Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The city of Chicago was shadowed under heavy rain clouds. The forewarning of rain was nothing new to the city, however with this downcast of rain came with a suspended tension that hung over the gray clouds. The tension had a mixture of uneasiness and dread fill the wet morning air. The news outlets did nothing more but add to the growing fear that hung over the people's shoulders.

Today the new case file that lied on Shane's desk added to his tension. His shoulders hunched over as if the imaginary weight he felt on his shoulders did fall on top of his body. Forcing him to slouch to accommodate it.

The pale yellow folder that sat atop three similar ones had a frustrating feeling curling in the man's gut. The details are as gruesome as the previous cases- unidentified female body dropped in a forest near East 50th and East 55th on Broadway street. Severe impact marks were present all over the body, the dirt and grass marks rubbed into her clothes indicated a struggle ensued, but the red stain that grew on the front of her dress clearly showed it was in vain. Shane gripped the evidence photo a little tighter.

A deep sigh emitted from his chest. He tossed the picture back into the folder and shut it. He rubbed the stubble on his face in frustration. He eyed the case folder once more before he shoved them aside. He would look over them again when Ryan arrived at work.

"One mistake, one connection is all we need," Shane muttered to himself in comfort. He stood up from his desk, the office chair's wheels rolling on the ground made a soft noise against the wood. Rolling up the sleeves of his dress shirt as he paced to the small coffee pot. Glancing at the wall clock he set up in his office- he read it as 9:13 am.

-

Ryan decided to walk to the office today. He walked on his usual path, the one where he would wave hello to the old lady who was always outside in the mornings tending to her rose beds. Today though she wasn't outside and Ryan glanced at the roses before he continued. His head pounded and if anyone cared enough to observe his presence they would notice his trench coat was tied too tight, his hair stuck out in awkward ways and his eyes scanned his surroundings as if he was looking for something.

As he turned the corner and saw the office building him and Shane occupied his pace quickened and his fist clenched inside his pockets. His mind was a mess but even with his mind screaming at him one voice stood out from the rest. The voice rang with a sense of narcissism so thick and pronounced that Ryan wanted to physically throw up.

"He shouldn't have taken control." was all Ryan could think about.

He tried to remember the moments before he blacked out. He tried to fight it as best he could. Pushing the voice back and telling him to go away because he was in an important meeting over a case they had just solved. The only thing he could remember was him locking up his office before he lost the mental battle and blacked out. Only to wake up home with his clothes and skin covered in a dark crimson.

By the time he reaches the office, he was shaking with anger. It was his fault it had to happen, he is the only one that could prevent it and he had failed. It was his job to prevent things like this from happening. Yet he was protecting his ass out of fear of what would happen to him. It was laughable really, he thought if he joined this profession would feel some sense of justice. Knowing he was going to stop people from continuing to hurt other people- knowing he was going to stop people like himself. Yet here he was. It was pathetic the more he thought about it.

Guilt was boiling inside him the more he thought about his life choices. He walked up the steps and pushed the door open. He jumped slightly as he heard the familiar chime of bells. He glanced at the gold objects as they glistened in the small light that shined down on them. The familiar item immediately eased his nerves. His mind wavered to the memory of Shane hanging them on the door frame. The small banter of Ryan arguing, "This isn't a convenient store, why do we need bells above the door?"

"Why not? We can do what we want here. It's our own office!" Shane beamed.

Ryan smiled at the memories. His worries were forgotten for a moment.

"Ryan?"

The man in question jumped at the mention of his name. He spun on his heels to meet the person who called him.

"Whoa, sorry- I didn't mean to scare you," Shane said as he wandered out from his office, a cup of coffee in one hand. Ryan let out a calming breath. His hands moved to undo the coat he put on.

"Ah, don't apologize I was just in my mind about some... personal things." He explained. Ryan hung his head low with his eyes fixed on the coat he held in his hands. He felt too guilty about hiding that side of him from Shane. He and the man had grown close during their time together and have worked with each other ever since.

"Well, you do look a bit out of it, little guy. Come on, the coffee is still fresh. Let's get a cup in you before we go over a new case file we got." Shane said as he moved back into his office.

Ryan watched the other walked into his office before he followed behind. As he walked in he felt the last of his nerves ease as he looked around the familiar setting. The window blinds were drawn close as they always were and the orange glow from the lightbulb strangely added to the homeliness of the room. As he heard Shane pour him the coffee he threw the tan coat over the back of one of the chairs placed in front of the tall man's desk. He sat in the chair as he took this moment to truly relax back into himself. His hand slid down to rub his knee in a comforting motion.

"We already have a new case to solve?" Ryan questioned. Taking the chance to break the silence.

"After you left our meeting about the solved case we finished," Shane began, "the officer said that his team had reevaluated and revisited some old cold case files from about 2 months ago and that this one stuck out because they couldn't identify the missing women." Shane nudged the other's shoulder with the coffee cup. Ryan accepted it as he thought about what the other said. Shane walked around his desk and sat down on the surface before he continued to explain.

"One of the team members had a hunch she might be connected to the other victims we have received since, in essence, the killing was done clean and simple, and when her body was found lines up with the timeline we put together. One victim about every two to three weeks." Shane's eyes narrowed as he stated the information. The time gap between the killings was too short for any type of comfort. Ryan sipped on his coffee.

"Shane," Ryan said as he leaned over to place the cup on the others desk, "we still don't know if these cases are even related." Ryan reminded.

"All we know is that they all involve a similar style of killing. I know- but I can feel that there is something more than that." Shane huffed in slight annoyance. He leaned back in the chair as he continued to expand on that theory in his head.

"Now isn't the time to bring up your supposed 'super guts' feelings Shane." the younger deadpanned.

"It has never been-"

"Don't say it has never been wrong, it has been wrong."

"It was been wrong about theories I have gotten but never that there was something more that we were missing." Shane continued. Ryan simply chuckled at the argument.

"Either way," Shane continued reaching to take a hold of the file before he flipped it open, "it's quite strange that we have had at least four potential murders so close to each other. Both in time and locations." the man continued to point out. Ryan fidgeted in his seat at the statement, he couldn't help but agree with the other. After a quick sip of coffee, Shane slipped the evidence photos to Ryan to look at. The one that captured the state of the victim made Ryan's hands sweat. He cleared his throat.

"They couldn't identify her?" Ryan questioned. Despite the dirt background and the scuff marks on her face, she was practically like a doll. As if some kid had just tossed her to the side to play with her later.

"Surprising, I know. Her face is practically unharmed. As if the person wanted us to find out who she was." Shane said as he flipped through papers.

"No one has come forth saying this is, like, their daughter or wife?" Ryan said, looking at the close up of what seemed to be a wedding band that was on her ring finger.

"Nope. they have already put out a broadcast over Chicago her description and a sketch of her face when she was first discovered. If someone does know anything about her- they aren't saying anything." Shane pulled a piece of paper from the file. A triumphant smile on his lips as he found the information he was looking for.

"The only person that recognized her was a man that said he was walking home from a gathering he had with his friends. At around 3:54 pm he saw her walk out of a church's graveyard. He said she was memorable because he thought it was strange she was dressed in such attire to mourn in a graveyard." Shane recited. Eyes scanned the page as if something more would appear suddenly.

"The dress is quite a statement if she was just done crying over a loved one in a graveyard." Ryan agreed, he scanned the photo of the woman again. He wasn't a prude by most means but the dress did seem to be more fit for a large upscale gathering, not an "I just visited my dead relative" kind of look.

"Maybe she was just going somewhere and stopped by?" Shane suggested.

"Well, it's obvious she didn't make it to that somewhere..." Ryan joked. He watched Shane try to contain his grin, his focus was broken for a second.

"I walked into that one huh?" Ryan nodded.

"Still," Ryan continued setting the pictures down onto the desk, "no one is on their way to an event, and just decides, "Hey uncle Joe is buried here! I have some time to kill, why don't I just stop on by and mourn for him real quick!" Ryan explained. His hands came up and helped animate the acting he had done.

"Well, you technically don't need to go to a graveyard to mourn. What if she was on a stroll, or it was a shortcut to where she was trying to go. She could have been late instead of early to her destination." Shane reasoned. Ryan's eyebrows knitted together.

"You don't have to but.. I don't know many people that just take strolls in the graveyard. Maybe a weirdo like you does-"

"I don't," Shane interjected, "I was just pointing it out as a possibility." he rolled his eyes at the other. Ryan ignored the response.

"Either way, her being at the graveyard could mean nothing. All we truly know is that the man that saw her was able to put a time on her location that day. " Ryan argued, he leaned forward and gestured to the papers once more.

"No one else saw her after that?", he continued.

"As far as we know that's the last time anyone saw her," Shane answered. He once again skimmed through the papers printed with information.

"They found her the next morning. At around 9:23 am," Shane paused and turned to look at the confused man.

"Wh-what? Did you connect something?" Ryan stuttered out. He didn't like the man's expression.

"It was 9:30 when you arrived today Ry..." Shane trailed off. His voice failed to hide the amusement he held in his tone. Ryan opened his mouth to question why that information was important to the matter at hand before he realized that it had nothing to do at all with the case. The shorter of the two groaned as he leaned back to stare at the ceiling.

"It's also the first Monday of the month..." Shane continued in a sing-songy voice. He enjoyed the annoyance that filled the other. Ryan mentally cursed the voice in his head. Ryan's eyes opened slowly to meet the others face.

"It's file organization day," Ryan mumbled. Shane smiled and clapped his hands together.

"And since you're late, you get to do it!" Shane explained. As if the other himself didn't know how he got stuck with the job. Without another word Ryan silently got to his feet.

"You're gonna go do it now? We are in the middle of the case review!" Shane exclaimed, his tone somewhere between teasing and actual astonishment at the fact that the other didn't pull an excuse as to why he was late in the first pace.

"You know I hate that room. I don't want to be stuck here late at night by myself doing it," Ryan reasoned. His hands grazed over the armrest as he picked up his coat.

"Plus you can do the case review on your own just fine. Use that big head you were blessed with," Ryan teased. His eyes sparkled with a playfulness that took out all the bite to the words. Both men chuckled as Ryan made his way out of the other's office. A halfhearted insult was thrown at Ryan but it only made his smile grow.

He made a quick trip to his office to toss his coat on a chair before he walked to the door that led him into the paper mountains of case information. His steps faltered as he stepped towards the door. He glanced over to see back into the others office once more. He watched as Shane looked over every word of the report and took into account that the other had placed his glasses atop his face. His eyebrows knitted in concentration and Ryan took a moment to admire the man from afar. His train of thought was interrupted by the voice in his mind, whispering admiration to the other detective. Ryan snapped his eyes shut and rubbed his face. His right hand dropped down onto the handle of the door before he hastily pushed it open and slipped inside.

The door closed rather harshly, Ryan paid it no mind as he pressed his back to the door. His breathing was rougher as he tried to calm himself. As his breaths deepened and eventually evened out the voice that was previously ringing in his ears faded back into the obscured background noise of the empty room.

Ryan allowed himself to open his eyes and greet the sight before him. The room was dim, the only light that was entering was from the half-closed windows that let in the gloomy weather. He glanced over to his right and quickly reached for the switch that was screwed to the wall. With a click, the room was instantly filled with light and the apparent mess that was hidden in the dark made the other dread the clean up that was needed. It was moments like these where Ryan wished he and Shane knew how to keep their space managed better. The rotation they had set up was troublesome during the middle of the month, usually the messiest time for this room.

The shelves of half-filled boxes seemed to be growing immensely larger the more he stared at them. The cramped space made the man clear his throat in uneasiness.

