Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Hey, Cucumber-bro, is there anything you really miss from our original timeline?” Shang Qinghua asks while lying on his back on Shen Qingqiu's bed, his top half hanging off as he 'reads' some of his An Ding paperwork with glazed eyes.

It takes Shen Qingqiu an embarrassingly long moment to understand that Shang Qinghua is talking about their original lives, not about the original plot of Proud Immortal Demon Way.

“Yeah, I could list a lot of those things. Air conditioning, phones and wifi, my Binghe merchandise...” Shen Qingqiu was laying on his stomach on the other side of the bed to his friend, his body securing Shang Qinghua's feet to the bed, so he didn't fall any further off the bed, reading a shitty novel with his legs bent and crossing his feet at the ankles in a constant movement.

“So, you did have PIDW merchandise!” Shang Qinghua tried to sit up rapidly and got stuck partway up, falling back down, Shen Qingqiu lifting himself up just a bit so that Shang Qinghua's feet slipped out from underneath him, and he fell back far enough that his head was on the floor.

“I never said I didn’t! I just said I never got harem merch. You should already know from my reviews and forum posts that I only kept reading it for Binghe, so it should make sense that I bought Binghe merch.” Shen Qingqiu argued like it was obvious.

“You had PIDW merchandise and that’s all that matters to me, anyway, continue.” Shang Qinghua didn't bother to move from the floor.

Shen Qingqiu rolled his eyes exasperatedly, “I sorta miss the easy access to shitty literature, like yours, which I could spend hours ranting about.” Shang Qinghua narrowed his eyes at the diss about his proudest creation... Well, his somewhat proud creation... Well, it got him a decent amount of money and he’s proud of that. “I miss my parents, and my older brothers and my little sister. I miss so much about that place, but I wouldn’t exchange this for the world.” He added with a wistful gaze, no longer focusing on the words of the novel.

“You got hella deep there... I feel bad now because I was going to say memes.”

“Gods, you’re trash, I took your question seriously when all you wanted to say about it was fucking memes. Memes.”

Shang Qinghua laughed nervously, “Well, yeah, I miss most of what you said as well, except for air conditioning because I’ve got Mobei-Jun who can be a personal cooler, but I really fucking miss memes. And your reviews on PIDW. That shit made me laugh all the time because you got so angry.” Shen Qingqiu glared at the other Peak Lord and slowly stood up on top of his bed, lifting his arms out to the side and leaning over so he looked intimidating. Shang Qinghua squeaked, slid off the bed fully and pushed himself with his feet until he was backed up in a corner. Shen Qingqiu followed, arms still up.

“Please, have mercy.”

“Never.” Shen Qingqiu was trying to hold back his laughter as Shang Qinghua cowered in the corner. The other transmigrator screeched at the devious smile on Shen Qingqiu’s face. He knew fully well that he was petty enough to stay in that position for hours no matter how much his arms would burn afterwards.

After the screech, the door to Shen Qingqiu’s bedroom slammed open and said room-owner side-eyed the doorway for a moment and saw both Luo Binghe and Mobei-Jun standing frozen in the doorway, looking at both of them with pure confusion in their eyes. “Shizun, what are you doing?”

“T posing to assert dominance because this bitch ain’t shit.” He didn't look over at his husband as he said this.

“What?” With that, Shen Qingqiu’s mask shattered, he burst into laughter and dropped his arms, falling on to Shang Qinghua and hugging him while he urged his laughter to die down. He ignored the jealous looks from both demons and rested his head on the other’s shoulder. Maybe he did miss memes more than he thought. He voiced this thought to Shang Qinghua, who did not respond.

“What’s a meme?” The pronunciation by Mobei-Jun was completely butchered but it made both transmigrators laugh, dragging Shang Qinghua out of his T pose induced shock.

Neither answered Mobei-Jun’s question, leaving both demons very confused.

Chapter Text

Shen Qingqiu and Shang Qinghua were sitting beside their husbands in a meeting with minor demon rulers, the first one they would have with any demons about politics. Luo Binghe, of course, was at the head of the table with Mobei-Jun to his left (more specifically, the order was Shen Qingqiu, Shang Qinghua and then Mobei-Jun to his left, the ice demon purposefully putting his husband between himself and his Lord’s husband, knowing that if it came down to it and someone tried to attack them, the other Peak Lord would be able to protect him while the demons protected them) and Sha Hualing to his right.

Neither of the immortal cultivators were paying attention to the discussion, at all, the millennials-turned-ancient-cultivators having found themselves more bored than normal. They accepted the offer to join in the meeting thinking it might be similar to their Sect meeting with the other Peak Lords. They were wrong. Shen Qingqiu was completely zoned out as he stared at the table, absentmindedly fanning himself, and Shang Qinghua looked to be in his ‘sleeping with his eyes open’ phase of boredom. If one was to ask either of them what the meeting was about afterwards, they would both try to change the topic in their equally as awkward ways.

The only warning the very unfocused Peak Lords had about the attack of the lowest ranking demon within the meeting, who had wanted revenge for some reason (a reason that not even Shang Qinghua had any idea about) was the sudden coldness in the room. Mobei-Jun had reacted as soon as he had realised the threat and instantly froze the demon where they had started to lunge towards Shen Qingqiu and Shang Qinghua, killing intent radiating from the still demon in waves. The demon’s claws had been outstretched and ready to tear either of the cultivators’ throats out, whoever they’d reach first.

Luo Binghe tsked as he approached the demon. “This Lord spared you because you swore loyalty to me, so why would you attack the one most special to me?” His voice was filled with obvious venom. He paused for a moment, intending on letting the demon talk, but definitely not intending on letting the demon live.

“It’s just a human, what good will having it around do? They’re both weak.” They hissed.

Shen Qingqiu held back an unsurprised scoff and side-eyed Shang Qinghua, who was looking at the scenario with wide eyes. Mobei-Jun and Sha Hualing had since moved to stand beside Luo Binghe. “Just a human? Weak? One of those oh so weak humans was this one’s master. You dare call your Lord’s master weak? It seems this one made the wrong choice in keeping you alive.” He chuckled coldly. The demon would have paled, had their skin not been as white as a corpse. They realised that they had just insulted their Lord. Shen Qingqiu then thought of something that took his entire self-will not to gasp exaggeratedly at.

“It was at this moment that he knew, he fucked up.” He hissed under his breath at the one next to him. Shang Qinghua gasped harshly, coughing quietly in order to mask that his throat had closed up suddenly in his shock of hearing those words, which had Mobei-Jun looking at him in concern, but he waved him off with a chuckle, which both reassured the demon he was fine, and allowed him to laugh a little at Shen Qingqiu’s words.

“This Lord sees you do not have any words to defend your actions and asks his husband and master, Immortal Peak Lord Shen Qingqiu, do you wish to give punishment to this unworthy one?” Shen Qingqiu rose an eyebrow and with half of his face hidden behind his fan, he pouted thoughtfully. He hated using any of his title, yet Binghe had just...

Internally he sighed but didn't let any of his exasperation show as he answered. “Hm... this master feels that he would be... unable to punish the lowly one suitably, after all, humans are weak, so their punishments must also be weak. Maybe... Sha Hualing would like to take care of punishment on behalf of this master? He has heard that she enjoys punishing those who aren’t... compliant.” His eyes flashed dangerously, revealing that he very well could punish the demon just as harshly, but was willing to give the duty to the ruthless demoness who liked to play with her food.

Sha Hualing’s mouth unfurled to form a cheshire grin after the offer had been made. “Many thanks to Immortal Shen for this opportunity. This Ling’er will not make you regret it.”

As the demoness dragged the still immobile lower demon away, Shang Qinghua leaned towards Shen Qingqiu and lowly sung, “Mmm whatcha say.” seeing the look on the demon’s face as his future was secured. Shen Qingqiu huffed a very quiet laugh at that and bopped his friend on the head with his fan.

Chapter Text

Most of the other Cang Qiong peak lords still looked at Shen Qingqiu and Shang Qinghua’s husbands a little weirdly. The two demons were rarely seen by many people, especially Mobei-Jun, who did not like to stray too far from the comfortable cold climate of the Northern territory. So when they were seen with their respective peak lord husbands, they tended to be a bit... territorial, especially Mobei-Jun, or, in Binghe’s case, clingy, when seen by bystanders who both know and don't know of their relationships.

That’s why, Shen Qingqiu took great amusement in the reactions of each of the peak lords when they walked into the pavilion and saw Yue Qingyuan standing next to Shen Qingqiu, who had Luo Binghe standing behind him, resting his chin atop of his left shoulder and arms wrapped around his waist, watching his shishu and his shigu as they entered. Next, they saw Shang Qinghua standing next to Shen Qingqiu with Mobei-Jun standing behind him, the ice demon glaring at anyone who came in and looked at them weirdly (aka, all of them).

