Chapter Text
“No.”
“But—”
“No. Close your eyes.”
“This is boring! Do I really have to—”
“Yes.”
“But—"
“Yes. You do. I will not tell you twice.”
--------------------------------
Back in the cabin, Team Regular People had set up camp in the living room.
Only about an hour had passed since breakfast, but in that time, they’d already managed to turn the couches into literary chaos. On the coffee table, stacks of atlases and maps had been supplemented—then supplanted—by the hundreds of pages of chemistry notes that Nott was supposed to be preparing for the summer semester. Jester similarly had strewn all her summer homework onto the carpet. Fjord was half-slouched in an armchair buried nose-deep in a tome titled The United Nations Convention on the Law of the Sea, looking for all the world like would rather throw himself into the ocean than keep reading.
And as those three languished in the rigors of academia, Caleb, Beau, and Caduceus were sitting at the kitchen table, hunting for Yasha’s mystery flower. So far, they had already eliminated almost everything growing in Eastern Europe, though Caleb had been convinced for a while that the flower was liverwort.
“Its name is ‘Leberblümchen’ in German,” he said. “We used to see it in our garden.”
Beau stared critically at the page, then turned to examine Yasha’s drawing. “Your thing isn’t pointy enough,” she said. “And it doesn’t have enough of those…stringy things in the middle.”
“Liverwort is usually blue, too,” Caduceus said. “Sorry, Mister Caleb.”
He sighed. “It is fine, perhaps we should move farther south.”
Beau pulled over another book and started flipping through the pages. “Do you miss being home?” she asked idly. “I know you haven’t been back there in a while.”
She mentally kicked herself when she noticed Caleb’s smile turn melancholy.
“Oh, fuck, I didn’t mean to remind you—”
He shook his head. “No, no, it is alright, Beauregard. I do miss it, of course. In many parts. Your beer in America is piss poor, for example.”
She immediately rolled her eyes. “Yeah, you say that all the time.”
“It’s a sticking point. Oh, and your trains are very bad—”
“Ugh, I know—”
“—and none of your restaurants know what eggs and soldiers is.”
“No one knows what the hell that is.”
“I don’t,” Caduceus piped up. “What is that?”
“It is a soft egg eaten with little strips of toast. It is the only way to eat toast,” Caleb said wistfully.
“It sounds like you haven’t been back in a while.” Caduceus dipped his head. “It must be difficult, being so far from your family like that.”
“Ah.” Caleb’s expression changed. It was subtle, but the softness in his eyes went still. “That is…I do not have family there, anymore.”
“Oh, I—Caleb, I’m sorry—”
He raised his hand. “It is alright, Caduceus. You did not know. It is not, ah….”
“He doesn’t go around advertising it,” Beau said.
“Well,” Caleb huffed, though not at all angrily, “that is certainly one way to put it. And…yes, to elaborate a little more, since the rest of these people already know, I…some time ago, something happened back home and I decided to leave. It…was not an easy choice, but inevitable, I think, in some ways. And while I do miss Germany, as I said, being here, with my friends, has helped me quite a lot. I am…I find that when I say ‘I’m okay,’ lately, I mean that more and more.”
“You should’ve seen him before,” Beau grinned. “He had such a stick shoved up his ass he could barely smile—though, uh, I guess that’s not surprising since—”
She shut her mouth. She opened it.
“I’m going to go back to staring at flowers now.”
Caleb snorted. He slid another book across the table. “Here, try this one,” he said. “Plants of Italy. If it is not in here, we switch to the Americas.”
She took it. “Thanks. Here’s hoping.”
“Let’s go for another thirty minutes,” Caduceus said. “Don’t forget, it’s important to stretch and take breaks.”
--------------------------------
“Seriously, if you don’t let me, I’ll die.”
“You will not.”
“I will. I swear, I will. I have to take a break. Ten minutes. Five minutes! Sixty seconds, at least, or I drop dead.”
From her perch on the large grey boulder that lay at the edge of the woods behind the cabin, Yasha opened one eye and saw that Mollymauk was already lying down.
He’d rolled off his log and was even in the grass. She frowned. “You are not even trying.”
“I tried, but none of this makes any sense! Sit still and try to ‘feel myself’?” He made air quotes. “Yasha, dear, if that’s what you really wanted, I definitely would not be sitting still.”
He waggled his eyebrows. She ignored him.
“Controlling your energy instinctive,” she said instead. “It is tied to our ability to see and read auras. But because you do not know how to do either, I am doing my best to explain it to you. This is the only way I know how. You are really not taking this seriously.”
