Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Chapter one

It was an warm autumn day and school had just started again.
Returning back to school after the holidays kind of sucked, yeah you saw many people again, but it also meant homework, getting up early, long school days, football practice afterwards and annoying teachers.
Antoni tried to make the best out of it, exited to see his football friends again at practice and exited to play again.

Making his way down the field to the changing rooms, Antoni looked over to the Cheerleaders, already dressed and warming up. When he noticed someone new, someone that definitely looked male, that he had never seen before, dressed in an cheerleader Qutfit but with shorts instead of the skirt the girls wore and long brown, curly hair, falling down his back.
He had turned his back to Antoni.
And Antoni might have looked at him just a moment too long, because suddenly the guy turned around and looked him straight in the eyes, as Antoni slowly walked to the changing rooms. Something stopped him from taking his eyes of the boy and neither did the boy looked away, not until one of the other Cheerladers said something to him.

School was already exhausting and now he had another hour or maybe a hour and half of football pratice to face. Antoni yawned as he changed into his uniform. ,, Have you all seen the new ,,Cheerleader“?“ Ethan laughed. Antoni never liked him, he was a jerk, too much of an cliche. But sadly an awesome player.

Some of the boys laughed as an answer. ,, He’s new, isn’t he?“ Antoni asked, looking at Karamo.
Karamo has always been nice and they have always gotten along quite good. Ethan has heard the question and laughed again. ,, Yeah, ,,he“ moved here in the summer. His names Jonathan.“ Antoni just nooded, as Ethan kept making jokes about the guy and laughing. ,, Bet he sucked some ones dick to be allowed to join the team, who wants a boy on the team anyway? It’s for pretty girls not fags!“ Antoni looked down, bitting his lip, he would have liked to tell Ethan to shut the fuck up and not say such mean things about someone, but he didn’t dared to. He never liked to get involved into a fight and tried his best to stay out of it. He didn’t liked that Ethan called someone a fag, but he also didn’t wanted to risk getting into a fist fight. Karamo looked at him, shrugging his shoulders. Antoni had never told anyone beside him that he also seemed to like boys, in fact he had to because Karamo run into him kissing some boy at a party. However he had kept quite ever since and he understood that Antoni also always felt a bit personal attacked when someone called someone fag or made some homophobic joke.

Beside Antoni had much respect for the guy, Jonathan if he remembered right, for being strong enough to join the Cheerleader team and deal with all the negative reaction he would possible get. He would have never dared to do this.

It was the first practice after the holidays and Antoni found himself being worse then he thought he would be, which could be lead back to the fact that he kept looking over to Jonathan doing the choreography with the girls. Their eyes met once and Jonathan smiled slightly before looking away, it was the moment Antoni got run over and fell down. The coach screamed at him to get up and get his mind together, when he glanced over to Jonathan, he only rised an eyebrow.
Antoni didn‘t looked at him for the rest of the practice and actually managed to not mess up as badly as some of the others. Thought doing the practice he made the decision that he should talk or at least introduce himself to Jonathan.
So when practice was over and the other boys already left for a shower he jogged over to where the Cheerleaders were putting their stuff away, some already wandered off to find their boyfriends or change into something else.
Jonathan looked up from his bag when Antoni was close. Antoni smiled. ,, Hey“ He murmured. ,, I am not interested.“ Jonathan said. ,, Sorry?“ ,, I don’t wanna suck your dick. Yes, I know I am male and on the Cheerleader team, yes I am gay, no, don’t worry I won’t flirt with you or try to touch you , I am not lusting after you while performing and I have already heard words like faggot in connection with me.“ ,, I ...ahm...“ Antoni stuttered. ,, No, I am.... I just wanted to say Hello and tell you I have big respect for that you dared to join the team even though people will make jokes about you.“ ,, Oh“ Jonathan murmured. ,, Sorry“ He said and added: ,, I am Jonathan“ ,, Antoni“ He reached for his hand and smiled again. ,, You played good today!“ Jonathan then said. ,, Oh no, I was quite bad....“ Antoni admired. Jonathan grinned. ,, Couldn’t keep your eyes off the Headcheerleader, could you?“ Antoni looked at him for a moment, shaking his head. ,, No, I can keep my eyes off her pretty good. She’s kinda my Ex. Well, maybe not Ex, we had one date.“ Jonathan nooded. ,, I see“He said. ,, Yeah....“ Antoni said. An awkward silence formed between them.
,, I... uhm... I gotta take a shower. Maybe we see each other in class.“ Antoni said and Jonathan agreed before taking his bag and wandering right off.

,, Where have you been?“ Karamo asked, as Antoni came into the changing room. He had an towel wrapped around his hips and was getting dressed. ,, I... I talked to the new guy.“ Antoni murmured. Karamo gave him a questioning look. ,, You are not interestedin him, are you?“ Antoni shrugged his shoulders. ,, Don’t think so...“ And with those words their conversation was over, Karamo packed his things and Antoni headed to the showers.

He didn’t really thought about Jonathan until he saw him the next day at school, he walked into class shortly before the start of it. Dressed in a blue jeans and a purple hoodie, together with some sneakers, his hair styled in a half up half down way. It looked nice Antoni thought.
He was seated in a row with his friends, one space left next to him, as we was the last one to arrive with all his friends already seated next to each other. Jonathan looked around the room, as if he was looking for a seat. Most people already had found a place and person to sit next too, and Jonathan probably hasn’t met a lot of people beside the once’s on the cheerleading team. Beside Jonathan only one other Cheerleader was sorted into English literature class and she was already sitting between her boyfriend and another friend. When Jonathan met his eyes, Antoni smiled and indicated to the free space next to him. Jonathan smiled and walked over to him.

,, Thanks“ He murmured. Antoni nooded and watched as Jonathan got his stuff out. ,, Do you like the Cheerleading Team?“ He asked, just trying to find a topic they could talk about. ,, Yeah“ Jonathan said. ,, It’s really nice, I love it! It’s literally fantastic!“ ,, That’s nice. I always liked the Cheerleaders“ Jonathan grinned. ,, Yeah me too. I am excited to be back in a team. Haven’t trained all summer, I can’t believe it! It’s an awesome thing! I always get so exited when we can perform a new number on a game day. I can never sleep the night before, its exiting!“ Antoni smiled at how exited Jonathan got talking about Cheerleading. He never got exited before a game, only nervous. Jonathan was about to say something else when their teacher entered the class room.

