Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Beatrix has a made a chat titled ‘useless gang’

Beatrix has added 17 users to ‘useless gang’

Beatrix- so this happened 

Agatha- all bad movies need a slightly better sequel 

Vex- or a shittier one. 

Agatha- way to be optimistic buddy the elf 

Vex- you’re mean

Hort- what happened to the old chat?

Beatrix- 2012 gone right 

Hort- doesn’t answer my question

Beatrix- destruction 

Hester- i like this one all of our names are normal 

Beatrix- how boring 

Chaddick- [image sent] my cat found my collection of rare edition oreos 

Hort- oh my god 

Beatrix- your cat needs to be locked away 

Beatrix- 911 i just witnessed a murder 

Nicola- whats this? 

Beatrix- Nicola!! 

Beatrix- this is us screaming about dumb shit 

Agatha- and sending memes 

Nicola- oh god 

Ravan- how many of these do you plan on making? 

Nicola- Ravan? 

Ravan- No. 

Nicola- this is gold. Ravan socializes. 

Sophie- only if he’s made admin and trapped 

Nicola- so anyways, i listening to music and roses by outkast came on and I thought about you Sophie :) boo

Sophie- I- 

Sophie- how dare you? 

Nicola- i know you like to think that your shit dont stink but if you look closer even roses smell like poooooo

Sophie- funny, i listening to the song One of Those Crazy Girls and I thought of you Nicola :) 

Nicola- we don’t talk about that 

Sophie- mY kIdS cAn’T hEar Meh tHey’Re lIstening tO kIdS bOp

Nicola- STOP IT, I AM NOT A KAREN

Sophie- make me

Hester- top ten phrases that create sexual tension 

Nicola- WHAT 

Dot- but hester didn't you say that to Anadil when she was trying to stop from running across the street to get to king soopers 

Nicola- HA 

Vex- exposed. 

Hester- agatha is taking your spot in our coven 

Dot- sjkhdaadjak can i at least my stuff? 

Hester- no. 

Dot- okay well then

Agatha- i’m alright 

Hester- y’all hear sumn? 

Hester- its my soul leaving my body 

Vex- you had a soul? 

Nicola- Holy shit dude you fucking killed her 

Hort- it’s like you have a constant death wish my guy 

Ravan- You can run while she’s typing 

Hort- go fast my friend. 

Ravan- Nice knowing you 

Hester- Vex you know that nicholas cage hoodie i was going to give you for christmas 

Vex- don’t you dare 

Hester- have my matches 

Vex- NO 

Hester- the hoodie still in the box 

Vex- HESTER 

Hester- five bucks after school tomorrow or else nicholas over here is going to taste my anger 

Nicholas- …. 

Vex- alright ma’am 

Dot- Uncle Robin took me out today and we went to a halloween store and  found this huge outside spider and he bought it for me and its just so 

Dot- [image sent] adorable. 

Anadil- dots spider and my rats would be best friends! What a cutie, Dot. 

Sophie- spiders are not adorable 

Agatha- spiders scare the piss out of me you know 

Hort- honestly i hate spiders too but i have to let them bite me 

Nicola- you don’t have to make them do anything 

Hort- no but how else am i going to be spiderman 

Hort- i have to let them bite me 

Nicola- remember that bitch from percy jackson 

Hort- ughhhhhhh nasty

Ravan- you would be like spiderman x20 if Dots huge spider bit you. 

Hort- that sounds pretty damn good right now. 

Dot- my spider is fake 

Ravan- No shit? It looked so real!

Dot- you’re being sarcastic, aren’t you? 

Ravan- Yes. 

Kiko- if its an outdoor spider why is it in your bed? 

Dot- I need emotional warmth when i sleep 

Agatha- did you know that its been proved by scientists that people who need emotional warmth take long showers 

Chaddick- can confirm 

Hort- can relate

Nicola- can prove 

Sophie- can understand 

Beatrix- yes. 

Sophie- just look at my water bill hahaha 

Ravan- what if you take cold showers all the time? 

Agatha- who the hell…? What…? 

Hort- Why would you do that? WHy would you do that to yourself

Vex- you take cold showers all the time? 

Ravan- I like to be cold. 

Hester- that explains a lot. 

Hester- when me and ravan dated he was always so chilly 

Chaddick- Like emotionally or physically( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)?

Hester- both :’) 

Chaddick- oh 

Ravan- oh 

Anadil- oh 

Reena- oh

Sophie- oh

Agatha- this took a turn 

Chaddick- that is literally a turn off.

Ravan- you’re stupid

Chaddick- you love me, admit it 

Ravan- never. Go back to clown school you… clown. You’re a clown. Clown boy. 

Chaddick- :( ravannnnnnn

Hort- hey nick what did you guys do for halloween? I heard you won the couples contest 

Nicholas- it was pretty fucking awesome

Chaddick- we DOMINATED 

Nicholas- we totally did. He was matilda's mom and I was mr. Wormwood. I was Danny Devito!

Agatha- I REMEMBER THAT WAS SO BADASS 

Tedros- DUDE THAT WAS AWESOME 

Chaddick- I KNOW 

Chaddick- beatrix curled my hair and dyed it platinum blonde, like, CINDY LOU WHO, WHO

Nicholas- i wore a tweed suit with a cheesy veggie tales tie with a fedora 

Chaddick- i wore a red tank top with red shorts and a fur coat 

Tedros- my guy out here slaying in red shorts

Tedros- NO HOMO THO

Chaddick- NO HOMO 

Tedros- NO HOMO 

Nicholas- oh my god yes 

Chaddick- AND THEN THE TEACHERS TRIED TO TAKE THE HAT OFF

Nicholas- I SUPER GLUED IT ON 

Chaddick- HE SUPER GLUED IT ON 

Reena- How did it come off? 

Chaddick- um 

Nicholas- well 

Chaddick- about that 

Nicholas- ahaha 

Chaddick- er 

Nicholas- lmao jk jk we cut it off 

Chaddick- yeah as if he would actually just keep it on for no reasons aha

Chapter Text

'useless gang'

Reena- is anyone else confused? 

Anadil- yeah im pretty confused but whats new 

Agatha- [image sent]

Reena- now he looks like Mr. Wormwood

Vex- i liked hester and anadils take on morticia and gomez

Vex- like i had no idea what you two who actually dating but it was really cute

Hester- no we’re not dating.. we did it because we wanted the free bag of Halloween candy 

Anadil-it was useless you ended up eating all the smarties 

Anadil- she poured them all in a bowl and poured it down her throat like some fucking monster 

Sophie- you guys are disasters. 

Agatha- we should have gone with your idea

Nicola- what was her idea?

Agatha- to all be voltron 

Sophie- i stand by it 

Nicola- you guys should have been, thats a badass idea 

Sophie- Thank you! At least someone appreciates me and my ideas. 

Nicola- ooh, i want to take it back now 

Sophie- You can’t. 

Sophie has taken a screenshot 

Sophie- See? 

Nicola- dear god. 

Nicholas- to think i missed this 

Nicholas- i just noticed we don’t have any nicknames aha

Nicola- you are right nic

Nicholas- i know nic 

Nicola- we gotta do something about this nick

Chaddick- no we do not 

Sophie- please don’t nic 

Mona- What Would You Do If We Kissed In The Mickey House Clubhouse 😳😲

Reena- but what if we didn’t… 

Sophie- omg

Dot- i love how thats the first thing you say in the shat

Dot- chat*

Dot- whateVER OKAY 

Nicola has changed their username to Noice

Noice- throwback meme day aways 

Agatha- we should be the powerpuff girls guys!

Sophie- YES 

Tedros- NO 

Sophie- YES 

Agatha- John... I want a divorce 

Tedros- divorce 

Tedros- *chuckles*

Agatha- It’s not funny John, and you know it’s been coming for a long time

Tedros- well….

Tedros- divorce *laughs*

Agatha- wHy dO yOu alWays laUgh when i’M UPSET? 

Tedros- oh, everytime you say divorce you just look so cute hehehehehehe

Agatha- I’m Serious This Time John 

Tedros- heheheheheheheheheheheeh

Tedros- Serious. 

Agatha- I’m absolutely serious 

Sophie- PFTTTTT STOP

Sophie- you guys are the absolute bomb diggity domb

Sophie has changed their username to Buttahcup

Sophie has changed Agatha’s username to Boobbles 

Sophie has changed Tedros’s username to Blossom

Chapter Text

Boobbles- what? Why am I bubbles?

Blossom- i like this actually 

Kiko- because you’re a sweetheart agatha

Boobbles- I AM SCARY 

Blossom- sure jan 

Boobbles- never say that again 

Mona- PFTTTT

Mona- I REMEMBER THAT MEME

Mona- so long ago… 

Reena- back in the good ol days where everything was simple

Beatrix- can you believe the 2000s are almost over?

Buttahcup- um, don’t you mean the 2010s?

Reena- nO

Beatrix- feels like yesterday i woke up, raced downstairs to watch avatar the last airbender and eat reese's pieces with my pillow pet

Reena- i’m still processing 2016 

Noice- I’m still processing 2012 

Nicholas- i’m still processing-

Chaddick- processing… ?

Nicholas- yes 

Chaddick- alright

Chaddick- who broke him

Chaddick- i’m not mad

Chaddick- I just want to know 

Kiko-...

Kiko- I did. I broke him dick-

Chaddick- No, no you didn't. 

Chaddick- Hort? 

Hort- don’t look at me, look at tedros

Blossom- what? I didn’t break him

Hort- Huh, that’s weird, how’d u even know he was broken? hmmmm 

Blossom- because he’s right here, and broken

Hort- suspicious 

Blossom- No, it isn’t

Mona- if it matters, probably not, but Beatrix was the last one to see him

Beatrix- Liar! 

Beatrix- i don’t even like him!

Mona- oh yeah, why were you standing by him earlier?

Beatrix- i use the scent to attract the females, every knows that, mona

Kiko- lets not fight, i broke him, let me pay for it dick

Chaddick- no. 

Chaddick- who broke him??

Blossom- dick 

Blossom- Sophie has been awfully quiet

Buttahcup- - really?!

Blossom- yeah really, first you throw away my dvds of littlest pet shop, knowing that im still watching it and now you’re breaking people?

