Chapter Text
Twilight bloomed into a citrus-colored dawn and Arya and Gendry passed much of the time in between awake and whispering so as not to wake the rest of the house. Winterfell was much quieter than King’s Landing had been, even quieter than White Harbor had seemed from up in Gendry’s penthouse flat. The silence was amplified by their almost solitary existence; Sansa and Harry had gone back to Sansa’s condo downtown, leaving Jon to stay with Arya and Gendry at Winterfell. It was as if the trio was back in King’s Landing only there was more space now, more room for the festering awkwardness to breathe and grow.
Arya was particularly cold with Jon, a fact that had Gendry doing a double-take on more than one occasion. He’d known Arya to be stubborn but he also knew how much she loved Jon and how at one point in her life she esteemed him the most. Gendry concluded that it was this same admiration that currently had her so stony, changing faces in a blink between when Jon would walk into the room until he’d leave. But Gendry knew better than to correct her on it; Gendry was far too enamored by their time together, all of these uninterrupted hours away from everything that once seemed so important, to risk losing it. Winterfell, at least their current trip, like so many that had come before it, was temporary. This wasn’t their home, though neither had yet settled on where that place was anymore.
“Your hair’s getting long,” Arya commented in whisper as the hand that she had laid to Gendry’s cheek reached up to delicately push back at his hairline. “Now that you’re back on contract, are they going to make you buzz it short again?”
“Again? You’ve never seen me with my regulation-length hair. Luckily, too. It would have ended things before they even began.”
The bed shook beneath the pair as they laughed. A similar rhythm had been achieved the night before, leading to their current state of undress. The soft white sheets of Arya’s bed were crinkled now, wrapped around her waist and his, losing itself where their bodies bent or met.
“I’ve seen photos. You looked handsome.”
Gendry repositioned his hand on her waist, applying pressure as he did. “No. Unless I’m in active duty, I can keep it longer as long as it’s clean.”
Arya’s eyes widened. “Active duty? That’s not...I mean, you’re an engineer. You wouldn’t have to...right?”
“I mean, hypothetically, yes, I could be deployed. Do I think it will happen? No. And if it did, it’s not like I’m seeing actual combat.”
Arya looked over his shoulder, her vision now glassed over. “Well that’s...I’ve never thought of that.”
“Do you want to sack me then? Not worth the risk?”
Gendry’s humor brought her immediately back. The hand that had caressed and curved upon his skin worked itself into a fist, pulling at the short hairs near the base of his neck. As Gendry’s mouth opened to signal his discomfort, Arya met him in kind, giving him no option but to surrender as she seized his lips.
“Arse,” she mumbled in between kisses, taking the opportunity to breathe. Behind them, in a window Gendry had deemed too big for a bedroom, the sun continued its ascent.
Finally, satiated and with a swollen smile, Arya shifted her body so her head was to Gendry’s chest. She could look up and see him if she wanted but this position gave her a different view, the sound of his heart thudding beneath her ear, the warmth from his skin like a backbeat — her favorite song.
“This is going to suck,” she lamented.
A forceful kiss landed to the crown of Arya’s head, fluffing her already mussed hair. “We’ll be fine.”
“You’re just saying that. I don’t think you’ve actually given it much thought.”
“Why bother?” he delivered up to the ceiling fan. “It’s going to happen and I don’t need to harp on it while you’re still right here.”
“Yeah, but then when I’m gone it’s going to hit harder, don’t you think?”
Gendry raised his head slightly, his eyes in question. “You have a very high opinion of yourself,” he said, his words emphasized by a pinch to Arya’s naked hip.
The shy way she jerked away from him was accompanied by a yelp. There were so many things she could have said to carry on the joke. Instead: “I have a high opinion of us .”
Another kiss followed and when Arya looked up to Gendry, grabbing for the back of his neck as she sought leverage, the grin he wore was telling. He didn’t wish to talk about deployment or, the more present and pressing truth, the one that would soon have them pulled from bed and putting luggage back in suitcases.
Gendry was guilty of shrugging off the inevitable. Fate always had a way of finding him and he’d learned not to surrender so easily. Lately, with Arya, he was like a child — too good at hide and seek. She was right; her absence would hit him only when he was back in White Harbor and she was on her way to King’s Landing. He’d feel it so keenly then he imagined it would actually hurt. It was a feeling akin to what he’d been experiencing since she first came into his life, a sense that was only heightened after her attack in the parking garage. Even to have Arya leave the room was to catch his breath and this was their lives now, or would soon be, when he was forced to attend classes again and she was off where she needed to be, ultimately starting their new life without him.
But she wasn’t there currently and he wasn’t in White Harbor; currently they were here, together, the word home like a promise they’d soon be unable to keep when they finally departed.
Pulling away, breathless and with a dizzied mind, Gendry dropped his forehead to Arya’s and inhaled. “When do you have to leave again?”
“It’s not me,” she giggled. “You have class tomorrow morning.”
“Fuck class,” he mumbled, the words disappearing into Arya’s mouth as he captured her lips again.
