Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

"Number 63194. You can approach."

The red-haired girl took a few hesitant steps towards the man wearing a lab coat. He was writing something on a few papers on his wooden table. With a swift movement, he indicated to her the chair. She sat on it, putting her suitcase next to her.

"Number… 63194… Okay. Born in... Are you 19?"

"Yes sir."

"You are pretty young. Not that it will displease the boys." Said the man, chuckling before becoming silent again when he noticed her stern face. "You passed all the exams, didn't you?"

"Yes Sir. I think it's written on my report, are you trying to have a small talk with me?"

He widened his eyes, surprised, and put his glasses back in place. "I am trying indeed. I won't befriend you but… I think it's better to have at least some decent human contact before being cut out from anything, don't you think?"

For the first time since they started their conversation, she let a smile draw itself on her lips. "Yes sir."

He returned the smile and went back to checking the report. "You are passing the last exam to become Mama… So a child huh? Are they really that much in need for them to need a 19 years old to bear a child?"

"A lot of the last newborns had disabilities sir. The nobles are unsatisfied."

"I see. Well it happens sometimes."

He wrote some things on his report before looking back at her again. "Do you have any preferences?"

"Huh?"

"In terms of boys."

She was about to suggest him to stop flirting with her before she understood that he was talking about the House's boys. "No. Not really."

"Maybe the stature? I can't show you their faces nor their records, but we can arrange it so that you won't have to bear the child of someone you don't like."

She thought about it for a few seconds before answering. "Someone weaker than me. Physically speaking."

He went through his paper again, letting out another chuckle. "The choice is too wide. They are raised to be naturally strong but weaker than any of you Mama trainees. Then maybe the age? Someone about your age or younger?"

"Younger?"

"Ah right you don't know. The boys are sent in the House at the age of 16. Most of them are younger than you."

"I… don't know then. Please write that I don't have any preferences."

"Alright. You'll see at the House anyway." He kept on writing for a small amount of time. "Do you have any questions?"

"If I'm allowed to. Are the boys and the girls still separated?"

"Yes. We don't want any uncontrolled pregnancy after all. You will only see each other during the meals and once your partner has been decided for you."

"Do we have our own room?"

"No. Only the boys have their own room. You girls sleep in a dorm. Any other questions?"

"How loosely are those rules applied?"

The man stopped writing and raised his head to look at her. A small smirk on his lips. "You'll see for yourself." He finished writing one last sentence and put the papers in an envelope before sliding it towards her. "Here is your file. You need to give it to the House's Mother."

"Alright." She got up from her chair and took the envelop in her free hand.

"One last thing before you go." He said. She looked at him. "What is your name?"

"I don't have one, I'm number 63194."

"Well. In my case my name is Smee. The person who raised me gave me that name. And you?"

She thought about it, hesitated again but then managed to say it. "Emma. My name is Emma."

"Oh. Like the Jane Austen novel?"

"No, my mother just liked the name."

"Then she thought that you would become a great Mama then. It sounds like that to me."

"I see. Now if you'll excuse me."

And with that said. She took back her luggage and went out of the room.

Their mentor had given them a file with all the information they needed before going to The House. Emma was going through them during the trip. She looked at the other girls in the carriage.

They were 15, between 18 and 30 years old it seemed. She didn’t remember most of the faces looking at her and whispering, but she at least knew that she was the only one from her plantation. If some of the younger girls seemed excited about the trip, the elders seemed more or less tired and bored. Emma would’ve guessed that it was because they went to The House often. She looked back at the file.

The House, also nicknamed The Whorehouse, was a complex building separated in two wings and occupying a full plantation. From what she could read, there were about 30 boys living there at all time, as well as a House’s Mama, and a few selected doctors. Like Smee had told her, the girls were going to sleep in 3 different dorms, while each boy had individual rooms. The structure of the building, as she could see from the map, was made so that the boys and girls could only interact during mealtime or during the “sexual intercourses” organized for pregnancy. But she still needed to see for herself if the single corridor joining the two wings was as guarded as the file pretended it to be. Or if the separated dorms were as separated as the map was trying to make her believe.

Besides, it seemed to be like most Houses, there was a dining room, a kitchen, a storage room, bathrooms, a library and an attic. There weren’t any training rooms like in the Sister Facility, nor any kind of classrooms. Everything was made to guarantee intimacy and being as discrete as possible.

Her trail of thoughts was interrupted by one of the older girls poking her shoulder.

“Hey, are you THE Emma?”

She tilted her head, not understanding what she meant by that.

“I mean, are you 63194?”

“Yes I am. What does it have to do with my name?”

“Oh my God! Girls! It’s really her!”

Emma was suddenly greeted by numerous squealing and screeching as they gathered around her.

“THE Emma! It really is her!”

“I didn’t know I was famous.” Said Emma.

“Of course you are!” Replied the girl who had started talking to her. “You are the genius girl from plantation 3 who was raised by the greatest Mama who ever existed, you passed all the exams and succeeded in them before attaining your 18! You are a legend here!”

“I’m not sure that you can call me a legend. It was just some basic exams.”

“Basic exams!?” Exclaimed one of the other girls. “Do you know how hard those are?! I could barely become a Sister!”

“But I didn’t know you were so pretty! I always thought of you as some kind of cold woman, like an ice queen.” Said another one.

“It sounds more like how my Mama was when working…” Replied Emma, smiling politely.

“Well, we can see how talented you are! Look at those hair! How did you managed to make such a pretty hairstyle?”

Instinctively, Emma brought one of her hand to the braided bun at the back of her head. The hairstyle was more complex than what was necessary but taking the time to make it in the morning always relaxed her.

“My hair is just very unruly. I don’t have any other choices if I want them stay in place.”

“I can’t believe it! You seem so perfect!”

“I’m truly not.”

“But everything about you is so mesmerizing!”

“Can you all please stay quiet?” Suddenly said a woman at the back of the carriage. “You are all so noisy.”

The woman seemed in her late twenties, she had the most bored look out of the elders and was staring at her with some kind of indescribable disgust. The girl to Emma’s left leaned to her.

“Don’t worry about her, she often came to The House. I think it’ll be her 8th child now. She is kind of grumpy because of her multiple pregnancies.”

Emma had heard of those girls that were condemned to be pregnant and to give birth without being expected to do anything else. When they could have a fertile and resistant women to do that job, they were obviously using them as much as they could. But she also knew that it would be her last year too then, because most of those women were doing that until they hit 30. After that they were finally accepted into the Sister Facility and could work… or got shipped out.

She knew she wouldn’t get that fate. Grandma had told her that she was definitely going to become a Mama with how things were going, and she would do anything in her power to get the happiness that would grant her the position.

“What are you all here for?” Asked Emma to the girls surrounding her.

“I’m passing my Sister exams! And since I’m fertile it’s my last one!” Replied one of the girls.

“Yeah me too!”

“I personally already passed them and already made a pregnancy, but they needed newborns quickly, so they sent me back.”

“It’s my 3rd one in my case!”

“You two already came to The House?” kept on asking Emma, the more information she could get, the better it would be. “How was it?”

The eldest of the two sighed. “I can’t tell, it seems they changed of House’s Mama while I was away so things might be different now. But in my case… Well… It bears the nickname ‘Whorehouse’ for a reason.”

“Yes. It really was depraved.” Added the other. “Since they mostly want us to get pregnant, if we take too long, they don’t mind anymore where we go as long as we get pregnant. In my case I ended up finding one of my friends having… huh… an illegal affair with a boy that wasn’t assigned as her partner.”

The other girls next to Emma brought their hands to their mouth with a shocked expression. “Oh my.”

“But honestly, as long as you don’t wander off too much everything is fine. As for the prepared ‘sexual intercourses’, the Givers are trained for that, so if you don’t mind the look of your partner too much, it’s… pleasant I would say.”

“The Givers?”

“Didn’t you read it? It’s their names. The Givers.”

The Givers. Emma had read about it in her file. They were selected boys between 16 and 26, the file didn’t mention any kind of training though. She understood now why the elders were tired to go to The House. If they had the same as age as the boys it could have been fine, but most of them were older than the majority of them, and all the pleasant thing about it was kind of gone at this point.

Suddenly, the carriage stopped.

“You are here girls.” Said the demon that brought them there. “Welcome to The House.”

Emma woke up to the sound of the clock, it was 6 am. She quickly got out of her bed like she had been trained to do and grabbed one of her dresses in her suitcase.

“You were right, your hair really is unruly.” Suddenly said a voice behind her, making her jump out.

“You startled me!” She said. “Let me get dressed up before talking to me please.”

“Sorry.” Replied the girl.

Emma had recently learned that she was called Helen and was a year younger than her. She was a small but cute girl, with messy blond hair separated into two braids. She somehow reminded her of a mix between her two younger sisters, Yvette and Anna. It wasn’t the time to be nostalgic.

Emma put on her undergarment and her dress as quickly and as precisely as she had learned to, walking as quickly to the dorm’s mirror to prepare her complex hairstyle under the admirative stares of the other girls. When she was finished, most girls were done dressing up and were heading out to the dinner room. Emma followed them, Helen walking with smalls, but quick, steps next to her.

“It’s our first meal with the boys! Aren’t you excited?” Asked Helen.

“Not really.” Replied Emma. They had eaten separately yesterday evening so that The House’s Mama, previously named Sister Krone, could explain to them the rules.

“Do you think I’m looking fine?”

Emma glanced at her. Messy hair barely kept in her braids, the simple black dress without the apron reserved for Mamas and Sisters, she seemed barely okay. “I guess.”

“Please tell me the truth! You always look so perfect!”

Emma was about to answer when she noticed the group of girls aligning themselves in front of the door leading to the dinner room. Without questioning the action, she aligned herself with the others as Krone greeted them.

“Okay girls, the newbies will meet the boys for the first time. Don’t talk with them, just go to your table, am I clear?”

“Yes!” Replied the small army.

She opened the door and Emma followed the steps of the elders. She was surprised to see that all the meals had already been prepared and put in place, the boys were already here too, sitting at their assigned tables.

They were 22 Givers, of different ages and looks. All wearing an unusual uniform, a white shirt with a black tank top and black pants. From the file, it seemed that the black tank top was reserved to them. Most of them weren’t wearing it correctly, with sometimes an open shirt, others were letting their shoulders in sight, and some even decided to just not wear the shirt at all.

“How indecent!” Exclaimed Helen behind her, talking softly. “But they are… so handsome!”

Emma couldn’t deny it. Most of the boys had very nice faces and elegant features, she would definitely categorize them as being handsome. At the table next to them, was another group of men, seemingly slightly older than the Givers. They were wearing properly clean shirt and ties, with a lab coat mostly put on the back of their chairs. They were probably the Mediators, or simply called the nurses. They seemed to be around 20.

She finally arrived at her assigned place and sat. Next to her was Helen, and in front of her was one of the girls that were here before her. They all brought their hands into the usual prayer given before eating, from the corner of her eyes, she could notice that some of the Givers weren’t doing the gesture. But as quickly as it was made, the room was filled with the sounds of people talking and utensils hitting the plates.

“Don’t the Givers do the usual prayer?” Asked Emma, taking a piece of bread.

“At this point of their life, can they really believe in God anymore?” Replied the elder in front of her.

“Oh hi!” Said Helen. “We didn’t properly introduce ourselves yesterday. I’m Helen and she is Emma. And you are?”

“Ah. I’m Violet. Nice to meet you too. Why are you two here?”

“Sister and Mama exams.” Replied Emma.

“Really? Well, I hope you’ll be luckier than me, it’s been almost 6 months since I’m here and I just can’t get pregnant, it’s starting to get annoying. At least my partner is nice.”

“Must be hard.” Said Helen, she seemed to think about what to say next before leaning closer to the older girl and whispering. “Since you’ve been here for a while, can you tell us how the sexual intercourses are?”

Emma almost chocked on her glass of water at the sudden crude question. Despite knowing why they were here in the first place, thinking about the thing wasn’t something she wished she could’ve talked about with anyone. It wasn’t because she was prude – no way that it was that with the things she already experimented at her age – but mostly because the subject was as embarrassing as it was shaming, reminding her of their ‘animal’ condition.

Violet smirked. “That’s the only thing they are nice with. You know, at first, I thought they would control everything. But there’s a reason why the boys are trained…” She leaned closer to them. “You are kept in a room with your partner, without anyone looking at you, for one hour. And during that time… Holy Shit you do things.”

Helen let out a nervous laugh as her cheeks became red. Of course, it wasn’t called The Whorehouse for nothing, it had to hold to its reputation. Emma thought about the novels she would sometimes read back when she was still an ignorant child, how she had blushed when she had found an erotic one and how she had discovered the effect that her puberty had on her body during her latest years. She wished Violet would stop talking about the subject, but she kept on, but to Emma’s relief it was now more practical info.

“By the way, I would recommend you go to the Mediators to be able to have a good Giver as your partner. If you are specific enough, and if they think you are compatible enough for the merchandise they want, you might get a really good catch.”

“A good catch?” Asked Helen.

“Well, I only heard about it, but all Givers are different. The sexual intercourses can change depending on their years here, their training, or simply their implication on the thing. For example, since it’s your first year, you won’t get the newbies, they often go with more experimented Receivers. The older they are, usually the better they are, because they are selected for it. But when it’s in between…” She gulped. “Expect anything. To a super good and gentle guy to a rough animal.”

Not only Emma wished she could stop thinking about the thing, but now that a horrifying image had been put into her mind she was starting to stress out. In case she would have to stay here longer than she would want she maybe should have told Smee about a certain type of Giver she could’ve wanted.

“So… We can ask the nurses to select them for us?” She asked.

“It’s not guaranteed. But for example, if you really don’t want a certain guy, they will take it in account. Besides, if a Giver isn’t efficient or popular enough, they ship him out.”

Helen widened her eyes in horror. “They…? I thought the House was safe from…!”

“Safe from what? When they need meat, they need meat. If they can’t have good catch within the farm’s products, they take in the adults. Whether they are Sister, Mama, Receiver, Giver or even Mediators. No one explained that to you?”

“Let it go.” Suddenly cut her off Emma. “She maybe had the luck to not know the fate of the victims of her promotion. You shouldn’t scare her like that.”

“You’re right. You should at least try to have a good time here. It’s the only place where you will ever feel pleasure in your whole life. So enjoy your stay.”

Helen nodded, hands still shaky due to the revelation. Emma looked at the table of Givers and the Mediator’s table. Trying to see who she could talk to after eating.

“Hey Violet, since you’re telling us to try to find a good catch, do you have some to recommend to us? So that we know what to ask.”

“Well, as I said, the oldest are the best. There’s the 25 years old transfer from 9 years ago, he is the best from what I heard, and the oldest of the bunch. Though the 24- and 23-years old guys are good too. But if you want someone your age, then I would recommend you the black-haired guy who is sitting next to the transfer.”

“Who?” Asked Emma, searching for said Giver.

Violet pointed at the end of the Givers’ table, where a white-haired man without a tattoo on his neck was sitting in front of the black-haired boy Violet was talking about. Emma could only see his back and his messy hair. He was probably the more indecent of the bunch, his shirt seemingly open and slide to show one of his shoulders. His neck was covered in bruises… bruises?

“This guy… He is the best catch within the young ones.” Said Violet. “He is 19, well built, experienced for his age, and I never had him but all the girls who had him got pregnant quickly and said that the sexual intercourse went really well. He complies to any demand as long as he can come inside to get you pregnant.”

“Efficient indeed.” Replied Emma, staring at him. She could recognize that hair somewhere, but she couldn’t tell where.

“There’s just one tiny problem. Though it helps with the sexual intercourses.”

“What?” Asked Helen.

“As much as he is a good catch, I wouldn’t get involved with him. He is a total slut.”

Emma looked at the girls, raising a brow. “Aren’t all Givers supposed to be prostitutes at this point?”

“No. Like… He really acts like a prostitute. If it’s not part of the sexual intercourses, he always asks for something in exchange for sex. And he often asks for sex. I never had him for the prepared sexual intercourses… But he already flirted with me to try to get one of my belongings. And he is good I can tell you. He is… very… good…”

“You let him do it.” Concluded Emma.

“He gave me the puppy eyes! I can’t resist puppy eyes! How did he know that it was my weakness? I don’t know! But he managed to! When I tell you that he is good, he really is! It’s a pro! Once he has you in your hand it’s over! OVER!”

“Does he only do that with the Receivers?”

“That’s the thing. No. Most of his clients are actually Mediators from what I know.”

“Aren’t they men?” Asked Helen.

“Helen, how do you think Givers train to become good catches before their first prepared intercourses?”

Emma could almost see the gears turning in Helen’s head as the realization struck her. “Oh. Like… that. Okay.”

“Don’t be so shocked. It’s the Whorehouse here. House of all sins and pleasures. The only moment that matters is the moment you leave it. The rest is like a dream, it’s crazy and has an end. And usually it’s erotic.”

“I never had…!”

“Try to tell me you never dreamt of any sexy scenes?” Said Violet, smirking and earning a deep blush from the younger girl who refused to reply and focused on her plate.

Emma in her own case was still focusing on trying to remember where she might have seen those black hair. “What is his number?” She ended up asking. “Or his name if you know it.”

“81194.”

Emma dropped her fork. Her whole body frozen in horror as she finally remembered where she had seen them. Under the shades of a tree, as he was turning the pages of another complicated book. The loud noise made some heads turns towards her, including his.

Their eyes met.

And the same horrifying realization struck them both as they recognized each other.

Of course, he had changed, his face had lost all roundness from childhood, his eyes were sharpers and his lips chapped. She could notice a small bruise on his forehead, behind his fringe hiding his left eye. Was he taking in the changes she had spotted in him in hers too? He had recognized her she knew it.

Why?

Why him? Why of all people it had to be him?

Why Ray?

Chapter Text

Krone remembered the first time she met him. After being assigned to The House for almost 5 years, she had gotten used to the constant travelling between The House and the Center, boys and girls leaving as soon as they had arrived. She remembered looking at the files given to her about the potential new boys of The House, a file without any photos, and looking at his and thinking that he would become the best.

She remembered the first time he had arrived, with two other boys, they were all looking scared and desperate. They had the right to be knowing what would happen to them after she would leave them in the hands of the Givers. But not him. His stare was empty, but not because of despair, but out of sheer determination.

She had taken his face in his hands to look at him, and she recognized the same eyes as the woman she used to look up to, with the face of a man she thought had forgot about. The purple shines were still there. He would be the one to survive, he would be the one who would stay sane until the end, no matter how they would screw him up, no matter what he would’ve to take. He would survive.

She had looked at his bruised wrist, almost draining blood out of them from trying to get rid of the chains surrounding them. His dark hair was messy, and the uniform from the Preparation House worn out. He was in a pitiful state, but even like that he seemed so prideful. She had lifted his top to check his body, he was slim, but muscly, just enough to make him look desirable to the eyes of someone who would appreciate it.

“Number 81194, am I right?” She asked.

He nodded.

“Premium source material… Weren’t you supposed to have someone else with you?”

“They took him away.” He replied, his throat dry.

Krone noticed a small shine in his eyes, he must have cried. No matter how prideful he was, he had to be scared too. “From now on, you will become a Giver. Understood?”

He nodded.

“You will sell your body to produce new meat for the farm, do you understand?”

He nodded.

“No matter where you came from.” No matter if he was hers. “No matter who raised you.” No matter if she’s the one who had raised you. “You will become no more than a bank sperm on legs from now on. Do you understand?”

He nodded. She freed him from his chains.

“What’s your name?” She asked one last time.

He seemed to think about it for a moment. Did his name have any value anymore? Did it matter anymore? But in the end, he looked at her for the first time since the beginning of their conversation.

“Ray.”

Ray woke up to the sound of water drops hitting the small window in his room. He groaned, slowly opening his eyes. His room was only lightened up by the dim light coming from outside, light that was forming blurry patterns on the ground as the water droplets were sliding down the dirty glass. He tried to remember what time it was. There wasn’t any clock nor calendar in his room. Maybe one piece of paper that he had took from an old calendar two years ago and was using to note his schedules down, but the month was January and he knew they were currently in October.

He tried to move, but finally took note of the weight on his shoulder and around his waist. Ray looked down to the blond head resting against his shoulder, nudging his head in the crook of his bruised neck without any care in the world, and tightening his grip on his waist. Carefully, the older boy moved his arm to stroke the blond hair, like he would stroke a cat’s fur. He finally remembered, it probably was the morning, yesterday night, Hayato had asked if he could sleep in his room due to the cold and Ray had let him sneak into his bed, and add a second blanket to his, as he had snuggled into his arms. He couldn’t say no to that, as winter would soon come and that whether it was another layer of blankets, or body warmth, anything was fine as long as he could avoid the cold. Givers weren’t given any warm clothes after all.

Ray pulled Hayato closer as the boy was slowly starting to wake up. It reminded him of the times back when he would indulge his little brothers sneaking into his bed in winter as they would ask Ray to read them another story before going back to sleep. Except that he would never do the things he had to do to Hayato to his little brothers. The blond boy lifted his head to look at him with sleepy eyes.

“Mornin’…” He said, letting his head fall back on the pillow and closed his eyes again.

“Good morning.” Replied Ray softly. “You need to wake up before Krone arrives you know?”

“Five more minutes…” Mumbled the young boy.

Suddenly, they heard loud hits on the wooden door, startling them both. Ray sat up, pulling Hayato close and drawing circles on his shoulders blades to reassure him as he was trembling in his arms. Even after a year that Hayato was here, Ray could understand that it was still terrifying. He also used to hide himself under his covers when it would happen after he had arrived to the House. And would usually be pulled out of them by a strong hand either pulling his hair or his ear. But it was from another time in the House, not too long ago, but still long enough to be forgettable. At least he wished the scars in his back could understand that.

“Wake up Boys!” Shouted a strong woman's voice outside of the door. “Breakfast will soon be ready, and you better not waste the Mediators’ work! Anyone who arrives after everyone is in the dining room will receive the belt, is that clear?”

Ray patted the other’s shoulder one last time before going out of bed and grabbing his uniform, putting it on quickly without caring about the other boy’s stares. He had forgot long ago the definition for decency, hence why he didn’t care in the slightest if his shirt was sliding down his shoulder to reveal the marks left by his clients. He soberly washed his hands and face with the basin and water jar left on the only table of the room, which was only big enough to fit those two things, and dried himself using his sleeve. His towel was still drying somewhere else since he had to wash it after one of his sessions. He turned to Hayato and, before the boy could protest, buttoned up the other’s shirt.

“But you always leave your shirt open Ray.” Pouted Hayato.

“Because I’m in a situation in which I’m allowed to do that. You’re not like me, you have to at least look presentable.”

“We’re all in the same boat here…”

“Not me. I’m in another boat, and it’s sinking. So you can’t go on it.”

Hayato let him finish buttoning up his shirt and put back in place the bandanna on his head. He checked if the pieces of dark clothes on his wrists were in place. Ray glanced at them. Hayato would use them to hide the scars he had gotten from his travel to Grace Field. He had tried to take off the chains on his wrists, and in his try, he had hurt himself badly. Since the trip was long, no one took care of the wounds correctly and simply checked that he hadn’t caught an infection. Ray had also gotten bruises from his trip to the House, but it had been less bad than when he had meet Hayato for the first time, wrists covered in blood.

Maybe it was the pathetic state he was in mixed with this absurd determination to be free that had convinced Ray to take him under his wings, despite not being old enough to have a trainee yet. But he never regretted it, not even once. He had been able to train Hayato ‘his’ way as such, and even if it would take longer, the results were more satisfying for the two of them. Ray would never forget his own training, and he would’ve given anything to not make anyone else suffer from it. Well, it was to get out of it quickly that he had started to work early.

The two boys got out of the room once they were ready and walked with all the other Givers to the dining room. Ray tried to ignore the intensive stares from some of the Mediators when he entered the room. Some of them were of desires, but he also knew a lot of them were out of annoyance. He especially tried to ignore the stares from one person in particular, but this person wasn’t staring at him too much anyway. He sat down at his assigned place.

“Hi. Slept well?” Asked the white-haired man sitting in front of him.

“Yep.”

“Wasn’t it cold tonight?”

“I had Hayato with me.” Replied Ray as said boy sat next to him. A few months ago, he knew that the blond would have blushed at Ray’s lack of embarrassment when saying that, but he had finally gotten used to it by now.

“What?! Not fair Ray! I miss the time when I would be the one to sleep in your room you know? I don’t have any trainee this year…”

“Well I’m not under your care anymore Oliver. I can refuse any of your requests now.”

Oliver sighed. “Of course, you can. And I won’t invade your privacy like I used to back then anymore too. You were much more fragile and targetable after all, that’s why I was spending so much time with you, or else the others would have jumped on you.”

“I’m glad I wasn’t there during that time.” Said Hayato.

“You bet you were glad. It was a total mess.”

They all stopped talking as the main door opened to let the Receivers enter the room. Walking like soldiers to their designated table. Ray knew for a fact that most of them weren’t actually like that, but it was still impressive.

“Hey, there’s seem to be new heads. It’s the new ones, right?” Asked Oliver.

Ray nodded. “They should’ve arrived yesterday evening.”

Oliver whistled. “They are young… Most of them seem to be no older than 25… Ah. There’s seem to be some regulars though.”

“Does that mean that I have a chance to get someone my age for my first?” Asked Hayato.

“No way. You’re a newbie, there’s higher chances that you get a regular for your first. Ask Ray.”

“No. Don’t ask me for my first girl, I don’t want to talk about that.”

“Traumatizing experience huh?” Said Oliver, grinning.

“I said that we don’t talk about it. End of the discussion.”

“Boo… You’re no fun.”

“I never was supposed to be funny.”

They waited for Krone to finish the usual prayer before eating, not that Ray was praying anymore, and immediately started. Ray was eating slowly, he never had the heart to appreciate the food anyway. After a few moments of silence, Oliver leaned towards him.

“Hey. There’s a newbie checking you out.”

“What?”

“Of course, newbies are checking him out dude.” Said a boy next to Oliver, Ray usually didn’t care about people’s names, but if he remembered well this one was called Jackie. “It’s Ray. He’s hot.”

“Listen. I’m saying that to him, because said newbie is hot too.”

“What?”

“Here, check her out, she is at the end of the table. You see her staring? That’s her.”

“The red-head?”

“Yeah.”

The other boy whistled. “Damn, you’re right, she’s fine. Hope she is not too high-ranked I would definitely like her to be my partner.”

“She seems to be around Ray’s age. They would be perfect together. He just needs to recommend him to her once we get her number and it’s good.”

“Don’t start giving me a partner before it even was decided.” Complained Ray, not looking at the girl they were talking about. It was pointless to. “Besides you know what I usually get.”

“Ray The Finisher.” Said Jackie.

“The one who ends the long suffering of so many girls.” Added Oliver.

“Maybe they wouldn’t need to change their partner and to send them to me if you could all just learn to come inside the right place.”

“Chill dude, sometimes Mister doesn’t want to work. It never happened to you? Like with one of your clients?” Asked Jackie.

“Usually I suck their dicks when it comes to that.”

“Oh no, I have the image and its stuck.”

“That’s right… You managed to find a Receiver to train you…”

“I don’t know how you guys do. If it’s not a girl I can’t do it.”

“Ray moans very well.” Replied Oliver and Hayato --who had been silent during the whole conversation -- simultaneously.

“I don’t know if it was a compliment or if I should be offended.”

Suddenly they heard the loud sound of a metallic object falling. Ray looked at the source of the noise, mostly because everyone was doing that.

He should’ve been more careful when they had mentioned a red head.

He felt the blood leave his cheeks as he saw the green eyes widening in horror when they recognized him. He was probably doing the same face. It felt like time had stopped, but in the most terrifying way.

As quickly as he had noticed her, he looked away and waited for everyone to come back to eat. He glanced at her one more time. She was seemingly talking with some of the girls at her table, probably lying about what had just happened. She looked at him again. This time, they were composed, they made a small silent agreement before Ray turned back to the boys… Who were staring at him with a smirk on their lips.

“She’s hot, huh?” Said Oliver.

Ray considered telling them the truth. Who she was, that she had grew up with him like they were siblings… “Barely okay.” The other boys looked at him in disappointment.

He waited for everyone to finish, and, as they were starting to stand up to go their work, he wrapped an arm around Hayato’s shoulders. “You see the red-head that we talked about earlier. You’re a newbie so they’ll let you talk with her. I want you to go to her and ask her if she likes ‘A Midsummer Night’s Dream’.”

“Why?” Asked Hayato, an eyebrow raised.

“Just do as I said or else I’ll force you to clean the rooms that are used for the sexual intercourse downstairs.” Hayato gulped and nodded. “Once you asked her that, wait for her full response and remember every single word she will tell you. You heard me. Every. Single. Word.” He let him go and pushed him towards the group of girls. “Go.”

He watched Hayato ran towards the group, and seemingly says some words to the girl. She looked at him, glanced at Ray, smiled and answered to Hayato. He nodded and walked back to Ray.

“Wow… She has a very nice voice.”

“So? What did she say?”

“She said that she does like it, especially the second scene in the second act.”

“Perfect.” He cupped Hayato’s cheeks in his hands and kissed his forehead. “You were perfect. Thank you.” The older boy then let him go and walked towards the exit, leaving the poor boy all flustered in the dining room with the other Givers.

He breathed in, and then out. Trying to calm down the rush he just had. Putting on his professional face as he walked down the stairs to the underground rooms, the ones made for the sexual intercourses.

He stopped in front of the door of room 3.

He had work to do today.

Ray was humming softly, appreciating the new reward that had been brought to him. He was still naked after his session, laying lazily in the bed that he would have to clean later. The smell of sex was lingering in the air, but he was used to that. He turned his reward around, looking at every single detail. He didn’t know much about the outside world, but they must have a good taste for complicated patterns.

He turned on his stomach, still humming the usual lullaby, it always made him feel better to sing it after having sex. Back then he would sing it during it to go through it, but it annoyed the clients, so he resorted to wait until the end. Suddenly he heard someone knocking at the door.

It wasn’t time for the prepared sexual intercourses yet, so it must have been a new client. He already had done two this morning, he tried to move his body to see if he could handle a third. Once he was sure it was fine, he answered.

“You can come in.”

The door opened to reveal a young man about Ray’s age, with pale hair and blue eyes hidden behind a pair of glasses. The young man closed the door behind him and crossed his arms, furrowing his brows at Ray’s lack of decency. Ray himself winced when he recognized him.

“So you changed your mind? Wanna do me?”

The man gritted his teeth, annoyed. “In your dreams. I was just checking on you.”

“I thought so.”

He put his reward on the bedside table and sat up. The other man sat on the bed after checking that it wasn’t too dirty and gave a sign to Ray to ask him to come closer. The white-haired man then moved away his fringe and looked at his face carefully, asking him to either let him check his ears or to open his mouth.

“Are you seriously doing an exam right now? You know that another client can come in at any moment.”

“I put an ‘occupied sign’ at the door. It should be fine.” He moved his hand to his stomach, slightly pressing it. “Does it hurt?”

“Nope.”

“Okay, turn around please.”

Ray let him check his whole body, being sure that he was alright. Though it found it quite annoying, it couldn’t deny that he liked the feeling of someone being sincerely worried about him.

“Hey…” He started as the other was finishing his examination. “Why didn’t you told me that Emma was going to be a Receiver?”

He didn’t respond.

“Norman.” This time he lifted his head up to look at him. “Why didn’t you told me that Emma was going to be a Receiver?”

“I only learned it yesterday evening. You were already in your room with Hayato.”

Ray took off Norman’s glasses and brushed his hair away. The other man had bags under his eyes, it was usually hard for him to tell when he would be pale, but this time he knew. “You worked late again, didn’t you?”

“That’s rich, coming from you. Also give me back my glasses.”

“You can perfectly live without them. You just have troubles seeing from the distance. Or don’t tell me you already became an old man who has presbyopia?” Replied Ray, smirking.

Norman let a small smile drew itself on his lips. “Sure. Come on give them back to me.”

Ray put back Norman’s glasses on his nose and used the opportunity to wrap his arms around his shoulders, nudging his head in the crook of his neck. He was smelling like breakfast and medics. Norman didn’t move, he didn’t push him away but didn’t reciprocated the hug either.

“What is she here for?” He whispered in his ear.

“Mama exams.”

Ray backed away. “Mama exams? Isn’t that too early?”

“You also started early. And I’m the youngest Mediator here. I thought that you’ve already understood that the three of us are geniuses. I’m not surprised to see that she passed all exams with success.”

“I’m not sure you can call ‘selling your body early’ something that requires geniuses.”

“Seducing over 20 men and causing their ruins. That’s what I call genius.”

“They’re just easy targets.”

“Easy… I’m sure the first mediators before the renewal weren’t that easy.”

Ray smirked. “People who thinks they can control everything are the easiest. It sure hurts, but the look of fear and horror they have when they understand that they sold their bodies and souls to the Devil is priceless.”

“Sometimes, I wonder if I’m not one of them…” Said Norman, provocatively.

“If you were one of them, you would already be under me moaning and begging for more.” Replied the black-haired boy, a dark and as defiant look on his face.

“Aren’t you tired of it? I can smuggle rewards for you if you want to.”

“With your low-rank? You’re kidding right? You can barely ask for new clothes.” Norman looked away, his lips pursued worriedly. Ray moved his hands to cup his cheeks. “Don’t worry. Your big brother is taking care of everything.”

“You say that since my first day here. But in the end, we are both still here.”

“Things takes time.”

Suddenly, Norman wrapped his arms around Ray’s waist and pulled him closer to reciprocate the hug. He nudged his head in his neck. The older boy felt his hands travelling down his back until it stopped at a place above his hips, stroking the place where his skin would be uneven due to a very specific scar.

Ray closed his eyes, remembering the burning iron getting closer to his back as he had struggled to get out of the adult’s grips. How it had burned his skin and made him scream in pain, letting tears out of his eyes. The mark of his statue as a Giver. As cattle.

The symbol was simple: a square, with a P in it as well as a 01.1917 and a GF3. Every Giver had that mark, even if it would differ depending on the person. Premium. January 1917. From Grace Field’s third plantation. Because the number on his neck wasn’t enough for them.

Because he would forever be less than cattle: he was just a mean for reproduction.

Chapter Text

The boy was 16 when Smee met him for the first time. Pale skin, light hair, blue eyes, similar to the ocean. He could’ve thought about the sky, but the ocean was more accurate to him, from what he had seen in books at least, since he had never seen anything outside of those 6 concrete walls that had been constructed 20 years ago.

Yes, blue eyes like the ocean. Deep, lonely, sorrowful, but so lively, like they were the source of all life in this dull world. And each color that would sometimes reflect in those irises were like those fishes and corals he had only seen pictures of. It reminded him of a book by a French author about the wonders of the seas, and how deep were the abysses, and how terrifying they were. Maybe that child was terrifying him.

Smee liked reading, he couldn’t read as much as when he was still young, but as long as he could imagine those thousands of different worlds, he could feel like he was free from anything. He liked mystical books, about fantasy adventures and mythological dilemmas. He knew that most of his coworkers had lost that childhood sparkle that he still had in his heart despite the years of despair. Like there was still a Neverland for him in his own mind.

The child had work with them today. Learning quickly and efficiently the ropes of the job. Since he was young, and of fragile constitution, the higher-ups had decided to make of him a gynecologist for the pregnant girls coming out of the House. And from what Smee could see of him during the breaks, he was doing a proper job. Gaining their trusts easily and putting them at ease. He truly was like the sea, so beautiful outside but so terrifying once you manage to get a little too deep.

He was cold to all the other scientists. Cold like the seas at the north, hostile, in which you could lose your body if you’re not careful enough to not fall of your boat. But no one could blame him. This world was already cold anyway, colder than the north.

It was on one of his breaks, he had decided to read again this book by this French author before going back to work when the other had arrived. Smee hadn’t noticed him at first because he was walking so silently that even a snake couldn’t have felt his steps on the ground. Was it because he was light? Or because he didn’t want to be heard? In any case, it surprised the man.

“Are you reading Smee?”

There were two things off with this seemingly simple question. First of all, the child remembered his name. And second of all, he was interested in what he was doing. It was unusual. People usually would call him lazy and uncaring for spending so much time alone with pieces of papers, but this boy seemed genuinely interested in his mindless hobby. Since it took him off guard, the man took a few seconds before answering.

“Oh! Huh… It’s Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Seas by Jules Verne.”

The boy widened his eyes, and suddenly leaned down to look at the cover of the book before standing straight again, smiling. “You have the same edition as the one in our library back at my plantation.”

“Don’t all libraries in Grace Field have the same edition?”

The boy shook his head. “At the Preparation House, there’s another edition, an older one.”

“Really?” Smee had never seen any other edition of the book, so when the boy talked about another one, he couldn’t help his eyes from sparkling.

The other chuckled, he had a marvelous laugh. “Yes! But all the books were damaged. Young boys are rough.”

“That’s a shame, I wish they could understand the beauty of books…” He raised a brow when he noticed the shine in the younger one’s eyes change into something more nostalgic, like a regret. “Is something wrong?”

He shook his head, smiling apologetically. “Sorry. My brother really liked Jules Verne’s book. So talking about it makes me… remembering memories that I shouldn’t remember, you see?”

Smee furrowed his brows. “Does it bring you back bad memories?”

“No! Far from that! Those are memories too happy to be remembered, now. If I can forget about them… Then I think my life here will be easier.”

This time, the man was the one to shake his head. “I don’t think so.” The boy looked up to him, surprised. “If those memories are important to you, then you should remember them as much as you can. Even if it is a disadvantage here. Because…” He closed his book, looking at the detailed illustration on the cover. “Those books that your brother loves so much must also come from good memories like those. I’m sure he would want you to remember them.” Suddenly he noticed how he had been caught up in their conversation again and looked away embarrassed. “Well, that’s just my opinion so you don’t need to take it for granted.”

“No. Thank you very much Smee. You’re right, I think I should hold on to those memories too.” Smee finally looked at him again. The boy was smiling, but somehow, it felt more like a seashore than an abyss this time. “By the way, I’m not sure if you know my name yet, but I’m Norman.”

“Norman… The man of the north? That’s a fitting name.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Replied Norman, pouting childishly.

Smee couldn’t help the laugh out of his lips. “Nothing.”

Eyes like the sea, hairs of snow, and the name of an old past. Smee couldn’t tell which legend he had heard about he could link to this boy. There was many after all: Jack Frost, Yuki-Onna, Boreas… He felt like he had met a mystical being. And maybe it wasn’t completely wrong.

He had forgot that deep in the sea, in the darkness of an unknow world to the human eye… there was still life.

It was the 28^th of October. A Wednesday. Norman knew it because he read it on the calendar on the infirmary’s wall. Because the 27^th day of October had been hidden by a dark cross made with ink that had stained the paper on its right corner. It was soon to be All Hallows-Even. Not like there was any saints to celebrate in Grace Field. Not in this world. And maybe even saints never existed in the other world. Maybe they were just a product of humans’ fascination towards people who could do what their cupid minds couldn’t comprehend. At least that’s what he believed.

Because Norman didn’t believe in saints. He used to, long ago. But it was only one. With hair the color of the fire and eyes like a forest. Such an incoherence that had always fascinated him. But it’s been 7 years. And after 7 years… even he had to admit that saints didn’t exist. And maybe not even God. Because if those were to exist, then he wouldn’t be standing there, in front of the stained calendar, looking at a red circle on the 28^th of October, on which was simply written “Receivers” with pretty letters. Letters prettier than the ones on his typing-machine. Because everyone had to write so well. To the point even his own hand was stained with ink.

Maybe he should stop looking at those letters and go back to work before anyone scolds him. As the youngest, people could still scold him. It had been long since he had been the youngest. When was the last time? Maybe never. There always were new people, arriving as quickly as they would disappear.

Suddenly the letters became blurry, and Norman noticed that he didn’t had his glasses anymore. He turned to his side where a man, a few years older than him was taking a handkerchief out of his pocket and cleaning them. He had dark skin, and glasses too. The man then put back the glasses on Norman’s nose, and he could see again. Clearer. He hadn’t noticed that the world was stained before.

“Your sight won’t get better if you stare too much with dirty glasses like those.” Simply said the man.

“Thank you, Vincent.”

“Are you spacing out?”

“Maybe. I was thinking.”

“That’s rare of you, to space out.”

“Indeed.” No, he spaced out a lot. Especially when he didn’t sleep. He would stare at his empty cup of tea on his wooden desk for minutes before he noticed that he was starting to see the cup moving on its own. Which was definitely a sign of tiredness.

Vincent pursued his lips while looking away. “Are you thinking about him?”

“Who are you talking about?” False naivety. He knew who he was talking about. He just didn’t want to talk about him. Not right now, not when he was thinking about the only saint he ever had.

The older man hesitated. “No one… It’s nothing.”

“But if this person is person, then who pierced his eye?” said Norman, with a quiet voice.

“Huh?”

“I was thinking about what Smee would tell me when I would reply that it was nothing. He always said, ‘but if nothing pierced your eye, then does that mean that you did it yourself?’. It’s an old Greek myth.”

“Ulysses against the cyclops?”

Norman nodded. “That one.”

“This man really was obsessed with old legends and myths.”

“I never minded it.” He loved it. It reminded him of when younger, the boy with hair the color of the crows would read to his saint and him stories. He always liked Smee and his peculiarities, he was different from the others, he still believed in Neverland. Smee was more than the only adult figure he ever respected after knowing the truth, he was his friend.

Norman finally looked away from the calendar, walking through the corridors created by the space between the wall, and the curtains that separated them and were supposed to be their “offices”. He arrived in front of one with a “N.2” sign on it and pulled it. He walked to his desk’s chair and sat on it as he tidied up the papers and files scattered on the wooden piece of furniture. Vincent had followed him.

“What do you want to ask me?” Said Norman.

“We should receive the Receivers’ files soon.” Replied the man. “I was wondering about how many patients you would like to take, you lost many during the past few months.”

“I still have 4 Givers that I’m currently taking care of regularly. As well as 2 Receivers.”

“Zack and I can’t take more patients that we already have. We will have 15 new Receivers tonight. If we manage it well, maybe we can make it even for everyone else.”

“Then give me 4 new Receivers. As for the rest of them talk about it with the higher-ups.”

“Alright. Do you have any preferences?”

“Give me the unexperimented, the ones who arrive at the House for the first time. They usually feel more at ease with me than with others. Don’t give me any regulars, they don’t need me for those kinds of things. Besides, they always have a dull look on their faces, it’s depressing.”

“I take notes of it. I’ll transfer those to the higher-ups.” Suddenly, Vincent face became serious, almost worried. “Norman… Do you really have no relationships with this patient of yours?”

“Which one?” Replied innocently the younger man. Why was Vincent so obsessed with this one? Norman wished he could just forget about it and let it go once and for all. After all, the other was just a transfer from 3 months ago, he should observe before making any conclusion in this House.

“81194.”

He let a fake smile draw itself on his lips. “Ah. This one? No. He is just my patient. And if you’re wondering, he never flirted with me either.”

“That’s why I’m worried. If anything happens to you with him, please tell the higher-ups. Even as important to this farm he must be… If he is a danger, then…!”

“Vincent.” Norman voice was cold. How Smee would describe it again? Right, like the cold ice of the arctic. “Wether or not he is a danger, 81194 is primordial for this House. And you are just a newcomer. Let it slide, he is just doing his life as a Giver.”

“No other Giver does what he does. It must be for a reason! There must be…!”

“He is primordial for this House, how many times do I have to repeat myself to make it clear to you? You are lower ranked than me. So listen.”

The older man gulped and bowed his head. “Yes…”

“Good. Now go tell the higher-ups about my preferences.”

“Yes.” Another hesitation. He looked at the empty cup on his desk. “Do you want another cup of tea?”

He was taken aback by the sudden trivial question. The white-haired man looked at his cup, smiled. “That would be nice, thank you.”

“Norman. Why didn’t you told me that Emma was going to be a Receiver?” Had asked the dark-haired man this morning as he was sitting naked on a dirty bed, waiting for the next ‘client’ to come.

Norman would have told him if he had known earlier that in his own patient’s files, he would have found her name written hastily on a piece of paper. He had immediately recognized Smee’s handwriting, but what did that changed if she had met him? Maybe Smee had tried to contain himself during all of their talk, until Emma by Jane Austen ended up slipping past his lips. He loved her books. He loved any books anyway.

Suddenly he remembered a conversation he had with his brother years ago and had asked him how this gloomy boy could like Jane Austen. He had then told the younger boy that what was interesting was the irony in her words and her thoughts. How much this woman wrote and mocked this society with sweet words and romance while she was cursing it and hating it for all of her life. The older boy liked this contradiction. To not say that he simply liked her way of putting words together to create beautiful sentences.

He doubted it was the reason why Smee liked her books, as Smee was more friendly and optimistic than his brother. But maybe it helped.

But for now, no matter what he was aware of now, it wouldn’t change the fact that Emma was one of his patients now. And that he would have to see her later that day. So he took his time to look at her during lunch. She was like he remembered her.

Hair the color of fire, braided into a bun at the back of her head, and even with that she still managed to have some hair out of it in a way he certainly found charming. Her fringe was well cut, and each strands were perfectly aligned around her now pale face. He remembered her tan skin due the time she would spend outside back then, but now that she had been locked away from that light, her skin seemed like porcelain. Her flawless skin, maybe with a few moles under her fringe and on her jaw, but so discreet that it was barely noticeable. He remembered how even her eyebrows and eyelashes were of that red color, only helping her green irises to stand out more. Green eyes that were carefully set on a blond head next to her, like they would be when they were still children, when she would take care of the younger one.

Maybe that’s why she was here. To go a step further. To really become the person who raised them. But Norman didn’t want to think about the sorrowful eyes that had handed him to this life while humming the saddest lullaby he had ever heard. He wanted to think about the clear laugh and the smell of the sunflowers in the backyards.

Her number was hidden by her uniform, deprived of any apron for now. Maybe she would get one with laces like the other Mamas? How would it look on her? Would it make her even more charming? Or instead would it be too much? She was always about simplicity. She had rolled up her sleeves up to her elbow, probably because she had forgot to put it back in place after working during the morning. Even if it only was her forearms, Norman could sense the training and the shapes created by it. She had always been stronger than him, it had never bothered him. Even her nails were cut well, round, short but not too much, an attention to detail she must have gotten with age. Like her walk or the way, she would eat, something that was way different from his childhood memories, but always welcomed.

Suddenly, he felt an elbow strike to his ribs, startling him and taking him out of his daydream. He furrowed his brows and turned towards the man sitting next to him. Zack grinned.

“In love?”

Definitely. “What are you talking about? Of course not. I have other things to do than being frivolous with some Receivers.”

“I never saw you staring at someone like that.” Kept up Zack.

“She is one of my next patients, I’m doing a far-away check up before the real one.”

It didn’t help him at all. “So… You’re going to be alone with her in a few hours?”

“Zack. The only separation between our workplaces are the curtains. Even if I wanted to, I wouldn’t be stupid enough to flirt when you could eavesdrop easily.”

The other man suddenly went quiet, he looked at the girl for a moment before smiling fondly. “I do have to admit that she is very pretty.”

Of course, she is. She is perfection. “Again, I was not thinking about her that way.”

“Can’t I talk about my personal tastes for once? Geez.”

Norman wasn’t the kind to be jealous when the subject of his desire was seen by others, he actually was kind of proud. Emma was pretty, brave, energic and beautiful. She deserved to be seen as such as long as it didn’t become obsessive. He could indulge Zack’s admiration.

He could maybe indulge less the Givers’ one behind him. He glared at the black-haired boy at the other side of their table. He looked back at him, gave him a small hand sign to apologize and went back to his conversation. He couldn’t expect him to control the Givers’ talks, but it was starting to be plainly rude and vulgar at this point.

She had caught their eyes, and now everyone wanted to be selected as her partner. And Norman wasn’t high ranked enough to control the partners selection. So he just prayed to himself that she would end up on one of those that were not talking about her. Or the black-haired boy. He was fine with him.

“How old is she?” Asked Zack.

“19.”

“Isn’t she the perfect age?” Norman could only stare at him bewildered. It was his own age. “I mean!” Tried to say Zack. “She is young but not too much, you see? She isn’t tainted by the age yet, so it’s perfect isn’t it?”

“Isn’t she a bit young for you?”

