Archive of Our Own ^beta

“Don't you think I want to?
Don't you think I would?
Don't you think I'd tell you baby,
If I only could?
Am I acting crazy?
Am I just too proud?
Am I just plain lazy?
Am I, am I, am I, ever,
Jealous, jealous again?”

-“Jealous Again” by The Black Crowes

This shift has been tragically insane. First there were the overdoses Ambo needed backup for last night and now, this morning, they have a fire that’s been complicated by a weapon. Or so they think. Severide ran off to investigate and is just now getting back to them with his assessment.

“There are two people inside. One armed and dangerous.”

Well, that’s fucking fantastic, Matt thinks to himself a moment before a shot ricochets off of 81. There are shouts to get down and take cover. He takes a quick glance over at Ambo to make sure his paramedics are accounted for. (Okay, mostly Brett.) He’s relieved to find Brett and Foster ducked behind Chief’s buggy where it’s parked right next to 61. 

Someone runs past them all as they’re behind cover. It’s a blur of a figure but not long after that figure passes another one comes into view. After a moment, he realizes he’s watching a chase. Two men. One with a weapon and one without. The one without charges at the armed man and disarms him as he knocks him to the ground. He moves with practiced ease, as if he chases down criminals for a living.

“He’s down,” the voice calls. “Go.”

Severide’s brow furrows as they all head toward the burning home. Matt can tell he recognizes the voice, but it’s Sylvie who speaks up first. 

“Roman?” She asks in confusion. 

The man stands, pulls up the previously armed man and slams him against a nearby fence. Once that’s done he turns and nods toward all of 51. It is indeed Roman. He left town years ago. What is he doing here?

“Hey, guys,” he replies casually with a small grin focused on Brett. “Sylvie.” His eyes then flick to Severide. “Severide,” he says in greeting.

“We’ll catch up later,” Kelly says with a smirk. “Gotta knock down a fire now that you’ve handled the gun part of this crisis.”

“Please,” Roman says as he motions to the blazing building. “Don’t mind me.”

“PD’s on the way,” Boden announces. “You can throw that lowlife in my buggy for now.”

Sylvie steps through them to reach Roman as he’s pulling the assailant toward the car. With the jump bag thrown over her shoulder, she says, “Let me get a look at him. Is he bleeding anywhere?”

The rest of the scene is pretty standard. They get the fire knocked down and come back out to get ready for overhaul. When they do a patrol car is driving away with the armed suspect and Roman now sits on the back of 61 with Foster and Brett hovering on either side of him. Casey and Severide can overhear their conversation as they approach.

“PIC?” Roman asks Sylvie with a small smile. “That’s a title bump, right?”

She shrugs modestly and chuckles. “Please. They hand that tile out to anyone who lasts more than five years at this job.”

“Uh huh, sure they do,” he replies with a doubtful lift of his brow.

Casey can’t stop the soft half grin that comes across his face. Sylvie Brett, modest to a fault. “Don’t let her fool you,” Matt intrudes once they reach them. “She’s damn good at her job and everybody, including her, knows it.”

Sylvie blushes with a demure smile but rolls her eyes at Casey anyway -- dismissing his compliment as he knew she would.

“Roman,” Kelly says as he pats the man on the shoulder. “Long time; no see, man. What are you doing back in town?”

“Looking for my kid sister. Thought she might be here. Found a bit of trouble instead,” he summarizes quickly.

Sylvie finishes inspecting Roman for a concussion and her hand gently grazes his shoulder while she speaks. “You’re good to go. I don’t think you have any serious injuries but you may want to swing by Med just in case.”

“I don’t have time to swing by Med,” Roman tells her apologetically. “I trust you. If you say I’m good, then I’m good.” He stands from the rig and steps closer to Severide. “I need a favor.”

Kelly wastes no time replying. “Yeah, of course, what do you need?”

“My sister’s missing and I’m out of leads,” he announces. “Is there somewhere we can go to talk?”

“Yeah, sure. We can talk at 51. I’ll call you when we finish up with overhaul,” Severide promises. “We’ll do what we can.”

He nods. “Really, thank you. I appreciate this. I’m gonna get out of your hair, but I’ll see all of you later.”

He waves as he walks away. Leaving all of them frowning in his wake. 

“Poor guy,” Sylvie says with a worried twist of her features. “I hope his sister’s okay.”

“She’s young too,” Severide supplies. “High school age.”

One look at Severide and Brett’s disheartened faces and Matt knows it’s up to him to get them all refocused. “Well, come on then,” he says as he knocks Severide in the arm. “The sooner we finish overhaul then the sooner we can get back to 51 and figure out how to help.”

That does it. His friends all get back to work and the call goes on like normal.

Ambo leaves the scene before they do, as they get another call. They report back to 51 half an hour later. Casey’s still on the apparatus floor when Ambo backs in fifteen minutes after that. He starts to approach. He’s not sure what he plans to say to Brett but the need to talk to her is strong. He’s a few steps away when Roman approaches from the open garage door. Sylvie’s face brightens but he sees a fair bit of awkwardness behind her eyes too.

