Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Death Battle intro plays.
Wiz: Power. It’s something that many people seek for their whole life. Some have it naturally, while others have to work out ways to attain it.
Boomstick: And wouldn’t you know it, we have one of each in today’s season premiere.
Wiz: Yang Xiao Long, fiery brawler and only member of Team RWBY we haven’t used in this fic yet.
Boomstick: And Albert Wesker, Umbrella Co.’s ultimate weapon from Resident Evil. He’s Wiz and I’m Boomstick.
Wiz: And it’s our job to analyse their weapons, armour and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

Scene cuts.
Wiz: We’ve said it once, and we’ll say it again, the world of Remnant is wild. Monsters called Grimm roam wild, many of its inhabitants have a superpower, and almost every weapon is also a gun.
Boomstick: It sounds so freaking cool. How soon can I move there?
Wiz: Maybe once COVID-19’s over. Anyway, our story starts on a tiny island off the coast of Vale called Patch. Patch is home to a talented Huntsman named Taiyang Long, and his daughters Ruby and Yang.
Boomstick: As a young girl, Yang learned that she and her sister had different mothers, and wanted to one day track down her own mother Raven and confront her about the fact that she ditched her and her father. Basically the same issue I have with Daddy Boomstick.
Wiz: Yang was trained in combat by her dad and uncle, before getting accepted into Beacon Academy as a Huntress in training and joining Team RWBY, led by her younger sister Ruby.
Boomstick: You’d think big sis would object to having little sis lead her, but she didn’t even care. In fact, Weiss was the only one to kick up a fuss. Too bad we killed her...twice.
Wiz: Anyway, most of Yang’s teammates prefer to have some kind of bladed weapon for melee combat, but Yang likes to be more direct with her opponents.
Boomstick: Yeah, by punching explosions at them! Seriously, who does that?
Wiz: Katsuki Bakugo from My Hero Academia?
Boomstick: Oh, right...why didn’t we use him for this fight?
Wiz: Because this match-up was requested and that wasn’t. Anyway, Yang’s weapon is called the Ember Celica, a pair of gauntlets that double as shotguns. Shells from these guns explode on impact with a target, knocking them back great distances, and can fly dozens of feet away.
Boomstick: And they’re also powerful enough to propel Yang through the air, or knock an entire dancefloor’s worth of people down. On top of that, the weapon automatically reloads after every shot, so Yang doesn’t have to spend time reloading.
Wiz: Of course, Yang only has one of the original Ember Celica, after disaster struck her school.
Boomstick: And Yang ended up disarmed.
Wiz: BOOMSTICK! That’s a horrible way to describe someone’s horrible injury. Ahem, yes, Yang had her arm cut off by her teammate Blake’s ex Adam. But this was replaced by a robot arm with a built in Ember Celica. They also got revenge on Adam later.
Boomstick: Taste the power of Bumblebee, bully. You see what I did there Wiz?
Wiz: *sigh* Yes Boomstick. Anyway, Yang’s direct approach in battle wouldn’t be as effective without her Aura, a kind of personal forcefield that everyone in Remnant has. Aura has the ability to dull the effectiveness some most blows and even heal minor wounds. And it also helps power Yang’s Semblance, her personal superpower.
Boomstick: Yeah, see, Yang’s habit of punching things isn’t just because she’s always angry. She has the ability to absorb kinetic energy into herself, and deal it back to her enemies. Like the time she got punched by a giant robot TWICE, then she destroyed it with a single punch.
Wiz: However, Yang’s not perfect. She is quick to anger, which can lead to her becoming irrational and reckless. Like when she was fighting a fairly quick opponent who made fun of her weight, Yang just fired off dozens of shots without any proper aiming or strategy, and only won when her opponent tripped herself on accident.
Boomstick: Also, Yang’s Aura can only handle so much. If you overtax it, she becomes as vulnerable as anyone. Though given that she once got knocked through the roof of the school and didn’t come back down for over a minute and a half, AND SHOOK IT OFF LIKE IT WAS NOTHING, she can take a lot of punishment.
Wiz: Then there’s the fact that Yang tends to have trouble with opponents who specialise in kicking. This doesn’t mean she’ll lose to them, like when she beat Mercury, but just that they’ll cause her more problems than other fighters.
Boomstick: Finally, Yang has a bit of PTSD from the whole ‘Adam cutting off her freaking arm’ incident. Sure, killing him with Blake helped, but something like that’s not something you just get over. I know, that’s why I have a shotgun leg.
Wiz: Still, Yang has constantly gone out to fight tough opponents without a second thought to her own safety, and frequently comes out on top. That’s just what happens when you’re one of the best brawlers around.
Yang: Yeah, I'm scared. But I'm still standing here! I'm not like you, I won't run, which is why you're going to give me the Relic.

Scene cuts.
Wiz: Dr. Oswell E. Spencer had a dream: to create a bunch of intellectual humans with superhuman abilities.
Boomstick: But to do this, he needed to kidnap a bunch of kids and basically brainwash them into his way of thinking. And his way of thinking was basically ‘humans suck, better get rid of them.’
Wiz: All the children were named Wesker after the project’s leader, but one of these children stood out above all others: Albert.
Boomstick: Dude was super smart, graduating college at seventeen and immediately started working at the Umbrella Corp. in the Pharmaceuticals division. Where they were working on biological weapons, because of course they were.
Wiz: Wesker managed to steal a sample of the t-virus, which Umbrella decided should be mixed with Ebola. Which created zombies.
Boomstick: Not exactly a good marketing strategy.
Wiz: Look, long story short, people started suspecting Umbrella of dodgy business practices, Umbrella got Wesker to join STARS who were investigating them, Wesker leaked STARS information back to Umbrella, and eventually he was found out.
Boomstick: And then he got killed by a monster called Tyrant. Except then he wasn’t. Because, you know, he had them superpowers we mentioned earlier.
Wiz: Yeah, see, Wesker had injected himself with what was known as the Prototype Virus, which gave him superhuman strength, speed, endurance, and reflexes, as well as a minor healing factor.
Boomstick: Yeah, Wesker became fast enough to dodge gunfire, and tough enough to have about a dozen steel beams dropped on him and be perfectly fine.
Wiz: He’s also a skilled martial artist, taking full advantage of his speed to attack his opponents in rapid fire blows. Kinda helps that he’s faster than the eye can track.
Boomstick: But sometimes beating the shit out of people isn’t enough, so he also carries a gun too. This baby is the Beretta 92F Custom "Samurai Edge", which holds fifteen rounds and can use laser aiming.
Wiz: And if you thought Prototype Wesker was powerful, you haven’t seen Uroboros Wesker, because apparently infecting himself with one virus wasn’t enough.
Boomstick: Wiz, if I knew I’d be okay after being dropped into a freaking volcano, I’d inject myself with every type of virus known to man.
Wiz: That’s not...ugh, whatever. Anyway, after fusing with the Uroboros Virus, Wesker enhances his already impressive strength at the cost of his speed, as well as some...monstrous looking characteristics.
Boomstick: It’s a horror game Wiz, what did you expect? Anyway, Wesker gives himself several tentacles, as well as some big arms, one of which is covered in metal that he can use as a drill, and the other can fire stuff at his enemies.
Wiz: However, this form has one crucial weakness: the exposed heart on his chest.
Boomstick: Yeah, Wesker’s mutated form took ‘wear your heart on your sleeve’ a little too literally, and now there’s a very obvious weak spot people can take advantage of.
Wiz: Hell, even normal Wesker’s not without his flaws. His arrogance has led to the development of a God complex. And his Uroboros form needs a steady supply of the virus, or it will start to poison him.
Boomstick: Still, Wesker’s a scarily intelligent man with all the strength to back it up.
Wesker: Every day, humans come one step closer to self-destruction. I'm not destroying the world, I'm saving it!

Scene cuts.
Wiz: Alright, the combatants are set. Let’s ends this debate once and for all.
Boomstick: It’s time for a Death Battle!

Scene cuts.
Wesker had been observing the battles at the UA sports festival from an isolated spot in the stands. ‘Some of these kids have some potential’, he thought to himself, as the fire and ice kid left the arena. Wesker looked over to his right, and saw three teenage girls staring at the scene before them, one with dark red hair, one with black, the other a blonde. He watched as the blonde left the group, heading through one of the entry tunnels. Wesker turned and walked down the near entry way to him, intent to talk to this girl.
Yang splashed some water on her face. She just couldn’t believe it. How could Weiss lose? Was she okay? Yang looked at herself in the mirror, and jumped when she saw a man standing behind her. “What the hell? You can’t be in here,” said Yang, getting into a defensive position.
“Hello young lady,” said Wesker. “I’m looking for people interested in the Uroboros Project.”
“So you followed me into the girl’s bathroom?” asked Yang angrily. “Go away, creep.”
“Aww, don’t be like that,” said Wesker. “I might even be able to do something about that missing arm of yours.”
Yang froze for a moment, considering the possibilities, before shaking her head. “Nothing legitimately good would make someone follow another person into the wrong bathroom,” said Yang, getting her gauntlets ready. “Now get lost. This is your last warning.”
Wesker sighed, shaking his head. “The hard way it is,” he said, preparing himself for a fight.

FIGHT!
Yang immediately went on the offensive, punching several concussive blasts at Wesker. Wesker simply dodged these blasts, immediately grabbing Yang around the throat. “I’d like to finish this quickly,” he said, reaching for something in his coat.
Yang responded letting a blast off right in Wesker’s face. “Too bad I like to be difficult,” she said, charging at him again.
Wesker looked at the remains of his sunglasses. “Those were my favourite shades,” he said, blocking a punch from her. “Just a tad rude, don’t you think?”
“You’re one to talk,” said Yang, swinging a kick at Wesker’s knee. “You’re the one hanging out in the women’s restroom.”
Wesker grabbed Yang by the hair, and threw her out through the bathroom’s wall. When he looked back, several strands of blonde hair were still in his gloves. “I suppose that was a miscalculation on my part,” he admitted. “But I...” Whatever he was about to say was cut off by an explosion right in front of him. “What is...” He started, as Yang stood before him surrounded by fire.
“You think the bathroom was a miscalculation?” demanded Yang, her eyes changing from purple to red. “You never, and I mean NEVER, touch my hair.”
Wesker was caught off-guard as Yang suddenly charged him, punching him so hard he broke most of the toilet cubicles. Before he could even get up, Yang was on him again, firing off shot after shot straight in his face. ‘I’ve got to do something,’ he thought to himself. ‘I’m going to have to use it.’ Wesker managed to raise one of his hands, and slapped Yang off of him. “ENOUGH!” he yelled, getting to his feet, but staggering. “I am a god, and you will bow to me.”
“You’re insane,” said Yang, as Wesker pulled something out from his coat. “What’s that?”
“This, my dear, is the Uroboros Virus,” said Wesker, rolling up his sleeve. “All I have to do is...” Before he could finish his sentence, Yang fired a shot and destroyed the syringe.
“Nice try buddy,” said Yang, stalking towards. “But this ends here.”
“Yes it does,” said Wesker, pulling a gun out of his jacket. “Dodge this.” Wesker began firing at Yang, who dived behind a wall. Wesker kept his gun in one hand, and the other went into his jacket to get another syringe. “You know, it’s not nice to deprive a man of his medicine.” Wesker stuck the needle into his arm and pushed the plunger down.
“Medicine, eh?” asked Yang, who’d been reaching around the corner to fire shots every couple of minutes. “Well, that’s an idea.” Yang ran around the corner to rush him, and stopped dead in her tracks. “What the hell...?” Yang watched as Wesker began to mutate, tentacles bursting out from his back.
“Behold, my ultimate form,” said Wesker, one of his tentacle arms spinning around like a drill. Yang cracked her knuckles, and ran at Wesker, dodging around the drill.
“Hey, this looks sensitive,” said Yang, firing a shotgun blast into Wesker’s exposed heart. Wesker screamed in pain and rage as Yang got behind him and ripped the remains of his coat off of him. “You needed this stuff, right?” asked Yang, throwing the coat on the ground and stamping on the syringes.
“Oh, that’s it,” snapped Wesker, his drill coming straight at Yang. Yang didn’t move this time, and just held up her robot arm and caught the drill as it got to her.
“Something you should know about me,” said Yang, her eyes seeming to glow with rage. “Every blow you’ve dealt me in this fight? I can dish it right back.” As if to prove her point, Yang proceeded to pull hard on Wesker’s tentacle, tearing it off. As Wesker screamed in agony, Yang leapt up and over him, before grabbing either side of his head and using her gauntlets to give her arms some momentum as she snapped his neck. Wesker stopped screaming as his head came loose from his body. “Nailed it again.”

K. O.
Boomstick: Wow, Yang, she does not like people’s necks.
Wiz: Wesker was a tough opponent, but he had nothing that Yang hadn’t come across before.
Boomstick: He can move faster than the eye can track? So can her sister Ruby, who she spars against. He has a gun? So do 90% of the characters in RWBY, many of whom Yang has fought. He has a freaky monster form? This girl fights creatures of Grimm all the time, and wins. You think you can fight those things at close quarters and not know how to spot a weak point? I don’t think so.
Wiz: Not even Wesker’s overwhelming strength was something Yang couldn’t handle. Wesker got crushed by some steel beams and was fine? Yang fell at terminal velocity and was fine. Wesker’s only real advantage was being smarter than Yang, and even then, Yang’s a very capable fighter. She can adapt as necessary to the situation, especially if every blow is making her stronger.
Boomstick: Albert has been wesked away to the afterlife.
Wiz: The winner is Yang Xiao Long.

Scene cuts.
Boomstick: Next time on Death Battle...
"I have to work harder than anyone else to make it! I'll never catch up otherwise...! I want to be like you...! Like you. The strongest hero."
“If I don't stand up here... If I don't reach higher here... When am I ever going to do it?”

Chapter Text

Death Battle intro starts.
Wiz: When one receives power, one must always be careful to test the limits of this power carefully. Trying to master it or using it recklessly can be very dangerous.
Boomstick: Izuku Midoriya, otherwise known as Deku, the child that inherited One for All in My Hero Academia.
Wiz: And Bell Cranel, captain of the Hestia Familia in Danmachi.
Boomstick: You’re not gonna say the other name for that series?
Wiz: I’d like to think we have a little more class than that. Now, let’s make them kill each other.
Boomstick: He’s Wiz and I’m Boomstick.
Wiz: And it’s our job to analyse their weapons, armour, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

Scene cuts.
Wiz: Imagine a world where about eighty percent of the population has superpowers.
Boomstick: Yeah, but some of them are lame, like having a really long neck or being able to stretch your eyes a long way.
Wiz: Now, imagine being one of the twenty percent who weren’t born with a power.
Boomstick: Izuku Midoriya was one of those people, which really sucks because his ultimate dream is to become a hero like his idol All Might.
Wiz: But young Izuku’s chance finally came one day when a villainous sludge monster attempted to suffocate him.
Boomstick: That kid cannot catch a break. I mean, this happened MINUTES after his former best friend took him to kill himself. I mean, damn dude.
Wiz: Luckily Izuku was saved by All Might before he could be killed, but then he accidentally released the sludge monster, which caught and tried to kill Bakugo, the aforementioned ex-friend.
Boomstick: Instead of staying back like a normal, sane person, Midoriya ran at the guy who had just tried to kill him, despite the fact there was literally nothing he could do.
Wiz: However, this act of courage inspired All Might, and he made a decision: give Izuku his Quirk.
Boomstick: Quirks are basically your own personal superpower, and All Might’s is unique in that it can be passed on from person to person. And Izuku is the ninth holder of this power, One for All.
Wiz: One for All’s power comes from being stockpiled from the previous holders, and can be trained by the current holder to become even more powerful.
Boomstick: Which is why Izuku was able to do octuple the damage against a giant robot on one of his first outings with the power.
Wiz: Izuku soon started training at U. A. High School, a school designed to train future heroes. Even the classes there are taught by famous heroes. It’s through U. A. that Izuku learned to control his Quirk, basically making it his own.
Boomstick: Well, duh. Of course he had to learn, the school keeps getting attacked by villains. Seriously, him and his classmates are minor celebrities because of the number of times they’ve had to fight off villains on their own.
Wiz: One for All gives Izuku impressive strength and speed. At only 5%, Izuku can move in for quick moves and strikes, easily keeping up with Gran Torino, who can bounce around the room faster than most people can track.
Boomstick: Izuku’s pretty smart too. I mean, he has thirteen notebooks FULL of notes and observations about every hero and villain he’s aware of, including his own classmates. And can even make up strategies on how to beat each of them based on these notes, or can predict the outcome of a match-up between any group of them.
Wiz: However, Izuku’s main attacks are up close and personal. His moves include the Detroit Smash, which is basically an uppercut, the Delaware Smash, where he flicks his finger and causes huge amounts of air pressure capable of destroying huge chunks of ice, and of course, Full Cowl, which limits the amount of power Izuku can use, but allows him to avoid hurting himself.
Boomstick: Yeah, let’s stop dancing around it. Izuku’s power is absolutely insane, but he can’t use it at 100% without severely hurting himself. That giant robot he destroyed? He broke both legs and an arm to do that. The Delaware Smash? He breaks his fingers to do that. Basically, his body isn’t capable of handling his Quirk yet.
Wiz: Though this does say a lot about his pain tolerance. He didn’t pass out from the pain of doing this stuff, so he’s clearly extremely tough.
Boomstick: Luckily, Izuku’s been training to be able to use it. He can even get to 20% without breaking bones, though that’s about the limit. He describes it as having his bones on the verge of breaking.
Wiz: And after a particularly hard fight against Todoroki, Izuku’s hand was permanently disfigured, to the point that he decided to start focusing more on kicking than punching. And his latest costume reflects that, with Iron Soles on his shoes.
Boomstick: And because these were made by a crazy chick who loves making insane equipment, these aren’t just metal boots. They absorb kinetic energy, then redistribute it. That’s like a double kick in one kick.
Wiz: This “crazy chick”, as Boomstick so eloquently put it, also gave Izuku a pair of Air Force Glove, which basically upgrades his Delaware Smash.
Boomstick: Damn, this kid would be unstoppable if he could avoid breaking his bones every other fight.
Wiz: Especially since he’s something of a master strategist. While fighting the Hero Killer Stain, Izuku was able to deduce what his Quirk was and calmly plan around it, despite knowing he and his friends were in extreme danger.
Boomstick: Still, when the time comes, he’s not afraid to bust out 100% of his power to take out a dangerous opponent.
Izuku: I'm no longer the useless Deku who can't do anything right... I'm the Deku who gives it his all!!

Scene cuts.
Wiz: The city of Orario is a diversely populated fantasy city. Everything from humans, elves, dwarves, werewolves, cat people, even gods wander its street.
Boomstick: Anime, always with the cat people.
Wiz: Speaking of the gods, many of them have a Familia, groups of followers who do various jobs including smithing, hunting, and exploration.
Boomstick: And one of these exploration Familias is the Hestia Familia, whose first and for a while only member was Bell Cranel.
Wiz: Bell Cranel grew up in a mountain village with his grandfather, where he read many stories about heroes fighting monsters. So, after his grandfather’s death, he went to Orario to join a Familia. The goddess Hestia happily accepted him as a member, since she literally had no-one else.
Boomstick: And even though they are completely alone and she is very obviously throwing herself at him, he still won’t…
Wiz: BOOMSTICK! Focus.
Boomstick: *sigh* Fine, whatever.
Wiz: Anyway, Bell began traversing the dungeon under the city. Why anyone would build a city on top of a dungeon filled with deadly monsters is beyond me, but I digress.
Boomstick: Anyway, Bell explored the dungeon…and almost immediately got attacked by a minotaur. It’s there he met a girl who is WAY out of his league, but obviously he fell in love with.
Wiz: As dumb as it sounds, Bell’s emotions actually gave him a really powerful ability called Liaris Freese, an ability that allowed him to Level Up at an accelerated rate.
Boomstick: Level Up? You mean like in a video game? Is this Sword Art?
Wiz: No. I don’t think so at least. Anyway, Liaris Freese’s strength is related to the strength of his feelings, and also makes him immune to charms.
Boomstick: And Bell very quickly rose to the insanely high level of…4. Wait, really? That doesn’t sound so great.
Wiz: Considering the highest level anyone in this series has been shown to be is 7, that’s actually not so bad. And many people were surprised he reached level two in a month and a half. And only three months to gain the other two levels.
Boomstick: I guess. Anyway, rapid levelling wasn’t the only thing Bell learned along the way. He also has some magic…and by that, I mean he can throw a fireball.
Wiz: Don’t underestimate the fireball, Bell can fire a bunch of these off in rapid succession to take a bunch of smaller monsters out at once.
Boomstick: Bell also has an ability called Argonaut, an attack that gets more powerful the longer it’s charged. This includes the attack’s power, range, and speed. He can even channel this through his weapon to charge two Argonauts at once. Unfortunately, he needs to be able to focus in order to use it, otherwise he loses the attack’s effects. It can also only be used on enemies stronger than him.
Wiz: Speaking of his weapon, Bell’s weapon of choice is the Hestia Knife, a weapon forged by Hestia herself with the help of Hephaestus. The blade is alive and is as strong as its user, as long as they’re a member of the Hestia Familia.
Boomstick: And he also has the Hakugen, a blade made from Unicorn horn and is over a foot long. It also gets rid of poison, but since Izuku can’t poison people, who cares?
Wiz: Bell’s armour includes Pyonkichi Mk-V, a set of lightweight armour made by his personal smith Welf, the Salamander Wool, a fireproof piece of cloth that can be used as pretty much any wearable item, the Undine Cloth that does the same for water based attacks, the Goliath Muffler, which protects against physical and magical attacks though not their shockwaves, and the Reverse Veil, which turns the user invisible.
Boomstick: Well, with all this, Bell sounds pretty tough and unbeatable.
Wiz: Except for the fact that Bell is incredibly naïve, which his opponents often take full advantage of, often requiring rescue from his far more powerful friends.
Boomstick: Yeah, on top of that, a lot of his attacks are dependant on external factors. Like we said earlier, Argonaut needs time to power up, Liaris Freese depends on his feelings for Ais, and his knife depends on Bell’s current status.
Wiz: Still, if there’s ever danger around, Bell’s not afraid to be one of the first to charge into action.
Bell: I can’t forgive myself. I wanted something to happen without doing anything myself! I have to do it. I have to do it all… Or I can’t even stand by her side!

Scene cuts.
Wiz: Alright, the combatants are set. Let’s end this debate once and for all.
Boomstick: It’s time for a Death Battle!

Scene cuts.
Underneath the stadium at U. A., Bell, was getting his armour on. “You got this Bell,” said Hestia. “I’ve had a look at your opponent, he looks pretty small and weak.”
“Well Goddess, it’s probably not a good idea to underestimate him,” said Bell, strapping on his weapon. “Dangerous opponents come in all shapes and sizes.”
“Well, I guess…” said Hestia. “Still, he doesn’t have a weapon, so he should be pretty easy.”
“Let’s hope so,” said Bell, heading towards the door.
On the other side of the stadium, Izuku was getting his own costume on. “Don’t sweat it young Midoriya,” said All Might. “This kid needs weapons to fight, you can attack from a distance. This will be easy for you.”
“You’d think so,” said Izuku. “But I also don’t have any information about him. This could make the fight difficult since I don’t know what I’m going against.”
“Oh please,” said All Might, dismissing Izuku’s concerns. “You’ve got this in the bag young Midoriya. Now go out there and kick some butt.”
Izuku put the rest of his costume on and stood up. “Let’s hope so,” he said, heading out towards the exit.
Meanwhile, in the Commentator’s Box…
“WHOA! The last battle was COOL!” announced Present Mic. “But now we’ve got another match-up that’ll knock your socks off, wouldn’t you say Aizawa?”
“If you say so,” said Aizawa, sounding bored.
“Right on,” said Present Mic, ignoring Aizawa’s attitude. “First up we have U. A.’s very own miniature powerhouse, Izuku Midoriya.” Present Mic watched as Izuku entered the arena. “But let’s not forget his opponent, from something called the Hestia Familia, it’s Bell Cranel.”
“It’ll be an interesting match-up, if nothing else,” said Aizawa, still sounding bored. “Can I go now?”
“Of course not,” said Present Mic. “We’re about to see them FIGHT!”

Bell immediately pulled out the Hestia Blade and ran at Izuku. Izuku dodged to the left, and kicked Bell as hard as he could without hurting himself. Bell went tumbling away, before getting back up and running at him again. “This won’t be too difficult if that’s your strategy,” said Izuku, dodging to the side again before grabbing Bell’s arm. Izuku brought his fist down hard on Bell’s arm, causing him to drop his knife.
“That’s what you think,” said Bell, pushing Izuku off of him. “FIREBOLT!” Izuku only had a split second to dive out of the way of Bell’s attack, and continued dodging while Bell grabbed his knife back.
“So that’s his Quirk,” said Izuku. “He’s like a less powerful Todoroki. If I can keep out of the way of his fire, I’ll be fine.” Izuku kept circling Bell, ready for him to unleash another barrage of fireballs, though now that he had his knife back, he didn’t look like he was going to charge in. “Guess I’ll have to make the next move.” Izuku ran at Bell, and leapt into the air. “FULL COWL: SHOOT STYLE!” Izuku positioned his legs down at Bell as he fell towards him.
Bell jumped out of the way just in time, but wasn’t expecting Izuku’s follow-up roundhouse kick. Bell took the blow straight to the face and flew backwards, as Izuku jumped after him. “DETROIT SMASH!” yelled Izuku, landing the blow straight on Bell’s nose. Izuku continued punching Bell for a couple of seconds, before feeling a sharp pain in his side. Taking a look, he saw that Bell had stabbed him with his knife.
“Get off me,” said Bell, shoving Izuku off of him roughly. “FIREBOLT!” Bell started throwing more fireballs at Izuku, forcing him to back up. “ARGONAUT!”
“What?” asked Izuku, watching as Bell looked like he was focusing on something. “Is…is he charging something? Has he got more than one Quirk?” Izuku thought for a moment. “Unless it’s more of a super-move, in which case I should be fine as long as I can avoid it. In fact, it makes more sense if he’s just charging it up for…”
Meanwhile, in the Commentator’s Box…
“Oh jeez, Midoriya’s doing that thing again,” said Present Mic.
“He’s really gotta learn to not to do that in the middle of a battle,” said Aizawa.
Back in the arena…
“HERE I COME!” yelled Bell, running at Izuku.
“BRING IT ON!” said Izuku, “All for One, 100%. Go beyond, PLUS ULTRA!” The two teens rushed towards each other, Izuku landing a punch right in the middle of Bell’s chest, and Bell driving his knife deep into Izuku’s gut. Izuku coughed up a mouthful of blood…
…right as Bell’s chest burst, sending his head and limbs tumbling across the arena. Izuku fell to his knees, in pain but alive.

K. O.
Boomstick: Is he gonna be okay?
Wiz: Well, Izuku has been shown to have pretty high pain tolerance, so this probably isn’t the worst he’s had. Hell, Izuku could probably walk that off.
Boomstick: Yeah, Bell had some pretty impressive feats, like fighting off minotaurs and giant monsters, but then again so has Midoriya. You know what else he does? Strategize. Like, every god damn fight he figures out his opponents Quirk and what its limits are, and plans around it.
Wiz: On top of that, Izuku just has so much more strength than Bell. True, he wouldn’t go 100% unless he had to, but this is Death Battle. He will go all out because we decided he would.
Boomstick: Bell may have had weapons, but so did the Hero Killer Stain. On top of that, many of Bell’s best attacks required charging, something that Midoriya is smart enough not to allow more than once.
Wiz: In the end, Izuku’s pure strength and high intelligence was enough to take down his opponent.
Boomstick: We now know for whom the Bell tolls.
Wiz: The winner is Izuku Midoriya.

Scene cuts.
Boomstick: Next time on Death Battle…
“It's futile. The world will betray you. Why fight at all? Why risk your life for those who will persecute you later?”
“I am the shape in the shadows. I am the darkness in the heart of Mata Nui. I live in the dread stories told by the Turaga around the village fires. The dark creatures -- the Manas, the Rahi -- are my servants. I am Makuta.”

Chapter Text

Death Battle intro plays.
Wiz: Any good force of evil knows that their goal of total destruction will not come easy. To achieve this goal, you need to be as powerful as possible.
Boomstick: Are we really using a character from…
Wiz: Yes Boomstick, just get through this and we can forget the memory of researching this game.
Boomstick: Ugh. Mephiles the Dark, one of the main villains from Sonic ’06.
Wiz: And Teridax, leader of the Brotherhood of Makuta from the Bionicle franchise.
Boomstick: He’s Wiz and I’m Boomstick.
Wiz: And it’s our job to analyse their weapons, armour, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

Scene cuts.
Wiz: The city of Soleanna is a peaceful city by the ocean, with an annual event called the Festival of the Sun, during which the people celebrate their sun god Solaris.
Boomstick: Which is for some reason celebrated at night.
Wiz: It is a little weird, but it probably has something to do with it looking more spectacular at night. Anyway, one year the celebrations were well underway when they were interrupted by Dr. Eggman, who intended to kidnap the princess.
Boomstick: But before he could finish his Bowser impression, Sonic showed up and rescued her…for about five minutes. Man, if Bowser had that kind of determination, he might actually be able to succeed against Mario for once.
Wiz: You see, Eggman was planning to rule over all time, but in order to do that, he needed the Flames of Disaster, which were sealed inside Princess Elise.
Boomstick: *cough* Narutoripoff *cough*
Wiz: The Flames of Disaster, otherwise known as Iblis, are one half of the sun god Solaris, specifically his power. The other half was his mind, Mephiles, that Shadow sealed away in the Sceptre of Darkness, which Eggman found and accidentally broke, unleashing him.
Boomstick: Why is everything in this game the ‘something’ of ‘something’?
Wiz: You’re gonna complain about everything in this summary, aren’t you?
Boomstick: It’s Sonic ’06 Wiz, it’s a legal requirement because this game is awful. Seriously, Sega delisted this game for a reason.
Wiz: I suppose, but…
Boomstick: Exactly, you admit that it sucks.
Wiz: Ugh. Anyway, Mephiles possessed Shadow’s…err, shadow, taking on his appearance, and began his plan for destruction and chaos.
Boomstick: So…stupid….
Wiz: And even succeeded in killing Sonic.
Boomstick: Wait, what? That’s…actually kind of impressive.
Wiz: Yeah, turns out this is what was needed to bring out Iblis from Elise so he could reform Solaris.
Boomstick: Which is irrelevant to the point of this battle, because it requires another person and we don’t let them have friends in this series. Now, let’s get to the feats and weaknesses so we can move past this.
Wiz: Right…well, Mephiles’s biggest strength is probably the fact that he doesn’t really have a true form. He chooses to look like Shadow most of the time simply because appearing to have a physically form would make him more trustworthy than looking like, say, a ball of floating gas, which he could also do.
Boomstick: Yeah, he can also merge with shadows to pull off some pretty crazy stuff, including making clones of himself. And then he can make those clones fuse together to create shadow monsters, because of course he can.
Wiz: Mephiles is also able to use time travel to his advantage, able to move himself or others through time as necessary.
Boomstick: He’s also got a bunch of Dragon Ball-esque energy blasts, like the one that impaled Sonic. Oh, and he claims to be both immortal, and invincible, which isn’t too much of a stretch because he let himself get shot by Omega a bunch of times and hardly reacted. Which begs the question: how the hell do you kill this guy?
Wiz: Well, while he’s immortal and invincible, he’s not immune to pain. A being like him would probably not flee if he wasn’t being hurt. However, pain isn’t necessarily killing. To truly defeat him you will need light weapons. This also hurts his shadow clones, making it pretty much the only way to put him down for good.
Boomstick: Yeah, okay, I guess Mephiles is kinda cool, even if he is from literally the worst Sonic game ever.
Mephiles: You must realize now that you cannot hope to stop me with your... limited power.

Scene cuts.
Wiz: Metru Nui, the City of Legends, was founded about one hundred thousand years ago, created by the Great Spirit Mata Nui.
Boomstick: What is he, like, a robot Jesus or something?
Wiz: Boomstick, God’s the one who created stuff. Jesus was his son.
Boomstick: He was a carpenter, carpenters make stuff. There, I win.
Wiz: Ugh, why do I put up with you? Anyway, the land needed creatures…
Boomstick: Who were actually robots.
Wiz: …and this job was given to the Brotherhood of Makuta, led by Miserix. And things were actually going pretty well for a while.
Boomstick: But of course, something had to happen and screw the whole thing up.
Wiz: Like, say, a military plot to overthrow Mata Nui that was ultimately unsuccessful, but got one of the Makuta thinking that he was more worthy of doing exactly the same thing.
Boomstick: Yeah, that sounds about right.
Wiz: I should point out this is a highly oversimplified version of what happened. Bionicle lore is…complicated.
Boomstick: What the hell? They’re Lego. How complicated can it be?
Wiz: Well, it’s got a hundred-thousand-year long history involving wars, politics, prophecies, all that sort of stuff. Because that’s what eight-year olds in the early 2000s were into.
Boomstick: Damn, and here I was just assembling them and making them fight. So, I’m assuming this Makuta Teridax that we’ve been told to research for this battle was the one that wanted to overthrow Mata Nui?
Wiz: Indeed he was Boomstick.
Boomstick: Okay, so we have Robot Jesus and Robot Satan. Cool.
Wiz: Robot God, but whatever. Anyway, there’s a long history to do with Teridax, and summarising the whole thing could take hours, so to put it simply, Teridax overthrew Miserix, took over the Brotherhood, and basically created a plan so incredibly complex that it pretty much succeeded, even accounting for potential losses.
Boomstick: Yeah, he is wicked smart. Like, who even thinks that far ahead?
Wiz: It is a refreshing change from most villains who just assume their plans are going to succeed and don’t take their enemies seriously. Anyway, let’s move on to some feats.
Boomstick: Yeah, like how he can control shadow energy. Because no villain is complete without the ability to mess with something dark.
Wiz: More impressive is the ability to shapeshift. Seriously, how do you overlook something far more impressive like that?
Boomstick: Because shadow energy is far darker and scarier than just changing your shape.
Wiz: Granted, he can’t change into something bigger unless he absorbed energy from something else…
Boomstick: See? Told you it sucked in comparison.
Wiz: However, if the thing he took energy from was living, the body would be added to his mass while its mind and soul were destroyed.
Boomstick: …okay, that’s pretty hardcore.
Wiz: Besides all that, the Bionicle Wiki lists about forty powers Teridax possesses, including weather control, electricity control, creating illusions, invulnerability, plasma blasts, and a healing factor, just to name a few.
Boomstick: Oh, and what about the Staff of Darkness he’s holding there? Because he has one too, except his is big and bladed, just the way I like them. So, what kind of weaknesses does the big murder robot have?
Wiz: Well, as a shadow Bionicle, he’s vulnerable to all light attacks. He is also incredibly arrogant, and he also must maintain a physical form, otherwise his essence will dissipate.
Boomstick: But still, if there’s one type of robot that should always be feared, it’s one that’s intent on destroying everything.
Teridax: Little Toa, you have not yet begun to see even the barest outlines of my plans. I have schemes within schemes that would boggle your feeble mind. You may counter one, but there are a thousand more of which you know nothing. Even my... setbacks... are planned for, and so I shall win in the end.

Scene cuts.
Wiz: Alright, the combatants are set. Time to end this debate once and for all.
Boomstick: It’s time for a Death Battle!

Scene cuts.
Teridax stomped his way through a burned field, looking around. “This world…” he said. “It’s dark…it’s perfect for me.”
“Is that so?” asked a voice behind him. Teridax turned around to see a dark creature floating towards him. “Because this world is mine. If you want it, you’ll have to go through me.”
“Do you have any idea who I am?” demanded Teridax, holding his staff out threateningly.
“You make it sound like I should care,” said Mephiles, continuing to float there, unnerved by his opponent.

FIGHT!
Teridax charged in, swinging his staff hard at Mephiles. Mephiles calmly dropped to the ground, before rushing in and started trying to punch Teridax. Teridax ignored the blows, instead just picking Mephiles up by the hair so he could look at him in the eyes. “I’m ending this,” said Teridax, thrusting his spear through Mephiles…
…or at least, where Mephiles should have been. Mephiles melted away from Teridax’s grip, before laughing at the Bionicle. “Is that all you’ve got?” he mocked.
“Of course not,” said Teridax, holding up a hand. “How do you fair in the elements?” As he was speaking, a huge cyclone formed around Mephiles, lifting him into the air.
“You think this is enough to stop me?” asked Mephiles, hardly fazed by what was happening around him.
“No,” said Teridax, as bolts of lightning started flying into the cyclone and zapping Mephiles. “How about a bit of hail? Let that melt on you for the lightning.”
“You think this is hurting me?” asked Mephiles, enduring the attack quite easily. “How about these?” Mephiles began hurling balls of dark energy at Teridax, letting them explode against the robot. “How’s that?”
“Ooh, I almost felt that,” said Teridax, walking out of the explosion unfazed. “Now die.” Teridax fired a pair of lasers out of his eyes, which hit Mephiles…
…and Mephiles just reformed himself. “It seems we might be at a stalemate,” said Mephiles. “I can’t seem to harm you, and you can’t seem to harm me.” Mephiles casually dropped to the ground. “Of course, I could also just do this.” Mephiles fired an energy spear at Teridax, piercing right through Teridax’s armour.
“You could,” said Teridax, ignoring the hole in his chest, causing Mephiles to raise his eyebrows, before going back a stoic expression. “But I am immortal. I have schemes within schemes beyond anything your feeble mind could comprehend.”
“You underestimate me, and it shall be your downfall,” said Mephiles, as Teridax charged at him. However, Teridax grabbed Mephiles’s face, and Mephiles felt himself getting weaker. “What…”
“I can’t kill you normally,” said Teridax. “But I can absorb you. An extra bit of energy for me won’t be so bad. And you’ll still get to rule this planet as a part of me, so it’s a win-win, right?”
“NO!” yelled Mephiles, fighting to escape Teridax’s grasp. “This is not how it ends. I refuse…to…” Mephiles continued to make feeble attempts to fight his captor, before fading into Teridax’s body.
“Too bad,” said Teridax, laughing to himself. “You were nothing to me.”

K. …O.?
Teridax started off towards some nearby mountains, when he his arm suddenly jerked by itself. “What…?” he asked, but it didn’t happen again. Teridax decided to ignore it…
…when suddenly it did it again, this time banging against his staff and knocking a piece of armour off. “What is going on?” he demanded.
“Oh, sorry, did that hurt?” came Mephiles’s voice. “Guess I’m not as dead as you thought.”
“I absorbed you,” said Teridax. “You belong to me now.”
“Oh? It seems your arms don’t agree with you,” said Mephiles, as Teridax’s arms turned the spear on himself. “I saw this when I impaled you. You need a physical body to survive. I just need some shadows to absorb. Something you seem to be composed of.”
“STOP IT!” yelled Teridax, as Mephiles forced the staff through Teridax’s chest, then began moving it around until Teridax’s physical body finished falling to the ground. A wall of shadows floated in the air above the wrecked armour, before forming itself into Mephiles. Mephiles laughed to himself before walking away from the destruction.

K. O.
Boomstick: Damn it, why’d the Sonic 06 character have to win?
Wiz: This was a difficult battle to call. There was actually very little either could do to the other to actually kill them. But there were a few little details that sprung up to help make the decision.
Boomstick: Yeah, turns out Mephiles’s only real weakness is light-based attacks, something Teridax can’t do. However, Teridax needed a physical body to keep his essence alive, something Mephiles didn’t need.
Wiz: Technically, Teridax can survive for a while without a physical form. However, Mephiles has a few counters for that as well. He can absorb shadows to add to his powers, which Teridax pretty much is. And he has the ability to time travel, so worst case, he could just go back to any point where Teridax was in a weakened state and take him out.
Boomstick: Teridax’s only hope was absorbing Mephiles into himself, and even that wouldn’t work, since souls that Teridax absorbs aren’t necessarily absorbed automatically. On top of that, sealing Mephiles in something won’t necessarily work. After he got out of the Sceptre of Darkness, the next time Shadow tried to seal him, he basically just said no.
Wiz: Overall, Teridax just didn’t have any true means of putting Mephiles down for good, while Mephiles had some kind of option even if it would have taken a while to figure out.
Boomstick: Looks like we’ve gotta say BI to this ONICLE.
Wiz: The winner is Mephiles the Dark.

Scene cuts.
Boomstick: Next time on Death Battle…
“I'm a magical princess from another dimension!”
“I'm a member of the Crystal Gems. We fight monsters and protect humanity and stuff.”