She grumbled, surprised and yet reluctant to detach. “We need to—”
“I know, I know,” Gendry lamented. He flopped onto his back again. Above, the ceiling fan continued to spin as the room brightened, Arya’s curtains no match for the sun rising up from the valley.
Arya sat up then, much too quickly, the sensation nearly causing the room to spin. Before she could scoot away from Gendry and remove the covers from her legs, he was grabbing for her waist again. “One last time?” she heard him ask through her own bout of laughter. His lips were everywhere now, performing lazy work considering she’d clearly already given in. “Who knows how long it’ll be until I see you next and can…” His words trailed off only to be replaced by a hand skimming down her belly, his touch finishing the sentence.
~!~
It was obvious when they finally made an appearance downstairs, exactly what they’d been doing. They’d spent most of the week after Sansa left just laying around, usually in Arya’s room but sometimes more innocently in the library where the afternoon sun was best or in the theatre room, watching another movie Arya swore she’d be able to stay awake for. Jon made himself scarce, blaming the work he could always do remotely. Similarly, the nights found him spending hours on the phone with Ygritte, leaving Arya and Gendry to carry on as they were. If Arya was being deliberate in her actions, specifically disappearing and returning only to hint at her activities, Jon didn’t realize. Or, if he did, he didn’t care. He was more amused by the flush in Gendry’s face and how it had seemed to diminish more and more since he’d caught them in the kitchen that morning all those weeks ago.
Their bags were packed and near the door leading out to the garage. Arya and Gendry forfeited breakfast and sipped at coffee instead. Arya sat on Gendry’s lap and as she flipped through that morning’s news on her phone, Gendry looked over her shoulder, reading along. When Jon left, Gendry pressed a kiss or two to Arya’s nape, suckling the skin to a lilac color Arya would surely be embarrassed of. Time was already passing too quickly and together the pair was already missing the bed they’d left made upstairs.
“Ready?” Jon asked. He was more casual than usual, their planned trip from Winterfell to King’s Landing clearly influencing his attire. In a way, he looked like the Jon both Arya and Gendry used to know - a younger, less stressed Jon.
Arya groaned but the pair moved to collect their luggage. Gendry grabbed for Arya’s bags and followed her out to Jon’s car where he’d already stowed his things away. The trunk was open, waiting, and Gendry made quick work of placing everything inside. When he was finished, he slammed it shut and immediately wrapped his arms around Arya, pulling her close. With Jon already sitting in the driver’s seat, he saw only a bit of the display that occurred behind the car. They were hip to hip, Arya’s hair cascading down her back as Gendry’s hands roamed before finally dipping into the back pockets of her jeans.
“Gonna mishu-” Arya mumbled into Gendry’s chest. “Call me when you get back?”
Gendry kept his lips to her head, breathing her in. He couldn’t manage words so he simply nodded.
“Gendry?” Arya leaned back to get a better view of him. “Are you crying?” the question and the endearment that came with it had her mouth falling open in wonderment. “Don’t cry—”
“I’m not crying,” he shrugged off. He cleared his throat and took a step back.
Arya pushed at his shoulder. “Oh my god...you were totally crying.” It was her turn to grab his hips, bringing him back to her. “I love you, stupid.”
“‘M not saying it now,” he grumbled.
Arya groaned. “Say it.”
“No.”
“Gendry Waters…”
“Iloveyou,” he managed as he pushed her away and took a step in the direction of his own vehicle.
Arya curled her fist and stomped a foot. “Gendry!”
“I’m kidding!”
“You’re not—”
With a force unexpected, Arya felt as if the wind had been knocked out of her as Gendry picked her up and kissed her one last time. Her eyes fluttered to a close, but clenched eventually when the couple remained attached and Arya decided, with the coaxing of Gendry’s hands, that she wasn’t ready to let go. Would they ever be?
“Alright,” Gendry finally said, his voice loud and succinct, adding a much needed halt to their embrace. He slapped her ass then, causing Arya to jump. “Off you go.”
She couldn’t be mad at him. Already Gendry was to his car and Arya was standing on the passenger side of Jon’s vehicle, still staring at one another.
“I love you, stupid,” he echoed, his voice raspy and teasing.
Arya didn’t need to say it back. Even if she wanted to, she wasn’t sure she could. Her knees still felt like jello and her heart continued to hammer as Gendry shifted into his car and began to back out of the garage. Arya’s hand gripped Jon’s door, needing the support as she watched Gendry go. When his car dipped down, disappearing down Winterfell’s longer than necessary driveway, she finally slid down into the passenger seat. For a moment she’d almost forgotten they weren’t alone.
Jon seemed non-perplexed. His voice came again, just as calm. “All set?” He clicked off his phone and placed it in the console.
It was a jolt back to reality, Jon’s almost eerie stoicity in deep contrast with the nervous energy she and Gendry had just shared. Arya kicked off her shoes and pulled her feet up onto the seat. Immediately she was looking out the window, giving Jon his answer.
At the bottom of the driveway, when all of Winterfell and the hill it sat upon disappeared behind a row of ancient trees, Arya turned back to Jon. “Uh, sorry, I guess.”
