Chapter Text
Death Battle intro plays.
Wiz: Video games have been a popular pastime for decades. And with virtual reality technologies advancing at the rate it is, it won’t be long before we can experience video games as realistically as today’s combatants.
Boomstick: Kirito, the Bla…
Wiz: NO! *coughs* Ahem, no, not him. There are other series that rip off Tron.
Boomstick: Right…okay then. Let’s see what we’ve got here…what the hell is this name?
Wiz: Ainz Ooal Gown, better known as Momonga, guildmaster of Ainz Ooal Gown from Overlord.
Boomstick: And Rimuru Tempest, human turned slime turned human from That Time I Got Reincarnated as a Slime. He’s Wiz and I’m Boomstick.
Wiz: And it’s our job to analyse their weapons, armour, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.
Scene cuts.
Wiz: In the year 2126, the game YGGDRASIL was released, a DMMO-RPG with extremely good customization. However, after twelve years, the game’s community had reduced to only a small number of players.
Boomstick: Take note Todd Howard, your game has at best three more years. Might wanna get cracking on Elder Scrolls VI.
Wiz: Anyway, a young man by the name of Suzuki Satoru had dedicated a large amount of time and money playing this game, and in its last moments decided to wait until the servers shut down, seeing the game to its end.
Boomstick: Except…they didn’t. Because for some reason, Suzuki was now in the game world, and the NPCs were alive and sentient. Also, he’d reprogrammed one of the hot female ones his friend had made into being in love with him, which is…totally not creepy.
Wiz: Really? That’s what you’re focusing on?
Boomstick: Come on Wiz, you know what I’m like. I see a guy getting…wait, he’s the skeleton, right?
Wiz: Yeah, why?
Boomstick: Yep, he’s totally gonna bone her *drum plays a Ba-DUM-tss sound* Thank you, I’m here all week *takes a bow*
Wiz: I really hate you. Anyway, Suzuki, now in the game world, decides to take full advantage of all the things he’d accumulated over the years, because he couldn’t figure out if there was a way out or not, and didn’t really care.
Boomstick: And when you’ve spent twelve years playing a video game, levelling up and collecting endless treasure, you get pretty fricken powerful and hard to beat, as we’re about to describe to you.
Wiz: Suzuki, now referring to himself as Ainz Ooal Gown, or Lord Momonga to his subjects, has obviously reached Level 100. He specialises in using magic, and according to the game, should be able to learn at most 300 spells, which you’d think would be ample.
Boomstick: But Ainz said “nah, screw that” and used one of his special abilities to learn over 700. I mean, what are you even going to do with all that?
Wiz: Become even more intimidating than you already are?
Boomstick: Yeah, that’s fair.
Wiz: Anyway, among Ainz’s spells there’s a bunch of necromancy spells to bring out undead animals; Acid Arrow, a spell that fires an arrow made of acid at enemies; fire, ice, and lightning spells, which hit the enemy with fire, ice, and lightning; magic that effects the user’s or opponent’s speed; spells that allow Ainz to fly; teleportation spells, invisibility spells, and even instant death.
Boomstick: Basically, if it’s a magic spell you’ve seen in a video game, he can probably do it.
Wiz: In fact, Ainz’s favourite spell is called Grasp Heart, which does exactly what it sounds like. Even if he doesn’t kill his opponent in one blow with this, they’re still stunned for a little while by it.
Boomstick: Wiz, if someone grabbed your still beating heart, you’d be pretty fricken shocked too.
Wiz: He can even manipulate people’s memories to some extent, and summon a fortress with 30-metre-tall walls that can only be breached by forcibly breaking down the doors.
Boomstick: Jeez, we’re still on his magic. We still haven’t covered his natural abilities, like immunity to acid, ice, lightning, poison, sleep, paralysis, and is basically immune too low-level magic and physical attacks.
Wiz: I think you just did cover it.
Boomstick: Oh…well, we haven’t covered his equipment yet.
Wiz: Indeed, we haven’t. His main weapon would be the Staff of Ainz Ooal Gown.
Boomstick: So creative with the name, this guy.
Wiz: The staff was created for Ainz to use, and can wield all manner of devastating magic, including summoning elementals, creating earthquakes, creating firestorms, and create barriers for protection.
Boomstick: Just looking at this guy is enough to make some people shit their pants. In fact, his robe emits a dark aura just for that purpose.
Wiz: Ainz himself is a pretty cunning strategist and is well aware of how powerful he is.