Roman looks to be feeling it as well judging by the way he hems and haws.

Matt’s brow furrows and he decides, shamefully, not to announce his presence just yet.

Roman clears his throat and scratches his scruffy beard. Matt feels the stilted tension rolling off of them in one huge wave. “It’s good to see you again, Sylvie. It’s been too long.”

She grins shyly and nods, looking down at her shoes. “Good to see you, too.” She pauses and clears her throat, too. The mutual awkwardness lingering between them still doesn’t make sense to him. “And, you know, if you hadn’t moved away maybe I’d see you more. It’s your own fault.”

Roman chuckles and shrugs. “Touché.”

Matt starts to feel the tension again. It’s tension that happens between two people who want to speak but simply don’t know what to say. He begins to feel like he’s intruding and he can’t, in good conscience, stay hidden any longer. He takes louder steps than he normally would and “accidentally” taps the side of the Ambo as he approaches.

Both Roman and Sylvie tense like they’ve been caught red-handed at something. Matt’s not crazy, right? Whatever is happening here is fucking weird. He has a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. It’s telling him he doesn’t want to know, but his curiosity is currently getting the better of him.

“Hey, Roman,” Matt greets as he joins them.

“Casey,” Roman answers. “Severide around?”

Matt nods and points to the doors that lead inside. “Meeting with Boden, I think.”

“Thanks,” he says before nodding toward Sylvie with a fond smile. “It really is good to see you again, Sylvie.”

He already said that, Matt thinks with a suspicious glare.

“You, uh,” he stops, gives her a lingering once over, and clears his throat —  again . “You look really good.”

Sylvie blushes and freezes, sending a sideways glance Matt’s way, before she addresses Roman. “Yeah -- yeah, so do you. I, um, I like the beard.”

One corner of his mouth ticks upward in a smirk as he nods. “Thanks.”

And then he breezes past them, making his way toward the double doors. Waving one last time at Matt.

Matt turns to Sylvie with a narrowed squinting gaze. “What was that?”

“What was what?” Sylvie asks, trying (and failing) to play dumb.

“That was really strange just now,” he says as he nods to the spot where Roman stood. “Between the two of you.”

She presses her lips together as if holding in a secret and avoids his gaze by unzipping her coat and shrugging out of it. “Was it?”

Despite the way his stomach is still sinking, he chuckles. It’s cute the way she’s trying to be oblivious, but is she serious? “Yes, Sylvie, it was.”

“I didn’t notice,” she lies as she throws her coat through the open window of the rig.

She didn’t notice? Maybe he’s not the most objective observer but he’s pretty sure a neon sign wouldn’t have made the tension any more obvious than it already was.

So, safe to say, he's not buying it. 

He scoffs and then tilts his head at her, speaking in a patronizing tone that he’s certain he’ll regret later. "Pardon my language, but that's bullshit." 

Sylvie spins on her heels and throws up her hands, exasperated. "We had sex, okay? Is that what you want to hear, Casey? It was a one-time thing and it's not a big deal. But yeah, running into a one night stand unexpectedly can make for an awkward conversation." 

Yep, he’s already regretting it. And frankly no. It isn't what he wants to hear at all. 

He stares at her in silence for what feels like hours but can’t be any more than a minute. He’s sure he looks like an idiot with the way he’s blinking at her with a stunned expression. 

And he sure as hell doesn’t help himself when the only response he can manage is, “Oh.”

“Yeah,” Sylvie says with a thick swallow and wide shocked eyes. It’s as if she can’t believe this conversation is actually happening. “Oh.”

To be fair, he can’t believe this conversation is happening either.

He’s about to apologize for pushing her too far when Kidd comes around the corner. Sylvie looks completely relieved. He knows exactly how she feels. 

“Boden and Kelly are looking for you two,” Stella says as she motions for them to follow her. “They’re in his office.”

Casey nods and marches off first with Sylvie right behind him. His apology will have to wait. 

Foster is the last to enter the office and she closes the door behind her. 

“What’s up?” Casey asks. “Did you tell PD about Fentanyl stash we found during overhaul?”

“Yeah,” Kelly answers. “It fits with those overdoses we had last night. They’re connecting the dots now.”

“Any word on your sister?” Sylvie asks Roman, with a soft hand on his back.

It’s the same gesture from the fire scene earlier but now it hits Casey differently. It rankles him. He huffs and sits down in one of the chairs across from Boden’s desk. He catches an odd look from Severide for a brief moment. Everyone but Boden is standing so he supposes it’s weird that he’s not. But he’s suddenly too tired to keep standing, especially if Sylvie’s going to keep casually touching Roman like that.

“No, not yet,” Roman answers her with a sigh before he launches into an explanation about when and how his sister went missing.