Jon didn’t bother taking his eyes off the road. Though, he could have; he knew each twist and sharp turn better than anyone. Although it felt almost foreign now, Winterfell had been his home for longer than it had been for Arya or even Sansa. “For what?”
“For...that. Sorry. I didn’t mean...I mean, we didn’t mean…”
Jon waited, enjoying Arya’s mumbling far more than he cared to admit. “It’s fine.”
“Is it though?” she countered. Though her voice told otherwise, Arya was genuinely curious.
“Uh, yeah.”
“Oh. Okay. You just looked—”
With a steady exhale, Jon finally turned to Arya. “I just miss Ygritte, s’all.”
~!~
As they made it to the Barrowlands, where there was a clear option to either head toward White Harbor or continue along King’s Highway, Jon finally broke the silence. It was not lost on Arya that it was an attempt to distract her from the sign they approached, one she was sure Gendry had already heeded, bringing him closer to his temporary home. Her drive with Jon would take far longer, a painful truth considering all the things she knew she should want to say and how currently she had no energy with which to say them.
“Do you want to stop to get breakfast?” Jon attempted. He pointed to an empty field; a feeble distraction as they drove by the White Harbor exit.
Arya almost laughed. “Uh, no. Thanks.”
“Coffee?”
“Maybe later.”
“Oh...kay.”
The silence settled unevenly, unable to find a place amongst the blowing of the air conditioner and the occasional vibration of Arya’s phone, signaling that she had received a message. It was a better distraction than Jon’s offered break had been but it was also a reminder that Gendry was officially elsewhere. Arya didn’t know how long they’d been driving and she was almost scared to look to the clock and check.
With Gendry soon turning his phone to silent so he could study for an upcoming exam, Arya leaned forward to turn on the radio. They’d made it through two separate stations and seven songs before she reached up again, turning it off. Jon was actually thankful for the annoying jingles that advertised car dealerships and local establishments in the towns they passed but had never been to. He never could have guessed that he and Arya would someday be here, preferring silence over the things that needed to be said, things they now had ample time to share.
Finally he huffed out. “Arya, are we going to do this the whole time?”
“Do what?”
“Not talk?”
“What is there to talk about?” Her voice was irritatingly innocent.
Jon looked at her, almost doing a double take to catch his breath. “I get that you hate me. I get that I said and did some fucked up things. If I could take them back I would but I can’t. So I’d like to try to fix them. And I know you’re angry and don’t give a shit but I love you and I miss you and even if you want to write me off, I’d at least like for you to hear what I have to say.”
Arya turned to him. “Do you think we can do this in one day?”
Jon blinked. Her words caught him off guard so he swallowed and gave another glance to the road before turning back again. “What?”
“The drive,” she explained plainly. “Or do we have to stop at a hotel? I can drive if you get tired.”
Jon sighed. He put on his directional and passed a car and when he shifted back into the middle lane he moved to straighten his spine.
Arya looked back out her window then. “Maybe at lunch,” she tried softly, returning to the conversation she’d so childishly run away from.
Relieved, Jon relaxed. “Lunch is good.”
“Or dinner,” Arya offered quietly. The white flag she’d waved hung limp on its flag pole, the gust of wind that previously carried it now nowhere to be found.
Jon sighed out. “Yeah, sure. Dinner works too.”
~!~
They’d stopped at a diner for lunch but found takeaway for dinner and ate it sitting on the hood of Jon’s car. Arya made it clear that she didn’t want to stay at a hotel so when she asked, now for the third time, Jon gave in and said she could drive so he could possibly get in a kip. She passed along her credit card (which they both knew he’d never use) and let Jon top off the gas tank while she meandered inside to use the restroom. On her way out she immediately pressed her phone to her ear and waited.
“Hey, beautiful.”
The sound of Gendry’s voice across the receiver had Arya’s eyes closed, a blissful smile playing its way across her face. “Mmm,” she hummed in content. “Wanna come pick me up?”
A laugh could be heard next. “That bad?”
Arya took a seat at a nearby picnic table. “I’m giving him a hard time.”
Gendry paused. “Is it funny?”
“It’s hilarious.”
The sound of another small snicker from Gendry had Arya imagining his smile. She could practically hear it. She softened, almost awkwardly, transitioning between thought to thought as if she hadn’t been living with these feelings for too many days now. “Am I being too hard on him?”
“Uh, do you want my honest opinion?”
“Obviously.”
“If anyone else said what Jon said about you or to you, I’d fucking murder them.”
“Gendry!”
“What?” he chuckled. “Do you think they’re still tapping my phone?”
“Wow. I didn’t expect that,” she breathed out. “You’re usually all about forgiveness. Well...pushing other people to forgive...actually, just pushing me to forgive, really—”
“I didn’t say you shouldn’t forgive him. I have. But I’ve done that for you. I told you, I did it because Jon is your family. I didn’t do it because he used to be my friend.”
“Best friend.”
“Yeah, I guess.”