As the sound of the bell announced that the lesson was over Antoni waited for Jonathan to pack his things together and they walked down the hallway together. Jonathan had his books clutched to his chest carefully and shook his hair back every now and then, as they talked about school and their first English class of the year. Jonathan was nice he was funny. This Antoni noticed in the first few minutes of their first real conversation.
They were just about to reach the cafeteria when someone bumped into the Jonathan, with the words: ,, Move, faggot!“ Jonathan half fell into Antoni, dropping his books to the floor, Antoni managed to catch him at the last second. ,, I am sorry.“ Jonathan murmured, getting back up on his legs and reaching for his book. ,, It’s not your fault.“ Antoni said, about to run after the asshole of an guy who just pushed Jonathan into him. But Jonathan reached for his arm and stopped him. ,, Please don’t. I don’t want you to get into trouble!“ He said, Antoni looked at him, before giving in. He helped picking up the other books and handed it back to the brown haired guy. ,, Are you okay?“ He then asked. ,, I... yes... it’s Fine. It’s not the first time someone did something bad to me.“ He looked down for a moment, before meting Antonis eyes again. Antoni himself was trying to find words, if someone would have pushed him over like this and had called him a faggot he would have been pissed as hell at the guy and would have run after him. Jonathan just seemed to accept it, which made Antoni wonder what else Jonathan had already had to endure that he just accepted when someone called him names and pushed him over.

Jonathan pushed a string of hair back behind his ears and gave a small smile. ,, Shall we go have lunch?“ He then asked. ,, I mean if you want to have my company.“ Was added right afterwards. Antoni raised an eyebrow. ,, Of course I want to. Let’s go.“

When they had gotten their tablets with the lunch on it, Antoni was spotted by some of his friends who waved him over. Jonathan noticed and when Antoni was about to wander off to his friends he stood still, unsure if he should or should not follow Antoni, unsure if he wanted his company now that he had found his friends. But Antoni turned around and raised an eyebrow. ,, You coming?“ He asked and Jonathan noded, following him behind and sitting down next to him at the table.

It didn’t went unnoticed by Antoni that Jonathan left quite some space between them. But he didn’t wanted to bring it up now most of his friends were around. Some of the guys at the other table shoot strange looks as they saw the guy who was in the Cheerleader team, the one Ethan called a faggot and cock sucker sat with some of the guys from the football team. And Not one of them seemed to mind the company.

They separated ways after lunch, Jonathan leaving for math class and Antoni for art and didn’t saw each other until football practice in the afternoon.
Jonathan was already dressed in the uniform with his hair put in a ponytail and a bow wrapped around it, just like the girls styled their hair. Antoni grinned at him as he walked by and gave him a thumps up.

When he reached the changing rooms most of the boys were already dressed. He put his stuff next to Karamos and started to change. ,, You are late.“ Karamo noticed. ,,Yeah, I had to to talk to my math teacher.“ He then changed the topic and they soon had to leave for training. Their coach already screaming at them to move their lazy asses.

They did better then at the first training and by the end of it the coach seemed almost pleased. Only almost though.

Antoni had only looked over to Jonathan once or twice, but every time Jonathan had been busy performing the choreography and didn’t looked back at him. Telling the truth, Antoni was a bit disappointed by this, but that was probably because everyone wanted some attention from the Cheerleaders, not everyone wanted attention from the male cheerleaders in this country though.
But Jonathan was nice, Antoni really hoped for them to become friends.

Chapter Text

Turned out they took the same bus to school, well Jonathan entered it three stations before Antoni. But when Antoni got on the bus the third day of school, Jonathan sat there. He hadn’t seen him the last two days before on the bus, but he probably didn’t paid much attention to who was on the bus and who not.
This morning though he noticed cause Jonathan was the only one sitting alone, the bus was stuffed with people, but beside the Cheerleaders that knew him from practice no one seemed to want to do anything with him. Though there were hardly ever any Cheerleaders on the bus, they got driven to school by their boyfriends or they walked.

Antoni pushed through the people and sat down next to Jonathan, who looked up at him, taking his headphones out. ,, Oh hey“ He said. Antoni smiled. ,, Didn’t knew you take the bus.“ Jonathan laughed, flipped his hair back. ,, You just didn’t saw me.“ He then said. ,, Probably“ Antoni grinned again. ,, What Are you listing to?“ He asked. Jonathan handed him one of his headphones. ,, Find out“ He grinned. Antoni took it and pushed it into his ear. David Bowie sang ,,Heroes“ in this longing, slow way.
Antoni just nooded and leaned back, Jonathan reached for the other speaker and pushed it into his own ear. Leaning back as well, they sat there and listened to David Bowie sing about lovers and life and drugs. Antoni quite liked it and it gave him a chill feeling, just the right thing before school.

,,Just for one day
We can be heroes
For ever and ever
What d'you say?“

When the bus stopped, Jonathan pushed the Walkman that had just played David Bowie into his bag and they left.
,, Where had you find a Walkman now days, and then even with a working cassette?“ Antoni asked as they walked into the building and to their class rooms.
,, My Ex boyfriend gave it to me, he was obsessed with music. We don’t stan him anymore, but we do stan his great taste in gifts.“ He giggled and Antoni had to laugh too. ,, So, you two are not a thing anymore?“ ,, Na, sweetheart. He was such a dick, cheating isn’t cute. But I haven’t seen him all summer, he stayed back at my old home, I am really happy about this.“ ,, Oh, one of these guys.“ ,, He was an asshole, but we had a good time, well until I cut him off.“ Antoni had to laugh again and as Jonathan reached his class room they said goodbye.
But Antoni turned around once more. ,, Jonathan?“ He asked. ,, Yeah?“ Said stopped in the doorway. ,, Wanna have lunch at the rostrum today?“ Jonathan looked him up and down and Antoni was afraid he would say ,no‘, because he didn’t wanted to spend time with him (alone). ,,I don’t have lunch, only lunch money. Would have to get something to eat first“ ,, You can have some of mine.“ Antoni offered. ,, Okay“

When the bell ringed for lunch, Antoni walked out of class as fast as he could, so he wouldn’t have to explain to his friends why he wasn’t having lunch with them. He didn’t wanted to explain to anyone why he was having lunch with the new kid at the rostrum and not with his friends.
Jonathan was already waiting for him when he walked up the way to the rostrum. He had this earphones stuffed into his ears and a school book in the other hand, when he noticed Antoni coming closer he smiled and placed the book together with the Walkman in his bag.