“There were marriages with bigger age differences than that. And I don’t intend to flirt with her, just watch.”

“Somehow, this is worse.”

“When you like pretty things, you look at them! Otherwise no one would be looking at 81194.”

The older one was right, Norman could see a few of his higher-ups glancing at the man. He sighed, he really was able to drive them crazy, wasn’t he? A few months ago, they were proper people, and now they preferred drooling over a boy, who couldn’t have even been in the same plantation at them during the same time, rather than on their own food. It was pathetic. But even as much as he was not attracted to him, Norman couldn’t deny that he also found him pretty. Sometimes catching himself staring at him for too long.

This man was simply fascinating. No matter the ugly bruises, the bag under his eyes due to the hours of “work” during the night, the chapped lips from the many things he was forced to put into his mouth, the messy hair and the unproper clothes… He managed to still be attractive. But Norman could understand. It was the way he was moving, walking, talking, looking, breathing even. He had worked on everything to be the ultimate object of desire to any person in the world. No one could resist him. Even now, there was something almost erotic in the way he would put his elbow on the table as he was eating, putting a strand of dark hair behind his ear and swallowing his food. It was so simple, but everything was perfect.

From the corner of his eyes, he could see his “clients” gulping, trying to look back to their own plate but failing. No. Once you started watching him you couldn’t stop. That was just the nature of the House’s Slut. Even some Receivers were staring at him, forgetting to eat, his back was enough for many.

“Choose.” Suddenly said Zack next to him.

Norman looked back at him, unlike others, he didn’t have any problem with having the other man out of his sight. “I wasn’t checking him out.”

Zack waited for a few seconds, trying to prove his point by waiting for Norman to glance back at the other man again. But as Norman was winning this staring contest, he sighed. “Really, your relationship with him is the weirdest thing I’ve ever seen. You two seem really close, and at the same time you act like total strangers sometimes.”

Norman didn’t answer. He didn’t need to anyway since the other decided to keep talking.

“Aren’t 81194, this Receiver and you about the same age? Hey, by the way, what’s her number?”

“This is not a necessary information.”

“Are you three from the same farm? I know 81194 and you are. But is she too? I mean, that would be impressive! Three people, of the same age, and from the same plantation, and who each were able to survive up to this point to finally meet again here! Isn’t that what we call… destiny?”

“There’s no destiny nor any sorts of fate. You are just imagining things.”

“Well… I guess I will never know if you are that stubborn. Only the higher-ups could tell me.”

Norman could feel Vincent’s stare on the other side of the table. He must have noticed him looking at both the Giver and the Receiver and was probably more suspicious than ever now. This transfer from Glory Bell was really problematic, not only was he immune to his brother’s charms, but he also was smart and impulsive. He could be a real problem in the future.

But somehow, Norman knew that as long as he would tell him to not do anything, Vincent would listen. Norman called it “admiration” and “dedication” despite what the other Mediators were thinking. Of course, in such an environment those kinds of rumors weren’t rare. But Norman still thought they were uncalled for. Vincent was just a newcomer who had gotten closer to Norman because he admired his ability to take care of patients easily and to still remain professional, while not using the nickname of the House to enjoy his free time.

Norman could’ve had a sweet time too if it weren’t for the raven hair and his remaining feelings for his saint. Maybe he would have let himself fall into depravation too if it weren’t for this light of hope that had given the other boy to him, a long time ago, when they still knew each other. A small light that he had gripped onto and never let go since that day. He still hoped, even know, even as days were passing by.

He remembered the warm hands holding his in the dark, promising him the world in a poor attempt to reassure him. But even if that promise seemed like a lie, even if it was useless now that the invisible chains had been attached to his frail and pale body, he believed in it like it was the only truth in this cruel universe.

He always believed in it. Since there was nothing else to believe in. He needed to believe in the hopes of a child lost in Neverland.

That gentle voice whose dark song was now tainted with a dirty white…

It was still his only ray of light in the lifeless abyss.

Chapter Text

If you tried to mix the sound of the wind with the one of his songs, then there’s just a wavering voice. Emma didn’t even sing that well. She knows that. She didn’t care. She wished she could sing as well as them both, but somehow each note was sounding more like animals’ cries than like music. But that was fine too, she was technically an animal. At least her species was the one of an animal. She understood that the day they gave her the choice to die or to live.

No, she understood it way before that.

She took small steps, almost dancing on the tiles. Turning around and letting her red hair disheveled in the wind. It felt good. It was good. Just another step and she could jump, fall onto the ground and everything would turn black. Or maybe white. Or even red. What was the color of death? Was it the black of her clothes? Was it the white of the ones she used to wear? Or the red of that flower? Maybe it was the green of the grass below her. Or the blue of the roofs’ tiles under her feet.

How did death sound like? Did it sound like the ugly melody she was singing? Or maybe like her bones cracking from her fall? Or maybe like the voice shouting behind her from the window she had opened earlier to go on the roof.

“Emma!” A few steps on the tiles. Turning around. Dark hair in the wind, getting stuck in a pair of round glasses. The girl was worried, she seemed so scared. “Emma! Please come back! You might fall!”

Might was only a probability. Emma didn’t want probabilities. She wanted a fact, something concrete, a truth. She wanted to fall. She didn’t want to fall. There was no in-between. Like the thing she had seen that day. It was windy back then too, she remembered.

It had smelled like lavender and sunflowers. It had smelled like the leaves in the trees behind her as she had been staring at the void on the other side of the wall. She just wanted to see them. She just missed them. And instead, she had gotten the ugly truth hidden beneath the pretty lies of that woman smiling to her and extending her hand. A hand she had taken to a path covered in blooming red flowers. But those flowers weren’t like the ones in the backyard, the ones she loved as much as that woman.

It was funny, how her “mother” became “that woman”. How all hopes she ever had had been crushed in a single instant. She wanted something concrete. Were they dead? Were they not? There was no in-between. Like the girl with glasses currently shouting her worries at her.

“Please Emma!”

Who was there to truly please anymore? There wasn’t anyone. But those eyes, they were still somehow believing in her. She walked to the girl, gripped her thin wrist and pulled her up on the roof.

“E…?! Emma?!”

She smiled, let go of her wrists to take her hand in hers and to wrap an arm around the girl’s waist. Holding her close as she turned around. She let go of her hand, buried her head in her shoulder, she smelled like lavender. She felt hesitating hands put themselves on her shoulders.

“What is it?” Asked the young girl.

Emma backed away and put her forehead against hers. “Hey… Gilda… Let’s live together.” Behind the glasses, she could see widened eyes. “I want to live. Together. With you. Do you want to?”

Gilda nodded, finally putting a hand on the older girl’s cheek. Emma kept on talking.

“I’ll become a Mama, and you will be my Sister. Or maybe you will become a Mama and I will become your Sister. I just want to stay together with you.”

“Forever?”

“Forever.”

“The two of us?”

“The two of us.

She pursued her lips, seemingly wondering if they could live long enough for that wish to come true. “Can you promise it to me? That life. Can you promise it to me?”

She couldn’t. There was no way she could. Because she might die tomorrow. Who? Both. When? At any moment. But the lavender was enough to forget about any probabilities and to transform them into incomplete certainties.

“I do.”

Ah… What a sweet lie she was giving to those blushing cheeks. What a bitter wish she was making for those tearful eyes. All of that just to keep up with a life she didn’t want anymore. How many of them had she been forced to sacrifice? How many of them were already dead?

If she tried to think about it, she would lose track of that melody…

Similar to all the tears she had bottled up in a corner of her heart.

“It stinks!” Whined the blond head in front of her as she was scrubbing white sheets in the water. “How can the Givers’ sheets stink so badly?! Urgh! I’m glad I’m not the one cleaning them! I never smelled anything like that! It just smelled so bad! Can you believe it?! But the most mysterious thing is probably how the Givers still manages to smell good then. When you sleep in those, you must obviously smell bad! But no! They smell good! How?!”

The new Receivers were outside, taking care of the laundry. Emma and Helen were washing a few sheets from one of the Receivers’ dorms. A little bit farther away, some Givers, seemingly the youngest, were also doing the laundry. One of them had been struggling with a heavy basket filled numerous sheets and Helen had kindly proposed to help him earlier. Something she immediately regretted as Emma could currently hear her whining about.

“I don’t usually smell people.” Replied Emma, focused on her own work.

“You don’t?”

The older girl looked at her with a look that meant ‘do you really think that proper people do that?’. Which Helen quickly understood before furrowing her brows in wonder.

“I was sure that it was a common thing…”

“Wait, did you smell me too?”

“Of course! Your clothes smell like lavender!”

“You smelled my clothes?” Asked Emma, sincerely worried. Well, if she wasn’t sure if something was dirty or not, she would smell it. But not when there was nothing to do with that piece of cloth.

This time, Helen looked away, blushing slightly. “Maybe… But it doesn’t answer my question! How can the Givers still smell good while sleeping in those sheets?!”

Emma was about to propose something when a woman’s voice interrupted them both. “They wash too, you know?”

The Receivers turned their heads towards the House’s Mama, Krone. From their point of view, she was even taller than usual, with the white laced apron tracing her generous forms… including the muscles. From what Emma heard, she used to put on a fake mask of joy constantly but had quickly dropped it when arriving at the House. Of course, she was still smiling, but usually preferred to keep a neutral face. People were taking her more seriously when she had this look. In any case, serious face or not, she clearly wasn’t someone anyone wanted to mess with anyway.

The woman crouched down to their level, checking their work. Her experienced hands looking at every inches of the sheets in the water, not even wincing to the cold. She rolled up her sleeves like the two other girls, showing the musculature hidden under it as Emma would have expected. The amusing thought of Krone breaking nuts with her bare hands suddenly crossed her mind before she stopped herself when remembering that those nuts could be her neck if she wasn’t careful enough.

“How long have you been here Ma’am? At the House I mean.” Asked Helen. Clearly not enjoying the tension the woman’s presence brought and wanting to relieve it a bit.

“9 years.”

“That’s long!”

“Most Mamas spend at least 20 years in their House usually. 9 years is nothing.”

“For me it’s long! I mean, I will spend the rest of my life at the center once I get pregnant, so to me, it’s impressive.”

Krone was slowly warming up to the young girl, smiling at her candid attitude and her way of talking. The red head could understand, Helen was a really pleasant company, with a soft voice and well-mannered gestures. The woman hadn’t glanced at Emma even once. Emma preferred to let them talk together anyway, she wasn’t in the mood to keep up with any conversation. She was still focused on the dark hair she had seen this morning.

Her brother was alive. But she didn’t know if she should be glad or not. He wasn’t in just any places after all. Did that woman deliberately give him that role? No. The boys arrive at the age of 16 in the House, so he must have been somewhere else before. The file doesn’t mention any of that. A place where all the boys are trained until they are 16? Then are they sent out here immediately where the House’s Mama decide if they should be a Giver or a Mediator? No, not that again. Mediator were always older than the Givers, so they couldn’t have arrived at the House at 16. So before that? Then, some boys were sent to the House while others were kept at the Center? She hadn’t seen any of them. Maybe she should ask one of the regulars, they know more about the different parts of Center than her. But then, what decides whether or not they become Givers? What are the criteria to become one? Could they choose between death and this life? Like she had been able to back then?

She should stop wondering about that. Trying to either search for a culprit to accuse or a reason for anything was useless right now. Even more as there was nothing to get from it. But if she were to ask someone, then…

“It’s good girls.” Said Krone, cutting her off her trail of thoughts. The woman put the wet sheets and squeezed them soberly before putting them in a basket she gave to Helen. “You can put them to dry there.” She pointed at a higher point of the field where other sheets were also drying under the sunlight.

“Okay! Thank you very much Ma’am!” Replied Helen. “You come Emma?”

“Ah, yes.” Said the red head while getting up before being stopped in her track by the strong hand of the older woman.

“You can go first Helen. I want to talk with Emma for a bit.”

The girl tilted her head, surprised, but then smiled and nodded. “Okay! See you later!” She then ran off to the hill, leaving Emma and Krone alone.

The younger girl dusted her black dress, leaving all the polite smiles she was previously showing to stare coldly at the woman. “What do you need to talk to me about if it requires Helen to leave?”

“You are Ray’s sister, aren’t you?”

Emma didn’t even wince. Being unreadable was one of the first things they learned at the Center. And besides, she wasn’t surprised by Krone knowing that. Her plantation was written in her files, anyone with enough common sense could’ve guessed that Emma and Ray grew up together. As well as someone else that she didn’t want to think about. “Yes, I am.” Simply replied the girl, walking away towards one of the House’s wall to let other girls use the basin of water to do their own laundry.

Krone followed her, leaning against the wall next to her. They stared at each other for a moment, until Krone decided to talk again. “You look like that woman too.”

She felt her whole body froze, the blood leaving her face. She was almost feeling nauseous at the simple mention of that person. Her? Looking like her? What a joke. That woman had betrayed her and her family. She had betrayed her hopes and dreams and crushed them until the only thing left was the desire to survive. “Do not mock me. We are nothing alike.”

“But you took the same path as her.” Replied the other calmly.

“No, I did not.” She didn’t plan to at least. Unlike her, she would not die alone, she had promised it to her sister. She put her hands in her back to hide her white knuckles from the grip on her hands.

“It’s interesting, how history repeat itself.” Suddenly said Krone. “From the files I read, 20 years ago she also was at the House, she had your exact age, and she had also met her brother back then.”

She waited a moment. “Did… Did he become her partner?” Asked Emma, curiosity killing her despite not wanting to know anything about that person.

“No. She was assigned to someone else. This other person was like Ray when I think about it. Efficient, quick… I never met him. But I heard he was one of the greatest Givers of the House.” She glanced at the younger girl. “Do you intend on making him your partner?”

Emma winced. “He’s my brother. I would never dare wishing that.”

“‘Wouldn’t dare’ huh?”

“Of course, doing those kinds of things with someone I know would be more pleasant for me. But I don’t want to add someone to his list.”

“You are already aware of his habits.”

“I heard that he is pretty popular among the Mediators. Is that true?”

“Depends. If you are talking about people desiring him, then, there won’t be a lot of people left in the next few weeks with his current pace. If you are talking about the people suspicious about him, then there’s plenty, but in the end, they always end up as his preys, whether they like it or not.”

She tightened her grip on her hands in her back. “I see.” Krone didn’t ask anything else after that and they stayed in an awkward silence before Emma decided to keep up the conversation while she was at it. “Why do you wanted to ask if I was his sister?”

“You are the only person from the outside he ever talked about to me.”

This time, the girl looked at her with surprise. “Really?”

“He never showed it, but that simple fact proved how fond of you he was. His usually calculated stares would suddenly soften, and he would seem like he fell in a sweet daydream each time. It’s such a rare sight that I decided to remember that girl he was talking about for that simple fact.”

“I see.” She felt her heart tighten in her chest, she was glad her fringe was hiding her eyes, otherwise Krone would have seen all the pain in them.

“Doesn’t it make you happy to know that he thought about you?” It seemed that she didn’t even needed to see to understand.

Emma let out a small chuckle without joy. “Why should it?” She backed off the wall and walked away. “I already forgot who he was to me.”

That’s why it hurt so much to know he remembered her while she didn’t remembered him.

In the afternoon, the Receivers had to wait in their respective dorms to either have their prepared intercourses or their exams with the Mediators. To Emma’s relief, she had managed to grab a few books from the library and was reading to let the time pass. One of the girls in her dorm was playing guitar in a corner of the room, others were talking, and some of them weren’t here for obvious reasons. Helen, on the bed next to hers, was observing Emma’s hairstyle and trying to reproduce it without success. After multiple tries, she ended up giving up. Preferring to look at what Emma was reading.

“Agatha Christie? I wouldn’t have thought of you as the type to read detective stories.”

“What kind of book do you thought I would read?”

“I don’t know… Complicated ones… Or Jane Austen.”

Emma winced. “What is it with everyone and Jane Austen? I don’t even like romance.”

“Maybe it’s the kind of romantic vibe you spread. Like a young maiden ready to be married.”

Emma glared at her. “Well, I clearly prefer solving murders and be faced with the supernatural than having to stand people being lovey-dovey.”

“People being lovey-dovey is nice. Did you never wish to have a quick romance with a boy?”

“Never.”

“You don’t intend to?”

“No.”

Helen hesitated for a bit as Emma was turning a page from her book. “And… with a girl?”

Emma looked up to her, Helen was blushing and looking away. Emma managed to contain a tired sigh. She recognized that look, it was the same one that had her sister when looking at her once. And the same one this boy was looking at her back then too.

“I never considered any kind of relationships with anyone.” She replied. “I just intend on becoming a Mama in one of the plantations. That’s it.”

Helen seemed disappointed as Emma would’ve expected. “Is that so…?”

“To be honest, I just never seriously thought about it.” It would hurt her more than make her feel good in any case. That is, if she ever had felt the need to fall in love. Having a family had always been enough for her. Despite that, it still seemed to make Helen feel a bit better.

“I see! Well, we will have time here to decide!”

“Yes. Time for me to finish this really good book.”

“Hey!”

The girl suddenly jumped on Emma’s bed to tickle her sides. She tried to contain the laugh but ended up letting it go, barely managing to put the book she had in her hand on the bedside table next to her as she was trying to get Helen’s hands away from her waist.

“Tickle tickle tickle!”

“Let it- PFWAHAHAHA! Oh my God! Let it go He- HAHAHAHA!”

The girl grinned and stopped, backing away. “I really discover new things about you each minute!”

She caught her breath. “Disappointed to not see me as perfect as you thought?” Said Emma, smirking.

“Nope! Not at all! It’s more entertaining that way!”

“I agree!” Said a girl on the other bed next to Emma. “I prefer girls like you rather than ice queens.”

“Thank you.” Replied Emma, smiling politely as Helen had decided to leap into her arms in an attempt to hug her.

Emma welcomed it and wrapped her arms around her waist, almost rocking her like she used to with her siblings when she was taking care of the younger ones. She froze when she felt the unpleasant feeling of Helen smelling her. “Definitely lavender!” Said the girl.

“You really need to stop that…” Whined Emma while leaning against the headboard, letting Helen getting more comfortable in her arms.

Suddenly the door opened, and one of the new girls entered the room, a bright smile on her face. “Emma! It’s your turn with the Mediators!” Said the girl.

Helen reluctantly let go of the older girl. Emma walked towards the door, but the girl who had arrived stopped her before she could take a step out of the dorm. “You’ll see, he is very nice and cute!” She chuckled. “It reassures me to have been assigned to such a nice Mediator!” She then let go of her, to walk back to her own bed.

Emma waved at the group of girls quickly before adventuring herself in the empty corridors. Everyone was either in their room or working at this hour. She walked downstairs and finally arrived in front of a wooden door on which was pinned a metallic plate with the word “INFIRMARY” engraved on it.

She expected to at least bump into someone else, a Giver, a Mediator or another Receiver, but she saw no one. Krone wasn’t even there to check if everyone was indeed in their rooms. No one was expected out of them anyway, but that was still surprising. They had been supervised during the whole morning, but now they were able to run free wherever they wanted to? She had been right to ask to Smee how loosely the rules were applied, despite what was written in the file, those kinds of things weren’t put in it. There was a way to be in contact with the other group without anyone noticing. Now, she had to see how she could use that in her favor.

She knocked at the door and waited for someone to open it like she had been instructed to. She was soon greeted by a man with a stern face and dark skin. He put back his glasses in place before looking at the paper in his hand.

“63194 I presume?”

“Yes.” She replied.

“It’s the number 2, at the end of the corridor. You don’t have to announce yourself, just pull the curtain.”

“Alright. Thank you.”

He moved away to let her get in. The small corridor created by the space between the wall and the curtains was only illuminated by the dim light that could slip through the white curtains. Each office must have been organized so they could each have a window, but the corridor was kind of dark because of that. She could hear some of conversations, Mediators talking with each other, or with the new Receivers. Sometimes about the Receivers or Givers physical condition. And sometimes about rumors spreading in the House.

Emma wished she could’ve stopped to listen to them, it would’ve taught her some new things, but the man who had opened the door for her was still watching her from behind. She settled on walking to the office he had mentioned, looking at the numbered plates in front of each. There was about 10 Mediators who were working as doctors or nurses in the infirmary it seemed. She guessed that the other dozens of them were taking care of the files in the archive room she had been able to glance at quickly when arriving to the House last night.

She finally arrived in front of the Number 2 and pulled the curtain before closing it behind her once she was inside. The office was simple, a desk, two chair, and examination table, as well as small storage cabinet covered by a glassed window and filled with medics and files. The window was just above the desk.

The Mediator she was assigned to was sitting on his chair, filling papers with a penholder. If she looked closely, she could see some ink stains on the desk, near the typing machine. Before she could say anything, he pulled out a file from one of the drawers in his desk, flipped through it and pulled out a few other papers out of it. She hesitated to talk, no wanting to distract him.

Like her, his number on his neck was mostly hidden by his collar. 4… 9… or maybe 8? She couldn’t tell from where she was. He had glasses and light hair that were reflecting in the light.

He got up. “You are 63194? Correct?”

“Yes.” She replied quickly, surprised by his sudden change of attitude.

He turned around, and for the second time that day, she felt like she was underwater.

“Nice to see you again, Emma.” Said the boy who used to look at her with loving eyes.

The ones she had now betrayed.

“Norman…?”

Chapter Text

“Nice to see you again, Emma.”

“Norman…?”

He had grown up, was wearing glasses, and seemed more tired… But it was him. She could recognize him anywhere. She wanted to cry, to burst into tears, to enjoy the fact that they were both alone to let go of everything… But somehow… her body wasn’t reacting at all. She tried to open her mouth, blurt out some words, trying to convey what she was feeling… until she noticed…

She didn’t feel anything at all.

What she wanted to do was just a mask that she had used her body to do and think about. She wanted to have a reaction, but that reaction wasn’t hers, it was something fake, something she had to make to make the other happy. She gripped her dress, looking down, hoping it would look like she was restraining herself from crying while she just wanted to hide her eyes widened in horror under her bang. She was terrified, terrified by her own thoughts. By her own body.

She needed to do something; what would Norman think she would do? Would he want her to hug him? Or maybe to burst into tears? She could do all of that. But Norman liked the real her. She knew it. So he would immediately notice it if she was lying. But maybe he wouldn’t, maybe the years had made them lost all the things they knew about each other’s, after all she wouldn’t have expected Ray to become what he currently is.

Lost in those thoughts, her face hidden, she didn’t notice the man walking towards her, and putting a reassuring hand on her shoulder. She looked up to him, unsure of what expression to make. And then he shook his head.

“It’s alright.” He breathed in and out, eyes not filled with pain like she would have expected, but with understandings. “I know you are trying to search for something to say, or an emotion to use. It’s fine, you don’t have to bother with that.”

This time, she felt like she lost all the strength in her body, letting go of her skirt. “Really?”

“It’s been 7 years. It’s too late to start being emotional. So please, don’t bother yourself with such thoughts.” He let go of her shoulder, putting back his hand in his lab coat’s pocket. “I know it, because when I got your file, the only thing I could think about was just ‘ah, so it’s her’. Even after the years, I couldn’t think about anything other than that. I couldn’t even think about any emotion to feel. It’s at the same time surprising… and expected. So, stay true to yourself. It’s better like that.”

She let out a chuckle without joy. “Then, we both are messed up by the system?”

“I guess we all are.”

It was enough for her. She took a step forward, noticing how tall he had become, and wrapped her arms around his waist, burying her face in his clothes.

“Emma…?”

“Helen was right…” It was the same scent as flowers in the backyard. “It still smells like lavender…” She tightened her grip. “I’m sorry.”

She was sorry for not missing him for long enough to really appreciate their reunion. She was sorry for forgetting about him for so many years until she saw those dark eyes in the crowds. She was sorry for not being able to feel anything towards the fact that he was still alive after 7 years. To him. And to the other man. She was sorry for becoming who she currently is.

Her heart was clenching in her chest, but her eyes were dry. He returned the embrace, wrapping his own arms around her shoulders and putting his head against hers. He didn’t reply, simply hummed. They stay liked this for a comfortable moment, until she had to admit that she needed to let him go.

“I hope you don’t mind, but I still have to examine you.”

She shook her head. “I know. I wouldn’t be her otherwise.” She replied, smiling softly.

“Yeah… Could you please take off your dress then? If you don’t mind of course.”

“Okay.”

She did as tell, folding the thick fabric and placing it at the end of the examination table. Norman seemed to have gone into a more professional persona, he wasn’t even blushing at the sight of her body in underwear. Checking each part of her body with precision and writing down each time the results on the paper he had taken out from her file. After the hundredth check-up she had, Emma was used to it.

“How many patients do you have?” She suddenly asked. Norman wasn’t particularly quiet, but she didn’t want this to just be a check-up.

“10, with the new Receivers.” He immediately replied.

“Are they all girls?”

“No, I have a few Givers. And Mediators do check-ups for each other sometimes, for things we can’t have a good look at for example, like our ears or mouth.”

“So… Is Ray one of your patients?”

Norman stopped writing, and put down his penholder, trying to find his words. “Yes. He is.”

“Do you two still talk?”

“Yes, we do. As much as a doctor and a patient talk together.”

She furrowed her brows. Her childhood friend seemed far too hesitant when saying it to her. It seemed more like a mechanical thing for him to say actually, like he had been used to it. She took a few steps towards the man, going on her tiptoes to get closer to his face. “Is that true?” She whispered.

For the first time since she had undressed, she saw a faint blush on his cheeks as he looked down to her body. Finally putting down his professional mask. “No. We talk more than that.” He replied, whispering too. “It’s just…” He looked to his side. “He has a reputation.”

She stared at him. He looked far more worried about that fact than ashamed. As if it was a secret that he needed to keep or else one of them would have problems. “I know.” She replied. “I heard.”

“Do you know the details?”

“I just know that he sells his body.” She looked to the side, pursuing her lips. “That’s all.”

“Then that’s all you need to know to understand why I avoid talking about him here.”

“I heard he gets rewards for selling his body.”

“Emma.” His voice was louder. “Not here.” He leaned down towards her, whispering again. “We’ll talk about it another time. But not here.”

“Alright.” She said, sighing. “If you insist.”

“It’s not about if I insist or not. You just can’t.”

Suddenly she heard a few ruffles of curtains outside, and another male voice. “Hey Norman, everything alright here?” The curtains slightly moved, letting her see a young man in his middle-twenties, with dark skin and a scar looking at them. He smirked. “Am I bothering? You’ve been silent for a while…”

Emma felt the blood rising to her cheeks as she understood why Norman had suddenly talked louder. She looked at him, he looked away, trying to play dumb with what he had just done. The young woman felt an annoyed smile forming to her lips. Not only the dialogue was vague enough to be misunderstood, but she also was standing right next to him, still in underwear, and on her tiptoes. She took a step back, crossing her arms and furrowing her brows at the man who had opened the curtains.

“I’m sorry, but I’m not sure I allowed you to look at me in this outfit, did I?” She said to the man while glaring at him coldly.

He looked at Norman again, who just shrugged, and then back to her. “You’re not the first woman he sees like that Miss.”

She was about to reply something until he said the ‘Miss’. It was the first time someone talked to her like that. Usually she would be either called by her name or her number, so being treated for the first time like someone from the outside world was… Very nice. She glanced at Norman who seemed betrayed by what the man had just said.

“Listen Emma, this is not what you might…”

“He called me ‘Miss’. You didn’t. Maybe you should learn something from your coworker.” She said. He had started this game, she would play it too, whether he wanted to or not. “Mister…?”

“Zack. You can just call me Zack, Miss.” Replied the man, walking up to her to kiss her hand.

She looked back at Norman, who was glaring at Zack like he had just committed a war crime. “Zack, I’m currently working so if you could just…”

“If he ever annoys you too much Miss, you can always come to me.” Said Zack. “Office number 5, always free if it’s for you. I’ll leave you two alone now.” He then walked away and closed the curtains behind.

The young woman waited for him to completely go away before turning back to Norman. “I think he likes me.”

“Maybe.” Muttered the boy next to her, going back to his papers.

She leaned against the desk. “I could consider.”

This time he turned towards her, bewildered. “He is…!”

“7 years older than me, but 7 times more gentlemanly than you. At least I think, is he 26?”

“Yes, he is.”

“Oh, the perfect age. You know… Old enough to stop acting like a child, but young enough to still be attractive…”

“I’m maybe starting to think that you may be made for each other’s.” Muttered Norman.

She poked his cheek playfully. “You do know I’m messing with you, right? I’m not interested in that at all.”

“I know.” He replied quietly, almost pouting.

She brushed his cheek with her fingers, smiling gently. She had rarely saw him acting like that during her childhood, he had always seemed more like a patient and smiling child rather than the pouty one she currently had next to him. He glanced at her briefly, leaning in the touch.

“Do you like A Midsummer Night’s Dream?” She suddenly asked.

“I do. But I don’t have the time to read it again currently.” He replied. “Are you rehearsing for a scene?”

“For the Scene 2 in Act 2. I was wondering if you wanted to help me. But you can’t it seems.” She chuckled internally at how the three of them were still used to their coded talks.

“I know you want to do it with someone else, you enjoyed my time with me, you need to enjoy it with that person too.”

“Alright then. Do you know a good place to rehearse?”

“Sleep like Titania, the fairy will come by themselves.” They stared at each other, nodding in a silent agreement. “You can put your dress back on.” Said Norman. “We will have other check-ups anyway in the following days.”

“Your colleague seemed to like my current outfit.”

“I’m not letting you go out like that.”

She stuck her tongue out to him as she dressed back up. “You’re acting like an old man.”

She expected a reply but was instead greeted with a soft smile. “I only notice it now…” He said. “But I missed you.”

She feared that she would feel empty again. That she would not know what to do again. But somehow, her heart wasn’t clenching anymore. She smiled back to him. “Thank you.”

The curtains attached to the windows in the dorm were so thin that it could barely be thought of as a fabric. Emma felt like they could disappear at any moment, and nobody would notice it. The light of the moon was creating a pattern with the window’s metallic grid on the floor and the nearby beds. She turned around under the multiple layers of sheets and blankets on her bed. Next to her, Helen was sleeping soundly, her hair unattached and her face hidden by one of the blankets.

Carefully, Emma let a foot out of the warm bed, then another, then her legs, and finally her whole body. She shivered at the feeling of her naked feet on the cold wood, grabbing one of the upper layers to cover her shoulders. The nightdress they were given was made of a thin fabric similar to the curtains, it was soft and comfortable, but lacked any kind of warmth. She got up, letting the dress slide down her legs to end at her ankles. The blanket she had put around herself was kind of stiff, and lacked the softness of her clothes, but it was better than nothing.

The young woman walked quietly, without any slippers to avoid making more noises than necessary, to the door, opened it, and slipped out of the room. She let out a relieved breath as she was finally alone in the dark corridor. She remembered the clock in the room.

11 pm. A Midsummer Night’s Dream, Act 2 scene 2. When everyone would be asleep.

Norman had told her that Ray would come to her by himself from what she had understood. But she knew for a fact that the door leading to the first floor was locked from the outside during the night, trapping all Receivers on their floor. She wandered a bit in the corridor, looking through the window the forest around the House, a place they didn’t had any access to. Suddenly, as she was starting to lose herself in her thoughts, she heard a few knocks from above. She looked up to the wooden ceiling.

She watched some of the wood boards move, letting out a warm light coming from above. After a few of them were moved, she finally saw his face. He grinned, putting a strand of hair behind his ear as he gestured her to stay quiet and extended a hand towards her. Without hesitating, she took it, letting herself being pulled up. When she was high enough, she climbed by herself onto the floor, moving away from the hole to let him put back the wood boards in place and looked around.

They were in what she supposed to be the attic. A place barely mentioned in the file given to her before coming here, and for a reason she immediately understood as she took in where she was. The attic was covering the whole building, it wasn’t separated depending on the wings. The room only seemed larger as it was mostly empty, at least for how much space she was taking. On one side, broken armors and doors were left in a corner with some mirrors and other objects covered by white sheets. One another corner wooden boxes were piling up, next to it, a few mattresses had been left messily and stained. The light coming out from the windows at the ceiling were showing the dust floating around from the movements Ray and she had made. Even with the light coming from the oil lamp next to the two of them, the rest of the attic was left in some kind of semi-darkness.

Before she could look around more, she felt arms wrapping themselves around her shoulders and hand tangling into the loose strands of the braid she had maid before going to bed. She buried her face in the shoulder of the man, wrapping her own arms around his waist.

“Did you miss me that much? It wasn’t even a full day you know?” She felt a small hit at the back of her head, and she couldn’t help the giggle out of her lips. He hadn’t changed at all.

“I wish I had more.” Replied Ray, in a voice she thought she wouldn’t have recognized if she didn’t know it was him. He backed away, and she finally was able to get a precise look at his face.

She didn’t remember him as being a pale person, but he was. Not the kind of pale that would usually be associated with sickness, more like what she would have expected Snow-White skin’s to be. Despite a bruise on his forehead behind his fringe, his face was devoid of any imperfections, even his chapped lips and bags under his eyes could be considered something attractive. His eyelashes were longer than she remembered, and he had lost all the roundness of his childhood. He indeed was very beautiful.

At least that’s what she could say from an outsider standpoint. Because right now, the first thing she was seeing was not the attractive Giver holding her in his arms, but rather her socially awkward childhood friend who had suddenly made a growth spurt.

He smiled to her. “You got curvier.”

“You are taller.”

“And your hair got longer too.”

“Your eyelashes as well.” They grinned at each other. “It’s going to last forever if we just keep on talking about our physical changes!”

“Well, you seem more mature.” Replied Ray.

“Of course, I am. I’m not 11 anymore.”

“You mean 5?” She pinched his nose, he chuckled before getting up and taking the oil lamp he had left on the side. “Let’s move. People can still hear us from up here.”

She followed him to a small space between a few wooden boxes where a mattress had been placed. Ray crawled on it to put the oil lamp between the object and the wall, letting it cast shadows over the improvised room, and leaned against mattress. Emma only took notes of the fact that he only was wearing his tank top and pants, fully showing the marks on his neck and shoulders. As she leaned down next to him, she placed the blanket she had previously on her shoulders over the two of them. He curled up under it while pulling her closer to have his naked feet under the thick fabric.

“Thanks.”

“What is up with you? You’re going out late at night like that with only an undershirt? You’re going to catch a cold.”

“You say that but what you are wearing is not as covering as my own clothes.”

“Aren’t you supposed to have a shirt?”

“My last change was dirtied today. It’s currently drying in the showers.” Said Ray, an embarrassed smile to his lips.

She could perfectly imagine his clients asking him for weird fetishes like that. But for now, Ray wasn’t aware that she knew about his side job, so she would stay quiet. “And a blanket?”

“I left it to my trainee. We sleep together so I will get it back once I come back to my room.”

“I see.”

Ray took a moment before suddenly noticing that she was not supposed to know what she was talking about. “Do you know what a trainee is?”

“I know, an older girl explained it to me.”

He hummed thoughtfully, staring at her face. She was staring to feel kind of nervous as he was looking at her like something worth analyzing, taking in every inch he was able to see from his point of view. He extended his hand, taking a strand of her hair in it, playing with the ends of it. Then he took in all of her attached hair to put them on her shoulder, staring this time at the loose braid. She couldn’t help the small smile forming on her lips.

Ray had always liked looking hair, even if he would never say it out loud. She had understood that when she had caught him staring at their adoptive mother’s unattached hair once, trying to restrain himself from touching the strands moving like each of them had their own life. They were barely four at that time. But even back then, to him, her hair had always seemed like a mystery to solve. They were as unruly as physically possible, refusing to be put in place, and of a vivid orange color sometimes similar to the trees in autumn. To him, seeing those strands finally put back to their places must have been more of a surprise than her body growing.

She moved on her stomach, using her arms as a support and placing a hand under her chin as Ray, unfazed by the movement, was still studying her braid.

“The more I look at it, the weirder I think it is. Seeing you with long hair I mean.” He said, breaking the silence.

“You think?”

“You always thought it was impractical, so I’m kind of surprised.”

“I still think it is.”

“Then why do you keep them long?”

“Gilda liked them long.”

Ray stopped playing with her hair, looking at her with widened eyes instead. “Gilda is alive?” She simply nodded as a response. “Is Anna too?” Asked the man.

“I guess neither Don nor Nat survived.”

He looked away; his lips pursued. “Don was able to hold on for two years at the Preparation House, but Nat died during his first year.”

“I see.” It must have been like her own training. If they didn’t have the level, they were shipped out. She had thought back when she was still a child that most of the ‘adoptions’ were made at the orphanage, but actually, they were mostly shipped out during their training. They probably estimated that children wouldn’t do their best at tests they didn’t even understand completely unless their lives were at stake. “Was Norman with you too?”

“Yeah.” Replied Ray, he must have learned that she had already saw him today. “We both tried our best to survive.”

She brushed his bang away from his face, tucking it behind his ear, staring at the bruise on his forehead. “I know.”

He took her hand in his and untucked his bang to let it hide his bruise again. “Don’t mind it.”

“Are they rough on you?”

“Is Norman the one who told you about it?”

“No, the same older girl.”

“It happens sometimes. But those kinds of things aren’t supposed to happen usually.”

“Are you fine with it? With doing that?”

He stared at the lamp. “Well, that’s just how things are for me, I guess.”

“They don’t have to, don’t they?”

He smiled sadly. “They have to.” He sighed; his eyes filled with something similar to regret. “They have to…” He repeated. He glanced at her for a moment, then gave her a gentle wry smile. “But less about me. More about you. Just look at that body! You became a woman! I never thought it was possible. Congratulations!”

She thought that he looked more like an adult than her. But it probably was the tired eyes. “I don’t feel like a woman honestly.”

“A lot of people would argue otherwise.”

She thought about Zack, back in the infirmary, and chuckled. “Yeah. I noticed.”

“Welcome to the club. It can be bothering, but nothing too harmful though don’t worry. Krone is making sure that no one hurts the ‘products’.”

“In case we die tomorrow.”

“Yep.”

“Ray?”

“Mh?”

“How does it feel for you? To go from a child to something desirable?”

He paused, thinking about it. He turned towards the ceiling, looking at the shadows in the dark. “Pretty terrible I would say. And you?”

“I don’t know. I’m not used to that.”

“Weren’t the girls looking at you in awe today?”

She buried her face in the mattress. Closing her eyes. Thinking about a thousand of things she had decided to keep to herself until the day she would die. She remembered screams, looks of disgust, laughs… dried blood.

“I told you, I’m not used to it.”

Chapter Text

It wasn’t surprising to hear the rain when waking up. They were at the beginning of spring, and before the flowers could bloom, there obviously was a lot of rain. It was raining this morning, raining like it wanted to flood the entire plantation. Raining like it wanted to make the window melt under the water drops hitting it rhythmically, like an improvised melody.

Oliver was looking at them, sitting on his bed and leaning against the wall behind him, his back on his worn-out pillow from which some feathers were coming out of. He was mindlessly playing with strands of black hair nudged against his lap. His face was hidden, like always, the boy never showed his face when sleeping. Suddenly he groaned, moving to wrap an arm around Oliver’s leg, and turning on his stomach.

The man let his hand trailed from the strand of black hair at the top of his head to his nape, near the number on his neck, one he didn’t have, at least not at the same place. He let his finger traced the edges of the bandages covering the younger one’s back and shoulders. The boy looked up to him.

“Is it red?”

Oliver moved the blanket away from the boy’s back, and lifted his tank top, too large on him, with the straps falling off his shoulders. The bandages covering his back were slightly tainted with brownish red stains.

“Yeah. We need to change them. Does it still hurt?”

“Can’t tell.” Replied the other as he sat back up, taking of his tank top and turning his back towards Oliver.

Carefully, he undid the improvised knot he had made last night and started to take off the bandages. Slowly, counting each turn he had to make to take it off, revealing a pale back covered with bright red strips, with skin curled up in an unnatural way at some places to create relief on the otherwise smooth skin. Some of the marks had already closed off, but others were still open. Letting them out without bandages, though it would’ve made the recovery quicker, wasn’t an option: the risk of infection was too big in the House. So even if it would leave scars, even if it would take longer, he needed to cover them with bandages.

When he finished taking it all off, the boy leaned back against the mattress on his stomach, burying his face in the sheets as Oliver was getting up to take the bottle of alcohol and the bandages he had stolen from the infirmary one day.

The man took a clean handkerchief he had saved for that type of situations. Slightly soaked it with alcohol and started going over the boy’s back. He shivered, gripping the sheets tighter. Wincing each time Oliver would go over an open wound. He gently stroked his arm with his free hand to reassure him, and the younger one gripped his hand. It probably wasn’t the pain that was making him hurt like that.

He sat back up once he finished and let him wrap the bandages around his bust again.

“Hey Oliver. Pepe told me you were going to be busy tonight again.”

“He told you?” Replied the man, unsurprised.

The boy turned his head towards him, even if his face was neutral, Oliver could see the worry in his eyes. “Don’t go. Please. It’s not worth it.”

“As long as it’s me it’s not you. Isn’t it for the best?”

“I wouldn’t mind if it was me.”

Suddenly Oliver gripped the boy’s face firmly, making the other jumped out at how furious he had suddenly become. “Never say that again. You hear me?” He simply nodded as a reply. Oliver let go of his face, sighing. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have reacted like that.”

The boy shook his head. “No, it’s fine, I understand. If I hadn’t been careless you wouldn’t have had to do that.”

“It’s not your fault Ray. It’s never your fault. It’s my own. I was supposed to take care of you and to keep an eye on you and I failed. Your wounds are my responsibilities. Not yours.”

“It’s not your fault either then.”

“You know it is.”

Ray stayed silent for a moment, waiting for Oliver to finishing patching him up. When it was done, he turned around. “What if you didn’t want to do it? What if you asked them to wait another day?”

“I can’t support the belt as much as you do.” Replied the man, he tucked the boy’s bang behind his ear. “And I’m neither a premium, nor a ‘home-grown’ product like you. They won’t be as merciful as they were with you.”

“You call this being ‘merciful’?”

“It is. Compared to what they could have done to you… It is.”

“Is it the same thing they will do to you tonight?”

Oliver smiled. Suddenly Ray wrapped his arms around his shoulders into a tight hug. Carefully, Oliver hugged him back, placing his hands where he knew there weren’t any wounds. “Promise me you won’t steal anything again. Promise me you won’t do anything so reckless again.”

Ray didn’t reply.

“Promise me to not lose, to not let any of them drag you to That Room, promise me to fight back…”

“I promise.”

Ray was more hobbling than walking. Trying to not fall from his own weight as he was using the wall as a support. He brought a hand to his hips, cursing at the pain. It was just after lunchtime, no one was supposed to be out at this hour of the day, at least on paper, since he was currently trying to get to the Givers’ floor.

He took another few steps and looked up, seeing Krone at the end of the stairs, waiting for him with crossed arms. She didn’t say anything, walked up quickly to him, grabbed his arm and pulled him towards the stairs, making him climb despite his winces and the way his feet could barely align. Without letting go of his arm, she opened the door, pushing him in the corridor as she slammed it behind him. He had lost his balance and heard the lock turn as he was getting up.

He couldn’t help the chuckle. He knew she cared about him; she was just kind of rough about it. After all, she had originally planned to become a Plantation’s Mama, and now, she ended up taking care of multiple boys in a whorehouse. Krone had the right to use more strength that she would have had if she had been able to become what she wanted. Besides, despite her strong grip, she hadn’t hurt him. It was just another proof that she didn’t actually had any ill intents, and just wanted him to go back to his room quicker.

Luckily for him, his room was close to the stairs. He put his hand on the handle, ready to tell Hayato that he wouldn’t be able to train him today and opened it. He was surprised by a sight he hadn’t expected.

Emma was sitting on his bed, her back against the wall, and was gently stroking Hayato’s hair as he was sleeping on her lap. Ray had never seen him looking so peaceful while sleeping before. The young woman was reading a small book with her free hand, sometimes using the other to turn a page. When Ray looked carefully, he noticed that the bed had been done, and the books originally scattered on the floor were piled up near it. Even the few clothes he had hastily left on the wooden box were at least folded.

He closed the door behind him and leaned against it while crossing his arms, Emma was unfazed by his presence. “What are you doing here?” He asked, talking with a low voice to not wake Hayato up.

“You told me how to access your room last night. I don’t have any check-ups today so I’m enjoying my time.”

“With MY trainee?”

“Hayato was tired, I only proposed to look after him while he sleeps.”

“So you know his name. Aren’t you getting a little bit ahead of yourself here Emma? It’s not a playground here. You can’t just do whatever you want. What if someone else had found you here?”

“Then I would’ve told them that you are my brother and I was waiting for you. Hayato is still a trainee, and as a newcomer, I am not allowed to have any relationships with him, but he can talk to me. Do you mind me following the own rules this House stated?”

“I’m minding you, not being in your dorm, and instead in the boys’ one.”

“Those are individual rooms, and I kind of guessed what you are all doing in the afternoon during that time. I doubt anyone, knowing that you have a trainee, would dare enter your room at that time of the day.”

“But you would.”

“It was quiet. I knew I could. I also knew you weren’t in your room, since you didn’t come to lunch.”

He sighed. Emma was winning this argument, something she had barely been able to do when they were still children. Usually she wasn’t as collected, back then she would’ve almost shouted, repeating that she just wanted to see him, but now she was putting it like it was just a part of a master plan she had been making since their reunion last night.

The young man backed off the door, stretching his limbs, he was feeling better now, at least enough to move properly, it was still hurting.

“Thanks.”

She lifted her eyebrows.

“For cleaning my room. Hayato never does it, and since it’s a boy’s one, with the smell and all of that… It mustn’t have been pleasant. So, thanks.”

She widened her eyes, looking to him and back to Hayato on her lap. “I guess I still need to improve my deductions skills.”

Ray snorted. Of course, Hayato wouldn’t have told a girl why he had entered the room for, so he would’ve probably lied about it and say something like ‘I’m here to clean his room’. He must have only mentioned the training later on, so Emma still believed he was here for the cleaning and had done it in case he would come back and see him slacking off.

“I’m sorry I can’t help you right now.” She said. “My body is kind of stuck here for a while.”

“Don’t worry about it, I don’t need help for that.” He replied, taking off his shirt. He stared at her for a moment, she was staring back at him. “What? I’m back from ‘work’. I’m going to clean myself.”

She widened her eyes, blushing madly. “Right now?!”

“Unless you want me to smell like…” He gestured to his crotch. “You’ll have to indulge my naked body.” He then took off his tank top before she could protest, throwing it near his shirt in a corner of the room.

He crouched down, taking off a small box under his bed and pulling a small glassed bottle out of it, placing it on the table where the jug of water and the porcelain basin were. Emma was watching him carefully pouring some drops of the purple liquid in the basin as well as water and soaking his towel in it. Her nose twitched.

“Is that perfume?”

“Yes.”

“Lavender?”

“Guessed it right again.”

“Do you share it with Norman?”

“Did you sniff him?” He asked jokingly as he was squeezing the towel to pull out the water out of it and scrubbing his neck. She didn’t reply, her eyebrows furrowed in annoyance. “Yeah I do.” He said. “Sometimes.”

“That’s why… I have the same.”

“Perfume?”

She hummed. “For our birthdays, we were allowed to ask for anything until our 18, after that we can’t have gifts anymore. I asked for a bottle of perfume when I was 13, and I received one like that. I still use it.”

“I didn’t think of you to be the type of person to ask for perfume. Can I know why?”

“To not smell bad. That’s all.” She replied, looking away. He hummed, cleaning his chest and arms. “And you?” She asked.

“A reward I asked. I was testing what I can get.”

“Oh. And what can you get?”

“A bunch of stuff.”

The answer was cold enough for her to understand that he didn’t want to talk more about it. He finished cleaning up his upper body and was about to unbutton his pants before remembering the girl in the room. “Can you… look away? Please?”

“Ah yes of course!” She replied quickly turning her head away and hide her face behind her book as Ray was taking off his pants and underwear.

He took care of his legs, soaking the towel again. Emma didn’t say anything, and from the corner of his eyes, he could see that she wasn’t trying to peek. Even if he knew that Emma wasn’t the type of person who wouldn’t respect his boundaries, it had been a while since someone accepted that he wasn’t just showing his naked body to anyone. Even Norman didn’t care anymore about his nudity or if he ever wanted to hide it.