Buttahcup- we are a my little pony family

Boobles- shes right, we are

Vex- S(hes) Br(ok)en 

Mona- ᕕ( ཀ ʖ̯ ཀ)ᕗ

Ravan- Vex is a 14 year old girl 

Reena- who

Reena- broke nick

Blossom- nick who broke you 

Private Chat- Chaddick and Beatrix

Chaddick- i broke him 

Chaddick- he stole my heart so i grabbed him by the shirt and 

Beatrix- STOP OK OK OK WE GET IT 

Chaddick- but you don’t tho

‘useless gang’

Nick- The kid ice age baby broke me 

Noice- That little shit

Mona- That kid was LITERALLY Linus from Sharkboy and Lavagirl 

Noice- “HAVE HIM EXPELLED.”

Nick- do you guys even know any memes? Like, all you quote are old ones

Noice- damn daniel, back at it again in the wrong neighborhood

Mona- YOU CAN ONLY HAVE 3 BEANS

Nick- im fixed now 

Mona- don’t text me I’m gonna go read some spicy rodrick fanfiction 

Hester- GET OUT 

Hester- GET THE FUCK OUT 

Dot- Oncler fandom for life you don’t even know 

Anadil- stop this immediately im going to pass out 

Hort- rawr XD

Hester- HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH anadil is the only reason why i'm still here 

Anadil- *insert keysmash* -_- hester is the sole braincell 

Hort- uwu whats this 

Ravan- That’s it. That’s the final straw. 

Hester- oh god oh fuck you fucked up

Hort- SHIT

Dot- bruhhh

Mona- FUCKFUCKFUCK

Anadil- y’all ded 

Hort- you’re invited to my fun-eral 

Hort- I am survived by my daughter Nicola and my horrible wife Ravan 

Noice- wut 

Hort- Lived for the good kush 

Hort- YEET

Chapter Text

‘useless gang’

Anadil- BRUHHHHHHH

Dot- OH MY GOD-

Hester- DID HE JUST 

Mona- NOOOOOOO

Reena- I DIDN’T EVEN DO ANYTHING

Hort- DID YOU REALLY GO AND DO THAT

Vex- I CAN’T EVEN WITH THIS ANYMORE

Noice- DID YOU JuST BLOCK ME ON mYsPaCE

Buttahcup- I really hope you all are messing with me. 

Noice- Soph you literally listen to the shrek 3 soundtrack do not open your mouth ever 

Buttahcup- she’s lying

Nick- mmhmmm

Hort- shore 

Anadil- yeah ok 

Reena- ok but it really, really, slaps 

Bobbles- nah, the first one was better

Reena- I can’t disagree with that

Hort- are we really out here,

Hort- sleeping on the fairy godmother’s I need a hero?

Dot-😞😩 mongo 

Reena- I’m playing that during my wedding

Beatrix- She’s gonna be walking down the isle 

Beatrix- “Where have all the good men gone”

Reena- thats ironic

Beatrix- how so?

Hester- lmao 

Reena- because I’m getting married to a womfn

Anadil- Good for her. 

Chaddick- I’m best man 

Nick- no me

Chaddick- what if there was a way… we could both be best men…

Nick- I love you so much omg

Nick- my boyfriend is big brain 

Beatrix- I’m-

Beatrix- WHAT 

Nick- HUSH

Nick- we’re planning a wedding

Chaddick- bruh should tedros or bea be my best man when i get married

Nick- Tedros is the ring bearer lol

Blossom- yeah dude lol I signed that off on the google form lol

Nick- lol 

Blossom- lol 

Bobbles- dude marriage is so scary

Buttahcup- WE KNOW

Blossom- WE KNOW

Hester- We. Know. Agatha. 

Bobbles- imagine getting married 

Bobbles- after high school, we’re gonna have to do that or else we’ll be looked down on by all of our successful friends 

Bobbles- ah and KIDS ew

Hester- fucking wack 

Hester- I’m not getting married.

Dot- why not?

Hester- DUDE

Hester- last person I dated was RAVAN

Hester- No offense I guess though 

Hester- I would want to date someone i know

Ravan- I get that, someone reliable 

Noice- I think that’s just a natural want after the craziness of high school. Or college. You had your fun years but now you don’t want to go through life like, alone you know 

Hester- Like someone sturdy

Noice- doesn’t everyone want someone like that tbh

Dot- if you could find someone like that, would you get married?

Hester- probably 

Dot- You’ll always have us 

Ravan- But when we get out, I want to just experience things like Nicola was saying, not get married immediately. Do stuff. Study. 

Anadil- Like college?

Ravan- Sure, but I want time to travel. Visit my mom, see some stuff, etc. 

Beatrix- You’ve got time man. We've all got time to do the things we want guys, we don't have a format we have to follow. 

Buttahcup- I have big plans for after school

Buttahcup- totally marriage though, i’m gonna have to reject a ton of people 

Bobbles- a ton of men*

Buttahcup- Aggie, don't call me out like that 

Hester- Whats a ton to you Sophie? 

Nick- ouch

Buttahcup- You are uninvited to my wedding Hester. Forever. 

Hester- I could only hope so 

‘The boys eating shredded cheese at 3am’

Cola- i want to get married and have a puppy whos up for it

whílliam- um, not it?

Blegh- FUCK

Chapter Text

‘The boys eating shredded cheese at 3am’

Cola- i want to get married whos up for it

whílliam- um, not it

Blegh- FUCK

whílliam- i write vows not tragedies eh bogden? 

Cola- damn okay

Blegh- nic this isn’t working out i'm in love with your father

Cola- Nobody: 

Cola- JK Rowling: about to tell my parents they’re gay

Blegh- Nic, you’re gay 

Cola- *surprised pikachu*

whílliam- love, you forgot to tell her who’s she gay for 

Cola- I’m gay for the sexy fish from shark tale 

Cola has deleted a message

whílliam- WHAT THE FUCK

Blegh- IS THAT A THING I THOUGHT IT WAS A FEVER DREAM 

whílliam- brb i’m going to wash my eyes i hate you guys 

Cola- idk what happened?

Blegh- I don’t like you anymore 

Cola- father why have you forsaken me 

Blegh- I’ll buy you a pony and a new purse I’m so sorry I love you

Cola- I want a chocolate factory 

Blegh- of course veruca darling 

whílliam- you spoil her 

Cola- no he doesn’t

whílliam- here i thought a veruca was a type of  wart one gets on one's foot 

Blegh- no thats a funion 

Cola- no thats the type of chip

Blegh- something is very wrong 

Cola- wait

Blegh- WILLIAM LEFT

Cola- OUR ONLY BRAIN CELL

Blegh- welp

Cola- WE’RE SMALL BRAIN

Blegh- im gonna go eat my collection of christmas lip smackers

whílliam- no 

Blegh- no then 

‘useless gang’ 

Hester- whos the cutie laying next the vending machine with the pikahu skirt on 

Hort- bahahabahhahahbaha hdidfjfjfufh HESTER 

Blossom- oh my god she doesn’t know

Dot- PFTTTT 

Hester- what 

Hester- why is everyone laughing at me 

Dot- OH MY GOD 

Hester- WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON DOT 

Reena- don’t yell but you aren’t gonna believe who it is 

Hester- where the fuck is anadil.

Reena- ... I said no yelling 

Hort- BAHAHAHAH

Hort- hester checking some random chick out and finding out it’s anadil and making death noise is comedy PEAK 

Hester- it’s gonna be comedy peak when i stuff you into a beans container

Blossom- It's okay Hester one time I came up behind Agatha and hugged her but it turned out to be Lesso 

Dot- press f for respect 

Reena- you will live on in our hearts 

Bobbles- Yes, Because I Look Just Like Lesso 

Blossom- I DIDN'T HAVE MY GLASSES ON 

Bobbles- oh sweetheart. 

Nick- We have more important issues at hand 

Reena- like what 

Nick- what's obamas last name 

Reena- Obama care 

Chaddick- Obama Obama 

Nick- oh okay thanks

Nick- oh and also Hester and Hort are missing but seriously what's Obamas last name 

Dot- I have taken Anadils phone so she doesn’t read Hester’s messages. 

Dot- Originally I said no because I wanted Anadil to read them but Hester said some potty words so here I am 

Dot- looking at all of Anadils saved pictures of anime girls 

Reena- would it be such a bad thing? I’m tired of all this pining and I just want a victory for at least ONE of these oblivious jackasses 

Nick- reena you canNOT talk 

Nick- now hush 

Nick- let the people with confidence do the ship planning 

Reena- thats it Nick

Reena- fucking. bring. it. on. 

Nick- Oh you’re a villain alright, just not a super one 

Reena- what does that even mean 

Nick- do you seriously not know what that’s from 

Reena- I do not. 

Nick- okay movie night guys but this time we watch Megamind 

Ravan- What’s going on I found Hort in the bathroom shivering 

Nick- did you give him the sweater you guys are always sharing ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Ravan- NICK 

Nick- okok it’s complicated 

Reena- so basically, 

Reena- hester totally checked out anadil 

Nick- BUT SHE DIDN’T KNOW IT WAS ANADIL 

Reena- That's right she didn’t know

Nick- and everyone was laughing or scared for their lives because those two are scary-

Reena- And Hort called it comedy peak 

Nick- so hester said she’ll stuff him full of beans because that’s  comedy peak 

Reena- No Nick, she said she’ll stuff him in a bean can because that’s comedy peak 

Nick- oh right, sorry! 

Reena- It’s quite alright, but then Agatha and Tedros started doing that cute- old married couple play fighting thing they do 

Nick- and we couldn’t figure out what obamas last name is-

Reena- and thats when hort disappeared- 

Nick- and dot took anadils anime girls-

Ravan- Ok great thanks guys I totally understand everything now no need to bring the anime girls into this 

Reena- happy to help 😊

Reena- anyways nick, 

Reena- challenge accepted

Nick- press x to doubt 

Chapter Text

‘useless gang’

Chaddick- you guys hear the news 

Anadil- yep. 

Chaddick- this is some bullshit 

Nick- they called it an extended spring break 

Anadil- wonder if we’ll be coming back at all 

Chaddick- hngh this sucks can we have a rona party 

Nick- only if we stand four feet apart 

Anadil- I actually think it’s six feet 

Bobbles- it is lmao rip 

Chaddick- guys. for some freaking reason i care about all of you weirdos. Wash your hands, take your vitamins, be safe, we’ll be fine. 

Bobbles- what a wholesome princess. love ya chaddick

Anadil- and also stay six feet apart

Anadil- sorry agatha, chaddick, must be rough

Chaddick- No, I’m Sorry Anadil!

Chaddick- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o4F3J5zFM8M

Anadil- i FUCKING hate you IT WAS A PHASE WHY 

Chaddick- April fucking Fools

Nick- You both ruined a really good song. You took it and ruined it. You fucked it up. Look, it has anxiety. 