,, Hey there“ He grinned, Antoni wasn’t sure if he should hug him hello or not. He didn’t hugged any of his other friends, but somehow Jonathan seemed like the kind of person you should hug. Thinking about if he should or shoulnt, he noticed that he already stood in front of Jonathan a moment too long, hugging him now would have been strange , he was aware of that.
So he just sat down and again noticed that Jonathan kept a distance between them, he had observed how Jonathan behaved with the other Cheerleaders when he had noticed Jonathan’s distance at yesterday’s lunch’s, he was constantly close, kind of inviting personal space, touching them, fixing hair, but for some reason he kept a bit of distance to Antoni.

He took out his lunch and laid it out between them. ,, This looks awesomely for a simple school lunch!“ Jonathan noticed. ,, I like to cock.“ Antoni answered, shrugging his shoulders. Jonathan giggled, reached for one of the sandwiches at the same Antoni did and there fingers brushed against each other before Jonathan pulled away and took the other one. Antoni giggled at this and Jonathan looked up from under his hair.
Just at this moment Ethan passed by and his glance met Antonis eyes , Ethan raised his brows an gave them one all over look. Jonathan didn’t noticed, he kept talking and eating, flipping his hair back. Antoni turned away from Ethan’s look, in the knowledge that this would definitely come up in the changing room this afternoon.
,, This tastes too good.“ Jonathan said. ,, You can have the last one too if you want.“ Antoni offered and Jonathan took it, he threw it in half and gave the other one to Antoni. ,, Thanks“
Jonathan gave him a small smile and Antoni pushed his body just a bit closer to Jonathan, just to see how he could react given the fact that he avoided getting too close to him. Jonathan didn’t moved and just kept talking. Antoni looked away from Ethan and back to Jonathan.

,, So, do you?“ Antoni looked at him confused, he hadn’t listened to what Jonathan had said while he has stared at Ethan passing by. ,, Sorry, What? I.... I just thought I saw something.“ Jonathan grinned. ,, It’s fine. I was wondering if you .... if you understood what we did in English class yesterday, we didn’t got this far last year at home, I am a bit confused.“ ,, Oh uhm Yeah, it’s actually not this hard. If you want I can come over after football and explain it to you.“ ,, Really?“ Jonathan asked, sounding surprised at Antonis offers. ,, Only if you want to. Otherwise I can“,, No it’s fine. Thanks“ Jonathan moved forward as if he wanted to hug him but then moved back and just touched Antonis shoulder for a moment. ,, You can come with me after school if you want. Or just whenever you are fine.“ ,, After school sounds fine.“ ,, I can wait after practice.“ Jonathan offered. ,, Sure“ Antoni agreed.

They only had a short moment left before the bell would end their shared break and even though Antoni was desperate to find out more about Jonathan he stuck to light topics, mainly school and hobby’s and as the bell rung they walked to their classes together.

On his way into the classroom and as he sat down next to Karamo, Antoni wondered who Jonathan sat next to in classes they didn’t shared. Beside the girls he knew from cheerleading most people seemed to try and keep a distance to him. Jonathan was nice and he was funny and as far as Antoni could judge it intelligent, there was no reason to avoid him.

Antoni knew that it would came up. As soon as he walked into the Changing room with Karamo this afternoon he knew Ethan would bring his lunch with Jonathan up. And he hadn’t even gotten out of his shoes when Ethan walked up to him and announced loud enough for everyone to hear: ,, Hey, Porowski, you into little faggots now? Like men that look and act like woman?“ ,, Leave me alone“ He murmured and kept changing. ,, Saw you and the little sissy together today. Brought him or shall I say she, perhaps it? Brought him to the rostrum in the hope that he would let you hit it?“ Antoni rolled his eyes, tried to control himself. ,,His names Jonathan, okay? Call him that. And I had lunch with him, not that’s any of your business!“ ,, It’s discussing. He’s probably into you, dreaming about getting your dick.“ ,, Well based on your looks and personality he’s definitely not dreaming about yours.“ Antoni fired back and the other boys started to laugh and ,,uww“. ,, Watch your moth, Porowski! This fag of yours deserves a trashing. Better tell him to watch where he goes alone or it could happen that your next lunch will be in the hospital. He should be carful who he dances for in those hilarious cheerleader look of his.“ Antoni stared him straight in the eyes, tried to act like the words didn’t got to him.

,,Watch where he goes alone.“

,, Keep your hands off him, or we will have to regulate this. He’s my friend.“ ,, He’s a sissy.“
Karamo stepped next to Antoni, a bit bigger and more muscles. ,, You got a problem, Ethan?“ He asked in a calm voice. Ethan looked them over. ,, You two won’t always be there to look after her.“ He murmured, before turning around.
,, Thanks“ Antoni whispered. ,, Oh, I am sure you could have handled this alone. Just wanted to make sure that he knew someone’s keeping an eye one him and that you are not the only one looking over Jonathan. I will keep an eye on him and Ethan in shared classes.“ Antoni noded thankfully, he didn’t wanted that any of his friends got hurt. And somehow, some power in the universe had decided that Jonathan was just the perfect victim for hate from people like Ethan.

He was unsure if he should tell Jonathan about what Ethan had said. Would it be helpful, would Ethan actually dare to do anything or did he just have a big mouth and Antoni would only worry Jonathan?

Ethan got it all on the field today, at least from Antoni and Karamo, treated him as bad as they could without their Coach screaming at them.