He couldn’t help the smile on his lips, glad that Emma couldn’t see him behind her book. Once he finished taking care of everything, he left the towel on the side of the basin and walked up to the wooden box near the bed, close to Emma as she was moving the book to be sure to not look. He took off a pair of pants and underwear out of it and quickly put them on.

“You can put the book down.”

She let it fall onto her side with a relieved sigh, glancing up at him as he was sitting on the bed, careful to not bother Hayato. “Where did you get them?” She asked out of the blue.

He turned around. “Get what?”

“Your scars.”

“Oh that? Just stole some stuff. Nothing big.” She raised her brow. “I stole medics while skipping lunch and I talked badly to one of the Mediators. See I just messed up.”

“Why did you steal medics?”

“One of the boys was sick, and the Mediators at the time refused to help him since he wasn’t efficient enough for them.” He glanced at the boy sleeping soundly on her lap. “He was about Hayato’s age, so older than me at the time. It was usual to just… Give up people, if they weren’t strong enough back then, but I am a premium so…” He sighed. “I think I just got a little bit ahead of myself, and believed I was above the others and could be forgiven for that. So, during lunch, I sneaked into the infirmary to steal stuff. But since I wasn’t at lunch, someone came in when I was about to go away with the goods. I made some snarky remarks and… well… I got flogged. I just paid for my deeds, see? Besides I can’t even see those scars so why I should care?”

“Because they didn’t have to hurt you for being compassionate. That’s why you should care.” Said Emma.

He smiled, moving his arm to ruffle her hair. She couldn’t understand it after all, she wasn’t there back then. She didn’t know how the life used to be.

“Hey! Do you know how long it takes me to do this?!”

“You’re too sweet for this place.” His hand trailed down to her cheek, putting a strand of red hair behind her ear, and then stroking her porcelain skin with his thumb. “You would be a great mother.”

She seemed to want to reply something before being stopped by a groaning sound on her lap. They both looked down to Hayato who was slowly waking up and Ray let go of Emma’s cheek. The boy turned around, scrubbing his eyes and opening them. He blinked twice when he noticed Ray, before quickly moving away from Emma.

“R-R-R-Ray?! What are you doing here?!”

“Well it’s my room, you dumbass.” Replied Ray coldly, mildly annoyed by the fact that Hayato had interrupted them.

Hayato looked around, slowly realizing the position he was in and becoming paler. “She said she was your sister so I thought I could let her in…! I didn’t think about…!”

“Emma already explained everything to me.”

“Did you sleep well?” Asked the girl politely.

Hayato was about to answer but looked to Ray again in panic. “Just say you slept well, or that her thighs were comfortable, or she smelled good, I don’t care.” Said Ray. “I already watched you sleeping like a baby in his mother’s arms for 15 minutes. You’re taking too long.”

“15 minutes?!”

“You actually slept for a full hour.” Added Emma.

“A…?! I’m sorry Emma I didn’t want to bother you so much, I…!”

“Hayato.” Cut off Ray, gesturing to the door. “You had your nap; I think you can go now.”

Hayato gulped. “Yes! I’ll leave you two alone!” And before Emma could say anything to reassure him, he got out of the room.

Emma stared at the door for a moment before turning back to Ray. “I’m no going to comment the fact that I thought you were harsh with him and go straight to the point. A baby in his mother’s arms? A great mother?” Her look darkened. “Ray, are you asking to become the father of my children?”

“I am. That’s why I asked him to leave.”

She looked to her side and put a hand to her forehead, massaging her temples. He knew it was a tricky question for the both of them. He knew that they would both preferred doing it with someone they knew rather than a stranger, but they knew each other too well for it to not be slightly uncomfortable.

“Excuse me I need a few seconds.”

“No problem.”

He waited a minute to let her consider the option. He had already made his choice a long time ago, now it was time for her to do the same and ask herself who would take her first time.

“What if you… don’t become my partner?” Asked the girl, breaking the silence that had settled itself.

“You mean if I’m not chosen?” She nodded. “Impossible. I’m a premium. They wouldn’t miss the chance to create the ultimate product.” Replied Ray.

“I thought you had become humbler with the speech you gave me earlier.”

“Things have changed. It was 3 years ago.”

She seemed to think about it for a moment again. “What are my options besides you?”

“Not many. You won’t have any trainee, and with your rank, you should only get the finest of the group. So… About 3 or 4 people maximum. Including me. Also, it’s useless to ask for me if I didn’t recommend myself already, I’m often asked, and I’m usually a last resort. But I’m confident that with our ranks, we should be able to get partnered up easily.”

“But I still have a chance of being assigned to another boy.”

He nodded. “They are usually the oldest of the bunch. Including my trainer.”

“Your trainer?” She asked suddenly curious.

Ray finally noticed what he had said, he needed to catch it up quickly. “Don’t worry about him. He’s too old for you. He is 25, he should be shipped out next year, so asking him as a partner would mean that you are fine with changing in-between. It’s not safe if you need to stay longer than expected.” He needed to become her partner. And he wouldn’t support the thought of Oliver taking Emma after taking him. It was just too messed up.

“You’re right. It wouldn’t be safe. Then I’ll ask to be assigned to you when I can.”

“I hope you don’t mind.”

“If it weren’t for you asking me, I would have asked you myself.”

“Thanks.”

“Ray.” He felt her hand wrap itself around his as she backed away from the wall and kissed his cheek. “I’m the one thanking you. You know… Even if you weren’t the one assigned to me… I think that if I needed to, I would choose you.”

He squeezed her hand back. “Yeah.” He couldn’t reply ‘me too’, since this choice had already been made a long time ago for him.

After that, Emma left the room, saying that she couldn’t stay out too long, or else the Receivers would become suspicious. He stayed alone in his room for the rest of the afternoon, thinking back to his conversation with Emma.

He had never talked about his scars in his back to anyone besides the persons concerned at that time. He closed his eyes, thinking back to the hit on his back, to his hands attached to one of dinner’s hall table’s feet with one of the handcuffs they would use when the newcomers would arrive. His naked back exposed as the man was hitting him with the belt, stronger each time. He remembered gritting his teeth, as he felt the blood running down on his sides and screaming between each droplet of tears. He remembers Krone finally stopping the madness as the man had started hitting him with his foot. And he only remembered the man’s last words before fainting.

Next time, it’ll be in The Room my dear…

The next time had been in The Room indeed. But what the man didn’t know at the time is that he would be the last one in The Room. Ray opened his eyes and extended a hand, looking at his own body that seemed like something coming from someone else.

He hadn’t thought that a time would come in which he would have been able to choose his partner with said partner’s consent.

He smiled to himself. He was glad he could trust Emma on this at least. Despite the years, she hadn’t become like that woman. She was still his adorable little sister. He could trust her on that, maybe one day, he could even tell her the full truth. Once they would be in a room, alone, without anyone able to come in for one hour, he would probably tell her then.

Because after all, even if they grew up together, they were bond together by the system. If he had been accepted as a Giver, and her as a Receiver, then it meant that everything was planned for that day.

There was no way that it could go wrong.

The young woman walked in the corridor calmly, arriving to the infirmary.

“What is it?” Asked the man at the entrance.

“I want to ask for preferences in the Giver, I wasn’t precise enough in my file, but now I have a slight idea.”

“I see. It’s the office number 7, at the other end of the corridor.”

“Thank you.”

With quick and precise steps, she walked up, and opened the curtains unceremoniously. She was welcomed by a man in his early twenties, wearing an astonishing number of hairpins in his black hair.

“Oh you? Didn’t you already ask for your preferences?”

“I decided to change it.”

“Alright, who would you want?”

She smiled. “I want to be assigned to…”

Chapter Text

A scream.

Loud, screeching, piercing into the night. The man was unfazed by it. Actually, Shelly was calling him a man, but he mustn’t have hit his twenties yet. He was only a teenager, just like her. She was looking at him through the tiny window on her door, trying to see something by standing on her tiptoes. He was walking around, trying to calm down a few girls who had come out of their rooms.

All of them had flat stomachs, they must have been newcomers, discovering what the Nursery was really about. He was smiling gently, reassuring them, telling them nice things… He had a really gentle smile. Finally, despite the screams, he managed to put everyone back to their rooms. But Shelly was still staring at him, despite the pain in her lower abdomen. Suddenly, he looked at her door. Startled by the unexpected movement, she moved away from her door and hurried herself towards her bed, hiding herself under the sheets.

She heard the door opening, and then closing behind him. A few steps. Someone crouching down next to her bed. Slowly, she turned around, faced with two incredibly beautiful blue orbs hidden behind a pair of glasses. He smiled to her politely, but she could see his surprise. She hid her face behind the blanket.

“I haven’t seen you around… You must be a newcomer, aren’t you?” Asked the man.

She glanced at him from behind the sheets. “I’ve been here for a week or so… I think.” She replied.

“I see. I’ve been here for almost a year now.” Said the man. They stared at each other in an awkward silence before he decided to keep talking. “You seem to be the youngest person I’ve ever seen here… Do you mind telling me your age?”

“You’re the youngest man I think I met during those past few years.” She simply said, finally pulling off the sheets.

He chuckled. “I guess. I’m 17. And you?”

She looked at his face hesitantly, despite his young age, his skin was smooth and even. He looked like an angel…

“Am I going to die?” She whispered without noticing it.

He widened his eyes and shook his head. “You seem in perfectly good health. I think you’ll live longer than that.”

“I thought an angel had come to take me.” She said, before brightly blushing and hiding her face again. “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to say it like that!’

Her sheet was pulled away by a hand larger than hers, moving it carefully away to have a glimpse of her face. “It’s fine. It’s been a while since someone called me an angel.” He smiled to her again, that sweet smile that was making her think she might die in the following minutes… “But you still haven’t told me your age. How old are you?”

She hesitated for a few seconds. How old was she already? Right… “15. Got them last month.”

“That’s extremely young for a girl like you.” Said the man, moving to sit down instead. Was he going to stay here longer? “I saw you looking through the window, are you afraid?”

She shook her head. “The House was worst than that. I was just curious.”

He nodded. “I see. I’ve never been to the House, so I can’t tell, but for me, the first time I heard the screams I was really terrified.”

“You were?”

“Yes. I wasn’t with anyone I knew, so it was my first time dealing with those feelings alone. It was very scary.”

“Is that why you came to see me?”

His lips curved into an embarrassed smile. “I guess I was wondering if you were scared too.” He then got up, walking away. “But I guess you are fine; I’ll just leave you sleeping then.”

Before he could put his hand on the door handle, she gripped his wrist tightly. He looked at her for a moment, she was looking away. Her heart was beating fast, it hadn’t been long though since the first time she touched a man. But somehow, touching someone for something other than that purpose was giving her a different feeling.

A scream again, still as loud as ever. She jumped out.

“Do you want me to stay?” Asked the man softly.

His eyes were so gentle, he seemed so gentle… He wasn’t like that man at the House. He would be the type of man who would ask her what she wanted before going in, he would be the type to hold her close and to stroke her cheeks and hair while whispering her sweet words, who would comply to any of her demands while still being so gentle…

She moved her hands down, holding his hand. A man’s hand was rough, she had learned it recently, but this one was somehow soft, large and heavier than a girl’s hand, but as soft as one. Like the feathers of a dove. Not like she knew how it would feel like.

She nodded, suddenly feeling ashamed by her outfit. Her nightdress, of a fabric so light it could barely hide something if it weren’t for the darkness. It was showing so much things she wasn’t used to, her collarbone, her feet, her ankles, her arms… She felt indecent. When did she started to feel like that? She didn’t care before. She didn’t want this man to see her like her partner had. And at the same time, she wanted to.

Carefully, he led her back to her bed, without letting go of her hand. She tucked herself under the blanket, staring at him and his angelic look. He then let go of her hand for the first time to take off his lab coat, folding it and placing it to the ground, next to where he decided to sit down. He leaned against the bedside table; he must have been uncomfortable. So uncomfortable. He put his hand back on the mattress, next to hers.

“I can stay here for the night if you want me to.”

“You will get scolded.” She blurted out, remembering what had happened to one of them at The House.

He shook his head. “Don’t worry, I’ll be fine.”

He wasn’t moving his hand, waiting for her to take the first step. She did. Slowly moving her fingers towards that hand, simply holding it at first, before intertwining their fingers together, only noticing how much of a difference a man and a woman’s hands were. Was it like that too? Back when she believed she could go to one of those beautiful shops filled with jewelry and soft fabrics? No, it wasn’t. It wasn’t anymore. And it would never be.

“Are you sure you aren’t an angel sent to bring me to heaven?”

“If only.”

She brought his hand closer to her, placing it near her face, like she would have done with her doll as a child. She wasn’t a child anymore. A child couldn’t bear a child in their body after all. They told her anyway, from the day she started bleeding, she wasn’t a child anymore, but a woman.

But right here. Right now. She felt more like a child than anything else in the world. If there was still a something to be called a world.

“I’m Shelly.” She said. “And you?”

He moved one of the fingers in the hand she was holding, stroking her cheek. “Norman.”

“Hey Sandy, did you finish the selection?” Asked Zack as he was drinking tea from a cup that Vincent had brought earlier.

They had decided to take some free time to talk and check where everyone was in their work. They were in the kitchen, a place only Krone and the persons supposed to prepare the dinner that day were allowed to get in today. Luckily for them all, they were the ones in charge today and had decided to come in advance to talk and enjoy the lack of activity in the only warm place of the house.

Norman had decided to take advantage of it by staying near the oven, Vincent leaning against the wall next to him. Most of the others were sitting at the only table of the room, and others were checking the storage room.

“Almost.” Replied Sandy, a man slightly younger than Zack, with curly dark hair kept in place by an outrageous number of hairpins. “But honestly, I’m just lucky, I thought it would take me a few more days, but that Receiver helped me a lot with her sudden change of plan.”

“A sudden change of plan?” Asked Vincent. “Oh. That one.”

“Yeah. Thanks to her, I could get rid of the most problematic thing. Now I just have to check again if everyone is good and we can give it to Krone.”

“What kind of problematic thing was it?” Said Norman.

“Can’t tell yet. I can explain it to you after the selection is announced.”

“In any case.” Suddenly said an elder at the table, he must have been in his late thirties, one of the oldest. “It must actually be easier for you than for us back then. I mean, with all those transfers, some pairs are easily made, aren’t they?”

“Wait. There weren’t as many transfers as there are now?” Cut off Norman. “I know most of us just arrived a year ago. But… there really weren’t transfers before?”

“There were some.” Answered the elder. “But like… one or two. They all arrived almost 10 years ago.”

“Only 9 for now.” Replied another elder.

“Yeah 9. But even before that, we had a transfer from the higher-ups.”

“The higher-ups?” Asked Vincent, raising a brow. “Not the center?”

The elder shook his head. “That one was a case. We are by far better with all you youngsters, he was supposed to be the chief of Mediators here. But you know how it is, he abused of his authority and… Well. He didn’t end well.”

“No, I mean… What do you mean by higher-ups?”

The two elder looked at each other. “We don’t know ourselves. It was just… higher than the head of each farms.”

“Higher than the lords?” Asked Norman.

“More like equal to them.”

“Equal… to them?” Almost whispered Zack. “Woah there. That’s impossible. No humans can be the equal of those creatures!”

“Well they were. They just control all the farms. That transfer came from there, I think he didn’t even have a number.”

Most of them gasped at that information, being born without a number was something unthinkable for many of them. Norman approached the two men.

“But how many transfers were there back then? They are currently 30% of the House, how was it back then?”

“I told you, not even 5% of the House were transfers.”

“And they all arrived 9 years ago?”

“It depends.” Said Zack. “I was at Grand Valley before, but after 2 year they sent me to Glory Bell before they sent me to Grace Field. I’ve been here for almost 6 years but has only been sent to the House a year ago, like you.”

“For me, it started the same way as Zack, except that I also spent 4 years in Goodwill Ridge before coming here. This is where I first talked to Vincent in my case.” Said Sandy.

“Which is surprising since I was also at Glory Bell since I started working. I was only transferred at Goodwill Ridge later.” Replied Vincent.

“Wait.” Cut them off Norman. “No one was transferred to Grand Valley?”

“Both Sandy and I were born there, but I guess Vincent couldn’t come.” Said Zack.

“No, I mean… You all have an order before coming here. First, it’s Grand Valley, then Glory Bell, and after that Goodwill Ridge before finishing at Grace Field… Don’t you find it weird?”

“Maybe it’s some hierarchy formula?” Said Sandy. “Like, you have to go through specific farms before being able to go to THE Grace Field.”

“It would be most likely.” Said Vincent. “It must also have something to do with grades, since I had good ones at Glory Bell, I was maybe allowed to have a quicker progression.”

“Yeah it must be that.”

Norman was holding his chin in his hand. Even if the hierarchy theory was plausible, it was unlikely. He remembered a document given to him once by Smee that mentioned that Goodwill Ridge only became a Premium farm a few decades ago. So it wouldn’t be logic to be sent here before being sent to Grace Field.

Besides, what the elder said was also weird. 30% of the House was made of transfers. So if there weren’t lots of them before, it meant that there was a sudden migration of transfers to Grace Field. Not only mentioning that one from the higher-ups.

“When did that transfer from the higher-ups was sent back to…” No, not the Center. “To his original post?”

The elder stared at him for a long time, quieter than ever, when he talked, his voice was trembling. Not with sadness… more like… fear. “2 years ago. He was there since 1926.”

“He was here for 8 years, if he had gained so much trust to be able to stay so long, why was he sent back to the House?”

“Norman.” Cut him off another elder. “You’re asking too much questions.”

The room became silent, all eyes locked on him. Being too curious wasn’t an appreciated thing within the House. He took a few steps back. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s natural to wonder what happened before. But you should focus on the gynecological exams to come instead of digging into things that doesn’t concern you Norman.”

“Yes.”

The situation was becoming more awkward than necessary, and he left the room while mumbling something about preparing the tables for dinner. Cursing himself in his mind.

Ha had gotten too used to this situation; he should’ve guessed that he couldn’t trust his coworkers for that kind of thing. Information were a precious thing, and for people like them, guaranteed to live, it was something so valuable that any kind of trading was dangerous.

He wandered between the tables, going to the glassed armor near the wall, where all the plates were. But as he did so, he noticed something near the armor. He looked down to see what looked like red paint on the wall, near the ground. He had never taken in in account before because due to his lack of strength he was rarely taking care of preparing the tables. But he was alone this time, and stronger.

Carefully, he kneeled down the red mark. Looking closely, it was too brownish and dark to be red paint. It looked more like… dried blood. Feeling his heart beating faster, he let his hand trail the messy strokes, noticing with horror that it matched the ones of a hand gripping at the tapestry. He let his hand slide behind the gap between the armor and the wall, feeling suddenly something uneven above his fingers. He knew he couldn’t move the armor, so he tried to feel the pattern with his hand. Those were words, graved into the armor. He traced them, trying to understand each letter.

A…n...d…r…e…w… i…s …a…

The letters stopped there. Andrew? Who was Andrew? Even if he didn’t know that, he could at least have an idea of what should’ve been written afterwards. Because if it was something nice… then there wouldn’t have been blood on the wall.

The selection happened on Wednesday. They were all reunited into the dining hall, going to their sit. But when Norman sat down to his after leaving his lab coat on the chair’s back, Sandy immediately sat down next to him. Even if it wasn’t the one he would usually sat down to. He looked nervously around, and then ruffled in his pocket before giving him a wrinkled piece of paper roughly folded under the table.

“I thought back to what you said.” He whispered, gripping his arm to talk to him closer. “So I checked the files again.”

He looked around again. Norman put a hand over his arm. “Calm down. What did you find?”

Sandy took a deep breath before staring at him again. “You’re right. There’s an order.”

Norman felt a shiver down his spine.

“The same one you mentioned: Grand Valley, then Glory Bell, then Goodwill Ridge, and finally Grace Field. For all the transfers during those past 10 years, it’s been the same path, even if some skipped some steps. But it’s even weirder when you look closely at it.”

Sandy glanced at the paper to indicate to Norman to open it. He did and found various graphics with numbers. He looked at them for a moment. “They… all left each farm at the same time.”

“Exactly. It’s always during a specific year. And after that, no transfers were sent back to those farms. But before 1926, the transfers came from different farms and had each a different path. Some of our files even indicate that some of them left Grace Field to another farm. It hasn’t happened…”

“Since then.” Completed Norman.

“But there’s something even weirder.” Said Sandy.

Everyone was eating, but Norman couldn’t care less about his food at this moment.

“Some transfers don’t have records of their parents.”

“What? It’s impossible, we need those to partner them up.”

“Exactly. But they have no relation to anyone from any farm. I can’t give you names… But…” Sandy glanced at the Givers’ table. “Be careful. I think those don’t come from the same farms as the others.”

“There’s only 4 premium farms.”

“Well… Consider that from now on… There’s a 5th one.”

Sandy finally let go of his arm and started to dig in plate, trying to look as natural as possible. Norman did the same, the news twirling into his mind.

“Why did you tell me all of this?” He asked.

“Because you are 81194’s doctor. You’re the one who would be the most capable of gaining information that no one else has. As such: you are the only one who can guess what is happening without raising suspicion.”

He took a moment before finally talking again. “Norman. You need to find the truth about all of this. Even if I’m not a premium product like you, I can tell there’s something fishy about it.”

“I can’t. 81194 doesn’t give me as many information as you think he does. His only goal is to have as many rewards as possible.”

“Then find them yourself.” Replied Sandy, putting something in Norman’s pocket. “I’m the one in charge of partnering up the Givers and Receivers. I’m the one they look after the most. But you… You’re only a doctor. They will turn a blind eye on your actions.”

Norman reached to what was in his pocket. A key.

“It gives access to the Archive room downstairs. Use it carefully.”

“Won’t you need it?”

“I finished the selection. I am not allowed to go there anymore until most of the Receivers are sent to the Nursery House. It’s only a copy of the key I made a while ago. Be careful with it.”

They stopped talking as they heard Krone ringing the bell, turning everyone’s attention towards her. Like all the other, Norman had to look at her, or else he would look suspicious again. Even if his heart was currently racing to the implication of what he would have to do. Sandy leaned behind him to make other thinks that he was just trying to look.

“Can I trust you with it?”

Norman squeezed his arm as an answer. Sandy understood and leaned back on his chair as Krone started to talk.

“First of all, good morning to everyone. As you must have guessed, today is the long-awaited selection day. You will officially learn who you will be partnered up with and start the prepared sexual intercourses. I will make a brief summary of what those consist in before telling you all your partner for the Receivers who still don’t know how the House works.

“First of all, you will be assigned to a partner, a few days after your menstrual cycle ends you will start the sexual intercourses, for 1 hour each day, you will have intercourses for 5 days, at the time you should be the most fertile. The cycle repeats itself until you get pregnant. If you don’t after 6 months, you get a change of partner. And if you still don’t, even after another 6 months, you are sent back to the Center and I’ll let you imagine what might happen to you. From that day on, you will be allowed to talk to your partner however you want, but to no other boys. Is that clear?”

She didn’t to explain what the consequences of those actions for everyone would be to understand what it meant. “Yes Ma’am!” Responded the girls.

“Let’s start then.” And she started telling the pairs by calling them by their numbers.

Zack, in front of Norman, leaned backward. “Hey, would you be in if Emma ended up with 81194?”

“And what would you do if she ended up with AII866-890?” Joked back Norman. He knew Zack liked to mess with him, he didn’t need to take it personally. Besides, he knew that she would end up with Ray, he had talked about it with him after she had agreed to ask for him. Sandy would have jumped on the occasion obviously.

“I can’t tell you, that would be disrespectful to say such things in front of her brother.” Replied Zack, smirking.

“Wait, Emma?” Asked Sandy, leaning towards them again. “Oh, that one.”

“What ‘that one’?” Said Zack.

Krone was almost at the end of the list. She hadn’t said neither Emma’s nor Ray’s number for now.

“Well, I couldn’t tell until then but…”

“DIV332-198 with…” Started Krone.

“She’s the one who made a change of partner.”

“81194.”

Norman looked to the Givers’ table. Ray was staring at Krone in shock, looking back and forth to him and her. But he couldn’t explain either what had happened. There was only one pair left.

“63194 with AII866-890.”

Chapter Text

It was bleeding.

The thing between her legs. It was bleeding. It was staining the sheets with a dirty brownish red, it was running down her tights… Sticky, uncomfortable, red. It was making some chunks of flesh, making her wonder if those were her muscles or coagulated blood. It wasn’t hurting. Not for now. It started to hurt later, like a thousand knives stabbing her pelvis, and playing with the bits of flesh around the organ. It was red, running down her tights, and it hurt, and it wouldn’t stop. It just wouldn’t stop. No matter how much she would try to clean the ‘wound’, or maybe block the way out to the blood by placing a handkerchief in front of the hole it was coming from, it was still bleeding.

She tried to check what it was by touching it, but every time her fingers would make contact with the sticky and wet skin down there it would just hurt more. Her whole body was sensible, like someone had decided to take her skin off and to let her bare flesh rote in a hole.

But worst of all, the blood wouldn’t come off. No matter how much she would try to scrub the sheets under the cold water, it wouldn’t come off. It had already dried enough to permanently stain the fabric. If only she had understood earlier that she was bleeding, then maybe it wouldn’t have had happened…

But what was happening to her anyway? Why was this sticky blood coming out of her? She didn’t understand. She couldn’t understand. It must have been a sickness. Maybe she was going to die of blood loss, maybe it would never stop… But if it was simply a sickness, and she wouldn’t die of it… Maybe they would stick a flower as red as the blood coming out from it into her chest.

She couldn’t bear the thought. She didn’t want to die. Not now, not yet. She needed to hide it, the symbol of shame, she needed to hide it. So they would not find it.

They found it.

They found it and they showed it to everyone. They showed the symbol of shame to everyone. She was going to die, for sure. She was going to die under the laughs of mockery of the other girls.

She was going to die of…

“Get her.” Said the instructor.

They gripped her arms and legs. She tried to run away, she tried to clear off in vain. Her body was numb, and it was bleeding. It was bleeding and staining the handkerchief she had placed in her pants to keep the blood from running down her tights, but she could still feel the droplet running down her tight.

“Take her clothes off.” Said the instructor.

Maybe she screamed. Maybe she cried. Maybe she begged for mercy. Or maybe she simply gave up. Or maybe all of them at ounce. They took off her shirt first, exposing her upper body. Looking at her breasts, if the instructor wasn’t saying anything, she could clearly hear the other girls.

“Aren’t you ashamed of being exposed like that?”

“Hey, maybe she liked it, maybe she is actually a slut, that’s why she is letting us take her clothes off!”

“You mean she bats for the other team? Disgusting.”

Disgusting.

They took off her pants next, winced and shouting at the blood between her legs, staining the skin around it. They laughed nervously, mockingly, repeating the same words.

Disgusting. Disgusting. Disgusting.

Emma finally managed to clear off. She ran away, she was completely naked, she could feel it bleed. It was bleeding. It was bleeding so much. The others were laughing. Louder. Louder. Louder. She tried to open the door, but the door was closed. She shook the handle so much it could’ve broke. They were getting closer. She ran away again, trying to get away from them, running to a corner of the room, wrapping her arms around her chest, squeezing her legs together to hide the droplets of blood falling to the floor.

It was bleeding.

“Spread her legs.” Said the instructor.

It was her punishment, her punishment for lying. Her punishment for hiding the truth. The same chant, over and over again, as the were spreading her tights apart despite her screams.

Disgusting. Disgusting. Disgusting.

They exposed it. She stopped screaming. She had lost her voice, replaced instead by countless of tears running down her face as the instructor examined the blood and where it came from. She laughed and asked the girl to let her go. Emma didn’t have the strength to hide herself anymore, she had been showed to everyone, her body and mind violated. A girl hit her knee hard, almost breaking it.

“Hide yourself born whore!”

Emma winced at the pain and crawled back to the corner of the wall she had hid before under the laughs.

“Whore?! She’s not even that! Look at how she moves! She’s not even a human she’s just a worm! A disgusting worm who keeps on staining everything!”

They hit her again, to her legs, to her arms, to her chest.

“Only a born whore could start to bleed so young! It’s your destiny!”

The instructor stopped them, throwing back to Emma the dirty sheet she had found, she used it to hide her body. “Come on girls. It’s nothing to be laughing about. Each and everyone of you will go through the same thing. Emma’s mistake was to not inform me of this joy her body accorded to her so early.”

She kneeled down beside her.

“Congratulation. From now on you left childhood. You are a woman now Emma. You’ve been gifted the gift given by God to us women. From now on, you will be able to leave this place at any time to another world filled with pleasure and love. Congratulation Emma, from that day, you will be able to become pregnant.”

It was bleeding.

It was red, sticky, and it was running down her thighs.

A few weeks ago, she was still playing tag with her siblings.

She was 12, the day they announced to her that she didn’t had any control over her body and life.

The moment her partner was announced, Emma thought about what Hayato had told when she had talked to him last time.

“You know, Ray, he never talks about his past to anyone. If he talked to you about it, then that means that he trusts you. And loves you.”

She looked at the person supposed to be her partner, sitting at the table on the other side of the room, staring back at her. She felt her lips pursued as the guilt coursed through her.

“Oliver, he loves Ray more than anything in the world. He would leave Ray to you anytime you want to since he loves you so much, and you love him just as much. Your chances to get him would be very high!”

She looked at the pair of purple eyes in front of her, smiling gently to her. But this gentleness was more terrifying than anything she would’ve expected.

As soon as Krone had finished, Emma tried to run to the Giver tables before being stopped by Krone’s arms. “What do you think you are doing?”

“I… I need to talk to Ray. Please let me talk to Ray!”

“You aren’t allowed to talk to him, he isn’t your partner.”

She felt the blood leaving her cheeks. It wasn’t supposed to happen like that. It wasn’t supposed to be like that. But then, all fear was replaced with pure rage. She got out from Krone’s grip, and before the woman could react, jumped over the Mediators’ table to approach the man she had asked a change. She gripped his shirt, and without the slightest hint of difficulty, lifted him off the ground.

The Mediators’ around took a step back. Even Norman, she had seen him, but it didn’t matter to her. The event was making a commotion around her.

“This isn’t what I asked for.” She hissed to the Mediator.

But he simply chuckled as a reply, feeling the blood course through her veins again, she suddenly let him fall back to the ground before kicking against the table’s side with her foot and holding his shoulder in place.

“What does she mean?” Asked Norman, taking a step towards her, seemingly hesitant to stop her. Everyone knew that you shouldn’t mess with a Receiver, especially a Premium.

“I said she made a change of partner. I didn’t say that she got the one she wanted.” Said the Mediator.

Emma contained herself from slapping him, they weren’t allowed to hit the face of another human being, what if it damaged the brain? She settled for pushing her heel further into his shoulder.

“I asked for 81194. Why wasn’t I with 81194? Do you have a proper reason for it, Mediator, or do I need to dislocate your shoulder to know the truth?”

The other men around her shuddered in fear. They knew she could do it. She had already done it. But as she was about to give in and do what she had threatened to, she felt a reassuring hand on her arm. She turned towards a blond hair; forehead covered by a bandana. She looked at him, and then at a silhouette further away in the dining room, staring at her with understanding eyes.

“Emma. Please…” Said Hayato with his so gentle voice, a voice still filled by the innocence that came before the job.

Slowly, she took her heel off from the Mediator’s shoulder as he was crawling back to his colleague, one of them hurrying to his side to see how he was.

“I promised to him…” She whispered to Hayato.

“He knows.” Replied the boy, stroking her arm to reassure her. “It’s not your fault, he said.”

Norman approached her too, leaning down to look at her face. “Hey. It’s okay. You’ll talk about it with him later.” He whispered, putting a hand over her shoulder.

She slowly nodded, about to go out of the room, when this time, another masculine silhouette approached the group. Crossing his arms as he stood in front of the Mediator. He was tall, taller than her from a full head. Taller than Ray and Norman too, pretty handsome, like a prince from a fairy tale.

“I want to know too, Sandy.” Said the Giver. “Can you explain this to me?”

“Why does it matter? The selection is done anyway.” Replied Sandy.

“I heard the young lady. She didn’t ask for me, and I was very careful to not recommend myself to her either. So, Sandy, can you explain to me why we were assigned together?”

“Well, you or the slut, you trained him, so it’s the same thing isn’t it?”

The Giver gritted his teeth, he wasn’t allowed to hit the Mediator, but Emma could feel, that like her, he was burning with the desire to. “He has a name.”

“No matter what you say, he stays what he is.”

“Calm down you two!” Suddenly cut them off Zack, putting himself between the two men. “You’ll talk about it later. We need to leave the room or Krone is going to kill us all okay?”

“He’s right.” Said the woman at the other end of the room, hurrying the Givers and Receivers near the door to get out. “Come on, I want all of you out of this room. And Hayato, you aren’t a trainee anymore, you aren’t allowed to talk to 63194.”

It took a moment for the blond boy to understand that she was talking about Emma. He jumped out when he did, apologizing quickly to her as he ran back to Ray as he got out of the room too. Emma was staring at the man who had felt the same thing as her. This was her partner… He was Ray’s trainer.

Oliver.

They both watched the other Mediators getting out of the room. He sighed and walked towards her. “I’m sorry for what happened. I know you asked for Ray, Hayato told me. I… I had asked Sandy to put you two together, but it seems he didn’t listen to me at all. Sorry.”

“It’s not your fault.” Replied Norman. “You couldn’t know what would happen.”

“Yeah but… Thinking that my last partner would be my trainee’s little sister is a bit… disturbing, you see?”

“Are you allowed to talk to me?” Asked Emma, genuinely wondering.

“Yes, since we are partners. Like your Mediator, you are allowed to talk to me as much as you want.”

“I see.” Said Norman.

“In any case. The fact that we are partners doesn’t me that you aren’t allowed to fool around. Well, technically, yes, you aren’t allowed to fool around. But you know what I mean. And since it’s my last time, and your first, I can also just, not do anything during the sessions if you want to?”

Emma shook her head. “No, it’s both our job so we can’t avoid it. But thank you for proposing. Hayato was right, you are a nice person.”

Oliver smiled to her. “If I’m being honest, if it weren’t for Ray, I would have asked for you. Nice to meet you, Emma.” He extended a hand for her to shake, but as she approached hers, they were stopped by Norman’s coughing loudly next to them.

“I am RIGHT HERE.”

“I was just presenting myself?” Said Oliver with a small voice.

“You and Zack have different methods, but I recognize flirting when I see it.”

“I really wasn’t…”

“Shush! Out! Go back to your dorm! Wait until you two get a room geez!”

Oliver winked at her discreetly before running towards the door, apologizing to Krone as he ran back to his dorm. Emma and Norman walked out of the room too, quietly, but once they were on the other side of the door, Emma turned back towards Norman.

“Do you seriously have a problem with me and older boys?”

Norman groaned as an answer.

“You’re like petty dad who doesn’t want to let go of his daughter.”

“What I don’t understand is you being okay with it.”

“I’m not. I still asked to be partnered up to Ray. But I have to admit that Oliver is a genuinely nice person, and Zack seems to be one too.”

“Do you have a thing for your friends’ colleague?”

“I don’t have a thing for anyone. I just accept the truth as it is.”

Norman seemed to think for a bit. “You really asked for Ray?”

“I had actually considered choosing Oliver too.” Admitted Emma. “Because Ray had insisted a lot when asking me, and I was annoyed by it. But then I talked to Hayato to get information on Oliver, and I understood that Ray trusted me too much for me to betray him like that. I asked for Ray in the end. Previously, I had only asked for someone gentle and skilled.” She shrugged. “But I get why Ray ended up being partnered up with Violet. She seemed to like his skills the first time I talked to her, and she was at the end of her first try with her previous partner. Of course, she would end up with him.”

“Ray is especially renowned for finishing the girls who stayed to long here anyway. It’s logic when put like that. But I can’t believe they didn’t take the opportunity to create an ultimate child.”

“I guess the organization of the House is more important to a human than to them.”

It was the night, Emma was waiting on the mattress in the attic, trying to understand the words left on one of the books under the dim light of the oil lamp. She suddenly heard a few ruffles from under the floor, she quickly walked up to the hatch and opened it carefully.

“Yo.” Said Ray from under it.

And without any other words, she extended an arm to him and helped him get up. As soon as he was in, she closed it, leaving her hand on the handle, unsure of what she should say.

“Hayato told me.” He talked before she could. “Don’t worry too much about it. Those are things that happens.”

He walked to the mattress where she had left the lamp and sat on it, tapping the other side of it to ask her to sit next to him. She did as tell, wrapping her arms around her knees.

“When are you next periods?” Asked Ray.

“In a few days.” She replied.

“Well, you still have time to get to know Oliver better and to mentally prepare yourself.”

“He is nice. Oliver.”

“Yeah. He is.” Said Ray, he laid down on the mattress, looking at the ceiling. “You couldn’t get a better first time, I can assure you. He’s cool. You won’t have any problems with him.”

She laid down next to him. “Can I be honest with you?”

He hummed.

“I’m scared. I’m super scared of what having sex feels like.”

“I can get that.”

“Oliver is nice, but you know, a lot of people here are nice. You are nice, Norman is nice, Zack is nice, Oliver is nice…” She paused. “Helen is nice. It’s… weird.”

“You keep saying that being nice with other people or admiring them is weird.”

“You told me about your scars. Hayato said that you never told anyone about them. So… I think I can talk to you about mines too. My scars I mean.”

“Probably nothing interesting there, I bet you don’t know the belt.”

“Emotional scars, I mean.”

Ray didn’t reply. But carefully, he brushed her arms with his finger, she laid him next to his and he took her hand in his. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

“When I was 12, I got my periods.” She started, not waiting for him to retorque anything. She could just feel his hand in hers, her hair spreading on the dirty fabric, and the hand she had placed on her stomach, feeling it lifting itself up and down to the rhythm of her breath. Unconsciously, she brought her knees up, keeping them close, like she was still back then, trying to stop the hands from spreading her thighs.

“I don’t know if you’ve ever seen bloodstains before… Well. With your scars, you must have. But it’s kind of brown when it’s dried. So, stupid like I was, I had thought, with the stress and all of that, that I had… I don’t know. Pee?” She chuckled. “I took the sheet and clothes with me and tried to clean them up in the bathrooms before anyone could notice. But… it was red. I was terrified. I tried checking where the blood was coming from and noticed it was coming from that hole, I thought it was the end for me. It wouldn’t stop bleeding, even if the blood coagulated, and I didn’t know what it meant. I hesitated between the few deaths offered to me at that point: death due to loss of blood, death due to a sickness, or death due to a flower stuck in my chest. My choice was quickly made, and I tried to hide the sheets as well as the clothes.”

She tightened her grip on Ray’s hand.

“They didn’t stay hidden for long. They found out about it quickly.”

She let out a dried laugh.

“It’s stupid isn’t it? I thought that hiding it would be enough. But it wasn’t.”

Another pause.

“They told me to get undressed in front of everyone. I refused, of course. So they used force. They took off my clothes one by one, until I was completely naked. Then… they spread my thighs. Forced me to show my crotch to everyone. The girls laughed, mocking my body, making faces at the sight of the dried blood there and the one falling down to the floor. Then, the instructor gave me back my dirty sheets, laughed and…”

She didn’t notice she was crying until she saw Ray’s face over her as he was brushing the tears away with his free hand.

“She said I was a woman. That I could become pregnant.”

She let a pained smile crept on her lips.

“I was a woman, ready to become pregnant at 12 for them.” She closed her eyes. “I’m… not particularly traumatized by that event anymore. I can show my naked body without any problems, and I can even allow myself to feel lust too if I want to. It just… It just makes me scared of what I am, and what could happen to me. Of how I have absolutely no control over who I want to be with or who I want to do things with. That’s why I’m telling you all of these.”

She put carefully put her hands on his shoulders. Breathing in, and then out. She smiled.

“I had hoped to get you as a partner to avoid that… But…”

She suddenly pushed him back on the mattress, and sat on him, her legs on each of his sides. She leaned down on him, letting her hair fall into a red cascade around them, the red curls almost shining with the light of the lamp.

“You must understand it too, this feeling. The need to have some kind of control over what we are doing. Over what happens to us.”

Ray approached a hand from her face, tucking a red strand behind her ear, nodding.

“I’m sorry…. I’m so sorry to ask you this Ray… But I need to. I want to feel like I can control at least that. I know that with your job you would prefer anything than that… But I…”

“No. I understand.” He cut her off, sitting back up, letting her body slide down to his lap. So gently, he let his hand slide down to her knee, slowly moving back up to her thigh. “I wouldn’t have asked for you otherwise.”

“No matter how Oliver is nice or good… I need to feel like it was something I chose.”

“I know.”

“I need to feel like I wanted it.”

“I know. I felt the same.”

His hand slide down under her nightdress, she grinded up against him, trying to ignore the last tear falling down her cheek. She let her hand slide down to his neck, where the bruises were mixing themselves with the scars and the number on his neck. And then she looked at his eyes.

It was still the brother she knew. It was still the older brother looking at her so gently and accepting her childish whim.

She felt a sob get caught in her throat.

“Please. Make love to me before someone else does.”

Chapter Text

Watching Ray go was like the day she had to choose between becoming a mama or die. She stood behind her son, trying to keep her face as composed as possible while she was digging her nails into the palm of her hand in her back, feeling the blood slide down her hand. The creature behind Grandma must have smelled it, since it was watching her with an appetite even boys never had with her. Ray, in his case was looking at the hand extended in front of him. Isabella couldn’t tell what he must have been thinking at this moment, she was just hoping that he could make his choice quick.

Ray looked back up to the older woman. “What happens if I decide to live?”

“You will help us by providing more high-quality products like you.”

“How will I do that?”

Grandma chuckled. “I believe you are still too young to be told those things.”

“I already know how babies are made.” Cut her off the young boy, looking back to his mother, staring at her for a few seconds before turning to the other woman again. “Will I have to do that too?”

“Do you see any other way my dear?”

Ray winced at the nickname, he fidgeted on his feet. Seemingly hesitating. He wasn’t stupid, he knew that what Grandma was proposing to him was either prostitution or death. It was a tough choice to make at the age of 12. Isabella saw his right hand grip his left arm. He must have been imagining what his future would look like.

“Does every boy have to do it?”

“Only those with a quality as high as yours.”

“So… Only products like me will go through the training?”

“A training?” She chuckled again.

Isabella wanted this conversation to stop. She didn’t want to see her son in the same position as that man. She didn’t want to think about it in any possible way. She would have preferred seeing him with a flower stuck into his chest rather than on a bed with a girl older than him and who he didn’t know the name of. Or worst, in the hands of men without any consideration for what a human life was.

“If there is any kind of training, it’ll only start when you hit your 16, my dear. For now, we just need you to prove that you have the quality Isabella pretends you to have.”

“But if I have it, at 16, I will start the training and do what I must, right?”

She nodded. “Of course.”

“And I’ll live long enough?”

“Long enough for someone like you, if your work is satisfying.”

Ray let go of his arm, he fully turned around. Isabella smiled to him, trying to ignore her mind screaming at him to just die instead of choosing that life of slavery. He turned back to Grandma. “Can I talk to Mama for a few minutes before making my choice?” Grandma gave him permission and he let go of his suitcase to approach her.

Isabella couldn’t take her hands away from her back, she didn’t want him to see the last ounce of humanity left of her. If only he could die, she would be able to let it all go, to finally be the monster she always thought she was. But instead of looking at her with the resentful eyes she expected of him, he still had the same eyes he used to have when talking to her like she deserved to be his mother. He gripped her apron, going on his tiptoes to get closer.

“Can you do one last thing for me?” he said.

She glanced at Grandma before turning back to him, her usual fake smile on her lips. “What do you want?”

“I want you to make it so that Norman follows me, and Emma survive. I want you to do that.”

She let go of her mask, eyes widening. “What?”

“I want Norman and Emma to survive, no matter what. If I don’t see him by my side in 2 months… Then I’ll make sure to ruin your reputation so much they’ll take your job away from you and let you be eaten as a side meal on their fancy plates.”

She stared at him, and then kneeled down in front of him. She didn’t need Grandma to see her face right now, even if Ray could see the blood in her palm, he was going to disappear.

“You want him to go through the same thing you will?”

Ray pursued his lips and shook his head. “I’ll protect him. And he knows I’ll be waiting for him. Besides…” A sad smile appeared on his lips. “I know that there’s no way to get out of here…” For the first time in years, he approached his hands to hers and took them in, brushing his thumb on the blood. “Can I ask you to do this last thing? For me?”

“You want to live this life?” An ugly rictus appeared on her thin lips. “You want to destroy your dignity, your humanity, and your freedom to just be able to see their eyes another day?”

“You did.”

“There was nothing for me on this side. But you… Don’t you want to be free forever?”

“I never was free.”

She stared at him like she never had before. Remembering when that small child had sung her lullaby under the shade of a tree. She held his hands. “Please. Don’t become like me. I beg you.”

He shook his head. “Mama, you remember what you told me about Papa?” He put his forehead against hers. “Don’t worry. If I don’t become like you, I’ll become like him.”

Anything but that.

She remembered light steps on a table, the sound of a violin, laughs, songs, happiness overflowing… And then at night, the heavy pants and moans of pain and pleasure. She didn’t want him to become like that. She didn’t want Ray to become like him. Anything but that.

Ray let go of her hands, before she could think about stopping him, grabbing his arm, forcing a flower into his chest, killing him herself… He took Grandma’s hand.

“Alright. I accept it.”

She wanted to scream, but instead gripped her dress, trying to mask the blood into the dark fabric. Grandma was looking at her, smiling like always. It was over now, everything was over. She would forever be a mother, the mother of this man’s child.

“Perfect, I hope you will only give us the best, Ray.”

If only he didn’t have his eyes… Then maybe she could’ve hoped for another destiny for him.

The rooms for the sexual intercourses were… interesting to say the least. Despite being underground, and without any windows to see the outside, with a simple air vent to breath, it was made to look like the rooms upstairs. With the wall half white, half made of wood, covered in various graffiti. There was few furniture in the room: a double bed with white sheets, a small table on which was put a porcelain basin and a jug of water as always, a few towels on a chair in a corner, and finally a small oil lamp, barely illuminating the place, making it hard to even see his partners’ faces.

If it wasn’t for its purpose, maybe Ray would have liked them, maybe he would’ve taken his time to look at each graffiti, tracing them with his fingers, maybe putting his mark himself on this wall. Maybe he would’ve liked sneaking in them with a few books, hide in a corner, read until the sun rise, but he would probably miss it. There weren’t any clocks in the room, only one, outside of them, in the corridor. A Mediator was always outside during the afternoon, decided to either open or close the doors with its key. Yes, they had a full hour for themselves, but despite the isolation, the doors weren’t as isolated as it seemed. That’s why Ray would always open the door first before his partner, to be sure that the girl wouldn’t see a man listening to the obscene sounds. But even if it used to happen before, most current Mediators were too obedient to even think about doing it. Or they became better at hiding it.

But now wasn’t the time to open the door, Ray still had time to his demise. Hence why he was letting the short-haired girl snuggle up against his chest, giggling with satisfaction at their session. Ray didn’t think much of it, well, it was his job, he was used to it. He simply stared at the short violet strands, letting his hand trail against the line of her back and her arm. She had already been one of his clients, he should have expected her to come back. Any girl who already had sex with him wanted him again, but he knew it was a lost cause, since it was only a one-time thing for him. Only the Mediators were regulars.

She looked up to him, long eyelashes accentuating the shape of her wide eyes as her red lips curved themselves into a smirk. Ray wasn’t smiling.

“Why do you look so concerned?” She said, moving her body to get a better angle at his face. “You didn’t enjoy it?”

Ray never enjoyed it. It’s not like he didn’t felt the pleasure from the act, it’s just that the heart wasn’t in it. He was so used to doing it mechanically that it became a second nature to be able to do it. Sometimes, he would truly enjoy it. When the person was his type mostly. But he would always restrain himself from doing anything he liked in order to please the other, that’s what he had been trained to after all.

He looked at Violet’s face, her amethyst eyes almost glowing with the faint light of the lamp next to the bed. As much as he wished she hadn’t become his partner, he had to admit that she had been one of his favorite clients back then. Most girls were prude and shy, which could become annoying on the long term, but she hadn’t been like that at all. Bold, almost aggressive. It had been a nice change. Besides, she knew how to talk, without losing herself into unnecessary thoughts or details, he also appreciated her as a person. He wouldn’t call that love in any possible way, but some kind of affection indeed. Though now he felt nothing.

