Archive of Our Own ^beta

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The thing about having been Hydra’s asset for so long was that Bucky had gotten to catch glimpses of the world evolving, but he hadn’t really gotten to see it. It wasn’t until after he was free, until after Hydra-SHIELD had fallen, that he was about to experience what this new age had to offer.

And Bucky loved every bit of it.

Sure, it wasn’t the 21st Century that the dime novels had promised, with flying cars and casual space flight, but it was still pretty damn cool. (Plus, knowing people like the Avengers and Tony Stark got you a lot closer to that promised image.) Bucky couldn’t get enough of it. He carried his tablet and his phone with him just about everywhere, using the internet to learn about things whenever he encountered something he was unfamiliar with or reading ebooks or looking up music. 

And it wasn’t just the shiny, eye-catching stuff, either. There were so many things people took for granted. Bucky had nearly cried the first time he saw a dishwasher and what it could do. Growing up in a household of six where all the dishes had to be done by hand really put things in perspective. The washing machine. The dryer! Fridges you didn’t have to put big blocks of ice in the bottom of!

It was incredible and Bucky couldn’t get enough. Yes, he’d lost a lot when he’d fallen from that train and been taken by Hydra, not the least of which was his agency, but it was heartening to see the world as it was now. The world had continued to grow and evolved. It got better. It strived for more. It had a future.

And now, now that he was free, Bucky did, too.

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“So I was at this new vineyard that opened up just outside of town, right? They’ve got this art nevou style I was really feeling and the tasting room doubled as a gallery for local artists. There was this street art inspired piece by Hoffman I was really feeling and-”

Bucky could feel the smile tugging at his lips as he listened to Luis talk. It was surreal, looking at his own jawline but listening to Becca’s mile-a-minute rambling. Just absolutely unreal.

“-so they said their girlfriend worked for this lady upstate, buying china and blue depression glass because she was a collector. Patrice was a history major and has an intrest an interst in stained glass, so I’m sure you can imagine where that led. They absolutely had to try-”

Bucky had been downright scared to hope he had any family left living. None of his sisters had been married when he’d fallen off that train. And, anyway, being related to the Winter Soldier probably wasn’t something people wanted to brag about. For a long time, he’d been too ashamed of what he’d done to even look for family.

“-and then Scott finally agrees to come with me to see it, right? Cause he’s off house arrest and all that. Hey, did you ever meet that guy in charge of his case? Scott told me this one time-”

He certainly hadn’t been expecting a great-nephew. Grand-nephew? Whatever the term for it was. He hadn’t been expecting Luis, who grinned the same way Bucky remembered seeing in pictures of himself from before the war. He was brightness and light and joy and Bucky wanted to do everything in his power to make sure Luis never lost that, not like he had. Bucky would take care of him. 

After all, that’s what family was for.

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Bucky had never been in Tony’s lab before. It wasn’t anything personal. He’d never been in Bruce’s or Dr. Cho’s labs, either. Even just the thought of it made him feel light-headed, dizzy and nauseous. 

Hydra had lots of labs.

And Bucky knew, he knew, but Tony and Bruce, and Dr. Cho didn’t do the same things in their labs that Hydra did, but it was so hard to convince his lizard brain to get on board. The time he’d gotten shot six times in the abdomen and needed Dr. Cho’s cradle to stitch him back together again, he’d had a full-blown panic attack and broke one of the attendants’ collar bone. He hadn’t been back since. 

Now, though, he didn’t have a choice. His metal arm had been glitching for weeks, something in the innerworkings catching every time he bent the elbow past a forty-five degree angle and jumping painfully back in line. The pain had grown steadily worse and worse until Bucky couldn’t even bend it at all without feeling like it was being ripped off all over again. 

When Steve noticed, because of course he noticed, the first thing he did was ask JARVIS to alert Tony. Bucky kind of wanted to cry.

It wasn’t that he didn’t trust Tony. He did, sort of, with certain things. He trusted the man to have his back on the field. This just… This was his arm and Bucky couldn’t stomach the thought of having to go back into some lab, to be put back in some chair and probably have to be held down while they pried open the compartments to find out what was wrong. 

Tony could fix it, though. If nothing else, Bucky did know that Tony could fix it. Tony could fix anything. Bucky just had to breath and try and get through this without completely humiliating himself and then everything would be fine. He had a therapist and everything these days. He’d survive. He was good at surviving.

Tony met them in the common room with an armful of tools that he dumped across the coffee table with a clatter.

“So, how do you want to do this?”