After practice Antoni took a quick shower and changed back into his normal things, just to noticed Jonathan waiting next to the changing rooms. Ethan passed him by but he also saw Karamo watching from a few meters away until he was past Jonathan.
,, You played rather aggressively today!“ Jonathan mentioned as Antoni was next to him and they walked to the bus stop. ,, Only because... I am not sure if I should tell you.“ ,, You don’t have too.“ ,, You Know number 10 in the team? His name is Ethan, he saw us having lunch today and he.... he dosent like you?“ ,, I don’t care“ Jonathan answered honestly. ,, He... he called you names and told me I should tell you that you should watch where you go alone or our next lunch might be in the hospital.“ Jonathan looked at him for a moment, kept walking. ,, That’s all?“ He then wanted to know. ,, What that’s all? I just told you that someone wants to beat you up and you don’t care!“ Jonathan stopped in his walk and reached for Antoni, he pulled his arm back as soon as he saw that Antoni had stopped too. ,, Look, uhm.... I don’t know how to tell you but.... back in Illinois ... people send me dead threats, okay? It’s.... some random jerk saying he want to beat me up... I don’t care about it.“ Antoni stared at him, eyes wide open. ,, People.... people send you....?“ ,, Yes. They did but.... you see they never had the guts to do it, I am still here. It’s just.... I had to life with it. You can’t make everyone love you.“ ,, That’s... Jonathan...“,, Antoni, don’t worry about it, I am not in Illinois anymore and to be true I would have never told you if you hadn’t told me about Ethan. It’s not important anymore.“ ,, But it should be!“ ,, No and it’s my choice how to deal with it... please accept it.“ These words that Jonathan had said, that he had gotten death thread, they stuck with Antoni, he couldn’t get it out of his head.
,, They all say I am disgusting, but given how many of them want to met me alone, there seem to like my way of being disgusting.“ Jonathan laughed but Antoni didn’t really found it funny. This wasn’t about someone doing some silly prank on you, Jonathan had talked about people writing him they wanted to kill me or that he should die. Yeah maybe it was back in Illinois, but it still had happened. No matter where. He - ,, Antoni“ Jonathan touched his shoulder. ,, Let’s forget it, Yeah? Let’s just go to mine.“

Chapter Text

Jonathan lived only a good ten minutes by bus to where Antoni lived. It was small house painted in a decent white and a Veranda in the front, lots of plants making it look like it was straight out of a movie. Some romantic, silly one.

They got out of the bus near Jonathans house and walked the few meters to it in silence.
When Jonathan opened the door a black cat run right up to them, Jonathan picked it up. ,, That’s Bug.“ He said, holding the cat in his arm near to Antoni. ,, Pet him and you got a friend for life.“ Jonathan grinned happily at Antoni, who moved his hand to scratch Bugs little head, he purred and moved in Jonathan’s arm. He carefully handed Bug over to Antoni and smiled as Bug cuddled up to said. ,, He’s a cutie.“ Antoni answered, just as an woman walked down the stairs. She had brown hair that was slowly turning grey, falling onto her shoulders and a chubby, friendly face. She smiled at them openly and Antoni knew he liked her right away. ,, Hey Mom.“ Jonathan said, she came down the stairs and stood in front of them. ,, That’s Antoni. He’s helping me with English class.“ ,, That’s really nice, I am Mary.“ She hold her hand out to Antoni, who had some trouble taking it with Bugs still laid on his arm. Mary laughed at his struggle and so did Jonathan, She looked like she was happy about the fact that er son had brought a friend home, that he had actually found someone at school. Antoni smiled at her. ,, I am Antoni, nice to meet you.“ ,, Nice to meet you too. Are you staying for dinner?“ She asked him friendly. Antoni glanced at Jonathan, tried to see if Jonathan wanted him to stay for dinner or not, but when he couldn’t find any reaction on his face. He said: ,, Yes, I would love to.“

Bug followed them into Jonathan’s room, it was not the biggest but looked really nice. Jonathan had a big, white, double bed with some cozy blankets and fluffy pillows laid out on it. Next to each side a nightstand that featured lots of framed pictures. There was a fully purple carpet laid out in front it, the walls were decorated with some posters and pictures, on the one side of the room stood a small desk, the other side was decorated with a big closet and a book shelf next to it.
Bugs pushed past them and cuddled himself up to one of the big pillows on Jonathan’s bed.
Antoni looked around, unsure as what to say. Whenever they had talked in school words and topics came natural, but now when he was at Jonathans house, in his room it all was a big different. Somehow awkward, different, more ... serious. Jonathan looked at him, somehow shy and a bit nervous, moving from one food to the other and twisted hair around his fingers. ,, I... uhm.... probably not what you expected.“ He then murmured. ,, I have no idea what you mean.“ Antoni admired. Completely confused by what Jonathan meant with those words. ,, I ... my room, you know. It’s.... I meant that you probably expected pink and glittery and stuff.“ He looked down and Antoni smiled at this. ,, No, not really. I mean, if you would have had a pink, glittery room it would be great but I didn’t really expected it. I... I try to not have these clicheés.“ Jonathan dared to move his eyes up. ,, That’s... That’s really good. I like this.“ It was as if a switch flipped inside Jonathan, he was back to his confident personality, though not the bobbly, in your face one Antoni had noticed with the Cheerleader girls. But he didn’t wanted to bring it up.

Instead he put his bagpack to the ground and got his books out. ,, Oh, right.“ Jonathan murmured, he pushed some clothes off his bed, offered Antoni to sat down and then hurried to his desk and grabbed his books, almost knocked over the plants on the table while doing so. Antoni had to grin at this, cute in a way.

Jonathan placed himself in a good distance away form Antoni on the bed, Bug laid between them, snorting by now. ,, It’s really not as hard as you think.“ Antoni started his little lesson, opened his book and slipped closer to Jonathan to show him. He almost thought he could have noticed a little blush on Jonathan’s face but then shook his head.

