Chapter Text
Once Higgs had served his purpose for the time being he was awarded with some free time. More or less just time where he didn't matter and she didn't pay any mind to him, forgetting his existence until it was necessary and useful again.
He'd jumped back to the man's lab again, quiet and watching him in death. He wondered if he would be allowed to pass peacefully or if it would be painful and violent. Would he be remembered when he was gone? Or would he just be pushed to the back of everyone's mind when he was no longer of any use?
He curled up on the man's couch, quietly waiting for him to return.
Returning from his Beach trip, Heartman flipped his hourglass and instinctively flicked his wrist to write a summary for himself, but since Higgs' visit the last time, he'd never put his cufflinks back on.
Furrowing his brow a bit, he sat up to move to his computer when he spotted the man on his couch.
His face lit up with a smile as he paused there on his chair.
"Hungry?" He asked, as if this was absolutely normal and nothing was amiss. He figured that, perhaps it would be good for the other man if Heartman treated his visits as normal.
He wished they were more normal, as in more regular, but he would take what he could get.
Higgs watched him move about, unaware of him for a few moments. He saw how the man visibly lit up when he realized he was there. He felt his heart pick up, surprised and curious at the feeling.
"I guess so. I suppose I could eat." He sat up slowly, watching him with interest. "I bet you important Bridges folks get all the good food while the rest of us are stuck eating the DELICIOUS protien paste." He patted his tummy, thinking of the disgusting gray paste that most of the preppers lived off of.
"I mostly eat that shit, actually," he replied with something of a shrug. "Its easier for me, more convenient in 21 minutes than anything else, but I do have actual food, too."
That he recently had delivered, hoping Higgs would return and visit him for a longer period of time, but who was counting?
"Besides, I'm here alone - making actual meals would just be a waste..." he added, as he pushed away from his chair to move to the kitchen. "Can you imagine me trying to cook, were someone not here with me? Things would burn, and I would be getting myself hurt all the time, collapsing by the stove or what not," he chuckled, shaking his head as he moved about the kitchen.
Despite his long stint of eating mainly just the protein paste and meal bars, Heartman did actually know how to cook.
"You really eat that shit? Do they make fancy ones that have a flavor?" Higgs teased, following him, practically bouncing along on the padded floor.
"I just wish they would add more chocolate chips. I know they have them." He commented, still going on about the meal bars. "Sometimes, when I'm really lucky, I'm able to get a pizza delivered. Wouldn't be ideal for you to have one up here, but I do love the old food. Was the first thing I ate once I'd made my way into my first city."
"Same stuff, nothing fancy, no added flavor. Its quick and easy for eating while I'm working," Heartman shrugged, speaking as he started working on putting food together for them.
"I can honestly say...I don't think I've had pizza since the first Stranding. Are they still any good?" He asked, wondering if he should put in a request for the ingredients needed to make his own pizza, so he could make one for Higgs.
"What's your favorite food? If it's pizza, what's your favorite besides that."
Higgs shrugged, not quite sure. "Don't get food much anymore. It's pretty rare for us preppers to have anything but the protein. I've eaten rodents before, they're alright. I've seen people eat each other people before bodies go necro." He blabbed on, feeling comfortable. He'd been cooped up and his favorite thing always was to talk. Now he was being given the opportunity to do so.
"I really like sweets. I've only had those a couple times working with Fragile. She was a woman with money and power. She had access to some fantastic things."
Mentally, Heartman made a note to also put in a request for some sweets, maybe some extra chocolate chips, or some ingredients to make cookies or brownies, maybe even a pie.
Oh, fruit was sweet, too... perhaps if he could get his hands on some seeds he could grow his own...
He listened to Higgs speak as his mind raced in it's own multitudes of directions, all while making them food.
10 minutes until cardiac arrest.
"Higgs, I'm going to need your help while I'm on the Beach, alright? Can you watch the pots for me? If they start to boil over too much, just turn the heat down."
"I may be pretty, but I'm not stupid. I do have some clue how to care for myself." Higgs smirked, watching him work.
"Do you put this kind of effort in for all your guests?"
