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Kathryn shook the hand of the final admiral and gave a weak smile.  After nearly three months of debriefings and intense scrutiny, she was free.  Finally, she could catch her breath and plan her future. Starfleet had just offered her a promotion to admiral; but, she wasn’t sure she wanted it.  Staying Earth-bound had never seemed very appealing to Kathryn. Even from a young age, she would sit outside at night, watching the stars and finding the starships zipping across space.  She promised herself that she would live her life in those stars, exploring new planets and observing stellar anomalies. But now, after seven years in the most hostile environments imaginable, she was ready to be home again.  A position as admiral seemed like the best of both worlds. She would be stationed on Earth close to family but she would still have the opportunity to take diplomatic missions.  

To be honest, it wasn’t just the change in location that concerned her.  Starfleet held more confidence in her negotiating abilities than she thought was wise.  Did she really have enough experience to be an admiral? Could she appropriately handle the additional responsibilities of keeping a fractured, war-tired quadrant at peace?  Starfleet seemed to think so; but, now she would be alone. This wouldn’t be the same as life on Voyager. There, she had her second in command to lean on when she doubted her decisions.  As admiral, crews would agree without question instead of push and challenge her opinions.

Making her way to her temporary quarters, Kathryn was totally engrossed in thought.  She sat on her couch and picked up a padd overflowing with messages her crew and their families.  Skimming through a few messages, they all contained various praises of her captaining abilities and thanked her for getting them home.  “I don’t deserve their thanks,” the thought ruefully. Everyone seemed to forget the crewmen she’d lost during their journey through space.  Starfleet, who had seemed more concerned with keeping certain volatile species secret from the general population than actually analyzing her command choices, had entirely ignored the fact that her decision to remain in the Delta Quadrant had cost several of her crew their lives.

Skipping over the rest of her personal messages, she was met with hundreds of press requests.  Every new center from here to the Beta Quadrant wanted a chance to interview Starfleet’s darling.  Kathryn knew that eventually she would have to take a tour of several media outlets to talk about their journey, but for now she could avoid the responsibility.  Officially, for the next three months she was on leave and she intended to avoid all hint of work for that entire time. She planned on staying with her mother during that time.  Phoebe, her sister, had married while she had been in the Delta Quadrant, and Kathryn was looking forward to meeting her brother-in-law and nephews during her leave.

She put down the padd and gathered the few personal items she’d unpacked during her time in headquarters.  The room was similar to her own on Voyager, a sterile combination of various gray hues. While her quarters on Voyager had become home over time, with little trinkets and memories collecting around the room, Kathryn felt no need to personalize these quarters since she knew it was a temporary arrangement.  Finishing her packing, she sat at the terminal and commed her mother.

“Hey Mom!  I’m so glad we can finally talk!” she smiled

Gretchen Janeway’s face lit up at the sight of her eldest daughter, “Katie!  I’ve missed you so much! I trust you’ve been getting my messages?”

Kathryn laughed.  Her mother had sent her a message practically everyday since their return to the Alpha Quadrant; but, she’d been unable to respond to them for fear of revealing Starfleet secrets.

“Yes Mom, I got them.  Everything is finally settled so I can have outside contact again.  If it’s okay with you, I’ll send my things home to you and transport out there tomorrow?  I’m ready for a little peace and quiet.”

“Of course!” tears filled Gretchen’s eyes as she spoke, “I’m so happy you’re okay.  I’ll try and let you get as much rest as you want, but your sister’s boys can be quite the handful so I won’t make any promises.”

“As long as I don’t have to command a ship, I think it’ll be plenty restful.” Kathryn teased.

The two women talked for a while, catching up on the last seven years.  A chime a Kathryn’s door interrupted them.

“I should probably go, Mom.  There must be some last reports or something that need authorization.  I’ll see you tomorrow.” and with that she ended the call.

“Come in!” she called.

The doors slid open and her former First Officer stepped just inside the entrance to her quarters.

“Chakotay?  I must say, I’m surprised to see you.  I thought you would have left when Seven was released… I was told she’s with her aunt?” Kathryn had her suspicions about the nature of Chakotay’s and Seven’s relationship prior to their arrival through the transwarp hub; but, during the inquest it had been fully brought to her attention that the two had begun a private relationship.

“Umm, no.  She finished her inquiry before I did.  Apparently being a former member of the Maquis makes you more threatening than being a former Borg drone.” he laughed, fidgeting with his hands behind his back.