Boomstick: So, let me guess, he has some kind of fatal weakness? Please don’t let it be something dumb.
Wiz: As an undead player, he’s susceptible to fire and holy magic, though with the right equipment these can be negated somewhat.
Boomstick: Huh, maybe not.
Wiz: He also can’t equip certain types of weapons and armour due to his class, but again gets around it thanks to an ability that allows him to create similar weapons, or temporarily changing to warrior class.
Boomstick: Alright, I was wrong, he’s just stupidly overpowered with no true weaknesses.
Wiz: Finally, his most powerful spell, The Goal of All Life is Death, has a cooldown of 100 hours. This spell causes Ainz’s instant death spells to be delayed by twelve seconds, but also allows them to bypass all barriers including immortality.
Boomstick: Like I said, stupidly overpowered. Even if he only has one shot with it, he’s still killing you.
Wiz: Unless you use an item or cast a spell to prevent your death in that time.
Boomstick: Yeah, basically Ainz is a badass skeleton who it would be foolish to try and fight.
Ainz: Do not cause any trouble here. If you choose to not listen to my advice, next time you and your country will burn together.
Scene cuts.
Wiz: Satoru Mikami was your average 37-year-old loser.
Boomstick: Loser is right, the guy’s never even been laid.
Wiz: But then one day, while meeting a co-worker, he got stabbed while saving his friend from a thief.
Boomstick: Wow, that sucks. Dying a virgin at 37. *opens a beer* Pouring one out for ya, buddy.
Wiz: However, while Satoru was dying, he heard a voice, a voice that kept telling him about powers he was being granted for his next life.
Boomstick: Yeah, and then he came back from the dead in a body that could handle all these cool abilities…a ball of slime. Kinda lame, really.
Wiz: Don’t judge him too harshly yet. Satoru’s new body contained an ability called Predator, an ability that allowed him to absorb pretty much anything he could cover with his body.
Boomstick: Okay, that’s kind terrifying, but he’s still only like three inches tall. Don’t blame me if I’m not impressed.
Wiz: What if I told you one of the first things he absorbed was a dragon imprisoned in a magical barrier? Magical barrier included.
Boomstick: I’d be a little more impressed with the little guy.
Wiz: Because that’s what he did. As well as devouring any monsters he found between himself and the exit of the cave he was in. And with his ability Analyse, he learned each monster’s moves, and added them to his own arsenal. Not to mention eating dozens of magical rocks and flowers too.
Boomstick: Basically, making him super OP before leaving the first dungeon?
Wiz: Pretty much.
Boomstick: That sounds awesome. What’s he got?
Wiz: Well, as he was dying, Satoru wished for a body that didn’t require blood, as well as complaining about heat and cold, so his slime body doesn’t bleed when cut, as well as being temperature resistant. He also got the aforementioned Predator ability this way, but he doesn’t necessarily absorb the things he eats immediately.
Boomstick: Yeah, turns out he can store things in his stomach indefinitely. Which is why a lot of those flowers he ate have been converted into healing potions that he can use whenever he needs to.
Wiz: He can duplicate the appearance of anything he’s absorbed, not just their abilities. Because of this, he has learned abilities from a Tempest Serpent, a Black Spider, a Giant Bat, an Evil Centipede, and an Armoursaurus.
Boomstick: By name, these abilities include Poisonous Breath, which poisons everything nearby, Sticky Thread, which traps enemies, Ultrasound Waves, which confuses the enemy, Paralysing Breath, which, uh, paralyses the enemy, and Body Armor, which gives him a thick coat of armour that’s hard to break.
Wiz: He’s also learned how to manipulate water, so as to swim through it or to absorb enough to use as a blade that he can fire.
Boomstick: Oh, and the best part of all this? Rimuru doesn’t feel pain. Speaking of which, why is he called Rimuru now that he’s been reincarnated?
Wiz: Oh, well that’s what Veldora the Dragon decided to call him.
Boomstick: And why specifically that? I mean, Rimuru remembers his old life fine, so why not use his old name?
Wiz: New life, new name? Who knows, who cares?
Boomstick: I suppose. Anyway, Rimuru can change between his human and slime forms fairly quickly, and actually seems more comfortable in his slime form.
Wiz: I mean, that is how he was reborn into this world, and spent quite a few weeks in it before gaining his human form by absorbing a woman named Shizue, who, by the way, was host to a spirit named Ifrit. whom Rimuru also ate.
