer than two hours, I'll probably drop dead.” Sylvie gasped, staring at him for a long moment.

“You weren't going to tell me that?!” Her voice was just shy of shouting.

“I just…” Loki stalled out. Maybe it was the illness but he couldn't think of a good excuse to hide into. “I didn't want you…” To think less of him? Nope. He couldn't be honest but he couldn't find a lie either.

They sat in tense silence until she shuffled, turning her back to him. Stiff and arms still crossed. Loki exhaled heavily. For a moment he thought she would disappear in a green puff but instead he heard a light sniffle. That was so much worse.

Why did he keep hurting the people who cared about him?

“Sylvie, I can explain,” He said, reaching out to touch her shoulder but she shook him off. This was painful. It all was. The fact that he put himself in this mess. That he hurt Thor and Heimdall. That he hurt her.

“Sylvie, please,” Loki said, hating how pathetic it sounded but… “Please don't be angry. I need you.”

She looked around her shoulder, sniffing again. Maybe it was the look on his face that made her turn around and scoot over to him, wrapping her arms around him. He held her close. So heartfeltly happy she didn't turn him away.

“Why did you hide it?” She asked.

Loki exhaled with a small shrug, “I just…” He trailed off. It was nonsensical and hard to explain, “It's been a very difficult year.”

She looked up, silver eyes met his green. She hesitated for a moment before kissing his cheek. “You've been different ever since you found out the way you were born,” She said.

Loki took a deep breath, leaning his head back against the wall. He hadn't realized she noticed, wished she hadn't. It wasn't something he cared to talk about.

Initially, the alpha was going to wrap it all in humor and throw it away as usual but he hesitated. Thinking. They used to share so much. Now though…he didn't know where she spent her time and she had never seen his Jotun form. How had they become so distant? When?

Was it the secrets? Could the unspoken really erase so much history? Or maybe that was it. It was in the past and not in the present.

The alpha shifted, looking around as he thought. He wasn't sure what to share or even why. He supposed he could start with the thing that was pressing him the most.

With a deep breath, Loki said, “When I found out I was Jotun, I asked Odin about it.” He spoke too casually. The actual event had been very heavy. Funny. If he hadn't ruined Thor’s coronation, he wouldn't have found out he was Jotun at all.

Loki inhaled. Then again, but deeper. Just more self harm. He'd been trying to hide his weakness since Sylvie came but it was getting so difficult to breathe. He thought she would scowl at this pathetic display but Sylvie rubbed his back, trying to comfort. 

“When I asked Odin about it, he told me Laufey abandoned me in their temple. Left me to die. He said he saved me…because he thought it would be diplomatically beneficial.” Loki said. His voice broke just a hint and he desperately hoped she hadn't heard it, “It felt like betrayal. As if he finally admitted he never cared for me at all.”

Sylvie nodded absently. In understanding. When they were kids, they would grumble and complain about their families. They would share how they felt. She hated how her sister was treated, how she could never fix it. He always thought Odin hated his very soul and was jealous of Thor.

“I think, though,” Loki said. Hissed. “That I would rather be abandoned and unloved than a product of a despicable violation. There's nothing redeeming about it. I wasn't created from love or even a brief careless passion. I was made from fear and evil and nothing will ever change that.”

Truthfully, he hadn't meant to share that much. It burst from him like a flood. He hadn't even realized he was crying until Sylvie wiped away his tears.

“You can't think of it like that,” She said.

Loki chuckled softly, entirely without humor, “How else? It's the truth.”

“But in the end, a sperm found an egg it got along with, that's how we all got here.” Sylvie said, “Nothing more than that.”

He wanted to feel as if she missed the point but she hadn't spoken a lie. Maybe he had to look at it scientifically. Though, it was upsetting that in order to find comfort with his conception, he had to focus entirely on the nonconsequential. If he searched for meaning, all he would find was pain and cruelty.

Did it matter? Maybe not right now. Not until he was well enough to sit with the horror of it all.

“I can't deny that.” He said. She gave him a gentle squeeze of reassurance, but with alpha strength. He winced, the monster stung in surprise from the unexpected aggression.

Sylvie apologized, pulling her arms to her body, hugging herself like she still wanted to embrace him. This was familiar. Alpha weren't typically gentle, didn't have to be. When gentleness was required, they usually stood afar until the moment passed.

Loki had gotten so used to the omegas, so used to being careful with his touch, he had almost forgotten what careless was.

“It's okay.” Loki said, “You didn't know. It doesn't look so bad when I'm like this.” At her questioning look, he said, “In Aesir form.”

She looked over at the note on the wall he hadn't actually bothered to read. His heart thumped, hoping she wouldn't read it too closely. He would have distracted her but the fright made him lightheaded. Forcing him to lean back and close his eyes.

“You're supposed to stay in Jotun form,” She said. He nodded slowly, the world still black from his closed eyes. He felt her hand touch his cheek, scented her concern. He hated this.

“I can…” He trailed off until the dizziness had lightened, “I can be in Aesir when I sleep.” He spoke slowly, fluttering his eyes open.

“Thor told you to soak in the bath.” Sylvie said. Yes, he remembered. And Thor's threat had not been idle.

He took a deep breath. Meeting her silver eyes. It hadn't escaped his attention that everything had gotten worse since switching to his Aesir.

“You know that the Jotuns are hideous.” He said. Her brow pinched in confusion, “You wouldn't want to see it.”

“Why not?” She asked. Sounding genuinely surprised.

Loki shrugged a little, looking down, “As I said, it's hideous.”

She shook her head a little, as if she couldn't understand, “Loki…it's just you.”

She was so unbearably genuine. Too honest and tender. He was nothing more than the embodiment of suffering, yet somehow, she still cared. His Jotun form eased forward, taking a breath of air as if it had been suffocated.

He held his breath, expecting to see disgust in her eyes but she only rubbed his cheek.

“See, it's just you,” She said. He smiled a bit, kissed her palm. The dizziness fell away as he calmed now. No longer having to be afraid.

Sylvie trailed her hand down his chest, to the hem of his pants. Pulling the fabric back to peek inside. He slapped her hand away.

“What?” Sylvie said, feigning innocence, “I'm just wondering what it looks like blue.”

He snorted, “You’ve seen that.”

“A natural blue.” She said, “Not one of our little games.”

Loki winced, hoping for dear life Heimdall hadn't heard that. But he was thinking of the sentry when he hadn't been before. Perhaps getting more than expected when checking to see if Loki had followed instructions. The alpha stood before Thor could burst through, making good on his threat.

Sylvie came with him, sitting on the floor beside him as he sat in the cold tub. It was deeply soothing to this form, like ice meeting a burning wound. He wondered if this was something he should have done occasionally his whole life. He brought it up with Sylvie and they pondered it together. Truly talking for the first time in a long while.

Chapter Text

Gifta touched his neck and it was soothing to his Jotun form. Her hands must have been cold, no doubt she was freezing. Yet, she was completely composed. No shiver or grumble. Loki withheld a sharp sigh. He hated this. Hated how the monster always required damaging everyone else.

Well…that was exactly how he was created.

“Have you stopped using magic?” Gifta asked. Her eyes were tinged orange and he wondered what exactly Heimdall was allowing her to see. The alpha almost said ‘yes’. Not to lie, just mindlessly answering the question.

His father was standing behind her, narrowing his eyes at Loki. As if expecting a lie. Heimdall stood in the doorway, but was preoccupied by providing his sight to Gifta.

Thor's pointed blue gaze forced the alpha to be honest.

“Mostly,” Loki answered, “I forgot I needed to yesterday.”

“It’s important that you prohibit all magic use. I know it's hard but it requires more energy than you can afford.” Gifta said, “And remember, you're on bed rest for a week. I feel you may have been too active yesterday.” Gifta spoke softly with distraction as she looked down his body, towards his heart.

He hadn't actually known about the bed rest. He was locked in a room with nothing else to do. Surely, he didn't need to literally stay in bed.

“I just walked around last night.” Loki said. He was understating it. While Sylvie slept, he paced like a maniac. It probably didn't help that he had been in Aesir form. “I didn't think it would cause problems.”

“You’re healing,” Gifta said, “But there's been a delay. I'm adding a day to your bed rest.” Loki grimaced. How had he fucked up confinement?!

“Surely it couldn't be that serious.” Loki said, “I have barely done anything.”

“Do even less,” Gifta said, “The sun isn't the only threat. Too much strain could cause a collapse as well.”

“Oh,” Loki said quietly. That…that actually explained quite a bit. He hadn't realized he was still actively facing death, “Did you say that yesterday?”

She smiled a little, surprisingly not frustrated, “I did.”

“Sorry,” Loki said, “I think I was in a bit of shock.” That wasn't completely true. Speaking the truth, that he so desperately hoped the monster would wither away and leave the Aesir whole, seemed like the wrong answer. Especially with Thor watching him so intently.

Maybe not.

Surely Thor only accepted this form because separation wasn't an option. Loki couldn't imagine seeing the monster wasn't a painful reminder for the omega on some level.