Arya was quiet. She looked back out toward the gas pumps where Jon now stood leaning against his car, his phone also pressed to his ear. “I’m sorry,” she said slowly, her eyes still trained on her brother. “I want you two to still be friends.”
“I’ll be fine.”
“You have to stop doing that. It’s okay to be angry, Gendry. It’s okay to be hurt.”
“Arya, if you want to fix things with Jon, then I want that for you. And I know you do and I’ll do whatever I can to make that easy. I cleared the air with him but things aren’t going to go back to the way they were for us. Maybe I wish they would, but I doubt it.”
“Yeah, okay.”
He could have challenged her but he sighed instead. “We can be civil. I was civil the other day. We didn’t kill each other. I told him he had a lot to talk to you about, that you were the person he should have been apologizing to. Maybe if he does that...I don’t know. That’s not my focus now. My focus is you. And he has a lot to make up to you .”
Arya beamed again, her smile so wide it unknowingly crinkled her eyes. “I like your heart, Gendry Waters.”
“Oh yeah?” He laughed, the static tickling Arya’s ear. “I like your heart too.”
She could have revelled in the sound of Gendry all day but Arya finally looked up. This time her eyes caught on Jon’s through the newly cleaned windshield. “Alright,” she bemoaned, “I’m being glared at. I’ll call you in a couple hours? Maybe next time we have to fill up? Before you head to bed?”
“Whenever. I love you.”
Arya was at Jon’s car now. “I love you too.”
The call disconnected. When Arya sat down into the driver’s seat she tried to catch her breath, wondering when it was — what Gendry had said — that had it disappearing in the first place.
~!~
Arya was thankful that Jon let her drive, just as thankful to see him actually taking the nap he sought. It allowed her more freedom with both the radio and the road. She passed nearly five hours with Jon passed out in the passenger seat and a playlist of strictly 80s music humming out from the speakers.
It wasn’t until she’d parked the car, ready to fill up the gas tank again, that Jon stirred. He blinked himself awake, stunned to find that the night was already brightening. With a quick glance to the clock he rubbed at his face before joining Arya outside. She gave him a small smile but then turned away, topping off the gas tank.
“Let’s switch,” he prepositioned. “You can sleep the rest of the way. I didn’t realize—”
Arya finished screwing the gas tank’s cap on and walked right by Jon. She headed into the convenient store and only when she was out of view did Jon hear his phone vibrate, a message from Arya on the screen asking him if he wanted ‘shit coffee’. He didn’t, but he played along and when Arya reemerged she carried two cups.
She handed one off to Jon then took hers and settled back into the passenger seat. Once again her shoes were kicked off and her legs were pulled up to her chest. Arya was far too acclimated to the artificial air for her sweatshirt to feel as comfy as it once had. She only wanted her bed, or the bed she’d left behind in Winterfell - the bed she’d shared with Gendry.
She’d forgotten to call him as she told him she would and in her haste of switching from lane to lane, bringing them closer to King’s Landing, Arya missed the text Gendry had sent telling her he was heading to bed. Then, the message she’d never tire of: I love you . Arya couldn’t help but smile and she quickly tapped at her screen in response, wanting to share the same sentiment even if Gendry wouldn’t receive it until well into the morning.
When she looked up she saw that they’d passed another exit: Harrenhal.
“We’ll be back in two hours,” Jon said calmly, as if he were reading her mind.
“Great.”
As if on cue, Jon sighed. “Arya…”
It was triggering, the way Jon said her name like a warning. Arya snapped her head in his direction, all of her body soon following. “You know, it’s almost like you’re waiting for me to say something. As if I owe you any explanation. I don’t know what you’re waiting for, Jon. If you have something to say, just say it.”
Jon looked to Arya then to the road and back again, his mind in whiplash. “I’m sorry.” Arya’s disbelief couldn’t even afford him her usual scoff. “I’m really sorry,” he emphasized.
Arya looked away again, her gaze lost out the window at the small suburbs they drove through. All the while she felt Jon, constantly glancing her way, keeping his eyes on her for as long as he could without truly taking his concentration from the road.
“That’s a start,” Arya accepted with her chin held high. Still, she refused to let their eyes meet. She heard the way Jon inhaled, planning his next sentence carefully. But Arya had too much to say and spoke before he could. “For what though?”
“What?”
“What are you sorry for exactly?”
“Uhh...everything. All of it.” Finally Arya did look over, her head lolling upon her shoulders as if to beg him to repeat himself. It must have worked because Jon’s nervous mouth began spewing truths again. “For losing my shit. For saying what I said about you...to you. For treating Gendry the way I did. All of it. Any of it.”
Arya thought for a moment. “Okay,” she accepted with a shrug. Instantly her eyes returned to the blurred landscape.
Jon could have challenged her and once upon a time he would have. Now, here, as this version of themselves, he simply surrendered and gave her what she was too stubborn to ask for: “I guess I never...Gendry never really had any girlfriends. He never really slept around.”
Arya rolled her eyes. The face she presented to Jon was stuck between confusion and disgust. “That was the shocking part of it all?”
“Well, no, but—”
“Never really? Or didn’t?”
