Chapter Text
A sense of contentment lulled her to sleep that night, painting her dreams with warm, hazy tints. The images conjured up by her mind were once kind and comforting. Konoha softened into something safe and delightful, like her memories of it as a child.
Six-year-old Naruto sat as Hokage. His tiny face was swallowed by the red and white traditional hat. With a look of utmost seriousness, he tipped it up with both hands and yelled that his birthday would be the village's official Ramen Day. Shikamaru, the grown up one from her first life, was charged with carrying out the order. She, Ino, and Choji were forced into helping. The revered Teuchi-san had retired, but his two students, Tsunade and Kakashi, had taken up the mantle and were competing to be the true successor of Ichiraku Ramen Bar. Sasuke made an appearance too, demanding an official tomato holiday.
Laughter, demonic cats, and underground ramen gambling filled her dream.
Sakura woke up with a smile on her face. It stayed plastered on even after Naruto succeeded in landing a solid right hook through her defense while sparing.
“It's sort of creepy, but not in a bad way,” Naruto decided, spreading out like a starfish on the training ground. “I guess it makes me realize how gloomy you usually are. This whole goofy smile thing makes your face look kinda silly.”
She paused, her right leg raised over her head, pleasantly stretching the muscles along the backside of her thigh. No matter how hard she’d tried to impart the importance of properly stretching after exercise, Naruto favored collapsing on the spot. An unavoidable side-effect of giving 110% all the time, she supposed. It’s pretty convenient now, as it left him in a rather vulnerable position.
Her grin widened, uncaring of her bruised lips aching in protest, and said with a foreboding tone, “Silly?”
Which was all the warning Naruto got before she shifted her weight and rolled onto the ground beside him. Swiftly, her fingers dug into his stomach, the sides of his torso, underarms, and ribs. His uncontrolled snickers shining like gold. He made some attempts to push her hands away, but Sakura was determined and unwavering.
“Haha..st-oh-hah..ughaha, please, hihi-aukra!”
“Who looks silly now?”
Chortled apologies spilled out of the blond boy’s mouth as he rolled back and forth on the ground. At last, she granted him mercy, withdrawing her fingers and dipping to the side. Her shoulder pressing against his. He continued to gasp for air for a few more moments.
Rays of sunlight peeked over the forest line, cradling the training ground. Dust motes glimmer within the shafts of light stretching towards them. She watched the tiny particles wink like fireflies until her vision drifted out of focus. A peaceful hush blanketing them. It was almost like she was still dreaming. Her heart was a cluster of white, fluffy Dandelion seeds gliding in the air.
“How did you do that?” Naruto asked with a tone of wonder, breaking the silence.
“Do what? Tickle you?” Sakura responds amused, her eyes cracking open to look at him.
His cheeks were flushed red. Perhaps from laughing earlier or embarrassment?
Sheepishly, he nodded. A few seconds passed before he elaborated; “Yeah, I’ve seen others do it, of course, like the mommies with babies in the playground. But every time I tried it on myself, it didn’t work like it was supposed to. I thought maybe the others were exaggerating or... or maybe I was doing it wrong.”
The words sounded a little wistful, but his face was free of sorrow. She turned her body fully towards him - her knee digging into his stomach and her hands grasping his. Well accustomed to her random bouts of clinginess, Naruto just smiled and looked at her expectantly.
“It's not that you did it wrong per se,” Sakura started,” but rather that the somatosensory cortex, the part that processes touch, and the anterior cingulate cortex, which processes feelings, are much more stimulated when people are tickled by others than by themselves. I think unpredictability plays a part; it also helps that the brain doesn’t need to use energy to coordinate it.”
“Hehe, you always have an answer,” he said, pleased, his limbs stretching out with a soft pop and his face twisting in her direction. When he saw her expression, he frowned. “Oi, why do you look gloomy again?”
Sakura wrinkled her nose, “You are the one who started talking about sad things.”
Blue eyes widened with genuinely bafflement at the accusation, “Ehhh? Did not!”
An undignified ‘did so’ almost escaped her lips, but the lingering remnants of maturity thwarted it. Besides, the last thing she wanted was to explain why the idea of him pondering over the mechanisms of tickling made her want to cry. She switched to caging him in an embrace instead, resting most of her body on top of him.
He patted her back, “There, there. You know what? You think too much, Sakura-chan. Try focusing on happy things from now on. Like the new ramen dish Teuchi-san promised us.”
She tightened her embrace into a squeeze, ignoring his uncharitable and untrue mumbles about her weight. At once she was reminded of her dream, a smile tugging at her bruised lips, “Speaking of ramen. I had the craziest dream last night.”