Chapter Text

Death Battle intro plays.
Wiz: Magic and superpowers are pretty common in many works of fiction, though giving them to children can sometimes be problematic.
Boomstick: Yeah, until they learn how to control those powers and become god damn unstoppable forces of destruction…or saviours of the world, whichever they prefer.
Wiz: And today we’re pitting two recent additions to the genre against each other.
Boomstick: Star Butterfly, princess of Mewni and slayer of monsters in Star vs the Forces of Evil.
Wiz: And Steven Universe, member of the Crystal Gems and protector of the world in…err, Steven Universe.
Boomstick: He’s Wiz and I’m Boomstick.
Wiz: And it’s our job to analyse their weapons, armour, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

Scene cuts.
Wiz: The dimension of Mewni is a medieval type land, with many kingdoms inhabited by many different species, the most well-known of which is ruled by the Butterfly family.
Boomstick: The Butterfly family have a tradition that, when their children turn fourteen, they hand them the kingdom’s magic wand, which they’re allowed to use however they want and are given no training with prior to this moment. So, guess what happened when Star Butterfly, a very wild and immature child at the best of times, did when she got the wand.
Wiz: Star’s parents, despite having every reason to send her to a reform school to deal with rebellious princesses, decided instead to send her to Earth, so she could practice magic in safety. Because the safety of the regular humans isn’t important, just that she can learn her magic.
Boomstick: Hey, with the amount of times Earth gets attacked by monsters, it’s a good thing they sent her there.
Wiz: Boomstick, the monsters are there BECAUSE of her. They’re always trying to steal her magic wand, and don’t care if people get in the way, as long as they get what they want.
Boomstick: Oh, right. Well, anyway, she ended up moving in with the pretty much the first person she met, Marco Diaz, who she would always have to save just like Kim Possible saves Ron Stoppa…hey, what the hell? He’s actually kicking some monster ass.
Wiz: Apparently, he’s a karate expert, but that’s not relevant because he’s not in this episode. Let’s stick to what Star can do.
Boomstick: Yeah, anyway, despite not having the slightest bit of training with the wand prior to getting it, Star is pretty skilled with its powers and magics, easily defeating Ludo and his henchmen on a regular basis with such spells as the… “Narwhal Blast?” Am I reading the right script?
Wiz: Yes, you are Boomstick. You see, spells in Star vs the Forces of Evil are…questionable in their practicality, but amazingly effective in whatever situation they’re used in.
Boomstick: I suppose. I mean, as weird as these attacks are, they do a TON of damage, including the Strawberry Annihilation, Super Geyser Windstorm, Dagger Crystal Heart Attack, and Spider with a Top Hat Blast…okay, seriously, what the hell is up with that last spell?
Wiz: Just watch.
Boomstick: HOLY SHIT! Did his hat just turn into a minigun? Forget what I just said, that’s kinda awesome.
Wiz: Most of Star’s offensive magic seems to consist of blasting enemies with something to force them back. However, that’s not the only magic Star has at her disposal.
Boomstick: Her creation-based spells include Honeybee Tornado Swarm, Exploding Incandescent Wrecking Ball Devastation, and Cotton Candy Cloud. The first two do pretty much exactly what they sound like. The last one basically just recreates the movie Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs.
Wiz: Her transmutation magic can cause inanimate objects to become living things, or transform one thing into another, including living things into either another living thing or an inanimate object, apparently with little to no harm to the original target upon reversal.
Boomstick: Her summoning magic…errr, summons stuff. Including Warnicorns, which are unicorns that get used for war. I mean, you’d think unicorns would be used for war regardless because you’d just make them charge and stab the enemy with their head, but whatever.
Wiz: She’s got physics altering spells…
Boomstick: You probably hate that.
Wiz: It’s magic, I’ll give it a pass.
Boomstick: And of course, the humblest of magics: the fist.
Wiz: Yes, indeed. Star has incredible hand to hand skills as well, proving she doesn’t even need her wand to deal devastating blows. Not to mention that she is incredibly athletic, often running long distances without tiring, leaping long distances in a single bound or just straight into the air, and can take a hit better than someone with her stature should be able to.
Boomstick: Oh, and she has a creepy looking butterfly form that allows her to freaking fly.
Wiz: In Star’s Mewberty form, she gains enhanced physical and magical strength, as well as the ability to open portals to other dimensions without dimensional scissors, and use of magic without a wand.
Boomstick: Holy crap, Star’s a badass. Screw all those other Disney princesses, she’s the most OP of all time…except for maybe Moana when she’s around water.
Wiz: Except for the fact that Star can be…a little irrational, a little hyperactive, and sometimes downright…err…
Boomstick: Dumb. Let’s not sugar-coat it, Star may be a ton of unexpected fun to be around, but she can also just randomly cause chaos that she didn’t see coming until things are already going horribly wrong. Just a few misused words, and she assumed a football game was actually a war, and prepared hundreds of traps and monsters to take out the other team.
Wiz: Still, when the world is in peril, you can count of Star Butterfly to come and save the day…in some delightful manner.
Star: Told you I wasn't distrac— wait, did I just kill that guy?

Scene cuts.
Wiz: Thousands of years ago, a race of creatures called the Gems decided they wanted to colonise the planet Earth.
Boomstick: However, one of the Gems, named Pink Diamond, decided that she didn’t want the Gems colonising the planet, and started a rebellion, disguising herself as a Gem named Rose Quartz.
Wiz: And, after a thousand years of fighting, the rebels, known as the Crystal Gems, were victorious. Though it was a pyrrhic victory at best.
Boomstick: You make that sound like a bad thing. Have you seen Pyrrha? She’s awesome, kicking Cardin’s team’s ass all by her…
Wiz: No, as in, a victory through huge sacrifice.
Boomstick: Oh…that’s less good.
Wiz: Anyway, fast-forward a few thousand years to near the present day, and Rose met a human named Greg Universe, whom she fell in love with and decided to have a child with.
Boomstick: Aww, that’s so sweet.
Wiz: But she had to give up her physical form in order to do so.
Boomstick: So, you’re saying…
Wiz: She’s dead Boomstick.
Boomstick: Of course. Because you can’t have some kind of magical hero without a dead parent.
Wiz: Boomstick, we just had one. Which is weird, because she’s from Disney.
Boomstick: Oh yeah.
Wiz: Anyway, Rose gave birth to a child named Steven, the first and only known Gem-human hybrid.
Boomstick: Which is also weird, since a show like that would normally take the opportunity to throw a plot twist like there actually being another one in at some point. Good job not going down that route, Steven Universe writers.
Wiz: However, when Steven was born, he ended up inheriting Rose’s gemstone, which sits over his bellybutton. As such, he was mostly raised by his mother’s fellow rebel gems: Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl.
Boomstick: To be fair, his father knows that he’s not at all equipped for dealing with all the magical shit that Steven would inevitably get involved with, so there’s no messy custody battle. Wow, this show’s subverting tons of expectations.
Wiz: Growing up, Steven learned about the Gems, their culture, their powers, and in time, began learning about his own powers and abilities.
Boomstick: Steven’s most notable weapon is his shield, which he can summon from his gem when he needs it. Wait, his name is Steve, he uses a shield, he lives in America, is he…
Wiz: No. Anyway, Steven’s shield is extremely durable, capable of taking a shot from a Gem Warship. He can even summon more than one for the purposes of dual wielding, or if he feels like throwing one at his enemies…
Boomstick: Like Captain Ameri…
Wiz: For the last time, NO! Besides, he can make more than just a physical shield: he can also make a bubble shield which is extremely durable too, useful in preventing attacks from behind and in front at the same time.
Boomstick: Not to mention he can make it bigger or smaller as needed, and if he really has to, survive in the vacuum of space or deep underwater for hours on end inside it.
Wiz: And if Steven gets hurt, he can heal himself with his…*sigh*
Boomstick: Say it. SAY IT!
Wiz: With his *sigh* ‘healing spit’.
Boomstick: Heh heh. Oh, but seriously, that stuff is super potent. I mean, it cured Connie’s poor eyesight, a condition she was presumably born with and was easily fixed with glasses. As well as plenty of injuries suffered by humans and gems alike.
Wiz: He can also bring back the recently deceased, though that’s with the use of his tears rather than his saliva.
Boomstick: Why doesn’t he just splash bodily fluids on things until they do what he wants?
Wiz: Because that would be disgusting. Anyway, Steven has the ability to shapeshift, but hasn’t fully mastered it.
Boomstick: And the first time he tried it, he became some kind of cat monster, so…probably not going to try that again any time soon.
Wiz: And it’s been discovered that, unlike when other Gems have their gemstones removed, removing Steven creates a hologram of Steven that’s significantly more powerful than Steven himself. However, Steven himself is left extremely weakened.
Boomstick: So, he can only be considered a true Gem when he’s got the gemstone on his person. Otherwise, he’s just a human.
Wiz: That seems to be what it implies. And in extremely stressful and dangerous situations, Steven enters his pink state, again enhancing his strength, speed, durability, just everything really.
Boomstick: So, what can kill him really?
Wiz: Well, going back to his Gem heritage, all Gems are killed automatically if their gemstone is destroyed. Since Steven is shown to be able to survive with his gemstone removed, we can presume this isn’t quite the same with him, but we also know that humans are a lot easier to kill than aliens literally made of magic rocks.
Boomstick: Not to mention he’s kind of an immature brat. Goes with the territory when you’re a teenager. And I suppose we should bring up a kind of important factor when it comes to his fighting that I’m sure the comments will bring up.
Wiz: Ah yes, Steven’s pacifism. You see, he wouldn’t normally kill someone if he can prevent it, however…
Boomstick: This is Death Battle. He goes for the kill. Sorry, but that’s just how it works here.
Wiz: There’s also his monster form, which was originally triggered after realised how much danger he’s been in over the course of his life living with the Gems.
Boomstick: Yeah, it’s almost like constantly putting a freaking child in danger might be a BAD idea. Batman, take notes.
Wiz: In this form, Steven gets a lot stronger and durable, you know, all that jazz. Unfortunately, he’s a little…unstable.
Boomstick: Mentally AND control wise. I mean, he is a freaking monster right now. Their entire purpose is to destroy shit.
Wiz: Still, if the world is in danger, you can count on Steven going to defend it.
Steven: You're right, Jasper. I have been holding back.

Scene cuts.
Wiz: Alright, the combatants are set. Time to end this debate once and for all.
Boomstick: It’s time for a Death Battle!

Scene cuts.
Steven was walking down main street of Beach City, looking at the destruction all around him. “Garnet?” he called. “Garnet, are you here?” Steven was sure Garnet must be around here somewhere. She said something about there being an emergency in the city and went to investigate, but she still hadn’t come back. “Garnet?” Steven kept walking until he felt something crunching beneath his feet. “What the…?” Steven picked up the stuff from the ground. It was a familiar red colour, and made of rock. “Is this…”
“He-lloooo, citizen,” came a singsong voice. Steven looked up to see a cute looking blonde girl, who was looking around at the destruction. “Ooh, what happened here?”
“Who are…” started Steven, before shaking his head. “You know what? You need to leave. There could be a monster around here.”
“A monster? Where?” asked Star, who seemed excited by the idea rather than scared. “I’ll get them.”
“What?” asked Steven, dumbfounded by this response. “No, you don’t understand. It could be dangerous.”
“That’s okay, I’ve got this,” said Star, pulling out her wand. “I can destroy anything with this.”
“Destroy?” asked Steven, getting suspicious.
“Oh yeah, I do it all the time,” said Star, waving her hand dismissively. “I mean, sometimes I break things I’m not supposed to, but…”
“YOU DID THIS!” yelled Steven, summoning a shield. “You killed Garnet!”
“Did I?” asked Star. “I don’t think I did, but then again I’ve destroyed a lot of stuff before, so…sorry?”
“You’re gonna pay for that,” snapped Steven, charging at her.
“Ooh, are we fighting?” asked Star, getting her wand ready.

FIGHT!
“Blueberry Cupcake Bazooka!” yelled Star, creating a bazooka that launched cupcakes at Steven.
Steven charged through the barrage, until he caught one in his hand and took a bite. “Wait, these are actual cupcakes?” he asked. “I just assumed it was just a weird attack name.”
“Well, duh,” said Star. “What did you…” Before she could finish speaking, Steven swung his shield at Star, hitting her in the side of the head. “Hey, you’re actually trying to hurt me.”
“Yeah, because you killed my friend,” spat Steven, swinging at her again. “Now hold still.”
“Hmm…nah,” said Star, stepping out of Steven’s range. “Dagger Crystal Heart Attack.” Sharp hunks of rock flew at Steven, cutting him in places not protected by the shield.
“Eat this,” yelled Steven, throwing the shield at Star.
Star dodged out of the way, only to be run over by Steven, who was now inside a bubble. “Oh, that’s how you’re gonna play, is it?” asked Star, aiming her wand. “Laser Beam Blast!” A laser immediately fires at Steven, popping his bubble. However, he used his shield to block the blast long enough for him to get out of the way, and ran at her again.
“Why won’t you go down?” yelled Steven, trying to hit Star with his shield again. This time however, Star blocked him with her arm.
“Why should I?” asked Star, punching Steven in the nose. As Steven was recoiling from the blow, Star delivered a roundhouse kick right into his ribs, knocking him over.
“You’re right, you’re too tough right now,” said Steven. “But let’s see you keep up with this.” There was a flash of light, and all of a sudden Steven’s skin was pink.
“Um…are you okay?” asked Star. “You seem a little flushed. Like, all over.” As if to answer her question, Steven ran at her and punched her, before summoning a shield to continue his assault.
“Never better,” said Steven, trying to bash Star’s head in with his shield.
Star was barely able to push him back, when she suddenly tried rolling a little to the side. Steven was unstable for only a moment, but it was long enough for her. “Spider with a Top Hat Blast,” she called, sending the tiny spider flying at Steven.
“Enough of these stupid spells,” growled Steven, raising his foot. “I’m ending this now.” As if in response, the spider’s top hat turned into a minigun.
“You sure about that buddy?” asked Star, as the minigun started firing at Steven. Steven managed to block a lot of it by creating a bubble shield, but the sheer power of the attack forced him into the air. Steven came back to earth through the roof of a building, though managed to avoid popping his bubble. “WARNICORN STAMPEDE!”
Steven looked up to see a stampede of angry looking unicorns bearing down on him. Steven braced himself for impact, and managed to survive the onslaught with just his bubble shield popping. “Why won’t you just stop attacking?” Steven demanded, standing up as tall as he could.
“You’re the one who attacked me first,” said Star, holding her wand ready to attack again.
“I did?” asked Steven, before realising she was right. “I did.”
“Yeah, and you didn’t even have a good reason for it,” said Star. “You don’t know that I killed your friend. Heck, I don’t even know if I killed your friend. I just turned up and you assumed I was a murderer.”
“I’m…a monster,” said Steven, visibly upset.
“…I mean, I wouldn’t go that far…” said Star, lowering her guard a bit.
“I attacked an innocent girl without a good reason,” said Steven. “Why would I do that? I’m a despicable creature.”
“Hey now, come on…” said Star. “I’m sure we can…”
“GET AWAY FROM ME!” roared Steven, causing Star to jump backwards. “I’M A MONSTER!” As if to prove his point, Steven’s body started to mutate, his shape growing massive and covering his body in pink rocks.
“Ooh, that can’t be good,” said Star as Steven finished growing. Immediately, the creature saw Star and attempted to smash her. Star dodged to the side just barely, and raised her wand. “STRAWBERRY ANNIHILATION!” A red blast of energy shot from her wand…
…and hardly even phased the creature before her. “Well, that makes this difficult,” said Star, again running away from another attack, when she saw something on the monster’s stomach. “Ooh, that looks pretty. I wonder if I can take it.” As she made a beeline for the monster, another fist came down on top of her…
…and when it raised up again, Star emerged as a golden butterfly. Star flew at Steven, who threw another punch at her. Star responded by stopping dead, and opening a portal in front of her. As the monster’s fist went through the portal, Star closed it, removing the monster Steven’s hand. The monster screamed in agony, and Star took the opportunity to fly in and try to take the gemstone out of Steven’s naval.
The monster, realising what was happening, quickly grabbed her, and threw the princess as hard as he could. Star reacted by opening a portal behind her, landing softly on one of the couches in the Bounce Longue. The monster followed her through the portal, as the princess started firing spell after spell at the monster, pushing it backwards. One spell accidentally knocked Steven’s gemstone loose from his naval, causing him to shrink down to his normal human form. Meanwhile, Star, having exhausted a lot of energy with all the magic she used, returned to her own human form.
“My gem!” cried Steven, running towards it, as Star stepped on top of it.
“You want it?” she asked. “Go get it.” Star kicked the gemstone as hard as she could towards the edge of the Bounce Lounge, just as it began to turn into a hologram of Steven. “Okay, seriously, how many secret powers have you got?”
“I…need my…gem…” said Steven, running after his hologram and catching it just before it fell over the edge.
“I suppose I have to finish this then,” said Star. “NARWHAL BLAST!” Several narwhals erupted from Star’s wand, flying straight at Steven, who just barely had enough time to fuse with his hologram and form a bubble shield. However, the force of the narwhals knocked him off the edge of the Bounce Longue.
“Is that all you…” started Steven, before suddenly being cut off when one of the sharp rocks below the club popped his bubble and impaled him through the chest. His gemstone fell to the ground, only to be crushed by one of the narwhals that fell over the side with him.
Star breathed a sigh of relief. “Well, that was fun,” she said, pulling out her dimensional scissors and leaving.

K. O.
Boomstick: Damn, poor kid. Lost his friend to the symbiote, then he himself dies in a different dimension where his friends will never find him? That sucks dude.
Wiz: Steven definitely held a defence advantage over Star, but Star definitely outclassed him in speed, athletic ability, range, and the versatility of her spells.
Boomstick: Steven’s shield has held up against some impressive things, but has been broken plenty of times, and can be disarmed from him easily enough. Meanwhile, Star’s…unusual array of spells is extremely effective at keeping people at bay. Not to mention if she loses her wand, she’s surprisingly good at hand-to-hand combat.
Wiz: On top of that, Star’s Mewberty form gives her the power of flight, and gives her even more strength, speed, and most importantly, the ability to use magic without her equipment.
Boomstick: Yeah, the great thing about those dimensional scissors is that they can allow Star to move the fight to somewhere she’s familiar with and then can set the pace of the fight. Basically, if the fight was going south for her, she just needed to change the location.
Wiz: In the end, Star’s versatility, powers, and agility were too much for Steven to handle.
Boomstick: Steven went down to the monSTAR.
Wiz: The winner is Star Butterfly.

Scene cuts.
Boomstick: Next time on Death Battle…
"Right, I've had enough of this. It's time for me to get going. So you Kongs better get off of my ship or else!"
“HEY, you lazy good-for-nothin' bums! You heard the snail! I WANT MY DINNER!”

Chapter Text

Wiz: A king is a man who rules over their people with a fair and even hand, and make tough decisions for the good of their subjects.
Boomstick: Except when none of those things apply. Seriously, not even the man part applies. One of them is a crocodile, and one is a penguin.
Wiz: King K. Rool, king of the Kremlings in the Donkey Kong franchise.
Boomstick: And King Dedede, king of Dream Land from the Kirby franchise. He’s Wiz and I’m Boomstick.
Wiz: And it’s our job to analyse their weapons, armour, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

Scene cuts.
Wiz: Donkey Kong Island, the home of everyone’s favourite barrel throwing gorilla Donkey Kong. How an idiot like him managed to get an island named after him is a mystery, but what do I know?
Boomstick: Here, the Kong family lives peacefully, with Donkey Kong hoarding a large pile of bananas. But everyone knows what happens when you hoard large amounts of bananas: you get attacked by some crocodiles…wait, what?
Wiz: These are the Kremlings, who are ruled by King K. Rool, whose goal is to starve the Kongs by depriving them of their primary food source.
Boomstick: Damn, what a sadistic bastard. DK, just share a couple of the bananas or something man, there’s no way you can…
Wiz: Boomstick, focus. K. Rool is a ruthless and cunning strategist, at least in comparison to the Kong family.
Boomstick: That’s…setting an extremely low bar. Like, impossible to limbo low.
Wiz: Indeed. But, it’s how he keeps his minions in line, as well as a few threats and some intimidation. And he has the physical strength and build to prove he means what he says.
Boomstick: I mean, when something that big decided he’s going to just ram you, you ain’t getting back up anytime soon. And that’s his default attack when he isn’t using a weapon, of which he has plenty.
Wiz: First of all, he has his crown, which he can throw like a boomerang. Which makes no sense, since boomerangs are V-shaped and his crown his circular. And also, don’t tend to come back when they hit something.
Boomstick: Like science has anything to do with this guy. He’s a crocodile that eats bananas and doesn’t have a consistent size for his tail.
Wiz: I guess. Anyway, his next weapon would be his blunderbuss, which can fire cannonballs. Because that also makes sense apparently.
Boomstick: Maybe he’s a RWBY character?
Wiz: That would make him one of the most disturbing looking faunus of all time. Anyway, K. Rool also has a helicopter pack he can use to hover above the ground. However, this is mostly for if he needs to be airborne, as he actually moves faster without it, and the pack is actually a weak point for him when he wears it.
Boomstick: Oh, and let’s not forget Wiz’s favourite weapon, a pair of boxing gloves that act as boomerangs.
Wiz: God, it’s like his entire arsenal was designed to be a middle finger to science. In fact, despite his size, he’s quite quick and athletic, being capable of jumping huge distances. Keep in mind, K. Rool is capable of creating shockwaves when he hits the ground, so he is far from being light.
Boomstick: And he can teleport. And turn invisible. And when he takes damage, he can turn temporarily invincible. And can we mention what happens when he gets his hands on a crystal banana?
Wiz: Ah, yes, you mean like weather manipulation, meteors, and fireballs?
Boomstick: Exactly.
Wiz: I suppose we can, but these powers are exclusive to when he has a crystal banana in his possession, and not permanent powers he can use.
Boomstick: Still pretty badass. So, what’s his weakness?
Wiz: His own incompetence.
Boomstick: Wait, what? But he’s meant to be a genius who’s super-fast, super strong, and absolutely ruthless. How can he be incompetent?
Wiz: Well, because of K. Rool’s pride and arrogance, he’s been known to expose a weak point more than he should, allowing enemies to take full advantage of it. Honestly, no-one of genius level intellect should be making such a stupid mistake, but there we are.
Boomstick: Still, in the Donkey Kong world, there’s no fiercer crocodile than King. K. Rool.
Wiz: Kremling.
Boomstick: Whatever.
King K. Rool: I won't let those flea-bitten monkeys ruin my plans this time.

Scene cuts.
Wiz: The planet Popstar is a colourful, cheerful looking place, especially since it has a country literally called Dream Land.
Boomstick: So, it comes as a shock when you realise it’s being ruled by a self-appointed dictator who’s also a giant, fat penguin.
Wiz: That would be King Dedede, though the amount of control he has over his subjects is…questionable at best.
Boomstick: Questionable or not, Dedede isn’t quite as evil as his role as a dictator would suggest. Other than the time he created a food shortage. Turns out he’s jealous of some little pink fluffball named Kirby.
Wiz: So much so that he decided to try and copy everything Kirby could do. And I mean everything. Dedede got stronger, faster, and…*sigh*
Boomstick: Say it. Say the thing gives science a double middle finger.
Wiz: *heavier sigh* Despite his immense size, and the fact that he’s a penguin, Dedede trained himself to fly. This is despite everything that says this should be physically impossible. For some reason, he decided he could do this, and figured out how to do it.
Boomstick: You’re just jealous that you can’t do it.
Wiz: Shut up. It’s not like you can do it either.
Boomstick: Oh yeah? Watch this *inhales deeply, before flapping his arms really hard and lifting off from the ground*
Wiz: …how the hell…
Boomstick: *landing on the ground again* Because science is only a suggestion. That’s why.
Wiz: NO! No, it’s not. Ugh, anyway Dedede’s also learned Kirby’s ability to suck up opponents like a vacuum, before spitting them back out hard enough to break rock.
Boomstick: That’s right, he sucks off his enemies and spits when he finishes.
Wiz: BOOMSTICK!
Boomstick: What? Tell me what part of that was incorrect.
Wiz: …I mean, none of it, but…
Boomstick: See? It’s fine.
Wiz: *angry sigh* God I hate you. Anyway, King Dedede also doesn’t mind jumping into the fight himself, and when he does, he brings his most trusty weapon: a hammer.
Boomstick: These range from his standard hammer that looks like an oversized wooden mallet, but actually has a built-in rocket to up its striking power. Yes, he wants to do more damage than just hitting you with a giant wooden hammer. Also, it can freeze you.
Wiz: And he can transform this hammer with the use of the Star Rod so that he can use magic. He can create duplicates of himself, fire energy balls, increase in size, and break the fourth wall.
Deadpool: Did somebody say…
Wiz and Boomstick: GO AWAY!
Deadpool: Spoilsports.
Wiz: But it doesn’t stop there. Dedede can go full-Thor with an electric hammer and become…Masked Dedede.
Boomstick: That has got to be the Clark Kent of disguises.
Wiz: Maybe so, but this hammer comes with not just electricity, but a flamethrower and a multi-barrelled rocket launcher.
Boomstick: I’m adding that to my Christmas list. Also, he for some reason has some of his citizens in his pockets to throw at people. Which I guess makes sense, since he’s the king and can order them to do that, but still…it’s weird right?
Wiz: Extremely weird. But King Dedede has shown some incredible feats. He can hold his own against Kirby in a fight, who has been shown to be capable of planet level feats at times, as covered in the real series for Kirby and Dedede’s fights.
Boomstick: The adorable pink fluffball can really wreck shit. But Dedede only really has one weakness: he’s…kinda clumsy. And at times, dumb. But when it comes down to it, Dedede will always be prepared to throw down in a fight.
King Dedede: You can't be mean to my Waddle Dees! Only I can be mean to my Waddle Dees!

Scene cuts.
Wiz: Alright, the combatants are set. Time to end this debate once and for all.
Boomstick: It’s time for a Death Battle!

Scene cuts.
King K. Rool was walking through a street in Cappy Town. “This place looks delightful,” he said, picking up a passing Waddle Dee. “All it seems to be missing is me ruling it.” King K. Rool opened his mouth as if to eat the little Waddle Dee, causing it to scream in panic.
“HEY!” came a yell, causing K. Rool to spin around. Behind him was a large penguin holding a hammer. “No-one eats my subjects except for me.”
K. Rool dropped the Waddle Dee in surprise. “Oh? And who might you be?”
“I’m King Dedede,” said King Dedede, watching as K. Rool pulled out his blunderbuss. “And the citizens of this town are for my amusement and no-one else’s.”

FIGHT!
King K. Rool ran at Dedede, his weapon raised. King Dedede got his own weapon ready to parry, only for K. Rool to suddenly change tactics flew at Dedede stomach first. Dedede was so surprised at this he ended up taking the full force of K. Rool’s large gut to the face.
“HAHA!” cheered K. Rool, as Dedede got quite irate. “Now take…” Before he could finish that sentence, Dedede swung his hammer and hit K. Rool directly in the nose, before landing another blow on his head.
“Take what exactly?” asked Dedede, preparing to swing the hammer again, only to be caught off-guard by a cannonball to the chest.
“Something like that,” said K. Rool, firing another one at the penguin. This time, however, Dedede was expecting it, and began sucking in the air as it approached, and swallowed it. “Err…you weren’t meant to do that.”
Dedede smiled as he spat the cannonball back at him. “How about that?” asked Dedede, as the stunned Kremling took another blow to the face.
King K. Rool growled at his opponent, clearly frustrated. “Fine,” he said. “I’ll do it this way then.” K. Rool threw his crown at Dedede, catching him off-guard as it cut his cheek.
“Alright, that’s it,” said King Dedede, turning to face his opponent…only to not see him anywhere. “What the…” he started, as he felt something hit him in the guts, then in the face.
“Can’t hit what you can’t see,” came K. Rool’s voice, as Dedede took another blow to the back.
Dedede’s face went bright red in anger. “Screw you,” said Dedede, before noticing something on the ground. Dedede smiled, and swung his hammer in front of him. K. Rool suddenly became visible again, and flew into a nearby wall. “Guess I can hit what I can’t see,” said Dedede. “Next time, lose the shadow.”
“You are a tricky one, aren’t you?” asked K. Rool. “Okay, no problem,” he said. “I’ll just do this.” K. Rool suddenly disappeared, and reappeared directly behind Dedede. “Boo,” he said, before punching K. Rool as hard as he could. K. Rool then lined up a shot with his blunderbuss.
Dedede looked him directly in the eye as he reached into his pocket, and pulled out a couple of Waddle Dees. Dedede began throwing his subjects at K. Rool’s weapon, lodging them in the barrel of the gun…just as the Kremling king fired. The gun exploded from the pressure, throwing the king backwards.
“That was a cheap trick, using your people like that,” snapped K. Rool, standing up again. “But now I’m…” Before he could finish that thought, he stared at his opponent, now wearing a mask and holding a new hammer. “Umm…”
“Behold, the mysterious Masked Dedede has come to challenge you,” said Dedede.
“Umm…that’s just you wearing a…” started K. Rool, only to take an electrified blow from the hammer. “I’m so sick of you,” said K. Rool, putting on a backpack. Suddenly a set of helicopter propellers came out of the top of it, lifting the Kremling off the ground. “Let’s see you get me up here.”
“I’m sick of you too,” said King Dedede, and began inhaling, sucking K. Rool towards him.
“What the…” started K. Rool. “Nonononono…” No matter what the Kremling did though, he still got sucked into the penguin’s mouth. King Dedede then aimed his shot right through a few houses, and spat K. Rool out as hard as he could.
K. Rool landed hard on his back, smashing his helicopter and groaning in pain. “Oww, my ba…” started K. Rool, as a giant foot landed on top of him.
King Dedede, now huge, laughed as he scraped what remained of King K. Rool off of his foot.

K. O.
Boomstick: Ooh, that probably hurt.
Wiz: King K. Rool was arguably smarter than King Dedede, and possibly could have figured out some strategy to stop him. Unfortunately, Dedede does have plenty of power backing him up.
Boomstick: Yeah, keep in mind that Kirby has shown some super powerful planet level feats, while at best K. Rool is comparable to Donkey Kong, who has never shown anything close to that level. That’s right, the pink fluffball has better strength feats than the super strong gorilla.
Wiz: Even if we gave K. Rool a crystal banana, the results wouldn’t have been much different. None of K. Rool’s feats while using it have ever been close to that powerful, and in any case, Dedede could have just used his sucking power to pretty much absorb any oncoming meteors or fireballs and fired them back at K. Rool.
Boomstick: Heh heh, sucking power.
Wiz: Ugh, anyway, Dedede’s overwhelming strength, durability, and strange powers were too powerful for K. Rool to handle.
Boomstick: K. Rool suffered a crushing defeat.
Wiz: The winner is King Dedede.

Scene cuts.
Boomstick: Next time on Death Battle.
“Phooey! What a grump! I won't let anything ruin my first vacation!”
“Let's show this green maniac how to save a world!”

Chapter Text

Death Battle intro plays.
Wiz: Indie games may not often receive as much attention as games made by major corporations, but those that do often prove the skills that even a small team of people have just as much talent as the guys in the big leagues.
Boomstick: And for some reason today’s combatants are both half-breeds who use their hair as a weapon. What’s up with that?
Wiz: Really? That’s what you’re focusing on here?
Boomstick: Someone had to focus on the interesting thing.
Wiz: God, you are the worst. Anyway, Shantae, the half-genie from the Shantae video game series.
Boomstick: And Sash Lilac, the half-dragon from the Freedom Planet series.
Wiz: Freedom Planet’s not a series yet.
Boomstick: The sequel’s coming. Anyway, he’s Wiz and I’m Boomstick.
Wiz: And it’s our job to analyse their weapons, armour, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

Scene cuts.
Wiz: Once upon a time, a human and a genie fell in love, and had a girl, whom they named Shantae.
Boomstick: Wow, that was short.
Wiz: Well, considering that we don’t even know the names of the human and genie, this is almost the extent of her backstory.
Boomstick: Yeah, basically the only other information regarding her backstory is that she was raised by her Uncle Mimic, and she’s the guardian genie of Scuttle Town. Because apparently genies are guardians now rather than wish granters.
Wiz: Not that it’s a bad thing, seeing as how her hometown gets attacked by pirates every so often, which Shantae defends with her wide array of powers, many attained by…err…
Boomstick: Belly dancing. I knew I liked this game for a reason…wait, she’s 18, right?
Wiz: It’s unclear how old she is, but she’s definitely at least close to adulthood.
Boomstick: Excellent.
Wiz: Focus, Boomstick. Shantae’s main melee attack is her hair whip, which is exactly what it sounds like. How she can build up enough force to hurt people with her hair like that is beyond me, but whatever works I guess.
Boomstick: I’m more interested in her dances, which give her some awesome abilities like transformation and teleportation.
Wiz: Of course you are. Well, Shantae’s transformations include a monkey for fast moving and wall jumping. Her elephant form, while slow and unable to jump high, is also extremely strong, easily smashing through stone.
Boomstick: Her spider form allows her to climb across the ceiling with ease and spit venom at enemies. Her harpy form allows her to fly and scratch enemies with her claws. The mermaid form allows her to swim and blow bubbles at people, because that’s threatening apparently.
Wiz: There are other forms as well, but these are the main ones that can be utilised in combat. Well, maybe the crab going invulnerable when it tucks into its shell, but that’s about it.
Boomstick: She’s also got some magic at her disposal. Most notable are her light and fire magic. But of course, if she feels like it, she can fight with her own hands if she feels like it.
Wiz: You’re forgetting that she also has healing magic, though this costs her gems. Though this can be unnecessary since she can also create a shield that makes her invincible for a little while.
Boomstick: Wiz, I got a question: if she’s a half genie, shouldn’t she have phenomenal cosmic power and an itty-bitty living space?
Wiz: Technically yes, she should Boomstick, however a genie’s “phenomenal cosmic power” tends to come in the form of wishes they grant. Shantae has only ever shown herself using this kind of power once, and has not really tested this power out. Which, considering she’s supposed to be a guardian of people, seems extremely irresponsible.
Boomstick: So, what you’re saying is, she probably isn’t going to be blasting the shit out of people with it any time soon?
Wiz: Pretty much.
Boomstick: Damn. She could have been a force of unstoppable destruction even with half of Robin Williams’s power.
Wiz: On top of that, Shantae is quite naïve and is often tricked by smarter people, including her long-time rival Risky Boots.
Boomstick: You’d think most people would know better than to trust what their enemy says, but no, not Shantae.
Wiz: Still, when Scuttle Town is in trouble, you can count on Shantae to charge into action.
Shantae: Ret-2-Go!

Scene cuts.
Wiz: Sash Lilac is an orphan who grew up as part of the team known as the Red Scarves, a guild of thieves and assassins.
Boomstick: But eventually she decided that she didn’t like that, so she left with her best friend Carol to live in a treehouse…only to continue stealing shit.
Wiz: Hey, she only steals from the rich. That’s…slightly less bad.
Boomstick: That just makes her Robin Hood.
Wiz: Yeah, I guess. Anyway, the two of them lived happily together until a chance meeting with a spaceship crash survivor named Torque, who told them about the evil Lord Brevan’s plan to conquer the universe.
Boomstick: But obviously, to help stop that from happening, Lilac needs to be pretty tough and powerful. And what’s more tough and powerful than being a Sonic the Hedgehog rip-off?
Wiz: BOOMSTICK!
Boomstick: Look at this game and tell me I’m wrong.
Wiz: *sigh* I guess. Anyway, as Boomstick said, Lilac is very similar to Sonic in many ways, most notably due to her superspeed, which is because of her dragon heritage.
Boomstick: THAT’S a dragon?!
Wiz: Well, Lilac’s only half-dragon, so…
Boomstick: How exactly is THAT a dragon?
Wiz: Not important. Anyway, Lilac is also super durable, capable of falling from great heights and surviving extreme heat and energy blasts without any ill effects.
Boomstick: Not to mention blasting through masses of metal with ease and not getting fatigued after long periods of physical activity, if you know what I’m…
Wiz: She’s fifteen, Boomstick.
Boomstick: …disregard that last comment.
Wiz: Lilac also has access to multiple shield crystals, which make her basically invulnerable for as long as they last.
Boomstick: Water crystals let her breathe underwater indefinitely and protects from bubble attacks. Wood crystals heal her and protect from poison. Fire crystals hurt enemies by contact and protect from fire attacks.
Wiz: Earth crystals pull in other crystals and protect from crystal attacks. The metal shield protects from spike and electric attacks. And finally, the invincibility crystal gives Lilac thirty seconds of invulnerability.
Boomstick: Unfortunately, most of these shields can’t take much punishment before they’re broken.
Wiz: And, similar to her opponent today, she has a hair whip attack. Because of course she does.
Boomstick: She’s got so many more physical attacks than just that. She’s a pretty tough physical fighter, helped by her “dragon” heritage. Plenty of kicks, whips, and speedy attacks.
Wiz: And interestingly, despite being able to survive underwater longer than her friends, she can’t breathe underwater. This is despite the fact that she is, in fact, half water dragon.
Boomstick: Yeah, that kinda ties into one of Lilac’s biggest weaknesses: she’s pretty much deaf. The only reason she can hear is because of her earrings, which act as a kind of hearing aid for her.
Wiz: Apparently being a half-dragon isn’t as great as it sounds, if it comes with some severe genetic issues like these. And if those weren’t bad enough, Lilac is extremely reckless, often ignoring oncoming danger.
Boomstick: And she’s exclusively a melee fighter, so if she doesn’t get up close and personal with an enemy, she can’t fight it.
Wiz: Still, Sash Lilac is willing to jump into action to protect her world and her friends at a moment’s notice, if just because she feels like hitting something.
Lilac: I don't care how dangerous it is! It's gonna take a lot more than robots and aliens to slow a dragon down!

Scene cuts.
Wiz: Alright, the combatants are set. Let’s end this debate once and for all.
Boomstick: It’s time for a Death Battle!

Scene cuts.
On a beach just outside Scuttle Town, Shantae was relaxing in the sun. “Ah, what a beautiful day,” she said. “The sun, the water, no pirates, town’s not under attack. It’s perfect.” As she lay back down, she heard someone coming towards her. “Now, who could that be?” Shantae sat up, and saw a purple skinned girl walking towards her. “Whoa, what are you?”
“That’s kinda rude,” said Lilac. “Most people ask for a name before they ask what someone is.”
“Yeah, well, most people aren’t purple,” said Shantae. “Which makes me worried you’re going to do something to the town.”
“Relax, I’m just a water dragon,” said Lilac. “Nothing that’s going to…”
“A DRAGON?!” yelled Shantae, getting into a battle pose. “You are going to destroy the town.”
“Um…okay?” said Lilac, also getting ready to fight. “Guess we’re doing this then.”

FIGHT!
Both girls started the fight off by leaning their heads back, and whipping their hair at their opponent…
…only to get their hair tangled together. “Wait, you do that too?” asked Shantae.
“Apparently so,” said Lilac.
“Oh…” said Shantae. “Well in that case…” And with those words, Shantae whipped her hair back and forth with Lilac still attached to the end, until Lilac disentangled herself from it.
Lilac responded by charging at Shantae, delivering a low kick to take out Shantae’s legs, followed by a series of punches and kicks to knock Shantae down the beach.
“You’re mean,” said Shantae. “But I can do this.” Shantae began dancing, confusing Lilac, as suddenly there was a flash of light, and where Shantae had been standing there was now an elephant.
“Wow, something that matches your weight,” said Lilac. The elephant just glared at her, and charged straight at Lilac. “That maybe wasn’t one of my better ideas,” she said, darting away from the huge animal. Luckily, this form was very slow for Shantae, giving Lilac plenty of room to work with.
Lilac leapt into the air, and darted at the charging animal…and hardly slowed it down as it charged right through her. “That hurt,” said Lilac, putting up a shield. “But have fun getting through this.”
Shantae turned back into her normal self, before trying to whip through the shield. “Why won’t this work?” asked Shantae, getting frustrated.
“Because it’s a shield, genius,” said Lilac, laughing at her opponent.
“Fine,” said Shantae. “Let’s see how high it can fall from.” Shantae began dancing again.
“Oh no you…” started Lilac, as a blinding flash came from Shantae’s body, turning her into a harpy. The harpy grabbed Lilac and started flying upwards with her. “Let me go,” Lilac snarled, attacking Shantae with whatever free limb she could use.
“Probably should have worded that better,” said Shantae, dropping Lilac from a thousand feet in the air. Lilac saw herself falling towards the water, and started aiming herself away from it, trying to land on the sand. ‘Wait, didn’t she say she was a water dragon?’ thought Shantae. ‘She should have an advantage in the water. Unless…’
Lilac was coming close to the ground when Shantae swooped in and bashed Lilac towards the water, breaking her current shield. “Oh no…” started Lilac, as she plunged underwater. Shantae, landed back on the beach in her normal form, but was immediately dancing again.
Underwater, Lilac had just summoned another shield, this one bubble shaped. She was heading back to the surface when suddenly Shantae, now a mermaid, swam straight at her. “Let’s see how you like this,” said Shantae, sending bubbles at Lilac. Lilac didn’t react as the bubbles bounced off harmlessly. “Oh, come on.”
Lilac tackled Shantae, and the two begin punching each other, Shantae desperately trying to get through Lilac’s shield, until suddenly it broke. Encouraged, Shantae drove a fist into Lilac’s stomach, winding her.
Lilac gasped in shock at the blow, losing her last breath of air. Realising how much trouble she was in, Lilac darted for the surface, landing on the beach. Lilac sucked in fresh air, slowly standing up…
…only for an elephant to come down from the sky, crushing her. The elephant then turned back into Shantae, and looked at her blood-soaked clothes. “Oh, great. Now I have to go change,” she said, heading back to her house.