Ray sat back against the headboard, taking Violet’s waist in his arms as she sat back against his lap, using his arms as a support. Ignoring how their naked body were still too close, without any clothes to put some space.

“Nothing. I’m bored.” He half-lied. This time he managed to force his lips to form a convincing smile. “I want to play a game.”

“What kind of game?” She asked, letting her hand trail his collarbones and chest.

Without sounding arrogant, Ray was quite proud of the way his body looked, he had trained it to keep his musculature in order to stay attractive to others. It was working well. He pulled Violet closer; her chest suddenly pressed against his. “A game of truth.”

She hummed, raising her brows, waiting for him to continue.

“I say one truth about you, if I’m right, I’m allowed to ask any question I want and you to answer me with the truth. But if I’m wrong, you are the one who is allowed to ask me any question you want and me to answer you with the truth.”

“And how do I know it’s the truth?”

“You think I would lie?” Replied Ray with an exaggerated shocked expression. “I’m honestly baffled.” She was right to doubt him, he learnt to lie after all. When you had to make your partner think you were enjoying whatever the hell they were doing and simulate it, you learn to lie pretty quickly. “You think I would lie? To you?”

“And, the game, that’s it?”

“No of course, once the question is asked, the roles turns. Then you are the one allowed to say one truth about me and me to tell you if it’s true or not.”

Violet seemed to think about it, her eyes suddenly turning more serious. She finally put back her smirk on her face and crossed her arms over her chest. “Fine with me. You start?”

“You asked to get me as a partner to Sandy, knowing very well that Emma had also asked for me too. And since Sandy is from your farm, he obliged you.”

She widened her eyes, surprised by his boldness and sudden lack of playful manners. “True.”

“Perfect. Then why me? I doubt it’s only to get laid.”

“It’s in fact 60% of the reason why I choose you. But you’re right, the 40% left is for another reason.”

She seemed to want to get away from his grip, but even knowing that a Receiver was stronger than a Giver, Ray was just in a better position to hold her than her to get away from him. She couldn’t hit him with her legs, at least not in dangerous places that all men will recognize, and even if she could try hitting his throat, he was too close for it to be actually efficient. She seemed to tense at this realization, Ray had all powers over her right now. He smiled to her.

The older girl let out a long sigh. “Alright, I want to give you something. But I don’t have it on me yet. I’ll give it to you when the time comes.”

She had chosen her words carefully, not telling him the full truth it seemed, and he couldn’t ask anymore questions. Ray hummed as an answer. “Your turn.”

She paused for a moment, thinking thoroughly about what she could say, and then opened her mouth again. “You wanted to get Emma because you had a crush on her.”

Ray winced. “Wrong.”

“Then why in hell do you want to fuck your sister?!”

“I’m the one who can ask a question right now. What do you want to give to me?”

Violet groaned. “Something I smuggled from Grand Valley.” She wouldn’t say more it seemed. “Your turn.”

“Despite being partnered up with Oliver, you never had sex with him.”

It was her turn to smirk. “Wrong.”

“Bastard.” Muttered Ray, more as a curse towards Oliver than to Violet. “Should’ve guessed you weren’t a virgin.”

“He knew you would jump on me, so he trained me.”

“Son of a… Who does he think I am, a hungry beast?”

“Not far from that. But it’s my turn to ask something now.” Her eyes changed of look. “Did Andrew give you confidential information about Grace Field or the higher-ups?”

Ray felt his whole body become colder. It had been so long since he hadn’t heard that name, and he wished he could have forgot about it. His reaction was enough already for her to guess that he did know him. He looked away, pursuing his lips.

“No. I don’t know anything.”

She widened her eyes. “You were the closest person to him; you really didn’t even manage to get an info or two?”

“Violet.” Ray grit his teeth, forcing himself to look back to her. “I had other things to think about at the time.”

She paused, a worried look on her face. “My turn. You got raped.” Another silence. “Multiple times.”

The dark-haired boy took a moment before answering. “True.”

“So I can ask you anything.”

“Yes.”

“What’s your favorite book in the library then?”

Ray furrowed his brows and stared at her. “What.”

“What’s your favorite book in the library.”

“That has nothing to do with anything.”

“Aren’t I’m allowed to relieve the atmosphere?!” She groaned. “I told you… Something that I shouldn’t have known. So I’m trying to redeem myself by asking you something trivial. To think about something else.”

He let out a loud snort, hiding his face in his hand as he burst into laughter.

“What?! What’s so funny?!”

“Nothing! You’re just…!” He let out a chuckle. “You’re trying to look tough, but you’re really worried actually. Whether it’s about Emma, Oliver, or I.”

“Say the guy who tried to fuck his sister because he didn’t want to share.”

“True.” He breathed out to calm his laughter, feeling suddenly relieved. “It’s the Knights of the Round Table. My favorite book.”

“I didn’t take you as the type to like chivalry stories.”

“I don’t know, fighting dragons sounds pretty awesome to me.”

“I forget that you are still a child sometimes…” She replied with a sad look on her face, burying her head in the crook of his neck.

“It’s fine.” Said Ray, bringing her face back in front of him, finally completely letting go of her waist. “It’s just my daily life now anyway. I never had a choice to begin with.”

“So you consider all of this… To be…”

He nodded. “Even if I chose to do it, it doesn’t mean that I particularly want it. For the prepared intercourses, I just got to do it, so even if there’s no restrains, it’s… still not exactly consensual, sometimes for both parts. I usually try to make my partners as at ease as possible to avoid the feeling of taking something away that they don’t want to. I want them to at least feel like they won’t regret what happened.” He looked at her, and Violet made a small head sign to indicate that her intercourses indeed didn’t felt bad. “For my clients, it’s different.” Continued Ray. “With them, I just need to light the fire, and then, whether or not I enjoy it then doesn’t matter as long as I can get what I want. It’s never consensual with them, even if I was the one to propose it. But since I was, it would still be my fault if I was to be judged.”

He paused, thinking about what Emma had told him last night. How she had been forced naked her comrades, how she had described to him what he would consider to be a sexual assault. How her hands had trembled. He couldn’t have told her that it was not even half of the things he had to go through. He couldn’t tell her. He didn’t want her to know.

“But sometimes…” He looked down to Violet’s chest, it was easier to look at than her eyes. “I was… raped. In a way the definition would describe perfectly. It’s not even because I had to do it, or I had some kind of choice to make, it just happened.” He closed his eyes, trying to not think of the way his wrists had burned and… all the other things that came with the memories. “I’m not the only one.” He looked back to her. “Oliver must have told you, right? That I wasn’t the only one.”

She slowly nodded.

“It was just… what life used to be. There’s nothing to feel sorry for. The important thing now is to keep the House a safe place.”

“So Oliver was right about that too…”

Ray didn’t move, didn’t even winced. He knew what she was talking about.

“You are…”

When Ray opened the door to his room, he found it empty. So after closing back his door he walked to Hayato’s room, opening it without knocking and being greeted with the scene he expected: Emma, leaning against the wall, Hayato sleeping soundly on her nap. Unlike last time, she seemed to be embroidering something. Looking closely, it seemed to be Hayato’s bandana. She had noticed him but didn’t made any movement.

He closed the door behind him and sat beside her. She kept working like he hadn’t just appeared.

“Are you feeling better?” He asked.

She simply hummed as a reply. Ray made himself more comfortable next to her, allowing himself to put his head against her shoulder, she didn’t flinch, so Ray assumed that she didn’t mind. Besides she had Hayato on her lap, so she most likely didn’t mind him being simply on her shoulder. He admired her work; he would have never expected the young girl coming back home proudly with dirty clothes and a lizard in her hand to be able to make such pretty embroideries now.

She glanced at him. “Hayato’s bandana was worn out, I only proposed him to repair it while he was sleeping.”

“You took a liking into him.”

“He awakes all of my mother instincts.” She suddenly paused. “I won’t get pregnant from what happened last night, right?”

“No. The sessions are during your fertile days, so if you didn’t have any that day, then it’s fine.”

“Alright.” She went back to her work. “Was it fine with Violet?”

“Yeah.”

“I think she likes you.”

Ray rolled his eyes, a smirk on his lips. “Nah, she just thinks I’m good, that’s all.”

“And I think she likes you.” Replied Emma, finally cracking a smile.

“You’re just supposing things.” Though she was making him doubts Violet’s actions. “And you, the medical exam?”

“Norman didn’t say anything. I think he guessed, but if he did then he doesn’t seem to mind.”

“I see.”

He nudged his head further into her shoulder. There was a new smell on her with the lavender, it always happened with the people he had sex with, they would always get a second smell for a few days. But people could only guess it if they were really close to the person. But he could also always smelled a second smell on him. He wondered if Emma could tell what his scent was and what was Violet’s ones, or hers.

“Ray?”

He hummed.

“Why didn’t you kiss me last night?”

“Why do you ask?”

She stayed silent for a moment before cutting the thread of her embroidery. “Just curious. It felt intimate, but I was surprised that you didn’t kissed me on the lips.”

“Would you like to?”

“I don’t know.”

“I would prefer you to keep your first kiss for someone you truly like. And not just for a one-time thing. But if you want to, I can kiss you.”

He backed away from her shoulder to look at her as she turned towards him. She hesitated for a few seconds and then turned away. “I’ll do like you say.”

“As you wish.”

“Was your first kiss with someone you liked?” She suddenly asked.

Ray widened his eyes. It had been long since he had last thought about his first kiss. He thought about it for a moment, and since he felt a stupid grin on his lips, he shrugged.

“I guess.”

Chapter Text

White hair, almost glowing under the pale light of the lamp. A slim form, wearing white clothes, white like his hair. Sitting on the dirty ground without any care, his back against the mattress of the bed.

It’s been two weeks since she met Norman, and not once had he tried to get in her bed. He was always talking softly, sometimes he would bring her books to help her spend the time, and he was always holding her hand whenever she wanted to. Like now, like how she was playing with his finger, he was letting her play with his articulations, letting her bend them however she wanted as long as it wasn’t hurting him. She loved his hands.

Shelly changed her position to lay on her stomach, near him, she intertwined their hands and put her chin on his shoulder. He didn’t wince.

“Norman, are you in love with someone?”

“Not anymore.” Replied the man professionally, ignoring the way her breath near his ear had made it slightly blush. “Why?”

“I just thought you would have had someone in your life.”

“And why?” He kept on asking, this time a slight grin on his lips. She felt her own face become redder.

“Because.” Because he was the most beautiful man she had ever met, because he was so nice, handsome and charming, because he had hands too perfect to have only held hers.

He hummed, and to her surprise, he started to unconsciously stroke the side of her hand with his thumb. She looked at their hands, lost in her contemplation. She really was there, holding his hand, and him holding hers. And he was there, complying to her demands, being everything, she could have wished and hoped for.

“You can sit on the bed.” She blurted out.

Norman turned his face towards her, his eyes widening. Adorable. “Are you sure?”

She nodded. “Yes, I don’t want you to sit on the ground.”

Carefully, Norman got up, not letting go of her hand, and after dusting his pants, sat on the bed next to her as she also sat back on the mattress.

“It must have been uncomfortable. I’m sorry for letting you stay on the ground like that.” She said.

“You shouldn’t, it’s your bed, you should be the one allowing whoever you want to on it.”

He was making her feel warmer. He was making her feel so safe she felt like it must be all a dream. She let go of his hand, and he just her slip her hand away without complaining. If only it had been him back there, if only he had been the one giving her the thing growing in her womb… But then, she wouldn’t have known him like she knew him now, and worst, she would have had to share him.

The young girl moved closer, extended her arms, and hugged him tightly. Ignoring how shameful she felt with only her nightdress on, how she was embarrassed to feel her heartbeat against his, and their head, closer than ever.

“Shelly…?”

She could feel him hesitate, and before he could try to hug her back, she backed away, her hands on his shoulders to look in his eyes. He was staring at her in disbelief, feeling even more hesitant than before.

“You don’t like when I hug you.” She said, more like a statement than a question. Norman tried to reply but she cut him off again. “No. You don’t like it. You’re fine with me holding your hand, but you are not comfortable with me hugging you.”

He pursued his lips, looking away, instinctively searching for her hand, but backing away immediately. “I’m sorry.”

She smiled softly to him. He really seemed his age in those moments. She would have given everything to have met him before any other man just for that look. She let go of his shoulders. “It’s fine.”

“It’s not you!” Immediately said Norman. He was searching for his words. “I… just have troubles with those kinds of… sudden touch. It’s… it’s not you. Definitely.” He was stuttering, trying to find the right words, his face becoming redder each time. “I… Can we try it more slowly?” He suddenly asked, turning back to her. “I didn’t dislike it… so… can we try it more slowly?”

Shelly felt a grin crept on her lips. “Sure!”

She extended her arms, waiting for Norman to do the same this time. He hesitantly put his hands on her waist, trying to look at where he was putting them, embarrassed like a teenager discovering his first girl. Actually, when Shelly thought about it, he mustn’t have had any kind of relationships with a girl since his 12th birthday. After all, he was about being professional than intimate. She was the one with experience despite her age. She moved closer, and put her hands on his shoulders again, slowly sliding them behind his head so that her forearms were the ones there instead. She chuckled at Norman’s hesitation between letting his hands where they were or move them.

“Put them in my back.” She said, startling him. He really mustn’t have hugged a lot of people if she had to remind him of that.

“I know.” He quickly replied, doing as told, and pulling her closer.

Now their chests were touching, she wrapped her arms around his neck, and put her cheek against his collarbone. His heart was still beating fast, but he definitely seemed more comfortable. After a moment, Norman finally put his cheek against her head and held her tighter. He relaxed and was even starting to slightly move back and forth like a mother rocking their child. He suddenly moved his head lower, burying it in the crook of her neck.

“You smell good.” He mumbled quietly.

“I doubt that.” She replied, she probably smelled terrible, there was no way the soap used by all the other girls was an endearing smell for anyone.

“You smell… I don’t know… It just feels human, it feels alive. I like it.” He moved his arms to held her more comfortably, putting his head back on hers. “Can we stay like this for a moment? It feels nice.”

Her heart was beating so loudly she doubt she could even hear herself humming as a reply.

“It’s been so long since it felt so nice to me.” Said Norman, so quietly ever that only someone with a good ear could have heard him.

Shelly shifted to be more comfortable, burying her own face into his neck. She could only agree.

It had been so long since simply hugging felt so nice.

The nights in the House were cold, Norman had felt it even the first day it arrived. They were, at least for anyone not sleeping in the Mediator’s dorm. The room clearly hadn’t meant to be filled by over 20 beds, so each of them were stuck against the other in some sort of condensed line of white sheets and sleepy forms. The amount of life in this single room made it hot to the point of being suffocating. All their belongings had stayed in their suitcase under their beds, and the only other furniture despite the beds was a big armor near the door where had been put some sheets and spare match.

All of that was only some blurry stains to Norman without his glasses, sitting upright on his mattress and looking around while putting his glasses back on his nose to see if everyone was asleep. He carefully slipped out of his bed, letting his naked feet touch the cold wooden boards of the floor. And without any further thoughts went out of the room, trying to make as little sound as possible. He hadn’t taken his slippers, nor even something to cover himself up with, knowing he would make too much noise with those, even if he risked catching a cold.

So he walked to the infirmary and to his desk, where he pulled out of it a kerosene lantern as well as a cardigan, slipping the key to the Archive room into its pocket. He didn’t light up the lamp yet, instead going back into the corridor and this time going for the stairs leading underground. The only stairs that weren’t made of wood but concrete, far colder. He didn’t wait a single second to go down them until he finally arrived underground. White concrete walls, and only two paths, one leading to the rooms for the intercourses and the other for Krone’s room, the one he had to take, even as much as he was used to take the other path because of a certain someone.

He turned right, suddenly noticing trails of light on the wall next to him as he turned left to the next corner. Krone was still awake, and Norman could hear her talking vividly with someone, probably on the phone. He couldn’t tell what she was saying, but despite the coldness he could recognize a hint of anger. He had never seen this part of the corridor, so he was surprised to see a few rooms next to hers. Ignoring the temptation to listen to the conversation, he walked back to his destination, a single door, at the end of the corridor, with golden letters engraved on it, spelling the word “archive”. He looked back to Krone’s room behind him and then finally unlocked the door with the key and slipped in.

As soon as he had closed back the door behind him, he turned on the lantern and raised it to his head level. It was bigger than he had expected, a single room, filled wall to wall with piece of papers and files everywhere, some seemingly older than others. No indications written anywhere, just the shelves.

He sighed; how could he find what he searched for in this mess? He decided to look for the oldest papers first. He finally managed to find them, almost touching the ground, they mustn’t have been that important. Still, Norman but the lantern beside him and crouched down to take a dusty file in his hands.

Project Gamma: Production Facility.

He raised a brow, it seemed to be talking about the House, but it also seemed too old to actually be. Norman looked down and felt his blood ran cold at the date written in dark ink at the corner of the file: 1543-1612. It was old. Way too old. He sat down and opened it, while the file itself seemed recent, it’s documents clearly weren’t. Even the writing style was different from what he was used to and… was it in Latin? Norman didn’t have any problems with it, but still.

               After over 400 years of trial, the council decided the creation of Productions Facility within each farm. Whether they are of mass production or high quality. All of this in order to produce a certain number of cattle per years.

Norman was about to make a sarcastic remark to himself over the stupidity of the one writing the document and how long it had taken them to notice until he glanced at the next line.

               The food shortage we had during the past two centuries considerably reduced our population, to maintain the people remaining and to avoid the creation of inhabitants that aren’t from the new established towns, it had been decided that each city should be rationed, and given a certain number of products according to its population. As such, we cannot let the cattle wander around in the farms anymore, we need to control the speed at which they reproduce.

The creation of inhabitants? New towns? Norman could only guess it was a bad way to say that they didn’t want people from ‘outside the towns’ to suddenly join them. Though he found this theory mostly incomplete, it was an official document, not a bad homework. He flipped the pages again until he found one that interested him.

               Despite our various trials, we had to ask for humans on the other side to prepare the plans in order to construct what would be the ‘houses’ of the cattle. It had been then informed to us that despite our needs, we couldn’t separate the children from their mothers, as such, various others buildings had to be made such as: houses to raise the young cattle, a formation center separated in two, one side for males and the other for females, and finally the Production Facility we expected in a separated place from the rest of the facilities.

Separated from the other facilities? And… another side? What did it mean? Norman looked at the date: 1578. It was made later than the first document of course, but the amount of time it took them was… worrying. Then, a thought went through his mind and Norman leaned against the shelf behind him and started to rummage through the different files until he found another one.

Records of the Premium Farms over the past centuries, 1902.

Taking the thin book out from his shelf and putting the file he had in his hands before to the ground, he started to go through the pages barely kept in place by a Coptic binding, probably used to produce the book quicker. Finally, he found the one related to Grace Field.

Regent House in charge: Lord Iverk from 1589 to …

The date wasn’t written, but this simple fact proved something to Norman: the creatures who were taking care of the farms could live much longer than humans, that’s probably why it took them so long to notice issues or even longer to react. Even if humans could react slowly, it was way much slower than any human could. It’s simply because they didn’t have the same notion of time as them since they lived much longer.

But it didn’t explain that thing about ‘another side’, what did they meant? No, it wasn’t what mattered now, he didn’t have much time, even if everyone was sleeping. Anyone who would suddenly wake up and not see him in his bed after a few hours could start worrying and going to his research, and if anyone found him there… He would most certainly be killed. Even if Ray was sometimes working at night, he would never go the basement, so he had absolutely no excuses to be there.

That thought didn’t stop him from looking through the shelf again to find any kind of map of the place. The document had mentioned that the ‘Production facility’ like they called it was situated away from the main farms, he needed to know for sure. If that was the case…

He tried to ignore this glint of hope that was making his mind burn. With Ray’s lack of cooperation and time, he had started to lose it, but if what document said was true… Then they had lied to them, and maybe escaping could be easier than he had first thought.

He looked through various files but didn’t found anything. He extended his hand to reach some on the upper shelves and stopped at the realization: he was too short to have access to them. Norman knew he wasn’t the tallest man in the world, but that was something else. He was actually too short to reach something; it hadn’t happened to him since he was 12. Looking around, he noticed that there wasn’t any stool to use as a support, he stared at the upper shelf. It must be where the most important documents were and… probably the most recent from what Norman could see.

He sighed, there was no way he could actually look at them for now. He decided to just remember what Sandy had asked him: find the truth about this supposed ‘order’ within the farms. From what he had read in the farms’ records, the ranks weren’t logic either.

If Grace Field was ranked 1^st, like he had expected, Goodwill Ridge was ranked 4^th. Why choose to send the cattle to Goodwill Ridge after Grand Valley and Glory Bell then if it was because of the hierarchy? No, there had to be something else. He tried to look through all the documents, but besides some papers about the history of the farms, he couldn’t find anything in his range.

Giving up on this part of the shelves until he could find something to get the documents on the upper shelf, he moved on to the resident records.

It was the main reason why they had an Archive room in the first place, to be able to avoid consanguinity within the cattle by checking their affiliations. Each file was organized depending on the number on the neck of the resident. If they were from another farm, they were on another shelf.

At least they were supposed to.

That’s what he found out when looking at the shelf, he widened his eyes in front of it, feeling his jaw partly dropped, and then a drop of sweat sliding down his neck. The shelf… was in a state that could barely be described as simply a mess. It looked like it had been completely destroyed, files put in complete chaos, some put horizontally, and others vertically, most worn out, others… barely could be considered files at this point of degradation. When looking carefully, he noticed that those were actually the ones of past residents, as such, people already dead. Most files for people currently alive were in a perfect state.

Did no one intended to at least clean up the shelf? No, wait. There must have been a purpose for this chaos. And in fact, looking at it, Norman finally understood the order in this lack of order.

Alive people were put vertically to be accessible, and their affiliations must have been the ones put horizontally next to them. If it was a family, then the parent would be put under their children, whether they were a renowned Giver or a regular Receiver, if they were a transfer, they were put at the ends of the shelves, depending on their farm, those organized depending on their rank. And the highest shelf was still filled by worn out files stacked up horizontally, almost risking to fall onto the person standing in front of the shelves.

There was a logic. Just not the one expected. And thinking about it, it was probably more efficient than organizing everything depending on the numbers for anyone supposed to make up the partners. But not for Norman that was for sure.

As for the Mediators, they were the ones actually put on other shelves, more exactly, on the ones exactly put next to this one. Well organized… there were no files for Mediators who had left the House. Norman had heard from Sandy’s predecessor – before this one became a victim of Ray – that they would burn a Mediator’s file once they would leave. It was useless to keep it after all, since they didn’t have any descendant, and a Mediator who left was bond to never come back.

Sandy had said that some files lacked the paper with the affiliations, if what he said was true, then he needed to search them to find some kind of link between them.

First of all, Norman searched for the thinnest files, looking through the higher shelves in his range first. He found one…

Ray’s one.

Of course, with his rank, he was put higher, but still, he had one of the thinnest files on all shelves. He pulled it, stared at it for a few seconds, and opened it.

There was only two pages, the first was his profile, the second was written by hand: Can be partnered up with anyone, no affiliations.

That… was impossible. Even Norman had heard that he must have had at least a brother or a sister. And if that wasn’t the case, then cousins… But no, there were none. In fact, Ray’s file was placed alone, not above any file nor next to any other file. That’s why he was a last resort if they needed to produce a child, not because he was efficient, but because he wasn’t affiliated to anyone.

There were a few possibilities explaining this lack of affiliation : his Receiver only gave birth once, and didn’t had any relatives within the farms, it would eliminate any possibilities from this side, and then, all other children produced by his Giver must have died, or, this Giver died early. Something weird considering how high-ranked is Ray. But another terrible idea crossed his mind…

Ray didn’t come from Grace Field.

Despite the tattoo on his neck, and the lack of other tattoos from other farms, he could come from somewhere else and have been transferred just after being born. Then the lack of affiliation, and… papers about who his parents were, could be because he didn’t come from here.

He thought about the 5^th farm Sandy talked about, could it be…? No, it didn’t matter for now. Even if he was curious about Ray’s past, he couldn’t waste time wondering where he came from. He put the file back in place a searched for others.

He looked through every file, but except Ray’s one, even the transfers had files for their affiliations. Until… Norman arrived at the end of the shelf. He stopped his hand.

He hadn’t seen Hayato’s file.

Why was he thinking about Hayato? Because Hayato was one of his patients, Ray had insisted on that. So of course, he had looked carefully for his own patients, but hadn’t found Hayato. He had even found Emma in a small group of files next to a few horizontal ones. He tried thinking about it, Hayato was supposed to come from Goodwill Ridge, but he hasn’t found his file within the ones associated with this farm. He looked through the few files coming from Goodwill Ridge, no affiliations to anyone sent to Grace Field.

Why wasn’t his file there? Where was it? Besides, hadn’t he been partnered up recently? How could have they done it without his file? Norman looked up to the stack of worn out files above his head, a crazy thought, maybe he could find what he was searching there? But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t just get his hands high enough to grab any files and trying to climb the shelves would have been too risky, especially at night, somewhere where he wasn’t supposed to be. Between dying after trying to survive, and dying under shelves falling on him, the choice of honor was quickly made. Besides, why were they keeping those files if they didn’t correspond to anyone? Shouldn’t they burn them like the Mediators ones?

All trail of thoughts was suddenly stopped by a loud noise coming from outside. It seemed it would be the end of his little investigation for tonight. Norman quickly turned off his light and approached the door. The noise seemed to have come from Krone’s room, carefully, Norman unlocked the door and slipped outside, he locked it again behind him, and slowly tried to walk back to the stairs. Stopping when he suddenly heard Krone almost yelling on her phone.

“The only thing I want to know is what happened to him for me to be unable to contact him on my own! He hasn’t responded in 3 months!”

Norman approached the door, staying near the corridor in case he suddenly needed to flee. She didn’t talk for a few seconds, making only some sounds to make it clear she was still listening.

“This January?” She paused. “It’s… It’s too early, and we don’t have enough space. … Yes, I already prepared the next shipment. He’ll be ready soon. But…” She stopped. Norman could almost hear her stop breathing. She wasn’t hesitating, the person on the other side was talking. “For January then? When the newcomer will arrive? But what about the exams? … Alright, do I inform them? … Understood. Yes. Goodbye.” She put down the phone and let out a long sigh, her steps coming closer.

Norman ran to the other side of the corridor towards the rooms for the intercourses on the other side and hid behind the wall. Krone came out from her room with heavy steps and walked up the stairs. From the noises above his head, Norman guessed she was going to the kitchen.

She had talked about multiple things happening in January. First of all, most likely Oliver’s shipment. He was the oldest of the Givers, but Norman didn’t expect him to go before his 26^th birthday, especially since Emma was supposed to be partnered up with him for 6 months. But that wasn’t all, someone new would come in January, Norman expected it to be the new Giver, they always arrived in January. But something wasn’t coherent.

Krone said she couldn’t contact a specific person, this person being a man. Norman could only think about their instructor after being shipped out, he should’ve been in direct contact with her since he was supposed to help her with the new Givers, but if he hadn’t replied in 3 months… Then that newcomer might in fact not be a Giver. A sudden Receiver? Most likely a Mediator, Krone had said that they lacked space, the only place lacking space was the Mediator’s dorm. But then, what about the exams? What did she meant about informing them about those? He needed to think about it later, for now, he had to go back to the dorm.

As quietly as possible, Norman ran upstairs to the infirmary where he hid the lantern and cardigan in his desk before coming back to the dorm nonchalantly. He could pretend he had either been working late again or just went to the bathroom. But he didn’t expect to meet anyone when coming back to the dorm. He looked at the clock, his little operation must have lasted less than an hour.

The fact that he was working late wasn’t a problem, the problem was someone finding out that he wasn’t working late. Norman opened the door of the infirmary, ready to go back to the dorm.

Vincent was standing right in front of him, still in pajama. He took a step towards him and Norman took a step back. The older man closed the infirmary’s door.

“Now. Explain to me what you were doing out of your bed, and out of the infirmary, in the middle of the night.”

Chapter Text

“Now. Explain to me what you were doing out of your bed, and out of the infirmary, in the middle of the night.” Said Vincent as he leaned against the infirmary’s door to block Norman’s path.

The younger man felt a chill down his spine. He was done for, Vincent liked to follow the rules, he would definitely tell the higher-ups the truth and then… Norman gulped, taking another step back, feeling the soft fabric of one of the office’s curtains behind him. He tried to regain his composure, but with the lack of sleep it was kind of hard.

“And you? Can I know why you are out of the dorm in the middle of the night?” Replied Norman, he was Vincent’s superior after all, the other had less power over him than the white-haired man.

“I woke up and since I couldn’t fall back asleep, I decided to try to spend some time somewhere else. You weren’t in your bed, so I thought you were in the infirmary. You weren’t. And neither in the bathroom, the library, or even the kitchen before Krone arrived.”

“Sounds suspicious.” Retorqued Norman. “Why were you awake? There must have been a reason as to why you suddenly woke up.”

It was just a bluff. He knew that the other had indeed woke up, he had seen him sleep soundly in the dorm before leaving it. Vincent pursued his lips and looked away, he seemed to think about what to reply before letting out a defeated sigh.

“Nightmares.”

Norman raised a brow. Even if the answer seemed sincere, it was an unusual one. “Really?”

“Listen, I don’t want to extend myself on it. I just had a nightmare, it happens to everyone, and it’s not what matters right now. We’re talking about you, not me.”

But Norman was now becoming curious. He had always thought of Vincent as someone satisfied with their situation, some were like that. He knew people satisfied with their position, giving up on any hope of another life and satisfied using others as a way to live another day in this world. He had always thought of Vincent as one of the smartest of those people, wishing to get at the top. His attitude, his worries towards Ray and his professionalism… Everything had led Norman, and most of his colleagues, to believe Vincent was one of those people without enough regrets to wake up at night.

But right now, the man standing tiredly in front of him seemed to be anything but that. He was another person wondering if they could live tomorrow. Norman took a step closer, feeling his confidence coming back.

“Are you scared?”

This question seemed to have an effect on Vincent who flinched and looked away. “Of course, I am.” He looked back to Norman. “If you did something dangerous, it would be risky for us all. We could die.”

“Not if you denunciate me. That is, if I indeed did something bad.”

“I wouldn’t.”

The younger man widened his eyes. He couldn’t believe him, he couldn’t know for sure after all, but Vincent had said those words with such strength it was hard not to. “You wouldn’t?”

“Never.” He shrugged. “We’re all in this together. Making enemies is not worth it.” He glanced at Norman before looking away quickly again. He seemed to have trouble directly staring at the boy. “Especially when it’s you.” He paused before continuing more quickly. “It’s just…! You’re one of the smartest! You would probably eliminate me before I could even make a move, it would be too risky to have you as an enemy. Especially since I’m just a newcomer and you’ve already been here for a full year.”

Norman couldn’t help but chuckle. The other really seemed at lost despite having him cornered. “I understand better now why people say you have a crush on me.”

“What?! I don’t…!”

“But I’ll scream.” Cut him off Norman.

“… Uh?”

Norman lost the smile he had previously wore, taking back his usual mask of seriousness like he would around Vincent. He didn’t like what he would say, but he didn’t want to extent that conversation. He liked that facet of Vincent he had witnessed, that small mark of vulnerability… It showed that he was more human than he had expected. But Vincent was smart too, the more they talked, the easier he would understand. Vincent was scared for the others, but Norman was too, and as such, he couldn’t involve him in his research. He couldn’t.

“I’m sorry Vincent. But if you don’t let me go, I’ll scream.”

“I don’t understand…?”

“If I scream, everyone will wake up. And at that moment, it won’t matter what we were both doing that night, because once I will accuse you of trying to sexually assault me, everyone will believe me and blame you.”

Vincent became paler.

“I don’t want to do this. But if you won’t let me go, you leave me no other choices.”

He didn’t had time for excuses, and he didn’t want to give them. Slowly, Vincent moved away from the door. But before Norman could get out, he gripped his shoulder.

“Does it have anything to do with what you said a few days ago? About the orders…? I saw you talking with Sandy this morning, did you…?”

“Good night Vincent.” Cut him off Norman, shoving his hand away and walking back to the dorm.

Despite that, Norman barely slept at all that night. Tossing back and forth in his bed, thinking about either Vincent denunciating him to either Krone or the higher-ups, or about Ray and his lack of affiliation. Sometimes even to Hayato who he hadn’t found the file of.

There were too many things going through his mind, but at some point, he finally managed to fall asleep, only to be waken up 2 hours later by his colleagues who had noticed he wasn’t waking up from the clock. But as quickly as they had noticed it during the first day, they found out that Norman could get up from the wrong side of the bed, they left him to be. Even if they were all supposed to prepare breakfast.

It was something Norman had stopped hiding with age: how he hated waking up. When he was younger, he always smiled in the morning, pretending everything was fine… While his mind was a complete mess of curses and annoyance. As he grew up and decided to forget the idea of pleasing to everyone, he stopped hiding that fact. Not only had he became a light sleeper, who clearly needed more than the current 6 hours of sleep he would usually get, but he also was more of an evening person. There was a reason as to why he was usually working in the evening after all.

That morning, all the other Mediators, and even Krone who widened her eyes at his sight and just walked away to talk with someone else, decided to leave him be. It was usually pretty clear to see when he wasn’t in the mood: hair a mess, partially falling down onto his face, bags under his eyes, skin even paler than usual, and most importantly… He wouldn’t wear glasses. It’s not like he exactly needed them for his daily life, but he needed them to see details, such as written things or when he was doing his exams. But during those mornings, he liked to not see everything perfectly. There was something relaxing in the way everything became blurry figures only moving around him.

His superiors gave him a cup of tea as soon as he got into the kitchen to help and asked him to stay on the side. Norman didn’t reject the idea and sat beside the window, watching his colleagues move around. Everyone was leaving him be, everyone, except one person…

“Hey! What happened to you?” Asked Sandy, sitting next to him.

“2 hours of sleep.” Replied Norman dryly.

“I had guessed… But why?”

Norman scowled him. “You should be the one to know.”

Sandy gave him an apologetic smile before looking away. “Sorry…” He paused, waiting from Norman to add something. “Are you still angry at me about 63194?”

“Sandy. I have a cup of tea I my hand and I won’t hesitate to use it if you try to talk to me about that matter again.”

“Okay.” Replied the older man with a small voice. “Do… you want me to ask the superiors to give you the day off?”

“It’s fine. After lunch I should be back to usual.”

“Cool.” He stayed silent again, until he shifted closer. “Did you find out anything?”

“How the hell do you clean your shelves?”

“It’s just practical!”

“Yeah. Like 63194…”

“I told you that I’m sorry!”

“Is 81194’s file practical too?” Cut him off coldly Norman. “Is that why you didn’t make further researches to know who his affiliations were?”

Sandy nodded. “I’m not the one who wrote that paper, I… don’t know who did in fact. The current elders don’t have the same writing. But… I have to admit that I accepted it due to practicality. Besides, you say I didn’t make any researches, but I can confirm you that he really doesn’t have any affiliations to anyone.”

The white-haired man looked at the slightly greenish liquid in his cup, frowning. “So it wasn’t just a joker… He really doesn’t have any affiliations… Do you think he comes from the 5^th farm you mentioned last time?”

“It’s a possibility we can’t ignore. But in that case, he should be marked by that 5^th farm…”

“Do you know anyone who was marked by this 5^th farm?”

“81194’s trainee.”

Hayato? “I couldn’t find his file.”

“I know, I only had access to it recently, to partner him up. It appeared one day on my desk and disappeared the next. It’s not in the archive room. But there’s this big stamp on it… It’s weird. Hard to describe too. You need to see it to know what it is.”

“But since the selection is finished…”

“Then you don’t have any chances to find out where it is.”

Norman nodded. But he did have an idea on how to find it, he just needed a certain raven-haired boy to help him. He had an exam with him next week, since Vincent was now aware of his little nightly excursions, he would talk to him that day. He felt bad with the idea of asking Ray to spy for him, but with what the other was doing anyway, asking him to search for a few papers in someone else’s room was a better way to spend his time.

The tea was starting to have a benefic effect to his fuzzy mind, Norman passed a hand through his hair to put them back into place and leaned closer to Sandy. “In any case, it’s hard to make any conclusions about the order. The registers are clear about the actual ranks of the farms. But as you said, most transfers didn’t follow that order. I didn’t find any reasons yet as to why they transfer us in that specific order. But…”

“But what?”

“There’s… barely any transferred Receivers. Only Givers have changed of farms so much. There’s currently only 2 transferred Receiver, and they come from different farms.”

“Well, that’s normal isn’t it? To them, males are replaceable, while girls are a great resource. They wouldn’t trade their girls so easily.”

“No. Males are as valuable as females. You can’t make a new product without at least those two components. It’s not just a mean for reproduction, their descendants inherit 50% of their genome. That’s why people like 81194 or AII866-890 are so important to the House: they indirectly produce higher quality products. Now. Explain to me why they transfer so many boys so easily, but girls are restricted to their farms.”

Sandy seemed taken aback, but Norman didn’t stop there.

“And, within the two transferred Receivers… We have one who was transferred recently.” He paused, remembering the files he had checked last night. “And she is from Grand Valley.”

Sandy seemed to want to say her name out loud but closed his mouth before he could. He looked at the group working in the kitchen, a bit further away, Zack was talking with Vincent, seemingly teasing him again. Norman snapped his finger in front of Sandy’s face to get his attention back.

“There haven’t been any transfers from Grand Valley during the past 9 years. Why now? And more precisely… why a girl?”

“Maybe… Maybe the others were right…? Maybe it’s not a big deal?”

Norman felt the annoyance he usually had when waking up coming back. He greeted his teeth. “Do not mock me. It’s a big deal. The only transfer was a girl. It obviously means something.”

“Listen, maybe we looked too much into it. Maybe it’s…!”

“Transfers were kicked out of Grand Valley in 1927. Glory Bell in 1930. Then Goodwill Ridge in 1934. And now everyone is at Grace Field. Try to prove to me that there’s nothing suspicious about all of this.”

The older man pursued his lips and looked away. “Norman... If what you say is right… If… If that girl shouldn’t have been transferred now… Then…”

They were both interrupted by Zack calling them from afar and coming closer, holding a desperate Vincent by the wrist with him. He approached the duo with a wide grin on his face.

“How’s the sleeping beauty?” He asked to Norman, making his grip stronger on Vincent who was trying to not look at Norman.

“What’s up with Vince?” Asked Sandy, looking at the other boy.

“I’m playing detectives.” Replied Zack. “And I want to know what you did last night Norman.”

The young man stared at his colleague beside him, feeling the shiver down his spine. Did Zack know too? Was he aware that Norman was in the Archive room last night? But looking at him, Norman understood quickly that it wasn’t that.

“Nothing particular. I had troubles falling asleep, that’s all.”

“Really? And what does Vincent think about this?”

Sandy raised an interrogative brow at Norman who decided that he probably should consider the idea of Zack being aware of what happened. That is… until Vincent started talking.

“For the last time Zack! We did bump into each other, but nothing happened!”

“But you two were away for quite some time…” Replied Zack. “And you just come back together, like that, in the middle of the night… Suspicious.”

Norman didn’t even internalize his facepalm. Of course. He should have expected that. “Zack, Vincent is right. Nothing happened. Really.”

“See!” Said Vincent, trying to pull his wrist away from Zack’s grip.

“Only secret lovers would hide it together.”

“We’re not like that!”

“There’s too many suspicious things between you two! First Vince staring at you so often, and then what happened this night!” He stopped for a moment and gasped dramatically. “Did you two concluded?!”

“Your reasoning is clearly flawed!”

“Zack.” Cut them off Norman coldly. He got up, and suddenly gripped Zack’s collar to pull him down to his level. A predatory smile on his lips. “I can assure you that if we had done anything, then Vincent wouldn’t be able to walk like he does right now.” He then let him go with a satisfied smile at the sight of the small group’s bewildered faces.

He put his cup into the sink before leaving the kitchen to help with the preparations in the dining hall. He was feeling much better now, though still tired. Not long after, he was followed by Vincent helping him silently.

“Thank you. For not telling them.”

“I told you I wouldn’t, didn’t I?” Replied Vincent, smiling back.

But as he put the plates into place, his face changed into something more worried.

“Don’t think too much about last night. And let the rumors go, it doesn’t matter. Without proofs, they will eventually stop.” Said Norman.

“I wasn’t thinking about that.”

“About what then?”

“You… With Zack, earlier, you…” He sighed, hesitating. “You looked like 81194. For a few seconds.”

Norman let go of the plate he had in his hand as she fell on the table loudly. “What?”

“I didn’t mean like you sounded seductive or anything! There just were some similarities with…”

“Vincent. It’s fine.” Norman managed to smile to him, trying to control his voice starting to waver, accusing his lack of sleep to forget what Vincent had just said. “81194 and I come from the same plantation. We grew together, and I am his doctor. I probably assimilated some of his expressions without noticing it myself.”

Vincent nodded, finishing dressing up the table before looking back to Norman again, this time more embarrassed. “What you said to Zack, about the…? Is it true?”

Norman smirked, leaning against the table and pointing a finger a to his lips. “Wanna check?” Vincent tried to blurt out something but failed. The younger boy burst into laughter and pat his shoulder. “Don’t worry, I was only kidding. I’m not the type to get into anyone’s bed so easily. You’re just easy to tease.”

“Of course.” Replied Vincent, relieved. “You’re not the type to fool around like that.”

“Though I’m not a virgin.”

Vincent almost chocked on air, the white-haired man smiled to him, feeling better already.

“So you… You did that with someone?”

“That’s what sex is Vince. Oh! Don’t tell me…? You are a virgin? That’s so cute.”

“I can’t believe you fell into depravation like the others…”

“Hey! It’s just some sex it’s not a big deal! Besides, unlike the others, I’m committed to my relationships.”

“Then, you did it with someone you were in love with?”

Norman stared at Vincent’s amber eyes and smiled sadly.

“I guess I used to be.”

Chapter Text

Water splashing around as Emma stared at her meal tray, waiting for the older girl to finish pouring the jug of water on her. Once she was over, the girl put it besides her loudly to attract everyone’s attention, if it wasn’t already the case.

“Here, like that, you’ll get used to being wet. Early whore.” Said the girl.

Emma didn’t look at her face, but she could hear in her intonation that she was smiling. She didn’t reply, taking her fork and starting to eat, ignoring her drenched clothes and hair. She could feel the other eyes on hers, even the instructors one, checking her reaction. It was a test, she knew it. Everything was.

Those girls? They would get shipped out soon with their attitude. Emma just needed to wait until then to finally get peace. Right now, the only thing that mattered was showing to the instructor that she wasn’t affected by it.

She put a piece of her meal in her mouth, even if she had lost the ability to taste she still needed to eat. It seemed those girls didn’t because they suddenly gripped her wrist.

“Hey! I’m talking to you whore! Reply!”

Calmly, Emma took the fork in her right hand and placed it in her left hand to dug into her plate again, waiting for the other to release her. She would have waited long if it weren’t for one of them suddenly pushing her tray away. At least they had the decency to not waist food. They pulled her up so she was facing the ‘leader’ of the group, the other two holding her arms and shoulders into place so that she couldn’t replicate with her upper body. The girl gripped her chin.

Emma thought that her mouth smelled like rotten fish.

“When I’m training you for your future, you should say ‘Thank you Mistress’, whore.” Said the girl, a smirk not hidden on her face.

Emma considered not replying until a better idea came to her mind. She moved her face closer and spilled what she had previously in her mouth on the other girl’s feet and hand holding her chin and smiled to her. “Thank you, Mistress Whore.” She said cockily.

She should have expected the slap as much as she should have expected the dirty foot stomping on hers. She couldn’t help the wince, but she managed to repress the whine of pain. Emma kept her eyes locked on the girls in front of her, not changing of attitude. She laughed to herself in her mind, she could perfectly picture Norman or Ray do something like that, like the cocky boys they were. What would have done the previous Emma instead? Probably try to talk with them, try to laugh sympathetically…

That Emma was dead anyway.

“You will pay for this, bitch.”

“You should choose a nickname once and for all, is it whore or bitch? I have trouble remembering with all the changes.”

She never had been so happy to have assimilated Ray’s sarcasm and Norman’s pride, the previous Emma would have sulked so much, trying to understand why they were acting that way. The Emma now understood perfectly how this world worked. She had analyzed the two other boys so much she could perfectly understand how they would think now.

Even if they would never understand how it felt to be born with a hole bleeding between their legs.

“Listen here smartass…”

“Ah, you changed again.”

Another slap across her face. The instructor was still watching, checking how far Emma could take it until she would finally let go of the façade. She was in for a ride. “You are bond to become a House regular, no better than the boys there, a simple prostitute made to create babies. That’s the destiny of all girls who got their periods so early. I’m trying to be nice to you, but if you won’t understand then I have no choice but to tell it a little less nicely.”

“I’m not sure that your two side-bitch holding me right there is a way to tell it to me nicely. Hey, do you three fucks when Grandma isn’t watching?”

With an impressive coordination, the two other girls who were previously holding her in place had let go of her arms to pull her hair and threw her on the ground. They were about to hit her in the stomach with their foot, but Emma took the opportunity to roll away and get up quickly, running to a table with more people where the girls wouldn’t dare her risking moving so much. She rolled up her sleeves and looked at the group of girls, ready to fight. A girl gasped behind her and Emma turned to her, winking before her aggressor tried to punch her.

Emma dodged it easily, going behind the girl and hitting her throat with her forearm while kicking her ankle with her foot, making the other loose her balance and fall to the ground. The second arrived as quickly, this time going with both hands. As effortlessly as previously, Emma waited for her to get close enough to turn around, grip her arms, and used her hips to push the other’s body as she pulled her arms, making her fall to the ground too. She gasped as her back hit the floor, her breath probably cut. She wouldn’t move for a moment.

Emma jumped to avoid the first one gripping her ankle and hit her wrist instead, she shouted in pain. The third one finally arrived, no hands raised, she probably wanted to surprise Emma or wait for the other two to get up. Emma didn’t wait for an opportunity this time, jumping on the girls’ table to their surprise, avoiding with an incredible dexterity their cutlery and plates to jump back on the girl. The surprise effect worked out, since she didn’t move, even when Emma’s foot hit her chest and made her lose her balance as she fell to the ground. There, Emma pulled out the knife she had stolen on one of the girl’s tray, while jumping on the table, to put it to the girl’s throat.

She smirked.

“Checkmate.” She got back up to put the knife back on the girl’s tray, smiling to her. Probably imitating Norman’s one. “Thank you.” The girl blushed.

Emma walked back to her tray quietly, sitting back on the bench to eat. She glanced at the instructor; she was writing down things on her paper. Probably giving points to Emma and taking it away from the other three girls. She ate in a complete silent room, the others still too shocked by what had happened. They only started talking again when Emma finally left the room.

That little show didn’t matter to her. Neither how the others perceived her. The only thing that mattered was living until her sister arrived.

Emma looked at the calendar in front of her. They were the 6 of November, another night went by since she had done it with Ray, but the feeling was still there. She could never forget the quick shower she had taken after doing it, feeling that… liquid sliding down her legs. It was Ray’s, so she hadn’t felt disgusted, slightly scared yes, but not disgusted. She surprisingly didn’t had trouble sleeping that night, even though a thousand things had been running through her mind at that time.

When Norman had examined her that day, he hadn’t said anything. Most likely because he was afraid someone else in the infirmary could know – and also because he seemed too tired to argue anything. But he still had asked her if she was alright. The fact that everything was over so quick, and then like it had never happened was disturbing.

Especially when went to see Hayato that same day, the boy greeting her like he used to, being so happy to talk with someone about anything since Ray was doing his intercourses with Violet. She had appreciated his company, it had sooth her mind. Hayato was like Helen in that regard, simpler. She had talked with him about what he would like as an embroidery on his bandana, and other things as ‘Do you like your partner?’, or ‘Is everything alright with the others?’ but nothing much more. That day, she didn’t want to think about all the thing she didn’t know into the House, she just wanted to relax and to forget how pathetic she had felt the night before.

Even when Ray had arrived into the boy’s room, even remembering what had happened, for a moment, she had been able to forget that they became more than friend for the spawn of one night.

