Archive of Our Own ^beta

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                Going against the flow, Tatsurou made his way through Shibuya station towards his train, threading his way through the mass of people that were beginning their day, just as he was ending his. His job working third shift at an internet café, afforded him a different view of the daily life in a large city like Tokyo. As he was going home, worn and tired, he shared his train with others that were starting their day, some of them bright and alert, others just beat down by the daily grind. Thankfully for him, it's Friday. He can go home and lock himself away from society.

                Standing at his usual platform waiting for his train, Tatsurou looked around at the people that were waiting with him. The same six or seven people that had been traveling the same route for years, yet not interacting with other passengers. As the train pulled into the station, Tatsu stepped to the side to let the incoming people get off the train. Business men, giggling students and shop workers, all pushed past Tatsu, in a rush to get to their destination.

                Taking his usual seat in a corner, he watched the other passengers board the train. They were all there; the two construction workers who always told lewd jokes to each other. The tall handsome business man with the long hair. The flamboyant shop worker and the only other night workers, two beautiful young men that worked at a host bar.

                Granted, these were the jobs that he had assigned his fellow passengers, jobs he thought they were fit for. In reality, he wasn’t sure about any of them, well except for the flamboyant shop worker, his persona screamed ‘trendy Harajuku shop’.

                Leaning back in his seat to get more comfortable for the forty-minute ride, he felt something poking him in the back, turning in his seat, he finds a small dark brown leather-bound book. There was no title or writing on the front, just a stamp of the letter K. Tatsurou opened the book to find hand written pages, “A journal?” he whispered softly. He quickly snapped it shut, he shouldn’t be reading a stranger’s personal thoughts. Looking around at the other passengers, no one seemed to notice him or what he was holding in his hand.

                His curiousity getting the better of him, ehe opened to the first page, hoping to find the name or address of the owner. That’s not what he found. Reading the first sentence, he started to shake. Snapping the journal closed, he looked around again, the other people in the train car were oblivious to what he was doing. “Breathe, just breathe,” he thought. Deciding to take the journal with him, he slipped it into his bag, believing if he read some of the entries, he could discover who the owner was, and he would be able to return the lost book.

                That wasn’t what happened.

Chapter Text

          The book was laying on the table, it was staring at Tatsurou, he could feel the pressure on his back as he moved around his flat.

          Don’t read it, you’ll regret the rest of your life. Burn it – take it outside and set fire to it. Kill it.

          “But I have to read it, how else will I be able to return it?” Tatsu knew he’d have to eventually read at least a few pages, get an idea on who to return it to, or just turn it in at the train station… but which station?

          Snatching the book off the table, he held it at arms length as he walked over to grab his bag. Unzipping the deep pocket, he forcefully shoved the book into the bag, zipping it back up quickly. Wiping his sweaty hands on his pants, he slowly backed away. How was he going to get through an entire weekend with that vile book in his flat? Grabbing his coat, he rushed out, slamming the door behind him.

          The elderly lady behind the counter at the yakisoba shop, smiled, “Your usual today, Tatsu-kun?”

          “Yes please,” he replied meekly.

          “How are you spending your weekend, I’m sure a handsome young man like you must have a date or two planned, ne?”

          Tatsurou’s face flushed red, “Just relaxing, Aunty, nothing special.” The woman handed him a bag over the counter, “Here you go, have a pleasant weekend, Tatsu-kun.” He bowed lightly and left the shop.

          He slowly walked the three blocks back to his flat, with his shoulders rolled forward and keeping his head down, his hair hiding his face, preventing him from making eye contact with anyone; this was his safe mode.

          It took less than ten minutes to reach his apartment building. Standing at the bottom of the battered stairs, Tatsurou’s body refused to take that first step. His palms sweaty from fear, he had his hand on the railing…

          “Excuse me.” Someone behind him said sharply, “can you move?” Tatsurou’s unpleasant and rough neighbor pushed past him, stomping up the stairs and muttering ‘freak’ under his breath. He flattened himself against the rail and moved to one side, watching as the man topped the stairs and went into his flat.

          Taking that first step, he sighed in resignation, knowing that he would have to spend the weekend with that book.  

          Don’t read it, you’ll regret the rest of your life. Burn it – take it outside and set fire to it. Kill it.

          Pivoting on his heel, Uruha did a final check in the full-length mirror, assessing his all over look for the night.

          “Going for the slutty look again? Gee, what a surprise,” Koichi snorted.

          Uruha grinned as he smoothed his skirt, “It works, doesn’t it?”

          “Just don’t bring them home,” Kai grumbled as he sat watching the spectacle that was Uruha in his club clothes.

          Koichi poked a finger at his roommate, “Yah, remember what happened last time?”

          “Pfft,” Uruha scoffed, “he just over reacted for no reason.”

          Kai narrowed his eyes, “This is not a suggested or request. Do. Not. Bring. Them. Here.”

          “Fine,” Uruha stuck his tongue out as he darted out the door.

Chapter Text

          Read me.

          Eating his dinner.

          Read me.

          Taking a shower.

          READ ME!

         Grabbing the vile book, Tatsurou retreated to the safety of his bed, and shimmied down into the comforter.

          Don’t read it, you’ll regret it the rest of your life, burn it – take it outside and set fire to it. Kill it.

          READ ME!

          The two entities argued loudly in his mind, battling each other for Tatsurou’s soul. He covered his ears and squeezed his eyes shut tightly, “Stop” he whispered. Silence. With a sigh of relief, Tatsu opened the journal to the first page and began to read.

          Oh! good god! He's wearing the charcoal suit today, my fave look for him. The way it shows off his ass, and his crotch, I can always see the outline of his cock. Tight, and form fitting, just how I like it. Is he gay? I could see him fucking the hell out of me, but at the same time I can see him being the respectful husband, maybe with a pushy trophy wife and a few brats. What a waste! How long has it been now? 3 years? He’s never once looked at me, except for a off handed glance. Guess I need to wear something a little more enticing. But fuck, he always wears the same damned thing. Boring ass pants and a ragged shirt under a worn out coat. BORING! Not like we haven’t tried, but honestly, he’s just so fucking clueless. Maybe I can borrow something from that whore, Uruha, we’re about the same size…hmm, will have to ask tonight.

          Tatsurou started shaking, snapping the journal shut. Whomever the journal belonged to, was writing about the passengers on his regular train route. The tall business man with the long hair, that’s who it has to be, the only one to match the description. Was he included in the owners journal? Did he want to read what this person thought of him?

          He wasn’t so sure.

Chapter Text

          In a small home, on a quiet street, the fight started with a simple request, as it always had before.

          “You what?”

          “If you want to eat, I need to go shopping,” the woman snapped, grabbing her shopping bag from the wall in the tiny kitchen.

          “Shopping?” the man snorted, “Is that what you’re calling it now?” The man’s tone of voice was the signal for the four-year-old boy, to make himself small and unnoticeable, slowly getting down from the table, and hiding behind the chair.

          “What the hell does that mean? Yes, shopping, for food. What other kind of shopping do I do?” The woman said defensively.

          “Was it shopping when you fucked that truck driver? Oh wait, you went shopping and found that delivery boy, right?”

          The words grew uglier, the voices louder. Accusations of infidelity, threats of violence, and denial of paternity. It was always the same issues, nothing ever changed except the level of abuse the man dealt to the woman and the boy.

          “Prove it!" the man screamed in the woman’s face, “prove to me that he’s my child.” He shoved her in the chest, “You know you can’t, because you’ve always been the town slut, fucking every man you could!”

          The same words, the same actions. The man back-handed the woman to the floor, then looked at the four-year-old boy, who was cowering in a corner, his knees drawn tightly to his chest, with his face hidden in his arms, and his hands covering his ears.

“Pathetic!” he growled, “there’s no way in hell I’m your father.” the man advanced on the boy, grabbing the chair and throwing it out of the way, then kicking him in the face. “STOP!” The woman throws herself over the boy, attempting to protect him from the brutal attack.

          “Get the fuck out of my way, bitch!” The man grabs the woman by the hair, dragging her across the kitchen floor, then threw her into the cabinets, and kicking her in the stomach.

The man was distracted while he attacked the woman, beating her until she no longer moved, giving the boy a chance to crawl away, groping the walls as the blood flowed freely from a cut above his eye.

          “Where the hell do you think you’re going, you little shit!” The boy is grabbed by the collar of his shirt and raised off his feet, “This is YOUR fault!” A slap to the side of his head. “She was perfect before you came along!” more slaps to the head, and a last punch to the face, before the man drops the boy to the floor, unconscious. The man kicked the boy one more time before grabbing his coat, and leaving the house.

          “I’m here to protect you.”

Chapter Text

          Laying on his stomach, he felt sick. A stabbing pain that was so sharp and intense, radiating from the base of his skull, down through his neck and shoulders, left him unable to lift his head from the pillow. The excruciatingly painful throbbing pulse behind his eyes was far worse. His mouth was sticky and dry with a foul taste he couldn’t readily identify.

          What time is it? Am I late for work?

          Slowly reaching out, he groped the night table for his phone. Without raising his head, he checked the time; 2:38 pm. Tuesday. A soft moan of relief escaped his lips, knowing he still had four hours until he had to be at the station. Four hours to recover.

          Tatsurou had suffered with intense migraines since childhood, though the doctor’s had never found anything medically wrong. It was always the vague diagnosis of ‘stress’.

          Stress didn’t reconcile the black out days.

          Stress didn’t explain why adults yelled at him, claiming things he had done, that he had no memory of. Early on, he had learned to ignore the pain, giving a rote answer of, “I’m just tired.”

          Four hours.

          Rolling onto his back, Tatsurou carefully kicked the blankets to the foot of the bed, pausing for a moment to deal with the pain, “Breathe” he said softly. Lifting his arm to cover his eyes with one hand, he gently sat up. With another deep breath, he slowly peeked through his fingers.

          The room wasn’t spinning.

          He had to stand…without either falling over, or passing out. On shaky legs, and the sensation of the floor being tilted like a funhouse, he closed his eyes again, and cautiously got to his feet, swaying for a moment. His stomach churned, the bile trying to rise in his throat. Why was he this sick? He had felt fine when he had gone to bed the night before. Saturday night.

        It was now Tuesday afternoon. He must have the flu and had slept for two days, he tried to justify the time lapse.

          Reaching out to balance himself against the wall, he inched his way towards the bathroom, his body sore and achy. He looked in the mirror and gasped, he almost didn’t recognize the person staring back at him. Looking down at his chest, he wasn’t sure what he was seeing.

          Bite marks? Scratches? Is that a bruise?

         Tatsurou could see the distinct pattern of fingers around his left upper arm; he didn’t remember someone grabbing him at any time, hard enough to bruise. Checking his legs, his knees were scraped raw, with dried blood lingering on the edges of the wound. Starting to shake, he quickly sat down on the toilet to keep from collapsing to the floor. This wasn’t the first time he’d seen marks on his body like these, but it had been years since the first incident. There were no answers then, just as there were none now.

          “Where the hell have you been?” Kai growled at Uruha, as the man walked into the flat, obviously still drunk, his clothes disheveled, and carrying his shoes in his hand.

          “None of yours, or anyone else’s business, and who are you? My mom? Now go away and let me sleep,” Uruha said petulantly, as he tried to walk to the bedroom.

          “Oh FUCK NO!” Aoi shoved Kai aside, moving over to confront the man before he could go any further.

          “What do you want, Aoi? Upset that I had a little fun last night? Can’t get laid, can you? Oh wait… Aki handles that, doesn’t he?” Uruha laughed.

          Aoi’s eyes flashed in anger, “Do you get some kind of cheap thrill doing this? How long until you get picked up by the wrong guy and he takes things too far, and you get killed? Then what are we suppose to do?”

          Uruha chuckled, “I guess he dies.” Without looking back, Uruha waved at the others and went into the bedroom, shutting the door.

          “Why the fuck don’t they leave me alone?” Uruha grumbled, flinging his shoes into a corner, and stripping down to his underwear, “Just too damned crowded.” As much as he complained, he knew that there was no reasonable way out of the situation. Kai would continue to bitch at him. Aoi would still be sexually repressed and take out his frustrations on the others in the flat. The whiny kid that lived in the other room, would still sit in the corner and hide.

         “Fucking useless, all of them.”

         “How are we going to control him?” Aoi was fuming, “He has no shame when he’s like this and it’s getting worse!”

         “As long as it doesn’t effect him, there’s really nothing we can do but protect the others.” Kai was at a loss for a solution.

         “It’s the others I’m concerned about. Not you or Koichi, but the younger ones.”

         Kai slammed his fist on the table, “DAMN IT, Aoi! I already know all of this, Uruha’s behavior is nothing new, and we know why.  All we can do is try to protect him and the others.”

Chapter Text

      It was nothing more than a zombie walk for Tatsurou as he exited the train and made his way to work. The after-effects of his flu like symptoms had lessened to some degree after a hot shower and a strong cup of coffee, though the painful reminders of the weekend remained.

      Had he fallen during his fever delirium, maybe on his way to his tiny kitchen searching for water or some sort of medication? He reasoned that would be the only cause of his scraped-up knees, though not knowing how the other injuries occurred, is what scared him the most.

          “Wow, Tatsu-kun, you look like shit!” Tatsurou’s co-worker Mori said loudly as he entered the staff room of the internet café.

      “I um, I must have caught a bug or something,” he mumbled, “I just slept the entire weekend.”

      Mori handed him a clean mask, “If you start feeling like crap again, call Ayane, she’s looking for extra hours.”

      “Sure, okay…thanks.” Putting on the mask, Tatsurou went out to the café’s main room, to take a head count, and make his way through the opening duties for his shift. He was barely aware of his surroundings, his head felt heavy, congested and fuzzy. On a sort of auto-pilot, Tatsurou dealt with the customers checking in and out, and filling the time in between with clock watching.

      At the midnight mark in his shift, he got his store-bought bento, and sat at the front desk, watching the stream of people pass the café, hurrying home or to other social gatherings. This was the time that the internet café took in the most business; people missing the last train home, the businessmen that had been forced out drinking with their boss, now too drunk to get home safely. He wandered through the building cleaning the common areas, and restocking the snacks, going through the hourly routine which allowed him to work without thinking. Getting back to his post at the front desk, he leaned on his elbows, his thoughts turned back to the journal. He knew it was in his backpack in his locker. He only needed to push back his chair and walk the ten feet to the staff room to retrieve it.

      “Don’t read it, you’ll regret it for the…”

      He ignored the warning. 

            The book felt heavy in his hands, more like the weight of a hard cover novel, instead of a leather-bound journal. He studied the K stamp on the cover, running his fingers over the imprint.

      “Don’t read…”

      The abuse had been worse that night, to the point that his mother almost called the police. Almost. The boy was slapped so hard, he fell face first into the glass table in the living room, shattering it with the impact. His mother screamed, and turned to attack her husband. That didn’t last long, no more than twenty seconds. Her husband beat her until she didn’t move; no crying out, no fighting back, just a body on the floor. He left her there, kicking her out of the way of the door as he left the small apartment.

      When his mother woke, she found her son sitting next to her, patting her head and trying to wipe the blood away with a dishtowel. “Baby, are you okay?” she whispered through her busted lips. The boy nodded, then handed her something, “Mommy, this is yours,” he dropped a broken tooth into her hand.

      The woman smiled sadly, “That’s okay baby, I don’t need it. Let’s get cleaned up and dressed, we need to go out for a bit.” The boy just nodded, not understanding anything at that moment, how could he? He was only four.

      With his hand held by his mother, the boy didn’t ask any more questions as they made their way out of the apartment, walking towards the train station. “Mommy, where are we going?”

      “Don’t worry, everything will be fine,” she tried to reassure him. The boy wondered why his mom had packed a small bag, not with snacks like they usually took when they went out, but with his clothes and a few toys. With his stuffed Kuma bear held tightly, he had done everything she told him to do, wanting to be the perfect son, even when his father denied his existence. Both wearing masks, his mom had her sunglasses on, both hiding the evidence from the previous night.

      “Mommy?” the boy looked up at his mother, who just kept her eyes looking straight ahead, as they waited for the train. This wasn’t a normal outing, he knew that there would be no treat for being good at the end of the day. But where were they were going? There were still no answers as they boarded the train.

      The train announced the next stop and the woman stood up, “This is where we’re getting off.” Taking her son by the hand, they exited the train and made their way downstairs to the street. This wasn’t a place the boy knew; there was no 7-11 konbini where they would stop for a snack. The loud music store wasn’t across the street, a place that fascinated the boy. Mom was walking quickly, muttering to herself under her breath “…it’s the only way…”

      The duo stops in front of a large building, taller than any other building he had ever been in. “This is the place,” Mom said. Going through the automatic doors, the boy looked around, not able to figure out just where they were. Leading her son over to a wall where there were some large comfy chairs, Mom picked him up and sat him down, handing him the small bag she had packed.

      “Wait here, I need to go speak to someone, okay? I’ll be back in a few minutes.” She kissed him on the forehead. “I love you.” The boy nodded. He wanted nothing more than to be a good son, he wanted to make his mother proud of him for doing just as she asked.

      Holding his bag in his lap, the boy waits.  Ten minutes. Twenty, forty … where was his mom? He wanted to get up and go find her, but she told him to stay in the chair.

      Across the hall, a security agent was watching the boy from behind his podium. He had seen the woman walk away, assuming she had gone to the restroom, with no reason not to believe that she would be back for her son. But after almost an hour, it was obvious that the woman wasn’t coming back for her child.

      The security agent walked over to the chair, and knelt down, “Hi, do you know where your mom is?”

      The boy shook his head, “She told me to stay here, I’m being good today.” The man smiled at the boy, “You’re doing a good job! I’m going to go see if I can find her, okay?” The security agent walked away, going over to a large desk with several women sitting behind it. The boy watched as the man chatted with the women, pointing back at him, causing a distressed look on one woman’s face, the other woman picked up a phone and spoke to someone for a few moments.

      The man walked back over to the boy, with one of the women, “Can you tell us your name?” she asked softly.

      “Tatsurou.”

      “How could she do this?” a woman sitting at the information desk watched as the security guards and the police searched the lower level of the building. “Just leaving your child…I could never do that.”

      “Well, you saw what the note said,” an office manager had stopped to see what the problem was, “kid looks pretty beat up. Those aren’t normal little kid bruises on his legs.”

      “True, it’s just so sad, he’s a beautiful child.”

      “This was in his bag,” the female police officer handed a piece of paper to her senior partner, who was now in charge of the investigation.

      “I have no choice but to leave him, his father is to blame for his condition. I can no longer protect him.”

      “Did anyone see the woman, his mother?”

      “Unfortunately, no.”

      The officer kneeled down in front of the chair the boy sat in, “Tatsurou, do you know your family name? Do you know where you live?” he asked gently.

      The little boy’s lip quivered, he was fighting back the tears, “No,” he whimpers.

      “Do you go to school?” Before the officer could ask another question, Tatsurou shuts down, bringing his knees to his chest, and hiding his face, his tiny shoulders shaking as he cried for his mother.  With no other recourse, the police took custody of the little boy, deciding first, to take him to be examined by a doctor, since there were obvious signs of abuse present.

      “Tatsu-kun, come with me please.” A young nurse held out her hand, “Let’s get you a snack, ne?” The boy smiled sadly, and went with the nurse.

      While Tatsurou was absent, the police spoke with the attending doctor, explaining the circumstances surrounding the little boy. “By the mother’s own admission, the father beat the boy,” the officer said in disgust. The doctor shook his head, “I will never understand how anyone, let alone a parent, can beat a child. I will make sure to carefully document all of his injuries.

      Tatsurou was a brave boy, submitting to the examination without protesting or crying. “Tatsu-kun,” the nurse helped the boy get dressed, “how did you get all these cuts and bruises?” she asked softly, “Who did this to you?”

      “Papa.”

Chapter Text

      The bone aching fatigue that was dragging Tatsurou down was nothing that he had ever experienced before, the result of him stupidly taking the journal out at work, reading instead of his usual practice of napping during the early morning hours when the café was the quietest. With his mind blurred and his body weak from lack of sleep, the walk from the internet café to the train station had been slow and arduous, so much so that he had missed his usual train.

      He hadn’t thought about what may happen as he stood shoulder to shoulder in the overcrowded car, he should have known that his anxiety would flare; there were too many bodies, he couldn’t breathe, his heart pounding hard enough to choke him. He needed to get off that train now! As he reached for the emergency stop button, a voice whispered in his ear, “Wait, don’t move, close your eyes, let me help you.” Without turning around to see who the person was, and lowering his arm, Tatsurou did as he was told, closing his eyes and waiting for the panic to subside.

      When he opened his eyes, Tatsurou was standing at the bottom of the worn metal stairs leading to his flat. The person who had talked him down from his panic attack was nowhere to be seen, which in of itself, was unnerving. Why would they go through the effort of getting him back to his flat, only to leave? More concerning to Tatsurou, was how he had made his way from the train station to his flat. It was a good ten-minute walk, yet he remembered nothing of the short trip. Unsettled as he was, he quickly ran up the stairs to the sanctuary of his flat.

      “Shit! He took it work? God dammit Koichi! Why the hell did you let him find it in the first place? This is only going to cause more problems for all of us, you know he’s not ready to deal with any of this. He’s already spent too much time with it, and now look what’s happened. I’m telling you now, Kou, get that book back and hide it, he’s not ready!” Kai was pissed when Aoi told him about the train incident.

      “Kai’s right, Koichi. This time he was lucky I was around, what happens next time?” Aoi added.

          Typical for Koichi, he blew off Kai’s and Aoi’s concern, “It’s not big deal Kai-kun,” he rolled his eyes, “He needs to know, I’m tired of all the fucking stress. Besides, it’s the only way we have to control that slut. Would you rather he figures it out when Uruha’s in the middle of being fucked by some random guy he picked up at a dive bar? No, Kai, I’m done dealing with that whore.”

          Kai roughly rubbed his face; he knew Koichi was right, but his concern was for the others, were they ready? He wasn’t convinced. “So, how do we stop Uruha? Not like we can tie him to a chair or lock him in the bathroom.”

          “That’s the exact reason I let him find the journal. The more he knows, the closer we get to controlling that slut’s behavior. I’ll never understand why he’s even a part of this.” Koichi leaned hard on the word slut.

          “I’m not sure, if we let it go too far, what happens to us? How far are you willing to go? We have to be careful and lead him slowly into it.” Kai was concerned with more than just Uruha.

          “We can’t be selfish, Kai, it’s not about our existence, it’s always been about protecting him.”

          Kai ran his hands through his hair, “WE need to come up with a solution and fast, Uruha’s escapades have become dangerous.”

          Koichi nodded, “Let’s get the others, everyone needs to be on the same page, or nothing will be resolved and he’s going to end up hurt… or dead.”

