Chapter Text
𝌃
8
Space Song
(fall back into place)
Once the two were out of sight, there was a collective sigh.
“Woof.” Amethyst huffed once, “I know we, like, asked them to talk to us but that...that was rough.”
Pearl sat back on the couch, cradling her head, “He’s been in so much pain and he’s kept quiet for so long; oh, how haven’t we noticed?”
“Steven never wanted us to notice” Garnet asserted, sitting beside her comrade, “and we didn’t try hard enough to get through to him.” she sombered, adjusting her visor, “We’re lucky he told us before it was too late…”
Lapis’ eyebrows drew together, “Were there futures where we were too late?”
She didn’t respond, the question was answered. Greg shuddered, knowing exactly what ‘too late’ meant in this context, “What matters is that we’re going to be there for all three of them now, as much as we can.”
Amethyst slapped her forehead, “And I’ve been such a jerk to Lux! I was probably making it worse, Good job, me!
“This isn’t the time to throw yourself a pity party, Amethyst.” Connie insisted, hiking up the sleeves of Steven’s jacket, “Everything’s about Cas, Lux, and Steven right now.”
Bismuth nodded, “Agreed.”
“But how can we make it up to him―to them!?” Peridot pondered,
“We do what Steven would do―” Connie said as if it were the simplest answer in the world, “we help.”
The Gems and Greg nodded like they’d just been given orders in battle with no room for argument. Noise from Steven’s room caught their attention, Greg raised an eyebrow,
“Whaddya think they’re doing up there?”
Cas paced back and forth in a short line, breathing out a quick “Oh, my god.” every time he turned, he paused noticing Lux’s confused expression, “I can’t believe we just did that! We just said that, oh, my god! How are you not freaking out!?”
“I am panicking.” Lux said, his expression not breaking from his seemingly apathetic gaze. Cas sputtered,
“It’s like, aaaahhh!!! They know now! About everything!” he shook his head, “Well, almost everything.”
“What do we do now? You said you had an idea.”
“I, um, I didn’t? I just thought I’d figure something out before we got upstairs but it didn’t really pan out…” he flopped back onto where Lux sat on the bed, “I just felt like I was going to start panicking? Everybody was looking at us a-and the-ey know that Steven’s, like, sad now and, uh, it was like too much because they were staring an-and you know I’m not very good socially b―”
Lux laid a hand on his mouth to stop him from spiralling deeper, “I understand.”
“Thanks.”
“Do you feel better?”
“Yeah, yeah.” he squinted, “Your hair is curlier.”
Lux looked up at his curls, “Is it?”
“Yup, wonder if it’ll carry on to Steven…” he wondered, the feeling of Lux’s―of their ―gem in his hands still lingered, “how are you ? You poofed. ”
“Better. I am better.”
“You really scared me.”
“Sorry.”
“Don’t be, you didn’t mean to. Were...were you scared?”
“A little.” he admitted, his eyes taking on mist, “In the diamond it is hard to tell where I began and where she ended. She’s gone but the code is still there. I didn’t know if I’d reform t-to be her b-but…” he looked away, blinking away moisture. Cas took the hand off his forehead and squeezed it,
“S’okay. You’re still you.”
Lux nodded, sniffling, “We still aren’t fusing.”
Cas shrugged, “We will at some point.”
He rolled his thumb against Cas’ hand, “You still want to fuse with me?”
“Why wouldn’t I?” he sat up, Lux looked genuinely lost,
“We’ve been arguing…”
Cas clicked his tongue, “Sure but, like...remember Keystone? When Garnet split up and Ruby and Sapphire were arguing the whole time and Steven was really mad and you made him throw that plate?” he added with a tongue-in-cheek smile, Lux rolled his eyes, “Yeah, but Ruby and Sapphire didn’t want to not be Garnet again, they just wanted to agree. I don’t want to stop being Steven…I just want to be on the same page with you. Steven needs to be better, we both do.” Lux’s eyes shone, Cas continued, “Plus, I think I’d literally die if we don’t fuse back.”
He snorted, the closest thing to a laugh he’d done. Lux stood up off the bed, offering his hand to Cas, “I have an idea. Actually.”
The stairs creaked as both halves came downstairs, Cas shrank away from the attention but Lux pulled him along.
“H-Hello, boys!” Pearl smiled, hiding her slight disappointment that they were still separated, “So, what was your surprise?”
“Together breakfast.” Lux said simply, Cas balked,
“What?”
One second Lux was by Cas’ side and the next he was at the countertop, all the ingredients for a good ol’ fashioned together breakfast laid out on the table, “Together breakfast.” he repeated.
“Whoa, throwback!” Amethyst grinned, bounding over to the table, “I thought Steven didn’t like together breakfast anymore?”