In Ryan's opinion, he swore up and down on his life the room was haunted. Shane would laugh every time he ever mentioned his thoughts about the room. He convinced himself the evidence they stowed away here carried a connection to the victims.

Ryan moved forward to the boxes and pulled them out to examine the context of it. As he expected the yellow folders had once again been shifted around and were not arranged in the proper alphabetical order. He stared at some of the labels before he sighed again. Some had to be moved into the "solved" section of the room.

He worked in silence as he slowly made progress. He took out the solved cases and placed them in small piles on the ground. His mind for once was clear and soon he found himself humming a tune as he trekked along. As much as he genuinely feared the room he couldn't help but enjoy the task he was doing. It was simple and he was completely able to do it. His brain wasn't on overdrive and he wasn't over-analyzing things for once. It was... nice, having just busywork to do.

He had lost track of time when a large clap of lightning rang in the air. He jumped at the sudden noise. The box he pulled out nearly dropping to the wooden flooring to spill the freshly organized files. He blinked his eyes a couple of times to refocus himself. The sudden interruption of these thoughts pulled him back to the surroundings. He only had about three more boxes to look over but the unsetting thoughts he tried to hold back came rushing forward. The room suddenly looked too bright and calm the rows of boxes seemed endless. His movements froze and he was scared to look around for what he might see. He knew in his right mind that nothing would be there, but right now he didn't have his right brain on. His body tensed painfully as he tried not to move.

How long had he been in the room? Shane and he always got lunch together and since the other hadn't come in to even suggest it he knew it has not been any longer than an hour. but he out of all people knew so much could have happened in an hour.

Before he knew how to stop these thoughts from continuing his mind jumped into worst-case scenarios. What if Shane had found out all the things Ryan had done? All the people he had killed? What if just outside the door Shane and officers waited, ready to take him where he belonged. He shook his head, people like him always ended up in jail. He remembered what Shane told him when they captured an insane man on one of their earlier cases.

He watched with soft eyes as he told Ryan that people like that, "needed help more than anything. A caring hand once and awhile would have probably stopped this from happening."

Ryan's heart clenched at the words. Shane would help him right? He would make sure he ended up in a cushioned room rather than a steel box? He would spend his days on a special schedule and do little activities instead of counting down days till his execution, right?

Ryan calmed down a bit. He would, he would be in a safe room. He wasn't the one doing these things it was him. Just as his mind cleared it suddenly swallowed him back up.

It wasn't him right?

For a moment his world went still. He tried calling out to the voice in his head. When no response came he called louder. A headache formed on his temples as he desperately tried to get the other to respond.

"No-" Ryan whispered. He stepped back and shoved the box haphazardly back into its place. The hand came up to clench the front of his shirt. His mind began racing before he could even process each thought properly. It wasn't him, he wasn't the one doing it. His knees felt weak as he argued with himself. He cursed at the voice in his head. Shane wouldn't help him- no he would see him as the other hundreds of criminals they caught together. Sick, disgusting, vile, twisted, evil-

Monster.

Tears filled Ryan's eyes. They slid down his face before he could push them back. He hung his head low in guilt. He cursed out loud. He shouldn't be the one crying. No one should be pitying him, not even himself. Yet here he found himself once again. Why did he keep trying to fool himself into believing he was any different than the people documented on the case files he was surrounded with?

The tears continued to paint his face as he stood alone in the room. The fear in his gut replaced itself with dread.

Before Ryan could continue to dive farther into his mind the entrance was pushed open.

"Ryan?" Shane called out to the boy. He stopped mid-step when he saw the other jump back as if he had been burned. Their eyes met and Shane confirmed the small choked hiccups he heard from the other side of the door were in fact sniffles from the other crying. Ryan stared wide-eyed as Shane pulled back out of the room and signaled to someone to wait a moment. Ryan clenched his fist a little harder. He wiped a tear away as the taller stepped into the room and shut the door. He tried to prepare for the rundown Shane probably prepared for him. He would open with a light-hearted conversation before he would tell the suspect they were found out. Ryan was finally on the receiving end of that talk.

"Was it..." Shane started. His hands fell to his hips. He looked as if he was in deep thought about how to approach the situation.

"Was it the dog case again?" Shane asked as he bit his lip. Ryan blinked.

"Wh-" He started.

"I had to reevaluate that one for the jail," Shane explained, "I know I should have put it back but things got busy. I completely forgot about it." Ryan opened and closed his mouth like a fish, unsure what the other was saying. Sensing his confusion Shane pointed down to the other man's feet. A yellow folder had fallen to the ground. Probably when Ryan had jumped back. When he skimmed the lettering in black pen everything click.

"Little Ben's Pet Shop" was scribbled down on the tab. The case of a kidnapping and animal trafficking business had Ryan tearing up when he would look at the photos during case investigations. This case was also the first time Ryan investigated a crime scene without Shane.

Needless to say, there was a reason why they no longer investigated any case that dealt with animals. Wordlessly, Shane walked over and knelt to collect the file. Ryan watched as he did so and he took the misunderstanding as a moment of relief. The moment was short-lived as he heard a burst of amused laughter ring in his ears. He knew he wasn't the monster here. The laughter grew louder as the other spaced out again.

A hand on his shoulder pulled him out from the sudden rush of anger he felt at the voice. Shane was giving him a soft smile as he looked at the other.

"You organized most of the files already. Let's leave what you have left for another day, let's head back out to my office. We have an officer that wants to speak with us over something." Shane explained. He gave the others shoulder a nudge as a single to go first. Mentally Ryan was exhausted and didn't feel like doing anything. He let himself be guided out of the file room. As they walked to the door Ryan gently wiped away the wetness from his face.

As he entered the other's office for the second time he quietly admired the coziness that settled in his gut. An officer stood to the side of Shane's desk. His hands clasped together as he waited for both of the detectives to be inside the room.

"It's nice to see you two boys," the officer stepped out and gave them each a handshake. If he noticed the red eyes and still damp cheeks Ryan sported he chose not to comment or stare at it.

"Pleasure to see you too, officer," Shane said, his head slightly bowing in greeting. Ryan mumbled out a 'nice to meet you'. He was still unsure about the situation.

"You came down here so suddenly, is there an emergency we need to take care of?" Shane questioned. Done with greetings and ready to know what the man needed if he was becoming their clientele.

"I have been informed that you guys were taking on the string of murders we thought were connected," the officer began, the two men nodding to confirm.

"We just found another crime scene this morning and we want you guys to see if it might be connected to the others."

The rainclouds finally broke open and rainwater soon painted over the Chicago City. The tension that was ignored the last couple of months had snapped with the weather.

Chapter Text

Ryan ran his hands through his mangled dark hair, patting down the nest he had created with his nervous fingers. His feet planted themselves on the ground outside of he and Shane’s company car. The acrid smell of blood and disturbed Earth filling his nostrils and swirling in his mind. An excited feeling stabbed at his brain and caused guilt to spread over his body. The thing in his mind was proud of being back here. Seeing his victim again.

The sickening feeling in his gut refused to disappear as he looked around the scene. He hated how proud that one part of his conscious felt. The overpowering dignity that he forced Ryan to endure. The man had to stop himself from hunching over and emptying the contents in his stomach.

”Alright, Ry. Let's solve a murder.” The male heard his partner speak, his voice almost devoid of any emotion. That was strange. He usually had some witty comment about how the body was positioned or the clothes they were wearing. Maybe it was because of Ryan crying before. Shane’s mood always dropped whenever his partner was upset.

With a nod of his head, Ryan ambled over to the body covered by a black sheet of plastic that was removed once the men arrived. The crime scene was small. Little pools of blood surrounding the victim with yellow markers at each one. There were six pieces of evidence to go off of. Three of those six were the thick carmine liquid splayed across the dirt and grass. He prayed the voice inside his head wasn't so entirely reckless that he left behind anything that could come back to Ryan.

The brunette didn't know if the thing in his head wanted to get caught. Maybe he just wanted to play games with him and make his heart shudder. See how far he could take his anxiety before Ryan completely broke down and went insane. It would be a lot easier to control him if there was no morality to combat.

Ryan walked over to the fourth piece of evidence, putting in a conscious effort not to look panicked. He couldn't risk anyone getting skeptical of him.

”Here. Be careful.” Shane spoke from behind Ryan, startling him from his inner monologue. The man held out two black gloves so he could look at the evidence presented to them.

The man quickly tugged the gloves onto his slender fingers and pick the knife up by the very tip of the handle, holding it like a dirty garment. He was careful with the weapon. Ryan couldn't afford anyone seeing him tampering with clues so he hoped he was smart enough not to leave DNA on anything here.

The male placed the object back down in the grass and stood from where he was crouched, his boots slightly sinking into the mud with the sudden weight on his heels. His eyes traced every aspect of the crime scene. Ryan could remember some parts of what had happened but the majority of it felt fuzzy and wrong in his head. Like he was watching someone else murder an innocent woman.

The grass below him looked as if it had desaturated and lost its charm. Dark, dried blood darkened the blades of nature more. The liquid infected the ground like it was a small plague, multiple patches of grass-covered in the substance. The killer liked his work to be messy.

Ryan took notice of the azure sky, clouds floating by as if nothing was going on. The clouds didn't have to deal with a murder. It didn't affect them. But the male’s sanity underwent major hits as he gazed at the body.

They were surrounded by thick trees, his vision following a trail that leads from George Wood National Park to where they were standing. He noticed how if anyone decided to walk the trail, they would find the body. Any child or unsuspecting jogger. ”That’s sadistic.” The male mumbled to himself and ran his hands over his face.

Shane turned his attention back to Ryan and caught the obvious frustration displayed across his features. ”You okay, little guy?” A teasing tone was laced in the taller man's voice as he checked on Ryan.

Ryan rapidly nodded his head and smiled at Shane to hide the anxiety in his expression. He couldn't end up crying in front of the boy again. He barely made it out alive the last time. The shorter male carried himself over to the other pieces of evidence. A boot print and bloody nails. The two bright blue painted nails belonging to the victim. That was a bold choice.

”It’s a bummer she’s gonna be buried with half a manicure.” Ryan’s partner spoke up from behind him yet again. Was it the man's passion to keep scaring him? With a roll of his eyes, he stood back up and nudged the boy with a laugh. ”Very funny, big guy.” The boy mumbled with amusement trapped in his voice. He was glad Shane was back to cracking jokes. Even if the officers shot them dirty scowls.

The crime scene was rather close to the one they found recently. Both victims had zero marks on their faces and showed signs of a struggle. Almost as if the murderer was giving them a chance to win the fight. Or maybe he was just weak. The latter was probably the more likely option. Although Ryan could protect himself, his strength lacked where his mind flourished.

A sigh trickled from his throat and out of his lips, tugging his gloves off and shoving them in his pocket. He was meticulous in turning the gloves inside out so no blood stained his coat. Ryan ran his fingers through his hair, for what seemed like the millionth time that day, and tugged at the strands. How stupid could he be? Why wasn't he strong enough to push the voice away?

The male felt his hands clenching as he stared at the body, body tense with anger as his mind involuntarily went over each memory of the night before. The screams she made as he murdered her. The sickening sound of the knife plunging into her skin. The smell of blood filling his nostrils, satisfying the thing inside of him.

Dirt and mud sloshed under his feet as he walked over to Shane. They needed to talk about what they might think happened and who had done it. His mouth opened to speak as Shane turned around, eyebrows raising when the boy cut him off before anything left his mouth.

