Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

David

David was having a good day. He’d even had a good week. He liked his professors (especially the one that would randomly quote Shakespeare), he was a little bit ahead with his reading, he’d started working on his film project and he still managed to have time for regular dates with Matteo and hanging out with their friends. The October chill was starting to set in and he liked it, no one questioned him about wearing layers. All in all, life was pretty good. Apparently the universe thought it was all a little too good and decided to fuck it all up.

He was on his way to the WG (which he had more or less moved into at this point), when he saw them. He’d thought he’d seen the last of them when he changed schools. What they were doing in this part of Berlin, David couldn’t fathom. Not that he’d spent much time thinking about where they should or shouldn’t be. It was just that he’d gone months without running into them at all and that had been wonderful.

Taking a steadying breath, he pulled his beanie low on his head and the hood over it, an effort to make himself as invisible, or at least as inconspicuous as possible. With his eyes firmly on the ground, he powered ahead. Walking a little faster. Praying to the universe that he could pass them without notice. There were only four blocks left and then he could wrap himself up in the warmth and love that was Matteo.

But of course that couldn’t happen. As he was almost past them, he was stopped by a hand around his elbow.

“You got a lighter?” the one called Markus asked, a very normal question. One that shouldn’t inspire panic, but did.

“No, sorry,” he actually did have a lighter, a surprise gift from Matteo during their road trip. He just wasn’t going to help these assholes.

“Hold on… do I know you?” this time it was Wilhelm who asked, he was the worst of them and David’s blood ran cold. Please don’t recognise me.

“No,” David glanced around. There was a family with children a little further up the street and a man in a suit half a block behind him. He wasn’t completely on his own with his past - and much too present - tormentors. Of course, David had learned that strangers couldn’t be trusted to jump in should anything actually happen, but a slim chance was better than none.

“Yes we do! It’s that freaky chick who said she’s a dude!” The triumphant sound of Markus’ voice made David’s heart jump into his throat. Or maybe it was actual bile. The urge to throw up was definitely there.

“Yo… dude, it is!” Viktor agreed and David felt very odd. They talked about him as if he was some kind of circus attraction. He knew he should take this small window of opportunity and run, but it was as if his feet had been glued to the ground.

“Just leave me the fuck alone!” David finally managed to spit out and with a jerk he freed his arm from the hand that had still been holding him.

“It speaks!” Wilhelm mocked and the other two laughed. David got very helpful flashbacks of all the other times this had happened. Sometimes it had just been the three of them, other times other classmates had joined in. Fear and hatred rushed through him like a dam that had just burst.

He finally got his feet to move and with a shove, that wasn’t half as violent as he wanted it to be, he pushed past the three dudes who’d gleefully taken part in making his life hell. They followed him. Continuing to talk about him as if he was some kind of circus attraction. One they didn’t view as human. They kept talking about all the times David had had to correct teachers who refused to call him by the right name. The times he’d had to use the special needs toilet. The times other students had made him feel like he was the lowest of scum. Like he was just fundamentally wrong for even existing.

He couldn’t even block them out with his headphones because if he couldn’t hear them, he wouldn’t know if they would decide to escalate from words to action. He remembered that one time the three of them along with some other boys had decided that it wasn’t enough to call him names. That time had been a close call. It was the deciding factor in David transferring so close to abi. He’d had to hide in the teachers’ lounge until his dad could come pick him up. His dad, who was usually a very calm and kind man, had completely lost it when he arrived. He’d never heard his father shout like that before and it was actually frightening, but the rage hadn’t been aimed at David. It had been aimed at the teachers who did nothing to help David. It was the first time his father had called David his son.

Just two more blocks. David walked a little faster. Two blocks and then he’d be safe. Two blocks and he’d be free. Two blocks and then he could cry. His eyes stung with the effort of holding back the tears that wanted to escape. He would not give them the satisfaction. Their words were familiar, but he hadn’t heard them in a long time. They hurt more than he wanted to admit. With all that had happened since March, he’d thought that he was beyond letting awful people have an impact on his sense of self-worth. He was wrong. All he could feel was how wrong he was. How he wanted to rip his own skin off.

One block left. He’d started considering just passing the WG. Leaving Matteo who deserved someone who didn’t come with so much baggage. Someone who didn’t need a fucking binder to get a flat chest. Someone who didn’t need to take injections to get the right hormones. Someone who didn’t freak out about being seen naked. Matteo who deserved the world. The world that David couldn’t give him.

Then he stood outside the door that would take him to the wonderful boy who’d somehow convinced David that he was worthy of love, at least for a while. His three tormentors were still there. David couldn’t understand why they’d followed him for so long. David pressed the doorbell.

“This is the residence of Hans and his collection of butterflies, who wants to enter?” David would’ve laughed at any other time. Hans always managed to come up with new ways to greet visitors. A lump had formed in David’s throat, making it difficult to talk.

“It’s me… David.” The three snickered and made comments about how that wasn’t his actual name. Only, now it was, he’d legally changed it just before he and Matteo went on the road trip. He hadn’t turned 18 yet, but his parents had signed all the necessary papers.

“You may enter, butterfly!” Hans’ cheerful voice is somewhat distorted through the intercom and David very quickly enters and makes sure to shut the door properly behind him. He doesn’t relax until he hears the little click that signal the locking of the door. Wilhelm, Markus and Viktor looked at him with smiles that made David’s stomach twist itself into a tight knot. He just knew that if he had kept going down the street, they’d have done something far worse than hurl insults at him. He had yet again made a narrow escape.

He turned away from them and started making his way up the stairs, taking it two steps at a time. And the valiant effort he had made to keep the tears at bay ended in salty defeat. He could barely see the names on the door that was the last thing between him and comfort. What he really wanted to do was run away again. Like he had after being outed at school again. He knocked on the door and it was opened not three seconds later.

David more or less throws himself into Matteo, arms snaking around his waist and hiding his face in the crook of his neck and shoulder. Matteo, whose reaction time is often quite slow, wraps his arms around David’s shoulders and presses a gentle kiss on his head. David can’t actually feel it much since both the hood and the beanie are in the way.

“What’s wrong?” Matteo’s soft voice comes through the loud voices in David’s head. The voices telling him that the blue-eyed boy would be better off without him. The voices that tell him that the world would be better off if David were to just disappear. David doesn’t really know how to answer, because the short one is that everything is wrong. At least everything feels wrong.

He doesn’t really have to put words to it though because instead of words, a loud sob escapes him. The universe was really fucking with him at this point. It had to be. He had been in such a good place, looking forward to the weekly game nights that had become a thing since they all graduated and had to get on with their adult lives. He’d looked forward to the card games that would inevitably turn almost violent due to the competitive natures of himself, Amira, Hans and Mia. He’d looked forward to being absolutely astounded by the stupidity that inevitably occurred when Abdi, Carlos, Jonas and Matteo were in one place. He looked forward to all of it. And then the universe decided to send him his worst nightmare.

“What’s taking you so lo–“ Hans’s voice was as cheerful as ever before he let the question die. David didn’t see the older man, but he soon felt a third arm wrap around him. It had taken David a long time to be comfortable with the physical affection his new friends tended to dole out without a second thought. It was nice though. And Hans, as flamboyant as he was, was somehow the safe harbour everyone in the group needed.

“Come on, let’s get the both of you inside properly” David nodded as Hans removed himself from the hug. Matteo removing his arms from around him actually hurt. David’s thoughts were running a mile a minute and most of them were not nice. Most of them were downright horrible. Maybe Matteo had finally realised that he wasn’t worth his time. Maybe he’d realise that all David did was drag him down with all his shit.

“Hey, David, I need you to work with me here,” Matteo said and it was only then David registered that the blond was trying to get his jacket off him. He didn’t want to take it off. The more layers he had to hide under, the better. But he did help when Matteo’s tugging grew more insistent. At Matteo’s insistence, he toed off his sneakers.

“We’ll just go straight to our room, okay?” As Matteo wrapped an arm around his shoulders, David could do nothing but nod. He knew he was worrying his boyfriend. He wanted to soothe that worry, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t brush this under the rug with a dismissive answer. Matteo had seen David’s bad days. And this was shaping up to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

David was steered through the narrow hallway and into the living room where a very intense game of monopoly was taking place. He vaguely heard Sam accusing Kiki of cheating.

“Na, can you at least say hi properly, before you start sucking face?!” Jonas was always the first, aside from Hans, to tease them for being affectionate. Even if they had to get very drunk to exhibit the same kind of intensity that Carlos and Kiki engaged while being completely sober.

As all eyes turned to them, David wanted the floor to open up and swallow him whole. He really hated when others saw him like this. He could count on one hand how many he’d let that close before this moment.

“We’re just gonna hang out in our room,” Matteo squeezed his shoulder in that comforting manner he had as he half dragged David to Matteo’s room. The room the blond boy had started calling their room even if David hadn’t officially moved in. He still had most of his stuff in Laura’s apartment.

Matteo

The moment he’d seen David’s tearstained face, he knew something was very, very wrong. He’d only seen the boy with the gummy smile that upset once before. And that was in the abandoned pool after he’d been outed. Of course there had been the days when David would withdraw, not wanting to be touched at all, but those days weren’t that many and he didn’t look like he did now.

So he made short work of getting them to their room. Hopefully, David would calm down enough to tell him what the fuck was going on because the scenarios Matteo came up with ranged from bad to horrifying. Gently he got David under the covers on the bed and then he snuggled up behind him. His front flush against the other boy’s back and arms wrapped tight around him. Like the night before David told him he’s trans. He still felt bad about the way he’d let David go that day. But things had turned out okay anyway.

Sobs wracked through David’s body and Matteo felt every single one of them like a knife. He knew that he couldn’t push though. Not yet. If he did, David would shut down. So he held him until the shaking stopped and the sobs evened into the shallow breathing of sleep. Without a doubt, David was still wearing his binder, which was so far from ideal it could be, but Matteo didn’t wake him up. When David had bad episodes, he had to almost be physically forced to take the garment off. And this was way worse than anything Matteo had seen before. He wouldn’t be able to sleep anyway so at least he could make sure David didn’t struggle to breathe in his sleep. There would be a world of pain once David woke up, but they’d deal with that then.

He didn’t know what time it was when someone knocked on the door.

“Ja?” he said, just loud enough for whoever was on the other side of the door to hear. It was a testament to how dedicated his friends were to making David feel safe, that none of them barged in without knocking and then waiting for a response before they entered.

It was Mia who stuck her head inside when the door opened. She almost looked like she had a halo with the way the light from the living room cast over her blond hair.

“Do you guys need anything?” she looked as worried as he felt.

“Some water would be good-” David shuffled a little in his sleep, “and some pain killers”

“Has he told you anything yet?” she queried.

“No… he was just crying and then he fell asleep,” it was so hard to see the normally so bright David like this. Sometimes Matteo felt quite inadequate as a boyfriend, but he was too selfish to let the wonder that was David go. He’d hold on until David told him that he wasn’t wanted anymore with any kind of credibility.