It barley took thirty minutes before Jonathan had understood the concept, the archive clearly made him happy. ,, See, told you it was easy.“ ,, It is, but you are further in class then I was in Illinois.“ ,, If you want, I can help you. Come over a couple times the week, we can spend some time afterwards. Only if you want though.“ ,, That would be really nice!“ Jonathan’s happiness grew visible. ,, Yes! But you don’t have to, you know? I can teach it myself.“ ,, No, I want to.“ ,, Okay“ Jonathan whispered. ,, My parents are always home late on Wednesday. We could take the bus to mine after school.“ ,, Thanks“ Jonathan simpley answered. ,, It really is fine. No big deal.“ ,, I am just not used to ....to football players being nice to me.“ He looked away for a moment, swallowed hard. ,, I...“ Antoni was fumbling for words, what to answer to this? He hadn’t thought about that the people that hated on the other would have been football players, but Ethan did the same after all. ,, I am sorry.“ Antoni whispered slowly. Jonathan played around with a corner of the blanket. ,, It’s not your fault.... I... no, let’s talk about something else. Do you want to watch a movie or something?“ ,, Sure“ He agreed. ,, You can pick something.“ Jonathan pointed over to a part of his shelve, filled with old VHS. ,, You like 70s horror movies?“ Antoni asked a hint of surprise in his voice. ,, Only when I am having a date, gives you the chance to cuddle up to your date and hide at his shoulders when you get scared.“ Jonathan laughed at his own words. For a moment Antoni looked at the VHS cassettes before taking out a old ,,The exorcist“ Cassette.
He put it in, sat down, and gave a small glance to Jonathan as the big bold letters appeared on the TV, giving away the movies name. Antoni noticed Jonathan stiffed, his eyes became big, before he tried to relax. ,, Oh“ He murmured. Antoni grinned to himself.
He wasn’t sure what made him pick this movie, not after Jonathan had told him when he watched them. But something made him do it, told him he should go for it. Maybe he tested waters, maybe he just wanted to see how Jonathan would react. But he didn’t regretted putting the movie on. However Jonathan hadn’t said a thing, so maybe he shouldn’t have done it. Was it sending wrong signals? Did Jonathan thought that Antoni used the fact that most people didn’t treated him nice for his own advantage?
Next to the TV hung a picture of Jonathan and another guy, tanned, big brown eyes and long lashes, black hair styled up big, dressed very well. Somehow it felt like he was watching Antoni, judging him for starting this game, looking out over Jonathan. It was strange, the eyes of the guy caught Antoni in a way. He would have to ask Jonathan who he was once the movie was over.

Chapter Text

Jonathan was clearly scared, this Antoni could tell, but he didn’t seemed to move. His eyes fixed on the TV, hands hugged a pillow thight and pressed it to his chest. Antoni only glanced at him, so Jonathan wouldn’t noticed he was actually trying to see his reaction. The Exorcist was, in Antonis opinion one of the scariest movies ever made, yet Jonathan remained at his place. Carefully, so it wouldn’t be obviously he laid his hand down between the two of them. It was then when another scary scene took place that Jonathan’s Hand snapped forward and gripped Antonis. When Jonathan noticed what he had just done he tried to move his hand away as fast as he could. Just for a moment Antoni hold to it, as if to show Jonathan he wouldn’t mind, before he loosened his grip. He could feel Jonathan’s hand twitch but it reminded in his. He didn’t looked at him and Jonathan didn’t seemed to dare looking at him. It was somehow silly Antoni thought, but he liked, even enjoyed it. For a moment he let his mind wander before he gripped Jonathan’s hand harder, showed him that he actually didn’t minded. It took another fifteen minutes but then Jonathan leaned in, carefully like a scared puppy that was offered food for the first time, ready to snap away at any time. When he did, Antoni loosened his hand that had hold Jonathans and laid it around his waist, drawing him close. The cheerleader dared to lay his head on Antonis chest and when he did Antoni felt this weird feeling of being safe and loved.
Neither of them moved, dared to move, scared of destroying the moment, scared of having to face consequences, until Mary called for dinner.

Still they didn’t looked much at each other until they sat face to face at Mary’s dinner table. ,, You managed to learn a bit?“ She asked and Jonathan looked up at her. ,, Yes. Antoni is a good teacher.“ Mary smiled at that and then Jonathan added: ,, I ... uhm... I am going over to Antonis. Tomorrow I mean. If that’s fine with you.“ Mary’s glance moved over to Antoni who didn’t looked up his plate and only kept pushing forks full of noodles into his face. He had red dots painted onto his face and Mary couldn’t only smile to herself as she noticed the awkward interaction between her son and his new friend. Didn’t seemed like friendship only to her. She had known from early on that Jonathan was gay, he wasn’t good at keeping it a secret and she had always known when her son liked someone and Jonathan definitely liked this guy. And Antoni was more to her liking then the last guy Jonathan brought home, this guy she didn’t liked form the beginning but she kept her mouth shut because Jonathan had liked him. That was back in Illinois, before they moved places. Jonathan was happy around him and after all the years of hate, bullying and death threatens, a bit of happiness was just what she wanted for her only son. Though she didn’t liked the guy that brought this happiness and she was right, they stopped seeing each other after only a couple of weeks. Jonathan later told her that he had found the guy making out with another dude in behind the gym hale. Thought she didn’t wanted Jonathan feel the pain of being cheated on, she felt a form of release when she found out that guy was no longer part of his life. Antoni however looked like a nice and responsible man that wouldn’t dare to do such a thing just as cheating.
She swallowed to get her voice back before she answered: ,, I don’t mind, have fun. But I would like to know how you met, have been wondering all afternoon.“ Antoni looked up at Jonathan who started to move his food all over his plate. ,, We met at practice.“ He murmured. Mary looked over to the other kid. ,, You play Football?“ She asked.
Mary remember the day Jonathan had brought the papers she had to sign so he could join the cheerleading team home. She had always known that Jonathan was never the kind of boy who would play football or roll around in the dirt but when Jonathan, about to become a teen, had brought home the papers she had hoped that it was joke. She had always allowed him to do the things he liked, he never went to football practice, he never enjoyed destroying things or monster trucks, he was alway more drawn to the things that society considered female or girly and she never minded. But when he brought home those papers she could only stare at them. The things was that if Jonathan wanted to do this she would let him but she knew how mean kids in high school could be. And a Boy, especially Jonathan would get into nothing but trouble for becoming a cheerleader. There had never been a male in the Cheerleader team of his high school in Illinois up until Jonathan. She had only tried to imagine the things Jonathan would have to put up with for becoming a male cheerleader. Hate and bullying, name calling even worse then it already was. Mary had sat him down at the kitchen table and they had talked about it for a long time. What it could mean for him to become a cheerleader but even after all this hours of talking, Jonathan had still wanted to join the team. So she had signed those papers and was right with how people would react. But it never stopped him from cheerleading. He was never on a good side with the football players though, those were the guys that minded the fact that he was on the team the most. They didn’t wanted some boy dancing and screaming for them, they wanted pretty, young girls in short skirts. Given this it surprised her that Jonathan had brought home a football player. He had never liked them and they disliked him in return.
However she continued the small talk and tried to not let her surprise show.