”Hey. Want to flake off and go to lunch to talk about this? These officers are giving me the willies.” The honey-haired detective confessed quietly, eyes shifting between the other men. With a curt nod, the two strode back to their car and made their way to a diner.

It was a quaint place with only a few windows. The roof needed to be redone and the siding was a light shade of pink. Maybe not the most masculine place to eat but it did appease Ryan. He had always enjoyed softer colored things.

Ryan opened the car door wide and let it slam behind him from the pull of gravity, small rocks scattering as he kicked them with each step he took. He shoved his hands in his coat pockets and fidgeted with the soft fabric. Why was he so nervous? He had no reason to be. So why was he?

His senses were attacked as he stepped through the door of Benny’s Diner. He smelled freshly grilled burgers and the sweetness of strawberry milkshakes. Ryan’s brown eyes skittered across the patrons, taking notice of how pleased they seemed with their meal. Boots squealed on checkered linoleum flooring as the two men made their way to the back of the establishment.

They sat down in a booth next to one of the windows, Ryan trailing the cars that sped by with his eyes. Fingers tapped against the table quickly and his toes scratched at the top of his shoes. The anxiety of talking about the case had finally caught up with him. He couldn't risk getting caught by his best friend.

The guilt that would eat at him for bringing his friend into his problems was deadly. Ryan wasn't sure if Shane would be so freaked out that he would abandon him completely or if he would cover for him. He didn't know which one he preferred. The male would resent himself forever if Shane got in trouble because of what he did.

His eyes trailed back to the man sat across from him, noticing he was already trying to elicit eye contact from him. Ryan smiled at him in a way that pulled a chuckle from Shane. It must've been the lopsided-ness of his lips and the tilting of his head. Almost like he was an excited puppy drinking in their owner's appreciation. He shook his head with such force that he almost gave himself whiplash.

The male looked up from where he stared at his hands, his gaze settling on a waitress making her way to them. She wore a long white collared dress with no accentuation to her curves. The only forgiving aspect was the red apron strapped around her waist and pulling the dress closer to her skin.

His eyes flitted to her face rapidly and almost let out a scream in shock. The woman looked exactly like the person he had slaughtered. What he last saw before completely blacking out and waking up with blood all over his clothes and skin.

Ryan looked back down at his hands and gasped at the sticky cherry colored substance covering them. That same pungent smell of copper filled his nostrils and caused his head to spin. He jumped from his seat and rushed into the bathroom, locking the door behind him and sinking against it.

His hands weren't sticky anymore and he didn't smell blood. Ryan knew his sanity was screwed because of that thing but now he was seeing things that weren't there. Experiencing things the voice in his head had done when he was in control of his body.

The rubber of his boots squeaked harshly as he got up from where he sat on the bathroom floor, wobbling over to the mirror and gripping at the porcelain of the sink. Tears streamed down his cheeks and dropped onto the surface below him, dribbling down the drain. Ryan was so immensely disappointed in himself.

How long did he have until he couldn't hide what his hands had done to those innocent women?

Even if it wasn't Ryan himself committing the murders, he still had some part in the blame. It was still his hands that hurt those people.

The detective wiped his eyes and splashed water on his face, squeezing his lids shut and praying to whatever was out there to not torture him like that again. He couldn't take that kind of trauma. It was different seeing bodies other people murdered but when it was bodies his hands took the life from, it got exponentially scarier.

Ryan wiped his hands on his pants and pulled all courage into him, walking out of the bathroom and back to the booth where Shane sat with wide eyes. The man still couldn't process what was wrong with Ryan.

”Hey. Sorry about that. I had to take a whiz.” The other mumbled as he sat down, seeing a bottle of coke on his side of the table. His favorite.

Shane shook his head and let out a surprised guffaw, scanning over the man’s face and wondering what the fuck had just happened. ”Sure, sure. I ordered you a burger and fries.” He whispered under his breath as if he was scared to break Ryan.

With a grateful nod and a glance around the restaurant, Ryan grabbed the coke bottle and sunk a straw into the liquid. He watched as the dark brown soda swirled and bubbled with carbonation. The sound of plastic snapping as he pinched and unpinched the utensil. His tension shifted to Shane, seeing the pressure in the man’s shoulders and how he slouched as if someone was pushing him down.

Ryan had already started to affect the man. How could he do that to him? How could he be so selfish that he would hurt the man in this way? Shane deserved more than what Ryan put him through. But the younger loved the man too much to just let him go.

His eyes moved back to stare at Shane’s face, tracing his features as if to remember every line on his face. The brunette wasn't sure how long he would get to just admire Shane like this. He always appreciated how dedicated he was to the work they both did. No matter what was going on, the man would drop everything just to help someone. Ryan hated how different they had become since they first met. Ryan was a murderer while Shane was a humanitarian.

Ryan remembered how he felt when he first saw the older man. The way his chest seized up and his fingers tingled with excitement. The way he followed him around like a puppy and did anything Shane did. Believed anything Shane believed. He wasn't sure what drew the man to the other but he had always been interested in his way of life.

He had started to note things Shane did more than what was normal. The way he takes his coffee, the copious amounts of salt he dumped on his popcorn, and his obsession with bigfoot. Shane believed that bigfoot was the only unnatural creature to exist. He would believe a big hairy mutant man before the subject of being around after death.

Ryan picked up the burger on his plate with both hands, his pinkies supporting the weight of the meat as he sunk his teeth into the food. His tongue sparked happily as it met juicy beef and beautifully melted cheese. Benny’s Diner would definitely become his newest place to go.

His teeth snapped through lettuce and pickles, the juice covering his tongue and adding to the heavenly experience. How could a burger be so angelic?

Ryan decided to shift his focus from his inner monologue, setting his burger down and taking a sip of his soda pop, the glass of the bottle clinking against his nails as he tapped at the container. The sugar trapped inside the bottle immediately brought the man a rush of energy into his bloodstream. He didn't take sugar very well.

Brown hues watched as Shane left a small mark of ketchup next to his lip, the red substance making Ryan want to reach over and scrub it off his skin. The two had been eating in silence for the past ten minutes but that little mark of sauce had him wanting to interrupt the serenity with a shout.

”You’ve got something right here...” Ryan trailed off and pointed to the spot on his own space where the ketchup laid on Shane’s.

The mousy haired man went red and laughed at the embarrassing mark on the face, quickly swiping it off his rubicund skin and sticking his fingers in his mouth. Shane sucked the ketchup off his digit and hummed at the vinegar and tomato taste. He pulled it out of his mouth and wiped the wetness off on his napkin, looking back up at Ryan.

The man in question gaped at his friend, his sight trained on Shane’s mouth. That was not innocent. Nothing Shane did was ever innocent. But he knew how people around him felt about homosexuality and he wasn’t sure what his partner's opinion was on that topic. Hopefully not as offensive as the other people in law enforcement.

A deep sigh puffed out of Ryan’s nose, shaking his head as he fished out his wallet and laid a couple of dollars on the table to pay for his meal. His order had come out to almost two dollars, leaving a few quarters as a tip. The 1960s were forgiving in that way.

”Wanna head back to the office and go over the case again?” Ryan questioned his partner as he stood and stretched his back out. His neck hurt from how slouched he had been for the past hour while they ate.

The calluses of his fingers rubbed into his neck as he kicked at the floor beneath him. His eyes flitted from Shane to the checkered flooring. The male stared at Ryan silently while he thought about how he should respond.

”Sure.”

-

The two men sat in the room they usually migrate to when they need to discuss the case they have been working on. Ryan’s coat laid against the back of his chair as always, Shane’s glasses loosely sat on his nose while Ryan’s lay haphazardly on the table. The dark-haired man rubbed over his face and groaned inwardly.

Shane was getting closer to figuring it out, making Ryan’s sanity and autonomy waver dangerously. He hated himself for what his body did. The disgusting actions his hands carried out as his side of his brain slept peacefully.

”I think we're close, Ryan. This has been the most interesting case. It's like he wants us to find him.” Shane mumbled as his index finger trailed across the words as he read them over inside of his head.

”He? They could be a girl too. They're probably a girl. I guarantee it.” Ryan was nervous and his voice showed it. The way his vocal cords shook and strained as he tried to pull the attention off of any suspect traits that could point back to him.

The man loved his occupation. He loved working with Shane and being around his best pal every day. He couldn’t lose this job and be without someone he looked up to. Ryan rubbed his damp palms against his trousers and scratched at his thigh aggressively.

Whenever he got nervous the boy resorted to tapping harshly on a part of his body or scratching at his skin until red lines appeared on the olive epidermis. His anxiety tumbled into his feet next, bouncing his leg and listening to the wood creaking as his foot connected with it.

“Stop tapping, little guy. You’re making me bug out.” Shane mumbled and gave the other a sharp side-eye look, trying to focus on the words on the page but finding it rather difficult with the distractions Ryan was emitting. The male could barely even read a sentence without going back over it fifty times.

The air around them turned dry as they both honed back in on the project at hand. Ryan wasn’t contributing much. Why would he? It would be pretty foolish to give help to Shane when the investigation was on him. The two sat in silence until the clock on the wall struck 9 pm and Shane began to stand from where he was seated at the long rectangle table. His chair scraped against the wood and dug into the marks from every other time the older male did that same action.

“Going somewhere?” Ryan spoke in a soft tone as he looked down at his notes, doodling Shane’s face and giving him little horns. He wondered if demons were real. He felt like the thing in his mind was just that. A demon. The man’s eyes stayed fixed on his pen marks, refusing to look at Shane. He was scared the other had figured him out and was standing to confront him.

Luckily, that was not the case. The man just hummed and clapped a hand onto Ryan’s back, his index finger poking his shoulder blade. ”I’m going to get a drink. Take the edge off after a hard day at work.” Shane’s voice was playful, his hair laying over his eyes as he grabbed his papers and looked at Ryan again before heading to the door.

Ryan licked over his bottom lip and ran his fingernails through his strands of dark hair, looking away from the paper and up at his partner.

”Alright. Have fun. Don't knock up too many women.”

-

Ryan stepped through the door of his house, cracking his back and hanging his coat up on the rack after closing the door behind him. He locked it with a sigh, wishing he wasn't so paranoid. Everyone could sleep peacefully with their windows open and their door unlocked but Ryan’s suspicious nature had him making sure every opening into his home was closed and locked.

It was a little silly to be afraid of murderers when he was one.

Ryan slipped his shoes off and ran his fingers down his shirt to smooth it. He decided that lunch had filled him up and dinner seemed a little unnecessary. Especially since the racing of his mind made it hard for him to want to eat anything without throwing up. The man clambered up the stairs, each foot making a loud thunk noise as he ascended. He begged the voice in his head to stay asleep tonight. He didn’t want the memories of those poor women to become a familiar sight.

Clothes were shucked off and thrown around the room, tossed on chairs and disappearing under his bed. He was well organized. His room was clean and never dirty. But tonight all he could think about was sinking into bed and never coming back out. He couldn’t imagine how life would be after he was found out. Ryan would rot in a cell and eat prison slop for the rest of his life. Or he would receive the death penalty. But did a monster deserve to get the easy way out?

Ryan felt that he deserved anything that came to him. It was his fault for being too weak to hold the thing inside of him back.

He laid awake through half the night, willing himself to stay conscious as he whispered the possibilities of what could happen. The bitter taste of tears slipping into his mouth making his demeanor grow colder and colder. Why should he cry? He didn’t deserve to feel sorry for himself.

Ryan’s self-hatred flourished the second his eyes closed and he lost all consciousness, the ticking of his clock resonating in his mind as the hands pointed to 4:09 am. He was so close to winning the battle. But how long could he stay awake before the good side of him turned neurotic too?