Bobbles- WRESTLE WITH JIMMY something is bubheheheheing behind my back 

Blossom- ….

Blossom- yeah i’m logging back off, peace 

Bobbles- tedros hates jimmy neutron and weezer 

Blossom- Carl will never get Jimmy’s mom and that's a FACT 

Nick- *high pitched* SAY IT AIN’T SOOWHOAWHOAWHOA 

Bobbles- JIMMY’S MOM IS A HEARTBREAKER 

Nick- This sounds like Chaddick singing in the shower

Chaddick- i’m guessing you didn’t like my rendition of tequila 

Nick- Nope. Not at all

Chaddick- I’m sorry. But you know what they say…. 

Chaddick-denial….. is not just a river in egypt 

Blossom-  who says that 

Nick- I’m taking away your TV privileges 

Bobbles- Jimmy Neutron night at tedros house who’s in 

Blossom- yeah, not me 

Blossom- wait one fucking second 

Anadil- I’m down 

Anadil- This WAYYYY*screaming* IS A WATERSLIDE 

Blossom- Stop it. Get some help. 

Hort- SAY IT AIN’T SOOOOOO 

Hort- Only if we all come in anime girl facemasks 

Blossom- lets just do it over facetime 

Bobbles has changed their username to Carl Wheezer 

Carl Wheezer- You dare disrespect me 

Blossom- STOP IT 

Carl Wheezer- kiss me my love 

Ravan- I’m just gonna go… home... away 

Carl Wheezer has changed their username to Bobbles

Bobbles- Wait no I’m sorry I lost myself for a moment. 

Anadil- anyways 

Anadil- whoever talks next I will sic Hester on you 

Chapter Text

‘useless gang’

Hort- SOPHIESOPHIESHOPHIE 

Hort- SOPHIEEEEEE

Hort- WHERE IS SHE 

Hort- SUMMON HER

Anadil: This is legitimate emergency I need Sophie to come online right now 

Ravan- Actually, yeah

Nicola: whats going on? Are you guys on drugs? 

Anadil- we need to ask Sophie a question

Nicola- It’s Sophie on Nicola’s phone. 

Anadil- um

Ravan- *miranda cosgrove meme* Interesting. 

Hort- we will talk about this new development later anyways SOPHIE

Hort- we know your secret 

Nicola- Oh noo please no 

Nicola- Yeah, everyone does 

Hort- how could you not brag about this to us 

Ravan- I feel like you would usually brag about this 

Anadil- I mean I always knew you were a theatre nerd underneath all the obnoxiously bright eyeshadow 

Nicola- First of all, that's a lie because Hairspray was just a phase, second of all, what are you talking about?

Hort- NO SOPHIE, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT 

Ravan- [image sent]

Nicola- Holy shit 

Anadil- do you have a secret twin that came out of nowhere but makes sort of sense? 

Nicola- holy shit 

Buttahcup- That looks like an uglier me 

Anadil- What? no , she looks just like you normally 

Nicola- I think she’s pretty 

Buttahcup- An offbrand me but thanks luv

Ravan- You could be sisters 

Buttahcup- There’s only one 

Buttahcup- who is this?

Anadil- her name is jessica rothe

Hort- she’s in Happy deathday

Hort- We’re catching up on horror movies 

Sophie- I need Agatha I’m having an identity crisis. 

Ravan- Just cause she looks like you doesn’t mean she is you 

Buttahcup- SAYS THE ACTUAL GUY FROM VICTORIOUS 

Buttahcup- I NEED AGGIE

Anadil- Okay okay, we’ll get her, no need to yell 

Anadil- ahem 

Anadil- Hayley Williams new songs are bad 

Bobbles- WHO 

Bobbles- whO tHE PHCUK 

Bobbles- How Dare You

Buttahcup- AGATHA 

Buttahcup- I just found out there is not one of me in the Earth

Bobbles- Okay, just cause this Rothe chick looks sort of like you doesn’t mean she is you 

Bobbles- She may share some very attractive qualities with you, but there is only one Sophie. 

Bobbles- also, she’s taller than you 

Buttahcup- I am aware of the fact she’s not me, obviously I was just extremely jealous of her good look. Thank you darling! 

Bobbles- I-

Bobbles- I never know with you 

Hort- okay well now that thats over with 

Hort- ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Buttahcup- I’m not taking any questions 

Anadil- good cause I have a lot 

Anadil- Hairspray? 

Hort- Nicolas phone?

Ravan- Guy from Victorious? 

Buttahcup- I’ll never tell 

Chapter Text

Private Messaging- Beatrix and Reena

Reena- Hey we haven’t talked in a few days and I just wanted to know if you’re alright? 

Beatrix- I am fan-fucking-tastic

Beatrix- I’m sorry that was mean i just miss you you know 

Beatrix- I miss the whole gang i hate being stuck at home by myself

Reena- I miss you too Bea, it’s weird going so long without seeing you 

Beatrix- yeah it is, being isolated for so long is gonna drive me crazy 

Reena- Don’t go getting Jack Torrance on me 

Beatrix- I hate that I understand that reference 

Reena- Thanks to our friends

Reena- I’m sorry we can’t watch a movie tonight

Beatrix- shit 

Beatrix- Well we can facetime? 

Reena- i don’t think that would work well but we can try 

Beatrix- goddammit you’re so picky 

Reena- Oh honey, we haven’t even agreed on a movie yet. My pickyiness is hardly beginning to show 

Beatrix- you’re the worst to choose movies with 

Reena- Let’s watch Tarzan 

Beatrix- ...no 

Beatrix- you’re totally doing this on purpose 

Reena- I don’t get why you hate the movie so much 

Beatrix- I just 

Beatrix- Phill Collins 

Reena-... is that all? 

Beatrix- Yes. 

Reena- Well in that case 

Reena- (drum noise) I CAN FEEL IT COMING IN THE AIR TONIGHT 

Reena- OH LORD 

Beatrix- Stop it for the love of all things holy I’ll do anything

Reena- anything? 

Beatrix- anything

‘useless gang’ 

Reena- [image sent]

Chaddick- WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS 

Reena- What does it look like? 

Chaddick- It looks like Beatrix dressed up as a bill cipher from gravity falls, by maybe I'm going crazy  

Hester- Holy fucking shit 

Hort- Oh how the mighty have fallen! I always knew this day would come, but tis so much better than I always imagined! The great beast has fallen

Beatrix- Reena made me alright shut up 

Reena- You look adorable 

Beatrix- well I better 

Hort- This is really, really, really, the highlight of my day

Blossom has changed their username to Tedros

Tedros- holy flipping crap 

Tedros- so this is a thing 

Chaddick- Beatrix

Chaddick- would you like to join the cartoon boys gang 

Beatrix- hell no this is a one time thing

Tedros- please c’mon we get pineapple and peach rings every Friday 

Dot- yeah and on sundays we stream cartoons 

Beatrix- wait really? You guys have events? 

Tedros- Yeah and on tuesdays we harass agatha until she does the teen titans theme song in her special voice 

Beatrix- :0 

Beatrix- okok yes I’m in 

Dot- welcome (☞ﾟ∀ﾟ)☞ To (☞ﾟ∀ﾟ)☞ the cool kids club (☞ﾟ∀ﾟ)☞

Hort- is this why I found you guys watching danny phantom in the bathroom back in february 

Chaddick- Yeth 

Hort- dope 

Kiko- Can I join the cartoon boys gang? 

Tedros- depends, whats the best adventure time ship?

Kiko- Bubbline of course, I’m not a savage 

Dot- CORRECT DING DING DING 

Chaddick- WELCOME TO THE CARTOON BOYS GANG 

Tedros- I’m not sure what to do now we can’t binge cartoons 

Chaddick- I’ll host a metastream where we watch non stop cartoons because thats the best we can do these days pm ya the link

Kiko- sending virtual hugs and snacks to all of you (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ ✧ﾟ･: *ヽ(◕ヮ◕ヽ)

Hort- You guys aren’t gonna believe this but we got freaking snowed in.

Tedros- who got snowed in? 

Hort- Okay, well, ravan and anadil were only supposed to come over to play just dance 3 and watch movies on friday but then it started snowing 

Hort- anadil took over the bathroom so she could ft hester and ravan is sleeping in the living room and the snow is really piling up and there’s no way to drive if it keeps snowing like this 

Beatrix- well thats sounds fun 

Beatrix- but seriously I’m watching the snow and where the FUCK is it coming from FUCK snow FUCK 

Reena- Ok chill

Reena- it’s not you were born to work for the snow and the snow took your offspring in exchange for your freedom and you owe the snow thirty seven years of your life and you have to train an underground army to get your child back from the villainous snow who actually is raising your child well because they realized they loved you but they let you go because it wasn’t right if they didn’t but when the final battle comes you don’t know if you’re strong enough to take on the snow but actually you don't have to because they end up surrundering and elevating to a higher status after releasing everyone they trapped

Reena- how was it 

Tedros- meh too many plot holes 

Beatrix- I digged it 

Kiko- Snow is just fun the first few times, but it’s annoying now. I'm tired of wearing sweaters. I miss my skirts

Beatrix- mood 

Hort- Weekend in with the homies 

Hort- They’ll probably end up summoning a demon or something so we can do the four person dance on just dance 

Hort- I’m gonna go take a nap later guys 

Tedros- Its eleven man you should just go to sleep 

Hort- I can’t we made plans to make kool aid and watch the Kingsmen movies at four

Hort- lets hope I make it to easter anadil said she would go to the store to get jellybeans 

Beatrix- somehow, me and Reena ended up watching the phineas and ferb movie on discord

Kiko- at least it’s not sharkboy and lavagirl like last time 

Beatrix- hey it was on netflix whatcha gonna do? 

Kiko- not... not watch it? 

Beatrix- yes but no 

Chapter Text

‘Vex is totally not an elf’

Hester- so i was watching good omens because I guess I’m the only person on this godforsaken chat who hasn’t and i really don’t get ineffable husbands

GreenSkittle- wdym 

Hester- who bottoms 

GreenSkittle- Bruhhh hester 

Mike Wazowski- Holy shit hester just come right on out with it 

Hester- I thought we said no more usernames after we added you back archane 

Mike Wazowski- this is my actual name leave me alone mom it says so on my birth receipt 

GreenSkittle- okay well obviously crowley is a top 

Mike Wazowski- Objection, the court says no and you are wrong Mona

GreenSkittle- what you wanna fight 

Mike Wazowski- hell yeah you wanna go 

GreenSkittle- alright let's go !

Mike Wazowski- alright let's go out!!

GreenSkittles- out on a date!