"I don't have any guests," he replied easily, stepping away from the pots to take one of the seats opposite Higgs.
"And, I in no way meant that I thought you were stupid. You're beautiful and intelligent, a dangerous combination," he hummed, leaning back on his chair as his alert told him he had 2 minutes left.
Higgs watched again as the man died, curious by it. He'd only ever seen people die by his hands in acts of extreme violence. Their eyes usually open, faces twisted in some sort of emotion.
For Heartman, it was as natural as going to the bathroom or scratching your head. He was used to it, so he went into it like any other mundane task. It was fascinating to watch him, peaceful and still.
He hoped that his final trip to the Beach would be much the same. He deserved it. He was too kind to be part of this world. Too good to suffer in it.
Perhaps when the end came he could come back, allow him to die and detach him from his AED. Let him go, unassuming and comfortable.
Even on the Beach, for some reason, Heartman felt as though he were being watched. He couldn't explain it - he had died while others were around before and he never once felt as though he was being watched.
Something about Higgs, then. Probably his intensely strong connection to the Beach, made it so that Heartman could still feel him there, on the other side.
It wasn't unnerving, but more endearing.
He wondered if Higgs held interest for him as he held interest for Higgs.
There was so much left unknown about him, and Heartman loved to learn new things, loved to discover.
Coming back from the Beach, Heartman sucked in a breath, his hand going to his chest. There was a dull ache in his chest, one that he hadn't felt in a while.
Higgs had turned off the boiling pots, turning to them. A little embarrassed to be caught watching, not wanting the man to know he was completely lost in him.
He busied himself with setting up portions, getting food for the other man before himself. He sat across from him, breathing in the scent of the food and sighing. "You are a man of many talents."
A soft chuckle and Heartman shook his head. "I wouldn't go so far as to say many, or to call this a talent," he smiled as he switched their plates, noticing Higgs had given himself less food than he had given Heartman.
"I hope it's better than protein paste and meal bars," he chuckled, taking his first bite, waiting for Higgs to do the same.
Higgs blinked at the thoughtful act, confused by it. He took his first bites, taking his time and enjoying a hot meal with good company.
He was pretty vocal about his enjoyment of his meal, telling him how grateful he was after, even burping and taking joy in the feeling if a full stomach.
"Thank you! This is the best thing I've eaten in a long time!" He laughed, automatically taking the empty dishes and going to the sink, cleaning up.
The small smile that tugged Heartman's lips felt easy, felt nice. Hearing Higgs so thankful and so happy was a step in the right direction, he thought.
"I'll make food for you as often as you come to visit," he hummed, absentmindedly watching Higgs clean their dishes. "I'll try to have a surprise for you next time, but I can't make any promises. It depends on the porters in the area, and I'd they can being me the items I need," he added, rubbing at the bridge of his nose.
"Do you... do you have to go back, or can you stay a while longer?" He asked after a few moments of quiet.
Higgs froze, grabbing tightly on the counter, unsure of himself. "Do you want me to stay?" He asked carefully, waiting for an answer.
It felt odd for someone to want him around. To want him in a way that didn't use him.
"I'd love for you to," he replied easily, noticing the man's tension, wishing he could ease it, but not wanting to make things worse by startling him with too quick of movements.
"After a good meal, a good rest is always a good idea. Or, if you're feeling adventurous, there is a hot spring not too far from here. I haven't gone since I nearly permanently killed myself out there, but... it's still a nice place, despite that," he chuckled lightly, leaning back in his chair a bit. "But, if you need to eat and run, I understand. Or... well, I don't, but I understand that it is important to you not to upset this... person or being that wants you back at certain times..."
"I've earned myself some alone time... and I'd rather not spend it alone. I think I'd like to do whatever you want." Higgs nodded sheepishly, feeling shy, feeling like he wasn't himself. He didn't deserve this, but he wanted to pretend.
"Hot springs sounds nice. I've never gotten to use one, but I'd like to try."
With a nod, Heartman pushed himself up from the table and check his countdown, furrowing his brow.