Ryan hoped he didn't hurt anyone that night.

Chapter Text

Chapter Text

Ryan let his tongue graze at his top set of teeth. He almost rubbed the pink fleshy muscle raw from the roughness. It was always a habit of his to inflict pain to himself in some way while he was feeling anxious. He swiped his sweaty palms across his loose-fitting black slacks. The male stood in front of his mirror that was wider at the top and thinned as it got longer. His eyes flickered over his body, humming as he smoothed down his white button-up and straightened the black and brown striped tie around his neck.

He easily found himself distracted by fiddling with the necktie. Ryan had woken up sticky with blood and mud again. The detective shuddered as he remembered how hard he scrubbed at his skin for the third time that week. It made his stomach twist and his throat burn from the rising acid. 

Vivid memories of him from the night before ran through his mind like a bullet train.

Ryan had been out of it the entire night. He had gone to bed with warm milk in his stomach and the taste of cinnamon toothpaste on his tongue. His body was covered in soft flannel pajamas, causing the man to feel even more tired than he thought he had been. His head hit the pillows and his body sunk into the mattress. The comfortable bed on his body after a long day felt amazing, lulling him to sleep.

His slender fingers gripped a horribly sharp knife as he pressed himself up against a wall. It wasn’t him controlling his limbs now. He could hear someone else in his head but it didn’t sound like his voice. He couldn’t move his eyes around and it was like his entire existence was buried under five hundred pounds of concrete.

The male found himself in the next memory, watching himself grab a woman by the hair and slit her throat harshly. So much brute force was pushed into the action that he almost took off half her neck with one slice. Ryan recalled screaming at whatever was controlling him to stop. Yelling and crying at him to leave her alone and stop doing this to his body and putting him in situations like that. But the thing wouldn’t listen. He kept plunging the knife deeper and deeper into her until no soul was left inside her body at all.

Ryan knew it wasn’t a dream when he found himself sat under a stream of boiling water. His skin was beet red and blistering from how hot it was. The steam around him made his lungs contract painfully. He hated himself for what he did. Nothing would help. He tried shock therapy, self-harming, getting drunk, tying himself down. Everything. The thing in his head was too smart. Too innovative. He had to give it to him. The other side of him was dedicated. He didn’t care to wait around while Ryan was so vulnerable.

The male had tried to start up a habit of inflicting pain upon himself when he felt like his side was going away into unconsciousness. Digging his nails into his hand. Cutting his palm and knuckles with his pocket knife and pressing his fingers into the wounds. Nothing seemed to work. He had even gone as far as to staying awake for three days in a row. Nothing ever helped him win over the fight against whoever was making him a horrible person.

The dark-haired man focused on the music floating around his room, pushing the bile back down into his stomach. The sounds bringing him back to his surroundings and willing the disgusting thoughts away. A wooden record player spun a very recent vinyl under its needle. It had come out just that year and Ryan was entranced by the music. It made him calm down easily and kept him level headed. The song spewing into his ears was Maybe by The Ink Spots. It wasn’t his normal type of music that he liked but it was one of his favorites.

Ryan looked up at the ceiling and let a large sigh escape his lips before walking over to the record player and lifting the needle and securing it. His calloused fingers carefully took the vinyl off the spinning table and put it back into the sleeve where it belonged. He tapped the men’s faces gently before putting the album in the crate next to the player.

The memories of what he had done the night before were happily gone. He hoped today wouldn’t be full of self-pity and bullshit like every other day has been since he started murdering innocent women.

He was considered a serial killer now. The man had killed enough people that his title was now deserving of life in prison or a seat on death row. Ryan tugged at the tie as he walked around his home to find his work shoes. They were dark brown leather dress shoes with black laces. That day was dedicated to a conference talking about their advances in the case.

Ryan was thankful that there was no such thing as DNA testing. He was worried about what would happen when those advancements came around. What would he do? He hoped the thing in his mind didn’t leave any evidence behind that could come back to him in twenty to fifty years. He didn’t want to build a life for it to get destroyed when he was found and thrown in prison. As long as he didn’t fuck up and give himself away before that happened.

He had spent all night writing his thoughts on his typewriter after he had showered. Multiple bottles of beer were still scattered around the desk, some broken and abandoned. The male didn’t care enough to clean the mess up. He was missing sleep because of his illness and that made him extremely unproductive. 

Sometimes the boy thought that the other mind inside his head belonged to another person. That he had a twin roaming around somewhere. But the man knew that wasn't the case. He knew it was all in his head and nothing more than that.

The male was scared to seek help from a psychiatrist or a friend because he didn't want to out himself for being fucked in the head. 

What if he was tested on by men in white coats? He had never heard of someone else having a condition as he did. It made him feel crazy. If people had been sent to an asylum for depression, what would happen to him? 

Ryan shook the thoughts of his head roughly, scratching ad the skin on his forehead. He finally found his shoes, smiling softly and grabbing them off the ground. He felt the smooth leather under his fingertips. The coldness of the texture taking him back down to Earth. 

The male slipped his feet into the garment, pulling the dark shoelaces tight. Almost tight enough to make the top of his foot ache and throb underneath the shoe. It made him feel connected to his surroundings. 

Today would be good. Shane and Ryan would go to the conference and get the evidence out to the world by radio and newspaper. It wouldn’t be stressful or damaging to his mind because he had control over the evidence. The brunette could easily tamper with evidence and clues in order to push the scent off to someone else that would take the fall for him. As selfish as that sounded.

Ryan tugged on the navy blue trench coat that was hung up on the rack next to the door, slipping his tan arms through the holes and nibbling harshly on his bottom lip. The male stepped out of his home and quickly locked the door. The early morning sun shone down on him harshly. His back felt like it was against a large light bulb. 

It would be weird to walk around in a coat but once a strong wave of cold air hit him, he decided against putting his coat back inside his house. Mother Nature was a bipolar bitch.

The male started walking down the sidewalk with his hands shoved deep inside his pockets. He could’ve driven his car to Shane and his office but he knew he needed to exercise and the building wasn’t too far away. Thankfully.

Ryan let his eyes walk around the surfaces of Chicago as his feet did the same. His brown hues flickered over the cafe he walking by. It made his brain go even faster with random thoughts. Many people sat outside, holding their coffees and spooning fruit into their mouths. Anyone of those people could be a murderer. The coffee they were drinking could be drugged. A gun could be under any piece of clothing they wore and Ryan would know nothing about it.

Ryan stepped inside the office and looked at Shane sat at the long table in the entrance room. His light-colored hair and the way his back flexed as he grabbed a file next to him. The man walked close to his friend and silently watched him. The way Shane’s adams apple bobbed as he chugged down a glass of whiskey on the rocks. His dark eyes moving back and forth between the words on the papers.

Shane knew he was handsome. He knew what he did to women and men alike. The stares he got from everyone. It made Ryan’s eyes tingle and his mouth twitch whenever he witnessed people drooling over his partner.

Sometimes it even got in the way of their investigations. Just last week they were interviewing a woman for witnessing a petty theft crime. She would not stop staring at the man. Twirling her stringy blonde hair and undressing Shane. It was disgusting to watch and it almost made him hurling all over her fake pearls. 

Ryan cleared his throat, catching the male by surprise.

”Holy Jesus, Ry. You scared the crap out of me.” Shane’s exasperated tone mixed with his wide eyes. It showed how scared he was of the sudden presence with him.

The brunette just rolled his eyes and chuckled at the reaction he got. It was funny how terrified he got from a simple scare yet he investigated murderers and saw dead people every day. It was a true wonder. Ryan wanted to be inside his partner’s head for a day. Find out what makes him tick. What he thinks before making a joke at a crime scene. 

”Sorry, man. Ready for the conference?” Ryan let out the words with an underlying manner of amusement. The detective just nodded in agreement and stood from where he sat, pulling the papers together and putting them in the folder he had dedicated to the case.

He downed the rest of his alcohol and put the glass back on the bar cart he had in the corner of their office. The cart had a bottle of Shane’s favorite whiskey sitting towards the back along with gin and vermouth. Little garnishes like olives as well as whiskey glasses and martini glasses. He had just brought the addition into the building so there wasn’t quite a lot of alcohol yet.

Maybe that was good. Ryan liked a good drink but not as much as Shane did. He knew the male frequented Bobby Mackey’s quite a lot and that made him nervous sometimes. The male hoped he didn’t become an alcoholic and ruin his body with the substance. He found himself hoping to be born in the era of prohibition. Everyone around him as a child was so motivated by drinking their hard liquor and getting their fix within the liquid. Even his parents chugged down the substances like it meant nothing to their health.

Shane grabbed his identification badge and pistol off of his desk inside his office, shutting the door and turning off the lights inside the entire building. The only source of light came from the windows that were cheaply covered by fabric curtains. They were doing nothing to blackout the room as Ryan had hoped for them. Maybe he could grab some new ones on the way back from the conference if he had the chance.

“You got the keys?” Ryan questioned his partner, his vision moving down to his hands. He answered his own inquiry as he saw the silver item dangling from Shane’s hand. The light caught on the metal and spread a shine onto the walls around them. A small rainbow was poured onto the surface from the keys, causing Ryan to smile and admire how beautiful nature was. 

Ryan took the files of evidence they had stockpiled up from working all week trying to crack it. They, fortunately, weren’t even close to finding who the culprit was but they did have some key points they could use at the conference to show people what to look out for when walking the streets of Chicago in their lonesome.

His friend just let out a small rumble of a laugh before taking Ryan by the wrist and leading him out to the car. “Come on, slowpoke.” He justified the grabbing of his arm by claiming he was slow in his movements. The younger detective just stared at their connected limbs. Why was this so weird for him now? It had never been before. They would always nudge each other and take each other by the wrist to show a clue they found. Why was his heart beating like a little bitch now of all times?

It was most likely the nerves he felt from knowing he would have to present a case to people and pretend he knew nothing of the monster who committed such devious crimes. He would have to pretend he didn’t know it was him killing all of those innocent women. That wouldn’t be the easiest thing he would do but he would manage. 

With a small huff through his nose, he opened the door of their car and settled inside. He brought the buckle across his chest and clicked it into the latch next to his seat. He never drove or sat in a car without a seat belt strapping him down as tight as the car would allow. It made his mind ease and his heart settle down.

The two parked down the street from the police station and got out of their vehicle. They were on a mission. The detectives were determined and motivated to get this done and out into the people around them. Their eyes washed over multiple reporters in front of the station. They had their recorders and notepads, jotting down the juiciest details for their papers they would end up selling to the masses.

Ryan jumped and gasped in shock as a woman in a black shirt with a little white scarf wrapped around her neck. She had blonde hair that was curling away from her face and scrunched up. The hair refused to move even with her movements because of the copious amounts of hair spray killing her locks. It made him cough from the chemical smell coming from her and filling his nostrils. Her face was angry and her lips curled with a snarl. 

“What do you boys have to say about the murders of these innocent women? It seems to me that our police force is doing nothing to save us these days!” She exclaimed with her voice recorder up in their faces, waving it around to emphasize her point.

Ryan stepped behind Shane out of fear, not sure what to say. The man looked at her around  His entire body locked up and his mind went foggy in confusion. What was he supposed to say to her? She was extremely upset and the male didn’t want to make her any angrier. 

“Oh, so we have queers working in the law now? That’s great. The American people are ruined. Be scared people.” She yelled into her recorder, shaking her head violently and making her hair move just a little. That was surprising. 

