Chapter Text
One evening, Marc had unexpectedly shown up at his door; Bernd had barely been able to believe his eyes and threw himself at his boyfriend to cover him in kisses. Marc looked rather pale and had blamed the flight and the current situation at Barcelona for his current state of tiredness.
Bernd of course believed him and kept hugging and kissing him for a few more minutes, totally confident of the healing power of his blinding love for his wonderful boyfriend. The first day had literally flown away in a swirl of kisses, smiles and caresses; Bernd’s heart had melted as soon as he had seen his boyfriend’s face a few hours ago, however, the more time they spent together, the more uneasy he was starting to feel. Marc was exhausted, tired to a point he had never seen in his hyperactive and always over excited boyfriend.
Realization came that in the 2 days they had been together Marc had hardly smiled and the few times he had done so it had felt more like an obligation or a gesture towards Bernd than an actual honest smile. After two days of no training and having been pampered non-stop by his boyfriend, Marc still looked pale and rather tired and Bernd started suspecting there was something else that he was not seeing. Was Marc sick? He would have said something right? Also the team would have not allowed him to travel should that be the case, so at some point Bernd just tried to reassure himself by telling himself once and again that his boyfriend was incredibly tired and just needed some more rest.
The more time they spent together, the weirder things were getting. Marc was jumpy and unfocused and seemed to hardly listen to anything Bernd said; he continued with his determination of taking care of his boyfriend even if he was not making it very easy. Give it time, Bernd had repeated himself for the umpteenth time, just give it time.
After the third day things seemed to keep going a little bit worse, they had shared a bed for three full nights and they had hardly touched each other. At some point he had expected things to change and be able to enjoy some wonderful slow sex with his gorgeous boyfriend, however, Marc hadn’t seemed interested in the slightest. Every night they would go to bed at the same time and when Bernd tried to hold him in his arms, Marc would always give him a quick kiss goodnight to then turn his back on him and go to sleep; he had really tried not to dwell on the emptiness and coldness feeling that much but at this point Marc’s rejection felt truly painful.
One morning Bernd woke up to the wind blowing some angry rain against the windows of his room and to an empty bed. He reached out to the spot next to him only to find cold sheets and the feeling of another disappointing night of restless sleep had settled right in his chest. He got up when he heard noise in the kitchen and flew downstairs to find Marc rummaging in one of the cupboards; Bernd came closer to his boyfriend and held him from behind. Marc screamed and pushed him away with an expression of real panic in his eyes; Bernd looked deeply confused and slightly hurt.
“Im so sorry love” Marc was fully out of breath “you scared me; I’m so sorry Bernd I...”
He looked seriously shaken so Bernd tried to move on quickly: “you’re soaked love” Marc forced an unconvincing smile “yeah I went for a run earlier and it just started raining like crazy. I’ll have a shower before I freeze”
“Do you fancy some tea?”
“I’m actually fine, thanks” And with that he quickly left for the bathroom.
Bernd was honestly crushed at this point and felt totally helpless, what was he missing? Fortunately or unfortunately, he didn’t have a lot of time to dwell on it since he had to leave for training in the next few minutes so he dragged his body back to the room only to secretly witness a baffling scene. As soon as he reached the bathroom he heard Marc quietly speaking on the other side of the door, which was ajar, giving Bernd the chance to peek inside. More than speaking on the phone Marc was actually speaking to his phone which he held with shaking hands…” I fucking told you to stop messaging….why won’t you stop”; he threw the phone against the floor and Bernd waited for a shattering noise that never came, the phone landed violently on some forgotten towels on one of the bathroom corners. Marc turned around which forced Bernd to move at lightspeed to avoid being seen; what the hell was all that about? Who was that and why would Marc be so keen on them to stop messaging him?
The morning went on pretty quickly, thank the heavens for his teammates, you could always rely on them to steal a smile from you even in your darkest days, and this was one of the worst. In the relatively ok state he was currently in, he tried not to overthink things and tried to figure out a way in which he could comfort Marc and show him that no matter what, he was always going to be there for him so he went for something that never failed to make his boyfriend happy. He made a stop on his way home and got a present for Marc, this would definitely make his day.