Mike Wazowski- do you want to get married huh tough guy?!

GreenSkittle-  DO YOU WANT KIDS

Sex- who the fuck did this 

GreenSkittle- (✿´‿`)

Mike Wazowski- pft bahaHAHA

Hester- Should I get some coloring books for you goddamn five year olds 

Sex- real mature guys quick change it back before ravan makes fun of me 

Ravan- what’s up ‘sex’

Sex- *cries* you’re not my dad you can’t make fun of me 

Ravan-  Thank god for that 

Sex has changed their username to Vex 

Vex- I hate all of you except dot 

O- I feel like they both have switch vibes and thanks Vex 

Hurt- ya yeet anyways has anyone seen I am not okay with this 

Hester- that show’s good.

Hester- the ending was super surprising though i liked it 

Hurt- i love those chaotic kiddos so much

Hester- same man sophia lillis is the best 

Hurt- wait, who did this 

Vex- all I’ve been doing is playing overwatch and watching what we do in the shadows for three straight days. my mom legit forgot i existed. 

Anadill Pickle- thats a good movie to watch over quarantine, write that down 

Anadill Pickle- Fitting username however but when I find out who did this and if I ever get out of this prison, someone’s going down. 

Mike Wazowski- horts house is like the opposite of prison bro he has all of the lotr movies 

Hurt- and the hobbit 

Mike Wazowski- point proven

Anadill Pickle- prison log, day two. This domesticity is making my body backfire. If I don’t escape soon, I might get out of this…  a better person

Vex- so hows married life you two 

Hurt- Oh it’s fantastic. 

Ravan- He microwaved eight marshmallows for breakfast 

Hurt- They were peeps, you uneducated bully-

Mike Wazowski- oop

Ravan- ? Finish it??

Hurt- You’re sitting like, four feet away from me, I don’t wanna 

Ravan- oh hey it's hort i didn't see you there

Hurt- he just fucking waved at me wtf 

Anadill Pickle- hester come save me from these two I can only hide in the pillow fort for so long 

Hester-[image sent]

Hester- I’m also a prisoner

Mike Wazowski- OF FEAR 

Mike Wazowski- nah i’m kidding thats a lot of snow lol

O- It’s like christmas except it’s in 4/20 

Hester- Who told her about that

Anadill Pickle- whos being a bad influence on my daughter 

O- Kiko told me ｡◕‿◕｡

Anadill Pickle- stop lying and tell us the truth 

Hurt- thats not even possible 

O- you have no idea what's possible mortal 

Private Conversation- Sophie and Nicola 

Sophie- Hi. 

Nicola- Hey??

Sophie- sorry that was a really awkward hi

Sophie- I just wanted to say I had a really fun time yesterday 

Nicola- So did I, oddly enough 

Nicola- Wait, was a weird thing to say? 

Sophie- This is so awkward 

Nicola- It is omg I’m sorry 

Nicola- Do you wanna come over tomorrow? My dad’s just gonna be at work and my brothers are probably gonna be playing halo all day so it’s gonna be quiet and boring

Nicola- unless you come over I meant, it won’t be boring 

Sophie- I would love to! I’ll bring my macbook if you want to watch the show again, or we could find something else to do if you don't want to do that 

Sophie- ugh i’m so sorry i sound so dumb 

Sophie- i’m just panicking for some reason 

Nicola- I’m panicking too Sophie, I can hardly tell that you are 

Sophie- We’re just a mess. A big mess. 

Nicola- Is there any right way to do this though? 

Sophie- I couldn’t tell you , the last person I dated was a guy . 

Nicola- Wait, what? 

Sophie- I

Sophie- Fuck that’s not what we were talking about, was it? 

Nicola- How about this, how about you come over tomorrow and we’ll talk about it in person. Because this is super important, even to me, you know?

Sophie- That sounds splendid. Way better idea. 

Nicola- Dope, I’ll see you at nine. Or whenever you want. Anytime works.

Nicola- You could probably come over at six in the morning and I wouldn’t mind 

Nicola- Is that a weird thing to say? 

Sophie- Only considering the fact I wake up at six to do my makeup, not weird at all 

Nicola- not weird at all 

Private Conversation- Aggy and Sophie 

Sophie- I need your help 

Aggy- With what do I need to get the baseball bat out

Sophie- GIRLS 

Aggy- oof blow up her house on minecraft 

Sophie- AGGIEEEE

Aggy- I’m sorry sorry what do you need help with 

Sophie- okay so you know how me and nicola live on the same block and I would drive her home? so we've been hanging out a lot more lately and the other day she fell asleep when we were watching this dumb cooking show and we CUDDLED it was so eihduefhqfuefhq

Sophie- ok I'm okay 

Sophie- Which musical song do I sing in order to ask to be my girlfriend because I was thinking Dear Evan Hansen or Heathers

Aggy- None Sophie life isn’t a musical where you sing a song you gotta talk about it 

Aggy- and do not do fucking Heathers jesus 

Sophie- Oh god oh fuck

Aggy- I’m sure Nicola is just as nervous as you 

Sophie- She’s the best Aggy, she really is. She was like “you could come over at any time and i wouldn’t mind’ and I MELTED LIKE THE WITCH IN WIZARD OF OZ

Aggy- That’s freaking adorable sophie, nicola has some GAME BRO

Sophie- I’m just nervous about going over and talking it over. I was never this scared before. 

Aggy- I’m sorry, that’s so adorable. Sophie, I promise you, things are so much simpler then you may think at first. There’s a million ways it could go but however it goes, you live and u learn and you go in there headfirst and you end up with something valuable, any of the million ways. You've been nervous before. Everything's going to be ok  ತ_ತ

 Sophie- ugh i love you so fricking much aggie, thank you for that

Sophie- im not sure about that emoji though

Aggy- ┐(´ー｀)┌

Sophie- You’re right, I’m going all in after this girl, and I’m gonna end up something I didn’t have before. 

Aggy- YES YOU ARE 

Sophie- YES I AM 

Sophie- Now help me pick out every individual aspect of my outfit 

Aggy- erm

Aggy- i can’t  my moms sleeping 

Sophie- WAKE HER UP THEN THIS IS IMPORTANT 

Private Conversation- Nicola and Nick

Nicola- aHHHHHH

Nick- did you ask her 

Nicola- AHHHHHH

Nick- Nice 

Private Conversation- Nick and Reena 

Nick- so that’s one couple down, wbu 

Reena- FUCK

Chapter Text

Reena- FUCK I FORGOT 

Nick- Too busy with Bea huh 

Reena- Don’t you have a boyfriend or something? 

Nick-  Yes why did he say something what did he say whats going on

Reena- Why don’t you text him and leave me to plot?

Nick- FINE I WILL 

Reena- FINE 

Nick- FINE 

Private Conversation- Chaddick and Nick 

Nick- Hi. 

Nick-I miss you. Again. Even though we just talked like, a minute ago 

Chaddick- i know it’s hard going longer than a week without seeing my gorgeous face

Chaddick- but it’s even harder going so long without seeing your gorgeous face

Nick- ༼ つ ಥ_ಥ ༽つ you’re so cheesy 

Chaddick- you really need to stop sending those it’s scaring me 

Nick- when all of this is over you better believe we’re going to walmart together 

Chaddick- I MISS OUR WALMART DATE NIGHTS AJSJKAJASJAHGDDKS

Nick- ik im with you babe 

Nick-what are you wearing?

Chaddick- orange socks 

Nick- are they fuzzy?

Chaddick- Yes

Nick- Thats...hot 

Chaddick- No they’re warm 

Nick- *breathes in*

Nick- *forgets to breathe out* 

Nick- *becomes unconscious* 

Chaddick- What did I do?

Chaddick- is this some weird kinky thing?

Chaddick- why have you done this 

Chaddick- wait nick pls you’re the finn to my poe 

Chaddick- I love you… sniff sniff 

Nick- correct answer, you’re babey <3

Nick-  sorry all of my amazon packages came and now i have a sword 

Chaddick- A REAL SWORD?????

Nick- A REAL SWORD 

Chaddick- NOW WE CAN RUN AWAY TOGETHER TO THE COUNTRYSIDE, HAVE A FARM, AND A SMALL COTTAGE AND HAVE A GOAT AND GROW OLD TOGETHER 

Nick- THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I WAS THINKING BABE 

Chaddick- god you’re the best 

Nick- no, you’re the best 

Chaddick- No, you’re babey

Nick- no u

Chaddick- reverse card 

Nick- reverse of the reverse

Tedros has made a chat titled ‘cartoon boys gang’

Tedros has invited Chaddick, Dot, Kiko, and Beatrix to ‘cartoon boys gang’

Beatrix- YOOOOO wait 

Beatrix- did you guys really not have chat before me and kiko  joined  

Tedros- no we did we just decided to add you guys 

Beatrix- so why not invite us to the old one 

Tedros-....

Tedros- username time 

Chaddick- ooh ooh ooh  dibs dibs on johnny bravo

Tedros- you bitch i wanted johnny bravo this time 

Chaddick- Aw let me press f on the worlds smallest keyboard 😔

Beatrix- I want mandy from the grim adventures of billy and mandy

Dot- Hi I would like chocoberry for obvious reasons thank you 

Tedros- I need one of these youngins to help me change the names 

Beatrix- god you're old teddy just do it gosh 

Kiko- can i has buford from phineas and ferb 

Tedros- why… would you want Buford 

Kiko- I can't have Buford? 🥺

Dot- dont opress her give her Buford 

Tedros- hey np just asking 

Tedros- who am I supposed to be

Beatrix- you can be ron from Kim possible 

Tedros- does that make Agatha Kim 

Dot- new au !

Chaddick- don't kid yourselves everyone knows tedros is that surfer dude from total drama island 

Tedros- wait 

Tedros- WHAT WAS HIS NAME 

Beatrix- it was like brody or something like that

Chaddick- it was Brigette 

Beatrix- THATS THE GIRL SURFER 

Kiko- I don't remember there ever being a surfing dude?? 

Beatrix- was he a frat boy? 