Shane didn’t seem affected at all. Just entertained by her ignorance. He didn’t even seem offended that someone thought he was gay. Ryan was confused by that. Shane was such a ladies man that he assumed the man would get defensive. Brag about all the women he sleeps with in his spare time and assure the reporter that he had zero affection towards his partner. 

The dark-haired man had never heard of someone liking males and females before. It had always been the option of being heterosexual or homosexual. There was never an in-between. But with Shane, maybe there was. Ryan knew he wouldn’t be able to ask the man any questions pertaining to that subject because of how scared he was of people thinking he was strange. He definitely didn’t want his partner thinking that.

Shane just shoved past the reporter and walked inside the police station with Ryan, gripping onto his hand instead of his wrist to guide him inside. The feelings he had experienced before at their office were amplified now that their fingers were intertwined.

“You know I’m not like… Gay for you, right?” Shane mumbled as he led them into Sergeant Steven’s office to discuss the case and what they could present. He could probably feel just how sweaty the younger male was from holding his hand. He decided not to respond, taking his hand away from his grasp. The man wasn’t quite sure what to say to that kind of statement anyway. Was he upset that Shane wasn’t into him? Why would he be?

“Hey, Steven. Here’s what we plan to say. Got any suggestions?” Ryan ignored the sideways look his partner gave him for ignoring him. Steven looked over the bullet points they had on their notes and crossed out a few. He shook his head as he did, mumbling to himself about how angry the public would be if Shane or Ryan accidentally read out some of the jokes Shane had forgotten to erase. 

Don’t worry, gentlemen. This murderer is sexist.

The killer loves women with bright nails. He’s a picky one, huh? 

Steven obviously did not appreciate the messy scribble of words, giving Shane spiteful glares before giving back the notes to the more sensible detective. “You are to say only the important details. Where the public should stay away from, who to look out for, and to introduce the suggested curfew. My team drew up a sketch of the killer from witnesses who claim they caught a glimpse of him.” The man spoke and slid over a poorly made drawing of a guy with dark hair who looked to be Asian. 

Ryan was Japanese, Mexican and Filipino but the sketch looked to be a man of Chinese descent. It was kind of offensive how stupid some eye witness accounts could be. But the sketch did kind of look like him. He hoped no one caught on.

“This kind of looks like an insulting version of you, little guy.” Shane let out a chuckle of a laugh, turning his back to his partner and leaving the room behind. Ryan just watched as he left with a racing heart and a dropped jaw.

Ryan was screwed if Shane’s comment meant anything more than a joke.

Chapter Text

The conference was being held at a public jury room that was connected to the police station. It was designed for these types of things in mind so it was a rather large room that could be arranged as needed. Several tables had already been placed at the front of the room atop an elevated floor. Chairs were being lined up in rows facing it. Even though the start time was still about an hour away. Many news outlets had already piled high into the room. Some had their cameras in hand ready to snap a photo of the event when it started. Many of the news stations that had been picked to broadcast the event had taken residency in the back of the room, large stationary cameras faced the table. Many people had already shrugged off their outer attire to combat the heat waves rolling off of the many lights packed into the room. The people had packed into the room like sardines in a can, shoulders touched, personal space was nonexistent as people squirmed to accommodate for others. Chatter filled the air as tensions rose, sweat ran down some of the men’s necks.

The hallway outside was the same and so was the outside parking lot of the building. More people had shown up at the conference than anticipated. The block has become packed with people hanging around to yell and holler at the investigators that are bound to exit the building. The stationed police had to call in for extra assistance as the crowd grew anxious with time.

Away from the room and down a few halls was the office for Sargent Lim. Behind the closed doors were him and Shane. Ryan had excused himself out of the room, claiming to take a quick look outside to take some deep breaths. Both men quietly chatted with one another in a more casual conversation, trying to drain away from the last of the nervousness the men were feeling about delivering the speech.

“Let me in on your life Steven! Tell me, have you got a woman eyeing you? Or better yet are you charming women with that uniform you have on?” Shane said a smile plastered on his face at the childishness of the topic. The glass of alcohol in his hand swung around, he had greedily accepted the officer’s hidden bottle of whiskey, taking it with a half-assed excuse of him wanting to loosen up a bit. Stene laughed at the question, he took a sip from his glass as he thought about the other’s query.

“I’m not at my mother’s place Shane. Are you also going to give me a speech about how I need to get married soon? You got someone to set me up with?” Steven mused. The two men continued with their laughter.

“I don’t know a single woman I would send to you. I wouldn’t want to make any woman suffer.”

“More like you don’t know any women. Seriously when was the last time you two ever did anything outside of work. You stay locked up in your little office and never go out!” Steven pointed out. His voice raising a bit as he continued on his rant.

“What does it matter to you if that’s the case. Which it certainly isn’t by the way, I mean- just yesterday I went out and had a drink at Macky’s!” Shane defended sitting up a bit straighter in his chair. As Steven laughed at his outburst he remembered the incident that took place outside when he arrived. The angry women’s voice and outburst rang in his head as his chest tightened. Before he knew what he was saying his lips spilled his thoughts.

“-And plus. I even met a nice lady at the bar,” he stated. Steven’s eyes light up brighter at his friend, obviously not noticing the slight edge he had on his voice.

“Oh really? Are you sure she was real and not a drunken hallucination? We’ve known each other for a while now and you have never once talked to me about women. Sorta thought you kept it between yourself and Ryan since you two are close.” Shane had stilled at the others words as he took them in. his stomach had knotted in an uncomfortable way at the turn of the conversation. He had just hoped for a slight jab at the expense of the other but instead, his word vomit had opened a can of worms he had wished would have just stayed sealed closed. The noise of the door creaking open cut off their conversation. Ryan had opened the door to let himself in, looking much calmer then he did when he originally left.

“Have you ever heard of knocking, you Clyde,” Steven insulted the man as his head turned to look at the digital clock he had on his desk. Sane often teased him about his like for modern devices. Ryan scoffed.

“Clyde? What are you? Some angsty teen and I am your mom that ignored your keep out sign you hung on the outside of your door?” Ryan joked as he shut the door behind him. He stepped further into the room as Steven stood up from his desk, grabbing some folders with him.

“You have to know what the kids are saying these days. They have code words for things-”

“Yes, yes we know about it, grandpa. Don’t you need to take your medicine now?” Ryan cut off. Steven smacked his lips at the interruption of the other before he changed the topic.

“The conference is going to be starting soon. I'm going to run this by some of the other officers that are going to be speaking. Please for the love of God don't be late. You guys are the first speakers and I don't want to add to the talk about how the people running this case are incapable of solving this." Shane took a breath at the comments Steven was referring to.

"I have solved over two hundred cases and you think they would give me more credit. Have they never paid attention to who solves the cases they love to print in the paper? It's the best detective duo since Sherlock and Watson!" Shane complained. The constant comments were slowly digging their way under the detective’s skin. Ryan let out a laugh at the comparison.

"I would just like to have it on record that I would be Sherlock," Ryan started smugly. Shane turned to face the other property. His eyes were wide in amusement.

"What gives you the right to be Sherlock? If you want to keep telling yourself that little guy it's okay but completely false." Shane laughed.

"Why can't I be Sherlock?"

"Well first off, Sherlock was tall-" Shane started before he was cut off by Ryan.

"Fuck you, Shane! You don't automatically get to be Sherlock because you are freakishly tall!" Ryan said as his voice spiked in pitched at the mention of his height. Steven giggled as he made his way past the two bickering friends.

"Just be on time Sherlock and Watson," Steven deadpanned as he waved them goodbye and left the room. The two other men mumbled an okay as they watched the door shut.

In his chair, Shane eased back into the cushion as he shut his eyes to think over some last things. Ryan sighed as he moved to lean his weight onto the back of the occupied chair. His hands just barely brushing the back of the other’s shoulder.

"The people out there are out for blood," Ryan commented, obviously aware of what Shane was thinking. Shane's hand came up to rub the small bit of stubble that was on his chin.

"I'm surprised you came back in one piece," Ryan smiled at the playfulness.

"I think they all mistook me for a reporter, I'm sure if I wore a proper suit- like Steven suggested we did- I would never have made it back here," Ryan thought.

"It can't possibly be that bad," Shane reasoned. Ryan pressed his lips together as he shook his head in disagreement.

"I just- don't understand why it's being blown up like this…" Shane huffed out. He looked up to watch the other man's eyes widen at the statement he barked out a laugh at the man's expression.

“Shane! People are dead-”

“I know that!” Shane defended he sat up from the chair to face the other before he continued to explain, “I understand these people have never experienced this fear but I just think it’s a little unreasonable for us to be antagonized like this. It isn’t like it’s going to solve the case faster.”

Ryan looked down for a moment as he felt guilt bubble up his throat again. Seeing the many other people outside frantic as they thought about the killer had upset him but… having Shane choked up about it too brought forth a whole different form of discomfort overtake his body. Before he could muster up an answer Shane must have seen the discomfort from his outburst.

“Sorry, just… forget it I’m just a bit stressed,” Shane turned to look for the folders that he placed on Stevens’s desk.

“Let’s head out and wait for this thing to start,” Shane reached over and grabbed the files he needed. Ryan nodded in response as he checked the time.

“We still have a while until we start. Time has been going so slow…” Ryan whined.

“I’m sure Sherlock was a punctual man, which is why I would-”

“You are not punctual-”

“You have had to organize the files for than I ever had so-”

“File day is once a month you can not-”

“Being late more than once? Not the type of guy that would be deemed a Sherlock, more of a Watson characteristic if you ask me.” Shane laughed as Ryan smiled at the humor. Shane took the lead and moved them outside of the office.

In the hallway, the chatter of many people could be heard. Even though the conference room was maybe down three more halls the laughing and gossiping were audible to the two men.

“It’s pretty packed in the room,” Ryan commented as they slowly walked towards the noise. They walked side to side, taking up the majority of the hallway to themselves.

“Here is your file,” Shane offered the folder to Ryan to take, “you are going to talk about what we are doing to find the suspect and such. I think I even put in the outline you wrote.” Shane commented. They turned a corner as Ryan took a hold of the offered folder to flip thew. His outline in scribbled handwriting was there, along with basic summary reports of what actions were done in looking up who the victims were, and the actions of what test and research had been requested and by who. Before Ryan could turn back to thank the other for his consideration a voice called out for Shane.

"Madej!" To Ryan the voice was unfamiliar. Both men turned back to see a woman stubble out of a restroom. A pleasing smile was on her lips and she patted her damp hands dry on the skirt she wore.

"Sara, glad to see you made it into the building alive," Shane said as he went to meet the lady part way. Their hands extended into a handshake for greeting.

"I had to fight tooth and nail to get in here. Might have or might have not used your name to get in faster though," the lady giggled at her claim while Ryan bit his lip in slight irritation. The comfortable bond the two had going on between them. Sara had then turned to greet the shorter man.

"Is it right to assume that you are his partner, Detective Bergara?" She asked. Her voice was smooth, her words flowed over with a smoothness that could only be a tacked-on trait to a reporter. His hands clenched as he unrightfully found himself irritated at her.

"The one and only," Ryan gave an awkward laugh as he also took hold of her hand to shake it. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Shane watch the interaction. His face was scrunched up as he thought about how to introduce the lady to his friend.

"This is Sara, she found me at Macky's yesterday scavenging for information," Shane informed Ryan. Sara let out a laugh as she lightly swatted at the man.

"Bit of a dramatic explanation, you just so happened to be at the bar that I realized it wouldn't hurt to have a few extra dollars in my upcoming paycheck."