“You think I’m not taking this seriously?” He scoffed. “Do you really think I would put myself through any of this if I didn’t think I had to? Need I remind you that my family was attacked by those crazy bikers as well?”
“What? They are not your family,” she blinked. “We were your family. But you left us when you fell.”
He made a show of dramatic incredulity. “Then I also need to remind you, dear, that I haven’t the faintest idea what that means. I’ve got amnesia, remember? Accidental hellfire and devilish charms aside, I really am not a demon. Not culturally.”
She frowned. “Culturally?”
“And I’d really prefer not to dwell on it,” he continued. “As far as I’m concerned, as soon as I get this ‘aura’ nonsense under control, I’m going to go home and get back to living an extraordinary, charmed, non-demonic life.”
Her frown took on a confused note. “But…you are a demon. That is that.”
“No, no, you’re not getting it, Yasha.” He rolled over and looked her in the eye. “Listen to me. Whoever had this body before, maybe, maybe that person could’ve been a demon. But whoever that was, they weren’t me. They were just some stupid asshole who got buried in the earth for, for—I don’t know. Frankly, I don’t even care. Because it’s no concern of mine.”
“Er…buried?”
“Long story,” he shrugged. “Not important. What is important is that the person you see now, that person is me—Mollymauk Tealeaf. Fortune-teller, sword-spinner, lover of…well, lover. You aren’t going to get anywhere until you at least understand that. Alright?”
He rolled back over, crossed his arms on his chest.
“Besides, it seems as if—at least, from the context clues that I’ve pulled together myself—you’re missing a few memories too, aren’t you, Angel? Maybe you should try reinvention.”
Yasha was silent a moment. Eventually, “But I still know who I am. I did not lose that.”
“A pity.”
“It is…no, it is not a pity. It means I still have a purpose. And a past.”
Molly scoffed. “A past isn’t worth bragging about. The present, though, now the present is something.”
She titled her head. “Er…meaning?”
He waved a hand. “Well—well, okay, for example, can you honestly tell me that you aren’t enjoying what you have right now? In this cute little cabin? I still happen to be offended that you don’t think the carnival is my family, but you seem to have found one of your own, too. These people, here, and their delicious pancakes.”
“W—yes, the pancakes are good, but—"
“And those tiny little blueberries, delicious!” he sighed. “I haven’t had berries that sweet since…who knows?”
“You…like sweet things?” Yasha blinked. “Wait, go back, what was it that you said about family?”
“Oh, so you do care that you upset me?”
“I did?”
“Of course you did! My god, The Fletching and Moondrop might not’ve been the most functional of units, it might not’ve been the most traditional, but I certainly cared about them a lot. They found me when I had nothing, was no one. They gave me a home. They took care of me. They were my whole world, and trying to deny me that is basically like—it’s spitting in my face!”
Her gaze drifted downward. “I did not know. I am sorry.”
“Oh, cheer up, cheer up!” He scrambled upright. “You didn’t know, it’s alright, Yasha. God, have I just made an angel feel guilty? Isn’t it supposed to be your job to do that?”
Her brow furrowed. “I have been trying to do my job for two hours. I am supposed to teach you. You do not listen.”
“Because that’s boring. Sitting still is no fun.”
“I explained it already, Mollymauk. You are not just sitting still, you are centering yourself to connect with the world’s energy, then turning it inward—”
“Oh, I know! Why don’t I teach you, instead?”
She stopped. Her brow furrowed. “You…what?”
“Let me teach you something!” He clapped his hands together, eyes shining with glee. “Come on, come on, what do you say? It can be anything you like! Tarot reading!”
“No, what—”
“Alright, alright, it’s not for everyone, okay…how about sword spinning?”
She frowned. “Why would you do that?”
He rolled his eyes. “Why not? It’s flashy, exciting, and you can show off your skills! What, think won’t don’t have the dexterity for it?”
Something in Yasha bristled. “I am good with swords.”
“Then prove it! I’ll go back into the house right now and fetch the glass ones, then—"
The fog cleared; she caught on. “Wait, wait. If you go in, I am sure that you will not come back out.”
He laughed, completely unashamed. “Fine, fine, how about…oh! Why don’t I teach you to make flower crowns?”
She immediately opened her mouth in protest, but for some reason, somewhere along the line, the response that came out was a semi-choked, “Huh?”
“Flower crowns!” He grinned again, sensing weakness. “Come on, it’s great if you like flowers. Don’t tell me you don’t have those in Heaven.”
“I…it is called Elys—of course we have flowers.”