It took a while before the ever oblivious Shang Qinghua noticed his husband’s murderous glare directed at his shixiong, shidi and shimei. He snickered inwardly, feeling more than a little satisfied with himself and sweetly kissed Mobei-Jun, smiling as he mumbled, “My King, do not be concerned.” against his lips. Just as this scenario was playing out, Liu Qingge walked in. Seeing the PDA between the normally thin-faced and shy Shang Qinghua and the demon his shixiong had betrayed the sect for, his face flushed in a mixture of embarrassment and anger as he froze in place, staring at the two awkwardly.

Shen Qingqiu had rolled his eyes at the interaction, but seeing Bai Zhan’s peak lord’s reaction, he chuckled under his breath. “Shizun, what is it that’s amusing you so?” Binghe asked, his voice quiet, but loud enough from his positioning right next to Shen Qingqiu’s ear. “Your Liu-shishu is shook -in shock, he’s a little surprised.” Shen Qingqiu internally cursed. He can’t believe he let that word slip from his traitorous mouth.

“Liu-shidi.” The amusement in his voice was unmistakable for those he’d let his guard down around, even in the slightest. Said immortal flushed red and hurried to stand by his seat. When the peak lord of Zui Xian peak entered, Shang Qinghua and Mobei-Jun had stopped kissing, but people hadn’t stopped looking at them. He squinted suspiciously at them and took a jug of wine from his sleeves, unsealed it and chugged approximately half of its contents instantly. Yue Qingyuan sighed in exasperation. Earlier he’d voiced to the two peak lords (and, consequently, also to their husbands) about how he’d hoped that they’d have one meeting without him drinking before it’d even started, but it seemed that wasn’t going to happen, again.

Shang Qinghua let out a delighted sound as the wine-making peak lord simultaneously made a weird sound and did a pose that reminded Shen Qingqiu suspiciously of a dab and stumbled towards his seat. He narrowed his eyes and directed them at the man to his left. Shang Qinghua had previously told Shen Qingqiu that before and even after becoming peak lord, the Zui Xian peak lord still had horrible alcohol tolerance. Even after many years of trying to make compromises with the strengths and flavours of the wine, the disciples still struggled with their own alcohol tolerance.

“Sometimes I think he’s faking being drunk. There’s no way alcohol can take effect instantly like that.” Shang Qinghua had complained many meetings ago. When he’d first told him, Shen Qingqiu had only huffed a sigh of amusement, not believing it either, but the more times that he witnessed it, the more that it confused him because somehow it actually happened.

Then again, Shen Qingqiu originally had high expectations about the peak lords’ monthly meeting and was extremely surprised (but also very, very amused) when he witnessed just how chaotic the meetings were. The two demons were in for a shock because this was just the start.

“It is good to see that everyone is in good health.” Yue Qingyuan started, smiling warmly. Everyone could see that he had high hopes for the meeting and were eyeing each other, watching for whoever would act up first. “We welcome demon lords Luo Binghe and Mobei-Jun to our meeting for the first time and hope that they will have a pleasant experience in this gathering.” There was a hint of a threat in his words when he said pleasant, aimed at the peak lords, and Shen Qingqiu hid a smirk behind his fan.

Mobei-Jun bowed wordlessly and Luo Binghe grinned before bowing himself, “This Binghe greets Yue-shibo and thanks him for allowing him and his general in to the meeting.” Shen Qingqiu smiled. His Binghe had been showing his martial uncles respect more often (Binghe had respected his Qi-shigu for a long time, so that was something he didn't have to worry about), so he was glad that they’d at least partially overcome their differences to be able to stand in the same room without fighting. “Cang Qiong Peak lord beseeches fellow peak lords and guests to sit.” Yue Qingyuan spoke as he bowed once to all of them, voice warm as he sat in his seat. In an uncoordinated mess, like usual, the others began to bow and sit down in their own seats.

Shen Qingqiu was in the process of sitting in his own chair, Luo Binghe following his lead and sitting in his own chair (someone having brought in extras for the demon lords) when Shang Qinghua bowed. Everyone’s eyes snapped to him when, instead of sitting, he invited Mobei-Jun to sit in his own seat. Then, he sat down on his husband’s lap, looked Shen Qingqiu straight in the eyes and with a shit eating grin on his face, whispered, “It’s free real estate.” In the familiar tone of the meme that never failed to make him laugh in his original life, but now... he couldn’t stop his eye from twitching in irritation.

“You talk a lot of shit for someone within ass-kicking distance.” He hissed as he stood back up and then lunged at Shang Qinghua, Mobei-Jun’s ‘Qinghua threat classification’ be damned.

The next thing that occurred was Shen Qingqiu knocking Shang Qinghua off Mobei-Jun’s lap and down to the floor before even the ice demon could react, the usually graceful immortal whacking his shidi over the head with the fan he’d aggressively pulled from his waistband. Shang Qinghua screamed, begging for mercy.

“No! You don’t say something as dumb as that and not expect any consequences!” Shen Qingqiu hissed. He felt gentle hands on his arm, pulling him off his shidi. Looking behind him, he saw Yue Qingyuan with an exasperated but amused look on his face as he pulled him away from the transmigrator he currently wanted to throttle. Seconds after, the familiar sound of metal on metal could be heard and he turned his head to see Wei Qingwei, Liu Qingge and the very drunk Zui Xian peak lord giving money to Qi Qingqi, who looked very smug. His face fell as he registered that they’d bet on him (or did they bet on Shang Qinghua? He wouldn’t ask for clarification; his face was too thin for that).

“Qingqiu-shixiong, bro, help me up, I’ll die here if you don’t save me.” Shang Qinghua whined, holding up his arms and waving them around as if he was trying to get his attention. He turned to face the other again, noticing that the ice demon was watching the entire thing with barely disguised shock on his face. Shen Qingqiu had to stop a smile from appearing and betraying his true feelings about what was happening.

“Would you do anything for me to ‘save you’?” Shen Qingqiu asked. There was a glint in his eye which Shang Qinghua didn’t immediately notice. The other transmigrator nodded enthusiastically. Oh, Airplane-Bro... you don’t know what you just got yourself into. He smirked and took the steps necessary to get him right beside the other, crouching down. As if he’d just seen the look on his face, Shang Qinghua went to protest.

“Then perish.”

Everyone heard that statement as he stood back up, self-satisfied smile on his face. With a wail, Shang Qinghua rolled over, getting his robes dirty, and simply kept on repeating, “I walked right into that! That was the perfect set up and I didn’t even notice!” As everyone stared on in confusion, Shen Qingqiu turned back to his husband to see how he had reacted. Luo Binghe was tightly gripping his thighs through his robes. It looked mostly normal, however, Shen Qingqiu’s dumbass mind thought different.

Hornee grip.

Chapter Text

Shen Qingqiu awoke to a loud ding that resonated in his head. "What the fuck?" He whispered and opened his eyes to see a holographic screen in his line of sight with a line of text littered with emojis, actual emojis. God, he hadn't seen those in years.

✈️: psst hey 👋 bro 👊 look 👀 we got a system update 😔✊

He blinked once, twice, three times, before he processed what had just happened.

🥒: what the fuck
🥒: if you want to message me then you gotta cut down on the emojis or I will stab you
🥒: ...
🥒: wait
🥒: since when is dming a thing in the system?

✈️: who fucking knows 🤪🤪🤪

🥒: end yourself
🥒: what time is it anyway? all I know is that my internal clock is screaming at me

✈️: like,, 3am or something? Do u want me to play a flute or something and hope for someone to scream 'who the fuck is playing flute at 2am' or something??? Idk 😐

🥒: go the fuck to sleep before I find you and kill you
🥒: dont try me bitch

✈️: aye aye sir

With that, he was able to roll over and go back to sleep and continue to peacefully sleep.

...

Bullshit!

Internally, he began yelling at the system. "Put do not disturb on the dm function please and thank you or I will murder someone. And that someone will be Shang Qinghua. And that'll set Mobei-Jun out on a murderous rage. And that'll cause mass destruction." The system, ever so helpful, said nothing. "Honestly, fuck you." And this time he did roll over and go to sleep, after a few minutes straight of him internally screaming expletives.

Did he mention he hated the system?

Shen Qingqiu awoke (again, but at a more appropriate time) to the sounds and smells of Luo Binghe cooking breakfast, and to the sound of repetitive dinging as the dm function let him know that Shang Qinghua had sent him a dm, no, multiple dms, as the messages kept on coming through.

✈️: hey
✈️: hey cucumber bro
✈️: hey bro are u up
✈️: i just thought of something
✈️: me vs the guy he tells me not to worry about
✈️:

✈️:

✈️: ah, just looking at him makes me sad... young'uns....