He grinned at the way Bucky gaped at him.

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Kid Tony was not nearly as sneaky as he thought he was and he didn’t hold a candle to how sneaky his adult self was. It was probably the only reason Bucky found out. He wasn’t great with kids, He had been once, sure, but probably only by virtue of having three younger sisters. At that point it was just necessity. Ever since the Winter Soldier… No, Bucky was much better suited for hanging in the background and watching.

And this child version of Tony, only a brief visitor curtesy of the Villain of the Week, was fascinating to watch. In every movement, every expression, Bucky could see a shadow of the man he would grow up to be. It warmed his heart and made him absolutely furious by turns. Tony was a sweet and caring as a child as he was as an adult, but his traumas and insecurities were all the more apparent.

Not for the first time, Bucky considering asking Reed Richards if he’d managed to work out the kinks in his time machine so Bucky could go back and kill Howard Stark all over again. 

The third day (of the projected six before he reverted to his usual age) that child Tony was with them, he dropped a glass of water on the floor of the kitchen, shattering it and sending glass all across the floor. Steve immediately swooped in to help, but Bucky watched, frozen, transfixed by Tony’s reaction. There was a moment’s pause, the barest hint of hesitation, and then Tony stepped forward with bare feet right onto a shard of the glass.

It wasn’t the first time kid Tony had been hurt since they’d brought him back to the tower, but it was definitely the first time Bucky had gotten to witness the decision making process.

Tony was getting hurt on purpose.

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Bucky didn’t blame them. Of course he didn’t. 

If it was anyone’s fault, it was the mad scientist’s who thought it would be a good idea to let loose rampaging slime monsters on New York. The attack had happened just an hour before his party, and it’d taken hours to take out all the creatures and deal with the clean up. That was fine. It wasn’t like he had anything big planned that would suffer from being shuffled around a bit. 

It was just that the attack had left them all so exhausted, even Steve. Bucky understood that. He totally did. He was exhausted, too. He tried not to let it get to him as Sam slouched lower on the couch and nearly nodded off into his beer. Maybe it wasn’t a very festive atmosphere, but they’d still shown up. Even as exhausted as they were, his friends had still dragged themselves over after decontamination showers. 

Bucky did appreciate it. 

He just…

Arms wrapped around his middle from behind and warm lips pressed against his neck.

“I didn’t miss the party, did I?”

Bucky couldn’t keep the grin off his face as he relaxed back against Tony’s chest.

“You really shouldn’t sneak up on me,” he chided gently, turning his head to lure Tony into a kiss. They both knew Tony wouldn’t listen. “And I’m just glad you were able to make it all.”

It wasn’t always easy, with Tony being in charge of SHIELD. His schedule was unpredictable at best. 

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” Tony promised, kissing him some more. “What do you say we ditch these losers and I take you out for some dancing, huh?”

Bucky hesitated. He definitely liked the sound of doing something that involved a bit more than just sitting around and trying not to fall asleep, but he’d feel too guilty about ditching everyone after they made such an effort to be here.

A throw pillow from the couch hit him in the thigh.

“Go,” Steve grunted. “Come back after we nap and we’ll be able to manage a real party for yah.”

Tony gave a bark of laughter, already tugging Bucky towards the door.

“I’m holding you to that, Rogers! You’re in charge!”

Well, then. It looked like Bucky was going dancing with his fella. 

There were worse ways a birthday could be spent.

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Bucky’s head lifted, ears pricked, as he heart footsteps approaching, but he didn’t roll off his side to stand. Atop him, Tony’s little pink nose stitch as he snuffled. If Bucky stood, Tony would fall and wake up and Bucky refused to wake him. This was the first time Tony had gotten a good rest in days.

Rabbit shifters were always a bit high-strung and restless.

Clint appeared in the doorway a moment later and Bucky pre-emptively curled his lips back from his teeth in warning. Clint, looking more bored than anything else, raised his hands in surrender.

“Down boy,” he whispered. “The rest of us like it when Tony sleeps, too, you know.”

Bucky just huffed at him, but lowered his hackles anyway. It was true, after all. No one on the team tried to wake Tony if they didn’t have to. (For some of them, though, Bucky was pretty sure it was less about letting him sleep and more about not getting kicked in the face if they startled him.) Clint just rolled his eyes as he continued on his way to the kitchen. Bucky watched him carefully until he was out of sight.

Only once he was assured all was quiet once more did he allow himself to curl up a little tighter and tuck his nose up under one of Tony’s floppy ears to better scent him.