          The little boy in the next room, heard the arguing coming from the adults, the angry words and accusations burned in his ears. They were talking about him, fighting over an incident he had no control over. All he could do is cover his ears, squeeze his eyes shut and wait for it to be over.

Chapter Text

        “I suspect that one or both of the parent’s, used food restriction as a form of punishment, though I’ve never seen this level of malnourishment before. This has been going on for quite some time.” The attending physician that had performed the extensive exam on Tatsurou, was stunned by the level of the physical signs of abuse; the bruises, cuts and scrapes were disturbing enough, but it was the malnourishment that was the most shocking. Tatsurou was severely underweight, the size of a child much younger. No, this abuse was nothing recent, it had been going on for years.

          Watching the boy eat a bowl of rice, confirmed the doctor’s diagnosis; Tatsurou was holding the bow protectively, eating the rice in large spoonful’s, to the point of almost choking on it. “Tatsu-kun, would you like more rice?”

          “Yes please,” he answered eagerly.

          Carrying the sleeping boy, the doctor carefully put him in the back seat of the patrol car without waking him. The social worker had arrived just as Tatsurou had nodded off at the table, a comfortable slumber with a full stomach. “He probably will sleep through the night; I doubt he’ll wake until morning.” The doctor predicted.

          “If he does, there will be someone with him all through the night, we don’t want him frightened if he wakes and has no idea where he is.” The woman sighed, “In all my years of taking care of children, I will never understand how parents can do this to their own flesh and blood. It’s a mystery to me.”

       “Please, let us know how he’s doing, and if you find his parents.” The two nurses who had cared for the young boy, stood on the curb of the hospital and bowed as the patrol car drove away.

       As predicted, Tatsurou slept through the night, unawares of the goings on around him, a staff member sitting next to his bed, ready to comfort the boy should he wake.

       “Good morning, Tatsurou, did you sleep well?” a middle-aged woman with a warm smile and a motherly face, sat on the side of Tatsurou’s bed, confusing the little boy. “Who… who are you? Is my mommy here to pick me up?” The child whimpered as he sat up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. “Where am I?”

       “You are at the Hiroshi Children’s Home, and I am Niikura-san, and this,” the man put his hand on the woman’s shoulder, “is Erika-chan, and she will be taking care of you today.” Niikura Kaoru squatted down next to the bed, looking Tatsurou in the eyes, “I know you’re scared and confused, but I promise you, you’re safe now and no one will ever hurt you again, okay?”

       The little boy nodded.

       “Tatsu-kun, let’s get you washed up so you can join the other children for breakfast, ne?” Erika smiled and held out her hand.

       “How is he?” Kaoru asked Erika.

        “A little shell shocked I’m afraid. He would only answer yes or no questions.” They watched the boy as he sat at a small table with two other children his age. “With no background information I fear he’s going to have more problems than most of the other children we’ve seen. The woman knew about Tatsurou’s situation, what he had come from and it truly broke her heart.

          Kaoru tapped his finger on his chin, “Suggestions on who to pair him with?”

          “First, a female social worker to evaluate him.” Erika turned to look at the director, “I would like to keep him under my care at least for the first week, after that…perhaps Tenshi would be a good fit.”

          “Nagai? Are you sure? Has he dealt with this level of abuse before?” Kaoru was surprised at the choice.

          “The children in his group adore him; he’s patient, caring and he waits and listens to what each child has to say.” The woman tried to reassure Kaoru.

          “Let me speak to him first.”

          “Hello Tatsurou, my name is Mally, can we visit for awhile?” The pretty social worker sat down at the child size table, across from Tatsurou.

          “Mmmhmm” Tatsurou was eyeing the stuffed Hello Kitty plushy the woman was holding.

          “How old are you Tatsu-kun?”
          “Five.” The woman had a notebook with her, scribbling on an empty page.

          “Five? Wow, you’re a big boy already. Did you go to school?” Mally put the plush on the table.

          “No, mommy wanted me to stay home with her.”

          “What about daddy…what did he want?” At this point, the little boy started to shut down; drawing his knees to his chest and hiding his face in his arms. The social worker took that moment and pushed the stuffed cat off the table. “Uh oh, Tatsu-kun, could you pick Kitty up for me please?”

          The boy peeked over his arms, seeing the stuffed cat on the floor. Obediently, he reached over and picked up the cat, trying to hand it to Mally, “Could you take care of Kitty while we talk? I don’t want her to get lost.”

          Mally was slowly able to coax some information from the boy; he knew his numbers to twenty, but could not read. His social skills were non-existent, and as Mally understood from the case file, the mother kept her son close to her, possibly in an attempt to protect and shield the boy from the physical abuse at the hands of her husband.

          When asked about live at home, Tatsurou began to withdraw again, “Do you love mommy and daddy?” Mally asked but made no eye contact.

          “Only mommy, she tried to save me.”

          “What about daddy?”

          “Papa is scary, he says he’s not my dad.”

          At the end of the interview, Mally asked Tatsurou for a hug, “Can you do me a big favor? Can you keep Kitty with you? I’m always afraid I’m going to lose her and I think she’d like staying with you.” The smile on the boy’s face, was all she needed to know to understand what she was dealing with. “I’ll see you in a few days, ne? Maybe we can go outside and talk next time.” Tatsurou nodded, “Okay, bye.”

         “What do you think?” Kaoru asked Mally as they met in his office.

          “That he’s lucky to be alive.”

Chapter Text

          “Are you sure? I’ve never dealt with a child that has had his level of abuse.” Nagai Tenshi was visually shaken at the suggestion by Kaoru, Erika and Mally, of placing Tatsurou with his age group of five- to seven-year-old children, in his care. “Yes my kids are troubled, but none of them have been abused to this boy’s level.”

          “You have a great deal of success with the children in your care. What are your objections to adding Tatsurou to your group?” Kaoru found it odd, that the 32-year-old teacher, would not readily accept a new student. “He will be having sessions with me, three times a week, for the foreseeable future.” Mally assured Tenshi. Erika leaned in, placing a hand on the teacher’s knee, “At least meet the boy, don’t give up on him before you try.”

          An hour later, Tenshi had Tatsurou in front of him, Mally by the boy’s side, though he hid his face in her leg. “Tatsu-kun, this is Tenshi-sensei, he will be your teacher and group leader while you’re here.”  Tenshi squatted down to get at eye level with the shy child, “Hello Tatsu-kun.”

          The little boy peered around Mally’s leg, “Hello,” he replied softly, he was still clutching the plushie Mally had given him.  “That’s a cute kitty you’re holding,”

          Tatsurou looked up at the social worker, “I’m taking care of her for Mally-sensei.”

          “Wow, that’s an important job,” Tenshi stood up, “Would you like to see where you’ll be living and meet some of the other children?” The child hesitated for a moment, looking up at Malley.

          “You go with Tenshi-sensei, I’ll see you in the morning.” Bending down, she hugged the boy, “Everything will be okay, I promise.” 

           But everything wasn’t as Mally promised.

          Tatsurou’s first night alone in the large room he shared with five other children, was the first realization that he was now, truly alone, and that his mother was not coming to get him. This left the boy to cry piteously during the night, much to the annoyance of his roommates.

          “Sensei, all he did was cry for his mom all night,” a rough looking seven year old boy named Kaito, had gone to the group leader to complain. “Does he have to stay in our room?”

          Tenshi frowned, “Really Kaito? I seem to remember a certain five year old that wet the bed his first night here.” The man was disappointed with the small boy, but cautious.

          Kaito’s face flushed with embarrassment, “I was younger than him, that’s not fair!” he tried to protest.

          “That’s beside the point, Kaito. Do you remember how scared you were when you got here? You cried for your mom as well. Tatsurou has been through so much more than just being abandoned.”

          “What do you mean?” This statement piqued the young boy’s interest.

          “You know I can’t talk about it, you’re just going to have to understand that Tatsurou has had a rough start even before he got here.” The boy wasn’t satisfied with his teacher’s answer; why was the new boy so special?  “Go back to your room and get ready for breakfast.” Kaito left in a huff, muttering under his breath.

          Kaito’s statements were a red flag warning to Tenshi; he knew what the seven year old was capable of, which did not bode well for Tatsurou. Tenshi had worked tirelessly to gain the trust which lead to the control of Katio, a boy so violent his parents surrendered him to the home. “We don’t understand why…no one has ever given us a clear answer.” The parents brought Kaito to the home, after an incident where the boy had pushed his mother down a set of steps, breaking the woman’s arm and leaving her with serious facial abrasions.

          Without a doubt, Tenshi knew he would need to closely monitor Kaito’s interactions with Tatsurou, for any signs of bullying.

          “Let me help you.”

          Standing in the shower with the intense heat of the water flowing over his weary body, Tatsurou could not reconcile the fact that he was missing at least twenty minutes of his day, time he couldn’t account for. What he does remember is the voice, somewhat familiar, like an awareness that had always been with him, whispering in his ear.

          “Wait, don’t move.”

          The sway of the train and the intense rise of anxiety and panic, the bodies surrounding him, starting to crush him.

          “Close your eyes.”

          The overwhelming calmness that settled over his shoulders, clearing his mind as he let himself relax.

          “Let me help you.”

          Soft spoken and comforting, he let the voice lull him into a protective void.

          The startling reality of that protective feeling drained from his body, when he next opened his eyes, and found himself standing at the foot of the stairs to his flat.

          Turning off the water and stepping out of his shower, Tatsurou’s uneasiness still haunting his thoughts. What had happened in those twenty minutes? Who was this savior, and why did his voice sound so familiar?

Chapter Text

          Tatsurou had been plagued with nightmares and auditory hallucinations all afternoon, drifting in and out of sleep until his alarm went off. It was difficult enough to be a daytime sleeper, but with his mind replaying his panic attack on the train, his dreams evolved into a sense of overwhelming fear, and waking with sleep paralysis binding his arms, the anxiety skyrocketed, “Breath, just breathe.”

          Despite being overly tired, (more often than not), Tatsurou was on schedule to his station, standing in his normal spot on the platform. The bone-weary business men, clutching their bags and briefcases to their chests, the students heading to cram school, just another normal commute.

          He had every intention of leaving the journal sitting on the kitchen table, ignoring the screams in his mind to take it with him.  Those screams intensified as soon as he walked out the door, scaring him enough to cause him into going back into the flat, and grabbing the cursed book, and hastily shoving it in his bag. Boarding his train, the journal was silent, a relief for Tatsurou.

          “Hey, Tatsu-kun,”

          “Hi, are we um, full tonight?” Tatsurou hoped that Ayane had been thorough with her closing duties.

          Ayane handed him the log book, “Not really, but it’s Tuesday, we’re never really that busy.” A concern looked crossed the woman’s face, “Tatsurou, are you ill? I mean you look like you don’t feel well.” She reached out and put her hand on his shoulder. He immediately brightened up, as if her question snapped him out of his funk, “Oh, my next-door neighbor banged around in his flat all day, so I didn’t sleep all that well. I’m fine.”

          Ayane laughed, “Don’t you hate that? I mean shitty neighbors are the worst! Okay, I’m out, have a good night.”

        Standing in the corner of the room, Tenshi paid close attention to the interactions between the children, as they grouped together during the indoor free play portion of the morning. It wasn’t a huge surprise to see Tatsurou and Sana, a six-year-old boy on the spectrum, playing together at the Lego table. The abused boy had been drawn to the naturally quiet Sana, avoiding Kaito and Hiro as often as possible.

       Hiro, a boy born out of wedlock, and surrendered by his mother, was a slightly softer version of Kaito. Not as loud, and not as brave as his cohort, Hiro would only act out if he was provoked and egged on by Kaito. It was that influence that led to an incident that left Tatsurou with a bloody nose that same day, while the kids were out on the playground.

       Mally and Tenshi were standing under a large tree, supervising the children and commenting on the different behaviors they witnessed, when a shrieking cry was heard. Nori, a tiny six-year-old girl, ran towards the adults, “Hurry Sensei!” She grabbed Tenshi and gave his hand a hard tug, “Tatsu-kun is bleeding!” Visions of a dead little boy flooded the man’s mind as he ran across the playground towards the sandbox.

       What he found was a far less severe of an injury, but he could tell that there was damage. Hiro and Kaito were standing near Tatsurou, looking guilty as they watched the little boy who was curled into a tight ball in the sand, with Sana petting Tatsurou’s head gently. Carefully scooping up the traumatized boy in his arms, Tenshi turned and glared at the offenders, “Go to your room and wait for me.” Tenshi, followed by Mally and Nori, walked towards the building.

        Sitting Tatsurou on a table in the nurse’s office, Tenshi started to clean the blood from the boy’s face, “Tell me what happened, Nori,” he asked the girl without looking at her.

        The little girl’s eyes filled with tears, “Tatsu-kun and Sana-kun, were playing in the sandbox first, then Hiro came over and kicked and stomped on their castle. Kaito pushed Tatsu-kun over, and kicked sand at him, but he really kicked him in the face!” The little girl started to cry, “Kaito said some bad words too.”       

       “What did he say, Nori?” Tenshi struggled to keep calm.   

       Nori clenched her hands together looking at the floor, her eyes hidden behind her long bangs, “Um, he said that if Tatsu-kun would stop crying like a baby, no one would hate him,” she looked up again, “then he said that Tatsu-kun needed to be dead, that nobody wants him.”

       Mally glanced over at Tenshi, watching the man tenderly wiping the blood from the boy’s face, “Is it bad?” He shook his head, “No, a small cut on one nostril, his chin has a small cut, that’s what was bleeding.” His voice quivered with anger, “Stay here with Mally-sensei, I’ll be right back, okay?” He patted the little boy on the leg, “Stay with him,” he said to Mally as he walked out.

      “Tatsu-kun,” Mally went to the table, “let’s pick out a cute band-aide and put it on your chin, ne?”

     Just as Tenshi reached the dormitory, Kaoru caught up with him, “Wait, don’t go in just yet, you need to calm down first.”

     Tenshi’s head whipped around, “Calm down,” he growled, “did you hear what those little bastards did to him, what they said to him?”

         Kaoru leaned away from the man, shocked at his words, “Bastards? Really Nagai? This is exactly why you need to calm the fuck down.” Kaoru hissed, “I’ll speak with them first.” Pushing past the teacher, Kaoru entered the room and firmly closed the door, leaving Tenshi to wait in the hallway. Leaning against the wall, he closed his eyes for a moment, the visions of a dead boy returning, he was unaware of the small hand that reached out to tug at his shirt. “Tatsu?” Looking down, Tenshi was startled to see the normally non-verbal Sana, looking up at him, concern showing on his small face. Squatting down, he put his hands on the slender boy’s shoulders, “He’ll be okay, Sana. Thank you for trying to protect him.”

       “Welcome,” the shy boy said softly.

      Hiro and Kaito were laughing and lightly punching each other in the arm, when Kaoru entered the room. Seeing the lack of remorse over their attack on Tatsurou, angered the normally sedate man.

      “Honestly you two,” Kaoru snapped, “Do you believe what you did to Tatsu-kun is funny?” Hiro and Kaito lowered their eyes. “It wasn’t that bad Sensei, I didn’t mean to kick him in the face,” Kaito looked up at the man, “it was an accident, really.”

      Kaoru wasn’t buying the lame excuse, “So you accidently walked across the playground, and accidently destroyed what Tatsu and Sana were building?”

      Hiro shifted uneasily, “No, but Kaito didn’t mean to kick him in the face.”

      “Hiro!” the other boy hissed, “Sensei, Tatsu is a whiny baby, he cries all night and it makes me tired and grumpy. Can’t he go someplace else? No one likes him…except for Sana, and he’s weird too.”

      “That’s still no …” Kaoru was interrupted by Tenshi entering the room, “Thank you, Sensei, I can take care of this now.” Effectively dismissing the director, Tenshi turned his attention to the two young boys sitting before him, looking directly at Kaito.

      “I actually had hoped you would have taken pity on Tatsurou, due to his situation, why I believed that I’m not sure. You were vicious and unfeeling in your actions, and your hateful words. I can’t tell you how disappointed I am with both of you.” He looked at Hiro. “You are no better, you blindly follow Kaito and engage in the same violence and attacks.” Tenshi paused, “There will be no free play for either of you for one week.” The boys gasped but thought better than to speak. “Both of you will genuine letters of apology to Tatsurou, Sana and Nori.”

     Hiro slowly raised his hand, “Sensei, what about Tatsurou’s crying all night? It’s hard to sleep when he’s always crying for his mom.”

     Tenshi sighed, pressing his palm to his forehead, “You know I’m not allowed to discuss the backgrounds of any child that lives here. I will speak to Mally-sensei and Erika-chan.”

      Kaito had been subdued during the conversation, Tenshi hoping that he was reflecting on his actions.

       “I see they’re both still breathing,” Mally teased her co-worker, Tenshi walking into the teachers break room, “what did you hand out for punishment?”

       “No free play for a week, and three individual letters of apology to Tatsurou, Sana and Nori.” Tenshi said firmly. “That sounds reasonable,” Mally nodded, “let’s hope it makes some sort of positive impact.”

      If he was honest with himself, Tenshi knew there would be an impact, but not on Kaito.

Chapter Text

       Making his way from the employee lounge, Tatsurou had the journal in his hand. After the events of the previous shift, he had promised himself not to read too many entries, fearing a repeat of his panic attack on the train. Perched on a stool behind the front desk, Tatsurou opened the journal and began to read the next entry.

       “Seriously a velvet suit, who the fuck wears that? They call me a slut and a whore, like they’ve never seen this guy? Fucking pathetic, can’t wait to throw this in their faces. He is super cute, bet he’s a bottom, such a little bitch, prancing around with his bleached hair and damn painted nails. His pants are so tight I can see his dick. Bet he jerks off at work…or even better gets fucked by his boss in the bathroom. It’s obvious he likes to be humiliated, why else would he wear that stupid suit. He needs to be fucked hard. I should follow this little bitch home, maybe next week…let’s see where this can take me.”

       Tatsurou was taken aback at the change in tone of the writer’s thoughts, this was not like the other entries, something had changed. The obvious viciousness was startling. What was different about this post, compared to the others? Paging back through the journal, he stopped, then he saw it, “What the… this can’t be right.” It was staring him in the face. The handwriting was obviously different.  Starting at the beginning of the journal, Tatsurou could see that there were at least four different styles of writing, “How could I have missed this?” Tempted as he was to skip forward, the voice in his head screamed ‘DON’T READ IT.” Tatsurou ignored the voice…again.

       “We can’t let him read any further! Controlling that slut is the only way to protect him. How do we get this back?”

       The handwriting changed again.

       “This is all Kou’s fault, if he would have kept the damn book secret, we wouldn’t be dealing with this shit, and I can only handle him with the panic attacks, you already know that.”

       Panic attack?

       He dropped the book to the floor, backing away from the desk.

       “Are you okay?”

       A voice snapped Tatsurou out of his trans-like terror. Standing in front of him, a weary businessman looked at him with concern. “Can I get a cubicle please?” Tatsu kicked the book away from where it fell, an instantaneous change came over him. “Yes of course!” he said cheerily, “Would you like a reclining seat or flat?”

       Going through the check-in routine, Tatsurou’s mind seemed to block or erase the fear over the book, as if the incident never happened. There were no thoughts of terror, of what had happened…just nothingness.

      After showing the businessman his cubicle and giving him the rundown of amenities, he returned to the desk. The moment he returned to the desk, he spied the journal laying on the floor, the fear flooded his body so quickly, it brought him to his knees. “Read me.”

       Tatsurou whipped around, searching for the person who had just whispered those words in his ear, “Go ahead, pick me up.”

       Shakily rising to his feet, his eyes never leaving the book, afraid of actually touching the it, he chose to kick the book towards the employee lounge. “What do I do with it?” he murmured.

       “Don’t read it…”

       His first instinct was to destroy the book, remove the vile thing from his life. Grabbing a towel from the sink area, he covered the book. Taking a quick look at the front counter for customers, he started chewing on a fingernail, pacing the short hallway.

       Burn it?

       “No,” he shook his head, “the smoke would be too noticeable in the building.

       Shred the pages?

       “I’d have to touch it…no.”

       Throw it in the trash.

       Tatsurou turned and went to the small kitchen area, rummaging through the drawers for a pair of gloves, hoping that they would provide yet another barrier from the evil that lie on the floor.

       Squatting down, he gingerly picked up the journal, towel and all. Holding it at arm’s length, he walked over to the trash bin and forcibly shoved it in the can, stripping the gloves off and dropping them on top. Slowly backing away, watching the trash can as if the book was going to levitate and attack him, he finally turned his back and walked to the bathroom. Splashing his face with cold water, and trying to even out his breath, he closed his eyes tightly, “Never again…”

       “You’ll regret it for the rest of your life.”

Chapter Text

          “You’ve done wonders with the boy; it appears he’s adjusted well to the routine of the house.” Kaoru looked at his notes during a progress review of Tatsurou’s first month at the home.

          “He’s quite bright actually,” Mally commented. As the social worker on Tatsurou’s case she still had some concerns over the boy’s potential emotional damage as a result of coming from such a violent early life. “He is almost up to grade level with his studies, though I am concerned with his social skills.”

          “Is there a problem?” Kaoru asked. Mally and Nagai shared a quick glance. “Tatsurou is still experiencing some bullying, but he refuses to defend in himself in any way.” Mally confessed.

          “Bullying by whom? It’s not Hiro or Kaito, is it?” Kaoru didn’t want to have to reprimand the two boys again.

          “No, neither of those boys have been involved, just some of the older kids, pushing and shoving in morning lineup, is all.” Mally tried to play down the incidents.

          “Genta has often stepped in before any teacher arrives.” Nagai added.

          “Genta? Are we sure …”? This was not what Kaoru wanted to hear.

          “Genta has had no reported incidents for three years.” Mally said.

          “Not reported, but that doesn’t mean it hasn’t happened.” Kaoru was wary of any interactions between the thirteen-year-old, and the younger children. Genta had arrived at the Hiroshi Children’s home as a broken seven-year-old, who had been sexually abused by a family member. When his parents discovered the abuse, they put the blame firmly on the child, surrendering him to the authorities, and signing away their parental rights.

          “How confident are you with the interactions between them?” Kaoru wanted solid evidence that there would be no problems.

          “As confident as we can be with any of the children. Tatsurou has learned to trust me, he understands that if anything were to happen, he could come to me at any time. He’s also very close to Erika, and she’s the one that spends the most time with him.” Nagai assured the director.

          Mally had a final point to make. “The only solution to the bullying, would be moving Tatsurou to another facility, which in my opinion would be disastrous. He would regress and most likely suffer declining health until he died.”