K. O.
Boomstick: Ooh, didn’t see that coming.
Wiz: Lilac had better speed, as seen by pretty much everything she does in her game. However, Shantae had advantages in pretty much every other category.
Boomstick: It didn’t help that Lilac is exclusively a melee fighter with no ranged attacks. Meanwhile, Shantae had plenty of options for attacking from a distance. Also, it’s not like she hasn’t faced off against quick opponents before.
Wiz: Shantae also has more adaptability than Lilac thanks to her transformations, including being able to fly and swim with her harpy and mermaid transformations.
Boomstick: Lilac’s shield was her only real counter, but it can only take so much punishment before it gets broken.
Wiz: In the end, Shantae’s versatility and range outmatched anything Lilac had.
Boomstick: Lilac suffered a crushing defeat.
Wiz: The winner is Shantae.

Scene cuts.
Boomstick: Next time on Death Battle…
“People ask me, "What is the meaning of killing if you're risking your own life?" It doesn't 'mean' shit. It's about instinct, not meaning. That spark lights up in your brain. And that sweet, sweet dopamine starts to flow...”
"You know there was a moment back there when I almost gave up. But then I realized, it's not just the costume and powers that give me strength. It's who and what I am inside that really empowers me."

Chapter Text

Death Battle intro plays.
Wiz: It’s all well and good to be one of the strongest and most powerful people around, but you should always be aware of people who want to exploit that power.
Boomstick: Yeah, they usually want you to mess things up for everyone else, more often than not the good guys.
Wiz: Travis Touchdown, anti-hero assassin from No More Heroes.
Boomstick: And Tommy Oliver, Green then White Ranger from the Power Rangers. He’s Wiz and I’m Boomstick.
Wiz: And it’s our job to analyse their weapons, armour, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

Scene cuts.
Wiz: Travis Touchdown’s past is filled with numerous clichés and stereotypes of every major character in anything ever.
Boomstick: Parents killed at a young age, secret siblings he didn’t know about, dreams of being famous, you know the drill.
Wiz: For some reason though, even though he dreamed of being a pro-wrestler, he trained himself to use a sword. Pretty sure they don’t allow swords in the WWE, but whatever.
Boomstick: Listen, if John Cena wants to use a sword, he damn well can. You’d never see him with it anyway.
Wiz: Anyway, after buying a beam katana, which is the game’s way of saying lightsabre, Travis met a woman named Sylvia Christel, who convinced him to make some money by taking on each of the top ten ranked assassins in the world.
Boomstick: Which he does, in brutal and badass fashion that somehow was allowed on a Nintendo console.
Wiz: Indeed. And even though Travis keeps retiring, he keeps getting pulled back into the world of brutally murdering people.
Boomstick: Shall we talk about what kinds of awesome shit he can do to perform such brutal murders?
Wiz: Indeed, we shall. Starting with his aforementioned beam katana that narrowly avoids a Lucasfilm lawsuit, which he named Blood Berry.
Boomstick: Badass name. This baby can cut through anything as long as it has the receiver at the end, which doubles as something to jab the enemy with.
Wiz: As good as the weapon is, it seems to have limited battery life, and needs to be recharged or else it won’t work.
Boomstick: Doesn’t matter, because Travis does have a bit of skill in hand-to hand combat too. Remember, he did want to be a pro-wrestler. Mostly he grapples and suplexes, but hey, whatever works right?
Wiz: Travis is supposed to be a regular human, but has frequently survived things well past normal human capabilities, including impalement, landmine explosions, grenade explosions, and electrocutions. He basically has the ability to force himself to keep going well past the point where he should be dead.
Boomstick: Listen, the man can hold his own against his brother, who sliced through a giant robot. Speaking of which…
Wiz: Yes, Travis has used a giant robot called the Glastonbury. However, it was confiscated by Sylvia and the exact fate of it is currently unknown.
Boomstick: So, unlikely to come up in the Battle?
Wiz: I never said that.
Boomstick: Oh? Well anyway, some of Travis’s more known techniques include the Death Blow, which does exactly what it says it does, though stronger enemies can survive this.
Wiz: Again, they are supposed to be regular humans. How do they survive this shit?
Boomstick: Who cares? It’s awesome.
Wiz: *sigh* Whatever. Anyway, Travis also has his Ecstasy Mode…
Boomstick: Hmm?
Wiz: …which, when he gets excited…
Boomstick: HMMM?
Wiz: …leads to him getting a boost of energy to finish his enemies off…uh oh…
Boomstick: HA! You said a sex thing.
Wiz: Well, given Travis’s…crass nature, this was going to happen sooner or later.
Boomstick: Still, you said it. Anyway, Travis also has a Dark Side Mode, which is basically his ultimate set of moves.
Wiz: By successfully carrying out a Death Blow, Travis can access a slot machine somehow that, when he gets three of a certain icon, sends him into a trance and he uses super moves named after desserts. This goes against so much logic…
Boomstick: They’re not desserts, they’re anime characters. BIG difference.
Wiz: Whatever. These attacks include Strawberry on the Shortcake, which makes him go Super Saiyan and gives him a speed boost.
Boomstick: Blueberry Cheese Brownie allows him to send waves of energy at his opponents from his katana.
Wiz: Cranberry Chocolate Sundae makes him significantly more brutal, or turns him into a tiger, depending on the game.
Boomstick: Anarchy in the Galaxy allows him to basically stop time, and destroys everything with a blast of pink energy.
Wiz: And the final one is Cherry, which slows down the enemy so that Travis can hit them.
Boomstick: So, with all this awesomeness packed into one person, Travis should be unstoppable, right?
Wiz: However…
Boomstick: There it is.
Wiz: Travis is kind of an idiot, and can be easily fooled by some of the simplest tricks known to man.
Boomstick: Yeah, I mean, when’s the last time someone fell for the joy buzzer trick?
Wiz: He’s also extremely overconfident and cocky, simply because he thinks he’ll get out of pretty much any situation unscathed.
Boomstick: But, when you need a badass assassin to cut down an enemy, Travis Touchdown is a safe bet to get the job done.
Travis: See that? Now THAT was a battle! LOOK AT THIS BLOOD? We humans are alive, even if we are assassins! It doesn't matter if it’s a videogame, movie, drama, anime, manga! WE'RE ALIVE! PEOPLE SHED BLOOD AND DIE. THIS ISN'T A GAME! You can't just selfishly use DEATH as your tool! This...is ALICE'S BLOOD! I bet you already forgot she existed! The same way you would've forgotten me! And THAT'S why I'm tearing down the UAA!

Scene cuts.
Wiz: Rita Repulsa was the most terrifying space witch of all time…until she was trapped in a space garbage can.
Boomstick: No matter how many times I hear that backstory, I never get sick of hearing the words ‘space garbage can’. Also, what kind of surname is Repulsa anyway?
Wiz: An alliterative one. Anyway, after ten thousand years of being trapped, Rita was feeling a bit ticked off, and needed to get back at the one who trapped her.
Boomstick: So, after seeing arch enemy Zordon had created the Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers, Rita felt it would be ironic to take out Zordon’s team with a secret member.
Wiz: Of course, she needed the right person to do it. That’s when she saw a boy fighting the Red Ranger Jason Lee Scott to a standstill. This boy was Tommy Oliver.
Boomstick: And the first order of business for Tommy was to take out Zordon and Alpha, then defeating all the Power Rangers in one go. Which he did.
Wiz: And then, for the next…while, Tommy continued to fight against the Rangers on Rita’s behalf, being their biggest rival in their fight against evil.
Boomstick: Listen, with his enhanced strength, speed, and durability, of course he’d be their biggest threat other than Rita herself.
Wiz: Though probably the biggest weapon in Tommy’s arsenal would be the Dragon Dagger…which could be played like a flute to summon the Dragonzord.
Boomstick: We covered what the Dragonzord is capable when it fought against MechaGodzilla, but basically the Dragonzord has finger missiles for blowing shit up, a headpiece for firing energy waves, and earthquakes from stomping around. Among other awesomeness.
Wiz: But the Dragon Dagger is more than just a means for summoning the Dragonzord, since it can also fire electricity at people, or just create explosions by striking the ground. Not to mention a forcefield.
Boomstick: Also, it’s a dagger, so…stabbing people?
Wiz: Presumably. What is interesting is that the dagger is a flute that sounds like a synthesizer trying to sound like a trumpet that Tommy can play with his helmet on though.
Boomstick: Power Ranger logic, Wiz. Power Ranger logic.
Wiz: Fair enough. Speaking of weird logic, Tommy can teleport. He doesn’t use this very often, but he can do it.
Boomstick: Seems like a useful power to have in case you’re getting beaten and need to escape, but whatever.
Wiz: And we can’t forget that all Rangers have a sidearms called a Blade Blaster, which works as a ray gun they can use.
Boomstick: Wiz, a question. We’re covering Tommy as the Green Ranger here, right?
Wiz: Indeed, all this was from when Tommy was the evil Green Ranger.
Boomstick: Shouldn’t we also talk about the fact that he became good? And got a new Zord in the form of the White Tigerzord? Or what about when he became the new Red Ranger? Twice, even. And the Black Ranger.
Wiz: Yeah, Tommy’s held a lot of positions within the Power Rangers, and has a lot of experience with a lot of different Zords. In fact, we covered the Tigerzord in yet another official Death Battle.
Boomstick: Oh yeah, he lost to a Gundam. So, what’s the deal? Is he Green? White? What are we doing?
Wiz: Technically, since the Dragonzord and Dragon Dagger still exists, he could theoretically still summon it, though he will be the White Ranger here.
Boomstick: Oh, I’m sure the fans will be REAL happy about that.
Wiz: The fans will like what we tell them to like. Anyway, speaking of the White Ranger and the Tigerzord, he obviously doesn’t use the Dragon Dagger to summon the Tigerzord. That would be weird.
Boomstick: Yeah, he summons it the same way any normal person would summon a robotic tiger: with a sentient sword named Saba that can speak. And somehow knows what birds are saying. That is a thing.
Wiz: It is a little strange…
Boomstick: LITTLE?!
Wiz: …but Saba does have the ability to shoot energy blasts and fly.
Boomstick: Again, LITTLE strange?
Wiz: Anyway, the White Tigerzord has been covered before, but the short list of its powers includes its tail known as the Golden Tiger Sword, shooting fireballs from its chest, and creating sonic blasts to knock foes over.
Boomstick: Also, Rangers have been known to call upon other Zords to fuse with their own Zords when in trouble, and Tommy is no exception.
Wiz: When combining with the Lion, Griffin, Unicorn, and Phoenix Thunderzords, they create the Mega Tigerzord, which is even more powerful.
Boomstick: Energy shield, energy balls, and a finishing move that has never failed except for the time it got reflected back at the Mega Tigerzord itself? Yeah, that thing is pretty badass. Seriously, with all this at his disposal, what the hell can even beat Tommy?
Wiz: Only that significant damage can cause him to de-morph back into Tommy, who lacks the power of his Ranger form.
Boomstick: …that’s it? Yeah, I think there’s a good reason Tommy is considered to be the best Ranger of all time.
Tommy: You’ve had the upper hand at every stage. God-like powers, even. And yet... here we are. See, the thing you’ve never understood... the thing that makes you different from all the other Tommy Olivers... isn’t that you stayed with Rita. You think I’m weak for relying on my friends. But the truth is... they’re what’s missing for you. They always have been. They’re what you can feel the absence of, right here. And the only reason that hole exists, the only reason you’re weaker than me... is because you were too scared to let them in.

Scene cuts.
Wiz: Alright, the combatants are set. Time to end this debate once and for all.
Boomstick: It’s time for a Death Battle!

Scene cuts.
Travis is lying down in his bed, watching TV, when he hears the phone ring. He picks it up, knowing who it will probably be. “Sylvia,” he said. “Long time no speak. You reconsider my little offer?”
“Travis, sweetie, you know zat I have a rule about zat,” said Sylvia. “Before I’ll conzider it, I have a job for you.”
“Of course you do,” said Travis. “So, who’s ass am I kicking today?”
“I have zent through the details of your next opponent,” said Sylvia. “Be sure to visit ze john before you go, zince you have a six thousand percent chance of losing.” Without saying another word, Sylvia hung up.
“Always encouraging, that woman,” said Travis, watching some files come through that fax machine. Travis picked up the first picture, and stared at it in confusion. “Well, someone likes lycra,” he said, before grabbing his weapon and leaving.
Meanwhile, out in the desert, Tommy was training himself with his swordsmanship. “Honestly, do we have to do this all the way out here?” asked Saba. “It’s way too hot to be doing this.”
“How can you even feel the heat? You’re a sword,” said Tommy, continuing to practice, before pausing. “Hey, can you hear that?”
“Hear what?” asked Saba. “That motorbike? Of course I can, you’re only a hundred yards from a major highway, and there’s very little else around. Why wouldn’t I be able to hear it?”
“Yeah, but…does it sound like it’s getting closer?” asked Tommy, who turned in the direction of the noise…
…and just barely dived out of the way as Travis ploughed through where he was standing with his bike. “Damn, you moved,” Travis said.
“Hey, watch where you’re going,” said Tommy. “You could have hit me.”
“That was kinda the point,” said Travis, pulling out his beam sabre. “You know, since I’m here to kill you and all.”
“Kill me, eh?” asked Tommy, getting into a stance. “Well, I’d like to see you try.”

FIGHT!
Travis and Tommy ran at each other, swords at the ready. Their swords clashed, ringing out across the empty desert. “Ooh, hot,” said Saba as he hit the beam sabre. “What is that thing made of?”
“Whoa, your sword can talk?” asked Travis, backing away in surprise, before getting a big grin on his face. “Guess it’s just one more for me to take out.”
“Never,” said Tommy. “Saba, blast him.”
“Oh, fine,” said Saba, firing a couple of lasers at Travis. Travis brought his sword up and started deflecting them back at him or blocking them, before running at him again.
“Take this,” said Travis, swinging his sword at Tommy. The sword, however, missed Tommy by a long way…
…but Travis’s kick, that he’d also been lining up, didn’t. Tommy fell backwards, but was up almost immediately.
“That was a cheap trick,” said Tommy, discarding Saba for the moment. “Good thing I don’t need a weapon to beat you.”
“As if,” said Travis, as Tommy leapt over him while doing a perfect triple somersault, before punching him in the jaw.
“HIYA!” said Tommy, performing a flurry of punches and kicks against Travis. Travis fell backwards, as Tommy prepared to punch him in the face.
“Well, you’re annoying,” said Travis, kicking forward and catching Tommy in the chest. “I said I’m here to kill you, and that’s exactly what I’m going to do, asshole.”
“Oh yeah?” asked Tommy. “Well the way I see it, it’s two against one. SABA!”
“Yeah, I know,” said Saba, lifting off from the ground and floated behind where Travis was standing, before firing more fireballs at him.
“Guess it wouldn’t be fair if it wasn’t two against one,” said Travis, diving out of the way, only for Tommy to kick him backwards. Meanwhile, Saba continue to float behind him at a distance and attack.
“Got him on the ropes now,” said Tommy. “Saba, hit him with your best shot.”
“Here goes,” said Saba, charging up an extra-large fireball, and launching it at Travis. There was a huge explosion, and Travis went flying. He landed heavily on his face, and groaned as he got back up.
“Damn it,” cursed Travis. “How the hell am I supposed to compete with…” Suddenly, Travis looked up and saw something that made him smile. Pinned to it was a note. ‘In case you need something to compete with him. Love, Sylvia,’ it read. “God, I love you,” he said, getting ready to use his new toy.
Meanwhile, Tommy was running towards where Travis had landed. “Saba, did you see where he…” Tommy began, before diving out of the way of a giant robotic fist. “Never mind, I think I found him.”
“WOOHOO!” cheered Travis, piloting the Glastonbury. “This is what I’m talking about.”
“Saba, I need to Tigerzord right now,” said Tommy, dodging another fist from the Glastonbury.
“Hold still, damn it,” said Travis, trying to swing at Tommy with the robot’s beam sabre. Suddenly he noticed something on the horizon. “What the hell?” he asked, as he saw the robot tiger charging towards him. “Don’t tell me he has a giant robot as well?”
“HAHA!” laughed Tommy, leaping upwards as his Zord arrived, and landing in the cockpit. “Now, where were we? Oh yeah, I was kicking your butt.”
“I’d like to see you try,” said Travis, piloting his robot to charge at the Tigerzord.
The Tigerzord responded by leaping up and landing on top of the Glastonbury. The Glastonbury pushed the Tigerzord off, only for it to swat him with one of its paws. “Stay down,” said Tommy, pinning the Glastonbury down.
“Why don’t you just fu…” started Travis, as his robot swung its beam sabre at Tommy, knocking it over. “There, that’s better.”
“You’re really persistent, aren’t you?” asked Tommy. “Saba, we need the Mega Tigerzord right now.”
“Got it,” said Saba, as the Lion, Griffin, Unicorn, and Phoenix Thunderzords began making their way to the battle.
“More freaking robots?!” cried Travis. “Come the hell on.”
“Let’s do this. MORPHIN’ TIME!” yelled Tommy, as the other Zords combined with his own to become the Mega Tigerzord.
“Whatever. I can still take you,” said Travis, making his robot run at Tommy’s. The Glastonbury raised its sword, ready to swing…
…only for the Mega Tigerzord to grab that arm, and tear it off. “Shit,” said Travis, trying to reach down to grab the sword with the robot’s other hand.
“Mega Tigerzord, Phoenix Strike,” said Tommy, launching into his robot’s finisher.
Travis picked up his robot’s weapon, and shook its other arm free. “There,” he said. “Let’s see…” Travis suddenly saw the flaming bird flying towards him. “Oh, son of a bit…” That was all he got out before the attack struck, exploding the Glastonbury into pieces. Travis fell to the ground, alive but badly hurt and on fire. “Okay…” he said, struggling to his feet. “Bring it on you bast…” He couldn’t finish his sentence before the giant foot of the Mega Tigerzord came down and crushed him, leaving nothing but a crumpled body and a pool of blood.

K. O.
Boomstick: Gotta hand it to him, even at the end when he had to take on a giant robot by himself, he was determined to keep going.
Wiz: Both combatants had survived some extraordinary things, and had Travis got a few good hits in, things might have gone his way.
Boomstick: But we’re not looking for how things MIGHT have gone, we’re here for how things would probably go.
Wiz: Right. And the fact is that Tommy, being one of the greatest Power Rangers of all time, would be comparable to most other Rangers, who have shown far greater feats than anything Travis has done.
Boomstick: Travis can survive mines exploding in his face, Tommy can take attacks from Lord Zedd, who can pretty much nuke a planet. Not really any competition there.
Wiz: Even when they got into their robots, Tommy’s Zord was still so much more powerful.
Boomstick: Yeah, when you have a move that’s never been beaten blow up in your face and you don’t even get fazed by it, you know you’ve got the fight in the bag.
Wiz: In the end, Tommy’s significantly higher durability and strength was way too much for Travis to handle.
Boomstick: Tommy had the POWER and RANGEr to take down Touchdown.
Wiz: The winner is Tommy Oliver.

Scene cuts.
Boomstick: Next time on Death Battle…
“If the world chooses to become my enemy... I will fight like I always have!”
“It's all a trick, you see. They want me to pretend to betray them. They want you to concentrate your forces here against an attack that won't come. But I decided: Why pretend to betray them when actually doing it would be so much more fun?”

Chapter Text

Death Battle intro plays.
Wiz: Cloning, one of the biggest feats of scientific engineering there is.
Boomstick: Yeah, except when the clones in question end up being a little insane and dangerous. Seriously, why do scientists do that?
Wiz: Why are you looking at me like that?
Boomstick: You know exactly why.
Wiz: Ahem…Shadow the Hedgehog, the Ultimate Lifeform from Sonic the Hedgehog.
Boomstick: Don’t ignore me. Oh, whatever. Vezon, Vezok’s insane split-off from Bionicle. He’s Wiz and I’m Boomstick.
Wiz: And it’s our job to analyse their weapons, armour, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

Scene cuts.
Wiz: Dr. Gerald Robotnik was a brilliant scientist with a problem. His granddaughter Maria had a rare illness that was going to kill her. Gerald knew he had to do something, and so began work on Project Shadow.
Boomstick: Yeah, dying relatives are pretty common for supervillains in the making.
Wiz: Actually, despite what his grandson would one day become, Gerald was a good guy.
Boomstick: WHAT?! But a thing named Project Shadow…
Wiz: …was actually designed as a way to hopefully not only save his granddaughter, but to help cure other deadly illnesses.
Boomstick: Yeah, maybe if you want your Project about saving humanity to not get shut down by the military, don’t call it something that scary. Just a theory.
Wiz: They were kind of working with an alien race called Black Arms, so…good call?
Boomstick: Okay, weird. Well, anyway, one of the results from this experiment was, of all things, a hedgehog. How that happened is beyond me, but whatever.
Wiz: Well, the military took objection to the existence of this hedgehog, and kindly asked Gerald to stop what he was doing.
Boomstick: And by that you mean storm the place and kill Gerald and Maria right in front of Shadow, right?
Wiz: Absolutely.
Boomstick: Because that’s exactly what happened, and is kind of why Shadow started killing everyone basically as soon as he woke up from a fifty-year nap.
Wiz: And then he remembered Maria told him not to do that, so he stopped and became good. Because apparently deciding he’s good erases all the murder he did.
Boomstick: Of course. By the way, did I mention I’m a good guy?
Wiz: Boomstick, you’re not a murderer.
Boomstick: Try telling that to the guy in the back of my pick-up truck…oh, wait…
Wiz: …moving on. Shadow has plenty of power at his disposal, including immense amounts of super-strength and super-speed.
Boomstick: So much that he has to use inhibitor rings to contain it all…rings that he can remove if he so desires. That doesn’t seem dangerous at all.
Wiz: And when he gets his hands on all seven Chaos Emeralds, watch out, because this is when he becomes Super S…
Boomstick: SAIYAN! …Oh, wait, wrong franchise. Go on.
Wiz: As Super Shadow, Shadow gains so much more power than he already has, including invulnerability and light-speed travel.
Boomstick: Hell, even without going Super Shadow, he’s got so much freaking power. Healing factor, energy blasts, time control, he’s unstoppable. Or is he?
Wiz: You want me to talk about his weaknesses?
Boomstick: That’s what I was getting at, yes.
Wiz: Well, while Shadow hasn’t got any real physical weaknesses, he does have an attitude of arrogance, which is fair when you are literally called the Ultimate Lifeform.
Boomstick: But that doesn’t stop people beating him. Like, a lot. Also, his memory sucks, and he’s very easy to manipulate. So, not quite as ultimate as people think.
Wiz: On top of that, Super Shadow only lasts for a short period of time, kinda like Boomstick with a woman.
Boomstick: Yeah, he’s…HEY, WAIT A MINUTE!
Wiz: Still, with so much power to play with, Shadow will always be one of the most powerful characters from the Sonic franchise.
Shadow: Before this is over... I'll show you the true power of CHAOS CONTROL!

Scene cuts.
Wiz: The Dark Hunters were a group of bounty hunters who basically took on any job that paid well enough.
Boomstick: But then rumours of the death of Makuta Teridax, that guy who lost to the Sonic 06 thing, started circulating. Wanting to see if it was true, a group of these Dark Hunters broke off and to investigate, calling themselves the Piraka.
Wiz: And when they got to Teridax’s lair, all they found was a set of armour and a weird looking spear. So naturally, they played with the spear and wouldn’t you know it, it was something magical.
Boomstick: Yeah, turns out what they’d found was the Spear of Fusion, a spear designed to fuse two Bionicles together. Except someone set the thing to reverse, and caused one of the members of the group named Vezok to split.
Wiz: The new version of Vezok was named Vezon, and seemed to have taken all of Vezok’s intellectual and logical capabilities, though none of his sanity.
Boomstick: That sounds bad. So, I’m guessing they immediately fused their friend back together?
Wiz: Well…
Boomstick: Yeah, I know. Otherwise we wouldn’t be having this Death Battle.
Wiz: Shortly after Vezon received his name, Teridax used his influence to tell the group to try and find the Mask of Light. And almost immediately after that, they got attacked by a couple of Mana-Ko.
Boomstick: In all the chaos, Vezon just grabbed the nearest weapon, which happened to be the Spear of Fusion, and ran the hell away.
Wiz: He later found the Mask, which fused with the back of his head, as well as fusing him to a Fenrakk spider.
Boomstick: Oh no, if only he had some kind of weapon that would be able to help with that…
Wiz: Unfortunately, Vezon said that removal of either could kill him, though this was his insanity talking rather than fact, since he was later defused from both.
Boomstick: But surely this taught him some valuable lessons about wearing strange masks.
Wiz: Indeed.
Boomstick: Really?
Wiz: And by that, I mean he later fused with a different mask and Bionicle.
Boomstick: I figured.
Wiz: Still, Vezon did gain some power from all his experiences. He has a future sight, can absorb kinetic energy whenever he lands a blow or receives one, and when fused with the Mask of Light, completely invincible.
Boomstick: Invincible? Doesn’t that mean he wins by default since he can’t die?
Wiz: What part of when he’s fused to the Mask didn’t you understand?
Boomstick: Oh. So, all he needs to do is shoot himself and the Mask with that Fusion Spear and suddenly…
Wiz: Actually…
Boomstick: Oh, COME ON!
Wiz: The Spear of Fusion was actually destroyed by Jaller, so now Vezon uses a dagger.
Boomstick: And what powers does this dagger have?
Wiz: …it’s a dagger. It stabs things.
Boomstick: Lame. Why can’t he have something cool?
Wiz: He does have another Mask that lets him make portals.
Boomstick: Why didn’t you lead with that?
Wiz: You didn’t ask. Anyway, the exact extent of this mask’s powers is unknown, but it does allow the wearer to go from one place to another with ease, and can even open portals to other dimensions.
Boomstick: Okay, that’s pretty cool. So, what’s problems does this guy have?
Wiz: Well, he’s insane.
Boomstick: Oh yeah.
Wiz: Also, if he doesn’t unleash the energy he stores up, he can explode.
Boomstick: Yeah, that sounds bad for someone who should be invincible.
Wiz: Still, Vezon has shown time again that he’s not one to be underestimated.
Vezon: Quite a collection. I prefer sea-shells, myself. Sometimes leaves. Oh, and the heads of my enemies, though those take up so much space.

Scene cuts.
Wiz: Alright, the combatants are set. Time to end this debate once and for all.
Boomstick: It’s time for a Death Battle.

Scene cuts.
Shadow was brooding on the side of a mountain when he saw something fall from the sky. “What the hell is that?” he asked, getting up. He watched as the thing crashed to the ground about a mile away, before deciding to go investigate.
Meanwhile, at the crash site…
“Damn it, I broke it,” said Vezon, getting out of his ruined Toa Canister. “Oh well, they shouldn’t have made the thing so breakable.” Vezon got out of the ship, and spied something charging towards him at high speed. “Huh, what’s that?” Vezon watched as it got closer and closer, then stopped right in front of him. “What the hell are you?”
“I am Shadow the Hedgehog,” said Shadow. “And you are an alien invader.”
“Really? I’m the alien?” asked Vezon. “Have you seen yourself? I look normal, you look like a…a…I don’t even know what you are, but it’s not a good thing, whatever it is.”
“Don’t mock me,” warned Shadow. “If you cross me, you die.”
“Ooh, like at that. The rat boy thinks he’s a threat,” said Vezon. “Listen, why don’t you just…”
Before he could finish speaking, Shadow got right up in Vezon’s face. “I warned you,” said Shadow.

FIGHT!
Shadow immediately kicked Vezon as hard as he could, sending him flying, before Shadow started charging at him as quickly as possible, preparing to attack.
“Oh boy, a fight,” said Vezon, getting out his dagger ready to attack. “This should be fun.” Vezon planted his feet on the ground, trying to watch where Shadow was coming from. Unfortunately, all Vezon could see was a black streak speeding around him. “Come on, hold still…” he muttered, watching carefully. Suddenly, he felt something punch him from behind. “What the…” he gasped, as he got hit again. “Stop that.” Another blow. “Okay, that’s it.” Vezon began swinging his dagger wildly at the spots where Shadow seemed to be, until…
“Ugh,” gasped Shadow, holding his arm.
“HA! First blood,” said Vezon, walking menacingly towards Shadow. “Now, to end this.” Vezon stood above the hedgehog, dagger ready to stab his opponent. Shadow glared at him, before curling into a ball and charging at him, smacking him in the chest. Then continuing his frontal assault again and again and again, not giving Vezon a chance to recover.
“Stop it, stop it, STOP IT!” yelled Vezon. “Okay, that’s it.” Vezon grabbed out something he didn’t want to use, not after last time. “Let’s see how you go against someone who can’t be hurt.” Vezon held up the Mask of Light, and allowed it to fuse with him.
Shadow ignored this and attacked again, only for it to feel different. “What?” he asked, looking up at Vezon. Without waiting for an answer, Shadow began attacking at random, trying to do some kind of damage to his opponent.
“HA! Can’t hurt someone who’s invincible, can you?” asked Vezon, easily backhanding Shadow away. “This is where it ends, hedgehog.” Vezon calmly walked up to Shadow and began viciously beating him, before pulling out his knife. “Any last words?”
“Chaos…CONTROL!” yelled Shadow.
“Weird choice, but okay,” said Vezon, raising his weapon, then saw what was happening. “Ooh, that can’t be good,” he said, as two rings fell from Shadow’s wrists.
“So, that new mask makes you unkillable, does it?” asked Shadow, now yellow and glowing. “Guess I’ll have to fix that.”
“No! Ignika won’t like that,” said Vezon.
“Good,” said Shadow, grabbing the back of Vezon’s head where the mask was and pulling.
“Hey, get off!” yelled Vezon, stabbing Shadow with his dagger.
“CHAOS CONTROL!” yelled Shadow, causing time to suddenly slow right down. Shadow took this time to wrench the Mask off of Vezon head, then smash it against the ground. Shadow’s time as Super Shadow soon ran out, as did his time manipulation.
“Hey, that was mine,” said Vezon, seeing the remains of his mask on the ground. “Don’t worry, I have another.” Vezon pulled out his other Mask, Olmak, and prepared to put it on.
“Not this time,” said Shadow using his speed to dash past Vezon and grab the Mask. “You really think I’m gonna let you do that again?”
“Err…yes?” asked Vezon, slowly reaching for his Mask.
“Hell no,” said Shadow, smashing this mask as well before getting ready to strike. “Goodbye.” Shadow curled into a ball and flew at Vezon as fast and hard as he could, busting through the Bionicle’s chest, and leaving him in pieces. “Worthless trash,” said Shadow, leaving the rubble where it was.

K. O.
Boomstick: Hey, he did the chest bursty thing like in that Alien movie.
Wiz: Both combatants may have had methods of becoming completely invincible, however there’s a reason Shadow wears inhibitor rings: he’s extremely powerful.
Boomstick: Yeah, keep in mind that Shadow has fallen from orbit before. Vezon hasn’t got any durability feats even close to that.
Wiz: Not to mention Shadow has significantly better speed. And I’m talking about being on par with Sonic fast, someone who easily breaks the sound barrier.
Boomstick: Vezon’s only real hope was to become invulnerable, but I mean, if you saw someone put something on that made them unkillable, you’d want to get rid of that as soon as possible, right? And Shadow’s Chaos Control was perfect for the job, since he could manipulate time with it. Vezon just didn’t have any good counters for anything Shadow could do.
Wiz: In the end, Shadow’s speed, durability, and overall power was too much for Vezon.
Boomstick: Vezon didn’t have a Shadow of a chance.
Wiz: The winner is Shadow the Hedgehog.

Scene cuts.
Boomstick: Next time on Death Battle…
“Good grief. You truly are the lowest scum in history. What you owe me... CAN NEVER BE PAID BACK WITH MONEY!!!”
“It seems that, in addition to Death, fate has also dealt you the wild card. ...You must accept your destiny. Our contract has been fulfilled... I have completed my role as well. ...You were truly a remarkable guest.”

Chapter Text

Death Battle intro starts playing.
Wiz: Fighting requires strength. Especially physical strength. If you don’t have enough of it, you are almost guaranteed to lose.
Boomstick: However, if you have someone else to help you, it makes it a lot easier. Especially if that someone is your own personal fighting powerhouse whose sole purpose is to help you.
Wiz: Jotaro Kujo, delinquent Stand user from JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure.
Boomstick: And Minato Arisato, Persona wielding member of SEES from…uh, Persona. He’s Wiz and I’m Boomstick.
Wiz: And it’s our job to analyse their weapons, armour, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

Scene cuts.
Wiz: Jotaro Kujo was always a troublemaker, getting into fights pretty much wherever he went.
Boomstick: And then one day he beat the crap out of some guys who wanted to beat him up. The only problem was, he didn’t do it. At least, not all of it.
Wiz: So Jotaro concluded that he was possessed, which is the only way he could have defeated so many opponents at once. Yes, somehow that was the only logical conclusion.
Boomstick: Would you say it was a BIZARRE way of thinking?
Wiz: Can’t you saving the shitty puns until the end of the episode?
Boomstick: No can do Wiz. No can do.
Wiz: *heavy sigh* Well, Jotaro decided there was only one way to test his theory, and honestly, if you thought his theory on how he beat up all those thugs was weird, wait until you hear this.
Boomstick: Yeah, he stole an officer’s gun, pointed it at his own head, and fired. Seems a little extreme.
Wiz: Yeah, luckily a third arm popped out to stop the bullet, because I don’t think he had a Plan B if that didn’t work.
Boomstick: Plan B is die. I’m no expert, but I’m pretty sure a point-blank bullet to the head isn’t something you’re coming back from.
Wiz: Anyway, this third arm belonged to an entity called Star Platinum. Star Platinum is a Stand, a being who literally stands by their user. Yes, that is literally the reason they’re called that.
Boomstick: Ugh, it’s the worst freaking thing about an otherwise cool series.
Wiz: Stands are powered by their user’s Life Force, something Jotaro fortunately has a lot of. This gives Star Platinum plenty of power to work with, including superhuman strength, speed, durability, and accuracy.
Boomstick: And on top of that, Star Platinum can only be seen by other Stand users.
Wiz: True, although Star Platinum can still be hit by an opponent. On top of that, unless you’re a Stand, you can’t even hurt Star Platinum.
Boomstick: Wait, shouldn’t that mean Jotaro wins by default?
Wiz: Remember the Kenshiro fight?
Boomstick: Oh yeah…so, Jotaro is also pretty smart, despite what his short temper would make you think. He’s capable of figuring out an opponent’s weaknesses during a fight, and can calmly do whatever it takes to put himself into a more advantageous position.
Wiz: And with the help of Star Platinum, he was able to copy his biggest nemesis’s greatest ability: The World.
Boomstick: That name doesn’t really explain what the move is. It’s the ability to stop time for five seconds. Yeah, he stops time EVERYWHERE…wait, is that why it’s called The World? It stops time everywhere in the world?
Wiz: Probably. It makes about as much sense as Stand. Anyway, the downside to The World…
Boomstick: You know what Wiz? The World is such a boring name for such a cool ability. Can we start calling by the Japanese name?
Wiz: Boomstick, Za Warudo literally translates to The World from Japanese.
Boomstick: I know, but it sounds so much cooler than just saying The World.
Wiz: …agreed. Anyway, the downside to Za Warudo is that it has a cooldown time, so Jotaro can’t use it too many times in a row, since it puts considerable strain on his body.
Boomstick: Still, Star Platinum can move at near lightspeed, is invisible to non-Stand using opponents, can throw the top half of a building like a javelin, and can’t even be harmed by anything that isn’t a Stand. So, how the hell do you beat something like that?
Wiz: Well, Star Platinum may be nearly unbeatable, but Jotaro is still very much a human, despite what he’s capable of. As a result, any damage inflicted on Jotaro will be reflected on Star Platinum. If either one of Jotaro or Star Platinum were to be killed, so would the other.
Boomstick: Yeah, and on top of that, Jotaro can be quick to anger, which can cloud his judgment, though as he got older, he grew out of that habit.
Wiz: Still, Jotaro is a tough, powerful, and above all dangerous opponent that no sane man should take lightly.
Jotaro: You're a joke, DIO. And your reality... It's all just a fantasy.

Scene cuts.
Wiz: Ten years ago, the Kirijo Group discovered something called Shadows.
Boomstick: Pfft, I could have told them what a shadow is. You just turn on a light and…
Wiz: Not that type of shadow. These Shadows are more like creatures of darkness.
Boomstick: So, demons then?
Wiz: Pretty much. Anyway, the Kirijo Group, being more concerned with making money than the safety of the planet, decided they wanted to harvest these Shadows, since they had the power to manipulate space and time.
Boomstick: Honestly, as if any corporation would be more concerned with making a profit than keeping people safe. As if that would ever…
Wiz: Boomstick, if COVID has taught us anything, it’s that companies would do exactly this if it was worth money to them.
Boomstick: …yeah, that’s fair.
Wiz: Anyway, long story short, during one of the experiments, one of the scientists tried to stop what was going on, resulting in some Shadows going berserk and disrupting the time continuum, creating a Dark Hour.
Boomstick: Think of the Dark Hour as an extra hour occurring at midnight that nobody knows about. Except, some people do.
Wiz: During the Dark Hour, Shadows try to lure humans out in order to feed on their psyches. This leaves people with Apathy Syndrome.
Boomstick: Listen, if someone ate my psyche and all it did was make me not care, I’d consider myself pretty lucky.
Wiz: It’s a lot more debilitating than that, most cases leaving you vegetative.
Boomstick: …oh.
Wiz: Anyway, with all that out of the way, let’s talk about Minato Arisato. After transferring to Gekkoukan High School, he arrived just before midnight, only for the Dark Hour to happen.
Boomstick: Minato, being a pretty chill guy, basically just went ‘huh, weird. Well, whatever’ and kept going. Because apparently the world getting a creepy green tint is considered normal.
Wiz: Before the Dark Hour was over, he met another boy named Pharos, who made sure to keep an eye on him, since most people can’t operate during the Dark Hour.
Boomstick: And the next night, he gets attacked by a Shadow. So, Minato does the only sensible thing available to him: he picks up a gun and shoots himself in the head.
Wiz: This was no ordinary gun. This was the Evoker, a special gun designed to awaken a person’s Persona. Basically, an entity that can help people fight against Shadows.
Boomstick: But…a gun? As something of an expert with firearms, I happen to know that getting shot with one is generally a bad idea.
Wiz: Wait, didn’t you say during the Jotaro rundown that you weren’t an expert?
Boomstick: Duh, that was about brain surgery, this is about guns. Seriously Wiz, you’re meant to be smart.
Wiz: But…oh, whatever. The Evoker’s main purpose is to create a traumatic experience, which is how to unlock one’s Persona.
Boomstick: Couldn’t you just have someone sneak up behind them and yell BOO!?
Wiz: Not scary enough. Anyway, Minato’s Persona was called Orpheus…
Boomstick: Was?
Wiz: Well, over the course of the game he gained stronger and stronger Personas, which involved evolving Orpheus into Orpheus Telos, then fusing it with Thanatos to create Messiah.
Boomstick: Damn, he can summon Jesus to fight for him?
Wiz: *sigh* Sure, why not? Anyway, Messiah is considered Minato’s ultimate Persona, and can deal plenty of damage by itself, as well as being able to heal up fairly heavy damage, both over time or immediately as the situation calls for it.
Boomstick: It can also absorb damage from piercing attacks. Almost like Jesus was pierced with something and then recovered later…
Wiz: Stop before you cause a religious shitstorm.
Boomstick: Oh, what are they gonna do? Crucify me?
Wiz: Probably.
Boomstick: …oh.
Wiz: Anyway, Personas can’t really be killed, however if they are overtaxed, they will become unusable for a short while. Also, hurting a Persona can hurt the user, though usually not physically.
Boomstick: And even without Jesus to help him, Minato’s still a force to be reckoned with. He’s capable of using something called the Great Seal, which apparently seals away people’s souls or something.
Wiz: Pretty much. Unfortunately, it also uses Minato’s soul to do this, which he’ll die without.
Boomstick: Eh, opponent’s dead, so who cares? Now, what’s this I see about him able to fuse other Personas together?
Wiz: Ah, yes. He’s capable of fusing Personas together through the Wild Card. This includes the Personas of other people, something no other Persona user has ever.
Boomstick: Wait, he’s using other people’s power. Should that mean he can’t use it?
Wiz: Well, he’s using his own power to do it, so yeah, why not?
Boomstick: Cool. So, how do you beat him?
Wiz: Well, each Persona has a certain element, which are either strong or weak against other elements. For example, fire beats ice.
Boomstick: Also, he needs the Evoker to summon his Personas, otherwise he’s just a regular guy. And that Great Seal is basically out of the question unless he’s in an extreme circumstance…oh wait, Death Battle.
Wiz: Still, Minato has proven he’s an opponent not to be taken lightly.
Minato: I don’t really care. Is dying that scary to you?