Kathryn stood and walked up to him, placing a hand on his chest.  “Is something wrong? You seem more tense than the time I tried to hand-cook our dinner on New Earth…”  Her voice trailed off and she brought her hand back to her side. It had been nearly five years since their quarantine on the planet but his heartfelt admission still rang in her ears every day.  There had been a time when she hoped those feelings could survive their journey, but clearly he had moved on to Seven. Although, he didn’t mention any plans to join her. And why was he here now?

“Chakotay,” she said softer this time, “is everything alright?  The admirals told me no prosecutions were going to take place. They even said you’d been offered a permanent position?  Was that not true?”

“Everything is fine,” he said, his dark eyes meeting hers.  “I’ve accepted their offer to teach Anthropology at the Academy.  I am a little nervous though.”

“Nervous?  Why would you be nervous?  You’re perfectly suited to teach at the Academy.  Especially considering all the new species you’ve encountered!” she replied confused.

“No, Kathryn.  I’m not nervous about teaching.  I’m nervous about what I’m about to do.”

Talking his hand from behind his back, he slipped the flower he’d been hiding into her hand.

“Oh Chakotay, it’s beautiful! I haven’t seen an actual flower like this in years!  Where did you find it?” she exclaimed, cradling the white rose in her grasp.

“Come with me, I’ll show you.  It’s about time you escaped these four walls anyway.”  He took her hand and guided her through the halls before ducking through a old-styled door.  On the other side, they stepped out onto the far side of the Starfleet gardens. Hand-in-hand he led her to wall of rose bushes, taking a seat on the bench in front of it.

It was late and the cool San Francisco night air blew her hair gently, perfectly framing her face.  Chakotay was struck with how beautiful she looked in that exact moment.

The look on his face as he watched her made Kathryn’s heart flutter.  Finding her voice, she asked, “How did you find this place? It’s gorgeous.”

“After my interviews each day, I needed a place to clear my head.  Reliving the past seven years and my life before the Delta Quadrant wasn’t easy.  It would have been so easy to fall back into that hatred I felt before, but I didn’t want that.  The main gardens were always too busy with cadets for me to find any privacy, but it seems like everyone forgot this place existed.  I came here each evening and meditated, trying to find peace and come to terms with my past. The funny thing is, I couldn’t.” He stopped for a moment, collecting his courage before continuing.  “I couldn’t find peace, because I didn’t have you by my side, Kathryn. I’ve tried to ignore my feelings, I’ve tried to replace my feelings, but nothing works. I can’t find peace without you. I told you that five years ago on our own piece of paradise, and I’m telling you again now.  I am an angry warrior who can’t find peace without you by his side.”

Kathryn felt a tear slip down her face as he spoke.  She never thought his feelings would remain the same.  But here they were five years later, safe in the Alpha Quadrant, and he still felt the same.  Kathryn clasp her hands with his as she spoke, “I can’t find peace either, Chakotay. These last months, secluded away from all of you, I’ve missed you so much.  I missed talking about our troubles together. I missed laughing together. I missed the way we used to work together before life in the Delta Quadrant took that away from us.  And now… Now they want to me head negotiations and represent the Federation as an admiral and I can’t do that without you. I can’t do anything in this quadrant without you. You say you found your peace with the female warrior, but I found my strength in the angry warrior.”

Chakotay tucked her hair to the side as his hand traced the side of her face.  “I love you, Kathryn.” he said as his lips met hers.

The kiss was brief, but spoke more between the two of them than a thousand words could ever say.  Years of tension and longing exposed, leaving them open to each other. Kathryn’s thumb traced the lines of his tattoo as she recounted the first time she saw his face on her viewscreen.  He smiled and kissed her again, before pulling her close and describing the first time he knew he was in love with her. It was not long into their journey that the problem of crew relationships had arisen.  In that moment, he knew she was the only person he wanted to be with.

As the night went on, they worked their way through the last seven years.  Every moment they had denied their feelings, every disagreement, heartbreak, triumph.  They talked until the sun began to peek over the horizon.  

“I need to go make sure everything is packed and ready for transport to Indiana,” Kathryn said, suddenly shy now that the sun was illuminating them.

Chakotay smiled, noticing the slight flush to her cheeks.  “I’ll walk you back then.”

Pulling her to her feet, the pair slipped back inside of headquarters and into her room.  

Typing in the commands to send her things to Indiana, he turned to Chakotay.

“What do you say, will you come home with me?  From what it sounds like, neither of us is going to be very happy alone.” she teased with a glint in her eye.

Chakotay smiled, taking her hand in his own.  “I’d love to. I made a promise once, and I plan on keeping it now.”