Chapter Text
There was something magical about being on the ice.
When he was skating, he was no longer Eddie Kaspbrak, high school senior with an aversion to anything fun, he was just himself. Eddie Kaspbrak, figure skater prodigy.
It was invigorating to step onto the ice, to feel the chill on his skin as he preformed, the sweat on his skin as he practiced.
Set up for the entry, get onto the takeoff edge. Bend your knees, move your arms into position. Dig your toe pick into the ice. Take off. And for a second, fly through the air, free of all limitations. There’s no feeling quite like bending into the edge on a Lutz, the snap of jumping through the air, the feeling of spinning so fast the entire world blends around you until all the world consists of is you and your skates.
It’s freeing to step onto the ice, to relax your muscles and let the skates do the work for you. There’s nothing like the satisfaction of landing a jump correctly, the solid feeling of his blade hitting the ice again, his center of gravity shifting.
Off the ice, he wasn’t sure of anything. He second-guessed every move he made, every step he took, every word he spoke. But on the ice there was a rhythm, there was a pattern, a way that he knew he was supposed to be. On the ice everything just felt right and if he could he would spend every single hour of every day on there, just skating and jumping and turning, no one but himself and his coach to tell him what to do.
But, being a normal seventeen-year-old boy, he had to go to school. And that is where his fantasy ends. At school he isn’t he graceful figure skater, he’s the quiet but relatively smart kid in class everyone makes fun of. He’s the loser without friends, the boy who can’t take a joke, Eddie Kaspbrak who has a stick shoved up his ass. He hears everything they say about him.
But that’s not important. Right now, the only thing important to him is the hard ice in front of him.
It’s five am on a Thursday morning, and today Eddie has the ice all to himself.
He has nothing against the other kids at his rink, but they have a tendency to goof off, to not take it as seriously as he does. His ice dance partner, Beverly Marsh, is really the only person he can tolerate for long periods of time. He likes his coach too, but he was hard as hell on him, and sometimes it was nice to skate without that added pressure.
He stepped onto the ice, already feeling the stress fall away as he broke into his warmup routine. There was no program music playing overhead, the rink was dead silent. He liked it that way, the only noise to be heard the dig of his skate into the ice, the satisfying sound that echoed around every time he made a turn or spin.
It’s just him and his skates digging into the ice, repeating the same moves over and over again. It was methodical, sensical, logical. Repeat an action over and over again until it’s perfected, move on to the next until all the moves bleed into his soul and there’s no room to think of anything other than the sound of his skates and the moves vibrating through his limbs.
Minutes tick by, and before he could even blink his hour was up, and he needed to leave if he wanted to make it to school on time. He hurries off the ice, waving to the kind old man who flooded the ice after he was done.
“It’s looking good Eddie!” The man, who Eddie thinks his name is Will, calls out.
“Thank you!” He replied cheerfully, waving back as he sat on the bench, untying his skates. His feet were slightly red and sore from the amount of jumping he did that day, but he found he didn’t really care as he pulled on his runners and a hoodie.
Glancing at the clock, it was only six-fifteen, which meant he had enough time to go for a quick run as a cool down before heading back to the locker rooms to take a shower and get changed for school. Normally he would go home to do that, much more comfortable in his own room, but ever since his mom and him had that last big fight, well he found it easier to spend as much time away as he could.
Running was also cleansing, although nowhere close to the effect skating had on him. When running, it was more intense, more of a shove than a glide. It was less hyper-focusing on the task at hand and more running until his breath gasped out of his chest and sweat soaked every pore.
He managed to get a good twenty-minute run in before he headed back down, washing away all the dirt and sweat with warm water before throwing on some clothes and packing his bag. The drive to school was sobering, the come down from the high that skating gave him, circling back down onto the earth.
He hated school. With a passion.
it wasn’t that it was hard, in fact, most subjects were easy for him, but it was more the people in the school. His town wasn’t known for being that accepting, and as the only guy in the city who did skating, he was automatically labeled “QUEER” with capital letters. It didn’t bother him that much, since he was, you know, queer. But it was the constant ridicule, the looks he got in the halls, the way people pushed him around, it made it an overall unpleasant place to be.