They both laughed at the comment. Both swayed with the motion as they humored themselves while Ryan tried to giggle along. While the tone of her voice stated that it was an obvious joke the other voice in his head whispered to him that his gut instinct that she might carry some truth with those words.

“Thank you for showing up, but we should get going, the conference will be starting soon," Ryan cut in. His voice was firm in tone, leaving no room for an excuse. The irritation that he was feeling had a minor headache set in. Sara checked her watch to confirm the other’s statement.

"You're right, I should get back to my seat," she said she slowly walked forward while the men followed suit. All were set for the same destination.

"So what are you doing after the conference?" Shane asked after a moment. Ryan side-eyed him at the question and before Sara could answer his mouth moved before he reasoned with himself.

"You're already interrogating her?" Ryan said with a snort. Shane squinted his eyes at the coldness. He smacked his lips at the other.

"I'm just interested in what a reporter does Ryan," Shane said. The tension was thrown into the air at the reply. Shane focused on Sara as they made it to the hall the room was at. Even from around the corner a few lingering people had grouped together outside of the crowdedness.

"After this, I'm off to write my article about it," Sara answered confused at the irritation the two men had going, "this job is always about who can get their new out first." Her voice rose louder as they stepped foot into the room. All three winched at the volume change.

"I'll be getting to my seat now," Sara announced, she gave a slight bow with her head before she moved down the rows of chairs to sit.

"Let's go stand next to the platform. Steven said he would call us when he was done announcing," without waiting for the other Ryan immediately moved through the people to get to the area he mentioned. He could hear Shane's polite excuses behind him.

Once they made it to the clearing both men stood side by side in silence. Ryan's chest tightened at the unusual silence that hung in the air. It was unusual for both men to be so quiet when together since it seemed they could blab about just about anything together. Ryan's fingers twitched as he side glanced Shane.

He held a blank expression, his lips tightened slightly in irritation but otherwise expressionless. Ryan's tongue poked out to lick his lips. He almost began apologizing for his rudeness but a tap of a microphone cut him off.

Steven had taken the stand already. The journalist that piled in the room had immediately held cameras to capture photos while others opened their little notebooks.

"First I would like to thank everyone here for showing such great concern for our community. Everyone here is doing their part in capturing the criminal behind these vile murders. I am the lead officer in charge, Sergeant Lim. As many have heard we hired two private detectives, detective Madej and detective Bergara, to help alongside us." Steven turned to the two men at the side, the signal they had agreed to let them know when to come up in front. Chatter once again filled the air as the two men walked next to the officer. Ryan squinted his eyes as the camera lights hit him, blinding him for a moment. Both men gave an awkward wave to the crowd.

They stood still for a moment as they let the crowd take their photo before they moved to the set of chairs place at the table. As the three men sat down another officer came up to take over the announcer position.

"We first request that all questions be held until all three investigators have given their statements. Detective Bergara will begin," the man stepped to the side.

Ryan already felt a bead of sweat roll down his neck as he opened the case file he had. He glanced up at the audience as they waited for him to start. He felt like a fool, guilt now became a constant feeling he felt in his throat. He rubbed his sweaty palm over his slacks before he began.

"As of today, we have found four unidentified female bodies around or in heavily wooded areas. All victims have been murdered in a similar way leading us to believe these are all being done by one person. All victims had been murdered by stab wounds to the chest and stomach. As of right now, only one female has been identified. Rebecca Cox's friends and relatives have been under questioning since her body's discovery. Her family and friends have been contacted in hopes of identifying the other victims but it seems as if these women were picked at random with no connection. We have looked into every single missing person’s cases with no identification leads for the other women. No one else has come forth with knowledge either."

Ryan's eyes moved over every person's expression. His legs were shaking slightly out of fear. Fear that someone would call him out on his lie- but strangely the room was silent. The only sounds that were heard were the occasional clicks of the camera along with the scribbles of pens writing.

"Next speaking is Detective Madej," the officer spoke again. As Ryan turned to look at his partner Shane cleared his throat to begin speaking.

"While looking at the crime scenes and the lack of evidence we have put together a list of the suspect’s traits and characteristics. We think the suspect is a male, around his mid to late ‘20s. A businessman of some sort with a major ego…" as Shane continued on Ryan found himself playing with his hands. In his mind, the obnoxious laughter once again began as Shane talked about the suspect. Ryan rubbed his face as he asked the voice to shush.

"We can clearly see a drastic growth of violence in each killing. He is growing more comfortable and confident as time goes on so if you know anything about these crimes report it as soon as possible." Shane finished off as the officer once again took center stage.

"An eye witness who wishes to remain unidentified was able to come up with a police sketch for us," his arm came to gesture to Shane again who was now holding up the sketch from before. Ryan pressed his hand harder into his face, hoping and wishing to distort it by force. Cameras immediately raised to capture the drawing as the TV cameras zoomed in to also focuses on it.

Pure panic ran threw Ryan's veins as the drawing stayed in the air. The moments after that had become blurry. He could only half-listen to Steven's speech about what protective measures the police have taken. He knew the rundown from the meeting before. More patrol cars out near wooded areas, a curfew was set and they had formulated a small team of men to dedicate their time to figure out who the people were. He wished the voice in his head didn't comment on all the information it was receiving. His gut twisted as he released this whole event would do nothing more than edge the voice in his head.

Ryan felt Shane tap his foot against his legs to knock him out of his trance. He blinked his eyes a few times as he realized that the open floor discussion had already been started. Many people had raised their hands to further question the matters at hand. Randomly the announcer picked a man from the middle. He stood before he asked his question.

"This one is for sergeant Lim. Why is it you hired two investigators to take on the case?" Steven straightened up to answer.

"To put it simply the city's police force is small. We wanted to make this case top priority while also focusing on the other daily crimes that happen." With a nod the man sat down, scribbling down and twisting the words that he had heard. Soon after another person was picked.

"We heard about what steps the officers were taking to prevent this from happening again and what the whole unit is doing but what exactly are you two detectives doing?" The lady asked, her tone aggressive. In an instant, both Ryan and Shane moved to knock their legs against the others. A game they made up to see who would answer the stated question. Ryan tapped Shane first. Shane leaned on the table as he looked at the lady.

"We do everything from gathering evidence at the scene to interviews. We are personal investigators so we cover a wide range of skills, we are not that different from lawyers and police. The only real difference is that we are completely independent investigators." The lady chuckled and smiled at the two as if she had just found a hole in Shane's statement. Ryan quickly sat up to add on.

"All the information and evidence gathered by us is completely shared with the police. We also wish to rid the city of this disgusting criminal as soon as possible." The lady slightly frowned at the second declaration before she took her seat again.

Time ticked on as more questions were asked. Most had just been reworded ways of asking when was the person going to be found. Ryan once again turned to his right to see the lady from before. Sara, he quietly mouthed as if to taste it for the first time. Since he had spotted her his eyes kept being drawn to her. She sat with her old notebook, she only took about 10 photos throughout the whole hour and a half and was the only one that didn't bother to raise her hand to ask a question. She simply sat still and watched as if she was being entertained by a movie.

"This next one will have to be the last question." The man spoke into the microphone. He looked around once more and pointed to a man in the front row. A smug smile sat on his face as he opened his lips to ask his question.

"I was at the recent crime scene and I would personally like to know why you two detectives only stayed for about 10 minutes before you left to go eat lunch," for a moment the room fell into silence until the audience begin whispering. Ryan looked to Sara only to see her face flush as she gasped at the man. As the ruckus grew louder the officers told the people to quiet. Shane had sat up from his chair to take the question on.

"Crime scenes are very delicate pieces of information to us. Before we were informed about the stabbing we had been up looking over the whole case and contacting families with missing daughters. The thunder rolled in and out of fear of anything getting ruined they first responders gathered and took photos of everything they could. We got there when it was being cleaned up. That being said it is generally bad etiquette to stay over your time at things like that. If you have nothing to do they do not want you at the scene potentially ruining evidence. We left so that we did not get into anybody's way since everything had been documented." Shane's voice had grown in irritation as he ranted. Most of the journalists had slumped down in their chair in submission as the detective explained his side. Sara had done so too but had a smile on her lips at his attitude. The man that had asked the question had sat back down to scribble things out of his notebook.

"Um… as we said that was the last question. We will take our leave. Please be safe, and we will continue to inform you on our information. Thank you." The office quickly took his leave as everyone began to grab their items to shuffle out of the room. Ryan looked at Shane as he leaned his arms on the desks and hung his head low. He sympathized with the man. Steven just looked at the two men before he, himself, sighed. He pushed his chair back and got up.

"Come on, let's go drop off our folders in my office and then we can talk," Ryan and Shane nodded their heads in understanding.

Chapter Text

Shane shoved his hands inside his coat pockets, sighing as he went over what had happened at the conference. It made his brain hurt thinking about how much pressure they had on their shoulders to solve the case. The male trailed behind as Ryan and Steven walked inside of the sergeant’s office. He peeked into the room they had all just congregated in for the meeting. There were quite a few people left conversing amongst themselves and sharing notes. But many were reserved and going over the recordings they had taken.

The taller man just shook his head and headed towards the office, closing the door and making sure no reporters had any wise ideas to follow them to get a secret scoop. But even Shane wondered what his temporary boss had to say about the events that had occurred prior.

“You boys know none of this is your fault, correct?” Steven started the speech he had running through his mind as soon as the crowd started to disrespect his investigators. It had upset him greatly that the reporting population of Chicago was a bunch of imbeciles.

Shane noticed his partner’s shifting and immediately trained his eyes on him, eyebrows raised and head tilting slightly to the left like a confused dog. The way he chewed at his nails while he stared at Steven like he was about to be attacked. Maybe he could write it off as nerves left over from the conference but he knew that wasn’t what was happening. Shane’s gut bubbled with some sort of suspicion mixed with anxiety. He couldn’t figure out why he was so scared after Steven’s kind words.

The male nodded in response to their boss, answering for the two of them. He knew Ryan wouldn’t answer on his own so he did it himself. “Thank you, Steven. We’re both headstrong. We don’t listen to ignorant people. They’ll be glad when the murderer is locked away in prison for the rest of his life.” Shane watched his friend as he spoke his words, his eyes away from Steven. He tested to see if Ryan would react to how harsh his statement had been.

He wasn’t sure whether to be happy he was furthering the case himself or disappointed by the response he got. Ryan’s eyes immediately started to bolt around skittishly. There was a deep-set frown pushed into his face and Shane hated the way he refused to make eye contact. It made his heart pound hard and his teeth grind together. What was he keeping from him? How dare his partner keep information from him and what the hell was it?

Shane held his breath for the moment. He decided not to make a fuss out of anything until he had enough proof to catch Ryan in any lies he attempts to use to cover himself. The male couldn’t risk the man shielding away from him and withholding any information that was vital for the case. Would he even do anything to prevent his friend if he turned out to be the culprit behind everything that had occurred in the past couple of weeks?

Just glancing back at Ryan, Shane knew he wouldn’t be able to get his pretty face thrown in jail. He couldn’t bear the guilt that would come with such an action. He would much rather die than be the factor that ruin’s someone’s life. Especially if that person was the most important in his life. How could he continue his life without Ryan in it?

Shane shook the thoughts from swimming around in his head before they went any deeper. He just nodded at Steven and Ryan before turning towards the door. “Have a nice night, Steven. Let’s head back to my place, Ry.” He addressed both of them, ignoring the looks from the men. Steven gave a pointed, knowing look. Ryan gave a confused stare. He couldn’t grasp either.