          Both Nagai and Kaoru were dumbfounded by Mally’s statement. “Surely you don’t believe this? To claim the boy would die is a bit absurd, don’t you think?” Kaoru tried to dismiss Mally’s claim.

          Nagai’s reaction was to jump to his feet, the chair clattering backwards, “NO!” he slammed his fist on Kaoru’s desk. “Absolutely not. Tatsurou will not be leaving Hiroshi under any circumstances.”

          Kaoru shrank back from Nagai’s sudden outburst, “Tenshi, calm down. No one said we were going to remove the boy.”

          The teacher was shaking in anger and fear, the thought of the small boy leaving him…not just Hiroshi house, but away from Nagai’s care terrified him. “I just want what’s best for him, and that’s staying here with me.”

          “Any thoughts?”

          “On…?”

          “His reaction to the boy leaving.”

          Kaoru frowned, “What are you implying?”

          “You didn’t think that it was a bit… much?” It was true that Nagai’s outburst was startling, but beyond that, Kaoru wasn’t sure what Mally was asking.

          “Well, it’s obvious Tenshi is very protective of the boy, other than that, I don’t see anything out of place or abnormal. What is your interpretation? I only see a small child flourishing under the care of the various adults he interacts with.” Kaoru opened a drawer on his desk, and took out a file. “According to his teachers, Tatsurou has progressed rapidly and is almost to grade level in reading, though in mathematics he is still struggling.”  He slid the file to Mally. “You yourself have reported that Tatsurou’s social interactions with the other children has improved. Are you seeing something else?”

          Mally sighed, “It’s just a gut feeling, and I’m not even sure what has trigged it.”

          This caught Kaoru’s attention quickly. He knew the social worker well enough to trust her judgement, “A gut feeling over…?”

          Mally waved it off, “Nothing. I’m not sure what I think I’m seeing. It may just be an over protective concern, as we do have an idea how badly his father abused him. It’s just a trigger of another male in his life, wanting to hurt him. I know that’s not the case with Tenshi, he truly cares for the boy.”

          From the shaded bench under the ginkgo tree, He watched the two younger boys playing in the sandbox.  He quickly glanced around, taking notice of where each of the adults were standing. Erika; standing nearest the classroom doors. Ayumi, a student teacher, was kneeling down and tying the shoes of a very young child, by the swings. More importantly was the one adult who was not on the playground at that moment; Nagai Tenshi.

          Acting as casual as possible, Genta rose from the bench and strolled over to the sandbox. He stood silently for a few moments, watching Tatsurou and Sana as they played with a small dump truck, plowing it into the castle they had built.

          “Hey Sana,” he purposely spoke to the mostly silent boy first, “can I play too?” San smiled and nodded. Genta sat in the sand between the two boys, “Hi Tatsu-kun, what are we building next?”

          Unnoticed, Kaoru stood at the window in his office, intently watching the interaction between the three boys, as they played in the sandbox, the earlier conversation still fresh in his mind. Still, with no reported incidents in three years, and seeing that Genta was being gentle and mostly watching, Kaoru was still wary about any further interactions between them. “Guess we just need to watch them,” he sighed.

          “Excuse me, Kaoru?” Mally tapped lightly on the office door.

          “Mally, I need you to see this,” he waved the social worker over to the window. Looking at the situation on the playground, Mally looked at the director, “Are you still worried about this? Like I said at the meeting, he’s had no incidents in three years.”

          Kaoru wasn’t resigned to the matter that Genta posed no threat to any of the younger children living at Hiroshi House. “You’re not concerned even in the least?”

          “No, I’m not.” Mally tried to explain, “It would be different if he’d even been reprimanded for acting out, but he hasn’t. Genta has been a model student for awhile now. I believe that the episodes before, were just residual trauma from being abused. Until I see otherwise, I’m not worried.”

          He had caught the director watching him playing with the two boys, a prickling sensation on his neck caused him to check his surroundings., and seeing Kaoru and Mally watching him from the school. Now with the social worker added to the mix, Genta knew he was being scrutinized. ‘You think I don’t know? Assholes, like you can watch me 24/7.’ Without any hesitation, he grinned widely and waved at Kaoru and Mally. They have no idea who I really am.

Chapter Text

          After throwing the journal in the trash, the relief Tatsurou felt was immeasurable, but the relief was tempered with anxiety and not a little fear. Had it been so easy to rid him mind of the whispers, simply by throwing the book into the trash? All he could do is hope, as the remainder of his shift was spent doing his job without distractions from the book.

          Standing on the platform for his train, Tatsurou couldn’t help but remember the entry describing passenger three. Lined up further back, he could hear the man speaking on his phone, eavesdropping in an attempt to validate what had been written.

          “Oh! Don’t you “Ruki” me, I told you specifically they wouldn’t sell, now it’s “Ruki did it”. Spare me your whining, it’s not my fault…”

          Ruki. A name to the face. Trying to recall the description of passenger three, the only thing Tatsurou could be certain of was that this man possibly worked in a shop in Harajuku. What he couldn’t get out of his mind, was the last entry in the journal, that spoke of the author’s desire to wanting to follow the man home.

          Waiting for the exiting passengers on the train, Tatsurou was able to take the seat in the corner, his normal spot that afforded him the best view of the other passengers without looking obvious. Passenger three was dressed differently this morning; gone was the velvet suit and flashy jewelry, replaced by what could only be described is a long black dress with a sheer black jacket. “Goth Ruki” he mumbled under his breath. The small man turned and looked at Tatsurou, as if he had heard the comment, smiling and giving him a quick wink.

          Quickly averting his eyes, his face flushed in embarrassment in being caught looking at the man, Tatsurou looked down at his phone. Had the man actually heard him? He must have, why else would he look at him and wink? Busying himself with his phone, Tatsurou didn’t look up again until the train stopped. He waited until the train car was almost empty, before standing and exiting onto the platform.

          “Good morning, Tatsu-kun,” the woman behind the register at the konbini greeted him, “Done at work for the day?”

          “Thankfully, yes Auntie” he replied as he walked through the aisles.

          “You’re looking poorly, Tatsurou, are you getting enough sleep? You’re so pale.” The woman’s voice was filled with concern. He offered a tiny smile, “I’m okay, thank you. It’s been busy at work, no time for me to nap.” Paying for his items, Tatsurou bowed lightly to the woman and left the store.

          Going through the motions of eating, taking a hot shower and getting into bed, Tatsurou had a niggling feeling that he was forgetting something, but couldn’t come up with what. “Stupid, it’s nothing.” He argued with himself. Going through his mental check list of his shift change at work, there wasn’t one thing that was out of place. He had left the café in the right condition for his coworker, but there was still something that he knew he forgot.

          “Well, I’m sure I’ll hear about it tonight.” He huffed as he pulled the blankets up and closed his eyes.

           “Leave it in the trash!” Kai grabbed Koichi by the arm, preventing the man from leaving the room.

          “No, I’m tired of all this shit, he needs to know. We can’t go on like this, he needs help!” Koichi wrenched his arm away. “Am I the only one who cares? You’re all willing to continue to exist like this? How about we ask the others, Kai?”

          “You don’t need to ask me, I’m perfectly happy living like this. I get all of the fun, without all the boring daily drudgery. I’ll let you losers deal with that.” Uruha had come from the shower, brushing out his still wet hair.

          “You have absolutely no say in any of this. If we go, so do you!” Aoi snapped.

          “Why are you suddenly in such a rush? We’ve been doing just find up until now. Why do you want to ruin it?” Uruha whined.

          “Ruin things? Do you even hear yourself?” Kai asked incredulously, “Hasn’t he been ruined enough for you?”

          “If anyone is ruining things, it’s YOU!” Aoi pointed an accusing finger at Uruha. “If you would stop being such a whore, maybe we could wait a little longer. I swear, you’re going to meet the wrong guy and get him killed.”

          “He’s right, Uruha,” Aki agreed, “I was able to get him through his early life, into something that was close to normal. Then you show up…and you’re destroying everything that we worked hard towards.”

          “I’m hardly destroying him,” Uruha scoffed, “we’re just having a little fun. No need to paint this as some dastardly deed on my part.”

          “Just having a little fun? You call bite marks, bloodied scraped knees and scratches, fun?” Aki was pissed, walking up to Uruha and getting in the man’s face. “You’re going to get him killed, just like Aoi says. You’re going to pick up the wrong guy one night, and it will be more than just bite marks and scratches.”

          Uruha shoved Aki in the shoulder, “Back off me! You really think I’m that stupid that I can’t choose the right kind of guy to fuck? You’re just jealous Aki, plain and simple jealously.”

          Aki stepped up and got into Uruha’s face, “I’m going to make damn sure, you’re the first to go.”

          Koichi got between the two men, pushing them away from each other, “You both need to stop, this isn’t helping.” He turned and looked at Kai, “Isn’t it obvious why I need to go get the book? Are you comfortable letting these two handle his life? No, Kai, he deserves to know the truth, and we need to fix this as soon as possible. The others aren’t going to care one way or the other, and the little one’s don’t count as they’re not involved at all.”

          Kai leaned his head back and sighed deeply, “Fine, but I’m telling you right now Koichi, if this shit gets worse, the book goes. Period.”

Chapter Text

          “Leave him alone, Kaito.” Genta pushed Tatsurou behind him, protecting the boy from an attack by Kaito and Hiro.

          The younger boy shifted nervously, scuffing his foot in the dirt. “I’m not going to hurt him, Genta. We just wanted to ask him to play chase with us.” Kaito lied.

          “Chase? Yah right, more like chase him and make him fall down and hurt himself. Go away Kaito, Tatsu-kun doesn’t want to play with you.” Genta stepped forward, getting closer to the younger boy.  Kaito glared at the older boy, “Whatever, Genta, you can’t always be around to save him.” With a huff, Kaito grabs Hiro’s hand and walks away.

          Tatsurou tugged on Genta’s shirt, “Thank you,” he whispered. Genta turned and squat down, “It’s okay, you make sure to come and get me if he bothers you again.” Tatsurou shook his head and smiled.

          It had not taken much effort to gain Tatsurou’s trust, Genta stepping in to protect him from the bullying by some of the other children. On the playground, Genta made sure that there was always an adult in view whenever he was near the little boy.

          Due to Genta’s previous behavior and his history of violent outbursts, daily reports were made to Erika and Tenshi by the playground monitors.

          “There was an incident today,” Kazuki, one of the male teachers, informed Tenshi.

          “Oh?” his gut tightened. “Involving who?”

          “Kaito and Hiro, not sure what was said, but Genta had Tatsurou hiding behind him, and it seems that hostile words were exchanged, though I couldn’t hear exactly what was being said, but Kaito and Hiro walked away in a huff.

          “Anything else?” Tenshi was hesitant to be completely relieved, with Kazuki assuring the man that there was nothing more.

          Genta knew he was being watched, and this irritated him. There had been more than a few occasions he had caught the various playground monitors watching him any time he interacted with Tatsurou as if waiting for him to attack the boy, the younger boy now looking at Genta as a sort of savior and protector. He would have to be careful and wait for that perfect opportunity, to go further.  It didn’t take long for that perfect opportunity to present itself, and Genta was going to use it to his benefit.

          The announcement was made that there would be a movie night for all of the children of Hiroshi House.

          It was a rare treat for the children to have a collective movie night, as it was usually an age divided event. While the younger children were excited to be allowed to mix with the older kids, the movie was suitable enough to keep everyone’s attention.

          “All right everyone, let’s get settled.” Kaoru clapped his hands, “I’m not going to start until you’re all quiet.”

          Seeing the two boys sitting in the middle of the room, Genta slowly made his way across the floor. “Hi Tatsu-kun, can I sit with you and Sana?”

          Just before he sat down, Genta could feel Tenshi’s eyes on him, boring a hole in his back. Turning slowly, he looked the adult in the eyes, and gave him a sickly-sweet smile, acknowledging that he knew he was being watched.

          The lights had gone off and the film started, when Genta spread out is blanket, and laid back on his pillow. Pretending to watch the film, his eyes were on Tatsurou, and Sana, the two little boys were cuddled next to each other, intently watching the movie. Rolling onto his side, Genta took notice of where each adult was positioned in the room; Tenshi was behind him, Kaoru at the front of the room sitting in a chair, Mally and Erika along the side wall. Perfect.

          Scooting towards Tatsurou, Genta laid his head close to the little boy, “If you’re scared, Tatsu-kun, I can hold your hand for you,” he whispered his ear. “Let’s combine all our blankets, just like if we were taking a nap together.”  Moving his pillow closer, Genta covered them with his larger blanket. Genta’s eyes were always on the movie, he never once looked away. It was Tatsurou that was startled, “Genta?” he whispered. “It’s okay, just watch the movie.”

          Tenshi watched the Genta throughout the movie, never seeing anything that would indicate there was something wrong. Once the movie was over, the lights came on and the children were then ushered to their rooms, and the evening wrapped up. Tenshi watched as Genta carefully folded his blanket, teasing Sana about his plushie and generally acting normal. But the movie night had been anything other than normal.

          Tatsurou had remained quiet, as he picked up his blanket and pillow, taking Sana by the hand, he didn’t say anything to Genta, ignoring the boy completely as they quickly walked back to their room. “Alright, lights out in ten minutes, I’ll be back to check on you.” Tenshi announced as he came into the small dormitory room.

          Going in search of Erika, Tenshi wanted her opinion on how the night had gone. Finding her speaking with Mally, he interrupted the two women, “I’m sorry, but did either one of you see anything off, between Genta and Tatsurou?”

          “Off? What do you mean?” Erika asked, “Did you see anything?” Tenshi shook his head, “No, it just looked like they were cuddled up and watched the movie, it’s just…”

          “Just what, Tenshi? Are you suspecting Genta of something?” Mally quickly closed the door to the office.

          Tenshi ran his hand through his hair roughly, “I don’t know, maybe I’m just over reacting.”

          Erika and Mally exchanged concerned looks, “I can speak to Tatsurou in the morning, see if there’s anything wrong.” Mally offered. “But we can’t just accuse Genta outright, if nothing happened, and no evidence to support anything.”

          Tenshi sighted, “No, we can’t. I’m fairly certain that if he had done anything Tatsurou would come to me, or at the very least have some sort of visceral reaction.”

          Erika put her hand on Tenshi’s shoulder, “Let’s wait and see if there are any changes in Tatsurou’s behavior, that would be the first step. Then, if needed, we can question him, and Genta as well. It does us no good to accuse the boy without evidence.”  It was that lack of evidence which emboldened Genta’s abuse of Tatsurou. The older boy was still careful and mindful of any adult that was present, but the abuse continued to increase in both frequency and severity.

          The day before Genta’s move to another facility, had proven to be the worst. The older boy had cornered Tatsurou in a bathroom stall during outside playtime. As the abuse started, the younger boy closed his eyes and drifted off into his safe space, the comforting voice in his mind telling him, ‘It’s not your fault’.

          The very next day, Genta was called out of class to Kaoru’s office. During the short walk, he went over in his head what he would say if confronted with what he had been doing to Tatsurou.

          “Yes, Kaoru-sensei?” Genta bowed to the home’s director.

          Kaoru looked up from the file on his desk, “Genta-kun, I wanted to be the first to tell you…tomorrow you will be transferring to the Sakura Home for Boys. You’re 14 now and you’ll need to concentrate on school and what career path you will be taking after high school.”

          The look on Genta’s face was a combined relief, mixed with the stark realization that he would no longer have access to Tatsurou. “Why can’t I stay here, Kaoru-sensei? I can still study and do my homework.”

          “To be blunt, you’re too old for this facility. There are three other children that will be moved to the next appropriate home in the next few months. This is not a punishment, Genta, we only want to make sure that you’re prepared to lead a productive life once you are out of the care system, and Sakura House has the abilities to provide you the instruction you will need. Do you understand all of this?”

          Genta looked down at his hands, unseen tears forming, “Yes, Sensei, I understand. When do I leave?”

Chapter Text

          “… he won’t have Genta to protect him anymore.” Kaito whispered. After overhearing Kaoru speaking with the older boy, he rushed out to the playground, grabbing Hiro by the arm and dragging him under the large shade tree.

          “Who cares?” Hiro wrenched his arm away, “Just because Genta’s leaving, doesn’t matter to us.” Hiro had grown tired of Kaito’s constant bullying of Tatsurou, not because he was remorseful, rather that he was tired of always being caught and punished by the staff. “Just let it go, is it really worth it anymore?”

            Kaito shoved him hard in the shoulder, “What? Are you going to protect him now? What a joke, you’re just as stupid as he is.” Kaito’s face grew dark, “You’d better keep your mouth shut, if I find out you’ve gone to a teacher…” Before he could go any further with his threat, he saw Mally coming out of the building. Playfully shoving Hiro, “You’re it!” he ran across the playground to the far wall. He had not anticipated Hiro’s change of mind, the boy had never been reluctant to harass Tatsurou in the past, and with Genta out of the way, Kaito had been sure of Hiro’s excitement. But now? “I don’t need him, stupid brat, he’d better watch himself or he’ll be sorry.”

          Hiro knew he was a coward. He had tried to stand up to Kaito, to avoid being a tool in the boy’s constant attacks on Tatsurou. Yet there he was, acting as a look-out while Kaito had the younger boy cornered in a bathroom stall. “Kaito, hurry up!” he hissed.

         “Don’t you dare say a word,” Kaito had his hand wrapped around Tatsurou’s throat, “I will kill you in your sleep, if you say anything to anyone.” With a final shove into the wall, Kaito left the boy crumpled on the floor.

         “You didn’t leave any marks on him, did you?” Hiro asked as they made their way back to the playground. “Not that anyone can see. Quit worrying so much, he won’t tell.” After hearing Kaito’s threat of killing Tatsurou, Hiro didn’t ask any more questions. The slaps in the middle of the night, Kaito’s intimidation of the other kids in their small dorm room, had kept Hiro silenced. The fear was real enough that he didn’t have the courage to report the abuse to the staff. Instead, Hiro continued to be the accomplice, he was just as guilty as Kaito, by staying quiet. Guilt by association.

         Kaito had taken full advantage of the fact that Genta was no longer at the orphanage to act as Tatsurou’s protector. His attacks on the young boy, increased in frequency, but varied in severity, the worst being if Kaito was able to be alone with his victim.

         Punching, tripping, slaps to the back of the head were always the maximum effort every time. Kaito was always cautious to never leave any evidence of injury.

          For two years the abuse continued unabated.

         Tatsurou had grown quiet in the years of abuse, only answering direct questions, and regressing to the state he had been in when he had entered the children’s home. His teacher’s noticed the change in the classroom, and brough the issue to Tenshi’s attention, suggesting to have the boy evaluated for autism disorder. Tenshi dismissed the idea based on Tatsurou’s academic progress. “He’s quiet, not autistic,” he argued defensively.

        While he couldn’t deny that he had seen a change in Tatsurou, the young boy had grown closer to Tenshi. If Tatsurou had any free time, he often sought out the teacher, he was content to be in the same room, or on other days, sitting in Tenshi’s lap and having a book read to him.

        It was during those moments that Kaito’s resentment, hostility and anger grew. In the weeks leading up to the final confrontation, the severity of his attacks increased, enough so that Erika had seen a nasty bruise on Tatsurou’s thigh, stopping him as he was on his way to the playground.       

       “Tatsu-kun, how did you get that bruise?” she knelt down next to him, pointing at his leg.

       Tatsurou squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head, “Did you fall down?” He shrugged, and at that point Erika’s suspicions grew, “Okay, just promise me you’ll be more careful, ne?” Ruffling his hair, she sent the boy outside to play.

       Unawares to Erika, Kaito loitered near the classroom door, overhearing the conversation. When she sent Tatsurou out of the room, Kaito darted out the side doors before being caught.

       “Kaoru-sensei?” Erika knocked softly on the director’s door, “Do you have a moment to speak to me? It’s about Tatsurou.”

        He knew, he just knew that Tatsurou had ratted him out to Erika. Now that bitch would tell Kaoru and he would be sent to jail. “Fuck that.” Kaito couldn’t wait until bed time, he had to deal with Tatsurou right now, no matter the consequences.

       “Are you sure? I’m not going to take action without proof.”

       Erika sighed, “No, I’m not sure, that’s why I came to you with my concerns, before speaking with Tenshi.” The staff were well aware of the close relationship between the teacher and his young charge.

         “I think we should bring Mally into this as well,” Kaoru suggested, “with her specialized techniques, we should be able to get more information.”

        “Come with me,” Kaito grabbed Hiro by the wrist, dragging him along towards Sana and Tatsurou playing hopscotch with a group of other children. “Kaito, wait! What are you doing?”

        “Back me up or you’re dead, I swear I’ll kill you in your sleep.”

        Just as Tatsurou was taking his turn, Sana saw Kaito walking towards them, “Oh no.” Putting himself between Tatsurou and Kaito, he warned the older boy, “Go away”, his voice quivering in fear.  Before he could react, Hiro smacks Sana in the face and pushes him to the ground, the boy crying out in pain.

      “Stop it Kaito,” Tatsurou stood in front of Sana, shielding him from Hiro, “leave Sana alone.”

       Kaito laughed, “Aww, are you his protector now?” He stepped closer, “I warned you not to say anything.”

      “Get away from me.”

       “I don’t think so.” Before Tatsurou could react, Kaito threw his first punch hitting him hard in the chest, fully expecting the younger boy to fall to the ground and cry.

       That wasn’t what happened.

          By the time the playground monitors noticed the mini-brawl taking place on the blacktop, there was already blood flowing freely from all parties involved. Kaito and Tatsurou were wrestling together on the ground, punching each other with a fierceness they had never witnessed from either boy, both doing damage to the other’s face. Hiro was straddling Sana, slapping him in the head and face, the boy trying to cover up and protect himself. Other children were screaming and crying at what they were witnessing, the blood scaring the youngest.

          Erika was the first to reach the brawl, but didn’t have the strength to separate the boys, calling for Kazuki and Tenshi to help her. Her first instinct was to grab Tatsurou and Sana, both of the boy’s bleeding freely from the mouth and nose. Kazuki hauled Hiro off of Sana, shoving him roughly to the ground and pointing a finger at the boy, “Go to Kaoru-sensei’s office now!” he shouted that the boy, “Do not go anywhere else!”

          Tenshi had Kaito by the back of the shirt as he pulled him off Tatsurou, lifting him off the ground, “You little bastard!” he yelled in the boy’s face.

          “NAGAI!” Kaoru had heard the screams and cries of frightened children from his office and raced out to the playground, but did not expect to see Nagai Tenshi roughly shaking Kaito, still holding him by the shirt.

          Kaoru shoved Tenshi aside, taking Kaito by the arm, “Go to my office and stay there.” Watching Kaito and Hiro leave the playground, Kaoru turned his attention to Tenshi, “What the hell were you thinking? You got rough with a child; is this the way you handle issues like these?”