“Okay… I’ll get you that water and some ibuprofen,” Mia closed the door as silently as she could and Matteo was really grateful that he had his roommates. Over time they’d become a small family, which wasn’t a guarantee when it came to sharing a flat. Sam had lived in a small flat close to the university she went to since the beginning of September and she still hadn’t hung out with her roommates. Not so much as watched a movie together. They mostly ran into each other in the kitchen.

Mia came with the promised water and pain killers. Before she left she squeezed Matteo’s shoulder, offering some quiet comfort that he sorely needed. He can still hear the others in the living room, they’re quieter than usual and probably talk about more serious stuff. Namely, what the hell could have made the normally smiling David cry like that? Matteo very much wanted the answer to that question too. If he knew, then maybe he could fix it. Or at least make it easier for David to deal with.

David was crying in his sleep, occasionally shifting in Matteo’s embrace. Long after the others had gone home, David turned over and buried his face in his chest. One hand fisted the fabric of Matteo’s sweater, like David was afraid that he’d move if he didn’t hold on to him. It made his heart ache, it was so often Matteo that was the clingy one. Craving touch in a way that couldn’t be considered normal. His therapist said that it wasn’t unusual for those who had lacked physical affection for long periods of time. David didn’t mind most of the time though.

He shifted a little to accommodate the change in David’s position and carefully pulled the hood down and pulled that grey beanie off so he could place a series of soft kisses to David’s temple and forehead. He also started to card his fingers though the dark curly hair, massaging the scalp underneath.

Chapter Text

David woke up feeling way too warm, his ribs hurt and he had a splitting headache. He had his nose shoved into Matteo’s chest and their legs were tangled together. Fingers were running through his hair and he wanted to revel in it so badly. He couldn’t do that though, he was too uncomfortable and the feelings from yesterday were too raw. So he pushed himself away from the warmth of the other boy.

“Na?” Matteo had let him put some space between them, but not much. The blue eyes had dark circles under them and the beautiful face had worry written all over it. It made David feel guilty, to be the cause of it. The other boy had enough to worry about without him adding to it.

“Na…” he mumbled and he couldn’t meet those blue eyes that held so many unspoken questions.

“You want some water?” David just nodded and when Matteo moved to reach for something, he unintentionally jolted the mattress in a way that made David bounce. The pain shooting through his torso was intense.

“Fuck” he gasped and Matteo’s head snapped around so fast David thought he could hear a crack.

“David…” Matteo looked uncertain, and David knew why. The other boy had more than once reminded David that he had to take his binder off. He’d actually forced him to take it off a few times when simple persuasion wasn’t enough.

“I don’t want to take it off,” everything was starting to hurt, but taking it off was the last thing he wanted to do.

“I know… but you’ve been wearing it since yesterday morning. You fucking slept in it… you have to take it off,” Matteo was right of course. Wearing it for too long could have serious consequences. Like, when he finally got top surgery the result could depend on it. It also could affect his lungs and ribs. David knew these things. He did. But he didn’t want to look down and be reminded of the way his body had betrayed him.

“No!” his voice came out in a squeak and he felt the panic clawing its way up his throat.

“Yes, you do. Come on, drink this-“ Matteo handed him a glass of water and two white pills, “and then I’ll help you get out of it”

David took the glass and sat up properly. He swallowed both pills in one gulp. He drank the rest of the water slowly, stalling.

“I’m not taking it off!” he felt like he was going to cry, his eyes stung, but no tears appeared. He’d cried a lot the day before.

“David, come on,” Matteo was clearly trying to be patient, but David could see the frustrated tension in his shoulders.

“NO!” he didn’t intend to shout and felt even guiltier when Matteo winced. Loud voices, especially angry ones, was something Matteo struggled with. Even when they were fighting, they didn’t really raise their voices much.

“What the fuck happened yesterday?” the question was inevitable and David wanted to tell Matteo. He truly did. But he was ashamed of how weak he was. How easily the three former classmates had gotten to him.

“Nothing…” he said and avoided looking at Matteo by staring at the glass he still clutched in his hands.

“Bullshit!” Matteo forced him to meet his eyes by grabbing his face between both hands. “David… tell me, please”

David had never been able to resist those pleading blue eyes for very long.

“I…” David took a deep breath, “I ran into some guys from school… from the one I went to before transferring”

Matteo was still cradling his face, gentle thumbs running along his cheekbones as if they were wiping away tears.

“They just asked for a lighter at first… and then they recognised me,” David closed his eyes, trying to push the terror down.

“What happened?” Matteo’s thumbs paused and his mouth was set in a thin line.

“They just… said stuff… they followed me all the way to the door. They were behind me when Hans let me in,” he really didn’t want to repeat what they’d said.

“Shit!” Matteo exclaimed and David found himself wrapped up in a tight embrace.

“I almost kept walking instead of coming here…” David admitted, it came out muffled but by the way Matteo’s whole body went rigid, he’d been heard just fine.

“Why?” the vulnerable tone of the blond boy’s voice sent another stab of guilt through David. He knew Matteo loved him, the boy had made that very clear. And David loved Matteo so much it scared him.

“You should be with someone better… someone who isn’t so fucked up,” he said and then he winced because Matteo had pulled him even closer and squeezed him harder. He probably wouldn’t be able to move for the rest of the day without serious discomfort.

“That’s not true… don’t ever think that, David,” Matteo sounded as desperate as David felt.

“Can’t help it…” he mumbled, in contradiction with his words he fisted both hands in the back of Matteo’s sweater.

“You are the best thing that’s ever happened to me, okay?” the words sounded so sincere. David believed those words, but he didn’t feel like he deserved them. And how sad had Matteo’s life been if David was the best thing in it?

Matteo, who had an uncanny ability to read David, again forced him to look him in the eye. Hands again holding his face.

“Would you leave me just because I’ve got depression? Would you leave when I get so low I can barely get out of bed?” Matteo asked, never breaking eye contact.

“Of course not! You can’t help it…” Matteo hadn’t had a really low period since April, but there had been some really awful days.

“Exactly,” Matteo smiled and placed a soft kiss on David’s lips, “and neither can you. I love you, everything else is secondary”

David didn’t know how he’d gotten so lucky in finding Matteo.

“I hate that I let them get to me,” the shame he felt about it hung over his head like a cloud.

“Hey, they’re pieces of shit. They don’t matter, but they made your life hell for a long time. Of course it’s going to get to you. You ran away because you thought people were going to be like them when that clip went around. That’s not something you’re likely to forget,” Matteo had slipped his hands down to rest around David’s neck.

“Since when did you get so wise?” a small laugh escaped him and it felt good, to be able to joke about something. Matteo’s smile was wide and David kind of felt like he was staring into the sun.

“Therapy. Line must be rubbing off on me,” Matteo had been extremely reluctant to start therapy, but in the short time he had gone, the change had been huge. He didn’t bottle things up as much, and he had started talking to his mother regularly.

“Maybe,” David felt lighter, talking to Matteo had always been surprisingly easy. Some things were harder to talk about than others, but it was always easier to tell the blond boy.

“I know you don’t want to, but you need to take it off now. You’re on the waiting list for surgery, I’m not gonna let you fuck with your chances of a good result. I’m not too keen on staring at a botched chest for the rest of my life,” Matteo was trying to be funny, but there was something exposed about his demeanour as he said it.

“The rest of your life, huh?” David felt something warm settle in his stomach, something that was pushing the cold away.

“Yeah…” the blond bit his lip, but his eyes sparkled and David couldn’t help himself. He pushed Matteo backwards and kissed him.

David had severely miscalculated their position on the bed and they landed in a tangled mess on the floor. They were both laughing.

“You okay?” David asked, still shaking from laughter as Matteo groaned underneath him.

“Dude!” Matteo exclaimed in faked anger and then they both erupted in laughter again.

Matteo

Hearing David laugh sent a wash of relief through him. He knew this whole thing wasn’t over, probably wouldn’t be for a long time, but at least there was some progress. His insides had turned to ice as David told him, very briefly, what had happened. He hated that some shit stains had decided to go out of their way to hurt David. At least Neuhaus hadn’t intended to hurt David the way he did, it had been a severely misguided attempt to increase David’s chances of a higher grade. The dudes from yesterday had made David feel worthless with clear intent. They’d made him fear for his own safety. And Matteo hadn’t been there to back him up.

Logically, Matteo knew that he couldn’t be by David’s side 24/7. Didn’t stop him from feeling guilty about it. It was the same when his mother had really gone off the deep end. At least his mother got the help she needed now. And Matteo was taking full advantage of the guilt his father felt for leaving. They still didn’t talk, but money for rent and food would be transferred to his account every month.

Laying on the floor with David on top of him was nice, but he did have a mission. He had to get David out of the binder. Something the boy with olive skin and brown eyes was fighting by trying to distract him. They’d done this before, and Matteo won every single time. He wasn’t going to admit defeat this time either.

“Come on, I need a shower… join me?” if persuasion by logic and reason didn’t work, maybe bribing would. He knew David really enjoyed seeing his pasty ass naked. Matteo wasn’t particularly confident with his own physique, but the way his boyfriend looked at him made it clear that David liked it. They’d started showering together halfway through the road trip, mostly to save time. It had been nerve-wracking for both of them. At that point Matteo still hadn’t seen David completely naked even during sex. David would still wear one of Matteo’s t-shirts most times.

“Matteo…” David had an uncertain look on his face and Matteo wanted to beat the shit out of every single person who had ever made David feel like he was wrong.

“Dude, we slept in these clothes. Under a duvet. I feel gross. I need a shower and so do you,” it wasn’t even a lie. He rarely slept in anything but boxers when he shared the bed with David. He was wearing baggy jeans and what his friends referred to as a grandpa sweater with a t-shirt under it. He was way hotter than he liked to be.

“I-” he interrupted David with another kiss, biting down on the other boy’s bottom lip. Usually that would get David going, his pupils would dilate almost instantly, but not this time. Matteo felt his heart clench in his chest. That meant that David was way more affected by what happened yesterday than Matteo had realised.

“Come on,” he said as he wiggled his way from his position under David and got to his feet. The other boy was still on his knees on the floor. Matteo leaned down and took both of David’s hands in his and pulled until the other boy too was on his feet.

Matteo quickly grabbed some clean clothes for himself and for David. They pretty much shared the contents of their closets so it didn’t much matter what he took. He did make sure to pick one of the baggiest hoodies for David though. If he was going to convince David to go without the binder for at least a few hours, the sweater had to be as loose as it could be. He glanced over at the boy who had become Matteo’s rock in a very short period of time. The boy smiled at him, but it was sad and those brown eyes were whirlpools of pain.

Keeping all the clothes under one arm, he held his hand out for David. It took a few moments for David to take his hand. Matteo found it very hard to not to go back to bed and ignore the rest of the world for days. They could do that after the shower. When David wasn’t putting his health at risk.