Unsurprisingly, Naruto was both amused and intrigued by the Ramen celebration day.
And Sakura finally found the answer to the questions she hadn’t dared ask.
It was simple really.
Especially considering she had more or less been tip toeing around the concept for some time now. And yet, she felt wild with relief after admitting it to herself. Just think about the Ino–Shika–Cho formation, excluding Ino for Kami’s sake! Or Orochimaru not attacking Sasuke in the Chunin Exam. Naruto passed up the chance to become a genin to wait for her.
It took Kakashi patting her head—no, that was not right. Naruto and Ino got the ball rolling, Sasuke kicked it straight into her face, and Kakashi pressed an ice bag against her nose while helping her analyze it.
“You know you’re making less sense than usual,” Inner commented.
The point was that not only were the people and situations different, but her interactions and relationships with them were also different. There was no guarantee that the same obstacles and dangers would plague her. Because this was a different life.
Her life.
And the greatest threat to it was not T&I, mysterious deaths, or bloody wars far in the future. No, the cause of all her pain and misery were the memories belonging to dead people who shouldn’t have any say in her life. The inside of her head began prickling as Inner followed her line of reasoning with a growing sense of dismay.
To her credit, Inner displayed an uncharacteristically large amount of patience before switching tactics to full out assault. She apologized for suggesting they snatch another body so soon when the last round had been so traumatic. Not to mention pressuring her to defeat Orochimaru, a legendary Sannin and madman, but surely completely abandoning their quest to protect the village was unwise? Likewise, the ominous voice had been helpful in talking her down from ‘giving herself up to the authorities’ when she began spiraling into thinking the past lives had been the product of an enemy genjutsu.
The ugliness first reared its head when it became obvious Sakura was serious about ignoring the ‘plot’ of the past lives.
“To think I thought the homicidal versions of us were troublesome. At least they confronted the dangers threatening us! You, on the other hand, are barely more effective than the wheelchair one.”
Sakura asked her parents if she could stay over at Naruto’s, which they reluctantly permitted.
“If you really loved this Naruto, you'd try to protect him. He doesn’t even know the Shadow Clone Jutsu because of you. Tell me, could it be that you are actively working to get him killed? Shino wasn’t enough?”
That one hit too hard to fully ignore.
So Sakura adjusted the timing of their morning laps so they collided with Team Gai. The spandex duo welcomed them warmly. Asking them how they had been lately, Sakura had almost completely forgotten that she had befriended them in this life. The only drawback was all the Chunin Exam talk. All three members of Team Gai had advanced, so there was really no avoiding it. Even though Sakura did her best to ignore them, she still caught a lot of details.
Like the fact that Neji had crushed Choji and that he was squaring up against Hinata in the finals. The heads of the Hyuga clan had claimed they would support them both, yet Neji found himself pushed out of the compound more and more often. In contrast, Hinata was hardly allowed to leave. Poor girl. Not that Neji saw it that way; every word he spoke on the matter was full of bitterness.
Nothing like the enthusiasm and sportsmanship Lee directed towards his upcoming match against Shikamaru. Admittedly, the hard work vs. laziness aspect of that fight intrigued even Sakura. The collision of personalities was bound to have some comedic value.
“I wouldn’t place my expectations so high,” Neji interrupted one of Lee’s excited speeches about youth and fighting spirit, “considering the pitiful performance Team 10 showed. Nara only advanced because of luck. His opponent was too injured to put up a fight. Akimichi and Yamanaka were even more disgraceful.”
Tenten paused mid-way while picking up a kunai, sending Neji a truly venomous glare.
“That’s not fair of you, Neji. They were all obviously really close with that Ino girl. I mean, Shikamaru practically choked that Sasuke kid, and Choji's crying was not disgraceful. You didn’t judge Kiba when he... when that happened and his reaction.”
Inner sucked up the information greedily, while Sakura wished she could shrink into herself and escape. Tenten and Neji spoke with the type of detachment one does when talking about strangers, until the last sentence, that is. Silence yawned after it, uncomfortable and stiff. Eyes darting nervously around.
Unlike her, Naruto was not interested in letting the fate of their former classmate remain unspoken.
“What happened to Kiba?”
“I guess you still intended to bury your head in the sand ?” Inner taunted, “ Now that I think about it, you and Gaara did hit it off pretty well.”