"We should probably wait for my next cycle to come around. I don't particularly want to pass out face first into the snow..." he laughed sheepishly, gesturing for Higgs to follow him.
"Meantime, let me show you the rest of in here, so you know where things are if you need to get away."
"Its fine. I don't want to take advantage of your hospitality." Higgs shook his head. "I'll just sit down and wait, maybe look through your collection? I won't touch anything." He looked down at his feet.
He felt like that small little boy again, the one who hung on his Daddy's words, believed everything that horrible man said to be the word of God. Now here he was, a God in his own right and he was kneeling at the feet of a man who must be a true, merciful God.
"I encourage you to touch," he said with a shrug. "I'd rather you know where the bathroom and bedroom are, as well, more for if you ever stop by and I'm on the Beach and you need a space to your own that isn't... wherever you usually are," he hummed, biting his lip.
He made his way into the bedroom, waiting for Higgs. "You could even play some of the movies and shows, if you like. It's what they're there for. And I've plenty of books you could read to, if they interest you."
"You do seem to like when I touch, don't you?" Higgs teased with a wink, feeling a bit more himself again. He jumped, stretching himself out of the bed.
"Eager to show me the bedroom?" He teased, rolling on the bed. "Oh! Its sooo soft! This is so much nicer than what I have! It sure doesn't pay to be bad." He sat up, arms and legs crossed, pouting again.
"It never gets used by me, so you might as well consider this your spare bed, when you feel like pampering yourself and getting better sleep," he smiled softly, his cheeks a little warmed from the teasing, though he was quickly learning to take that in stride.
"And, for the record, I don't think you're bad, Higgs. Misunderstood and hung out to dry as a scapegoat, sure, but bad? Truly and actually bad?" Heartman shook his head. "I don't think so."
"You don't know me all that well, my dear. It may not pay to be bad, but it sure does feel good." Higgs hummed, watching him now.
He was truly bad. A murderer. He liked it, enjoyed watching people's light fade from their eyes, watching the moment their soul left their body, moving on to the Beach. It gave him power and to him power was everything. Power was freedom.
Heartman blinked, that warmth in his cheeks not fading, instead it seemed to have been fueled, perhaps by the way Higgs damn near purred his words, or that gleam in his eyes as he said it.
Maybe... maybe he was bad?
But... he'd never done anything bad towards Heartman, or in his general direction.
So, how could he be all bad, in that case? How could Heartman possibly see him as bad?
"Feel good? Care to... elaborate what you mean by that?"
"Have you ever done anything you shouldn't? Jerked off in a public place or anything like that?" Higgs asked, his words held a playful tone.
"You know you shouldn't do it, you know it's wrong and you know it's dirty, but it feels so good. And you know at any point you could be caught, stopped and theres the thrill to it." He explained voice shaking with excitement.
"It can feel a lot like that to have blood on your hands, excitement and power, knowing that you have control over life and death. Knowing that you aren't simply a game piece, a pawn to be used. That you are so much more."
For the first time since Higgs appeared in his lab, Heartman felt a touch of fear invade his mind as he watched the other man there on the bed.
The fear, however, was outweighed by something else far more embarrassing...
His cheeks were warm as he blinked a few times, just looking at Higgs, a bit at a loss for words.
Was he a bad person, then?
By the logic of Higgs' words, Bridges would surely classify him as bad, as a traitor.
He was here with the leader of the terrorist group and was having dinner with him, planning to make him dinner another time and possibly a dessert.
They'd... fooled around a little, and he had given Higgs an open invitation to return anytime.
"But I know that I'm just a game piece," he murmured absently. To Bridges, to Bridget and to Die-Hardman, he was a means to an end. He was their master of life and death, able to study death up close because he suffered it, over and over and over again.
Higgs watched, tilting his head, realizing he'd hit a nerve. "They call me a monster, but all I am is a toy, a faithful little soldier, a pawn in a game that's run by the true monster. Oh, Heartman, if you had any idea of what I knew..." he breathed, crawling toward him on the bed.
