Chapter Text
//Shinobu//
Shinobu’s stomach felt like it was being torn to shreds. The Pillars’ first performance of their tour was today, but more importantly Shinobu still needed to talk to Mitsuri. They hadn’t seen each other since their altercation, and Shinobu had no idea what Mitsuri was thinking or feeling or how Mitsuri would respond to her. But even more than that, Shinobu had no idea how she would react to seeing Mitsuri again.
Shinobu took a deep breath, allowing her lungs to fill up completely before expelling every last drop of air, worry, and anxiety. She couldn’t let herself fall prey to her fears. There were a lot of things going well for her right now. She should thank her lucky stars that Oyakata-sama had allowed her to participate in the performance even though she had missed the last rehearsal. Shinobu was also quite thankful that she hadn’t seen Mitsuri yet, since it had given her some time to get herself together.
“Are you ready?”
Giyuu stood in front of her, his vacant yet perceptive eyes boring into her, asking even deeper questions. Shinobu gave a firm, resolute nod.
“I am.”
Giyuu nodded back at her before walking off elsewhere. Shinobu nodded to herself again.
“I’m ready,” she whispered to herself.
A loud, imposing voice suddenly echoed through the room. “Ah, Kanroji! Are you ready for the performance?”
Shinobu’s head shot up. Sure enough, Mitsuri was finally there, being greeted warmly by Kyojurou. Shinobu’s stomach felt like it was being ripped apart again, but not by her nerves.
Mitsuri was dressed in a tight fitting formal white button up with the top button undone, exposing a bit of her collarbone. She had a black vest on top, along with matching black dress pants and shoes. Her hair, rather than being in its usual three thick braids, was pinned up, revealing the pale expanse of her long neck.
Shinobu had never seen Mitsuri wearing such masculine clothing, and well, it definitely suited her. She bit her lip. She had to keep herself together. She had something she absolutely had to do, and she couldn’t let herself get distracted, no matter how sinfully seductive Mitsuri looked.
Shinobu, in contrast to Mitsuri, was wearing a very low cut black dress held up by two thin straps, which showed off the milky skin of her back, shoulders, and chest. The dress fell down to slightly above her knees, with two slits in the front allowing for increased mobility in her legs. Tall black heels completed the look. Shinobu had also left her hair down, which framed her collarbones perfectly and accentuated the contrast between her ivory skin and ebony dress.
Mitsuri looked in Shinobu’s direction. Shinobu didn’t look away, instead holding Mitsuri’s heated gaze. Shinobu swore she saw Mitsuri blush and subconsciously lick her lips before she turned away, continuing her conversation with Kyojurou.
Shinobu didn’t dare go up to Mitsuri. They needed to talk, yes, but she knew it would be a bad idea to do it right before their performance. She had no idea what was going to happen when they talked, but they both had to be not just physically but emotionally ready to dance, which meant they couldn’t have any risky conversations like that. So for now, Shinobu had no choice but to ignore Mitsuri.
“Kochou-san!” Shinobu looked up to see Shinjurou heading towards her.
“Rengoku-san. Thank you for coming.”
“Well of course! I like to show support for The Pillars, and I choreographed your dance so I had to see how it turned out. Speaking of the dance, how are you and Kanroji-san?”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, I know the both of you missed rehearsal, and it seems as though you two aren’t talking right now. Are you okay to be doing your dance?”
Shinobu looked into Shinjurou’s eyes. They weren’t accusing, but soft with concern and worry. He was a lot more observant than Shinobu had realized. She smiled at him reassuringly.
“Thank you for your concern, Rengoku-san. There’s no need to worry, however. I’m ready for this. We’re both ready for this. We’ll be able to pull this off, I’m sure of it. We have to.”
Shinjurou gave Shinobu a rare smile, small yet full of meaning.
“Good luck out there.” Shinjurou walked away, leaving Shinobu by herself.
Silence suddenly took over the room. Oyakata-sama had entered.
“Hello everyone. I’m glad to see that you are all here. The performance will be starting shortly. But before we get started, I would like to say a few words. You are one of the best dance troupes that I have had the pleasure of leading. Every single one of you is a gifted, hardworking dancer, and every single one of you deserves to be here. You have done great work, and you should be proud. Believe in yourself the way I believe in you. I know that you will all do amazing out there.”
Oyakata-sama looked at Shinobu, and then at Mitsuri.
“Shinobu. Mitsuri. You two are up first. Good luck.”
Shinobu gulped. This was it. It felt like all of her cells were vibrating in nervousness and anticipation, but she ignored it and put on her calm, collected façade. She walked up to the edge of the stage, right behind the area where the audience could see her. Mitsuri followed suit, and the two assumed their starting position.
Shinobu placed her left hand on Mitsuri’s upper arm, and her right hand joined Mitsuri’s left hand. Mitsuri held onto Shinobu’s lower back with her right hand. Shinobu melted into her touch. Even after their fight, and even after going days without dancing with each other, it still felt so right, so thrilling to be in Mitsuri’s arms. Shinobu felt like her body was on fire.
Shinobu looked at Mitsuri’s face. Although she looked uncharacteristically serious and focused, her eyes were open and warm, just like they always were. Shinobu felt like she was falling for her all over again. She had to tell Mitsuri how she felt. She had to apologize for what she did. She had let her know that she was deserving of love.