With an exhale, Jon began to relax. “You know how he is. He’s private. I honestly didn’t even know if he liked sex.”
“He likes sex.” Arya stated confidently, her smile hinting at anything her tone failed to convey. “Why?”
Jon glanced quickly over again. The pace they’d set was inconsistent at best. He realized then that this was far from being a fair fight; this was Jon’s argument to win — or lose. “What?”
“Why did you think that? About Gendry?”
“Oh. Right. We, uh...at the barracks, we bought him an escort for his 21st birthday...pooled our money together. And we’re talking top dollar. And he had no interest. He was actually kind of pissed.” Arya looked to Jon, her cheeks high as her mouth twisted in amusement. “Listen, with all of the guys, the dorms can get...there’s just no girls so nothing is off limits. It’s disgusting the things we used to talk about. We were bored teenagers with too much testosterone. It was a lethal combination. I mean, we were awful. All of us. All of us except for Gendry. I just thought...I mean, he didn’t want the escort and she was a knockout. We figured maybe he was a virgin so he was embarrassed.” Arya’s grin only widened. Her features encouraged Jon and then proceeded to mock all he’d said. “He’s just not a sexual guy,” he finished in mumble.
Arya let her mouth fall open. “Publicly,” she corrected in a flat tone.
“That’s not weird to you?”
“Uh, what?”
“Well that’s a thing, right? I figured he was asexual or something.”
“Definitely not asexual. Definitely not inexperienced either.”
Jon rolled his eyes. “You’re the worst.”
“What? We’re adults, Jon. Sex is normal. And we should be able to talk about these things. I used to tell you everything.”
“I know.” There was a pause for breath, each moment of silence daring either to end the conversation. “And then you just...didn’t.”
“Well it wasn’t personal. It’s not like I was off telling other people my secrets. I wasn’t. I wasn’t talking in general.”
“At first,” Jon corrected. “Then Gendry came along and…” The way Arya glared at Jon had him backtracking. “Yes, in the beginning, you shut everyone out. I get that. I’m not saying I didn’t understand that or that I expected anything else. It was just horrible to watch, Arya. It tore me in two—”
“Well—”
“Don’t apologize. I’m just saying...why didn’t you say anything? Why didn’t you even mention that you two were hanging out?”
“Because at first we were doing more than hanging out.”
Jon’s grip on the steering wheel tightened. “What do you mean?”
“He was teaching me to shoot a gun and he was helping me investigate Mum and Dad and Robb’s deaths...something you wanted me to leave in the past. That’s how it started.”
“Yes, I did want you to leave it in the past because I know how dangerous these people are, Arya!”
“Well I wanted a gun and you hated that too!”
“No, I hated that you got a gun and didn’t tell me! If you wanted a gun, you could have asked.”
“What? No way! You’re barking if you think you would have agreed to that.”
“I wouldn’t have liked it but if that’s really what you wanted, I’d have helped you sign up for training and gone to the gun range...” He looked over to Arya and his tone changed. “You don’t have your license. Which means that the gun you have isn’t registered. Who’d you get it from? The Hound?”
“No. Sandor would never get me a gun. He’d probably be too worried I’d use it to shoot him in the balls. Gendry got it for me.”
Jon laughed. “Fucking hell.”
“What?”
“He clearly had it bad for you. Early on. Do you know what would happen to him if anyone knew he—”
Arya didn’t like Jon’s insinuation and her chest tightened as she braced herself for it. “He’s really respected, Jon.”
“I...I know.”
“I’m not saying he’s untouchable but...he knows what he’s doing and I’d never have taken it if I thought I was putting him or his job in danger. It was the opposite. I just trusted him, I guess. I didn’t doubt it.”
“I know he’s good at what he does—”
“He’s brilliant at what he does,” she corrected again.
“I know.”
“Do you though? I mean, do you two ever talk about normal things? Not military bullshit. Not anything meaningless. Have you ever stopped to realize that you’re both doing really well in life? And that’s something that friends should celebrate? Or is your toxic masculinity really that strong that you just have to pretend not to have feelings all the time?
“That’s unfair. If I have...toxic masculinity,” Jon stuttered as if the term was foreign, “then so does he.”
“Yeah. Of course,” Arya waved off. “And you both also have a shit ton of trauma. It’s like you shared enough of your past to know you’d be good mates and then after that you never talked about it again.”
“I...I guess.”
“Gendry told me he told you about his mum.”
“Fuck, yeah. He did,” Jon said, his eyes wide and his voice slow as if he were just remembering. “God, Arya, I had no idea—”
“And I had no idea you didn’t know!”
“Well he didn’t tell me!”
“Then why did you think he’d tell you about me and him?”
“Because it involved you? My sister. Someone he knows I care about more than anything in the world.”
Arya leaned in across the center console. “What would you have done then? If he came to you and told you he was interested in me?” Jon looked to her but she didn’t falter — she didn’t even lean back. “Honestly.”
“Honestly? I don’t know. I’d think it was a bit weird. I’d probably caution against it. But for his benefit!” he added quickly. “I can’t say I thought you’d go for him.”