Kiba had obviously been outmatched. The injuries he sustained in the match were just as severe as the ones Lee had received once upon a time. Gaara’s brutality was not really a surprise, but Kiba had basically been defeated. The bones of his legs shattered. He had stubbornly tried to pop himself on his elbows, yelling that it wasn’t over. Little Akamaru had crawled over to him, pressing his snout against Kiba’s check, the state of their limbs matching each other.
Perhaps the scene had filled Gaara with envy, or maybe it was just plain sadism? Tenten said his expression hadn’t really changed. As soon as the sand circled the dog, Kiba screamed his surrender. Still, Gaara had rushed to crush Akamaru, pouring the remains of blood and gore over Kiba.
And Tenten was fighting him in the finals.
Inner flooded her mind with images of death and pain. The mangled corpse of Ino, her glossy eyes pointed at her asked, ‘ why won’t you try to save me? ’ Akamaru was reduced to a smear on the floor. Kiba drowned in blood.
The pink-haired girl pressed the knuckles of her fist so harshly against her eyes that she began seeing red. Inner backed off a little after that. But only with the images.
“What can I do to make you care about saving our village? To save our friends and family?”
Just as she was contemplating getting eaten by a bear again, she ran into one of Ino’s aunties while grocery shopping. The tall, blonde woman smiled at her fondly, the corners of her eyes crinkling.
“Sakura-chan, the flowers you left for our Ino were simply exquisite. Her mother said they were her favorites. What a thoughtful little creature you are! None of us even caught you visiting her. I knew your absence from the hospital so far was out of consideration for the clan. The customs of your civilian background differ so much from ours.”
Grateful for the distraction—or excuse, really — Sakura jumped at the opportunity to track Kakashi-sensei down again. Hoping to find contentment once more. It proved to be a more difficult task this time around. The graveyard was bereft of its usual gray haired ghost. She was forced to investigate erotic bookstores, but to no avail. He was nowhere to be found.
Perhaps he was on a mission? Or training Sasuke like the first time around? The dark-haired boy hadn’t advanced to the final this time around, but it would make sense that Kakashi-sensei still wished to train him. After all, failing the Chunin Exam meant you really needed help improving.
“Our dear ‘sensei’ didn’t bother improving our skills when we failed to advance. Or after Sasuke deserted, in fact, he ignored you and the whole Team 7 idea until Naruto came back, didn’t he?”
Thankfully, Gai proved to be helpful when she turned to him. Effectively tracking his rival down in a matter of hours, merrily sending her off to him and proclaiming it was a pleasant surprise she knew him. The relief she felt when she laid her eyes on Kakashi again could not be overstated. Here was someone just as allergic to confronting reality as her. It took all her restraint not to throw herself at him. The fact that he was sprawled out on a tree branch, lazily holding the newest Icha Icha novel, helped dampen the urge.
“Liar! Deceiver! Pervert!” Sakura pointed an accusing finger at him.
Kakashi squinted his single eye at her. “Sakura-chan,” he said, speaking her name with a hint of surprise, as if he didn’t expect to use it again so soon. “All men are liars and perverts, except Gai and other oddities, but you are a little young to know that.”
Honestly, the shit that comes out of that man’s mouth. Luckily, Sakura was well versed in overlooking it. Placing her hands on her hips, she did her best to insert as much sternness as possible into her next words. “The flowers. One of the Yamanakas thanked me for them.”
Kakashi had the gall to look amused. Tilting his book to the side and raising an eyebrow, the condescending ‘ so? ’ was strongly implied.
Frowning, Sakura continued, “They were supposed to be from you.”
“Actually, you just asked me to take them to her. Besides, you were the one who picked them out and paid the bill, so it would be dishonest of me to take credit for them.”
Inner scoffed. Yet another scathing remark began building up, and Sakura was just so tired of enduring them. Her bottom lip began trembling, and the corners of her eyes heated up. No tears fell, but the distress was practically radiating out of her. It was enough to make Kakashi raise his alarm.
“I-I, was trying to help you,” her voice cracked, “I was trying to help, and, and...”
All she had to show for it was a sadistic voice tormenting her. She had hoped seeing Kakashi would cheer her up. That she could regain the feeling their last conversation gave her. She had counted on it while looking for him, but her head was just as clustered in his presence.
Her breathing turned uneven, and a wave of hiccups shook her shoulders. Calm down , Inner/herself whispered, calm down .
Kakashi jumped down from the tree, his hands hovering in uncertainty over her head and then shoulders before settling on raking through his own hair.
“Don’t cry,” he pleaded, and when that didn’t work, “I know something that will cheer you up.”