As soon as he arrived home, he realized Marc wasn’t there so he took his time to set everything up and put the little bouquet of red roses, Marc’s favourites, in a glass jar on the living room table. From his room he heard Marc come in and smiled to himself thinking of the wonderful expression he would see on Marc’s face; when he was silently walking down the stairs he heard the crashing sound of class breaking against the floor and Marc quietly sobbing…”no...not again no…”. Bernd looked at him with wide eyes, Marc had a bleeding cut on his hand and looked horrified as if he had literally just seen a ghost or something much worse.
“What...what are those?” Marc asked out of breath, looking rather agitated.
He cradled his bleeding hand against his chest while walking back from the flowers which laid spread on the floor in a pool of broken glass. Bernd felt his throat go dry on the spot, that was definitely not the reaction he was expecting; he tried to steady his breathing.
“Roses love...they’ve always been your favourite. You are still looking pretty tired, not very in the mood so I just...thought they would...forget it, I’m sorry…”
He was speechless so he decided to just shut up and go to the bathroom to fetch a few things to treat Marc’s hand; at this point he was too tired and confused himself to even ask what had provoked such a reaction. Whatever.
During dinner Marc didn’t offer any explanation and Bernd was just too hurt to ask. When they got to bed that night, Marc tried to apologize but Bernd let him know everything was fine; it was just flowers right? He put the light out and didn’t even try to cuddle his boyfriend. Maybe he needed space, right? So he was gonna have it.
The next morning things took an unexpected turn; it was actually Bernd who woke up feeling really nauseous and he barely had time to reach the sink when he felt the bile reach his tongue. He got sick a couple of times in the next few minutes until his empty stomach just couldn’t keep going; weak and exhausted, he brushed his teeth and made himself a ginger infusion that poured in his keep cup before he made his way out the door. The day after, he woke up the same way, fuck, stress had gone to his stomach again and was ravaging him from the very first minute of the day. When he was making his traditional ginger drink, his phone rang: it was his brother. He considered not picking up but they hadn’t spoken in a while and he thought he could make with a bit of cheering up.
“Hi bro” the smiley voice of his brother felt like a little ray of sunshine in his stormy day
“Hi” “How’s everything going?” Do you really want to know? “Not too bad” The lie tasted bitter on Bernd’s tongue.
“You ok? You don’t sound great”
“Just a bit of an upset stomach...all good”
“Oh...wow” “Wow what?”
“This early in the morning?” “Is there anything special about it?” Asked Bernd innocently
“Well bro…” Why was Daniel this happy about him being sick “Oh god”
“What is it?” Bernd was confused, were they even in the same conversation?
“Is there any chance that you…? You know…” His brother sounded excited; what was he getting for breakfast?
“No I don’t know” Daniel smiled on the other end of the line. “Well it’s just...well you told me a few weeks ago that Marc and you were trying...you know..Is there any chance..that you?” Bernd wanted to scream. Oh fuck no, no it couldn’t be...he couldn’t be...right? “Bernd...are you still there? “Yes… still here...errmmm sorry...I have to go to training. Talk to you later”
He hung up; what else could he do? Was there any chance that he was…? It was a bad joke. They had made love a few weeks before, the last time they had seen each other and it had been so good, so incredibly good. Of course sex with Marc was always amazing, but this last time had had something a little bit more special; he couldn’t exactly say what it was but he had felt closer to his boyfriend than ever; his lips sweeter, his body warmer, his caresses more intense. Maybe everything had felt heightened because life knew it was their last time. He distractedly caressed his stomach before storming through the door trying not to take his upset stomach for something else. It just couldn’t be.
Last time they’d been together, it had been nothing short of magic. They had rented a little house in a dreamy village in literally the middle of nowhere, only surrounded by a few more houses, mountains and a good amount of snow; it was one of those places in which stars still shine at night and the moon looks close enough to touch it with your bare fingertips. They had spent their days walking around incredibly thick forests where the only thing they could hear was their ragged breaths and the contact of skin on skin every time they held hands. This whole time and place looked like a universe apart from the exhausting buzz of their busy daily lives and it really couldn’t feel any better.
