Archive of Our Own ^beta

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The cookie world, in all its frosted, glazed, and dutifully decorated glory was always the star of the universe. Yes, ever since the escape from the Witch’s oven all those years ago leas by the fearless Gingerbrave, life had been good! Pleasurable, even. One might strive to live out their joyously baked days in the many lands that composed the world.

Or so she thought. See, no matter which way you spun it, there was always some issue plaguing the cookie world. Whether it be dragons awakening, or pseudo murder mysteries, or even a bit of corruption- she tingled at that part- going on with some of the most powerful and pivotal forces to walk this world. She closed her cookie history textbook thoughtfully. Not that she was legitimately reading it anyways. All she ever needed to know lay right within the games code. They called it life, living blissfully unaware of the fact that none of this was real. It’s not like they’d believe her anyways. Even this form couldn’t fool them, she thought to herself.

She studied the form carefully. It looked exactly like a cookie, functioned almost identically to one too. And yet she was deemed far too ‘different’ to fit in with them. And why would that be? Oh, she had the label of special added to her, how unfortunate. They didn’t like specials like her. No, everyone adored epics, legendaries, and rares. Hell, even commons,the unskilled losers they were got more love than her! It’s not like she didn’t try. It was as if whatever she did was never good enough. It always brought out more hatred and negativity in the cookies. Even the benevolent player had found it in themselves to skip over her. Again, she tried her hardest! People thought she’d be terrible at scoring like other cookies, so she took extra time to perfectly match other scores, joining the elite club that constantly changed known as ‘the meta’. Immediate scorn. Fine, she’d show them all in the trials. Ignored, no one seemed interested. Perhaps if she had been the first, things could’ve been different.

”Those pesky kitties ruined EVERYTHING!” she cried out, flinging the book across the archives deep within the kingdom. The city of wizards had been a place she frequented recently, due to her strong drive to learn more about this unjust world. “Keep your voice down.” Blueberry Pie Cookie warned, appearing from nowhere before disappearing again. “Of course a special would cause problems..” she trailed off as she left. “Oh I’ll show you a problem..” she hissed, picking the book back up before placing it in its correct spot. She traversed home angrily, thoughts boiling out of control. “It’s not my fault no one likes me, I try my hardest! Why hate me?” She pondered, coming home to a house full of crystals. “That’s why huh? They hate me because there’s a 5% chance to see me and the only way to get me is through burning crystals and cash? Of course the idiots would think that.” She groaned, pulling up the files and scrolling through them. She did this anytime a data patch happened. For torturous reasons or for her own nefarious purposes, it depended. “What?! Another buff and magic candy?? This is just..just..unjust!” She swiped away angrily “Why if I got either of those things I’d be mobbed for days! They’ll get endless adoration for that..classist much?” To take the edge off, she found pleasure in corrupting the game. It was always small things that could be fixed with a restart but this was the product of endless beration and scorn from everyone. Without further thought she deleted a weeks worth of progress. Numbers drained back to zero as high scores were lost, points disappeared, and suddenly a thought most malevolent entered her mind.

”I could do this with anything that bothered me, couldn’t I? I could make them love me again, all of them! I could make them love me through fear. I’ll be the only one they care about, they desire. I’ll be the only one they have.” she finished, looking at the faded delete button that sat lamely in the files. Who had thought to put that there? No matter, she had a plan now. And she was going to need a lot of letters to get started. Once her journey to the post office was complete she was greeted by pilot cookie. Poor old soul didn’t know he’d be knocking down the first domino in this chain of events. “Excuse me?” She asked as innocently and sweetly as possible, “Do you know where I could procure some letters and mail envelopes? And maybe an address book?”

