Chapter Text
“Congratulations, you’ve finally survived two years worth of college,” Mina whispers while hugging Nayeon. It’s finally the day that Nayeon graduated from college, officially saying goodbye to their alma mater. Mina hides her sadness behind her gummy smile, although Nayeon can see through it, she doesn’t say a word because she respects Mina’s decision to keep mum about it.
“I didn’t think I could survive during the last few months, Mina. But because of you, I did,” she breaks the hug and cups Mina’s face, “Thank you. Thank you for being with me through my worst days of college.”
I hope you can be in mine.
Mina nods and holds her hand, “Your parents are waiting outside. Go. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?” she lets Nayeon go but plants a soft kiss on her cheek before trying to disappear within the sea of graduates.
“Wait! Don’t leave now!” Nayeon holds her hand and pulls her outside. “I’ll introduce you to my parents. They’ll love you!”
One thing Nayeon doesn’t know: Mina is a closet. Until the day Nayeon posted her picture on Instagram, Momo didn’t know that she was gay. Imagine her cousin’s surprise when she found out through social media. Needless to say, Momo was supportive and really helped her coping with the unintentional admission of her preference. To say that it was hard would be an understatement, her parents were furious but since Mina is the only girl in the family, let alone their princess, they still accepted her. Thanks to Momo and her brother.
Nayeon never met her parents. They live in Japan and Nayeon has never been in Japan and at the moment, she doesn’t have plans to go there. She just wants to enjoy her time with Mina. Possibly get ready for her new life out of the school. She just bagged a position in a well known company for fashion and she’s beyond ecstatic to start. Although she did ask for a two month long vacation before she finally becomes a corporate slave.
“Ma, Pa, this is Mina and I’m dating her,” Nayeon announces proudly. Mina looks down and blushes red. She feels her cheek heat up. She doesn’t know where to look.
“Nice to finally meet you, Mina-ssi,” Mrs. Im greets while Mr. Im smiles at her. She bows politely and says her greetings. They all go to a restaurant reserved by the Im family. Nayeon’s friends are there too. Jeongyeon sits in the middle of Momo and Jihyo. Mina is beside Nayeon while her parents are on the other side of the table.
Mina never felt so complete and accepted.
“Picture time!!!” Jeongyeon brings out the instax camera Mina gave to Nayeon during the last show of the yearly play. The one where Mina starred as the female lead and Nayeon had to be the male one. They even took a picture of it. The picture is with Nayeon for she’s the one who likes to compile them in a scrapbook.
Nayeon pulls Mina closer and smiles brightly for the camera after saying, “Smile, baby.”
~~~4 and a half years later~~~
Mina’s eyes get covered by a particular pair of warm hands. She giggles and leans back, resting her weight against the figure behind her, “I’ve missed you.”
She turns around and finds Nayeon’s smiling face. Instantly, Mina’s fatigue flies out the window. Her energy is over the moon again. She melts against Nayeon’s embrace, “Are you okay, Mina?” she nods and snuggles closer. As the years go by between the two of them, Mina has grown comfortable with Nayeon’s embrace. Before, she gets nervous and her heart races as if she’s running in a marathon. Now, her heart still races but less the nervous feeling. Rather, she feels safe. Nayeon will always be her safe haven.
“Just tired,” Mina just got home to Korea from a week long ballet convention overseas. She represented both Japan and Korea as she graduated with high honors during college and already got an offer for a ballet understudy for the current national representative ballerina. In two years time, Mina became the National Representative and she’s been in and out of the country ever since. Nayeon somehow feels sad because most of the time, Mina doesn’t have time for her but she tries to understand. Mina is starting to make a name for her own and she couldn’t be any more proud.
I still wish I could be as successful.
Nayeon just hugs Mina. She misses her girlfriend too much and she just wants nothing more than to snuggle all night. Just feel Mina’s presence after a long drought. Sometimes, they argue about time because seldom times that Mina is free, Nayeon busies herself. She wants Mina to appreciate her because honestly speaking, she feels unappreciated by the Japanese girl. Hence, she feels like she’s a booty call nowadays. Of course a big factor of it is that Mina calls her when she’s in the country and in need of distress and company. Nayeon, forever whipped, no matter how many deadlines she has, leaves everything to attend to Mina’s needs.