“Why not? He’s your best mate. Doesn’t that make him a good guy?”
“Yeah. He’s great. He’s just...he’s quiet. He doesn’t come from the world you come from. He can be really introverted most of the time. In a way, you two are complete opposites.”
Arya rolled her eyes and shook her head. “Who someone is in public is rarely who they are in private. Coming from our world ,” she teased, “you of all people should know that.”
“You’re right.”
“I know for a fact that Ygritte is much different with you than she is during those press conferences. Don’t you like that you get this version of her that no one else does?”
“Yeah...I guess. I mean...yes. I do. I get what you’re saying.”
“So aside from the opposites, regardless of all you don’t know, what about what you do know? You know he’s smart and hardworking and dedicated. You know he’s honest and loyal. He may not care about many people but the ones he does care about...you have to know that he’d die for you, Jon...”
“Ahh, I don’t know if that’s the case anymore. And that’s my fault, absolutely but—”
“You’re nuts if you believe that. Gendry was really hurt by all of this. And he’ll act like he wasn’t but he was. He channeled it into being angry for me. For what you said to me and how you responded. But he felt really betrayed. I get we didn’t tell you but...you just jumped to a lot of conclusions.”
“I did. I’m not saying I didn’t.”
Arya sighed. “We should have told you. Even that we were friends or whatever. I don’t know. But in our defense, you weren’t around much!”
“Yeah, well I’d imagine that was favorable—”
“Sometimes!” Arya expressed genuinely. “But he was scared. And rightfully so. You reacted the way he thought you would. And I hate that for him. I hate that I ruined the relationship you two had.”
“You didn’t...”
“But I did,” she implored, “and that’s why when he said he wasn’t ready to tell you...I knew then but I was selfish and I didn’t want to admit it. That’s all that was, Jon. He knew this was going to happen. He was putting off the inevitable.”
“Well all he wanted was for me to apologize to you. To make things right.”
“Of course he did. Because he’s Gendry and he really cares about the people he loves. And if he can put his energy into something he doesn’t have to think about his own feelings. He’s terribly predictable, actually.”
“You’re right.”
“Of course I’m right.” If they’d dared to catch eyes, both would have seen the other smirking. “We got to know each other so quickly. It was effortless, you know? We just...got on, I guess. It just kind of happened. He became very important to me very quickly. And I had spent all of this time pushing people away and then he came along and I didn’t want to push him away.”
“Yeah. I know...Ygritte was the same way.”
In an instant Arya was reaching out, her fist pummeling Jon’s bicep, causing him to sway in his seat. “See! You fucking hypocrite! You can have secret relationships but I can’t?”
“We could lose our jobs!”
“Who the fuck would I tell?” To no one’s surprise, Jon said nothing. “Gendry lost his closest friend! And you won’t lose your jobs, by the way. Because somehow when you marry someone the fact that you dated is overlooked.”
“Why do you think we’re rushing to get married?”
Arya’s eyes widened. “What? Really?”
“I mean, I love her. More than I thought it was possible to love another person, actually. But yeah. The sneaking around is exhausting. I’m surprised the paps haven’t caught on. Could you imagine?”
“Yeah, I can. Considering Gendry and I were pictured out a few times...not sure how that one slipped by you.”
Jon shrugged. “I was traveling.”
“So you say.”
He looked to her quickly. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Were you traveling or were you just at Ygritte’s?”
“You don’t like her...” he observed.
“This actually has very little to do with her.”
“I was traveling. Mostly.” Arya glanced at Jon, her eyes unmoving, soft, and still demanding a better answer. “There were a few nights, before Gendry came into the picture, that I was there and not traveling.”
“Because you were drunk?”
Jon’s shock presented itself as anger, carrying with it volume and timbre. “What?”
“Gendry told me you got written up because you showed up to work piss drunk.”
“That wasn’t his—”
“Give it up, Jon.”
“I...a few nights, sure,” he sighed. “I was...drinking more than I should have been.”
“Likely an understatement.”
“Probably.”
“Why didn’t you say anything?”
“Because you were locked in your room most of the time. The world was already asking you to deal with a lot. You didn’t need my shit.”
“But your shit is my shit! We’re family, Jon! You lost the same people I did.”
“Yeah...I know.”
Arya bit her lip. In releasing it, she looked to him again. “Has it gotten better?”
“My drinking?” Arya nodded. “Yeah. Loads. I don’t do it much anymore.”
“Does Ygritte help?”
Jon chuckled. “Considering the last time it happened she told me she’d never speak to me again if I had a repeat? Yeah. She helps.”
Arya laughed too. Suddenly the road before them, the one they both could see, was far more fascinating than the private one she’d been witnessing out her door’s window. “You’re wrong. I do like her.”
“Really?”
“I don’t know her well. I don’t like that she was around for longer than I realized. I definitely don’t like that she had a key to the flat and you didn’t think to tell me. But those are issues I have with you, not with her.”
“She knew about you and Gendry.”