The music started. Shinobu and Mitsuri twirled out onto the stage to the driving beat of the Bandoneon.
Shinobu held back a gasp.
Mitsuri’s dancing was different. It still had her usual feeling and passion, but somehow it was softer. More controlled. Familiar. It was like Shinobu’s dancing style, with her calculated, composed delicacy, but with the unmistakable hint of Mitsuri’s expressiveness and emotionality. It took Shinobu’s breath away.
But as they continued to dance she realized there was even more to what Mitsuri was doing. The tenderness in her eyes, the gentleness with which she held Shinobu’s hand and brushed her fingers along Shinobu’s torso, the slower, more thoughtful way she moved her legs with Shinobu’s—it conveyed compassion, understanding.
Something welled up from inside Shinobu. It spread through her, consuming every inch of her body like a forest fire. Shinobu felt an intensity she hadn’t felt in years. The fire within her was about to explode. She felt alive.
Emotion came pouring out of her as the fire burned it’s brightest. She let herself go, let herself feel, let herself drop the mask she had worn for years and danced freely. It was just like Mitsuri’s dancing, emotive and heartfelt and completely liberated.
Shinobu hoped her feelings came across to Mitsuri. Her moves went from passionate and urgent, increasing in tempo and intensity, to remorseful and apologetic, slowing down and allowing the motions to breathe. Please listen to me, Mitsuri. You deserve love. You deserve connection. I was wrong to hurt you. It was my fault.
Shinobu picked up the fervor of her movements. Her motions were strong and decisive, earnest and impassioned.
I love you. I love you. I love you.
The music stopped. Shinobu was pressed up tightly against Mitsuri in their final pose, their bodies almost one. Shinobu was breathing heavily, and she could tell Mitsuri was too. She could faintly hear the sound of applause and cheering, but all she could think about was Mitsuri. Did her feelings reach her? Would Mitsuri accept her apology?
Shinobu raced off the stage, the echoes of the audience a mere afterthought. She heard the muffled, distant sound of her fellow pillars complimenting her on her performance, but Mitsuri was the only thing on her mind. She came running in soon after Shinobu.
“Mitsuri, I’m so sorry, I—”
Shinobu was silenced as hands were placed on her cheeks and soft lips came crashing onto hers. She stiffened for a moment, caught completely off guard, before relaxing and returning the kiss. Mitsuri tasted like sakura mochi and strawberries and cherry blossoms and sunlight and happiness, and Shinobu couldn’t get enough. It felt like time was standing still, the kiss lasting for an eternity and more, but when Mitsuri pulled away Shinobu couldn’t help but think it was too short.
Mitsuri’s hands were still on Shinobu’s cheeks, gently cradling them as if they were made of glass. Mitsuri’s eyes radiated such intense tenderness and affection that it almost made Shinobu want to look away. Shinobu held her gaze, however, and gingerly put her small, delicate hands on top of Mitsuri’s larger, strong ones.
“Mitsuri-chan, I—”
“Shinobu-chan, no. I know you probably have a lot to say, but please let me speak first. What you said to me was hurtful and not okay, but I understand why you did it. You were trying to hide it, but I know that you were afraid. You lost your sister, one of the people you treasured most, and you felt a pain you never wanted to feel again. You were afraid to deeply care for anyone again. I’m sorry I didn’t recognize that at first. But Shinobu-chan, pain is a part of love. Pain is a part of life. You’re going to have to make yourself vulnerable, and you’re going to get hurt no matter what you do. It’s scary, and it’s tough, and it’s hard work, but it’s what makes life… life. Without pain there is no beauty. I love you, Shinobu, and I know you love me. So please, please take a chance on me.”
Tears formed crystalline pools at the edges of Shinobu’s eyes, threatening to spill over into gushing rivers. She lunged forward and wrapped her arms around Mitsuri’s neck to steal another kiss, quicker than the first but even more passionate. She pulled away and rested her forehead on Mitsuri’s.
“You’re right, Mitsuri. I was afraid. I lashed out at you and distanced myself because I was scared and in pain, but it was a selfish, hurtful act and it was not okay. I said terrible things to you, things I never should have said, and I am forever sorry for that. I hope you know that none of the things I said to you were true. I love how emotional and expressive you are. I love how excited you get over the tiniest things. I love your smile and your laugh. I love how strong you are. I love how deeply you feel and care and love. I love you, Mitsuri. You saved me.”
The tears finally pooled and cascaded down Shinobu’s face in glimmering rivulets. Her voice cracked with emotion.
“I can’t say I’m not scared, but I realize now that my life would be even more empty and miserable if I didn’t take a chance and let myself love you. I don’t want to live like that. I don’t want to drink bland tea all my life.”
“Huh?” Mitsuri looked absolutely puzzled.
Shinobu grimaced. Gah. Stupid Giyuu.
“What I mean is… Love is a dance. It requires a lot of work, and a lot of pain, but in the end you create something beautiful. Something that makes life worth living. Mitsuri, I want to dance with you.”
Mitsuri began to cry as well, warm tears pouring down her face like a summer rain.
“Let’s dance together.”