-

The two detectives stepped out of the company car they owned together, walking up the stone path to the taller man’s front door and carefully stepping over any mud that was produced by the rain. Their formal shoes planted on the concrete porch, Ryan’s left foot tapping anxiously as Shane fished his keys from his pocket.

Why had the man invited him over? Ryan kept asking himself that. The atmosphere around them had changed and he had zero idea as to why. The brunette stepped inside the home and slipped off his brown leather shoes. They clunked onto the floor as he slipped his feet out of both. They were smaller than what he usually wore so the apparel left his feet feeling cramped and tight. Although the shoes were off, a phantom presence still clung to his skin. He hoped the shoes stretched soon.

Shane closed the door behind them, his fingers trailing up the wood of the door and locking the latch at the top as well as the lock inside the doorknob. It made him feel both safe and scared with Ryan in his home. It would shield him from the evils of the outside world but what good does that do if evil was already in his home? He wondered if Ryan would ever hurt him.

“Let’s have a drink. Celebrate a good day. Sound good?”

Shane didn’t bother to wait for an answer. He already knew what it would be. There was no point in wasting his partner’s breath. He let his sock-clad feet carry him into the living room, plopping himself down on the couch. Shane leaned over the arm to grab two glasses and a bottle of fifteen-year-old whiskey off the bar cart next to the piece of furniture. It wasn’t the oldest whiskey he owned but it fit for the mild event they successfully finished. The amber liquid poured out into the glasses, sloshing against the sides and ultimately relaxing at the bottom and evening out.

Ryan sat down next to his friend and stared at him for a second. He was acting different but he knew that the male would do nothing to hurt him. He had nothing to be scared about. He picked up the glass next to his side and pressed his lips against the rim. The alcohol smoothly slipped down his throat, leaving a trail of pain behind it. A burning sensation plagued the skin, the male coughing just a bit to settle the sensation. He was never very good at tolerating drinks. That was more Shane’s territory.

Ryan looked around the home carefully, his eyes moving from his piece of furniture and decoration. He appreciated the attention to detail. The matching lamps that sat on either side of the brown canvas couch. The lampshades were a warm brown that looked a little orange from the light emitting from the bulb inside. The orange curtains covering the glass door that leads to the back porch and the pool outside. He always loved coming over to his home. It was always so comfy.

Shane swirled the drink between each sip. The pain in his throat only a dull sting from all of the experience he had at Mackey’s. He wasn’t quite sure as to why he invited Ryan over to his house. Would he confront him? Did he just miss hanging out with him without the obligations of their job? Shane truly didn’t know anymore. It soon became obvious when his mouth moved without permission. His fears had been voiced and Shane had no way to take it back.

“Would you ever kill me?” The male started the sentence in a monotone voice, staring into the drink. He decided to cover the question just a bit. “Like… If something happened and you either had to kill me or someone you love, what would you do?”

Shane decided not to take notice or give attention to the incredulous look given by his partner. He knew Ryan had to be going over every possibility as to what the question meant. The male had no idea which option he would prefer.

Ryan’s eyes grew wide once he registered what had been asked. Had Shane realized what he has been doing? The question produced too many thoughts that inevitably ended in one thought.

Ryan was fucked.

“Well,” Ryan started his answer in a timid voice, “You are someone I love. Therefore, that question is a double negative and invalid.” He tried his hardest to avoid answering the inquiry by utilizing his smart ass abilities. What could he even say? There was no way he could say he would kill his best friend or a family member. He knew that’s what Shane meant by the question. A close family member or him. Who would Ryan rip the life from?

Ryan knew the answer didn’t satisfy his partner. He knew how badly Shane hated to be brushed off and for his questions to be avoided. His entire job was to get answers from people so when he failed, it angered him.

The younger man stood and walked into his host’s kitchen. He needed to get away from the awkward encounter and indulge in any snack he could find. The male scrounged through the cabinets, fortunately coming upon a bag of black licorice strands. The candy was multiple little strands twirled together into a long tube.

Ryan pulled one of the pieces of candy out of the bag, not bothering to ask. They had an unspoken rule that any food they owned was fair game unless said otherwise. Shane raided his pantry many times so the deed didn't require permission. The dark-haired man turned his body back towards the entrance to the kitchen he was standing in. There stood his friend with his arms crossed and narrowed eyes. He was almost glaring.

Shane stepped forward slowly, dropping his arms to his side as he furthered himself into the kitchen when each clunk of a step he took. He hated how Ryan was hiding things and thinking he got away with it. The thought of him holding back vital evidence that could help them finish this case and stop the threats of reports and terrified citizens. Shane was so entirely annoyed by all of the backlashes. He just wanted to finish the investigation and get on people’s good side again.

Ryan backed up against the counter and started laughing awkwardly, still munching on the licorice to attempt at relaxing himself. He was an anxious eater so it helped a minor bit having his favorite candy shoved into his mouth.

“Hey, big guy. Are you good?” Ryan let a mumble out of his mouth. He tried to speak with confidence but his anxiety shone through and caused his voice to wobble a little. There was no way he could be assertive when a man like Shane was approaching him like he was a meaningless piece of prey to be hunted.

Shane stood right in front of Ryan, too upset to go easy on him. He placed both hands on either side of his body, his palms flat against the counter. He brought his hand up slowly to the collar of Ryan’s shirt. With a rough grasp, he took ahold of his shirt and tugged him close to his face. He could smell the scent of black licorice on Ryan’s lips.

Shane hated the way that smelled. He only had the “candy” in his home because he knew Ryan enjoyed it. But he would never catch himself putting the vile item in his mouth and down to his stomach. He could not treat his body so poorly. It would be a disservice.

Shane tried to ignore the smell as he flickered his sight to both of Ryan’s eyes. He could sense the anxiety in his movements. The way he licked his lips and looked around for any way to get out of the situation. The awkward silence was killing the shorter man. He hated how the man looked at him with such confusion and disbelief.

“What are you hiding, Ry? Is the murderer a friend of yours? Are you dating him?” The question caused his heart to push in on itself for some reason. He couldn’t figure out why he was hiding things. Why was he so weird on crime scenes? Why did the male look around while holding a piece of evidence like he was going to do something to it?

Ryan didn’t know what to say. He was tongue-tied. The male stumbled over his words for a few seconds, making exasperated noises as he tried to form words together.

“No! No, not what it is. I’m not dating a murderer. I promise.” Ryan wasn’t lying. He wasn’t dating the disgusting thing in his mind. But he was it. It was a part of him.

Ryan just pushed the man back away from him, his hands firm on his chest. He hated how he was cornering him. It made him feel like a caged animal. Shane just stared at him with an open mouth. The wheels in his head were turning and Ryan hated the sight of it. Ryan rolled his eyes and pushed at him again, trying to get the man to stop looking at him like that. Before he could pull his hands away, Shane caught his wrists and held onto them tightly, pushing him back against the fridge and feeling the entire object shake with the impact.

Shane felt like he was connecting everything like a puzzle. From the police sketch to his sketchy behavior, there was no way he got it wrong. Ryan was behind all of this. He had to be. But how could his perfect partner that is scared to upset Steven kill all those women? How could he do that and still look at Shane in the eyes?

“It was you, Ryan. You killed those women, didn’t you?” The man accused his friend. He should be angry. He should be wanting to hit him and arrest him for playing all of them. But there seemed to be an underlying reason to what happened. He couldn’t imagine him killing someone so ruthlessly.

Ryan just shook his head and slipped out of his grip. He slid down the fridge just a little so he could escape without much effort. Tears filled his eyes out of fear. He had been found out. The male would do whatever he could to deny the accusations and keep their relationship healthy without any kind of jeopardy being placed on it.

“No. I did not do that. I can’t believe you would even say that to me. How fucking dare you, Shane.” Ryan didn’t like how stable his voice sounded now. How angry he portrayed himself to be. The lies were buried and he was successfully making Shane feel like he knew nothing. It hurt to confuse him like that. It made Ryan feel like a horrible person. It was fitting because of how horrible his actions had been. He couldn’t stop reminding himself that it was his hands. Although it wasn’t his consciousness, it was his hands and his face the women had to stare at as they were killed.

Ryan shoved his feet into his shoes and quickly tied them onto his feet. He was tempted to just leave barefooted but he knew the walk home would be treacherous to his soles. The male just sighed and glanced back at Shane who had his back to him, still in the spot where he had been holding Ryan He had his head in his hands, clawing at the sides of his face as he tried to figure out what the hell was going on.

The younger grabbed what he came with and ran from the home, slamming the door behind him and finding his way back to where he lived. He couldn’t be around such a dangerous environment. Shane could shoot him in cold blood and no one would even know. No one would care. His legs screamed at him to slow down as he ran, ignoring them and continuing.

Shane was confused. He was confused and annoyed and he wanted to chase after Ryan and curse him out for being a lying bastard. He knew what was the truth now but did it matter? He wouldn’t be able to bring himself to arresting or hurting Ryan anyway. The male was too weak-minded. He was enamored with Ryan. He needed to protect him. There was no way he couldn’t. He had to keep the boy from being hurt. Shane would never forgive himself if Ryan was found dead or locked behind bars.

He ran his hands over his face and turned back around, stepping out of his kitchen and looking around his home. Would Ryan kill him in his sleep because he figured it out? Shane tried not to think about such mundane things, finding his way into his bedroom and plopping down on the bed. A king-sized mattress for one lonely man. It didn’t seem like an efficient way to spend his money. The man could only hope that one day he would be able to share it with someone.

His room was warm colored. Light tan walls, a cherry wood desk, a brown leather desk chair, and red bed sheets. He liked the color palette. It made him feel fulfilled and happy to be surrounded by Earthly colors. The walls had a pretty pattern from the wallpaper. Red and yellow swirls coming together into circles every other couple of feet. He liked to stare at the wall and follow the swirls to every circle.

Shane shut off his brain and got under the blankets, pulling off his pants and shirt and tossing them aside. They landed in a heap by the door that was haphazardly placed right where he would probably trip trying to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. He postponed the stress of figuring out if Ryan was the murderer, his eyes closing and his breathing evening out. He slowly sunk into the bed, falling asleep and into an idiotic dream about a phone that you could use by touching the screen. What a silly concept.

Chapter Text

Shane had been anxiously tapping his pen on his desk since he arrived to the office. That had been about four hours ago when he opened the office up to find himself completely alone.

His mind wouldn't let him look at the papers he had laid out in front of him. The hangover from last night reminded him of why he was alone in the office. Realistically he didn't fully remember the events of the night before. He knew he had probably slipped up and confronted Ryan about his secret investigation he was doing against him. 

He winced at the thought of losing his temper. It wasn't like him to have drank that much in the first place. The lump in his throat only grew when he realised how much he might have said. Ryan usually called in when he wasn't going to come in at all. He knew better than to just not show up, would call the office phone and inform the other and Shane would do the same when he couldn't show up.

With the work already forgotten he leaned back and relaxed in his chair. He was unsure of what to do. He thought about giving it a moment to settle. Maybe Ryan was just sick. 

He snorted at the thought. He was just grasping at straws now. He couldn't wait a day to see if Ryan would get over it. That wasn't something the other would do for him. With a glace around his office he realised what he was going to have to do.

His palette longed for a taste of alcohol as his stomach churned in anticipate awkwardness. 

What was he going to say to Ryan? Explain that he is in fact a suspect in his own case?  Last week in a private meeting with Steven he had told Shane he wasn't allowing Shane to move forward on the case until Ryan was taken off the investigation group. They spent the rest of the night arguing about it. The back and forth talk about scandals, justice and friendship. 