If he could eradicate the improper form… Thor would be glad, surely. Wouldn't he? Could it be done? The potential of magic was just shy of limitless. Maybe it was possible… Or perhaps just a fool’s dream. A desperate hope to be something other than half a monster.

“I understand,” Gifta said, pulling back. Her eyes eased into their normal brown, “You don't have to lie down, you can sit. But stay off your feet as much as possible. You can't stress yourself right now.”

Loki sighed, just barely restrained from taking a deep breath, despite the tightness in his chest. This was so pathetic. To face calamity this severely, even in security. Heimdall never lied to him but this didn't feel formidable in the slightest.

“So I just…sit here?” Loki asked, arms widespread to properly present the four walls. He wouldn't consider himself particularly ambitious but this…this felt like a punishment. Maybe it was. Maybe the monster was fighting back from the abuse.

“I understand it seems very difficult.” Gifta said, “And…well, we don't have a lot of entertainment resources right now. The Trifffles do have books but they're…incredibly tiny.”

He could imagine. Actually, he would like to see that. Loki would love to see anything that would slightly amaze him.

“Sylvie can magic something when she returns,” Loki said.

Gifta’s eyes brightened, as if she had been afraid the alpha would risk an escape. “Good. I will return in the evening to check your progress. You should be back on track as long as you don't stress your body.”

Loki thanked her as did Thor. She added something to the instructions, handing it to Thor before leaving. He should probably skim that at some point.

It seemed that point was now since Thor held it up in his face.

“Read this,” Thor said, “She's been too kind and thorough for you to ignore.” Loki took the paper, feeling properly chided.

“This is…” Loki trailed off, rereading everything. “So I just sit in one place and simply exist. This is the worst .”

“You can still listen,” Heimdall said, taking his book from the table and handing it to the alpha. “There's still much for you to learn. Review your notes. We'll pick up when I return.” Loki wanted to jump into Heimdall’s arms. Diplomacy was nothing less than a miserable bore but now it was a lifeline.

“Where are you running off too?” Thor asked, taking a breath as he sat gently beside Loki. Piquing Loki's concern immediately. Perhaps his father noticed this. Thor looped his arm around Loki’s, delicately tracing the alpha's bruising. A soft, gentle urge for the alpha to not worry.

How could he not?! Myrkir still loomed over them. The two were scared. It didn't matter how deeply they buried it. Loki could tell. If the Myrks snuck up, the alpha shouldn't do anything about it.

Loki would. It could kill him. Then what? They'd be left with no one to protect them. They could handle themselves, he knew that. But countless confrontations could be avoided simply by his presence.

It didn't help that he was stuck in this stupid, hideous form that a rapist forced into his existence. He would honestly rather not exist. Except, he had to exist. Or else there wouldn't have been anyone here to protect the people he loved. They would have continued Odin's cycle, using themselves as currency.

They just needed the monster to die. Kill the Jotun alone and everything would be fine.

“Relax,” Thor said, “You're tensing.” The alpha took a deep breath, his body demanded it. His chest felt tighter. Golden eyes pierced his soul, a silent admonishment for posturing.

Loki looked down, allowing his muscles to lax. He had to remember. If the Myrks were coming, Heimdall would see it. Would plan for it. The monster could exist for now. He certainly couldn't spare enough magic for intricate self-destruction. He needed to heal first. To think. Even if Thor resented the Jotun, Loki couldn't imagine his father would let him destroy it without a reasonable cause.

Self-hatred would stir nothing but concern. Framing it as a protective measure would cause deflection. He needed a good reason for the inevitable why.

Heimdall eyed the alpha cautiously, hesitating before speaking, “The lady has run away with her Trifffle and they're hiding. His family is looking for you but I can handle it.”

Thor nodded absently, “Alright, thank you.”

Heimdall gave Loki another quiet look of concern before stepping out. Maybe they could sense his tension as he could their fear. Funny how care was reciprocal. Often, he wished it was unrequited. Everything would be easier.

“Logistically speaking,” Loki said, “how does an Aesir and Trifffle work? What do they do?” It was rude to imagine the two having an affair but he had never been polite. The idea was entertainment he desperately needed.

Thor snorted, “I think their union is an intellectual one.” That didn't satisfy Loki’s curiosity but he let the thought fall away as he looked around, reaching for his magic out of habit. He only remembered his limitations when he felt the strain.

The confinement reminded him of what Thor had shared a day prior. That the omega had been on bed rest for his entire pregnancy.

“Twelve months sitting in bed?” Loki said. Rather suddenly, as he hadn't conveyed his thoughts.

Thor nodded, “Laid, specifically. I was barely on my feet at all. Unlike some, I did exactly what I was told.”

Loki chuckled softly, “I don't know how you did it.” He took another deep breath, but it wasn't enough. Every breath felt shallow. It was noticed. Thor wrapped an arm around him, holding him close. Like he had when Loki was a child.

“It wasn't easy.” Thor said, “Mother would visit me.” The omega sighed quietly, with a slight hesitation, “As did Odin.”

Loki understood exactly how poorly those visits probably went.

“But Heimdall was with me the most.” Thor said, “Day and night, unless he was training. He slept in my room because I would get scared sometimes.” Thor was being vague. This was certainly the abridged version. To keep Loki from stressing.

His father hid the concern well. Doing his best to keep Loki calm. The alpha realized he needed to help these efforts as well. Right now, all he could think about was the horrible context that led to his father being entirely too young to carry. Loki shoved the image of Laufey away. Tried not to think about the evil that had spawned him.

“I almost lost you several times.” Thor said, making Loki meet his eyes, “Especially during labor. And after. You had to stay with the healers for months. But you are very strong. Kept defying odds.”

That didn't sound strong. Still, Loki smiled a little, only now realizing he had grown up without ever knowing anything about his birth. Frigga had told stories about Thor, about how he would shock her from within. When Odin touched her stomach, he would be shocked as well.

Nothing had been shared about Loki. No mention of preparation or how she felt while she carried him. As if he had suddenly appeared before her. Maybe, subconsciously, he had filed it away as more evidence of being unmemorable.

“Right now I feel downright pitiful,” Loki said, “I thought Jotuns were stronger than this.”

“They are. You are.” Thor said, “Not even Aesir could heal from such an illness in only a month.” Loki blinked, considering this. Heimdall had said something similar.

“I hope you get used to your Jotun form during this time.” Thor said, making Loki blink, then look away with a twinge of guilt. He'd been plotting to destroy it. He still planned to.

“I wish I didn't have to. I…” Loki trailed off. Admitting he hated this form was neither sensitive nor gentle. “I’ll only surface it when necessary.” He hadn't forgotten about the Myrks and his advantage over them. That Heimdall would teach him how to use his Jotun…gifts.

If the monster was eradicated, maybe it wouldn't be the clean cut Loki had imagined. The Myrks wouldn't be the only threat vulnerable to the cold he could conjure. A terrible thought. He wanted the monster to remain useless.

Thor sighed, “If I could have raised you on my own, you wouldn't feel that way.”

Loki's brow pinched in confusion. Caught off guard. He hadn’t thought Thor would spit venom about the monster, but he hadn't expected his father to acknowledge it either. Loki should have been born full Aesir, a product of respect and love between two people. He would have thought Thor would get as close to that as possible.

Loki said, “Odin had been very critical of Jotuns.”

A severe understatement, but he was trying to give Thor the space to verbalize it if he needed to.

Thor nodded, glancing up at the timepiece on the wall he stood carefully, reaching for a vial on the wardrobe, pouring a little on his hands and lightly applied it to Loki’s bruising. 

“I would have taught you about it.” Thor said, making Loki meet his eyes,  “Let you switch forms. Let Heimdall teach your gifts as a child. It certainly wouldn't have been a secret.” The alpha was left dumbfounded. He watched Thor's movements, watched how gentle his father was with this bruised and hurting form.

“Wouldn't it be easier without the constant reminder…” Thor’s reaction was immediate, making Loki cut off.

“No,” Thor said, shaking his head, “No, no.” His scent picked up, surrounding Loki protectively. The alpha realized Thor may have heard this before. Perhaps Odin said something similar when he visited, watching his son suffer, carrying a child his body wasn't prepared for.

A child that would forever carry a horrific mark. It made sense that Odin was critical of Loki's other form. It was a painful reminder for him as well.

Maybe eradication was something that had been mentioned. Perhaps this was an idea that had been implanted.

Loki pushed Odin away as well. He needed to speak with his own words.

“You don't see Laufey when you look at me?” Loki asked.

Thor shook his head, “No, I never have. Heimdall let me watch you as you grew,” Thor said, “I saw you sleep, saw you move. When in your Jotun form, sometimes you'd make my stomach cold. Making it comfortable for yourself maybe.” Thor said, with a soft chuckle, full of nothing but endearment. “Half Jotun, Half Aesir, my son as a whole. I wouldn't want you any other way.”

It was too tender. Too loving. It didn't make sense. How could Thor look at him and look past what Laufey had done? How could he make peace with it and love anyway?