Antoni left shortly after dinner. When Jonathan and him stood on the veranda he wasn’t sure what to do. Before Jonathan he had never really liked a guy. Sure he had kissed that one guy at an party and he had talked to Karamo about how he sometimes had special thoughts about boys and that maybe, just maybe he could like males. But beside this he had always found a way not to face the fact that he maybe, just maybe liked boys. Now however he had cuddled up with Jonathan, had put on a horror movie after Jonathan told him he only watched those on dates and he was unsure as if he should kiss the cheerleader or not. How would he react, would Jonathan want a kiss or would he push him away? He tried to find words but could only murmur single letters. Jonathan had to giggle. ,, I... uhm... I really enjoyed the day.“ ,, Yes“ Jonathan noded. Antoni tried to form another sentences when Jonathan leaned in to press his lips against the footballers cheek. ,, See you Tomorrow.“ He whispered before he slammed the door shut and left a confused Antoni behind.

That night, when he had made him comfortable in his bad and sleep took over him Antoni dreamed about Jonathan. Not random dreams but rather specific ones. Jonathan performing with the other cheerleaders, then in Antonis room his shorts suddenly ways shorter and the shirt not existing anymore. He moved closer, swinging his hips, Antoni reached for him, his finger tips moved over naked skin, suddenly they kissed, Jonathan laid on top of him, he could feel their body’s move against each other.
Then he woke up, panting and with a nasty wet stan on his boxers.
,, Great“ He murmured to himself, a wet dream about Jonathan.... This was just what he need. Not. He hadn’t had one in some months and had hoped that it meant that his hormones had finally calmed down and he wouldn’t get horny all the time like all teenage boys do at an certain age. He rolled his eyes, pushed the blanket off him and got up to change into something new.

There was a crack of the wooden stairs, just when he was about to go back to his room, changed into a fresh pair of boxers. He stopped in his movement. ,, Hello?“ ,, Antoni that’s you?“ His sister asked quietly. ,, Yeah.“ She sounded relieved and quietly moved up the stairs, her high heels in her hand. ,, Where are you coming from?“ Antoni asked. ,, A party. I uhm... had to sneak out, Mom would have never let me go. Why are you still up?“ ,, I .... I had a strange dream and woke up.“ He murmured, it wasn’t untrue. ,, Oh, I see. You want some cake? There is still some left in the fridge.“ ,, Sure“
They used to sneak down into the kitchen in the middle of the night and steal food when they were still kids. Now they only did it from time to time when they run into each other at night.

,, How’s school going?“ She asked when they had sat down in the kitchen, each a big piece of chocolate cake that their mom had baked the day before, in front of them. ,, Good, why are you asking?“ She shrugged her shoulders. ,, They talk about you, you know?“ ,, And what are they saying?“ Antoni asked, raised an eyebrow. ,, They talk about you and the cheerleader, you know the new one, they guy. Say you are spending a lot of time with him and defended him in front of Ethan.“ ,, Jonathan is nice and he dosent have many friends. I wanted to get to know him, he’s friendly and funny and I have a lot of respect that he dared to join the team and do what he wants.“ ,, That’s nice and all, but is making the outsider feel better really worth having everyone talk about you?“ ,, I don’t care, I mean can’t change what they say anyway. Jonathan is nice!“ ,, And really good looking, right?“ ,, What do you mean?“ Antoni looked at her challenged. ,, Nothing, but he’s pretty, isn’t he?“ ,, Even If i would find him attractive, that’s none of your business.“ ,, I know, I mean I wouldn’t mind, you know.“ ,, Thanks.“ He simply said, chewed the last bit of his cake, before getting up. ,, I will go back to bed, I have a long day tomorrow.“

When he got on the bus the next morning Jonathan was already waiting, sat alone once more. Antoni pushed past the people until he reached the seats. Jonathan hold one of his headphones out for him and then pressed a bottom on his Walkman. Queen played ,,It’s a kind of magic“ ,, Do you really like oldschool rock or stuff like Bowie?“ Jonathan noded. ,, I do.“ ,, Okay, uhm there is this local band, they are not really big but they make a mix of indie rock, 70s rock and pop. They sound really good, I have some vinyls I can borrow you. However they play in the city next weekend and I thought maybe you wanna come with me?“ ,, Uhm sure.... as long as it’s not to heavy or aggressive.“ ,, Oh no don’t worry, it’s really chill. I promise you no one will try to open a mosh pit.“ ,, What’s a mosh pit?“ Antoni laughed but Jonathan really looked at him confused. ,, Oh sorry, my little sister is into heavy metal and I had to take her to a Mötley crüe concert and stuff, it’s.... it’s like a big circle where people jump and push each other.“ ,, Oh, that dose not sound nice...“ ,, Yeah, it sucks. However I can borrow you some records from the band and I can get tickets until the weekend. You don’t have to say yes though.“ ,, No, I wanna go there. Really.“ Antoni smiled and they leaned back to listen to the Queen cassette.

Chapter Text

After school they left for Antonis home, listening to the other side of the cassette on the bus ride. Antoni had noticed that Jonathan had gotten more comfortable around him compared to a few days ago. Maybe it was because of yesterday.