"Shane, it's a hard thing to swallow but if you truly want to clear his name he needs to prove it. I mean, with all the small things you have seen we already have probable cause to interrogate him!"

Shane rubbed the temples of his head in irritation. His indecisive thoughts made him want to turn the case over to someone else. He never thought his own feelings would ever interfere with a case. A shiver shook through his body at the mention of his feelings. 

His body had risen in temperature as he stood up from his seat. He was going to have high blood pressure by the end of this case if things keep going on like this. 

He wanted a drink. Needed one in fact but he instead paced around his office like a madman. The people outside his window could probably see him through the blinds but he couldn't bring himself to care. He was never this twisted about things in his life and it pissed him off being like this. He didn't want to think about the underlying reason as to why he was like this, thought he knew Steven could tell him why. Heck even that old hag from the press conference could.

He wondered where that carefree youthfulness he once had left to. For a moment he wanted to go back in time. Go back to when his only worry was about who he was going to hang out with that night.

Before he could continue on his thoughts the phone on his desk rang. He watched it for a moment before he approached to answer it. He hoped to hear Ryan's voice, the tired and weak one he gets when calls in sick.

"Yeah?" Shane answered a bit distraught at the thought of having to face Ryan so soon.

"Hey Shane, it's Steven," Steven's voice passed through the phone into Shane's ear. He hung up. 

As the phone rang again he took ahold of the handle once more and answered.

"Steven the last thing I need right now is you nagging me," Shane answered honestly, he turned his back to sit on top of his desk.

"No one else does it to you so I've taken on that roll myself," Sheven replied with a laugh.

"Uh, that's the reason I don't talk to my mother anymore." Shane said dryly.

 "You wouldn't be getting this phone call if you just did what we hired you to do," Steven spat. His voice no longer trying to hide its annoyance.

The words did sting Shane and he pulled the phone away from his ear for a moment. As if he was trying to put real distance between him and the other.

"It's been a week Shane," Steven said in a softer voice. He must have been aware of how he had sounded a second ago.

"Yeah, I'm telling him tonight though- I kinda let him know last night when I got drunk,"

"Don't let that drinking habit and temper get the better of you Shane," Steven warned. 

"I'm a grown man Steven," Shane said as he bit the inside of his cheek. 

"I know that, you just don't act like it sometimes."

"Grew up too fast, now I'm just a grandpa in a young man's body,"

Steven simply gave one last halfhearted joke before he bid his goodbyes to the man and hung up. As Shane himself put down the phone he decided to give into his desire for a drink.

As he strolled over to the alcohol cart he let the sound of silence over take his body. He took a moment to slowly poured himself a drink. Like he deserved it and hadn't had one in a while.

The brown liquor filled his glass as he pushed back all his emotions. Choose not to pay much attention to them. He didn't need them and frankly didn't want to deal with them.

-

As the clock hit five in the evening Shane found himself locking up the office. The sidewalk that greeted him was full of tired people ready to be home for the evening. Shane wished he was the same.

The walk to Ryan's house wasn't far. They both chose the office due to the close proximity of it to each ones house. Still Shane chose the long way around.

In his mind he thought about what he was doing to say. The liquor running threw him had buzzed his chest up and he was feeling much more loose and open to himself. 

In the corner of his eye he spotted roses and he slowed his pace down. He released this much be the rose garden Ryan passes by on his way to work. The lady probably was tucked inside her small house, waiting out the rest of her days with television and gardening.

A passerby bumped into his shoulder and gave a halfhearted apology. Shane watched the person slip back into the crowd and disappear into the city once more.

He laughed to himself as he continued on his journey. Since when did he get so sentimental?

As he rounded the block to Ryan's street he quickly went over the apology he planned in his head. That part was fine but it was telling him his was off the investigation that he was more upset about. He didn't plan to stay long with the other. Shane wanted to stand outside and quickly relay the words to the other before he left to his own house. Steven could deal with the interrogation and simply hand over the transcripts to him. Over the last few cases he could feel an awkward unspoken tension between them. 

Ryan had gotten to be more distant towards him. At first Shane didn't think much of it, simply thought Ryan was going through a needed "alone time". 

But that "alone time" never seemed to end. Ryan had become an isolated mess. Would really only talk when prompted to and would much rather spend his nights in his home by himself rather than their usual late night office chats.

Shane often wondered if this was depression. He was never sure though, he didn't want to look it up for fear of him realising certain feelings towards the little guy. He tried to reassure Ryan that he was his friend and tried inviting him out more to hang out spots. Things that were to change his pace, to hopefully get his old buddy back. 

However nothing ever seemed to work. No matter how hard he tried to get Ryan out of his funk it would never work.

Shane's eyes scrunched at the thought. He didn't want to go back through his evidence. Not when he had just drank and was on his way to meet the said person. It was hard not to continue his train of thought but for some reason more things made sense when he had a drink or two.

Maybe it was the out of body feeling. During some interviews with murders he had been a part of they often talk about just that.

They feel themselves step out of their own body. They can't control it anymore and are left to just watch what it does. He never really bothered to understand what they mean by that. It wasn't part of his job description, and was out of his paycheck but now as he was thinking about talking to Ryan's he felt just what they were explaining.

It had set a sad feeling in his chest as he thought about it.

The feeling of watching yourself do something. And not being able to stop yourself. It was like the events of last night. Even though it was fuzzy he could see pieces of what he had done.

He watched the people around him as a distraction. It was just now sinking in how much he had messed up. He wasn't the type of man to not own up to his faults but the ongoing neglect from his friend had left him bitter towards him. He had realised how much of a loner he was without the other.

It was upsetting. Knowing that he was attached to the other. It was the reason why he had made such a push to go out drinking by himself at Mackey's.

As he got closer to the other man's house his gut didn't feel right. In a way the aura felt off. Still he thought it was just his nervous. He cut across the yard to make it to the door faster, now that he was here he wanted nothing more than to leave as fast he could. His shoes sounded louder as he walked up the steps of the house.

He paused at the door. His hand was already clenched and was ready to knock but the moment didn't seem real. He quietly raised his hand up and knocked on the door.

As he stood waiting for an answer he could hear some shuffling around the house. Hurried footsteps could be heard walking back and forth from rooms. He looked around the small porsche and signed. He remembered conversations and laughs the two men shared together saying goodbye. 

He stood there a moment. His arms squeezing to the sides of his body as a cold wind swept through the air.

He waited a moment before he raised his arm up again to knock, this time a bit more forceful.

A muffled "coming" came from behind the door before it opened to reveal a bed head Ryan. He was dressed in a simple tshirt and sweats. His forehead was covered in a thin layer of sweat. When they made eye contact Ryan shifted his eyes to the ground and mumbled a little hello.

"You didn't show up to day," was all Shane could get out. Ryan was taken aback by the sudden forwardness of the statement.

"Yeah I just got a cold and slept through the morning," he gave the other a forced half smile. Another gust of wind ran through the air as Ryan trembled with it.

"Um, come in side! It's too cold to be out there." Ryan then opened the door more inviting the other in.

Shane looked at the inside. He didn't want to go in, he wanted to run to his house and throw up his uneasiness about the situation. But his feet moved before his brain said no and he found himself being shut in the warmth of Ryan's house. 

He had been inside here many times and led himself to the living room. He saw that Ryan had changed out his old patterned couches for some more loungey brick colored couches.

Shane remembered laughing at the floral patterned couch that Ryan's mom supposedly gifted him when he first moved in.

Shane carefully tossed aside a blanket that was on the couch. No doubt from Ryan napping there in his sick state. The tv was on low playing a random music show program that filled the quiet room with music.

As Shane looked around he heard Ryan rummage through the fridge. 

He was becoming uncomfortable with the low noise so he quickly found the remote to turn the volume up. A group of young girls were covering Nancy Sinatra's "These boots were made for walkin".

"Not your taste in music?" Ryan asked as he handed the other a soda. Shane snorted.

"If these girls singing show the target audience I don't think a six foot tall, bearded man in his thirties quite fits that." She sound of a soda can opening filled the air. Ryan took a seat on the couch and wrapped himself up in the blanket again. As the show continued on neither of the two men said anything. They watched the singers come out and perform for the audience and TV cameras. Only talking to say comments about the song or the people singing it with a chuckle as a response.

It wasn't until Shane had gotten up to throw away his soda can did Ryan lean over to turn the tv off. 

He walked slowly back into the room and watched Ryan fiddle with the edge of the blanket for a moment.

"Why did you come over Shane?" Ryan was still not looking at the other man as he asked the question. Shane sighed as he ran a hand through his hair.

"First I wanted to apologize for last night. It wasn't okay for me to come out and attack you like that," Shane had now moved to sit next to his friend. He messed with his thumbs, the soad the other gave him had sobered him up to now understand the situation better.

Ryan had picked his head up at the words and looked at the man in front of him.

"Did you mean it…" Ryan asked, eyes hooded as he slurred the words. He moved a bit closer to the man, their shoulders brushed together. Shane felt his throat close up at having to say the truth. He took a breath as he looked forward. Unable to look at the other in the eye. 

"Yes…" he trailed off. He waited a moment for a reaction only to be met with silence so he continued on, "yeah I do. I have for a while now and that's why we have just been going through old evidence. I… I brought up my concerns to Steven and he told me he was putting the case on hold until I got you off of the investigation team. Yesterday had me frustrated and it honestly slipped out. I wasn't comfortable keeping it from you but…"

"I understand," Ryan mumbled. For a moment Shane froze up. He turned to look at the other who looked sleepy. His face was scrunched in what Shane assumed was concentration.

"Hey are you tired?" Shane asked out of concern. Ryan quickly shushed him with his hand. A sign that told him to back off. So he did and watched the other think.

"I know why you would be concerned and I'm willing to prove my name clear… I was wondering why Steven was delaying the evidence from us…" Ryan was now slightly swaying as he spoke.

Shane felt guilt spread in his chest.

"Yeah, I knew you would have noticed," he looked down at his hands again, "after all we wouldn't have gotten this far in our careers if we weren't observant." Shane laughed at his comment. Happy and content with the outcome of the conversation. It wasn't til he felt a head on his shoulder did the laughing stop.

Ryan had seemed to have fallen asleep on the other. Shane had immediately felt panic run through his body. He couldn't move as he looked at the other.

"Ryan?" He said his voice cracking. The sound was enough to wake the other apparently. He squirmed at the sound and blinked his eyelids open.

"If your tired I can go. After all I told you everything," before Shane could move away he felt Ryan wrap around his arm. As he looked back it was clear someone was off about his friend. A smirk was on his lips and his eyes help a playfulness that ne had never seen before.

"Oh come on Shane I'm fine! I don't want to kick you out! You only just arrived!" Ryan laughed at himself and pushed his body against Shane's more forceful forcing the other to lean back against the couch.

"Ryan are you okay?" Concern filled the others voice. He wasn't sure what was going on but be was not a fan of it.

"Hmmm, yeah. Just fine, after all I have you here to keep me company," Ryan smiled and Shane couldn't look at his friend. He didn't know what was going on but he knew that whatever had come over him was not the real Ryan. The confidence was too genuine to be a sick joke and the bold clinging was something he had never seen Ryan do.

"Let me go," Shane said his voice a bit weak but still demanding. He could see "Ryan" think about the situation before he quietly let go. His face in a cute pout, as if he was trying to convince the other to stay. As Shane go up he made a beeline to the door. He heard a goodbye call out for him as he shut the door. 

He didn't stop walking until he had made it a few blocks down. The sun was setting and it painted everything in an orange glow yet it didn't feel comforting to the man.