🥒: Wang Zhuo Cheng is so attractive, there's no way can you compare to him...
🥒: he looks more like an immortal than you do
🥒: the first picture should've been of donghua Jix Zixun rather than another pic of WZC because that's more accurate
🥒: and you're worse than me when I talk about me being old wtf chill
🥒: wait you can send pictures?

✈️: ah bro ur so mean i dont look like donghua jin zixun 😖😖
✈️: and ofc im old i lived 23 years in our time and im at least 80 years old but i still look young in this world thanks to ✨cultivation✨

🥒: it's true
🥒: ehehe old man

✈️: ... asshole
✈️: and yes u can send pictures but im not telling you how because ur mean

🥒: you know it 🤪 that's my second title, it's what I do best, pissing people off
🥒: but whatever...

✈️: fuck off ur a liar

🥒: don't call me a liar I'm not lying you're an ugly hoe

✈️: well i aint calling you a truther

🥒: you can fuck right off for that I'm offended and amused and sorta taken aback I was not expecting that shit
🥒: you, with Mobei-Jun: well mark me down as scared and horny

✈️: fuck off ur a bitch 🙃🙃

🥒: you know it 🥵

"-zun? Shizun!" Shen Qingqiu blinked and stared up at Binghe who was looking at him in concern, freshly cooked food on a tray in his hand. "Shizun are you okay? You weren't reacting when I called you." He opened his fan to hide his smile at the caring voice of his husband.

"Ah, my Binghe is too good. Yes, this master is fine, he was just thinking about something Shang-shidi said..." He trailed off, murder on his mind.

Chapter Text

Shen Qingqiu had been sitting at his desk when, without any prior notice, Shang Qinghua rushed into his bamboo home. Ignoring Binghe’s attempts to ask him for his reasons for being in Shen Qingqiu’s home without previously letting him know he was going to be arriving, he slammed a pile of papers on top of the confused cultivator’s work. “Shang-shidi?” He asked, mostly exasperated, but a little curious at his appearance.

“Alignment charts.”

That’s when Shen Qingqiu actually looked at the pages in front of him. On the uppermost page, all he saw was messily written English words. “What?” He asked, squinting as he read it. It was the ‘looks like a cinnamon roll’ ‘looks like they could kill you’ ‘is a cinnamon roll’ ‘would kill you’ “Oh dear gods.”

He looked through all of the pages with some disappointment at the fact that Shang Qinghua had somehow remembered after however many years he’d been in this world. Upon seeing one specific alignment chart, he put it on the top of the pile and tightened his grip on the brush that had nearly fallen out of his hand in the lapse of concentration that had occurred in his confusion. Glaring at the other transmigrator, he wrote his name in the top left space. “Bro, why?"

“You, Shang Qinghua, are a dumb dumbass and nothing can change that.” Shang Qinghua gasped over-exaggeratedly in reaction and Shen Qingqiu rolled his eyes and glared at him in a way that he hoped expressed how strong his urge to hit him was. After he’d had his over-exaggerated moment, Shang Qinghua stole the brush straight from his hand and wrote his name down in return. “Shen Qingqiu is a dumb smartass.” He spoke decisively and just grinned when the other transmigrator looked at him with irritation in his eyes.

“Gods, I should be offended, but it’s true, and that’s the worst thing about it.” Shang Qinghua snickered at the way he sounded defeated, but Shen Qingqiu wasn’t done, “How did you even remember these things? You’ve been around for gods knows how long.” The defeat quickly changed to bewilderment.

The An Ding peak lord stewed over that question for a moment before answering. “A good millennial never forgets their memes.” Exasperation filled Shen Qingqiu’s expression, and he whacked Shang Qinghua’s forehead with his fan. “I’m not kidding! Ever since the first time I met that stanky ass palace master I wanted to ‘ ok, boomer ’ him. It’d been like 20 years here by the time I’d first met him. He always disgusted me, like... I, y’know... I was fully aware just how disgusting he was, but he’s still a sad excuse for a human being and I’m so glad he’s dead.”

“I’ll drink to that.” The Qing Jing peak lord affirmed, before suddenly giggling in amusement as if the idea of that actually happening had only just registered. “You nearly ok boomered that ugly ass paedophile... I salute you.” Shang Qinghua laughed at his senior martial brother’s amusement.

They were both rendered speechless after a confused “Shizun?” came from the doorway. Hesitantly, the two turned to face Luo Binghe, realising that they had just been talking about things they could not talk explicitly about when others were around.

“Ah, Binghe, don’t worry about these old masters. We’re talking nonsense.” His husband looked at him with concern in his gaze and Shen Qingqiu smiled fondly as he stood and moved so he could cup Binghe’s cheek, “We’ll be fine. I know that your Shang-shishu arriving just now was unexpected, but he is not unwelcome. Actually... does Binghe mind getting some wine and some snacks? Your shishu and I are going to do some paperwork together.”

Binghe looked a little suspicious at the sudden request, looking at the ‘paperwork’ like it had personally offended him, but retreated. Shang Qinghua’s eyes lit up and he leaned forward to cling to Shen Qingqiu’s arm excitedly as he sat back down. Before he could do that, the calligraphy brush changed hands and Shen Qingqiu wrote down his husband’s name. “Smart dumbass. I love him but it’s true.” He murmured, ignoring the peak lord linking his right arm with Shen Qingqiu's left like they were a pair of giggly teenaged best friends. Shang Qinghua took the brush again and Shen Qingqiu’s instant response was, “How will you write, clinging to me like that? You’re right-handed.”

“Actually, I’m ambidextrous.” He then proceeded to write Mobei-Jun’s name in the smart smartass space in the worst writing Shen Qingqiu had ever seen. He was surprised he could read it at all, but then remembered that some of his formerly illiterate disciples had writing as horrible at one point and realised that’s why he could read it. His heart really went out to the teachers who had to understand shitty handwriting from even more children back in his original life.

“Ambidextrous my ass.” He scoffed and Shang Qinghua gasped like his soul had just been damaged by such a scathing insult.

“Shizun, will you and Shang-shishu be okay?” Binghe, the absolute darling that he is, asked, a concerned expression on his face as he put down a tray with various sweets and a few jars of his favourite wine. He didn’t drink often but he always had some on hand if he wanted it.

“Of course we will be fine, Binghe needn’t worry. Perhaps Binghe can use this time for him to complete paperwork for the Demon Realm that he has been neglecting.” After he was called out in such a way, Binghe’s shoulders hunched as he tried to hide his face, as if he was embarrassed that his husband figured out that he’d been neglecting what he should be focusing on as the reigning demon emperor.

“Then, I will return later, Shizun. This Binghe hopes you will enjoy the snacks.” Taking Zheng Yang from is its place next to Xiu Ya, he leaned over to kiss Shen Qingqiu and then bowed respectfully before he left the bamboo house.

Once both transmigrators were certain that he was far out of their range, Shen Qingqiu groaned in annoyance, “He can’t just... kiss me then bow to me! I’m his husband, not his master. That’s dumb and I don’t like it.” He huffed and Shang Qinghua snickered before looking through his alignment charts again and bringing one to the top of the pile.

“Shen Qingqiu’s motto, please assume I’m straight.” He spoke, writing down the other’s name in the space, still with his left hand, and still very messy, before the person in topic could even react. He watched as Shen Qingqiu’s eyes narrowed, the left one twitching slightly, before he took the jar of wine, pouring it into the cups Binghe had brought out with everything else and downing both cups without so much as a flinch before refilling them and placing one in front of Shang Qinghua.

“Bold of you to believe I’ve reached my peak of dumbass.” He then spoke, the brush being passed back to him so he could write Shang Qinghua’s name in the accompanying space. Upon realising that it was about him and not someone else, the An Ding peak lord complained about how it definitely wasn’t true. “Well, it’s either that or how dare you assume I have dignity?” He didn’t respond after hearing that and Shen Qingqiu shot him a smug look that screamed ‘yeah that’s what I thought’. “Binghe when I tried to push his original harem members towards him.” He wrote his husband’s name in the ‘Bold of you to assume I’m straight’ space without hesitation. Vigorous nodding and a failed attempt to stifle laughter accompanied the voicing of that suggestion and Shen Qingqiu couldn’t help but laugh a little at the other’s ridiculousness.

Passing the brush to Shang Qinghua as he made grabby hands for it allowed his shidi to declare that his husband was “How dare you assume I’m straight.” He didn’t explain, but Shen Qingqiu knew enough to instantly know why. Wordlessly, he added Liu Qingge’s name into the space for ‘how dare you assume I have dignity’ and Shen Qingqiu spluttered. Placing the brush back in the ink, Shang Qinghua drank the wine in his cup to prolong the silence, at one point nearly choking at the strength of it, refilling the cup before he spoke. “I will not explain. Do not ask me to explain.” He then took one of the snacks Binghe had prepared, shoved it in his mouth whole, and moaned at the taste.