"Those people who would use you, keep you prisoner to your own devices, the end of your own existence, well now they are the ones who are truly bad. The handful of lives I've taken are nothing compared to the real horrors that they've hidden."
Blinking again, confusion overtook the upset look on his face as he stepped closer. "Bridges...?" He asked quietly, glad that he had forgotten to put his cufflinks back on and that he never monitored this section of his home.
"They're hiding something? I mean... something else?" He asked, his voice hushed as he looked at Higgs as if he had all the answers.
...as if he were a God.
"I know they aren't good, I know that... I know of quite a few things that Bridges has done that I don't agree with, but... I have nothing else. I can't exactly do any other job..."
"Not everyone in Bridget Strand's cult has committed atrocities, but shes committed more than enough for us all and even continues to do so." Higgs said, deciding to remain unspecific in fear of admitting to something.
"It will all make sense real soon. And when it does you will see what I mean."
"But... But I watched Bridget die..." he furrowed his brow, his confusion deepening. "She didn't have DOOMS and definitely wasn't a repatriate... Sam even brought her body to the incinerator," he confessed, unknowingly taking another step closer to Higgs.
"Higgs, what's going to happen...?"
Higgs smiled holding up his finger and wagging it. "Uh uh, I can't tell you everything. Where's the fun in that?" He laughed, bouncing up on his knees.
"I do hope you're ready for the end of the world. Even Gods fall at the end of everything." He warned, jumping away back home, terrified he'd said too much. If he had she would know, but it still seemed like she was busy playing with Sam to notice him.
Maybe he'd gotten off easy this time.
Higgs' words left him feeling... confused and worried, mostly. How else was he supposed to feel about that?
Hope you're ready for the end of the world? Even Gods fall at the end of everything?
Was another Stranding close? The Extinction Event that he was telling Sam about so long ago now... was that what was going on? Was Higgs a part of that?
Was the end coming...?
He hoped not, obviously. He still had much to do and things to explore.
With a sigh, Heartman lay himself down on the bed for the first time in a very long time and let his eyes fall closed. He let himself try to sleep as he waited for his next trip to the Beach, where maybe he could search for some answers that Higgs couldn't - or wouldn't - provide for him outright.
When Higgs jumped back to Heartman he'd found him in the same place on the bed. He climbed in, resting his head on the man's stomach and holding on tightly to hits hips. He looked like a small child clinging to their parent.
He looked rough, exhausted and pale, a bit bruised and beat up. He'd had himself another tantrum in his bunker, afraid Amelie would find out what he'd done. She may have, or possibly sensed his guilt since she sure did carry out punishment.
Perhaps it was unrelated though because he was still alive and had his power.
Heartman stirred from his trip to the Beach, feeling a weighted warmth holding closely to him. Letting his eyes flutter open, he found himself face to face with a rather tired looking Higgs.
A soft gasp fell from him as he came to a bit more and started to notice the bruising, the bleeding lip, the gash above his eye.
"Higgs..." he breathed, carefully moving his still heavy feeling arm to reach up and touch Higgs' face gently. "You poor thing..." he murmured, not wanting to disturb him too much, but wanting to take care of his wounds, get him cleaned up if he would allow that.
He flinched at the touch, thinking for a moment that Heartman would press at the bruising. Maybe give him a few more.
Don't get him wrong, he loved being roughed up, hit, being choked was his favorite. But when Amelie got her hands on him, sometimes he felt like that small boy in the bunker at Daddy's mercy. He was powerless against her and he knew, from experience there were far worse things she could do to him.
So he clung to the only man who'd ever shown him any tenderness, even afraid of his possible temper.
"Sorry, sorry," he whispered, taking his hand away carefully, not moving too quickly. "I just- ...what happened? Who hurt you?" He asked quietly, wanting to touch again, wanting to try to soothe whatever pain the other man might be feeling.
It was all base instincts, really. Heartman cared far too much for his own good, especially after the things that Higgs had admitted to him. Still, Heartman chose to see Higgs for the soft person that he could see him as, for the not completely bad person he showed himself to be here in the safety of Heartman's lab.
"Will you... will you let me clean you up and take a look at your wounds? I've got medical experience, at least in minor first aid."