“We’re gonna shower and then I’ll make you pasta a la Luigi,” David couldn’t cook to save his life, which suited Matteo just fine. He liked cooking for others, especially for David. One time the other boy had let slip that he found Matteo really hot when he went into chef-mode. Abdi had commented that if the whole computer-science thing didn’t work out, he could start a restaurant.

“Okay,” David finally agreed and Matteo took the small victory. It wasn’t that he won against David, it was a victory against the demons that had reared their ugly heads. His own were dormant for now, but he knew eventually they’d wake up.

As they made their way to the bathroom, he could hear their other roommates in the kitchen. Mia saw them through the doorway and raised a questioning eyebrow. He sent a half smile her way and she nodded. Since she came back the two of them had gotten much closer. She’d officially moved back in and shared her old room with Vicki.

David closed and locked the door behind them as Matteo dumped their clothes on the floor. As he turned around to look at David again, his heart sank. He still had that hesitant look on his face. He wanted wipe all those feelings from David’s mind, so all that remained were the good things. The things David gave Matteo.

“Right… sit down and raise your arms,” he knew that David wouldn’t be able to get out of his shirts and binder without help. At least not as easily as when Matteo helped him. There was also the fact that Matteo really liked undressing David. The amount of trust David showed in letting him do it was sometimes overwhelming.

“I’m not a child,” David protested, weakly, but did as he was told. Matteo pulled the cuffs of the hoodie past the talented hands and David whimpered.

“No, but you’re in pain,” Matteo stated and grabbed the hem, pulling it over David’s head in one smooth movement. He did the same to the t-shirt.

“I love you,” David’s voice was quiet and Matteo smiled. They’d been saying it more frequently lately. After that first time in the pool, it had taken them a while to say it again. It was another thing that started during the road trip.

“You ready?” Matteo did not look forward to this next bit. He hated how every time they had to do this, it was because David was having a bad day. On good days David would go into their room, shut the door, get out of the binder and then come out again. No questions asked about it. On bad days, Matteo had to make sure he took it off. Just like David had to make sure Matteo took his meds on bad days.

“No…” David’s eyes were glued to his feet and Matteo pressed his lips to the unruly curls on top of his boyfriend’s head.

Matteo got down on his knees and gently slip his hands against the skin of David’s exposed midriff. He could feel the muscles jump under the smooth skin and looked up at David as he peppered kisses all over David’s stomach.

“Matteo… I can’t… I don’t…” David was scared and that made Matteo pause. He never wanted David to feel afraid when he was with him.

“Hey, this isn’t about that,” he started folding the binder the way David had taught him, “just trying to distract you a bit… because we both know this is going to hurt.”

David nodded and Matteo stood up again. As gently as he could, he peeled the binder off his boyfriend who whined when his ribs expanded properly.

“Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck” the other boy rambled and Matteo let his hands travel over the newly exposed skin of David’s back and shoulders.

They got the rest of their clothes off with much less difficulty, even if David was much slower about it than usual. Again, he was hit with an intense desire to hurt those that had hurt David.

Having David naked in front of him would under any other circumstances send Matteo’s blood rushing south. This time it didn’t… or rather, not all of it. By the time they stepped into the shower he was half hard. He turned the temperature of the water up and gently tugged David flush against him so both of them could stand under the spray.

They stood like that, Matteo’s front to David’s back, for a while. Then Matteo reached up for the soap and with great care he started to lather David’s skin with it. He could see as well as feel the marks where the binder had dug into the skin and the whimpers that escaped David were not the good kind.

“You okay?” he knew the answer was no, but he still wanted to ask.

“Yeah…” David squirmed as Matteo let his hands rest on his hips, “No…”

He let David rinse off and wash the more private parts of body, the parts Matteo knew he didn’t want anyone else to touch at the moment… the parts David himself probably didn’t want to touch. At the same time he lathered soap over his own body.

When David got out of the shower, Matteo let the water wash the remainders of the soap away before following. As he stepped out from behind the curtain David was already wearing the hoody. He might not even have dried himself properly. It was painful to see the boy he loved want to hide himself so desperately. At least it meant he hadn’t put the binder on again. That was something. Thank fuck David was on a waiting list for surgery at a hospital that had a good reputation. They didn’t know when the waiting would be over, but it was a step in the right direction.

“I love thee; none but thee, and thou deservest it,” he didn’t know why he said it. He wasn’t even entirely sure where it came from, but he had seen the words written under one of David’s sketches. One of Matteo sleeping.

David’s head shot up as he was buttoning his jeans and an expression of utter bewilderment settled on his features.

“Are you quoting Shakespeare at me?” he asked and burst out laughing. The boy was laughing so hard he almost lost his balance and it was worth the slight embarrassment Matteo felt.

“No idea, it’s still true though,” he pulled his own jeans on, “I love you and don’t ever think you don’t deserve that”

Chapter Text

Matteo

Matteo had been true to his word and made Pasta à la Luigi for brunch. They’d then spent the remaining time of Saturday cuddling in bed, only moving for bathroom breaks. It had been cosy but there was an underlying anxiousness. Both of them knew they needed to talk more about what happened. But that could wait. Matteo didn’t want to force David into anything. David hadn’t been able to share stuff on his own terms the way he should have. Sure, he had come out to Matteo by his own volition, but it had been driven by fear and guilt more than anything else. Then he’d been outed to the whole school because some ass decided to share a video. So Matteo waited.

And waited. He watched as David dressed in the baggiest and thickest sweaters he could find. Sometimes that sweater ended up being the knitted ones Matteo had worn the day before. There were conflicting feelings about seeing that. He hated that David wasn’t comfortable in his own skin. But Matteo had a thing for David wearing his clothes, he’d discovered that when David walked into the kitchen the morning after he came back. He felt good about the fact that David felt safer just by being surrounded by Matteo’s scent (David had been red from the roots of his hair all the way down his neck during that particular confession). They cuddled a lot, Matteo draped himself around David while they slept and there had been gentle kisses. But David closed in on himself when Matteo would slide his hand under the layers to touch his back, he would pull away when Matteo pressed his hips against David or when his hands went to cup his ass. And Matteo would accept it without question.

They hadn’t joined the others in the weekly meet-up the Friday after the incident, instead opting for an early night and sleep. They’d both pulled long nights, David had even pulled a few all-nighters, during the week. David working on his script and stuff Matteo didn’t really understand. Matteo had started seriously working on the app he had decided to make his project for the course. It was a good distraction from everything else going on.

Matteo was sitting with his hands wrapped around a steaming cup of tea at the kitchen table with Mia and Vicky on a gloomy Tuesday morning. David was still asleep in their bed.

“I don’t know what to do…” he sighed, lifting the cup to blow on it before taking a sip.

“Has he told you what happened?” Vicky asked, one of her arms loosely wrapped around Mia’s waist.

“Yeah…” he paused, wondering if this was something he could share, “He ran into some shits from the school he went to before transferring to ours.”

“How awful was it for him there?” Mia asked and Matteo bit his lip. He didn’t want to tell David’s story for him.

“Let’s just say that it was horrible… if he wants to tell you, he’ll do that.” He glanced towards the closed door to their bedroom.

“He’ll be okay, Matteo… It’ll take some time, but he’ll be okay,” Vicky assured him with a small smile. She had been a welcome addition to the WG. And if Matteo was honest, he thought she was much better for Mia than Alex had been. And it was nice to not be the only one to forget food in the fridge.

“I just hate seeing him like this and not be able to do anything,” he stared into the steaming liquid when his alarm went off in his pocket. He got up and opened the cupboard where he kept his meds. He really didn’t like taking them, but he’d promised David. And Jonas. And himself, that he would take them. So he did. It helped that no one in the flat made a big deal out of it. They’d check if he had taken them when they thought he was slipping, but other than that, no one really commented on it.

“You’re doing plenty, Matteo” Mia said and he turned towards her.

“What?” he asked, he wasn’t doing anything to help David.

“You love him, and you’re there when he needs you. You know how much that means,” Mia looked like she was close to tears and Vicky pulled her closer. Matteo had not expected the two of them to get together as quickly as they did, and then he hadn’t expected it to last. But it had.

“You know… when Björn… did what he did… all I wanted was to be alone. And I felt like I couldn’t talk to Alex about it… I thought he’d… do something” Matteo had only gotten the short version of what Mia had been through long after it happened, but he remembered how miserable she had been. She’d looked like the weight of the world was on her shoulders. It was obviously still hard for her to talk about it.

“I needed him to just be there, support me… and I know why he wanted me to testify and I know he didn’t mean anything bad by it… But I needed him to support me when I said I didn’t want to. I just needed him to be there…” Mia glanced at the girl with long dark hair, she looked like she felt guilty for talking about her ex. Vicky simply kissed Mia’s temple.

“Anyway… we never worked together after that… He worked all the time and we kept having the same fight over and over again and then we just stopped talking…” He could see Mia draw in a deep breath before she continued. “It wasn’t his fault… he wanted what was best for me. We just didn’t agree on what that was”

They were quiet for a few minutes after that. All of them deep in thought. Mia was leaning heavily against Vicky, as if the talk had sucked all her energy away. Vicky was rubbing little circles on Mia’s shoulder in that calming manner she had. And Matteo was struck with a worry that what happened between Mia and Alex, would happen to himself and David.

“It won’t happen to you two” Vicky said, as if she could read his mind. But she was very good at reading people, as she should be since she studied psychology.

“How do you know?” he asked, wanting reassurance.

“Because you and David might have started off with some communication errors,” and wasn’t that the understatement of the year, “but you’ve worked through that. You understand each other and give each other space. I don’t know either of you very well yet, but I see the way you two are together.” Vicky made it seem so simple.

“And you trust each other in a way Alex and I never did,” Mia added and Matteo frowned. “We were both really suspicious of each other… He’d think I was hiding something. Which I did because I was worried what he’d do if he found out about it… I thought he was going back to being an asshole… It was just a bad spiral…”

And Matteo agreed with her in that. He had complete trust in David, strange as it was. He didn’t know how he got lucky enough to be loved by David, didn’t quite see why the absolute marvel that was David would.

They all turned around when they heard a door open and David, dressed in the grandpa-sweater Matteo had worn the day before, came into the kitchen. He looked tired, but some of his spark had returned.

“There’s tea in the pot, if you want some,” Vicky said by way of greeting. Since she moved in, their intake of coffee must have been cut in half.

David

When David came into the kitchen, he felt some of the familiar warmth return to him. Matteo was there, messy hair and blue eyes, talking to Mia and Vicky. He hadn’t caught what they were talking about but the looks on their faces told him it hadn’t been light morning-conversation.

He did take Vicky up on the offer of tea, adding a big spoon of honey to it.

“Morning” he mumbled as he sat down next to Matteo, scooting his chair so he could snuggle into his boyfriend. He’d missed his warmth when he woke up.

