Chapter Text
The return to wakefulness was always a moment filled with panic, confusion and pain. 14.7 pounds per square inch of air pressure making itself known against his rib cage, turning those first few conscious breaths into a crushing battle for survival. The inescapable force of gravity pinning him to whichever surface he had fallen asleep on. He forced himself to count, modulating his breathing to the rhythm inside his head. Mind over matter.
Only once the primal battle for survival had been won could he concentrate on expelling the demons that plagued his dreams.
I am Jeff Tracy
I am home on Tracy Island
I returned to Earth on the Zero-XL
I have five children
I am safe
It was similar to the words he had recited every time he awoke on that god-forsaken rock in the Oort Cloud. The rhythm of the mantra grounding him; a perpetual reminder of who he was and what he had to live for. He still needed the words to quell the rising panic he felt every time he woke even if the phrasing had changed slightly.
Jeff knew if he didn’t get his heart rate under control quickly enough there would be a swift pounding of feet along the corridor. The vital signs monitor he was still forced to wear alerting everyone in the complex that his body and mind were reacting badly to the return to Earth.
He couldn’t face being a patient to the ministrations of his second son again. The first few days back home Virgil had dogged his every footstep as if he were terrified that his father would disappear for another eight years if let out of his sight. There was no denying that Virgil was an accomplished medic, his very bones seemed to be forged of compassion, but Jeff couldn’t face the look of fear and pity that Virgil couldn’t quite disguise behind a professional exterior every time his father became a whimpering mess. No; better to calm the demons alone and be the father they deserved.
It was definitely becoming easier. The space sickness was easing. Gravity was only now an issue in that twilight zone between asleep and awake. Reality overriding nightmare more easily with each passing day as his conscious absorbed that fact that he was really home and this wasn’t some sick fantasy sent to taunt him.
He was fully-clothed on the bed although this was nothing new. His body was easily exhausted and he rarely made it into his pyjamas. Changing for bed was a habit he had grown out of after his extended exile in space. Sleeping at night was another habit he had lost. His circadian rhythms were still non-existent and the cycle of night and day was one his body couldn’t quite synchronise with yet. Sleep was dictated by his body rather than the hands of a clock or the passage of the sun.
He sat up tentatively, not wanting to trigger a drop in blood pressure and a visit to the infirmary for yet another medical examination. His orange wraparound glasses were placed neatly on the bedside table suggesting that someone had visited him while he slept and placed the frames out of harms way. Exhaustion generally enveloped him so quickly that he rarely made it as far as removing the detested item himself.
The curtains were tightly drawn but a light had been left on dimly. It was a courtesy he was incredibly grateful for. Total darkness sent him into a panic; a terrifying reminder of systems failures and the shutting down of life support systems that signalled a swift countdown to death if he couldn’t bring things back online quickly enough. He made sure the frames were back in place before gently manipulating the dimmer switch and increasing the light levels in the room. Much as he would like to leave the glasses off his eyes were still too sensitive. Hopefully in a few more days they would be banished back to the infirmary supplies.
As his eyes adjusted to the increasing light he spied the tray on the low table. The covered plate of food, glass of water, cup of tablets and a solitary flower in a single stem vase showing beyond reasonable doubt that there had indeed been a visitor. At least now he had graduated back up to solid food even if the offerings were bland. His first attempts at eating on Earth had been rejected violently by his body and he was glad that stage of acclimatisation had passed. The rusk like substance on the place wasn’t appealing but it was highly calorific and nutrient dense. He chewed the rusk slowly then knocked back the tablets in a single shot.
Suitably fortified he opened the curtains. The view was breathtaking and he longed to be able to see it without the tint of his protective glasses. He had to keep telling himself to be patient. He had a whole lifetime ahead of him now thanks to his sons.
I am Jeff Tracy
I am home on Tracy Island
I returned to Earth on the Zero-XL
I have five amazing sons
Because of them I am safe