“You’re an embarrassment.”

“You know it, my dude.” Shang Qinghua shot finger guns at him and winked. When Shen Qingqiu looked at him blankly in return, Shang Qinghua began looking through the pages again, as he was doing so, he mumbled under his breath. “Thanks for checking in, I’m still a piece of garbage.” He smiled contently and pulled a new chart out, looking at Shen Qingqiu with a bright grin and picking up the brush again. As Shen Qingqiu was reading the options, Shang Qinghua had already started writing. “My king... has not said fuck before, refuses to say it.”

“Binghe and Yingying, legally cannot say fuck, I will never let them be tainted that way,” when Shang Qinghua went to speak, probably to say something about Binghe likely having said fuck when he was not around, he was silenced with a glare, “Ming Fan on the same as Mobei-Jun.” Shen Qingqiu finished, and Shang Qinghua nodded in agreement. “Qingfang-shidi is in this one, as is Qingwei-shixiong...” he mumbled, writing the two names in ‘has sworn off saying fuck, but said it at some point’.

“Wait, why are you still writing? You’re making it look ugly.” He snatched the brush and quickly wrote both of their names in the ‘regularly says fuck’ row. “And Qingqi-shimei.” He added her name, ignoring Shang Qinghua’s whine at the brush being confiscated. “Zhangmen-shixiong and Liu-shidi...” he mumbled as he wrote their names in the row for ‘has not said fuck before, but can if so desired’ and laughed to himself before drinking more wine and sifting through the papers again.

A little while later, everything seemed to be moving a little slower and they were still drinking, much slower than before, but still faster than they probably should be. “Airplane-bro-" Shen Qingqiu turned to Shang Qinghua to say something, hand up, brush forgotten, but still in his hand for some reason, and the ink on the brush got on his cheek. In true Shang Qinghua fashion, the second he felt the ink and the brush against his cheek, he shrieked and fell backwards. All that Shen Qingqiu could compare that to was the shock that toddlers go into when they fall, only, instead of crying, Shang Qinghua lost it laughing. Shen Qingqiu joined him seconds later, amused by a mixture of his reaction, his fall and the ink that was now drying on his cheek.

“Bro... bro... Hey... hey bro... what did you want?” They squinted at each other for a few seconds and Shen Qingqiu realised that he’d conveniently forgotten whatever it was that he’d just wanted to talk about.

“Uh.” He said eloquently. He downed another cup of wine and... leaned over and drew a dick on Shang Qinghua’s cheek.

“Bro. The feeling of the brush on my face is so good. Do it more.” Shen Qingqiu was pretty sure he had no idea what had been drawn on him, but he was a good friend, so of course he was going to comply.

Liu Qingge slammed open the front door of the bamboo house, not even looking at the mess surrounding the two tipsy, certainly not drunk, no, not at all, peak lords. “Shang-shixiong, I needed you and your disciples said you were here, I hope you’re not busy.” His footsteps stopped and the two quickly turned their heads so he couldn’t see their faces at all, “Oh good, you’re not busy.” Shen Qingqiu snickered, seeing what was going to happen the moment Shang Qinghua’s eyes lit up. His face was currently covered in dicks drawn with expensive ink, looking much like the face of one of the popular boys after a party in his original world at the sheer quantity of inked dicks on his skin. They were both going to regret that later after sobering up.

“ Actually Cassidy, I am busy .” Shang Qinghua spoke in a somewhat bitchy, pitched voice as he tried to mock a teenaged girl's tone. Shen Qingqiu huffed through his nose as he tried to stifle his laughter, especially after Shang Qinghua gagged and rubbed his neck. Liu Qingge actually looked at them after Shang Qinghua had said that, and the mild confusion at the other language turned to complete speechlessness as he saw Shang Qinghua with his face almost completely covered in ink, weird phallic designs covering his face.

The two peak lords dissolved into laughter and left their shidi to be confused as he realised that they were both most definitely drunk tipsy, and that Shang Qinghua was occupied and could not be approached for official business at that particular time. He left the bamboo house with two of his shixiong cackling like the psycho woman who lived on the streets of the town he grew up in, trying to make sense of the weird words that Shang Qinghua had spoken and wondering how Shen Qingqiu understood it.

Chapter Text

Shen Qingqiu was relaxing away from his peak with a nice cup of tea beside him, a book in front of him. Surprisingly enough, this scenario was occurring in a brothel, which he had learned was the one the original Shen Qingqiu frequented in the past, with everything untouched from the last time ‘he’ had visited.

The madame who owned the brothel was a kind lady, unlike many brothel owners — or at least, unlike how owners of an establishment like that are normally portrayed — and treated her girls fairly. He learned that she would ask a customer to leave if they looked scumbaggy or dangerous, and she even scolded Shen Qingqiu for not visiting in years. (He apologised for that, she accepted. He told her that he’d forgotten in all the chaos that’d occurred over the years - even though he’d not gone because he thought that Shen Jiu’s visits were to relieve his sexual frustration because he couldn’t get Ning Yingying in his bed; he didn’t mention this at all.)

He’d learned about Shen Qingqiu’s position in the brothel as the unofficial adopted older brother of the workers by chance. He’d seen a girl being harassed by a greasy old man and had jumped to the protect her, because she looked to be barely older than his younger sister and well, why would he stand by and allow a girl to be harassed ever? Especially when he was a powerful figure and much more physically stronger in this body compared to in his original world. After the man had fled, thoroughly intimidated by the presence of a well-known immortal, the girl turned to look at him, the next thing he knew, she had gasped and muttered a “Qingqiu-ge.” before gripping on to his wrist and starting to drag him towards the brothel, which is an area he liked to avoid.

After being ‘reacquainted’ with the girls and introduced to the very few that had started working there since the last time ‘he’ was there, they asked about how he had been over the years he hadn’t been to visit, but the older ones all had knowing looks on their faces. “How is your little beast, Shen-gege?” The one who asked was called Mei Lan, who truly saw Shen Qingqiu as an older brother, based on what he’d learned about how she had been left on the street as a small child and was taken in by the brothel owner back before the qi deviation, when Shen Jiu had visited somewhat regularly.

Feeling horrible that he was effectively deceiving them, he told them of his qi deviation which resulted in him losing majority of his memories of the past, so he couldn't recall how they had met, he was told a story with such fondness, how on his first visit after the madame had taken in the little Mei Lan, Shen Qingqiu had entered 'his room' and found a little girl whose state reminded him all too much of his childhood — of the little girls who were often the first to be sold by the slavers — peering up at him through her big eyes. She was in his room because it was the safest place for a little girl to be left in a brothel, especially when Shen Qingqiu himself was there.

“This master has no idea what you’re talking about.” He unintentionally flushed red at the question, and she smiled knowingly. He had been caught out and they all knew it.

“Are you sure about that, gege?” She teased, “I’ve heard a little something about a Luo Binghe who married his shizun.”

One of the other girls faked a gasp, “Wasn’t Jiu-ge’s little beast called Luo Binghe?” Shen Qingqiu had almost forgotten what it was like to have a shithead little sister who loves to tease him. Now he apparently has 10. “No, there’s no way our Jiu-ge could be married, not without inviting us.” She looked scandalised at the thought.

He looked away, embarrassed as he muttered, “We sort of uh, eloped.” snapping his fan open, now too embarrassed to continue the conversation without the barrier between his face and their eyes.

The madame gasped, almost sounding offended by that. “I’m sure your brother would have been horrified by that.” Shen Qingqiu muttered under his breath about how Yue Qingyuan had acted exactly like a disapproving older brother, but allowed the girls to continue fussing over him and scolding him for various things.

He had started making scheduled visits to the brothel after that, continuing with the classes Shen Jiu had held in the room he’d found out was set aside for him only, and then spending time reading the books that Shen Jiu had liked to read or trying to recreate modern songs on the guqin which was also in the room. He’d just reached a particularly good scene in a novel that had made him choke in surprise. It featured two male cultivators who were horrible to their cultivation partners, who were women and much stronger than them, and the men had tried to get them to take each other out when suddenly the women turned on their partners and killed them. “Holy shit that just got so much better. Those dumbass men really thought they could pit the girls against each other but they’re much smarter than that. Alexa play mmm whatcha say.”

He continued reading normally when he heard the opening of the song he’d just mentioned. He blinked at first, not quite processing what had just occurred, but then it hit him like a punch to the gut. “What the fuck- no, I’m just imagining it, surely.” He shook his head, almost as if he was banishing the thought, and tried to continue reading, but the music didn’t let up, so the thought came back to his mind. “System is this you?” He asked mentally and received no answer from the shitty system.