Boomstick: Oh God, what powers did he get from that?
Wiz: He gained the ability to clone himself, and to shoot black flames out of his body. And can trap opponents in a barrier within a hundred metres of the user.
Boomstick: Holy crap, how much power has this guy got?
Wiz: A devastatingly high amount. Rimuru is extremely durable, quick, and is extremely intelligent. Among his equipment is a mask for supressing demonic energy, dulls enemy magical attacks, nullifies poison, and amplifies their senses.
Boomstick: God, it feels like there’s nothing Rimuru can’t do.
Wiz: There practically isn’t.
Boomstick: …um, Wiz? This is the part where you point out Rimuru’s weaknesses.
Wiz: That’s the thing, with all the research I’ve done, I can’t find a single significant weakness that Rimuru has.
Boomstick: WHAT?! This guy is basically a god, and you’re saying he’s got no weaknesses? Doesn’t that mean he wins by default?
Wiz: Not necessarily. Early in the series, we see that Rimuru exhausted his magic by giving names to an entire village of goblins, which left him comatose for three days, so clearly, he has a finite amount of power to draw from.
Boomstick: Naming things? Really?
Wiz: Long story short, names have a lot of power in Rimuru’s world, and giving nameless creatures a name makes them more powerful.
Boomstick: …right. Well, with so much power at his disposal, you can always count on Rimuru to step up and fight for you.
Rimuru: As you have just learned through experience, I am strong! And as such, I promise to save all of you.
Scene cuts.
Wiz: Alright, the combatants are set. Time to end this debate once and for all.
Boomstick: It’s time for a Death Battle!
Scene cuts.
In an isolated forest, a huge skeleton was walking through. “A strange new world this is,” said Ainz. “I must learn about this country’s leader.”
Meanwhile, watching from the shadows, a small blue ball of slime was watching. “This looks bad,” whispered Rimuru to himself. “He’s huge, and scary looking. He’s clearly here to destroy the village and conquer us all. Luckily I’m here to put a stop to that.”
Ainz marched on through the forest, when he started to hear a weird plopping sound. “Huh?” he asked, spinning around. “Is someone there?” Ainz looked around, but there was no-one there. “Guess I’m getting paranoid,” he muttered.
“Hi there,” came a voice from right in front of him, causing Ainz to jump backwards and adopt a protective stance. “I’m Rimuru, what’s your name?”
“Who said that?” asked Ainz, looking around but not seeing anyone.
“Down here,” called Rimuru, and Ainz looked down to see a ball of slime talking to him. “Hi stranger.”
“A…slime monster?” asked Ainz.
“Uh-huh,” said Rimuru. “And you’re trespassing in my country.”
“Your country?” asked Ainz. “Well, I suppose you do live here, so…”
“No, as in I own this place,” said Rimuru. “Now, who are you?”
“You? A tiny slime?” asked Ainz, before letting out a loud laugh. “Sorry, but do you truly expect me to believe a creature such as you could rule an area like this?”
“Don’t underestimate me,” said Rimuru in his most intimidating voice, which didn’t sound very threatening.
“Oh really?” asked Ainz. “And what are you going to…” Before he could finish speaking, there was a popping sound, and Rimuru was suddenly in a human form. “Huh, that’s…slightly more threatening, I guess?”
“Yeah, I’ll show you just how dangerous this little slime can be,” said Rimuru, drawing his sword and charging at Ainz.
FIGHT!
Rimuru swung his sword at Ainz, only for Ainz to casually block it and yank to weapon out of his hand. “Pathetic,” said Ainz. “FIREBALL!” A large ball of fire came out of Ainz’s hand and blasted Rimuru in the chest. “This will be easy.”
“Guess again,” said Rimuru. “Fire does nothing to me.”
“Oh really?” asked Ainz. “Any other little bits of information you’d like to share with me, so I can kill you more quickly?”
“Uh…no,” said Rimuru, backing up a little.
“Excellent,” said Ainz. “ICEBALL!” A huge ball of ice flew from Ainz’s hand, crashing into Rimuru. “Basic RPG logic really. If fire can’t hurt you, then ice must be super-effective.”
“Uh…yeah,” said Rimuru, knowing full well that was a lie. “Oh, you have discovered my weakness. Whatever shall I do?”
Ainz seemed to glare at him, despite his face being incapable of changing expression. “Hmm, fascinating,” he said. “Heat and cold resistant. I’m not a fan of brute force, but I suppose I have to…” Ainz suddenly summoned s large sword, and began slashing at Rimuru, managing to take off an arm and a leg.