          Tenshi got into Kaoru’s face, “Did you see what those little assholes did to Tatsurou and Sana? What do you expect me to do, just gently remove them from the situation?”

          Kaoru took a step back, “I expect you to calm and assess the situation and react as an adult, not as a parent. This was completely out of line and frankly, I’m surprised at your actions.”

          Erika gently touched Kaoru on the arm, “How did you want to handle this?” Kaoru’s brow furrowed, “Get Mally and we’ll deal with Kaito and Hiro,” he looked at Tenshi again, “You and Erika will look after Tatsurou and Sana. Make sure to use the medical kits and get them cleaned up. We will re-group and make a decision after we’ve spoken to the children.”

          Kaoru knew there would be two different stories told to him, and he was fairly certain that Kaito and Hiro would try to downplay the fight, possibly blaming Tatsurou for starting the fight. He was right of course.

          “We didn’t do anything Sensei, we just asked if we could play hopscotch with them. Then Sana said something nasty to Hiro, and so did Tatsurou.” Kaito explained.

          “Hiro, what did Sana say exactly?”

          Looking down at his hands, Hiro mumbled something that Kaoru couldn’t decipher. “Speak up Hiro.”

          “Um, he called me, uh... stupid,” he said lamely.

          Kaoru wasn’t buying it. “You slapped a boy smaller than you, because he said you were stupid?” He looked at Kaito, “What’s your excuse?”  Kaito glared definitely at the director, not backing down, “Yah, I hit Tatsurou first, he deserves it and more. I’m tired of his whinnying and crying every night, he gets all sorts of special treatment… I’m hate him, I wish he’d just die.”

          Erika gently wiped the blood from Tatsurou’s face and elbow, covering them with band-aides, “Tatsu-kun, can you tell me what happened?” Erika spoke gently to the obviously traumatized boy, “Who started the fight?” She knew it was Kaito, but she had to hear it from the two boys, but Tatsurou had shut down, just staring blankly at nothing.

          “Hiro slapped me,” Sana explained, “then Kaito hit Tatsu-kun in the chest, hard, then um, Tatsu-kun started hitting him back. Hiro pushed me down again and sat on me and hit me.” Sana had less serious injuries, only a few minor scrapes.

          “Excuse me, Erika?” Mally interrupted, “Would you let me speak to them alone, please?” She waited until the other teacher had left the room, closing the door quietly.

          After questioning the four boys, and making sure all injuries were treated, Kaoru sent Sana and Tatsurou to one of the classrooms, and sending Hiro and Kaito to their room. Gathering with the other teachers, they compared notes on what supposedly happened that afternoon.

          “I believe we all know who started the fight, as Kaito admitted to hitting Tatsurou first, but…” Kaoru hesitated, “Kaito also admitted that he hates Tatsurou and in his words, “…wish he would die.” Both Mally and Erika gasped, “He actually said that?” Erika asked.

          “Yes, which is what worries me the most.” Kaoru said. “I believe that if Kaito remains at Hiroshi House, he could possibly follow through with that threat, that somehow he would kill Tatsurou.” Tenshi had been silent through this, already being admonished and lectured to by Kaoru.

          “Sana told me that Hiro was the first attacker, but then he also told me that in his words, Tatsurou got weird.” Mally added. “I asked him how Tatsurou got weird, but he couldn’t articulate well enough to explain.”

          “He’s still shut down,” Erika said, “he hasn’t said a word and is just sitting on the floor and staring at the wall.”

          “When can we get rid of Kaito and Hiro?” Tenshi said harshly. “I don’t trust them; they need to be sent somewhere else.”

          “Tenshi, really? Get rid of?” Mally chastised her co-worker.

           “Yes, get rid of…how else do you want me to say it? Those two boys are a menace, you knowit,  and I know it, there will be a day that as you said, Kaito will kill Tatsu-kun.”

          “Alright, let’s stop talking about killing please.” Kaoru held his hands up, “I will contact Sakura and see if they will take Kaito and Hiro early, typically they wait until their 14, but this is a special case. Until then, I will move them to a different dorm room, and keep them separated from the other children. Mally, please keep trying to draw Tatsurou out, watch him carefully for any type of PTSD symptoms. I recommend that you speak to him daily for the time being, and make sure Sana is included in those sessions if possible.”

          Tatsurou had his head in Sana’s lap, the boy gently petting his hair as they watched a movie in the darkened classroom. Tatsurou still hadn’t said anything since the fight, he barely had his eyes open at that point, but he knew one thing for sure. His life was going to hell and there was nothing he could do to stop it.

Chapter Text

          ‘I should call out sick.’

          There’s no one to cover your shift.

          ‘But it’s still there, in the trash, what if…’

          Trash collection was this morning, it’s long gone, so there’s nothing to worry about.

          ‘What if…’

          Stop. It’s gone. Quit freaking out.

          “Yah, yah.” Tatsurou huffed as he heaved himself out of bed and shuffled to the bathroom. His day sleep had been fraught with disturbing images that he could only attribute to what he had read in the journal the night before.

          Variations on his panic attack on the train, conversations with Passenger Three, ‘Ruki’, that were sexual in nature, and odd flashbacks to his childhood growing up at Hiroshi House.

          The end result of the nightmares had left him feeling physically and emotionally drained, almost hungover with exhaustion. Standing under the stinging spray of hot water in the shower, he resigned himself to accepting that he would need to nap at work in order to get through his shift.

          With his headphones on, and soft music playing, Tatsurou ignored and avoiding looking at the other passengers on his commute that afternoon, letting the sway of the train car lull him into a light sleep. Counting the stops in his head, he only opened his eyes once the train reached his station.  Leaving the station in a daze that was becoming more frequent, Tatsurou wearily walked the few blocks to the internet café.

          “Hi Ayane, how’s the crowd tonight?” Tatsurou greeted his coworker at the front desk, stepping past her and going into the employee lounge.

          “Uh, we’re only half full right now,” Ayane followed Tatsurou into the break room, “I know I’ve already said this, and I’m only saying it out of concern, but,” she touched him lightly on the shoulder, “you look very ill, Tatsu-kun. You look like you haven’t slept in a week, what’s going on with you?”

          Tatsurou smiled sadly, “I’m just a little tired, that’s all. It’s not normal to have to sleep during the day.”

          Ayane was skeptical, “Maybe you should buy blackout curtains and sleep with a fan on, my dad worked nights for a while and it helped him.”

          “Thanks, I’ll give it a try, can’t hurt.” Tatsurou was doubtful that anything that simple, would help with the nightmares. “I’ll be out in a minute.” Grabbing the water bottle out of his bag, he reaches out and opens his locker. Lifting his bag, he gasped, recoiling in fear and reeling back, he crashed into the table. “How…?” he whispered.

          The journal was laying in the bottom of his locker.

          “Everything okay?” Ayane heard the noise, poking her head through the door. Tatsurou recovered quickly, “Yah,” his voice quivered, “thought I saw a spider in my locker, give me two seconds.”  Gritting his teeth, he carefully approached his locker. Reaching in, he picked up the book and shoved it forcefully into his bag, which he threw into the locker and slammed the door.

          Two hours into his shift, Tatsurou was no closer to a logical explanation for the journal being in his locker. He was certain beyond a doubt, that he had thrown it in the trash. His coworkers had never seen the book in his hands, leaving no possibility of them returning it to his locker. He sighed deeply, “It didn’t just grow legs…”

          Keeping one ear open for new customers, Tatsurou took advantage of the late hour to rest his head on the counter for a short nap.

          In what felt like a nano-second, Tatsurou’s nap was interrupted by the chime of the front door. Raising his head from the desk, a business man in a drunken stagger approached the font counter. Tatsurou wiped his sleep deprived eyes, and retrieved the sign-in book from under the desk. “Would you like a cubicle or a flat seat tonight?” he asked, still not looking at the customer.

          “I’d like a flat seat,” the man leaned heavily on the counter, close enough that Tatsurou could smell the alcohol on the man’s breath. “Could I see your ID please?” It wasn’t until that moment, that Tatsurou looked up at eh businessman; it was Passenger Two. Picking up the ID, he looked at the man’s name; Sakurai Atsushi. Completing the brief paperwork, Tatsurou handed the man a locker key, “If you’ll follow me, please?”

          As Tatsurou walked away from the front desk, he fully expected the man to follow him. What he had not expected was the intoxicated man to stumble and fall into Tatsurou’s back, almost knocking them both down, the man clinging to Tatsurou for support.

          “My apologies,” the man slurred.

          The close proximity to the very attractive man rattled Tatsurou, “A…are you okay?” The man teetered for a second, before regaining his balance, “Can I trouble you for a little assistance to my cubicle?”

          Tatsurou nodded, readjusting his arm around the man’s waist, just as his thoughts were churning in his mind.

          His cologne, even through the rank stench of the alcohol.

          His body against Tatsurou, strong and comforting.

          Lewd thoughts, twinges of arousal.

          Doubts, the fantasy of a relationship.

          Resignation that this was a one-time experience.

          With a slurred thank you, and a careful shallow bow, the man softly closed the door to his cubicle.

          The remainder of Tatsurou’s shift was quiet and uneventful, with no further customers checking in at such a late hour. Settling himself into a low chair behind the desk, he could no longer avoid sleep, ignoring the brooding thoughts of Passenger Two.

          At 4 am, the obnoxious sound of his phone alarm jerked Tatsurou into consciousness, the insufficient amount of sleep causing his eyes to burn. With a stretch and a groan, he moved mechanically through is end of shift duties in the communal area of the café, having no thoughts other than those of Passenger Two;

          Will he remember last night?

          What will he say at check out?

          Oh god, what if he recognizes me from the train?

          What do I say if he does?

          Before he could slide further into an anxiety attack, guests started to line up at the counter checking out for the day, keeping Tatsurou’s focus on paperwork and not the individual in front of him…until he walked up.

          Tatsurou’s heart seized, his face flushed with embarrassment and his hands starting to sweat. The man took cash out of his wallet and put it in the tray, then cleared his throat, “I would like to apologize for my drunkenness last night.”

          Tatsurou slowly reached for the tray, “It’s not a problem,” he mumbled, keeping his head down.

          “Well, it was highly discourteous of me. Unfortunately, my manager dragged me out after hours,” the man explained. He looked carefully at Tatsurou, “Do I know you? You seem very familiar to me.”

          “Oh,” Tatsurou finally looks up, “Uh, we ride the same train, have been for quite some time.”

          “Of course! You usually sit in the corner. I’m guessing you’re going home as I am starting my day. It’s a pleasure to meet you…um?”

          This conversation was seriously not happening.

          “Tatsurou.”

          The man smiles, “Then I will see you tomorrow, Tatsurou.”

          “He’s so dreamy, and now we have a name!”

          “So what? We know his name, and that’s as far as it will go.”

          “Not if I have anything to do with it! If we could just get him started, maybe we could have a normal life, and I’m willing to do anything for that…especially with that man!”

          Kai was bristling at Uruha’s words.

          “Do you hear yourself? Our existence is not normal! What he went through was not normal, and now you all of a sudden want a boyfriend? How the fuck are you going to manage that? There’s no normal relationship, he doesn’t have a clue.”

          “But if we can guide him throu….” Uruha tried to explain.

          “Do you really think he’ll be able to handle normal sex?  You’re a deviant, the sick part of that monster that believed he enjoyed what he did. No Uruha, there is no normal relationship for him. Don’t even think you can do anything about that either, because I will personally step in and stop you from hurting him.”

          “Kai…” Aoi tried to intervene, “That’s a little harsh don’t you think?”

          “Harsh? What the fuck Aoi? Are you saying you agree with that whore?” he pointed his finger at Uruha.

          “No, I’m not saying that, but I am saying that maybe he has a point about what he could have as a new normal, isn’t that what we’ve always wanted?”

          “You… fuck off.” Kai threw up his hands and walked off.

          “Leave him be, Aoi,” Koichi cautioned, “He’ll cool off in a while and then we can calmly figure this out.

          “Do you think this guy will hurt him? I don’t get that vibe from the man.”

          Koichi shrugged, “No, I don’t get that either, but with Uruha’s interference, who knows what could happen.”

          “Um, hello? I’m in the same room as you!” Uruha snarked. “IF you would just listen to me, maybe you’d understand.”

          “Okay, we’re listening.” Koichi crossed his arms over his chest, sitting on the couch.

          “What if this guy is the one? You know, the one to make everything better, to maybe I don’t know… make him normal again?”

          Aoi sighed, “Uruha, he’s never been normal. You came in much later than the rest of us. He’s been like this since he was four, he truly doesn’t understand what normal is, let alone normal love. That’s why Kai is so pissed, we just can’t take that chance.”

          Uruha frowned, “But if he doesn’t experience it, how does he know?”

          “Let’s wait until Kai cools off, then we’ll talk. I don’t think we should do anything, when and until that man approaches him again. This might have been a onetime fluke.”

          “Fine, I’ll wait, but I refuse to let this drop.”

Chapter Text

         The reassurance that Passenger Two would not be on the train that morning was of little relief.  Glassy eyed and unfocused, his mechanical and stilted walk going against the flow of the incoming sea of black business suits and school uniforms, Tatsurou threaded his way through the station, his mind churning with images of Passenger Two, words from the journal, and the uneasy feeling of missing something that was so obvious, yet hidden.

          The train was unusually crowded that morning, with a group of young children taking up most of the seats and forcing Tatsurou to use an over head strap near the front of the car. Knowing the journal was in his bag that he was clutching against his chest, Tatsurou could feel the warm outline of the book.  Tatsu rested his head on his arm as he held the overhead strap, his eyes growing heavy with the sway of the train car. He could hear the soft conversations of the excited school children on their way to some museum, the click of fingernails on phone keyboards, the gruff talk of the men that were behind him.

         “I’m telling you, Kyo, she’s totally into me! Why else would she just randomly show up at the work site? Not like it’s on her way to Starbucks … no, she definitely walked by just to see me.”

         Tatsurou glanced over his shoulder, he recognized the voices, but not the names of Passenger Four, the two construction workers.

         “In your dreams, Reita. She walks by the site because she going to that pastry shop, I’m assuming she’s buying sweets for the office.”

         Passenger Four was standing behind him, the two construction workers that usually told lewd jokes to each other, now keeping their conversations safe due to the school children.

        “Whatever Kyo, you can believe that, but she looks at me every damn day.”

        Tatsurou closed his eyes again, leaning his head on his arm. Two more names to go with faces.

        Going around a corner the train suddenly jerked, causing the shorter man to bump into Tatsu’s back. “Damn Kyo,” the blonde man laughed, “Train molester much?”

        “Shut it Reita,” the man snapped, “It was an accident.” Turning to Tatsu, the shorter man apologized and winked, “Sorry,” Tatsu blushed furiously, and nodded. He steadied himself in anticipation of another bump into the smaller man, causing further embarrassment for both of them.

          Twenty-seven hours.

          Still swaying with the rocking of the train, and with his eyes closed, Tatsurou did the calculations in his head of how he would get through his day off. Eight of those hours would be consumed by sleeping, (he hoped), but it was the bigger problem of how would he spend the remaining nineteen hours actively resisting the urge to pick up the book? At this point, he could not resign himself to spending the day locked in his flat, away from the world, as it could be both stupid and potentially dangerous.

          Arriving at his station, Tatsurou waited for the children to exit the car, before being caught up in the crowd heading up the escalators to street level, then turning left for the walk to his flat.

          Deviating from his normal routine he didn’t bother to stop at the ramen hut or the konbini, instead wanting nothing more than to retreat to the safety of his flat. But how safe was he really, considering he still had the vile journal in his bag?

         Arriving at his flat, he reached for the railing to the rickety stairs, and pulled himself up. His hands were shaking as he put the key in the lock, having to jiggle the door handle before it would open.

         Slamming the door shut and sliding the dead bolt, he leaned against the door and let out a huge breath that he didn’t realize he was holding. “Water, shower, bed” he muttered to himself, as he threw the bag into a corner. Going to the refrigerator, he grabbed a half full bottle of water and downed it in one gulp.

        He padded into his too small bathroom, with every intention of showering, but stopped as he reached for the faucet. “Do I really want do this?” he heaved another heavy sigh, “nope, just want to sleep”

        Stripping down to his boxers, he threw the covers back and fell face first into his pillow. Rolling over onto his back, he stared at the ceiling. “What the fuck am I going to do?” he asked, knowing there would be no one to answer him.  “Meh, don’t worry about it now, find something to do later.” Pulling the covers up over his head and burrowed down into the blankets, Tatsurou closed his eyes and prayed for a dreamless sleep.

         With a stretch and a groan, Tatsu picked up his phone from the night table, and wiped his eyes, trying to focus on the time … 7pm? Damn… he slept longer than normal. Paging through his social media before getting up, and going into the bathroom to relieve himself, he was determined that he would leave his flat that night, with a clear mind. No more flashes of Passenger Two, or Passenger Four or the disturbing entries in the journal to burden his mind.

          Taking his time showering, he let the hot water run over the back of his head, while he thought of how he would occupy his time that night, anything to get out of the flat for more than a few hours.

        “Movies?” he muttered to himself. Was there anything he really wanted to see?

         READ ME!

        He ignored the scream, standing in front of his closet choosing what to wear that night, settling for his typical black on black.

        READ ME!

          Drying his hair and deciding on the tiniest bit of eyeliner, he reached for his contacts at first, “Nah, glasses tonight.” Taking a last look in the mirror, he grabbed his keys and wallet, putting both in the pocket of his leather jacket. Without looking back at his bag on the floor, Tatsurou left his flat.

          Without a destination in mind, and with really no thought, Tatsurou ended up at the train station, and on his normal train into the city. “Figures,” he laughed at himself. It was an odd feeling, being on the train at that time of night. It wasn’t crowded with the normal passengers he had been traveling with for what felt like years. The train car was now filled with teenagers on their way home from cram school, tired executives catching a few moments of sleep, and others on their way out for a night of entertainment.

          As the train slowed for the station and stopped, Tatsurou exited and instead of taking a right turn towards the street and the internet café, he turned left, and headed up the escalator for the street.

          He couldn’t remember if he’d ever been in this part of the neighborhood. It couldn’t really be that different from where the internet café was, just more of the same; flashing lights of gambling establishments, aggressive men hawking for the local sex-shops, love hotels and peep shows. Young women dressed as maids, handing out flyers for various services.  None of this was new to Tatsurou, but he typically didn’t leave his flat on his days off. Now he’d been driven out, by the silent screams of a journal.

          First grabbing a quick snack from a food cart, Tatsurou walked through the streets, window shopping at the over-priced electronics shops, the haute couture that he could never afford to buy, and the more economically friendly shops that carried the latest street fashion. He would stop and watch the street performers, acting out scenes of a movie or an anime, the musicians busking for a few dollars, and generally enjoying the sights of the night life of a large city like Tokyo. His steps are light, and his mind is free from worry or anxiety.

          Sitting at the counter of a ramen shop, Tatsurou went though his options for the remainder of his night out. There were several theaters close by, showing whatever the latest import or home-grown movie. Was there anything he really wanted to see? There was the chance that the book would crowd his mind again, if he sat quietly watching a movie.

          “Nope, don’t need that.”

          Deciding on going to the book store, he paid for his ramen and walked out to the street. “Which way…?” Taking a chance he went to the right, hoping that he remembered that the bookstore was up the street a few blocks. ‘Maybe if I go back to reading and writing, the voices will stop.’ He could only try. Looking at the time on his phone, he knew the bookstore would be open until at least midnight, giving him two hours to peruse the stacks.

          Weaving his way through the crowds, he was inadvertently pushed against a wall roughly, and came close to falling down a stair well. The offending person muttered something under his breath that sounded like ‘asshole’. Tatsurou stopped to gather himself, and waiting for the crowd to thin before continuing to the bookstore.

          The thud of heavy bass music was coming from the bottom of the stairwell. Turning and looking behind him, he could see the walls covered in flyers, stickers and graffiti, and a small neon sign that flashed “Ratfink’s”. Tatsurou knew there were dozens of hidden gem venues in the city, some in basements that barely held fifty people. Intrigued by the music, he headed down the stairs.

          Paying the girl behind a counter a small cover charge, Tatsurou pushed through the doors into the club, standing for a moment to let his eyes adjust to the darkness. He could see a small stage at the opposite end of the room, with the bar lining the wall next to him. Approaching the bartender, he asked for a basic high-ball and found a seat near the stage.

          It was a four-piece band on stage, playing early 80s and 90s visual kei covers. Nothing too impressive, but they didn’t suck. The band members looked to be in the mid-20s to early 30s range, all of them achingly good looking, almost pretty. Tatsurou knew most of the songs they were playing, the bands familiar to him when he was a teenager, but that nobody younger than he was, would know.

          Sipping his drink, Tatsurou turned his attention to the bassist, who was trying hard to be ‘rock star’, and was doing a decent job of it. The bassist was tall, at least as tall as Tatsurou, and thin, with a pretty feminine face framed with long blue-black hair. His ‘costume’ if you could call it that, was a bare-midriff shirt and a skirt that hung low, low enough that he could see the V lines of his hips, leaving Tatsurou a little more than flustered. As the last song was played, the vocalist announced that they would take a short break and come back for a second set.

          Taking advantage of the break, Tatsurou went to the bar, which was crowded with people wanting drinks before the second set started. He was standing behind two women who were giggling over the members of the band, specifically the bassist. “Did you see how low his skirt was? I swear I could see his pleasure trail!”

          The other woman laughed, “His what?”

          Her friend leaned in., “You know, that little trail of hair from his belly button, that leads to his…” The other woman gapped at her friend, “SAORI! Oh My God!” she laughed.

          ‘Wonder if I could see it?’ Tatsurou thought, was he close enough?

          “Excuse me,” A voice behind him interrupted his thoughts, “Could I order before you? I have to get back on stage in a minute.”

          Looking behind him, Tatsurou sees the bassist smiling at him. “Um, sure.” He stuttered.

          “Thanks so much!” Tatsurou moved aside, letting the tall man step around him, watching as he ordered a vodka tonic.

          “Saori!” The woman next to Tatsurou nudged her friend in the shoulder.

          “Hi! You guys are great!” The first woman gushed. “My name is Saori, and this is Nanami.”

          The two women flirted outrageously with the bassist, soft touches to his arm, pushing their hair behind their ears, and generally being all over him. Tatsurou rolled his eyes, and moved away from the threesome, trying to get to the bar and get his own drink before the band went back on stage. As he stepped around the bassist, the man looked at Tatsurou and shrugged, mouthing ‘Sorry’.

          Tatsurou looked behind him, then back at the bassist, who then pointed his finger at him and smiled, making sure he knew that the comment was for him. Tatsurou blushed, and looked down at his feet, quickly backing away and returning to his table. ‘What just happened? Why would he apologize to me, for what? I didn’t do anything.’