He never really made friends when he moved here four years ago, more focused on integrating into the skating club and learning how to work with his new coach. He didn’t have time for things like parties, or hangouts, or school dances. Due to that, he was labeled an outcast, thrown away and left alone on the side, all by himself.
So when he sat down in his first class, biology, he was all alone. He sat near the back, to the side where he could easily see the board over the obnoxiously tall people who gravitated towards the middle rows. The seat beside him was left empty. He tried not to care.
There was a buzz going around the room, whispered conversations taking place instead of the normal loud ones. That meant something big was going on, he just hoped it wasn’t like last time. Last time Eddie heard whispers like that it was because Henry Bowers had told everyone about the prank he was pulling on Eddie. It took Eddie almost three hours to get all the glitter out of his hair and clothes.
”There’s some glitter for you fairy, maybe put it on your sparkly costume and do a dance for us.”
Eddie glanced over to where Bowers and his goons sat near the back, always smoking or doing some other illegal activity. Bowers and his gang were technically a year older than him, but they were all held back because they failed out of most of their classes. Which meant Eddie had the honor of having him in three out of four classes.
The surprise became apparently when after the bell rang, a curly haired boy ran into class. Eddie had seen him once or twice in the halls, but never up close. He had dark curly hair, glasses too large for his face, but overall he wasn’t overly bad to look at.
“Tozier,” The teacher said coolly. “Great first arrival to your new class. Take a seat.”
A new student, probably changing in from one of the other classes, that’s probably what the buzz was about.
The boy looked around, eyes searching for the only empty desk. The one right beside Eddie. Eddie tensed a little, staring back at the page of homework he finished three nights ago to avoid the other boys’ eyes.
“Just my luck that the only open seat happens to be beside a literal angel,” The boy whispered as he sat down, and Eddie turned to glare at him, his lips turning into a frown at the odd compliment. “Ah,” The boy nodded wisely, a twinkle to his eyes. “I see now, not an angel actually, but a devil in disguise.”
Eddie decided he hated him already.
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He was right. He hated Richie Tozier. In the span of a single biology class, the boy managed to interrupt the teach a total of three times with some witty joke, and the amount of time he chose to instead whisper it into Eddie’s ear was far too many to count.
Eddie was barely able to pay attention to class at all, and once it was over he was out the door before the boy could get another word in.
Because his luck absolutely sucked, because as soon as his locker was opened it was being slammed back shut by one Henry Bowers.
“Saw you and the Tozier kid practically cuddling in class,” Henry sneered. “Got yourself a boyfriend fairy?”
“Good morning Henry,” Eddie said casually, reaching into his locker and grabbing his books. “How are you doing today?”
Henry reached out, a hand slapping at his books and causing them to fall out of his hands.
“You listen to me when I’m talking to you!” Henry said, grabbing Eddie’s shoulders and pushing him hard. He was used to it at this point. He really shouldn’t be this apathetic to the vicious assault, but it had been four years of this already. He was more than used to it. “You like using those little lips of yours? Does the four-eyed faggot enjoy when you suck him off?”
Eddie wasn’t sure why he got so mad. Normally he just sat there, waiting for it to be over, biting his tongue in order to not piss Bowers off more. But for some reason, hearing his peer being called a slur like that, the implications behind it, well it pissed him off.
“No,” He snapped, smiling widely without amusement. “But your dad sure did seem to enjoy it.”
He was sure he was getting hit. Henry Bowers raised his arm and Eddie could see the anger in his face, etched into the lines. He prepared himself to listen to his mother’s panic, his teachers worry, his coach’s disappointment. But Henry only lowered his arm, his eyes darting to the side.
“Henry Bowers what in the world are you doing!” A voice called out, and Eddie recognized it as their principals.
“You got off lucky this time fairy,” Henry hissed. “Keep an eye out.”