Scene cuts.
Wiz: Alright, the combatants are set. Let’s end this debate once and for all.
Boomstick: It’s time for a Death Battle.

Scene cuts.
Minato was walking down the street, keeping an eye on his watch. “Any second now,” he said, as his watch clicked over to midnight. “There it goes,” he said, as the sky turned green and the Dark Hour began. “Now, where are…”
“Move it,” said someone, shoving past Minato. “Brats like you shouldn’t be out at this hour.”
“Excuse me,” said Minato angrily. “Who the hell are you? You shouldn’t be awake right now unless you’re a Persona user.”
“Oh yeah? Who says?” asked Jotaro, turning to face Minato. “I don’t see anyone trying to stop me.”
“I don’t intend to,” said Minato. “You must have a Persona to be awake during the Dark Hour. Why haven’t I seen you before?”
“That’s none of your business,” said Jotaro. “And what the hell’s a Persona anyway?”
“The only ones awake right now are Persona users and Shadows,” said Minato. “And if you don’t know what a Persona is, you must be a Shadow. I don’t know how you disguised yourself as a human, but I’m putting an end to it right now.” Minato pulled out his sword, ready to attack.
Jotaro lowered his cap over his eyes. “Good grief,” he muttered, as Minato charged at him.

FIGHT!
Minato swung his sword at Jotaro, aiming for his neck…
…only for it to be stopped before it got anywhere close. “What the hell?” asked Minato, looking and trying to see what had stopped his sword, but seeing nothing.
“Star Platinum, beat him senseless,” said Jotaro. Minato suddenly felt himself get dragged forward, and something that felt like a fist punched him away. Minato crashed to the ground a few dozen feet down the street and rolled a few times. Jotaro started casually strutting towards the stunned teen.
“What…the hell?” gasped Minato. “Some kind of…invisible force? I guess I need to do this.” Minato pulled out his Evoker and aimed it at his head.
“Whoa, calm down,” said Jotaro, a little bit surprised by what was happening. “You don’t need to do that to yourself.”
“Oh yes I do,” said Minato, pulling the trigger. All of a sudden, Orpheus Telos was floating behind him.
“Huh…” said Jotaro. “Star Platinum, get ready. We actually have a two on two battle.”
“Attack,” said Minato, as Orpheus Telos flew forward to attack Jotaro. However, Star Platinum blocked the Flame Link that Orpheus Telos used. Jotaro cringed a little from the pain, but continued to casually strut towards his opponent.
“So, you have an invisible Persona then?” asked Minato. “I can work around that. Orpheus Telos, atta…”
“Star Platinum, finish this,” said Jotaro, as Star Platinum punched right through Orpheus Telos’s chest. Orpheus Telos disintegrated into dust, and Jotaro turned his attention to Minato.
“Holy crap…” said Minato, immediately grabbing out his Evoker and shooting himself in the head again. Metatron and Mithra appeared, before fusing together and making a giant gavel. “Take this.”
“What…” started Jotaro, as the gavel smashed into the ground, obliterating everything nearby the two of them.
“Did that do it?” asked Minato, trying to seeing through the dust that his attack kicked up. Suddenly, Minato’s Persona looked like it was being strangled, before being forced to the ground and seemingly pummelled.
“No, it did not,” said Jotaro, emerging from the dust seemingly unharmed other than a slight limp. “Star Platinum, if you would.” Star Platinum crushed the Persona, before getting up and jumping at Minato.
“Okay, guess I have to do…” started Minato, pulling out the Evoker again.
“ZARWARUDO!” yelled Jotaro. All of a sudden, Jotaro was next to Minato, holding the Evoker. “So, you need this to fight do you?”
“What the…” started Minato. “Give that…” As Minato reached for his weapon, Star Platinum punched Minato as hard as he could, sending him straight into a nearby wall.
“Since you need this so much…” started Jotaro, throwing the gun to the ground and stamping on it, breaking it to pieces.
“NO!” yelled Minato, feeling himself get picked up.
“Star Platinum,” ordered Jotaro, as Minato was ripped in half, the two halves tossed aside. “What a waste.”

K. O.
Boomstick: Whoa, what the hell? I thought Persona characters were supposed to be pretty OP?
Wiz: They are, and it’s quite possible the Minato could have taken this with some of his more powerful attacks if he used them from the start.
Boomstick: Yeah, that sealing move probably would have taken Jotaro easily…at the cost of his own life. Unfortunately, he doesn’t use that except in dire situations, so it wouldn’t be a first choice move.
Wiz: And then there’s the problem with the fact that Jotaro has two very difficult to counter advantages: Stands are invisible to non-Stand users, and Jotaro can easily figure out people’s strengths and weaknesses.
Boomstick: Strengths like, say, using a gun to summon things to fight for you?
Wiz: Right. And with the ability to stop time as something to help get that item away from his opponent, this makes things very difficult for Minato to counter.
Boomstick: Yeah, it’s usually easily to beat an enemy when you can see them.
Wiz: In the end, Jotaro’s abilities and intellect were too much for Minato to handle.
Boomstick: Minato didn’t see this loss coming.
Wiz: The winner is Jotaro Kujo.

Scene cuts.
Boomstick: Next time on Death Battle…
“Applause, then. A round of applause in celebration of my supreme power.”
“I'm aware that I'm selfish. However, that's the reason why I couldn't approve of creating a convenient world just for myself. In a world like that, my whole existence itself will rot away and die. I would rather proudly choose to bear the loneliness than cling to the past just to comfort myself.”

Chapter Text

Death Battle intro plays.
Wiz: Video games have been a popular pastime for decades. And with virtual reality technologies advancing at the rate it is, it won’t be long before we can experience video games as realistically as today’s combatants.
Boomstick: Kirito, the Bla…
Wiz: NO! *coughs* Ahem, no, not him. There are other series that rip off Tron.
Boomstick: Right…okay then. Let’s see what we’ve got here…what the hell is this name?
Wiz: Ainz Ooal Gown, better known as Momonga, guildmaster of Ainz Ooal Gown from Overlord.
Boomstick: And Rimuru Tempest, human turned slime turned human from That Time I Got Reincarnated as a Slime. He’s Wiz and I’m Boomstick.
Wiz: And it’s our job to analyse their weapons, armour, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

Scene cuts.
Wiz: In the year 2126, the game YGGDRASIL was released, a DMMO-RPG with extremely good customization. However, after twelve years, the game’s community had reduced to only a small number of players.
Boomstick: Take note Todd Howard, your game has at best three more years. Might wanna get cracking on Elder Scrolls VI.
Wiz: Anyway, a young man by the name of Suzuki Satoru had dedicated a large amount of time and money playing this game, and in its last moments decided to wait until the servers shut down, seeing the game to its end.
Boomstick: Except…they didn’t. Because for some reason, Suzuki was now in the game world, and the NPCs were alive and sentient. Also, he’d reprogrammed one of the hot female ones his friend had made into being in love with him, which is…totally not creepy.
Wiz: Really? That’s what you’re focusing on?
Boomstick: Come on Wiz, you know what I’m like. I see a guy getting…wait, he’s the skeleton, right?
Wiz: Yeah, why?
Boomstick: Yep, he’s totally gonna bone her *drum plays a Ba-DUM-tss sound* Thank you, I’m here all week *takes a bow*
Wiz: I really hate you. Anyway, Suzuki, now in the game world, decides to take full advantage of all the things he’d accumulated over the years, because he couldn’t figure out if there was a way out or not, and didn’t really care.
Boomstick: And when you’ve spent twelve years playing a video game, levelling up and collecting endless treasure, you get pretty fricken powerful and hard to beat, as we’re about to describe to you.
Wiz: Suzuki, now referring to himself as Ainz Ooal Gown, or Lord Momonga to his subjects, has obviously reached Level 100. He specialises in using magic, and according to the game, should be able to learn at most 300 spells, which you’d think would be ample.
Boomstick: But Ainz said “nah, screw that” and used one of his special abilities to learn over 700. I mean, what are you even going to do with all that?
Wiz: Become even more intimidating than you already are?
Boomstick: Yeah, that’s fair.
Wiz: Anyway, among Ainz’s spells there’s a bunch of necromancy spells to bring out undead animals; Acid Arrow, a spell that fires an arrow made of acid at enemies; fire, ice, and lightning spells, which hit the enemy with fire, ice, and lightning; magic that effects the user’s or opponent’s speed; spells that allow Ainz to fly; teleportation spells, invisibility spells, and even instant death.
Boomstick: Basically, if it’s a magic spell you’ve seen in a video game, he can probably do it.
Wiz: In fact, Ainz’s favourite spell is called Grasp Heart, which does exactly what it sounds like. Even if he doesn’t kill his opponent in one blow with this, they’re still stunned for a little while by it.
Boomstick: Wiz, if someone grabbed your still beating heart, you’d be pretty fricken shocked too.
Wiz: He can even manipulate people’s memories to some extent, and summon a fortress with 30-metre-tall walls that can only be breached by forcibly breaking down the doors.
Boomstick: Jeez, we’re still on his magic. We still haven’t covered his natural abilities, like immunity to acid, ice, lightning, poison, sleep, paralysis, and is basically immune too low-level magic and physical attacks.
Wiz: I think you just did cover it.
Boomstick: Oh…well, we haven’t covered his equipment yet.
Wiz: Indeed, we haven’t. His main weapon would be the Staff of Ainz Ooal Gown.
Boomstick: So creative with the name, this guy.
Wiz: The staff was created for Ainz to use, and can wield all manner of devastating magic, including summoning elementals, creating earthquakes, creating firestorms, and create barriers for protection.
Boomstick: Just looking at this guy is enough to make some people shit their pants. In fact, his robe emits a dark aura just for that purpose.
Wiz: Ainz himself is a pretty cunning strategist and is well aware of how powerful he is.
Boomstick: So, let me guess, he has some kind of fatal weakness? Please don’t let it be something dumb.
Wiz: As an undead player, he’s susceptible to fire and holy magic, though with the right equipment these can be negated somewhat.
Boomstick: Huh, maybe not.
Wiz: He also can’t equip certain types of weapons and armour due to his class, but again gets around it thanks to an ability that allows him to create similar weapons, or temporarily changing to warrior class.
Boomstick: Alright, I was wrong, he’s just stupidly overpowered with no true weaknesses.
Wiz: Finally, his most powerful spell, The Goal of All Life is Death, has a cooldown of 100 hours. This spell causes Ainz’s instant death spells to be delayed by twelve seconds, but also allows them to bypass all barriers including immortality.
Boomstick: Like I said, stupidly overpowered. Even if he only has one shot with it, he’s still killing you.
Wiz: Unless you use an item or cast a spell to prevent your death in that time.
Boomstick: Yeah, basically Ainz is a badass skeleton who it would be foolish to try and fight.
Ainz: Do not cause any trouble here. If you choose to not listen to my advice, next time you and your country will burn together.

Scene cuts.
Wiz: Satoru Mikami was your average 37-year-old loser.
Boomstick: Loser is right, the guy’s never even been laid.
Wiz: But then one day, while meeting a co-worker, he got stabbed while saving his friend from a thief.
Boomstick: Wow, that sucks. Dying a virgin at 37. *opens a beer* Pouring one out for ya, buddy.
Wiz: However, while Satoru was dying, he heard a voice, a voice that kept telling him about powers he was being granted for his next life.
Boomstick: Yeah, and then he came back from the dead in a body that could handle all these cool abilities…a ball of slime. Kinda lame, really.
Wiz: Don’t judge him too harshly yet. Satoru’s new body contained an ability called Predator, an ability that allowed him to absorb pretty much anything he could cover with his body.
Boomstick: Okay, that’s kind terrifying, but he’s still only like three inches tall. Don’t blame me if I’m not impressed.
Wiz: What if I told you one of the first things he absorbed was a dragon imprisoned in a magical barrier? Magical barrier included.
Boomstick: I’d be a little more impressed with the little guy.
Wiz: Because that’s what he did. As well as devouring any monsters he found between himself and the exit of the cave he was in. And with his ability Analyse, he learned each monster’s moves, and added them to his own arsenal. Not to mention eating dozens of magical rocks and flowers too.
Boomstick: Basically, making him super OP before leaving the first dungeon?
Wiz: Pretty much.
Boomstick: That sounds awesome. What’s he got?
Wiz: Well, as he was dying, Satoru wished for a body that didn’t require blood, as well as complaining about heat and cold, so his slime body doesn’t bleed when cut, as well as being temperature resistant. He also got the aforementioned Predator ability this way, but he doesn’t necessarily absorb the things he eats immediately.
Boomstick: Yeah, turns out he can store things in his stomach indefinitely. Which is why a lot of those flowers he ate have been converted into healing potions that he can use whenever he needs to.
Wiz: He can duplicate the appearance of anything he’s absorbed, not just their abilities. Because of this, he has learned abilities from a Tempest Serpent, a Black Spider, a Giant Bat, an Evil Centipede, and an Armoursaurus.
Boomstick: By name, these abilities include Poisonous Breath, which poisons everything nearby, Sticky Thread, which traps enemies, Ultrasound Waves, which confuses the enemy, Paralysing Breath, which, uh, paralyses the enemy, and Body Armor, which gives him a thick coat of armour that’s hard to break.
Wiz: He’s also learned how to manipulate water, so as to swim through it or to absorb enough to use as a blade that he can fire.
Boomstick: Oh, and the best part of all this? Rimuru doesn’t feel pain. Speaking of which, why is he called Rimuru now that he’s been reincarnated?
Wiz: Oh, well that’s what Veldora the Dragon decided to call him.
Boomstick: And why specifically that? I mean, Rimuru remembers his old life fine, so why not use his old name?
Wiz: New life, new name? Who knows, who cares?
Boomstick: I suppose. Anyway, Rimuru can change between his human and slime forms fairly quickly, and actually seems more comfortable in his slime form.
Wiz: I mean, that is how he was reborn into this world, and spent quite a few weeks in it before gaining his human form by absorbing a woman named Shizue, who, by the way, was host to a spirit named Ifrit. whom Rimuru also ate.
Boomstick: Oh God, what powers did he get from that?
Wiz: He gained the ability to clone himself, and to shoot black flames out of his body. And can trap opponents in a barrier within a hundred metres of the user.
Boomstick: Holy crap, how much power has this guy got?
Wiz: A devastatingly high amount. Rimuru is extremely durable, quick, and is extremely intelligent. Among his equipment is a mask for supressing demonic energy, dulls enemy magical attacks, nullifies poison, and amplifies their senses.
Boomstick: God, it feels like there’s nothing Rimuru can’t do.
Wiz: There practically isn’t.
Boomstick: …um, Wiz? This is the part where you point out Rimuru’s weaknesses.
Wiz: That’s the thing, with all the research I’ve done, I can’t find a single significant weakness that Rimuru has.
Boomstick: WHAT?! This guy is basically a god, and you’re saying he’s got no weaknesses? Doesn’t that mean he wins by default?
Wiz: Not necessarily. Early in the series, we see that Rimuru exhausted his magic by giving names to an entire village of goblins, which left him comatose for three days, so clearly, he has a finite amount of power to draw from.
Boomstick: Naming things? Really?
Wiz: Long story short, names have a lot of power in Rimuru’s world, and giving nameless creatures a name makes them more powerful.
Boomstick: …right. Well, with so much power at his disposal, you can always count on Rimuru to step up and fight for you.
Rimuru: As you have just learned through experience, I am strong! And as such, I promise to save all of you.

Scene cuts.
Wiz: Alright, the combatants are set. Time to end this debate once and for all.
Boomstick: It’s time for a Death Battle!

Scene cuts.
In an isolated forest, a huge skeleton was walking through. “A strange new world this is,” said Ainz. “I must learn about this country’s leader.”
Meanwhile, watching from the shadows, a small blue ball of slime was watching. “This looks bad,” whispered Rimuru to himself. “He’s huge, and scary looking. He’s clearly here to destroy the village and conquer us all. Luckily I’m here to put a stop to that.”
Ainz marched on through the forest, when he started to hear a weird plopping sound. “Huh?” he asked, spinning around. “Is someone there?” Ainz looked around, but there was no-one there. “Guess I’m getting paranoid,” he muttered.
“Hi there,” came a voice from right in front of him, causing Ainz to jump backwards and adopt a protective stance. “I’m Rimuru, what’s your name?”
“Who said that?” asked Ainz, looking around but not seeing anyone.
“Down here,” called Rimuru, and Ainz looked down to see a ball of slime talking to him. “Hi stranger.”
“A…slime monster?” asked Ainz.
“Uh-huh,” said Rimuru. “And you’re trespassing in my country.”
“Your country?” asked Ainz. “Well, I suppose you do live here, so…”
“No, as in I own this place,” said Rimuru. “Now, who are you?”
“You? A tiny slime?” asked Ainz, before letting out a loud laugh. “Sorry, but do you truly expect me to believe a creature such as you could rule an area like this?”
“Don’t underestimate me,” said Rimuru in his most intimidating voice, which didn’t sound very threatening.
“Oh really?” asked Ainz. “And what are you going to…” Before he could finish speaking, there was a popping sound, and Rimuru was suddenly in a human form. “Huh, that’s…slightly more threatening, I guess?”
“Yeah, I’ll show you just how dangerous this little slime can be,” said Rimuru, drawing his sword and charging at Ainz.

FIGHT!
Rimuru swung his sword at Ainz, only for Ainz to casually block it and yank to weapon out of his hand. “Pathetic,” said Ainz. “FIREBALL!” A large ball of fire came out of Ainz’s hand and blasted Rimuru in the chest. “This will be easy.”
“Guess again,” said Rimuru. “Fire does nothing to me.”
“Oh really?” asked Ainz. “Any other little bits of information you’d like to share with me, so I can kill you more quickly?”
“Uh…no,” said Rimuru, backing up a little.
“Excellent,” said Ainz. “ICEBALL!” A huge ball of ice flew from Ainz’s hand, crashing into Rimuru. “Basic RPG logic really. If fire can’t hurt you, then ice must be super-effective.”
“Uh…yeah,” said Rimuru, knowing full well that was a lie. “Oh, you have discovered my weakness. Whatever shall I do?”
Ainz seemed to glare at him, despite his face being incapable of changing expression. “Hmm, fascinating,” he said. “Heat and cold resistant. I’m not a fan of brute force, but I suppose I have to…” Ainz suddenly summoned s large sword, and began slashing at Rimuru, managing to take off an arm and a leg.
“Whoa, hey, watch it with that thing,” said Rimuru, seeming to not even notice his lost limbs. “That would hurt if I could feel pain.” Rimuru turned himself back into a slime, and absorbed his lost limbs, before regenerating back to his human form.
“You are a strange one,” said Ainz, carefully studying his opponent.
“And you’re creepy looking,” said Rimuru. “And because you’ve been kind of a jerk, how about I give you some of this.” Rimuru took a deep breath, and expelled a cloud of poisonous gas. “How’s that?”
“Not bad,” said Ainz, casually walking through the smoke without noticing the effects of it. “But now it’s your turn to be surprised at the outcome of your attack.”
“Uhhh…” started Rimuru, as Ainz slapped him out of the way.
“You really don’t know what you’re up against, do you?” asked Ainz. “I am Ainz Ooal Gowl, and I…”
“Paralysing Breath,” called Rimuru, exhaling a green blast of mist at Ainz.
“Well that’s just rude,” said Ainz, withstanding the blast with ease. “I was talking to y…”
“DARK FLAME!” yelled Rimuru, causing a huge column of fire to explode around Ainz.
“What?!” demanded Ainz, feeling the heat of the attack burn him. “Such power….” As the attack ended, Ainz felt himself fall to his knee.
“Ooh, that hurt you, did it?” asked Rimuru, getting cocky.
“You are a persistently annoying little slime, aren’t you?” asked Ainz, getting back to his feet. “I’m finishing this now.” A glowing clock appeared behind him before he spoke the next words. “The Goal of All Life is Death.”
“Uh oh…” said Rimuru, turning back into a slime.
“Uh oh is right,” said Ainz. “Everything will die now.”
“Uh…” started Rimuru, trying to think as rapidly as possible. ‘Oh man, a move like this is going to kill me for sure. Let’s see, do I have any healing potions left? Let’s see…YES!’ Rimuru started hungrily gulping down potions, in hopes that it will keep him alive.
“Time’s up,” said Ainz, as a flash of light blinded the area. Ainz looked around the area, trying to see the slime through all the dust. “I win.”
“You keep thinking that,” said Rimuru, behind Ainz. “Guess I had enough healing potions after all.”
“WHAT?!” yelled Ainz, spinning around. “You…”
“DARK FLAME!” yelled Rimuru, causing another huge eruption of flames to flare up around Ainz.
“You…bastard…” said Ainz, falling to the ground.
“Yeah, yeah…” said Rimuru, covering Ainz with his slime body, before dissolving the huge figure and returning to his normal size. “Now, let’s see what abilities I can learn from him.”

K. O.
Boomstick: Well, we just created the most overpowered character of all time. Shall we break down how we did that?
Wiz: Sure thing. The biggest thing to note is that Rimuru had immunities to so many things. Granted, so did Ainz, but Rimuru had immunities to things like pain, fire, and ice. Meanwhile, Ainz had a weakness to fire, which Rimuru had a spell for.
Boomstick: Granted, Ainz could just create something that resists it, but that’s the thing: it only resists things, not outright immunity.
Wiz: The biggest thing was: could Rimuru resist Ainz’s most powerful attack: The Goal of All Life is Death. And according to the rules, using items to save oneself from death is a counter for it. Good thing Rimuru absorbed an entire cave’s worth of healing potion material pretty early in the series.
Boomstick: It didn’t help Ainz’s chances that it was difficult to even find a weakness for Rimuru, and even then, it’s not something Ainz could easily exploit because he doesn’t know anything about Rimuru. Really, there was too much that Rimuru could do that Ainz didn’t have a good counter for.
Wiz: Ainz’s only real hope for victory would have been an instant death spell, but where’s the fun in that?
Boomstick: Even then though, moves like Ainz’s Grab Heart attack wouldn’t have worked because all Rimuru would have to do to escape it is turn into a slime again, so he wouldn’t even have a heart.
Wiz: In the end, Rimuru’s bizarre make-up, extreme durability, and huge number of resistances and immunities were too much for Ainz to handle.
Boomstick: It’s Over for Lord Ainz.
Wiz: The winner is Rimuru Tempest.

Scene cuts.
Boomstick: Next time on Death Battle…
“Accept the things you cannot change, have the courage to change the things you can and have the wisdom to know the difference.”
“You showing your cards tells me that you're young.”

Chapter Text

Death Battle intro plays.
Wiz: Speed. The faster something is, the better it is. But there exists the theory that if something goes fast enough, they can break the time barrier.
Boomstick: Have you done any experiments to back this up?
Wiz: Boomstick, have you got any idea how dangerous time travel is?
Boomstick: Yeah, I know, you could end up banging your own mother like Marty McFly. You don’t need to remind me, I already learned my lesson last time.
Wiz: …I don’t even want to know.
Boomstick: Hit, professional assassin from Dragon Ball’s Universe 6.
Wiz: And Barry Allen aka The Flash, DC’s famous speedster.
Boomstick: He’s Wiz and I’m Boomstick.
Wiz: And it’s our job to analyse their weapons, armour, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

Scene cuts.
Wiz: The Dragon Ball universe is nothing short of a massive one.
Boomstick: Duh, we just covered that in the Beerus vs Galaxia battle we did. It’s like nine times bigger.
Wiz: Good to see you were paying attention. Anyway, Beerus’s universe is just one of twelve.
Boomstick: Formerly eighteen, before a childish murder god got bored.
Wiz: Anyway, in Universe 6, there’s one name that’s feared almost as much as its God of Destruction. That man is named Hit.
Boomstick: To be fair, I’d be more afraid of a guy named after a type of assault than anyone named Champa.
Wiz: Little is known about Hit’s origins, other than the fact that he’s over a thousand years old, and has been a well-known assassin for most of them.
Boomstick: Damn, he’s looking good for a guy his age.
Wiz: In fact, he’s not only completed every single job he’s been given, he’s also completed them in a single strike.
Boomstick: One Hit Man? Heh heh…wait, is that why he’s called Hit?
Wiz: In fact, Hit is so ruthless, that when participating in a tournament, he had to clarify several times that killing was against the rules, just because he’s so unaccustomed to sparing his opponent.
Boomstick: Jeez dude, not everything needs to end in death.
Wiz: Boomstick, every episode of this show literally ends in death.
Boomstick: Oh, right.
Wiz: Anyway, Hit’s signature move is his time skip ability. In short, what happens is Hit essentially moves his body out of the timestream briefly, then back in out of the way of incoming attacks and makes a counterstrike. However, he can only do this for less than a second.
Boomstick: That’s not much time. How can he get anything done in that time?
Wiz: Hit has been refining this technique for a while. And Hit wasn’t exactly slow to begin with, so he utilises that time for all it’s worth. Speaking of which, he really does use that time for all it’s worth.
Boomstick: Yeah, you just said that.
Wiz: No, I mean he stores all the time he skips in a pocket dimension, which he can move into while leaving an image of himself in the real world, though this left-over body is intangible.
Boomstick: That doesn’t sound like science.
Wiz: It’s not. Akira Toriyama is a gag writer, he doesn’t need to understand science, just present something as though it’s based in fact and hope people roll with it.
Boomstick: Just like everything Dan Brown writes.
Wiz: Exactly. Anyway, like practically every Dragon Ball character, Hit can use Ki, which is basically one’s spiritual energy. He can use this in plenty of different ways, including firing at opponents, concentrating it to make himself stronger, or even defending himself against attacks.
Boomstick: Hit’s primary killing move is called Flash Fist Crush, which is basically where he punches someone while he’s time skipping, then hits them with an energy blast.
Wiz: And after plenty of practice, Hit finally managed to fully stop time.
Boomstick: Wait, didn’t Dragon Ball Z already have a time stopper? The weird green guy from the Ginyu Force.
Wiz: Let’s not talk about Guldo.
Boomstick: Yeah, probably for the best.
Wiz: Anyway, this is all due to an ability he possesses called Pure Progress, which allows him to increase his abilities more rapidly than anyone else as needed.
Boomstick: Yeah, most other characters rely on transforming to power up. Hit does not, he basically just gets better on the spot.
Wiz: Truly, a formidable opponent.
Boomstick: So, how do you beat a guy like that?
Wiz: Best bet is to just not go against him. Failing that, his time skips can be predicted if you know what to look for. Hell, Goku worked it out, it can’t be that hard to do. But if you can predict his time skips, you can plan your next move.
Boomstick: Also, keeping an enemy trapped in a time stasis is very energy draining, so if you can survive that, you might be okay.
Wiz: Still, there are very few people across the universes who can stand up to the terrifying powerhouse that is Hit.
Hit: Combat is craft. What matters most is not raw power but the skill by which you hone it.

Scene cuts.
Wiz: Young Barry Allen had a very happy life, and was always rushing around to do everything he ever did.
Boomstick: Until one day his mother was killed in a break-in gone wrong. Because every character ever needs a tragic backstory.
Wiz: Boomstick, his opponent today didn’t have a tragic backstory. Or even much of a backstory for that matter.
Boomstick: Oh, right.
Wiz: Anyway, wanting to solve his mother’s murder, Barry joined the Central City Police Department as a Forensic Investigator.
Boomstick: Until one day, he was conducting experiments during a lightning storm, and the lightning exploded some chemicals on him.
Wiz: These chemicals merged with Barry, and gave him extraordinary abilities.
Boomstick: Hey Wiz, you’re a science person. Do you know what chemicals spilled on him?
Wiz: No, despite my countless experiments. I even tested a bunch of different combinations on DUMMI, and got nothing.
Boomstick: Could that have anything to do with the fact he’s a robot?
Wiz: …Possibly. Anyway, the chemicals that affected Barry changed him, giving him the ability of superspeed, and Barry took on a new superhero persona called The Flash.
Boomstick: Fastest man alive. I’m sure there’s plenty of unsatisfied ladies out there because of him. Heh heh.
Wiz: Boomstick, think of the friction burn.
Boomstick: For who, him or the ladies?
Wiz: Both really.
Boomstick: …ouch.
Wiz: Anyway, Flash’s speed makes it difficult for the human eye to track his movements, as well as superhuman reflexes, an increased durability which gives him a slight healing factor, and an enhanced metabolism which makes it difficult for him to gain weight.
Boomstick: Holy shit, imagine being able to eat like twenty pizzas in one sitting and not getting fat. Living the dream Barry.
Wiz: That’s what you’re taking from this?
Boomstick: Isn’t that the important thing here?
Wiz: *sigh* Why do I even try with you? Anyway, in yet another affront to science, Barry can move so fast he can go intangible. Yes, by moving at supersonic speeds, Barry can phase through the molecules of whatever he wants.
Boomstick: Are you saying he could phase his hand through a person’s chest and grab their heart?
Wiz: He could. In fact, he even threatened to do that once to Damian Wayne.
Boomstick: Wait, WHAT?!
Wiz: He was being possessed by Trigon at the time.
Boomstick: Oh, that’s not so bad then. Otherwise he’d have to answer why he was inside a twelve-year-old boy. Heh heh.
Wiz: BOOMSTICK!
Boomstick: …sorry.
Wiz: Okay, finally, Barry’s speed also allows him create powerful whirlwinds and even lightning.
Boomstick: At the same time?
Wiz: I mean, I guess he could do that if he coordinated his…
Boomstick: That sounds so freaking awesome. Creating a lightning tornado. Holy crap, the devastation…
Wiz: Boomstick, you’re starting to sound like a supervillain.
Boomstick: And because I’m being a supervillain, you can tell me how to kill this superhero.
Wiz: Well, Barry hasn’t got any specific weaknesses outside of your standard human weaknesses.
Boomstick: So, beat the shit out of him until he dies?
Wiz: Theoretically this would work, but only if you can hurt him faster than he can heal. Which is…reasonably fast. He can recover from a broken leg in as little as an hour, and even managed to outrun a nuclear blast after Zoom had beat the crap out of him, which included Barry getting stabbed him in the leg.
Boomstick: Oh yeah, when he broke space-time by saving his mum and ended up making a crapsack world. Who’d have thought dear old Nora would have any effect on who died in some random alley in Gotham, or the flight path of a spaceship in Metropolis, or whether the king of an underwater kingdom and an Amazonian would…
Wiz: We get the point Boomstick, it doesn’t make any goddamn sense.
Boomstick: Okay. Anything else we need to cover?
Wiz: Just that if someone’s in trouble, you can expect Barry Allen to be there in a Flash.
Boomstick: And you complain about my puns?
Barry: Your bedside manners sucks. If I didn't have the Speed Force helping me heal, I'd find another doctor.

Scene cuts.
Wiz: Alright, the combatants are set. Time to end this debate once and for all.
Boomstick: It’s time for a Death Battle!

Scene cuts.
A man was falling down the side of a building, screaming as his death seemed inevitable. Suddenly, a red blur zoomed up the side of the building and grabbed him, before just as quickly returning him to the ground, safe and sound. The man turned around and saw a famous red suit standing there. “Holy crap,” said the man. “Thank you Flash, I thought I was a goner.”
“Don’t mention it,” said The Flash. “It’s what I do.” And without another word, The Flash sped away. Little did he know that someone was watching him.
“This is my target?” asked Hit, who just watched the scene play out below him. “Seems like a nice enough person. Still, a job’s a job. The real question is whether I can hit him.” Hit then took off after the red blur, hoping to catch up before he got too far away.
Meanwhile, The Flash was speeding down the street when all of a sudden, he saw something explode beside him. “What the hell?” he asked, skidding to a halt to investigate. As he started looking at the smoking hole that had just appeared next to him, he saw something out of the corner of his eye. Looking up, he saw a glowing yellow ball speeding towards him. Luckily, as the fastest man alive, he had more than enough time to move out of the way. “Okay, someone wants to kill me,” he said as the attack blew up another small hole. “The question is: who?”
Meanwhile, on top of a building, Hit was mildly disappointed that his second attack had missed. The first one had been to draw his attention (though if it had hit, he wouldn’t be complaining). The second was to put the man down. “Oh well, I guess this makes it more fun,” he said to himself, as the man in red came speeding up the building.
“So, you’re the guy trying to blow me up, huh?” asked The Flash.
“What of it?” asked Hit.
“Well that’s kinda rude,” said The Flash. “I don’t come to your hometown and try to kill you.”
“That’s because you’re not an assassin,” said Hit, preparing another Ki blast.
“Maybe not,” said The Flash, preparing to move. “But I’ve had plenty of experience fighting people wanting to kill me, so you’ll be no problem.”

FIGHT!
The Flash charged in as quick as he could, confident he could land the first blow and stun the assassin, while Hit was preparing to time skip to strike Barry once he was in range. The two got right in close to each other…
…and then missed each other, Barry managing to move just a little too quick for Hit to perceive where he’d be in time, and Barry not knowing about the time skip. “Whoa, what the hell?” asked Barry, stumbling to a stop. “You’re quick too then. Must be the reason you were hired to kill me and not someone else, eh?”
“Indeed,” said Hit. “Still, it’s difficult to keep up with someone who can do this.” As he said this, Hit seemed to disappear from view and reappeared right behind him, before striking as hard as he could. Barry felt the blow and stumbled forward, before righting himself and charging back at the assassin.
Barry managed to attack at such rapid speed that Hit didn’t have time to keep time skipping, and had to dodge with his own skill. “Huh, it’s been a while since I fought someone as fast as me.”
“Hope you’re not too disappointed when you lose then,” said Hit, jumping backwards far enough to get some range. Hit powered up some Ki blasts and started firing them off at Barry, who managed to dodge them with ease.
“Is that all you’ve got?” asked Barry, getting in close to Hit and punching him several times in rapid succession.
“Cocky bastard,” said Hit, getting up again. “You’re not gonna get anywhere with attacks as weak as that.”
“Yeah? How about this then?” asked Barry, whirling his arms around at rapid speeds until he created a massive whirlwind. Hit allowed himself to be sucked into the gust, confident it wouldn’t hurt.
“You think this is going to hurt?” asked Hit, calmly riding the winds with little to no reaction. “This is a carnival ride to me.”
“Oh really?” asked Barry, who had started running while still maintaining his whirlwind. “What if I add some of these?” Barry felt the lightning that came with his superspeed, and started throwing it into the whirlwind he created.
Hit didn’t see the first lightning bolt coming, and got struck with millions of volts of electricity. “What?!” snapped Hit, dodging out of the path of the second bolt to come into the gusts of wind. ‘I need to get out of here,’ he thought to himself, flying straight up as a third lightning bolt shot past him.
“Oh, you’re a flier, eh?” asked Flash. “That’s okay, I’ll just…”
“How about no?” interrupted Hit, flying straight at Barry, and landed a hard punch in his chest. Barry gasped in surprise as Hit continued a vicious assault, knocking the speedster the ground. “This is the end. Say goodbye.” Hit began charging another Ki blast and aimed it at Barry’s head.
“You haven’t won yet,” said Barry, jumping up and swinging a punch at Hit…
…only for his hand to go right through Hit. “What the hell?” asked Barry, trying to strike the assassin.
“What you see before you is just an afterimage,” said Hit. “Good luck trying to hit it, but it looks like this time you will die.”
“Time, eh?” asked Barry. “That gives me an idea.” And with that, Barry took off running as fast as he could.
“You will not outrun me,” said Hit, firing his Ki blast after Barry, but Barry suddenly seemed to disappear. “Did I get him?” All of a sudden, he felt someone wrap their arm around his neck, and what felt like a drill started forcing its way through his back.
“In answer to your question, no,” said Barry, standing behind Hit. “When you said time, I just used my speed to send me back a minute or so before our fight, then waited for this moment. And now, I just need to reach up a little, and…”
Hit felt Barry’s hand wrap around his heart. “You…bastard…” he said, as Barry stopped phasing through Hit’s body and squeezed what he was holding. Hit threw up a huge amount of blood as he collapsed in front of the hero.
“What a mess,” said Barry. “Good thing the suit’s red.”

K. O.
Boomstick: Jesus Christ, that’s beyond brutal. What the hell Barry?
Wiz: Hit’s time skipping was definitely a unique and new ability, and might have given Barry a bit of trouble…if he didn’t have a few work arounds for it.
Boomstick: Yeah, see, Barry has shown time and again he can phase through solid objects. Yes, the physics of it make no sense, but he can do it. So, once he gets free, he basically just outrun Hit and get a better vantage point.
Wiz: And Hit’s time skip is only for a very short period, while Barry can react and move at some pretty extreme speeds.
Boomstick: Both can phase through solid objects, but only one can hurt the other while phasing. Plus, Hit’s phasing takes a lot out of him, so he only does it when he has to, while Barry can do it whenever.
Wiz: In the end, Barry’s speed and abilities were too much for Hit to handle.
Boomstick: This battle was over in a Flash…oh, wait, I already used that for the Quicksilver battle.
Wiz: The winner is Barry Allen, aka The Flash.

Scene cuts.
Boomstick: Next time on Death Battle…
“I don’t need this kind of power. If you want me to inherit such mistakes then I will wipe out the Vongola!!”
“Don't feel insecure just because you lost!! We are Fairy Tail! We're from the guild that doesn't know when to stop! We won't survive unless we keep running!”