Bucky loved nap time. 

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Clint moaned obnoxiously around his mouthful of cake and Bucky couldn’t even blame him. The strawberry-white chocolate cake was drizzled with dark chocolate to match it’s chocolate cookie crust and it was so good. Bucky was already on his second piece and had already resigned himself to the willingness to murder any number of his teammates to secure a third.

“Tony, man, seriously,” Clint managed to get out past his stuffed face. “This is the best thing I’ve ever tasted. I may actually sell my soul for this. Where did you order this? Please don’t tell me you had it flown in for some remote town in France or something, I don’t know how I’ll handly having to move.”

Tony laughed as he used his fork to carve off another sliver of what was still his first piece of cake. Bucky didn’t know where he got the self-control. The last of his own slice was stuffed uncerimoniously into his mouth as he swiped a third from the serving platter.

“No need to be so dramatic, birdbrain. I made it.”

The entire table froze.

“What do you mean, you made it?” Steve asked carefully.

Tony wrinkled his nose at the tone.

“I mean I baked it? In the kitchen? I did it yesterday while you guys were over at SHIELD still. What? Do you need JARVIS to pull up the video?”

Clint dropped his fork with a clatter.

“Holy shit, I’ve been poisoned. Somebody call medical.”

Natasha was already out of her chair.

“On it. Bruce?”

“There’s some Pepto under the sink in my bathroom. It should help at least a little until we can get our stomachs pumped.”

“Hey!” Tony cried, insulted. “You have not been poisoned! What the hell, guys?”

Even Steve was looking a little green around the gills.

“It’s okay, Tony,” he reassured. “We know you were only trying to do something nice.”

Tony made an affronted noise. 

Bucky shoved more cake in his mouth. If he died, at least he’d die happy. 

Worth it.

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Dear Mr. Winter Bucky Sgt. Barnes,

Our class is writing our favorite superheros and I picked you!!! Caleb says your not a real hero because you worked for the bad guys but Caleb is a doodoohead. (Ms. W says we’re not allowed to call people stupid, even if they deserve it.) I think your a great hero because you saved my grandpa’s life when you worked with Captan America. You also have a super cool metal arm so now you can punch the bad guys who made you do bad things. That’s super super! 

I wish my arm were made of metal like yours, but mine is just plastic. Mom says its because I grow so fast that I need a new one all the time but your all done growing so you can keep yours. I can’t wait to be all done growing so I can get a metal arm, too. Next year I turn 7 so I can get a GrowPro from SI! Then I won’t need a new one as often cause my arm will grow with me!

Oh, and I hope your feeling better since you got thrown into that building last week. I know you heal super fast and stuff, but I fell on the playground the other week and scraped my knee and it stung for ages. Like, at least two days. My mom put a bandaid on it and that helped, though. I picked the one with the stars because they made me think of you. Who puts bandaids on you and the rest of the Avengers?

I’m all out of space now, so I guess that’s all.

Thanks for saving my grandpa,

Pat

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She was shouldn’t have been anywhere near the war, but after Bucky shipped out, she couldn’t help but feel the need to do more. She signed on as a nurse the next month. 

She still couldn’t remember how Hydra got her. 

She didn’t remember much from those days except for the pain. It had seemed never-ending. But it had ended and she’d come out the other side remade. Just… not enough. She was too willful, so concious of herself. She was defective, they said. She needed to be decommissioned. 

She escaped instead. 

For a long time after that, she stayed hidded. She did her best to live a normal life, as much of one as she could manage. She stuck to highly-populated cities, places where she could blend in and disappear… and she never stayed long.

She watched the news coverage of  the New York invasion, of the reveal of Captain America’s return. It was Stevie’s face on a stranger’s body and she wasn’t sure what to do with that. It didn’t fit. She knew him, but she didn’t. It was all so confusing and tumbled up in her head.

She ran.

Thailand was a great place to disappear.

When they recovered the Winter Soldier, she didn’t find out about it for a long time. No one did. It was kept off the public radar. By the time the Avengers made an official announcement, Bucky was almost completely back to himself. He wasn’t the same man he was before, of course, but he was his own man. For a former Hydra asset, that meant a lot.

The moment she saw his face at the press conference, she knew. 

Bucky, Bucky, Bucky.

It didn’t take her long to get to New York. She had a mission to complete and Hydra assets were very, very good at completing missions.