Fine. Be like that.

He put the book down and stared at the wall opposite him with narrowed eyes. “Siri play Dancing Queen.” He requested hesitantly and when the iconic ABBA song started, he knew it was definitely the System’s antics. He stood up abruptly and quickly put a bookmark in the book before putting it away (It may be a room for him exclusively, but he wasn’t going to leave it messy). He rushed down the wooden stairs and quickly said his goodbyes to the confused girls and when the madame had asked why he was leaving in such a hurry, he quickly explained that he had important business with one of his martial brothers which he had forgotten about. She only stopped him to go to the kitchen and bring out a container full of his favourite sweets. Shen Qingqiu almost cried at the display of kindness. After that, he rushed outside and mounted Xiu Ya, flying straight to An Ding peak.

One of the wandering An Ding disciples dropped the scrolls and books in her arms as he sped past her at a startlingly fast speed (he also heard an undignified screech of either shock or fear and he had to hide his amusement). He’d barely slowed down to a much less dangerous speed before jumping off Xiu Ya in front of Shang Qinghua’s house, bursting through the door, making him shriek and startling Yue Qingyuan, who was apparently also there. “Sorry not sorry for startling you, but I just found out the greatest thing about you know what. Uhhhh. You know what? After you’re done here, come to my peak.” He then turned around, his robes swishing with him and promptly walked out, completely ignoring the bewildered Yue Qingyuan. Oh well. He’d apologise next time. Maybe.

Shen Qingqiu knew that Shang Qinghua had entered his bamboo house from the sound of the door slamming against the wall. “Bro? What the fuck was that? Sect Leader was almost convinced that we’re having an affair.” At the double take that Shen Qingqiu had just done, the scolding he was about to give the older for slamming the door open dying before he could get a word out, he cackled. “I’m joking obviously, but he looked like a kicked puppy when he was watching the door after you left.” Shen Qingqiu rolled his eyes, of course he did. “Now, what is the new revelation that will change my life?”

“Okay, so I was reading, as I do, and these ladies just kill their abusive cultivation partners and go off together and I just do the basic bitch millennial thing and go ‘Alexa play mmm whatcha say’ and get this, it actually worked.” Just as he said the phrase, the song started for both of them and Shang Qinghua keeled over as he started to cackle, ridiculously amused as the ‘mmmm whatcha saaaaaay mmmmmmmm that you only meant weeelllllllllll well of course you did’ resonated around his head loudly.

“Mmm whatcha say will never die oh god it’s been so long since I’ve heard this.”

“And you know what might just be pretty amazing, System does it no matter what you say, like Siri.”

“Hey Siri play that song about darkness being a friend.”

It was silent for a moment, both males anticipating what was to come, but then ‘Hello darkness my old friend, I’ve come to talk to you again’ and just like that they both lost it.

Ning Yingying was concerned when she approached her Shizun’s bamboo house and heard two voices screaming words she couldn’t understand. But then she noticed that one of the voices belonged to her shizun, and after a few moments listening in despite not understanding what was being said, she picked up that the other voice was her Shang-shishu. She was surprised that they were yelling at each other, but the concern and surprise melted away when she heard them laughing.

Instead of bothering her shizun, she smiled at his carefree attitude and left, trying to make sense of the words they had been screaming.

"Wake me up." That had been her shizun, her Shang-shishu's voice coming after.

"Wake me up inside!"

"Can't wake up."

"Wake me up inside!"

"Saaaaaavvvveeee meeeeeeeeeee!"

"Save me from the nooooooothing I've becooooome!"

She only shrugged and decided she'd ask her shizun about what he was saying at another time, and she'd ask him the question she'd been mulling over later.

Chapter Text

🥒 : Bro we need to be more discreet about talking in English
🥒 : and talking about memes

✈️ : what why?

🥒 : my dear Ning Yingying came up to me and asked about what you and I were doing the other day, then attempted to recite the lyrics to Bring Me To Life
🥒 : she failed miserably and I didn’t laugh because I am Supportive Shizun (tm) but I almost did laugh because I am a horrible human being
🥒 : is this what I sounded like while I was learning English
🥒 : it was what your bullshit chinglish letter sounded like that’s for sure

✈️ : MY DAUGHTER HAS VEEN CORRUPTED????
✈️ : also fuck you not everyone was the child of a rich family with an international business who needed to learn english

🥒 : WXCUSE ME WHY ARE YOU SAYINV THAT LIKE ITS MY FAULT????!?!?

✈️ : BECAUSE E YOURE THE INE WHO FOUND OUT ABOYT THE MUSIC????????????? BITCH

🥒 : BLOCKED

✈️ : waitwaitwait no unblock me I have something to say

🥒 : unblocked

✈️ : BITCH

🥒 : eye-
🥒 : I walked right in to that one

Shang Qinghua couldn’t help but let out a little laugh at that. He’d told Cucumber Bro that he was the meme master, but he didn’t believe him, so now he was suffering.

🥒 : YOURE BLOCKED AGAIN FOR REAL FUCK YOU YOURE NOT INVITED RO MY BIRTHDAY

✈️ : JOKES ON YOU
✈️ :YOU WOULDNT EVEN HAVE A BIRTHDAY PARTY IN THIA WORLS

You cannot send messages to this person.

✈️ : YOU DONT WVEN KNOW SHEN JIU’S BIRTHDAY

You cannot send messages to this person.

✈️ : YOU ACTUALLY BLOCKED ME??????

You cannot send messages to this person.

✈️ : BITCH

You cannot send messages to this person.

Storming out of his house, he mounted his sword and flew over the Qing Jing peak. When he landed, he was greeted by Ming Fan, who politely informed him that Shen Qingqiu was in classes with the younger disciples. He inwardly cooed at how polite the former bully had become, decided that he was going to ambush Shen Qingqiu after the other transmigrator got out of his class and then changed his mind and decided he was going to confront Shen Qingqiu in front of his students, turning heel and stalking towards the classes instead of walking to the bamboo house.

“Ah, Shang-shidi, what brings you-" before he could finish with his pleasantries, Shang Qinghua had spoken over him.

“Bitch.” Shen Qingqiu’s eyes widened with betrayal.

“Apologies, disciples, this master will have to take his leave early, but he will get senior disciple Ming Fan to supervise you. Please continue to work on your calligraphy of a poem of your choice.” With that he stood from where he had been sitting, and gracefully, but in a way that made it very evident that he was pissed, walked out of the room. Shang Qinghua had only just noticed that Ming Fan had followed him to the classes when he’d gone there instead of waiting in Shen Qingqiu’s quarters. “Ming Fan. Please take over this class, your shidi and shimei are currently working on their calligraphy. I’m not entirely sure when I will return, but I have to talk to your shishu.” Ming Fan gulped at the tone which his shizun had used while saying the word talk and bowed, walking into the classroom.

Shen Qingqiu stalked off towards his bamboo house, leaving Shang Qinghua to follow behind meekly.

“Whore.” Shang Qinghua felt attacked by that, holy fuck. He wasn’t even fully through the door of the bamboo house yet.

“Now, pray tell, why you interrupted my class. And just know, I won’t hesitate, bitch. ” Shang Qinghua spluttered before gathering his wits enough to respond with some of the aggression he’d burst in with.

“ Wouldn’t you like to know, weather boy .”

“Fuck you, honestly.”

“Bitch. Unblock me.”

“You fool! You moron! All of that effort for that? No way bitchboy!” Shang Qinghua snorted in amusement at Shen Qingqiu calling him ‘bitchboy’, the annoyance and confusion at being blocked instantly slipping further away from his focus.

“Oh no, you called me bitchboy! This will be the start of my villain arc!” He declared sarcastically, then squinted as he realised something. “We... technically we’ve already had our villain arcs, even if it was just acting as if we were still our body’s former selves.” He stated.

“That... sounds about right, actually.” Shen Qingqiu responded after momentarily thinking about it himself.

While they were both silent, Shang Qinghua decided to double down on his declaration. “You know that this means that villain arc number two begins now.”

"Not for you though, for me. The first action in my secondary villain arc is the demise of Shang Qinghua.” Shen Qingqiu declared, neither his voice nor his expression giving away even a hint of a joke.

“Dude. That sounds so ominous.” Shang Qinghua visibly shuddered.

“Good.”

“ Dude .”

Shen Qingqiu looked at Shang Qinghua with a stony stare until the other transmigrator backed up and out of the bamboo house and fled Qing Jing peak, suddenly not sure if he was joking or not.