Chapter Text

Death Battle intro plays.
Wiz: Fire is a powerful element.
Boomstick: Especially when a nation of their users attacks you.
Wiz: Boomstick, we’re not using a character from that yet.
Boomstick: Aww…
Wiz: Anyway, today’s combatants use their fiery passions to fight to protect their friends, no matter the cost to themselves.
Boomstick: Tsunayoshi Sawada, loser turned next mafia boss from Katekyo Hitman Reborn.
Wiz: And Natsu Dragneel, Fairy Tail’s fire eating Salamander.
Boomstick: He’s Wiz and I’m Boomstick.
Wiz: And it’s our job to analyse their weapons, armour, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

Scene cuts.
Wiz: Tsunayoshi Sawada was a complete loser.
Boomstick: No friends, a complete idiot, absolute klutz, you know, the kind of person that ends up becoming a badass main protagonist in stuff like this.
Wiz: Indeed, because one day his mother found a flier in her mailbox for a live-in tutor that offered to help raise Tsuna’s grades.
Boomstick: And what they got was…a midget baby looking guy in a suit.
Wiz: Tsuna was sceptical too, but don’t let his appearance fool you. This was Reborn, and he’s an accomplished assassin for the mafia.
Boomstick: As evidenced by the fact that, about twenty minutes after their first meeting, Reborn shot Tsuna in the head. Yeah, that’s…that’s generally not how you teach the kid you’re tutoring, for obvious reasons.
Wiz: Luckily, Tsuna was shot with the Dying Will Bullet. The Dying Will Bullet will give its target the passion and drive to accomplish whatever they were regretting not doing when they would have died.
Boomstick: It also leaves them in their underpants, so you better hope you didn’t need your clothes for anything.
Wiz: This was only the beginning of Tsuna’s training from Reborn, because Tsuna was destined to become the tenth boss of the Vongola Mafia Family.
Boomstick: Yeah, turns out the ninth boss was old and dying and didn’t have a direct heir to pass the job onto, so he hired Reborn to train a distant relative that was next in line, not knowing that it was, you know, Tsuna.
Wiz: But with Reborn’s training and frequent shootings in the head, Tsuna became a fearsome force to be reckoned with.
Boomstick: Yeah, like that Dying Will thing? It was upgraded so that he wouldn’t keep losing his clothes, and basically makes Tsuna super aware of everything around him. Also, he can fly now.
Wiz: Tsuna also has use of the Sky Flame. These Sky Flames burn so hot that they can easily melt steel.
Boomstick: Yeah, not to mention he can basically light himself on fire and punch people with his fire, or create a dome of fire to shield himself.
Wiz: Certainly, a big benefit of having fire to help you, especially when it can assimilate with the target, or petrify them.
Boomstick: Wait, WHAT?! Fire-Fist Medusa here can petrify people with fire?
Wiz: Yeah, it doesn’t make a lot of sense. It would make more sense if Tsuna was freezing them with ice, which he can also do.
Boomstick: And we didn’t put him against Todoroki because…
Wiz: Because Kieran wanted to make him fight Weiss instead. And then we put him against Zuko.
Boomstick: Oh yeah, good times. Well, maybe not for you. Anyway, tell me more about what this ice he can do.
Wiz: It’s ice. It freezes stuff. Oh, and it can freeze Dying Will Flames, and allows Tsuna to absorb enemy fire and add it to his own power.
Boomstick: Well holy shit, little guy has some badass to him after all.
Wiz: Tsuna’s main equipment includes the X-Gloves, a pair of gloves surrounded in Dying Will flame so Tsuna doesn’t have to take a bullet just to use it.
Boomstick: There’s also his Box Weapon, which is to say, this cute little lion thing which he calls…wait a minute, that must be a typo. JOCELYN! You’re fired.
Wiz: No, Boomstick, it’s not a typo. Its name is Leone di Cieli, but he nicknamed it Natsu, and it has nothing to do his Tsuna’s opponent today.
Boomstick: Oh boy, this battle’s gonna be confusing.
Wiz: To make things simpler, henceforth he will be referred to as Nuts, another nickname Tsuna gave his pet.
Boomstick: Okay then, what does Nuts do?
Wiz: Well, other than the standard lion arsenal of scratching and biting, he can roar flames at people.
Boomstick: Uh huh, and where can I buy one of these fire kitties?
Wiz: Just join the mafia, if you work up the ranks, they might give you one.
Boomstick: Man, organised crime is awesome, why didn’t I think of doing it earlier?
Wiz: Really, that’s what you’re taking from this?
Boomstick: Should I be taking anything else from this?
Wiz: *sigh* Anyway, Nuts isn’t just a pet, he also has the ability to turn into a cloak capable of nullifying attacks, or he can merge with Tsuna’s X-Gloves and allow him to use even more powerful fire attacks without the need to charge them.
Boomstick: Best. Kitty. Ever. Though I’m assuming Tsuna’s got some pretty serious downsides given all this badassery.
Wiz: Well, yeah. You see, in order to use his Dying Will state, Tsuna must get shot by Reborn…
Boomstick: That sounds very painful.
Wiz: Or take some Dying Will Pills.
Boomstick: Significantly less painful, and solves that weakness.
Wiz: Except that the Dying Will State only lasts for five minutes.
Boomstick: Ahh, that could be a problem.
Wiz: Especially since most of Tsuna’s equipment and his higher forms rely on him being in the Dying Will state to activate them.
Boomstick: Still, if there’s anyone you don’t want to get in the way of when they’re angry, it’s a guy who’s literally glowing with fire.
Tsuna: I consider everything that happened to be precious moments of my life. The pain. The suffering. The fun… And I am here right now because everyone was there for me. I couldn't have accomplished anything by standing still, without anybody's help. I treasure every moment I have spent here. Unlucky? I feel pretty lucky. This is my resolve.

Scene cuts.
Wiz: As a child, Natsu was living a pretty normal life.
Boomstick: But everything changed when the fire dragons attacked…sorry, this is what happens when I binge watch Avatar again.
Wiz: Natsu was killed along with his entire village, except for his brother Zeref, who was so traumatised by the event, he decided to resort to becoming a powerful dark wizard.
Boomstick: And that means necromancy. And as anyone who knows anything about necromancy can tell you, that shit is a bad idea. Like, really bad. Just don’t do it, okay? It never ends well and what you get back is rarely what you want it to be. Just ask my pet goldfish Mr. Goldie.
Wiz: What’s the worst a goldfish could do?
Boomstick: You know how Magikarp evolves into Gyarados? Basically that.
Wiz: Ooh boy…anyway, Natsu was once again alive, but now he was a demon. Luckily Zeref knew how dangerous it would be for Natsu to be around him, so he sent him to live with his friend Igneel, a dragon.
Boomstick: Seems a bit cruel to give a guy who was killed by a dragon TO a dragon, but also DRAGON parent.
Wiz: Igneel taught Natsu how to read and write, and also how to fight like a dragon.
Boomstick: Yeah, Igneel taught Natsu dragon slayer magic, which seems like a bad idea to teach a guy who lost his home and family to dragons, but whatever.
Wiz: Everything was going great for Natsu…then Igneel sent him four hundred years into the future with no explanation whatsoever.
Boomstick: Damn, what a dick, dragon dad.
Wiz: To be fair, it was part of Igneel’s plan to save the world, something he didn’t tell Natsu about and let him believe he’d been abandoned, but things still worked out reasonably well for Natsu.
Boomstick: Hey Wiz, maybe that’s why my dad isn’t around. He’s really a dragon who sent me to the future to save the world. That’s why I can breathe fire.
Wiz: Boomstick, that’s you lighting your burps on fire.
Boomstick: Oh yeah? Well *pulls out a lighter* Take this *belches really loud while holding the lit lighter* Take that Wiz.
Wiz: Good thing DUMMI was here *showing DUMMI had taken the entire blast and left him unharmed*
DUMMI: Somebody kill me.
Wiz: Maybe later. But despite Natsu feeling abandoned by Igneel, he started looking for him, and ended up joining the Fairy Tail guild, a group of wizards who work together to complete missions as a job.
Boomstick: Err…you might want to redefine your definition of “work together” when it comes to Fairy Tail.
Wiz: Natsu ended up being one of their most capable wizards at the guild. He’s incredibly strong, incredibly durable, a skilled hand-to-hand combatant, and uses a very unique brand of magic.
Boomstick: Yeah, fire. Lots and lots of fire.
Wiz: Natsu can breathe fire with his signature move Fire Dragon’s Roar, light his fists on fire for his Fire Dragon’s Iron Fist attack, and perhaps his most unique and terrifying ability, eating fire to replenish his magic supply.
Boomstick: You know you’re in trouble when your opponent eats the thing that should be incinerating him.
Wiz: Fire’s not even the only kind of magic he can eat to gain the powers of. Natsu can also eat lightning and use that, becoming the Lightning Fire Dragon.
Boomstick: Yeah, but fire’s still his main mode of attacking. He can even increase its power by entering the Dragon Force. He just needs to go Through the Fire and Flames…
Wiz: Just stop, okay? We haven’t even covered Natsu’s most powerful form: Fire Dragon King Mode. In this form, he can use the most powerful of dragon techniques: Demolition Fist and Fire Dragon King’s Roar.
Boomstick: Basically, he’s powerful enough to wipe out a town in a single blow. Sometimes he even means to do it.
Wiz: But usually not. As keen and observant of a fighter Natsu is, he quite often completely ignores how much damage he’s doing to everything around him. This hasty attitude is perhaps his biggest weakness…
Boomstick: Except for motion sickness.
Wiz: Okay, yeah, there’s that too. Anything where the ground beneath his feet is moving causes Natsu to suffer some pretty intense motion sickness, though I don’t think Tsuna’s going to be calling in any cars or boats for this battle.
Boomstick: I guess you’re right…
Wiz: But anyway, Natsu’s hasty attitude is related to his desire to protect his friends at any cost. No matter how many times he gets knocked down, he gets right back up to save anyone he cares about, even against significantly tougher foes.
Boomstick: If nothing else, he’s determined. Suicidally so, but determined nonetheless.
Wiz: But as long as Natsu has a pool of magic to draw from, you can always count on him to come to the rescue, even if it means blowing up a port or two.
Natsu: It's for my friends! For seven years...all that time...they waited for us! It was hard on them... They had sad times... They got humiliated, but they just endured it... And kept protecting the guild... It's for my friends! I want to show them...that Fairy Tail will live on!! That's why I gotta move forward!!

Scene cuts.
Wiz: Alright, the combatants are set. Time to end this debate once and for all.
Boomstick: It’s time for a Death Battle!

Scene cuts.
“Hey Natsu, are you gonna go out on a mission today?” asked Happy.
“I don’t know. Let’s see what the board has,” said Natsu, heading over to the jobs board to see what was available. “Let’s see…investigate mysterious meteorites that keep falling? Boring. Strange humanoids randomly appearing around the world? Nah, that probably means we have to travel. That’ll suck. Ooh, what’s this?” Natsu grabbed a job off the board and started reading it.
“What’s it say Natsu?” asked Happy.
“It’s an assassination,” said Natsu. “They want us to kill some mafia boss. Looks easy enough.”
“I don’t know Natsu. Wouldn’t a mob boss have a bunch of henchmen around?” asked Happy.
“Pfft, this’ll be easy,” said Natsu. “Besides, he doesn’t look that tough. Come on Happy, let’s go.” Natsu turned to the door and started off to go look for his target.
Meanwhile, in a nearby part of town, Tsuna was walking down a street with Reborn. “So, why are we in a town like this?” asked Tsuna. “It looks pretty peaceful, and nothing’s trying to kill me, so why would you take me here?”
“Tsuna, you make it sound like everything I do for you is mafia related,” said Reborn, knowing full well that’s what he does for Tsuna. “Can’t I do something nice for you every once in a while, without having an ulterior mafia-related motive?”
“You can, but you don’t,” said Tsuna, as he accidentally bumped into a guy going the other way with pink hair. “Oh, sorry.”
The pink haired guy stared at him for a moment, before looking at a piece of paper he had. “You,” he said. “You’re the one I’m looking for.”
“Ah…” said Tsuna. “I think you’ve got the wrong…”
“Oh yeah, this town is famous for having bounty hunters who complete plenty of dangerous missions, including assassinations,” said Reborn nonchalantly. “Your name and picture have probably been passed on to them.”
“WHAT?!” yelled Tsuna, as the pink haired guy’s hands suddenly caught fire. “Reborn, you…”
“You might wanna get ready,” said Reborn, loading his gun. “Because you’re about to get in a fight.”
“I hate…” started Tsuna, as Reborn fired his gun. Tsuna fell to the ground, unconscious.
Natsu stared at this in shock, his hands no longer on fire. “What the hell?” asked Natsu. “You took my bounty away from me.”
“Uh, Natsu?” said Happy, tugging on Natsu’s vest, trying to get his attention to something happening with the body.
“Hold on Happy,” said Natsu, brushing the flying cat off. “Why would you do that? He was your big brother or something wasn’t h…” Before Natsu could finished his sentence, the body in front of him jumped up from the ground, looking very not dead.
“With my dying will I will kick this pink haired freak’s ass,” yelled Tsuna, tearing out of his clothes and with fire coming out of the hole in his head.
Natsu stared at him for a moment, before getting a huge grin on his face. “Yeah, I’m getting real fired up now,” said Natsu. “And you know what? I know another guy who always takes his clothes off, AND THAT PISSES ME OFF!” Natsu’s hands caught fire again, and he lunged at Tsuna, while Tsuna did the same to him.

FIGHT!
Natsu and Tsuna began throwing punches at one another, sometimes connecting, sometimes missing, but all of them thrown with significant force. Eventually, Tsuna broke the deadlock by headbutting Natsu in the nose, before kicking him in the chest. “I will fight you as if I were to die,” growled Tsuna, punching Natsu in the cheek.
“Yeah?” said Natsu. “That’s good, I didn’t want to get fired up for nothing.” Natsu took a deep breath, before getting ready to attack. “Fire Dragon Roar.” A huge column of fire shot out of Natsu’s mouth, blasting Tsuna back.
“You think that’s enough?” asked Tsuna, body covered in burns but acting like nothing was wrong.
“And I thought Fairy Tail was crazy,” said Natsu, as Tsuna charged back in and started throwing some hard blows against Natsu. Natsu dodged and blocked as many as he could, while throwing his own punches and kicks back at him.
“You got him Natsu,” cheered Happy from the sidelines. “He’s no match for…” Suddenly, Happy saw a bullet fly right past him.
“I don’t miss twice,” said Reborn, aiming his gun at Happy.
“AH! Natsu! The baby has a gun and he’s trying to kill me,” said Happy, flying as quickly as possible in order to avoid Reborn’s bullets.
“Happy, not sure if you noticed, but I’m kinda busy right now,” said Natsu, flipping Tsuna over his shoulder, only for Tsuna to kick him through a store front.
“Then what am I supposed to do about the gun?” asked Happy.
“I don’t know,” said Natsu, leaping out of the building and socking Tsuna in the mouth. “He’s a baby, he can’t be that difficult.”
“You could also just die,” said Reborn, lining up the shot. Unfortunately, as Reborn pulled the trigger, Natsu was thrown into him and the bullet was way off course.
“Good luck Natsu, I’m outta here,” said Happy, flying off past a building.
“Well, I guess that leaves you and me,” said Natsu, punching his fists together. “I suppose you need to cool off a bit.”
“I’m gonna kill you as if I was to die,” growled Tsuna, just as Natsu leapt on him and pressed his lips to the bullet hole in Tsuna’s head. “What…are you…”
Natsu began sucking on the flame protruding from the hole, before jumping back and wiping his mouth. “Not the best fire I’ve eaten, but it’s definitely better than what Gajeel has to eat.”
“Huh…that’s new…” said Reborn, shrugging his shoulders. “Good luck Tsuna.”
“I don’t care what you eat,” said Tsuna, running at Natsu. “I’m gonna kick the shit out of you.”
“Good luck,” said Natsu. “Because I’m even more fired up now.” Tsuna struck Natsu as hard as he could, only for Natsu to grab his arm and hold it while he kicked Tsuna in the chest. “Avoid this. Fire Dragon’s Roar!” Another column of flame spewed from Natsu’s mouth, engulfing Tsuna.
“That’s not good,” said Reborn calmly. “Hopefully Tsuna works out a strategy soon, or else he’s doomed.”
Natsu let go of the burning boy, and turned as if to leave. “If you know what’s good for you, you’ll stay down,” he said.
Tsuna slowly gets back up. “No,” he said, glaring at Natsu. “I don’t think I will go down quietly.” Natsu turned to look at him as Tsuna made another charge at him. Natsu grabbed Tsuna’s fists as they were about to hit him…
…only for his hands to suddenly be encased in ice. “Wha…what the hell?” asked Natsu, as Tsuna started freezing more parts of his body.
“This ends now,” said Tsuna, preparing to completely encase Natsu in ice.
In response, Natsu just laughed. “Using ice now, eh?” he said. “You’re just reminding me even more of that ice-using prick. AND THAT PISSES ME OFF MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE YOU’VE DONE!” Fire began spurting up from around Natsu.
“I guess I have to end this quickly then,” said Tsuna, raising his hand to finish freezing Natsu.
“Oh yeah?” asked Natsu, as the fire seemed to reach its climax. “Fire Dragon King Mo…” Before he could finish his sentence, Tsuna froze over Natsu’s mouth.
“How annoying,” said Tsuna, turning his back. However, that’s when he heard a few loud cracks begin. “You’ve gotta be kidding me,” he said as Natsu burst from the block of ice in a new fiery form. Tsuna could have sworn he saw Natsu taking a bite out of a rock, but whatever it was Natsu had already pocketed it again.
“I’m ending this,” said Natsu. “You’re finished.”
“You make it sound like I’m about to lose,” said Tsuna, preparing to try and freeze Natsu again.
Natsu charged at Tsuna again, fists blazing. Tsuna got ready to freeze the attack when it hit, and…
“Gotcha,” said Tsuna, freezing Natsu’s fists as they made contact with him.
“Exactly, gotcha,” said Natsu. “Do you know what happens when ice melts?”
“It turns to water. So what?” asked Tsuna.
“Just saying, it’s a good thing I have lightning magic now too,” said Natsu, with the biggest smirk on his face.
“WHAT?!” yelled Tsuna, realising the ice he’d been using to freeze Natsu was melting all over him, and sparks were flying through the air.
“LIGHTNING FIRE DRAGON’S ROAR!” yelled Natsu, a surge of electricity connecting with the water on Tsuna’s body and electrocuting him, before the fire began to burn him.
Tsuna tried to get up, but made a horrifying discovery: his five minutes were up, and he was no longer in Dying Will Mode. “Crap, I need to…” started Tsuna.
“FIRE DRAGON KING’S ROAR!” screamed Natsu, as a huge column of flame engulfed Tsuna. Tsuna could only watch and scream as his body was incinerated, leaving nothing behind but a huge pile of ash. “Well, that was fun,” said Natsu cheerfully.
“I knew you could do it,” said Happy.
“You weren’t even here,” replied Natsu.
“I also knew you could do it,” said Reborn.
“HE WAS YOUR…” Natsu started yelling, before realising something. “Oh crap, he’s a pile of ash now, I can’t claim the reward. NOOO!”

K. O.
Boomstick: I don’t suppose whoever gives out rewards accepts urns as payment, do they?
Wiz: Both combatants possessed some extraordinary abilities, but one of them definitely had much more power than the other.
Boomstick: Well, considering Natsu has been training since he was a child with Igneel, and continued getting stronger with Fairy Tail, and is ALWAYS itching for a fight, while Tsuna’s only been training since he was a teenager and doesn’t fight unless he has to, one definitely had more experience than the other.
Wiz: Also considering Tsuna’s main method of attacking involves fire, something that Natsu eats to replenish his magic, and suddenly Tsuna’s running low on options on how to fight Natsu.
Boomstick: And it’s not like Natsu doesn’t know how to fight ice users. I mean, how many times has he fought Gray? Like, a lot.
Wiz: Also, Tsuna doesn’t really have any counters for lightning magic, so Natsu always had that as a backup plan.
Boomstick: Tsuna would even be able to use Nuts, since most of his attacks are fire based, so that’s just more fuel for Natsu. And even though Natsu’s kind of…err…
Wiz: Rash and sometimes idiotic in nature?
Boomstick: Yeah, that. Anyway, despite that, Natsu’s a brilliant strategist in a fight. So, he was always going to come out on top here.
Wiz: In the end, Natsu’s experience, abilities, and amazingly his strategic mind were too much for Tsuna to handle.
Boomstick: Loser Tsuna was today’s loser.
Wiz: The winner is Natsu Dragneel.

Scene cuts.
Boomstick: Next time on Death Battle…
“I am the guardian of the Sol Emeralds... It is a fate that forces me to live with my curse, my flames... Because of my powers, I have always been alone... It's also why I must do this alone! It is my responsibility!”
“I have uprooted mountains, Toa. I have ridden the tornado and filled the earthquake with fear. When you were still toiling at your mundane Matoran chores, I and others like me were holding your universe together. Do you really believe your puny powers can threaten a member of the Order of Mata Nui?”

Chapter Text

Death Battle intro plays.
Wiz: Interdimensional travel has been a staple of science fiction for decades now, and today’s combatants have been doing so…maybe not quite that long, but certainly it’s part of their character.
Boomstick: Also, they’re known for protecting their universe’s super powerful McGuffin, so there’s that.
Wiz: Blaze the Cat, pyrokinesis using cat from Sonic the Hedgehog.
Boomstick: And Brutaka, leader of the Order of Mata Nui from Bionicle. He’s Wiz and I’m Boomstick.
Wiz: And it’s our job to analyse their weapons, armour, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

Scene cuts.
Wiz: Being born into royalty sounds like it would be a pretty nice and easy life.
Boomstick: Let me guess: it was anything but for the combatant we’re talking about?
Wiz: Unfortunately, it was anything but for Princess Blaze.
Boomstick: Called it.
Wiz: Blaze was born with some very powerful fire abilities, which would aid her in her future role of protector of the Sol Emeralds.
Boomstick: Sounds pretty awesome to me.
Wiz: Unfortunately, due to her inability to control these powers, she was often the victim of bullying from other children.
Boomstick: WHAT?! How stupid are these kids? “Hey, you know that kid who can’t control their fire magic? Let’s make fun of them for that. That can’t possibly go wrong, can it?” Trust me, Kentucky Fried Child doesn’t taste as good as it sounds.
Wiz: …I don’t even want to know why you know what that tastes like. But luckily, there were no such incidents with Blaze.
Boomstick: That’s because they won’t put it in a kid’s game. It would have totally happened, trust me.
Wiz: Whether it happened or not, Blaze resigned herself to her duty to protect the Sol Emeralds, choosing to shoulder the burden alone because she saw her powers as a curse.
Boomstick: And because she was protecting the Sol Emeralds, she ended up making enemies with the evil Dr. Eggman N…OH MY GOD! Can he call himself that? He’s not even black.
Wiz: Boomstick, that says Nega, which is usually considered a negative or opposite version of an original concept.
Boomstick: Wow Wiz, negative version? Never took you for a racist.
Wiz: UGH! You’re impossible. Anyway, when Blaze and Sonic’s dimensions started to merge into each other, Dr. Eggman, the normal one, stole the Sol Emeralds, forcing Blaze to have to team up with Sonic himself.
Boomstick: Not being racist to the non-N-word one, I see.
Wiz: *heavy sigh* Why do I even bother with you? Anyway, after the two Eggmen teamed up and drained the Sol Emeralds of their power, Blaze managed to re-energise them, and unlocked her true power.
Boomstick: Wait, how did she recharge the things that are supposed to be full of infinite energy, then use their power, which is actually hers because they were drained, to become her ultimate form?
Wiz: The power of friendship? I don’t know, Sonic lore doesn’t make a lot of sense. I mean, have you compared Sonic to an actual hedgehog? They’re nothing alike. How can anyone identify him as a hedgehog?
Boomstick: You’re right, I’ve never seen a blue hedgehog before.
Wiz: Really? That’s what you’re taking from this?
Boomstick: Well, that’s enough about Jim Carrey’s arch enemy, let’s talk about Blaze and her powers.
Wiz: Yes, well, Blaze’s main weapon of attack is her pyrokinesis. Originally, she did have a lot of trouble controlling it, but now she has so much control over it, she can thaw frozen creatures without harming them, or even control fire that wasn’t even created by her.
Boomstick: This cat is so hot, she can literally engulf her body in flames for fiery attacks, or put up huge defensive walls of flame.
Wiz: Did you just say Blaze is hot?
Boomstick: Err…hey, what else is Blaze capable of?
Wiz: *smirking* Well, like most Sonic characters, Blaze is superfast, though not as fast as Sonic himself. However, he has acknowledged she has better reflexes than him.
Boomstick: That little prick acknowledged someone is faster than him in some way? What universe is this?
Wiz: She’s also one of the toughest female characters in the franchise, being at least equal to Sonic in combat skill. Her most notable technique is to turn herself into a tornado made of fire.
Boomstick: You hear that? Tornado made of fire. That just doesn’t seem physically possible.
Wiz: Actually, while rare, Fire Whirls are absolutely possible, and they’re at least as dangerous as Blaze.
Boomstick: Well I’ll be damned. What about this Fire Claw attack? Is that possible?
Wiz: You mean lighting your hand on fire and homing in on your enemy with it? No, I don’t think that’s possible.
Boomstick: Shows what you know *lights his hand on fire* HIYA! *Wiz puts DUMMI in the way* Aww, that was meant to kill you.
DUMMI: If only.
Wiz: Anyway, Blaze’s fire can also allow her to hover in the air, and destroy any enemy in her path. And all of this is before we get to her ultimate form.
Boomstick: Yeah, by harnessing the power of the Sol Emeralds, Blaze transforms into Burning Blaze, and becomes damn near unkillable.
Wiz: All of Blaze’s strength, power, and speed is boosted, and Blaze herself is practically invulnerable. Not to mention her pyrokinesis is significantly boosted too.
Boomstick: Basically, she becomes an unstoppable killing machine. So that means there’s probably some kind of downside to all this power.
Wiz: You mean the fact that it only lasts a short time? Maybe a minute or so.
Boomstick: Yeah, so she probably wants to take out anyone she’s fighting in that form pretty quickly.
Wiz: Outside of this transformation, Blaze also has a fear of heights…
Boomstick: WHAT?! She’s a cat, she’ll land on her feet.
Wiz: Agreed, seeing as how there’s been a case of a cat falling thirty-two stories and only suffering a chipped tooth and a slightly punctured lung. Must have something to do with being a human cat instead of a cat-cat.
Boomstick: So, you’re saying Blake should have fought Blaze instead of Mikasa?
Wiz: I said no such thing. Anyway, Blaze also has a bit of a rash attitude which can cause her to make bad decisions, something that she’s still not completely past.
Boomstick: Still, when you need someone who can fire past any obstacle to do the right thing, you can always count on Blaze the Cat.
Blaze: My enemies always fall before me!

Scene cuts.
Wiz: The Brotherhood of Makuta was a group of Bionicle created to make another type of Bionicle called the Rahi. However, eventually their goals became simply to wipe out their enemies and rule the universe.
Boomstick: Well, I mean, under Teridax it was. Remember him? The guy who lost to a character from Sonic ’06? That loser?
Wiz: Boomstick, that was one of the closest battles we’ve ever done, and we nearly gave it to him.
Boomstick: Yeah, I know.
Wiz: Anyway, one of the Makuta wasn’t really onboard with the conquering of the universe, and decided to join the Order of Mata Nui, whose goal was basically the opposite of that.
Boomstick: This was Brutaka, and that’s as much of his early life as we can find on Bionicle Wiki. It has nothing from before he was a lieutenant for the Brotherhood.
Wiz: It’s not the most interesting of backstories, but…
Boomstick: Not the most interesting? The only character with less backstory is Waluigi, and his backstory is basically “I’m friends with Wario”.
Wiz: Point taken. Anyway, Brutaka joined the Order of Mata Nui and fought to defend the Mask of Life…until he began to suspect the Great Spirit had either died or abandoned them and betrayed the Order.
Boomstick: Died or abandoned by someone who’s basically the father of all life? Why do I relate to this on a personal level?
Wiz: Yeah, betrayal didn’t work out too well for him, since he ended up imprisoned in a pit. Luckily, he redeemed himself by stopping Teridax.
Boomstick: Like it’s that hard to beat a guy who lost to someone from So…
Wiz: For the last time, quality of the content has nothing to do with the feats of the combatant. That’s why RoboCop had his jetpack when fighting Terminator.
Boomstick: *sigh* So stupid…
Wiz: Anyway, there’s a reason Brutaka is such a valuable asset, regardless of which side he’s fighting on. His standard arsenal contains his spinning blades, as well as two Protosteel daggers that can be thrown or stab things.
Boomstick: Oh, and a mask. No big deal, right? Except that this mask can open up DIMENSIONAL GATEWAYS! That seems like something that should be more important that a few blades, right?
Wiz: Well, yeah, but it’s hardly the most effective thing in his arsenal, especially given he has some powerful lightning attacks as well.
Boomstick: You’re gonna make me ask how powerf…
Wiz: Powerful enough to take down the Toa Nuva in a single shot, and also brought down a Kanohi Dragon.
Boomstick: You had me at dragon.
Wiz: On top of that, Brutaka also has powers he inherited from exposure to Antidermis, including Flight and Teleportation.
Boomstick: Well that’s pretty cool, what else has he got?
Wiz: Well…
Boomstick: Don’t tell me that’s all he got?
Wiz: It’s not so much that that’s all he got, it’s that he doesn’t show himself to use any other powers, even though it’s implied he does get others. Therefore, we can’t give him any of the other Kraata Powers.
Boomstick: It really feels like we’re skipping over a lot of lore for this battle.
Wiz: Yes, because the Bionicle lore is so unbelievably complex, it’s difficult to condense it without skipping something important.
Boomstick: It’s like if Kingdom Hearts and Metal Gear’s kid had a kid with Lost and Pretty Little Liars’ kid.
Wiz: Right…anyway, while locked in The Pit, which by the way is an underwater jail, Brutaka started to mutate. He grew a dorsal fin and spikes, and became a water breather.
Boomstick: It got so bad, that Brutaka needed a special mask when he got out of the prison just so he could breathe above ground.
Wiz: And while this was reversed later, this does mean that Brutaka is capable of breathing underwater, since he wouldn’t have been capable of this prior to his imprisonment.
Boomstick: Clearly Brutaka is pretty powerful, so what can we expect in terms of weaknesses?
Wiz: Actually…nothing notable.
Boomstick: You’re kidding, right?
Wiz: Well, while he was mutated, Brutaka was incapable of breathing air, and had to use the water mask to do so, but beyond that, anything that would kill a normal person would likely…
Boomstick: Hold up, what did you say?
Wiz: I…I don’t…
Boomstick: You just called Brutaka a person. However, every picture and video we have of him clearly shows that he’s some kind of robot.
Wiz: Well, arguably, since Bionicles are the only sentient lifeform in their universe, they are what passes for people in that universe. Plus, the ‘Bio’ in their name would hint that they are in some way organic.
Boomstick: I’m sure there’s something wrong with your logic, but I don’t science enough to know what it is.
Wiz: Let’s just leave it at this then: Brutaka is a powerful Bionicle, whether he’s human or robot.
Boomstick: And has that sweet-ass double-sword. Don’t forget that.
Brutaka: In my time, I've dared lots of things, maybe too many things. I fell a long way from the light and I can never find my way back. But the darkness is not so complete that I cannot recognize a monster when I see one.

Scene cuts.
Wiz: Alright, the combatants are set. Time to end this debate once and for all.
Boomstick: It’s time for a Death Battle!

Scene cuts.
Blaze the Cat was sitting back in a cave, keeping an eye on the Sol Emeralds, when she saw a blinding flash. “What was that?” she asked, getting to her feet. “Is someone after the Sol Emeralds? Is it Eggman Nega?” Blaze gathered the Emeralds, and took off to investigate whatever it was.
Meanwhile, at the crash site, Brutaka got up. “What is this place?” he asked. “This doesn’t look like Voya Nui. Wait…what’s that?” Brutaka watched as a purple blur sped towards him. “Maybe they know what’s going on.” Blaze came to a stop right in front of him. “Hi, uh…what are you?”
“The question is what are you?” demanded Blaze. “You look like one of Eggman’s creations. Are you here for the Sol Emeralds?”
“I…what?” asked Brutaka. “I’m gonna go with…yes, see where that gets me.”
“Dead is what it gets you,” said Blaze, his fist igniting as she closed it.
“Okay, guess I’m doing this then,” said Brutaka, preparing to take on Blaze.

FIGHT!
Blaze flew at Brutaka with her fists ignited, and started trying to land a solid blow on him somewhere. Brutaka instead blocked as many blows as he could with his weapon, though the occasional attack made it through. Eventually though Brutaka saw an opening, and swung his blade at Blaze.
Blaze jumped back, and began circling Brutaka, looking for the right moment to attack again. “You’re a bit tougher than what Eggman normally sends,” acknowledged Blaze. “But there’s no way you’ll be able to beat me.”
“Prepare to be disappointed then,” said Brutaka, taking aim at Blaze and firing several bolts of lightning at her. Blaze began running again, dodging around Brutaka’s attacks and trying to get in close enough to attack again. That’s when Brutaka grabbed one of his throwing knives, and threw it at her.
Blaze only had a fraction of a second to react as the knife soared past her face, and it still grazed her cheek. Blaze winced in pain, but refused to let that stop her.
“HA! Take that,” said Brutaka, getting ready to throw his other knife.
Blaze noticed Brutaka’s hand this time, and decided she wasn’t letting that happen again. “Fire Claw!” Blaze yelled, her body igniting as she launched herself at Brutaka.
“Huh?” gasped Brutaka, as he was suddenly struck with a ball of flaming cat. “Hey, that’s not fair, I was about to attack.”
“You ain’t seen nothing yet,” said Blaze. “Axel Tornado.” Blaze launched herself into the air and held herself up with her flames, before spinning around faster and faster, causing a big fiery tornado.
“Well, this is gonna suck,” said Brutaka, as he was pulled into the flaming vortex. “Literally.” As Brutaka spun around and around, Blaze was sure to land a blow each time he was in range. Brutaka grabbed his Rotating Blades and tried to hit back against the purple cat, but didn’t have a lot of luck.
“I’m not going to let this drag on any longer,” said Blaze, preparing to hit Brutaka with everything she had.
“Neither am I,” said Brutaka, who grabbed his other throwing knife and hid it behind his back ready to strike. “Bring it on.”
“FIRE CLAW!” yelled Blaze, zooming at Brutaka head on. Brutaka held his ground, waiting for the right moment to strike.
“Gotcha,” Brutaka said under his breath, throwing his knife right when Blaze was at the point of no return with her attack. Blaze’s eyes shot open when she saw the blade, but couldn’t do anything before it embedded itself in her chest. Brutaka smiled at his success, and teleported away before Blaze’s attack could land.
“This…isn’t the end,” said Blaze, managing to stand despite the knife in her gut.
“You are a spirited one, aren’t you?” asked Brutaka, preparing to strike with his blade. “But I have other things to do, so…”
“No,” said Blaze, the Sol Emeralds circling around her as her lifted off the ground. Blaze pulled the knife out of her gut as she began to glow. “I mean this isn’t the end for me.”
“Oh, this can’t be good,” said Brutaka, as Blaze was engulfed in a bright glow, and came out as Burning Blaze.
“It’s not,” said Blaze, her body once again engulfed in flames. “For you at least.” Without another word, Blaze flew at Brutaka, catching him in the chest and throwing him to the ground. She then began pummelling him as hard as she could, leaving dents wherever she hit.
“OW! Get off of me,” said Brutaka, attempting to stab Blaze, only for his weapon to have no effect. “No! Stop…stop it.”
“How about no?” asked Blaze, bringing her fists up to finish the job. Brutaka decided to use this opportunity to his advantage and pushed the furious cat off of him.
“Get back over here,” growled Blaze, flying back at him. Brutaka used the precious little time he had to create a portal between himself and Blaze, which Blaze flew right into. “HEY!” she yelled, as she flew into a lake on the other side of the portal.
“Hey yourself,” said Brutaka, coming through the portal himself and landing on a nearby rock. “At least your fire’s out now.”
Blaze rose from the lake, looking more furious than ever. “You die for that,” she said…
…just as her time as Burning Blaze ran out. “Ooh, that looks good for me,” said Brutaka, thrusting his blade forward and impaling Blaze. Blaze just gasped in shock as she coughed up a mouthful of blood. “Goodbye kitty cat,” said Brutaka, shoving Blaze under the water, before charging another electric attack through his weapon. Blaze screamed for a few seconds, before eventually succumbing to her injuries and dying. Brutaka pulled his weapon out of the water. “Eww, charred cat is disgusting,” he said, carefully scraping her remains off his weapon.

K. O.
Boomstick: Jeez, overkill much?
Wiz: Yeah, especially considering the battle wouldn’t have been that devastating of a loss to Blaze.
Boomstick: Okay, let’s hear you nerd out about this.
Wiz: Blaze was certainly a powerful opponent, and in all likelihood could possibly have beaten Brutaka with her Burning Blaze form.
Boomstick: However, Brutaka really just had to hold out against that and he’d eventually be able to win, since he can literally change the battleground until he found something he liked.
Wiz: And given that he can beat Teridax, perhaps the most powerful Bionicle in existence, we know he can hold his own in a fight.
Boomstick: Also, what defence does Blaze have against getting stabbed, or against lots of electricity? Not a lot, that’s what.
Wiz: In the end, Brutaka’s weaponry and fighting skills were too much for Blaze to handle.
Boomstick: Blaze’s fire has been snuffed out.
Wiz: The winner is Brutaka.

Scene cuts.
Boomstick: Next time on Death Battle…
“Hey, [redacted], there doesn't appear to be anyone in here.” “Oh yes there is. The music's changed. Every time that happens, we always end up in a fight...”
"It all started.... yesterday. What a day that was! It's what I call... a bad fur day."

Chapter Text

Death Battle intro plays.
Wiz: Rareware are known for a variety of great, if sometimes underrated or unknown games.
Boomstick: Would you say their games are RAREly talked about.
Wiz: God damn it Boomstick, I thought we agreed on only one horrible pun per episode.
Boomstick: Oh, come on, you left yourself wide open with that comment.
Wiz: *heavy sigh* I really hate you. Anyway, today’s combatants are Rareware’s most iconic animal characters, facing off in a no holds barred beatdown.
Boomstick: Conker, the smartass squirrel from Conker’s Bad Fur Day.
Wiz: And Banjo & Kazooie, the iconic bear and bird duo from Smash…oh, and the Banjo-Kazooie games.
Boomstick: He’s Wiz, and I’m Boomstick.
Wiz: And it’s our job to analyse their weapons, armour, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

Scene cuts.
Wiz: When Conker was young, he was told by his parents to never drink alcohol, not to be greedy, and not to swear.
Boomstick: He took exactly none of that advice, unless you actually think Diddy Kong Racing is canon.
Wiz: This is most evidenced by the time he went out drinking one night, and accidentally wandered into the Panther Kingdom with a horrible hangover.
Boomstick: This squirrel is now my spirit animal. And I don’t mean spirit as in a soul, I mean spirit as in booze.
Wiz: Of course you do. Anyway, you’d think it would be a simple matter of just sobering up and heading back the way you came in order to fix this problem.
Boomstick: Unfortunately, the Panther King needed a new table leg, and a red squirrel would be exactly the right size and shape for just that purpose. Yes, that is the bad guy’s big plan. He wants to use Conker as a table leg so that his milk wouldn’t keep spilling.
Wiz: I know you’re not supposed to cry over spilt milk, but I think homicide might be a bit far.
Boomstick: To be fair, that’s hardly the most ridiculous thing in that game. Seriously, the game has a giant poo that sings opera. That’s a sentence that no-one should be able to say, and yet I can say it because someone made it true.
Wiz: Truly, a game of a pure class. Anyway, obviously the Panther King had to send his best and brightest soldiers to go and capture Conker…
Boomstick: And by that, you mean a guy so stupid that Conker was able to convince him that squirrels are elephants and vice versa.
Wiz: If that’s the best the Panther King has to offer, I think Conker is going to be fine.
Boomstick: Yeah, and with his huge arsenal of weapons, he definitely has the firepower to take down the Panther King…or his evil scientist henchman.
Wiz: There’s a reason you don’t cross the mad scientist, and why you should remember not to leave your empty beer bottles in their lab.
Boomstick: Heh heh, nice try Wiz, but your lab is more convenient than the dumpster three feet further away.
Wiz: Anyway, Conker’s arsenal includes a chainsaw, a katana, a shotgun, a flamethrower, twin SMGs, lots of throwing knives, a laser guided crossbow, a rocket launcher, dynamite, a slingshot, and finally, a frying pan.
Boomstick: Holy crap, that’s a lot of stuff for a tiny squirrel to carry. Where the hell does he even keep it all?
Wiz: Here’s the thing about those weapons: Conker accesses most of them through something called a Context Sensitive Button.
Boomstick: A what?
Wiz: Basically, it’s an area where, if you stand on it, you get whatever item you need most at the time. For example, when fighting a bunch of submarines, he got the rocket launcher to help destroy them.
Boomstick: That just sounds like the writers wanted to help get out of explaining how he gets out of every situation…wait, he’s aware of that right?
Wiz: Well, yeah, but…
Boomstick: OH CRAP, another fourth wall breaker.
Deadpool: Did somebody say…
Boomstick: DUMMI, get rid of him.
DUMMI: Request acknowledged and ignored.
Deadpool: Yeah, you really think a tiny robot’s enough to get rid of me?
Wiz: Go back to Disney so you can get your third movie.
Deadpool: Fine, but sooner or later I’ll be back… *puts on sunglasses as he rides a motorcycle away*
Boomstick: Never bring up the fourth wall again.
Wiz: Agreed. Anyway, Conker’s abilities aren’t just the stuff he gets from context sensitive areas. He’s also able to fly for a short time by rotating his tail like a helicopter blade, and is strong enough to somewhat control an angry bull’s movements.
Boomstick: And he’s durable enough to survive an explosion that destroyed the tank he was in.
Wiz: What makes this attack even more impressive is that this same explosion knocked out Private Rodent, who was wearing indestructible armour at the time.
Boomstick: God damn, Conker’s a freaking badass. Get this: because he’s a squirrel, death can’t take his soul unless he allows it.
Wiz: Not quite. Squirrels actually only have as many lives as they think they can get away with. Since both combatants can have multiple lives before dying completely, we’re just giving each one life.
Boomstick: Fine, but he still has some awesome shit at his disposal.
Wiz: Actually, since most of Conker’s best weapons come from when he’s standing on a context sensitive button, he often has to rely on other methods to accomplish what he needs to. It isn’t even that hard to get him off of a button if you need to.
Boomstick: Still, if there’s one squirrel you don’t want to mess with, it’s one that can do almost whatever he likes.
Conker: Oh, no. Of all the people in the world that I don't like, and I'm in a room full of 'em.

