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“Hey, Sam?”
Both men were laying on their beds, trying to get some sleep. It was already late and the room was dark. Bucky was wide awake, thinking and listening to Sam's breathing as he moved around constantly on his bed.
“Yeah?”
“Are you awake?” Bucky asked and heard a sigh.
“Who the fuck you think said 'yeah’?”
“Um, do you…” Bucky closed his eyes before continuing. “Do you think pigeons have feelings?”
For a few moments, the room was silent. Bucky almost thought he was indeed alone until Sam's laughter filled his ears.
The man stood up to turn on the light and looked at his friend, still laughing.
“Shit, Barnes!” His tone was light. “Pigeons? Come on, man, what’s up?”
Bucky bit his lips and turned away. “What do you mean?”
“Look, it’s been a rough few days. You can talk to me.” Sam sat on the edge of his bed and watched Bucky do the same, but with a clinking sound. “Was that...? Buck, are you sleeping with your knives again?”
Sam sounded concerned. He knew how fast his friend could relapse and lose progress on his mental health.
“I’m… Not good, Sam. I keep catching myself going back to that dark place, you know?” He shook his head. “Those last days really hit me, I hate to say. I just can’t handle being alone right now, even when I need to sleep… I’m sorry.”
Bucky’s eyes were sad. The last few days had been crazy to everyone, especially the two of them.
“Is it because of…? You know.”
“Turning to dust then coming back? Fighting Thanos again? All the killing? The war? Yes, I would guess so!” Barnes scoffed and ran a hand through his hair. “I know I’m not the only one, I mean, the same happened to you, but. I can’t explain it.”
“I understand you, Bucky, you’ve been through some crazy shit none of us have. And you can count on me for help, always. Working through trauma is hard and it takes time. All those ups and downs are a big part of it. We just gotta keep doing our best, even when it doesn’t sound like a lot.” Sam put a hand on Bucky’s knee, then quickly pulled it back. “And there’s also, you know… I imagine that is hard for you.”
“Steve going back to his girl? Yeah, it takes some getting used to, but it’s not the end of the world, it’s not like he’s dead - he’s old, but he’s alive and still my best friend.”
“But he? He left you - left us - here and went off to get married, and you knew him your whole life, man! And you love him, I can see that.”
“I do, but not in the way you think, Sam.” His eyes met Sam’s confused look. “I mean, Steve and I grew up together, we always had each other and yes, we had a thing, but we loved each other like family. Maybe closer than family, but it wasn’t like that. We had crushes on one another, but our love has always been beyond romance. Look, when Steve became Captain America we no longer had our thing. After that time I kicked your asses as the Winter Soldier, I was shaken, must admit, but Steve’s just my best bud. Has been for over 70 years.”
Sam frowned. Did they really? He sort of knew all of that, but hearing it from Bucky? Those were huge news that hit him hard on the gut.
Bucky smiled at the confused man in front of him.
“And you’re not upset that he left? Dude, I am pissed he left us! Like, I’m super happy for Steve, he deserved all of it, but man! He had responsibilities here, right?”
“I’ve known him my whole life and,” bucky shrugged and smiled. “He was probably ashamed or scared to come back and tell us he was leaving. And I know Steve, I knew that when he stepped on that portal thing he was not going to come back. I mean, the smile on his face when he told us about the time travel? And he loved her, Sam. God, you should have seen him talk about her back in the day! The kid was stunned! They were so beautiful together, and how their eyes glowed when they saw each other… .”
“I suppose you’re right… God, I’m picking on Steve when I’m just worried about that… That shield over there.” Sam pointed at Captain America’s shield on the chair. “Why is everything happening at once?”
They looked at each other and smiled.
“It's a lot of responsibility.” Bucky shrugged. “But you don't need to start right away.”
“Yeah. I don't think I will. I'll probably just hang it around for a couple of months and go on a road trip, or something.” Sam smirked and sat more relaxed on the bed. “You can come with me, ya know. So I have someone to annoy the shit out of.”
“I'll see if I don't have anything better to do and I'll let you know.” He smiled. “We can go to Wakanda, I'm sure Shuri can give us some sick ass car, or something.”