“Yeah, she saw me come out of his room one day. I figured. I honestly thought that was it. I thought she’d tell you—”
“She didn’t. Not until later. After I already knew.”
“Well she’s certainly a politician.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means she knows how to manipulate a situation so it works to her benefit.”
“Well she was also investigating Gendry.” He paused but his voice did not shake. “And so was I.”
“What?”
“She knew Gendry wasn’t guilty.”
“And you didn’t?”
“I didn’t know anything.”
Arya couldn’t help but to laugh. “You’re fucking nuts, you know that?”
“Yeah. I’m getting that impression.” In retaliation, Arya pinched the sensitive skin on the back of Jon’s arm, just as she did when they were children. “Fuck, Arya!”
“You said I was fucked up. You’re fucked up.”
“I’m...I shouldn’t have said that.”
Arya looked back out the window. “No, you shouldn’t have.” Then she paused and turned back, her voice resolute and unapologetic. ”You shouldn’t have said or done a lot of things that you said.”
“I can’t take any of it back now. If I could I would but I can’t.”
“I know.”
“I’m going to do everything I can to make it right. I’m...trying. And probably failing. But—”
“You’re not failing. My goal has never been to make this hard for you, Jon. I’m not here to make you work to get me back. Regardless of anything, you’re my brother and I love you. Trust me, I wanted to hate you. I tried. But you’re blood and I can’t. I was just...your reaction to us was so off the wall. It hurt. I was really hurt. I felt betrayed and belittled and I was angry and I was sad. It was so many different things. All because I fell in love?”
“But I didn’t know—”
“It doesn’t matter. Say we were just fucking? So what? I may be fucked up but I’m a woman who knows her own mind. I can sleep with who I want, when I want.”
“Yeah. Of course.” There’s a beat. “I just—“ He stops himself.
“Go ahead.”
“I know what your response is going to be but just let me say this alright? I’m not saying it’s right, it's just kind of where my mind went and I think it’s fair that I share it...crazy or not.”
“Alright.”
“When I...that morning. So I didn’t know you two were hanging out. Then it’s very clear that you’re doing more than hanging out. I just thought...I didn’t want Gendry to take advantage of you.”
Arya guffawed.
“I’m serious, Arya. I know all of this sounds ridiculous. Trust me, looking back I don’t know what I was thinking. It’s just what my mind decided. All I knew was that you were being secretive and you were still clearly upset about everything and I know you had a lot of conflicting emotions about going back to school and just kind of figuring out what you wanted to do with your life...guys are assholes.”
“Gendry’s not.”
“No. He’s not.”
“Well I wanted to fuck him by about week two but we waited several months so—”
“Why do you have to do that?”
A coy smile tugged at Arya’s lips. “Because I can. Because it bothers you and you owe me.”
“It doesn’t bother me it just...shocks me.”
“I’m not a child anymore.”
“I know. Very aware.” There was another beat of silence. “Can I ask a question? And if you don’t have an answer, it’s fine.”
“Sure.”
“Do you think he’s it?”
“I know he’s it.”
“Wow. Okay.”
“Does that surprise you?”
“Uh...yeah, I guess. I mean, I’m happy for you. You’re just—“
“Young. I know.”
“I think that’s great. If you know, you know.”
“He’s my best friend.”
“Yeah. He says the same thing about you.”
Arya smirked. “Are you jealous?”
Jon chuckled. “No. I’m happy for you. Both of you.”
“Do you mean that?”
“Yeah, I do. You both deserve happiness. I never thought...well, it doesn’t matter. I’m happy if you’re happy.”
“I’m happy,” she assured.
Jon looked to her. “Does this mean I’m losing you then?”
“I thought that was what you wanted?”
“What?”
“I believe your exact words were ‘I want you to move out’,” Arya recounted. Then, as if more of the memory came to her, she continued but this time with a smile, somehow still in disbelief. “Wait, wait,” she stammered, “Oh and it was ‘I think it’s time you go back to Winterfell’...or whatever bullshit...I honestly stopped listening about halfway through. Fuck, I was so angry at you. What gives you the right?” Arya snapped.
Jon remained calm, wondering then if this was what their relationship would be now: healthier than it had been but like a forgotten minefield from a war that was never really fought, one with the occasional, half-hearted explosion. “I don’t want...that’s not what that was. I wanted you away from this shitshow. This town fucking sucks sometimes.”
“Sometimes? Most of the time.” Arya gave a sharp inhale. “If you weren’t enlisted, you don’t think you’d live here?”
“I know I wouldn’t. Ygritte and I talk about it all the time.”
“You should look for a place in Kingswood. You know, when you two are ready to get a house or whatever.”
“Why?”
“Gendry’s friend Davos lives there. Gendry used to spend a lot of time there when he was growing up.”
“Yeah, I remember. I’ve never been.”
“It’s so much different. You forget you’re just outside of the city. It’s quieter...there’s more stars. Good place to raise a family.” Jon responded with a smile. “Too soon?”
“No. Actually. I’m ready for kids. I don’t know if Ygritte is.”
“Oh. Sorry.”