Scene cuts.
Wiz: Up at the top of a mountain, an evil witch named Gruntilda wanted one thing and one thing only: to be beautiful.
Boomstick: Listen, when you look like that, can you blame her? She’s absolutely hideous.
Wiz: In order to do this, she decided to kidnap a young bear named Tooty so she can use her magic to transfer her ugliness to Tooty, and in return steal Tooty’s beauty.
Boomstick: Let me get this straight: in a world with human beings around, the most beautiful creature is a bear. A bear named after farting at that.
Wiz: Apparently so, yes.
Boomstick: Is Grunty a furry?
Wiz: I’d rather not speculate on that.
Boomstick: Yeah, good idea. I’m still a little on the fence about the whole Bayonetta Monkey Witch thing.
Wiz: Anyway, after sleeping through his sister’s kidnapping, which was extremely loud and right outside his house, Banjo finally woke up and vowed to rescue her, with the help of his bird friend Kazooie and with the training of a mole named Bottles.
Boomstick: And thus, the most iconic gaming duo since Mario and Luigi was born.
Wiz: What about Sonic and Tails?
Boomstick: Okay, fine, but other than…
Wiz: Ratchet and Clank?
Boomstick: Okay, but…
Wiz: Jak and Daxter?
Boomstick: Shut the hell up.
Wiz: Anyway, Banjo and Kazooie learned a variety of different moves from Bottles. Banjo can swipe down enemies with his claws, hit things with his backpack…or Kazooie, as well as swim and jump long-ish distances.
Boomstick: With Kazooie’s help they can actually jump even further, as well as Kazooie firing eggs out of her mouth at enemies…wait a minute, birds lay eggs to have babies, and Kazooie’s just launching these at enemies…
Wiz: Don’t think about it too much.
Boomstick: Wiz, she’s literally attacking people with her unborn children. It’s child murder in a happy looking kid’s game.
Wiz: Actually, many birds periodically lay unfertilised eggs that don’t contain a baby, so…uh oh…
Boomstick: Got it, she’s launching her period at people. Even more disgusting.
Wiz: *heavy sigh* Close enough. Anyway, Kazooie’s capable of firing plenty of different types of eggs, including fire eggs, grenade eggs, and ice eggs, which freeze enemies.
Boomstick: What about the Clockwork Kazooie eggs, which hatches a robot Kazooie that explodes…wait, how does she hatch a robot version of herself from an unfertilised egg? Unless…oh my God, she had sex with a robot and threw her child at…
Wiz: God damn it, that’s not even close to how biology works. Stop trying to apply physics to a game where a bird lives in a bear’s backpack and can support his weight on her back.
Boomstick: I’m just saying what the audience is thinking.
Wiz: Nobody thought any of that until you brought it up, traumatising them and ruining their favourite childhood game.
Boomstick: …sorry.
Wiz: You should be. Anyway, Kazooie’s other egg-based attacks include golden eggs, which are just a faster firing version of her blue eggs, proximity eggs, which work like mines, and battery eggs that electrocute the target.
Boomstick: Not to mention Banjo can use Kazooie as a handgun to blast enemies with eggs. Then there’s Dragon Kazooie, who breathes fire and fire eggs at people.
Wiz: And finally, there’s their magic wrench, used to build vehicles and levitate objects.
Boomstick: Ugh, do we have to bring that game up?
Wiz: Unfortunately, yes, it’s still canon, we have to bring it up.
Boomstick: Damn it.
Wiz: Banjo and Kazooie work extremely well as a team, though it seems Banjo’s main function is form mobility, which is weird since Kazooie’s a bird, who theoretically would have more mobility than a bear.
Boomstick: Hey, if you could laze around in someone’s backpack all day while they carried you around, you would too.
Wiz: But she’s not lazy. She actively helps Banjo fly across gaps he can’t clear by himself, and can carry him on her back, hell she can even FLY while carrying him.
Boomstick: Yeah, but only because they have their own version of context sensitive buttons.
Wiz: Well, anyway, there is one more move in Kazooie’s arsenal that we haven’t mentioned yet: golden feathers.
Boomstick: So what? It’s just a feather.
Wiz: Feathers that make the duo invulnerable.
Boomstick: …go on.
Wiz: Using her wings, Kazooie can shield the duo from any kind of damage. Unfortunately, they can only carry limited amount of these golden feathers at a time, so they have to be used wisely.
Boomstick: Yeah, Banjo and Kazooie are pretty freaking awesome and complement each other pretty well…as in compensate each other’s weaknesses, not actually giving each other complements.
Wiz: Speaking of weaknesses…
Boomstick: Oh great, here we go.
Wiz: The duo is okay by themselves, but definitely rely a lot more on teamwork. Also, they can only carry so many of each type of egg, and if they run out, they either have to find more, or rely on their melee attacks, which can be slow, and leave the duo wide open.
Boomstick: Still, if you’re looking for two heroes who will fight through all sorts of crazy situations to save you, Banjo and Kazooie are the ones to do it.
Kazooie: Well, we sure showed old Winkybunion again, eh, Banjo?
Banjo: Yep, we certainly did.

Scene cuts.
Wiz: Alright, the combatants are set. Time to end this debate once and for all.
Boomstick: It’s time for a Death Battle.

Scene cuts.
Conker was walking down a road through a forest, completely lost. “Man, I know I drink too much, but I’ve definitely overdone it this time,” he said, before coming across a small cottage near the base of a mountain. “Huh, wonder if the people here can help me.” Conker ran up to the door and opened up without knocking.
As Conker opened the door, Kazooie lifted her head, and saw the rodent entering the building. “Hey, who the hell are you?” she snapped. “Don’t you know it’s rude to walk into someone’s house without knocking?”
“Hey, whoa, I just needed directions,” said Conker, backing up a bit.
“Then knock next time,” said Kazooie. “What if I’d been naked?”
“But…you’re a bird,” said Conker. “You’re always naked.”
Suddenly, Conker heard the sound of someone yawning. “Kazooie, will you keep it down? Some of us need our fifteen hours of shut eye,” said Banjo.
“But Banjo, this guy just broke into our house,” said Kazooie.
“Is that so?” asked Banjo, rolling out of bed. “Well then, we better…” Upon seeing who it was, Banjo stopped suddenly. “Conker?”
“Oh, hey Banjo,” said Conker. “I haven’t seen you since Diddy Kong invited us to go go-karting.”
“Oh yeah,” said Banjo. “Good times, good times. So, how you be…”
“Will you two idiots stops reminiscing and FIGHT!?” snapped Kazooie.

“Oh yeah,” said Banjo, charging at Conker.
“Wait, you’re not actually going to…” started Conker, as Banjo knocked him straight out the front door. “Okay, you are then.”
Banjo grabbed his backpack, Kazooie poking her head out of the top, as Banjo leapt out the door. Kazooie flapped her wing to launch the duo a little bit further, before pecking hard on Conker’s head.
“OW! Jeez, okay, if that’s how we’re gonna do this,” said Conker, pulling out his frying pan. “Take this.” Conker swung his frying pan hard, catching Banjo in the jaw and knocking him sideways. Conker pressed his advantage, and smacked him a few more times, keeping the bear stunned.
That’s when Kazooie, poked her head out and fired a few eggs and Conker, catching him off-guard. “Take that, squirrel.”
“What the…eggs?” asked Conker. “Wait, aren’t these your…” Before he could finish his question, Banjo took Kazooie out of his bag, and smacked Conker over the head with her. “Why are you using your partner as a weapon?”
“This is a Death Battle, moron. Keep up,” said Kazooie, returning to her normal spot in Banjo’s bag.
“Okay, fine,” said Conker. “If death’s what you want…” Conker responded by pulling out shotgun. “Say hello to my little friend.”
“Uh oh…” said Banjo, as Conker started firing.
“I got this,” said Kazooie, covering him with her wings.
“That’s great Kazooie,” said Banjo. “But what about what happens when we run out of golden feathers?”
“I’ve planned for that,” said Kazooie, lining up her shot.
“You’re just gonna shoot me with another egg?” asked Conker. “Well, bring it…” Before he could finish, Kazooie fired another egg. But this wasn’t just a normal egg, this one was on fire. “Oh crap…” Conker dived out of the way, and had to keep moving in order to avoid the barrage of eggs coming his way.
“There we go,” said Banjo, running after the squirrel to try and get a few more swipes in on him.
“Guess I can fight fire with fire,” said Conker, pulling out his flamethrower.
“Uh oh…” said Banjo, rolling out of the way of a burst of fire.
“Banjo, I have another idea,” said Kazooie.
“Is it a good idea?” asked Banjo.
“…it’s an idea,” said Kazooie, lining up a shot despite the frequent movement. When she thought she had a good shot, she started firing her eggs. The first couple just missed, but soon she got one to hit the weapon out of Conker’s hand. He went to pick it up again, only to see that it was frozen.
“Aw, crap,” said Conker, diving to the side as another ice egg came his way.
“Hold still damn it,” said Kazooie. “It’s very difficult to freeze you when you don’t.”
“Better plan,” said Conker, pulling out two SMGs and a cigar. “You hold still.” Conker began rapidly firing at the duo hoping to hit.
“You know, we can do that too,” said Banjo.
“We can?” asked Kazooie, as Banjo pulled her out of the backpack and started holding her like a gun. “Oh, right, we can.” She couldn’t say anything else, because Banjo was busy firing eggs out of her like a machine gun.
It wasn’t long before both Conker and Banjo managed to land nasty blows on the other, though Conker’s wound was much less severe since he was only hit by eggs. “Well, this sucks,” said Conker. “But the good news is, you’ll be out of your misery soon.”
“BANJO!” squawked Kazooie, seeing the bear slowly bleeding out. Kazooie turned her attention to Conker, glaring at him. “You’ve done it now.”
“Oh, come on,” said Conker. “You can’t have that many eggs left.”
“Oh, you have no idea,” said Kazooie, suddenly firing out green eggs.
“Oh? And what’s so special about…” started Conker, before realising what the eggs looked like. “Oh, shi…” At that moment, the grenade eggs exploded around him, throwing him across the field.
“And now,” said Kazooie, coughing up one last egg. “Clockwork Kazooie, climb up his exhaust.”
“My exhaust?” asked Conker, turning around to see a small Kazooie robot approach him, and suddenly he felt it inside him. “Oh, son of a bi…” The Clockwork Kazooie chose that moment to explode, scattering Conker’s remains everywhere.
“Jeez, what a mess,” said Banjo. “Who’s gonna clean this up?”
“Bottles?” suggested Kazooie.
“Yeah, he’ll do,” said Banjo, getting up and grabbing a piece of honeycomb to heal himself. “Come on, I still need another seven hours of sleep.”

K. O.
Boomstick: Man, don’t mess with the bird. You get the…what even is the bird equivalent of horns anyway?
Wiz: Conker was certainly a formidable opponent, and his context sensitive buttons would certainly have made victory very attainable. But the problem with using them in this is that they have a very unpredictable nature, and are randomly placed throughout the world.
Boomstick: Yeah, not to mention that it’s not exactly hard to get Conker off the button if needed. A quick shove’s all he needs and boom, he has to rely on his normal arsenal.
Wiz: On top of that, Banjo and Kazooie are very good as a team, knowing exactly where the other’s weaknesses lay, and picking up the slack where the other falls behind.
Boomstick: Yeah, plus Conker’s not great at melee fighting. At best, he has some weapons to help him, but plenty of Banjo-Kazooie enemies have some kind of melee attack that the duo gets past easily enough.
Wiz: Even firearms aren’t necessarily going to help Conker because really, what does more damage, a gun or a grenade? Even a grenade that’s really an egg.
Boomstick: Or a fireball, or made of ice, or creates tiny Kazooies…
Wiz: In the end, Banjo and Kazooie’s better combat experience and more versatile arsenal were enough to take down their opponent.
Boomstick: The bear and bird duo conquered this battle.
Wiz: The winner is Banjo and Kazooie.

Scene cuts.
Boomstick: Next time on Death Battle…
“Now look at this net, that I just found. When I say go, be ready to throw. GO!”
“Oh, you're a villain, alright! Just not a SUPER one!”

Chapter Text

Death Battle intro plays.
Wiz: Villains come in all shapes and sizes, and even different levels of evil. Some are dark and broody, some are psychotically evil…
Boomstick: Then there’s these guys, who are more cartoony villains than anything.
Wiz: Robbie Rotten, LazyTown’s number one villain.
Boomstick: Really? That’s where you’re using our ‘We Are Number One’ joke?
Wiz: Just reveal the other combatant.
Boomstick: Fine. Megamind, alien supervillain turned hero from…well, Megamind. He’s Wiz and I’m Boomstick.
Wiz: And it’s our job to analyse their weapons, armour, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

Scene cuts.
Wiz: The town of LazyTown is, as the name suggests, a fairly lazy town.
Boomstick: Sounds like my kind of place.
Wiz: And then one day, a young girl named Stephanie came to live with her uncle, and was shocked to see how lazy the locals were.
Boomstick: And was so happy about it that she began being lazy too?
Wiz: Nope, the exact opposite of that.
Boomstick: BOO!
Wiz: With the help of local hero Sportacus, Stephanie slowly managed to get the local kids into more and more physical exercise, and begin to lead healthier lives.
Boomstick: But there was one man who hated this, since he felt he embodied the LazyTown lifestyle perfectly. That man’s name is Robbie Rotten.
Wiz: Mr. Rotten only had goal: to discredit Sportacus and make LazyTown lazy again.
Boomstick: Aww, man. I was about to support him until you made his intentions sound like Donald Trump wrote them.
Wiz: Boomstick, he’s the villain. You’re not meant to support him.
Boomstick: Then why does he support my kind of lifestyle?
Wiz: You mean your lifestyle of guns, booze, and crying about how your daddy left you as a kid when he went to the store to get cigarettes? That lifestyle?
Boomstick: *cries*
Wiz: That’s what I thought. Anyway, despite Robbie’s lifestyle, he’s actually an extremely intelligent man, with many interesting inventions to help him achieve his goals against Sportacus.
Boomstick: Yeah, he loves his traps, especially that one that every cartoon character ever uses where they dig a hole and cover it with leaves, making a suspicious circle of leaves on the ground that no normal person would fall for.
Wiz: It’s okay, Sportacus never falls for it either. Same goes for the banana peels.
Boomstick: Wow, he’s awfully cartoony for a live-action character.
Wiz: Among his many weapons includes The Littleizer 3000, capable of deaging people and animals. It was able to turn a bird into an egg, and made Sportacus end up as a ten-year-old.
Boomstick: There’s also the Trash Blaster, which…blasts trash. And the Memory Zapper 3000, which…zaps memories. Yeah, naming stuff isn’t really his strong suit.
Wiz: Robbie is also a master of disguise, capable of fooling anyone in LazyTown, despite the town being extremely small and theoretically everyone should know everyone else and therefore should know it’s just Robbie in disguise.
Boomstick: Are you sure they aren’t just dumb?
Wiz: Also possible. But Robbie has soon pretty impressive strength feats for someone apparently so out of shape, including being blasted across LazyTown with a cannonball, falling out of Sportacus’s airship multiple times, getting hit with an anvil, and even got launched to the moon and survived, though what condition he was in and how he got back to Earth is anyone’s guess.
Boomstick: How’d he even survive in space long enough to get there?
Wiz: Best I can figure is it has something to do with his strange ability to access hammerspace, a feat normally reserved for cartoon characters.
Boomstick: Wow, Robbie sounds like a really threatening villain.
Wiz: No, he’s not. He really, really isn’t. His unhealthy lifestyle means he’s extremely unfit, having almost no stamina whatsoever. His machines are questionably maintained at best, and his Littleizer is riddled with faults. It only changes your physical age, not your mentality, and destroying it fixes any changes you made with it.
Boomstick: Wait, I’m confused. If Robbie’s so unfit, how is he so thin? Hell, we even see him putting tons of effort into trying to get rid of Sportacus, so he can’t be that out of shape.
Wiz: Maybe his desire to remove his rival outweighs his desire to be lazy?
Boomstick: Eh, maybe. But you can bet that if there’s a couch to sit on and TV to watch, Robbie will be there.
Robbie: Ugh! Those rotten kids! Noise, noise, noise. Nothing but NOISE!

Scene cuts.
Wiz: Once upon a time, there was an alien planet about to explode. Desperate to save their child, a pair of scientists put their only son in a capsule and sent it to Earth so he would survive the destruction of their world.
Boomstick: Uh, Wiz? That’s the backstory to Superman. We’re meant to be doing Megamind right now.
Wiz: This is Megamind’s backstory.
Boomstick: Huh…I knew the movie was a parody, but this sounds more like a blatant rip-off.
Wiz: Anyway, another nearby planet was also on the brink of destruction, and they also sent a child off to Earth so he wouldn’t be killed.
Boomstick: Wow, double Superman rip-off. That’s new.
Wiz: However, while coming into the Earth’s atmosphere, one of the capsules ended up landing in a rich family’s mansion, while the other landed in jail. The one that landed in jail was Megamind.
Boomstick: In jail since the day he was born? He’s ripping off Bane too?
Wiz: While in prison, the criminals taught Megamind everything they knew, which apparently was crime. And with Megamind’s superior intellect, he learned this all too well, and became the resident supervillain of Metro City.
Boomstick: Of course, he also had to contend with Metro Man, the resident hero, who he…never actually beat…until he did…and then found out that Metro Man faked his death because he wanted to retire.
Wiz: But Megamind couldn’t fight someone like Metro Man without a vast array of equipment, and his extraordinary genius allowed him to build all of it himself.
Boomstick: Like his…binkie? Wait, his pacifier is a weapon?
Wiz: This pacifier actually acts more like a battery, which allowed Megamind to make a laser capable of blowing a hole in the prison wall, or creating a helmet that discharges an electrical current that acts as a forcefield.
Boomstick: And his parents let him suck that?
Wiz: Apparently. But this is hardly his most effective weapon. He also has a Holowatch, which allows him to disguise himself as another person as needed, a dehydration gun that turns whoever it hits into a small dehydrated block, and my personal favourite, the Death Ray.
Boomstick: Of course you like the Death Ray. Though then again, what’s not to love about a ray of destructive power that practically destroyed a mountain?
Wiz: The only major flaw with this weapon is that it does require time to charge from the sun, but once it does, there aren’t a lot of people who would survive its power.
Boomstick: Holy crap, this guy must be damn near unstoppable. Oh wait, he can’t be, because you’re gonna point out every little flaw this maniac has.
Wiz: Well, Megamind does have a few major flaws. Perhaps the most notable is his…eccentric personality.
Boomstick: Yeah, Megamind’s been fighting Metro Man so long that he doesn’t really take the guy seriously anymore, even having friendly banter with him. So, when Tighten actually wanted to kill him, he was taken completely by surprise.
Wiz: On top of that, Megamind isn’t really trained in combat, relying almost exclusively on weapons and gadgets to defeat Metro Man.
Boomstick: And even then, despite being a super genius and apparently almost beating Metro Man several times before his “actual” victory, he doesn’t always have the best control over his machines, and even forgot what the Death Ray’s remote looked like.
Wiz: Still, Megamind’s tenacity and ingenuity have helped him keep up with a hero of Metro Man’s calibre for decades, and will likely help him for years to come as a hero.
Megamind: In the eternal struggle between good and evil, good has always prevailed. But this time, evil has a secret, incredible, totally handsome weapon! ME!

Scene cuts.
Wiz: Alright, the combatants are set. Time to end this debate once and for all.
Boomstick: It’s time for a Death Battle!

Scene cuts.
Robbie was lazing about on his couch, watching TV, when he heard a loud crash from somewhere above him. “GAH! Those darn kids. Why can’t they ever be quiet?” snapped Robbie. He got up from his couch and started looking around with his telescope. “What the…” Sitting in the middle of LazyTown was what looked like a crashed spaceship. “Okay, that’s weird. But maybe there’s something in there to help me stop that Sportaflop once and for all.” Robbie began making his way to the surface.
Meanwhile, Megamind was climbing out of the remains of his latest experiment. “Well, that didn’t work as well as I thought it would,” he said, before looking around at where he was. “What is with this town?”
“Hold it,” came a voice behind him, and Megamind spun around to see Robbie Rotten standing there. “Okay, what’s with the blue skin?”
“What? This is my normal colour,” said Megamind.
“Right…” said Robbie. “Well, I can see from your dastardly looking attire that you’re clearly a villain, so how about you help me out with taking down a hero named…”
“Wait, no, you got it all wrong,” said Megamind. “I’m not a villain anymore, I gave that up. I just haven’t changed my wardrobe since I stopped being evil.”
Robbie huffed in exasperation. “Great, another hero to protect LazyTown,” said Robbie. “Guess I’ll have to take care of this before Sportaflop decides to team up with him.”
“What kind of name is Sportaflop?” asked Megamind, reaching behind him to grab a weapon.
“The name of a loser like you,” said Robbie, as Megamind grabbed his Dehydration Gun and started to aim.

FIGHT!
Megamind began firing rapidly in Robbie’s direction, causing Robbie to run away. “You know, it’s not much of a battle if you don’t…” started Megamind, only to stop when he felt the ground give way underneath him.
“AH HA! You’ve fallen into one of my traps,” said Robbie, gloating from above Megamind. “Now…huh, now what do I do?”
“You’re new to the whole villain thing, aren’t you?” asked Megamind.
“What? No, I’ve been trying to stop Spartaflop for years,” said Robbie.
“And you thought this three-foot hole would stop him?” asked Megamind, casually climbing out of the hole.
“Honestly…yes,” said Robbie, looking a little embarrassed at how his plan had backfired.
“Wow, and I thought you were a legitimate threat,” said Megamind, dusting himself off. “Well, I guess I’ll be off.”
“Wait,” said Robbie. “I can be a better villain. I just need a chance to prove it.”
“Oh yeah? How would you do that?” asked Megamind.
“Well, you’ve got all these cool toys and gadgets,” said Robbie. “If I borrowed a couple of them, maybe it would be a better battle.”
Megamind started thinking to himself, as Robbie began sneaking towards Megamind’s crashed spaceship. “Hmm, he does make a good point,” he said aloud. “I mean, what kind of hero would I be without a villain to challenge me every other day?” Suddenly, Megamind thought of something critical. “Wait, no. Last time I gave someone stuff to fight me it didn’t go so great.”
“Too bad you didn’t think of that sooner,” said Robbie, pulling something out of the cockpit. “Behold, whatever this is.” In Robbie’s hands was Megamind’s helmet with his binkie on top.
“Oh, thank God that’s all you found,” said Megamind. “I thought you found…you know what? It doesn’t matter.”
“What, have you got some kind of Death Ray in there or something?” asked Robbie. Megamind was strangely silent at this. “Wait, what? You actually do? I was kidding.” Robbie immediately dived into the cockpit to search for it.
“Oh no you don’t,” said Megamind, running to stop him finding it. Unfortunately, the helmet activated at that moment, electrocuting Megamind and throwing him off to the side.
“Let’s see…” said Robbie, still rummaging around the things in Megamind’s cockpit. “Hey buddy, what does this Death Ray look like?”
“Something like this,” said Megamind, holding the remote above his head. “I forgot I had it in my back pocket.”
“Your Death Ray is a TV?” asked Robbie. “Can we see what’s on?”
“Uh…sure,” said Megamind. “Just as soon as I do this.” Megamind pointed the Dehydration Gun at Robbie again and started firing.
“Oh, right, you still have that,” said Robbie, as one of the blasts was about to hit him. However, instead of dehydrating him, the helmet kicked in and deflected the blast at a nearby wall.
“I’m gonna have to get rid of that from you,” said Megamind, running at Robbie and trying to grab the helmet. However, when he got too close, the electricity from the helmet zapped Megamind and threw him across the courtyard.
“Ooh, I like this helmet,” said Robbie, quickly walking over to where Megamind was lying on the ground. “All I have to do is get close to you and it zaps you for me.”
“Indeed,” said Megamind. “But only when it’s on your head.” Megamind rolled at Robbie, knocking him over, though Megamind still got a bit of an electric shock. However, his plan worked: as Robbie hit the ground, the helmet slipped off his head and bounced just out of reach.
“Hey, I stole that helmet, it’s mine,” said Robbie, getting back up to go grab it. However, before he could take the first step, he felt the barrel of a gun pointed at his back.
“Not this time,” said Megamind, pulling the trigger. Robbie was immediately converted into a tiny dehydrated cube, which Megamind smashed with his fist.

K. O.
Boomstick: It’s bad enough Stefán Karl Stefánsson is dead, now we have to watch it happen here?
Wiz: Robbie definitely had a strangely high amount of durability for a normal human, but honestly, that was all he had over Megamind.
Boomstick: Yeah, Megamind was frequently giving trouble to Metro Man, who apparently has enough superspeed to take a trip around town having an existential crisis and then come back to the observatory where he was supposed to be trapped without anyone noticing, despite being on a live video feed.
Wiz: And that’s even if we assume Megamind is an unreliable narrator when he says he nearly beat Metro Man a few times. But beyond that, Megamind is far smarter than Robbie, and has a far more versatile and dangerous arsenal of weapons. If nothing else, Megamind could have essentially nuked the two of them with the Death Ray, and there’s literally nothing Robbie could do to stop that.
Boomstick: His most effective weapon was the Littleizer 3000, and that wouldn’t have done anything to Megamind since he was able to program his pacifier to blow a hole in the prison wall while he was still a baby. Making him a ten-year-old wouldn’t do anything to him.
Wiz: In the end, Robbie couldn’t compete with Megamind’s superior arsenal and intelligence.
Boomstick: I hope no-one Megamind’s this result.
Wiz: The winner is Megamind.

Scene cuts.
Boomstick: Next time on Death Battle…
“In this pathetically weak world, only the strongest rise to heights of great power. I control this city, and soon I will be master of this world. Nothing can stand in my way. No police. No government. And certainly not these mutant freaks! I will crush them all! I am... [REDACTED]!”
“I am the thing that keeps you up at night, the evil that haunts every dark corner of your mind. I will never rest...and neither will you.”

Chapter Text

Death Battle intro plays.
Wiz: When you’re a villain, you always have your work cut out for you defeating even just a single hero.
Boomstick: So of course, it takes some serious big balls to take on a group of four or five of them at the same time. Also, we made both of them fight Marvel characters in the real series. One of them against Silver Samurai, and the other against…
Wiz: DON’T SAY HIS NAME!
Boomstick: Ooh, right, nearly forgot.
Wiz: Ch'rell, better known as the Shredder, archenemy to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
Boomstick: And Slade, better known as Deathstroke…
Wiz: Except not in the version we’re using.
Boomstick: Stupid censors. Anyway, he’s the main villain if the Teen Titans, especially to Robin. He’s Wiz and I’m Boomstick.
Wiz: And it’s our job to analyse their weapons, armour, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

Scene cuts.
Wiz: The alien race known as Utroms are a peaceful, intelligent race…
Boomstick: Of course they’re intelligent, they even look like brains.
Wiz: But unfortunately, that could not be said of all of the Utroms. One of their members, known as Ch'rell, wanted nothing more than to spread war and destruction, and went from planet to planet to do so.
Boomstick: But then he was arrested, thrown in jail, and never ever ever let out, right?
Wiz: That was the plan. But of course, no show with a superhero is ever complete without a raging psychopath breaking free to mess everything up for everyone.
Boomstick: Yeah, Ch'rell hijacked his transport ship, and crashed that thing straight into Earth, because where else was he going to crash?
Wiz: The Utroms were unable to repair their ship, but also weren’t too concerned because they figured they could wait for Earthlings to eventually catch up to their level of technology and hitch a ride back into space.
Boomstick: Yeah, I guess in Ancient Japan, which is when they crashed, we weren’t too far away from getting to the Moon.
Wiz: During their long wait, guess who broke out of custody?
Boomstick: Yeah, you’d think that after the first hundred or so years they’d go “you know what? These Earthlings are taking too long to get to space, let’s just do it ourselves”, but no, they had to let an evil space brain escape.
Wiz: The Utrom had created robots so they could blend in among the humans without anyone noticing, but Ch'rell managed to steal one and fled, later covering himself in armour, learning martial arts, and taking on the name Shredder.
Boomstick: And after starting his own clan of ninjas called the Foot Clan, he took his revenge on the Utroms, eventually finding his way to New York where he started fighting against four human sized turtles and a rat.
Wiz: That’s a heavily abridged version of what happened, but yes. And with a thousand years of training and experience, Ch’rell was more than prepared to take on whatever came his way.
Boomstick: His main weapon is the claws on his armoured hand, which can cause some pretty serious damage if you get stabbed by them.
Wiz: Boomstick, it’s a kid’s show. Do you really think they’re gonna show that?
Boomstick: Yeah, I guess it makes sense that a show can feature a sharp cutting object, but not the outcome of what happens when someone get hit with the sharp part of it. It’s not like kids don’t know what blood is at that age.
Wiz: Censors Boomstick. They suck.
Boomstick: Indeed, they do.
Wiz: Anyway, Ch’rell’s a master of martial arts…
Boomstick: Which ones?
Wiz: …he’s just a master, okay? And he’s so masterful of them that he can take on all the turtles at the same time, and win. He even took down his 1988 counterpart and Krang.
Boomstick: Heh, Marvel and DC are only just capitalising on having older versions of characters teaming up with new versions. The Ninja Turtles were doing it over a decade ago…oof, I feel old now.
Wiz: And due to his Utrom nature, Ch’rell is also very adept with technology. He even built a more powerful suit because he liked Krang’s so much.
Boomstick: So, with all this power and knowledge at his disposal, what stupidly obvious weaknesses does he have for exploitation?
Wiz: Other than the fact that once he’s out of the exo-suit, he’s basically just a brain? Because just his biggest weakness. He needs to be in an exo-suit in order to have any chance in combat, because his Utrom form is very weak.
Boomstick: Also, while is practically unbeatable in close quarters combat, the same cannot be said about ranged combat. He has got some decent speed to counter that, but it’s not quite the same as defending oneself.
Wiz: Still, Ch’rell has shown that he’s no idle threat to the Turtles, and is one of the most dangerous people to ever hold the title of Shredder.
Ch’rell: You see me as I am and it will be the last thing you'll ever see.

Scene cuts.
Wiz: Jump City is a beautiful seaside city, but like Gotham and Metropolis, has a bit of a supervillain problem.
Boomstick: Luckily for them, they have five young heroes prepared to put their lives on the line to protect them: The Teen Titans.
Wiz: But for every hero, there’s always a villain waiting in the shadows to destroy them. And for the Teen Titans, that means Slade.
Boomstick: Yep, that’s his name. He definitely doesn’t have another name, especially not one to do with death. Nope, that would be ridiculous for a villain whose goal is to take out a bunch of kids any way he can.
Wiz: While his reasons for wanting to defeat the Titans are unclear, he has certainly shown he’s capable to do it.
Boomstick: Slade is a master at martial arts, and has frequently been shown to have an insane amount of strength for someone who’s apparently just a regular human.
Wiz: What’s more impressive is Slade’s intelligence. Slade is a master of manipulation, often playing his foes right into his hands until they can’t get out of his grasp, and even end up helping his own plans.
Boomstick: Yeah, how else do you think he got Robin, the leader of the team, to agree to team up with him? Robin’s his archnemesis, for crying out loud.
Wiz: And in the next season, he managed to trick Terra into befriending them, then betray them, and…
Boomstick: *fighting back tears* Stop talking, stop talking, STOP TALKING!
Wiz: Hey, she beat him, didn’t sh…
Boomstick: *fully crying* I TOLD YOU TO SHUT YOUR DAMN MOUTH!
Wiz: Jeez, okay. But even death wasn’t enough to stop the man known as Slade, who proceeded to help Trigon with recruiting his daughter Raven while essentially being a skeleton in armour. Maybe with a few demon powers thrown in.
Boomstick: Speaking of which, since those were a gift from Trigon so he would help him, we can’t use those can we?
Wiz: Nope. Besides, Trigon took them away afterwards anyway. Because that’s how you’re supposed to treat the person who just helped you complete your goal: not follow through on your promise, and take away his demonic powers. That won’t lead to your downfall.
Boomstick: Which is exactly what happened.
Wiz: Well, he had to team up with the Teen Titans to do so, but yes.
Boomstick: Anyway, Slade’s main weapon is a metal staff, with which he has fended off some devastating attacks from Robin with.
Wiz: He’s also not against throwing in some explosives, or just having a robot version of himself fight the opponent while he sits back and waits.
Boomstick: Let’s be honest, if he can make a weapon out of it, he will, and he will make it emotionally devastate everyone.
Wiz: Even without a booster of power from Trigon, Slade was capable of taking some devastating blows from Raven, Cyborg, and Starfire, and doesn’t really even consider Robin that much of a threat.
Boomstick: You know you’re a complete badass when someone trained by Batman is not a threat, especially when that same person can lead a team of heroes who are all way more powerful than him. So, how the hell can anyone beat Slade?
Wiz: Well, as his defeat by the hands of Terra *sees Boomstick* …sorry, but as that scene demonstrates, Slade is simply a mortal man. Under all that armour is a normal human that can be killed the same as anyone else.
Boomstick: He’s also a bit arrogant, and doesn’t understand the power of love, though the latter probably won’t play a part in this battle.
Wiz: Still, a man who can put up a fight against four superpowered heroes and someone trained by Batman is not a man to take lightly.
Slade: Robin, if you've "stopped" me, then why am I still here?

Scene cuts.
Wiz: Alright, the combatants are set. Time to end this debate once and for all.
Boomstick: It’s time for a Death Battle.

Scene cuts.
Slade was watching the city from a rooftop. He’d seen some strange activity over the last few weeks. First, Beast Boy had fought and been killed by a kid who kept changing into different aliens, then he’d seen The Flash kill some weird purple guy. Certainly, these weren’t people that Slade had ever heard of from any of the hero’s normal rogue gallery.
Slade was looking down at the street when he saw a manhole cover get pushed up, and a man covered head to foot in dangerous looking armour crawled out. “Who’s that?” asked Slade aloud, though he was alone on this roof. “Are they friend, or foe?” Deciding to find out, Slade jumped off the building, before digging his metal staff into the wall to slow his descent.
On the ground, Ch’rell was dusting off his Shredder disguise, and replacing the cover. “So that’s where those damn turtles are hiding right now,” he said to himself. “Better go back to base, figure out a plan of attack for…” Before he could finish his thought process, he heard the sound of someone landing nearby.
“Excuse me,” said Slade, coming out of the shadows. “I couldn’t help but notice that you’re new here.”
“New? Bah, I’ve probably been here longer than you,” said Ch’rell. “What do you want, freak?”
“Well that’s not very nice,” said Slade. “All I want is for us to become allies, together we could…”
“Pfft,” said Ch’rell, dismissing Slade’s request. “You think I want to work with someone who won’t even show his own face? Get lost.”
“Well, don’t let it be said I didn’t offer to be friends,” said Slade, readying his staff. “This didn’t have to be personal.”
“You think you can take me?” asked Ch’rell with a laugh. “Pathetic human. I’ll show you what pain is.”

FIGHT!
Slade ran in and swung his staff as hard as he could at Ch’rell’s head, only for Ch’rell to catch the staff on his claws. Ch’rell retaliated by swinging at Slade a few times, which Slade easily managed to avoid. The two kept exchanging blows for a few minutes, each trying to find a blind spot or weakness on the other to exploit.
‘Hmm, he’s a skilled fighter, for a human,’ thought Ch’rell, trying to keep calm. ‘He could be more problematic than I thought.’ Ch’rell continued to circle with his opponent, until he decided to charge in quickly and hope for the best. Like most times when he’d tried to stab Slade with his swords, he was blocked. However, this time Ch’rell had a surprise for Slade. With his other hand, he grabbed his sword and swung at Slade.
Slade saw the sword come at him at the last moment, and managed to barely to avoid the blade. Ch’rell pressed his advantage, and continued swinging at Slade who could do nothing except block and dodge.
“Well, this is a bit dangerous, isn’t it?” asked Slade, grabbing something from his belt. “Take this.” Slade threw something on the ground at Ch’rell’s feet. Ch’rell only just saw that it was some kind of explosive at the last second, and barely had enough time to dodge out of the way as it blew up.
Slade took the opportunity of the smoke cover to duck into a nearby alleyway, in order to enact a new strategy he’d thought of. The downside was he’d have to wait a bit for it to actually be viable. Slade grabbed a few smoke bombs and threw them onto the street, while remaining completely hidden.
Ch’rell slowly moved through the smoke, listening for any sign of Slade. “Come out, come out, wherever you are,” he said, aiming towards the alley where he thought some of the smoke had come from.
It was at that moment he heard something running at him from behind. Ch’rell turned, and saw Slade charging at him at full sprint. Ch’rell swung his sword right as Slade got to him and sliced him in half…
…and saw that Slade was just a robot. “Were you just a machine the whole time?” asked Ch’rell, picking up the upper half.
The Slade bot laughed. “You really think that I’m just a robot?” asked Slade in a condescending manner. “You have no idea what I’m capable of, do you?” The smoke started to clear, and Ch’rell saw himself surrounded by an army of Slades. “Good luck, you’re really gonna need it.”
Ch’rell took a step back, looking at all the robots surrounding him, before smiling. “Oh, it’s like that is it?” he asked. “Well then, bring it on.” Ch’rell held up his sword, and began swinging at the Slade bots indiscriminately, destroying them as quickly as he could while keeping others off of him. Soon, Ch’rell was down to the last few bots, and still had no sign of Slade. “Where are you, coward?” he demanded.
“Right here,” said Slade, running up behind Ch’rell and smacking him over the back of the head with his staff. Ch’rell stumbled forward, and turned around just in time to see Slade smack him in the face with his staff again. Ch’rell fell to the ground, where the last two Slade bots pinned him down. “Any last words?” asked Slade, raising his staff above his head.
“Yeah, a couple,” said Ch’rell. “How pathetic do you think I am?” Immediately, Ch’rell threw one of the robots pinning him into Slade, before punching a hole through the other.
“Damn it,” said Slade, shoving the remains of his robot off of him as he got back up. “I guess I’ll have to…” Before he could finish that sentence, Ch’rell had charged up to him and shoved his sword through his chest. Slade coughed up a mouthful of blood, which began leaking out the bottom of his mask.
“This was fun,” said Ch’rell. “But now, goodbye.” And without another word, Ch’rell brought his sword up, cutting most of Slade’s body in half. “Heh, pathetic.”

K. O.
Boomstick: THAT WAS FOR TERRA YOU ASSHOLE!
Wiz: Okay…anyway, Slade and Ch’rell were both extremely competent melee fighters, and had shown they were very capable of taking on multiple opponents at the same time easily.
Boomstick: However, one of them had significantly more experience than the other. About a thousand years’ worth, to be precise.
Wiz: Ch’rell also tends to take on his opponents head on, while Slade will often resort to sending a robot as a distraction.
Boomstick: Slade had the advantage in range, but Ch’rell is definitely tough enough to make it past most things Slade has to get in close, where he has the clear advantage.
Wiz: In the end, Ch’rell’s advantage in experience and strength were too much for Slade to handle.
Boomstick: Slade was slayed.
Wiz: The winner is Ch’rell Shredder.

Scene cuts.
Boomstick: Next time on Death Battle…
“I CHOOSE YOU!”
“Come on out my friend, calling Jibanyan. Yo-kai medal do your thing.”

Chapter Text

Death Battle intro plays.
Wiz: In a world full of monsters, people will always try to find ways to tame or even befriend them, even when they know how dangerous they can be.
Boomstick: Well, yeah. Don’t you think I’d try and befriend a dragon if I had the opportunity to do it? That’d be awesome.
Wiz: Of course you’d do that. Well, not only did both of today’s combatants learn to tame monsters, but they did so before hitting puberty.
Boomstick: Ash Ketchum, champion of Pallet Town from the Pokémon franchise.
Wiz: And Nathan Adams, wielder of the Yo-Kai Watch.
Boomstick: He’s Wiz and I’m Boomstick.
Wiz: And it’s our job to analyse their weapons, armour, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle!