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Cookiedroid began her return home, address book and a bag full of letter-writing supplies in tow. If she were walking, she'd have a skip in her step but she merely floated above the ground instead. Along the way, she couldn't help but smile and greet every cookie that passed her by. "Good afternoon Cherry! You too Cherry Blossom! Isn't it lovely weather we're having?" "It was a good afternoon before we saw you. Come along Cherry! Don't bother responding to the special." Cherry Blossom stated flatly, the chipper energy in her voice gone as she dragged her little sister away with her. Cookiedroid simply smiled and waved. "Bye-bye now! Have a good rest of your day!" When the two were out of earshot she scowled. "Idiots.. Don't they know what i'm capable of? Whatever, they'll soon find out." She muttered maniacally to herself, continuing her journey home. She wanted to give them all a chance, really! But it was so exhaustingly hard to get along with them when they'd essentially tell you to bug off before you could strike up a casual conversation. She reverted back to her faux cheerful disposition when she noticed the citrus squad walking by. "Hey guys! Whatcha up to?" Lemon put his headphones on to ignore her, Lime turned her nose up at her and Grapefruit crossed her arms. Orange groaned as she was the one forced to answer. "Hey uhhh..Cookiedroid right? We were just on our way to Faraway Ocean to just have fun at the beach..Welp it was nice meeting you! We should get going anyways before it gets too dark haha!" Orange winced, trying to squeeze out of the situation. "Oh, I'd love to come with you guys! It's just my hands are kinda full now. But if you waited I'd be back in a .GIFfy!" Cookiedroid laughed at her own lame joke. 'Oh Millennial Tree! The things I do to try to get them to like me..I shouldn't have to stoop this low. I'll make them like me in time, though.' She thought to herself.

Orange awkwardly laughed along. "Haha, y-yeah!" She then leaned down to Grapefruit. "What's a .GIFfy?" "Oh for crying out loud! Go away! Nobody likes you and no one wants to hang out with you! You and all other special cookies are so annoying! Just leave us regular cookies ALONE!" Orange gasped, Lemon removed his headphones and Lime opened her eyes in disbelief. Orange quickly grabbed her little companion and raced off, shouting apologies as her two friends followed. "That's okay!" Cookiedroid called back before continuing on her way home, flipping to Grapefruit's address in the book. "It's really all the motivation I need to continue." she muttered to herself. "And I know who'll be the first to go." she giggled to herself menacingly, finally arriving back home and locking the door behind her. It'd be best if no one were to interrupt. Not now. She was past the point of convincing, not that anyone would try. As the youngest citrus squad member had said herself, "Nobody likes me. Oh..How pitiful of a tale. It's a shame people like you.." She declared as she brought pen to paper. "It'll make your deletion all the more devastating." "It's too easy to lie to them all, the miserable,gullible things. Why, if only there were a way to get them all together for a mass deletion."

Then the idea hit her like a 1.2 GB data patch. "That's it! The only way to get them all together is through a party! It'll make things so much easier on my end. I just have to adjust the letters like I need them for something. They love to think they're above each other. Framing it like i'm a despondent, feeble loser who needs their help? They'd have to have braincells to figure this one out." She quickly scrawled out in the utmost care. “Yes..An apology party is the way to go. That should cover just about everyone! Making them think I’ll be the one apologizing for getting off on the wrong foot.” She wrote by the sunlight filtering through the open window in her home, humming to herself. Could she be any more of a genius? Not likely. The sunlight was beginning to fade to a golden color as she put the finishing touches on her very last letter. “I would appreciate it if you were to be the guest of honor at my apology party! I know how this sounds, but I could use someone who sure knows how to keep a party going. I’ve already got everyone else invited, I know you can make a party go from meh to wondrous! Hope to see you next Saturday! Be there or be square. Sincerely, Cookiedroid.” At last, Birthday Cake’s letter was completed. She gave it its own envelope and sealed it with the nicest wax she had available before letting out a slow exhale. She glanced up at the calendar. Thursday, May 14th. That gave them ample time to respond and drum up excitement. As soon as she had these mailed off, phase two would begin.