Could Loki ask without devastating? Maybe he should stop questioning it. Just accept that Thor cared, no matter how inexplicable it was.

Easier said than done. Emotions were complicated. Resentment could be buried or ignored. Hatred could be repressed by guilt. Worse, it could resurface when least expected.

It was inevitable. One day, when Thor finally realized the weight of what Odin had done, he'd look at Loki and remember all the pain he had suffered. He'd realized he didn't have to tolerate this hideous creature he never wanted, never asked for. That never should have existed. Then he'd lose Thor and never get him back.

An agonizing thought. Perhaps a realization. Maybe eradication was the only hope he had for the fateful moment.

“I wish I could see it the way you do.” Loki said, speaking quietly. Right now, Thor still cared. Harsh words would still hurt.

The saddest look crossed Thor's eyes, making Loki regret speaking.

“I do too,” Thor said, gathering more salve and moving to Loki’s other arm, “I don't think you can until you forgive Laufey. I have. I couldn't love you and hold hate for him too.”

Loki flinched, his entire body rejected the idea, like a virus. Very few things gave him joy, especially now in this pathetic condition. Hating Laufey was one of them. He took peace in knowing the bastard was dead.

“What he did was unforgivable.” Loki said.

“That's what I thought when it happened,” Thor said, “But then you came and the only thing that mattered was making sure you were safe and healthy. Like now. Laufey is gone yet you keep trying to punish him by punishing yourself.” Thor spoke calmly but Loki felt the quiver.

The alpha blinked, looking away. Only now realizing he was torturing both of them. Thor hadn't said it, didn't show it. His pinched brow and set jaw was nothing less than quizzical. But his eyes were shadowed with deep sorrow. Concealed so Loki wouldn't stress or worry.

He hadn't considered it so deeply, that Laufey was still causing pain for Thor. Threatening to steal something else the omega held dear. At least for now.

But if he let go. If allowed peace for himself, then it would hurt so much worse when Thor left. He would eventually. It was inevitable.

Still. For his father’s sake, for his current love, Loki said, “I'll try.”

Thor kissed his temple, “That's all it takes.”

The trades became so familiar, Heimdall could see them coming. His sight would drop on a realm considering war or desiring fairer trades, or a new people would reach out to the galaxy, and he knew. Perhaps it was cowardice, but at times he kept the information close until the last possible moment. Just in case minds were changed. It was a rare miracle when it happened.

Their feet touched red grass. Thor looked down. Heimdall took a quiet breath. He was so tired of it. Every mission was as dreadful as the last. It didn't matter. He was stronger than this.

Since Myrkir, Odin had spared Thor the indignity of having his contributions spelled out in trade agreements. Heimdall was given no such grace and he hadn't expected to be.

It wasn't better. Odin would take Thor aside, pat his cheek, and explain how important it was for the omega to maintain relations once treaties were signed. Thor had no true choice, but Odin explained it as if he did. Would say it expressly, then list all the consequences of Thor preferring his dignity.

He manipulated Heimdall's emotions the same way. Only once had they chosen selfishly. The illusion of choice had been quickly dismantled in the most diplomatic and isolating way possible.

Heimdall was tired for the both of them.

They looked at each other and walked ahead to meet the royal party. Nothing was said. They didn't have words for it anymore. Presence was all they could offer and they took comfort in each other.

At the end of it, Heimdall was escorted to their room. He took a shower then eased to the bed. Trying to ignore the deep ache left behind. A sharp, stabbing agony within. It wasn't like him to be distracted by pain, but when it was like this, it demanded his attention.

He supposed he just needed to get stronger.

He winced and Thor noticed. Sat beside him. Bumping his shoulder with Heimdall's. His touch a song of solidarity and compassion.

“Does it hurt here?” Thor asked, touching the lower section of his abdomen. Heimdall nodded, wincing as he felt another stab of pain. “After Loki was born, the healers showed me a method to help the tension. I can show you if you'd like. But I'll have to touch you here.”

Heimdall took a deep breath, trying to ignore the discomfort. It was kind of Thor to offer. But he didn't mean to be a burden. “I think I'm al-” Pain cut off his words. If the royal party had been more kind, his pain wouldn't have been so great.

“If you're sure,” Thor said, bumping his shoulder again, easing the concern he was wearing so Heimdall wouldn't feel pressured, “I would like to make it easier if you don't mind.”

Heimdall inhaled, trying to contain another wince. Thor always took what Odin did personally, trying to offer comfort to offset the damage. Not out of duty, out of friendship. Maybe trying to give back for the meager protection Heimdall had provided during childhood.

“Alright,” Heimdall said. Thor's smile was small but genuine. He laid back as Thor instructed. His friend covered him with a sheet so he could pull down his pants just enough to expose his whole stomach.

Thor asked if he could touch, probably knowing he could. They were never given options so they made sure to be kind to each other. When Heimdall agreed, Thor placed the heel of his hand at the base of his abdomen.

Heimdall flinched. The area wasn't just sensitive. Hands had trailed past there just an hour before, reaching lower. His movement made Thor snatch his hand back. Heimdall shook his head, saying, “I trust you.”

“It hurts at first,” Thor said, gently placing his hand again, “And after you'll be sore, but not painfully.” Heimdall couldn't imagine what Thor meant but he believed him anyway.

Thor pressed down, making Heimdall wince. His friend moved in circular strokes across his stomach with light pressure. He told Heimdall to breathe, showed him how.

At first, the tightening worsened, as if bracing for impact. It was slowly replaced with a warm sensation that pushed the pain away. Not removing it, but lessening it significantly.

“Is it better?” Thor asked.

Heimdall nodded, sitting up when Thor pulled away. He did feel sore, but in a worked muscle way. “That was very kind.” Heimdall said, “Thank you.”

Thor sat beside him again, lying his head on Heimdall's shoulder. This would be their only night here, thankfully. But it seemed the space between such missions were getting frighteningly closer.

He locked the misery away, taking Thor's hand. Giving a reassuring squeeze. They would survive this night as they had so many before.

The lady and her Trifffle were recovered. Perhaps they thought this would prove something to his family. Instead, the family decided to move far away. In truth, it was nothing more than a long walk for an Asgardian but Heimdall decided to keep that to himself. At least for now, until she was no longer upset so they could speak realistically.

He would visit Loki soon. For now, he went to Thor's room. Knocking. His friend opened the door, hand on his hip. Composed, until realizing who it was. Then Thor relaxed, letting the grimace show, leaning back against the wall with a heavy exhale.

“I know the cold is hard for you.” Heimdall said, closing the door behind him. Low temperatures always flared the damage Laufey had caused.

Thor sighed, sounding strained, “Yeah. Truly kicking my ass.” Loki would understand if Thor explained it. Wouldn't allow his father to suffer through pain. But Thor wouldn't tell him, and Heimdall wouldn't mention it. Thor would be by Loki’s side, whether it pained him or not, and neither of them wanted to risk Loki internalizing it.

“Can I help?” Heimdall said. Thor looked up, as if he had forgotten it was an option. Then nodded.

“Much appreciated,” Thor said, “Thank you.” He limped over to his bed, lying on his back and raising his shirt. Heimdall found some lotion and applied it to his hands, sitting beside Thor.

He used a method he had observed the healers used over the years. With both hands, he moved the heel of his palms in circular motions on Thor’s stomach. Pressing lightly, but just deep enough to calm the muscles. Then he changed his motion. Running his hands from Thor's lower back to Thor’s abdomen.

When those muscles relaxed, he pressed the side of his hand into Thor’s hip bone, hearing the small sound Thor made. The muscle was tight and bunched under his touch, but it eased as he worked it into relaxing. Using his sight to see exactly how much pressure was needed, and where.

Thor exhaled quietly as he met relief. He had been taught how to do it himself but Heimdall understood that, often, it was more effective if someone else did.

“Better?” Heimdall asked.

Thor nodded, sitting up when Heimdall pulled away. “Thank you.” He said. Then he sighed, “It's going to be a long month.”

“Maybe you should bring this up to Gifta.” Heimdall said.

Thor grimaced slightly, “Maybe. It's just…” Thor exhaled, “Healers always stick their hands in places I rather they wouldn't.”

Heimdall understood. He hadn't spent much time with healers, being sent to them only if he was severely injured. Usually, he kept his injuries to himself. Odin only cared that he could fulfill his duties and he wouldn't bother anyone else by bringing attention…

Had Loki observed his suppressive tendencies and applied them to himself? He had always attributed it to alpha posturing. Perhaps it was still true. But the omegas shared the same patterns and it would have validated bad coping mechanisms to a child.

Heimdall gently sat the knowledge aside. He couldn't ponder over it right now. It was too sharp and fresh.

“She seems to be more gentle than that.” Heimdall said.

“That's true,” Thor said, “I guess I'll have to if I'm going to be with him.” Heimdall quietly considered the echo of his own deep ache. It had quieted but not left him. It never did. Long becoming a background hum in his life.

“Perhaps we should both speak to her.” Heimdall said.