But today was different. Today, she had her first day of period, which means that her prepared intercourses with Oliver would arrive soon too. And like each time, she felt each emotion stronger than usual. She knew not all girls had that problem, but it was particularly true with her. Keeping her façade would become harder each time, so today, she decided to not see neither the younger boy nor her brother today.

Instead, she had agreed to accompany Helen to the library. They were only allowed to stay there for one hour each day, the room guarded by a Mediator too busy to read his own book to actually care if someone was spending more time than usual there. It wasn’t too different from what she had been used to at the orphanage, with walls covered in books from all ages. Helen was running around the shelves, asking Emma about her tastes and what she would recommend until the red-head had to explain to her that she wasn’t actually a bookworm, and she should maybe ask someone who liked to read more than her. What Helen understood as ‘going to see the person who seems to read the most in the room’ who is the Mediator in charge of keeping guard. If the poor man seemed surprised at first, he gladly answered Helen’s questions. Maybe with a bit too much enthusiasm, which was understandable with how bored he must have been here.

Emma let Helen talk with him for some time, going back to the shelves to search for a book that could interest her and spend the time. That is, until she felt a presence beside her, and turned her head just in time to see Oliver walking to her quietly.

“I’ve never seen this guy talk so much to anyone before.” He whispered, pointing at the duo talking in the back.

“Helen has that effect.” She replied, not losing eye contact and shrugging. “What are you doing here? Aren’t you supposed to be in your room at that time of the day?”

Only the Mediators and the Receivers were supposed to be allowed to walk freely around the House in the afternoon. The Givers were allowed to move depending on Krone’s needs.

“Managed to get through the security, I needed a book.” Replied the man. “But I didn’t expect you here. How are you?”

It took her a moment to notice that Oliver was actually trying to have a conversation with her. “Fine. And you?”

“It’s because I heard our intercourses will start in 10 days. So… I know it’s a hard time for girls, and I was wondering if you were fine?”

Emma stared at him deadpanned. “If you know it happens each month, then you should know that we’re used to it.”

“Yes. Of course, you are. It’s… dumb. Sorry.” He really seemed embarrassed.

“Don’t worry. I’m… kind of…” She made vague gestures around her head. “During it. Don’t take it personally.”

He sighed in relief, making Emma slightly smile. So easy to read. “I’m reassured. It’s been years that I’ve been working with Receivers, but each time I feel like I know absolutely nothing about women.”

“Honestly? Me too.”

He raised his eyebrows. “Really? You’ve spent so much time with them at the Center, so I thought you would understand them more.”

“The only thing I understood is that girls are more creative when it comes to ruin other’s fun… And that as long as you can look cool in front of them, they become suddenly attracted to the same gender whether they were batting for the other team or not.”

“I didn’t know my partner was I womanizer!” Replied Oliver, smirking.

“I’m basically Ray but only for the eyes.”

Oliver had to put a hand over his mouth to contain his snort. Emma glanced at the Mediator talking with Helen, they were still caught up into their conversation, before pulling Oliver further into the library, somewhere where they wouldn’t be seen, and where Oliver could laugh like he wanted to.

“It’s the first time I ever see someone compare themselves to Ray.”

“I grew up with him, I’m pretty sure we at least share 50% of our charm.”

“Can’t deny it.”

This time it was her time to be surprised, she widened her eyes and felt something warm under her skin. “Seriously?”

“Well, I can tell you that most other boys were jealous of me when they announced I was supposed to be your partner.” He paused, looking away hesitantly. “But they all calmed down when they saw you jumping on that Mediator like that. That was kind of scary.”

“You thought it was scary too?” She asked despite herself.

“I thought it was awesome.”

She lost herself into Oliver’s dark eyes, feeling something warm bubbling inside of her chest. She had acted like a savage back then, and it wasn’t the Center, so she had expected others to be scared of her like the other Receivers had been – except Helen because Helen – for a few days. The fact that Oliver had not only acted in her favor at that time, and now was seemingly thinking that she had been ‘awesome’ was making her feel something she didn’t quite understood. Especially in that corner of the library, where his height was hiding the light of the lamp above their heads to her. But surprisingly, it had something reassuring to it.

“I think I need to go before your friend finds out about me.” Said Oliver as they stopped hearing Helen and the Mediator talking. He leaned down to leave a quick peck on her cheek and smiled to her before walking away quickly as Helen was arriving from the other side with some books with thin covers in her hands.

“I found everything I wanted!” Said the young girl happily. “I didn’t expect to see you here…” She stopped when she saw Emma’s face. She moved closer. “Do you have a fever?”

“What? Why?” Asked Emma, trying to keep her voice as normal as possible despite it wanting to go higher.

“You are as red as a beetroot.”

Like all the other Receivers, Emma spent most of the day in the dorm, trying to read a book she had took in a rush at the library but not managing to concentrate at all. Her mind still focused on a tall figure with pale hair and dark eyes. She had tried to brush it off as curiosity, since she was also thinking a lot about either Ray or Norman, but Oliver was really taking over her mind right now. She had never talked with someone so easily like that. Between Ray’s sarcasm and Norman’s overprotectiveness, it was hard to have someone not talk to her with either admiration, fear, or worry. But Oliver was truly talking to her like he probably would’ve to any other person.

“The girls said the house was depraved.” Started to say Helen after dinner, as they were about to all go to bed and taking out Emma from her trail of thoughts. “But I don’t think so. Theo was nice for example.”

“Theo?” Asked Emma, taking out the pins in her hair.

“The librarian.”

“Oh. Your new friend.”

“I wouldn’t call us friends. But he is really nice.”

Her new friend then. “Theo is a Mediator, not a Giver.”

“I’m not just talking about him! All the others are really nice too! You should know best, there was this other boy talking to you last time… The blond one, with a dumb look and a bandana.”

Emma contained herself from saying that it was cheeky coming from her. “Hayato. He is just a boy like another.” Helen was staring at her, one brow raised. “No Helen! If anything, I would consider him to be a little brother! Nothing more. Would you want me to imagine a romance between you and Theo?”

“No!”

“See! Then don’t go and imagine stuff about other people’s life like that.”

“But you seemed pretty interested in your partner last time I knew! Oliko something.”

“Oliver.” Corrected Emma a bit too quickly.

“I saw you checking him out Miss ‘I’m not interested in anything’!”

“I wasn’t checking him out!”

“Yes, you were!”

“If I can intrude the conversation.” Suddenly said one of the Receivers. “I agree with you. I was told the House was a depraved place, but in the end, I think it’s more than correct.”

Helen, who always liked to talk with more people, nodded. “Isn’t it! All the boys seem to keep their hands to themselves, and I never had to witness all those things I was told.”

“Exactly!” Agreed the girl.

“Things have changed.” Interrupted suddenly a voice near the group. They all turned towards one of the regulars, a woman in her late twenties. “Back then, I can tell you, it was just as it had been described to you. But now… It feels like a healthier environment I would say.”

She sat on the closest bed, other girls joining the group as they heard their elder talk. The regulars barely interacted with the others, probably already tired of the life they were living, so seeing one talk so openly like that was something new for many of them.

“A healthier environment?” Asked Helen, siting on Emma’s bed as the other was finishing taking off her hairstyle and braiding her hair.

The regular seemed at loss for a moment, looking at the ground, then another girl behind her sat next to her and put a reassuring hand on her shoulder, another regular. They smiled to each other as the other continued.

“Before, the House wasn’t under Krone’s authority. The House’s Mama was mostly… a symbolic role, rather than a necessary one. Before… Well… Until two years ago. The House was under the Mediators authority.”

She shook her head.

“The current Mediators are gentle boys who sincerely cares about their patients and the people living here. They are people you can trust. It wasn’t the case before. When the Mediators used to rule over the House, as long as it could produce children, no one cared about what was happening inside.”

She shuddered.

“I remember them torturing a boy in the main hall for no other reasons than the fact that he had tried to help one of his comrades. Once in a while, they would go into the dorms, take either one of the girls or one of the boys, and the next day… They weren’t the same anymore. They had fun like that, torturing and using other people for their own benefits. It was understandable then, that as long as you could get one of the Mediators favors, you would be free from the torture, as long as you were doing what they asked.” She contained a sob before keeping up. “Even I had to do that.”

Words weren’t needed when the situation was as clear. Emma was only thinking about Ray’s scars, how he had mentioned that the House used to be rougher before… That’s what he meant then. Then her attention shifted to Oliver, had he been through all of that? Did he had to endure all of that too? How could he smile like he does now if he had lived there?

“If you managed to get past the Mediators, then of course, the House must have seemed like a depraved and lustful place, but it only was for those enjoying it.” Said the other woman next to the regular. “Receivers weren’t their favorite toys though, we are precious merchandise, and they wouldn’t have dared get those creature’s wrath. So they would settle for something that would be easier to control and who wouldn’t be able to complain.” She looked at Emma and Helen. “Their favorite toys were the new batch of Givers sent here each January.”

Emma felt all red leave her cheeks. It only stopped two years ago. So it definitely meant that both Ray and Oliver went through it. She wondered if Violet knew all of this, she was sleeping in another room.

“They would always ‘test’ them like they used to say. Kidnap one of the boys for a night or a few days if they like him, and then send him back to his dorm. If the boy hadn’t killed himself yet, then it meant that they could play with him over and over again.”

“It’s messed up.” Muttered Helen, gripping the folds of her nightdress tightly. “It’s… horrible.”

“Most of them weren’t even 16 when they would arrive.” Added a third elder behind the other two.

“Not even 16?” Asked Emma.

“The new boys are sent to the House the year of their 16, not after they become 16. So, most of the newcomers, whether it was now or then, would actually still be 15.”

“But how could Krone let them do?!” Exploded Helen. “It’s horrible! It’s absolutely horrible!”

“Krone couldn’t do anything, she was like all of us, she couldn’t say anything.” Cut her off the first regular.

“Why?” Asked Emma.

“Because of Andrew.” Answered the second regular.

Somehow, the name rang in her ear. Like a ghost still lingering into the House. The other girls weren’t talking either, it was as if the whole House had stopped breathing.

“Andrew was a Mediator who came from people higher ranked than anyone working at the farm. I think he worked for the family in charge of this whole system: the Ratris.” Continued the regular. “We know it because he would often brag about it in the rare moments he would talk. Since he was the head of everything here, he could also silence anyone defying his authority. His every word were orders, and everyone was scared of him, even the other Mediators helping him in his deeds. He wouldn’t do systematic torture like the others, but once he had found a toy he liked, he wouldn’t let go of it until it would break.” She pursued her lips. “Krone had to carry a corpse once because of that.”

“He also liked seeing others being tortured, so he would mostly watch. He was probably the most terrifying of the group.” Added a girl behind her.

“But, weren’t there Mediators you could trust?” Asked one of the new girls.

“There were few of them, but yes, they were. They would be the ones helping the other recovers, and eventually calming down some members of their group. Those ones are still here today.”

“But Andrew…” Kept up the third. “This guy was a total asshole. No… More than that… I don’t know enough names to call him by, but he is all of them combined. I’m glad of what happened to him.”

“How did he end?” Asked Emma. “You said everything ended 2 years ago, what happened then?”

The three regulars looked at each other, like they were asking themselves if they could really tell what they were about to say. Then the first one talked.

“He was sent back to the Center, for an unknown reason.”

“The only thing we knew is that he had to follow the same rules as the other Mediators and broke one of them.” Added the second.

“After that, the other members of his group were one by one sent back to the Center, and it didn’t stop since then, each time a new Mediator seemed borderline, after a few months, he was sent back to the Center. Though the rhythm seemed to have calmed down lately, it’s the same thing.”

“There is some kind of justice then!” Said Helen, seemingly relived to know how those people ended.

“But was it enough for you all? Just them being sent back to the Center? Without anything else happening to them?” Wondered Emma.

The regular shrugged. “None of us know the details of their end, we weren’t there. I just know that Andrew got what he deserved. So, I don’t know if it was torture, or if someone killed him, but in any case, he is gone now, and that’s for the best.”

“And… Do you know who his victims were?” Asked Emma, too worried to stay silent.

“We told you, we don't know. We weren't here."

Emma nodded, still thinking about the two boys. Did they know who Andrew was? Were they his victims too?

She remembered the smell of lavender.

Chapter Text

“Okay. Listen up guys. We follow the plan like we said.” Resumed Oliver, standing in front of the two boys, the two slightly younger than him.

“Do we knock him out if he starts being violent?” Asked Nigel, glancing at the plate in his hands, tempted to eat it.

“No, we don’t! If we start by giving him a bad opinion of us, then we’re going nowhere!”

“I’m pretty sure that blocking his only exit is not exactly a good way to not give him a bad opinion of us.” Retorqued Pepe, snapping his fingers in front of Nigel’s nose to pull him out from his contemplation of the plate filled with food.

“Yeah but…!” Groaned Oliver. “Listen, we need to give him something to eat or else I’m pretty sure he’ll starve himself to death.”

“Let him starve to death. It’ll give him a lesson.” Oliver looked bewildered at his friend, but Pepe just shrugged. “He’s going to go through worse anyway. You know the Mediators.”

“We’ll try to avoid that.” They all looked at the door next to them. The newcomer’s room. “Okay, ready?” Whispered Oliver to the other two who nodded in response. Oliver approached the door, looking at the other two hesitantly and giving a sign to Nigel to move away, Pepe next to the door with him. He knocked. “Hello? You’re here boy?”

They heard some noises on the other side, but nothing more. Pepe was still in position.

“You didn’t come to breakfast. You know it’s… not exactly what you should do.”

“Leave me alone!” Suddenly shouted a voice behind the door. It was clear but rough at the same time, typical from boys that age.

Nigel took a step back as Oliver kept talking. “I’m not here to give you a lesson, I’m here to bring you breakfast.” He paused, waiting for a response. “I’m alone.” He lied.

He waited again and was about to use another argument until the boy on the other side suddenly talked again. “One second.”

They heard sounds, a chair moving and… sheets. Oliver looked at Pepe and nodded as he took a step back. Suddenly the door opened, and the boy came out from it, threw a large sheet over Oliver and pushed him away before trying to run to the other side only to be met by Pepe’s arms blocking him and gripping him. He held the boy into place by his arms as he tried to move away. At some point, the boy tried to hit his feet, so effortlessly, he lifted him up from the ground.

“Damn!” Cursed Pepe. “Not stupid but feral for sure!”

The boy tried clearing off, groaning at the same time without succeeding. Oliver pushed the sheet away and asked Nigel to come closer with the plate. “I knew you would try something like that. Can you calm down? I really brought you breakfast.”

“I don’t trust liars.” Hissed the boy, glaring at him.

Nigel widened his eyes. “Wow. You were right. He really is pretty.”

“You shut up!” Shouted the boy, trying to clear off again.

But Nigel was right, the boy was pretty. He had hair as dark as a raven’s plumage, dark almond eyes with long eyelashes, and even his skin tone, while not being sickly pale was just good enough to make him look healthy. Under his tank top, they could see his musculature, thin but trained. He was, objectively speaking, attractive. The only thing that made them all able to think otherwise was the almost animal-like way he was trying to get away from the older boy’s grip.

“If you calm down, maybe I could explain to you your situation as you eat?” Said Oliver.

“Ha! No way! I know how boys work at the House! And I won’t fall prey to that!”

“Now that’s just rude.” Said Pepe before Oliver could retorqued. “Out from all the men here, we’re probably the less likely to jump on you.”

“And what are you exactly doing?!” Retorqued the boy.

“Holding a cat into place.”

Pepe received a strong hit to his leg that didn’t even made him wince. Oliver sighed. “Let him go.”

“You’re sure?”

“Yeah. He won’t listen to what I have to say otherwise.”

Reluctantly, Pepe let go of the boy. As Oliver expected, he didn’t run away, instead rolling his shoulders and glaring at the group. The white-haired man took the plate in Nigel’s hands before he could start eating it and gestured to the boy his room. The other glanced at the two other boy before going back in, Oliver winked at his comrades who were too shocked by the boy finally obeying to say anything as he closed the door behind them.

As soon as they were alone in the room, the younger boy immediately ran to his bed and lifted his sheets up to hide his body. Oliver chuckled.

“Do you really have so much trouble trusting me? I just brought you breakfast.”

He didn’t receive an answer, so he just sat beside him on the bed and gave the other his plate. He hesitated before taking it and glancing at Oliver first and then at the plate, starting to eat.

“What’s your name?” Asked Oliver.

“Ray.” Answered the boy, gulping down his food.

“You know you’re lucky to be a newcomer, some of us gets flogged for skipping mealtimes without excuses.” Ray didn’t reply. “So, you are a premium?” That question was received by a strong glare and groan of agreement. “It’s the first time I meet one.”

“Nothing particularly exceptional I bet.”

Oliver shrugged. “I have to admit that I’ve seen better. But you’re good.” To not say one of the most beautiful beings he had ever met.

“You haven’t told me your name.” Cut him off Ray, more inhaling his food than eating, he must have been truly hungry.

“It’s Oliver.”

Ray glanced at him before going back to his plate. “Okay. How long have you been here?”

“6 years.”

“Since the beginning then? But you don’t have Grace Field’s typical way of numbering…”

“Let’s just say that in other farms, there’s less… waiting, before being sent to the House.” Replied Oliver, remembering the first House he had been sent to at 13.

“I see.” Said Ray. “Sorry to have asked. Mustn’t have been good memories.”

“Indeed. But at least, I’ll live longer here if I’m performant enough. You can live until your 26^th birthday here, did you know?”

“Vaguely heard about it.”

Oliver nodded. “But enough about me. More about you. I need to know how much you’ve already done to evaluate what kind of training you’ll need before being selected as a partner for the girls.”

Ray finished his plate and put it on the wooden box on the side of the bed. “If it’s about sex, I’ve already done it. I know how to do it.”

“Do you know that all the boys say it as soon as they arrive to avoid the training? If I were you, I would be honest.”

Ray glared at him. “I am. I’ve already done it. I never said it was with a girl.”

Oliver raised his brows, unimpressed. Ray was a premium, he could have said the truth as much as he could’ve been lying. “Alright then. You’re allowed to skip half of the training.”

“I thought I would have to argue more on that.”

“We’ll see quickly if you lied. But for now, I will let you choose when you are ready for me to take you.”

“Take… me?”

“I’ll be your trainer. I will teach you everything you need to know about living and working here. Since I don’t want to force myself on you, I’ll just teach you some basics. And in exchange, you will allow me to take care of you, that includes allowing me to have access to your room at any time and obeying to me when you have to. Is everything clear?”

“And if I don’t want to?”

“There’s plenty of other people who won’t wait for your permission on the other side if you want to. If you’re my trainer, no one will touch you without your permission.” At least those he could reason with. He extended his hand. “Do we have a deal? I can leave you a few more days if you need to.”

Ray shook his head and took his hand. “No. It’s fine, I agree to your terms.”

“Good.” Replied Oliver smiling, and suddenly pulled Ray’s hand to move closer to him and kiss his lips. Ray managed to shove him away and put both hands on his mouth to avoid another kiss. Oliver wasn’t smiling anymore. “Remember, from now on, you are this House’s property. If you want a free will, fight for it.”

He then took back the plate with him and got out of his room.

Ray finished dressing back up after his last session with Violet. He glanced at the woman behind him who was finishing buttoning up her collar, the conversation they had a while ago still in his mind. Since then, Violet hadn’t revealed anything she had planned. She had refused to play the game a second time, so she hadn’t asked about Ray’s past either. The woman had stayed as much of a mystery as when he had met her.

There were still so many things he was wondering: What did she want to give to him? Why did she want to know more about Andrew’s plans? And overall, why him? Oliver could’ve answered those questions too, well, as much as Ray could’ve, why not ask him over Ray? Didn’t they both came from Grand Valley?

But it clearly wasn’t her focus, her focus was to give Ray that thing. She hadn’t asked him anything at all since their first session, it wasn’t information she wanted, it was an ally. But it still left him with the same question: why him?

“Don’t you want to ask anything again?” Suddenly said Violet, cutting off his trail of thought. “It’s going to be the last time we’ll see each other.”

He let out a polite chuckle. “Really? Aren’t you being too hasty? It could take multiple sessions again before you can be pregnant.” They would only know if she was with the exams this week anyway.

“No. It’s the last. I know it.”

“Mother instinct?” She shook her head; this time Ray dropped the smile. “Then what?”

Violet looked up to him, smiling sadly. “Well, if you don’t have anything to say, then I will.” She sat back on the bed. “I will tell you why I chose you, and why I want to give you something.”

He frowned. “But you won’t tell me what it is.”

“Walls have ears. I prefer to not pronounce its name.” She switched to an unusual somber tone. “First of all, you will find what I need to give to you in the attic. Only search for it after I leave the House, it’s better. You will check the armor on the Receivers’ side, you know, the broken one laid on its side. There’s actually a mechanism hidden near its feet, you just need to activate it from the inside, and you will get access to a drawer in which is hidden my gift.”

“When you leave the House?” Noted Ray.

“Now that it is said, I will tell you why I chose you.” Cut him off Violet. “It has to do with why I’m going to leave the House.” She paused, breathing in. “If I’m no pregnant… Then, by the end of this week I will die.”

Ray felt all colors leave his face. But Violet didn’t stop, almost vomiting the words to finally let someone know. “Back in Grand Valley, I participated in a traffic. You will understand which kind when you’ll receive your gift. I was in it with a few of my other comrades. But one of us got caught…”

“Wait!” Cut her off the young man. “How did you manage to…?”

“How did we manage to make a traffic within the farm?” Completed the girl. “It was simple really, the merch for the traffic was hidden through the necessities, you just had to pretend to regularly help the ones in charge of unpacking them to get it. There are no defined roles in Grand Valley unlike Grace Field, it’s easier to interact with each field. So we would keep the illegal merch under our clothes until we could store them in our rooms, and hide it until the man in charge of the local routine would come to ‘check on everything’ to deliver him the goods.” She paused. “At least that’s how the thing was supposed to go until I arrived. I started my training at 13, you must be aware of it right? Oliver must have told you.”

He nodded.

“I immediately helped the traffic as soon as I arrived. I… wanted to fight this world. To find a way to destroy it. So, I believed in this traffic we were doing. We were almost about to succeed until all our allies from the male side suddenly disappeared a few months after I started.”

Ray made a quick calculation in his head. It was 9 years ago; the same time Oliver and the other transfers left the Grand Valley’s House to go to Grace Field’s one. “All of them?” Asked the man.

“All of them, I hadn’t seen a man since then until I came to Grace Field.” She replied. “I still don’t know the reason why, and it seemed weird since the girls were still getting pregnant. When I was sent here, I figured that they might have been sent to other Houses…” She stopped talking, thinking about something. “But you will be able to tell it easier than me, right?”

Ray shook his head. “I’m sorry, I can only tell for the boys’ side here.”

“Oliver said the same thing to me.” She sighed. “But that’s not the issue here. The fact is that smuggling became harder. Girls have a longer lifespan than boys in this world, so most of them preferred to save their own ass rather than trying to rebel. One of us got caught like that, and she denunciated the group in hope they would spare her. She was stupid. It never happened.” Violet looked away before keeping up. “I was in the lot, I managed to hide my merch in time, but my name had still been said. I… was the smartest of the group from what they told me. I had the best grades, and I was overall doing pretty well. So they offered me a deal instead of simply killing me.”

She leaned down, putting her elbows on her knees.

“I would be sent to Grace Field’s House for a certain amount of time. And I would go through the same trials as the other girls. If I managed to get pregnant by then, and bring a Grace Field baby to Grand Valley, I would be left alive and rewarded with a position assuring my safety. But if I couldn’t get pregnant… I would die by the end of this month.”

They should know the results in about two weeks. Then, Violet would either be sent back to Grand Valley with a baby or die. She chuckled when she saw his eyes widen in horror. “It’s alright. It’s been a lonesome 22 years of living, but at least… at least I hope I could help the world to change.” She got back up, walking towards Ray to put a hand on his cheek, softly stroking it. “If I’m not the mother of your child, can I count on you for accepting my gift and using it well?”

“Why…?” he managed to say despite his throat feeling sore. “Why… Why me? Despite what you said, I don’t understand… Oliver comes from the same farm as you, Sandy too… Hell, Zack too! You can trust them more than me. You trust them more than me. That gift… it’s the merchandise you were able to hide, right? Why not give it to them rather than me?”

She raised her eyebrows. “There’s a lot of logical explanations for this, but what could summarize it well is the fact that their lifespan is… undetermined. Oliver is going to die within the following months, Sandy, with his way of managing the pairs might also be noticed by the Center and eliminated. As for Zack… he is too old, I cannot know for sure if he’ll die or not. You are the safest option.”

He couldn’t reply anything, his mind was fuzzy. He had an idea of what Violet wanted, but he couldn’t do that. Not yet. Not when nothing was ready yet. She let go of his face, crossing her arms over her chest.

“I like you.” Suddenly said Violet. “More than just coworkers. If we had lived in another world… If none of that had happened. I would be willing to hope that we could’ve been friends in another life.”

Ray felt something sting into his chest and he nodded. “Me too, if I have to be honest.”

She sighed. “But that’s how things are for now. I’ll be gone by the end of this month. Consider what I proposed to you.” She put a hand over his shoulder. “There are more people who would follow you than you think. You’re not alone.”

He smiled back. “I wouldn’t be where I am now if I was.”

Ray came back to his room in silence, ignoring Emma sitting on his bed. She stared at him for a moment before getting back up to face him as he leaned against the door. “Hey, are you alright? You seem unwell…”

He was. He still couldn’t completely acknowledge what Violet had told him so calmly. He nodded without conviction, but Emma knew better. She took his hand and led him back to the bed to make him sit beside her. There, she passed a hand through his hair, looking at his face with a worry too kind to really feel comforting for him. She felt like a mother already, she had always been kind of motherly, but it was getting worse with age. She wasn’t the scolding type, like their mother, she was more about understanding what was going wrong. She was so kind that it was almost hurting.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

He shook his head. He couldn’t. It was what Violet had entrusted to him, if she hadn’t said anything to Emma, there must have been a reason. But there was so much to do…

He thought about Norman. The rewards. How could he tell him? What would he tell him? He needed more time. He always needed more time. They always needed more time. Without asking for permission, he laid down, resting his head on Emma’s lap, trying to find something reassuring in those hands that had been taught to act that way. She brushed his bang away, sighing.

“What is it?” He asked.

“I wanted to ask you something, but I figured it was… inconsiderate to ask you about it.”

“If It’s about me, don’t worry, I’m fine.”

She hesitated, pursuing her lips, red strands surrounding her face. Ray could notice that she was quite pretty like that, with the fading light of the ending day making her hair seems like fire. He had always adored her hair if it wasn’t for the girl herself. He had always loved how they would get the color of berries in winter and fire in summer with the change of light. He had always loved the unruly strands dancing as much as she would move around.

But now everything was brushed neatly into place, braided and put into a tight bun at the back of her head. Despite some of it still trying to fight it, everything was so neat it was making him almost sad. He knew she was still Emma, but those hair couldn’t lie about how her life must have changed since discovering the truth. She hadn’t told him how she had felt back then.

But at the same time, remembering the unruly strands could only take him back to the night he had took everything from her.

He was taking back to the present when he heard her chuckle. He looked up to her eyes and her soft smile. “It’s still my hair, isn’t it?”

Despite himself, he could feel his face becoming warmer. “I didn’t mean to…”

“Do you want me to untie them?”

He widened his eyes. “Doesn’t it take you long to do them?”

She shrugged. “It’s fine, I can manage.” She brought a hand to the back of her head and took of one of the hairpins, and then another, and another, and suddenly the flames invaded her shoulders. Covering her chest and back like a coat. The strands still as rebellious as they used to be despite their length.

Hesitantly, Ray approached his fingers before brushing the strands with it, playing with the hair slipping out like water… Fire water. It was a funny thought.

He preferred her like that, her hair free from any restrain. Her, free from any restrain.

He thought back to Violet and her gift. He could accept it; he could give to Emma the freedom she deserved. He could give to Norman the freedom he deserved. To all the boys, the girls, free them from this fate. Even if it meant…

No. He knew it. There was no solution here. He couldn’t…

He couldn’t escape. That’s why he was doing what he does. That’s why he was there, looking at the strands like they could devour him like that fire he had dreamt of in his childhood. They had, in a way.

Emma smiled to him. “Ray, one day… Can you tell me about what I missed? I want to know you again.” Her eyebrows twitched. “I want to know you, you and Norman like I used to.”

Ray sat back up to hold her in his arms, drowning himself in the flames. “Of course. I will.”

He will give it to her, to everyone, he wants to give it back.

Their Freedom.

Chapter Text

It had been two months since Shelly first met Norman. She could feel her stomach grow bigger each day, becoming rounder, unable to make her forget what was growing in her body. Making her wonder more and more what her life could have looked like without it, what could have been her life if she was a few years older, if she had not lived in this world.

As for Norman, his presence had changed from small surprises to a habit. And his lack of physical contact was now only a forgotten dream. He was not clingy in any possible way, but he did not seem scared anymore. Scared was the right word. When she had took him in her arms, he had been scared. It was funny, how she had started to understand him with time. Understand him so well, that now, before he could even explain his past to her, she knew.

She knew he had been in a relationship he did not want. That he had been touched in ways he did not want. She knew it because they were both scared and at the same time longing for the same kind of love. If this physical artifice could even be called love.

He did not need to talk. Like she did not have to either. Their silence was the only comfortable one in the cell.

One day, despite that, Norman had entered her cell with a tired face and had sat on the side of the bed. Next to where she was leaned against the headboard. They did not say anything, but Shelly approached her hand from his, waiting for him to return the gesture. He intertwined their fingers, seemingly finding comfort in her small figure as he let out a long sigh and gave her a half-hearted smile.

“I’m sorry.” He said. “I had a long day.”

“What happened?”

“Nothing important, really.” He almost chuckled. “Let’s just say that I got scolded by my superiors and one of our colleagues gave back his shirt.”

She had heard enough of the Nursery’s doctors’ slang to know that ‘giving back his shirt’ meant they were dead. A way to minimize the cruel reality they were living in.

“Did you know him?” Asked Shelly.

The boy shook his head. “Not well. We never really talked.”

At the Sister Facility, no one cared if a girl was being shipped out. It was everyone’s daily life after all, only the weak were dying. They were thought to hate each other, to resent others, to not trust anyone besides themselves. To Shelly, seeing someone being affected by someone’s death without knowing them personally was unusual. She voiced it out to Norman who kept on smiling to her.

“I can imagine. You are meant to be the elite after all.”

“You never talk about what happens to boys between their ‘adoption’ and their arrival to either the House or here.” Stated the girl. “How are you raised?”

Norman widened his eyes, and quickly looked away, a hand in front of his face to hide a spreading blush. Shelly leaned closer, tilting her head, unable to understand his reaction. He glanced at her.

“You… You do know why we are kept alive, right?” He asked. Since she simply nodded, but did not replied, he continued. “We mostly learn what’s necessary for our work at the House. More theory than practice though. I heard the practice only starts in the House itself.”

Shelly raised her brows. “Wait, does that mean that you boys are all together after the adoption?”

Norman nodded. “Of course.”

“I always thought the boys meant for the House and the one for the Center were raised separately…”

A sad smile spread on his lips. “No, we are all raised together. They… They don’t want us to consider another future than the one we’re supposed to have at the House.”

Shelly gulped down her saliva. It had already been hard for her to accept that she would train to kill other children when she got 12, and even more when they had announced that she would be sent at the House at 14, but the idea of a young boy being told that he had the choice between dying and prostitution was to her as terrible as what they had told her. Thinking, before puberty even, that your body will be touched and used by others must not have been a nice thought to sleep at night with.

“But other than that, the overall life back there was not as bad as what you went through, I suppose. We were allowed to be as friendly as we used to be at the orphanage together, and despite the tests being harder, and including physical aptitudes tests, it could have almost been considered peaceful.” Then his eyes darkened. “I guess that’s what made most of us thought we could still find a way to escape and be happy…”

He let his head down, taking off his glasses, and then looked at the lamp next to her, like it was the only thing he could bear to watch at that moment.

“Everything was still calculated for what we would become. Intimacy was encouraged to suggest us to have sexual relationships with other boys before going to the House to do the real work. We were not allowed to learn any way to defend ourselves, forbidden to fight, forbidden to train, and no books in the library including violence in them. All in order to be sure we would not rebel. If someone had broken a rule, they would show us their body in those jars for a full week at the dining hall, and if we dared disrespect our hierarchy… We would be locked days without food. They didn’t care, we weren’t food anymore, just bulls here for show and reproduction.”

He let out a dry laugh. “Sorry, I said it wasn’t that bad of a life, and the moment after I start complaining about it. At least we had human contact, I guess that’s what mattered.”

Shelly did not know what to say, on one hand she wanted to tell him it was right to be angry and sad. She wanted to make him feel at ease enough for him to be able to complain like he just did. But on the other hand… She was so jealous. What wouldn’t she have given to have a taste of what human contact felt like? The boys seemed nicer with each other, but girls were only there to bring others down. She would have gladly sacrificed everything just to be able to not be treated like she was at the Center. Even if it meant living that kind of life, if she had been born a boy, and if she had known what happened to girls at the Center…

If only she had been born a boy.

Instead she asked something else. “But then, how do they select you all? How do they choose who works at the center and who works at the House?”

“Kindness.” Replied Norman.

She tilted her head. “Kindness?”

He nodded. “Kindness. The kindest of us go to the House, the ones who aren’t kind enough go here.”

“That’s not how it felt like to me here.” Pouted Shelly. “You are a thousand times more kind than any of the Givers.”

It was the first time she was naming the group since meeting Norman, the sound feeling weird in her mouth. The man smiled to her. “I will tell you one day. But right now, I don’t feel like spending more time talking about a gloomy subject like our past, don’t you agree?”

She slowly nodded, containing herself from asking too many questions, understanding Norman needed more time than just one night to talk about all of that. She shifted on the side as the man sat next to her against the headboard and brushed one of her red strands behind her ear.

Despite the following hours feeling as peaceful as always, Shelly was torn apart. This man who looked like one of God’s angels was as mysterious as what the sea was to a girl who had never seen anything beyond those walls. Those abyssal eyes swallowing her drowning her mind with a thousand questions and barely any answers.

Maybe that is one of the things she found attractive about him, as well as his hands. The more she looked at his long fingers turning the pages, the more she liked his hands.

He told her that one day, he would tell her. But she knew that even if he never said anything, she was fine with it. Staying here with his hand in hers and the sound of his voice was enough.

Norman tapped his fingers against the wood of his desk annoyingly. Almost a full week, a full week since he last went to the Archive. They were the 10^th of November, and his results could resume as an oval. Which meant zero. There were so many things he still did not understand, and so many things he wanted to. But despite Vincent’s words, he wanted to keep him out of all of this. And the man was making it especially hard.

For a full week, Vincent was checking on his every movement, making sure he was not doing anything reckless again. He knew it was out of worry, but still, it was annoying. And while Norman did not care about rumors, people were really talking a lot now. Seriously wondering what had happened that night to both. And despite his attempts, it did not stop.

So now he was stuck with not only a stalker but also people talking behind his back. He was at a point where he wondered if he should not actually use them to hide his research.

Thinking of research… Sandy had been awfully less cooperative since their last talk. He had been since the first day, but now it was worst, always finding excuses to not talk about it and to avoid the subject without explaining to Norman why he was doing that.

Norman tapped his finger even more on the table, to the point Zack opened the curtains to his office unapologetically. “Hey! I thought we had the cavalry at our door! Chill!”

Norman glared at him and took his hand away from the table, rocking back and forth his chair.

“What’s going on?” asked Zack more softly, approaching him and leaning against the side of the desk. “You seem annoyed.”

“I am. Good to see my face match my brain.”

Zack watched him rocking for a few seconds before blocking his chair down to the ground with his hands on its back. Probably worried Norman might fall. “Is it because of the rumors?”

“Rumors YOU started if I have to remind you.” Hissed Norman.

“It was just to joke, I never thought anyone would take it seriously. But is it really that bothering? I mean… I know Vincent is a bit… You know. But you both are rather attractive, or at least you suit each other, I would take it as a compliment if people thought I was able to get a good-looking person as my partner…”

“Vincent is a snob with a poker stuck in the ass and a goody two-shoes!” Cut him off Norman. “You can also add maniac, virgin, and cheeky! Oh! And with compulsive obsessiveness borderline psychotic.”

It was hard to have a positive opinion of someone when this person has been stalking you for a full week without taking a break. Norman did not dislike Vincent, far from that, even more since he learned more about him. But his personality was a real problem.

They suddenly both heard a cough behind Norman, and he felt his face becoming paler as he saw Vincent’s silhouette next to them, with a face that seemed more tired than annoyed and surprised. “Well, that’s not the best description someone could have made of me.”

“Oh. Hi Vince.” Said Zack, who had nothing to say for himself. “What are you doing here?”

“I also heard the cavalry and was wondering if we had declared war, and if not if I could know what happened.” He shrugged. “But I guess I got the idea.”

“It’s not…!” Tried to replicate Norman before letting a groan and massaged his temples. “It’s not just you. It’s a combination of multiple factors.”

“That includes me.”

“Well yeah it does!” He looked at the two men who were glancing at each other in front of him, wondering what they should do. “It’s not a forum here, get out.”

Zack rolled his eyes and complied, but Vincent stayed put. “You didn’t hear me? I said get out. I have work to do, an extremely annoyed patient is about to come, and I need to take care of him.”

“Is it 81194?”

“Yes, it is.”

He would finally be able to complete one for his tasks, which was to ask Ray about Hayato’s missing file. And maybe also extra information about the transferred girl if he managed to. Maybe Sandy would finally accept to talk if he brought back new information. But for now, he did not want Vincent to stay near too much or people would talk again.

“You’ve been rather careful lately. You didn’t leave the dorm last night too.” Said the man.

The blond boy hesitated between telling him that he did not know what he was talking about or the truth. But Vincent managed to talk before him, leaning down to whisper. “If I were you, I would give the key back to Sandy and find another way to get information. He is not trustworthy anymore.”

He widened his eyes. “Huh?”

“Sandy has been talking a lot with that transferred Receiver. I don’t think he sold you to Zack yet, but it’s only a question of time.”

“Wait!” Cut him off Norman, glancing around to see if no one was here.

“If you are wondering about Sandy and 81194, I saw them both ‘talking’ at the entrance – if you know what I mean.”

“He what?!” Exclaimed Norman before being shut up by Vincent raising his hand.

“You’re lucky he is not stupid; he must have noticed like me that Sandy wasn’t trustworthy.”

Norman frowned. “I knew he wasn’t.”

“No, you didn’t. That’s why he managed to trick you despite you being smarter. I bet he made some researches for you, flattered your ego, and then talked about how much he ‘trusted you’ even though he gave you all the risky work.”

The more Vincent talked; the more arrows Norman felt hitting his chest. He was absolutely right. He did believe in Sandy’s gentle and soft attitude without considering even once that the other could have manipulated him. But now, even more since Sandy was avoiding him, he could see some kind of truth in Vincent’s words.

“He is a Mediator.” Added Vincent. “No Mediators are trustworthy.”

“Then, how can I believe what you said is right? Besides, how do you even know I was working for him?”

“I knew since the first day.” He sighed. “I was the one who told Sandy I still thought this ‘order thing’ within the farms was weird. He must have thought it was a good idea to use it to get rid of you.”

Norman shook his head. “I don’t believe he wanted to get rid of me, not yet at least.”

He remembered what had happened during the selection and then later after he made his first researches. The most important thing to Sandy was the Grand Valley people, his family. He had disobeyed in order to give to that Receiver what she wanted, and then later, when Norman started to suspect her to be involved into the mess, he dismissed it and tried to change the subject. It probably had only been a week since Sandy actually decided to get rid of him.

“It’s not me that he particularly wants to disappear, just people who put their nose into the Grand Valley business.”

“The Grand Valley business?”

“They always all seem so close, so I guess they must be aware of something happening at Grand Valley.” Grand Valley was also the place where everything started, the transfers, the first changes… Everything began there. “In any case, if what you say is right.” Which Norman believed to be. “Then, he wants to accuse me of going places where I shouldn’t or blame me for a thievery I didn’t commit.”

“That’s right.”

“And how do you know that?”

“Eavesdropping.”

Norman raised his brows. “I’ll take back my comment on you having a poker in the ass, clearly you don’t.” He laid back against the back of his chair, putting a hand to his mouth thoughtfully. “Okay then, let’s consider that Sandy is truly planning on betraying me.”

“You’re taking it rather well.”

“I am disappointed in him but not surprised.” Norman frowned. “Sadly, I cannot give him back the key just yet. I still need to check a few things in the Archive Room.” He stopped Vincent before the other could cut him off. “It’s not just about him and me anymore. I may have actually found a way to get us all out of here.”

It was Vincent’s turn to be surprised. “You mean… escape?”

Norman nodded.

“You’re insane right? There’s… There’s a cliff beyond the wall. And not just that, demons, the security… they would kill us.”

He shook his head. “If I’m right, then we’re not in the main farm. But somewhere else. In order to be sure of that, I need to find the maps of the plantation and the House in the Archive Room. That’s why I need to go there again. To see if the security is the same and if not if we could find a way to flee.” He stopped Vincent again before he could talk. “Digging the cliff beyond the wall is extremely expensive, do you sincerely believe they did that for each little facility?”

The older man frowned. “Alright, I admit the idea is tempting. But do you see the risks? If you do not give the key back to Sandy, he will accuse you of a crime you did not commit. And if they find out what you are planning, or if your plan fails, you will also get killed.” He stopped, seemingly thinking thoroughly before extending his hand. “Alright, give it to me. I will make the research for you.”

“No.” Said firmly the younger man. “People know we were found together last time; Sandy must suspect something. It’s risky.”

“But he believes the only person you trust are 81194 and eventually 63194. And he knows you would not dare put someone else in danger like he did. It would take him by surprise.”

“How would you know the right documents to find?”

“I just have to take all the maps available.”

Norman sighed. “You really want to help me that much?”

“Of course.”

“Can I know why?”

Vincent suddenly froze, and then looked away. “No particular reasons.”

The blond raised a brow but decided to leave it at that. Clearly, Vincent did not want to talk about his reasons, even if they were noble. He knew he could trust Vincent, he had listened to him, and protected him that night when they were both found out. And he was far from stupid. Norman looked in his pocket for the hey and shoved it in Vincent’s hand.

“Be sure to bring all of them. I want them by tomorrow night. Is that clear?”

“Limpid.” He walked away and then stopped, looking back to Norman for a moment, a grin on his face. “By the way, you need to correct more things in your description of me. You are the only one who said I was a virgin.”

And he left like that, leaving Norman hesitating between embarrassment and annoyance. His worry switching of person when he heard Vincent talking to Ray in hallway briefly before the man arrived and closed the curtain behind him.

He wanted to scold him for flirting with one of his colleagues again but was beaten to it by Ray who left all composure so almost rush to him grip his collar. It was not as violent as it seemed, he mostly just kept him in place and creasing his shirt.

“You have one minute to explain to me what you did to get yourself into this situation.”

“One minute is very short.”

“Then make it brief.”

As gently as possible, Norman put his hands over Ray’s, and pulled them away. He brought them down, still holding them and brushing his thumbs against his palms. Ray pursued his lips. “I already have enough problems to also worry about you.” He said, worried.

“I know.” Replied Norman. “That’s why I need you to help me. And the first step is to stop flirting with Sandy. I don’t want to involve you in my affairs. You already risk too much with your job for you to intervene in mine.”

“And I am supposed to stand there and watch when someone drags you down?” Hissed Ray.

“I can handle it myself. I’m smart, don’t worry.”

Ray sighed. “Alright, I already made a move anyway, so I can continue in case something comes up.”

“The second thing I will ask you is something more direct.” He got up and let go of Ray’s hands to look at him in the eyes. “I want you to search for Hayato’s file in the Givers’ dorm. Can you do that for me please?”

Ray froze, his face was unreadable, but something in what Norman said had affected him. “Why do you need his file?”

“I think he doesn’t come from the farm he claims to be from. It could help me understand some things about this House and a lot of other things… It’s too complicated to talk about it now. I just need to know if you could do that for me.”

Ray seemed to hesitate, and then he nodded. “Alright. I’ll try. I don’t guarantee you a result though.”

“That’s more than enough already.” Besides, it was not exactly necessary anymore. Of course, Norman wanted to know what was happening, but his priority was the escape. “Okay, shall we do that examination?”

The other man nodded again, but before Norman could start, he asked something again. “Does the guy who got out from your office is also involved in all of that?”

He shrugged. “I guess he is now. He doesn’t know more than you on the subject, don’t worry.”

“No, I was just thinking it was reassuring you had this guy on your side.”

Norman raised a brow. “Why him particularly?”

“Well… I guess he can be trusted, because he doesn’t seem to like me very much.”

Chapter Text

Emma glanced at the group of girls in front of her and then at the instructor, tilting her head to see her behind the crowd. She could Gilda near the wall, looking at the group worriedly and then turning towards the instructor as well.

“Isn’t that unfair?! They are too many she won’t be able to defend herself!”

“Then she’ll learn what pains feels like.” Replied the woman coldly.

The group was scattering to surround the red-haired girl. Her mass of strands partially covering her nape now. After all, it had already been 8 months since Emma last used scissors. Even her fringe was too long, hiding her face, she passed a hand through it to put it back into place. Turning her ankles and stretching her limbs before what was about to come. How many were they? Probably around 10. Easy.

“Please! You cannot let her do that alone!” Was still begging Gilda.

The poor girl, she still did not know what this world was made of. But it was fine, Emma would protect her. The instructor clapped her hands, ordering the beginning of the fight.

Suddenly, 3 girls ran to her, as Emma expected. They could not all run to her, or else they would have lost their aim. She easily dodged the two girls and hit the third on her nape who fell inanimate to the ground. Another group ran to her, larger this time. This time, despite her attempts, Emma got caught by the arm. She replied by a hit to the throat and a foot on one of the girl’s stomach, pushing her against the group and making them all fall, then, she made the girl who gripped her arm fall onto the floor as well and ran away. She needed to be in a space where she could control the number of people she could fight.

But from the corner of her eyes, she noticed forms not approaching her, and then a scream.

Emma recognized the girls she had humiliated in the dining hall last time, holding her sister hostage, a hand on her shirt and the other two holding her into place.

“Hey whore! Maybe you would want your precious to sister to know you a little better, don’t you?”

Emma stopped reasoning in her mind, Gilda’s eyes calling for help enough for her. The first girl in her range met her fist on her face, the second hit the head of another one, one by one, Emma was making all of them fall by sheer force as the bitch on the other side was slowly starting to lift Gilda’s shirt up, the young girl screaming and begging for help.

When she was about to finish, she turned her head but saw nothing but a pile of terrified girls laying on the floor and Emma’s face next to her. The red-haired girl pulled her away by her hair and made her fall onto the ground. She then gripped her arm and held it up.

“You seem to have too much fun.” She said coldly. “Maybe you should reconsider what limbs are useful to your body.”

Emma place her foot between her shoulder blades and, pulling her arm at the same time, she pushed her against the ground.

“No! Wait stop! Please stop I’m begging you!” She shouted, her face twisting in pain.

“Right. I should.” Said Emma, stopping. And then she smirked. “I wasn’t doing it right after all.”

She placed her foot on her shoulder blade this time, and in a same violent movement, pushed it forwards as she pulled the arm.

A loud sound was heard through the silent gymnasium as the arm fell limp on the girl’s side in an unnatural angle. She screamed to death, looking in terror at the arm at her side. The other girls too, most of them already wounded took a few steps away from the scene.

Emma smiled in relief, with that, it should be over. The bullying, the bad words, everyone would finally stop bothering her and her family. She turned her head towards her little sister to see how she was, but the young girl was looking at her the same way the others were.

“What have you done…?” She whispered.

“What have I…?” Emma suddenly realized what she had done, and the girl crying on the ground. No… that was not right, that was not what she meant to do… What she wanted to. She looked at the terrified group of girls, she did not want to harm them, she did not want to hurt them. She had just been so angry that…

Suddenly, she felt a hand on her shoulder, and the instructor staring at her coldly. “63194. Your abilities are impressive, however… Our goal is not to harm the merchandise. I hope you understand.” She then turned towards the group. “This, will be your example to you all.” She forcibly turned Emma around, forcing her to stay still by holding her shoulders. “63194 is an important recruit, but she made a terrible mistake because of a lack self-restraint. All of you should have self-restraint in order to become proper adults and women one day. 63194 is smart, I am sure of it. As such, and for all of you, we will make you a favor by keeping you all alive for now. As for 63194…” Her eyes seemed more like a snake’s one than human. “We need her to reflect on her actions.”