Tedros- I one hundred percent am a frat boy

Beatrix- hey tedros we get it we know you're bi

Kiko- we got the memo

Chaddick- remember when tedros had a crush on yara

Chaddick- that was hilarious 

Beatrix- 😒 I had a crush on Yara, he ain't special 

Kiko- everyone had a crush on Yara, they had great biceps 

Tedros- true true agatha also has nice biceps 

Beatrix- not saying i’ve looked or anything but that’s also very true 

Tedros has changed Chaddick's username to Johnny Bravo 

Dot- wait chaddick?? you're not blonde 

Johnny Bravo- hey thats rude we're both big, buff, strong lads with great hair 

Beatrix- cough cough himbo cough cough COUGH VIOLENT HACKING 

Beatrix- whew sorry bout that guys something came over me 

Johnny Bravo- what's a himbo 

Tedros has changed Beatrix's username to Mandy 

Tedros has changed Dot's username to Chocoberry 

Tedros has changed Kiki's username to Buford

Tedros has changed their username to Fred Jones

Mandy- i’m proud you came up with that 

Fred Jones- thank you, so am I 

Buford- this is... beautiful thank you 

Chocoberry- so what’s next? 

Johnny Bravo- anyone want to play truth or dare? 

Mandy- two himbos, one lesbian and two sweethearts play dare or dare 

Mandy- this will turn out good 

Fred Jones- I’M NOT A HIMBO DONT GROUP ME IN WITH HIM 

Johnny Bravo- hey i said truth or dare bea :((

Buford- if you think about it really hard... everyone is a bit of a himbo

Mandy- *sigh* 

Mandy- I GUESS 

Chocoberry- the last time i played truth or dare i ended up on top of the fridge so how about let's not do this 

Mandy- thats bc u were playing with hester 

Mandy- we're nicer 

Buford- this house is a FUCKING NIGHTMARE 

Chocoberry- well... i guess 

Chocoberry- but absolutely no kissing 

Mandy- .... 

Buford- ....

Johnny Bravo- ...

Mandy- sure.

‘useless gang’ 

Dot- LISTEN TO ME BECAUSE I’LL ONLY SAY IT ONCE 

Dot- TWILIGHT IS A COMEDY FIRST AND A ROMANCE SECOND 

Dot- thank you 

Chaddick- sir this a wendys 

Beatrix- go the F U C K to bed dot you need to sleep 

Dot- hey you arent my mom you can’t tell me what to do 

Beatrix- @Hester 

Dot- oh FRICK

Chaddick- late night squad?

Beatrix- chaddick what are you even doing? 

Chaddick- um 

Chaddick- ahah

(cont) Private Conversation- Chaddick and Nick 

Chaddick- no you are 😤🥺

Nick- can you hear that?

Nick- it's you being very wrong 

Chaddick- *listens* 

Chaddick- *listens*

Chaddick- nope don't hear it 

Chaddick- you must be imagining things 

Nick- how about no

Chaddick- yes

Nick- nuh uh 

Chaddick- yuh huh 

Nick- nuh uh 

Chaddick- you’re like, SEVEN 

Nick- yeah, well you’re like, SIX 

Chaddick- you’re FIVE 

Nick- well you’re a FOUR year old BABY 

Chaddick- OH YEAH WELL HERE I GO CRYING LIKE A BABY 

Nick- wait no babe pls 

Chaddick- you're THREE! THREE!

Nick- OH YEAH? 

‘Vex is totally not an elf’

Ravan- Rest in peace Hort, again 

Ravan- he’s not dead but he’s about to be 

Hurt- FUCIFHJJDIHUDFHASJDAH GOTTA FO FASTG

Chapter Text

GreenSkittle- squEEZE HIM JAFAR 

Anadill Pickle- I CAN'T STAND THIS ANYMORE ALL THEY DO IS FIGHT AND STUFF 

Hurt- SOMEBKDH CAKL 911 HALPMEIMGONNADY

O- THE NINE BUTTON IS BROKEN

Hurt- RHTRUN THE SIX BTOTUN UPSDIE DWON

Heater- the fuck is going on here

O- THATS NOT OKAY HESTER WE HAVE A THING GOING ON 

Heater- sorry, sorry 

Heater- THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE 

O- THANK YOU 

GreenSkittle- THANK YOU

Mike Wazowski- my mum took away my ipod away because she heard me listen to fallout boy and she doesn’t like the fact that i’m emo

GreenSkittle- thats rough buddy 

Mike Wazowski- this is not the time for atla references 

GreenSkittle- MY CABBAGEEEEEEE

Hurt- so I'm a roof

Hurt- gang gang 

Hurt- I meant I'm on a roof 

Hurt- not that i am one whoops 

Heater- what led to hort being a roof? 

Anadill Pickle- hort was big dumb and he ate all of the nearly naked popcorn 

Mike Wazowski- what in the h e double hockey sticks fuck shidded is naked popcorn 

Anadill Pickle- [image sent] 

Mike Wazowski- THAT IS A BIG BOI OF POPCORN

Anadill Pickle- and that was the only food we were planning on eating for the rest of quarantine cuz Hort only had anime girl face masks and I'm not going to the store wearing those again it was embarrassing once 

Hurt- no one appreciates art in this house :( 

Ravan- You think that framed picture of llamas with hats is art

Hurt- IT IS 

Private Conversation- Reena and Hester

Reena- okay okay we can work with this hester 

Hester- i just told you my life story wdym we can work with this 

Reena- I mean that I know what you have to do 

‘Maybe never will be our always 😳 🥺 jk jk unless…? ’

Heater- i’ll do it 

Heater- who the FUCK changed the name i was gone for ONE MINUTE 

Mike Wazowski- ma’am this a wendys 

O- that's what the Wendy's worker told me when I was telling her about my divorce and my lizard having kids smh 

Anadill Pickle- Hester, whatever you are doing stop doing it 

Heater- im bringing food 

Hurt- does this mean I have to blow up another mattress because I'm not running a hotel for emos here ma'am

Ravan- if she's bringing food she's welcome here but Hester, what about your mom?

Hester- can you not bring that up i’m being a rebel 

GreenSkittle- JSJSJSJS

Ravan- You keysmash like a kpop stan 

GreenSkittle- i stan pitbull 

Ravan- Stop it 

Hurt- protect GYFTCVGBHJNONJHG FCTRYTGUHINJ98777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777

Ravan- did you just fall of the roof 

Ravan- He just fell of the roof I need to make sure he’s alive 

Vex- bruh 

Mike Wazowski- yes go check on him 

Anadill Pickle- [video sent]

Vex- well at least we know horts okay i got worried for our favorite little wolf boi

Mike Wazowski- how do you know he's ok tho 

Vex- "you got me bewitched cuz I'm under your spell WHOAWHOAWHOA " and then the unholy screaming right after is how you know 

GreenSkittle- and the ‘are you okay’ and the wheezy‘no im hort’

‘useless gang’

Beatrix- 10:10pm check up hows the gang doing 

Tedros- meh 

Dot- meh 

Bobbles- also meh but better 

Dot- hey agatha did you know that identity theft is a crime and millions of families suffer every year?

Bobbles- …. Meh 

Reena- this is just tiring yesterday i didn’t even change out of my pajamas 

Beatrix- Oof 

Hester- literally all ive been wearing are my pajamas 

Chaddick- you guys are getting clothes? 

Reena- chaddick w h y 

Chaddick- i broke my clothes dryer 

Tedros- i am not surprised 

Chaddick- ITS NOT MY FAULT OKAY I TRIED TO CLIMB IN IT BECAUSE I WAS BORED AND WANTED TO SEE IF IT WOULD SPIN 

Hester- and you broke it 

Dot- I DEDICATE MY LIFE TO OUR LORD AND SAVIOR JESUS CHRIST AND THIS IS THE THANKS I GET 

Chaddick- YES DOT YES

Chaddick- i was trying to react the vine okay 

Beatrix- cough cough HIMBO cough cough 

Hester- Pfttt 100 percent

Chaddick- hey :’( 

Beatrix- its okay we love you anyways

Beatrix- how’s everyone else been? i feel like there should be a lot more people on 

Nick- i miss the homies :(( and chaddick too i guess

Chaddick- you’re still in the womb, HAH

Nick- FUCK 

Tedros- I also miss the boys, the week just isn’t the same without hort asking me what time it is and how to unlock his phone every three minutes 

Hort- hey i figured it out :( i sort of miss my job and getting out of the house though 

Beatrix- ik we’re in a rough spot rn guys but you’re all loved and you’re all amazing people and I know you all we can make it through this 

Tedros- thank you mom

Tedros- hit me right in the feels 

Chaddick- i’ll hit you right in the feels 

Beatrix- chaddick 

Chaddick- sorry thank you mom

Reena- ｡◕‿‿◕｡ thank you beatrix 

Hester- charles darwin says thou shall not make hester cry like a little baby 

Beatrix- ha-ha-ha p e r i s h  

Hort- no it doesn’t??

Beatrix- any amazing news lately guys and if any of you mention a certain book series coming back i will murDER YOU DEAD

Hester- :’( i don’t feel welcome here 

Nick- i got all the barbie movies from amazon so there's that 

Reena- the island one was sort of good 

Dot- everyone knows princess magic school was the best out of all of them 

Reena- TRUEEEEE

Chaddick- he also got a SWORD 

Nick- I GOT A SWORD GUYS 

Hort- i thought that was a legend 

Hort- the amazon sword legend was a bedtime story I was told as a young lad 

Nick- [image sent] 

Hort- AH OH MY GOODNESS IT IS GLORIOUS 

Tedros- even i have to admit that is a gorgeous specimen 

Buttahcup- if you guys are done fangirling over swords 

Buttahcup- I have a big announcement 

Bobbles- yesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyes

Bobbles- please tell us sophie because I, Agatha, your best friend, have no idea what it is 

Reena- spill the tea 

Dot- please tell me you didn’t find another random guy whose name starts with a r on the street because we all know how that ends 

Buttahcup- You act like I did that more than once 

Bobbles- YOU DID 

Buttahcup- and that’s why I don’t like guys 

Beatrix- Now I'm anticipating some big news. What is it?

Nicola- we’re dating 

Buttahcup- I WANTED TO TELL THEM 

Nicola- you were being too slow 

Beatrix- that's fantastic you two, I'm extremely hecking happy! 

Tedros- wait you guys weren't dating before? 

Nicola- ma'AM

Tedros- whatever, SUPER COOL YOU GUYS CONGRATS

Bobbles- thank you, thank you. 

Bobbles-  YESYEYSYEYSYEYS THANK YOU 

Nicola- no THANK YOU RANDOM CITIZEN 

Hort- congratulations you two, it’s about time!