An hour later found Sakura’s face buried in soft fur and covered in slobber. Kakashi’s ninken had initially been skeptical when their master summoned them to comfort a crying girl they didn’t know. However, Sakura won them over quickly with her sincere fawning over their adorableness. After a half hour of playing, followed by petting, scratches, and lots of tummy rubs, she was happily buried in a pile of fluff. Akamaru’s brutal demise seemed unreal when she was surrounded by living, breathing dogs. This hadn’t been what she had in mind, or maybe she had been subconsciously hoping for it. A perfect escape from the gloominess..
Smiling constantly, Sakura’s eyes sought out the man watching over her patiently.
“You were right, this did cheer me up,” she said, his shoulder slumped slightly in relief, “can I come see them again?”
Despite her attempts to ignore, distract, and run away, the situation with Inner was bound to blow up in her face. She had just showered off the smell of dog from her skin and tucked herself in bed when Inner unloaded all her frustrations. No sly digs. No manipulations or bribery attempts. Just unadulterated rage.
“Unbelievable ,” Inner spat, figuratively pacing back and forth inside Sakura’s head, “ Un-fucking-believable.”
Sakura pressed her pillows against her ears. Not that she expected it to help.
“Are you proud of yourself? Acting like a pathetic, overly emotional child, incapable of getting anything done!”
Don’t engage. Don’t engage. Don’t engage.
“Yes, ‘don’t engage’, not anything new there. You always liked sidelining yourself.”
… Don’t engage. Don’t. Engage.
“There is a word for such behavior, one you’re all too familiar with; want to guess what it is?”
I won’t engage. I. Won’t. Engage.
“Useless. Utterly useless. No wonder you were always left behind.”
Sakura’s head snapped up. That’s rich coming from you , she snarled right back.
“Oh, she talks.”
And you never shut up. Oh , Kami, how I wish you would shut up. I'm so sick of listening to you !
“You’re sick of listening to me? I fought a war and watched everyone I loved die. Then I got my head chopped off and woke up in hellscape land without sun. Forever forced to watch versions of myself muck up every chance they get, incapable of learning or accomplishing anything. Like stupid children.”
Maybe we are; maybe I am. Ever thought of that? Sakura yelled, rolling onto her back and glaring at the ceiling.
“What, stupid?”
No. A child. And you, a demented virus, are crossing barriers you shouldn’t? That you started a process of forcing memories onto others you had nothing to do with? Memories of lives I haven’t lived, and maybe I’m handling it badly because I'm a twelve-year-old girl not mentally equipped to remember what dying multiple times feels like ?
Stunned silence followed her outburst, and she allowed it to pull her into sleep, exhausted by yet another day jam-packed with mental battles.
The next morning found her in a truly foul mood. A pounding headache matched each punch and kick she threw at the makeshift punching bag. Behind her, Tenten and Naruto were engaged in a discussion about seals. Naruto had been really upset about what happened in Kiba’s match. Therefore, he became rather invested in Tenten's upcoming fight with the villainous Gaara of the Sand. Somehow this evolved into a fascination with Tenten’s fighting style, not so much the weapons themselves, but the idea of storing ammunition to use against opponents.
The older girl explained that she had learned how to make basic exploration tags since buying new ones every time would be too expensive. Afterwards, she went into the mechanism of what her not-master-level storage scrolls could hold. Just as she finished dismissing anything liquid based, apparently it would disperse because of some factor none of them understood, Naruto snapped his fingers.
“What if the liquid was stored in something?” he asked.
Tenten crossed her arms, “I don’t know, never tried it, what are you thinking?”
An impressively fox-like grin stretched across his face, and he leaned towards the up-and-coming weapon master.
“Balloons. Balloons filled with paint. Bust them above him, and his sand-thingy will shield him, getting really covered with the stuff. Throw a kunai with an explosion tag at it, and,” Naruto clapped his hands, ”Bam! Bam! Bam!”
That's… kind of terrifying. When did Naruto begin to plot such elaborate death traps?
Tenten was crackling with joy, clasping Naruto’s face in her hands and proclaiming him a genius. Even Neji looked impressed.
Meanwhile, Sakura felt a slight tingling in her head. Inner’s presence hesitantly making itself known. Uneasy, Sakura steeled herself for more torment, but the words Inner uttered were not aggressive.
“I’ve been thinking about what you said. There is much we don’t know about the situation we found ourselves in. Giving you time and not actively working to destabilize you might be wise.”
Uh-uh . So, it was a misunderstanding that was the problem this time as well.
“I can understand you being skeptical, but I’d like to make a peace offer; I'll release Ino. No string attached. Right now, if it pleases you.”