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Bucky hadn’t had an overabundance of physical contact during his time with Hydra. He was tool, and tools weren’t handled unless it was absolutely necessary. Perhaps that was one of the reasons he was so tactile now.  He loved being touched, whether it was wrestling with Steve or dancing with Tasha. His absolute favorite why to be touched, though, was cuddling with Tony. 

Their bodies just fit together so well. Bucky couldn’t help but love it. Tony was warm and firm with toned muscles. His hair was soft and silky and smelled amazing when Bucky buried his nose in it. Bucky was always torn between that and laying his head on Tony’s chest to listen to the way his heart beat, strong and steady, beneath the hum of the arc reactor. 

This was where he belonged, without a doubt. Right here in Tony’s arms. 

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It was his first birthday since coming to the Avengers Tower and Bucky could admit he hadn’t been sure quite what to expect. He’d figured Steve would remember his birthday, of course, the punk, but he wasn’t sure if the other would make a big deal out of it. They’d never had the money to back in the day and Bucky wasn’t exactly a big party person now. He definitely didn’t want anything like what they’d done for Thor’s birthday. 

The team had surprised him in the best of ways, though. Bruce had made breakfast when Bucky, Sam and Steve had gotten back from their run and then Clint had dragged Bucky off to the shooting range for a while. After lunch, Natasha took him to an afternoon ballet put on by a school troupe. The kids were absolutely adorable and the atmosphere was relaxed enough that it didn’t remind Bucky at all of the Red Room. The whole team got together for dinner, followed by cake and a gift exchange. 

It was casual and heart-felt, involving only the people Bucky really cared about. The gifts were clearly thought-out and it warmed his heart to think that they’d gone through so much effort for him, that they cared about him just as much as he cared about them. It was perfect.

Well, almost perfect. 

Tony had missed dinner because of a late-running meeting, but he’d shown up for presents and had made up for lost time with boundless enthusiasm. Bucky couldn’t help but watch him, smiling softly and indulging his little crush, at least for a short time. It was his party; he could pine if he wanted to.

Tony was beautiful and impossibly kind and sweet and funny and Bucky was gone on him. He had been for months. There was just no helping it. So, yes, the gifts the team had gotten him were amazing, but Bucky really would have preferred a kiss from those smiling lips. Though he’d never admit it, not even under torture, that was exactly what he’d wished for when he’d blown out the candles on his birthday cake.

Later that night, after the party had died down and the others had wandered off, Bucky was both surprised and very, very pleased that his wish came true.

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Tony collapsed forward across Bucky’s chest, panting for breath and careless of his release now smeared between them. Bucky just pulled him closer, one arm around his waist and the other carding his fingers gently through Tony’s hair.

“That was incredible, babe,” he praised, pressing a kiss to Tony’s brow.

Tony hummed in response, not even bothering to open his eyes.

“Always is.”

Bucky chuckled.

“Yeah, well, that’s the diffference.”

“The difference between what?”

“Between having sex and making love.”

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“Woah…”

The little girl’s eyes were wide as she stared at him, seeming frozen in place. Bucky shifted awkwardly, giving her a little wave and attempting a smile.

“Hi, Pat. I, uh, I got the letter you wrote. For your class project? I really enjoyed reading it.”

The seven-year-old just kept staring at him.

“There’s no way you’re really here,” she whispered. “No way.”

This time, Bucky’s smile was a little more genuine. Despite the praise in her letter, he’d been a bit worried she might actually be afraid of him in person.

“Yes way, actually. I wanted to bring you something. Your mom said it was okay.”

Pat’s eyes flickered to her mom for maybe half a second before gluing themselves back to Bucky. She edged closer as he gestured to a case on the coffee table and sat down on the sofa again. She crambered up next to him, sitting close enough to be nearly plastered to his side.

“What is it?”

“Well, you mentioned in your letter that you were going to have to wait another year before you could get a GrowPro prosthetic. I talked to a real good friend of mine about it. You might know him, Tony. He’s the guy who made them.”

“Iron Man,” the little girl breathed, smile stretching wide across her face and awe clear in her voice.

Bucky couldn’t help but smile back.

“Yeah. Well, he always gives the best gifts so I asked him if he could help me find a good thank you gift for your awesome letter. Do you wanna see it?”

Pat nodded excitedly, her little body almost vibrating with how hard she was trying to stay still.

“Please, please, please!”

Bucky opened the case to reveal the perfectly-sized GrowPro arm nestled inside. Pat shrieked with joy and Bucky was grinning so hard it hurt his cheeks as she threw herself into his arms for a hug.

It felt good to be a hero.