Thor nodded idly, glancing at him, “It's unlike you to acknowledge discomfort.” Heimdall sighed quietly, rubbing his hands together. Not surprised Thor noticed, but caught off guard that he named it. They both had adopted new tendencies.

“Loki suppresses discomfort,” Heimdall said, “As we do. If it's dangerous for him…” The words—the tightly ensnared truth hidden behind them, snatched his tongue. He cut off with a sigh that was almost audible.

Thor shifted, elbows on his knees. Looking down, thoughtfully. Then he closed his eyes with a weary exhale. “It’s been…” His breath snuck away. Thor swallowed before trying again, “It's been excruciating watching him let the pain tear him from the inside out.”

Heimdall knew he couldn't feel it as deeply as Thor. But he understood. It hurt him as well. He'd held Loki. Cared for him. Protected him. Watched the sweet, protective boy have his tenderness warped by cruelty, his self esteem ripped to shreds by lies and resentment he never deserved. Until the boy grew into an enraged and anguished man.

He watched Loki be strong enough to escape oppression only to inflict it on himself like an ouroboros.

Nothing he's witnessed in the universe prepared him for this. There was no sacred knowledge he could learn from. For the first time, Heimdall felt truly lost, helpless in a way that had become foreign. How could he protect Loki from himself?

He wasn't sure how long they sat in silence. In thoughtful and regretful stillness. He heard Gifta open Loki's door, speaking to the alpha as she checked in.

Heimdall exhaled, looking down. His sorrow spoke before he realized he was speaking, “The first time…” He cut off, with a pinched brow and the shake of his head. Unsure of what made him speak. What had surfaced such a horrible and painful memory.

Maybe it was the powerlessness he felt. It has accompanied his entire life. Every time someone made him feel weak, taking what he hadn't given. Every time Odin made a final decision and he couldn't do anything about it. If he tried, he would be harshly reminded that he had no authority. No power. No choice but to endure.

“My parents were Aesir, but I was born on Vanaheim.” Heimdall said. A much calmer starting point. Thor gave his full attention, turning his eyes towards Heimdall. He only now realized he had never shared this with Thor before.

Perhaps Loki was right. He was difficult to learn. It hadn't been purposeful.

“When my father was the gatekeeper, I suppose his post was everlasting as it was for me. It must have changed when I was born. His absence was never unbearable. He always returned just before too long.” Thor smiled a little, something shined in his eyes. Perhaps a sense of relief on Heimdall's behalf.

“On Vanaheim, I was the only omega as well. But my parents were very watchful. They protected me. With ten parents, I was never left alone.” Heimdall said. Smiling as well now. A small, heartbroken one. It had been a long time since he'd thought of his parents. Purposefully. The guilt of it became part of his person, like his skin.

Remembering them became painful. If they had survived, his life, even Thor's, would have been significantly different. Happier, for sure. It was the kind of softness he couldn't afford to feel. Or so he had thought.

Maybe it was exactly what he had needed but never realized.

He couldn't help but look down, “When father was away, my mothers would tutor me and often took me into town. They were obsessed with the theatres. They never missed a show.” He chuckled softly, as the memory opened the door to soo many others.

“When father was home, I was always by his side,” Heimdall said, “He would take me to the markets, buy anything I wanted. He mentored my sight. He didn't just want me to be as skilled as him. He wanted me to surpass his talents. He was selfless like that.”

“That's where you get it from.” Thor said. He sounded genuinely enlightened.

Heimdall huffed a quiet chuckle. “I suppose so,” He said. He hadn't realized it was a quality he possessed. “My mothers, they were Valkyries. Three of them retired to care for me. At first, it was a time of peace, so they were never gone long anyway.”

He exhaled softly, thinking ahead. Thor always took every slight Odin inflicted on Heimdall personally. As if he hadn't suffered from the same oppression. As if it was his guilt to bear. Heimdall didn't want to add Hela as fuel to the fire.

“I wasn’t yet born when Odin was crowned and made Hela his war general.” Heimdall said, “But I was very young when he used her to conquer as much of the galaxy as possible. Maybe following in Bor’s footsteps. Using her as he had been used. When she warred with Asgard, Odin sent the Valkyries to contain her. I lost them.” His voice came as a whisper and he had to steady himself. “All I had was my father. He left his post to care for me.”

Thor’s eyes slid away, narrow in thought. “We're your opposites. Compounded selfishness.”

“You've never been that way,” Heimdall said.

“Only because of you,” Thor said, “The All-Parents were ever absent. You taught me everything I know.”

He hadn't expected Thor to say that. Hadn't realized Thor had pushed away the coldness of neglect for the warmth of Heimdall's attention. Heimdall hadn't thought of it so deeply himself.

Double edged sword. He could see it, now that he was reflecting. He had taken care of Thor for many reasons, all of them genuine. Giving the only things he had known. Sincerity and full protection.

But Thor had been an expressive child. Occasionally theatrical, like his son. Had Heimdall shown repression to both of them?

There hadn't been a single experience in his life more painful than that realization. It hadn't been conscious. He had to reject feeling to survive. Hadn't known any other way to endure.

Maybe it had been necessary for all of them at the time. Ashard’s culture revolved around composure, making no room for emotional releases. Especially for the three of them, being held to impossible, royal standards.

Maybe it was time for something different. Let some things fall away with Asgard.

“My father died during an invasion, protecting Odin.” Heimdall said. “On Vanaheim, I was sent to an orphanage but The All-Parents made a place for me in the palace. It's why I didn't board with the rest of the students.”

“I can't imagine they were very watchful.” Thor said, his tone perfectly jaded.

Heimdall shook his head, “They weren't. I had assumed it was because I wasn't their responsibility. Frigga was with me the most, always near when I was the most grieved.” Thor smiled just a hint, his eyes shadowed with grief for the briefest moment. They way Heimdall had done when he mentioned the death of his own parents, speaking quickly before the pain could catch up to him.

“My parents had taught me how to protect myself.” Heimdall said, “Flowers blend with our scents and mask it. So I stayed in the garden where I wouldn't be detected. I busied myself with studying. When I visited the archives, I always took the least populated routes.”

Heimdall closed his eyes, hands folded tightly. The most composed image. A harmful image. Suppression had become his instinct. The one and only way he kept any dignity.

Without it…what would he be? Who?

“But when I started training…” Heimdall sighed, feeling himself tense. There were over a thousand years of memories. Too much, entirely too soon. He had to focus.

“The first time, I was so young.” He said. His voice so quiet it was shameful. The wound was still so tender, the softest graze was a song of misery. He had to…retreat. Just for a moment.

He supposed he didn't have to continue. He could change the subject. Redirect the conversation. Maybe even admit it was too painful. Repression. That wouldn't be helpful for Thor or Loki.

Heimdall took a deep breath, gathering his composure. Out of habit. Out of safe familiarity. “I did so well in training. My parents had already taught me much and it was important for me to do as well as my father.”

He shrugged a little. As if it all was a small matter, “On Vanaheim, my parents kept me so close, I hadn't expected the contention and resentment. From peers and instructors alike.”

Thor took a deep breath, eyes sliding closed. No one in the universe would understand it like he would. Heimdall hated that he did. He had tried to protect Thor from the misery he had suffered through.

A hopeless notion. He hadn't been able to protect himself.

“It wasn't so bad when I first started, my peers were the same age.” Heimdall said, “They did nothing more than petty bullying. But Odin thought I should train with equally skilled students so…” Heimdall exhaled slowly. He was running out of context to hide in.

“Suddenly I was the only omega in a room full of jealous and spiteful alphas. As always.” He said, “But this time they were stronger than I was. The first day, the instructors kept me separated, just to keep the lesson going. But after,” He swallowed, inhaling deeply, “He didn't even dismiss the hall. He just walked out. Leaving me alone.” His voice broke. Shaken from the isolation a deeply buried part of him still remembered.

The memory threatened to burst through. He held it at arm's length, leaning back as if it had manifested in the room with them.

Except it slithered past his defenses. Casting on him like a shadow. He opened his eyes. Hadn't realized he closed them. The sight of the room, the empty glass bottle still sitting on Thor’s wardrobe, Thor's cape draped over a chair; it was grounding.

Still, when Heimdall spoke his voice trembled, “They laughed at me when I screamed and mocked me when I cried.” He wiped away a tear that had snuck past his composure, “I was so young. I didn't know what they were doing. Or why. When it was finally over, they bragged and celebrated before finally leaving. As if they'd conquered a formidable opponent. I was a child.”

His eyes slid close again as he wiped away more tears, “I sat on the floor for hours, bleeding and crying. They had stolen my clothes so I had to wait until night to walk the long distance back to the palace. Exposed. I didn't even know that what I was feeling was humiliation.”

Heimdall scoffed, jaw setting, “I had done nothing to deserve that.” He spoke with certainty, as if he had known this all along. In truth, it was a realization.

He blinked, vision blurry with tears he was fighting. Allowing the truth to settle in his mind before saying, “We didn't deserve anything that happened to us.”