Scene cuts.
Wiz: The Pokémon world is full of many wonders, especially the wide variety of creatures that roam across every corner of the planet.
Boomstick: And there’s one kid who wants to go and catch them all, becoming the very best like no-one ever was: Ash Ketchum.
Wiz: Ever since Ash was a young child, he has had a passion for Pokémon and Pokémon training. So, soon after turning ten years old, he went to Professor Oak to receive his first Pokémon.
Boomstick: Unfortunately, he got there late, and wasn’t able to get one of the three that Professor Oak normally hands out to first time trainers. Oof, tough break. No Charmander for you.
Wiz: Luckily, Professor Oak had one last Pokémon at his lab that day: a little yellow electric rat called Pikachu.
Boomstick: And so began one of the closest and most iconic friendships in all anime history. And don’t bother arguing, you can’t convince me otherwise.
Wiz: I don’t think many people can argue with you. Because despite Pikachu showing active dislike for Ash at the start of their adventure together, Ash really tried his hardest to make friends with him, even going so far as to throw himself between Pikachu and a flock of angry Spearows.
Boomstick: And when Pikachu realised that this trainer really did care for him, he repaid him by zapping all those Spearows with a massive Thundershock.
Wiz: Since they cemented their friendship, Ash has always relied on Pikachu, using Pikachu’s incredible speed and powerful electric moves to win more than a few tough battles.
Boomstick: Pikachu’s standard moveset has varied over the years, but throughout most of Ash’s adventures, he tends to retain Quick Attack, a move so fast it hits opponents before they have a chance to react.
Wiz: Pikachu’s other main drawcard is his Thunderbolt, a powerful electric move with 100% accuracy and a devastating base power of 90. This move is considered a must have for any decently powerful electric Pokémon.
Boomstick: If Pikachu feels like getting physical, he also has Iron Tail, which basically turns his tail into a sword. And with Pikachu’s tail being pretty jagged…ouch.
Wiz: As for Pikachu’s last move, we’re going with Electroweb, a move that sends an electric web at opponents. It also lowers the opponent’s speed, and attacks all opponents on the battlefield.
Boomstick: Pikachu’s also got the Ability Static, which can paralyse an enemy on contact. And then there’s his Z-Moves, including Gigavolt Havoc, where he punches an opponent with a ball of electricity; Breakneck Blitz, where he tackles the opponent at full speed; 10,000,000 Volt Thunderbolt, where he fires a rainbow of electricity at the enemy; and finally, Corkscrew Crash, where he turns into a drill. Goddamn, who’d have thought a little yellow rat could be such a badass?
Wiz: If you think all that was cool, you’re gonna love Gigantamax Pikachu.
Boomstick: Oh yeah, that thing where Pikachu goes from being just over one foot to nearly SEVENTY FEET TALL! Because apparently having a one-foot rat that can electrify the shit out of you wasn’t terrifying enough.
Wiz: In this form, Pikachu’s HP dramatically increases, though his other stats remain the same. On top of that, he gains the moves Max Steelspike, which allows him to send a bunch of steel spikes at an opponent; G-Max Volt Crash, which causes a thunderstorm; and Max Strike, which basically causes an electric earthquake.
Boomstick: Holy crap, what a badass. But a Pokémon trainer is nothing without a team of other monsters to back up his main fighter.
Wiz: That’s right, each trainer can carry up to six Pokémon. Ash currently has forty-seven Pokémon either on hand, with Professor Oak, with Professor Kukui, at the Cerise Laboratory, or in training. Unfortunately, we’re not counting Pokémon he’s released throughout his journey.
Boomstick: Which sucks, because Greninja would totally have made the cut if we were allowing that to happen, and is by a wide margin his best water-type. Goodra also would have been a pretty solid choice. Seriously, stop releasing all your good ones.
Wiz: Fortunately, Ash hasn’t released all his decent battlers, and we’ve been looking over his list to see who can take up his final five slots.
Boomstick: And the first one is, of course, Charizard. Because why wouldn’t you want a big ass fire dragon in your most badass team ever?
Wiz: Actually, Charizard isn’t all that big, standing at only five feet seven inches.
Boomstick: WHAT?! You mean I’m taller than this thing?
Wiz: He’s also not a dragon.
Boomstick: Oh, come on. Next you’ll be telling me a tall palm tree IS a dragon.
Wiz: …you see, Pokémon is a bit weird at times…
Boomstick: God damn it.
Wiz: Abandoned as a Charmander in a rainstorm, Ash adopted it from its abusive trainer, where it very quickly became one of Ash’s mainstays in his team, helping him catch Primeape and getting the Rainbow and Soul badges.
Boomstick: Then it evolved to Charmeleon, where it became an asshole, then evolved to Charizard, where it became an even bigger asshole that can fly.
Wiz: Ash continued to use Charizard, hoping to one day calm it down enough to obey him. Then after a battle with a Poliwrath that nearly killed it, Ash worked through the night to help Charizard recover. Charizard, realising that Ash has been nothing but kind to it from the moment they met, started obeying Ash again, and since that moment has been one of Ash’s most powerful Pokémon.
Boomstick: Powerful might even be an understatement. This thing took on an Articuno, and won. You know, the legendary ice bird? Yeah, that’s right, it took on that universe’s equivalent of a minor deity, and won.
Wiz: Charizard was temporarily left at a valley full of other Charizard to train, but eventually Ash called it back to his team, where it resides with Professor Oak when not in use. And as mentioned, it definitely made use of this training, learning a plethora of powerful moves.
Boomstick: First up is Charizard’s signature move Flamethrower. It throws flames at you. That’s all there is to it.
Wiz: Oh really? Not even the part where a Charizard’s flames can melt boulders? And when you consider that fire-type moves are not very effective against rock types, that seems pretty good.
Boomstick: …yeah, I guess.
Wiz: Also in Charizard’s arsenal is Seismic Toss, a move that has been used to take down more than a few tough opponents, especially because Charizard throws them from an extreme height first.
Boomstick: Next up is Wing Attack, where Charizard slashes at opponents with his wings. It doesn’t sound like it would hurt that much, but it apparently does.
Wiz: And for Charizard’s final move, he’s got Dragon Tail, where Charizard uses his tail to knock away his current opponent and bring out another one.
Boomstick: Yeah, this thing is pretty freaking dangerous, so it would be one of Ash’s best Pokémon by a long way. So, who’s next for Ash’s team?
Wiz: Let’s jump forward to Ash’s time in Hoenn, where Ash met a small green Pokémon named Treecko trying to save its home, so he helped it…before battling it and catching it.
Boomstick: That Treecko evolved into Grovyle, then later a Sceptile, and again became one of Ash’s most overused Pokémon for the region. Though to be fair, this is a Pokémon that, like Charizard, managed to beat a legendary, this time a Darkrai.
Wiz: And on top of that, Darkrai had taken on two of Ash’s other Pokémon first, and had been using a move that heals itself, essentially meaning any progress Ash had made was undone. So, Sceptile was able to bring down a Pokémon that had, up until that point, had not been beaten, stunning everyone. Then his trainer baffled everyone by bringing out a Latios.
Boomstick: Stupidest. Fight. EVER!
Wiz: Agreed. But Sceptile wouldn’t be the powerhouse it is without a good move set to go with it. Starting with the move Leaf Blade, which Sceptile has used to cut through solid metal before.
Boomstick: It also has the super-fast move Quick Attack just like Pikachu, because damn this thing is fast.
Wiz: Always good to capitalise on your strengths. Also in Sceptile’s arsenal is Leaf Storm, a move that summons a blizzard of super sharp leaves to cut the opponent up, and lowers their Special Attack stat.
Boomstick: And finally, Sceptile has Bullet Seed, which fires anywhere between two to five seeds at an opponent. Though Sceptile has used it in the past to cushion its fall after dropping from Team Rocket’s balloon.
Wiz: Sceptile also has the Ability Overgrow, which increases the damage of Sceptile’s moves if its HP drops below a third of its total.
Boomstick: It gets stronger when it’s weak? Badass.
Wiz: Truly a force that should not be taken lightly. But now we have to move on to Ash’s fourth team member. All the way from the Orange Islands, we have Snorlax.
Boomstick: He may look like a fat tub of lard, partially because he is, but this road blocking monster is a complete beast of a fighter.
Wiz: Caught after Ash and friends found it devouring all the vegetation on a group of islands, Snorlax very quickly showed off how strong it was, taking out a Rhydon in its debut battle.
Boomstick: Snorlax’s general strategy for winning a battle is to take whatever blows come its way until the opponent is worn out, then move in with a powerful blow to knock it out…wait, wasn’t that Homer’s boxing strategy in an episode of The Simpsons?
Wiz: Yes, but we can’t really criticise it because, more often than not, it works. And with its incredibly high HP stat, it’s no surprise.
Boomstick: It’s too bad it sleeps a lot though.
Wiz: Actually Boomstick, Snorlax has a move called Rest, which puts the Pokémon to sleep for two turns, but fully recovers it, essentially undoing any progress made to take Snorlax out.
Boomstick: Okay, that is pretty useful. But what’s even more useful is Snorlax’s Hyper Beam, which it fires out of its GOD DAMN EYES! Damn, first it rips off The Simpsons, then it rips off Cyclops from the X-Men?
Wiz: Snorlax’s next move is its Ice Punch move, where it effectively strikes the opponent with a fist of frozen fury.
Boomstick: And finally, Snorlax also has Body Slam in its arsenal, where it slams the opponent with its body. And let’s face it, it has plenty of body to slam you with.
Wiz: Snorlax may look soft and cuddly, but if it’s motivated enough, it becomes absolutely terrifying, especially if you wake it up.
Boomstick: For Ash’s fifth slot, we’re bringing in a fire fighting monkey. No, literally, that’s its typing. Say hello to Infernape.
Wiz: Infernape didn’t start as one of Ash’s Pokémon however. Originally it belonged to Paul as a Chimchar, who caught it after he saw it get attacked by a group of Zangoose and defend itself with a powerful Flame Wheel.
Boomstick: However, it didn’t really live up to his stupidly high standards after that, so he released it. Luckily Ash was there at the time, who asked if he wanted to join him, which it gladly accepted since Ash isn’t an asshole.
Wiz: And its loyalty to Ash is what makes Infernape such a powerful ally. Infernape is a fierce competitor, and not just because of its Blaze ability, which makes Infernape’s attacks even more powerful if he has equal to or less than one third of its total HP.
Boomstick: Yeah, Blaze used to make Infernape go absolute apeshit, but it has since learned to control that, and in the most badass way possible I might add.
Wiz: And of course, where would Infernape be without some powerful moves in its arsenal? Starting with Dig, which allows Infernape to burrow under the ground to avoid getting hit, and then attack from beneath.
Boomstick: Obviously, as a fire type, it has to have Flamethrower. Seriously, what fire-type arsenal is complete without it?
Wiz: Then there’s Infernape taking advantage of his fighting and speed with Mach Punch, a move with increased priority that strikes the enemy with a blinding fast speed.
Boomstick: And finally, Infernape has the move Flare Blitz, which causes a bit of recoil damage, but also has a chance of burning the opponent, not to mention the added bonus of thawing itself out of being frozen.
Wiz: There’s a reason that Infernape is one this team, and it’s because of power like that. But now we come to the final member of Ash’s team, Krookodile.
Boomstick: As a Sandile, the little guy just wanted to warn people about an erupting geyser. And once that had happened, it just wanted to fight Pikachu. Which it did, and evolved to Krokorok in the process.
Wiz: With his trademark sunglasses, Krookodile shows a cool side, if a bit reckless. But Krookodile has shown frequently to be a tough battler, often defeating opponents who have a big type advantage over him.
Boomstick: Well yeah, this thing has a fairly diverse moveset that any other Pokémon would kill for, starting with Stone Edge, where he stabs opponents with sharpened pieces of rock and has a better chance of getting a critical hit.
Wiz: Like Infernape, Krookodile has Dig, which actually gains a same type attack bonus due to Krookodile being a Ground type.
Boomstick: There’s also Dragon Claw, which slashes opponents up nicely.
Wiz: And finally, there’s Aerial Ace, which is an attack that always hits the opponent, even if the user’s accuracy has been affected.
Boomstick: And there you have it, what we believe to be Ash’s best team, covering all his weaknesses…right?
Wiz: Well, technically yes, though each individual member has its own strengths and weaknesses, depending on their typing. Pikachu is weak to ground moves, Charizard is weak to water and rock moves, Sceptile is weak to fire, ice, poison, flying, and bug moves, Snorlax is weak to fighting moves, Infernape is weak to water, ground, flying, and psychic moves, and finally, Krookodile is weak to water, grass, ice, fighting, bug, and fairy moves.
Boomstick: And despite the fact that he’s won a Pokémon League, Ash has an infuriating habit of sending out a Pokémon seemingly at random, to varying degrees of success. Seriously, who sends out a Krabby that they’ve never used before into battle against an Exeggutor?
Wiz: At least that one paid off. There have been plenty of times where it hasn’t worked, like trying to use Pikachu against grass types, who resist electric moves. Yes, this happens multiple times, and he keeps getting told this.
Boomstick: Idiotic battle strategies aside though, Ash himself has some impressive strength feats of his own. This kid is able to lift a Cosmoem with no visible strain, and that little guy weighs just shy of a ton. That’s right, he lifted something that weighs a god damn TON with his own two hands. Maybe it’s a case of brawn over brains with him.
Wiz: Whatever the case, Ash has proved time and again to be an experienced Pokémon trainer, despite only being ten years old. Guess that’s what happens when you have over twenty years of experience as a kid.
Ash: Spearows! Do you know who I am? I'm Ash, from the town of Pallet. I'm destined to be the world's number one Pokémon master! I can't be defeated by the likes of you. I'm going to capture and defeat you all!

Scene cuts.
Wiz: Nathan Adams is your average eleven-year-old boy, spending his days hanging out with his friends and collecting bugs.
Boomstick: But then young Nate sees a really cool bug, and chases it deep into the nearby forest. However, while out there, Nate finds a tree that’s also a vending machine. Because obviously that’s what you expect to find in a clearing in the woods.
Wiz: And despite the weirdness of the whole situation, Nate decides to put a coin in the slot, and receives a capsule, which of course he opens, because that seems to be everyone’s reaction to potential horror movie situations.
Boomstick: Well, you’re not too far off. He ended up releasing a ghost who looks like a giant floating sperm.
Wiz: BOOMSTICK! That’s…actually, you’re right about the sperm thing. But actually, the ghost is actually a creature called a Yo-Kai, who goes by the name Whisper.
Boomstick: Whisper had apparently been trapped in that tree for two hundred years, and as a thank you for freeing him, offered to become Nate’s personal butler. That’s not a bad deal really, I’d accept it.
Wiz: Nate, however, was not interested, and decided to go home, so Whisper followed him. Seriously, who doesn’t want their own ghost butler?
Boomstick: A dumb kid, that’s who.
Wiz: Anyway, once Nate got home, he found that his mother and father were fighting about who ate the last pudding. Nate was confused by why they’d argue about something so trivial, but Whisper tells him this is the work of Yo-kai, and gives Nate a watch so he can see it.
Boomstick: Unfortunately, Nate hasn’t seen Ben 10, so he wasn’t aware that taking a strange watch from somewhere means it ain’t coming off.
Wiz: But still, from that moment on, Nate became the only one able to see the Yo-kai, and thus made it his mission to try and deal with them, since a lot of them keep causing trouble for people, both intentionally and unintentionally.
Boomstick: Wait, if Nate’s the only one able to see the Yo-Kai, how the hell is Ash meant to battle him?
Wiz: Well, for the purposes of this battle, we’ll be ignoring that. Obviously, Nate would win in that circumstance, since there’s practically no way Ash can even counter an invisible enemy.
Boomstick: On top of that, since Nate can technically carry as many Yo-kai as he wants, he’s limited to six, like in the game, because again, he’d overwhelm Ash with sheer numbers if we let him use as many as he wanted.
Wiz: Before we talk about Nate’s team, we should talk about Yo-kai attributes and tribes, since just like with Pokémon, Yo-kai have different categories that they fit into, giving them advantages over different things.
Boomstick: This franchise really rubs in the Pokémon knock off thing, doesn’t it? If it wasn’t for the fact we see Nate as an adult, I’d say a lawsuit was in order.
Wiz: Anyway, there are eight different attributes in Yo-kai Watch, six of which fit into a cycle where one of them is weak to one and strong against another. Water beats Fire, Fire beats Ice, Ice beats Wind, Wind beats Earth, Earth beats Lightning, and Lightning beats Water.
Boomstick: The other two are Drain and Restoration. Drain simply ignores elemental defences and restores health for the user, while Restoration heals allies. However, they’re both vulnerable to all the elemental attributes too, so…there’s that.
Wiz: As for Tribes, there are eleven in total, and they have the effect of giving other Yo-kai of the same tribe a boost of power, which varies from tribe to tribe, depending on what each tribe specialises in.
Boomstick: It becomes twelve in Shadowside, but since we’re using Nate from before then, we don’t have to worry about that.
Wiz: Anyway, the tribes are as follows: Brave is the best with close combat and offensive attacks. Mysterious is the best with techniques and sorcery. Tough is the best at using more defensive combat.
Boomstick: Charming is the best at high speed attacking. Heartful is the best at healing allies. Shady are the best at bringing their opponent’s stats down. They’re also basically the evillest of the Yo-kai, if you couldn’t guess from the name.
Wiz: That’s subjective Boomstick. Anyway, the Eerie tribe are the best at inflicting status conditions on the opponents. The Slippery tribe are the best at buffing their ally’s stats. Then we get to ones that were discovered later: Wicked, who are just evil. Arguably even more evil than the Shady ones, in fact.
Boomstick: That’s just, like, your opinion man. Anyway, next is the Enma, because a Yo-Kai named Enma wanted his own tribe. And finally, there’s the Wandroid tribe, because of pretty much the same reason.
Wiz: Now, with most of the background for Yo-kai out of the way, we can get into some of Nate’s team. We’ll start with Whisper, a Drain attribute Yo-Kai from the Slippery tribe. Whether that’s a good idea or not…we’ll leave that up to you.
Boomstick: Yeah, Whisper’s not exactly…great, in terms of combat. His main role in the show is to give Nate advice for each Yo-kai he encounters, which he reads of an iPad because he doesn’t actually know anything.
Wiz: Whisper’s never been the most useful in terms of combat, though he can be considered unkillable, since he has been attacked in ways that would kill any other being and come out of the attack fine.
Boomstick: Wait, doesn’t that mean Nate wins again?
Wiz: The suggestion we received was for Ash versus Nate, therefore one of the humans has to die. Whisper’s status at the end is irrelevant.
Boomstick: Just saying, this is getting more and more rigged for…
Wiz: Anyway, Whisper has got some legitimately useful skills, including intangibility, shapeshifting, and insect attraction, though he only ever used that last one once, and it was to attract a single, small, glowing bug.
Boomstick: Just a quick question: why are we including him?
Wiz: I have my reasons, but let’s introduce Nate’s next Yo-kai, Jibanyan.
Boomstick: Oh yeah, the flame kitty that tries to fight trucks.
Wiz: Jibanyan is a Fire-attribute Yo-kai, of the Charming tribe. As Boomstick mentioned, Nate first met Jibanyan at a road crossing where he was trying to fight trucks, as a means for getting revenge for killing him.
Boomstick: Well that got dark. Good thing Jibanyan’s dead, otherwise every time he failed at fighting a truck he’d probably be killed anyway.
Wiz: To Jibanyan’s credit, his rapid attacks have been known to push a speeding truck back a little bit before he gets thrown halfway across town.
Boomstick: Yeah, but at the end of the day, he still loses.
Wiz: Still, when Jibanyan puts his mind to it, he’s capable of some powerful moves like Paws of Fury and Victory. The former has him throwing a series of rapid punches at the enemy, and the latter has him fire a V-shape energy at the enemy.
Boomstick: But then there’s Nyaight and Nyext, which involve Jibanyan telling a joke that is so bad, the enemy explodes and removes stat buffs. This is an actual thing someone decided to give a character.
Wiz: To be fair, most of your jokes bomb, so it’s not unheard of.
Boomstick: Screw you *punches Wiz*
Wiz: Hey, I was just about to tell you why I decided to let Whisper into the party.
Boomstick: Oh yeah? Why?
Wiz: Because Whisper and Jibanyan have an ability where they can fuse together, becoming a Yo-kai named Buchinyan.
Boomstick: …okay, that’s kinda cool.
Wiz: Buchinyan is a Lightning attribute Yo-kai of the Charming clan, and while the two don’t use this fusion a lot, they do it when they have to, and are usually pretty successful in combat.
Boomstick: Or as successful as a ghost-cat-ghost can be. Okay, who’s next?
Wiz: I think we’ll have to give that to Manjimutt.
Boomstick: Oh yes, a man who, after getting fired, got drunk, and then got killed when a pile of wood fell on him and a toy poodle. Kinda depressing, really.
Wiz: Well, as depressing as Manjimutt’s backstory is, this Fire Yo-kai of the Eerie tribe has actually proved to be surprisingly useful to Nate.
Boomstick: Yeah, basically because Manjimutt was an adult before he died, he has a certain level of maturity and intelligence that actually helps Nate on occasion, especially with some of the Yo-kai prone to making people act silly.
Wiz: It’s just unfortunate he can’t keep out of jail.
Boomstick: Wait, what? I thought people couldn’t see Yo-kai.
Wiz: Normally, yes, but Manjimutt is one of the few exceptions to that rule.
Boomstick: …why?
Wiz: Possibly because his soul bonded with the toy poodle when he died. I don’t know, the anime doesn’t exactly explain that.
Boomstick: It doesn’t make sense, since all the Yo-kai seem to have been alive at some point and then died and become Yo-kai.
Wiz: Well, fact is, Manjimutt is visible for some reason and that’s that. Also unexplained is the fact that he has many abilities that a dog has, despite the fact he fused with a TOY poodle. Yes, somehow, he has abilities like being able to dig fast and heightened senses, despite the fact he’s supposed to be a toy poodle.
Boomstick: You mention that, but not that fact that he can summon fire? And the fact he can hold his own in a fight against Roughraff, a Yo-kai whose sole purpose is to fight?
Wiz: It’s a weird series, okay? But in a pinch, Manjimutt is a useful ally to have on your side. Now, would you like to introduce the next member?
Boomstick: We’ve chosen Venoct to take up the fourth spot in the team, a Lightning Yo-Kai of the Slippery Tribe.
Wiz: Venoct used to live in a nice house with his friends and family, until a Yo-kai named Rubeus J burned it down and killed everyone inside.
Boomstick: This series seems too sweet and innocent for hardcore murder like that. Seriously, listen to that opening and closing music.
Wiz: However, once Venoct finds and defeats Rubeus J, he decided to give Nate his medal, before going off in search of an even more powerful Yo-kai named Hardy Hound.
Boomstick: Venoct’s attacks include things like Maul, where he attacks you with a scarf made of dragons, which just sound like the most awesome fashion accessory ever. Where can I get one of those?
Wiz: Focus Boomstick.
Boomstick: Oh, right. Voltage zaps the opponent, Venoct’s Blessing increases an ally’s speed, and his Soultimate move Octo Snake, which is basically a more powerful version of Maul.
Wiz: And Venoct wouldn’t be able to use such a move without Venocharge, which allows him to charge his attacks faster than most Yo-kai.
Boomstick: Venoct is a fairly vicious fighter, as opposed to the goofier Yo-kai we’ve introduced so far, and a handy member to the team. But now we need to move on to the fifth member of the team.
Wiz: How about Robonyan?
Boomstick: Jibanyan’s robot counterpart from the future? Why not?
Wiz: Actually, technically we can use Robonyan F, an upgraded version of Robonyan, because why shouldn’t we?
Boomstick: One question: how in the hell did someone as goofy as Jibanyan learn how to turn himself into a robot?
Wiz: That’s…a very good question. How did he do that?
Boomstick: Well anyway, Robonyan F is a Fire attribute Yo-kai from the Tough Tribe, and frequently shows his toughness by just being an unstoppable machine. Literally.
Wiz: Robonyan F’s specialty is the use of fire, such as in moves like Blaze, which burns enemies with a burst of fire.
Boomstick: And if Robonyan’s ever backed into a corner, he can sacrifice himself with Farewell Blast, which is pretty much guaranteed to take out an opponent, but unfortunately takes out this little kitty with it.
Wiz: Certainly not a move to be taken lightly. But now, we come to the last member for Nate’s party. Lord Enma
Boomstick: He looks like Super Saiyan Goku if Goku was a black teenager. Seriously, why does this franchise blatantly rip off so many other animes?
Wiz: It doesn’t do it that often.
Boomstick: Wiz, look at this Yo-kai called Kyubi and tell me that doesn’t look EXACTLY like Renamon. I dare you.
Wiz: …yeah, I guess.
Boomstick: So, what’s the deal with this guy?
Wiz: Lord Enma is a Fire Yo-kai of the Enma tribe, and at one point ruled the Yo-kai world. And is part of the reason Nate died.
Boomstick: Wait, WHAT?!
Wiz: Yeah, he summoned a Yo-kai named Dethmetal to follow Nate, and Dethmetal managed to get Nate to fall down a manhole into the sewers, which temporarily turned Nate into a Yo-kai named Fuu 2.
Boomstick: Nate turned into a Yo-kai?
Wiz: He got better. Anyway, Lord Enma is absolutely vicious as an opponent, and by far the strongest on Nate’s team.
Boomstick: Hell yeah, have you seen his moves? Firing balls or pillars of fire, or even spiritual energy…HE’S RIPPING OFF GOKU AGAIN?!
Wiz: We get it Boomstick. Anyway, Lord Enma can also raise the stats of himself and his allies, and he has a sword for attacking as well.
Boomstick: Damn, this guy is a boss.
Wiz: Well duh, he used to be the ruler of the Yo-kai world.
Boomstick: I guess. So, what problems does Nate have?
Wiz: The most notable is that the Yo-Kai Watch anime isn’t really combat focussed. In fact, many of the moves described were from the games, just to give them something to be able to fight back with.
Boomstick: Yeah, on top of that, Nate isn’t exactly a fighter himself, despite how brave he is. He is just a normal human being after all.
Wiz: Still, Nate is more than willing to step up and help people out, no matter the circumstances or risk.
Whisper: Any attempt to replicate Yo-Kai behaviour would be ill-advised.

Scene cuts.
Wiz: Alright, the combatants are set. Time to end this debate once and for all.
Boomstick: It’s time for a Death Battle.

Scene cuts.
Ash was relaxing by a river, his Pikachu running around nearby. “We’ll rest here for a little while, then we need to get moving,” said Ash.
“Pika-pi,” said Pikachu, exploring their little area.
Meanwhile, over in the bushes, Nate was watching the two of them. “Whisper, look. A Yo-kai,” said Nate. “What do you know about that one?”
“Hold on, I’m trying to…” started Whisper, before frowning in confusion. “Huh, that’s strange.”
“What’s wrong?” asked Nate.
“I can’t find this Yo-kai on the Yo-kai pad,” said Whisper. “This has never happened before. I don’t know anything about it.”
“Then I guess we go in and hope for the best,” said Nate, emerging from the bushes before Whisper could stop him.
“I don’t see this going well,” said Whisper, sighing as he followed after Nate.
“YO-KAI!” yelled Nate, pointing at Pikachu. “Leave that human alone, before I make you leave him alone.”
Ash and Pikachu just stared at Nate in confusion. “What’s a Yo-kai?” asked Ash. “Pikachu’s not a Yo-kai, he’s my friend.”
“Pika pika,” said Pikachu, as if to confirm what Ash was saying.
‘Damn, I’m too late,’ thought Nate. ‘This Yo-kai is using some kind of charm to make this guy think they’re friends. I have to do something.’ Nate clenched his fist tight, then grabbed out a Yo-kai medal. “Alright, if that’s the case,” said Nate. “Come on out my friend, calling Jibanyan. Yo-kai medal do your thing.”
“Huh…” said Ash, confused. “Well Pikachu, it looks like we have a fight on our hands. Are you ready?”
“Pika,” said Pikachu, strutting determinedly forward, just as a red fiery cat landed in front of him.
“Alright, I can do this, nyan,” said Jibanyan, getting ready to pounce.

FIGHT!
“Pikachu, start off with a Quick Attack,” said Ash.
“Paws of Fury,” cried Jibanyan, leaping at Pikachu. The two monsters collided, with Pikachu managing to knock Jibanyan over, though not without Jibanyan managing to land a few decent blows on Pikachu.
“Good work Pikachu,” said Ash. “Now, hit it with a Thunderbolt.”
“A thunder what?” asked Jibanyan, as a bolt of lightning struck it. “Ow…”
“Jibanyan!” cried Nate, turning to glare at Ash and Pikachu. “You’ll pay for that. Calling Venoct.” Nate pulled out another Yo-kai medal and put it into his watch.
“Oh, you want to make this a two on two battle?” asked Ash. “Fine by me. I choose you, Snorlax.”
Both Venoct and Snorlax came out at the same time, ready to fight. “Looks like that one’s a dragon,” said Ash. “I’ve got just the move for it then. Snorlax, Ice Punch.”
“Come here tubby,” said Venoct. “MAUL!” Venoct’s dragon scarf immediately flew at Snorlax and attempted to hurt it. However, Snorlax’s thick body prevented it from taking much damage as it struck Venoct with its Ice Punch. Venoct flew backwards, but landed easily enough and ran back into the battle.
“Snorlax, Body Slam,” called Ash.
“VOLTAGE!” yelled Venoct, throwing a bolt of lightning at Snorlax. Snorlax took the blow easily, and threw itself at Venoct, knocking it down.
“VENOCT!” yelled Nate. “Are you okay?”
“Of course,” said Venoct, getting up easily enough, if a little shaky. “It’ll take more than that to keep me down.”
“Alright,” said Nate. “But I think we’re gonna need more backup.” Nate grabbed out another Yo-kai medal and slotted it into his watch. “Come on out Robonyan.”
“You’re sending out another one?” asked Ash. “Well, fine. I choose you, Infernape.” Infernape popped out of its ball just as Robonyan flew onto the scene.
“Leave the monkey to me,” said Robonyan. “Rocket Punch.” Robonyan fired its fists at Infernape, who managed to dodge around them.
“Infernape, Mach Punch,” called Ash. Infernape launched itself at Robonyan, but Robonyan flew straight up, avoiding the attack easily.
“Alright, he can’t get you from a distance,” said Nate.
“Wanna bet?” asked Ash. “Infernape, Flamethrower.” Infernape started blasting a stream of fire at Robonyan, but Robonyan kept flying around as quick as possible to avoid it, its airborne nature giving it more manoeuvrability.
“That’s it,” said Nate. “Now, let’s bring in Manjimutt to…”
“You’re bring out a fourth?” asked Ash. “Then I guess I will too. Go, Charizard.” Charizard landed next to Infernape and let out of roar, while Manjimutt just stared up at the dragon.
“Nate, are you sure about this?” asked Whisper.
“Yeah, I’m not sure what you think I can do against…this,” said Manjimutt, looking up at the fierce looking Charizard.
“You’ll be fine,” said Nate. “I’m sure he’s not as tough as he loo…”
“Charizard, Dragon Tail,” called Ash. Charizard roared, and flew straight at Manjimutt, leaving a huge hole in the ground where he struck.
“Okay, I take it back, he’s definitely as strong as he looks,” said Nate, a little panicked. “Whisper, get in there.”
“WHAT?! Me?!” cried Whisper. “Nate, you know I’m not the best combatant. Surely you could use…”
“I’m saving him,” said Nate. “I need you to go in there and take some of the heat for the others, so they can take out some of that kid’s monsters, then we can finish them off with…”
“Well, it’s an idea,” said Whisper. “Not a good one, mind you, but it’s an idea nonetheless.” Whisper flew into the fray, punching Charizard in the chest before slapping Infernape. “Here monsters, come and get me.”
“You want to use a fifth one? I’ll give you a fifth one,” said Ash. “Sceptile, I choose you.” Sceptile popped out of its ball right in front of Whisper, causing him to crash into it.
“Umm…hi,” said Whisper, who was picked up by Sceptile and thrown into the air.
“Sceptile, Leaf Blade,” said Ash, as Sceptile jumped up after Whisper to perform the attack. “Then Charizard, you hit it with a Flamethrower, Infernape, you use a Flare Blitz, Snorlax, Ice Punch, and Pikachu, you finish it with an Electroweb.”
“Oh, come on,” said Whisper, as he was attacked by five separate attacks consecutively. By the time it was over, Whisper was on the ground, unconscious.
“Good work guys,” said Ash, celebrating taking down one of Nate’s team. “Just four more to go.”
“That’s what you think,” said Nate. “Now guys.” Jibanyan, Robonyan, and Manjimutt immediately jumped on Charizard, surprising it. The three of them struggled to keep Charizard pinned to the ground as Venoct came charging in. “VOLTAGE!” he cried, as he summoned a bolt of lightning and threw it at the dragon-like Pokémon. The other three Yo-kai just barely got out of the way as the attack hit, with Charizard letting out a loud roar of pain.
“Charizard!” cried Ash, Charizard falling to his knees. “Charizard, are you okay?”
“Okay guys, now take out the green one,” said Nate, pointing at Sceptile.
“Sceptile, Bullet Seed,” said Ash, Sceptile firing off a series of bullets. Jibanyan and Venoct were forced to find cover from the barrage, but Robonyan managed to avoid the worst of it by taking to the air. “Infernape, Pikachu, try and guard Sceptile.”
“Perfect,” muttered Nate. “I might be able to take out the big one, now that he’s distracted looking after that Sceptile thing.” Nate slipped another Yo-kai Medal into his watch, and began to summon his last Yo-kai. “Come on out, Lord Enma.”
Ash looked up and saw Nate was glowing. “You’re bringing out your last one?” asked Ash, grabbing his last Pokéball. “I was wondering when you’d do that. I choose you, Krookodile.” Ash’s final Pokémon came out from its Pokéball just as Lord Enma came to existence right in front of them. “That’s a Pokémon?” asked Ash. “He looks like a kid.”
“I am no kid, and I’m not a Pokémon, whatever that is,” said Lord Enma. “I am Lord Enma, and this is the end for you and your monster friends.” Lord Enma conjured a ball of fire in his hand, and immediately threw it at Snorlax.
“SNORLAX!” cried Ash, as Infernape turned to see what was happening. Infernape immediately ran at the incoming fireball, and took the full force of the blow.
“Hmm, how noble,” said Lord Enma dismissively, another fireball forming in his hand as he spoke.
“Infernape, are you okay?” asked Ash, running up to his Pokémon. In response, Infernape got back to his feet, not too hurt.
“If you’re going to stand in the way, you will fall with your monsters,” said Lord Enma, throwing the fireball.
Infernape’s eyes widened in shock, and he immediately threw Ash out of the way before the fireball could hit.
“NO!” yelled Ash, seeing Infernape fall after taking another blow from Lord Enma. “Okay, that’s it. Combined attack. Krookodile, Aerial Ace. Sceptile, Leaf Storm. Pikachu, Thunderbolt.” Ash’s Pokémon yelled in agreement as they fired off their attacks at Lord Enma.
“Pathetic,” he said, easily avoiding each of the other three.
“Perfect,” said Ash. “Snorlax, Hyper Beam.”
“WHAT?!” yelled Lord Enma, noticing that he’d been pushed to near where Snorlax was waiting. Snorlax opened his eyes, and blasted Lord Enma almost point blank with a pair of powerful lasers.
“Lord Enma? Are you okay?” asked Nate, running up to where the Yo-kai had fallen to the ground.
“Get…that kid…” snapped Lord Enma.
“Got it,” said Nate, turning his attention to Ash. “This is what you get for attacking my friends.” Nate ran at Ash, and punched him in the face.
“Hey, trainers don’t fight,” cried Ash, as Nate swept Ash’s legs out from under him. “Stop that.” Nate was about to throw another punch at Ash, when Ash caught it and threw Nate over his shoulder. “Huh, didn’t know I was that strong.”
“Why you…” started Nate, making another run at Ash, when Krookodile stepped in front of him. Sceptile, Pikachu, Snorlax, Charziard, and Infernape, despite their various injuries, stood defiantly between Nate and Ash, ready to attack anyone who touched their trainer.
“Nate, we might be in trouble,” said Whisper, looking beat up. Most of Nate’s Yo-kai were still standing, and Lord Enma looked like he was ready to keep going if he had to.
“We can do this,” said Nate. “Everyone, hit them with everything you’ve got.” Nate’s Yo-kai gave a battle cry as they ran at Ash’s Pokémon, hoping for the best. “Wait, Jibanyan, I have an idea.”
“You do the same guys,” said Ash, putting his hand on Pikachu’s shoulder. “Pikachu, I have an idea. Are you ready?”
“Pika-pi,” said Pikachu, nodding in agreement.
Ash’s other five Pokémon and Nate’s Yo-kai all began to clash, as Pikachu began to grow and expand. Meanwhile, Jibanyan looked up at Whisper, and Whisper nodded back. The two of them jumped at each other, and fused into Buchinyan.
“Alright, let’s see how you handle a fusion,” yelled Buchinyan…
…only to stop dead at the sight of a Gigantamax Pikachu. “Oh, come on, really?” asked Buchinyan.
“Pika,” said Pikachu, looking down at the opponents.
“Pikachu, G-Max Volt Crash,” said Ash. Pikachu responded by firing a bolt of lightning into the sky, before several bolts came flying down and striking Nate and his Yo-kai.
“You think that’s enough to take me down now?” asked Buchinyan. “LIGHTNING!” Buchiyan launched an electric attack at Pikachu, which didn’t do much. “Oh…”
“Pikachu, Max Strike,” said Ash. Pikachu jumped into the air, and as it crashed back into the ground, caused the ground to open up and crack.
“Whoa…” gasped Nate, as he stumbled from the shaky ground. Charizard saw this, and immediately flew in to grab Nate by the arm. “Thank yo…” started Nate, as he realised the Charizard was flying straight up with him. “Wait, what are you…” Charizard responded by spinning around in the air rapidly, before throwing Nate at the ground as hard as he could. Nate screamed as he hurtled towards the earth…
…just as Snorlax punched him as hard as he could, sending Nate flying through the air. Sceptile watched as Nate flew his way, and immediately started slashing at Nate with his Leaf Blades. Infernape interrupted Sceptile’s attacks by punching him with a Mach Punch…
…straight at Krookodile, who slashed Nate with a Stone Edge as he passed by. The two halves of Nate’s body landed in front of his horrified Yo-kai, as Ash congratulated his team on a job well done.

K. O.
Boomstick: Wow, harsh much?
Wiz: Honestly, this battle could have had thousands, even millions of different outcomes, depending on what line-ups the two of them had. Nate more than likely would have won if we’d kept his Yo-kai invisible to non-watch holders, or if we’d let Nate keep all his Yo-kai handy like in the anime, since he has been shown capable of summoning as many as he needs to in it.
Boomstick: However, that’s a key word in this: anime. This Death Battle fanfic strives to use the same media type for both combatants where possible, and the fact is, the Yo-kai Watch anime doesn’t focus on combat much.
Wiz: As a result of that, many of Nate’s Yo-kai friends don’t have a lot of good feats, whereas three of Ash’s Pokémon have beaten the equivalent of minor deities. Add to that that he has a wide selection of other Pokémon, each with some impressive feats of their own, to fill the remainder of his team, and you have a tough opponent to beat.
Boomstick: And Ash himself, while not having any kind of combat training, is apparently EXTREMELY strong. He once changed the direction of a speeding truck carrying a Lapras by PULLING it, instead of using the steering wheel like a sane person. Or the fact that he can lift Cosmoem with no visible effort, even though it’s essentially a tiny black hole. Nate just couldn’t make the Cut.
Wiz: The winner is Ash Ketchum.

Scene cuts.
Boomstick: Next time on Death Battle…
“Snow glows white on the mountain tonight, not a footprint to be seen…”
“Not luck. It's what you do that makes you a hero.”