He still had the thought of his dream last night in his mind.
The idea of just going with it and seeing where this would take him, had crossed his head and he had wondered if maybe, just maybe he should kiss Jonathan. Well he had thought about it once he had found himself starting at Jonathan’s lip while the others had his eyes closed, listening to the cassette.
Well, he definitely should not do it while they were still on the bus but maybe at home? He slowly shock his head, maybe he should not. Just because Jonathan was gay he didn’t had to be into him. Hell, for all he knew Jonathan could have someone back home in Illinois.

Antonis house was all silent when they got in, his parents still at work his sisters not home. ,, Lovely“ Jonathan commented. ,, My rooms even more lovely.“ Antoni winked. Jonathan had to laugh at this. ,, I bet it is.“ ,, Do you want to get something to eat first?“ ,, Oh, uhm, Yeah sure.“

Jonathan sat down at the kitchen table while Antoni started to look through the fridge. ,, I could make us spaghetti? Sorry we are low on food, my sister wanted to do the grocery’s today.“ ,, You don’t have to cook for me! I am fine with a piece of bread or something!“ ,, It’s not this much to do. I don’t mind it, I like cooking. We can learn a bit while the stuff cooks and then we have time to do something else after dinner.“ ,, Okay. But only if I can help you somehow!“ ,, You can cut tomatoes and some onions. It’s really not much work we have to do.“

Antoni glanced over the kitchen island while Jonathan cut tomatoes into pieces. He really did look good, even if he didn’t wanted to admin it in front of his sister. When Jonathan looked up from his work he moved his eyes away. He liked Jonathan, that was a fact, he found him handsome and funny and nice and everything you should feel for a person you might like a bit more and he had a ... special dream about Jonathan. Was it possible to fall in love with someone in only a couple of days? If it was it have happened to him.
,, Take a Risk. Win it all or loose it all.“ His dad often said. Today was Wednesday, he concert was on Saturday.
Win it all or loose it all.
Win it all or loose it all.
Take a risk.
Win it all or loose it all.
He kept repeating in his head.
The noodles were slowly cooking in front of him, Jonathan had just brought him the cut veggies.
Antoni opened his mouth: ,,Jonathan?“ ,, Yes?“ He wanted to ask if Jonathan wanted Antoni pick him up on Saturday. He could borrow his moms car and they could drive to the show, like on a real date. Do you want to go on a date with me?
But then he changed his mind last second: ,, Do you like your food spicy?“ Jonathan raised an eyebrow. ,, Nah, not really.“ ,, Okay“ Antoni looked down. Maybe he wasn’t the win it all or loose it all kinda guy. Maybe he was more the kind of guy that played safe, that rather took friendship then the risk of destroying it.

He let the food on the oven and wheat over to Jonathan to help him with class.

When dinner was ready, they each filled a plate and went up to Antonis room.
Antonis room was bigger then Jonathans, well the whole house was bigger. He had it decorated modern, a baseball poster framed or two. Some laundry laying around. ,, Get yourself comfortable.“ Antoni said, pointing to the couch on the other side of the room. It faced a Tv and behind it a huge wall full of vinyls. ,, You Collecting?“ Jonathan asked, pointing to the shelves stuffed with Vinyls. ,, You could say so.“ ,, What do you like?“ ,, Most stuff, rap, pop, rock. Sometimes even a bit of metal, the slow stuff though.“ Jonathan had to laugh. ,, Do you want to listen to some?“ ,, Sure“ Jonathan agreed and so Antoni searched for one from the band he had Jonathan told about. Placing the needle on the record, it was followed by a few seconds of silence before the needle it the part with the music on it.
Antoni sat down next to Jonathan. ,, It’s the band that play on Saturday.“ He mentioned before reaching for his plate.
Jonathan closed his eyes for a moment, listing to the first chords and words, moving his head slightly to it. ,, Nice“ He murmured and Antoni had to stare at him, plate now placed on the table in front of him, eyes closed, a few strings of hair falling into his face, rocking slightly with the music.

Win it all or loose it all. He thought once more. If not know then he would never. Just ask him, ask him out. Antoni told himself.

,, Jonathan? So uhm.... I wanted to ask if you want me to pick you up on Saturday, I can borrow my dads car.“ Jonathan had his eyes still closed and shrugged his shoulders. ,, Sure. I don’t have anything about taking the bus either. You don’t have to ask.“ Antoni moved his eyes from Jonathan to the spaghetti on his plate. ,, I- I meant as a date.“ The footballer murmured, Jonathan eyes snapped open. ,, W-what?“ ,, I.... nothing.“ ,, No- I- I wasn’t chocked that you had asked me, I was shocked that you had asked me. You are not the kinda guy that would usually ask me out.“ ,, What do you mean?“ ,, Football players I mean.“ ,, Oh“ Antoni made stupidly, looking back onto his plate, that he had know placed beside Jonathans. It’s then that Jonathan reaches for his chin, lifting his face up and leans in to kiss his check. ,, I would love to.“ And Antoni could eel a few, small butterflies in his tummy. ,, Really?“ ,, Yes“ Jonathan placed his hand on Antonis. A small smile formed on his face.

Jonathan had his head placed on Antonis thight, the Cheerleaders fingers carefully brushing through his hair. ,, Antoni?“ Jonathan murmured. ,, Mmh?“ ,, What’s your sexuality? I mean do you like girls or not, are you bi? Pan? Gay?“ Antoni thought for a bit. ,, Bi? I guess? I am not sure. I like you, but I also liked the girl I sle- went out with.“ ,, You can say slept with, I don’t mind and I am also not a virgin.“ Antoni swallowed, so far he had had exactly slept with two persons, both of who were girls and so far his only sexual interaction with boys were either wet dreams or a little thought when he had jerked off. Hell he hadn’t even kissed a guy. ,, You ain’t a virgin?“ ,, Nah, Illinois might be boring but it sure as hell got some cute, horny gays.“Jonathan laughed. ,, Are you?“ He asked once he had calmed down, he looked up to Antoni, hand petting his check. ,, No, but I have never... you know with another men.“ ,, Do you want to? Kiss a boy, I mean. I am not that easy.“ ,, I... yes.“ Antoni whispered. Jonathan smiled, got up and sat in front of Antoni. ,, You have kissed a girl before, or?“ ,, Yeah“ ,, Then why are you scared? It’s almost like kissing a girl.“ Jonathan smiled and carefully moved closer. ,, Just.... it’s just Kissing you know?“ He murmured, his hand placing on Antonis face. Antoni closed his eyes and then could feel Jonathan’s breath touch his face.