Chapter Text

SYSTEM ERROR 069 : SERVER OVERLOAD
SYSTEM REQUIRES IMMEDIATE REBOOT

PRIVACY COMPROMISED

WARNING ⚠️ ALL SYSTEM INTERACTIONS COMPROMISED

Shen Qingqiu awoke to a glitchy text box hanging over him which disappeared the second his eyes had focused enough to actually attempt to read what was on it. He wasn’t able to make out a single word. “System?” he internally prodded at the annoying thing, wondering if the text box was its doing, but got no response. Hm. Suspicious.

He decided to go about his regular day and just keep an eye out for anything odd that could be related to the system, just in case.

When Shen Qingqiu came across his dear husband who was bringing out breakfast congee and tea, he gave him a good morning kiss and a fond smile as they both sat down.

“Binghe didn’t prepare breakfast for himself?” He enquired as he realised that his husband didn’t put down a serving of food for himself. Binghe leaned his cheek against one of his hands and shook his head, a smile on his face.

“This Binghe didn’t prepare food for himself, he only wants to ensure that Shizun is fed adequately before he leaves Shizun behind to go to the demon realm for business.” Binghe answered endearingly. Shen Qingqiu felt his heart clench from how cute his Binghe is.

The congee tasted beyond delicious, as Binghe’s food always did. After he had finished eating, while Binghe was cleaning up the dishes, Shen Qingqiu pulled up the System’s menu to see if he could find whatever it was that the pop-up was trying to warn him about. “System, what was that message when I woke up? What should I be warned about?” Seeing nothing in the menu and getting no response from the system itself, he pulled up the messaging system and wrote up a quick message to his fellow transmigrator.

dumb smartass: Airplane, just a warning, the System is being weird

dumb dumbass: is that rlly that strange tho
dumb dumbass: ????

dumb smartass: no, but I’m just telling you anyway smh
dumb smartass: did you not see the weird pop up when you woke up?

dumb dumbass: no
dumb dumbass: well… i saw a lot of text and i wasnt going to try to read it so all i really thought about it was
dumb dumbass: i aint reading all that
im happy for u tho
or sorry that happened

dumb smartass: bruh

dumb dumbass: teehee

dumb smartass: you can’t see me but I know you can definitely see the judgemental stare that I am mentally burning into your brain

dumb dumbass:

dumb smartass: yea I thought so
dumb smartass: that is the ugliest mf I have ever seen

dumb dumbass: rude
dumb dumbass: i drew him myself

dumb smartass: yea I thought so

dumb dumbass: fuck u

dumb smartass: you love me Qinghua, I am literally your best friend and the only person who deals with your bullshit

dumb dumbass: well no

dumb smartass: I’m the one who deals with all of your bullshit and you know it
dumb smartass: in other news, my husband’s cooking is still heavenly

dumb dumbass: yep thats what happens when u marry the wonderful protagonist luo binghe
dumb dumbass: im definitely not jealous

Shen Qingqiu suddenly heard the clatter of a dish from the kitchen. “Binghe? Is everything okay?”

“Yes husband! Everything is fine. There is nothing that Shizun should worry about.” That’s the problem, Shen Qingqiu was worried. He knew his husband’s tells, and calling him husband and then immediately after calling him Shizun was one of them, it generally meant that he was hiding something. The insistence that nothing was wrong was also a little concerning. However, he wasn’t going to push Binghe. He returned his attention to the chatbox where Shang Qinghua hit him with a question he had constantly been thinking about.

dumb dumbass: dont u also wish u could tell ur husband abt the system, abt ur past?
dumb dumbass: abt the truth

dumb smartass: yes. absolutely.
dumb smartass: if this thing wasn’t holding my own dead body over my head as blackmail for punishment I’d tell him about the system with no hesitation
dumb smartass: well
dumb smartass: some hesitation
dumb smartass: because it’d be so hard to tell Binghe that his scum Shizun died during that qi deviation and was replaced with a 20 year old terminally ill guy who hated the original story of his life to the point he died while cursing it and woke up in the body of the character he hated the most.

dumb dumbass: wait i didnt realise u were that young 🥺
dumb dumbass: a baby

dumb smartass: fuck off.
dumb smartass: you’re only older because you transmigrated to Shang Qinghua as a baby

dumb dumbass: yeah well i was 26 when i died so u were practically a baby anyway, then i lived another life from birth and you didnt so ur baby x2

dumb smartass: you were six years older than me, shut up

dumb dumbass: and that means ur actually quite close in age to binghe!
dumb dumbass: ur literally the youngest peak lord ever, but nobody will know except for us

dumb smartass: I guess despite my death I did keep the family legacy of being the youngest to do something important :D

dumb dumbass: knowing u r babie makes your happiness so much better to witness

dumb smartass: fuck you.

dumb dumbass: back on system talk, ud think that because it considers the story as officially complete itd let us tell at least one person about it or at least ourselves, but it seems to have a death grip on us to keep it secret 💀
dumb dumbass: literally

dumb smartass: unfortunately…

“Shizun, this Binghe is departing, he wishes that his husband has a good day and that his disciples are well behaved.” Binghe’s goodbye kiss seemed extra sweet, which was unexpected, but never unwanted.

dumb dumbass: bro i just got word that there’s a peak lord meeting

dumb smartass: ????
dumb smartass: wasn’t there one like a week ago?
dumb smartass: or is my memory failing me?

dumb dumbass: no there was
dumb dumbass: im just as confused as u 🤔

dumb smartass: weird

dumb dumbass: bro we should wear those matching crowns we got and see how many ppl give us weird looks
dumb dumbass: especially after the meeting

There was a knock on the door of the bamboo hut and Shen Qingqiu stood to answer the door. “Shizun,” Ming Fan was standing outside, he had been looking towards the direction of the rainbow bridges, a somewhat confused look on his face but when the door opened he had immediately turned his head back “Qiong Ding sent a messenger to inform Shizun of a peak lord meeting that had been called immediately, but when they saw this disciple they asked him to pass the message on to Shizun instead.“

“This master thanks Ming Fan for informing him.“ His head disciple bowed and walked back off towards where Shen Qingqiu assumed he had originally been going before being spotted by the Qiong Ding messenger. He closed the door and decided it was time to finish getting ready if the meeting was in fact ‘immediately’.

dumb smartass: Airplane I’ve already said that I won’t be going drinking anywhere off the peak
dumb smartass: you know what happened last time

dumb dumbass: yea u drew dicks on my face with expensive ink
dumb dumbass: and i didnt say we were gonna go drinking…

dumb smartass: I don’t regret that.
dumb smartass: and you didn’t need to say anything, I know you

dumb dumbass: im wearing the crown, whether u do or not doesnt matter… and i guess were not gonna go drinking then smh

Shen Qingqiu pinned his normal crown into his hair and sighed, staring at the ‘crown’ that Shang Qinghua had been talking about. It was a flower crown that was very reminiscent of 2016. He had never been in the flower crown wearing crowd, but his younger sister had been very into them, she had a rotating roster of gorgeous flower crowns, enough to wear a unique crown for the most part of a month.

He couldn’t help but wonder how Shang Qinghua had acquired a flower crown in this world. Flower crowns weren’t a common accessory, especially not in xianxia settings. He knew that there was a specific flower crown used for a wife plot in PIDW, he felt a particular disdain for flower crowns because of this wife plot, disliking the fuck-or-die poison which was created by the Ancient Tangle Thorn which for some reason was in the flower crown. The idea of the flowering thorny vine itself was awful because it was literally just used for kink, and then thanks to the vine’s kink purpose, the poison wasn’t just a one-and-done fuck and go type scenario.

No, Wife 290 had a whole 20-chapter arc where Binghe tried relentlessly to heal the poison, but she continued to fall ill again shortly after being seemingly healed. She was eventually completely healed of the poison when Bingge realised it was the flower crown/kink gear that she had been wearing on the night of their wedding. The flower crown was removed and after one last final papapa session, Wife 290 was healed.

And so, they had a happy ever after... until Wife 290 was killed the very next chapter after the arc was over.

Soon after, it was revealed that Wife 290’s killer was her own sister, who was jealous of her sister becoming Lord Bingge’s newest wife and hoped that she could substitute herself for her sister without anyone knowing. The punishment for the murder of the wife was that the sister was to be bound by the Ancient Tangle Thorn, Bingge could choose at any point to heal the sister, or he could choose to get revenge for Wife 290 by letting the poison consume the sister.

There were another five chapters afterwards where Bingge healed the sister and let the vine re-inflict her with the poison to make her suffer, and many of the readers — unfortunately including Shen Qingqiu himself — thought he would bring her into the harem, only to be surprised when Bingge let her succumb to the poison and Wife 290’s sister died a painful death. To Shen Qingqiu, this arc — barring the numerous chapters of papapa within it — gave him hope that the story may be heading back in the direction of what it was before the main plot point became the endless harem growth and papapa. It was something different than just ‘Harem Member Get!’ every time Bingge saw a woman.