Nick- YAY NOW WE CAN GO ON TRIPLE DATES 

Buttahcup- Hey Nick thanks for being so cool about us stealing the Power Couple of the Chat award from you 

Nick- whatever you say sophie, we all know the truth

Dot- that is very cash money of you both, congratulations 

Hester- you all are acting like they won an oscar or something lol 

Reena- wait wait wait i want to hear this story 

Nicola- thank you guys its SUPER COOL 

Nicola- oh she sang heathers 

Bobbles- SOPHIE 

Bobbles- YOU HAD ONE JOB 

Buttahcup has changed their username to Sophie 

Bobbles- since we all have BORING NAMES NOW 

Bobbles has changed their username to Agatha 

Nicola- ye she sang meant to be yours it was vv sweet 

Agatha- pls tell me you're kidding meant to be yours is not sweet at ALL 

Sophie- she’s KIDDING aggy i just sang the OPEN THE OPNE THE DOOR PLEASE 

Nicola- ok so Sophie was like ‘nicola you have a nice head’ cause she can’t flirt for SHIT 

Nicola- and then i slowly just backed into the closet and shut the door for a while 

Hort- im resisting the urge to make a closet joke so hard right now

Nick- same

Nicola- of course

Meanwhile: 

“Call Anadil.” 

“ Calling Anadil.” 

The phone rings twice before it’s  picked up. “ Hey, what’s up?” Hester can tell she’s smiling by her voice, and Hester has to stop herself from beaming at it. She’s so sappy. 

“Nothing much.”

“Are you on your way here?” 

“You sound like you’re being tortured.” 

“Essentially, I am.” 

“Miss me that much, do you?” Hester mentally compliments her daring. And then Anadil has to go and say something that makes her insides melt like Dot’s chocolate ice cream cones under the sun and makes Hesters cheeks heat up. 

“You know I do.” 

Hester clears her throat. “Uh, well, I- I was going to the store and was wondering if you could send me a list or something like that.” She sounds so dumb. Jesus she’s lost all her nerve at that stupid, adoarble response. Anadil has her wrapped around her finger and she doesn’t even know it. 

“Hold on-” Hester can hear the sounds of banging against a door. She yells back, and Hester waits, amused. Someone laughs and Anadil sighs into the phone. “Horts being a little diva and-” Someone wails in the background “ -yes you are, anyways, he wants to know if you’re staying over.” 

Hester laughs despite herself. “Hell no, I can’t. My mom is going to be pissed if she finds out I’m gone.” 

“ That massively sucks Hester.” 

“You’ll survive.” 

“I don’t think I’ll last any longer with these two. Ravan has a list, I’ll have him send it to you. He’s like, taken over the kitchen cause he’s the only one who can really cook.” 

“How long are you going to be staying at his house?”

Anadil sighs. “ I don’t know. You know that Hort’s dad works night shifts so he’s never at the house. I just can’t imagine staying at home for so long Hester.” 

“Yeah I get you.” Hester says, trying to sound sympathetic. She doesn’t like it when Anadil sounds so sad, but she doesn’t know what to do or say, other than listen. 

“ I went over there the other day to get some clothes and it was a train wreck.” 

Hester clutches the steering wheel hard, frowning a bit (okay, a lot) as she waits at the red light. “You know if you need a place to stay-”

“ I know.” 

“Your fucking grandparents man. I don’t care if they throw a bitchfit, I’m glad you’re staying there.” 

Anadil laughs a bit, making Hester smile. “What?”

“ You’re so cute when you get defensive.” 

Hester groans as she starts driving, feeling hot again. “You need to stop that.” She doesn’t really want to stop the whole flirting, cutesy, act, the whole dance they’ve been doing since freshman year. She’s not tired of it, in the least, but she does wish it would just go somewhere. 

“ Don’t worry, only me and Dot know you’re a big softie.” 

“You, Dot, Agatha, Hort, Sophie, Nicola, Tedros, Ravan, Reena, Bea-”

“ Now you’re just bringing random people up. I wonder how Dot is doing with her uncle?” 

“She sent me a picture of her making her own home movie theater with all her stuffed animals.” 

“I miss her. I miss them all, if I have to be honest.”

“For some reason, so do I.” 

“‘For some reason’, yeah right Hester.”  

“Ugh, fine, I miss them because they’re my...ack.” 

“Your-” Anadil prompts. 

“Friends! Ugh, friends!” Hester says, smiling madly at their teasing. 

“There it is.” 

“You hear about Sophie and Nicola?” Hester asks, turning to the plaza. 

“I did hear Hort’s inhumane screeching, so … yeah. “

“Pft, I bet. What’d he say?” 

“Well ever since he rolled down the roof and into the snowbank he’s been acting really weird and all hyper, so it’s been hard for me to get it, but he was happy. But really, good for them.” 

Hester parks at the store and turns the engine off, looking for her red face mask. “Yeah, good for them.” 

“ I don’t know, Hort’s weird. He was happy when he heard. Imagine how that would be. Like, if me and you got together. Actually, that would be just-”

“Yeah imagine. I’m here, I gotta go. Make sure Ravan sends me that list.” 

“ Oh, okay. Bye.” 

“Bye.” 

I’ve really got to get a reel in on all of these feelings , Hester seethes. But really! 

Hester snaps her mask on and stomps up to the store, then stops to look at herself in the reflecting panels of the store. She looks hurt.

 Why is she hurt? 

Is it because Sophie, Sophie of all people, was able to finally ask out the girl she likes, despite not even knowing her as long as Hester had known Anadil? 

Is it because she can’t be the place of safety Anadil wants? Anadil was looking for someone and somewhere to feel safe and lay her head and she found it at Hort’s house. She found it somewhere that wasn’t with Hester, and that’s fine. It’s fine because Hester knows Anadil feels safe there and that’s good enough for her . Is it frustration brewing because she can’t just get it together? She can’t get her feelings in order and she can’t get a lid on it, and she doesn’t know if she wants to keep on pining like this. 

She sits on the sidewalk with her shoulders stumped and holding her hair.

Where does this leave her? 

Anadil terrifies her. Hester is not a codependent person, and she never has been. But the thing that scares her is that Anadil just might be her other half and she might...  need her. She makes fun of Agatha and Tedros for that and they just smile at each other and knowingly just shrug, because they’re so into each other, they don’t even care. Hester hasn’t even thought of the fact that she’s the same. 

Hester lets out a frustrated groan, stringing her hair through her fingers. Why did she listen to Reena anyway? Reena doesn’t even know that Beatrix has had a thing for her ever since her and Nick broke up. Just because Reena told her to? 

Hester was just looking for an excuse to go to her. 

She takes a breath and  opens her phone to list that Ravan sent her. 

Ravan- Grapes, popcorn, doritos, bread, captain crunch, and at Hort’s request, the largest jar of peanut butter you can find. He's been fatally injured so let's give him that. Also, pizza rolls. 

Hester- the lack of healthy food on this list is disturbing 

Ravan- Grapes.

Ravan- .... and thank you 

Hester- stop being so soft, it doesn’t suit you 

Ravan- fuck you 

Hester- there he is 

Ravan- But really, thanks 

Hester’s heart unwillingly but totally warms up. 

“Call Dot.”

“Calling Dot .”

The phone is immediately picked up. “Yo .” Dot says, obviously chewing something. 

“Is that seriously how you pick up the phone?” Hester asks. 

“I'm watching cartoons on discord with the boys.” 

“Please don’t tell me Chaddick and Tedros are listening. 

There are some snickers from Dot’s background. “Hi Hester!” Someone hollers. 

“Dot-” 

“Yeah, I’m muting them. What’s up?” 

“I’m going to Hort’s house.”

“Okay.” 

Hester waits. 

“Wait. it’s ten, you’re breaking your curfew.” 

Hester continues to wait. 

“Hester, I don’t think you’re going because Hort fell off the roof.” 

“Oh come on, with Ravan fawning all over him, he'll be fine. No, I… uh. I wanted to tell you something.” 

“Is this about your massively invisible yet totally obvious crush on Anadil?” 

Hester tenses up. “How did you know?” 

“You do remember I’m one of your best friends, right? The only person who doesn’t know is Anadil herself.” 

Hester rolls her eyes. “This is because of that time we were playing smash or pass and-”

“This is exactly because of that time Hester. Yep. Totally.” 

“Dot!” 

“Aw come on Hester, what do you want to say? You’re crazy about each other. It’s adorable. It’s your dynamic. It’s Anadil and Hester and you’ve always been that way. It’s your destiny, bro.” 

Hester is speechless. 

“Hester?”

“Oh god I killed my best friend.” 

“I can’t believe you gave me the best grammys acceptance speech ever and then proceeded to call me bro.” Hester finally says. 

“Whatever, it was still good.”

“What should I do?”

“Crash your truck into the front of Hort's house, sing a romantic emo ballad of the 2000s to her, sweep her into your arms and go in for the kill.”

“No to ALL OF THAT DOT. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU.” 

“You asked!”

“Dot, I’m so lost.” 

“Oh Hester,” she sighs, but she sounds more fond than anything. “ You have been for the last six-ish years, but it’s a good thing you noticed.” 

“You aren’t helping.” Hester whines. “I’m almost there, and I don’t even have a plan.” 

“ I just gave you a plan!” 

“I don’t like it.”

“Picky.” 

Hester sits back, tightens the grip she has on the wheel. She breathes in. “Okay. I’m just going to tell her how I feel. And if she doesn’t like it, she doesn’t like it. And that's that” 

“ Now that’s character growth.”

“Are you talking about Avatar or me?” 

“ You’re like Zuko, and Anadil is like Mai, or wait, no, maybe you’re like Azula-” 

“I’m there.” Hester says, pulling up the street. 

Hort lives in the shabby side of their wood surrounded small town, with the dingy taupe houses and the broken chain link fences. There’s a rusting car in the front of his house, and the snow is all gone like it was never there at all. There’s a budding tree in the front and through the leaves Hester can see Anadil sitting on the old wooden bench, where they used to hang out back in sophomore year when Hort was drinking protein smoothies and smoking pot all the time. 

They hung out at his house a lot back then, usually with Dot and Nicola sometimes too, and Ravan, Mona, Vex, and Brone when they wanted to play video games. The house doesn’t feel the same anymore after all the events of the last year. Dot’s become friends with a lot more people, people like Kiko and Yara, and Nicola and Hort broke up in the diner in front of everyone that one bad month. Hort hardly spoke. Nicola eventually shied away. Ravan was usually there, but the two of them had this thing  and that thing changed things after the Bad Month, and so their annual gaming nights had gradually stopped and it went quiet. People fell apart, but Hester was lucky enough to witness that they were the type of people who came back together too. 

“ You’ve got this.” Dot reassures. 

“Cliche.” 

“You’ve don’t got this?”

“Confusing.” 

“Hester, get the hell  out of the car and go get her so I can keep on watching Avatar with the boys.” 

“Watch your mouth!” 

Dot laughs before hanging up.

She parks, facing the house. 