Lux shrugged, “Old times.”
“What’s a together breakfast?” Bismuth asked, intrigued, Cas walked down the rest of the stairs shakily,
“It’s a breakfast Steven made up when he―when we?―were younger.” he went over to the counter, pulling out a few brown bags, “You forgot the popcorn.”
Pearl clapped her hands in delight, “I’ll make the waffles!”
Amethyst raised her hand, “I call strawberries!”
Garnet pointed to herself with a smile, “And I’ll handle the popcorn!”
Cas draped his arm around Lux’s shoulder, “What about us?”
“Whipped cream and chocolate sauce,” Amethyst supplied, “duh.”
“This sounds like a stomachache,” Connie noted, the five of them shrugged,
“Yeah, basically.”
The five set to work: Toasting waffles, popping popcorn, drizzling chocolate, spraying whipped cream, and placing strawberries until there were enough servings for everybody in the room, “Ta-da!” Amethyst threw up jazz hands once she placed the final strawberry,
Lapis eyed the plates suspiciously, “Are we supposed to eat that?”
“Lapis!” Cas whined, batting his eyes, “ C’mon…”
Lux joined in, the Gem groaned, “Fine! Okay! That literally isn’t fair, stop doing the eye thing.”
Cas high-fived Lux, “Works every time.”
It took some work but soon enough all 10 were seated around the table, with Cas and Lux awkwardly sharing a seat at the head of the table. The two watched the others as they picked at the mess of food, Cas anxiously grabbing Lux’s hand and the latter suddenly looking more nervous than he had a moment ago. Greg picked up on the sudden shift, “You boys doing okay?”
“Yes!” / ”Yup!” They said in the way Steven said things when he was rushing for a conversation to end, all eyes were suddenly on the two.
“You don’t have to be scared,” he assured, clapping a fatherly hand on Lux’s shoulder, “we promise that we can handle whatever’s got you upset.”
“It’s nothing, really, it’s just…” Cas took a moment to gather his words, “we’ve never hung out with you guys as just us, we’ve always been Steven . It’s weird, I guess.”
Pearl pushed away the plate she’d grabbed solely as a show of support, “But you know us,”
“Kinda…?” he shrugged, he continued at the sight of the concerned faces of his family, “Before we were separated, all of Steven’s memories were his but when we unfused they got a little jumbled and split between us. We both know major stuff but the rest is fuzzy. When we’re together it’s okay.” he explained, “I didn’t know who the Diamonds were when we first separated, I was so confused.”
Lux chimed, “Wasn’t sure who Connie was.”
“Really?” his other half and Connie asked, gaping; he nodded.
“Knew she had you. Knew we needed to fuse back.”
Cas picked a strawberry from his stack, gently pulling away its leaves, “I talked a lot after we fused.”
“You did!”
“I had a lot to say! It’s not every day you realize you’re a different person!”
Amethyst eyebrows perked up, “Wait, did you...did Steven not know he was a fusion until right then?”
“No.” both boys answered, Cas glanced at his twin,
“Steven just figured everybody had voices in their head, plus he always just figured he was Rose so…” he sighed, “why dig any deeper?”
There was a beat, Pearl set down her fork neatly. Her eyebrows knitted together, “You thought you were Rose…?” she asked breathily. Cas worried his bottom lip,
“We just-I...yeah. Yeah, we did. For a while.” he muttered, “We jumped to some conclusions or whatever. It was a long time ago, a lot was going on.”
“B-But why?”
“It was not a clean reboot.” Lux answered, “Her reprogramming of me erased most of her presence but still some facets of her linger. Pieces of memories, feelings,” he paused before continuing, “just pieces.”
“You...You have some of her memories?”
“I am not her, Pearl.”
“I know, I just―”
Lux looked down, stabbing his fork into the meal, “Don’t want to talk about this anymore.”
Amethyst not-so-subtly elbowed the Gem, Pearl sighed, “I’m sorry, I just mean...we barely know you two and we’ve lived with you your entire lives. It’s new territory.”
“We barely know each other, same boat.” Cas shrugged, “We still have time, I’m fine as long as I’m near him and he can only express emotions when we’re like this” he held up their clasped hands, “so I think we’re okay with answering questions. I think.”
“We don’t have to do it!” Peridot assured sensing his apprehension, “We can just eat this disgusting breakfast you’ve made us!”
The human laughed, “No, no, it’s fine, really. He doesn’t really like talking so I’ll handle it. So, go ahead, shoot.” Connie raised her hand, Cas snickered, “You don’t have to do that, Connie.”
“Oh!” she blushed, “Well, I was just wondering how much influence you guys have over Steven when you guys are fused.”