          Getting back to his table, he tried to figure out what the man meant, by apologizing. Did he think the women were with him? “Pfft, not even close,” he muttered. Before he could get further into his own head, the band reappeared on stage to start their second set, the vocalist announcing that the next few songs were originals.

          The songs that the band began to play, were nothing like the old school visual kei covers they had done. The original songs had a more serious sound, heavy on the drums and guitars. Tatsurou found himself again staring at the bassist, but this time the bassist was staring back, a wicked grin on his lips, obviously playing for him, and ignoring the two women who had crowded the stage.

         Tatsurou was mesmerized, leaning forward in his chair, just to get closer without shoving the two women out of the way. Any time the women would reach out to the musician, he’d quickly step back, avoiding any contact with them. Looking directly at Tatsurou, he licked his lips and winked, the two women turning around to see who he was flirting with.

         The band had just finished their last song, the crowd cheering in appreciation, and the members waving and bowing in thanks. Tatsurou was readying himself to leave, grabbing his jacket and pushing in his chair. As he slowly made his way through the crowd towards the door, a voice called out, “Hey!” Wait a minute!” Tatsurou paid no mind to the voice, there was no one there that he knew. Just as he got to the door, someone grabbed his shoulder, “Hey, wait… can um, we talk a minute?” The bassist had his hand on Tatsurou’s shoulder, “Do you have a second to talk?”

        Tatsurou blushed, “Er… um, sure,” he stuttered, turning to face the man. But before they could speak, the two women approached them. “Hi! Remember us? How about coming out for a drink? We can get something to eat too.” Saori asked.

        The bassist frowned, “No thanks,” he said a little too sharply, “I’m with him.” He nodded his head towards Tatsurou.

        Both women glared with daggers at Tatsurou, “Oh, him? Yah, he’s um, cute I guess, but we’re so much more fun!”

       “I said no.” The man reached out and took Tatsurou by the arm. “Come on, let’s go.” As he led Tatsurou back towards the stage, the women flipped them off and yelled “Fags!”

       “Can you believe them?” the man laughed, “Is this, okay? I mean I don’t want to force you, I just really wanted to talk to you.”  He let go of Tatsurou’s arm.

        Tatsurou stared down at his arm, “Um, yah…it’s okay. What did you want to talk about?” He was clueless why the musician would want to speak to him of all people. He just shut down two women…why him?

       The musician laughed, “Um, firstly, my name is Toshiya, and you’re?”

       Tatsurou cocked his head to the side, as if confused by the question, “Oh, Tatsurou,” he said softly.

      “Nice to meet you, Tatsurou. Did you like our show?” Toshiya took a seat at a table, waiting for him to sit down.

      “Oh, yah, you guys were great. I liked both sets. Your covers were spot on, and the original stuff was amazing.” Tatsurou gushed. “I um, didn’t even know anything about this. I was just sort of walking around the city and pretty much fell into the club.”

     “Glad you did,” Toshiya leaned into his palm, elbow on the table, “So I noticed you were watching me, like what you see?”

      Tatsurou froze, what did he just say? How do I….  Toshiya immediately knew he screwed up, watching the other man freeze up with the question. “Oh, sorry… just ignore me, I’m stupid sometimes.” He tried to laugh it off.

      “No! I mean… you’re really attractive, I’m sure everyone tells you that.” What did... wait, I’d never… he dropped his gaze to his hands, face flushed red and hot.

       Toshiya reeled back his flirting. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. Um, I need to get going, day job in the morning.” He stood up, “Will you…I mean, do you want to come to our show next week? We’re playing a little live house near Harajuku; I can put you on the guest list.”

      “Sure, I’d like that.”

      Toshiya reached for his phone, “Can I get your number? I mean… just to remind you? I promise I’m not a stalker or anything, but you might get lame meme texts from me, if that’s uh, okay?”

      He took his phone out, “Sure, I don’t mind. And you can send me lame meme texts, if I can send you even lamer ones.” This was so out of character for Tatsurou, but it felt good, it felt right.

Chapter Text

       “So, who’s the dork you were talking to?” Takumi, the band’s vocalist asked, as they watched Tatsurou leaving the club.

       “He’s not a dork.”

       “Um, are you blind? The glasses alone mark him as a dork.” the vocalist teased.

       “Hey, as long as I think he’s cute, your opinion doesn’t mean shit.” Toshiya answered hotly. “And I’m putting him on the guest list for next week.”

       “Totchi has a new fuck boy?” Kotaro had seen his bassist chatting up Tatsurou.

       “He’s not a fuck boy, Kotaro,” Toshiya argued, “There’s something…”

       “Wait,” Takumi held his hand up, “you’re going to say he’s special…” He started to laugh, until Toshiya punched him in the shoulder, hard.

       “Yah, maybe he is, so what? Don’t you guys get tired of the random fangirl sex?”

       “NO!” Takumi and Kotaro both yelled with a little too much enthusiasm.

       Asao, the band’s drummer and leader, had held back, silently listening to the conversation, until he knew he needed to step in. “Guys, lay off Totchi,” Asao scolded the two men, then turning his attention to Toshiya, patting him on the shoulder, “I Hope it works out, really.”

       “Thanks, so do I.”

       True to his nature, Tatsurou spent his time on the train going home, over analyzing his interactions with Toshiya, his body was buzzing with a nervous energy, partnered with apprehension.  The mutual attraction was there but at what level? A one-night stand was his first thought but Toshiya seemed respectful, he remembered how quickly the musician back peddled from his first comment, yet had felt confident enough to exchange phone numbers, with Toshiya’s promise of just texting memes. Tatsurou hadn’t told him where he lived or worked, and figured he could just ghost and block the musician if things started to get weird. But what if he tries to call? “Do I answer it?” His next day off he was expected to be at the concert, Toshiya going through the trouble of adding him to the guest list. By agreeing he was committed, he had to go.

       “How bad could it be?”

       “What do you think? Do we shut this down before anything happens, or just watch?” Aoi wasn’t sure what to think at that point.

       Kai wearily rubbed his face, running his fingers through his hair, “I’m not sure, he seems harmless enough, though if Uruha…” his thoughts trailed off. He knew that neither he nor Aoi could stop Uruha from getting involved, all they could do was damage control if that ended up being the case.

       “I have to say,” Aoi added, “I feel a lot better about this than with Sakurai…that feels like a damn train wreck waiting to happen.”

       “Agreed. I think for the time being, we just wait and see what develops, and only step in if things start getting wildly out of control…or until Uruha finds out.

       “What do we do about Sakurai? You heard him loud and clear, Uruha’s going to try something with that man, and it’s going to be an epic shit storm melt down, if not worse..” Aoi was more worried about the business man than the musician.

       Kai sighed wearily, “Damage control. We bring Aki out if necessary, and just get him somewhere safe.”

       For the first time in what seemed like forever Tatsurou woke up fresh, not drained and bone weary. This was something new that he could only attribute to the experience he had the night before. True to his word, Toshiya had indeed sent a lame meme about musicians inviting fans to their concerts. It was an ironic as it was exactly what had happened between them at the club, but hopefully without the same consequences. Taking a chance, he texted the man back, “Yep, very lame.”

       He still had several hours before work, with nothing really to occupy his time, until he glanced around at his flat; for the last few weeks, it was obvious that he had been neglectful in keeping it tidy. In an unusual flurry of motivation, Tatsurou tackled the monotonous drudgery of adulting; Laundry. Cleaning. Grocery Shopping.

       His dirty clothes had been piling up in the corner of his bedroom, and with an actual scheduled date to see Toshiya again, he needed to have the maximum clean clothing choices available from his limited wardrobe. Filling his laundry basket, he ducked out of his flat, and quickly dropped in a load of dirty clothes in the communal washer. Grabbing the broom, he swept the tatami mats in the small living area, filled a trash bag with leftover food containers and did a deep clean of his refrigerator, taking note of what he needed to buy.

       Throughout his day Toshiya had been texting him. “Hope you’re doing okay, sorry if I’m bothering you, I’m not a stalker I promise.” In a bold move, Tatsurou responded to his last text,

       “You’re not bothering me you’re making my day better.”

      “Really?” Toshiya responded within a few seconds.

       Shit, now what does he say? “Yah, I’m just doing boring stuff at home, before I have to go to work.”

          “Can I text you later tonight? I have band practice.”

          “Sure, I’d like that a lot.” 

          The first few hours of Tatsurou’s shift that night had felt oddly lonely, and it didn’t help that the café was overly quiet, due to being less than half full, which left him with fewer duties to perform as the night dragged on. Restlessly walking the tiny hallways between cubicles, he would constantly check his phone; was the volume and vibration on? What was the notification sound, and would he be able to hear it if the phone was in his pocket?

          “Stop it,” he scolded himself, “he said he would.” But he couldn’t sit still, there was no way he could just sit at the front desk and just wait. With a resigned sigh, Tatsurou went to the break room to dig out the sandwich he had brought for lunch, but of course, just as he opened the refrigerator, he was interrupted by the door chime. Coming around the corner, the person in front of him was more than just a customer.

         “Wait, you work here?” Toshiya gapped at Tatsurou.

         He blushed, and nodded, “Yep.”

        “You’ve been this close to me and I’ve never seen you? I come here all the time when practice runs late, how come I’m just now seeing you?” Toshiya laughed, leaning his bass against the counter.

        “Dumb luck?” Tatsurou joked.

       “Well now I know where you work, so I can stalk you easier.” Toshiya smiled wickedly.

       “Does that mean no more stupid memes? I’m going to miss those.” Tatsurou pouted.

       “No, you’re not getting off that easy, if anything you’ll be getting more now.”

       “Fine, be that way, but now you have to tell me where you work.” Tatsurou countered.

        Toshiya mumbled a name.

       “What?”

       “I work at the Daiso on the next street over.” There was a hint of shame in his voice.

       “Why haven’t I seen YOU there? We shop for our cleaning supplies at that store.”

      “Guess we’re even now, though we work opposite shifts. I’m getting off as you’re starting, maybe I need to switch to night shifts?”

       Tatsurou shook his head, “Nah, don’t do that, I may get tired of seeing you all the time, it would be less special.”

       “Oh? You think it’s special when you do get to see me?” Toshiya leaned over and leaned  his elbow on the counter, resting his chin in his palm.

       Tatsurou blushed hard, looking down at his hands, “Um, yah, I do.”

       “Guess you’ll get tired of me tonight, because I need a cubicle.” He winked. Tatsurou crossed his arms, cocked his head and looked up, “Hmm, I don’t know, you seem kind of sketchy, how can I trust you?”  Before Toshiya could make a good comeback, the door chimed again. Stepping aside for the customer, he heard Tatsurou take a sharp breath and mumble “Shit.”

        Once again, a very drunk Sakurai Atsushi staggered in, “Oh, well what do we have here?” he slurred as he approached the desk, “Hello Tatsurou, I’ve missed you.” A lecherous smile played on his lips. Toshiya instantly bristled at the man’s unseemly words and shot a sharp look at Tatsurou, who shook his head and mouthed ‘no’.

       “Good evening, would you like a flat seat again tonight?” Tatsurou went through the normal check in routine, paying no attention to the obvious flirtatious looks from Sakurai, something that Toshiya noticed right away.

        “Only if you’re going to share it with me, it would make both our nights much more fun, don’t you think? You’re just so sweet, I bet you taste…” He slurred as he reached across the counter, placing his hand over Tatsurou’s, who jerked it back. “I’d love nothing better than to…” Before he could finish, Toshiya shoved the man in the shoulder, placing himself between Sakurai and Tatsurou. “Hey, do you want a cubicle to sleep it off or what?”

        “Who the fuck are you?” Sakurai took a step back. “Go away kid, this is between me and him,” he pointed a shaky finger at Tatsurou.

          “I’m his fucking boyfriend, that’s who I am.” Toshiya growled, “Either pay for a damn cubicle or get the fuck out.” Before he could react, Sakurai had Toshiya’s shirt bunched up in his fist, “Listen little boy, I’ll do whatever I please and you have no say in any of this.” He tried to shove Toshiya back, but was met with a stronger and much younger body.

          “I don’t think so old man,” Toshiya laughed, “Leave, now.”

           He wasn’t really expecting it, and the fact that Sakurai was wasted, he easily dodged the punch that the older man tried to throw, which was met with nothing but air, causing him to almost fall to the floor, instead staggering into the wall. “You little fuck.”

          “Call the cops,” Toshiya told Tatsurou, as they watched Sakurai try to regain his balance. Tatsurou quickly grabbed the café’s phone and called the police while Toshiya placed himself between Sakurai and the counter. Sakurai continued to drunkenly rage at both younger men for another ten minutes before the police arrived.

          With a policeman speaking to Sakurai outside, the second officer was taking a report. “Do you wish to press charges against,” the man looked at his notes, “Sakurai Atsushi?”

           Tatsurou shook his head, “No, I don’t think so. I’m sure the owner and the manager will want to have him trespassed so he won’t be a problem in the future, thank you.” The policeman got some more information and phone numbers, then bid them good night.

          “What the hell was that all about?” Toshiya asked Tatsurou, who then gave him a short history of the man. “You see him every day? I mean like you’re always on the same train?”

          “Yah, for a couple of years now, and not just him. It’s the same people almost every day. Sakurai just happened to come in last weekend, in the same drunk ass condition. He was so drunk I had to help him to the cubicle. He apologized in the morning and I thought that was the end of it…now I’m not sure what’s going to happen.”

          What do you mean?”

          “I’m going to have to see him tomorrow morning, I’m sure he’ll be on the train again, so what do I do?” Tatsurou had been shaken by the incident to the point of feeling unsafe.

          Toshiya stepped behind the counter and put his hands on Tatsurou’s shoulders, “I’ll walk you to the station in the morning, and stay with you until you get on the train. What about the ride in?”

          “Totally different crowd, that always changes,” Tatsurou really wanted to ask him about the ‘boyfriend’ comment, but figure it was just said in the heat of the moment, a way to get Sakurai out of the building.

          “Okay, you have to promise to text me tomorrow, but now I really need to sleep or I’m not going to be worth a shit tomorrow.”

          Tatsurou’s stomach was twisting with nerves, he wanted to say something but the words just wouldn’t form, but as if he knew, Toshiya said something first. “Sorry about the boyfriend thing, it was all I could think of to get him away from you, I hope you don’t mind.”

          “No, it’s fine really, it did catch me off guard, but I totally see why you would say that, so no worries.” Tatsurou stumbled over his words.

          Standing in front of the cubicle, Toshiya hesitated before sliding the door open, “Um, can I give you a hug? You sort of look like you need one.”

          Tatsurou answered by hugging Toshiya first, “Thank you, I really mean it.”

          “Now do you understand why this situation with Sakurai is dangerous? It’s obvious the man has a problem with alcohol.”

          “Fine, I’ll admit that the man’s not what I thought he was…but what about the other one? You think he’s perfect?

          “Kai never said that, Uruha,” Aoi snapped, “But no, we don’t think he’s perfect, although he does seem to care about him.”

          “What’s the matter Uruha?” Koichi flopped down in an oversized chair, “Toshiya not up to your standards? Is he not fuckable enough for you?” Uruha glared at the other, “Shut it, Koichi.”

          “Moving on,” Kai interrupted the spat, “the book. He hasn’t touched it in almost a week, this gives us the prime opportunity to get it back.”

          Koichi snorted, “And where are we going to hide it? I think we should let him read it; he still needs to know.”

          Kai leaned his head back and groaned, “Let’s not fight about this again, please. We all understand that he needs to know, but not right now.”

          “When then, Kai? When are you going to finally let go?”

Chapter Text

          Genta. Gone.

          Kaito and Hiro. Gone.

          It was a full six months after the attack by Kaito and Hiro, for Tatsurou to speak again. Remaining by Sana’s side, the boy drifted through his studies almost in a daze, rarely completing any assignments given to him.  Any free play time was spent in one of two spots; the bench nearest the door to the main building, or the small sandbox usually occupied by the youngest of the children, always with Sana within an arm’s reach. He showed little to no interest in any special events held by the staff, always being a warm body and nothing more.

          Kaoru had consulted with Mally, Erika and Tenshi on whether to send Tatsurou to a different facility for children with mental issues, but was immediately shut down by Tenshi.

          “He’s not mentally disturbed, he’s just traumatized. His best situation is to stay here where he is comfortable and where I… we can keep watch over him.” The other adults had noticed Tenshi’s slip, but let it go.

          Kaoru and Mally had had conversations about Tenshi’s obvious attachment to Tatsurou, but found no fault. “I think there’s just something about the boy that has hit him in the heart.” Kaoru theorized, “But I don’t think it’s dangerous or unhealthy. Tatsurou obviously needs special attention to heal, and if Tenshi is the answer, then I can find no fault in it.”

          Mally had spoken to Tatsurou’s teachers, asking if they had noticed any inappropriate behavior between Tatsurou and Tenshi, much to the surprise of the teachers. “No, never. Why? Is there a problem we should be aware of?”

          Mally would wave off the questions, giving a rote answer of “No, I’m just concerned with the after effects of the attack.”

          It was Mally’s constant attention and questions that had irritated Tenshi, to the point of a final confrontation in Kaoru’s office.

          “Why are you asking the staff about my care of Tatsurou? If you suspect something, spit it out! I’m doing no harm to that boy:  I would never hurt him.” He snapped one afternoon during a morning staff meeting. “If you have a problem with me, then come to me and stop snooping around.” Tenshi was hot under the collar.

          “Nagai, that’s enough. Mally is simply doing her job.” Kaoru chided the man.

          “Bullshit,” the teacher fired back, “she obviously believes that I’m harming Tatsurou in some way, and I want to know where she gets off suspecting me of all people.”

          “I’m simply concerned about his lack of communication, and what ill effects are remaining from the attack by Hiro and Kaito. I cannot come to any conclusion, which would help me assess and come up with a treatment plan, without consulting all of his teachers. I’m not accusing you of anything, Tenshi. Calm down.” Mally tried to explain calmly.

          Tenshi abruptly leapt to his feet, “I’m still calling bullshit on your consultations!”

          “Nagai! That’s enough, sit down.” Kaoru barked, “I will not have you verbally abusing my staff.” There was a bit of a stare down between the director and the teacher, Tenshi relenting and finally retaking his seat.

          “We are here to discuss Tatsurou, there will be no further words of accusations.”

          Tenshi tightly crossed his arms over his chest, “Keep her from speaking to the other staff behind my back, and we’ll have no problems.”

          It was a warm sunny afternoon when Tatsurou said his first words, unsurprisingly, to Sana, “Want to play on the swings?” Sana giggled, “Yay!” Grabbing Tatsurou’s hand, the two boys raced across the playground to the swing set, and spent the remainder of the free play time, pushing each other, both yelling ‘higher’.

          “Erika, look.” Kazuki nudged his co-worker. “Do you hear that?” The young teacher looked at the two boys, “I’ll be right back.”  Going into the building, she found Tenshi at his desk in his office, “Tenshi-san,” she poked her head in the door, “Tatsurou’s speaking!”

          “What? What did he say? Where is he?”

          “He’s on the swings, playing with Sana.”

          “Tatsu-kun,” Mally was carefully probing for answers as to why Tatsurou suddenly started speaking again. “are you and Sana still best friends?” Sana had been sent to the art room in hopes that it wasn’t his presence alone, that had started the change in Tatsurou.

          “Mm, besties forever,” the boy said cheerily.

          “Sana has always been a good friend, right?” Mally moved on to more serious questions. “We were all worried about you; Nagai-sensei, Erika-chan, Karou-sensei, and me too! I haven’t seen you in a few months, can you tell me what you have learned in class since the last time we talked?”  Mally took out a brightly colored workbook, sliding it across the table.

          “Yes ma’am.”

          “Tatsurou seems to be at grade level in all subjects, so we know that he wasn’t completely shut down all those months, even if he didn’t complete many of his assignments.” Mally reported in the office meeting between the director and Tenshi.

          “What about emotionally? I would think that there would be some sort of residual trauma from that last attack.” Kaoru asked.

          Mally shrugged, “If there is, he has it suppressed so far under the surface that we may never know exactly how the events affected him, but right this minute, he seems like a normal 8, almost 9-year-old.”

          Tenshi wasn’t convinced, “I still don’t agree that he should be moved to the next level of housing, he’s not ready to be with the older children, he should stay with Sana, and under my care for the time being.” 

          “Sana is not at grade level Tenshi, you know this.” Kaoru pointed out. “Sana is still emotionally behind Tatsurou by a few years. Is it wise to keep the boys together just based on your apprehensions?”

          “This has nothing to do with me being apprehensive,” Tenshi challenged, “It has to do with what is safest for Tatsurou, and Sana is that safe place. There are no other children that he is comfortable with at the moment, so why disrupt a good thing?”

          “Tenshi’s correct in that, Kaoru,” Mally agreed, “It’s not hurting Tatsurou emotionally or academically in leaving Sana by his side. He still has to move to the next grade level in class, but that’s a minor issue. Separating the boys from each other completely, could lead to another break down, and I for one, want to avoid that at all costs.”

           Hiroshi House was known throughout the greater Tokyo area as a reputable, and reliable facility for abandoned children that had come from difficult situations. No child was initially turned away, even if the situation called only for a short overnight stay until the appropriate accommodations were found at another facility. A staff to student ratio of 10:1, was better than most traditional school settings.  For thirty-five years, Hiroshi House had been a pillar of the community.

           That was not to say that there had not been problems, but most were of a minor issue, dealt with within the walls of Hiroshi House. Life was quiet after Gena left, until an incident during the middle of the night, shook the foundations of Hiroshi House and concern had grown over the practice of taking in any child that was presented to them, with no questions asked.

         “Tatsu-kun, this is Dai, Seiya and Tetsu.” Kazuki introduced Tatsurou’s new roommates, “You’ll be staying in their dorm from now on. Your bed is the one under the window, so you can put your things away then head out to the playground.”

         “Kazuki-sensei, what about…” Dai looked down at his feet, scuffing the floors with the toe of his sneaker.

         “Dai, I’ll take care of that, don’t worry.” Kazuki assured the young boy. “Tatsu-kun, come and find me on the playground after you’ve put away your things, we’re going to be speaking to Mally-sensei later, okay?”

        “Yes, sensei.” Tatsurou nodded. Dai reached out and took the few books from Tatsurou’s arms, “You can put them on the shelf in between our beds, yours is right next to mine.”

        “Um, how old are you?” Tatsurou took his clothes out of his bag, folding them neatly and putting them in the bins under his bed.

        “I’m ten, Seiya is eleven and so is Tetsu. How old are you?” Dai was leaning against the wall, his hands behind his back, watching his new roommate closely.