“Kiss me, you ass” Matteo playfully said and before David could answer, Matteo had tenderly grabbed his chin, turned his face and planted a soft kiss on his lips. Since the run-in with his former classmates, David had felt awful. He’d wanted to shed his skin like a snake and he’d looked at the self-portrait he’d done long ago more than once. It was macabre in a way, but an accurate visualisation of how he felt.

Matteo wrapped an arm around his shoulders and he relaxed into the touch. They hadn’t done anything but soft kisses and cuddling and David, despite feeling the way he did about his body, missed the heated touches. He wanted them but when Matteo offered them, he pulled away, overwhelmed by an irrational fear that Matteo would reject him once his clothes were off. He knew Matteo wanted him. He could feel the evidence of it when the boy would grind against him. He could see it in the heated gaze. He could hear it in the way his breath would grow heavier. And Matteo was so patient about it. He did know that Matteo had spent a lot longer in the shower than usual a few times though. The boy had come back from said showers, relaxed in a way only an orgasm could achieve. He didn’t blame him for it, but he couldn’t help but wonder what Matteo was thinking about at the time.

“Any plans for the day?” Mia asked and David had to pull himself back to reality. He didn’t have any plans other than get a few hours of studying in.

“Not really…” he shrugged. “You?”

“I have a meeting with my study group…” Vicky did not look the least bit pleased by the fact. “Honestly, they’re all morons, I can’t understand why any of them chose psychology as their majors considering they’ve got the collective emotional range of a fucking teaspoon!”

They all laughed at that and David felt a little more like himself than he’d done in over a week.

“What are you doing today then?” Matteo asked Mia, but he glanced at David as he spoke. The whole thing was a little odd and David couldn’t help but think that his boyfriend had ulterior motives with the question.

“I have work… We have a staff meeting about the next issue… we’ll probably go out afterwards,” Mia had gotten a part-time position at a local paper when she came back from Spain, which worked really well with her aim of a degree in journalism.

“Good luck with that,” Matteo laughed and somehow the air felt lighter than before. This was familiar. This was what David loved about the WG. It was the ease and camaraderie that was always present.

They made small-talk while eating breakfast. Linn joined them, opting for coffee instead of tea. Vicky had learned early on that so much as trying to keep Linn away from her morning coffee was the equivalent of declaring war.

“I won’t be home tonight” Linn declared before she left and the four of them all looked at each other with raised eyebrows. The girl had been out a lot more for weeks, and she was cryptic about it. David had tried to needle information out of her to no avail. The girl was a mystery.

“I guess it’s time for us to leave too,” Mia sighed and stood up, putting her cup in the sink, preparing to start doing the dishes. She always did them right away.

As he looked at Matteo, he caught the contemplative look in the blue eyes and smiled. Fuck. He loved that boy. A lot.

They were alone in the flat, something that was rather rare since there was basically six of them living in it now. They were leaning against one end of the sofa each, their feet tucked together as they worked on their respective projects. David had given up on the script for the moment, as he had been stuck on the same part for an hour.

It was comfortable and domestic in a way he’d never thought himself capable of enjoying. They had been sitting like that for a couple of hours and his back was starting to ache, having sat in the same position for too long.

“Need a break?” Matteo asked without looking away from his own screen.

“Yeah…” he stretched and that did make Matteo look up. And David could feel his insides do a flip. The look in those blue eyes screamed want and it was strange to have someone look at him like that. He didn’t think he’d ever get used to having Matteo look at him like that.

“Wanna eat something?” Matteo looked away, but David could clearly see the way the pale skin of the other boy had gone pink. While he wasn’t quite ready to have things turn physical again, it felt good to have that effect on someone. Especially on Matteo.

“I could eat… you want to cook something or should we eat left-overs?” he asked.

“Left-overs” Matteo said as he got up from the couch. “I’ll get it.”

And with that Matteo disappeared into the kitchen. It was so fucking frustrating to want to feel Matteo inside him and not be able to accept it.

As he stood up to stretch, his eyes caught a glimpse of what Matteo had been working on. It was the app, he realised. Matteo had only told him a little bit of his plan for it. The boy had been so insecure about it, said it was a stupid idea. A fit of crippling self-doubt had taken over the boy he loved so dearly that David had basically forced a description out of him. The idea wasn’t just not bad, it was brilliant. It was an app for keeping track of one’s health. Mental and physical, but mostly mental. It would make keeping track of appointments and prescriptions and doses so much easier. A function to keep track of moods, so it would be easier to figure out if there were patterns to them. A list of national help-line numbers and if all went to plan, local ones. It would list help-groups.

Apparently Matteo had been working on another function. He didn’t understand any of the coding but the words binder-timer made him want to cry. He’d truly found the most incredible and considerate boy in the world and somehow he’d fallen in love with David. And then he couldn’t keep the tears back. He was still staring at the words when Matteo came back with a bowl of Pasta á la Luigi and two forks.

“David?” Matteo didn’t rush to him and David didn’t need to look at him to know that Matteo knew exactly what he was looking at.

He felt the seat dip as Matteo sat down next to him, having set the food down on the table. Finally, he turned and wrapped the other boy in a tight hug, burying his face in Matteo’s neck, breathing in his scent.

“I love you… so much” he managed to choke out and all the tension he hadn’t even known was there, left him as Matteo pulled him closer still and held him.

“I love you too” Matteo leaned back against the couch and with a bit of shuffling, they got comfortable.

Matteo fell asleep first, as he nearly always did, and eventually so did David.

Chapter Text

David

When he woke up again, Matteo was wrapped around him like some overgrown koala. Arms were holding him tightly, a leg was slung over his thighs, messy hair tickled his face and every time the other boy breathed out he could feel it against his neck. He didn’t think he would ever tire of waking up like that, feeling so safe and loved. With just a little wriggling he got his phone out to check the time and he had to squint at the harsh glare of the screen. The numbers told him it was a little after 6 and though he didn’t want to, he knew he should wake his boyfriend up. If he didn’t, his sleeping patterns would be fucked over again and that was never pleasant. He also wanted to make the most of the time since they had the apartment to themselves the entire evening.

“Hey… wake up,” he gently nudged Matteo in the side and all he got was a little whine. So he nudged harder – twice – to make sure it had the desired effect.

“Na?” Matteo blinked up at him and David got sucked into those blue eyes that were slightly cross-eyed from sleep.

“Hi,” David mumbled, pressing his lips to Matteo’s forehead. He still felt a bit overwhelmed. The crying had taken a lot out of him, but he felt better. Lighter.

Matteo’s stomach rumbled and they both laughed. They’d completely forgotten about eating and the pasta had gone cold again.

“I’ll go heat it again,” he announced and began to try to extract himself from the hold the blond had on him. After some struggle he managed to stand up.

As he stood in the kitchen, waiting for the microwave to work its magic, he decided that he needed to at least try to get back to normal. He’d attend the weekly meetup, he’d go to class, and he’d go for his usual runs… Maybe he could get someone to join him. He didn’t feel quite ready to do that on his own. And he felt ridiculous for how afraid he was, how the very thought of running into them made him break out in a cold sweat and hi heart jump into his throat. Maybe he could get Sam or Mohammed or even Kiki to join him. They all worked out regularly.

The ‘ding’ of the microwave – the only thing in the kitchen, besides the electric kettle, he was allowed to use – brought him out of his musings and he smiled a little. It felt so domestic to do all of this that he did with Matteo. And for that matter it was really nice to be around people who accepted him as one of their own. Besides Laura. Laura would always have his back, she was his sister and he loved her. But it was nice to know that there were other people too.

He gingerly took hold of the bowl, almost too hot to hold, and brought it back to the living room where Matteo was still sprawled out on the couch.

“I thought I’d have to go rescue you… In case you somehow managed to set the kitchen on fire” Matteo had that teasing glint in his eye that always meant mischief. David would be lying if he said he didn’t find the look incredibly attractive.

“Ass” he simply said, the insult not sounding anything like one, as he sat down. He balanced the bowl on his lap as Matteo handed him one of the forks.

“Pot meet kettle,” the handsome boy next to him chided and nuzzled David’s shoulder before attacking the food. David just laughed and dug in too.

They fell into the familiar banter while they ate. They’d playfully shove the other when they thought the other was hogging the bowl or taking too much at a time.

“You know… I love living here,” Matteo started and David very deliberately didn’t turn to look at him. He had a feeling that he knew where the sentence was headed and it turned his insides into a million butterflies, “but I’m looking forward to having our own place one day.”

And that wasn’t quite the phrasing David had imagined. Matteo sounded so sure that they’d be together in the future. David was too most days, but then there were periods of when self-doubt kicked him in the ass repeatedly.

“You haven’t even asked if I want to do that,” he leaned in to kiss Matteo’s cheek just to make it crystal clear that he was joking.

“Well… I know you do.“ Matteo put the empty bowl on the table, “why wouldn’t you want to live with all this?”

Matteo made a vague gesture to himself and David couldn’t resist kissing him, properly this time.

“Oh I don’t know… I’d have to do all the cleaning,” he said as he pushed Matteo against the back of the couch.

“Yeah, but you’d starve if you lived on your own. Fuck knows how you haven’t set us all on fire,” Matteo’s hands on his hips burned even through the sweatpants he was wearing and it made something come alive in David. Something he’d missed since that awful day a little over a week ago.

“I’m not that bad!” David was only a little offended by the attack on his admittedly non-existent culinary skills.

“David, you burned pasta. Pasta,” Matteo was pressing kisses to his throat and David pressed down where he was straddling the other boy.

“I did not!” he laughed a little when the messy hair he loved dragging his fingers through tickled his jaw.

“Whatever makes you sleep at night,” David could feel the smirk against his throat and in retaliation he yanked on those blond strands of hair.

David was about to say something when Matteo apparently decided that conversation was overrated and pressed his lips against David’s.

The kiss quickly turned into something a lot more heated than they’d engaged in in the last couple of days. David coaxed Matteo’s lips apart to run his tongue against his. The groan that escaped the other boy sent a shiver through him. Without thinking much he pressed his hips down again on Matteo. David nearly toppled over when Matteo’s hips jerked upwards to meet him but he steadied himself by wrapping his arms around his boyfriend’s shoulders, one hand again tangling with the messy mop of hair.

“Fuck,” Matteo gasped and David started to grind against the hardening length beneath him. It was such a rush to feel the way Matteo wanted him.

His own blood was singing in his ears and he wanted. He wanted the bliss of having the blond boy so close. Matteo’s hands were still on his hips, but they were more adamant in keeping them firmly together, following every roll, letting David set the pace.

Matteo pulled his head back slightly, presumably to breathe, and David took the opportunity to let his lips travel down the pale skin of his neck. The hand holding the blond hair firmly making sure he’d have access to the spot under Matteo’s jaw that always elicited a moan.

Their breathing was growing heavy and David could feel himself growing wetter as desire coursed through him. His thighs were straining with the effort to keep moving, but he ground down harder and a little faster anyway.