“Small.” Lux offered, Cas elaborated,
“Usually, we’re kinda in the background―it’s like Stevonnie! He doesn’t like thinking about us because we remind him of...y’know, splitting but ever since things started getting bad he’s been―”
“Switching.”
“Yeah! Switching between us. Like when we were at the roller rink that was mostly me a-and the hospital visit was mostly Lux.”
“Steven was scared, needed protecting. Didn’t mean to...overprotect.”
Amethyst scoffed, “Dude’s been tag-teaming being conscious? If it wasn’t so worrying, I’d say I was impressed.”
A million more questions were raised: When did things start to get bad? Why had it taken Steven until now to split? Did Steven just plan to play hot potato with his consciousness until things miraculously got better? But Greg asked the next question,
“How’s your hand, Lux? You hit that mirror pretty hard.”
Lux stared for slightly too much time before answering, “Fine. Healed.”
“Why’d you break it in the first place, bud?”
“G-Got scared and...didn’t...didn’t know what to...to...Castor. Castor, now. Talk.” he tightened his hold on his twin’s hand, Cas took the hint,
“Talking about everything is really stressful, he’s not really good at emotions, he’s more of an action guy.”
“You guys could’ve told me you were getting overwhelmed, did I say something wrong?”
“You talked about Rose.” / “You talked about the Diamonds.”
Seemingly surprised by their own answers they faced each other. Lux blinked, keeping his eyes fixed on the table, “I am not...forgiving. Not for them.” he didn’t move a muscle while speaking, “They hurt me. They hurt Castor and Steven. Tore apart. Hurt.”
“But they changed.”
“They feel bad. Doesn’t change me.” he frowned, “Hard to forgive hurt.”
“I mean…” Cas faltered, “yeah. Yeah, you’re right.”
“...Is that why you poofed?” Lapis asked, her voice softer than most expected from her, “You couldn’t handle trying to forgive us?”
Neither answered, they just averted their eyes from the rest. Garnet removed her visor, “It’s okay. You don’t have to forgive us for what we’ve done to Steven. We understand, all of us do.”
Agreements came from around the table, Cas’ expression brightened. Greg grabbed his free hand, “Do you want to talk about what you said? About your mother?”
Cas sighed, “It’s a lot, Dad. I know you all want me to like her but I dunno, I don’t really have the words for it.”
“That’s okay.” at his doubtful look, he squeezed his son’s hand, “Really.”
He smiled, Lux looked between both of them and took a breath. He stood and stiffly walked upstairs, silence followed him.
“Wuh oh.” Greg whispered.
“Did we say something wrong?” Connie asked, eyebrows drawn together. Cas shook his head, without Lux by his side he was suddenly much, much paler,
“He wasn’t angry, he just wanted to go upstairs. For some reason...”
“Oh!” Amethyst explained, sticking her hand in the air, “I gotta question.”
“Amethyst, I said you didn’t have to...whatever, what’s the question?”
“Spinel. She hit you with the Rejuvenator, right? Like a buncha times? What happened because Steven didn’t poof but his powers were shot,”
Cas rolled his eyes, “Stars, that was so annoying. Lux did reset but he reset all the way to when he was made before Steven was even around; he was trying to reform but couldn’t because my ol’ meat body was in the way―it was just me the whole time.” he explained, “So I was alone, because Lux was out of commission, and I can’t really control my emotions without him so I was trying super hard not to cry the whole time. That went out of the window once Spinel and I were fighting and it was tough because I can’t even see out of one of my eyes and―”
“WHAT?!”
He stopped at the collective shout, “...What?”
“You can’t see out of one of your eyes, Meatball?” Bismuth questioned incredulously.
“Oh, uh, yeah. Only when we’re unfused, though! We were basically unfused during the whole Spinel thing so I guess it happened.”
“Which one?”
“Left. I think Lux can’t see out of his right.”
The burly Gem sputtered, “When were you plannin’ on telling us, smart guy?!”
“Uh...never? It’s not that big of a deal, we’re not unfused often.”
“But you could’ve gotten hurt!” Lapis argued, Peridot raised a finger,
“Fifty-percent of your eyesight―gone! Statistically a major loss!”
He held both hands up in defense, “Alright, alright, I’m sorry for not telling you!” The smile on his face betrayed the exasperation his voice held; a creak on the stairs alerted them to Lux’s reappearance on the stairs, he held a small stack of papers close to his chest.
“Hey, Luxie!” Amethyst greeted, “You doin’ better?”
“Yes.” he answered, he quickly made his way downstairs. With apprehension, he handed the stack to her, “For you. Words.”
“Whoa,” she paged through them, “these are those papers you were reading when we Warped back, right?”