        “I’m almost eleven.”

        “Cool! Only three more years and we get to go to Sakura House.” Dai said excitedly. This surprised Tatsurou, “You want to go to Sakura? Aren’t you scared of the older kids?” Tatsurou only knew that his previous tormentors were at the school for older children, some place he never wanted to see.

        Dai looked at him curiously, “Scared? Why would I be scared?” Tatsurou shrugged, he didn’t want to tell his new friend about the older boys, and what had happened between them. Finishing the organization of his new space, Tatsurou obediently went to the playground and found Kazuki.

          Sitting in front of Mally, Tatsurou knew he wasn’t in trouble, yet his stomach was churning with a bit of fear. What did the social worker want to speak to him about?

          “Are you all settled in your new dorm?” Mally started out with the simple questions.

          “Yes ma’am. I met my roommates too. I like Dai a lot, even though he’s younger than me, and I only just met Seiya and Tetsu.”

          “What about Sana? Are you going to miss being in the same dorm together?”

          Tatsurou shook his head, “Not really because we are always in the same class room. I see him every day on the playground too.”

          Mally shuffled some papers on her desk, “The reason I wanted to speak to you is about another boy that’s in the same dorm as you are now. His name is Reitsu, and he’s thirteen.” How would she explain that she wanted Tatsurou to avoid Reitsu at all costs, without alarming the boy?

          “Reitsu has a bit of a temper, sort of like Kaito, so you need to be careful around him, okay? I don’t think he’ll cause you any problems, because he normally hangs out with the older boys, and he will be going to Sakura House in a few months.”

          “Yes ma’am.”

          Even with the warning in place, Tatsurou ended up with not having to consciously avoid Reitsu, as the boy made it known to anyone who would listen, “I just sleep in the same dorm as the little kids, but my bed is on the other side of the room.” True to his words, he hung out with the boys that were getting ready for transfer to Sakura House at the end of the school year.

          Now boys being boys, there were usually some end of school year pranks, aimed mostly at the male staff, “We don’t want to make the girls cry.” was their excuse for leaving out any female staff members.

          A toilet clogged with a teacher’s shirt. Sugar in the teacher’s lounge replaced with salt. Toothbrushes dipped in vinegar, were all standard pranks.

          Reitsu, wanting to impress his peers, had come up with what he thought was a spectacular prank that no one, past or future, would be able to top. Unfortunately for the children of the orphanage, the prank went very wrong.

          In the past annals of Hiroshi House, there had been children that had arrived with very serious background issues. Both sexual and physical abuse, abandonment, parents that gave little to no care to their children. Kaito’s violence towards others, Genta who was sexually abused, and acted out in both sexual and violent ways, were two of the more serious examples of maltreated children that had arrived at the orphanage.

          Reitsu had been surrendered to the orphanage due to the fact that the authorities could not jail a seven-year-old, that had been arrested for arson. Reitsu had a fascination with fire that had first manifested when he was only four years old. His first incident, was lighting a pile of papers on fire on his family’s patio. It escalated to clothing, and the final incident occurring while his parents were asleep, Reitsu setting fire to a tatami mat in the living room of their home. The fire was put out quickly by Reitsu’s father, and there were no injuries. But the damage had been done, and the fire had to be reported to the authorities by the fire department, leading to Reitsu’s detainment.

          After the arrest, Reitsu was shuttled around to various residential treatment centers, going through behavior modification therapy that was largely successful. It was only after the attempt at reuniting him with his parents, who refused to accept him in their home, that the boy was sent to Hiroshi House.  

         Settling into a secured, and structured routine, Reitsu’s pyromaniac tendencies were all but forgotten. He engaged well with the other children, was respectful to his teachers and the staff, and had seemed to find his place in the world.

         That place didn’t last long.

          The night following a small graduation party and a movie, that had been planned for the children transitioning to Sakura House, having reached the age of fourteen, fire erupted in one of the dorm rooms. Chaos and mass confusion ensued, with teachers frantically gathering children and ushering them out to the playground. With the fire located, confined to one dorm room, and extinguished, it was apparent to all involved who was responsible.

          Once the fire was out, Kazuki had called the director and the social worker, “You need to get here quickly, there’s been a fire.”

          “Do we bring in the police?”

          “I think we have to at this point. It’s obvious that he’s dangerous, and I cannot with good conscious send Reitsu to Sakura House. This must be dealt with and he must be placed in some sort of detention center.” Kaoru rubbed his face, wiping the gritty sleep from his eyes.

          For her part, Mally knew what Kaoru had said was the best course of action, but she was hesitant at first. Sending a fourteen-year-old boy to a detention center was a drastic action, but she could not come up with any other option.

          Nagai Tenshi was livid. “The little bastard needs to be in prison, not some cushy detention center.”

          “Shut up, Nagai. I’m not in the mood for your crap attitude.” Kaoru snapped at the teacher.

          “You need to get rid of him. You also need to stop accepting any child that has a violent background. Shit like this has happened way too frequently in the past. First Kaito and Hiro, then Genta, now Reitsu? How many more will you accept, before one of them actually kills another child?” Tenshi raged.

          “Tenshi, now’s not the time to discuss this. Right now, we need to focus on Reitsu, and tonight’s problem.” Mally tried to calm her co-worker.

          “Tonight’s problem will turn into another problem with the next brat. Hiroshi needs to stop taking in problem kids.”

          “NAGAI! THAT IS ENOUGH.” Kaoru rarely raised his voice, shocking the four teachers that were in the room. “Leave my office, now.” Shoving his chair back sharply, Nagai Tenshi left the room in a huff.

          “Well, that was …” Kazuki muttered.

          “What that was, was uncalled for, though I will admit, not all together wrong. It seems that we have been taking in more problematic children lately.” Kaoru rubbed his weary eyes. “But right now, we need to focus. The question still stands, do we contact the authorities tonight, or wait until morning?”

          Erika sighed, “I think we first need to move the kids into another room, somehow keep Reitsu separated and supervised. We’re also going to need to try to save what clothing we can that has not been smoke damaged. After that, we can deal with the authorities, it’s already 1:45, let’s just get everyone settled.”

          Tenshi knew it was this final incident that was pushing him to make a drastic decision. He would bide his time until Tatsurou turned fourteen. He first needed to secure decent housing, find a good neighborhood and a good school. Returning to work in the more traditional school setting, wouldn’t be an issue. “I’m done with them taking chances with your life.”

Chapter Text

           “I’m home.”

          “No problems then?”

          “Nope, he never showed up.”

          “Well, that’s good.”

          ………

          “Hey, I won’t be able to see you before the concert.”

          “That’s fine, but you can still text me I mean if you have time.”

          “I’ll make time.”

          And Toshiya did make time, texting Tatsurou frequently over the following days, both while he was working at the café, and at home. The conversations were still light, (Toshiya still sending lame memes), both men wanting to wait until they were face to face before delving into any serious topics.

          It was the possibility for those topics to arise, that had Tatsurou on edge. He agonized over not only how much he should disclose about his past, but what parts? Should he bring up Hiroshi House? What about Nagai?  He knew he was probably overthinking the entire situation, but the prospect of opening up to a stranger, left him feeling vulnerable and scared. It wasn’t that he felt like Toshiya would judge him, but more the fact that he had never spoken about his past to anyone.

          Tatsurou’s late night shifts at the café were the most troubling. Hours of down time, left his mind to fester with dozens of ludicrous scenarios of how the date would play out. Every hour or so, he would type out a text, with some lame excuse that he wouldn’t be at the concert, only to quickly erase it before hitting SEND, ashamed of himself for being paranoid. “He’s not going to hurt me,” he’d whisper looking at his phone.

          “What do we do? Just let him go?” Aoi said incredulously

           Koichi shrugged, “I don’t get what the problem is, Toshiya seems genuine enough.”

          “I wasn’t talking to you Koichi; you have zero input in this discussion.”

         “Really? Since when, Aoi? Are you trying to shove me down like you have Uruha?”

          “It’s my job to keep him safe,” Aoi lamely pointed out.

          Koichi laughed, “Yah, you’ve kept him safe for years, right? Genta, Hattori, Nagai. Where were you then? Good job Aoi.” Koichi and Aoi glared at each other, neither offering any valid solutions.

          “Shut it both of you,” Kai snapped, “arguing amongst ourselves does nothing. We need to come up with a solid plan for how to deal with Toshiya, it’s obvious that he’s going to be in his life.”

           “It doesn’t feel like we need to see Toshiya as a threat.” Aki finally spoke up.

          “But?”

          “We should prepare for a complete breakdown when, not if, their relationship becomes physical.”

            Tatsurou grabbed himself around the waist, laughing hard at Toshiya’s story. “That’s so gross! What kind of friend puts lube in leather pants?”

          “Oh, that’s not even the worst part.”

          “It gets worse? How the hell does it get worse?” Tatsurou was still laughing.

          “I didn’t have anything else to wear on stage, so I was stuck wearing the pants, once we were on stage, the heat from the lights, and my natural hot body…” he paused, winking at Tatsurou, “caused the lube to start running down my legs, and it seriously made a puddle on the floor.”

         Now Tatsurou had his head thrown back on the seat of the booth, laughing harder to the point of tears running down his cheeks.

        “Did you ever find out who it was?” he asked, as he tried to compose himself.

         “Nope,” Toshiya grinned, “none of them confessed, but I guess that’s what I get for trying to be a rock star and wear leather pants…never again.”

          Tatsurou wiped the tears from his eyes, “Okay, take this just as someone who has only met your bandmates once for like ten minutes, but I think Kotaro did it. He seems like the prankster of the group.”

        Toshiya gapped at Tatsurou, “Really? I don’t know, I’ve always thought it was Asao, because you know he’s the oldest so no one would expect him to do some stupid shit like that.”

        After the concert, Toshiya had made the choice to quickly introduce his bandmates, then rushing out of the venue and taking Tatsurou out to eat alone, not wanting to subject the man to a million questions from his friends.

        “You don’t need to be overly exposed to those guys on our first date.”

        First date? Tatsurou blushed hard at the words. “Um, I’m okay with that.”

         Sitting in a booth in the back of the diner, Tatsurou and Toshiya shared some stories and finally some personal details, the same details that had worried Tatsurou the week before the concert.

         “…boring life, grew up in Nagano, have no siblings, only my parents. I just needed to get away from that small town setting. I didn’t want to go to university, and basically become a clone of my father, so I escaped to Tokyo.”

         Tatsurou was listening, but only just. What Toshiya was telling him, sounded more like a rush of white noise.

          What do I tell him?

          Do I lie and make something up?

         “What about you?”

          Tatsurou shifted in his seat, “Um, I don’t really have much to tell, I have no memories as a child, I was brought up in an orphanage.”

          Toshiya’s heart skipped.

          “Oh?” How should he respond to that information? Tatsurou was now looking down at his hands in his lap. Toshiya saw the instant change in the man, seeing that he was becoming uncomfortable, and changed the topic.

          “Hey,” he reached his hand across the table, “can I ask you out on a real date?” Tatsurou looked up, his eyes shining with unshed tears, “You… you want to go out with me? Are you sure?” This couldn’t be true; Toshiya was just being nice. Tatsurou looked down at his hands again, his long hair hiding his face, “Um, I’m nothing special.” For some reason this made Toshiya sad, “Why wouldn’t I want to go out with you?” Tatsurou just shrugged.

          “Okay, here’s what I’m going to do. What’s your next day off, like a complete day?”

          “Uh, this coming Friday. I have alternating weekends off. Why?”

          “If I make plans, for like a full day of stuff, will you go out with me? Just trust me, okay?”

          Tatsurou wanted to believe that Toshiya was being honest, that the man truly wanted to spend time with him. He sat silently for a few moments, the voice in his head telling him to stop being a baby, and just say yes.  “Okay,”

          Walking closely together to the train station, Toshiya had the irresistible urge to kiss Tatsurou, but looking back on the night’s conversations, he rejected those urges without hesitation. Stopping at the turnstile, Toshiya didn’t want the night to end, but he also didn’t want to overwhelm Tatsurou on their first night together.

          “Oh, what about that guy Sakurai…do you think he’ll be back on the train?” This worried Toshiya, without knowing what happened to the man after he was arrested, would he then be a threat to Tatsurou?

          “I really don’t know; I could sit in a different car. Guess I’ll have to wait and see if he shows up or not. Maybe that whole incident cured him of being a huge drunken asshole.” Tatsurou laughed.

          Toshiya wasn’t so sure, “I know I’m being a bit pushy, but would you text me please? I don’t trust that guy at all.”

          A slow buzzing burn flushed through Tatsurou’s chest, “Yah, I can do that.”

          “Good, now don’t forget… because I know where you work now, and I will hunt you down!” Toshiya teased.

          The train slowly pulled into the station, and on a whim, Tatsurou initiated the hug, “Thanks for the concert and the dinner, I had a lot of fun,” he murmured in Toshiya’s ear, that sent a small shockwave through his body.

          “Get on the train before I kidnap you.”

          “That went better than I expected. I told you I didn’t think Toshiya was a threat.”

          “All bow to the amazingly insightful Aki.” Aoi said sarcastically.

          “Enough.” Kai sighed, “Yes, we were lucky tonight, and yes, I believe Toshiya means him no harm, though I do believe we may be headed for trouble. There is the possibility that Toshiya will want more than just hand holding, I doubt he’d be satisfied with that.”

          “Did you see how quickly Toshiya backed off when talking about his past?” Koichi pointed out. “He didn’t push for anything more than what he was told.” They heard a soft whimper coming from the corner. Aki was sitting with the little boy who was facing the wall, petting him softly on the head. “I keep trying to tell you all, that it’s going to be a disaster.” He looked at the little boy, “If this isn’t an indication, I don’t know what else is.”

          Kai rubbed his face roughly, “What about the book? He hasn’t picked it up in what? Two weeks or more?” He looked over at Koichi, “Can you put something in there that will maybe change his mind, or at least warn him about Toshiya’s motives?”

          “Motives? Really Kai? You think that Toshiya has some dastardly motivation to hurt him? No, Kai. I’m not putting anything in that book to dissuade him from going out with Toshiya. We’ve already had this fight, and I still think he needs to know, and Toshiya is the one that will be there to help him.”

       “This will be a first,” they didn’t see Uruha come into the room, “but I’ve got to agree with Koichi. If you want to control me, like you all say you do, then you need to let him have a normal relationship. That means having sex and all the joy that goes with it.”

          Aoi bristled, “Having sex? You mean getting fucked until you pass out, getting beaten up, bit, scratched. You call that a normal relationship?”

          Uruha approached Aoi, “You know why I do what I do?” Bending over he poked a finger into Aoi’s chest, “It’s because you all have him wrapped up in a protective blanket, never letting him out to experience anything that a normal man of his age should. Maybe if you would have cut the cord a little sooner, you wouldn’t have had to deal with me. You call me a whore…yet you keep him under wraps. If you don’t let him experience life, you’ll be doing nothing but keeping him locked up like Nagai did. Now you’re arguing about Toshiya? Someone he may be able to love? Hypocrites, all of you.” Uruha walked away from the group.

          “Uruha has a point, Kai.” Koichi said. “Do we want to be here until he dies? Honestly, I don’t want to exist of that’s how it’s going to be.”

          “What do we do about this date coming up?” Aki was unsettled by the news. “Do we bank on Toshiya remaining a gentleman, and not pushing himself on him?”

          Kai sighed heavily, “All I can say is that we all should be prepared for the worst, but hope for the best.”

          How could this all be real? From attending a random, unplanned concert, to having Toshiya, a virtual stranger, defending him from Sakurai Atsushi, and calling him his boyfriend. Now Toshiya was planning what he called a real date, but what exactly was that? Tatsurou had never been on a date, and it left him to wonder what Toshiya had in mind. Before he could continue to over analyze the situation, his phone chimed.

          “Hey, did you make it home okay? I didn’t wake you, did I?”

          “Yah, everything was good on the train, and I just got into bed.”

          Sends a sleepy bear emote

          “Okay, well I’ll let you go to sleep, text you at some point tomorrow.”

          “Yep, can’t wait.”

          Snapping his phone shut, and held it to his lips. Did he have a boyfriend now? He smiled, then rolled over and hid his face in the pillow, giggling like a teenager.

          Momma, don’t leave me, I’ll be a good boy, please momma, don’t leave me here alone. I promise I’ll be good.

          Read Me.

            “Prove it! Prove to me that he’s, my child. You know you can’t, because you’ve always been the town slut, fucking every man you could. This is YOUR fault! She was perfect before you came along!”

          Read Me.

          Genta.

          READ Me.

          Looking up at Nagai, his teacher, his guardian, his abuser.

          Nagai, on the floor in their flat, dead.

          Yes! No!

          Hiroshi House. Kaoru smiling, Mally with a plushie.

          Sana.

          READ ME!

          Toshiya. Warm. Hugging.

          Someone stroking his hair. “I’m here, just close your eyes.” A familiar voice, the touch loving and comforting. “I will never leave you again, I promise.”

          His head throbbed with pain, his face wet with tears and his eyes almost completely swollen shut. Tatsurou couldn’t remember waking up feeling any worse than he did at that moment. He was exhausted. The intense nightmares that had plagued him all night, had left  him feeling battered and bruised. “What the hell was that all about?” he mumbled to himself as he stumbled to the bathroom, his hand trailing the wall for support.

          Looking in the mirror, he knew there was no way in hell, he would make it to work, not looking as he did. “Time to call…” Using the toilet, he swayed as he stood, his hand braced on the wall. Washing his hands, he splashed cold water on this face in an attempt to reduce the swelling in his eyes, then padded to the kitchen for a bottle of water.

          “Ayame? I just woke up and I think I have the flu; I won’t be coming in tonight. Yah, sorry. okay, thanks.”

           He thought about texting Toshiya, “Nah, no reason to worry him.” Shuffling back to his bedroom, he slid in, pulled the covers over his head and closed his eyes, praying for sleep and hoping that the darkness would claim him.

          “Why isn’t he answering?” Toshiya checked his phone for the umpteenth time that day. He had been steadily texting Tatsurou for over four hours, and the man had not responded. Was he ghosting Toshiya? He couldn’t think of a reason the soft-spoken man would do such a thing, believing that even at this early stage, they had formed a solid connection.

          “Okay, don’t panic,”

          “Toshiya, what the hell’s going on? Why are you looking at your phone every ten minutes?” Toshiya’s boss was an aimable, easy going man, always concerned about the wellbeing of his employees.

          “Sorry Fujii-san.” He quickly put his phone in his pocket. “I’m trying to reach a friend, and he hasn’t answered any of my texts in like four hours, I’m a bit worried about him.”

          “Well, don’t let it affect your work please, maybe try calling him during your lunch break.” The man patted Toshiya on the shoulder and walked away.

          “Lunch… shit! He should be at the café by then.” Checking his phone again, he had two hours remaining before his break. Two hours to think about why, in such a short time, Tatsurou had become so important to him. 

Chapter Text

          If he could just stretch a little further…it’s almost there.

          It’s on the table in the break room, but he can’t get the door open. He can see the book…it’s taunting him.

          The bookcase under the TV.

          An empty seat on the train.

          A gnawing feeling of fear and overwhelming despair.

          If he reads the journal, his life will be over.

          No Toshiya. No Happily ever after.

          Just death waiting for him.

          A woman’s voice, a gentle hand petting his hair, his head in her lap. “I will keep you safe. You will never be alone; I’ll always protect you.”

          Don’t read it, you’ll regret the rest of your life. Burn it – take it outside and set fire to it. Kill it.

          Tatsurou’s eyes felt heavy and muddy, almost sealed shut with a crust of sleep, his mouth sour and painful from clenching his jaw while he slept, his body stiff from being curled into a protective fetal position throughout the night. The nightmares had not returned but the dreams had been replaced with feelings of frustration; the journal was always just a step beyond his reach. There was no relief when he had woken, just a separate set of ailments both physically and emotionally.

          The question of who the woman was in his dream remained. The voice was familiar, but without a face to recognize.

          Sitting on the edge of his bed with his head in his hands, his hair matted and dirty with sweat, he tried to make sense of the dreams that had plagued his sleep.

          The journal.

          How long had it been since he last picked it up and read it? Thinking back, it had surprised Tatsurou that it had been almost two weeks passed, the night he had met Toshiya.

          “Shit! Toshiya!” Pawing through his sheets, Tatsurou flipped his pillow and grabbed the phone, the screen lighting up a flash of multiple texts and calls as soon as he opened it.

          “I think I have our date planned.”

          “Is there anything you absolutely will not do?”

          “You must be busy; I promise I’m not stalking you.”

          Two missed phone calls.

          Worried voice mails.

          “Hey, call me, I’m starting to get worried.”

          “I talked to your co-worker; I know you’re sick so give me a call when you feel up to it.”

          Falling back on the bed, Tatsurou heaved a sigh of relief, knowing that Toshiya was concerned rather than annoyed. “Shower first, then call.”

          Standing under the hot stinging bite of the shower, the journal still lurked in the back of his mind, a curling spiral slowly choking his heart and threatening to tighten and strangle the life out of him. He could hear the woman’s words of reassurance, though he did could not put a face to the voice. All of these thoughts and his mind racing with the real chance of rejection from Toshiya, left Tatsurou shaking inside. “I wouldn’t blame him if he does.”

          Even after the shower, Tatsurou’s eyes were still puffy, red and swollen, the tension in his jaw was slowly subsiding.  Rubbing his face roughly as he sat on the side of his bed, he grabbed his phone and sent Toshiya a quick text, “Hey, come see me at the café when you can.”

          Leaning with his elbows on the front counter of the internet café, Toshiya was apologizing profusely for his over reaction. “I totally thought you were ghosting me,” he admitted sheepishly, “It never occurred to me that you were sick.”

          “Well, I won’t ghost you, ever,” Tatsurou said, “I’m totally not that kind of person, unless you’re like super annoying and pushy.”

          “Your co-worker might say differently.”

          Tatsurou tilted his head, “Why? What happened?” The explanation Toshiya gave was comical. “She wanted to know everything about me. My full name, what my phone number was, where I worked…the whole nine yards. Then she drilled me on how I know you, and why I wanted any information. It took me twenty minutes to get her to believe that I wasn’t some crazed lunatic stalker.”

          Tatsurou’s face blushed with heat, embarrassed over what Toshiya was saying, “I’m sure it’s just about what happened with Sakurai. It’s not like I have anyone asking for me like ever.” He lowered his gaze, fidgeting with a pen on the counter, “Sorry she gave you such a hard time.”

          Toshiya caught the subtle change in the man’s demeanor; the shift of his voice a pitch lower than normal. “Hey,” he reached over and covered Tatsuro’s hand with his, “it’s not a problem, really. She was just being cautious, and I totally get that.”