“Perfect! Do you have a favorite kind?” He leaned forward. “C’mon, I promise it’ll be quick, and then I’ll absolutely pay attention to the energy stuff. Just ten minutes! Only ten.”
She wanted to argue again. She knew she had to, it was her duty, her responsibility to tell him no way, to pick him up and throw him over her shoulder and sit him up straight and threaten him until he listened…
But what she said was:
“…fine. Ten minutes, and then we start again.”
“Yes!”
--------------------------------
“Do you think he’d look good with pink instead?” Jester let a strand of Caleb’s hair fall from her hand and back onto his shoulders. “Caduceus could probably help, too. Couldn’t you, Caddy?”
“Sure I could.”
“I don’t know,” Nott rubbed her chin. “I mean, pink, don’t get me wrong, it’s a great color—”
“Thank you.”
“—but close to the original. If we’re going to do a dye job, it should be wild.”
Caleb counted to ten. “The ‘if’ in your statement should sound more hypothetical,” he said.
“Well, it’s only if you want it, Caleb. But you know, you’d look really cool with dyed hair!” Jester gushed. “How about a streak? Like Fjord? To be stylish?”
“I’m glad you think I’m stylish,” Fjord called from his armchair, Conventions now draped across his face. “But you know I didn’t do this on purpose.”
“Right, right—”
“What, really?” Nott glanced at him. “What happened? Don’t tell me it was a prank someone pulled.”
“Why?” he grunted. “Upset you didn’t do it first?”
“Yes! Of course I am!”
He sighed, and tugged the book off his face. He ran a hand through his short black hair and found the shock of white streaking through it.
“I got it in the accident. With the shipping company, remember? That whole thing with the engine malfunction. Big storm, boat went down, but, uh, I got rescued.”
“Yeah,” said Nott, immediately relenting. “I…remember. You nearly drowned.”
“Yeah, well,” he shrugged. “I noticed this grey streak after leaving the hospital. So…either a nurse used some real strong hair dye, or…I dunno, maybe it was from the stress?”
Jester very quickly reached over and squeezed his hand.
He gave a tiny smile. “It’s alright, it’s been a while since it happened. And you know, thanks to all the bad press they got after, they had to do something for me. So…it balanced out.”
“They sent you to college,” said Caduceus, remembering. “The scholarship?”
“Yeah. And an offer to work for them again after I graduate.”
“Hell no!” screeched Nott. “Are you kidding me? After everything that happened, do they really expect you to work for them again? Or even to go out on the water?”
“I dunno,” he shrugged, “I really liked sailing, I…I miss it sometimes, actually. But I probably shouldn’t go back to them, that’s true.”
“What was the name of the company?” she demanded. “I’m going to leave them terrible reviews.”
“I don’t think you can do that for corporations.”
“Just give me a name, Fjord, it’ll make me feel better, if not you.”
He sighed and put his book back on his head. “U.K. Toa Shipping Industries. Have fun.”
“U.K.?” Caleb gently tugged himself free. “It is British?”
Fjord was quiet for a moment. “Huh,” he said. “You know, I don’t actually know. I always assumed so, but I guess I never asked.”
“That’s it,” Caduceus suddenly said.
They all turned.
“That’s what, Caddy?” Jester said.
“Fjord’s accent,” he grinned. He sounded incredibly satisfied. “You’re British now, aren’t you? I knew there was something different.”
A pause. Then:
“Oh my god, I completely forgot—”
“Nott—”
“That’s right! You did do that, Fjord—”
“Jester, I’m begging—”
“You told me you were Texan,” Caduceus nodded. “You talked all…twangy, before. In freshman year.”
“He did, didn’t he?” Nott all but beamed.
“I want to die,” Fjord moaned. “I want to die, it was—it wasn’t a phase, but…oh god…” He sunk down even lower in his chair.
“It’s a sweet reason,” Jester said supportively. “Real sweet.”
“Really?”
“Yeah! Fjord, can I tell him?” she asked.
He vaguely waved his hand and Jester removed his book to tap him on the nose.
“Well, you see, Fjord did it partially ‘cause he was going to America and he didn’t want to stick out as the British kid. But he also did it because he wanted to remember his old captain. Vandren.”
“He was Texan,” Fjord mumbled. “And it wasn’t just, you know, remembering by itself, it was also…I dunno, I wanted to emulate him. He was…he had this way of commanding a room that just…you know.” He shifted awkwardly. “I…I wasn’t the…most confident person, before. When I was younger, especially. But putting on a mask, pretending to be Vandren, it…helped. Especially since nobody knew me here.”