Their last night had been wildly unforgettable. Bernd had been comfortably lying on the heaven of plushy pillows they had on their bed reading some Russian novel when he felt the bed dip between his legs; pretending he was not looking at him, he saw his boyfriend crawling to him in nothing but a white fluffy bathrobe.
“Uhmm I missed you” Marc purred before leaving a kiss on his neck and snuggling against his side.
“It’s been just 5 minutes babe” Bernd teased, his eyes not leaving the book
“Too long, I know…” Marc restarted kissing his neck with little pecks and warm caresses of his lips; Bernd was ready to close the book and throw it out the window but he loved playing hard to get. “I’m reading love..”
Marc got back up on his knees and gave a sharp tug to the belt of his bathrobe; it opened slowly offering a mouthwatering image of taut muscle enveloped by sun-kissed skin; the bathrobe slid down Marc’s still slightly wet skin and landed on the floor with a soft thud. Bernd closed his book and stared right at his boyfriend’s gorgeous body, after all this time together his insides still tingled in anticipation at seeing his man naked.
They made love 2...3 times that night, switching roles and positions. Bernd’s ears rang with the melting sound of Marc’s delicious moans, he was so incredibly good in bed, so generous and so receptive at the same time. The night escaped in a whirlwind of small pecks and passionate kisses, of sweet caresses and intense bites, of little confessions and big declarations. Being inside of Marc was a unique sensation, so warm, and tight, and willing; having Marc between his thighs was like floating in a heaven of want and need followed by a unique whip of intense pleasure that ripped him open for everyone to see.
They only fell asleep when the sun started to peek from behind the mountains and the separation day threatened to arrive. They still had a good few hours together and they would make sure to make good use of them.
Two days later, Bernd’s phone rang at an ungodly hour in the morning, definitely too early to be awake.
“So..did you take the test” His brother asked excited from the other end of the line
“What test?” Asked Bernd, realizing it was still indeed too early for his brain
“The driving test! What test do you think?” His brother retorted
“No...no, I haven’t yet” Bernd replied uncomfortably
“Is there anything wrong? You don’t sound very excited?” Daniel sound a little concerned
“No.. it’s just...Marc’s here…”
“But that’s great bro” When Bernd didn’t reply, his brother realized that indeed something was off “Isn’t it?”
“No yeah...uhm...I don’t know Dan it’s just been a bit difficult lately…”
“How’s that? Your man’s visiting you...fuck football”
“It’s not football, I mean Marc...our relationship” Bernd exhaled loudly and rubbed his forehead “I don’t know…”
“Ok bro, breath. What is it?” “I don’t know it’s just...Marc’s been exhausted since he arrived; he has barely smiled, he looks distracted and constantly on edge...I thought we were ok but…”
“The situation at Barcelona is been a bit difficult lately, just give him time to rest and he’ll be ok”
“I thought so too, but the more I seem to try and make it better, easier for him, the more disgusted he looks, the more he pushes me away”
“Don’t worry, I’m sure it will be fine. Have you tried to talk to him? Look, if he didn’t want to be there, he wouldn’t be…”
“I have tried to ask a few times but...he just says he is tired and that’s it...nothing else..but there needs to be something else, I am sure I am missing something”
“Give him a lot of love and let him rest, but talk to him Bernd, just sit down, calmly, and I am sure that if there is anything bothering him he will tell you…”
“I can’t believe I never saw this coming…” Bernd sounded rather deflated
“Nothing’s lost bro, just try to talk to him one more time”
“What if there is nothing between us anymore?”
“Why would he be there if he doesn’t want to be with you? "
“I don’t know...to break up?” “Right...and what is he waiting for then?”
“I don’t know….” “Bro really talk to him, at least you will know what’s going on and…” his brother swallowed with difficulty “and if you guys can’t be together anymore, it will be ok, I promise, and we will be there for you ok? But I am sure everything will be ok, just talk to him. Promise?”
“I promise”
“I send you a big hug; let me know how it goes”
“I will. Thanks for listening”
“Anytime. Love you”
“Love you too.”
Trying one more time wouldn’t hurt anyone right? Bernd texted Marc with the spur of the moment:
Hi love, I think we need to talk. If you fancy, I’ll be in that cafe you love, at the corner of my street, after training. I’ll meet you there. Love you.
Marc didn’t show up.