With that Henry let go of him, storming away to avoid whatever punishment the principal had in store.
He dully responded to the principal’s concerns, shaking him off by saying he really needed to get to class. He did, the warning bell had rung and if he was late to class Mr. Boychuk would literally kill him. He hurried off to class, making it in right before the bell. Boychuk still glared at him, but that was normal, the man just hated him.
He sat down in his seat at the back of the class, glancing over at Henry Bowers, who was grinning at him like a shark from across the class.
“You piss off Bowers again?” Beverly greeted him, leaning across the aisle to grin at him.
“Is there anything I do that doesn’t?” Eddie countered, pulling out his math book. Beverly hummed.
Out of everyone in this entire school, Beverly was probably the only person he truly considered a friend. The fiery redhead first met him when he joined their club, being the only one to formally go up and introduce herself. They got paired up for their rhythm dance routine the next week.
They grew close after that, falling easily into sync with each other. She was probably the only person who he could trust to be 100% honest with him, even if the truth hurt. She had a no-nonsense way of talking that he liked, and she also understood his sense of dry humor, having the same type herself. They fit well, which is why they also skated well together.
“Hey, my friend Bill is having a party next Friday,” She told him, lightly hitting his shoulder. “You wanna come? I know you don’t have practice so don’t even try that excuse.”
“I have practice,” He deadpanned, rolling his eyes. “You know I don’t like parties Bev.”
“Oh come on,” She sighed. “One little party won’t kill you, and I think you’ll get alone well with Bill and his friends.”
“Bill as in the Bill you dated last year?” Eddie asked. “You’re still friends with him?”
“Course I am,” Bev shrugged. “We dated for like a week, nothing important. Doesn’t bother either of us at all.”
“I still don’t know Bev,” He said, hesitating slightly. “My mom won’t approve of it.” His mom rarely approved of anything he did. To her, every action and decision he made was made to specifically spite her as a person.
“Come on Eddie,” She whined. “I promised to introduce you to Ben remember! And you never get out, it’ll be good for you to go out of your comfort zone you know? And I know you love to stick it to your mother.”
It was true, he did. But only when he wasn’t near her, because if he was near her he became putty in her hands, melting to her every need. But, maybe a party would be good. He had been in the school for four years now, and not once had he let Beverly drag him to a party, despite her many tries. Maybe he should just give in and go, try one high school party and see if he liked it. He might as well experience it once right?
“Fine,” He sighed. “I’ll go to your stupid party.”
“Wait really?” Beverly asked, blinking into surprise before her face broke into a grin. “Holy shit I didn’t think that would actually work!”
“Kaspbrak, Marsh, please try to refrain from discussing your personal life in my class, you are supposed to be doing math.” Mr. Boychuk chided, and the two of them ducked their heads back towards their looks, glancing at each other and smiling widely before starting.
_________________________________
He regretted agreeing to this stupid party.
Beverly said it would be a small party, and yet Eddie counted maybe 100 people there. Bill had greeted them when they walked in, an apologetic smile on his face as he explained that people brought a lot of guests. He dragged Beverly away seconds later. But it was fine, everything was fine.
He was huddled against the wall as far away as he could get from everyone, drinking water out of a red solo cup and wondering what time it was socially acceptable to leave.
The music was too loud, and bad too. It was all bass; meaningless words being screamed as loud as they could as if they were making a point. People were attempting to dance in the living room, but in reality, it was just a bunch of people drunkenly swaying together, limbs thrown about. There was no grace, no technique, just people being stupid.
A small part of him wanted to join, to just let loose and dance around like an idiot, and he knew it was irrational to hate those people when in reality he just wanted to be like them.
But he still hated them, no matter how irrational or not.
“Why hello angel, fancy meeting you here.” A voice said to the side of him, and Eddie jumped in surprise turning around to come face to face with no one else but Richie Tozier. The boy was grinning like an idiot, a loud Hawaiian shirt on paired with ripped jeans and a band tee. It didn’t look half bad.