Emma was locked away in her room for a month.

During this time, she had gotten time to think about what happened back then. Her goal was to become a Mama, not a monster. What she had done back then was… wrong, that’s one thing she could perfectly understand at least. But she couldn’t help it, since arriving here, despite trying to imitate Ray’s and Norman’s calm behavior, her emotions would overwhelm her in the end. She did not use to be like that, what had happened to her? She needed to stay calm like before.

She needed to lock those emotions away, or else she would die. The instructor had given a second chance to her by allowing her to think about what happened. She could not let herself be drowned by anger, fear, or sadness anymore. She hated her ignorant older self, but that ignorant self of hers had more control over her own mind than the current her.

After all, if she let herself drown in despair, she would not be able to accomplish her goal anymore.

Her true goal.

Emma looked absent-mindedly at the calendar, the ink crossing numbers as days passed by. She had only been here for two weeks but her arrival at the House felt like yesterday. What had she done during that time? She had seen Norman and Ray alive and done nothing. She had taken an interest in her own partner, Oliver, but done nothing either. She had met other people, discovered truths, understood the implications of the world she lived in even better than before, and what had she done? Nothing.

She had talked to Ray, but it had all felt hazy, she had not recognized herself, already used to putting her mask on like it was just another part of herself. He had not notice anything, and she was happy that lying had been enough.

Unconsciously, she brought a hand to her stomach, low enough to know that under it there was what defined her as being categorized as a ‘woman’ whether she wanted it or not. She remembered her night with him. She had guessed easily that he had been implicated in the events years before her arrival. It could have only been this, this job… It was most definitely because of what happened. She had selfishly asked him to respond to a whim and forced him to do something he maybe never wanted to do to begin with. How foolish had she been, how stupid had she been. Luckily, Ray became too ignorant to understand or notice, at least she hoped.

She stared at the numbers, seeing their shapes blur in front of her, mixing themselves, becoming an incoherent sea of information into her mind. She knew the other Receivers who heard the truth recently were in this absent-minded state or realization. Like they suddenly remembered where they were and what it implied, like they suddenly remembered what this world was all about. But even so, even if hearing the news had been like a bucket of cold water suddenly thrown at her to wake her up from a boring dream, she still felt that something else was off.

It had been a week since they heard the truth. If she could understand her own state of worry, as her brother and partner might have been implicated in all of this, she could not understand the other’s. If before, the girls were shamelessly talking about the boys and checking them out, now they avoided them at all cost. Even they had noticed.

When she had seen Hayato, he had asked her what was going on with the Receivers to act that way. His bubbly personality had helped him to be friends with most of them, but they all avoided him now. She had been unable to tell him the truth because Ray had entered the room at that exact moment afterwards. Even Oliver was seemingly thinking she might want some time alone because he was not as persistent as she thought he could have been anymore.

Emma walked back to her room, feeling her mind clearer. She had alternated between those moments of haziness and clarity lately, it was tiring. But once she stepped into the room, she saw the girls all surrounding another one. One of the newcomers who was crying.

“What’s going on?” Asked Emma quietly to Helen once she was next to her.

But surprisingly, the younger girl just glanced at her. “It’s alright, you wouldn’t understand.” She said coldly.

“What?”

The girl in front of them started to sob even louder than before. “I can’t do this!” She would say as tears rolled down her cheeks. “I can’t do this anymore! It’s too much!”

“You have to. We all must. It’s our job.” Replied an elder, kneeling in front of her and holding her hands with care. She was called Olivia, a girl with beautiful braided hair and dark skin.

“No! This life is…! It’s just…!” Then she went back to crying again. “I can’t do this to them! I can’t!”

This time, Emma widened her eyes. She really could not get what was happening, so she started pulling Helen sleeves. “Really, what’s going on? Can’t you tell me?” She whispered to the younger girl.

Helen seemed to understand that Emma was truly at loss, so she whispered back. “She doesn’t want to take her sessions.”

“Huh? Why? She seemed pretty okay with her partner though during the selection.”

Helen rolled her eyes. “The circumstances have changed. She feels like she would be using him against his will if she were to have them.”

“She didn’t seem to be so against it though…”

“You don’t understand. You’re an opportunist in love with her partner.”

Emma blushed. “What?! No! I’m not!”

“I saw how you were glancing at Oliver during lunches. You miss him.”

“He just has good conversations that’s all."

Their own talk was interrupted by Olivia trying to talk back some senses into the girl again. “Come on… What tells you that he might not enjoy this too? I didn’t feel like he disliked you. Besides, you’re a girl, you’re nothing like the Mediators back then.”

“Even so? What if I repulse him? What if he doesn’t actually like me?” Replied the girl.

The elder put her hands in a manner that was supposed to be reassuring, but the words afterwards did not seem to be something of the like. “You don’t have the choice anyway. If you don’t do it, you will die, the both of you.”

“You say that like it’s her only choice.” Suddenly cut them off Emma under the disapproving stare of Helen and Olivia’s bewildered one. Emma approached the girl. “I’ve been listening a bit, and I’m wondering, do you care about what your partner might feel like, or what YOU will feel like?”

She froze, confirming Emma’s suspicions. The House’s nickname, the way girls were looking at the boys, the guilt crushing them after discovering the truth, the fact that the regulars were not taking any pleasure in going here but the newcomers did… Every pieces of the puzzle were put back into place to show a revolting picture of the reality of this House.

The true reality of this House.

“Did you finally realize that they were humans?”

“Don’t mock us!” Snapped Olivia on her side, getting up to use her body as a barrier between her and the girl. “How could we not understand something as simple as that?! It’s because she understands that they are humans that she cares about his feelings!”

“No.” Emma’s voice put the room in a complete silence.

“What do you mean?” Asked Helen behind her.

Emma glanced at the Receiver, eyes wide in a terrified realization, as if she had noticed that Emma understood what she meant when she was scared. As gently as possible, Emma moved Olivia out of the way to face the girl.

“You are scared because you finally understood that you weren’t the one in control, right? You’re scared for yourself, and your body, because you have to put your trust in someone else.” She kneeled in front of the girl and put her hands over her arms.

She thought about Ray, she had felt foolish for using him, but it was not that. She did not used him, she trusted him. She trusted him with her body like he trusted her with his. It was not about one side giving and the other receiving, it was not about being in control… It was about trusting someone else. And that was something so hard for so many Receivers.

“You need to talk to your partner, you know?” Said Emma. “If what Olivia said is right, you get along with him. Correct?” The girl nodded. “Then you can at least ask him some things. Maybe you can ask him to take his time. You can tell him if you want to do it or not at that moment, you can even tell him if you want to do it. And he can tell you if he wants to. It’s not a decision you have to take on your own. It’s something the both of you need to work on. If you care about him, and if you also want to care about yourself.”

“But if he doesn’t…!”

“Then why would he do anything to you if he doesn’t want to? He risks more by hurting you rather than simply having a good friendship with you. And even if it takes time, maybe you two can muster up the courage to finally do as told. But making babies isn’t a one-person job. It’s something two people need to work on to achieve it. You need to trust him.”

“Trust him?” Said Olivia next to them. “Are you making fun of us? It’s not because you are spending your time with them that they can be trustworthy persons.” Emma got back up as Olivia continued her speech. “They are males. And we’ve been taught it, males are all driven by their instincts. What happened years ago was due to male instincts, and their wishes of domination. That’s why, we, as women, need to be the ones in control. Because we can reason while they can’t.”

“And what makes you so sure of that? You haven’t met any men before coming here. And you knew how the boys at your orphanage were. Weren’t they kind and caring too?”

“They were children, children are all the same. Males are different!”

“And what about the Mediators?”

“The current ones aren’t better than eunuch, and besides, they have The Slut. His existence itself is the proof that males are different.”

“But he also had Receivers in his clients. Doesn’t that make off those Receivers people as bad as them?”

“He corrupted them! That’s all!”

“If he was able to corrupt them in the first place, doesn’t that mean that they could also be drawn by desire too?”

Olivia let out a loud groan and gripped Emma’s collar, the other girls stepping back. “Shut up shut up shut up! You act all mighty because you are going to become a Mama at your age?! Do you think you are better than us?!”

“I don’t. But I know this because I’m also someone driven by selfish desires.”

By anger, by fear, by love and joy, by everything she knew and discovered. Because she had hurt so many people to keep the ones she loved so close, because like all those girls, she was afraid to trust and to lose control. She had been foolish, not because she did not think about the Givers feelings… But because she did not think about the Receivers ones. They were like her, just little girls afraid of what might come.

“I have to admit, unlike all of you, I’ve never considered this whorehouse as one. I only arrived here with, in mind, my goal of becoming a Mama. I never considered the implications and I never considered what the others might think of this place. But now that everyone here has realized that we are just all humans, can we just all stop calling this a whorehouse?”

Olivia pushed her, making her hit the wall behind her. She gripped her collar again. “You talk and think too much. This is a whorehouse. The boys here, they are just whores. If you insist so much on this, it’s maybe not instincts, but at least they were raised as whores. Can’t you just accept what the world has been made as?”

“No! I can’t accept it!” She tilted her head to look at the crying girl. “Isn’t that what you wanted to say? This life… You can’t accept it right?” She stared back at Olivia. “Neither do I. This House isn’t our reward… It’s not a House of pleasure either… It’s just another facility where they raise cattle!”

The fist on her face punched her so hard she had to stumble on the side to stay up. When she looked back up, Olivia had still her hand raised, and Emma felt something slide down her chin. But the moment she raised her hand to check what it was she received a kick in the stomach.

“Emma!” Screamed Helen on the side.

Before the older girl could be hit again, Emma opened the door leading to the corridor and took a few steps back, Olivia was following her from behind.

“Never say that again.” Muttered the woman as she was getting closer.

Emma knew how to fight, but she did not want to. “We are cattle! Even if you try to convince yourself that we’re not, we are!”

Olivia tried to punch her again, but Emma dodged it. “Receivers can live longer, they can raise their children, they can even be the demons’ equals! We are not cattle!” Another attempt that Emma dodged by walking backward. The noise was attracting the attention from the girls in the other rooms. “Trusting the Givers and Mediators?! Don’t you remember what happened?! If we let them have even a bit of control, they will take everything away from us!” Another attempt to hit her.

Emma was being slowly moving towards the stairs. A simple glance behind her and Olivia used this opportunity to kick her from upstairs and make her fall. She heard Helen screaming her name again behind as she was rolling down the stairs and ended up on the ground of the first floor. She quickly got back up as Olivia was just jumping down from above and was about to kick her in the chest.

“You say we can trust each other, but everyone is just scheming in their back!” Continued Olivia as she was approaching her again. This time the Mediators were starting to arrive, attracted by the noise. “They are all pretending to be friends, while they are just waiting for an opportunity to stab them in the back!” Emma was dodging her hits more easily as Olivia’s movement started to lose their precision. “Even if it’s cruel! Shouldn’t we be allowed to enjoy this whorehouse a bit?! Shouldn’t we be allowed pleasure even if it’s to the detriment of others?!”

Emma got her feet tangled in a stool nearby and fell on the ground, Olivia on top of her. She expected to be kicked violently again, but instead, Olivia could only give small hits to her shoulders.

Her face was drenched in tears.

“Because if…!” She sobbed. “Because if we start considering them… If we start thinking of them as the same as us then…!” Emma saw Norman from the corner of her eyes. Ray too, she remembered that he had been taking an exam. Olivia leaned down on her as Emma was trying to sit back up. “If there’s no one to be more miserable than us…” Continued the woman. “Then…” She sobbed again. “Then… What are we?”

She looked up to Emma.

“If we are all humans, then what are we to them?! If we are all humans, and if we are all miserable then what’s the point of living anymore?! If there isn’t anyone on earth who can make you think that your life could be better than theirs, then what’s the point of being alive?! What’s the point of being so strong, learn so much, and suffer so much, if in the end it’s just to die?!”

She buried her face in her shoulder as she sobbed even louder.

“What’s the point of losing the ones we love if it’s just to join them back again once everything is over?!”

If only things could be over.

Despite her bleeding nose, and the pain in her stomach, Emma wrapped her arms around the woman and hugged her tightly. Letting her pour down an ocean on her shoulder. She looked at Norman and Ray on the side, they must have heard everything. And they were smart, they must have understood. She smiled sadly to the two of them, and stroked Olivia’s hair.

“That’s the thing… There’s no points.”

Chapter Text

Isabella counted the children in the hall while drying some of them with a towel, they had been surprised by the rain while playing outside. She was about halfway through it when suddenly Jemima let out a panicked squeal.

“Ray’s not here!”

As soon as she said that, the children started to look around and by the windows to see if they could spot him, but the young boy was nowhere in sight. After Norman suggesting that he might have been in the library, Don went to check but did not found him. And after a few minutes of research, it was clear that Ray was not inside the House and nowhere to be seen.

“He couldn’t have stayed outside by that weather! He’s going to catch a cold!” Exclaimed Nat.

“Maybe he found a spot where he would be sheltered from the rain.” Suggested Emma, who knew Ray pragmaticism better than anyone with Norman.

“Still! With this rain, he would be soaked even if he were sheltered!” Said Gilda.

Isabella shush them all, grabbed a raincoat and an umbrella, and put a hand over the handle of the main door. “I will search for him, you all stay here, I don’t want anyone else to go outside.”

“Mama! Let us come with you!” Said Emma, ready to grab a coat herself, followed by Norman.

“No!” She had an idea as to why Ray stayed outside by that weather. The memory of his terrified but resigned eyes as she held the bunny plush still stuck into her mind after a few days. “I don’t want any of you to end up catching a cold, or risking getting hurt.” She then smiled to the two of them and caressed their cheeks. “If you want to be useful, take care of the other children for me. Please.”

The two of them looked at each other and nodded. Even if they were not fully aware of the situation, they knew Ray enough to know that he had not ended up in this situation by chance. They had both noticed how sullen he was those past few days, and they believed their adoptive mother.

Isabella left the House. If the rain was strong, there were not any winds luckily. She could not tell where Ray was, but she had an idea. She walked quickly to the gates, knowing that even if he were not exactly there, she could still follow the wall to find him.

There was not anyone in front of the gates, nor behind them. Isabella turned left, following the grey wall behind the forest. She had already walked for about 15 minutes now, and she expected to be out for almost an hour. Even without wind, it was still cold outside.

As her feet creased on the mud and grass, memories started coming back, as if she was seeing them right in front of her. Children running in the fields and laughing, the sound of a melody she started humming without realizing, people calling her name… Many people calling her name. So many calling her name and her new nickname in a blaring hubbub, so many that she could not distinguish their voices or faces anymore. She kept humming the lullaby, more to reassure herself than to keep up the memories. She heard herself sing it with someone playing viola, she heard the person playing the viola singing… She heard a third person humming the melody. Lowly, with a broken voice, a pale figure, and dark messy hair…

It was not Ray, she remembered him.

It had not been in the daylight; it had been in a small and dark room covered in graffities. It had been on a bed tainted with many sins, and the boy singing was young but had lost all innocence way before even entering the room. He sang another time. Yes, it was under the rain as well, she remembered. He had gone out, joking that the rain was showering away his sins and crimes. He had been singing and dancing, and then he had stopped, he had turned around and looked at her with eyes filled with sorrow.

Eyes like the ones Ray was staring at her with right now.

She felt a sob get caught in her throat without realizing, oh… How much he looked like him. His dark hair drenched by the rain, the soaked shirt sticking to his skin, his pale figure and deep eyes staring at her with so much hope and despair at the same time.

She wanted to act like the cold figure she had acted as for years in front of him without failing, she wanted to keep her composure forever. But the moment she saw him standing by the wall, drenched by the rain she ran to him and took him in her arms. He did not push her away nor replicated the hug, simply letting himself be embraced by his mother. He always did that. It was him. It was her son.

She passed a hand through his hair, and even while knowing the humidity would tone down all sense, breathed in, trying to find back that scent reminding her of her own. Ray was still silent. Isabella finally backed away and took of her raincoat to put it on his shoulder. She placed her hands on his cheeks and lifted his head up to have a look at his face, letting a relieved smile slip out of her thin lips. He had them too.

His hair color, her hair texture, his eyes, her eyelids and brows, his nose, her lips, his complexion, her height at the time, his figure, her strength, his curiosity, her determination, his kindness, her pragmaticism… How long could she keep up listing everything? Each day she would find something more like him or like her.

“Don’t do that.” Suddenly said Ray with a hoarse voice.

She put the umbrella back into place in her hands to have it shelter them both. “Do what?”

“Don’t look at me like you love me.”

She brushed away a strand of his hair, smiling tenderly. “But I do.”

He looked down. “If you loved me… I would love you back. But that is not the case, so you don’t love me.”

“I don’t need you to reciprocate my feelings Ray.” She hugged him again. “Being able to love you, even without you returning those feelings is enough for me.”

He stayed silent for a moment, and suddenly started shaking. He let one of his hands grip her apron and buried his head in her chest. “I’m sorry. I lied. I don’t want to love you.”

She wrapped her free arm around his shoulders. “I know.”

“I want to hate you so much for everything, for what you are doing to us, for Hao, for Sadie… for Conny…” He sobbed, then he let out a last name. “For Susan…”

She felt a pain in her chest and kissed the top his head. “I’m sorry Ray. You know I am sorry, right?”

“I don’t want to know. I… just want to be able to hate you in peace but…! Why…?! Why can’t I just despise you?!” He shouted at the ground; his voice muffled by her clothes. “I can’t forgive you, so why can’t I despise you as well?!”

“Let’s go back home Ray.”

“Don’t change the subject!” He snapped, looking up to her with tears rolling down his cheeks, mixing themselves up with the drops of water rolling down his face from the rain. “Come one say something! Tell me it’s because we are cursed by this blood we share! Tell me it’s that curse that makes me love you despite everything! I want to know!” He had such a pained look on his face. “Tell me if it’s blood or my own delusions…”

She tried to look back at him severely, but she guessed she had the same pained eyes as she shook her head. “I don’t love you as my son Ray. Because even if I never knew you were… I would’ve still loved you. I don’t love you as my son. I love you as the person you are.” As the person he reflected. “As the smart, kind, and loving boy you are.”

“Don’t lie to me! I’m not even smart I just pretend to be with knowledges borrowed from anyone else! I’m not kind, I just try to not get in trouble! I’m… I don’t love, because if I did… I… I…!”

“That’s why it’s so painful for you, it’s because it’s true. You are smart, you are kind, and you are loving. Nothing will change that. And if you really want a reason as to why, then maybe it is blood as you said.”

He did not reply. Isabella put the hood of the coat on his head and took his hand in hers.

“Let’s go back home. I will prepare you something warm to drink, and then we can talk.”

“About what?” He replied, almost in a whisper, as he followed her.

“Your father.”

He stayed a silent for another moment while they were walking back to the gates. Then, he looked up to her with that curiosity inherited from him. He really had his eyes.

“What was his name?”

She smiled. Remembering the letters roll on her tongue the first time she said it, the numerous people calling him like a chant or even a prayer.

“Charles.”

Ray watched absent-mindedly at Norman cleaning up Emma’s face before patching it up. Since the focus was on Emma, he could allow himself to be lost in his thoughts for a moment. Norman had let him sit on his chair while he was waiting to continue his exam, and Emma was surrounded by a small blond girl as well as her opponent in the fight earlier. They looked concerned about her.

Ray had never seen that in his whole life. Receivers concerned about each other; it was something coming out from a fiction to him. How many times had he used Receivers selfishness as a tool to get the job done? Oliver had told him that there had been a time during which everyone got along, but he did not believe it. Because in the end, friends or not, they had all been raised so differently that they could even be different species.

He admitted it, he had trouble believing those two were sincerely worried about his little sister. He did not trust them.

Suddenly, Emma’s eyes fell on him. She smiled apologetically. “I’m sorry for taking your time. It wasn’t planned.”

“It’s fine.” He replied. Though he had to admit that he would have preferred this exam to end quicker, he had things to do afterwards after all. “Can I ask what happened?”

The taller girl next to Emma looked away. Emma shook her head. “We argued. It’s as simple as that.”

Ray would not call it an answer, but he accepted it anyway. If his guesses were right, the Receivers had the same opinion of him that he had of them. Well, except for Emma and Violet. Norman took out a bottle of alcohol and a few cottons to take care of Emma. She seemed used to it because she didn’t even wince when it seemed to sting.

“Uhm…” Started the older girl. “Will this be reported to the House’s Mama?”

“Of course.” Replied Norman. “We can’t just let her suddenly appears with bandages and tell nothing happened.”

“I see…”

“Don’t worry, you’re not at the training anymore. Of course, you will get scolded for attacking the face, but otherwise, it won’t result in a more severe punishment.”

She let out a long sigh of relief before widening her eyes, surprised. “How do you know all of this?”

Norman put down the cottons as he finished and continued talking while searching for bandages. “I used to work at Nursery prior being sent to the House. I talked with my patients back then too, so I learned a lot.”

“You seem to be a good doctor!” Said the blond girl, making Emma snort. “What?”

“Of course, he is a good doctor! He wouldn’t be still working otherwise!” Replied the red head.

“I won’t take back my compliment!” She turned back to Norman who was trying to hide a fond smile. “But why were you sent to the House? You seem good enough to be taking care of the pregnant girls still.”

“They just took a certain number of ‘problematic’ people available and sent us all here one day. I did not choose. I do not dislike being here as much as I would have expected though. We have access to the outside, we can spend time with people from both genders…”

“And why were you ‘problematic’?” Asked the girl innocently.

Norman paused, suddenly realizing what he had done. He sighed, glanced at both Ray and Emma with a light blush and looked away. “I was in a relationship with one of the girls.”

The three second of silence after that sentence were irreplaceable. “WHAT?!” exclaimed the small group and another Mediator who suddenly barged in like those puppets in shows for children.

“Zack go back to your office!” Scolded Norman to the older man who had barged in.

“Hey, I understand now why you don’t seem attracted to anyone in the House, you actually have a pregnancy fetish!”

“Zack! Get! Out! And no, I don’t!”

Another figure Ray recognize as the person Norman was talking to earlier also arrived behind Zack. If Ray remembered well, he was called Vincent. “I am also curious.”

“I’m not talking about my private life in front of so many people at the same time okay?! You two go back to work! We just had a conversation about my office not being a meeting place!”

Suddenly, Emma’s elder had a horrified look on her face. “Don’t tell me you…?”

“It was purely platonic!” Said Norman, now with his blush spread across his face. “I never did anything inappropriate with her.”

“Oh so it’s not her.” Said Vincent.

Norman became even redder than before, and Ray, not innocent, started blushing as well. He looked at Norman who looked at him for a moment in a silent conversation consisting of ‘What did you tell him?’ and ‘Not your concern!’. “Listen, Zack, Vincent, you two go back to your office. If you insist so much, I can talk about her later. But please, right now, I am busy.” He said while pointing at Emma’s bruised face.

“That’s all I ask.” Replied Zack while taking Vincent by the shoulder and walking away before coming back briefly. “Oh, and also, for 81194, can you please keep your hands to yourself with Sandy? I don’t want to get him into trouble.”

Not stupid to accuse him in front of everyone. “Don’t worry, he ended up being too boring for me.” Replied Ray.

“Ouch. That’s harsh. Well, not wrong, but harsh. Anyway, I will go. See you later!”

Norman shook his head in disbelief before turning back to the girls. “Anyway. Yes, I got into the ‘problematic’ list because I was spending time with someone more than necessary. I said relationship, but I can assure you I had the purest of intentions and nothing happened.”

The two girls nodded but Emma was still staring at him with an indescribable look on her face. She looked at him, then to Ray, and got back to smiling politely once she noticed the latter was staring at her as well. She turned towards the other Receivers. “I will explain the situation to Krone, you two can go back to the dorm. And don’t worry I won’t talk ill of you in your back.”

They looked at each other before agreeing and walking back to the exit. The three of them waited for the sound of the door closing before Emma started giggling childishly. “Finally! It’s just the three of us!”

Ray finally noticed what she had done and got up to ruffle her hair. “You little manipulator!”

“Can’t I appreciate finally being with the two of you at the same time?!”

“Okay, but keep it down, there are still other people here.” Said Norman while finishing patching her up. “Here we go, it’s all good now.”

“In any cases, I didn’t know you had a girlfriend Norman!” She continued with a smirk. “How was she?”

He looked at her deadpanned. “At least more discreet than you.”

“If I had known that you would talk to Emma like you talked to me in the future I would have laughed.” Said Ray.

“You also should be more discreet Ray, the Grand Valley people talk with each other, that’s why you need to be careful.”

“Yeah yeah…”

“Hey.” Cut them off Emma while extending her arms. “I know I’m kind of… uh… bruised but…?”

Without hesitating the two boys held her in their arms. She giggled again. “Damn. You two really are taller.”

The three of them smelled like lavender, it almost became a symbol of the people raised by Isabella. But it was not such a bad feeling. Ray thought so too, it had been long since it was just the three of them. Emma finally let them go.

“Ah… I feel better now!” She seemed indeed, like something had lighted itself in her. She had a different look from when she had arrived, but Ray doubted it was just the two boys’ presence. She took their hands in hers. “But… I don’t feel like you two do.”

Norman raised a brow. “What do you mean?”

“I feel like… I mean. I feel something has changed between the two of you.” She stared at their hands and let out an annoyed groan. “Why do I still know so little about what happened? It’s unfair.”

“We don’t know much about you either.” Replied Ray.

“There’s nothing that I haven’t already told you about me! The rest is just boring stuff. I feel like you two have seen so many things…”

“Yeah…” Breathed out Norman, glancing at Ray for a fraction of second. “But I’m sure it’s as boring as you in that case.”

“You two need to tell me! Okay?” They both nodded. “And especially about your girlfriend Norman! I want to know everything about her!”

“Really… There’s nothing to tell… Besides, you keep saying ‘girlfriend’, but I’m not even sure we were in that kind of relationship.”

“You are very misleading then!”

Ray let out a small chuckle, despite feeling some kind of sting in her chest. He wasn’t the only one who had noticed it then, how Norman and him had changed. He looked at the boy beside him and thought about what he had asked him…

Something had changed between the two of them.

Once the conversation was over, cut off by Zack barging in and calling Norman a hypocrite for talking with his friends, they all walked back to their dorms. Norman had even let Ray off without finishing his exam and pretexted that they would see each other again later anyway. Ray walked up the Givers’ dorm calmly, like he always did when he had something to.

He opened the door to his room to see Hayato sitting on his bed with a book. He looked up to him with those puppy eyes and smiled. “Hi! Did it go well?”

“Hayato.” Started Ray. “He knows about the file.”

The boy became pale. “No… No way! It’s well hidden! It’s…!” He gritted his teeth. “It’s that Sandy… It’s that… You will take care of him, right? You will? He has always been in your way since the beginning.”

Ray smiled sadly. “Sorry, he has too much connections. I cannot risk it.”

Hayato clenched his fist and sat on the border of the bed as Ray approached him and took him into his arms. “Don’t worry, they will never find it, it’s well hidden. I will lie to Norman. I will tell him it’s nowhere to be seen. I won’t let anything happen. It’s fine.”

“They can’t know Ray! If they know… I will…!” Said Hayato with a pained look before Ray shushed him up by stroking his cheek with his thumb.

“It’s fine. It’s alright. I will take care of it, I just need to move them somewhere he can’t access.” He held him even closer. “They will never know about you.” Like they will never know about Ray either.

He let go of his trainee and leaned down on the floor. He extended his arm under the bed to grab some of the wooden boards and move them away, he then plunged his hand in the darkness and pulled out numerous papers out from it. Five files, all from different people. Two of them had a strange stamp on their fronts.

“You’re also moving yours?” Asked Hayato worriedly.

“Norman is suspicious. He never mentioned my file, but I’m sure he has questions about it. I can’t let them here anymore.”

“But, where could you put them?”

“I’ll just hide them in the attic. It’s big enough to hide anything there, and no one can access it from the first floor. I should’ve done it from the start.”

“Ray.” He packed the files under his shirt and looked at Hayato who was gripping his sleeve. “Be careful. Please.”

“Yes.” He kissed the top of his head one more time before heading out and climbing to the attic. There weren’t many people out at that time of the day, it should be fine.

The attic looked different in daylight, the dust even more apparent, he would have to walk around to mislead anyone who would try to search here. After looking around, he spotted a pile of boxes in a corner who would do well. He rummaged through them for a while before finding a spot where he could hide the files safely. In any other cases, he would have liked to burn them down, but the smoke would smell. And weirdly enough, he did not feel like tearing it down to pieces. Not only it would take too much time, but a pile of teared down papers would be suspicious.

He moved away a pile of books inside the box he chose and looked at the files one more time before putting them there. There was Hayato’s file in the batch of course, with a stamp on it, but all the other ones were from members of Ray’s family. He bit his lips, remembering why he had to hid them. He had to. He had no other choices. Or else…

He looked at the second file with a stamp, the one bearing the name of someone he never met.

His father, Charles.

Chapter Text

Smee was waiting in front of the chief’s office, leaning against a wall with one of his books, ignoring his colleague’s snarky remarks and the few words he could discern behind the door. Norman was being scolded. Suddenly the door opened violently. Smee turned his head to see Norman, his face red with anger and shame, he looked up behind him, and then brutally closed the door before walking away. Smee closed his books and followed him silently until Norman stopped in front of one of the storage room.

Norman stood there for a moment; his shoulder tensed. Then, he breathed in and out, trying to calm himself down. Until, as some of their colleagues were passing in the corridor, he entered the small room to sat on a box left on the side, tapping his foot on the ground frantically. He glanced at Smee as he closed the door before looking back to the ground.

“What happened?” Asked the older man softly. “I can advise you if you need, as an adult figure.” He froze when Norman scowled him. “Or as a friend, maybe?”

The younger boy let out a long and tired sigh. “I’m sorry. That was uncalled for.” He still seemed angry but calmer now. He hesitated to talk for a moment before opening his mouth. “It’s just that he found out I was sneaking out during the night and…” He took off his glasses and massaged his nose bridge. “He told me that he wouldn’t tell anyone in exchange for sexual favors.”

“You were right to be angry!” Exclaimed Smee. “This is repulsive!”

“I know, right?” Replied the boy, smiling. “This need to be powerful and above everyone else… I don’t get it.”

“I don’t get it either. But what will happen now? I don’t blame you for being angry, but won’t he tell everyone if you don’t obey him?”

Norman leaned against the wall. “He’s not the first one to asked me for those kinds of things. I just need to tell them the reason I managed to get here so young and usually they give up. I just hope he will be like the others.”

“It’s not the first time?!” Smee walked up to Norman and crouched down in front of him before gripping his shoulder and pulling him forward. “Why haven’t you told me?! We should tell the higher-ups about it!”

“It’s not uses. I already did it, but they told me to just endure it, and that it didn’t matter as long as it didn’t threaten anyone’s life.” Smee was going to repeat how revolted he was but Norman cut him off and continued. “You know, they just do it on me because I’m young. I still look effeminate enough for them, and they do not want to get into trouble and risk one of the girls a miscarriage. They are going to drop it when I get older.”

“It doesn’t mean you should tolerate it now!”

“Do I look like I tolerate it?” Replied the boy, smirking. “I gave this man the slap of his life.”

“He tried to touch you?!”

This time it was enough, Smee was not strong, but he would tell the higher-ups about this and get them to give back their shirt. They should not have gone so far. He got up and walked towards the exit before Norman stopped him by gripping his wrist.

“It’s alright Smee! I assure you! I can handle it myself!”

“And what if one day you can’t anymore? I don’t want this to sound like an insult, but you aren’t fit for fighting back. What if one day they force themselves on you? What will you do then…!”

Smee was shut up by a scalpel on his throat. Norman had his artic eyes and his voice as deep and cold as the abysses. “I just do this.” He then suddenly smiled warmly back and put the scalpel into his sleeve. “I haven’t learned much back at the Preparation House but sewing was one of those.” He showed up his sleeve. “Impressive, right? You can barely see the seam.” The boy let go of his wrist, that smile looking so painful on his lips. “I know how to defend myself. I’ve already done that. If they try to hurt me, they’ll suffer much more before they can even touch one of my hair. They know it. That’s why I just need to tell them when I pass my exam and they leave me alone.”

“Norman…” He raised a hand and put it on his head, gently patting it. “Why do you always have to give me heart attacks like that?” He said while smiling. “You will kill me before they could even try.”

Smee saw the boy’s eyes suddenly become watery, Norman tightened his lips as he desperately tried to control the sob coming out of his throat. The man could tell what he was thinking: shame, relief, nostalgia, fear… and maybe a broken heart still not completely healed.

“Why…? Why do you remind me so much of him? Why do you remind me of the person he isn’t anymore?”

“I’m sure that deep down, your brother hasn’t completely changed.”

He shook his head. “No. He has. I know. If he hadn’t… I wouldn’t be here now.”

“I feel something has changed between the two of you.” Had said Emma to the both of them. Ray had dismissed the thought as soon as it had been voiced out, but Norman could not forget it, the words ringing in his ear like they had still just been pronounced.

Yes, something had changed. Norman could not tell when, not because the change had been so slight that it was hard to determine when, but because there were too many events that could be defined as responsible for this change. He could that in Ray’s eyes, the other boys wanted to forget about it as much as he did, and that he just wanted them to be like they were as orphans, but it would not. Or rather…

Norman did not want to ignore those changes.

Like he was the one putting the distance between the two of them. The one who had asked to Ray to hide their past, and who hid his own filiation. He knew Ray trusted him, and he knew Ray loved him… Could he really tell he returned the feelings? He did not know; he did not want to know. He was fine with this distance he had decided to put between the two of them by himself. After all, he was disappointed in many things with Ray: his attitude, his lies, his feelings… Yes. If disappointment was a better feeling than repulsion, then he rather felt disappointed in Ray rather than repulsed.

After all, if he were truly repulsed, he would not be so friendly with him, even now. He would not accept to be so close to him. He had those moments, usually when it was only the two of them, when he would forget about everything and just embrace the warmth and appreciate his presence. Weren’t those enough to prove he still had some kind of affection for his brother? He wanted to think so.

He had not thought about Ray much, or rather he had thought about him as someone else. He did not like being confronted to the actual Ray, he preferred the version he had made up in some part of his memories, the part not connected to the Ray he ended up knowing, and one he would rather keep in a dark corner of his mind. The only thing he could believe in now was Ray’s trust.

Those thoughts were running through his mind during the rest of the day. He had trouble falling asleep, hence why he heard Vincent coming out of his bed to do the task he had asked him to do. After a while, probably an hour or so of trying to sleep, he heard the man coming back. Only after that, Norman managed to find the strength to let himself fall back into Morpheus’ arms.

The next day went by quicker than he would have expected. Of course, he had had to explain to Krone what happened to Emma’s face, but otherwise, everything was fine. In the afternoon, Vincent managed to find some time to settle when and where he would be giving him the files. To be sure to not be bothered, they settled on a room downstairs. The key locking them was easy of access, so anyone able to access the basement could take it with them and use one of the rooms. As for the Archive room, Norman had given it back to Sandy at the end of the day, so there was no way they could have been suspected to go there.

A little while after midnight, Norman was closing the door behind Vincent as he got in the room. They were both still in pajamas, though Norman had also taken a cardigan since the basement was always rather cold. He would suggest it was to give ‘ideas’ to anyone getting there, but those were just speculations.

“Did anybody saw you?” Asked Norman.

“Of course not, I’ve been really careful.”

“Because I heard you last night.” Vincent froze and suddenly seemed to stress over it until Norman spoke again. “You were rather quick though. I guess they would just think you took your time in the bathroom.” He walked up to the bed and lighted up a kerosene lamp he had brought as an addition to the lamp already there since he knew how dark the rooms there were. “Besides, even they would think it was something else, with the rumors, and us both being absent, tonight it would be more safe to assume we were having an affair of some sorts.”

“Oh.” Despite Vincent’s dark skin and the lack of light in the room, Norman would have sworn he had seen him blush. “Alright.”

He gave the documents to Norman while the younger man sat on the bed to flipped through them. As promised, Vincent had taken all the maps available. It went from the basic maps given to anyone just arriving at the House to the simple notes next to a text consigning the rules. With that, Norman had about 30 documents to look through. Which was not a lot, but enough already. A quick look through all of them made it clear that there were not any documents about the plantation as a whole inside the building. But the number of maps and details about the building itself were numerous.

Vincent was letting him search by himself in silence, sometimes looking at the maps Norman would set aside once he was sure they were useless to him. After fifteen minutes of looking through half of the documents, Norman was suddenly submerged by foreign thoughts due to the consecutive sleepless nights. Like how Ray had not given him news about Hayato’s file. Maybe he would tomorrow? Or maybe he was not searching? No, he had to, Ray trusted him. He had completely lost his focus at that point.

Suddenly, the documents were pulled away from him by a concerned Vincent. “Is everything alright?” He asked.

Norman spaced out for a second before taking off his glasses and massaging his nose bridge. “Yes. Can you give me back the…”

“If you are tired, we can wait for another time to check them. You mustn’t have slept a lot if you heard me last night.”

“At which hour did you get up?” He asked, putting his glasses back on his nose.

“Three in the morning.”

“Oh gosh…”

“I have insomnia, so it’s fine with me, I always wake up around that time. But you probably do not, so you need to take good care of yourself. What kind of doctor would you be otherwise?” Said the man, smiling kindly.

“It’s fine, I already went through more than just one sleepless night. I can handle some documents.” Replied Norman, extending his hand to get back the document.

Vincent pulled them away. “I’m not lending them to you if you need sleep.”

“Come on! We don’t have enough time to fool around like that!” Continued Norman while leaning forward to get the documents.

“I know, but I don’t want you to…!” Was about to reply Vincent before Norman finally snatched the documents out from his hands, but at the same time lost his balance and fell on top of him on the bed.

Described like that, it sounded probably more wrongly than it actually was. Norman had just fallen across him, so only their stomachs were in contact, but it was already embarrassing enough, though the boy was more focused on checking if the documents were damaged by their little argument rather than their proximity, weirdly enough.

Then he saw it, one of the maps that had fallen back on the sheets. It seemed like any other at first glance, but when looking closer, he noticed that all the notes taken around it were made by hand. He took the piece of paper and backed away from Vincent, staring at it.

It was representing the basement; each room were numbered… But not like they were on their fronts. Norman had always heard that there were 6 rooms, but the map indicated 7, the fourth being the ‘storage room’ at the end of the corridor. Not only that, but next to each number, an arrow had been drawn as well as another number. A quick glanced at the end of the page was enough to understand that they were indicating to other pages. It was not just one map, it was multiple.

While Vincent was still sitting back up, already regretting arguing with Norman, he took back all the papers scattered around and re-organized them until he finally got the full file. The pages had been scattered around different places, but thanks to Vincent’s work, they were all in Norman’s possession now.

Each page seemed basic at first, but they all had a series of number written on them somewhere. The one corresponding to the ‘room 4’ was 4.3.16. while the one for the room they were in, ‘room 1’ was 7.S.2.3. Some had letters in it, others did not. Room 1 had an S, while room number 7 had a D. Room 2, 4 and 6 had 3 as a second number as well, while the last numbers had no coherence between each of them. It was…

An absolute mess.

Norman was sure there was some meaning behind it all, like the shelves made by Sandy in the Archives, but he could not tell what it was. Not now at least. And even so, how could it be of use to him? What he wanted was a way out. Not to find a hidden treasure chest.

Vincent ended up looking above his shoulder to look at the maps. “Do you have an idea of what those numbers mean?”

Norman shook his head. “I can’t tell yet.”

“How many pages are there?”

“About as many as there are rooms. They all correspond to a different part of the House.” He looked around, trying to think about it for a second. Suddenly, Norman understood what it meant. He laid down all the papers on the bed to be able to see all the numbers and maps. “Wait, can you see it?”

“See what?”

“The numbers… They align.” Norman pointed at one of the numbers on the map. “Here, this one, 1.D.2.12. It’s given through room 7, while 7.S.2.3 is given through room 1. Same thing for room 2 and room 6, their corresponding codes has the number of the room opposed to them… I think it was to mislead, because room 4 has the series of number corresponding to it.”

“So the first number corresponds to the opposite room the code is assigned to?”

“Exactly.” He pointed at the second numbers. “As for the letters and the remaining numbers, it corresponds to the walls.”

“How?”

“There are only 4 walls in each room, and that number never goes higher than 4. As for the letters, it’s an indication to know in which way we should number walls. S is the left, sinistra in latin, while the D is the right, dextra.”

“But only room 1 and 7 have those letters.”

“Because they indicate for the rooms next to them. From room 1, we should count from right, while from room 7, we should count from the left. Room 4 is not included because its number is 3, it’s the wall in front of the door.”

“And the last number?”

Norman pursued his lips; it could be the only flaw in his theory. “The wooden boards.”

“What?”

Norman got up and walked to the wall. “We can test it right now. For this room it’s… 1.D.2.12.” He approached the wall behind the bed and started to count the wooden boards against the wall from the bedside table. He finally arrived to the number 14, he let his hand travel around it until he found some cavities where he could move the wooden board away from the wall. Then, with a bit of strength, he managed to push it, sliding not only this one, but numerous other wooden boards behind the wall until it revealed stairs leading even lower into a corridor.

Norman let a nervous smile draw itself on his lips while Vincent had his mouth hang open with the shock. “Bingo…”

“All those numbers correspond to…?!”

“Secret passages it seems.”

“Do you think they lead outside?”

“No, I would rather assume they lead to the part of the House they correspond to. Could you check on the map where it leads exactly?”

Vincent glanced at it. “I think it’s the kitchen. It doesn’t sound very interesting…”

Norman pulled back the wooden boards into place, making the wall look like nothing had changed. He looked at the maps himself. “Room 1 is the kitchen, 2 is the bathroom on the first floor, 3 is the infirmary…” He stopped. Room 4 led to an unknown room; it was hand drawn in a corner of a document about the House’s electricity system. It was a simple room, with two corridors linked to it. No other mentions.

“Hey look.” Said Vincent. “Room 5 leads to the attic.”

As he said, the map mentioned was one big rectangle with three entranced, two placed above the Giver and the Receiver’s dorm, and the third exactly where the House was separated into two wings.

“I always thought that angle was weird.” Said Vincent. “It’s probably to hide a ladder.”

There was a way to get to the attic from the first floor, or more exactly, from the basement. It would make things easier in the future. But the one who still seemed the most mysterious was room 4. The hidden room.

Norman had never heard of it before, he had always assumed there were 6 rooms for intercourses only, and that this ‘fourth one’ was only a storage room, that is what he has been told. But now he was wondering, with this secret passage, maybe Room 4 was more important than he would have expected it. What did it contain exactly? Why did no one talk about it? Or rather… Why did everyone hide it? It was the only room leading to an unknown part of the House…

“Why are there so many secret passages anyway?” Asked Vincent. “What would be the demons’ advantage to have those?”

“It’s not for them, it’s for the humans. “Replied Norman immediately, taken aback by Vincent before realizing he hadn’t read the same documents as him in the Archives. “The House was built by humans for humans. The demons unaware of how they should make a structure adapted to us. Maybe they made those hidden passages to help us.”

“Why not make just a way to the outside then?”

Norman took the map corresponding to room 4. “They did. But… The room is out of access now.”

Norman knew room 4 had a different lock, it had been changed a few years ago to differentiate it from the other rooms. A drop of sweat roll down on Norman’s nape as the pieces of the puzzle were aligning themselves.

The Mediator without numbers who abused of his authority… The room locked a few years ago… No one talks about it…

A terrifying thought went through his mind, could this room have been… his playground? Then it would explain why it was hidden, not because people knew what it led to, but because it represented a common trauma.

“Norman…?”

He shook his head. He couldn’t get in for now, only Krone could have the key, and she wasn’t someone he wanted to mess with. The only possible way outside was out of access, which only left one solution.

“I will go outside.”

“Uh?”

He turned towards Vincent. “I will go outside at night to check if there’s a way to flee from the outside.”

Vincent got up. “It’s too dangerous! There are demons lurking in the woods! You would get killed!”

“Don’t worry.” He smirked, thinking back to the game of tag in his childhood. “I’m a professional at that kind of things.”

Chapter Text

Emma had often wondered why the smell of lavender was overwhelming everything around the fence their mother had told them not to go beyond. The flowers were also there near the House, but the quantity wasn’t as overwhelming as they were near the fence, to the point that if any child were to go near it, they would come back smelling like the flower if they weren’t careful enough. Emma had asked the question to Ray, who seemed to know much more than anyone at the House.

“I don’t know.” He had replied, a small smile on his lips, not mocking her but rather gladly surprised that she had asked it. “Maybe to know if we went to close to it? In case we disobey?”

“But there are also some behind the House.”

“That’s true. Want us to check?”

She accepted and walked to the fence surrounded by lavenders. Ray was covering his nose with his sleeve, despite the sweet scent, it really was overwhelming sometimes. Then, he put it down and started to smell the air.

“What are you doing?”

“Trying to see if I can distinguish anything else.”

“Can you?”

“No.” He smirked. “With how strong the smell is, rotten meat could be hidden there, and no one would see!”

“Ray that’s disgusting!”

“Imagine! Rotten rabbit meat, rotten bird meat… Or maybe…” He sneered. “The rotten corpse of the house’s ghost! Waiting here for years to eat the passengers and hide their body in the lavenders!”

She put her palms against her ears, letting out an annoyed shout. “Stop it! I really don’t want to think about that kind of thing!” She groaned for a few seconds and then let go of her ears. “But you don’t believe in ghosts, right? You told me so.”

His eyes widened, taken aback. “Yes. It was a jock.” He seemed more apologetic than his words would suggest. “I don’t believe it. Of course. The rotten meat or the ghosts.”

She pursued her lips, looking at the small field of wild lavender. “I don’t believe in the latter one either… But rotten meat wouldn’t be impossible.” She shook her head. “But I really don’t want to think about it! We finally got apples for dessert, and if I think about that I wouldn’t be able to enjoy them.”

“You’re right. Sorry.” Replied Ray as he patted her head briefly, he extended his hand to her. “Let’s go back home, okay? We’ll solve the mystery of the lavenders another day.”

She nodded and took his hand for the way back, only noticing when they got closer to the house that Ray’s clothes often smelled like lavender despite him not going, as often as Gilda or Don, near the flowerbeds. She asked Ray about it, he replied that she just never saw him there, but that he went near them often. She asked Norman and while he agreed with her, he dismissed it as he may have gotten the smell from the little ones, he took care of so often.

She asked her mother, and she replied the same thing as Ray.

Ray and her never got to solve the mystery of the lavenders. One day, he was adopted, after months of acting gloomy. He smiled to them painfully on his departure and hugged both Norman and her tightly. He promised that he would see them again soon. He promised it.

He never promised to send letters.

Norman did. Norman promised to send letters, and to see her soon after he found Ray. And then he left with a smile.

As Emma had looked at her food the next day, she remembered Ray saying that they could hide rotten meat in the lavenders. It had already been a month since he had left, so, on a whim, she tried. Food takes around a week to rot and smell, so one day, she took a small pack of meat, opened it, and left it in the middle of the lavenders near the fence. Not on the house’s side of course, she broke the rules to put it a bit further away.

The next day, she thought that it was maybe a stupid idea, and that animals would eat it. So she went back to the piece of meat to find it like she had left it. She decided to make a small cage with some sturdy plants to protect it from being eaten and left it as it was again. She went back everyday to see if it had gotten eaten, her morbid experience.

After a week, if she got up close, the meat would smell a lot. It had become brown, but not the cooked brown, just… moistures and mushrooms. Like a lifeform of its own. It was smelling a lot up close, and very badly, to the point of wanting to vomit and make her skip dinner that day. But amongst the flowers, it was invisible. She still thought it was disgusting so she buried it. Ray was right, the flowers could hide anything.

Ray was right, he was not sending letters, and Norman either.

“What’s beyond the fence?” Had asked Emma boldly to her mother.

“You are curious, I see.” She replied, finishing on sewing back a button on one of her sibling’s shirt. “How many times have you been around the fence?”