She quickly threw the letters into a carrying bag, making sure they were all properly addressed as she bustled out the house back to the post office. She could barely contain her excitement as she bumped into other cookies who seemed slightly aggravated. But she didn’t care. Let’s see if they kept that same energy next week, hmm? Or even in the coming days. At last, she threw open the doors of the post office to a sleeping pilot cookie at the front desk. She walked up to the counter and waited patiently before tapping on the bell near the front. He snored loudly and she frowned immensely. “Old coot must have kicked the bucket. I suppose that makes my job easier..but I’d love to get some service around here.” She groaned, tapping the bell more frequently. Her previous assumption was incorrect, as Pilot jolted upright and awoke from his nap, causing her to jump back and immediately melt into her ‘kind’ character. “Oh hello sir! Sorry to rouse you from your sleep, but I’d like to get these letters mailed out!” She spoke innocently, gesturing towards the bag she carries with her. “Eh? Er, yes of course little girl! How may I help you?” “The letters. I-“ “Huh? Sorry, my hearing ain’t as good as it used to be. Say that again please?” “Letters. I would like to mail some l-“ “Huh? Child, you’ll really have to speak up. Unless you’re pulling an old man’s leg.” “LETTERS! I WANT TO MAIL SOME LETTERS” She yelled, hitting peak frustration already. “Well you didn’t have to yell it. Let me see them.” He said, holding out his hands for the bag. Cookiedroid felt her core temperature rising in anger but handed him the bag wordlessly. Cotton Candy came from around the back in her uniform. “What’s all the commotion about?” She asked softly. Finally, a competent worker! She was saved. “This young lass wants me to mail some ladders I think? But she only gave me a bag full of envelopes.” Cotton Candy laughed gently and took the bag from him. “Boss, why don’t you clock out and go home? I can handle everything from here.” Pilot cookie grumbled and removed himself from the front desk, making his exit from the building. ‘You poor soul. You deserve a nice retirement. Don’t worry, I’ll retire you myself.’ Cookiedroid thought as she watched his form leave.

”Sorry about all that miss. You want these letters mailed to where exactly?” Cotton Candy asked once Cookiedroid turned her gaze back up at her. “The letters all have their addresses on them.” “I see.” Cotton Candy nodded, storing them away in her messenger bag. “Delivery fee comes to 50k coins, please!” Cookiedroid handed over the payment as Cotton quickly counted to make sure it was all correct. “Alright, thank you for choosing Cookie Kingdom Postal Services! We pride ourselves on expedient delivery and you can expect to have your parcels delivered within 2-3 business days. Do keep in mind this does not include Saturday or Sunday and holidays observed here. Once again, thank you for choosing us and..” Cookiedroid’s mind omitted anything else. Nothing but pure customer-friendly garbage these poor workers were forced to recite. She merely nodded and waved as she exited the building. Now was the time to get into phase two.

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Everything was going to plan. It had been approximately 3 days since the letters were sent, and it seems most had already gotten them. Seems the postal service really did pride themselves on speed after all, cookiedroid thought to herself as she checked the mailbox outside her home. She casually scanned over them. Mint Choco, Cheesecake. Birthday Cake and Rougefort, Firecracker too. Little detective Walnut had sent a letter, and a combined one from all the members of the citrus squad. Of course there were several more, but that wasn’t everyone’s response. She giggled to herself as she tore open letter after letter. It seemed her previous assumption was right, these cookies had sky high egos that just loved to be reaffirmed when you threw yourself underneath them. “I understand your little shindig needs professional input. I’ll be there, but do let me come over in advance to make sure this isn’t a disgrace to parties.” Cookiedroid read to herself. “Sure. I’ll let you come over. Mayhaps I can get you to put in a good word for me?” She mused sarcastically, placing the letter back in its envelope.

And within minutes she was on the phone, waiting for Birthday Cake to pick up. Cookiedroid stared out the window as the dull ringing played over and over again. Time was fleeting, dear girl. It’d be best if you picked up now before something untimely happened. Detective Walnut would be on your case for weeks without so much as a single clue! These thoughts were cut short as Birthday Cake finally picked up on the eighth ring. “Hello? Who’s this?” “It’s me, Cookiedroid! I saw you got my letter! Would today be a good day for you to come over and help me out with this whole party planning business? I’m not too sure where to start...” Cookiedroid lied, staring at the checklist of items she should’ve brought sooner. “Oh, it’s you. Well...” Birthday paused, and rustling was heard on the other end. “I could come over today. Knowing someone who isn’t as capable as me is trying to plan a party seems like an insult. At least tell me you have the basic decor?” “I have a checklist, is that any good?” Birthday let out a distressed groan. “It’s a start. Just go buy whatever the hell is on that list and have it ready by the time I’m there.” She paused, a bottle could be heard being opened and poured into a presumably chilled glass. Oh, Birthday and her lemonade addiction. Party planning sure does take a toll doesn’t it? No big deal, this’d be her last. “I don’t want a messy ordeal and you seem competent enough. Can I count on you for that?” “Consider it done already! See you in an hour!” Cookiedroid spoke cheerfully, ending the call and immediately becoming her former self. “ ‘Competent enough.’ What the hell does that even mean? Does she not know the power I possess?” She cried out to no one in particular, pulling up the files once more. Not that she’d delete anything for now, it was just nice to observe whatever the player had done. She observed the many replays, finally narrowing it down to Birthday’s runs “Awww, someone collided during their run and now they’re angry. How cute!” She snarled, continuing the search for a bit before she remembered she needed the party decor. And with that she grabbed a messenger bag, her checklist, and ran out to do Birthday’s bidding.