Thor winced, flinched as if the words had attacked him. Looking away. As if he couldn't confront the implication. It had been a realization Heimdall could afford to have. For Thor, it would require facing a cruelty Heimdall had never endured.

He bumped Thor’s shoulder, looping his arm around Thor's. Gently brushing his friend's arm. So Thor wouldn't feel alone.

Thor huffed a soft sob, then shook his head, looking down. “They made us feel as if we deserved it. Like we were weak when we couldn't fight back.”

Heimdall nodded, recognizing the pattern he had handed to Thor in a wrapped package. Circling pain until it was tame enough to tackle. An acceptable tendency, Heimdall supposed. It wasn't repression. It was measured confrontation.

“Do you think they realize how much they hurt us?” Thor asked, his voice nothing but a whisper.

Heimdall fell silent as he thought. It wasn't the first time he's questioned this. He agonized over it when he was used and cast aside, ashamed with deep aches he couldn't ignore.

“I think possessing such power clouds the perception of their actions,” Heimdall said, “To the point of refusing to care about the damage they cause.”

Thor sighed, returning Heimdall's touch, a gentle caress. He shrugged, “I fear such corruption is perhaps…inevitable.”

Heimdall shook his head, finding comfort in finally meeting something he was certain of. He said, “Not at all. Many realms are ruled by benevolence. When a leader is kind and empathetic, is one with their people instead of standing above them on a mountain of false grandiose and impossible promises, kindness becomes culture, as does self awareness.”

Thor smiled a little, a sliver of hope peaked through the darkness. He tense a little less.

“New Asgard will thrive well under their new King.” Heimdall said. He spoke with no doubt, no false assurance. He always knew Thor was capable of leading their people in a better direction.

Thor met his eyes, the deep blue was shadowed with a misery that always surrounded him, “You're more convinced than I am.”

“That's fine.” Heimdall said, “In time, your work and the following results will be proof enough.”

The pain in Thor's eyes eased just a hint, “See what I mean? If they had moved aside, you would have raised me perfectly fine.” Perhaps he meant to lean against Heimdall's shoulder, but he fell onto him instead. As if Thor had been carrying a heavy weight he simply couldn't maintain for another moment.

Heimdall caught him, as he always would. For as long as he could.

Maybe Heimdall would have mentioned that he wasn't much older than Thor. But Thor had been very young when Loki was born. If the All-Parents had stood aside, supporting instead of becoming an obstacle, Loki would have been a happy child.

Instead, Heimdall said, “Your parents loved you.” He wished he could have sounded more certain. He knew it was true for Frigga. Odin…he had been an enigma.

A foil, honestly. To every single person he encountered.

Thor’s breath dragged, he shrugged, “Maybe. I just think…” He trailed off. For a moment all Heimdall heard was his breath. Then Thor made the softest, most broken sound when he cried.

“They had a vision. A plan. Their heir would be different from Hela. This time strong but constrained. Dignified. Not carried away with their emotions. An alpha.” Thor lost his breath as he finally gave the wound a name.

“But I was born sensitive and breedable.” Thor said, “I could run off and be exploited and ruined. I could carry the child of Odin’s enemy and love him unconditionally. I was their biggest disappointment.” Thor barely spoke the last word, sobs covered the sound. He cried on Heimdall's shoulder as he had during childhood. Knowing he was safe to do so.

“He peddled us like a procurer.” Thor said, “Using our one weakness like a punishment for being born improperly.”

The shockwave of the truth rippled, shaking Heimdall as well. Maybe he knew this deep down. Hearing it voiced yanked the knowledge to the surface.

Heimdall had to close his eyes, fighting away the phantoms of so many who had touched him. Pushed him down. Forced him. He opened his eyes, just barely keeping his sight still instead of looking towards Gogma. Didn't listen for his plans.

The messenger that had been sent wouldn't have even left the Dyrathror yet. They were fine. He didn't need to worry yet.

“He did.” Heimdall admitted. “He considered it improper. Yet we still are what we are, and we've survived. Bloodied, hurting, and bruised, perhaps. But not broken. We have to remember that.” He spoke to himself as well as Thor.

Thor nodded stiffly but his shrug defined it, “If I could change it…” He cut off with a soft sigh.

“Loki has said similar things,” Heimdall said.

Thor tensed, wiping his eyes. “Saying that was nothing short of psychological warfare.”

“Did it work?” Heimdall asked.

Thor chuckled softly, sounding miserable but fondly frustrated, “Undoubtedly.” A bit of his sorrow slid from him like an avalanche. “You've never wished for a different outcome?”

“Not our gender,” Heimdall said, “I think we would be very different if we had been doms. I wish Asgard had been the golden utopia Odin presented as. Then, our gender wouldn't have mattered.” Thor hummed thoughtfully, quiet as the thought.

“I guess we've already achieved that in small portion.” Thor said, “The people see us as leaders. Not as our gender.”

“And it will become our culture,” Heimdall said.

Thor smiled a little, sitting up, taking Heimdall's hand, “That is a comforting thought.”

Chapter Text

Loki wished Odin had been more upset. The All-Father had been prepared to retire, take long trips, laze around in his bath robe, frolic in the garden, whatever the fuck Odin had planned.

Instead, when the Jotuns had invaded, When Thor was rightfully angry for the threat and the interruption of his coronation, Odin snatched the kingship from the omega before he even had a chance to grasp it.

Rarely was Loki short-sighted. Thor was enraged. He hadn't expected that. Hadn't expected the way Thor conspired with his friends to sneak to Jotunheim. Why? Loki wasn't sure. Revenge, certainly. But they hadn't gotten what they came for. The invasion was minor.

Odin had overacted, but that was his very person. Attacking Jotunheim wouldn't change Odin’s mind. It would do the opposite.

Heimdall mentioned this when they encountered him for passage. Thor hadn't responded, simply gave the fellow omega a look. One that spoke in a silent language that only Heimdall would understand.

Heimdall opened the bifrost with a glance to Loki and a half-hearted line about wondering how the Jotuns escaped his sight.

The mirror above his wardrobe had been taken from its place and leaned glass against the wall. He couldn't stay in this form if it constantly haunted him.

His legs were crossed as he faced the window. Watching as his people passed by, sometimes trolleying Trifffles to save their tiny legs. Maybe others had interspecies trysts but were more sensible with the relationship.

Loki watched and observed, considered and judged, until the sun had fallen enough that he could see his reflection in the glass. The lines, the blue, it caught him off guard. He had forgotten about it. Seeing the Jotun, seeing Laufey, startled him into the proper Aesir.

Loki didn't fix it either. He just move, sitting back against the headboard. Ignoring how difficult breathing had become. Not unexpected, he had listened to Gifta this time. He'd get worse for a while before he got better.

There was nothing to do while being trapped in these four walls. His one source of entertainment was gone now that others would settle for the night. Loki was left with the monster and his memories.

He remembered a cold world and a touch that should have crystalized his skin. Instead, it uncovered something he had never known was there.

Truthfully, Loki hadn't expected Heimdall to allow them to invade Jotunheim. Or for Thor to glare at Laufey with such rage.

It made sense now.

How could Thor look at him without seeing Laufey? When Thor fought on Jotunheim, there hadn't been any amount of peace. The omega had been fueled by disgust and hatred.

Loathing wasn't an object. It couldn't be placed aside when no longer useful. It infested and colored, fused with one's very being. Silent at times. But always ready to maim when called upon.

Loki huffed, reaching for his magic. He didn't even know why. He felt the pull, like a pinch that spanned his whole body. Loki stopped, letting his magic dwell around him without manipulating it. Not for his own sake, for Thor. For Heimdall.

Maybe he had intended to reach towards Sylvie. He felt her mystical touch. It came quickly, encoded to measure his condition. He almost matched her connection out of habit but stopped just short, remembering his limitations.

He let her magic mingle with his, taking space in his atmosphere. Hopefully, she would realize he was fine. Bored. Trapped. Losing his mind, perhaps. But fine.

An object fell out of the air, dropping on his bed with a soft plop. It was dull as if the glow had been robbed. He picked it up for a closer inspection. It was inscribed with thin lines that looked familiar.

Another piece hit his foot. Then another was dropped. He felt Sylvie's presence pull away, but didn't leave him entirely. She was concerned, he realized. She probably had been busy and now was free to stay connected.

He gathered the pieces, trying to put them together as if they were a puzzle. They did go together, he knew this without knowing how he did.

He finally recognized the markings. Where he'd seen the similar twirl and interconnected trails. Faint, as the markings on his other skin.

These were the remains of the Casket of Ancient Winters.

Where had Sylvie found them? Perhaps in the destruction of Asgard. Had she been scouring through their rubble this entire time? Perhaps a new hobby.

He tossed the pieces aside, no longer interested. They couldn't do him any good and he could have done without yet another reminder of the monster.

With a sigh, he moved to sit on the side of the bed. Wishing so desperately he could escape this predicament. Surely a moment in the shade couldn't be fatal.

If Heimdall gazed on him and he wasn't where he should be, the fallout wouldn't be pretty. He looked up at the door just as he heard a soft knock. Expecting the omega when the door opened, since he had thought of Heimdall.