“Richie,” He greeted coolly, not really up to holding a conversation with the obnoxious boy.
Over the past week, his hate for Richie had grown. He literally never shut up. All throughout the class, he would quietly chat Eddie’s ear off, not caring how many times the teacher reprimanded him for it. He would do his best to make Eddie laugh, mocking the teacher using ridiculous voices. Eddie hated it with a passion. He was now behind in the class, having to go online to copy half his notes because he couldn’t pay attention with Richie talking his ear off.
“You sound so formal,” Richie said with a grin, leaning against the wall. “What you doing over here all by yourself sweet cheeks?”
“Don’t call me that,” Eddie groaned. “I’m waiting to leave. I foolishly let Bev drive me so I can’t leave until she leaves.”
“Beverly? Beverly Marsh?” Richie asked, and Eddie nodded. “So you’re her mysterious guest! She was so excited when she told us you were coming.”
“You guys are friends?” Eddie asked, genuinely surprised. He never saw them together, but really Eddie only ever saw Beverly in the second and fourth periods. “I didn’t know that.”
“You should hang out with us more then,” Richie grinned. “I’d love to get to know you more.” He reached forwards, as if to pinch his cheek and Eddie angrily slapped the hand away. Richie only laughed.
“You are wound so tightly,” Richie giggled. “Come on lover boy, dance with me.”
“No way,” Eddie said, shaking his head. “I am not dancing with you.”
“Come on,” Richie whined. “It’ll be fun, I promise. You can’t just hang out here looking like some weird loser all night.”
“Is that why you came over here?” Eddie asked. “Because I looked like a weird loser?”
“Well yeah,” Richie shrugged. “You looked lonely.”
“I don’t need your pity,” He snapped, crossing his arms and glancing at the door. Fuck it, he could walk home. “I don’t want it either.”
He turned and walked away, ignoring Richie’s call from behind him. Why he was so upset was beyond him. He didn’t even like Richie, so why did he care that the boy only wanted to talk to him out of pity? It didn’t matter to him anyways. He pushed through the crowd of people, muttering out soft ‘excuse me’s and ‘so sorry’ every time he hit someone. He was steps away from the door when someone grabbed his shoulder turning him around.
“Well look what we have here,” Henry Bowers cooed, his gang of delinquents standing tall behind him. Eddie really regretted coming. “Little twinkle boy decided to come to his first high school party.”
“Screw off Bowers,” He grumbled, attempting to get past again.
“Not so fast,” Henry grabbed him again, pushing him back several steps. People started to back away, whispering but not coming forwards to help. “I’m not done with you yet you little fairy.”
“Jesus Christ Bowers,” Eddie snapped, at the end of his rope. He felt like crying, he felt seconds away from a panic attack. There was no escape, Henry standing in front of the door. He was literally trapped, and no one was coming to help him. “Just let me go.”
Before he could even realize what was happening, Henry Bowers punched him in the face.
The stinging pain came quick, and Eddie fell backwards, only catching himself from years of balance practice. His hand raised to his aching cheek; the skin warm from the strength of the hit.
“Woah!” Someone was calling out, and suddenly Bill and Richie were in the room, pushing Henry and his goons away from him. “I told y-you not to c-come here Buh-Bowers.” It was Bill speaking, if the stutter was anything to go by.
“You can’t tell me what to do Denbrough,” Bowers sneered, but he turned and left all the same.
“Shit, Eddie!” Beverly was by his side in seconds, prying his hand away from his cheek and prodding at it gently. “Are you okay? Fuck, that’s going to bruise.”
“Great party Beverly, thanks for the invite,” He managed to get out of his throat, his eyes already swimming with tears. He refused to let anyone see him cry though, not wanting that embarrassment on top of everything else. He pushed past her and stormed out the door.
He walked all the way home that night, the whole thirty-minute walk in the dead of night without a jacket or anything else to protect him from the elements, luckily h was used to the cold.
He wasn’t going to be going to any more parties anytime soon.