Hester takes a deep breath out and opens up her door. She stands on the sidewalk, and she can clearly see Anadil sitting on the bench, in a loose ponytail, a baggy shirt that is definitely not hers and sport shorts. She's so pretty . 

They look at each other for a minute. 

Hester takes the bags from the backseat and walks up the cracked concrete to the door, all aware of her every movement. She stops in front of the bench. 

“Hi.” She says heavily. 

Anadil doesn’t look like she’ll respond, she just nods. But then she says “Need any help?” and Hester hates this new polite and civil way they’re acting, like they have something folded beneath all the layers to be guilty of. 

“No, I’ll just drop this off inside. I’ll be right back.”

She intentionally planted Anadil to the seat, because she wants to talk to her out here, where they always used to talk. Sort of a crappy thing, now she sees. 

The inside the house is a predictable but yet, disappointing mess. The TV is playing an infomercial that keeps it from being too quiet, and nearly all the lights are off, minus the stove lamps. All the couch cushions are stacked up and piling over each other on the floor. There’s a golden stream of light peeking out from an almost closed door down the hall, where she can guess it’s Hort and Ravan talking lowly to each other over the hum of the lights. It all feels very intimate and domestic. She feels like she’s intruding in their little world. 

She sets down the bags on the counter and yells out, “I brought your junk food!” 

The door creaks and Hort pads out, barefoot with his hair wet. “God Hester, you’re the best. How much was it?” 

“It was only twelve bucks, don’t worry about it. Is your-” she motions vaguely to his head. There's a pitter patter of water falling onto the tiles. “-is it okay?” 

“Dude, I’m fine, it was like, two feet. It was like falling off the bed and into a bunch of bushes. Ravan’s acting like I almost died. Sort of nice though,” he says, shrugging and smiling mischievously. “Anadil’s been waiting for you.” 

Hester smiles. Then punches his arm. “Wimp.” 

“Whatever. We’re making pizza rolls!” he calls out. 

Hester steps back outside. 

The air is heavy and tense, and Hester is so fine tuned to the two of them, like everythings faded from grey to black and it’s only her and Anadil and the bench. They simply look fixedly at each other, waiting for each other to make a move. 

It’s Anadil who moves first, scooting over so that Hester can sit next to her, breaking the tense feeling between them. 

“I’m sorry.” 

Hester grapples with that. “What?” she decides on. 

Anadil looks down. “I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings, if I did.” 

“You didn’t.” Hester tells her, looking at her. She’s so pretty. “I just… got nervous. I don’t know.” she runs her fingers through her hair. 

Anadil looks back at her, smiling like it’s a joke. Hester wants to smile too. “Why would you get nervous?” 

Just say it Hester tells her in her mind

I don’t know how Hester pleads with her. 

Yes you do

Anadil looks at her curiously. 

All you have to do is say it 

Say it 

Say it 

Do it!

Give in!

Hester leans in and kisses Anadil on her lips, steadying herself with an arm on the top of the bench. A warm tingly feeling fills her from the tip of her toes to her lips, and her heart is racing as fast as her mind, and she’s right here and she’s perfect and she’s 

She’s not kissing back. 

Fuck. 

Hester pulls away too fast and immediately feels like she wants to cry and scream and yell at the world for making her do this. The feeling is sucked away and stored in her heart. She wasn’t supposed to do this. She was supposed to talk to her. What did she do? Anadil didn’t want that!

“Oh my god.” someone says. It might be her. It might have been Anadil. Hester doesn’t know, because she tears away and turns to the edge of the bench, head spinning. 

“I…” Hester says shakily. “I’m so sorry Anadil. God. Fuck.” 

She’s so furious, furious with herself, the universe, why can’t she figure this out? 

“Hester.” Anadil says softly from behind her. Hester wants to cry. She’s gone and ruined it all, hasn’t she?

“I’m so sorry.” Hester says, almost panicking. “I’m so sorry.” I can't lose you. 

“C’mere.” 

Anadil just opens her arms. Hester hates that it’s so easy to lay back in them, but she does anyways, and she doesn’t understand how Anadil can possibly be so calm. It’s the closest they’ve been in a long time, and all Hester wants her to do is to hold her. 

Hester looks up at her face and Anadil takes a deep breath in and out, and Hester, understanding, inhales and exhales a few times. 

She feels better. A cricket chirps. It’s quiet outside. 

“I’m sorry.” she tells Anadil. 

“I don’t mind.” Anadil tells her, looking down at her. 

“You should.” 

“I mind a little bit.” 

“Why?” 

It’s odd how casual they can be after Hester’s just indirectly revealed her long enduring and suffering feelings for Anadil. 

It’s Anadil and Hester and you’ve always been that way. It’s your destiny, bro.

Wait. 

Hester sits back up. 

Anadil is chewing on her thumbnail. “I guess this is the part where I tell you that I’ve liked you since we’ve met.” 

Hester blinks. “You don’t have to say that now Anadil.” she says. She must feel bad. She feels bad for her. No way. No fucking way.

Anadil rolls her eyes. “You are so daft, you know that?” 

“It doesn’t make sense,” Hester says, standing up to pace. “You’re you, and you’re… so pretty, obviously, and I’m me. I… don’t need your pity.” 

Anadil stands up scarily fast, and Hester stops burning through the wooden porch to stare at her. “I think you mistake care for pity.” She says, putting a finger under Hester’s chin to make her look at her. “We worry about you.” She smiles, and Hester smiles back at her, but her smile fades. 

“Who’s we?” 

Anadil flusters. “Me. All of our friends. Them. Dot.” 

“It’s the same thing.” Hester says. 

“No it isn’t. You worry about us, don’t you? You were the tiniest bit worried about Hort falling off the roof. You get worried about me going home and Dot being with her dad. You got all protective over Agatha that night in the woods. It’s us caring Hester. Who have we got to rely on except each other? For example, this isn’t pity.” 

Anadil kisses her, and that feeling escapes from Hester's heart and fills her up, but Hester is so surprised she doesn’t kiss her back. 

“That was because I care about you, in a different way than being friendly.” Anadil tells her lowly. “And for the record, you didn’t kiss me back.” 

“You didn’t kiss me back.” Hester says, giving in. 

“How about this time, we both kiss back?” 

They meet in the middle. 

Her lips are smooth and their hands find a way to intertwine, in their proximity. She smells so familiar, a smell that Hester can’t pinpoint but she’d know it anywhere, and the closeness and the sound of their pounding hearts collides and it’s so freaking amazing, and there’s no one outside but the two of them, and when Anadil pulls her closer, there’s no one in the world except for the two of them. 

(And of course, there’s Hort, who yells “Get it!” from the window next to the door, and then there’s Ravan, who gives them a vaguely apologetic and amused look and drags a grinning Hort away, and the two laugh. 

“I’m going to murder him.” 

“Not without me you aren’t.” 

They kiss again, and Hester doesn't think she'll ever exhaust of that feeling, and they head into the house, hands interwoven like promises they'll keep and words they'll say and secrets and jokes between them, all the new possibilities from the two of them finally, getting their shit together. )

Chapter Text

'useless gang'

Reena- sleeping kind of hits differently in June 

Reena- like you start to sleep with your fan on, so everything feels cool and fresh but the airs still murky and musty and when it starts raining it feels so complete

Reena- everything feels so familiar but new and light peeks out from your curtain and you wake up slowly but so surely, like you were never asleep at all 

Chaddick- is this your long aesthetic way of saying you can't sleep 

Reena- perhaps 

Kiko- mood

Reena- okay but 1:40 isn't for sleeping, it's for vibing and reflection. Like it’s the only acceptable time to listen to bedroom pop 

Hort- ew bedroom pop is gross 

Reena- i accept the fact that people listen to different types of music but don’t you listen to nickelback unironically?

Hort-.....

Hort- i can’t sleep 

Vex- let me help you guys out here

Vex- https://youtu.be/xw-HMvz0ceU

Vex- 😴

Chaddick- thank you, mysterious elf illegal asmr dealer

Vex- you are very welcome you modern steve harrington 

Kiko- you guys know each other?

Vex- i was the school mascot for two years straight and one time at the end of the game when we won he tried to pick me up but it failed miserably but we got hospital beds right next to each other and watched that seventies show 

Chaddick- in my defense I didn’t know there was an actual human being in there 

Vex- iN mY dEfEnSe i DiDn’T kNoW tHeRe wAs aN aCtUaL hUmaN iN tHerE

Chaddick- oh boohoo sorry about your lemur 

Vex- iT WAS MY FEMUR 

Reena- bros chill we are literally just vibing 

Chaddick- i have never done anything wrong in my life, ever

Reena- i know this, and i love you 

Reena- now SHUT UP 

Hort- so no ones really going to talk about that video vex linked 

Hort- okay 

Kiko- Hort I heard you fell off the roof last week, are you feeling alright? 

Hort- skjdkehske I feel so special yes I'm okay 

Vex- you guys didn't see the video Anadil sent did you

Hort- VEX NO

Chaddick- I want to see 👀

Vex- would you like to me uh 👉👈🥺 send it 

Tedros- lowkey, yes 

Reena- did Hester come to your house that night? 

Hort- yeas how'd you know 

Reena- no reasonnnnn

Reena- haven’t heard from them in a while tbh

Hort- ahah yeah…..

Reena- hort? Do you have a secret to tell us!?

Hort- HESTER SAID I CAN’T TELL ANYONE I-

Reena- oh ho ho! So you confirm there's something 

Hort- fuck 

Hort has left ‘useless gang’

Reena- damn no ones done that in a long time 

Chaddick- i forgot that was an option now I know how Ravan feels 

Tedros- hort has left useless gang is such  powerful sentence

Chaddick- ok, who the FUCK is watching george lopez downstairs, I KNOW THAT THEME SONG YOU CAN’T FOOL ME 

Chaddick- bet it’s caleb

Reena- do not even come for him, i will protect him with my life

Tedros- same

Chaddick- you guys like my little brother more than me :(

Tedros- he gives me danimials everytime i drive you guys to school, he's the reason i still pick you guys up 

Chaddick- valid

Chaddick- reena what happened to chilling? 

Kiko- reena is chilling with murderous intent if provoked, nothing new 

Reena- wait somethings off

Reena- kiko’s bedtime is at exactly ten o clock pm in the NIGHT, so who are you?

Kiko- um hello?? New season of she-ra ring any bells? Me and dot are streaming it together. 