Casey stays engaged in the conversation because this isn’t about Roman or Sylvie -- this is about Roman’s sister. He pushes through the jealousy clogging his lungs like thick black smoke and asks questions or makes suggestions anywhere it’s appropriate. He ignores the sympathy in Sylvie’s voice as she assures Roman that his sister going missing in the middle of overdose epidemic doesn’t mean she’s a part of it. 

He’s putting too much meaning behind it. Sylvie is compassionate with everyone. It’s one of the reasons he’s so drawn to her. Her innate goodness is one of her most attractive qualities. It has nothing to do with her past with Roman. The meeting comes to an end and Boden sends them all on their way. As they leave, Sylvie squeezes Roman’s shoulder and Matt has to remind himself of that again.

They’re a half hour away from the end of their shift and Matt’s window of opportunity for an apology is quickly running out. 

He walks up on her while she’s hugging Roman as he leaves the firehouse. Severide is going to spend his off shift time helping Roman track down his sister so it’s probably not the last they’ll see of him. Which means Casey needs to get a handle on the green monster clawing at his insides.

It’s ridiculous, really, that he’s jealous at all. He and Brett are friends. She can talk to whoever she wants. But, despite all logic, the idea of her seeing someone leaves an uncomfortable weight on his chest. Like he’s being slowly suffocated.

Once Roman walks away, Matt approaches.

“Hey,” he says hesitantly. He’s not sure if he’s walking into awkwardness or an argument.

“Hey,” she replies.

The blank look on her face and her clipped tone tell him nothing.

“Can we talk?” He asks. “About what happened before the meeting in Boden’s office?”

She nods. “Okay. Let’s talk.”

She crosses her arms over her chest and plants her feet in the middle of the public hallway. He thinks that posture means she’s not moving. Which indicates she’s more pissed than embarrassed. 

He glances around for their coworkers and friends. For once, they all seem occupied somewhere else. “Here?”

She says nothing but quirks an expectant brow at him.

“Here it is then,” he says after silence drags on for a beat. “I’m sorry about the way I pestered you about Roman. Honestly, you don’t ever have to tell me anything and I shouldn’t make you feel like you do. It’s none of my business.”

She nods and then smiles softly at him. “Thank you, Casey. I appreciate the apology.” She chews the inside of her cheek for a moment before continuing, shyly. “But, I—I want you to know, it was a long time ago. During my first year here, actually, so it’s not like he and I were ever... anything .”

The weight lifts slightly and the monster in his chest is soothed — for now anyway — by her words. It’s not any of his business, but he’s glad she told him. But it does leave him unsure how to reply. Does he say thank you? Or — what? — glad to hear it? Oh, Christ, how does he so often get himself into these situations with Brett?

He nods slowly and then reluctantly attempts a response. “Right, okay.”

That response is unsurprisingly lackluster.

“Okay,” Sylvie parrots.

And here comes the awkward silence. No. He refuses to let that happen. Change the subject, dumbass.

“So, what are your plans for off shift?”

Sylvie’s relieved smile tells him that she’s grateful for the subject change, too. Relief gives way to uncertainty, however, her eyes glancing down to the tile floor, as she blows out a long, slow breath. “I’m trying to work up the nerve to drive to Rockford. To meet her. Julie—my birth mom,” she answers. “It’s taking a lot of convincing. I’ve already had multiple pep talks with myself today,” she huffs out a wry laugh. “That makes me sound like a crazy person, doesn’t it?”    

Matt’s smile comes easily, as most smiles around Sylvie do. “C’mon. No, it doesn’t make you sound crazy. It makes you sound like a human being who’s faced with a really big decision. You’re right to weigh your options here. It’s pragmatic.”

Sylvie responds with a half-hearted shrug and nod, reaching up to tuck an errant strand of blond hair back behind her ear while pensively considering his words. He presses on. 

“Look, Sylvie,” he begins, nervously. “You’re smart and tough and brave as hell, and I know you can handle things on your own. But, I’d like to go with you to Rockford. Just—you know, if you need a friend or a shoulder or anything. I want to be there.”

He wonders if he might be pushing his luck -- especially after being a bit of a jackass this shift -- but, to his surprise, her face brightens considerably and her entire body seems to sag with relief. 

She crosses the short distance between them, all but launching herself at his body in order to wrap both arms around his neck in a fierce hug. “God, Casey, thank you!” The hug is over just as quickly as it began, and she’s stepping back to put a workplace appropriate distance between them. “I wanted to ask you, but then felt like maybe I’ve been leaning on you too much lately. So I decided to go alone. Thank you for offering.”

He wants to tell her that she could never lean on him too much. In the end, he’s too chicken shit to go quite that far.

Instead, he says, “I’ve got your back, Sylvie. Anytime. You never have to hesitate asking. Okay?” 

The smile lights up her eyes half a second before it curves up the corners of her mouth. “Okay. I will appreciate the company.” 

He knows this could be a potentially life changing trip for her, so is it wrong of him to be grateful for the opportunity to be alone with her?

Describing himself as eager has never been so accurate. “What time are we leaving?”