She had smelled the lavender, of course. “It wasn’t for that. But I want to know. Does it lead to a road? Are there dangerous things beyond the fence?” It was not meant to protect. It was too small.

“Maybe.”

“Mama!” Whined Emma. “This is serious! Or maybe… Did you had news about Ray and Norman you didn’t talk to me about? That’s not fair!”

“I didn’t, I only get the same amount of information as you, my dear.” She cut her thread. “Let’s try something…” She said more to herself than to Emma. “Why don’t you try to see it for yourself? Then you come back to me, and I’ll answer any questions you may have. Does that suit you?”

“So I am allowed to go beyond the fence?”

“Indeed. But just one time. And you must come back.”

She hugged her ‘mother’. “Yeah! Thank you, Mama!”

She never hugged her mother again after that day, not on her own volition at least.

Ray said the lavenders could hide rotten meat. Was it just a question he had, was it just a coincidence, or did he know? Did he know the things Emma saw beyond the fence? He must have known the walls, or else his clothes would not have smelled like lavender. But did he know what was beyond the wall? Maybe not. No, on another thoughts, he could not have. Because the chances that he could have seen the same things she did was so slim that he may have as well never even been near the fence at all.

Emma was standing on the wall, it was windy, the wind coming from behind her and threatening her to fall into the cliff. The smell of lavender overwhelming everything, hiding the rotten meat, hiding the smell. She was about to fall. She was going to fall into the emptiness… No, it wasn’t empty, she could see it, in the dark, under the last ray of sunshine able to pierce through, she could see things reflecting the light, just like the creature in front of her. Dozens, no, thousands of eyes, hundreds belonging to a same head, looking straight at her. One as big as her mother’s whole height, with teeth as long as her legs, and as many as all the children at the house could have. Pieces of its meal still stuck between some of them. A tongue, she did not know how long, but covered in saliva mixed with blood, extending outside of what could be barely called a mouth, the pupils dancing in the orbs. She finally saw it, the body, long, tall, as big as the house, covered in uneven places with hairs, too many members to be any kind of animal known, claws her height, forming itself like nails, breaking and bending as it approached the edge of the cliff.

She was going to fall, by the wind of the creature extending its limb towards her, the ‘nails’ grazing the surface of the grey wall, producing a screeching noise hidden by the wind. She was going to fall. She was going to fall… and it could eat her like it ate the animal now falling into the cliff, hiding the shining eyes there, eyes she recognized as the same ones of the creature. With difficulty, she took a step back as the creature stepped forward and fell into the pit itself. She heard the sound of flesh clashing at the same time the wind stopped, she heard a loud screech, and then the creature eating the ones from the same species. The sun disappeared, putting the whole scene into the dark, only the noises barely perceivable reaching from the hidden part of her world. But she could hear its howls of despair, like cries, as it ate its own. The wind blew.

She got down the wall, smelling the lavender even better than before. Ray said it could even hide rotten flesh. Ray said it could hide corpses. As she was about to go, she heard voices beyond the wall.

“Uh? Another one fell?”

A loud screech. “Leave it be.” Replied another voice. “But damn, it means we need to start off the work again and dig even deeper, it’s clearly isn’t enough here. We can almost see them, and they are noisy. You think the cattle can hear them?”

“No way. It’s too far, that’s why there’s a fence after all. To hide the wall and keep them away from any sounds.”

“What about the smell?”

“There have been new procedures to prevent that, lavenders were placed around the fences, the walls, and the barns so the only thing they smell is that flower.”

“It smells so strong, wouldn’t it be annoying?”

“They are going to get used to it, don’t worry. Maybe they think of it with nostalgia when they are slaughtered.” Laughed the first person.

“Stop it! Don’t start to think they have a mind of their own, I wouldn’t be able to eat them otherwise! It’s creeping me out!”

They walked away, laughing, and chatting like two people would normally do, but Emma had guessed they were not people. The wind was hiding the noises, the lavenders the smell, it was logic.

Emma walked back to the house slowly, she had promised to her mother to come back. She did not want to come back, she wanted to jump into the pit with the other monsters and let herself be eaten if it was her fate. She almost tripped on roots while walking to the fence, unable to feel her legs, not knowing if it was fear or if it was the wind. The walk back home felt like it took hours in that state, unable to see where she wandered, the howl of the creature still ringing in her head. Did her mother know? Is that why she told her to check by herself?

The sun was setting above the trees hiding the nightmares. Did Ray know? And if he didn’t, does he now know? Does Norman know? Who knows? Who knows the truth? Are the children aware of the morbid secret hidden in the flowers? Like her mother was aware of her morbid experience?

She hobbled to her home, could she call it a home? The persons beyond the walls called it barn, could she call it a home? Suddenly her mother appeared, and she let her legs fall under herself. She looked at the grass, the green one from the summer. Right, it was summer, her birthday would be soon. Then, her view was hidden by a shadow in front of her, she looked up to see her mother crouching down to her level, putting a loving hand on her cheek as she replaced a strand of hair behind her ear. She seemed sorry. Was she?

The sky was red like flesh, like the rotten flesh hidden beyond the lavender. Her mother smiled… Isabella smiled.

“Did you see? What was beyond the fence?”

Emma felt heavy drops of tears roll down her cheeks, drowning her face with salty liquid, her vision was blurry, her arms and legs trembling. She buried her head in Isabella’s tablecloth and let out a pained scream, piercing into the dawn. Did the creatures hear her? Does Ray and Norman, wherever they may have been now, could hear her? No, no one, the fence was far enough so no sounds could be heard, the lavender hiding the smell of lies. Isabella wrapped her arms around her shoulder and held her tightly, whispering an apologize as Emma was letting out all the emotions, she had buried in herself when she discovered everything at the wall.

The smell of lavender hiding the taste of her tears.

“What are you staring at?” Asked Olivia as Emma was looking at the forest, a bit farther away from the House.

“Nothing. I was just thinking.”

Olivia hummed, unconvinced, but went back to folding the dried sheets. After their fight, the girls had talked a lot and befriended one another. Emma was not talking to Violet anymore after what happened at the selection, she was not sure if she could trust her. Violet was avoiding her as well. Her face did not express anything that could help Emma understand her goals, but she did not mind. She did not want to see her face.

Olivia let out an annoyed sigh. “Where is Helen anyway?! She told us she would be back in a minute! It’s been I-don’t-know-how-long but more than a simple minute that’s for sure.”

Emma pulled out a pocket watch from her pocket. “A quarter of an hour.”

“See! Way too long!”

“Maybe the Mediator had important things to tell her? Things that would take more than just a minute.”

The older girl furrowed her brows, looked around, and moved closer to Emma, whispering. “Hey, do you think she is…”

“Just say it.”

“She is infertile?”

She burst into laughter. “It’s her first time here! And it hasn’t been even a month, how could they know if she is infertile or not?”

“You’re right. But still, what could they want to talk about with her?”

“Just ask her yourself, I see her down there.” Replied Emma, smirking.

They saw the silhouette of the girl near the entrance door. But to their surprise, she was not going towards them, but instead behind the House.

“What is she doing?” Asked Olivia.

Emma gave her the sheet she was folding and ran towards Helen. She found her under the shade of the House, at the back. She was holding her knees against her chest, and trembling. She did not seem to be crying though. Soon, she was joined by Olivia, seemingly too curious to stay near the clothes horse. Carefully, Emma approached her and put a hand over her shoulder, making the younger girl jump.

“Sorry. Are you alright?” Asked the red head.

Helen had terrified eyes, widen with fear. She nodded and smiled. “Yes… Sorry… I just needed some time alone. I’ll go back to…”

“You’re not alright.” Cut her off Emma. “What happened?”

Helen looked at the two girls, staring back at her with determination. She seemed to hesitate for a moment, looking at the grass, and then shook her head, smiling again. “Really, it’s nothing.”

Emma furrowed her brows. “It isn’t like the lame excuses like last time, such as ‘I wouldn’t understand’?”

She bit her lips. “It’s not…”

“Don’t tell me they tried funny things on you?!” Exclaimed Olivia horrified. “They didn’t, right?!”

“I’m telling you…!”

“Then what happened?!”

Suddenly she got up, her fist clenched on the folds of her dress. “Just leave me alone!” She shouted at them. “I don’t want to talk to either of you two! The self-centered maniac and the all-might smart queen! Just stay on your own pedestal and leave the people like me on their own!” And before Emma could replicate anything, she ran back to the House.

The red head sighed. “What is going on? Maybe it was more serious than I expected…”

“Do… Do you think I crossed the line?” Asked Olivia, clearly worried about Helen’s sudden outburst. “I should’ve stayed calmer like you… But the idea that…!”

“You most likely didn’t help, but I don’t believe you are to blame. I understand your reasons.” Cut her off Emma. She put a hand over her shoulder and squeezed it. “If it had been that, I think Helen would’ve told us. It cannot be the same as before anymore. It’s most likely something else.”

“Then… Do you think they told her to go back to the center?” Said the other girl as she relaxed under Emma’s touch.

“I don’t know. She seemed scared. Maybe that’s it. But it hasn’t even been a month, why send her back so quickly?”

“Maybe they need to replenish their supplies?”

Emma shook her head. “It’s not uses to think about that now. Let’s finish the work first, we’ll ask her later.”

They walked back to the clothes horses, Olivia glancing at the windows too often to be unnoticed, they were on the Receivers side after all. After finishing folding another sheet, she turned back to her again.

“It couldn’t be that, could it right? I’m started to be worried now.”

“It would be sad if you couldn’t see her, right?” Replied Emma with a monotonous tone, checking something.

“Yes, she is a nice girl, I wanted to talk to her more but…” She stopped, and stared at her, gritting her teeth. The only sign confirming to Emma that she was blushing despite her dark skin. “You did that on purpose.”

Emma leaned on the clothes horse, smirking. “She is cute huh?”

“I thought you weren’t interested in relationships.”

“When it concerns me. So…? I can tell you that she could be interested, but you need to make the move first…”

Olivia threw the sheet she folded at her. “Leave me alone I already had my heartbreak. And it’s not fun to talk about myself if we don’t talk about you.” She wrapped an arm around her shoulders as Emma took the sheet of her head and folded it again. “And you and that Giver? How is it going?”

“We started talking again. And stop mentioning it like we are in a relationship, he’s just being friendly.”

“Sure…” Mused Olivia, pinching her sides, forcing Emma to contain her laughter. “A ‘friend’ goes to you worriedly just after hearing you got hurt, in public, without caring if anyone could get the wrong idea.”

“It would be even weirder if he had taken me apart.”

“Oh, and he found that so ‘brave’ that you decided to defend your opinion, and ‘amazing’ how you stand your ground and despite everything forgave your opponent, and…”

“Just shut it!” Cut her off Emma, shoving the sheet back to her face playfully. “If anything, he is the one getting caught up in all of this.”

“Sweetie, the problem with pale skin like yours is that your emotions are clearly visible. You are as red as a beetroot.”

“What?!” Emma put a hand on her face, feeling it normal. “Hey! Don’t trick me!”

“You didn’t deny that you would be blushing.”

“And you didn’t deny finding Helen cute.” Retorqued Emma.

“You are avoiding the issue here Emma.”

“You as well.”

They stared at each other defiantly until they suddenly broke it and burst into laughter. They waited a bit to catch their breath.

“I really and sincerely hope Helen will get better though.” Said Olivia. “She worries me.”

Emma nodded.

“But you worry me as well. You will get your sessions soon, right? Are you ready?”

She shrugged. “We will see.”

“Aren’t you worried? It will be your first time, right?”

Emma froze. “Oh, uhm… yeah. But I told you, it’s just a step, I’ll let it happen and… then I’ll decide what to…”

“Oh my goodness you already did it.”

“Please don’t say it to anyone.” Whispered Emma.

Chapter Text

Emma was hugging Helen tightly in her arms as the girls was sobbing uncontrollably on her chest, Olivia patting her blond head from the side.

“I’m so sorry! I’m really sorry I didn’t mean it I was…! I’m sorry!” She said between two breaths before crying even louder again.

Emma glanced at Olivia, with her brows raised in a silent ‘I told you so’. “It’s alright, we get it, there are moments like this.”

“No! That was mean and unjustified! I’m so sorry!”

Emma pinched her ear softly. “At least accepts that we accepted your apologies geez…” She ruffled the hair at the top of her head. “You’ll tell us when you feel like it.”

The younger girl nodded, her head still against Emma’s chest, seeking comfort. She seemed to hesitate, and then backed away from her slightly. She breathed in, looked at them both, opened her mouth without managing to say any words, and then closed it again.

“We told you, take your time, there’s no need to rush.” Said Olivia, trying to have recomforting smile on her lips.

Helen smiled back painfully while looking at her feet. “Yes…” And then looked back to them, with a more convinced smile. “Yes! I will tell you when I am ready. I promise.”

“That’s the spirit!” Replied Olivia, patting her head again, ignoring the hesitation in Helen’s voice… As well as her quick glance towards Emma.

They heard Krone’s voice from outside the dorms, calling for them since the Receivers were on dinner duty today. All the girls started to walk back to the dining hall when Emma gripped Helen’s arm before she was about to walk away as well, out of everyone’s sight. “Will you finally tell me what is going on?” Asked Emma, her tone less gentle than the one she used before.

Something was bugging her way more than it should have. The way Helen glanced at her, how she burst out earlier… It was more complicated than just about her having difficulties to open. Helen had no trouble to talk about herself. It felt different… Like she was not ‘allowed’ to talk about what happened.

She did not turn around, almost whispering her words. “Emma. I don’t want to talk about it.” Emma let go of her and the girl walked back to the others, smiling like usual, as if nothing had happened.

She got out of the dorm as well, staring at the group going down the stairs. Her brows furrowed as she felt a drop of sweat roll down her nape, what exactly happened? She had dismissed it earlier, but now that she realized that she still did not know anything, the thought was drowning her mind. What had happened during this quarter of hour during which the girl was alone with the Mediator? What had they talked about? … What had he done to her? Her trail of thoughts was interrupted by an arm wrapping itself around her shoulders and a voice she did not want to hear talking.

“So? Does she feel better now?”

Emma glanced from the corner of her eyes at Violet, deliberately not reacting to her attempt at being friendly. Since what happened at the selection, they had not talk, in fact, Emma rsented her for pulling off some trick like that. Even if she could not deny that she could have simply talked it over with her. She walked out of Violet’s grasp, ready to join the others as well, but the older girl gripped her shoulder and pulled her back next to her. Violet was a few inches shorter than her. It was the first time she noticed it.

“Now, now. This is a serious question. Is she feeling better? She was weeping like a mad woman earlier; I was worried you know?”

“And why would you be?”

Violet looked at her deadpan. “The fact that you resent me doesn’t mean I can’t befriend your friends. Helen was crying into my lap about how she had said mean things to you and Olivia and how she did not know how to repent herself. I told her to simply go to you and apologize but she kept on repeating how ‘it’s for difficult than that’ and ‘they don’t understand’. I don’t have your eloquence it was hard. Can you acknowledge that at least?”

“I don’t care.” Replied Emma coldly.

“I complimented you!” Exclaimed Violet. “I know you are angry at me, but this is too much, okay? Can’t you just forgive me for this short moment of personal pleasure that I allowed myself and…”

She did not get the time to finish her sentences as Emma gripped her collar and slammed her against the corridor’s wall, feeling the blood rise to her face. She wanted to punch her. She was not sure why, most likely because despite everything she was tired of people seeing her brother that way, but she was not even allowed to do that anyway. She had already made too much of a mess a few days ago, and her file was probably under examination, she could not lose herself another time. So her gripped loosened after a few ragged breath, to her surprise, Violet was smiling.

“You like him a lot, don’t you?” Emma stared at her as Violet gently pulled her hands away from her collar. “I’m sorry, I didn’t choose the right words. I didn’t mean it like that. I had things to talk about to him.” She kept her hands above hers as she looked at them with what seemed to be sadness. “I understand how you feel, I have a brother amongst the Givers as well.”

“Oliver?” Let out Emma, knowing that they came from the same farm.

“Yeah, so I know how it feels to have someone precious to you being treated like an object. It’s unbearable. It makes you want to destroy everything for someone to at least see them with the same eyes as yours.” She let go of her hands once they were back on Emma’s sides. “I never got the occasion to tell it to you, but I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry for hitting you.” Blurted out Emma without thinking after a few seconds of silence, too taken aback by Violet to make her brain function properly. She must have had a hazy dumb look on her face at that moment, though the only thing she was thinking about was Violet’s feelings about her getting Oliver as her partner. Was she angry as well? Did she resent her like Emma resented her?

“It’s alright I get it. Besides, you didn’t go far, so it’s fine.” Replied the short-haired woman. “Oh, and don’t worry about Oliver. He wanted to get you anyway.” Emma felt another kind of blush crept on her face for an unknown reason, making Violet grin. “I wanted to get Ray for other reasons than sex if it can reassure you. And I think I told you, but it wasn’t our first time together. But… To be fair and without sounding like another groupie, I have to admit that I like him a lot… further than simply a colleague to say the least.”

She widened her eyes; the woman was making her speechless for too long and she was never sure of how to respond to anything. The other burst into laugh at her face.

“I know it’s one-sided, but it’s nice to dream, isn’t it?” She smirked. “But you, it’s not one-sided for you, so you should make the most of it while you still have the time to do so.” She placed a hand on her shoulder. “Don’t ignore it just because of your pride. Have fun while it lasts.”

She then gave her a quick sign of the head before heading to the stairs as well. They had lost enough time like that, but then, as she was coming out from the storm of her sudden thoughts, Emma was the one to stop Violet this time. She hesitated on her words but managed to make a correct sentence while staring at the ground.

“Helen… I think she is hiding something important. I don’t know if she feels better or not.”

Violet seemed pensive at that note. “I see…”

“And…” She looked at her in the eyes this time. “Can I ask you what the other reason was for you to choose Ray as your partner?”

The woman smiled, pulling her hand with her as they got down the stairs. “You see. I’m like you. I hate this world.”

Emma stared at the white door in front of her, the Mediator in charge of the room staring at her weirdly, and seemingly annoyed by the fact that she was not entering. Today was the day, she was going to have her sessions with Oliver. A lot of things have been running through her mind lately, but she couldn’t believe the thing she was the most worried about was simply that, even after making so much efforts to not be completely inexperienced when it would happen. Yet here she was, wondering if she shouldn’t walk away, say no to all of this, and just let herself die this very instant rather than bearing the fact that she would have an intercourse with one of the most handsome men she knew… objectively speaking of course.

Instead, she managed to keep her composure and open the door before the Mediator could start complaining. The first thing she noticed was the smell, it reeked of perfume, most likely to hide another smell. The second thing she noticed were the graffities covering the walls like it was the pattern supposed to be there for years. And finally, the third thing she noticed was the man sitting on the side of the bed.

Oliver gave her a kind smile as she heard the door close and lock behind her. She was in it now; she could not run away. Despite her seemingly expressionless face, Oliver seemed to read right through her.

“We can simply talk if you want to.” He said. The first thing he had to say was that out of everything of course.

She shook her head. “No. We are here to do it, we will do it.”

“How do you want to do it then? Do you want it to last or do you prefer if I just make it quick?”

She stared at him, he had not change of expression since she entered the room. She took a few steps towards him, and suddenly pinched his nose as he jumped out at the sudden familiarity.

“If you want indications, I don’t want the professional Giver. I want Oliver.”

She did not say this in a romantic tone or anything, preferring to have her friend rather than a puppet at least, but Oliver suddenly became bright red and hid his eyes behind his hand.

“It’s a bit harder if you ask Oliver…”

She let go of his nose. “Hey… Do you like me?”

He looked away. “It’s just embarrassing.”

“I didn’t ask because of the question before, I’m asking because it’s you. Do you like me?”

A few silent seconds passed before he answered. “Kinda?”

She raised a judgmental brow. “What do you mean by ‘kinda’? Precise. Develop. Explain yourself.”

“You’re not going easy on me, are you?” He chuckled nervously, putting down the hand in front of his face. “Well… I thought you were pretty h… pretty. The first day you arrived. But that wouldn’t be good enough of an answer, right?”

“Indeed.”

“Then… I appreciate your boldness, the way you do not hesitate when you talk to me, your voice. I like righteousness and how you seem to care for others. So I guess it goes beyond finding you attractive.”

“I would like you to not answer what you think I would like to hear but what you truly feel when you are around me.”

He looked up to her for the first time since he dropped the act. His eyes widen in awe about something she wasn’t sure of, like they had seen some kind of galaxy in the strands of her hair or as if she suddenly changed of appearance…

“I think I do.” He said. “I think I like you.”

“How much?”

“Enough to be able to admit it?” Replied the man, taken aback again.

She allowed herself to lose her composure for a moment and laugh loudly. “What kind of answer is that?! I have to say, you aren’t wrong though. It’s hard to admit.”

She thought back to what Violet told her. That she should not wait before it was too late, that she should enjoy the moment while it lasted. And then she thought back to Ray too.

I would prefer you to keep your first kiss for someone you genuinely like.

She would have preferred if he had kissed her instead, it would not be as hard as it was right now if he had done it before. She would not have trouble leaning down and approaching their faces together, and she would not awkwardly put her hands on his shoulder as let their lips brushed and then pressed against.

It felt weird, a bit embarrassing. She had expected it to be slightly more romantic than that. When she opened her eyes again, Oliver smiled to her, the same kind of confident smile filled with admiration and trust he would usually give her. He took her hands and put them against the line of his jaw, and then he placed his against her temples, and leaned her in again, leading this time. When they parted ways this time, they stayed closer.

“You haven’t told me what you felt about me.” He said quietly.

“I decided to keep my first kiss for someone I like, I think it’s clear enough.” She replied, leaning in again.

It had felt incredible. Beyond the technique, the feeling of being held by someone she loved made her feel incredible, even more than how it had been with Ray. With her brother, it was just a desperate act, almost a drunken dream, but what she did with Oliver… It felt real. She did not feel dirty after doing it, simply happy. She had never felt anything like that in her whole life and would have probably done it again if it were not for the lack of time.

Of course, afterwards, Oliver repeated her some basic advices because it was still his job beyond being an intimate moment, and while she would have preferred to just spend the time being in awe about what had happened, she listened carefully.

Of course, she got teased about it when she got back to her dorm, receiving too many questions for her own good until Helen managed to convince everyone to give her some space. The next day repeated itself, and she never thought she would be almost running down the stairs leading to the basement to enter the dark room again. This time, they didn’t hesitate, and it was even better. And they got more time to do other things.

They talked a bit, about everything and nothing. About their life, she even mentioned what happened when she arrived at the center during the first few months, the thing she only mentioned to Ray. And she felt safe with her head against his shoulder and his head on top of hers, his hands playing with strands of her head.

“I’m glad I was able to meet you.” He said.

She nodded at that as he kissed the top of her head. “Me too.”

“You know… I think I should tell you, I started being a Giver at thirteen.”

She widened her eyes. “Isn’t that too young?”

He shrugged. “Boys produces sperm during their whole life, it doesn’t change much. But yeah… I started then. I was sent to the Grace Field’s House at sixteen. So… nine years ago. But I worked at Grand Valley for two years. And… Really, I just want to say that I met many girls, but you’re the only one who stood out to me.”

“Stop being a useless romantic.” She teased, pinching his side. “I haven’t met many men, so I can’t compare, it’ll just make me feel bad that I can’t return that exact feeling.”

“You don’t have to.” He seemed lost in his thoughts for a moment. “I… only saw other transfers from my farm at Grace Field, I never met them before. I think you know Zack, he told me about you.”

“Are you jealous?” She said, smirking.

“Why would I be? Who are you with already?” He smirked as well. “I… Zack and I we come from the same plantation, but I only saw him again here. He wasn’t at the House I was before.” He lost his smile. “I never saw my comrades from the Grand Valley House again actually… Well… There were two guys, but they died two years ago. Sorry, it ruins the mood.”

“No. Talk about it if you need to. I want to hear it if you want to say it.”

He held her closer. “Stupid things you know… They got into an argument with Mediators, and got sent back to the Center… I think you know the situation from that time. If it weren’t for Ray, I think I would’ve lost it. I already thought I would have died back at Grand Valley, so when I saw them being sent back to the Center, I thought I would repeat the same thing as back then and be sent to another House.”

“What happened?” Asked Emma, starting to understand that there was more to that.

“Well… The year before I was sent to Grand Valley, they started sending transfers back to the center, there were not many, but it was weird. Afterwards, they stopped replenish the supply of Givers and Receivers… they just stopped coming. And one day I was sent in a carriage to Grace Field without any further question. I didn’t question it that much at the time, I think it was just to renew their stock. Maybe they wanted to change the procedures. I will never know.”

“It’s weird.”

“Right?”

Emma got out from his hold. “No. Like really weird. Why would they suddenly stop there? And you said you never saw your comrades afterwards… Didn’t they simply close off the House?”

“They would have to close off the entire farm in that case. Maybe it’s that, maybe Grand Valley doesn’t exist anymore.”

She leaned back on him. “Yes. Maybe it doesn’t exist anymore.”

He wrapped his arms around her shoulders. “I would be fine with it honestly, as long as you are here.”

“You really are cheesy huh?” They stayed silent for a moment, enjoying each other’s warmth before Emma spoke again. “Did you told that to the other Grand Valley transfers?”

“Of course. They wanted to know what happened to me, so I told them. I’m sure you’ve done the same with Ray.”

She felt a tiny bit of guilt as she remembered that she never told him the full story about the bullying and her relationship with Gilda, the promises she made with her. “Yeah.”

It was the last day of her sessions. Emma already felt the weight of it being the last time Oliver and her could share such privacy, it had become addicting to go the room each day, so much that she would forget everything else. Even the other girls had stopped teasing her. Oliver told her afterwards that if she knew the passage to the attic, she could come to his room if she wanted during the night or whenever she felt like it. It would be weird, going to another room instead of Ray’s or Hayato’s one, but she had not seen the two boys since starting the sessions, so she did not feel like they would mind.

She walked back up the stairs with Oliver, glancing at each other and brushing hands. It was comforting, she had never felt as comfortable on her whole life.

They suddenly heard a loud scream.

They looked at each other for a moment and ran up the stairs, noticing the cry came from the bathroom upstairs. Without hesitation, as another loud scream started Emma climbed up, feeling her heartbeat faster as she recognized Helen’s voice. Once she was upstairs, she saw Helen on the floor, holding Olivia’s sleeves tightly, staring in horror at the bathrooms, crying loudly and her voice breaking. Other girls were coming out of the dorms to see what was happening.

Emma heard Oliver come up behind her. “What is happening?” He asked out of breath.

She did not reply, running up to the girl. “Helen! Helen what is it?!” She held her shoulders tightly, trying to get her eyes to lock on her instead of the bathroom tiles.

She saw Olivia’s grip on Helen loosening up, her eyes widening in horror as well. “Emma…” She whispered, pointing with a trembling hand at the tiles.

Other girls started screaming, trembling, Oliver behind her swore as he took a step back. “I’ll warn Krone.” He said while running back downstairs.

Emma turned her head around to look at the bathroom. The sinks were clean, none of the cabinets were occupied, and on the floor, a large puddle of blood was spreading through the gaps between the tiles.

A foot was sticking out from one of the cabinets, the leather of the shoe covered and dripping of blood.

Emma slowly got up, walked to the scene without feeling her feet, noticing that she would not be able to see what was in the cabinet without walking into the puddle. The red liquid formed circles under her foot as she took a first step, it was thick and sticky, it could not have been mixed with water. The smell was noticeable, reeking of a thousand things Emma wished she did not have to describe. She remembered the experiment with the rotten meat. It smelled like that, but not rotten, not yet, too recent.

She saw a pale leg at first, then a black dress.

She was laying there, her head against the wall behind her, her hand still holding a scalpel. Her collar was opened, revealing the ugly remains of her sliced neck. Her lifeless eyes were staring at her, with a faint smile on her lips, something mixed with horror and relief. The cabinet’s wall was covered in blood as well, traces suggesting she tried to hang on them as the blood was coming out from her neck. The toilets were also drenched in blood. When Emma looked at them though, she recognized another kind of blood…

Blood with what could look like bits of flesh, but she knew was coagulated blood, those could be formed when someone had their periods. It was not the same kind of blood as the one sticking to her shoes.

She looked at her hands, covered with the liquid as well. Did she regret her actions? Did she tried to stop the blood from coming out? Is that why it was splattering the walls?

She remembered what she told her a few days ago.

I’m like you. I hate this world.

The memory hit her off violently, she felt her legs shaking as she took a few steps back. Feeling as if the pupils were watching her, were following her, but they did not move… It did not feel alive anymore, despite its appearance, it was like a statue made of wax. She felt the sinks behind her, and her body slid down to the ground, the cry caught in her throat. Coming out like water under pressure, breathy and hoarse, everything the remains in front of her could not be.

Suddenly she felt thin arms around her shoulder, trying to hide the view of the body out of her sight. She vaguely recognized Ray’s voice, trying to shush her and calm her down. Holding her tight despite trembling himself. He tried to pull her up so she would get out from the bathroom, but she could not move, her eyes locked on the blank stare of the corpse.

Violet’s corpse.

Chapter Text

It had been a month already since his plan failed, and Ray was looking at the snow falling outside through the window. He still had a few dozens of books to read in the library, but right now, he just finished one of them and his eyes were strained from it. He was also too tired to find the idea of playing in the snow appealing. As such, he was sitting near the window, his cheek against his forearms and his breath creating circles of steam on the glass, laying lazily there as he watched the snow fall and his siblings playing in the fields.

He thought a lot about his father lately since his mother started to talk about him. The image of her words stuck into his mind like ink on a rushed sketch. The picture he had of him was messy, and he had trouble understanding that this person could have ever been his father with how different they seemed from each other, and yet he could feel how he must have definitely share his blood with this person. Sometimes, he would find himself saying his name out loud, as if invoking it would summon him, and he would be there, holding him in his arms… Even if the only version of him he had was the seventeen years old boy she had described. How old would he be if he were alive now? Something around twenty-eight… If he were alive that is. From what she said, he would not have lived past twenty-six anyway.

Suddenly, he felt something fall on his shoulders, he turned around to see his younger sister Anna with a surprised look. She had put a blanket on his shoulder while he was not looking and was now smiling at him kindly. She was smart, how long did she had left? Four years? Three? Maybe it would be tomorrow, everything was inconsistent in this world.

“I thought you would be cold by yourself in front of the window…” She said. “Don’t you want to move next to the fireplace?”

“I don’t mind the cold.” He replied, he was not used to have so a lot of interactions with his siblings… Now that he was going to die, maybe it would be the occasion to change that. “Besides, I have you now.” He mentally cursed himself for saying that out loud, it sounded completely out of place, and he did not even know if she would stay or not.

To his surprise, Anna went to take a chair and sat down in front of him as soon as he said those words. “Yes! You are right!”

She seemed tensed herself, it relieved him, he was not the only one feeling weird with the idea of talking with someone he had barely knew in the end. “Are you sure? Weren’t you preparing yourself to play with the others?” He asked, pointing at her coat.

She immediately shook it off. “Not at all.”

“Is that so.” He went back to his view watching, ignoring Anna’s intense stare towards him.

“What were you thinking about?” She asked, breaking the silence.

“Family.” It was not a lie.

“That’s right, you will leave soon after all… No one stays past twelve. Do you wonder about what your family will look like?”

“Kind of.” He was mostly thinking about what his family already looked like. It was broken, like him.

“And… Do you wonder about what you will do once you leave the orphanage?”

Everyday since knowing the truth. “I don’t know. I guess I would like to visit some museums or things like that…” He would never be able to.

“That’s nice.” Then, she moved her chair closer, and leaned her head against the window to face him. “And what about the others? Would you like to see them after you leave?”

He had not thought about it, and now that his mother had revealed to him that people could survive longer, he could have wondered if he would see them again. But he did not. “Do you?” he threw back the question at her.

“A lot.” She replied. “I mean… I wasn’t particularly close to anyone… But I think that I would want to see you again after we leave.”

“Really?” He widened his eyes. He had not thought that Anna would think of him so highly.

“Yes. We could go to museums together if the idea appeals you?”

“Sure.” He replied immediately, forgetting that it would never happen.

“But then, you would have to write me letters, because without it, I would never know where you are.”

“I’ll try, I’m not a great writer.”

“I don’t mind.” She glanced at him again, and he noticed she moved her foot closer to his. “Do… Do you still think about Susan?”

Oh, Susan. His older sister, the only other child besides Emma and Norman who he had been close to. She had guided him and gave him strength in many ways, seeing her leave had been heartbreaking, at least she had lived until her twelfth birthday. “Sometimes.” Why did she ask her in particular?

“I know it’s been two years already but… Did you like her?”

Ray straighten back up on his chair. “Why?”

She looked away. “I was simply curious, you always seemed to look at each other back then… But she never wrote to you after she left. I was wondering how you must have felt.”

“Well… Like usual, I was sad. That’s all.”

She hid her chin in her hand, pretending to lean her face in her arm. “Really?”

Ray furrowed his brows. “Are you hiding a smile?”

“No!” She lied.

“You are!”

“I am not!”

He leaned down closer to her. “Were you perhaps… jealous?” She did not reply. “But if you want to talk you can just come to me, I don’t mind you know?” Her eyes seemed to have stars in them. “I know I don’t look like the talkative type, but I don’t mind some company sometimes.”

She was literally beaming. “Then I will talk to you more often!”

The idea was appealing, maybe it could be a nice step forward, trying to get friendlier with the people surrounding him before his last days. “I’ll look forward to it.”

Ray did not care if people were staring at them, or if Oliver would be jealous, or if Krone would send him a judgmental stare for disobeying the rules. The only thing he cared about was the smaller figure in his arms, the one he was holding close to his chest as he was kissing the top of her head and stroking her back to soothe her. He had managed to pull them out of the bathrooms with difficulty, due to Emma’s legs giving up on her, and kept her next to him near the bathroom’s door. Now, the man was humming softly to her, telling her that it was over, that everything was alright… more to convince himself than her in fact.

He would have also lost it if it were not for Emma’s distress upon seeing the body. It is not the first time Ray saw corpses, but this time it was different. It was Violet, some girl who was still laughing with him a few days ago, whose body was still warm and eyes still shining. Ray had never seen one of his female clients dead before, he realized it when he saw Violet. He had little considerations for Receivers and their selfish vision of life, but Violet was different. He would say it and repeat it many times, but she had been his favorite client, and one of the rare people he truly respected from the bottom of his heart… seeing her dead was worse than heartbreaking for many reasons.

He also thought about Oliver who he bumped into in the corridor, he must not have seen the body, only heard the scream and decided to search for Krone. He would be devastated if he saw his little sister’s remains laying in a puddle of blood. How could they explain to him? How could they tell him that she killed herself? He had seen the scalpel, and he had remembered what she told him… There was no doubt about the cause of death.

Leaving the House, she had said, what a joke. She had planned to kill herself if the plan did not work out since the beginning. It was not on a whim. She was too careful to do things like that on a whim. Rather… Did she not want to be used as meat? For her honor? No, too simple, no one cared about their body after death. People do not get buried in this world: they get eaten. It was not that… There was something else…

She did not want to get sent back. It must have been why she killed herself. Dying was not the issue, being sent back was the issue. Then, what would have happened if she had been sent back? Maybe they would not have directly killed her… Maybe… His mind was fuzzy. He could not think clearly enough to form a coherent hypothesis. Or rather, he did not want to form any hypothesis, not now.

Hands on his back brought him back to reality. He looked back to Emma, who had backed enough to have her eyes locked on him. Fear and shock had been replaced by worry as she stared at his face, he must have seemed unwell of course, thinking about too many things even though someone died… It was logic in a way that he would be more upset than Emma upon hearing Violet’s death. He never knew if she knew about his relationship with Violet. He let a weak smile draw on his lips before burying his face in the crook of her neck. Just for this time, he wanted to be selfish and weak, and be the one to be reassured. After all, he would have to follow Violet’s instructions soon, and he needed all the strength he had to do so.

Something was changing, something was starting, or rather… something had already started. He could feel it in his guts.

He let go of Emma once he heard footsteps going up the stairs, ready to face Oliver and Krone, to have to tell them that Violet committed suicide. But to his surprise, the first person he saw was neither of them, but Norman. He ran up to them immediately.

“I heard you scream.” He said to Emma. “What happened?”

She tried to reply but her voice was hoarse. Ray replied in her stead as she cleared her throat. “Look into the bathroom. And try to not scream please, we heard enough of that today.” It was harsher than intended, but he did not have the mind to be kinder.

To his bewilderment, when Norman looked at the puddle of blood, he only winced and walked without hesitation towards the body. He glanced at it before walking back to the group. He was even paler than usual but surprisingly rather calm about the whole situation. He cursed under his breath, then turned back to the two of them. “What was her name?”

“Violet.” Said Emma, as shocked as Ray when he saw how lucid Norman was. “Her name was Violet.”

“Number?”

“DIV332-198.” Replied Ray, who had seen it enough times to remember it perfectly.

He gritted his teeth. “A transfer…” He suddenly walked back to the cabin and tried to avoid the puddle of blood until he had to admit defeat and walk in it. He seemed to look at the scene carefully before taking a few steps back to take off his lab coat, put it in one of the sinks, roll up his shirt’s sleeves and walking back in again.

“What are you doing?” Asked Ray, more like a threat than a real question.

“Making an improvised autopsy.” Replied Norman behind the cabin’s wall as he crouched down.

Ray left Emma and walked up to him, gripped his arm, and lifted him up effortlessly. “Don’t you have any respect for the dead?!”

But to his surprise, Norman’s look was serious and determined, nothing like the arrogant smirk that he would arbor to show his confidence, or the smile he would use to reassure others. He was stern and visibly concerned. He put a hand on Ray’s shoulder. “Don’t you also wonder why she suddenly killed herself?” He leaned even closer. “You knew her better than me. If you had this look on your face, then it means that she is not the type to die without a reason. Am I right?”

Ray let go of his arm and Norman crouched down next to the body again. He looked into the toilets, and then around in the blood, letting his fingers trail through the liquid as if he was searching for something. “She must have left something… A message…”

Ray felt a drop of sweat roll down his nape, he was the one she gave her message to. He knew it, but Norman did not. “What if she didn’t?” He asked.

“She got her periods. This is the reason she killed herself. But saying that would be too simplistic.” He got back up and got out of the cabin to look at both Emma and Ray. “She didn’t want to go back the center; this is the only possible reason as to why she would kill herself… But why would she do it now? She would have had the time to still get pregnant if she waited longer. Then it means she had a limit date.”

Of course, he would understand all of that with a glance, it was Norman after all, he was a genius. But still, being able to piece all the information so quickly… Ray almost wondered if Violet had not done it on purpose, like she wanted to warn the House of something. Norman put a hand to his chin, just like he would always do when thinking thoroughly about something.

“It’s not about honor, I don’t think so… Maybe she would have received a fate worse than death if she had come back to the center.” He mumbled out loud. But when he seemed to have found an answer, they heard Krone’s and Oliver’s footsteps coming up the stairs. Without a care about his dirty hands, Norman gripped his lab coat and almost ran out of the bathroom, only leaving a glance to Ray. And left before Krone could start scolding him.

She entered the bathroom, and as Oliver was about to follow her, Emma gripped his hand. She had clenched her teeth, probably wondering how she could explain what happened to him, how to tell that Violet had died. As for Krone, she looked at the body and then at Ray.

“We found her like that.” He said.

She sighed and ruffled his hair. “I see. What about the Mediator?”

“He didn’t tamper with the body, just checked some things.”

“Alright.” She turned towards the girls still standing in front of the bathroom door. “Next time this guy gets into the girl’s dormitory, I want you to kick him out and warn me, is that clear?”

Ray was going to ask why Norman received such a treatment, but he remembered him telling them that they had retrograded him after they thought he had an affair with one of the Receivers, it was normal to be wary in those cases. Krone stared at Violet’s corpse, and then closed her eyes. She carefully picked up the body in her arms.

“Ray, can you warn the Mediators downstairs? We need to prepare a room in the basement to store the body until the staff arrives to pick it up.”

“Can’t we burry her? Her body would be unproper to consumption anyway…”

“No. It would be too suspicious. They might wonder what happened. It’s better to tell the truth this time.” This time. Ray had almost forgot that it was not the first time he saw a corpse in this House. “Ray. It’s not your fault.” Said Krone. “She killed herself, it’s clear enough, you don’t have to blame yourself for anything.”

“I know.” He whispered.

She looked behind her at Oliver who still did not know who the body belonged to. “On another note, I think one of the girls should do it. You have more important things to do.”

Oliver was staring at them, becoming more worried with each second passing by. Ray took a deep breath, calming his own aching heart and walked up to him. He needed to know the truth after all.

As soon as everyone was reunited for dinner – with the exception of Oliver, Zack and Sandy – Krone told what happened. Of course, it sent a cold in the room. The Givers stared at Ray, asking with their eyes what would happen from now on. The Receivers seemed in a half-haze state… From what he had heard, suicide would happen in their part of the Center, but they were not as spectacular as Violet’s body discovery. As for the Mediators, the tension was palpable. The two oldest ones, the last ones from Andrew’s time were staring at him like the Givers…

What to do now?

It was not the first time, the oldest ones knew it, it had already happened. The demons hadn’t done a search of the House in years, and now that they heard that someone had committed suicide, it would only be a matter of time before and inspection of the place was made and at that moment…

Ray gulped and held Hayato’s hand tighter under the table. Violet knew this, she knew what happened, she knew the reaction her death would cause. She wanted to put pressure on him.

He had no choice now. Krone said the demons would arrive tomorrow morning, before then, he needed to get Violet’s gift and find out what to do next. It was a matter of time.

When dinner was over, and everyone was locked into their dorms, when he could see the moon shine in the sky from his window, Ray got out from his room. Everyone would have been asleep now, and if not, too stressed out to go out. He looked at the forest at the horizon through the corridor’s window…

You will find what I need to give to you in the attic. Only search for it after I leave the House, it’s better.

“It’s time, Violet.” He whispered quietly as he turned his head towards the ceiling.

He climbed into the attic, being careful to close the passage after he got up. The attic was like usual, extremely dusty, and empty. He carefully walked to the Receivers’ side.

You will check the armor on the Receivers’ side, you know, the broken one laid on its side.

He found it rather quickly, it was hidden under numerous dirty white sheets. He only lifted parts of it near it’s base to proceed to the last step of Violet’s instructions.

There’s actually a mechanism hidden near its feet, you just need to activate it from the inside, and you will get access to a drawer in which is hidden my gift.

He found it quickly as well. It had been protected from the dust thanks to the sheets, he only had to pull a small lever to get access to the drawer. A cotton bag fell from it that he caught just in time before it could hit the floor and risk making noise, which he had been right to be careful of because he heard metal clicks as soon as he got it into his hand.

What in hell did she had put in it? He could have cursed on the body left in one of the vacant rooms that were not used for intercourses in the basement, but unlike Norman he had more considerations for dead people. He sat on the floor and opened the bag… His mouth opened without letting out a sound in a silent gasp.

The first thing he saw was the revolver.

Of all the things he expected Violet to give him was that. Of course, he had seen some in books, but it was the first time he dealt with the real thing. Seeing something created specifically to kill sent shiver down his spine. Then what she was doing was weapon traffic… That was not nothing.

The second thing he saw were the recharges. There was around a dozen bullets, which was not technically a lot, but a lot for someone who had never handled a gun before.

He took the weapon out from its bag, the metal shining in the dark. With just a glance, he understood how it worked, and it did not seem charged for now… It meant that he could only shoot twelve times with it.

He sighed, wondering how in hell did Violet thought it was a good idea to give him such a weapon. And also, because now he had to do something with it. He wanted to give to Emma and the others the freedom they deserved, but how to do it with a gun? It was madness. There were no other notes with it, then maybe Violet wanted him to find the opportunity to use it.

Against demons? They were so tall. It would do nothing to them. Then… against humans? But why humans? Why would he need a weapon to fight other humans? He thought back to his gut feeling, something was changing, so maybe an internal war would not be so weird.

He also remembered what Norman said, she feared something worse than death, maybe the real danger was not the demons like he thought, but the humans? It would not be as much unexpected as it would seem.

Why now of all times did he had to finally think about escaping? After a year of lying to Norman about searching for a way out. He just did not have the will anymore, and now that he found it, he only had a few hours to decide what to do.

What should he do? Why give the responsibility to him?

“That’s a nice gift she left you.” Suddenly said a voice behind him.

He had not heard anyone come in. He had not even felt any presence in the room at all. And yet, when he turned around, he knew he could recognize those arctic eyes anywhere. He also recognized the pile of paper he had under his arms.

His heart started to beat faster in fear, everything was over. Violet was right. He looked up to the young man his age as he presented Hayato’s file.

“Care to explain why you hid it from me, Ray?” Asked Norman, his voice as cold as the north pole.

Chapter Text

“Norman?” Asked Shelly as the boy was leaning against the side of the bed, his legs spread on the floor and his eyes locked on the ceiling. He had told her about what happened with his superior, and she knew it had been bothering him for a while, even if he still went to her room despite that.

At that point, hope was not something she could not consider. He was clearly as much attached to her as she had been attached to him, they were special to one another. With time… She hoped she had time to be more than what they were already.

He glanced at her. “What is it?” No polite smile, but no coldness in his voice, he was natural.

“What did you do in the end? About your superior…”

“Oh. Uhm… It worked out in the end.”

She raised a brow. “What do you mean by that?”

“I can still see you, it’s fine, isn’t it?”

“Norman…”

His gaze was empty for a second, then he sighed. “If I told you it wouldn’t have meant anything.”

She pouted. “I know you, my opinion of you wouldn’t change no matter what you did.” She tightened her lips. “The only thing I’m worried about is if you ended up giving in to his advances…”

To her surprise, he burst out into laughter. “Oh no! I would never go as low as that! I have my dignity, please!”

She was not laughing with him. When he noticed it, he stopped, and smiled gently. “I told you, it worked out. It’s just that.”

“You’re hiding something from me.” He sat on the edge of the bed, taking her hand in his. She pulled it away before he could start a speech about how he cared too much for her to either hide her anything or to tell him what he had done. “Tell me. Please just tell me what happened.”

He was silent for a moment. “I… can’t…” He whispered, shaking his head. “I can’t. I’m sorry.”

“You don’t trust me enough to tell me?” She asked, feeling a sting in her chest.

“No! It’s not that, you know it!” He stopped her. “I… physically can’t. If I try to… I feel like I will break down. Like something gets caught up in my throat and my mind goes blank. I don’t like this sensation, I don’t know what it could mean, but I don’t like it.”

“Norman. This is called wanting to cry.”

He widened his eyes, seeming genuinely surprised. “What? No… I don’t… I don’t cry.”

She raised a brow. They both knew that it was the stupidest thing that ever came out of his mouth. “Norman...”

“No. Uh… I mean, I used to, but I don’t anymore. I don’t do that anymore.”

“Does that happen often to you? This weird feeling in your throat.” He did not reply. “Is it painful for you to say? That painful that you can’t even tell me?” He clenched his hands on the sheets of the bed, looking away. “Does it have to do with why you had trouble holding me in your arms?”

He nodded after a few seconds of hesitation. Then let go of the now ruffled sheet to look at his palm. As if he was looking at something that used to be there before and is not anymore. She thought back about what he told her about the choice made between Mediators and Givers, what separate one from another… ‘Kindness’ he had told her.

“Does it have to do with…?” She started before being abruptly cut off by the man.

“I killed someone.”

Whatever thoughts she may have had at that moment vanished into nothingness, only replaced by the emptiness of the shock. Norman tightened his lips and curled up on his knees, his shoulder shaking.

“I killed someone.” He repeated. “This is why I didn’t want to tell you… This is why none of us tell anyone… I…” He suddenly brought his hands to his face, putting them over his mouth, tears threatening to pour down from the corner of his eyes. After a few ragged breaths, he managed to keep enough composure to tell the rest. “I can still see their blood on my hands and my clothes, their eyes losing life, each time I do, I just want to drown into the bathtub to wash away everything. To forget about the blood. It was always there, I was scared of tainting innocent people with the blood I took from someone else…” He swallowed his saliva, his eyes still locked on the floor, unable to find the strength to look back to her.