Caduceus hummed his understanding, and nodded.
“What changed?”
Fjord’s cheeks colored. “Well…you know. After a while, I realized it was…pretending to be Vandren was preventing anyone from knowing me. The mask was comfortable, but it wasn’t…true.”
Caduceus smiled. “Jester was right. That is very sweet. I’m happy for you. And this accent isn’t bad.”
Fjord chuckled. “Thank you,” he tipped his book like a hat. “That is—thank you kindly, partner.”
“It’s tragic that you decided to be genuine,” Nott sighed, leaning back into a cushion. “Your southern accent was way hotter—”
“I got it!”
This outburst came from Beau, who had ended her break early to resume the search. Fjord all but threw himself out of the living room in pursuit of this new distraction.
“What?” he asked, sliding into the kitchen. “Is it a match?”
“Fuck yeah it is, look! Everyone, look!”
The rest trailed in behind him and gathered around Beau, who was practically vibrating.
“Trientalis borealis! The starflower!” she yelled. “Here it is—” she slapped Yasha’s drawing onto a page displaying a faded photo. “It’s a perfect match, seven pointed petals, a lot of yellow stringy stuff in the middle. And it’s tiny. Half an inch wide.”
“The starflower is one of the more common spring wildflowers native to eastern North America,” Caleb read, sitting down in the chair next to her. “The species name borealis refers to being from the north, although this plant is also distributed in the Midwest and the higher elevations of the southern Appalachian Mountains. Depending on latitude and altitude, starflowers generally bloom from mid to late spring into early summer.”
He leaned back, and gave Beau an amazed look. “You are right, this photo is exactly the same. You…you did it, Beauregard, that is…incredible.”
She punched the air. “Now who’s the king of nerds?! Wait, gross…”
--------------------------------
“—little longer, you just need a second color. Something, hm…maybe blue. Or yellow. Preference?”
“P—what? Oh, uh…either is fine.”
Yasha and Molly had drifted away from their makeshift stools and into the forest, coming through the grass for summer blooms. Molly was flitting from flowerbed to flowerbed, plucking up stems and laughing when bumblebees had to spiral out of his way. Yasha had taken to sitting below a tree trunk, moving as little as angelically possible, so as to not disturb her crown.
Molly had placed it atop her head, and she could feel the petals on her brow. They were purple wildflowers. They were soft.
Yasha was always surprised by just how soft flowers could get—after all, they had to live outside all the time and there was so much danger, so much weather, it was a miracle they could grow at all. Still, it made her nervous to touch flowers; she was worried that her big, calloused hands would break them, maybe damage or ruin them somehow—
“Don’t be silly, love. You could never do such a thing.”
Yasha flinched, startled. “What?”
“Er…I just asked if you liked these,” Molly frowned. He’d flopped back down beside her and was showing off a hand of pudgy yellow blossoms. “Are you alright, dear?”
“Oh, er…yes. I am fine.” She blinked, and that whispered voice was gone. A second later, she wasn’t sure if it’d been there at all.
“In that case, look, look, what do you think?” He held the flowers up to the sun. “Nice, right?”
Yasha felt her face soften. A tiny smile crept into the corners of her mou—
“Hey, where’d they go? Yasha? Mollymauk? Where are you guys?!”
“I think I see them, through there—"
“Uh-oh.” Molly turned to Yasha and grinned. “I think we’ve been made.”
She groaned, and shut her eyes.
--------------------------------
“—you understand how important this is?! We told you what the stakes were, I can’t believe you were picking flowers!”
“Hey! Why does everyone think I don’t understand anything? And anyway, Yasha was with me the whole time—”
“Oh, right, pin it on her, you asshole—”
“Fuck you, I’m not pinning anything on anyone—”
“Hey, hey, okay, calm down,” Fjord stepped between them and raised his hands. “Whoa, déjà-vu. Anyway, let’s just relax. Please?”
“She’s accusing me for no reason,” Molly said, hackles lowered but still with a bite.
“And he’s slacking off,” Beau glared.
“Yasha did say they agreed to take the break together,” Fjord reminded her. “And it’s the first day. It’ll take time to perfect the, uh, formula, right, Yasha?”
The three of them turned to look at Yasha, who was standing back with the rest of their friends, wearing an expression of absolute discomfort.
“Er…er…yes, right,” she said clumsily. “We just got…carried away.” She gave Beau a nervous nod. “Sorry.”
This was enough to soothe Beau’s foul mood. She sighed. “I don’t blame you, Yasha, I blame that one.” She jabbed a halfhearted thumb at Molly.