When the next arc was also actually decent plot Shen Qingqiu was actually starting to get excited. However, it became incredibly clear that Airplane really was just taking PIDW down the path that the most vocal of his readers wanted when the arc had an unfulfilling, almost incomplete end, and the most significant thing was the papapa with the three newly added harem members.

Regardless of the associated plot, he’s not sure how flower crowns became something that Shang Qinghua could’ve come across as easily as he suggested it had been. The flowers looked to be accurate to the flora around PIDW’s human realm, and one or two looked like they may have a demon realm origin. They looked very realistic, they didn’t feel incredibly realistic, but they didn’t feel like they were made of crappy plastic adjacent material which confused Shen Qingqiu. He wanted to know the artistry of this flower crown, which felt incredibly weird to even think.

Shen Qingqiu sighed and picked up the flower crown, placing it firmly on his head. This was so stupid, but really, why not do it anyway? Shen Yuan has already completely retconned Shen Qingqiu’s personality, so why not also go along with something stupid that Airplane had suggested.

dumb smartass: I still hate that after the somewhat bearable “plot” involving wife 290, particularly wife 290’s jealous sister not becoming wife 291, and the following arc with the old nomadic prophet, you immediately went back to the endless papapa.

dumb dumbass: i kno

dumb smartass: I had so much hope that I would start actually enjoying pidw again

dumb dumbass: i kno
dumb dumbass: i read ur scathing essay in the comments

dumb smartass: you almost got your first positive comment from me since chapter 109

dumb dumbass: i kno
dumb dumbass: i was a broke college student and paying the bills was only possible by writing what the readers wanted
dumb dumbass: and unfortunately that included never fleshing out the scum villain like id wanted to, and only writing smut

dumb smartass: yeah I know
dumb smartass: that’s why I didn’t know shit about Shen Jiu’s past until after Meng Mo pulled me from that punishment when I encountered the original goods and he ripped my arm off because he thought I was the original Shen Jiu 😵💫

Shen Qingqiu heard a distant crash from somewhere on the peak and frowned in concern.

dumb smartass: wtf was that

dumb dumbass: ?

dumb smartass: very loud noise somewhere on Qing Jing
dumb smartass: confused and concerned

dumb dumbass: scared and horny

dumb smartass: shut the fuck up

dumb dumbass:

dumb smartass: you forget we will be face to face soon

dumb dumbass: ah

dumb smartass: i’ll kill u

dumb dumbass: you:

dumb smartass: do you just have an internal meme database or smth?

dumb dumbass:

dumb smartass: okay that one actually made me laugh

dumb dumbass:

dumb smartass: how is that a hit tweet

dumb dumbass: i have once again made you laugh, which immediately means you are winning at life
dumb dumbass: therefore, hit tweet

dumb smartass: now you’re pushing it

Although he had implied that the hit tweet meme that Shang Qinghua had sent wasn’t funny, Shen Qingqiu was still chuckling to himself as he deemed himself officially ready to go to the peak lord meeting, stepping out of his bamboo house, unsheathing Xiu Ya and mounting the blade to fly over to Qiong Ding. He lost track of time just a little bit while messaging Shang Qinghua and had only realised as he stepped outside that he didn’t really have enough time for a peaceful walk across the rainbow bridges on his way to get to the meeting.

dumb smartass: because I am a fool, I have only just left on Xiu Ya
dumb smartass: there goes the peaceful walk that I was planning

dumb dumbass: skill issue.
dumb dumbass: im already there lol

dumb smartass: I swear I can’t multitask with walking and typing even though it’s mental smh
dumb smartass: I was a master multitasker back in the modern world, I think I only had one major event where I almost accidentally walked in front of a car and became a stain on the road

dumb dumbass: bro u terrify me
dumb dumbass: i am terrified for ur life at all times

dumb smartass: stfu :)

dumb dumbass: no.

Both Yue Qingyuan and Liu Qingge were waiting outside of the pavilion, talking quietly with each other as they waited for him, “Ah, Yue-shixiong, Liu-shidi, apologies for the delay in arriving. This Qingqiu greets you both.” he bowed, not noticing the bewildered look being exchanged by two of his martial brothers. He didn’t notice that they didn’t really respond, walking into the pavilion with barely enough time to count as not being late.

“This Qingqiu greets his shidi and shimei.” He bowed to the other peak lords, who he noticed had a range of expressions on their faces, Mu Qingfang, in particular, looked quite concerned, but everyone else expressed mostly confusion. Except, of course, for Shang Qinghua, who looked quite satisfied as he pointedly stared at Shen Qingqiu’s purple flower crown, which matched the one on his own head which had been created from yellow flowers. Shen Qingqiu snapped open his fan to cover his slight smile at how happy his wearing the flower crown had made Shang Qinghua.

dumb dumbass: lol everyone is so confused by the flower crowns

dumb smartass: to be fair, this is a surprise meeting, we’re really not *that* special bro

dumb dumbass: bro, you wound my pride

dumb smartass: and that’s something I take pride in

Shang Qinghua was glaring at him, but it didn’t have any of the effect that he was probably hoping for and instead, Shen Qingqiu had to cough a little to hide his laughter, which made the ‘glare’ more ‘intense’ towards him. He was glad that he had his fan to hide his smile which had grown significantly.

dumb dumbass: STO IT

dumb smartass: no :)

dumb dumbass: you’re sucg a passive aggressive bitch

dumb smartass: i know :)

Liu Qingge walked back in, followed immediately by Yue Qingyuan who Shen Qingqiu noticed looked somewhat pale now that he was actually properly paying attention to his surroundings and not worrying about being late. Just as the sect leader opened his mouth to speak, the system made its presence known after being silent for all of the time he’d been awake.

System reboot complete. All of System’s functions online. This System thanks loyal users for their patience! ( ´▽ ｀ )

Shen Qingqiu exchanged concerned looks with Shang Qinghua at the announcement from the system. Reboot? What had they actually missed? He directed the question at the google translate voice which seemed to pause before answering.

This System apologises for user’s confusion, System rebooted to patch an error where System was overloaded.
+1000 B-Points added to user’s profile to compensate for time when System was offline.

Somehow… that compensation didn’t feel like it would cover enough for the time that the system was down, but Shen Qingqiu couldn’t quite put his finger on why.

Chapter Text

The sect leader opened his mouth to speak, and Shen Qingqiu felt like this was going to be… bad was the first word that came to mind, but he knew it’d probably be worse than that.

“Welcome, my Shidi and Shimei, this is a… strange situation, in which many, if not all, of us have found ourselves with a strange floating… scroll, or paper of some sort, flying in front of their eyes and following them around everywhere.” Shen Qingqiu heard a sharp inhale from Shang Qinghua and for once, he didn’t think that his fellow transmigrator was overreacting, especially not as more was said.

“These scrolls cannot be touched, yet there are constantly words on them, messages going back and forth like letters, but more like the pace of a face to face conversation. Strange words, phrases and faces. Those things are a mystery. However, this Master was able to piece together all relevant information about the ones who were exchanging the messages.”

This was it, Shen Qingqiu was as good as dead. Hopefully they honour his will and give Xiu Ya to Binghe and everything else he owns to Ning Yingying, he hopes that his disciples live long and prosperous lives… Except, wills never existed in PIDW, dammit.

Just as Yue Qingyuan began to say the names of the people involved, another message popped up on the System’s screen.

dumb dumbass : man, im dead

And the starting bars of Bad to the Bone played. Everyone in the room jumped at the loud music which was nothing like anything in this world.

Due to the sheer surprise, Shen Qingqiu was unable to stop himself from letting out a loud bark of laughter.

“Shen-shidi? Would you or Shang-shidi like to explain that?” Yue Qingyuan gestured to where the system’s chat screen must have appeared for him. There it is… All eyes were on him in particular, and Shen Qingqiu genuinely found himself lost for words. How had this happened? Would punishment be dished out by the system?

“Uh,” Shang Qinghua stuttered. Real eloquent, buddy.

“It’s, uh… it’s an incredibly long story.” Unfortunately, Shen Qingqiu wasn’t faring much better himself, still completely stunned.

“Perhaps you could start at the moment which we all know of, Shen Qingqiu’s qi deviation.” That sentence alone was enough to strike terror in his heart. Had it really been that obvious to them that ‘Shen Qingqiu’ had changed?