          Just as quick, Tatsurou’s attitude changed again, “So, about this date.”

          “You! Why the hell are you here?” Aoi shouted at a petite woman sitting in a large over stuffed chair. “Why now?”

          Kai put a hand on Aoi’s arm, “That’s enough, it does no good to yell at her.”

          The woman rose from the chair, walking over to stand in front of Aoi and Kai, “I haven’t been needed up until now, but that’s going to change.”

          “Change? Are you fucking kidding?” Aoi snapped, “You show up randomly, talking all this shit like you want to be his hero now?” Aoi threw up his hands and walked away from the others.

          “Why are you here?” Kai asked, “You haven’t been there for him for years, what’s changed?”

          The woman shrugged, “You all have been there for him, keeping him mostly safe…” She looked over at the bedroom door, where she knew Uruha was sleeping.

          Aoi stepped up again, “Exactly! We have been keeping him safe. We don’t need your help; you can just leave.”

          She stared at Aoi for a moment. “I’ll leave for now, but I’m warning you now, he’s going to need me very soon, and I will be the only one that can help him.”

Chapter Text

          “Leisure land?”

          “Only if you think you can beat me at the skills games.”

          “What? Are you some kind of pro-gamer?”

          “Just sayin…”

          “Okay, um that won’t take up the whole day, so how about a movie after?”

          “Sure, but no rom-com.”

          “Aww, don’t like the kissy face stuff?”

          Vomit emoji “No.”

          “LOL, okay, fair enough. I’m going to stop by after practice.”

          The days leading up to the date with Toshiya had been full of silly texts, dumb jokes, and phone calls at home. Toshiya often came by the café after work or practice, some nights staying until morning and walking Tatsurou to the train station, the possibility of encountering Sakurai, was still on both of their minds.

          “So, you haven’t seen him since that night?”

          “No, I think he’s taking a train at a different time, I don’t see him on the platform anymore.” Tatsurou gave Toshiya’s hand a squeeze, holding hands as they walked to the station, he squeezed back. “I’m okay, don’t worry so much.”

          “Hey, I have a right to worry, that guy is an asshole!” Toshiya objected.

          “I know, but it’s been what? Two weeks since he showed up? I think we’re good now.”  Tatsurou blushed under the protective concern showed by Toshiya.

          “Text me when you get home.”

       Home. The dreary little flat that in the past had been Tatsurou’s safety net, his sanctuary was now a source of depression, reminding him of his mundane life, and the horrors that he had endured in his past fell heavily on his shoulders the moment he walked through the door.

       A ghost of his past reprimanding him, blocking the door, arguing that he was the only one keeping Tatsurou safe. “You’ll never understand, there are people that want to hurt you, I’m the only person to keep you safe. Why would you want to go out alone? No Tatsurou, you may only go out with me, never ever alone.”

           Toshiya would never hurt me.

           “How certain are you of that?”

       Toshiya saved me from Sakurai, he cares about me. He calls me, walks me to the station. He would never hurt me.

      Shoving the memories of his painful childhood into the mental black box he kept in his mind, knowing that if he allowed the depressive memories to surface, the spiraling void would consume him.  He knew he would fall into the abject misery that was his life before he met the musician. Mechanically moving around the flat, he kept his thoughts on Toshiya, and how much better everything was when he was with him.

      Toshiya.  Cheerful, silly, absolutely attractive, Toshiya. If he allowed the depression to drift in, Tatsurou’s mind went to the ‘why is he with me?” questions would start. When those thoughts would start to present themselves, he would immediately stop what he was doing and send the man a stupid text, a dumb meme, anything to keep those repulsive words at bay.

     “Hey, I’m home.”

    “Good. Train ride, okay? No creep guys trying to grab your ass?”

    Tatsurou giggled, “Hardly. Nobody wants to grab my skinny butt.”

    “That’s not true! I know at least 2 people that would want to grab your butt. Sakurai, and me!”

    This statement caught Tatsurou off guard.

    Toshiya groaned, “You did it again you dumb ass.”

    “Sorry! Heh, it’s not like I’d ever do that!”

     “It’s okay, it just surprised me, that’s all. I need to get some sleep; I’ll text you when I wake up. Good night.”

     The night before the date, Tatsurou was sitting in his normal spot on the train into work, when another mystery was solved.  

     The two host workers were sitting across from him. In his mind Passenger Five were the two young men, that were always impeccably dressed; perfect make up, perfect hair and smelling of expensive cologne, making them obvious hosts at a club.

          With his eyes closed, pretending to sleep, Tatsurou listened intently to the soft conversation between the two beautiful young men, picking up certain words that confirmed their identities as host workers.

          “I’m telling you, Ayato, she’s turning into an alcoholic, and she’s an ugly drunk. We went through four bottles of Dom last night!” The boy with the blonde hair told his friend. “I might have to ask her to be removed. I hate to lose the money, but she gets really mean when she’s had too much to drink.”

          “You’re exaggerating, Hiroto… I’ve watched you two, I don’t think it’s that serious. Maybe just switch to soju instead.”

          “I doubt soju will keep her from grabbing my dick a hundred times a night!”

          Tatsurou snorted at that comment, drawing attention to himself, yet he kept is eyes closed.

          Ayato leaned into Hiroto’s ear, “What do you think of him? He’s been riding this same train for years…at least since I’ve been working.”

          Hiroto took a long look at Tatsurou, “He’s cute, but there’s something about him that’s off, not sure what.”

          “Off? You mean like he’s a serial killer or something?”

          “No. I don’t know. Wonder where he works? He gets off at Shinjuku, so he’s local. Maybe we should follow him one night?”

          “Don’t even think of it Hiroto, that’s just something bad waiting to happen.”

          “I work at an internet café.”

          Both young men gasped, then profusely apologized, “Hey, sorry, we didn’t mean to be rude.”

          Not believing he actually said anything, Tatsurou smile and nodded, “It’s fine, I shouldn’t have been eavesdropping.” He paused, then bravely asked, “Do you work at a host club?”

          The other two men shared a look, “Yes, we do, over at Arks. Would you be interested in working as a host? You certainly have the looks for it.” Ayato offered.

          Tatsurou’s demeanor changed instantly, almost to the point of complete withdrawal. “Um no thanks.” The chimes announced Tatsurou’s stop, and without another look at the men, he grabbed his bag and hastily left the train.

          “Well, that was weird.”

          “Great, thanks for that, Uruha,” Kai rubbed his face.

          “What? Do you honestly believe Aoi or Koichi would have allowed it? I was just having a little fun. Now we know for sure what those boys do so why are you getting so pissy, nothing happened.” Uruha pouted.

          Kai shook his head in disbelief. He was starting to understand why Koichi wanted Tatsurou to keep reading the journal. Maybe it was time.

          Kai turned to Uruha, “Will you promise not to interfere on his date with Toshiya, please? It’s too soon for any form of intimacy, we need to prepare in advance for that.”

          Uruha shrugged, “Sure, but when it does happen, that’s my specialty, adult sex. Aki will have no input, since he’s all about kids.” Uruha sneered that last bit, looking directly at Aki, who was sitting in the corner with the little boy.

          Kai did not want to give Uruha that power, but in the end, he knew the man was right. He was the one that handled the adult sex, though it worried him that it could turn into something else completely, something that Tatsurou could not handle, something that may put the man beyond anyone’s help.

Chapter Text

          “Don’t let him wear that! It’s going to give Toshiya weird vibes.” Aoi snapped at Uruha.

          “How is what I’m wearing giving off any vibe other than sexy?” Uruha turned and sneered at Aoi.

          “That’s my point, we don’t want sexy. Toshiya is not one of your conquests, he’s a decent guy that deserve better. What you’re wearing makes you look slutty, and quite frankly desperate.”

          Kai stepped in between them, “Please, just go change.” Uruha glared at Kai and Aoi, “Fine, I’ll go boring and safe.”

          “Thank you.”

          Boring and safe was exactly what Tatsurou was going for. A day long date, with multiple unknown activities, the choice of something sexier could wait until a proper date night with Toshiya. “Pfft, like it’s ever going to get to that,” he scoffed. With his limited dating experiences that past the initial attraction, there never was anything that led to more than a first date. Too often after one date Tatsurou had been ghosted, and more than a few times had been told he was weird, or as in one case, “You’re a damn freak”. This had happened enough that Tatsurou had given up finding anyone, leaving him doubtful about the possibility for a romantic relationship to evolve with Toshiya. “He’s going to figure it out soon enough.”

          But then unexpectedly Toshiya dropped into his lap. The man seemed perfect; tall, handsome, funny, and with every early indication that he truly cared for Tatsurou. Protecting him from Sakurai, the “boyfriend” comment thrown out so quickly, even introducing him to his bandmates. But the niggling self doubt hung over his shoulder, the disbelief that he could be loved by anyone other than, “he didn’t really love me, love doesn’t fucking hurt.” Shaking his head to clear the thoughts, Tatsurou grabbed his jacket and keys, leaving his backpack on the floor, he didn’t need it today.

          Standing on the edge of the platform, Toshiya’s mind was running in circles as he craned his neck to look down the track for the train Tatsurou said he’d be on. “Stop it, he said he’d be here,” he scolded himself. The bells chimed and the voice over the loud speaker announced the arrival of the train. Toshiya stood a few feet to the side of the platform, out of the way of the exiting passengers, standing on his toes and scanning the crowd for the tall man. “Where…?”

          “BOO!” Two fingers stabbed Toshiya in his side from behind, jump scaring him. “Hey, not fair!” Whipping around, he saw Tatsurou laughing at him, “How did you get past me?”

          “I saw you from the train, I just moved up a car.” Tatsurou noticed the look on Toshiya’s face, a definite stare, “What’s wrong?” He looked down at his clothes, holding out his shirt, looking for something obvious like dirt.

          “No…nothing’s wrong.” Toshiya stammered, “you look amazing, I feel under dressed, that’s all.”

          “Oh, so you like this?” Tatsurou swished his hips, “I thought I was doing safe and boring.”

          “That’s anything but boring, you’re going to make this a difficult day.” Toshiya teased.

          Tatsurou’s smile instantly disappeared, “Um, sorry, I didn’t mean to…”

          “No no, it’s fine.” Toshiya quickly reassured him, “Ready to go?”

          “Yep! Let’s do this.”

          Tatsurou had never laughed to the point of pain, but the hours he had spent with Toshiya at Leisure Land had been hilarious. Tatsurou’s epic failure at soccer, and the even more epic fail at the strength challenge, had both men in tears.

          “Ugh, I’m such a wimp.” Tatsurou groaned after a poor showing with the strength challenge.

          “No, you’re not, it’s because I lug around a bass every night so it’s an unfair, fair advantage.”

          “Bet I can do better than you at claw machines!”

          “So, what are we going to do with all of this?” Toshiya asked, waving a Kuromi plushie.

          Tatsurou had not lied, he was infinitely better at the claw machines, so much so, they now had a bag full of plushies, a pair of decent headphones, a child size purse and a variety of small toys. “We can stop at the café and I can leave them in my locker.”

          “Cool, then we can go grab lunch.”

          “Hey Ayame,” Tatsurou greeted his coworker with a wave, “I’m just dropping this off in my locker.”

          Toshiya approached the counter and smiled at the girl, “See, not a serial killer.”

          “Yah yah,” the girl laughed, “can’t blame me for being cautious.”

          “No, I can’t and I can appreciate your concern, but believe me, I’m not going to hurt him. He’s too…” Toshiya didn’t have a chance to finish, with Tatsurou exiting the break room.

          “I’m ready, and hungry.” Waving at Ayame, the couple left the café.

          “You’d better not hurt him; I know where you work.”

          “Hmm, I think either Harajuku or Akihabara, not really in the mood for a movie, the weather’s too nice today.” Tatsurou threw a small piece of bread on the ground for a group of sparrows to fight over.

          “True,” Toshiya had left his date sitting on a bench at a park, as he ran and grabbed two bento boxes from a nearby shop. “There’s a small flea market over by that shrine, we could go over there and see what’s for sale.”

          “Fleas for sale? Really Toshiya? You want to buy some fleas?”

          Toshiya stared at Tatsurou, “Did you just…really?” he started laughing. “Oh my god, I didn’t think you were this big of a dork.”

          Tatsurou crossed his arms and stuck his chin out in fake indignation. “Oh, you have no idea just how big of a dork I am, and at this rate, you might never find out!”

          Toshiya took a chance and slung his arm around the man’s shoulders, pulling him close, “I can’t wait to know everything about you,” he quickly kissed Tatsurou on the cheek. “Okay,” jumping up, and holding his hand out, “let’s go buy some fleas!”

         It was the week of the emperor’s birthday and the country was celebrating, and as such the flea market and shops that surrounded the shrine, were awash with people; locals and foreign tourist crowding the streets and stalls.  The smells coming from the crepe cart, the yakitori shop with the grill at the front, the faint smell of the plum blossom that were blooming around the shrine and the ever-present scent of incense.  Couples and children wearing formal kimono and hakama, the bells being run on the steps of the shrine, the elderly either walking or carrying their small dogs, dressed in doll like clothes, who were barking at everything. Groups of teenage boys and girls, shyly sneaking glances at each other, the boys shoving each other, and the girls giggling behind their hands. A tour guide with his small flag pole, leading a group of foreign tourists, explaining the history of the shrine.

          It wasn’t until Toshiya noticed that Tatsurou had become quiet and pensive, his mood changing, “Are you okay?” He linked his arm with his date’s. “Yah, it’s just a bit busy, that’s all.” Tatsurou smiled.

          “Is this, okay? I mean, my arm.” He kept his arm linked with Tatsurou’s. “Yah, it’s fine.”          

          Toshiya could feel the tenseness in Tatsurou’s body, “Let’s go light some incense, then we can get out of here and go somewhere quieter.”

          Unable to breath, Tatsurou’s mind started to short circuit, he knew this feeling all too well. The cacophony around the shrine had been more of an assault on his senses than he had ever experienced. He was never one to mingle with large crowds, the train being the single space where he felt that he had zero control. The atmosphere at the shine had him on the verge of a panic attack, that thankfully and most importantly, Toshiya had some how seen, moving to remove them from the over stimulating crowds. Once out of sight of the larger crowd, Toshiya took Tatsurou’s hand in his, “come on…over here.”

          An alcove, just big enough for a stone bench, was just outside the larger area of the shrine, secluded enough to go unnoticed, and oddly enough, free from the onslaught of noise. “Stay here, I’ll be right back.”

          He’s not going to come back; he’s dumping me just like the others. Tatsurou’s mind was working against him, feeding him more self doubt and unworthiness. Leaning forward, with his elbow on his knees, he buried his face in his hand and sighed deeply. The other voice in his head repeated what he had heard since adolescence “They’re just going to hurt you, none of them truly love you like I do.”

          With another deep sigh, Tatsurou stood up and started walking towards the entrance of the small alcove. “Hey! Where are you going?” Toshiya pushed a cup of coffee towards him. “I uh,”

          A lightbulb moment for Toshiya crossed his face, “You didn’t think I was coming back, did you? Why? Do you not trust me?” He was hurt, but something told him, that it wasn’t him…this was Tatsurou’s way of keeping himself safe.

          The man’s face flushed with shame, “I do trust you; I just don’t understand why you’re putting in all this effort into me, I’m nothing special.” He sat down on the bench, wrapping his hands around the warm cup of coffee.

          Toshiya carefully sat down, but not too close. He could see how vulnerable his date was feeling. “You are special, as lame as that may sound. I’m just confused, that’s all.”

          Tatsurou kept his eyes closed, struggling to keep the tears from falling.

          The couple sat in silence for awhile, absorbing the sounds of the birds, the light hum of traffic a few streets away, the bell being rung again at the shrine. Tatsurou struggled within himself, wondering just how much he should tell Toshiya, how much until it would scare the man away. But would it?

        “Look, I’ve had a shitty life, which is really an understatement. I haven’t had any real relationships, just one or two dates before they ghost me or call me weird and a freak. Everything tells me that you’re not like that, my heart tells me that. But my fucked-up brain tells me you’re going to take what you want, then you’ll be just another failed attempt at me trying to live a normal life.”

        Toshiya didn’t answer, he didn’t even look at Tatsurou. He just sipped his coffee.

        “I grew up in an orphanage, I lived in one until I was 13, then I was kind of adopted by one of my teachers.”

        “You don’t have to tell me this, it’s okay to keep it private.”

         “But you need to know why I am the way I am…you deserve to know.”

        “Tatsurou, this is literally like our first date, you don’t have to tell me anything. I’m not going anywhere, and you can’t scare me off that easily.” Toshiya reached over and picked up Tatsurou’s hand, giving it a gentle squeeze.

         Tatsurou snorted, “I wouldn’t be too sure about that.”

        “Did you rob a bank to support your drug habit?”

       “What? No of course not, why would you think that?”

        “Do you kill small animals and bathe in their blood?”

       Tatsurou laughed, “Now you’re just being stupid.”

       “I got you to laugh, didn’t I? How stupid can I really be? Wait…don’t answer that, I can be really stupid, just ask my bandmates.” Toshiya was more than just pleased with himself, he believed he had just dug far enough, for Tatsurou to let him in.

       “This is our first date, and I’m praying that there’s going to be more, at least if I have anything to do with it. If you haven’t noticed, I sort of like you, a lot, and hopefully you feel the same way. Don’t worry about telling me your life story, I’m sure I’ll be around long though to find out the sordid details.”

        Screwing up the courage, Toshiya leaned in, “Can I kiss you please? I’ve wanted to since the night I met you.” It was now dusk and the small alcove they sat in was completely hidden from public view. “I’d like that.” Tatsurou whispered. It was a less than passionate kiss, but more than a friendly peck on the lips. Toshiya knew he’d have to be careful and keep his lust reined in, as hard as it may be.

       Pulling away from the kiss, Toshiya swore he heard a tiny whine, “You liked that, didn’t you?” Tatsurou nodded, afraid to ruin the moment by saying anything.

       “Good, at least you didn’t like spit or anything.” Toshiya joked; his mind told him to defuse any situation of Tatsurou’s uneasiness with humor. Much to his surprise, Tatsurou reached over and grabbed him by the front of the shirt, pulling him into a kiss. Toshiya took the invitation, sliding his arm around Tatsurou’s waist, snuggling into the man.

      The kiss was only interrupted by the sound of giggling teenagers, who were peering through the hedge at the two men. “Busted,” Toshiya whispered on Tatsurou’s lips. “We should get you home.”

        Another lingering kiss on the platform, Tatsurou boarded his train, his eyes still on Toshiya as the train pulled away. Sitting back in his seat, he reached up and touched his lips, still buzzing from the kisses. “He kissed me.” He had to restrain himself from giggling like a girl.

      Walking up the stairs to his flat, a wave of disapproval hit him in the face the moment he opened his door. The force pushing down on his shoulders, was so heavy, he almost fell. His mind flooded with visions of the past, of the repercussions he faced anytime he had gone out. “Where the fuck have you been? Didn’t I tell you it was dangerous to go out on your own? Who were you with? TELL ME TATSUROU!”  The harsh words echoed in his mind.

        He struggled to walk past the door, leaning hard against the wall to get as far away as he could, the pressure still building. “No sensei, please…” he whimpered, “I didn’t do anything, I swear I was just out with friends, please, no more.” Wrenching the door to his bedroom open, he slammed it shut and fell face first on to his bed, curling up in a ball, waiting for the pain to start, praying it wouldn’t be worse than the last time. “Please, sensei, not tonight…”

        “Did you get home okay? Text me in the morning.”

Chapter Text

          “Okay, let’s talk about tonight, any thoughts or concerns?” Kai had the others gathered together.

          “You know I feel, obviously,” Uruha was first, fanning himself dramatically, “Toshiya’s kissing…god is he hot. I can’t wait for the big night!”

          “That’s not what I was asking,” Kai huffed, “I’m talking about what he revealed to Toshiya about the orphanage.”

          “I think it went much better than we anticipated. Toshiya didn’t run off, didn’t call him a freak, he wasn’t disgusted.” Koichi was immensely pleased with the outcome of the date.

          “Aoi? What’s your take on all of this?” Kai was ready for a harsh response.

          “It went fine.”

          Koichi scoffed, “Fine? That’s it?”

          “Yah, it went fine. Like you said, Toshiya didn’t freak out, the kissing was good, he wasn’t pushy.” Aoi paused, then bringing up his real concerns. “I’m more worried about the nightmares and that damned journal. You know he’s eventually going to start reading it again.”

          “Aoi’s right,” Aki agreed, “you know he’s going to figure it out, then what?”

          Kai took a deep breath, “Point taken, but all we can do is prepare for the worst.” A snort of derision came from the couch.

          “Why are you here again?” Aoi snapped.

The woman rose from the couch, “Didn’t I tell you that I’d be watching? All of you.”

          “We’ve been handling it on our just fine with out you.”

          The woman narrowed her eyes, “I assumed from the last time I was here, that you would be keeping him safe,” she paused, “obviously I was wrong.”

          Koichi was the first to be attacked, “You…should have never let him find that vile book, so the majority of what’s going to happen will fall on you.”

          “Now hold on,” Koichi sputtered.

          “It’s your fault this has gotten out of hand.” The woman accused.

          “It’s no one’s fault,” Kai stepped in, “Did you really believe the truth would stay hidden forever?
          “No, but considering how badly you’ve not kept them in line, I’m surprised it’s not worse.”

          Kai’s eyes grew dark, “We have done the best we could.”

          “Oh, like letting that slut in? Letting Uruha put him in serious danger time after time? Good job, Kai.” The woman’s voice quivered in anger.

          “My part in all of this is necessary!” Uruha complained.

          “That’s rich coming from you!” Aoi grunted, staring the woman down.

          “And what have you done lately? Saved him from a panic attack on a train, but where were you when that man harassed him at work?”

          “Toshiya…” Aoi started to say.

          “Yes, Toshiya, the boy you believe is his savior.” The woman sat down on the couch again, taking the mostly unnoticed small boy from the corner in her arms, “This is going to get much worse before it gets better, much worse.” She slowly rocked the boy.

          “You abandoned him first, you left him alone and ran out, leaving strangers to find him. If anything, this is entire your fault.” Kai shot back.

          “Had I stayed, his father would have killed us both. I only did what I thought was best.”

          “But it wasn’t what was best, was it?” Koichi faced the woman, “There were alternatives, you could have gone to the police, to your parents, anything other than what you did. Now he’s suffering, and will continue to suffer. You’ve caged him into a life of misery.”

          “Do you even hear yourself? Police? My parents? Both would have told me to go back and make it work, that it was my duty as a wife and mother to stay with his father. No Koichi, there were no alternatives. Am I remorseful for what he has gone through? Of course, I am.”