Reena- um k, no need to get all salty over it 

Kiko- catras new haircut reminds me of yara xx

Kiko- miss them so much 

Chaddick- literally in january we went to get aloe vera juice milk stuff and you said it reminds you of yara, wtf bro 

Vex- people really be out here milking aloe veras now, no one is safe anymore. Milk just isn’t good enough :/

Chaddick- why are you the smartest person on this whole entire chat 

Vex- idk bro i really do be big brain doe 

Chaddick- nope nope nope not anymore

Vex- what was that? I’m the smartest person ever? Yeah ik

Reena has invited Yara to useless gang

Yara- QUIT TELLING PEOPLE I’M DEAD KIKO

Vex- kiko being a troll? It’s more likely then you think 

Dot- kiko is secretly a troll stop exposing her hff

Kiko- not to start controversy but yeah 

Vex- ‘controversy’ are u a kpop stan or something 

Kiko- jsjsjs 

Yara- merry pridemas guys 

Reena- you spelt gays wrong 

Yara- dang you’re right 

Chaddick- hey guys i could use some advice, and reena, i know you’re the advice god too, can you help a brother out?

Reena- i hate you 

Tedros- whats up bro 

Chaddick- me and nick started dating around this time last year, and i want to make out anniversary rlly special for him, but i have no ideas and i’m super stressed. I wanted to rent out like a bowling alley or take him to disneyland or go to greece because going to greece sounds super cool but i am a very broke individual. 

Yara- firestedly 

Yara- CONGRATS!

Chaddick- THANK YOU 

Yara- secondedly 

Vex- u could say secondly 

Yara- hush elf 

Vex- :’( sorry sugar momma

Yara- i’m never buying you pastries from king soopers ever again stop calling me that 

Tedros- WHEEZE 

Yara- nick loves you and he would be happy simply spending time with you. Don’t stress about it bro, buy him a cupcake, write all your feelings on the prettiest card you can find, watch a movie together, go on a walk together, idk man play football or whatever sport you both do. the littlest things are so special, it doesn’t need to be big and extravagant

Reena- yeah yara said it right. All that matters is that you guys are together and doing something special, you know? 

Chaddick- thanks guys! I appreciate all the advice. All the things you listed sound so nice after not being able to see him for so long. I think i’m gonna drive to king soopers to try to find a pretty card and get pizza rolls later, i’m just being lazy 

Tedros- dude pick me up i wanna help 

Chaddick- YES three am shopping karen gang 

Tedros-  (☞ﾟ∀ﾟ)☞

Reena- sometimes couples recreate their first date, you could do that?

Chaddick- our first date was nick crawling through my window and me screaming and throwing a sandal at him but like in the cute way 

Reena- you guys have no chill 

Vex- i think you should do that, sounds super romantic 

Chaddick has invited Hort to ‘useless gang’

Hort- i think you should make eye contact with him in the eyes, meow for like five minutes, and then proceed to lick his cheek and go to bed 

Chaddick- i think you should reconsider your mating calls 

Chaddick- (lowkey though but like does that work)

Yara- you all are hopeless don’t do that 

Reena- hort 

Reena- you really said 

Reena- ‘make eye contact with him in the eyes’

Hort- how else do you make eye contact lol 

Vex- well it’s quite simple. you take out your eyes, exchange contact information, and put them back in your sockets 

Kiko- you squint hard into their eyes while slowly widening yours to assert dominance in a social territory 

Tedro- guys n o 

Private Messaging- Chaddick and Nick 

Chaddick- b a b y 

Chaddick- n o t i c e m e

Nick- sorry my headphones were connected, i didn’t see you were calling. You ok?

Chaddick- guess what?

Nick- what?

Chaddick- i’m standing on your shed right outside 

Nick- BABE 

Chaddick- BABE 

Private Messaging- Reena, Chaddick, Yara, Tedros

Reena- ok we gave you a day SPILL WHAT DID YOU GUYS DO?!

Chaddick- i think you should ask what we didn’t do 

Chaddick- we didn’t end up watching a movie yet but that’s coming up 

Chaddick- we didn’t bone but that’s coming up 

Reena- CHADDICK 

Yara- SHUT UP

Tedros- i can't even w these

Yara- was it a good day? 

Chaddick-It’s been a really good day! We went to the park, we had lunch, he loved my card, and i cried over his (he called me his prince[ss])!!!! we drove to the lake and just talked. We drove to my house and we’re just eating pizza rolls. You guys were right about the little things.

Chaddick- thank you guys so much for everything. 

Chaddick- now i have a very gorgeous boyfriend to get back to, we’re going to watch the princess bride just cause.

Chaddick- and then we're gonna BONE 

Yara- someone has to say it 

Yara- BONE ?????? 

Chapter Text

‘useless gang’

Hort- would anyone like to see ravan with a high ponytail

Vex- yes 

Sophie- Yes

Chaddick- yes

Nicola- yes 

Hester- yes

Beatrix- yes 

Ravan- yOU FCKING BETTER NOT HORT

Hort- [image sent]

Hort- whoopsies i’m so clumsy uwu

Beatrix has taken a screenshot

Nicola- this is… the only image of Ravan i will ever see. When i’m looking at him, i will be looking at this picture. 

Vex- telling my kids this was the winter soldier 

Sophie- oh my god 

Sophie- i couldn’t have done a better job tbh congrats 

Hester- YOU LOOK LIKE AN EMO CHEERLEADER I’M WHEEZING 

Hester- GIVE ME AN I-HATE-EVERYTHING 

Ravan- FUCK-YOU 

Chaddick has taken a screenshot 

Chaddick- you know what nicola said because same. 

Nicola- my fellow jock, give me five 

Chaddick- i don’t have any money 

Nicola- dude.

Beatrix- jokes like that tend to fly over his head 

Chaddick- it can't fly over my head, my reflexes are too fast

Chaddick- I would catch it 

Ravan- i’m going back to india

Nicola- the picture will follow you wherever you go 

Agatha- sweet look dude, i dig it

Ravan- thank you, but never look at me ever again  

Hort- as his personal stylist, thank you very much

Sophie- didn’t you wear crocs for two years in middle school 

Hort- excuse me, sports mode is the only mode *dabs*

Nicola- stop it. Get some help.

Agatha- who qualified this man 

Beatrix- dude agatha, where u been? I’ve missed you and tedros 

Beatrix- also I agree with the jocks and hort ponytail ravan is best ravan 

Hort- why am i not included in jocks

Beatrix- You press 50?

Hort- Yesterday i pressed 70!!

Chaddick- for one rep

Ravan- i regret everything 

Agatha- okokok listen to this 

Agatha- we went camping with his parents and merlin

Agatha- oh and also merlin sleeps in trees but we’re dissect this later 

Sophie- of course he does  

Agatha- and one night, i wake up because I heard a little sniffle outside of the tent. 

Agatha- I thought it was tedros cause the Beauty Of The Woods just gets to him (he says crying is only acceptable when watching the emperor's new groove, in the woods, and at the grand canyon) but anyways, there’s like, a scratching sound on the metal fire pit

Chaddick- pls don’t tell me you went out there

Sophie- this sounds like friday the thirteenth seventeen 

Sophie- thanks for introducing me to all fifty of those hort 

Hort- np :D

Agatha- so i leave the tent 

Chaddick-*gasp*

Chaddick- am i invited to your funeral 

Agatha- of course! who else is going to play what is love and make the guests uncomfortable 

Chaddick- putting the fun in funeral 

Nicola- dude, what happened?!

Agatha- oh right i forgot about that 

Agatha- so i go outside, and there’s nothing, seriously. I walk around the fire pit, and there’s nothing. I stand outside for five minutes to let my eyes adjust. Guess what? Nothing. So i get back in the tent, tedros turns on the lamp (he camps in luxury ok guys he’s new to this) and i was like, what’s up and then he starts scrEAMING 

Agatha- it makes me laugh just thinking about it all over again 

Yara- Agatha: sup

Yara- tedros: *confused screaming*

Agatha- you know what, that’s how our first time meeting went lol

Chaddick- maybe he thought you were lesso again 

Sophie- LMAO 

Agatha- YOU KNOW WHAT, BET 

Sophie- Did he have his glasses on?

Agatha- there was a kitten on-my-shoulder 

Agatha- he thought it was like a demon or something 

Yara- like a real breathing cat?

Chaddick- like one with fur and the works?

Chaddick- cause when i first met reaper i thought he was a demon 

Hester- reapers the best boy

Chaddick- of course you would think that 

Agatha- another kitten, a BABEY with black fur 

Agatha- the next morning merlin named him nilrem which is super cool and now we have two cats and tedros doesn’t like either of them but he loves them 

Yara- aren’t you a little too young to have kids?

Agatha- phineas, I know what we’re gonna do today! 

Yara- agatha why 

Yara- wait you said tedros camps with a LAMP?

Agatha- he’s new to the whole, isolating from the world, thing

Agatha- it hit me when he pulled out the frozen yogurt machine that something was off

Sophie- okay but actually, i hate frozen yogurt. be ice cream or be NOTHING

Chaddick- okay then psycho 

Chaddick- but vv wholesome story agatha

Hort- wait, i’m still lost. how did the cat get on your shoulder

Agatha- i… am not sure 

Hester- hold on 

Hester- what did merlin name him 

Agatha- nilrem 

Hester- i hate to break this to you, but merlin named your cat after himself which is kind of a power move 

Agatha- he wouldn’t

Sophie- wait, what? 

Agatha- hold on

Agatha- SPELT BACKWARDs AKAKDHDJKSJJS

Ravan- okay, that’s hardcore 

Anadil- hester how did you notice that 

Hester- i’m galaxy brain 😎

Nicola- i can’t believe you just used that fucking emoji unironically 

Hort- dude why do you hate emojis 

Nicola- they remind me of minions

Nicola- hate those yellow fuckers 

Hort- nicola’s on her bully shit

Nicola- i hate minions, okay.  

Sophie- what did minions ever do to you?

Nicola- breathed

Agatha- why can’t we say brothed as past tense for breathing?

Hort- that would be savage 

Hester- BECAUSE OF ENGLISH 

Hester- i can’t believe you were the smartest in our class 

Agatha- FUCK ENGLISH IT’S A REAL IMPORTANT QUESTION 

Hester- we are not getting into this argument again 

Sophie- can’t believe you guys have a running argument about english 

Sophie- nerds 

Agatha- But Sophie, this is important. Is it more effective to say had or had had 

Hester- shouldn’t more than one cheese itz be called cheese themselves-

Agatha- why doesn’t rough, cough, and dough rhyme 

Sophie- no to all of that. I’m not even school smart and I know better. 

Hort- guys stop being smart my brain hurted 

Hester- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r88ajYd2scg