Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The library was too quiet.

Cathy had never thought that before. Libraries, especially the ones in this new era, were always just the right volume. Quiet enough that she could read in peace, but loud enough to reassure her that there were other people, just like her, on the same plane of existence. It was nice, just existing in the same place as fellow bookworms, scholars, and students. Even the young children that would come and cause a little chaos reassured the sixth Queen. Libraries were a hub of humanity, a place that anyone could let go and be themselves. Somewhere without judgment, expectations, and people counting on you. And that meant everything to Catherine.

Libraries were also a refuge. A place to hide from a world in which you weren’t accepted. Cathy had appreciated the place to escape to, especially when she had first been reincarnated. She didn’t fit in with the rest of the world, seeing as she was born five hundred years ago. And she didn’t really feel as if she fit in at home either, being the ‘survivor’. But, eventually, as time went on, she found her place among the Queens, and she was rarely in need of a refuge outside of the house. She found family with the other women, people who could understand the pain that she felt and the trauma she had been through, even if it was different than theirs.

But, right now, she needed to find refuge elsewhere, away from the Queens.

And, unfortunately, the library was not as soothing as Cathy had hoped when she bolted from the Queen’s house. Instinctually, she had gone to the first place she thought was safe. But the quiet just made her uncomfortable. She was all too aware of how out of place she was, among all these normal people, going about their lives. All alone, with only her thoughts for company, the library no longer bought that sense of peace she craved. If anything, it just heightened her anxiety.

But she couldn’t very well go anywhere else, seeing as she had already used up all her strength and willpower to get here in the first place. The only reason she was even still semi-vertical was because her entire body weight was being supported by the plush armchair as she sank, exhausted, into the silky fabric. The chaos of the past few hours, added onto the disturbingly small amount of sleep she had been getting lately, were finally taking their toll on the woman. She obviously couldn’t sleep here in the library, but she definitely couldn’t go back home. The woman had never been more relieved that this place was open twenty-four hours.

Instead, Cathy surveyed the shelves surrounding her. Somehow, probably from habit, she had ended up in the historical fiction section. This particular genre was comforting, both serving as a learning tool and as a place to escape reality for a few hours, lost in some fake story that revolved around factual events. And, in the end, everything usually turned out okay, even though life seldom did the same.

There were plenty that she had yet to read, so, after skimming a few titles, the final Queen grabbed a large book and cracked it open, determined to keep herself distracted until... she wasn’t sure what. Whatever came next, she supposed.

---

“Should we go after her?” Anne stared at the front door, waiting a few moments after it shut violently before speaking.

Neither Kitty nor Anna replied. It would be an understatement to say that the two were shocked. They were still recovering from the scene they had just witnessed, let alone the sudden disappearance of three of their fellow Queens, two of them upstairs to their rooms, and the remaining out the front door.

It wasn’t that shouting matches were uncommon in this house. Far from it, in fact. Whether it be about something petty like laundry or an underlying issue, hardly a day went by without some sort of argument, usually with raised voices. And a Queen or two storming away was also not that rare. Anna, especially, enjoyed getting out of the house after a fight to clear her head.

But this was different.

This time, it was the three calmest Queens that had ended up screaming at each other, all with tears streaming down their face, while the others watched on, like spectators at a table tennis match. Except, it was a very lopsided table tennis match. Like a game in which one player had two paddles and was playing two very separate games with two different people, who chose to ignore the other’s presence. Which, as it turns out, left all three players wholly unsatisfied and completely incapable of focusing on anything but the obstacle in front of them.

“I think we just need to give her some space” Anna finally decided, breaking Kitty from her reverie and answering Anne’s question.

“She’ll come back, right?”

The three all paused for a moment, thinking back to the time in their lives when Cathy had almost decided that, as ashamed and guilty that she was, the Queens would be better off without her. It hadn’t come to that, obviously, but they couldn’t help but notice the similarities in the situation.

Except, this time Cathy wasn’t on the verge of begging on her knees for forgiveness, crying from shame and regret. This time, she had been the one to push the others away, not the other way around.

“I’m sure she will, Kitty” Anne tried to reassure her cousin. She couldn’t imagine a world in which Cathy didn’t come back.

But what if...?

No. She couldn’t afford to think like that. This stupid little argument could not be what ended the amazing thing that the Queens had built, after almost a year of hard work.

Even if Catherine was acting completely out of character, she had to come back.