The omega's hair wasn't tied up as usual, his locks flowed down his shoulders. He entered with a soft sigh, closing the door behind him. Then bent over to gather the pieces of the casket from the floor.

Loki spoke quickly, trying to avoid whatever sensible insight he might meet.  “I don't know how she found that. Or why she sent it to me. Whatever use it once had is lost.”

“It's your history,” Heimdall said, “Why wouldn't she salvage it as she would Aesir artifacts?”

“It's not her history.” Loki said, “And it's not something I wish to preserve.”

Heimdall exhaled, sitting beside Loki, setting the pieces down between them. “The only person who rejects you is you. Even Nal has accepted the Aesir as part of Jotun legacy.”

Loki almost asked who the hell Nal was, but he remembered at the last moment. His sister, the frost giant. The kind mother who stopped her duties to care for her children, who judged her people as fairly as possible.

“How could she?” Loki asked, brow pinched in confusion, “How would she know I even exist.”

“She was a varling when it happened,” Heimdall said, “When a child was born shortly after and the rumor circulated, she understood.”

The alpha felt a sense of shame on his father's behalf. How many had learned of the personal violation, of the child Thor struggled to carry. There was no secrecy to wed with dignity. Something so personal shouldn't have been public.

Yet, it had been hidden from Loki for over fourteen hundred years despite, quite possibly, being the only person who deserved to know. Didn't matter. He had been far more content when he hadn't known.

He supposed the Jotuns had felt victorious over his father's indignity. An imposed blight on Odin's illustrious legacy. They'd wounded the Aesir royal bloodline for three generations. Accomplishing revenge on a level Loki hadn't even achieved. His meager efforts had quite literally put Odin asleep.

“I’m sure she then went on about her day,” Loki was too sick and jaded to spit venom. All he could muster was bitterness leaking from the holes of his soul, “Laufey moved on gleefully while the tragedy he imposed continually unfolds.”

Heimdall hesitated, just long enough to shift, tucking a leg under him, “Jotuns value honor as do all warrior realms. Assaulting a child is not the behavior of a just king. He lost a significant amount of loyalty.”

Loki hadn't considered that. The incident had been so overt, so insultingly blatant, as if Laufey had no fear of repercussions.

Rightfully so. He was still king until Loki killed him. The position came with power and luxuries. Elated treatment. He hadn't suffered and Heimdall hadn't implied that he did.

“Nal takes no pride in what was done.” Heimdall said, “I feel she would like to connect, but is unsure of how.”

Loki’s brow pinched, “What makes you think that?”

A scene faded into his sight, making way for a massive room to fill his vision. Loki wasn't sure what he was seeing at first. The Jotuns had magicked an image along the stone wall. Light stone, almost white. He hadn't known they had pale-colored materials.

The image sprawled like a leafless tree with their script along the branches. A man came into view, followed by a child. He recognized the boy. His nephew. Loki couldn't remember his name, hadn't wanted to commit it to memory.

Loki didn't know what they said, refusing to use the All-Speak to understand. The boy touched the tree and it brightened with a frosty sparkle. Faces appeared above the words.

The script changed in his sight, revealing names; the spoken words became Asgardian. He couldn't dictate whether Heimdall used the All-Speak. The boy called the man his uncle. Another sibling. Interesting.

The nephew prattled excessively, excited to show this off. A legacy, Loki realized. His Jotun Dynasty. Loki wondered why his brother wouldn't have seen this before. He was in Jotun form, like their nephew. Maybe he had been raised elsewhere.

As they spoke, Heimdall focused, trailing the longest branch that extended from the root of the tree until he saw Laufey's name.

It seemed he had never wedded, which was a break from tradition. He had three children. Nal’s face was adorned, indicating royalty, Loki assumed. His brother was younger than her but far older than Loki based on his listed birthdate.

The two had the same mother it seemed, as they were attached to the same twig that branched off showing Nal’s children. It seemed his brother was still childless.

A separate twig changed color, from the frosty blue to a bright and shining gold. Thor was shown, and below was Loki.

“She included you shortly after taking the throne.” Heimdall said, “She didn't want you to be lost to obscurity.”

How fucking dare she.

Being forgotten would have been his only wish. He certainly wouldn't have asked for the injustice to be highlighted on a fucking wall. Loki wouldn't verbalize this. He hid his discontent.

Heimdall hadn't shown this to incite anger. It was simply the truth. Loki was Jotun and Aesir and without magical intervention, he was forced to exist as such for the rest of his existence. He would hate it for just as long. It was only fair. If Thor had suffered, he should feel the consequences too.

His sight became his own and he took peace in how far away Jotunheim was. If this intrusive truth was hidden away in a private room of the palace, then very few would see it. His legacy would fall off one day. Hopefully, as the years stretched on, someone would decide to eliminate the unnecessary nub.

“Why not let me be lost?” Loki asked, with a shrug, “Surely it couldn't have made any difference for her.”

“You are an heir to their throne,” Heimdall said, “Should a catastrophe happen, you could become a misplaced king. Your existence deserves validation, as does the transgression against your father.”

Loki looked away as he thought. He hadn't considered it so closely. Had he been raised on Jotunheim, he would have had duties as an heir, as he did for Asgard.

Alright. This ran deeper than his discomfort. But did it matter? He wouldn't become their king. Nor would he willingly set foot on the icy world unless absolutely necessary. Nal’s children would grow, one would become king. His brother would probably have children of his own. Loki was the youngest, the least important. Existing only on the fringes.

Why should it matter to Nal? To Sylvie. To Heimdall? Why had he gathered the pieces of the casket and placed them on the quilt, letting their quiet existence shout. Why not chuck them into the trash where they belonged?

Heimdall followed his sight to the pieces, picked one up, toying with it in his hand. “What about the Jotuns do you hate so deeply?”

The question made Loki meet golden eyes in surprise. “I suppose it's obvious.” Heimdall didn't justify this with a response. He watched Loki quietly, waiting for a true answer.

Loki sighed, moving to rest his elbows on his knees, “They're despicable and unjust. Like their world even. Cruel and harsh. Not fit for proper civilization.”

“No,” Heimdall said with a soft head shake, “I asked you, not Odin.”

Loki inhaled, sitting back a little, hands clenching. He almost spoke of Laufey. Inflicting misery and a heavy responsibility on a child because of his own cowardice. At any moment, he could have manifested a fucking spine and invaded Asgard in bravery. Faced his enemy, regardless of the consequences.

Jotunheim hadn't done that. Laufey did. Just as peers and instructors had done the same to Heimdall. As Odin had used their gender, their person, as a tool for his kingdom.

No doubt it had been a torture in their mind, the memories would persist long after the signs of the harm were gone. Except for him. His entire existence, his second skin, was a tangible memory, physical evidence of extreme cruelty.

Loki almost crossed his arms, but he couldn’t be sure he wouldn't harm himself. He wrapped his limbs around his body instead. A pitiful display but better than Heimdall seeing a regression.

“There's nothing left to hate.” Loki said, looking down. Content with leaving the statement alone, but his sorrow spoke up, “Except for myself but I don't think that would be accepted.”

Heimdall sighed heavily, still toying with the fraction of the casket, “Our care can't prohibit whatever you're truly feeling.”

Loki shrugged, “I don't feel anything.”

Heimdall hummed, placing the casket piece down diagonally, and arranging the other two fractures around it. The lines matched, showing the glimpse of a pattern.

“Then why do you feel the need to hate anyone?” Heimdall asked, taking Loki’s hand and lying his palm down beside the casket’s echo.

The alpha almost snatched his hand away, not ready to see whatever Heimdall was trying to show him. Still, he changed forms, without really knowing why. Maybe because Heimdall had wordlessly asked him to. Perhaps because it was unavoidable. He existed, the mark persisted despite his efforts of destruction.

“I would be happier if I could eradicate it.” Loki said.

Heimdall pondered this quietly, his pinched brow telling Loki there was something here that stole his words. The omega touched his hand, tracing the thin impressions that swirled between his gene lines.

Only now did Loki notice the casket's pattern, repeated softly along his skin. How had that even come to be? What came first, the genes or the casket?

“It would require the darkest of magic.” Heimdall said. Loki’s eyes snapped to him. So it was possible?!

Loki wanted to snatch this information and run away with it, research and practice until he was capable of enacting it. But Heimdall wouldn't have given him a means of self destruction without making it too heavy to carry.

“No one had known it was possible until Odin told Thor what he planned to do.” Heimdall said. Conjuring the memory of Thor's reaction when Loki brushed an old pain. How protective Thor had gotten. The option wasn't just heavy, it was ripped from Loki’s grasp entirely.

“Odin claimed it would make carrying you easier, “Heimdall said, “that the Jotuns and the Aesir were incompatible. But I saw something different. Thor struggled because of his age and you were forming just fine.”

Loki scoffed. He wasn't just annoyed he felt…Of course Odin would lie about it. Of course he had wanted to erase the monster. Could Loki blame Odin? It had done nothing but cause pain. It had led him here! Locked away in a room like a criminal. A wounded and pitiful animal.