Higgs nuzzled his face against the mans belly. He enjoyed the contrast of his own blood on the crisp white of the mans shirt.
Even enjoying the way it looked, Higgs knew he'd never see the man's blood by his own hand. Violence was never going to be an option when it came to him. He was special. If he'd ever have the need to kill the man he would do so in the most peaceful way possible. He would set him free.
"I don't think you should clean them." He frowned, feeling he didn't deserve the kindness. He deserved to feel his wounds open and sore.
"And why would that be?" He asked softly, not wanting to argue with Higgs, so much as, just wanting to know why he thought his wounds shouldn't be cleaned, or perhaps why they shouldn't be cleaned by Heartman in particular.
"If you would rather I didn't, at least give me the reason why, please?"
"I deserved them. They'll serve to remind me what I did and not to do it again." Higgs repeated, words for what felt like a life time ago.
"Except I don't know what I did this time. And if it was because of my coming here... well I didn't learn that lesson." He smiled softly up at the man.
Heartman frowned, shaking his head. "You didn't deserve these injuries, especially if they were given to you because you came here to me," he said, a bit firmly as he shifted to get up.
"So let me clean you up, okay?" He asked, his voice gentle again as he looked at Higgs, a strong urge to just-
No.
Don't go catching feelings, Heartman.
Higgs held on a little tighter, thinking about it before nodding in agreement. "Alright..." he mumbled.
If he was going to die then he might as well enjoy some things before he goes.
Relieved that the other man didn't put up further argument, Heartman got up from the bed and offered his hand out to Higgs.
"Let's get you to the bathroom, then. Have you got injuries other than your poor face?" He asked quietly. "If you're not comfortable with me seeing other parts of your body, that's fine. You can just use the shower and I'll wait out in the bedroom for you."
"I'd let you see anything you want to see..." Higgs admitted, no teasing or taunting. He was honest. He would let this man do anything to him in return for the gentleness he's been gifted.
"But I'd like a shower too. That sounds nice. With real water and soap..." he hummed at the thought if it.
Heartman relaxed a bit as he nodded. "Go ahead and take a shower then. I'll look over your wounds when you've finished. Take as long as you like - plenty of water around up here in the snow and with the natural spring so close," he hummed, stepping into the bathroom to show Higgs where towels and soap and everything he would need was.
"If you need anything, I'll just be right here. At least until I go back to the Beach."
Higgs nodded, going into the bathroom to take a shower. He washed and stood under the water until it ran cold, enjoying the way it felt on his back.
He came out wrapped in a towel, feeling a little scraped raw in his chest. He wanted to tease a bit, feel like he was wanted and in control of something.
Heartman sat up, taking his breath of life again, looking to Higgs. "How do you feel? Shower do you some good?" He asked quietly, patting the side of the bed.
It wasn't just his face that was injured, then... his chest looked pretty bad... no bandages for that, but definitely some ointment to help soothe the pain of it and help it heal faster.
Higgs caught the look in the other man's eye. Sympathy. Made him feel nauseous.
He looked himself over, seeing the horrible colors spread across his chest. Scars and handprints. He quickly moved to the bed, grabbing and pulling his tshirt on before grabbing his underwear.
"Higgs, wait-" Heartman reached out for him, but stopped himself from grabbing, his hand just sort of stopped there in the air. "...how did you get all of those...?" He asked quietly, a silent anger bubbling in his chest.
Higgs may believe himself to be purely bad, but even still, no one deserved to suffer the way someone had clearly been making him to suffer.
"...are they because of this person you won't tell me about?"
"The new ones are, yeah." He agreed, not looking at Heartman. He knew the compassion in his eyes would either make him sick or angry, so he avoided it.
"But theres a lot of older ones there too. Times I said too much or wasn't careful enough. Maybe I got cocky and got myself killed. Sure is funny to see the look on their face when you come back!" He smiled sadly, breathing out a laugh.
That used to be one of his favorite things, just pissing off other people he met along his way. He'd gotten a bullet to the head once or twice. But he'd gotten his fun.