          Kai waved his hands, “There’s no point in accusations now. What’s done is done. We need to focus on what’s happening right now.” He looked over at the woman, who was still cuddling the small boy. “Are you willing to help him with the nightmares? We can handle the other stuff, but those flashbacks are what I believe will lead to the final breaking point.”

          “If you can keep him from finding the journal, I will be here, until the very end.”

          “Hi, I’m awake.”

          “Cool. Can I come and see you at work today?”

          “Yah, I’d like that a lot.”

          The ride into work that afternoon was unusual in the fact that the other regular passengers were acknowledging him. Sakurai was on the train for the first time in weeks, he gave a slight nod to Tatsurou, then looked away, much to his relief. Passenger Ruki had changed his look again; gone was Goth Ruki, replaced with an urban cowboy feel. His hair now dyed red with black tips, a ridiculous black lacquered cowboy hat, and an absurd amount of jewelry, but totally ignoring Tatsurou.

          The two construction workers were there, Kyo, the one who had bumped into him, nodded at him, and gave him a sly wink, much to the amusement of his friend. The host club boys were there, both dressed in expensive suits, and offering a smile and a small wave. This was more interaction that he had ever had on a single ride into work.

          Arriving at the café, Ayame greeted her coworker with a big grin, “Hey, Tatsu-kun, how was your date with Toshiya?” she teased.

          “It um, it was good.”

          “Just good? That’s it?  Am I going to have to track him down and tell him he has to be more than just good to date you? I will you known.”

          Tatsurou blushed, “No, you don’t have to, sheesh, it was just a first date, not like he proposed or anything.” In the back room, Tatsurou opened his locker, with the bag of plushies and small toys from Leisure Land, falling onto the floor. “Shit,” he smiled at the memory of the date, “I forgot about this stuff.” Digging out a small Kuromi keychain and plushie, Tatsurou went to the front counter, “Here, these are for you.” He handed the gifts to Ayame.

          “Oh my god, they’re so cute! Thank you, Tatsu-kun.” She gushed, snuggling the plushie to her face.

          “This is payment for you not hunting Toshiya down.” He smirked.

          “Payment accepted!” Ayame laughed, grabbing her bag and immediately attaching the keychain to a strap, “We’re about half full tonight, but I’m sure it will get busy later. Have a good night, Tatsu-kun.”

          Making his normal rounds through the café, checking empty cubicles for cleanliness, stocking the snack bar and drink table, Tatsurou’s mind wandered to the date with Toshiya. He touched his lips, and giggled. “He kissed me…and didn’t call me a freak.”

          Hearing the door chime bounced him back into the moment, “Just a minute.” Closing up the drink machine, he made his way to the front counter, “How can I help…hey!”

          “Can I reserve a cubicle for later tonight?” Toshiya was leaning on the counter, with a big grin.

          “I don’t know, you look  pretty shady.” They both laughed, “Are you serious though, you need a cubicle for tonight?”

          “Yep, we have practice, so lucky you, I get to spend the night.”

          Tatsurou blushed at the thought of actually sleeping with Toshiya. “Well, I wouldn’t go that far, not like you really get that much of a decent night’s sleep on those beds.”

          “True, but at least I get to wake up in the same room as you.” Toshiya wanted to say more, but something told him not to push that far.

          “Next Friday, we’re playing the Basement Bar, will you come? I’ll put you on the guest list of course.”

          “I’d love to come, but you don’t have to put me on the list,” Tatsurou stared down at the counter, not wanting Toshiya to see him blushing nine shades of red, “I can just buy a ticket.”

          “Pfft,” Toshiya scoffed, “you should see how many people my guys put on their list. I’m surprised we make any money, besides you’re my boyfriend.”

          Tatsurou’s head snapped up, “Boy…boyfriend?”

          “Yah, my boyfriend. Did you think everything we did yesterday was like a friendly date? Or do you not…” Toshiya hadn’t thought that Tatsurou might reject him.

          “Uh, yah, I mean, it was like a really nice date,” Tatsurou’s mind was short circuiting.

          Toshiya leaned his elbows on the counter, “If you haven’t already noticed,” he whispered softly, “I really like you, and I don’t just randomly kiss guys on a first date. As corny as this might sound, will you be my boyfriend, like officially?”  

          A boyfriend? Tatsurou had never expected this to happen. Guys that fucked him, then dumped him after two or three weeks; yah, he had plenty of those. But an honest to god true boyfriend, nope. Sensei said that would never happen, ever.

          “They’ll do what they want to you and then throw you away, like garbage. Why do you think I want you to stay at home, with me? It’s the only way I can keep you safe from all those assholes out there that want to hurt you. Nobody will ever be able to love you like I do.”

          But who actually hurt him?

          “Tatsu?” Toshiya reached out and cupped Tatsurou’s chin in his hand, “Hey, are you okay?”

          “Hmm? Oh, yah, sorry.”

          “So, can I announce to everyone? Boyfriends?”

          Smiling at the young man across the counter, “Well, announcing sounds like a bit much, but yes. I’d love to be your official boyfriend.” Tatsurou happily accepted.

          “Yes!” Toshiya fist pumped and clapped.

          “Really? Fist pumping the air? You’re such a dork.”

          “Yah well I just won the boyfriend lottery! I’m allowed to be a dork.”

          “Boyfriend? This is bad, seriously not happy with the way this is going.” Aoi paced the room, mumbling just under his breath.

          “Bad? Are you kidding, this is fantastic!” Uruha stepped in front of the other man. “This is the first step towards normalcy. We finally get someone who cares about him and all you can see is the negative. So supportive, Aoi.”

          “And all you care about is getting fucked.”

          “Getting fucked, as you so eloquently put it, is a normal human function in a healthy relationship. Or would you rather keep him as he is, just because YOU don’t enjoy sex, or love for that matter.”

          Aoi clenched his fists to his side, “When have I ever said anything…”

          “Enough!” Kai ended the argument, “We’re not being productive, with you two fighting about sex.”

          “Well, it’s enviable that Toshiya won’t be satisfied with just kissing and holding hands. I don’t believe he’ll be pushy or force sex on him, but he’s going to want more at some point.” Koichi had the small boy from the corner sitting with him on the couch. “We need to stop fighting and come up with some sort of plan, we have no clue how or when this will all play out. We need to be prepared for the worst.”

Chapter Text

          The meeting with the board of directors of Youth Placement Centers, was not going well. Kaoru had attempted to keep Nagai from attending the meeting, worried that what he saw as irrational anger from the man, would offend the members of the board, but legally, he was unable to do so.

That wasn’t what happened.

      Kaoru and Mally were already seated at a large table in the conference room, when Nagai arrived. Dressed in a typical salaryman’s black suit, Nagai carried with him, a large brown folder. Bowing slightly to Mally and Kaoru, Nagai took a seat opposite his co-workers. Mally stole a quick glance at Kaoru, who nodded imperceptibly, a cue to Mally to remain silent…for now.

     Before Kaoru could speak to Nagai, the four board members enter the room, and took their seats at the end of the large table. Introductions were made and documents were handed out to each of the attendees.

     “Thank you for your attendance today.” Board Director Tanaka began. “We will be reviewing and possibly changing the intake protocols for both the Hiroshi and Sakura facilities.”

     Board member Sugiyama was next to address the room. “we understand that…” he looked at his document, “Hiroshi House had a recent fire, set by one of the facility’s residents, is this correct?”

     “Yes, that is correct.” Kaoru acknowledged, “While the fire itself did little physical damage to the building, many of our younger children were severely frightened.”

     “Is it true he child in question, Reitsu, has had prior incidents of arson?”

     “Yes, Kamei-san. Reitsu was arrested and prosecuted for arson, he set his family home on fire.” Mally said.

     “Why was he sent to Hiroshi, instead of a detention center?”

     “He was only seven years old when he was arrested, much too young for formal detention.” Mally explained. “He had been shuttled around to at least three other facilities, before arriving at Hiroshi.”

     “I see.” The woman said.

     “If I may?” Nagai stood, and took the opportunity to speak before the woman could continue. “Reitsu is not the first severely delinquent child Hiroshi House has accepted.” Nagai proceeded to hand out documents. ‘If you will please read these.”

     “And you are?” Tanaka asked.

     “Nagai Tenshi, I am a teacher at Hiroshi House.”

     “Your relevance to this case?”

     “Reitsu was under my charge at the time of the incident. You will find my report included in these documents.”

     Kaoru was glaring at Nagai; the fact that the man had written up his own report without consulting Kaoru, bordered on insubordination.

     Tanaka looked to Kaoru, “Niikura-san, what are your thoughts on this report?”

     Karou’s glaze shifted from Nagai, to Tanaka, “I have not been privy to its contents.”

     The four board members leaned in, whispering to each other and pointing at the document. After a minute or so, the board members returned to the discussion.

     "Nagai-san, is there a reason you have not made a copy of this report available to Niikura-san?” Sugiyama asked pointedly.

     Nagai stared intently at Kaoru, “I wanted to make sure it is perfectly clear that Reitsu is not the first of many problematic children that Hiroshi House has accepted in the last few years. Reitsu is just the latest in a string of failures.”

     Nagai went on a tirade, albeit calm with no anger or aggression in his voice. Just stating what he believed was fact. “In conclusion, that is all I have to say on the matter.” Leaving the folder on the table, Nagai bowed and left the room.

     Several tense moments passed before Kaoru reached across thee table for the file, “May I? I’d like to be able to rebut any falsities before we proceed.”

     Paging through Nagai’s missive, Kaoru was unsurprised with the commentary directed at him; Nagai issuing severe words and harsh criticism of his role of director. What he did not expect was the same thread directed at Mally, in which he questioned her credentials as a social worker. Nagai did not gloss over the incidents in which Tatsurou was involved.

     “Niikura-san, do you find any discrepancies in Nagai’s report? Kamei looked at the report, “Who is the child, Tatsurou?”

     “Are all of these incidents accurate?” Sugiyama was frowning. “Has the child been a target for bullying, and was Reitsu prompted to set the fire, in any way related to Tatsurou?”

     Kaoru was waving his hand dismissively before Sugiyama had finished, “No, the fire and Reitsu are completely unrelated to Tatsurou.”

     “But the other incidents?”

     Mally cleared her throat and began telling Tatsurou’s story.

     “Yes, these incidents are at least partially correct, though we have no proof that Genta ever sexually assaulted the boy. At times he acted as a protector for Tatsurou against the violence dealt out by Kaito and Hiro.”

     “Violence? Can you explain further please?”

     Mally went through all the known incidents featuring Kaito and Hiro, including a vivid recount of the final act of violence.

     “After that fight, Tatsurou shut down completely for six months, the child was non-verbal and clung to Nagai-san if Sana was absent.”

     The discussion shifted back to reforming the guidelines for future intakes.

     “I do believe that there is a need to change our policies and procedures in order to keep both children and staff safe.” Tanaka began, “I will work with the other directors on a new course of action. For now, all intakes into Hiroshi and Sakura are suspended.”

          Sitting in the director’s office, Mally read through Nagai’s report. She was not completely caught off guard with the contents of the independent report. She was well aware that the man held her in contempt over certain situations regarding Tatsurou.

          “Your thoughts?” Kaoru asked.

          “Not surprised, though some of his choices of words are a little harsh. He does however make some valid points.” Mally sat back in her chair, her shoulders drooping slightly.

          Kaoru scoffed, “He did not need to go behind my back with a report, he should have come to me to discuss his concerns.” The director was tense, upset over the paperwork.

          “Kaoru really?” Mally chuckled, “I think you know exactly how you would have reacted to that.”

          Karou side-eyed the woman, “Perhaps, but it was out of line and wholly unprofessional.”

          “What are our next steps?”

          “A senior staff meeting by end of day. We have enough aides to watch over the children for the thirty minutes during the meeting.” Kaoru would hope the meeting would put an end to the divisiveness between himself and Nagai Tenshi.

          Reading Karou’s email, Nagai was prepared for his termination, knowing that upon reading his report, Kaoru would relieve him of his position. Even before the board of directors meeting, he had started forming an exit plan in anticipation of the day that Tatsurou turned 13. “I’m not willing to take one more chance on your life.” He could fit his life at Hiroshi in a single box, there was nothing keeping him at the facility other than Tatsurou.

          “…will be a monitor checking in with each facility three times a week. Please make sure to have notes and observations on any child that seems to be acting out more than usual.”

          “Sensei?” Kazuki raised his hand, “What exactly are these monitors looking for? I know that several of my nine-year-olds get a little crazed by the weekend. What keeps these monitors from passing unfounded negative judgements?”

          “Consistency being number one. In the past, Kaito was consistent in his attacks on Tatsurou and Sana. If one of your charges behaves negatively on a daily basis, we need to review that child’s records and intake information in order to keep or remove them from Hiroshi House.”

          Mally weighed in, “I do not believe we have any problematic children at Hiroshi at this time. Going forward I will be working closely with the front office admins, in reviewing the files of all the current residents.”

          While Mally was speaking Kaoru noted that Nagai, arms crossed tightly across his chest with his eyes closed. Kaoru specifically did not mention Nagai’s independent report to the staff. He did not want to add aggressive fuel to the fire.

          At the thirty-minute mark, Kaoru dismissed the meeting, but held Nagai back. “A moment to speak, Tenshi?”

          Nagai steeled himself for what he believed to be a last show down with the director. He calmly stayed seated, “Yes, sensei?” He knew using honorifics would irk Karou.

          “Obviously I have questions about your report. The key question is why…why go behind my back? Do you distrust and think so little of me and my ability to run Hiroshi?” Karou’s words were even, but tinted with regret.

          Nagai paused before answering. “Yes, I do distrust you…you clearly have some agenda in place by taking in these delinquent kids. I’m guessing Savior Syndrome, or something close.”

          “Tenshi, that’s a bit harsh, don’t you think?” Mally interjected.

          Nagai turned his attention to Mally, “You are the same side of the same coin. You ignored the red flags, and obvious violent tendencies in order to further your agenda to be viewed as The Great Social Worker Mally.” Nagai’s tone was flat and even.

          “My concernes were overlooked,” he continued, “my words ignored. Had you listened to me, Tats…there would have been nothing of the sort of actions shown by Kaito and Hiro. You mishandled situations and completely dropped the ball, and as a result an already traumatized child was pushed into being non-verbal for over six months. The way you handled all the incidents were cause for concern.”

          Kaoru leaned back in his chair; finger tips pyramided together. He stayed silent for a good minute, before speaking.

          “What do you expect of me? How do you want me to move forward, Tenshi?”

          “I would like to leave my permanent residence here, and become a daily instructor.”

          Kaoru was taken aback by the request, “Leave Hiroshi? Are you sure?”

          Nagai nodded, Yes, I’m sure. I’d also like a change of which of the children are in my charge on a daily basis, that does not include Tatsurou.”

          Mally gasped, “You’re abandoning Tatsurou?”

          “No, I’m not abandoning the boy.” Nagai was miffed, “I simply feel that he needs to become more independent and if that means putting distance between us…I only want what’s best for him.”

          Kaoru wasn’t buying the request for one minute. “I believe we can implement these changes of the course of the next week or so, unless you need more time to secure housing?” Something did not ring true with Nagai Tenshi.

          Nagai smiled, “Thank you, Kaoru. There is one other topic and request I’d like to discuss.”

          “Oh?” Here it comes.

          “Yes,” Nagai turned his attention to Mally. “I want an independent social worker to come and speak to Tatsurou, preferably a male.”

          “Excuse me?” Mally snapped incredulously.

          “You heard me. Much like myself, you are too close to the boy to be completely objective. I want someone outside of Hiroshi to speak to him, to gauge where he is at emotionally.”

          Kaoru was about to overrule the request, but Mally held up her hand, “Why a male social worker? Do you believe Tatsurou would be comfortable speaking with a man, a complete stranger?”

          “The short answer is yes.” Nagai explained, “He will not know of the collective incidents prior too speaking to the boy.”

          Now Kaoru was alarmed, “You want to send a social worker in to interview Tatsurou and not reveal the boy’s past? That’s highly irregular Tenshi.”

          “Yes, it is,” Nagai agreed, “But if the social worker was made aware of Tatsurou’s past incidents here, it could cloud his judgement. I would just say that the boy has past trauma and leave it at that. This could be beneficial for both the boy and for his teachers, to understand his status emotionally.”

          Kaoru was silent for a moment, “Fine. I’ll call the social services office in the morning. Thank you for meeting with me.” Both Nagai and Mally left the office.

          Kaoru was suspicious of Nagai’s sudden change of heart regarding Tatsurou. Something just wasn’t adding up. “What are you planning?” Having no real proof of any ill intent, all the director could do was accept Nagai’s demands at face value.

          Kubo Satoshi was instructed not to ask the staff why Tatsurou was a resident at Hiroshi House. “Focus on academics and the child’s interaction with his teachers.” Kaoru instructed the social worker.

          “We all love Tatsurou.”

          “He is the sweetest child at Hiroshi.”

          “Sana and Tatsurou are each other’s shadow. One is rarely seen without the other.”

          “Bright, very talkative for the most part. He is up to grade level in all subjects, though he is behind a year in math, but so are some of the other children.”

          By the end of the day, after several hours of observation, if Kubo were to submit his report, based off the information and interviews with the staff members, his evaluation of Tatsurou would be completed. There were no outward problems shown. He seemed like a normal eleven-year-old boy.

          Waiting for Mally to bring Tatsurou into an empty classroom for the interview, Kubo shifted papers around, and tried to get comfortable sitting at an all too small student’s desk. Going through the information he had received, as well as the warning from Kaoru, “Be gentle,” Kubo was still unsure of who he would face.

          “Sensei?” a soft knock at the door.

          “Yes,” Kubo stood, “please, come in and have a seat.”

          An obvious nervous child, smallish in stature, entered the room with Mally.

          “Sensei, this is Tatsurou,” she smiled, trying to remain at ease. “Tatsu-kun, this is Sensei Kubo, he’s interviewing all the children for a new project,” she lied with ease, “He would like to ask you some questions.” Mally bowed slightly and left the room.

          “Hello Tatsurou, my name is Kubo Satoshi.” He bowed.

          “Hello Sensei Kubo.” Tatsurou replied softly as he took a seat at the desk across from Kubo.

          “How do you like living here at Hiroshi house?” Kubo started easily. “I heard you have a bestie here?”

          Tatsurou’s eyes lit up, “Mmm. Sana is my best friend.” Kudo noted the light in Tatsurou’s eyes, as he went on to talk about Sana, and what they do every day.

          “He’s younger than I am, but we still are best friends. We have three classes together, and we play during free time.”

          “Wow, sounds like a perfect friend. What about your teachers? Who’s your favorite?”

          Tatsurou pondered the question for a moment. “Well, I think Erika-chan is my favorite teacher, but Nagai sensei is my favorite of everyone.”

          “What about Mally sensei and Kaoru sensei? Do you like them as well?” Kubo was starting to fish.

          “Um,” the boy fidgeted a bit, “I like Mally sensei, but Kaoru sensei is kind of scary, especially if he’s mad.”

          “Oh? Does he get mad a lot?” Kubo was unaware of this side of the director of Hiroshi.

          “Only when something bad happens.” Tatsurou looked down at his hands, a sudden change came over the boy.

          “Bad? What has happened that is bad?” Kubo pressed on, but Tatsurou shook his head, not answering.

          “Well, that’s not important right now.” Kubo moved on to Tatsurou’s academics, “What is your favorite subject in all of your classes?”

          The interview ran through all of the young boy’s thoughts on different school subjects, ending with the question about moving on to Sakura.

          “I bet you’re excited to graduate, and move to Sakura House once you turn thirteen. After that you can move on to…”

          “I don’t want to go to Sakura. That’s where they are.” Kubo looked at his notes. “Who are they?”

          “Kaito, Hiro, Genta.” Tatsurou replied softly, tears forming ready to fall. “If they are at Sakura, I don’t want to go.”

          Kubo didn’t know the specifics of the issues with the boys Tatsurou mentioned. “Do you not like those boys?”

          Tatsurou shook his head hard, whispering a soft ‘no’.

          “What happened with those boys? Were they mean to you?” Kubo pressed again.

          The boy started to shake, he looked up at Kubo, his face was filled with pain and fear. Looking at the social worker dead in the eyes, Tatsurou stood up and left the room without a word.

          Mally face palmed at the description of Tatsurou’s demeanor when he brought up the three boys and Sakura house. “Did he say anything else about them?”

          Kubo shook his head, “Nope, just said he doesn’t want to go to Sakura if they are there. Can you please shed some light on what the issue is please?”

          Mally and Kaoru exchanged a glance, “Those boys, specifically Kaito and Hiro, physically and possibly sexually assaulted Tatsurou while they were here. We have no proof that Genta was involved, but we have our suspicions.”

          “Shit.” Kubo groaned. “The moment I started talking about Sakura, and his graduation, he started shaking, then completely shut down. He just got up and left the room. I hope I haven’t caused any harm; I had no idea.”

          “We will deal with the fall out if there is any. Please don’t blame yourself,” Kaoru explained, “we wanted you to go into the interview with no preconceived ideas, it was the only way for you to get an accurate summation of where Tatsurou is emotionally and mentally.”

          Mally interjected, “If we had told you prior to your assessment, it could have clouded your judgement. I am not faulting you in the least.” The atmosphere in the cramped office was heavy with regret.

          Kubo slid a file across the desk to Kaoru, “With this new information, my professional opinion is that you need to leave Tatsurou at Hiroshi as long as possible. There is no harm in him staying, you can adjust your curriculum enough to keep him advancing  in his academics. The boy is emotionally stunted, he does not react as an eleven, almost twelve-year-old boy. If Hiroshi is his safe place, and you want him to grow into a well-rounded adult, he should remain here.”

          Nagai was lurking around the corner from the empty classroom where the social worker was interviewing Tatsurou. Seeing the door open, he ducked back and hid. Seeing the boy walk out alone, and seeing that all too familiar shuffling walk, he stepped into the hallway. “Hi Tatsurou, all done with Kubo sensei?”

          Tatsurou shrugged, “I guess. I don’t like him. He talks about Sakura too much.”

          “Oh? What about Sakura? Don’t you want to go?”

          “No, I want to stay here. Genta, Kaito and Hiro are at Sakura.”

          “Yes, but all boys at age thirteen graduate to Sakura. You will too. I’m sure they won’t bother you anymore.” Nagai was trying to sound positive, knowing full well what the boy’s reaction would be. He was hoping the scare tactics would get the desired effect. He was right.

          Tatsurou’s lip started to quiver, and with a sob he threw himself into Nagai’s arms, pleading through the tears not to send him away, not to send him to Sakura. Kneeling down and clutching the boy in his arms, Nagai smiled to himself. The seed had been planted, all he had to do is watch it grow.