Chapter Text

Death Battle intro starts.
Wiz: Ice, the solid form of water. Its potential for harm is matched only by its user’s potential to harness its power.
Boomstick: And today’s combatants are ice-cold fighters who will leave you frozen.
Wiz: Queen Elsa of Arendelle, icy monarch from Disney’s Frozen.
Boomstick: And Kopaka, Toa of Ice from the Bionicle franchise. He’s Wiz and I’m Boomstick.
Wiz: And it’s our job to analyse their weapons, armour, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

Scene cuts.
Wiz: The Kingdom of Arendelle is a kingdom that was somewhat shrouded in magic and secrecy until recently.
Boomstick: Could that have anything to do with its former King Runeard trying to wipe out a magical forest and its inhabitants who live a few miles north of them?
Wiz: It has everything to do with that Boomstick.
Boomstick: Yay, I did a smart.
Wiz: Good boy, have a beer.
Boomstick: Way ahead of you *crushes an empty beer can*
Wiz: Anyway, Runeard had heard of a magical forest inhabited by the Northuldra people, and declared them unnatural because of their powers. So, he built a dam to weaken their powers, and fully intended to slaughter them as soon as he was sure he had the numbers.
Boomstick: Water. Earth. Fire. Air. Long ago, the four Northuldra lived together in harmony. Then, everything changed when Arendelle attacked.
Wiz: The spirits of the elements were angry at Arendelle’s deception, and decided to seal the forest off from the rest of the world, but not before one of the wind users escaped with the then Prince of Arendelle, Agnarr.
Boomstick: Who wasn’t prince for much longer because, you know, his dad was dead. That’s what happens when you piss off magical spirits, you idiot.
Wiz: Agnarr and Iduna, the wind user who saved him, eventually fell in love and had two daughters. The eldest, however was gifted with the ability to make and control ice, because the spirits said she should.
Boomstick: Kinda weird and complex. Point is, giving these sorts of powers to kids surely didn’t have any horrible consequences, did it?
Wiz: Well, at first it was fine. But then Elsa accidentally hit Anna with her ice powers, so it was decided she should try to suppress her powers, while Anna was forced to forget that Elsa had powers and kept away from her for years.
Boomstick: And that worked about as well as using hydrogen to lift a zeppelin, because Elsa freaked out when her sister wanted to marry a man she just met, and basically left Arendelle in a state of permanent winter. Then she ran away into the mountains sing the most iconic Disney song since Circle of Life.
Wiz: And it’s through that song alone that we can see just how powerful of an ice mage Elsa is. Even though she had been suppressing her powers for about thirteen years, she was able to master them in such a way that she was able to craft ice structures with incredibly intricate details, including a huge ice castle that she decided to live in.
Boomstick: That’s hardly her most impressive feat. In the sequel, she was able to block all the water from a burst dam from destroying Arendelle by creating a huge ice shield to hold back the water until it settled down.
Wiz: Really Boomstick? I think there’s a much more impressive feat we can attribute to Elsa’s ice magic.
Boomstick: What’s more impressive than stopping a flood with a big sheet of ice that you conjure yourself?
Wiz: How about the ability to create sentient life?
Boomstick: What, like Olaf? He’s an idiot.
Wiz: Regardless of Olaf’s intelligence, he is still capable of conscious thought. Even to the point of basically having an existential crisis in the sequel. And Elsa made him out of nothing more than snow, rocks, and sticks, so that fact that he’s alive at all is pretty amazing.
Boomstick: And she didn’t even realise she brought him to life. If Olaf is what she makes by accident, what the hell can she make when she’s trying?
Wiz: Marshmallow.
Boomstick: She can make marshmallows when she wants to?
Wiz: No, that’s the name of the big snow golem she created when she wanted Anna and Kristoff to leave her alone.
Boomstick: Oh, yeah. Always good to have a badass snow golem to fight your battles when you need to.
Wiz: Especially when you’re not actually that good of a combatant.
Boomstick: Wait, what? What are you talking about?
Wiz: Well, Elsa’s certainly a very powerful ice user. She’s even fairly quick to react with her powers, as shown when she caught a crossbow bolt mid-flight. But the fact is, Elsa has never had any kind of formal training with her powers, and very rarely actually uses her powers for the purposes of fighting.
Boomstick: She’s definitely able to defend herself if a fight comes her way, but she never goes out of her way to find a fight.
Wiz: Still, Elsa proves more than once that she’s not afraid to fight to protect her loved ones and her people if you think of threatening them.
Elsa: Cold never bothered me anyway.

Scene cuts.
Wiz: The Toa Mata are a group of Bionicles created with a specific goal in mind: to awaken the Great Spirit Mata Nui should the need ever arise.
Boomstick: And given that Teridax is still alive trying manipulating shit behind the scenes, of course they needed them to be alive.
Wiz: After being dropped in the ocean for a thousand years, the group were awakened with no memory of their former life. However, they soon learned that the people of the world had been engaged in a seemingly endless war against the Rahi, and set off to find the Great Kanohi so they could hopefully defeat Teridax.
Boomstick: Long story short, they won, and they continued to help defend their world, because you can never really kill Teridax unless you’re a character from Sonic ’06.
Wiz: Are you seriously still bitter about that?
Boomstick: I just hate it so much.
Wiz: Anyway, the deputy of the Toa, Kopaka, is today’s combatant, and the ice user of the group. And his powers have proven to be quite formidable in battle.
Boomstick: Kopaka is capable of controlling ice and snow, and can easily create blizzards and freeze entire lakes with very little effort.
Wiz: Kopaka can even absorb ice and snow and freeze the moisture in the air if he wants, as well as just simply blast ice at enemies.
Boomstick: He also has two Ice Blades, which can also double as skis if he needs to moves quickly around the ice. He can use his swords as two weapons, or one double edged weapon.
Wiz: And there’s the Ice Shield as well, which can function as a small sled, though this was only by a couple of much smaller Bionicles.
Boomstick: And on top of all that, Kopaka’s armour is designed to shift to suit the wearer’s environment. Which I’m guessing for this battle will be…ice.
Wiz: Well, duh. Pretty much all either of these combatants can do relates to ice in some way or another, so why wouldn’t it be ice eventually?
Boomstick: Anyway, Kopaka also has the power of X-ray Vision, so that’s pretty cool.
Wiz: Are you kidding? He can see through solid matter with it. That’s not that impressive compared some of the other impressive powers we’ve seen in this show.
Boomstick: Huh, I’d have thought you’d like that sort of thing.
Wiz: It’s boring. Just because you can see through someone, doesn’t mean you can do something about it.
Boomstick: Yeah, I guess. But he does have one super ultimate technique for emergencies that can absolutely devastate everything.
Wiz: That would be the Nova Blast, which Kopaka himself has never used, but is definitely within his arsenal. The technique is only known by the Toa, and it’s basically a blast of energy that can wipe out a large area, the energy itself being of the element of the user.
Boomstick: The one time it has been used was by Gali, who created a flood that destroyed a whole island.
Wiz: A few of the other Toa have considered using this attack at various times, but this has so far been the only example of it being used.
Boomstick: Why? What’s the worst that could happen?
Wiz: Other than the obvious environmental destruction, there’s also the fact that after using it, a Toa will lose their elemental abilities for a few days due to being so drained. The move is exclusively a last-ditch effort, because if they use it and it doesn’t work, they will likely be killed.
Boomstick: I suppose that’s a reasonable excuse for never using it. Disappointing, but reasonable…wimps.
Wiz: Kopaka is calm and intelligent, and a decent strategist, but also prefers fighting alone, which explains his cold nature.
Boomstick: But hey, when you’re a badass ice warrior, you don’t need friends to help you fight your battles.
Kopaka: Don’t worry. You may try. You won’t succeed.

Scene cuts.
Wiz: Alright, the combatants are set. Time to end this debate once and for all.
Boomstick: It’s time for a Death Battle!

Scene cuts.
Kopaka walked through the unfamiliar terrain of the mountain, trying to find any kind of landmark with which to track his progress. He hasn’t too worried about being attacked, since he was a very skilled warrior, and was surrounded by his natural element. Nothing was going to beat him here.
It wasn’t long before he saw something in the distance: a castle that seemed to be made entirely out of ice. “What…is that?” asked Kopaka, despite knowing he was alone. “Does someone live there?” Kopaka shrugged his shoulders, figuring that if nothing else, he had somewhere to stay for a little while.
Meanwhile, inside the castle, Elsa was just finishing adding some new rooms to her castle when she heard someone, or something, banging on the door. “Go away Anna,” she called, going back to her work. She then heard the doors to the castle being forced open. Elsa sighed and started making her way down to the entrance. “I said go awa…” Elsa stopped short when she saw Kopaka standing in the doorway.
“So, there is someone home,” said Kopaka, standing in the middle of the entrance foyer looking up at Elsa.
“Who are you?” demanded Elsa. “Actually, what are you? What are you doing here? And am I going to have to kick you out of here by force?”
“Kick me out?” asked Kopaka. “I’d love to see you try. Besides, I just got here. Do you treat all your guests like this?”
“I said, GET OUT!” yelled Elsa, sending a couple of sheets of ice at Kopaka.
Kopaka slice them in half with his sword easily. “So, you’ve chosen to fight then?” asked Kopaka. “Fine, I’ll show no mercy.”

FIGHT!
Elsa sent a series of ice blasts at Kopaka, who either deflected them or smashed them with his sword. “Come on, you really think that’s going to work?” asked Kopaka, reaching the staircase Elsa was standing on and proceeding to smash it, sending Elsa to the floor. “This isn’t even a challenge.”
“How about this?” asked Elsa, sending out a huge blast of ice and snow as Kopaka raised his sword. Elsa couldn’t look as the sword came down towards her, but opened her eyes when the blow never came. Instead, the sword was being held back by the hand of a large snow golem.
“What the hell?” asked Kopaka, snatching his sword back and backing off a bit. “Okay, interesting trick. But I can manipulate ice too. Time to freeze.”
“Not gonna happen,” said Elsa. “Cold never bothered me anyway.” Kopaka started throwing huge amounts of ice at Elsa, which she did her best to dodge or deflect with her own powers. Meanwhile, Marshmallow was trying to land a blow on Kopaka.
“HOLD STILL!” roared Marshmallow, after punching a hole in the floor.
“Nah, I’m good,” said Kopaka, ducking behind the golem and slicing off his arm. Marshmallow roared again and tried to hit Kopaka, but again Kopaka was too fast and took off one of his legs.
“Don’t worry Marshmallow,” said Elsa, summoning up more ice and snow, until she created several more golems to fight for her.
“This is gonna get tiresome quickly,” said Kopaka, ducking and dodging through the monsters. “Guess I need to take you out to stop all this.”
Elsa realised Kopaka was coming and tried to back up as much as much as possible, even putting up a huge ice wall. Unfortunately, Kopaka just sliced through it with ease. “No, stay back,” begged Elsa.
“Sorry, but this is where it ends for you,” said Kopaka, not slowing his pace.
“I said STAY BACK!” screamed Elsa, sending a huge blast of ice and wind at Kopaka, practically levelling her castle.
“Well that was a little violent,” said Kopaka, picking himself up out of the snow. “Apparently you’re a bit more powerful than I thought.”
“You have no idea,” said Elsa, her voice barely concealing a tranquil fury. On her command, dozens of sheets of ice, all of sharp icicles on them, came barrelling towards Kopaka.
Kopaka made sure to keep moving, smashing through attacks as needed. “Do you really think this is going to…” he started, as the ground started moving beneath him. “What are you…” he started, as the patch of snow he was on rose off the ground. “Do you really think this is going to stop me?”
“No, but this hopefully will,” said Elsa, using her magic to freeze Kopaka’s feet to the patch of snow he was standing on, while continuing to raise him up.
“An admirable effort,” said Kopaka, aiming his sword at his foot. “But all I have to do is…” Kopaka brought his sword down on the ice and shattered it, only for Elsa to refreeze it. “Oh, that’s how your gonna play it, huh?” Kopaka proceeded to smash the ice several more times, each time with Elsa refreezing it, until Kopaka was readying himself to smash the ice, and Elsa retracted the ice on his feet. Unfortunately, Kopaka didn’t realise this until he was already in motion, and ended stabbing himself in the foot.
Kopaka yelled in pain, as Elsa smirked to herself and got rid of the snow that was holding him up. As Kopaka fell back towards the ground, Elsa rose up a bunch of stalagmites beneath him, and let him smash into them once he hit the ground. “Don’t mess with the ice queen,” said Elsa, starting to recreate her ice castle.

K. O.
Boomstick: Holy crap, really? The Disney character beat the robot?
Wiz: This is another battle that might have gone either way under the right circumstances. Kopaka’s definitely the more capable fighter of the two, having actually had combat training, compared to Elsa who’s had nothing, even to the point of supressing her powers. If Kopaka got in close enough, it wouldn’t be hard for him to finish her off.
Boomstick: However, Elsa’s ice powers were on a much higher level than Kopaka’s, with the exception of his Nova Blast. Kopaka may have frozen a lake, but Elsa froze an entire kingdom, including a few nearby mountains, as evidenced by the fact that Kristoff wasn’t expecting the huge snowstorm in the first film.
Wiz: Even if Kopaka had used his Nova Blast, Elsa is unaffected by ice and cold, so she just might be able to withstand the storm. Keep in mind, she froze the entire kingdom and created her ice castle in a single day, and showed no signs of fatigue. The exact extent of her ice powers is pretty much whatever she can imagine, so she’d certainly be able to keep Kopaka at bay long enough to do some serious damage.
Boomstick: Kopaka tried to take the win, but Elsa wouldn’t Let It Go.
Wiz: The winner is Elsa.

Scene cuts.
Boomstick: Next time on Death Battle...
“PANCAKES!”
“Yeah, right as rain! I’ll use this, me Lassorang!”

Chapter Text

Death Battle intro plays.
Wiz: Australia. The home to some of the world’s most unique, and surprisingly dangerous wildlife on the planet.
Boomstick: I know, right? Except koalas, those things are way too adorable to be any kind of threat to anyone.
Wiz: Boomstick, they have sharp teeth and claws, have been known to fight and kill dogs, and most of them are riddled with chlamydia.
Boomstick: …well holy shit, all Australian animals are horrifyingly dangerous. How are there people living there?
Wiz: Because people like our author know not to piss off the animals, they can and will murder you without a second thought. Speaking of which, today’s combatants are based on two of Australia’s unique wildlife.
Boomstick: Crash Bandicoot, Dr. Neo Cortex’s Blunder from Down Under and title character of Crash Bandicoot.
Wiz: And Ty the Tasmanian Tiger, Boss Cass’s nemesis and title character of the Ty the Tasmanian Tiger games.
Boomstick: He’s Wiz and I’m Boomstick.
Wiz: And it’s our job to analyse their weapons, armour, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

Scene cuts.
Wiz: Doctor Neo Cortex may seem like a super genius, given his army of mutated Australian animals, but honestly, as a fellow evil scientist, I’m not buying it.
Boomstick: Hey, if you’re going to have a mutated army of animals from a single continent, Australia’s animals are probably your best bet.
Wiz: Yeah, but once you have that army, why would you pick a bandicoot as your general? They’re not exactly the most threatening of animals.
Boomstick: To be fair, none of them look particularly threatening. Remember what you just told me about the koalas?
Wiz: I guess. Still, it doesn’t excuse picking Crash as your general. Surely there was some kind of experiment or intelligence test conducted prior to picking him.
Boomstick: Still, whatever the reason, Cortex’s experiment failed, so Crash was kicked out. This was a mistake, because ever since Crash has become the biggest pain in Cortex’s ass ever since. How does it feel to be outsmarted by an idiot?
Wiz: I’ll tell you if you ever outsmart me.
Boomstick: HEY!
Wiz: Anyway, Crash has superhuman strength, can leap incredible distances, and has a decent amount of speed.
Boomstick: Why’s it called superhuman when we’re talking about a bandicoot?
Wiz: Crash’s most famous method of attacking is his Spin Attack, which he upgraded to the Death Tornado Spin. Crash spins around and strikes his enemies, though it can leave him dizzy.
Boomstick: That’s not something you want to be doing if you’re fighting an evil genius, especially if the genius in question created you and probably knows all your weaknesses.
Wiz: That’s…actually a good point. How does Cortex claim to be a genius when he can’t beat his idiot creation?
Boomstick: Well, Crash has plenty of other moves, like body slamming his enemies, sliding at his enemies, and can use Mojo…wait, isn’t that what charges Austin Powers’ sex drive?
Wiz: THIS mojo is more like life energy, and enhances Crash’s battle power.
Boomstick: That still sounds like Austin Powers’ Mojo.
Wiz: *sigh* Anyway, Crash also has various gadgets, which were made by his sister, because Crash isn’t exactly…you know…
Boomstick: He’s a few snags short of a barbie?
Wiz: Yeah, that. Anyway, Crash’s gear includes a Copter Pack, which is basically a helicopter backpack. He has a mech suit that was ripped straight out of Alien. And then there’s a rocket launcher that shoots…
Boomstick: Rockets?
Wiz: Fruit.
Boomstick: Aww, why would you waste a perfectly good rocket launcher like that? Is it at least a particularly damaging fruit like pineapples or coconuts?
Wiz: No, he uses Wumpa Fruit.
Boomstick: What the hell’s a Wumpa Fruit?
Wiz: In Japan they’re called apples. Which begs the question: why not just call them that? And why use fruit at all?
Boomstick: Hey, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it, right?
Wiz: I guess. But still, he also gets some help from his father figure Aku Aku, who has been known to step in when Crash is in trouble.
Boomstick: Sometimes. Other times he’s a dick who stands back and lets things happen that don’t need to.
Wiz: Well, sometimes it’s better to let your children try and learn from an experience rather than helping them all the time.
Boomstick: Yeah, and sometimes you can teleport them to safety but don’t.
Wiz: Yeah, you’ve got a point. But still, Crash has shown some incredible durability and survived many things that he shouldn’t, including twenty-three crates of TNT exploding and a spaceship crashing from space.
Boomstick: It’s a good thing he has that durability too, otherwise he’d probably be killed by his own stupidity.
Wiz: It’s not stupidity, it’s very probably autism, and you should be VERY careful when addressing that.
Boomstick: Oh, right…well, he can’t swim, so there’s that.
Wiz: Yeah, there is that. But when the day needs saving, Crash is there to do so…as long as there’s some Wumpa Fruit in it for him.
Crash: Whoa!

Scene cuts.
Wiz: For much of his childhood, Ty the Tasmanian Tiger thought he was an orphan, since he was a Tasmanian tiger being raised among bilbies.
Boomstick: Yeah, that tends to make you think that sort of thing.
Wiz: But while playing one day, Ty fell down a chasm and discovered the Bunyips. The Bunyips are half spirit, half-beast, and they informed Ty that his parents were not dead, they were just imprisoned in the Dream Time.
Boomstick: The hell kind of name is a bunyip?
Wiz: It’s a creature from Aboriginal folklore that basically translates to ‘evil spirit’, which is kind of interesting, considering that the bunyips in the games are actually quite friendly and helpful towards Ty.
Boomstick: Okay, fine. But surely Dream Time is just a way of saying they’re in a coma, right? How else can that be interpreted?
Wiz: How about as the Aboriginal concept for telling stories of the past, particularly their more heroic ancestors?
Boomstick: …I hate you.
Wiz: Anyway, Ty’s parents got trapped in the Dream Time by the evil Boss Cass, based on a cassowary…
Boomstick: Okay, THAT one you’re making up.
Wiz: No, actually, cassowaries are very real, and very dangerous. Super big, super aggressive, decent jumpers, can swim, and have a murder nail on the back of their foot that can easily gut a human being.
Boomstick: …I’m gonna shut up now.
Wiz: Anyway, Ty decided that he was going to go and free his parents from the Dream Time and defeat Boss Cass, and he has the training and equipment to do so.
Boomstick: And what exactly does an extinct animal have to fight a murder bird?
Wiz: Ty is a reasonably strong physical combatant, but his most notable physical attack is his bite, which when he charges it up, allows him to basically fly at his enemies.
Boomstick: Imagine you’re one of Boss Cass’s minions, minding your own business, when suddenly this thing comes flying at you out of nowhere and bites you on the di…
Wiz: But Ty’s preferred method of fighting is his boomerangs, a traditional Aboriginal hunting tool. Boomerangs are unique in that, when thrown, they will often return to the user, which is the case with Ty’s.
Boomstick: And Ty has a long list of Boomerangs to choose from, not just the standard wooden ones that clobber the enemy.
Wiz: Each of these Boomerangs has a name that suggests what it’s capable of. For example, the Aquarang is the only boomerang capable of being used underwater, and the Chronorang, which can create some kind of time field around enemies and slow them down.
Boomstick: I like the Deadlyrang, which causes a mushroom cloud on impact that kills pretty much anything unlucky enough to be nearby. Or the one that makes a pun with its name, the Doomerang, which acts as a freaking guided missile. Or the Flamerang, which melts ice and shoots fireballs. Honestly, who wouldn’t want one of these?
Wiz: The Freezerang can put out flames, freeze enemies, and even temporarily freeze water so Ty can use the ice as a stepping stone.
Boomstick: The Lasherang is good for grappling around the place. The Lassorang acts as a lasso. Then there’s the Lavarang, because when fire’s not enough, turn your enemies to ash when a spurt of lava.
Wiz: The Multirang is a short-range boomerang, but Ty can throw multiple of them from each hand. The Omegarang targets multiple enemies at once and ricochets off of pretty much anything and everything.
Boomstick: The Smasharang can smash through just about everything, including walls, doors, and metal crates. The Warperang can teleport Ty with the use of special crystals, or just nail enemies into the ground, whichever is more useful to you at the time.
Wiz: There’s the X-rang, which acts as a spy and seeks out hidden objects and enemies. The Zappyrang is able to electrocute enemies, with the added bonus of being able to jumpstart old equipment. And finally, there’s the Zoomerang, which can spy on anything from a long way away.
Boomstick: God damn, there’s a lot of boomerangs.
Wiz: Typically, Ty can have two boomerangs at any one time, however he changes between them as needed.
Boomstick: So, what’s this guy’s weakness? Or doesn’t he have one?
Wiz: Ty doesn’t really have any notable weaknesses. He’s got reasonable strength, speed, and intelligence, but nothing spectacular.
Boomstick: Maybe his weakness is mediocrity?
Wiz: Maybe. But one thing’s for sure: if Australia is ever in danger, Ty the Tasmanian Tiger will be there to defend it.
Ty: It's ok, mate...your Dad's worried sick about you. How about we get you home before it gets too late?

Scene cuts.
Wiz: Alright, the combatants are set. Let’s end this debate once and for all.
Boomstick: It’s time for a Death Battle!

Scene cuts.
Ty was lying down under a tree when a piece of fruit fell and landed on him. “Ah, jeez,” said Ty, rubbing the spot on his head where it landed. “Well, when life gives you…whatever this is.” Ty closed his eyes as he went back to relaxing, opened his mouth to eat the fruit…
…only to bite down on nothing. Ty opened his eyes, and saw an orange creature standing there with a grin on his face and the Wumpa Fruit in his hand. “Oi, mate,” said Ty. “That’s mine. I was gonna eat that.”
Crash made a noise, as though to laugh at the Tasmanian tiger, before opening his mouth and eating the Wumpa Fruit in one bite, burping afterwards.
“Oh, you think that’s funny, do ya?” asked Ty, pulling out a boomerang. “Well, let’s see how funny you think this is.”
Crash stared at him in surprise, then got giddy with the idea of a fight.

FIGHT!
Ty threw his boomerangs at Crash, who immediately jumped out of the way of both. Crash stuck his tongue out at Ty, mocking him.
“Wait for it,” said Ty, looking past Crash.
Crash turned around, and saw both boomerangs flying straight for him. “Uh oh,” he said, as both struck him in the head.
While Crash was stunned from the two blows, Ty grabbed both of his boomerangs in mid-air, and kicked Crash square in the chest. “Bullseye,” he cheered.
Crash, after having been knocked around a little, decided to take the battle seriously, and pulled out his bazooka, and open fired on Ty.
Ty, seeing the size of the gun, started dodging, when he realised what was being fired. “Is that…fruit?” he asked, as one caught him straight in the chest. “Okay, that’s it, mate.” Ty put away his normal boomerangs and pulled out a new one. “Let’s see how you like this one.”
Crash laughed as Ty threw the new boomerang at him, only for him to keep throwing boomerangs, more than seemed possible.
“How do ya like the Multirang?” asked Ty, as Crash had to dodge numerous boomerangs at once. “Now, what else do I have in my arsenal?”
As he was saying this, Crash got in close and managed to pull off a Spin Attack. Ty was caught off-guard by the strike, and nearly got hit by several of his returning boomerangs.
“Sneaky little bugger, aren’t ya?” asked Ty. Crash just continued grinning at him. “Seriously mate, kinda creepy how you don’t say anything. But that’s okay, you won’t be able to say anything else soon enough.” Ty grabbed out yet another boomerang, and let it fly it Crash. Crash dodged out of the way, as Ty threw an identical one. This one caught Crash in the back of the head, and exploded in a huge mushroom cloud.
Crash screamed as he flew away from the blast, and landed several dozen feet away. As he landed, he realised his butt was on fire, and immediately started running around, trying to put it out any way he could.
“Tough ol’ codger, aren’t ya?” asked Ty, slowly walking up to him. “Not many survive a hit from the Deadlyrang.”
Crash, having extinguished the fire, threw himself at Ty, tackling him to the ground as he started punching him as hard as possible.
“Hey, get off,” said Ty, throwing Crash off of him. “Honestly, what’s wrong with you kid? I’m more than happy to finish you off here and now if I have to…”
It was at that moment that Crash noticed his mech suit parked nearby. Crash got back up and started running straight towards it.
“Oh no you don’t,” said Ty, pulling out two more boomerangs. Ty threw his weapons, aiming one at Crash and one at the mech suit.
Crash managed to dodge the boomerang coming towards him, however it then hit the left-hand side of the mech suit, which erupted into flames. Meanwhile, the other boomerang struck the right-hand side of the mech suit, and left it frozen.
“Whatcha gonna do without your fancy toy?” asked Ty, stalking towards the bandicoot. But Crash kept running towards the mech suit…
…and slid between its legs, grabbing the Copter Pack hiding behind it. Crash quickly strapped into the machine, and flew straight at Ty, lifting him up as he started flying into the air.
“This isn’t gonna end well,” said Ty, grabbing out yet another boomerang. “Say goodbye, flyboy.” Ty smashed the boomerang into the jetpack’s engine, until the machine started to smoke. “Seeya,” said Ty, falling backwards out of Crash’s grip, before grabbing another boomerang to use as a hang glider.
Crash saw the machine starting to smoke, and jumped out before it could explode. As Crash was falling, he saw Ty almost straight ahead of him, and fell towards him, landing on top of his hang glider.
“What the…?” asked the stunned Ty. “What are you doing, mate? You’re gonna kill us both like that.” However, this seemed to be Crash’s intention, as the two fell towards the ground faster than intended. Ty crashed into the ground, and Crash was on top of him and his boomerang hang glider.
Crash got up from the ground, covered in blood. When he realised what was on him, Crash started looking for some kind of cut or injury, However, he soon came to the conclusion that none of the blood was his, it was entirely Ty’s, who had been crushed under the weight of Crash and the boomerang-glider. Crash, not knowing what else to do, smiled at the camera and ran away.

K. O.
Boomstick: Well that was brutal.
Wiz: Ty certainly had the better range of today’s combatants, however that’s really the only advantage he held over Crash.
Boomstick: Yeah, Ty had plenty of different boomerangs for Crash to deal with, but honestly, Crash has survived far worse things than fire, ice, even explosions. Really, Ty didn’t have anything to really hurt Crash long term.
Wiz: Which is kind of insulting, since Crash is definitely a lot dumber than Ty and would probably not have lost a battle of wits.
Boomstick: I thought he was autistic, not dumb.
Wiz: Either way, Crash’s much higher strength and durability were what was needed to end this battle in Crash’s favour.
Boomstick: Ty’s chances of winning went crashing down under.
Wiz: The winner is Crash Bandicoot.

Scene cuts.
Boomstick: Next time, on the season 2 finale of Death Battle…
“Do, or do not. There is no try.”
“I'd give it a pass. The future's not all stone and buildings like that.”

Chapter Text

Death Battle intro plays.
Wiz: The mind can be a very powerful tool.
Boomstick: Yeah, especially when you can control shit with it.
Wiz: Which is exactly what makes today’s combatants so dangerous.
Boomstick: Silver the Hedgehog, the time travelling hedgehog from that game I hate.
Wiz: And Yoda, the Jedi master of an unknown race from Star Wars.
Boomstick: He’s Wiz, and I’m Boomstick.
Wiz: And it’s our job to analyse their weapons, armour, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

Scene cuts.
Wiz: Two hundred years in the future, the world has been destroyed. Not much is left living in this apocalyptic world.
Boomstick: Do we have to cover Sonic ’06 again?
Wiz: Actually, this is pretty much always Silver’s backstory, not just in Sonic ’06.
Boomstick: Oh…so we don’t have to pay attention to it?
Wiz: I never said that.
Boomstick: SON OF A BITCH!
Wiz: Anyway, Silver, desperate to prevent the upcoming destruction, goes back in time to prevent its destruction. The details of how it’s destroyed vary depending on whether Sonic ’06 is considered canon or not…
Boomstick: It’s not.
Wiz: But considering most of Silver’s feats come from that game, we have to…
Boomstick: NOOOOOO!
Wiz: Listen, it’s the last time we’ll do it, at least for this season, then you won’t have to hear another thing about Sonic ’06…for now. Depends what battles we do in the future.
Boomstick: God…freaking…damn it…
Wiz: Like practically all Sonic characters, Silver has incredible speed. He can keep up with the likes of Sonic and Shadow in combat, though he’s considered to not quite be as quick as them.
Boomstick: Listen, when you’re sort of quick enough to keep up with the fastest thing alive, it still means you’re pretty freaking fast.
Wiz: But perhaps Silver’s most notable power is his psychokinesis.
Boomstick: He’s insane?
Wiz: Psychokinesis, not psychopath. Psychokinesis Is where you can pick up and control objects with your mind, often using them as projectiles. Silver uses this power to throw objects, and even any people who get too close, across the room.
Boomstick: He also uses this power to lift himself off the ground and fly. That’s right, he can fricken fly at you with his powers.
Wiz: Silver has a few moves with his psychokinesis, including the Psycho Smash, where he charges up energy before unleashing it, sending enemies flying.
Boomstick: I like it when he focuses the energy into his hand and basically slaps enemies away with that power.
Wiz: There’s also the Psychic Knife, which is more focused on paralysing an opponent, complete with an electrical charge.
Boomstick: There’s the Teleport Dash, which allows Silver to teleport behind enemies so he can fight from the back.
Wiz: Finally, there’s his Psychic Control. This is where Silver builds up some psychic power, before unleashing a vertigo inducing blast. During the confusion, Silver takes the opportunity to attack as many enemies as possible with no retaliation.
Boomstick: Damn, hedgehog’s got some moves. But other than those, he has many of the standard Sonic franchise attacks, like the Spin Dash, Spin Attack, and Homing Attack.
Wiz: Not to mention Chaos Control, which allows Silver to harness the power of the Chaos Emeralds, and gives him powers such as time manipulation, interdimensional travel, and access to his Super Silver form.
Boomstick: As Super Sai…err, Silver, he becomes practically invulnerable, gains a huge boost of speed and strength, and all of his abilities are enhanced immensely. He also gains a Shield of Light, which stops any projectiles coming towards Silver, and sends them back at whoever threw it in the first place.
Wiz: With the downside being that he can only maintain this form for a short period of time, due to the immense power it consumes.
Boomstick: Hey, look, if your power increases that dramatically, chances are you don’t need long to wipe out whatever you’re fighting. But of course, you’re going to point out that Silver has a bunch of other weaknesses, aren’t you?
Wiz: It’s part of the job, Boomstick. Anyway, Silver’s psychokinesis may be powerful, but overuse can leave him fatigued. He’s also not very good at hand-to-hand combat, due to the fact that he normally relies on his powers.
Boomstick: He’s also…kind of an idiot. Like, super naïve. Seriously, name the most naïve person you know, and double it, then you might have Silver.
Wiz: Yeah, he tends to have some trust issues. And by that, I mean he will trust people without question, even if that person is, say, Eggman. Still, his strong sense of justice will usually prevail in the end.
Silver: I'm going to change the future with my own hands!

Scene cuts.
Wiz: The Star Wars universe is an ever-expanding franchise, with dozens of movies, books, games, and tv shows in its forty-three-year run.
Boomstick: And yet, in all that entire time, George Lucas has decided to never give Yoda’s species a name.
Wiz: All that’s really known about his species is that they’re an ancient race and shrouded in mystery, which describes Yoda pretty well.
Boomstick: Hell, we don’t even know that much about his backstory, other than he became a master at about age one hundred, and that he’s trained approximately twenty thousand jedi in his life. See, you’re never too old to learn.
Wiz: Given that humans live to around eighty years, and Yoda died of old age at nine hundred years old, this means he became a Jedi Master at the equivalent of age nine.
Boomstick: …well shit, good on him.
Wiz: Anyway, as a Jedi Master, Yoda has a complete mastery of The Force, an energy that exists everywhere and can be manipulated by almost every jedi.
Boomstick: If the Force is everywhere, does that mean The Force is God?
Wiz: …I mean, I guess it’s not impossible, since there’s no conclusive answers as to what the Force is and where it comes from.
Boomstick: HA! Answered that one for you George. Where’s my paycheck?
Wiz: I don’t think him or Disney are going to be giving you anything any time soon. Anyway, using The Force means that one can use some powerful psychic abilities. Everything from lifting rocks to holding planets together.
Boomstick: WHAT?! They never did anything like that in the movies.
Wiz: That’s because Disney needs to stop pretending the Expanded Universe doesn’t exist. Honestly, let the fans see those stories.
Boomstick: Or, considering The Last Jedi and Solo, keep Disney away from it. The fans are divided enough as it is.
Wiz: True enough. Anyway, Yoda is incredibly skilled as a fighter, using The Force to deflect oncoming projectiles, or to strike back at enemies. Not to mention The Force’s ability to trick much weaker minds, create illusions and protective fields, and even see possible futures.
Boomstick: How powerful is The Force?
Wiz: It’s as powerful as its user can imagine it is, as demonstrated when Luke failed to lift his X-Wing out of the swamp because he thought it was too big, but Yoda lifted it no problem. Which, considering the planet feat I mentioned earlier, makes sense.
Boomstick: And what’s a jedi without their signature weapon: the lightsaber, a laser sword that cuts through fricken EVERYTHING!
Wiz: Or rather, there are things that can resist being cut by a lightsaber, but Silver doesn’t have access to these things.
Boomstick: So, like I said, everything.
Wiz: Anyway, Yoda is extremely proficient at combat with a lightsaber, as shown when the Emperor declared Order 66 in effect, and he immediately took out the Stormtroopers with him, despite looking old and frail.
Boomstick: Yeah, how tall is he? I feel like most midgets would dwarf him.
Wiz: You’re not wrong. Yoda’s height is listed at only sixty-six centimetres, or approximately two foot two. And his weight is only about thirteen kilograms, or approximately twenty-eight and a half pounds.
Boomstick: Dude, that’s nothing. How the hell does he do all those cool flips and shit when he fights people?
Wiz: Because even at nine hundred years old, Yoda keeps himself active to a, quite frankly, terrifying degree.
Boomstick: Yeah, if you see a little green frog man leap at you with a laser sword, you know you’re probably screwed.
Wiz: In fact, we don’t even know the full extent of his power. Yoda is so powerful, he often holds back in order to keep himself from doing something horrific.
Boomstick: And yet, he lost of the Emperor, so…yeah.
Wiz: And because of that, Yoda is very difficult to find weaknesses for. Other than the fact that he must have some limit to the amount of Force he can use, as well as physical and stamina limits, otherwise that Emperor battle would have gone very differently.
Boomstick: Listen, when you can draw in harmful energy and then ignore its effects, you know you’re a god damn badass.
Wiz: True enough, since you don’t become a Jedi Master for nearly a millennium without a fair bit of power behind you.
Yoda: Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.

Scene cuts.
Wiz: Alright, the combatants are set. Time to end this debate once and for all.
Boomstick: It’s time for a Death Battle!

Scene cuts.
Yoda was quietly meditating, when he heard the sound of something approaching quickly. His senses told him whatever it was had no malicious intent, but he kept track of it anyway, just in case. Yoda continued to meditate, some of the nearby rocks hovering above him, as one of the rocks dropped just low enough for the quickly approaching entity to hit their head on.
“Ow, jeez,” said Silver, rubbing his head. “What the heck did that?” Silver looked around for a moment until he saw Yoda sitting in the middle of the floating rocks. “Hey, you, why’d you hit me with that rock?”
Yoda scrunched up his face and frustration as he opened his eyes. “Hit you with a rock, I did not,” said Yoda. “Interrupt my meditation, you did.”
“But…you’re the one floating these rocks around,” said Silver. “It must have been you. So why…”
“Ignorant, you are,” said Yoda, getting up. “A lesson, I must teach you.”
Silver scoffed a bit at this. “You’re going to fight me?” asked Silver. “You can hardly stand. How are you…” Before he could finish, Yoda easily leapt over Silver, performing a triple front flip as he went, and landed perfectly, before holding out his hand and summoning his lightsaber, which he immediately turned on.
“On, you will bring it,” said Yoda.

FIGHT!
Silver shrugged his shoulders, and immediately dashed straight at Yoda. Yoda predicted the attack and jumped over the oncoming hedgehog. However, what he wasn’t expecting was for Silver to immediately spin around and kick him straight into a tree.
“You may be energetic for an old guy,” said Silver. “But you’re nowhere near fast enough to keep up with me.”
“Speed matters not,” said Yoda, lifting several rocks out of the ground and sending them at Silver. Silver quickly dodged around each of them, as Yoda leapt across his floating stepping stones to get in close to the hedgehog.
“You don’t scare me,” said Silver. “I can do that too.” Suddenly, even more nearby rocks were lifted and thrown around at the two of them. Soon, the surrounding area was filled with flying rocks, as each of the combatants tried to hit the other while avoiding rocks.
“Strong with The Force you are,” said Yoda, slicing through a rock with his lightsaber. “But a master you are not.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” asked Silver, as a shadow loomed over him. Silver spun around, and saw a large section of earth hovering above him. “Oh, come on…” he said, as the earth came crashing down around him. Silver used his speed to avoid as much of it as possible, but Yoda was waiting for him, and used The Force to push him backwards.
“Win, you cannot,” said Yoda, looking down at Silver. “Give up, you should.”
“Not yet,” said Silver, as seven coloured gems appeared around him. “Just because you have the high ground right now, doesn’t mean I haven’t got a few tricks left up my sleeve. CHAOS…CONTROL!”
Silver burst up from the ground, now coloured yellow and glowing. Yoda watched this calmly, preparing to avoid whatever was to come. ‘Trust in The Force,’ Yoda thought to himself over and over again.
“This is over,” said Silver, flying straight at Yoda. Yoda had his eyes closed, sensing Silver approaching. At seemingly the last moment, Yoda jumped out of the way and raised a large rock where he had been standing. Silver burst through the stone easily, only to find Yoda had vanished. “Where are you?” demanded Silver, flying around the area as rapidly as he could, flinging boulders out of the way.
At this moment, Yoda had dropped into a small alcove, and used his robe and skin colour to blend into the forest-like surroundings. Yoda was sensing how dangerous the creature outside was, and trying to avoid needing to fight it right now if he could. As powerful as he was, even he couldn’t fight someone who was invulnerable.
Silver continued using his psychic powers on anything that looked like it could be Yoda. “Come out, come out, wherever you are,” he said. “You know what? How about I just do this?” Silver focused his psychic energy for a few seconds, before unleashing a powerful psychic blast that destroyed most of the surrounding forest.
Yoda, who had been sensing the future, saw this coming and got ready to move, avoiding the worst of the destruction. As things started settling down, Yoda used The Force to give himself a small air bubble among the smoke and debris.
“Are you still alive down there?” demanded Silver. In response, a flash of green light from Yoda’s lightsaber appeared in the middle of the smoke. “Gotcha,” said Silver, flying full speed at the light. Yoda stood his ground, holding out one hand to use The Force to push back the speeding hedgehog. Silver kept pushing, and was making progress through the resistance Yoda was putting up, until he blasted through and crashed into the ground where Yoda had been standing.
Silver got back up, thinking he’d see Yoda lying in the ground under him, but there was nothing there. “What the hell?” asked Silver, as he looked around trying to find the little green man, before spinning around and finding Yoda behind him, apparently unharmed. “How?” demanded Silver.
“Wise with The Force, I am,” said Yoda. “Finished, you are.”
“Not yet,” said Silver, throwing a punch at Yoda…
…only for his fist to go right through the Jedi Master. “WHAT?!” yelled Silver in surprise and anger.
“Illusion, this is,” said Yoda, laughing to himself as the illusion disappeared. The real Yoda hobbled up behind Silver. “Die now, you shall.”
“Oh yeah?” said Silver. “How about no?” Silver began flying at Yoda…
…just as his Super Silver form wore off. Yoda laughed to himself again as he quickly sidestepped his opponent, and turned on his lightsaber. Yoda swung his weapon at the passing hedgehog, and the two halves of Silver fell to the ground in front of him. “Yes, how about?” said Yoda, who went back to his meditation.

K. O.
Boomstick: That’s what you get for being in Sonic ’06!
Wiz: *sigh* Never gonna get over that, are you? Anyway, Silver certainly held a speed advantage in this battle. Unfortunately, Yoda held an advantage over him in every other way.
Boomstick: Yoda’s a god damn Jedi Master, and has trained in the art for centuries. He even implied that as long as he can imagine doing it, he can use The Force to do whatever the hell he wants. Silver only really stood a chance using Chaos Control.
Wiz: And even then, Silver was up against Yoda’s ability to use the Force to see possibly futures. Yoda’s no idiot, he’d know he has no chance against something that’s nigh invulnerable, and just wait for the effects to wear off.
Boomstick: Also, having a laser sword helps too.
Wiz: In the end, Yoda’s years of wisdom and mastery of The Force were what won him the battle today.
Boomstick: Silver took silver in this match.
Wiz: The winner is Yoda.

Scene cuts.
Boomstick: Next season on Death Battle…
“You STOLE my car. And YOU KILLED my dog.”
“You think you're tough enough to stand up to my HOT NUNCHUCK FURY?!”
“Fire Lord Ozai! You and your forefathers have devastated the balance of this world. And now, you shall pay the ultimate price!”
“Your lightsaber will make a fine addition to my collection.”
“Gotta blast!”