When he got the angle just right to keep rubbing against his sweet spot his moans became more of a continuous stream than occasional gasps. Matteo matched him for every sound though.

One of Matteo’s hands came up to grab David’s wild curls and tugged on them until he complied, meeting the pink lips with his own again.

The whine that escaped him when Matteo sank his teeth into his bottom lip would’ve been embarrassing if anyone else had been there to hear it. But they were blissfully alone and David felt no shame. Not when he had Matteo meeting his every move with a feverish fervour.

“David…” Matteo choked out and pressed their foreheads together, neither really able to keep up with the kissing. “Stop”

David froze immediately and forced himself to meet Matteo’s gaze. And what a fucking sight it was. The normally light blue eyes were almost completely black, lips were swollen, hair was even messier than before and Matteo’s cheeks were pink. David had a feeling he had a very similar expression himself.

“What? You okay?” he asked, his hands sliding to cup that adorable face, worried that maybe Matteo just went along with it to make David feel better.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Matteo smiled and covered one of David’s own, “but I’m gonna cum if you keep doing that”

And… oh. David shuddered and he had to close his eyes. And then he rolled his hips in deliberate circles, quickly finding the right angle and pace again.

“Do it,” he whispered, leaning in so his breath tickled Matteo’s ear. He could feel his own release inching closer too, which surprised him. Usually he needed more direct touch to get this close, but maybe it was a result of them not doing anything together for much longer than they were used to.

Matteo buried his face against David’s neck and occasionally pressed his lips against it, or grazed it with his teeth only to soothe it with his tongue. The hand in his hair was still there, keeping his head tilted back and he let his eyes close when Matteo’s other hand slid under his sweater to press against the bare skin on his back, fingertips playing with the waistband of his sweats.

“Matteo,” he gasped and drew in a sharp breath when the rubbing against him set off sparks in his every nerve-ending. He was so close to tipping over the edge.

“I’ve got you… come on, David, let go,” Matteo encouraged against his neck and the words did something and he shuddered as the pleasure erupted in fireworks way more intense than he had anticipated.

Matteo held him close, both arms wrapped tightly around David’s torso, keeping them chest to chest as his hips jerked uncontrollably as he came. David gingerly hugged the other’s shoulders, running his fingers through hair damp with sweat to soothe him.

“Well… that was…” David couldn’t find the words to describe it. They’d never done that before. Or well… Matteo had come in his pants on more than one occasion – which David was immensely proud of – but David had never gotten off on dry-humping like that before. It had always just been a prelude to Matteo getting his hands on him.

“Yeah…” Matteo agreed and when David looked down he was met with a face that looked thoroughly fucked out and a dopey grin.

Matteo

“Ugh… I need a shower now,” Matteo complained, but it wasn’t really a complaint. His whole body was relaxed and he wasn’t entirely sure that his legs would carry him if he tried to stand up.

“Me too,” David had all but collapsed on top of him, pushing Matteo further into the backrest of the couch.

“Do you wanna share or do you wanna go on your own?” Matteo really didn’t want to separate from David yet, even if they were still fully dressed.

“Is it… is it alright if I wanna go on my own?” David’s tone was the strangest mix of being completely sated and nervous and Matteo held him tighter.

“Of course”

“I just… I can’t… not yet…” he felt David shift and forced himself to look up.

“It’s okay… but I wanna go first. Dried cum is seriously uncomfortable,” Matteo waggled his eyebrows and David laughed softly, which was what he’d been aiming for.

“Fine, can you please make it quick though?” David asked as he pretty much flopped down sideways on the seat, not helping at all when Matteo pushed his boyfriend’s legs so he could stand up.

He wobbled a little before finding his footing properly and grimaced as he felt how sticky his boxers had become. He wasn’t kidding when he said dried cum was no fun, but still wet cum wasn’t fun either.

“You okay to walk?” David was grinning ear to ear with a very smug look on his face.

“Yeah, yeah,” he flipped the other boy off for good measure before making his way to the bathroom. He’d get some clean clothes after. With only David home there was no need to be careful about nudity.

He didn’t lock the door as he undressed, in case David decided to join him after all. He probably wouldn’t, but on the off-chance he did, Matteo didn’t want to miss it. Despite David telling him to make it quick, he washed his hair. He didn’t like how greasy it got when he sweated. When he was low, he could go days without showering, which was why he really made the effort when he felt good. He always felt like he was slipping when he didn’t do it. And David really liked it when he was at least somewhat clean.

He had just wrapped a towel around his hips when David sauntered into the bathroom. He could feel his cheeks heating up as he felt David very obviously checking him out.

“I’ve done the dishes,” David announced and Matteo couldn’t help smiling. Jonas and Abdi always teased him about how domestic they were, but he couldn’t care less about that. He knew they were just jealous. And Carlos was always the first to fire back. Carlos and Kiki acted like they’d been married for 10 years already… and probably would be legally if Carlos’ hare-brained proposal plans ever actually happened. He was picking up extra shifts as a plumber to buy a ring. Matteo didn’t know what he thought about that. He knew he wanted to spend the rest of his life with David. Live with David. He just didn’t know if the whole marriage thing was something he wanted. There were other ways to get more or less the same benefits.

“Thanks,” he cupped David’s cheek and kissed the other before exiting. Giving David the privacy he wanted. It was never a given that the other boy would let Matteo share showers with him, or see him completely naked, but whenever it happened it was always a privilege.

As he came into the living room again he decided that he didn’t want to spend the rest of the night there. He wanted to cuddle in bed while watching whatever movie David wanted to show him. When they were on their road-trip, waiting for someone to pick them up in some small town in northern Italy, David had made a list of all the movies and series he deemed important. Next on the list was ‘Unsere Mütter, unsere Väter*’. Which was probably going to be depressing as fuck. But he’d watch it because David wanted to. But they weren’t gonna watch that tonight.

He’d put on a pair of boxers and gotten under the covers in their bed, his laptop perched on his knees, when David came through the door. His hair was still damp from the shower and he was dressed in one of Matteo’s t-shirts and boxers. He looked so relaxed and happy, he still had the glow of a good orgasm and it turned his insides into a warm mush.

“What do you wanna watch?” he asked as he scooted over a bit so David could lie down.

“Don’t know… something that isn’t depressing,” David answered and Matteo grinned as David settled and held an arm out in invitation to cuddle.

“Nothing from your list then,” he teased and wiggled until he could comfortable rest against the other boy, an arm coming over his shoulder to rest on his naked chest.

“Fuck off,” David scoffed but nuzzled Matteo’s hair despite the genuine annoyance. David was really pretentious and sensitive about his list.

“Ass,” he teased as he turned is head to be able to meet the warm brown eyes he loved. He puckered his lips, silently asking for a kiss, which he was granted.

They ended up binging Notruf Hafenkante*, making fun of everything about it. It was nice and didn’t require much concentration.

It was close to midnight when they finally turned the computer off and wormed their way down to go to sleep.

David turned around and Matteo slid his arms around him, assuming their preferred sleeping position. Matteo really didn’t understand couples who slept on one side of the bed each.

“I meant it you know…” he whispered, feeling a little like he was sharing a secret.

“What?” David seemed like he was very close to falling asleep.

“About us living together. I want that,” he burrowed his face into the curls tickling his face.

“I want that too… not yet… but eventually I want a place that’ll be just ours,” the words made Matteo feel warm all over from the inside and out. He always felt like that when David spoke about the future, specifically their future.

“When you’re a famous director you’re gonna have to buy me a house with a proper kitchen,” Matteo joked and David’s laughter made them both shake.

“Or when you’re some fancy CEO of a soft-ware company you’ll buy me a house with my own studio,” David countered.

“Hm… at least we agree it should be a house…” he hid his smile in David’s hair even if it was too dark to see anything. And David has his back turned to him so he couldn’t see it anyway.

“It has to be big… so your Mama can live with us,” Matteo paused, pulling back a little.

“Wou–“ Matteo swallowed, “would you be okay with that?”

“Of course! I know you hate the idea of her living in that place long-term,” David covered Matteo’s hand resting on his stomach with his own, lacing their fingers together.

“Yeah…” and Matteo really did hate the idea of his mother living in a facility for the rest of her life. She was doing better, but she really couldn’t live on her own, not yet. And he didn’t want her to ever have to live alone again.

“Go to sleep, Matteo,” David mumbled and placed a kiss on the arm he used as a pillow.

Chapter Text

David

David was feeling more or less himself again as he was preparing to go for a run with Kiki. Matteo had grumbled about it being too fucking early and too fucking cold to be outside when David freed himself from the sleepy embrace. He’d just laughed and pressed his lips to Matteo’s even if the other boy was barely awake enough to respond to it.

He’d gotten a message from Leonie the night before, bragging about her and Sara’s escapades in Madrid. He missed both of them, but Leonie had shot him down when he tried to make them feel guilty for abandoning him, reminding him that he’d spent most of the summer gallivanting through Italy with his boyfriend. He hadn’t told them about what had happened yet. He hadn’t actually told anyone but Matteo yet. It was so hard to put it into words. He knew he should at least tell Laura though, but he’d put her through so much already. And nothing had actually happened, so what was the point now that it was over?

As he stepped out into the fresh air, he was sorely tempted to go back inside and slide back into bed with Matteo. But he wasn’t about to give the blond the satisfaction of being right about his statement that had its roots purely in the fact that he was lazy. Besides, David needed to exercise properly or he’d probably go insane. Art and sports had always been his coping mechanisms and he could feel his whole body humming with an energy that only filled him when he was long overdue a proper work-out.

As he was lightly jogging towards the park he’d agreed to meet up with Kiki in, he felt some of the anxiety melt away. He still didn’t like going around on his own and he hated himself for it. They hadn’t really done anything and the risk of running into them again was low. He hadn’t seen so much as their shadows since that day. But it wasn’t just the remnants of that encounter that weighed on his mind. He was constantly reminded of how he’d felt every day as he made his way to school. He’d felt a lot like a prisoner off to face his executioner every morning… not to be overdramatic or anything.

He shrugged, as if he could physically shake the thoughts out of his head. His phone buzzed in his pocket. It was a message from Kiki wondering where he was, he looked at the time in the corner of the screen. He was only 3 minutes late, but he’d learned both through personal experience and second-hand accounts that Kiki was both punctual and impatient when it came to certain things. Carlos had once basically collapsed face-first into Matteo’s couch asking if it was really such a big deal that he’d been home 15 minutes later than he’d said. David didn’t really understand why Kiki was so… pedantic about things like that and it honestly got on his nerves a bit. He quickly sent an almost there in response and picked up the pace again.

He arrived at the agreed meeting-spot and saw Kiki stretching. He didn’t know her very well, but Matteo had told him that she’d been adamant about helping David after he was outed. And she’d always been quite sweet when the boys and girls hung out together. And while he didn’t really trust Carlos’ judgement, he did trust Amira’s so… that was that.

“Sorry I’m late…” he huffed, almost two weeks without his normal routine had affected him a lot more than he liked.