Once she arrived at the party supply store, she was quick in nabbing things from streamers to party poppers to firecrackers and balloons. She made sure everything was bought in the perfect amounts so that this party seemed extra special, everything had to be over the top yet genuine. When she was positive she was done, with everything on the list checked off at least twice, she brought her items to one of the cashiers who sat behind the counter. The cookie stared droid down blankly and droid analyzed the deadpan stare complimenting the plain uniform that adorned this one with the name tag that read ‘Mustard’. What a peculiar flavor, but she shouldn’t be one to judge. ‘Don’t think many would be fond of the taste of code either..’ she thought to herself before clearing her throat. “Hello! How are you today?” Cookiedroid asked in her most pleasant voice possible. “Could be better.” Mustard answered monotonously as she scanned every item in a perfect rhythm. Cookiedroid almost felt bad for the poor kid, being forced to work in an overly bubbly party supply store. Maybe she’d be more at home in a certain nonconformist clothing store. “Oh, you’re that party girl aren’t you? I got your letter in the mail.” Mustard said, bagging the supplies without missing a beat. “I’m a bit surprised you’d invite me of all people. I don’t exactly fit in with the rest.” Okay edgelord. Tone it down, you’re really testing my patience here. “Well I just thought I’d get to know everyone. Gotta put my best foot forward for this!” She forced out, mentally kicking herself. She was really running circles trying to coerce answers out of prey she could have wiped from the face of the world in mere seconds. “So will you be in attendance? I’d love to meet you further.” Another mental kick. How corny could you get?

Mustard nodded and bagged the last items. “I could use a pick-me-up. Sure. That’ll be 110k coins, by the way.” Cookiedroid handed over the money and promptly left with her items, arriving home just as Birthday Cake has arrived. “Oh, welcome to my humble abode!” Droid said, managing her best bow. “Do come inside.” She finished, pushing the door open. Birthday Cake entered after her wordlessly as the lights slowly brightened inside. “Alright. Give me the supplies and I’ll make this work.” Birthday said, scrawling something out on a clipboard. Cookiedroid handed over the bags and exited to the kitchen where she began mixing up some cold lemonade. Birthday was predictable like that, she’d ask for a drink in a few minutes and it’d be delivered in a chilled glass, like always. Now was the time to really build up her reputation through a small conversation. She had a tray with two drinks and carried it back out to find Bday hard at work. “I was just about to ask if you had anything to drink, how’d you know?” She questioned, amused. Cookiedroid just smiled sheepishly and offered her the perfectly chilled glass. Bday took it and gulped down half the glass. “And just the way I like it too. Perhaps I misjudged you, you sure know the best way to make a drink.” Cookiedroid shrugged awkwardly. “Well I’m glad to have uh, swayed you. Im sure you would’ve came to like me after enough time had passed.” She said, laughing softly. Bday laughed alongside her as she placed the tray down on the table. “Yeah, surely.” In a renewed mood she worked far more cheerfully for many hours into the early evening. “That about wraps all the planning up. Now it’s just decorating you know? And making sure you have the perfect outfit.” Bday claimed, standing up and taking another swig of lemonade. Droid froze. “An outfit? Didn’t think of that. I’ll make something very regal for this. I have to look as nice as possible.” Bday smiled and nodded, moving her stuff into a bag. “I’ll be back in the hours before the party to help set everything up. You know how to contact me so keep in touch! Can’t wait to see the fruits of our labor.” She said, walking out the door. Droid waved goodbye to her and stared down the many crystals that complimented her home. And like that, everything became crystal clear.