“Whoa, hey, watch it with that thing,” said Rimuru, seeming to not even notice his lost limbs. “That would hurt if I could feel pain.” Rimuru turned himself back into a slime, and absorbed his lost limbs, before regenerating back to his human form.
“You are a strange one,” said Ainz, carefully studying his opponent.
“And you’re creepy looking,” said Rimuru. “And because you’ve been kind of a jerk, how about I give you some of this.” Rimuru took a deep breath, and expelled a cloud of poisonous gas. “How’s that?”
“Not bad,” said Ainz, casually walking through the smoke without noticing the effects of it. “But now it’s your turn to be surprised at the outcome of your attack.”
“Uhhh…” started Rimuru, as Ainz slapped him out of the way.
“You really don’t know what you’re up against, do you?” asked Ainz. “I am Ainz Ooal Gowl, and I…”
“Paralysing Breath,” called Rimuru, exhaling a green blast of mist at Ainz.
“Well that’s just rude,” said Ainz, withstanding the blast with ease. “I was talking to y…”
“DARK FLAME!” yelled Rimuru, causing a huge column of fire to explode around Ainz.
“What?!” demanded Ainz, feeling the heat of the attack burn him. “Such power….” As the attack ended, Ainz felt himself fall to his knee.
“Ooh, that hurt you, did it?” asked Rimuru, getting cocky.
“You are a persistently annoying little slime, aren’t you?” asked Ainz, getting back to his feet. “I’m finishing this now.” A glowing clock appeared behind him before he spoke the next words. “The Goal of All Life is Death.”
“Uh oh…” said Rimuru, turning back into a slime.
“Uh oh is right,” said Ainz. “Everything will die now.”
“Uh…” started Rimuru, trying to think as rapidly as possible. ‘Oh man, a move like this is going to kill me for sure. Let’s see, do I have any healing potions left? Let’s see…YES!’ Rimuru started hungrily gulping down potions, in hopes that it will keep him alive.
“Time’s up,” said Ainz, as a flash of light blinded the area. Ainz looked around the area, trying to see the slime through all the dust. “I win.”
“You keep thinking that,” said Rimuru, behind Ainz. “Guess I had enough healing potions after all.”
“WHAT?!” yelled Ainz, spinning around. “You…”
“DARK FLAME!” yelled Rimuru, causing another huge eruption of flames to flare up around Ainz.
“You…bastard…” said Ainz, falling to the ground.
“Yeah, yeah…” said Rimuru, covering Ainz with his slime body, before dissolving the huge figure and returning to his normal size. “Now, let’s see what abilities I can learn from him.”
K. O.
Boomstick: Well, we just created the most overpowered character of all time. Shall we break down how we did that?
Wiz: Sure thing. The biggest thing to note is that Rimuru had immunities to so many things. Granted, so did Ainz, but Rimuru had immunities to things like pain, fire, and ice. Meanwhile, Ainz had a weakness to fire, which Rimuru had a spell for.
Boomstick: Granted, Ainz could just create something that resists it, but that’s the thing: it only resists things, not outright immunity.
Wiz: The biggest thing was: could Rimuru resist Ainz’s most powerful attack: The Goal of All Life is Death. And according to the rules, using items to save oneself from death is a counter for it. Good thing Rimuru absorbed an entire cave’s worth of healing potion material pretty early in the series.
Boomstick: It didn’t help Ainz’s chances that it was difficult to even find a weakness for Rimuru, and even then, it’s not something Ainz could easily exploit because he doesn’t know anything about Rimuru. Really, there was too much that Rimuru could do that Ainz didn’t have a good counter for.
Wiz: Ainz’s only real hope for victory would have been an instant death spell, but where’s the fun in that?
Boomstick: Even then though, moves like Ainz’s Grab Heart attack wouldn’t have worked because all Rimuru would have to do to escape it is turn into a slime again, so he wouldn’t even have a heart.
Wiz: In the end, Rimuru’s bizarre make-up, extreme durability, and huge number of resistances and immunities were too much for Ainz to handle.
Boomstick: It’s Over for Lord Ainz.
Wiz: The winner is Rimuru Tempest.
Scene cuts.
Boomstick: Next time on Death Battle…
“Accept the things you cannot change, have the courage to change the things you can and have the wisdom to know the difference.”
“You showing your cards tells me that you're young.”