“Norman, if you need to…”

“You were the only one who ignored it so wholeheartedly.” He cut her off before shaking his head. “No, it’s not that, you seemed to be aware of it, but did not cared. I hadn’t touched anyone in two years when you took me in your arms, I never knew I needed it so bad. I didn’t want you to know that I had committed a crime, I wanted to keep being with you… I just wanted to keep on holding you. Please, forgive me…”

He repeated that last sentence multiple times, pleading it. Shelly only noticed when she tried to approach him that her hands were trembling, but despite that, she still grabbed his shoulder and gently pulled him back up. She wrapped her arms around his neck, stroking his hair, nape and back in an attempt to sooth him. Lulling him in the crook of her neck. “It’s alright, it’s fine, I am here…”

Then he broke down into tears. Drenching her nightdress with it and muffling his cries in her shoulder. She held him tighter. “You don’t need me to forgive you. It’s alright.” She kept up.

He suddenly wrapped his arms around her waist, holding her as tight as she was holding him. Back when she had met him, she had seen him as one of God’s angels coming to take her to the other world. But now that he had revealed his wounded wings, she knew he had been sent to hell. Just like she had.

He seemed to want to say so much more, he kept on sobbing without being able to say it. She was not sure why she had decided to accept this confession, but she knew Norman was not a bad person, she knew it deep down. And even if it were not for the world they lived in…

She knew she would have still loved him despite that. Her very own fallen angel.

A week before Violet’s death.

“Norman, could you please check those files for me?” Asked Zack as he opened the curtains to Norman’s office. “I have a patient with insomnias, and I am afraid it might trouble the results… Wow. You… look sleep deprived as well. Is everything good?”

It took a second for Norman to notice Zack had changed the subject. “Yes. Yes, I’m sorry. I do have trouble sleeping as well lately.” He lied.

“We still have herbs for that, do you still have in stock or do you need me to replenish yours?”

“I still have. Don’t worry about it. Let’s check those files. What is their gender?”

“Oh uhm… She’s a Receiver.”

“That might be problematic indeed. In those cases, we need to fill a report to warn of a slower process. We also need to check if she has any sources of stress that might induce this lack of sleep and…” He massaged his temples. “Maybe eventually change her partner or her room depending on that. We could also prescribe medication, but I would use it as a last resort.”

“Norman. Forget about it. You really don’t seem well. You should take a break.”

“I’m fine.”

“Listen, you can go take a nap while I talk about it with one of the elders. We can tell Krone… Just… rest.”

He sighed. The sleepless nights he had the night before had tired him out. “Alright. I’ll take a small break.”

Zack gave him small smile and was about to reply something before interrupted by Vincent opening the curtains to Norman office. “Oh sorry, I hope I don’t bother you two?”

“No, your timing is perfect.” Said Norman. “Can you help Zack out with his work? You are usually the one filling reports after all.”

“Oh. Okay, sure.”

“I’ll be in the dorm, taking a nap.”

He nodded, going somewhere else while talking with Zack. Norman was not listening anymore. He walked back to the dorm, and fell headfirst onto his bed, kicking off his shoes and making himself more comfortable while looking at the ceiling.

The night before, he had seen the wall.

There was not much to say about the excursion since nothing had happened. He managed to get to the wall without any issues, and there were not any demons to guard it. But that was the thing that ticked him off, why weren’t there any guards? He had looked thoroughly at the wall, and he found no cliff, only ditches surrounding it on the outside and… electric wires. The wall was thinner than the one at the main farm, but its edges had been covered with electric wires all around it. And with the water, there were also chances that it had been made to conduct electricity. Going out from the walls was maybe riskier than intended.

He had told all of this to Vincent of course, who pointed out the unused 4^th room downstairs, telling him that it might be their chances then. But Norman wasn’t sure in the end, in which way could it be their chances? Would it be another way outside, or where the circuit breaker for the electric fence was? There was no way to know. Maybe it was not even either of those. And they still did not know how to get the key unlocking the room.

Despite the thoughts swirling into his head, he still managed to fall asleep for a couple of minutes.

4 days before Violet’s death

“This is a bad idea.” Muttered Vincent as he rummaged through the dusty sheets. “A worse idea even than checking the wall.”

“Vincent, please, shut up and keep looking.” Replied Norman from another spot, moving away boxes after boxes.

“I’m saying that for you.”

“Same for me.”

“Norman, you can’t just run away whenever something doesn’t please you.” He replaced the sheets as they were. “Nothing here.”

“I’m not running away; I am focusing on more important things.” Norman looked through the third box, sighed and remade the pile. “Nothing here either.”

They were in the attic, searching for the file Norman had asked Ray to get, or if the key to room 4 could have been left here. It had been quite some time, and he was starting to suspect that Ray did not want to give it to him for some reason. Since the Givers’ rooms did not have locks, he suspected they would hide their belongings in the attic, where no one could find them. But it was also risky, the room linked the Receivers’ and Givers’ dorms, people could get here at any moment. Hence why they had to do it bit by bit each night.

Vincent got back up and walked towards Norman, pulling his collar lightly from behind. “Let’s just go back to the dorm, I don’t want either of us to spend the night here. We found nothing today either, let’s leave it as that.”

“You can go, I’ll stay for an hour or so.”

The older man frowned. “Sure… I’m not leaving if you are not. I know you now, you’re going to search until the sun rises.”

“So what?”

He crouched down next him. “We all know you are frustrated about that Receiver. But you should know that she…”

“I don’t want to hear about her.” Cut him off coldly Norman. “She is enjoying her time, good for her, I don’t care. Now if you could let me…”

“Zack told me to keep an eye on you. I am not letting you destroy yourself like that.”

“I am not destroying myself.”

“For a doctor, you are making a pretty bad diagnosis.”

Norman suddenly got up. “You know what? You’re right! This is personal! I’m doing this for myself and myself only! So if you want to go I don’t mind but don’t bother me, understood?!”

He looked back at him for a moment without saying anything, then he got up as well. “Why don’t you trust Ray on this? Can’t you just ask him what’s wrong? Isn’t he the person you grew up with?”

“That has nothing to do with…!”

“It has everything to do with what you are doing right now!” He furrowed his brows, sighing. “No matter how I look at it, I can’t get what you two’s relationship is. You seem to know each other better than anyone else yet feels like strangers to one another. One day I have one telling me to get away from the second, and the other I have said second snitching into the first’s back without telling him anything. Norman, is it really the kind of relationship you want to have with your own brother? Do you really want to live, without being able to trust the person you love the most?”

“The person I love the most…?” Repeated Norman, his eyes widening without him being able to understand why he had this reaction.

A pained smile was drawn on Vincent’s lips. “I looked at you for way longer than you would think, I know how you look when you love… Even if you don’t seem to notice it yourself, you look at him with the same eyes you look at her. No matter how much distance you try to put between those two and yourself, I know… I know they are the most precious beings left for you in this world. That’s why I’m asking, is it really the kind of relationship you want with them? Something based on lies and secrets?”

He tried to open his mouth, reply something, anything… He wanted to be angry at Vincent, he wanted to deny everything he was saying, and yet, something deep down was telling him that he was right. He knew that telling the truth would be better, he had learned it from someone precious to him, but this person…

“It won’t serve any purpose…” He almost whispered, looking at his feet. “Whether it is for you, for Emma or Ray… It won’t serve any purpose to tell you the truth.”

The words had come out without thinking, and he regretted them immediately. He looked up to Vincent, his face was unreadable, like the one he had usually at work. “I see.” He nodded. “I’ll leave you then. It seems you were right; you don’t need me.”

He walked away, and taking the hidden trap, he got down the ladder without any word. Norman could not move, he could not even call back to him. Slowly, he crouched down, continuing his search, shoving the memory of what happened far away. He tried to, desperately, Vincent’s words repeating themselves into his mind. Not just them, Smee’s ones too, Emma’s…

“Is it really the kind of relationship you want to have with your own brother?”

“I’m sure that deep down, your brother hasn’t completely changed.”

“I feel like something has changed between the two of you.”

Shelly’s…

“Can you promise me to make up with him when you two meet again? Can you promise me you will be nice to him? You don’t have to forget what he has done to you, but I wish you would remember what he has also done for you… When you talk about him…”

The person he loved the most… That is what Vincent said.

“Don’t worry. Your big brother is taking care of everything.” He had said in a dark room the first time, the two of them, small hands holding one another… It was 7 years ago. He had lied. Like always, he had lied.

Suddenly he felt a rush of pain on his index, he quickly pulled it out from where he was looking, noticing a cut. He put away the sheets covering the box, and carefully, took out five files hidden in there. A dry smile formed on his lips as he looked at them. He had lied, like always.

Vincent could not understand that. He could not understand how much people lie; how much people hide things from one another. And why? Because of shame, because of fear, because of pride…? The most unspeakable secrets had already been told, and it could now forever stay in the dark.

The first thing he noticed was the stamps on Hayato’s file and another person’s file, someone he had never heard of… The file noted him as being called “Charles”, the name given by fellow humans. The second thing he noticed was that there was their ‘mother’s’ file, “Isabella”, and the Ray’s file. The last file he noticed seemed to come out from nowhere.

It was Susan’s file.

One of their older sisters, the one Ray got along with the most. So she had survived long enough to go into the House in the end? Norman did not feel anything about that, it was too old, too long ago to feel anything about it anymore. And yet, Ray had kept her file hidden.

He knew he had priorities, he knew he had to look at Hayato’s file first, but he still opened Isabella’s, Charles’, and Susan’s files first. His hands started to shake when he saw the only number written where was written her child’s one. Then he opened Charles one, and he started to get a clearer picture…

He opened Susan’s one, looked through the lines, saw the numbers…

Why do people lie? Why do people keep secrets?

Because of shame?

Because of fear?

Because of pride?

The most unspeakable secrets had been kept away from anyone’s eyes, left as it was, in memories of the mistakes made, to remember, to never forget what had been done.

Norman glanced at Ray, his shoulder covered in hickeys and bruises. When he noticed his eyes on him, the boy smiled. Norman raised a hesitant hand towards his face, and carefully tuck his fringe behind his ear, discovering other bruises on the left side of his face.

Ray put back his shirt on his shoulder, looking away, and Norman pulled back his hand. He finished writing down his report, filling it like he had been thought too.

“Are you jealous?” Asked the boy softly.

Norman did not reply, and this time it was Ray’s turn to approach his hand from his face. Behind the white curtains, no one could see them. He turned Norman’s head towards him, got closer…

“I’m not one of your clients.” Blurted out Norman.

Ray pulled back, he tried to hide his surprise, but failed, so he untucked his fringe and hid his face with it. “I know. Don’t worry.”

“Ray…” Norman’s voice was almost cracking. “Do you do all of this because you want to?”

He nodded. “Of course.”

“Alright…” Liar. Another lie, like always. “We… It’s like before, right? You don’t hide anything from me?”

“Norman, you know I wouldn’t do anything that you could dislike me for.”

You already did. You lied again. He would not say anything that Norman could dislike him for. He wanted to trust him, he wanted to throw himself into his arms again, like before, letting his worries melt away… He wanted… He wanted to…!

“Ray.”

“Yes?”

“Let’s… Let’s put some distance between the two of us.”

Ray widened his eyes. “Huh? Why?”

“Let’s lie to the others about knowing each other, okay? There are mostly transfers here anyway, and not a lot of boys from our dorms… I… We… We can still talk, if you want to, but… I want to keep it at that…”

“You don’t want to be affiliated to me, is that what you're saying?”

He lied as well. They were both liars, it was fine now, was it? If they were both liars, then…

Ray smiled. “Alright. If that’s what you want. It would be for the best indeed, like that, you wouldn’t be bothered by the others… I am not someone you should be affiliated with anyway.”

Please, stop him, stop him from being a liar again, stop him from staying alone. Ah… that’s right…

They stared into each other’s eyes, the night sly plunging into the artic waters. That’s right. The moment they were away from Emma, they condemned themselves to be alone forever.

Being ‘brothers’ had only been a title they had broken so many times. Because the two of them…

“We are just two lonely monsters, aren’t we, Ray?”

Chapter Text

Ray stared right back at him, eyes widened in shock, the gun still in his hands. If it were not for the weapon, Norman would have thought it was a funny expression. Ray clutched on the metallic item for a second before putting it back into its cotton bag and getting back up. He extended his hands towards Norman. “Give it back.”

He thought about refusing, but in the end, he still handed him the files. Ray snatched them out of his hands, taking a step back and holding them close, as if Norman would take them away again. He avoided his gaze for a silent moment, deciding to put the cotton bag on the closet’s side before talking again. “How much have you read?”

“Everything.”

Something seemed to break inside Ray, he clenched his teeth and hid behind his fringe, putting a hand over his forehead, he always curled up like this when he was desperate. “I see…” It was somehow painful to see him in this posture, but Norman did not want to have any sort of gesture of tenderness right now. He would get what he wanted to hear, then he would leave. That is what he decided. It was easier to work by putting his emotions aside. He wanted to. He wished he could.

“What do you need me to explain to you then? You know why they are hidden.”

“I want to know what is going on with your father and Hayato’s file.” Replied the blond man. “Those two are the only one with this particular stamp.”

He let out a baffled chuckle. “You read through all of them, just to learn that?”

Norman bit his lips. “There was also personal curiosity I admit.”

“And so, don’t you have any questions about them as well? Now that we are at it and you’ve decided to stick your nose into my stuff.” Said Ray, finally looking back at him, a look of defiance on his face.

“This wouldn’t have happened if you had just handed me Hayato’s file.”

“This wouldn’t have happened if you had just let me handle things by myself.”

“Handling things by yourself? You’re kidding right?” Norman smiled without joy. “The only thing you’ve been doing up until now is sucking off my colleagues and act like a spoiled child.” He took a few steps towards him. “You told me you were looking for a way out, but in the end, you know what? I’ve been doing a much better job at finding it than you and your sex habits. And now that I want to progress with that, you suddenly don’t want to cooperate?”

“You never told me you were planning an escape.” Replied the man, an accusing tone in his voice.

“You never told me you were lying to me all this time.” He pushed Ray forward, the other’s back hitting the closet, his hands on its sides. “Mama being your actual… Or Susan… That. I don’t care. But lying to me saying that you were selling yourself for escaping, that was a mean move on your part.”

Ray seemed to want to reply, but he did not, like the words were caught in his throat. He clung onto the sides of the closet, digging his nails in the worn-out wood. “How was I supposed to tell you…” He replied in a whisper.

“By telling me the truth.”

“Sure! Like you would understand!” He snapped, gripping Norman’s collar. “Like you would understand how it feels to be raped and tortured! Sure! For you it must mean that I’m doing it for fun huh?! Only a slut like me could have fucked his own biological sister and then a bunch of other guys just for fun! So for you I’m a degenerate like another?! Is that how you see what I’ve been doing up until now?!”

“Well it sure does sounds like that! If not for a way out, why else would you fuck other people when you had me in the first place?!”

Ray’s eyes widened. “When I had you…?”

Norman tried to search for a meaning in his eyes for his words… If only he truly could discard his own emotions when doing important things. It seems he was still too immature for all of this. Norman’s brows furrowed. “I’m the one asking you if you see me as a degenerate.” He gripped Ray’s wrists, pulling them away from him, way less tenderly than what he had done at the infirmary a few days ago. “Was I a crash test before you could indulge yourself at the House? Did you thought about doing all of this ever since we got out of the orphanage?”

“What…?” There were no lies in Ray’s confusion, but even so, there had been way too many lies before to be able to trust it again.

“Did you even like me in the first place? It doesn’t matter if it was as a lover or as a brother, did you even care about me or Emma? Or do you just lie to everyone like that?”

“What are you talking about?”

His grip on his wrists got tighter, making the boy wince. “Tell me… Did you want to escape?” He stared right into his eyes. “Did you want to live?”

Ray’s mouth opened but no words came out of it, his lower lips started trembling. “Let me go…” He asked, so low that only Norman would have been able to even perceive the sound of his voice.

“No! I want you to answer me! I want to escape! With you, and with Emma and… with whoever else wants to come or whatever! Don’t you want that as well? Isn’t it what you’ve been hoping for since you discovered the truth at such a young age?!”

“Norman… Let me go… please…” Repeated the boy, shaking his head and pulling on his wrists.

“Don’t you want to live with us?!”

And then he saw it, the first time in his life, Ray’s tears, streaming down his face. He clenched his teeth, and tried to hide his face in his arms, away from Norman’s gaze. “It’s not that easy…” He replied, his voice wavering and breaking. “It’s not… I can’t… I can’t leave this place…”

“Why? You don’t have any injuries forbidding you from running out! You don’t even… You don’t even have an attachment to this place! Why couldn’t you?!”

“I can’t Norman! I just can’t!” He breathed in and out. “I’ll help you leave, but I’m staying here.”

“No.”

“Norman.”

“I’m not letting you here!”

“Norman.”

“Violet gave you that gun, it’s for you to fight for your freedom, to get out of here with us! Don’t you want to listen to her last words?”

“I want you to be free!” He shouted those words. Finally looking back at him. “I want you to be free and happy, and that’s what I want for Emma as well… But… That’s not something I want for me.”

He slightly moved his wrists and Norman’s hands at the same time so he could lean his forehead against Norman’s shoulder. He seemed to want to say something, but the words got caught in his throat and only a loud sob came out of it.

“I’m sorry…”

“Why?” Asked Norman. “Why can’t you?”

“I can’t… tell you.”

The younger boy shoved him away. “Because I can’t understand?”

There was pain in Ray’s eyes, but he slowly nodded. Norman shook his head in respond, clenching his fist and turning around, away from the man. He did not want his answers anymore, he would do it without Ray’s help.

Even if it stopped making sense, he would do it without Ray.

He could see the ray of sunlight at the horizon, way before the sun even started to rose, tainting the sky of this washed-up white that indicated the coming of winter. Norman stared at it in the shadow of the House’s wall, when he was younger, he would not have even dare going out that early in autumn, the cold menacing, and the loneliness shattering. Right now, he was glad he was not the same, because the cold slipping through his shirt and making him shiver was comforting. Though the feeling of loneliness was still the same.

His hands were freezing, and if Zack or Vincent knew he had not slept that night either, they would have scolded him… If they even cared about him anymore. He had messed up, he knew it, with Vincent, with his colleagues, with Ray and Emma… And now he was reaping what he sow.

He had to do it on his own, but for who? For himself? Or for Emma? Or for Vincent? He had started an escape plan without even any goal, did he even want to escape if it was to do it alone? All alone… It had not changed. Maybe he had always been alone.

The young man was taken out of his thoughts by the sound of steps to his side, he turned his head to be faced Krone, her arms crossed. “You were here.” She stated before taking a few steps towards him. “You know you’re not allowed to go there, are you?”

He forced himself to smile. “Come on, you always say that we are not allowed this or that, but in the end no one follows the rules. I’m not doing anything bad, so can I stay here a while longer?”

“You’ll lower your quality if you keep on ruining your health like this.”

He did not reply, his eyes still locked on the horizon. An uncomfortable silence settled between them, Norman even caught himself hoping she would just yell at him or threaten him, but Krone did none of that. She got closer again, and sat beside him. He stared at her bewildered and she raised a brow.

“What? Even I need breaks.”

“Why next to me?” He let out before thinking.

She crossed her legs. “You seem in need of someone to listen. And I am in need of listening to something else than my thoughts, I thought it would be convenient.”

“I don’t need anyone to talk to.”

She sighed. “You’re like him. Just like him.” She smiled. “Yet I don’t like you, not like I like him anyway.”

“And I’m supposed to be opening up to you? How ironic.” He knew who she was talking about.

“It’s because I am attached to that boy that I want you to open up to me, for his sake.”

“Well screw him then. I don’t want to.”

The silence settled itself again, only broken by the sound of birds singing further away. When will they stop singing as well?

“Do you want to know why I don’t like you?” She suddenly said. “When you got here, the first thing I read on your file is that you had sex with one of the pregnant girls at the Center. They also mentioned who the pregnant girl was.”

Norman did not even flinch, he knew what she was going to say, like they all said before.

“Shelly… I remember her… She was the last girl under 18 sent to the House. An angel, so bright and happy, then… They broke her. She dreamed of romance and…”

“Streets filled with countless of shops.” He completed, Krone turned her head towards him, eyes widened. “She told me… So, so many times.” Despite him, his voice broke, it’s been so long since he talked about Shelly. “She used to say that she wanted to marry a rich man, who would buy her luxurious clothes, and go down parks with her, their arms interlocked. She loved that.”

Krone seemed to realize what others have ignored. “You loved her.”

“I love her still. Each and every day, she is a reminder of how many times I couldn’t love. I wish I could have been that man she would walk down parks with, and yet, I couldn’t even keep her alive…”

Before he noticed it, tears streamed down his face. How long had it been the last time he cried? He remembered it, on a small bed, arms wrapped around his shoulders, hair the color of the sunset blurred in his sight.

“She was smiling, until her last breath, she was holding my hand. Despite the pain, she only looked at me, smiling, and I saw the life leaving her eyes that way.” He scowled Krone, even if his face was drowned by tears now. “You all accused me of her death and the loss of the child by claiming I had sex with her. Everyone knew that even if it had been the case, she would not have died of it either way. I was the one who had to take the blame, just like I had to watch her and her child dying in front of me, with nothing left of her, only the memory of her voice and a bloody nightdress.”

He got on his knees, gripping Krone’s collar, gone far away, back in that room where she had gripped his hand to never let go, her fingers becoming colder each second.

“She kept on calling me her angel until the end, she smiled and cried and said that I was leading her to heaven, because I helped her remember who she was, what she wished, and that I was kind. And I was trying to tell her that she was wrong, that I was a terrible person, and that she was the angel in my eyes, that she was the one who brought me to life, but she died. She died!” He almost shouted. “She died holding my hand, and now, everyone expects me to keep on receiving the blame as I watch other people I love die! I don’t want anyone else to die! I don’t want to lose the things she told me to keep close to my heart anymore! She told me to find that man I also loved and hold him by the arm and go down a park a with him, to hold him tight and never let go, and I am supposed to watch him kill himself?! So why are you all trying to tell me to just do that?! Why don’t you want to escape?! Why don’t you want to live?!”

His shoulder shaking, and a cry coming out of his lips, he sat back on the ground, his hands loosening their grip on her collar.

“I am the only one allowed to feel like dying…”

He cried harder, screaming his heartache into his hands as he lowered even further down, huddling up like Ray usually do, a family trait surely. Krone let him cry everything out, patting his back slightly, not saying anything. He cried long enough to start hearing the sound of people moving inside the House, when he rose back up, Krone had kept her hand on his shoulder.

“I’m sorry.” She said, her eyes expressing sincerity. “I should have trusted you.”

“No.” He replied, rubbing his eyes and nose with his sleeves. “In the end, I am still a murderer, the mediator’s exam made it that way. Even if I didn’t killed Shelly, I did kill people. You are right to not trust any of us…”

“It’s not about that.”

“Huh?”

She put her other hand on his other shoulder, and pulled him closer. “You want to escape?” He suddenly realized what he had admitted during his outburst and froze, she shook him a bit. “Norman, I asked you, do you want to escape?”

He nodded despite himself, Krone strength more apparent as the grip on his shoulder tightened.

“Hold on to that.” She suddenly said. “Never let it go. You want to escape, stay true to yourself.”

“Why… Why are you accepting that? Aren’t you supposed…?”

“They will arrive this afternoon.” She cut him off. “Promise me to wish to escape.”

He nodded, more out of fear that she would destroy his shoulder than anything.

“Promise me to take Ray with you and all the people you can.”

He nodded, this time more determined. She smiled.

“Shelly was right to trust you. Norman, you are not a terrible person. You got the tools and the people, escape.”

“I don’t… I don’t have anyone left.”

“You have plenty of people left. You have Emma.”

And suddenly, everything felt clear. Yes, he had Emma. How could he left her out that way? Emma was a Receiver, a born leader, she had managed to bring around her anyone he knew. She would have wanted to escape more than anyone else, and now that he thought about it… She would have been the most determined to. Even if Ray refused him, if it was Emma…

Emma wanted them together, and unlike Ray and him, she was actively trying to.

He shook his head, getting on his feet. “Thank you.” He told Krone quickly before running back inside the House.

Everyone was starting to come out of their rooms, everyone except the Givers. Norman saw groups of Mediators and Receivers, gathered around the entrance to the Givers’ dorms, looking lost. He remembered they were the one supposed to prepare breakfast this morning, had they not come out?

As soon as he approached, Zack spotted him and moved closer, gripping his arm. “Where have you been?! You disappeared all night!”

“I’m sorry. Can you tell me what is happening?”

“The Givers won’t come out.” Replied a voice Norman recognized too well, he looked at Vincent, coming from behind Zack. “We don’t know why. They won’t reply.”

A Receiver in the crowd let out an annoyed groan. “Today is supposed to be the day when they come up! What will we do if they keep themselves locked up?!”

Norman’s eyes widened when he remembered that this what Krone was talking about when she said they would come. The demons were supposed to be here to take care of Violet’s body, if they noticed anything wrong with the state of the House then everyone would suffer the consequences.

He pursued his lips, forcing himself to look at Zack and Vincent. “Sorry, it’s my fault.”

“Did you cried?” Ask Vincent, a concerned look on his face as he brought a hand closer to it.

“Just a bit!” Norman lied, taking a step back, not expecting Vincent to be so caring suddenly after their argument. “Listen, I need to fix this, where is Emma?”

“What do you mean by fixing this?” Said Zack. “What did you do?!”

“I may or may not have made of 81194 my enemy?”

Zack groaned. “God Norman! You’re the one always telling us to not involve ourselves with him and now you…?!”

“Listen, I’ll try my best. Where is Emma?”

“She is here.” Indicated Vincent, pointing at a strand of red hair in front of the crowd. Norman noticed her right away, she was at the door, knocking, asking for someone to open as she talked to the blond girl behind her. Before Norman could start moving towards her, Vincent patted his shoulder. “If you need help, we are here.” He smiled.

Norman squeezed it lightly, smiling back at him, before throwing himself in the crowd. After a few excuses and pushing people enough, he managed to get to the girls behind Emma. “Emma!” He called out.

She turned abruptly when she heard him, going down the stairs so quickly she startled her two friends and gripped his collar. “YOU! I know it’s because of you!” She exclaimed, her face red.

“I know! I’m sorry!” He shouted back before she could start ranting against him.

“I heard you two shout this night you idiots! What did you say to him?!”

“Emma!” He gripped her hands and took a step up so their face was only separated by an inch, determination shining in his eyes. “I messed up, and I need your help.”

“What?!”

“Please! We need to talk to Ray! No, actually we all need to talk together!”

She pursued her lips and Norman felt like she was going to slap him before she burst into laughter. “Took you long enough to get that!”

She turned back towards the door.

“Let’s do this. I’ve never been so fired up!” She kicked the door once. “Did you hear that Hayato?! We’re not giving up! So move away from this door!”

Norman could faintly hear the boy’s voice from the other side. “No! I’m sorry Emma, but we can’t let you through anymore!”

“Move from that door I don’t want to hurt you!” She shouted again, before kicking it one more time.

Norman heard the boy run away as Emma raised her leg one last time and kicked the door hard enough it flew out of his hinges and fell a few meters into the corridor. Norman shivered, Emma always had an amazing strength, but that was beyond his imagination. The crowd behind them gasped as Emma took a triumphant step in the Giver’s corridor, followed closely by Norman. She moved an arm to ask the people behind her to stay still, and they did.

He was right, she was a born leader, no one else could have enough charisma to just order both the Mediators and Givers to step back.

Hayato was in front of her, his arms spread on each of his sides to block her way. “You’ve hurt Ray enough, we’re not letting you through.” He said, his whole body trembling.

But to his surprise, Emma ruffled his hair, smiling. “Sorry Hayato, but this time, it won’t be about Givers, Receivers or Mediators…” She turned back to Norman. “I feel it, it’s about us three, isn’t it?”

He nodded, smiling back to her.

“We don’t have enough time to rest. So Hayato, can you please let us see Ray?”

“I…”

“Let them through.” Said Oliver from the end of the corridor, getting to Hayato and resting a hand on his shoulder so he would put his arms down. He glared at Norman for a second, but his gaze softened on Emma. “Ray is the most important person to us, but he is also to you… And I know he needs you two more than he needs us. He locked himself up last night, and all of us locked the main door as well in respond, his safety is our priority to all…” He glanced back to Norman. “So if you break his heart again, I won’t forgive you, ever.”

“Understood.”

Emma and Norman walked to Ray’s room, it was his first time getting there in Norman’s case, but Emma has already been here plenty of times. They looked at each other for a second, and then she knocked on the door.

“Ray, let’s talk.”

Chapter Text

Susan glanced at the boy under the shade of the tree, despite the summer’s heat, he was always there, with a book on his lap. Everyone was busy playing, and Emma and Norman had already attempted getting him out of his spot, though he did not budge. When they had come back, they had just smiled and said that Ray would stay here for now, surprisingly not bothered by the fact that he would not play with them today. And so, Susan started walking up the hill to join the boy, ready to find a way to make him play with them.

Once she got there and stared down at him, she understood why Norman and Emma had left him be. He had his book wide open on his lap, one hand in the middle of a page, a few had fallen onto it due to the wind. His face was peaceful, and she could not help the fond smile on her lips. It was such a rare sight, no one would dare disturb him. Yet, with this weather, she was afraid he would get a heatstroke, so she had to be that person.

She carefully brushed his hair out of his face, putting her hand on his shoulder and pressing gently. Ray slowly lifted his head up, mumbling something before slowly regaining consciousness.

“Hey there.” She said softly as he blinked a few times, staring back at her. “Let’s take you inside, okay?”

He hummed tiredly as she closed his book and wrapped her arms around his waist to lift him off the ground. He did not even fight back, wrapping his arms around her shoulders as she moved her hold to his lower back so he would be steadier. She carried him back to the house, noticing how his breath started to become steadier again in her arms, he must have fallen back asleep.

She was followed by Anna very closely, staring at the boy with curiosity, and asking Susan with a quiet voice if he were fine, to which she replied with a smile and told her to go back to their siblings and she would take care of Ray. Anna insisted until they were to Ray’s room and Susan tucked him into his bed, only then did she leave them.

Susan kept on staring at him, kneeling next to the bed to run her hand through his uneven dark strands. Just the two of them, in the summer afternoon…

Almost like they were actual siblings.

Being separated from her family had been painful. Learning they were livestock was also painful. But what was the most painful thing was learning that she could not even keep contact with them.

Her suitcase, her clothes, everything except that small bracelet Emma and Norman made for her had been taken away. The only thing left of them was the decaying feather stringed to her wrist. She would stare at him during her time alone in her room, as if it would somehow make them appear in front of her, a proof of their existence, beyond all they had to endure at the training.

It was not hard per se, sure, dirty tactics were not something new, but she did not mind it. She did not mind doing everything she could to survive, even if the girl living in the room next to her was instantly replaced by another one after she lost a fight against her. Those were details. After making some research, she learned that there was a place for boys as well, a place called the House.

“The House?” She asked to her tablemate.

“Oh Susan, this place is marvelous, you can eat and talk without restraints, you can rest and enjoy your time, you can indulge yourself in…” She got closer to whisper in her ear. “Anything that would pleasure you.” And then she took another bite of her meal. “Truly paradise in this hell.”

She felt something ping in her chest, something like envy… “And the boys go there when they finish their trainings?”

“Some of them only darling, not everyone can be a whore.”

She froze. “What?”

The elder chuckled and continued in her sing-song voice. “Oh Susan… Why do you think they keep them alive? Boys are useless. They are immature, prone to outbursts, violent, natural idiots… Why would anyone think of keeping them for this farm if not for reproduction? Just like roosters in poultry and rabbits, or like bulls with cattle… They have no other purpose than reproduction. Unable to lay eggs or produce milk, unable to raise their own progeniture, they are simply tools.” She slid her hands across Susan’s tight, making her wince. “And in this world, they are just born to be whores. This is what the House is.”

She gripped her wrists, stopping her hand from going further. “No, they are not like that.”

“This is their training Susan, even if they weren’t when you knew them, they were made to be like this.”

“But…!”

She heard laughs and the sound of a trail falling, a plate breaking. She quickly turned around to look at what was happening, seeing a girl down on the floor, cleaning frantically the rests of her meal on the ground, looking at a piece of meat with despaired eyes before biting into it from the ground. The girls surrounding her were laughing loudly, kicking her with their feet.

“Look at that pig! No pride! Eating from the ground, are you that hungry for meat?!”

The girl kept on eating, bursting into tears as her hand was stomped on before she could grab another piece of her meal in front of her.

“This is what you get for being a dick-hungry whore.” Said the bully, kicking her in her nose, leaving her bleeding on the floor before moving back to her own place. Only then did Susan noticed the stain on her pants, between her legs.

“By the way Susan, you know how things are here… Boys are only pigs made for reproduction, so any girls who would desire such things would only be considered at her own right as a whore herself. You understand right?”

Her hand slid between her legs, the smile on her lips hungrier as she whispered in her ear again, making Susan shiver in disgust and fear. “I hope you haven’t bled there yet, or else, you would be no better than them…”

Susan went to her elder’s room that night, and the next day, the bullied girl was sent to the House. Susan hoped that she would enjoy her time there, and not puke her stomach out like she did after her own night in her elder’s room.

The only thing reassuring her was the execution of the bully. Though maybe they knew, maybe they knew they would be killed, and decided to go down with it.

Susan was relieved to realize she got her period at 16, it was late enough to be respected by others and prepared. The pains were less fine. The cramps feeling like thousands of knives slicing her lower stomach, preparing her for an unknown recipe which results were waves of blood between her legs.

Her elder refused to touch her during those times, just like she refused Susan to touch her during hers, judging it to be dirty. It was not that hard to avoid, so many girls at a same place, they tended to synchronize. Susan was living as best as she could, staring at the bracelet on her right hand.

She concluded that Ray would be at the House in a few years, he was so kind and smart, if he knew Norman risked being sent there, then he would go too. That is how it would be.

But what would she say to him when she would see him again? Would she even be happy? Would he be happy? What would she say? What could she say? What would he have been through by that time? Would he even had already…?

That thought repulsed her, the idea of Ray, her brother, being forced to do it with anyone repulsed her. He did not deserve that.

She nodded in the dark to herself, if they met again, she would protect him from all the others who wanted him wrong, she would protect him at all costs. Norman and Emma were strong, they would be able to survive like she did, but Ray was more fragile…

She remembered watching him sleep back at the orphanage, his dark hair on his face, his long eyelashes faltering just lightly enough to indicate he could feel her touch on his shoulder… She had to protect him, even if she failed the first time, she would protect him this time.

She would not let anyone touch him like they touched her. Never.

Her elder was executed today, before she could even become a sister. Susan cried when she learned, though she had been a terrible person, she had still taught her many things. That girl had protected her for years in exchange of favors, it was not that big of a price to avoid the public humiliations others went through. She was strong enough to even fall victim to that afterwards.

It was just a win-win situation, she may not have understood it when she was younger, but that’s just how things would work in this world. It was the best situation she could have ended up in.

Tonight again she was staring at the remains of her bracelet, the threads coming undone, the feather had completely disappeared at this point. She thought of Emma, she hoped she had found someone to protect her like her elder did for her. She thought of Norman, she hoped he had survived until then, or else Ray would have killed himself. She thought of Ray…

Was he sent to the House? No, he still had a few years left before that. When would he be sent to the House? When would she be sent to the House? She was 17, it would be soon, she hoped it would be soon. No, she hoped Ray would go first, then her. Yes, that’s how it should be. She was all alone now.

She wanted to see him. She wanted to see how much he had grown. She was all alone without her elder, was he alone as well without her?

The thoughts were running wildly into her head, she burst into tears again, wondering how she could have even loved that woman. Her mother, her elder, periods or not, they were the true whores, she knew it, because they lied, because they used her, because they were selfish…

She would not become like that, she swore she would not become like that. She would protect Ray at all cost. Emma and Norman were strong enough to survive on their own, Ray needed someone to keep him alive. He would need her to survive. Ray was so fragile. That was maybe why she was so adamant on Ray lately.

How would he look now, how would he look older? Would he still be so weak he would need her to carry him back to bed? Would he build muscles, or stay thin? Would his hair be longer, or would he keep them short, would he still hide his eyes? Would his skin go darker or lighter? Would he be tall?

She was all alone now, she wanted to see him.

With those thoughts, she let her right hand down, indulged herself in her sins, the remains of her bracelet in her left hand, near her lips.

Susan was 18 now, and today, she had been sent to the House. The atmosphere was… different from what she expected. Nothing like what her elder had told her. People were strictly separated, and while it seems there were two sides fighting for dominance, one was clearly the losing one…

The Givers. Poor boys condemned to a life of prostitution and dishonor. That is what she thought at first. But they were not so weak. Like a group of wild animals, they would stay together, never letting go of one another at all costs, always moving in small groups… they had learned to survive. No one should get out of the herd, and no one would want to, anyway. She had noticed it by now.

But the Givers clearly had favorites, the Mediators being their least ones. Susan would suggest it was because of the man at the end of the table, tall with dark skin and pale hair. He seemed to dominate to the group, the leader. He did not speak much at breakfast, but one word from him was enough to quiet down the entire table. At the other end of the table, a few Mediators, clearly isolated from the main group, were staying quiet. Susan guessed those were outsiders. People trying to avoid conflicts with the main groups as much as possible.

As for the Receivers… It seemed like usual. Fake relationships, with the sole purpose of being on top. Though she did notice some girls who seemed rather young to be sent here. But it was only the order of things after all, the ones who could produce meat earlier were meant to live a life of this kind. Those ones had deader eyes than others, as if they had given up on life itself. Susan thought that at least, they did not have the pressure of being the best.

But no girls here interested her, she was frantically looking at the Giver’s table, she had even placed herself in a position that would help her to have a full view of it despite the Mediators. She searched for black hair, but none seemed to correspond to what she wanted to see. Then she noticed it finally, a young boy, around 16 years old it seemed, one of the youngest. He had an elder with pale skin sitting next to him, an arm wrapped around his shoulder. Most likely to protect him, or show that he was too young to approached. He turned his head around, seemingly talking with the man.

He saw her. She saw him, and she could barely hide the grin forming on her lips. It was him.

It was Ray.

He stared at her for a second, expressionless, the man with his arm around his shoulder pressing him closer and whispering something in his ear, the boy nodded, and glancing at her one last time went back to his meal.

Susan could barely finish hers, her eyes locked on what she had been looking for all those years. He was here, alive and well. She did not see Norman yet, but it did not matter, maybe he had died, he was of weak constitution after all. Not in the same kind of weak as Ray of course, but it was still a possibility.

When the House’s Mama announced the end, Susan got up, and forgetting all rules or decency, walked towards the Giver table. The reaction was instant, the man with who Ray was eating with pulled him closer, while two others went in front of them. They did not look menacing, but it was clear that they would not let her approach him.

“Excuse me, I wish to talk to the giver here.” Indicated Susan, pointing at her brother.

“For which reason?” Asked the first man, probably in his early twenties, blond and short.

“For personal reasons.” She replied, smiling politely. She looked at Ray. “We come from the same plantation. I wonder how one of my family members is doing…”

“Susan…?” Finally said Ray, his eyes lighting up. “So it’s really you?”

“Ray.” Stopped the elder, he was starting to get on Susan’s nerves. “She is a Receiver.”

“She is my sister! It’s fine!” Shushed the younger boy, getting out of his grip to approach her.

God he was so much better up close. There were not traces of imperfections on his skin, and his traits had matured to take the shape of a handsome young man. He was around her height, oh how her brother had grown up… everything she had dreamed of.

“It’s been so long.” He spoke. “Are you alright?”

“I am.” Now that I saw you. “And you?” She let a hand trail his arm, taking a step closer. “Did anyone hurt you? I was so worried about you…”

The elder glared at her hand. “I’m… fine.” Replied Ray. “You know, they are just wary. It’s fine, really.”

“Oh I’m sure the givers are treating you well, but…” She chuckled. “I guess that as your older sister I still worry about your well-being overall. It’s been so long…”

“Yes…”

“Hey you all.” Called out the House’s Mama. Susan contained herself from clicking her tongue against her teeth, this whore was ruining everything. “Get out. Now.”

“Certainly.” Said Susan, her polite smile still plastered all over her face. She briefly squeezed Ray’s hand before trying to pull away.

He caught her back before she could leave, leaning to whisper in her ear. “Hey, wait in the corridor at night, there’s a passage in the ceiling, we can… catch up the time we lost.”

She did not hide the grin on her face this time. “I will. Thank you, Ray.”

Alone. With him… At last.

Ray was adorable. Somehow, the years spent at the Center, as well as his time with the other Givers had humbled him, finally showing without shame his kindness, the one she had seen since his first day at the orphanage. Their habit of spending a part of their nights together in the attic helped them get closer and getting through the hardships of their lives.

She did dislike how much he would talk about his colleagues though, he seemed to have acquired a disgusting affection towards them. She had always seen herself as the one who knew Ray best, and no one would ever take that pride away from her, even if it had been 6 years since she last saw the boy. Marking ownership was a must in that case.

So when they were alone together, Susan would make sure they kept physical contact in any way possible, whether it would be by holding his hand, a hand on his arm… leg… back… Anything was good. Once Ray was used to it, she only had to do it in public as well, brushing his hand when they were passing by, make sure his conversations with her were longer than with others… Just little things to prove to everyone that he was hers. But it was not enough, it never was enough.

They were in the attic as always, laying on one of the old mattresses that Ray had found, an oil lamp between them and the wall, casting a soft light around them. She had interlocked their arms together and was grazing his skin with her fingernails, even though it was not the first time, the poor boy still seemed so nervous, looking away, and most likely hiding a blush. Adorable.

“Ray, I was thinking…” She started, her voice low, almost breathy, the one who made anyone lose their composures. “What if we become partners for the selection? Would you like that?”

The boy froze. “But… I’m still a trainee? I’m not supposed to participate in the selection before a year or so.”

“You don’t want to?”

“It’s not that! I’m just not sure it would be possible—”

“So would you like to? You and I?”

His eyes finally locked on her, he fidgeted a bit, moving to his side to face her. “Well… I don’t know. I’m not sure we—”

She shushed him with a finger on his lips, smiling softly, cupping his cheek in her hand. “It’s alright, it’s a difficult decision, I understand… I… would’ve liked to do it with someone I trust and know well, you see? But it’s fine if you can’t, you are still young, you must be interested by other girls or boys as well, it’s fine. I can just go to someone else, it would be a shame, but I could. I just thought you could be that person, but it’s fine if you are not.”

“Susan…”

“I’m so sorry I took your time despite this. You are so kind and caring, maybe I took that for granted. I should probably give you some space to see other people as well. I’m not that important after all since you found—”

“Susan I’ll do it.” He cut her off. “I’m sorry if I made you feel that way, you are important to me. So don’t think otherwise, okay?”

“It’s fine Ray, you don’t have to force yourself.”

“No I’ll do it. I don’t know if I can talk to the Mediator in charge about it though, it’s kind of risky for me to go there without any medical exams to take…”

“The Mediator in charge?”

“Yes, there’s a Mediator assigned to make the pairings. If you want us to be partnered up, you can go to him.”

“Does that mean we can decide who we should be with?”

“Well, it’s more like it raises the chances of being partnered up with who we want, but it’s still worth the try.”

The next day, Susan did not waste a single second before going directly to the infirmary, and asking for the Mediator in charge of pairings. All the men in the room seemed surprised by her boldness, no one would walk alone in the infirmary, and ask something with as much authority. Finally, the tall man who usually sits at the end of the Mediator’s table, the leader, lead us to a small office on the other side of the infirmary, smiling politely to her.

“Such a character is important for good results, I hope the Giver you ask for shall meet your expectations.”

“Of course, he will.”

And without answering any further questions, she entered the office, being met with one of the pariahs, looking in fear at the leader behind her. She closed the curtain unceremoniously behind her, to the man’s utter shock. She moved closer before slamming her hand on the table and the other on the man’s shoulder, turning him around so he would face her.

“I want 81194 as my partner. Mark it down.”

“I… We need to make some research first…”

“Did I stutter? I asked you to mark it down, what are you waiting for?”

It seemed to take all of his might to reply. “We can’t do that. We need to check first if there is a consanguinity risk and if he is at an age in which he can…”

She sighed, backing away and instead deciding to lean against the table, taking his penholder and turning it on the side of her hand. “Look, I understand that for you all, it’s very important. But you must understand that there are more important rules than following some procedures. The first one being, of course, the role of the House as a factory for producing new cattle, but there is also a second one…” She stabbed the pen on the table, just next to one of his fingers. “Which is to survive the whole duration of our stay here. Something that I can easily shorten for you.” She then clutched her hand on his chin, forcibly pulling it so he would look at her, her nails digging in his skin. “Do you understand?”

“Y-Yes!”

She let go of him, cleaning her hand on his lab coat as he quickly marked the pair down. “I’ll come back to check on you before the selection.” Added Susan. “If 81194 and I aren’t a pair, you will suffer the consequences, understood?”

“Yes!”

Satisfied with herself, she left the man alone, and got out of the office. The Mediator was still here, leaning against the wall, looking at her sternly, though she could perceive a faint smirk on his thin lips. “You do have quite the methods to get what you want.” He said.

She smiled politely. “It’s none of your business.”

“What would you do if that… what was his number again? 81194, was actually related to you by blood? Do you know that once we report this mistake to the higher-ups, it won’t be just this man who will be punished for their carelessness?”

“What if we are related by blood.” She replied, which made the Mediator drop his condescending face. “Why should I care? Isn’t it better? Nothing, nothing in this world is stronger than blood.” It’s the only thing she can trust. “If we are related, then it’s perfect.” People outside of her ‘family’ are obviously enemies. “Even if I die, I will know pure happiness with not only the one I love, but one of my own kind.” It’s the only thing she had been expecting, the only thing she had hoped for. “He is my accomplishment, my reward for all of my hardships.”

She smiled, so sincerely, more happily than she ever had before.

“He is my adorable little brother.”

Chapter Text

I think I owe people an explanation, after one year of not posting any new chapter, and changing fandoms. 

Recently, a few months ago, a few people came up to me and asked if Giver was ever going to be finished. To which I replied that it wouldn't. There are a few reasons for that, and I feel like I need to explain them before I completely forget why I never finished this work (which happened to me with Love List... I sincerely have no idea what the end was supposed to be).

I started writing Giver at a complicated time in my life. Basically, I thought I was healed from all of my mental health issues, while I was not, and struggling still with forming relationships and believing in my abilities. In that sense Giver was... Giver was my catharsis. Rather than hurting people in real life, I preferred to let out all my rage and anguish on fictional characters. And Giver was supposed to only be that: a catharsis.

But as I wrote, people started to get invested in this catharsis, and suddenly, for the sake of those people who supported not only those characters, but also my own work, I felt like Giver couldn't be a simple catharsis anymore. I couldn't just make a story about torturing characters and end it on a gruesome note (the TPN trio was supposed to all die at the end of the story, that was the bad end). Little by little, the plot came to fruition, and soon, the characters weren't being tortured anymore, and rather, they were fighting to escape yet again.

What changed everything however, was recognizing that I wasn't doing okay. Crying alone in the kitchen in the middle of summer vacations, I had realized that even if I wasn't in depression anymore, my traumas were still haunting me and destroying my life. And so, I decided to see a thrapists. It went well, and I understood a lot more about myself, as well as learnt how to be kinder to not just others but also me. However, it taught me one harsh thing: I couldn't create anymore if I was doing okay.

Because yes, Giver was a catharsis as I've said. But what is a catharsis point if there's nothing to exteriorize ?

Not just that, but I started to lose interest in TPN, and changed fandom by the end of the year. In the end, Giver became just the manifestation of this destroyed self that I had refused to take care of for so many years. I wish I could have given it the conclusion it deserved, but fate decided differently. 

I'm doing good now. Life is still stressful sometimes, but I don't hide under the table like a scared animal anymore... I'm glad I did what needed to be done.

And so, here comes the time. I'll post Giver's final chapter, probably not the best of last chapters, but one nonetheless. Here is the end of Giver as it was supposed to be written (copied from one of my posts on tumblr):

The time I spent with you all has been precious. The TPN fandom will always belong in my heart as one of the best fandoms I've ever been in, and I cherished every seconds spent here. And I hope... I hope I could become the Giver of a good story. 

Thank you for reading Giver.