“Maybe he was trying to protect,” Loki said, “Make it easier…” He trailed off. Easier how? Thor couldn't forget what happened. The pregnancy would have remained difficult. “Maybe it would have been easier for Odin to accept me.”

“It wasn't about him,” Heimdall said, no give in his tone. Loki suspected this is something he told Thor at the time. “You are half Jotun and Thor loves you, not just your Aesir half.”

Loki took a deep breath, grabbing Heimdall's hand and holding. As if the words had been a physical blow. His voice trembled when he spoke,  “What if he changes his mind?”

“He fought death for twelve months,” Heimdall said, “for the both of you. And then Odin on your behalf for over a thousand years. I don't think there's anything more powerful to make him turn from you.”

Loki held his breath as he thought, held the words up against his father's actions for a critical inspection.. Searching for hatred.

Was love more flimsy than hate? Loki hadn't considered it before. He knew the exact strength of hatred, knew its persistence. He had been convinced Thor hadn't loved him enough. Shit, he still wondered.

“Why is it so hard for me to believe?” Loki asked, then regretted it. He felt as if he were hurting Thor even though his father couldn't hear it.

“Because you're still listening to Odin, “ Heimdall said, “I understand. His voice is persistent even to me.”

Loki hadn't expected the omega to say that, the honesty. He looked up at Heimdall, gave him a small smile of shared sorrow. Weighed down by guilt. The two had suffered so much worse. Odin had been so cruel to them. As cruel as Laufey. Perhaps worse.

“If Sylvie finds all the pieces of the casket and if it can be repaired, it might be helpful against the Myrks.” Loki said, picking up what appeared to be a corner. It still felt foreign in his grasp. He couldn't throw it away though. It could be useful.

“It would,” Heimdall said, “Against them and others who wish to confront. Many will see us as vulnerable.” Perhaps he mentioned this as extra security against self destruction. As if he hadn't slapped the notion from Loki’s hands and kicked it out the room.

Loki wouldn't do something Odin had used against Thor. If he couldn't embrace the monster, he would have to learn to live with it.

Chapter Text

He couldn't beat Thor in battle. Loki was still a student and Thor was just shy of a king.

He knew damn sure Thor didn't want to defeat him. His brother avoided attacking, trying to talk. and Loki planned to use Thor’s love as an advantage. He didn't need to be stronger. Odin just needed to see that he was better.

Love was double edged. His disadvantage. He didn't want to defeat Thor and it was blinding. He made silly mistakes and Thor settled him quickly, placing Mjolnir on his chest. Now, Loki was pinned under the weight of being unworthy.

Loki struggled, trying to wiggle from under the weapon, watching as Thor inched towards the frost sparking bifrost that was destroying Jotunheim.

No way to stop it, just as Loki planned. Jotunheim would disintegrate. Its dust would travel the universe.

Except Thor summoned his hammer. Struck the golden bridge until it cracked and the bifrost fell into space. Isolating Asgard for the good of a monstrous people. They deserved to die.

Loki hadn't expected this from Sylvie. Not intimacy beyond physical pleasures. Certainly not sitting with him when he was so uncharacteristically vulnerable.

But she held him, back to chest, her hands clasped over his sternum. She had come at some point during the night and he woke up to her presence.

They hadn't yet spoken, letting their motions speak their intentions. She read the adjusted note Thor had on the wall and shoved medicines towards him, filling Heimdall's absence.

His chest felt tight, forcing each breath and struggling to reach the next one. It genuinely felt as if every inhale would be his last and he refused to acknowledge that he was terrified.

Maybe Sylvie felt his fear. Maybe she shared it. They'd often toyed with death during their long companionship, but was never truly threatened by it until now.

“Have you lain with another?” Sylvie asked, a ripple in the silence. Surprising Loki enough that his fear evaporated for a moment, condensing into a cloud above him.

“ N-no, ” Loki drawled, not sure why he admitted it. He supposed there wasn't a need to lie. Perhaps if he hadn't felt as if he were barely outrunning death, his pride would have spoken for him. “Have you?”

He felt Sylvie's head shake against his hair, “I’ve thought about it because you keep pissing me off.”

Loki rolled his eyes, “Is it me or are you just an idiot?” She chuckled softly. “What brought this on?” His chest tightened but he swallowed the urge to cough, not wanting to worry her.

He felt the rise and fall of Sylvie's shrug, “You’ve never wondered what I'm up to when I'm gone?”

“Wondered, yes.” Loki attempted a deep breath, “But I don't fear your absence.” His voice wavered, like a plane losing momentum.

She kissed his temple, “Don't speak if it's difficult.”

“I'm fine.” Loki said, not sure if pride spoke for him or his affection. “Are you trying to introduce a third body?”

Sylvie snorted, “You're no good with sharing. You'd want all the attention.” Loki chuckled, short and breathless.

“I was just thinking,” Sylvie shrugged again, tightening her grip around him as if bracing for something, “maybe we should keep not fucking other people, but forever.”

A strange, tongue-twister of a marriage proposal.

Never had he felt Heimdall's sight so heavily, as if some part of the conversation had caught his ear and now they had his full attention. He wasn't sure how Thor or Heimdall felt about Sylvie. They always treated her warmly. Thor watched her cautiously but not with resentment or annoyance.

“Shouldn't there be fanfare?” Loki asked, his normal bite muted by tightness, “Gifts presented before the royal court. A whole shebang.”

He could almost hear Sylvie's eyes roll, “I am your gift. And you're very lucky to have me.” She spoke with all the annoying arrogance she could muster.

Loki smiled, leaning back to kiss her. “Does it not bother you that I am half…” Monster. Cruel barbarian. Brute. Savage. Child rapist. He swept all this under the struggle to breathe. “Jotun.”

“Why would that bother me now?” Sylvie asked.

Maybe it was easy for her to accept because she hadn't witnessed the omegas carry the misery. Hadn't heard Thor's voice break or seen Heimdall cry. He had. Only glimpses of the horror undoubtedly burdening them.

“Do you know any other Jotun hybrids?” Loki softly cleared his throat, an attempted bargain with coughing. “There's every potential for unforeseen side effects.”

“Then we'll deal with them.” Her chin rested against his shoulder. No mocking in her tone. Sincere in a way she rarely was. Certain while he was everything but.

“For all you know, I might be prone to spontaneous combustion.” Loki said. Sylvie slapped his shoulder, as if to knock away his flippancy. He feigned surprise, “I'm just saying, it's hard to commit to a mystery.”

“Isn't that what we've already been doing?” Sylvie asked. It annoyed him when she was completely sensible.

“Help me.” Loki said, raising his hand, touching his magic just enough to feel her intertwine with him. Her magic followed his nudges, reaching through the universe to one of his many pockets for hiding valuables.

It was almost a strain, stopping short only because Sylvie held him up. He felt her grab his desire and he pulled away, letting her pull the object through space and time. With a green shimmer, a box materialized in his hand.

Rings were traditional on Midgard. On Jotunheim, they utilized piercings. The Aesir adorned their hair. A jewel clip showed engagement, and a braid for marriage.

He and Sylvie were never traditional. Still, she opened the box, wearing a small, genuine smile for the silver metal clasping a deep amethyst jewel. She used her fingers to comb his hair back behind his ear, using the clip to hold it in place as she did for her own blonde locks.

Interesting. When had they become sentimental?

Perhaps it was infantile, but Thor was deeply comforted by Heimdall's presence. He had planned on approaching Gifta but she had found the two of them instead. Explaining she would like to study their omegan biology since Asgard's records no longer existed. She had recorded everything she remembered, but caring for Loki had opened her eyes to the possibility that their records may have been incomplete.

Thor stood beside his friend in Gifta's makeshift examination room, the two of them leaning back against the patchwork examination table. She gave a student some instructions before coming inside and taking a seat with an open book in her lap.

“I fear we are imperfect specimens.” Thor said, shifting his weight to ignore the deep discomfort that cold had riled, despite it being what he had sought her for.

Heimdall noticed his movements and Thor looked away before meeting an unamused golden gaze, a silent chide against posturing.

Gifta shook her head, giving him a soft smile that lacked pity. A rare balance. “I'm aware of the trauma. But your physiology and endocrinology are unique and there's a lot to learn.”

He hadn't considered that. The healers never mentioned it. Perhaps because they had records of omega biology; but surely, they were outdated. Omegas had been entirely too rare to keep up with Asgard's rapidly advancing health technology.

Maybe his struggles during pregnancy had many causes and lack of knowledge was one. It wasn't surprising, but the realization still stole Thor's breath. Maybe he and Loki could have suffered a little less.

“We're infertile.” Heimdall said softly, arms crossed, feet crossed at the ankle which was casual in a way Heimdall usually wasn't. But the strange mix of body language was completely familiar.

“I know,” Gifta said softly, “My surface observations haven't noticed any hormonal imbalances but I don't have any comparisons. If you don't mind, I could use the Gatekeeper's sight to learn more.”