“Can we go home, Nay?” Mina whispers. Nayeon nods and leads her into the car. Yes, for the past three years, Nayeon finally saved up enough money so she can afford a decent car. She feels bad for making Mina commute every time they go on a date. So even if she had to eat tteokbokki everyday for a whole month just to afford the downpayment, she sacrificed. And it was worth it when she saw how Mina smiled upon seeing the car.
They reach home and Mina drops herself down Nayeon’s bed. She doesn’t live there. Although Nayeon wishes she did. Nayeon prepares a warm bath for Mina and gets some comfortable clothes for the younger girl to wear. Being in Amsterdam for a week must have drained her girlfriend so she’s gonna make sure she’ll be the best energizer the world has ever known.
“Mina, I prepared a bath for you,” Nayeon says gently. She sits on the side of the bed and takes Mina’s hand. “Mina, hey, bath is ready.”
“I’m too tired,” Mina answers in a dead tone. Nayeon sighs and tries again but Mina flips, “I said I’m tired, Nayeon-ah.” she says before pulling her hand away. Nayeon bites her lip and stands, going to the bathroom and draining the tub.
Mina immediately regrets bursting her frustration on Nayeon but like what she said, she’s too tired to even stand or turn around. She turns her head away from the open and sleeps. She doesn’t need any drama. She wants to rest. She would appreciate it though if Nayeon would go to bed beside her so she can sleep in peace.
The next day, Nayeon cooks breakfast and prepares Mina’s tea. She knows for a fact that Mina doesn’t like coffee so she prepared tea instead. She leaves a note on the table saying that she’ll be busy the whole day but also reminding Mina to text her whenever she needs something.
I need to work hard. I need to prove to the world that I deserve Mina. That she won’t suffer when with me.
Little did Nayeon know, Mina took the rest of the week off because she missed Nayeon. And she feels slightly disappointed that she didn’t wake up with Nayeon by her side. In the evening, Mina texts Nayeon to come home early. Nayeon doesn’t reply for she was in a meeting since five in the afternoon. Mina waits. And waits. Until the food she cooked as a surprise turns cold. Till the clock hits past midnight. Sad, she puts the food away and goes to bed. She knows that Nayeon had been feeling neglected and even though she couldn't do anything about it at first, she made a move and called a day off work so she can somehow make it up to Nayeon. She did not expect that Nayeon would be busy.
The next day, the same scenario happens, Mina drops by Nayeon’s office and waits inside her office but it already struck eight in the evening when Nayeon returns, already dead tired. They go home and not talk much for Nayeon immediately collapses on the bed. Mina hugs the sleeping girl from behind, stopping her tears from falling.
Nayeon, please. Give me at least a glance.
It goes on until Mina is on her last day of vacation. She stops Nayeon from going to work, “Spend this day with me, please?” she asks.
Nayeon looks at her and sighs, “Okay.” she messages her boss and calls in sick. They agree to go to the mall, something they haven’t done for a while. But even though Nayeon is physically beside her, the older girl is either on the phone with someone or texting. Mina gets frustrated and takes Nayeon’s phone.
“How rude is it to be on your phone while on a date, Im Nayeon?” Mina says in a serious tone.
Nayeon takes her phone back and replies, “It’s important.”
“Nayeon, tomorrow I’ll fly to another country. Can’t you give this day to me? Solely me?” she almost pleads.
The older girl closes her eyes and turns her phone off, “Fine. What do you want?”
Nayeon doesn’t even know what she’s doing. Why is she being so… off? It’s like she doesn’t want to be around Mina. she doesn’t know the reason. She wants to be with the girl but whenever she sees Mina, she feels like there is something that has gone wrong. She sees Mina and she remembers the pain of being neglected, being not enough. Doing everything to prove that she is worthy but still, still not enough.
What should I do?