“Whatever,” she leaned over to stretch a calf. She seemed more tense than usual, which made him frown.

“Are you okay?” he asked and immediately wished he hadn’t when her entire face twisted into something thunderous.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” she demanded, hands on her hips.

“I…” he didn’t know how to backtrack from this.

“You just seem a bit stressed,” he sighed, preparing for a verbal onslaught.

“Sorry, yeah… there’s a lot going on,” Kiki admitted and to David’s great surprise she sat down on the bench. It was really too cold to be still while being outside and he kind of wished he’d worn an extra layer under his usual gear.

“Did Carlos do something idiotic again?” he asked, mostly to lighten the mood. But given the fact that Carlos was oblivious at the best of times, it wasn’t out of the realm of possibility.

“I wish,” Kiki’s shoulders sagged and he got a distinct feeling that Kiki, like him, didn’t really feel comfortable letting people in on their problems.

“What then?” at a complete loss as to what to do, he placed a tentative hand on her shoulder.

“Mum has vodka for breakfast,” Kiki didn’t so much as glance at him when she said it, but he could feel the tension in her shoulder.

“Shit”

“Yeah, shit…” Maybe it was no wonder Kiki seemed to need to be in control so badly then.

“But you live with Carlos now, you have your own place,” maybe she felt like Matteo… that she had to take care of her mum and felt guilty for moving out.

“Yeah, and that’s great. But my little sister still lives with her and… well, it was hard when it was the two of us and now she’s basically alone with her because dad has moved in with his new girlfriend and Zoe refuses to live with them” Kiki sighed and David kind of wanted to offer her a joint. Matteo was definitely rubbing off on him.

“That really sucks… I don’t suppose she could stay with you and Carlos for a bit?” David had never hesitated in moving in with Laura, but then it had been a decision made by the entire family and their parents helped out with paying rent and food.

“Oh she can stay over whenever she wants… but she doesn’t like the idea of living with me and my boyfriend either” they laughed at that and David vividly remembered that first time he and Matteo had gone to visit them and had subsequently been traumatised.

“I can definitely understand that,” he playfully shoved her and Kiki laughed while turning pink.

“Anyway, let’s get on with this run before we turn to ice,” Kiki said as she stood up, jumping in place to get her blood flow going again.

“Yeah, let’s go,” and then they were off.

They ran mostly in silence, both a little lost in their own world until one of them would increase the tempo, forcing the other to follow.

Matteo

He’d only been half-awake when David left for his run with Kiki. Way too early to get up on a Saturday. Or any day you didn’t have to get up early for. Matteo wasn’t a fan of many things when it came to trying to be a proper adult, but rarely having to get up before 8 in the morning was a perk. So he went completely back to sleep once David had left.

He woke up closer to lunch again and could hear people moving about in the living room. The get-together the night before had been a lot more sober than usual. There had been a lot of people missing due to various things. Sam and her roommates had finally decided to try to get to know each other, Mia and Vicky had dinner plans with Vicki’s parents, Abdi had to cover a shift at a restaurant since one of his co-workers were sick and Amira was still travelling across Australia (despite repeated attempts from several people – Matteo included – to get her to come home early due to the fires). Linn had also been missing, but her reason was unknown. So it had just been Matteo, David, Hans, Jonas, Hanna, Carlos and Kiki. Hans had frequently complained about being stuck with all the couples. Hanna had more or less passed out with her head in Jonas’ lap as soon as they came. Her studies to become a midwife were intense to say the least. Matteo was so relieved he could do his courses at half-speed because if he had to do it at the regular pace he’d never make it.

Reluctantly he left the warm cocoon he’d made himself in the bed and pulled a hoodie and a pair of sweatpants on. The first thing he saw when he opened the door was Hans sprawled out on the sofa with a steaming cup of coffee on the table.

“Morning, butterfly!” Matteo would never understand where Hans got his energy from. Maybe the universe had given all the energy meant for Matteo to Hans by accident. Like that meme with God accidentally spilling something when making a person.

“Morning,” he mumbled and laid down on the other sofa.

“You just got up and you’re laying down?” Hans teased and Matteo would have kicked him if he hadn’t been too lazy to get up.

“Fuck off,” he said instead and half-heartedly gave Hans the middle finger.

“Where’s your other half?” Hans queried, making Matteo roll his eyes. If it was up to Hans, David and Matteo would be married with two dogs, a cat and like five kids living in some pretentious old villa in the countryside this time next year. The thought terrified Matteo a bit… but he didn’t mind all of it. He certainly wouldn’t mind living with David in a nice house and a few pets.

“Running with Kiki,” he said, it sounded a lot like he’d said David was out committing some kind of crime and not just exercising.

“But it’s cold!” Hans exclaimed and Matteo was immensely gratified that Hans agreed with him.

“I know! They’re insane,” he did think it was an insane thing to be out running on an early Saturday morning in the end of October… but he did very much appreciate the way David looked as a result. It was virtually impossible to not be distracted by the more and more defined muscles.

“I bet it’s really nice to have such a fit boyfriend though,” Hans smirked and waggled his eyebrows and Matteo just knew that his ears and face were turning red.

“Have you been checking my boyfriend out behind my back?” he countered, trying to throw Hans off his game. A fruitless attempt.

“David’s very handsome, and in another life I might have flirted with him… but it would be a wasted effort in this one,” Hans declared with his dramatic flair and Matteo nearly choked. He was very much aware that other people, boys and girls alike, stared at David the few times they did go out. Matteo wasn’t actually that bothered by it most of the time, but sometimes he felt a twinge of jealousy.

“Oh?” he didn’t know how to respond to Hans’ statement.

“Yeah, because he only ever looks at you… Seriously, it’s almost embarrassing to look at you two look at each other,” the older man sighed and rolled his eyes.

Matteo felt the heat rising in his face again. He was comfortable with who he was now, everyone that mattered hadn’t changed and were still there. He didn’t give a fuck about what anyone else thought about him or his relationship. It did piss him off that sometimes when they held hands in public, people would give them looks, but he didn’t feel bad about it. If they didn’t like it, it was their problem. But even if he was comfortable, it was still embarrassing to be called out on being so obvious about his feelings. Though it made him all warm to have it confirmed that he didn’t imagine the way David looked at him.

“Whatever,” he mumbled and hugged one of the pillows to his chest, hiding his smile in it.

“I’m jealous sometimes…” Hans admitted and Matteo narrowed his eyes.

“Well, everyone is jealous of me and David because we’re awesome,” he boasted and Hans threw one of the pillows he was leaning against at him. Matteo kept it from hitting him in the face and it landed on the floor with a dull thud.

“I mean it though. You two have something really special…”Hans’ smile was so sincere Matteo couldn’t answer.

“Yeah…” he mumbled and hid his face in the pillow again.

“I can’t believe you got it on the first try! And here I am going on Grindr dates, putting myself out there!” Hans complained and flailed his arms for dramatic effect.

“David isn’t the first guy I’ve liked though…” He admitted and it surprised him that he didn’t feel awkward or ashamed to say it.

“He isn’t? You’ve never said anything… I know you dated that blonde girl… Sara? But I know for a fact you never felt anything like that for her” Hans sat up, focusing all his attention on Matteo.

“I used to have a huge crush on Jonas,” he paused and shifted a bit. Hanna may have forgiven him for what he did, but Jonas still didn’t know anything about it. And he certainly didn’t know the reason.

“Like, Jonas-Jonas?” Hans stared at him with wide eyes.

“Yeah… I kind of was the reason he and Hanna broke up the first time… I mean, there were plenty of stuff going on but I didn’t help,” he’d kind of broached the subject with Line during his last appointment with her. He couldn’t shake the guilt about it.

“What did you do?” Hans took a sip of his coffee.

“I made sure Jonas found out that Hanna had kissed someone else…” he whispered, he couldn’t look at Hans as he said it.

“Oh… well, we all do shitty things sometimes. And Hanna has clearly forgiven you… so has Jonas, so I don’t see the problem,” and if that wasn’t Hans in a nutshell. He was so good at the forgiveness thing. Matteo was decent at forgiving others, maybe he sometimes even forgave things he shouldn’t, but he was downright horrible at forgiving himself.

“Jonas doesn’t know,” which was the biggest issue. He felt like he was lying to Jonas by not telling him.

“Well, he doesn’t need to. He and Hanna have worked things out,” Hans made it seem so simple. And he sounded a lot like Line.

“I feel like I’m lying to him… and that’s a shitty thing to do to your best friend!” he was getting a bit agitated. It had been so long and he’d wanted to tell Jonas and then so much time had passed that it felt like it would get even worse when he’d finally grow the balls to confess.

“Then tell him! Look, Jonas might need some time to process it but he’s your best friend. He’s not going to leave because of that. And you said they had other problems so they’d have broken up either way. What you did was shitty, but not unforgivable. And they’re back together and don’t think I don’t know you masterminded that whole thing!” Hans got up, rounded the table and sat down by Matteo’s feet, gently squeezing one of his knees.

“I don’t know… I don’t think I could cope if…” he couldn’t even get the words out.

“He’s not going to leave,” Hans reassured him and Matteo closed his eyes, willing himself not to cry.

He nodded slowly and looked at the older man who had gotten up and then reclaimed his previous position.

Chapter Text

David

David had taken to recording all his lectures (after clearing it with the professors, of course) since he tended to forget to take notes when he was consumed by the sheer enthusiasm of his teachers and a power-point didn’t cover everything. He was listening to the latest lecture, it was about how to use music and sound to change the atmosphere of the same scene. The example had been a shot of a woman on a ferry. He hadn’t really thought about that aspect of film-making before. He’d mostly focused on lighting, angles and plot, but five minutes into it, he’d realised just how much impact sound – or the lack of it – made.

Absentmindedly he ran his fingers through Matteo’s hair as his boyfriend used his thigh as a pillow as he tested the different functions of the app he was developing. He could hear vaguely how Matteo hummed in content through his headphones when David started gently massaging his scalp and felt the corners of his mouth twitch into a small smile. The blond boy reminded him so much of a dog sometimes, constantly looking for cuddles and basking in all the caresses David gave. It was strange to think that this time last year he’d recoiled when anyone that wasn’t his immediate family tried to touch him. A year ago he’d been hiding in bathrooms during breaks and deliberately distanced himself from everyone. Even his parents and Laura to a degree.

Speaking of his parents, they’d wanted to come visit for a while and had finally been able to coordinate their schedules. They’d stay with Laura (in David’s room, which meant he’d have to go over there and clean – aka hide anything he didn’t want them to see) while David stayed at Matteo’s. It wasn’t even like it would make a difference for him since he only went to Laura’s when he needed to pick up his mail. He was even doing his laundry at Matteo’s now. He probably should tell Matteo about it though… he really wanted to introduce him to his parents. Terrifying as the prospect was. And considering he had been an absolute wreck of nerves when they went to visit Mama for the first time, it was only fair that he gave his boyfriend a heads-up.