Chapter Text

,,Just relax, okay? Close your eyes.“ Antoni nooded and could feel how Jonathan carefully moved closer, he grabbed for Antonis hand and placed it on his own hip, before slowly leaning in, his own hand found a place on Antonis cheek. When his eyes were closed, Jonathan moved forward until he met Antonis lips. There was a moment of shock when Antoni felt Jonathan’s lips on his own, but then he leaned it. And Jonathan was right, there wasn’t this much of a difference from kissing a girl, it was just a little bit different. He could feel that Jonathan was careful and ready to move away when ever needed. Antoni laid an arm around Jonathan’s neck, drawing him closer, body pressed against body. The innocent kiss fastly turned into something hot, almost making out. Jonathan’s body on Antonis, grinding against each other. They didn’t stopped until they heard a door falling close. In a rush Jonathan got up, pushing strings of hair behind his ears, lips swollen and cheeks red. Antoni gave him a tired smile. ,, That was... really nice.“ He whispered. Jonathan grinned before he careful laid down next to Antoni, placing his head on his chest.

Jonathan didn’t left until it was late evening, though they didn’t dared to kiss again with someone else in the house. Not because Antoni was scared of his family reaction but because he wanted to keep this to himself for a bit longer.

The next two days they met on the bus each morning, acting the same way they did before they had kissed. Each morning Jonathan brought a new cassette, Bon Jovi, Bryan Adams and they listened to it without much talking. Ethan kept to their surprise to himself and didn’t do anything, maybe it was because of Karamo. Antoni noticed Jonathan smiling at him and eyes following his every move when he played and it made him feel dizzy inside.

On Saturday he put on a basic white shirt, black skinny jeans with boots and a leather jacket, he didn’t wanted to look like he was trying to hard. He looked himself over in the bathroom mirror and decided that he looked decent enough.
When he got downstairs to get the car keys his sister grinned at him: ,, Got a date, Antoni?“ He looked at her. ,,Maybe“ ,, That handsome cheerleader?“ Antoni could feel a blush creeping up his cheeks, he reached for the keys and sprinted out the door and to the car.

Mary opened the door when he ringed, hands buried in his pockets. Bug glanced at him from the kitchen but then put his head back down to dooze of again. ,, Nice to see you, Jonathan will be ready in a minute.“ Just as she had finished her sentence they could hear Jonathan coming down the stairs.

Antoni looked up and gasped when he laid eyes on Jonathan. He wore a big, black oversized sweater, a colourful patchwork skirt and some black Plato heel boots. He shly pushed his hair behind his hair, hand clenching at the front of the shirt. Mary gave Antoni a warning look before she left them alone. ,,I... uhm... didn’t expected that.“ Antoni said. ,, They never do.“ Jonathan answered. ,, You can leave if you want to...“ He added, looking down. ,, I... no, I like it. I was just expecting it.“ ,, My best Friends back in Illinois, Tan and Bobby, told me I should wear it. They said if you didn’t act right I knew right away that you were an ass and could drop you.“ Antoni had to laugh. ,, They are probably right. But you look really lovely.“ A grin spread onto Jonathan’s face, he gave a little twirl before he laughed, Antoni reached for his hand and they walked to the car.

,, Thanks“ Jonathan murmured when they sat in the car. ,,For what?“ ,, For not laughing at me, a lot of people did in the past. I try not to care, but sometimes it hurts, it hurts when it’s people who I like.“ ,, Have people who you liked ever laughed about you?“ Antoni asked as he turned onto the road. Jonathan looked down, biting his lip. ,, Yeah“ He murmured. ,,A lot of people. You Know, everyone always says you shouldn’t care about what other people think about you, but it hurts when you like someone and you think you can be yourself but then they laugh at you or call you names when you do. I can handle it when people like Ethan call me names, but it’s pretty hard to handle these kind of things if it’s your dad or boyfriend.“ ,, I am sorry“ Antoni said stupidly, like this was an matching answer to what Jonathan had just told him. He glanced at Jonathan and could see that he tried to fight his tears. ,, You know it’s just.... when I was little it was my dad who called me names and wanted me to be more manly and then I was twelve or something and he just left and he said that he was ashamed to be my dad and when I was fifteen, I had this boyfriend who I really liked, I thought I loved him and ... I kept many things a secret from him. One day we were all alone at my place and I... I put a skirt on and stuff cause I thought he loved me but when he saw it he called me disgusting and hit me in the face. He just.... he left and never came back.“ ,, You are not disgusting, Jonathan.“ He looked over to Antoni for a moment and then whipped some tears off his face. ,, Sorry, I ruined the mood“ ,,No It’s alright.“ Antoni reached with one hand over the gear shift, to put his hand on Jonathan’s thight. The other let put his hand on Antonis and they remained like this until Antoni had to change gear.
,, I love car rides“ Jonathan said after a minute. ,, Really?“ ,, Yeah, I mean not a ride to the grocery store or something. But nice ones. A friend of my mind back in Illinois, Bobby, his parents got him this old pickup truck when he turned 16 and Tan, him and me used to drive around in it, you could lay on the loading area and we used to drive and listen to old music and then stop in nowhere go watch the sunrise or set of whatever it was at the moment.“ ,,That sounds beautiful. Do you miss Illinois?“ ,, I miss my friend, but beside this.... no. I don’t miss it a bit.“
When Antoni pulled into the parking lot, Jonathan wanted to leave the car but Antoni pulled him back by his sweater. The other raised an eyebrow at him. ,What?“ He wanted to ask, but instead Antoni pulled him really close, lips pressing against his. ,, I like you.“ Antoni murmured, feeling the others smile against his lips.