She takes Mina into a secluded park. The drive was quiet. None of them tried to break the silence. For once, there was awkwardness between them. There was nothing but a wall and neither of them knew when it started getting between them. When did they stop communicating? When did they stop being each other’s best friend? When did they stop? Why did they stop?
They sit on a bench by the edge of the park. Nayeon is the first to break the silence, “Mina, what are we doing?” she asks, voice quivering.
“I don’t know, Nayeon. What are you doing?” she asks back. Nayeon looks at her with a sad smile, “Why are you looking so sad?”
“I tried so hard these years, Mina,” Nayeon starts. Get takes Mina’s hand and puts it against her cheek, “Why is it so hard to be worthy of you?”
Mina doesn’t know. She seriously doesn’t know. But one thing is for sure: Nayeon is hurting. She is hurting. Both of them are hurting. She wants nothing but to take all the pain away but how?
“Nay.. you are more than what you give credit yourself for?” Mina’s voice quakes. She wants to do something but Nayeon… Nayeon seems like glass. It’s like she’ll break anytime.
Or maybe she’s already broken.
“Mina… I love you,” Nayeon puts their foreheads together. She feels Nayeon’s tears fall. For the first time, she’s scared that she had heard those words. She has this uneasy feeling that there is another thing Nayeon will say, “But I’m sorry. I think we should stop seeing each other.”
And there it is. The words she dreaded to hear. The words powerful enough to ruin her whole world. She knew it was coming but she never expected it to come at an unexpected moment. “Nayeon, please. Not this. Please, Nayeon. We can work this out, right?”
Nayeon shakes her head, “Mina, we need to stop pretending that we are still the same as before. We need to face it. No matter how much I love you and you love me, I can never be enough. I will always be lacking something and that I am nothing compared to you and what you are right now.” Tears stream down Nayeon’s face. Her voice breaks and she covers her face with her hands and sobs continuously. “Please, stop making me break myself.”
Mina cries, “You make it seem like it’s my fault that I got successful.” Her own voice cracks, “When it was because of you that I aimed to be the best at what I do because I want to be someone you can be proud of.”
“Mina, Mina,” the girl kneels and rests her head on Mina’s thighs, “How I want to show you off to the world but how when all I have is a second hand car, barely a supporting job, and nothing under my belt?”
Nayeon wipes her tears and sits on the bench again. “Is this really it? If I go now, you won’t be able to chase me after,” she tries to bargain.
The older girl smiles bitterly, “At least I get to see you walk away from me. The way you’re supposed to, Mina.” she continues with a dry laugh.
Mina stands and starts to walk away, “Last chance, Nayeon.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I won’t look back anymore,” she says again. This time further from the bench,
“Forgive me.” She takes another batch of steps away.
“I won’t chase you, Im!” Mina shouts.
“Good bye, Mina.”
“Please!” she tries for the last time, hoping Nayeon will grab her and say it’s just a prank.
“I really do love you.”
And just like that, the relationship she thought would last for as long as they live ended. Nayeon can’t do anything but cry her heart out. She physically feels the pain inside her chest. Her whole body numb. She just wants everything to end.
She never felt like shit before.
And Nayeon knows for a fact that she just made the biggest mistake of her life. The four and a half years they’ve spent wondering, dreaming, and planning about their future together all gone in a snap. For some reason, Nayeon wanted to disappear. But she did this. She did this to her and Mina.
On the other hand, Mina feels like her whole body is on fire. She never experienced so much pain before. Not when her dog died. Not when she was told she wasn’t even a good dancer. Not when people from foreign countries told her she’s not worth a try. But this, however, feels like her world is collapsing.
She wants it to stop. But the only thing that can stop the pain is if Nayeon takes her back again. Although Mina is certain that even if they get back together now, it will still end up with them breaking up because honestly, they don’t even know each other anymore. Some time throughout their four years and a half, Nayeon got lost, she got lost, and they couldn’t find each other.
But one thing’s for sure.
Mina was already single.
She’ll make Nayeon regret it.
If it means breaking her own heart over and over again.