“My parents are coming to visit in three weeks,” he hadn’t planned to be that blunt and abrupt but it was too late to take it back now.

“Fuck… uhm… okay… we’re gonna have to scrub the whole place!” It was actually adorable how his boyfriend’s eyes went wide in a sort of prelude to panic.

“It’s fine! Besides, they’ll be staying at Laura’s,” he gently let a thumb run across Matteo’s cheekbone, to keep him from going into a complete state of panic.

“Oh… okay…”

“I still want them to meet you, I was thinking maybe we could have dinner together… maybe at that Italian place?” David hadn’t actually been to that restaurant. Matteo had taken one look at the menu and with a comical amount of authority declared that they would never go there. According to the blond boy they were nothing short of a disgrace to Italian cuisine.

“Absolutely NOT! David! They have bastardised Italian food! The family that owns it aren’t even Italian! They're called Müller! David!”

David was laughing so hard at the end of Matteo’s outburst that he almost knocked him off the couch. It was always entertaining to poke the inner Italian pride.

“Bastardised?!” he wheezed between fits of laughter while Matteo looked like David had suggested sacrificing an infant to some god or other.

“Yes! David, seriously, I can’t meet your parents for the first time like that!” Despite still being caught in a fit of giggles, David sensed the underlying anxiety. The first time he met Mama they visited her at the assisted living facility. She’d cooked enough food to feed a small army and they’d had left-overs for a week. While sharing with Laura, Hans and Vicki.

“Alright, alright… what do you suggest then?” Matteo had sat up and was wringing his hands in his lap. Maybe making light of the situation wasn’t the way to go.

“I don’t know… I could cook something at Laura’s?” Fucking hell… David really had hit the jackpot when it came to boyfriends.

“Sounds great. Your cooking is better than any restaurant’s anyway,” he grinned as Matteo snorted.

“Even those with Michelin stars?”

“Better than any affordable restaurant then. And have you seen the portions in those places? They’re tiny.”

They settled into silence again, Matteo resting his back against David who had his arm around him. Fingers laced together. They sat like that for quite a while, not really doing anything but enjoying the moment.

“What are they like?” the blond boy finally asked, it seemed like he’d been wanting to ask for a long time. David hadn’t talked about them much outside of all the legal stuff with the name change and him starting to transition in the first place.

“They’re nice, I guess…”

“But they’re on board with you, right? Otherwise you wouldn’t have been able to get the shots or change your name”

“Yeah, it took them a long time to agree though… and the first time dad called me son was like a month before I transferred” he really hated thinking about it all. It hurt to think of how against him they’d been for almost two years.

Matteo didn’t say anything, he just nuzzled David’s shoulder, kissing it even if it was covered by a thick hoodie.

Matteo

David was sitting at his desk, headphones on, working on a script that had been stressing him out for the past three days. The setting sun cast a warm glow around him, making him look like a God. Fuck, his boyfriend’s really hot and Matteo felt the desire like a punch to the gut as David stretched, arching his back and head thrown back. He wanted to touch him so badly.

Since that time on the couch they’d had a quite a few heavy make-out sessions but nothing more. And damn, Matteo missed having David as close as was possible. He missed having David run his hands all over his body, making him forget everything but his boyfriend. He knew David missed it too. And it’s not like sex was the most important thing to their relationship, if he had to pick between a life without sex or one without David, the choice was easy. It wasn’t even a choice. Because there was no option in his mind that meant a life without David.

And it seemed like inspiration had finally struck his creative man, so Matteo didn’t make his presence known. He headed out to the kitchen where Mia and Vicki were teasing Hans about his latest Grindr date.

“He was cute at least… but–“ Vicki tried, and failed, to stifle a laugh. She laughed so hard she couldn’t even finish what she was going to say.

“Butterfly! Save me from those–“ Hans dramatically threw himself against Matteo and proceeded to hide behind him “–evil creatures!”

“What?” once he moved into an apartment with David, he’d miss these things about living in the WG. The sheer silliness that occurred almost every day. But on the other hand he really wanted a place where he and David could exist in their own little bubble. And he wanted to be able to ogle his extremely hot boyfriend in peace.

“He went on a date with some guy off Grindr” Mia said and that was both enough and too little information in one sentence. Hans’ Grindr dates ranged between the just slightly eccentric to the absolute absurd most of the time.

“Ja?” he prompted and Hans hissed behind him.

“And he’s really hot but he had some very specific wishes in the bedroom” Vicki cackled and Hans had to come out from hiding behind Matteo when whatever he was cooking needed his attention.

“Do I even want to know?” he asked and he’d never seen Hans turn so red. He’d half thought that the man had long lost the ability to blush at something sexual.

“Don’t you dare say a word!” Hans exclaimed and Mia jumped up, using Vicki as a shield.

“He wanted Hans to dress up as Frodo!”

“Traitor! You don’t get any of the hot chocolate!” Hans said while pointing at Mia with the spoon he used to stir the hot liquid.

Matteo, Mia and Vicki all laughed and Hans kept grumbling about them ganging up on him.

Mia did in the end get her share of the chocolate. Hans could never hold a grudge for very long and they settled in the living room. Hans had decided they should all watch RuPaul’s Drag Race together and Matteo could admit it was entertaining. He didn’t really like how loud everything was on it, but once Hans turned the volume down a bit, it got better.

“Where’s Linn by the way?” he asked, he’d lived with her for over a year and she was still mostly a mystery to him. But he knew enough to know he liked her.

“No idea… but I’m pretty sure she’s got someone special” Hans wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

“Really?” Mia frowned and refilled her cup.

“Save some for David!” Matteo berated and Mia sent him a withering look.

“He’s working on his script, I think, and is not to be disturbed” he said in his best imitation of a teacher.

“Anyway, do we have any thoughts on who could have stolen our dear Linn’s heart?” Vicki interrupted.

“Not really, I mean, I’m pretty sure it’s a girl but she’s really secretive about it” Hans sighed. He actually looked a bit concerned. He was protective of everyone but with Linn he was even more so.

“She’ll tell you when she’s ready” Vicki comforted and that was that for the moment as they started the next episode.

They were almost halfway through the 4^th episode of the night when Matteo decided to check on David. So he got up and put the last of the hot chocolate in a mug to be reheated in the microwave for him.

Opening the door as quietly as he could, he saw David slumped over his laptop. He snuck up behind him, sliding his arms around David’s middle, pressing a kiss to the side of his neck.

“How’s it going?” he asked, prepared for another mini meltdown about not achieving the perfection he strived for.

“I think… I think I finally got it to be what I want it to be” David breathed as he leaned his head against Matteo’s shoulder.

“So what’s the problem?”

“I don’t know if I’m ready to have it out there” David had been very secretive about the contents of his work.

“Mhm?” he breathed in the scent that was so David.

“I… It’s basically about me. Like, when I realised I’m trans… that I’m a guy and… you know” Matteo wouldn’t pretend he understood everything about David and his experience, but David had told him enough for him to get the broad picture.

“And you’re worried about how your classmates are going to react?”

“Yeah…”

“If they react badly, they’re not worth paying attention to”

“I know, but I’m constantly going to have to worry about stuff like this if I’m going to work with film. Did you know that most trans characters are played by cis actors and actresses and then they get praised for being brave for taking the role?!” David’s breath was coming in short pants. “And then when an actual trans actor points out that the role really should have been played by, you know, someone who actually IS trans they get called oversensitive and they’re flooded with hate and…”

“It’s not fair” Matteo agreed, desperately wanting to soothe the hurt that poured out of the boy he loved. He didn’t really know what to do though… it’s not like he could magically fix it.

“It’s not! And I’m so tired of having to justify myself all the time…”

“You’ve been thinking about this a lot”

“Yeah, and now there’s the whole thing with people who regret transitioning trying to make it harder for kids to get the treatment they need… and they’re basically transphobes acting like their experience is the norm when it isn’t!”

Matteo squeezed David a little, hoping to provide some form of comfort. He couldn’t change any of the things that David was worried about. He wouldn’t even know where to start with that. But he could encourage David.

“So make sure you get the right actors in your movies. Have trans actors play cis characters. Have a diverse cast. Make the movies we want and need. You’ll be amazing and we’re going to look really hot on the red carpet when you win those fancy awards” he placed little kisses along David’s neck.

“I won’t win them. The people who pick the winners are racist as fuck and homophobic and… basically they’ll only give it to white middle-aged cis men!” Wow, David was in a really dark mood.

“I’ll bribe them when I’m a successful CEO who makes millions off video games”

“Fuck off” David said as he blindly reached backwards to playfully push Matteo’s face away. Matteo didn’t let him and all but lifted David to his feet.

“Come, Hans made hot chocolate and I saved some for you. We’re watching RuPaul’s Drag Race” he pulled David out of the room and were met with cheers as they emerged from their little bubble.

“The future winner of the Palme D’Or graces us with his presence!” Hans teased and just like that, David’s spirits seemed to brighten.

Chapter Text

Matteo

Matteo woke up to the sound of his alarm and an empty bed. David had his presentation and had firmly declined Matteo’s offer to go with him. It was a gloomy November morning, promising rain and cold. The kind of day Matteo would much rather spend in bed. But he had to get up and eat breakfast and take his pills. Like every other day. And he actually had plans for the day. David’s parents’ visit was two weeks away and like any chef worth their salt, Matteo would get at least one test-run of the recipe in before the actual event. He couldn’t risk messing up the first time he met Mr and Mrs Schreibner.

He rolled out of bed and stretched lazily, eyes unfocused as he searched for something to wear. They’d have to do laundry soon. The laundry-basket was overflowing with his and David’s clothes and he couldn’t resist a completely sappy smile. He very much liked the domesticity he’d achieved. It made him think about the conversation they’d had about living together in the future. He didn’t want that to be a too distant future.

He’d double checked his list at least ten times by the time he tied his shoes. He grabbed the hat, scarf and gloves David had gotten for him and off to the grocery store he went. He’d called his mother asking for a few recipes and she’d told him to call Nonna instead, reminding him that she was not the Italian side of the family in a light tone. She was doing pretty well, which was a relief. So he’d called Nonna who had badgered him for not calling often enough. And when he told her he was making dinner for his boyfriend’s parents, one could easily have thought she was strategizing for the next world war. So now he was armed with two family recipes, one for the main course and one for dessert. She had sounded rather put out by the thought of him having to make do with store bought ingredients, muttering something disparaging about German food.

He put his headphones on and as he so often did nowadays let Hozier drown the sounds of the other people on the bus. An old lady was sitting next to him and he dreaded having to ask her to move when it was his stop. He hoped she’d get off before that happened, but he didn’t think it would. He didn’t even really know why he dreaded it, people asked others to move on public transport all the time. It was stupid. David and Line would tell him it’s not stupid, but he thought it was. It didn’t make sense to have something so small feel so big.