“We have time. She just had kind of a rough childhood—“
“Didn’t we all.”
Jon’s grin settled into a smirk. “With work and everything it’s just a lot. She loves her job. I’m second fiddle.”
Arya giggled into her palm. “It’s always important for a man to know his place.”
“God, you sound just like her.”
“Oh, we’re totally going to get along. You’re going to hate it. I can’t wait.”
“I’m sure she’ll say the same thing.”
Coming down from her laughter, Arya breathed out. “I’m...I’m happy that she makes you happy, Jon.”
“Thanks. Uh, yeah, me too.”
“I’m...I don’t know what your plan is for the wedding or anything. It’s probably weird with me still in the flat. I’m already looking for another place—“
“In King’s Landing? What? Why?”
“I—”
“When I said losing you I meant up to White Harbor with Gendry or even back up to Winterfell. I thought—”
“Can I finish?”
“Yeah. Sorry. Right.”
“You two are getting married. The world is already depriving you of privacy, you don’t need me hanging around—“
“It’s not hanging around, Arya. That’s your home. For as long as you want it to be.”
“You really need to get your story straight.” Jon rubbed at his face in self admonishment. “I’m just saying that I need my own place too.”
“You’re...staying here while Gendry is in White Harbor?”
“What, do you think I just go where he goes?”
“I mean, kind of. If I was in your situation and Ygritte’s job brought her somewhere, I’d go with her.”
“I...it’s complicated. We have plans. And part of that involves business here so I’m going to stay here and just fly to see Gendry as much as I can.”
“Wow.”
“Wow?”
“Good luck, I guess.” Arya’s glance demanded that he do better. “I just mean that long distance sucks.”
“Yeah. But there’s the phone and FaceTime and airplanes and—“
“You’re right.”
“It’s not forever. Only until Gendry finishes his program.”
“Then?”
“Then he’ll probably move back here with me.”
“Wow.”
“We need to get you another word...”
“Sorry, I just...it’s a lot. And you have it all figured out. And I’m proud of you.”
“Thanks.” There was silence, the moment almost completely lost to it. “So you don’t need to worry about me. I’m going to find a flat and I’m working on a job and I’ll be fine. I am fine.” She leaned in, slightly offended to see Jon wearing a smile. “What? You don’t believe me?”
“I absolutely believe you. And I mean it. I’m proud of you, Arya. And if this is what you want, I’m so happy for you. And for Gendry. I just...the worrying doesn’t just turn off, you know? You’re my sister, Arya. We’re family. I worry about you because I love you.”
“Yeah, I...I love you too.”
~!~
Things were different then — lighter, and easier too. They stopped one last time and when Arya phoned Gendry she was met with his voicemail. She sent him a text instead, notifying him that they were just outside of the city. She mentioned how she made Jon drive through Kingswood, preferring to discuss that then to state that she and her brother had finally cleared the air. Arya didn’t need a response from Gendry to know that he understood — or would, whenever he got out of class and finally looked at his phone.
“You know,” Jon said as he removed the last of their bags from his trunk, “I shit on the Hound a lot but he did always carry my bags. He was good for some things.”
“He has his perks,” Arya agreed, adding with it a laugh.
Together the two trudged inside, bogged down by suitcases and duffel bags. It was a clear show of their reluctance to make a second trip and when Ygritte saw them she set her tea down on the island and let out a loud laugh.
She wasn’t even able to comment. Already Jon was dropping his things and pacing toward her. A journey that should have taken several strides was nearly instantaneous; in a single heartbeat Jon was before Ygritte, wrapping her up in his arms before he could even think to kiss her. That soon came, soft, tentative kisses that lead to longer, slower, more passionate ones. Together the two stood in the center of the kitchen, swaying slightly as they remained attached, hip to hip, mouth to mouth, sometimes forehead to forehead.
On her second trip, carrying her bags from the front door up the stairs to her room, Arya almost commented on their bold display of affection. Then she remembered the conversation she and Jon had and the truce they’d come to. Pulling her from the moment, her phone rang. It was as if Gendry knew she was spending her first moments home thinking of him.
Arya answered the phone with this in mind, her voice bright and a small smile etched across her face. “Hey!”
“Arya?”
The color drained from her face at the sound of Gendry’s voice - broken — scared. “Gendry? What’s wrong?”
Her concern pulled Ygritte and Jon out of their moment. The pair slowly detached, hands falling away from skin, distance appearing between them as they now stared at a shaken Arya. Nervously she pulled at her lip as she settled into a kitchen chair.
Hating the silence, she tried again. “Gendry?”
“Uh, yeah, right, I…” The way he breathed out had Arya picturing him: tears perhaps and a frustration that surely had his skin warm and red while he breathed through a clenched jaw. “Is Ygritte there?”
Following his words, Arya looked to Ygritte. With her mouth dropped open she nodded before quickly speaking up. “Uh, yeah. Yes. She’s right here…”
“I don’t—”
“What, Gendry?” Arya pleaded. “Fuck, you’re scaring me!”
“No, I’m...I’m fine. But I think Robert’s dead.”