He nodded, Cas’ eyes widened, “Oh. Oh, those are kinda…” he bit his lip, “those are rough, you shouldn’t...”
“Stop.” Lux ordered, Cas shakily leaned back. Amethyst looked to him, “Read.”
There was a minute of silence as the quartz looked over the pages, her eyes growing increasingly misty as time went on and she scanned the lines of messy writing full of arrows and scribbled out phrases. A soft sob escaped her throat, “Steven...Steven wrote this, right?” he nodded, Amethyst ran a hand through her hair, “H-He really thinks this stuff about himself?” A moment, then a nod.
Amethyst stood from her chair and swallowed Lux in a bear hug, holding onto the boy for dear life, “Dude, I’m so sorry.” she whispered, “I said all that stuff about you―of course, you’re my lil bro.” Lux looked stunned but slowly managed to wrap his arms around her and set his head in the crook of her neck, “You know what? Connie, give it up.”
Connie, knowing exactly what she meant, shrugged off Steven’s jacket and handed it to her. Amethyst held out her arms, Lux mirrored her and she pulled the jacket onto him. He was wide-eyed, “Hm.” Amethyst took a step back, “Yeah, definitely your color.”
Lux stared at her like he was trying to understand―buffering, almost―then he broke out into a sunshine-bright grin and threw his arms around her, “Thank you.”
The quartz returned the affection, “Always, bro.”
Cas happily shot up, stumbling on his feet before righting himself, “Lux!! You’re showing emotion without me!! Lux!!!”
“Oh.” he felt his face as if he hadn’t noticed, “ Oh.”
“Lux!!!” Cas and Connie squealed.
Pearl clapped her hands, “We should celebrate!”
So they did, forgetting the breakfast none of them intended to eat, they pulled out board games and an old karaoke machine and talked and laughed over old, fondly remembered stories. Peridot quickly won Kitchen Kalamity, helped by the fact that most of the players had no clue how the game worked which Lapis was quick to point out. Bismuth and Pearl dramatically performed a ballad over the karaoke machine, followed by Connie and Lux (the latter of which was trying very hard to hide how much he was blushing). Amethyst and Cas raced each other on a retro-looking game, the quartz simply reaching over and covering Cas’ right eye whenever she lagged behind. Greg told goofy stories of Steven as a kid, plucking at a guitar as he recounted when the Gems threw a jungle gym at Steven’s babysitter when he was three years old.
All around, it was the lightest either halves had felt in a very long time. Soon enough, they found themselves outside, having told everybody they were taking a quick breather from the festivities.
“This was fun.” Cas said after a while of them looking over the glittering ocean.
“It was.”
“That jacket looks nice on you.”
Lux pulled it closer, “Thank you.”
He leaned over the rail, the wind ruffling his curls, “They really care about Steven...and us.”
“They do.”
“Is it...is it weird that I’ll miss this?” he asked looking at his double, Lux cocked his head to the side, “ This . Like, being able to talk to you face-to-face like this. I like this.”
He nodded, “Me too.”
“But I really miss being Steven. S’weird.” he took a breath of the salty air, “I was really scared when you poofed, I-I didn’t know what to do without you. I feel like we’re constantly avoiding each other when we’re Steven, like we don’t want to talk. I don’t even know you really, you had thousands of years of being alive before you were Steven.”
“I know.” he shrugged, “I like being Steven.”
Cas smiled, “Me too. Maybe we could find a way to unfuse the normal way...so we can talk more.”
“I...I’d really like that.”
“So it’s a deal, maybe we can go on a big fusion outing with Ruby and Sapphire, ha.”
“If they keep their hands off each other, yes.”
“Whoa,” he playfully slapped his arm, “was that a joke? Man, you almost don’t need me.”
His expression turned deadly serious, “I do need you.”
Cas ruffled his hair, “I know.” he sighed, “Ready to go?”
“Mmhm.”
“I say let’s give ‘em a show!”
Lux smiled, “Yes! A show!”
The two ventured back inside where Connie and Garnet were enraptured in the console version of Meat Beat Mania. Cas coughed and attention was brought to them, he waved,
“We just wanted to say bye,”
“Bye.” Lux cut in.
“And thank you for...listening to us and everything.”
“Yes.”
“Steven really appreciates it but he can just say that himself.” he turned to Lux, “Shall we?”
Lux held out his hand, Cas took it with a grin. He spun the boy on his heels then swept him up bridal style, both giggling while they did it. They fell into a childlike spinning dance, going around and around until light overtook them. With a big flash of light and the scent of buttercups, Steven suddenly stood in the living room, wide-eyed and bewildered,
“Oh, uh.” he stood up straight, “Hey.”