To his relief the old lady got off at the same stop as he did, he offered her his arm as they stepped off the bus onto the pavement and she thanked him. It was fine and he felt even sillier for having worried about something so trivial. But he could put those thoughts into a box and shove it into a deep corner of his mind for now. After all, he was on a mission.

As he entered the store he was assaulted by the distinct smell of a supermarket. He shoved his gloves into his pockets and got the list out. It was pretty short and wouldn’t be too expensive. Nonna had recommended the dishes because they were fairly simple, but very tasty. She’d even sent him some money so he wouldn’t have to settle for lower quality goods, as she put it. She’d made sure it would cover both the trial-run and the actual event.

By the time he made it to the tills, his arm ached with the effort to carry the basket that was filled to the brim. He did not look forward to the second trip… Unless he could get David to come with him and carry it for him. That thought inevitably led to thoughts about David’s very nice arms. Specifically how they looked when David wore something sleeveless. He was rather proud of himself when he managed to stop thinking about that before he landed himself in an embarrassing situation. He smiled politely at the girl behind the till as he loaded all the items onto the conveyor belt, declining the offer of buying a bag. He was after all trying to be as eco-friendly as possible and had invested in bags that would actually last longer than one trip. He made everyone use them when they went shopping.

He was infinitely grateful that the WG wasn’t too far from the bus stop as he put the bags on the ground again for a brief respite. With a huff he lifted the two bags off the ground and tried to think of anything that didn’t feel like it was trying to rip his arms from their sockets. He didn’t particularly mind shopping for groceries, especially when he could be picky and go for the better options, but he really hated the journey back.

It felt like an eternity and the stairs up nearly did him in, but he made it. He kept telling himself he’d do it for David and imagined David eating what he made. Methodically he put the groceries he wouldn’t use in the fridge (and marvelled at the fact that his shelf was the most stocked for a change). Then he washed his hands and pulled out his phone to get the recipes and check the time. David wouldn’t be home for another 2 hours so he had plenty of time to get it all done. David had sent him a text just before he went up for his presentation but hadn’t sent anything since then. David had promised to come home as soon as he could, and Matteo believed he’d keep his word.

So he went ahead with the trial-run of the meal he was going to try to impress David’s parents with. Since the dessert was going to be served cold, he decided to start with that. It was a simple tiramisu cake, with his grandmother’s secret touch.

He checked his phone to see if David had sent anything when he started on the main course. He wanted to time it right so it was warm and fresh when his boyfriend came home. He thought about calling. Maybe he’d interrupt David? He didn’t want to be a nuisance. But David had told him he could never be that. So he decided to call.

David

He didn’t quite know how to feel about the presentation. It had gone well, he’d been praised for his choice of subject matter and gotten some good pointers on how to make the script flow better. It filled him with pride to get that response. And then the questions had begun. Most of them were simply curious and completely benign. Then there were the inevitable ignorant ones, trying to explain why his take on it was wrong. He’d had to reach very deep within himself to find the patience to explain that everyone had different experiences. Someone had objected to his portrayal of the parents, another to the fact that a gay guy would fall in love and desire a trans-man. It had hurt, even if he knew that none of what they said was true and based on ignorance and an abundance of misinformation.

As he was about to leave the classroom, his professor called out to him and his heart skipped a beat.

“David, I just wanted to tell you that I am very impressed with your script,” he was smiling and had that look on his face. The one everyone had when they wanted to ask.

“Thank you”

“Is it based on-“ his professor paused and cleared his throat “-personal experience?”

And there it was. David must have shown something on his face because the older man’s cheeks reddened.

“I’m sorry, that was…”

“Yeah. Some of it,” David looked down.

“Well, I must say it’s very different from what I’ve seen on the subject before. It’s bold, David. The way you tell the story”

“I… thank you?” his phone was buzzing in his pocket and he wanted to answer, but he felt like the man wanted to get to something.

“I want you to keep working on that script, David. I want to see that story on the big screen one day” The man smiled and David flushed with pride. The man might not have the most tact, but he was at least on the right track.

“I do too”

“Well, I shan’t keep you any longer. I’m sure you have plans for celebrating getting the presentation done”

“I do,” David said and he couldn’t hide the excitement that just thinking about it induced.

“Well, whatever those plans are, they must be good. Have a good weekend, David”

“They are, and you have a nice weekend as well”

With those words he turned around and finally pulled his phone out. He had one missed call from Matteo and he immediately pressed the call-button.

Matteo picked up on the second ring.

“David?” Matteo sounded almost apprehensive. He realised his boyfriend probably worried about how it had gone.

“Hi”

“So… how’d it go?”

“It was good,” he said as he exited the building, “really good actually, the professor asked me to stay behind so I couldn’t pick up”

“Oh… I’m sorry for disturbing that”

“You didn’t and I’m on my way home now”

“Oh good, I have a surprise for you when you get home”

David had a pretty good idea of what that surprise was and it made his heart beat a little faster and he picked up the pace. If it wouldn’t have attracted unwanted attention, he would’ve started running.

“I look forward to it, see you soon,” he almost walked into an older man when he hastily rounded another corner.

“Yeah, love you”

“The bus is here, love you too”

He sprinted towards the bus that had just arrived. He so wasn’t willing to wait for the next one when Matteo very likely had food waiting for him at home. Well… he wasn’t willing to wait for the next one when he had Matteo waiting for him at home, period.

For every stop the bus made, David had a long tirade of colourful curses running through his mind. Everything felt slow when all he wanted was to get home and see those blue eyes and messy hair. And the smile that Matteo reserved for David alone. And… god he wanted Matteo. He was gonna have to try really hard not to throw himself at his boyfriend the moment he laid eyes on him and press him against the door. Matteo had probably gone all out with the meal and David was not going to spoil that for him. He could wait until after… Fuck.

His leg wouldn’t stop bouncing as he impatiently waited for the bus to get to his stop. He also ignored the irritated looks the girl next to him shot his way.

Finally he could press the button and he nearly smacked the girl in the face with his bag in his haste to get off the bloody thing and he shouted an incredibly insincere sorry over his shoulder as he jumped down onto the pavement.

He practically flew up the stairs to the apartment and as he opened the door he was greeted by a scent that made his mouth water. He heard Matteo’s soft voice coming from the kitchen and had it been physically possible he was sure he’d be a puddle on the floor. Matteo singing while cooking was such a lovely thing. It meant the boy was in a really good place. Not to mention that David definitely had a thing for watching his boyfriend cook.

He quickly toed off his shoes, not really caring that someone would eventually trip over them where they haphazardly landed on the floor. In his haste to get out of his outer clothes he got tangled in the scarf and was very glad that no one was there to see his very not cool self. He’d never live it down and his friends already had enough ammunition to tease him with.

He paused in the doorway to the kitchen, drinking in the sight of Matteo moving around the kitchen with headphones on, singing along to Take Me To Church and looking as edible as the food smelled. Before Matteo could turn around and spot him, David snaked his arms around the other boy’s middle, resting his chin on his shoulder.

“Hi,” he whispered and smiled when Matteo turned his head enough to kiss him and took his headphones off.

“Hi”

“What are you making?” David asked as he peaked into the pot that Matteo was fussing over.

“Agnello cacio e ova” Matteo answers with an exaggerated italian accent that really shouldn’t make David weak in the knees, but does. And the words mean nothing to David.

“And what is it?” he pushes himself a little closer to Matteo so he’s flush against Matteo’s back.

“Lamb in cheese and egg sauce, Nonna gave me the recipe”

“Smells really good… almost as good as you” David can’t help but tease Matteo, not when the response colours the boy’s cheeks such a lovely pink.

“Fuck off” Matteo says and to David’s ears it sounds a lot like I love you.

David doesn’t let go of Matteo until the boy tells him the food is done and while David sets the table, Matteo brings out a bottle of red wine. And David realises he’s about to be properly wined and dined, like they’re re-enacting some really cheesy rom-com. He doesn’t hate it. At all.

“This is fucking amazing, Matteo,” he says and grins when his boyfriend flushes under the praise.

“You haven’t even tasted it yet”

“I don’t have to, everything you make is delicious”

“Flattery will get you nowhere, Schreibner”

“On the contrary, it will get me exactly where I want to be, Florenzi”

Matteo rolls his eyes and pours the wine into two glasses before sitting down on the opposite side to David, immediately shoving his feet under David’s.

As David is about to take his first bite, he notices Matteo watch him intently and the attention from anyone else would at least make him mildly uncomfortable. But it’s Matteo and David is having a really good day, so he basks in the attention. And he might exaggerate the moan hat escapes him once his taste buds come into contact with the food. It’s delicious.

“That good, huh?” Matteo raised an eyebrow so it disappeared under the messy fringe.

“Oh yeah,” the smile he’s rewarded with is bright like the sun.

“You think your parents will like it?”

“If they don’t, I’m getting a DNA test to see if they’re actually my parents” he laughs and only then does Matteo start to eat. David is actually impressed he hadn’t started shovelling the food into his mouth as soon as they sat down.

“The presentation went well then?”

“It did… there were some comments and questions that… you know-“ he waves his empty fork in the air “-sucked, but most were really positive. Said they liked the way the characters were developed and the unique perspective”

“Anyone who doesn’t like it is an idiot anyway” Matteo said and the conviction threatens to inflate David’s ego to dangerous proportions.

“What was it you said about flattery?”

“You said it gets you exactly where you want to be,” Matteo playfully kicked him under the table before returning his foot to its previous position under David’s.

“I did” David agreed and gave in to the urge to reach out and stroke Matteo’s cheek.

They ate in silence for a while and just enjoyed being together. David loved that they could go from playful and teasing and downright dumbassery to this peaceful thing.

They refilled their glasses and David thought that if there ever was a movie about his life, he’d insist that this moment was recreated. Or maybe not. Maybe he wanted to keep it to himself. He couldn’t decide. And since there would likely never be a movie about his life, it was pointless to think about it.

“How was your day?”

“Good, I had a bit of a… I was anxious on the bus to the store but it wasn’t a big deal”

David frowned, he didn’t like when Matteo tried to trivialise his feelings.

“I promise, it wasn’t a big deal. I sat in the seat closest to the window and there was this old lady next to me and I didn’t want to ask her to move. It’s stupid anyway, people do it all the time,” Matteo avoided David’s eyes.

“It’s not stupid,” David firmly said and reached across the table to take Matteo’s hand.

“It is though, I don’t get why the simplest things feel so… it’s like my brain turns every fucking mole-hill into Mount Everest sometimes” David squeezed and Matteo squeezed back.

“I know… but you still did it right? You didn’t stay on the bus until she got off?” Matteo had in fact done that once or twice.

“No, she got off on the same stop and I helped her get down on the ground,” Matteo’s lips twitched into something that wasn’t quite a smile and David wished he could take all the insecurities away.

“Such a gentleman,” he teases, because there isn’t really anything he can say to change how Matteo feels about it. He’ll remind the other boy to take it up with Line at his next appointment.

“Asshole”

“You love me”

“I do”