“Or we could just stay in America and take the old truck, that'll work too. I mean, you have to see Disneyland!”
They both laughed hard and Sam made some lame joke about Barnes being an old man and he let himself fall onto the bed.
After a while, Bucky spoke again, with a happy voice:
“Hey, Sam?”
“Yeah?” Sam answered laughing.
“I know everything is happening at once and I'm not sure if I should say right now but.” He took a deep breath. “There's something-. Well, I've been working up the courage to-”
“For fuck's sake, dude, rip the band-aid off.” Wilson looked at him a bit nervous. With Bucky, anything could turn serious very quickly.
“I think I'm in love with you,” Bucky said in one single rushed breath.
Sam sat up abruptly. What the hell? How did that conversation turn so quickly? He stared at his friend in silence, both anxious for the other to say something.
“Okay.” Sam finally spoke, carefully. “...Put the band-aid back on and peel it off slowly this time.”
If his heart wasn’t beating so damn fast, Bucky would’ve laughed hard. Wilson always made him laugh.
“Look. I'm always happy when I'm with you, I like to hear you talk, every time I wanna do something I think of you. We're always together even though we've known each other only for a couple of years. Hell, Sam, I even dream of you from time to time.” Bucky gazed into Wilson's eyes. “Shit, I'm very fond of you, you prick.”
Sam blinked slowly. Fuck, Bucky was fond of him?
“And you sure it's not 'cause we, ya know, fucked?” He was a bit nervous, always had been since that time, it could be just physical attraction. Sam had feelings for Bucky, even before that, but he was so insecure about it. Why would the soldier like him?
“ Yeah, it's not because we fucked. I mean, it helped me see you not just as a friend, but I swear it's not just physical.” Bucky smiled.
“So… You're in love with me?” Sam shifted in his seat. “Damn. I don't know what to say… No, I know what to say, I just. I don't get it. I think I like you too. I feel the same, and I love being with you. I think I did even before that time. And it's not just some physical thing - you're hot, really hot, but -, and I never knew if I should tell you. Like, we're always kinda fighting, and you're over there being stupid Barnes, and I'm over here being me and I never… Fuck, man, I think I'm in love with you too.” He let out a breath and chuckled.
They smiled, awkwardly looking at each other in the eyes.
“So… What now?” Buck shook his leg.
“Very well. I’ll do it.” He stood up and fixed his shirt. “Barnes, will you be my boyfriend?”
“Only if you stop messing with my arm when I’m asleep.” He tried to hold in a smile and stood on his feet, a little too close to Sam.
“I’ll take that as a ‘yes’.” He stared into the blue of Bucky's eyes and let his tongue run over his lower lip.
“This is the part I kiss you, right?”
“Right.” Sam laughed.
“Good. That’s good.”
With a little awkward smile, Barnes put his hand on the small of Wilson's back, pulling him a bit closer. Their breaths were getting heavier and for a moment they felt insecure. Sam reached for the other man's neck, waiting for the first move. Bucky cut through the tension with a rapid kiss, slamming his lips to Sam's. It was awkward at first, but they quickly adapted to it. Sam grabbed a fist of Buck's hair and pulled him closer. Their kiss was hungry, and the little space between them felt enormous. Hands made their way through one another's body as their mouths tasted each other. When Bucky put his left hand on Sam's jaw, the man shivered and pulled away.
“Shit, that's cold!” He laughed and took it in his hand. “But I'm not complaining, though. I like your robot hand.”
Bucky held Sam's neck firmly, a bit irritated with the commentary on his hand. Wilson took the opportunity to hold Barnes’ hips and shut him up with a wet kiss.
It was a little weird how natural it felt, how easy it was to be wrapped in each other's body, taken they spent most of their time together poking fun of each other and arguing over anything. Earlier that day, even, Bucky tied Sam's shoelaces together and, as payback, Sam messed with Bucky's hair products. They made each other so angry, and yet they had that mutual deep loving feeling. It was comforting.
“Oh man… You feel so damn good, Sam.” Bucky smiled again as the man kissed his neck.
“I fucking love you, Buck.” They laughed for a bit, still wrapped together. “But you're still an idiot.”