“Hey!”
“Just let her have this,” Fjord said.
“It’s not your fault,” Beau continued, ignoring them. “And—ugh, I hate being the bigger person—I get it. It’ll take time. You need breaks. I’m…sorry I freaked out.”
“Thank—” Molly began.
“Not you.”
“Well, It was worth a try.”
Yasha seemed more than relieved by Beau’s words. “You do not need to be sorry either, but thank you. And I will be more, ah, better next time.”
“Next time,” Molly grumbled. “Well, as long as she isn’t there, next time.”
“That is right,” Yasha tilted her head. “Beauregard, why did you come outside?”
From the back, Jester grinned. “Oh, Yasha, it’s so exciting!”
“That’s right!” Beau’s face lit up immediately, her annoyance at Molly all but melting away. “Guess what?”
“Er…what?”
She whipped out a book, small and bound with a soft green cover.
“I found it. Your flower.”
Yasha’s eyes widened. “You—what? You did? Where is it? What is it called?”
Her grin widened as she turned the pages. “It’s the Trientalis borealis, let me show you the picture—"
“Tren…” Yasha frowned in concentration. “The…three-foot…no, one-third—”
Beau actually laughed, then flipped the book around, pointing to a small picture beneath text. “Its common name’s ‘starflower.’ Sound familiar?”
“Star…flower.” Yasha hesitated. “That sounds…I’m not sure…”
“It would be ‘ʢƾʯɬƺƛᵿɿʑʖɕʚɬ,’ I think—” Caduceus said.
“Yeah?” Beau asked hopefully.
Yasha nodded. Her frown had vanished, and now she was staring at the book, nearly frozen, glued to the image of a little white flower. “…starflower,” she murmured. “ʢƾʯɬƺƛᵿɿʑʖɕʚɬ. You found it.”
“Hell, yes!” cheered Nott from between the others.
Yasha managed to tear her gaze away and this time, it fell on Beauregard.
“Thank you,” she breathed. “You…found it. Thank you.”
Beau’s cheeks flushed. She forced herself to stay still. “Oh, well, you know, it was…it…nothing.”
She did not resist as Yasha took the book, moving it closer to get a better look. “No, it is everything,” she said. “You did it.”
“Well—fuck, I mean, you know,” she scratched her neck and looked down, “I told you I would.”
“And you did. Thank you.”
“Now that she has found the flower,” Caleb cut in, both to Beau’s relief and disappointment, “we can start narrowing down a region. In fact, we already know from this book that the starflower is endemic to the United States.”
Yasha patiently waited for him to elaborate.
“That is, it grows near us. It is common on the east and west coasts, and is usually found in the early summer.”
He stepped forward, and with Yasha’s permission, flipped the page and showed her a map. Much of the US and Canada were blue.
She traced this with a finger. “Wait, then…does that mean I might have been in Iothia this whole time? Or right next to it?”
“That remains to be seen. It depends on how big Iothia is,” Caleb said. “And of course, again, exactly where it is. But we can use this map, and the geographical features we know, to compile a list of locations that would give you the most likely areas of Iothia.”
He gave Yasha a satisfied nod. “You are well on your way to going home, Engel.”
Her gaze fell back to the book. She turned the page to look at the flower.
Its name is ‘starflower.’ Isn’t that funny?
“Wha—why is that funny?” she said out loud.
“Hm?” Caleb cocked his head. “Why is what funny?”
She frowned. “The…name of the flower, I think. Or the…stars?”
“Actually, I was thinking that too,” Nott said. “Since, you know, you fell from the sky, right? And I guess these little flowers did too!”
Beau groaned. “So, this whole time, we were looking for a pun?”
“I think that’s irony, actually—” Fjord began.
Yasha blinked.
—and that whispered voice was gone…
When she looked up again, everyone was staring at her.
“Are you okay?” Jester asked. “You…is everything alright?”
—a second later, she wasn’t sure if it’d been there at all—
She shook her head, then realized that looked like a negative and managed to produce a weird, swooping nod.
“I am very happy,” she said quickly. “I am just…it is just a lot to take in. The flower. This…memory, it was…something important.”
Caduceus smiled. “Then it gets to be important again. This time, it’ll help you find your way home.”
Seven little petals. Bright like a star. Tiny enough to fit in someone’s hand.
She passed the open book back to Beau. She noticed Beau’s hand brush the flower.
“I…you are right,” she said, half to herself. “I think it will.”
“We all will,” Beau grinned.