“Um… so, Shen Qingqiu, that is, Shen Jiu, died when he had that qi deviation. And in a world quite different from this, myself, Shen Yuan, also died. I died after cursing out a webnovel called ‘Proud Immortal Demon Way’, focused on a half-demon named Luo Binghe, created by an author named ‘Airplane Shooting Towards The Sky’.” He was absolutely throwing Shang Qinghua under the bus later. “I cursed it out because it was so poorly written after showing so much potential at the start, before the author began to pander to his porn-obsessed, basement-dwelling male audience. On death, this thing called the System — which was activated by me cursing out the book — sent my soul into the newly vacated body of the scum villain from the book, Shen Qingqiu.” It took all of his willpower to not say ‘good riddance’ while talking about the original Shen Qingqiu being dead, knowing that it would hurt Yue Qingyuan even more than the truth about Shen Jiu’s fate. He may now know that the original’s personality and motivations were incredibly complex and that his backstory was more tragic than what was previously known, but even with everything he knew, Shen Jiu was still an asshole, so Shen Yuan would stand by his opinion.

“I was bound by OOC — out of character — restrictions, which was awful because by being in character, I had no choice but to let Binghe’s abuse continue, even though all I wanted to do was hug his thigh so I could avoid the horrible human stick fate of the original goods, ah, I mean Shen Jiu.” Yue Qingyuan looked sick. Shen Qingqiu didn’t want to focus much on the original, knowing how much it upset the sect leader.

“After I unlocked the OOC feature, the system didn’t care about what I said or did, except for when it did. I was supposed to follow the plot, but I was also tasked to fix the plot holes, improve the characters and learn hidden secrets through my own actions. I wasn’t allowed to tell anyone about the system or my past. Punishment, most of the time, was experiencing some of the original torture, through the dream realm, and punishment threatened for some of the more major things was being returned to my original world, to my dead body. A key plot point that I couldn’t avoid at risk of this punishment was, unfortunately, Shen Qingqiu pushing Luo Binghe into the Endless Abyss. This was the moment in the story where Binghe’s hatred for his scum Shizun was solidified and it would also determine Cang Qiong’s fate. I thought I was doomed, despite trying my damndest to be better. And believe me, I tried to negotiate with the system. Nothing ever worked. The time when Binghe was sent into the Endless Abyss was when this one learned that our dearest rat Shang Qinghua was also a transmigrator, and also happened to be the author. I will not be explaining anything for him though.”

Majority of the eyes of the other peak lords turned away from him to Airplane, who shrunk considerably in his seat. The ones whose eyes lingered on Shen Qingqiu were, unsurprisingly, Yue Qingyuan, and Liu Qingge. Yue Qingyuan’s eyes showed a deep sorrow that Shen Qingqiu knew he would never truly learn the depth of, and Liu Qingge had an unnameable expression, seeming like a mixture of conflict, relief, disappointment, hope and strangely… what almost seemed like inspiration. Unless it wasn’t inspiration and Shen Qingqiu was just dumb, and that’s always a possibility.

“Uh…” Bro… you had all this time to think of something to say and you still failed? Shen Qingqiu swore he could see a drop of sweat run down Shang Qinghua’s face.

“I-uh, yeah, as Cucumber-bro said, I’m much like him, from a different world and whatever, but unlike him, this one transmigrated as a literal infant and lived a whole life from the start in this world. And yes, I was unfortunately the person who wrote the original shitshow of a novel. Most unfortunately, was that this one transmigrated into the traitor Shang Qinghua and knew of his original fate and was unable to run away because of the system, he was also unable to avoid his first encounter with Mobei-Jun, because the encounter had been no more than a rough outline of a backstory for a canon fodder character that nobody would’ve wanted.”

“Correction-“ Shen Qingqiu began, but was quickly spoken over by his fellow transmigrator.

“You would’ve wanted it, I know. You’ve told me in your scathing comments about the plot holes in the novel, and you’ve told me in person a few times as well.” Shang Qinghua’s voice was fond, which greatly contrasted the annoyed roll of his eyes. “I apologise if anyone here has ever been inconvenienced by something I’ve written. I highly doubt I’ll remember every event, Cucumber-bro has chastised me a number of times when he has asked me for more information on something that I’ve forgotten, so I’m sorry anyway.”

“If you or a loved one has been diagnosed with ‘written as a background fodder character’ you may be entitled to compensation.” Shen Qingqiu recited with closed eyes, changing the copypasta on the spot, hoping that it sounded as funny as he thought it was.

“Oh, shut up bro.” Shen Qingqiu sensed a small object heading towards him and his eyes snapped open, but the small projectile hit him straight in the forehead before he had noticed just what was heading towards him. It was a melon seed, which he knew that Shang Qinghua had grabbed from his snack bag of various seeds that he always kept stocked up and stored in his qiankun pouch. Shen Qingqiu made a weird sounding ‘ack’ sound out of surprise at the impact, getting a quiet laugh out of (of course) Shang Qinghua, and also, surprisingly, Wei Qingwei.

“What does shixiong mean by that?” Qi Qingqi asked, her gaze sharp enough to make Shen Qingqiu and Shang Qinghua remember that they were, in fact, in the middle of explaining themselves after the system strangely let others in on the private conversations. The fact that the peak lord still called him shixiong and not his name or something else gave Shen Qingqiu hope that he wasn’t going to be cast from the sect.

“The phrase itself comes from a copypasta, ‘if you or a loved one has been diagnosed with mesothelioma you may be entitled to financial compensation’, edited to suit the situation. Mesothelioma is a… it’s been a while since I first heard of it, I think I remember that it’s a type of cancer? Which is a type of sickness which has no cure and is very often deadly, and the context of the edit I made is because most of the people in this room were background characters who were killed during the original Binghe’s path to revenge.” Shen Qingqiu knew he could get very invested into explaining more but didn’t want to confuse them too much. They already seemed confused.

Mu Qingfang, thankfully, seemed to take everything in stride with a healer’s grace. He stood from his seat and approached Shen Qingqiu and held out his hand expectantly. Shen Qingqiu looked at the hand, then up at the healer inquisitively. “Meridian check. This master understands that it is likely nothing has changed for shixiong, but he wishes to confirm it.”

Shen Qingqiu wanted to cry. That’s two of the other Peak Lords who had acknowledged him and likely didn’t want to throw him out. He gladly lifted his arm and Mu Qingfang did exactly as he said he would, checking his meridians as gently as he always did.

dumb dumbass: you look like 🥺🥺

Shen Qingqiu pinched his nose with his free hand “Shut the fuck up, Airplane.” he sighed long sufferingly. Wei Qingwei muffled his laughter into his sleeve and Shen Qingqiu changed his mental tally to three.

“So, you… during those messages we saw, you… Shen-shixiong said that he was very young before being placed in the former Shen-shixiong’s body, and Shang-shixiong said that shixiong is the youngest peak lord in history, which this master believes to be the truth. It is quite commendable that you were able to do the duties of a peak lord with no experience.” the Zui Xuan peak lord seemed unusually sober as he said this, even though he took a swig of alcohol immediately after. It was a little unsettling to see the man looking and sounding so serious.

Shen Qingqiu picked his fan up and snapped it open, holding it up to his face to hide the growing redness. He noticed Liu Qingge’s very intense stare fixed on him and the redness increased rapidly. It took all of the willpower he had in him (at least half of it definitely came from the original Shen Qingqiu) to not shrink in his seat. Mu Qingfang smiled warmly at Shen Qingqiu, a fond, almost teasing look visible in his eyes because he was the only one who could fully see his face behind the fan. He nodded approvingly and moved to check Shang Qinghua’s meridians too.

“Wei-shixiong truly tested him with Hong Jing?” Wei Qingwei nodded in confirmation at Liu Qingge’s question “This one trusts the current Shen Qingqiu more than he trusts the spoiled young master of past.” Shen Qingqiu, knowing how wrong that statement was, internally screamed because he knew it wasn’t his place to tell Liu Qingge about Shen Jiu’s painful past but… Ah, which one is the spoiled young master, exactly? You really are a little backwards on that, aren’t you, shidi?

Regardless, that was five of the other peak lords who had acknowledged him as Shen Qingqiu, not including his fellow transmigrator.

“You all… This one thought that he was going to be instantly cast out from the sect.” Shen Qingqiu confessed, but he knew that Yue Qingyuan’s approval was probably going to be the hardest to acquire. He was the one with the complicated history with the original. “Are you going to cast me out?” He asked, looking at the sect leader.

“We have no reason to cast Xiao-Yuan out.” Being referred to by the name he hadn’t used in many years in the same way that Yue Qingyuan had always referred to Shen Jiu left a warm feeling in his chest, especially as it was accompanied by what could only be acceptance. “He has proven to be capable of running Qing Jing, and not one person in the other sects has mentioned Shen-shidi as being particularly off, nor have any of this sect’s disciples mentioned any rumours that were being spread by the non-cultivating population. He did not choose this life yet he has lived it as if he was trained by our preceding generation.”

Shen Qingqiu wanted to scream really fucking loud. He had majority approval of the other peak lords plus the approval of the sect leader. He wasn’t going to lose his home and everything he’s known for the last number of years. He was so glad.