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Cookiedroid started picking up the many crystals she had lying around and examined them closely. These shiny blue gems were so coveted, so adored by the masses and she had acrued hundreds of thousands of them.
“Adoration.. It’s what I seek, no?” She said to herself, turning them over and over again. So many sought adoration, and yet they’d done it in less of these crystals. An interesting concept to ponder, sure, but now was not the time to be trapped in thought. She scooped a couple thousand crystals into her messenger bag and left, heading for the nearest fabric store. If there’s one thing that could easily up the appreciation one got, it was a dazzling new costume.

So after a few less-than-beneficial hours, she was still perusing the many fabrics this place had to offer. She had no general idea about what exactly she wanted from the place, but anything would do to spruce up this simple outfit. She held a deep red cloth in her hands, feeling the silky fabric caress her hands. It felt perfect for a fancy costume, maybe as an accessory? Who knew, but it’d be best to get it now.

Droid went back home a while later, excited to use all her fabrics to craft a new amazing costume. She eagerly sewed a cape out of the red silk, lining it with gold trim. She spent hours meticulously sewing every piece of her outfit into the early hours of the morning, wiping her forehead after the suit was completed. The crystals certainly helped the costume glow, in a way. The sun was beginning to rise, the warm glow making every carefully sewn stitch stand out. Droid closed her eyes and stepped back, swaying lightly.

”So this is exhaustion...mmm. I suppose I should sleep now, these next few days are big. And I really wouldn’t want to miss anything.” She chuckled, turning off the lights and moving to bed.

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Cookiedroid was up early the next morning, ready to make sure everything went according to plan. As she strolled the town, she had the opportunity to confirm with just about everyone that they’d be able to make the party. Not like they’d have any other choice, of course. She picked an uneventful day where everyone would be looking for something to do. She stared blankly forward, daydreaming about her newfound power. Cream Unicorn cookie waved her back into reality. “Um, so your party will be fun? It’s been so long since I’ve had fun...” the cookie lamented, playing with their cape. “Fun? Oh yeah, there’ll be so much..of that.” She said reassuringly, eyes following a shady figure that seemed to slink around the streets and into an alley like a snake. “Anyways, I have to go for now..But I’m so excited to have you come by, really!” Droid said before following the shady figure into the alley only to come face to face with one of the greatest figures the cookie world has ever known. The one with the power to tear apart, to corrupt and destroy everything far greater than she could have ever done. Droid blinked nervously and tried to edge out of the alley when her signature red and white claws grabbed ahold of droid. A darkness seemed to drown out all light as all droid made eye contact with the legend herself, Dark Enchantress. She immediately feigned an innocent act and flushed red as she flailed around.

“A-Ah! Let go of me, lady! I didn’t do anything and I won’t tell anyone I saw you!” “Don’t speak unless spoken to, child. Now, I’d love to let you go, but seeing me is enough to make me want to crush your pitiful existence now.” Enchantress said, tightening the witchy hands that bound droid. Droid whimpered and kicked angrily. “You maniacal menace! Let go of me right now you wretched wench! I’ve half a mind to delete your hellish presence out of this simple minded world!” She spat out angrily, and Dark looked her up and down. “Delete? So you’re the one who’s been messing up my plans...Getting rid of you would be the perfect way to ensure everything goes smoothly..” Droid writhed around angrily, gasping for breath. “Wait! Wait, we both share a goal. We want to destroy this worlds inhabitants right? W-Why don’t we team up?” She breathed out, taking in as much air as she could in the moment. “Team up? I suppose I could be your master, little girl.” “For the record I’m not little-“ she giggled nervously, feeling her for starting to crack under pressure. Dark let her go before she could finish, and droid massaged her arms, looking up at Enchantress. “Very well then. I suppose I’ll go along with your plot.” Droid drew herself up shakily, and tilted her head to the side, smirking cockily. “How about I tell you on the way home?” She said, gesturing out of the alley as the darkness cleared up. “I’m positive we can reach a compromise in our goals.”