Thor exhaled as he relaxed. As an adult, he avoided the healers entirely unless facing fatality. Maybe he was being entitled, their attention was always professional. But care required touching wounds and they didn't spare any patience for his hesitations.

Maybe he was just being foolish.

But was it his fault that his body remembered? Did it matter? Avoiding attention wasn't mature or helpful.

Still, it was nice of Gifta to present an option.

He agreed as did Heimdall and Gifta closed the gap but maintained a safe distance. Her eyes tinged gold as she studied him from the crown of his head and down, scribbling notes at an impressive speed.

“King, I'm seeing some inflammation.” Gifta said, “Are you experiencing some pain?”

Childish uncertainty crept back up, he clicked his tongue, arms half crossed.

No need to dawdle. It's what he wanted to speak to her about.

“Aye,” Thor said, “Extreme cold sometimes causes discomfort. If I'm sitting with Loki, sometimes…” Thor sighed without meaning to, “Sometimes there's…complications.”

Heimdall noticed his unease and bumped his shoulder. His touch gave Thor permission to relax. He felt a little like a child again. Knowing Heimdall would speak up for him if Thor let pride steal his voice.

He was hoping Gifta wouldn't advise him to avoid Loki’s room. It wasn't an option.

Instead, she said, “I think I could make something.” Sounding distracted as her hand worked the pen. She flipped back to her original notes occasionally in a way that stopped when she moved to Heimdall. As if he were a blank slate.

Thor didn't remember him visiting the healers often, and he couldn't imagine Heimdall would utter a word of discomfort.

Heimdall tensed when Gifta evaluated him, but was clearly distracted by providing his sight to her. Maybe seeing himself in a way he never had before. Thor looped his arm around his friend's. Hoping Heimdall knew he'd speak up for him if his friend didn't feel inclined to speak for himself.

“Gatekeeper,” Gifta said, her writing paused for half a second as she did the slightest double-take, “You're experiencing pain as well?” She spoke the question as if she already knew the answer.

Heimdall tensed even more and Thor rubbed his arm, trying to help. His friend could see all, yet grew uncomfortable when seen.

“I…” Heimdall trailed off with a soft inhale, “It varies in intensity.” Thor felt he was probably understating it.

“The King has extensive records.” Gifta said, “It seems you didn't receive adequate care.” She spoke with the slightest hint of frustration but not with surprise.

“We've…” Thor stopped, trying to find the best balance for both of them. “We've experienced much, even in early childhood.” Each word felt as if they were yanked from his soul. But he felt it was context Gifta needed.

Gifta nodded slowly, finding another book and writing with a different colored pen, “I can make something to ease the discomfort. If you're open to it, Gatekeeper, I can try and fill the gaps in your care.”

Heimdall hesitated. Thor glanced at him, letting his silence highlight the situation. His friend wasn't hypocritical by nature. He wouldn't be able to chide Thor and Loki for posturing and neglect himself in peace.

Heimdall exhaled softly, eyes narrowing a hint as if a little annoyed, despite still sharing his gift. Still, he relaxed just enough, placing a hand over Thor’s.

“Alright.” Heimdall said, speaking softly.

The projection of Sylvie's travels danced lightly on his walls. It must have taken a considerable amount of energy to cast a continuous illustration from a great distance. She had already magicked books and trinkets to hold his attention.

He didn't deserve such devotion and suddenly the barrette seemed like a poor decision. Yet he didn't regret it. Yet he didn't deserve it or her. He sat back against the headboard in contemplation.

His door opened and Thor walked in. Perhaps he had something to say as he closed the door behind him but his brow pinched. He crossed the room and pushed Loki’s hair back, revealing the charm. He uttered a quiet, “Oh dear.”

Loki’s snort came out as a huff, “I appreciate the congratulations.”

Thor sighed, looking around the walls as if seeing the illusion for the first time. Loki saw him tense with panic.

“Is this your doing?” Thor asked.

“No, Sylvie is trying to cure my boredom.” Loki said, nudging a book from the small pile sitting beside him on the bed. Thor reached over and picked up a red trinket with floral embellishments. A puzzle box from Midgard, perhaps.

Thor's smile was small, but pleased, “That was sweet of her.”

“Does this calm your dread?” Loki asked, facetious while he was genuinely worried. He would be lost if Thor thought poorly of Sylvie.

“No,” Thor drawled, being playful and it kept Loki’s heart from falling, “I can't imagine you wedding anyone else. I wish you two were a little older.”

“We've been courting for a thousand years.” Loki tried a deep breath, “Clearly we're not prone to rushing.” His words were huffed at the end, having lost breath to sustain the sentence.

“You're struggling. Lie down.” Thor said.

Loki sighed, feeling the weight of frustration. Never had he been so completely debilitated.

“Even I have never been this lazy.” He said, the discontent came softly and he obeyed, scooting away from the headboard to lie down. Listless in the middle of the day.

“I know,” Thor said, sitting beside him. His movements were  careful, accompanied with a nearly concealed wince, “It will only be for a little while.”

“Are you unwell?” Loki asked, meaning to prop himself on an elbow. But the sudden movement, the blood rush from his panic, sent his world spinning. He touched his brow, leaning back against his pillows.

“I'm worried about you,” Thor said, touching his cheek, “As you should be. You're still being too reckless.”

Loki was in no position to counter this. He closed his eyes, unsure if it was helping or making the vertigo worse. “Your scent is off.”

Thor hesitated for just a moment, “Just long days. The people still have many needs.”

“You know damn well I don't believe that.” Loki said, his lungs felt tight, dulling the unintended bite. The dizziness and Thor’s evasive words resurfaced old harshness.

Thor sighed, “Humor me?” Loki was surprised when he heard Thor purr. His instincts responded immediately, like the sound tucked his alpha tendencies in bed, calming Loki enough that he felt his heart starting to slow.

Did that work with all alphas? Or did omegas require security in order to offer it back?

“That feels like cheating.” Loki said, slowly blinking his eyes open. His view was slowly stabilizing.

“What else can I do when your instincts go haywire?” Thor said, taking Loki’s hand, “I know you're concerned for us but we feel safe and are. Fret when you can spare the energy. Not right now.” Right. Instincts weren't one sided. No doubt, for Thor, his scent was a screaming distress signal.

“You're hiding something.” Loki said. Thor exhaled softly. “It’s just…” Loki paused, from the dizziness and trying to find the words, “I didn't know you were being hurt. I learned it all so suddenly.” His breath ran out but he needed to say, "I would have interfered.”

“I know.” Thor said, placing Loki’s on his chest, so he could feel the rumble. “You were a child. It…” Thor trailed off, biting his lip. When he spoke, he was so quiet, Loki had to focus to hear him, “Odin made his decisions. It wasn't your responsibility to stop him.”

Loki exhaled slowly, the breath thin and shaky. He was calming in waves, when a concern fell, it exposed another one. Maybe he couldn't protect Thor from the All-Father but he could from everything else. Except, right now, he could barely breathe and protecting would kill him and they'd be left more unprotected than ever before.

“That doesn't make me feel better.” Loki said. “I should have paid more attention.”

Thor shook his head, looking down, squeezing Loki’s hand. “I watched you closely. Didn't stop him from hurting you so deeply.” Thor's voice broke, but the sorrow was tucked next to whereever he was hiding his new secret. “We can't carry the past and still move forward. You have to cast it aside or the weight will crush you. I don't want to see my son smushed like an ant.”

Loki sighed, letting his tension flow out with the air. Knowing Thor would relax when he did. Yet, he gripped his rage. He still needed it. If he couldn't direct it towards himself; if Odin couldn't feel it, or Laufey, or Jotunheim, or any of the many who harmed his father and uncle, then Gogma would damn sure feel the culminated wrath.

“Alright,” Loki said. His sight finally settled as the vertigo slipped away, “But there's still something wrong.”

Thor nodded idly, or maybe it was a soft confirmation he could afford to share now that Loki was calm, “When you're in better condition, I'll tell you. I promise. For now, please just rest.”

Loki still felt the vibration of Thor’s purr, heard the rumble. It reminded him of childhood, when Thor would comfort him when the alpha was the most panicked. Loki would take comfort but yearn for his mother.

How could he let that go?

Loki didn't voice this. He couldn't calm down if he dwelled on his pain points. He touched the pin, felt the gem. Glad for it and afraid of it at once. “It was Sylvie's idea.”

Thor smiled a little. Wasn't antagonized or worried. “I'm not surprised. You've been devoted to each other. It's just…” Thor trailed off, rubbing his brow, “I hope you two have outgrown meaningless chaos.”

Loki pondered this. He'd been stationary on Trifffleheim. Maybe his soul was trying to fill the years of lies with something substantial. Maybe Sylvie felt the same way. She was up to something but much of her free time was with her family. A safe endeavor she hadn't been prone to when they were a bit younger. Though they were still young. Most Aesir didn't wed until their three thousands.

"But you're fine with meaningful chaos?" Loki asked.

Thor raised his eyebrows, “Honestly, yes. It would be an improvement.” Loki couldn't deny that.