The Queens had never seen Cathy yell. Not out of pure anger, at least. In fact, there was a long time in which she -and Jane, for that matter- had avoided being too loud at all. Instead, they hid away behind polite mannerisms and an overly-introverted facade, trying their best to avoid any sort of confrontation. It had taken much reassurance from the other Queens that they wouldn’t be in trouble for contradicting the other’s opinions for either of the women to even speak up during decision-making discussions, let alone voice their own opinion. No doubt a characteristic they had both picked up during their time with Henry. To see Cathy so outspoken, being the one to instigate an argument, was unsettling. Especially when Jane and her godmother were on the receiving end.

“So... what do we do now?” Kitty looked hesitantly between the two women.

Anna bit her lip thoughtfully for a moment before taking a deep breath and turning to the younger girls.

“I’ll stay here and wait for Cath to come back. Anne should talk to Catty, and Kit, you can talk to Jane. Just make sure they’re doing alright. If they need time to cool off, then fine, but it couldn’t hurt to check. Cool?”

Both of the cousins nodded, glad the fourth Queen was always so level-headed during a crisis. It was just one of the many traits that came in handy a lot in this household, especially when tensions ran high, either between the Queens or from an outside source.

“Sounds good to me.” Anne looked at Kitty for confirmation, who just smiled a soft reassurance.

Anna nodded, mostly to herself. As the two girls retreated up the stairs, the fourth Queen settled down onto the couch facing the front door, preparing herself for a long wait.

‘It’ll be fine’ She told herself.

‘We’ve faced worse things than this. This is nothing, just a stupid little row that would all be sorted out soon enough’ She told herself.

She just dearly hoped that she wasn’t lying.

Chapter Text

[Earlier]

“It’s been a really long day” Kitty declared as she flopped onto the couch, jostling Jane a little. The third Queen glanced at her fondly, shaking her head and smirking.

“Kit, it’s eleven in the morning.”

“It’s been a really long week too” Anne disregarded Jane’s statement and sat down next to her cousin.

“It’s Monday!” Jane exclaimed, rolling her eyes good-naturedly.

“Well, do you not agree with me?” Anne questioned. Jane opened her mouth to reply, but after a few seconds, she seemed to come to the same conclusion as the other girls and closed it again.

“Told you” Kitty raised her chin in mock pride, crossing her arms across her chest and smiling cheekily. Jane shook her head in amusement and pulled the younger girl over so she was laying against her shoulder. Kitty relaxed into her grip, pulling out her phone and opening up Tumblr, intent on their off-day unwinding from the past couple of days.

Since the show began gaining popularity, the Queens had barely any free time, with interviews and special appearances piled on top of shows and rehearsals. The interviews, especially, were stressful. All of the Queens felt immense pressure to do their stories justice, and while they did that every night on stage, it was different behind a camera, because the interviewer could ask anything. Without any time to prepare a fleshed-out and honest reply, it was easy to be caught off guard and they had to be careful with their answers in order to keep up appearences.

It wasn’t that they were trying to lie to the audience. Quite the opposite, in fact, but their show was not completely historically accurate, and their characters were a little dramaticized for the stage. Plus, with only seventy-five minutes to tell their story, a lot was left out. This means that the Queens had to try to remain loyal to their actual histories while keeping it entertaining and understandable for the audience. And sometimes, the fans would take a little piece of information and run with it, blowing things out of proportion.

Interviewers would ask questions about their personal lives, and it was hard to explain that the Queen in present-day and the Queen from Tudor-times were different, but also the same. Fans wanted to know everything about the women, and the Queens wanted to indulge them, because they knew they were blessed to have people who were so invested in the story they were telling. That was the entire point of the musical, after all. But sometimes it got a little exhausting.

This particular day was preceded by three two-show days, all with their own interviews beforehand. It was incredibly tiring to separate their on-stage personas, their modern day selves, and the historical figure. While they tried to be as realistic as possible, the Queens on the stage were exaggerated versions of themselves, and they often played into certain tropes and stereotypes in order to tell their stories and move the show along. Which, honestly, was a whole different problem all by itself.

The moral of the story was, it had been a long couple of days and all of the Queens just wanted to rest. Unfortunately, because of the stress, there was also a lot of tension in the house, and the amount of arguments had skyrocketed.

That night, Kitty had had a rather awful nightmare, and Jane had only slept for a few hours, so when she stumbled into the bathroom at five am in order to take a shower, she had been quite displeased to find that Anne had used the rest of the shampoo and that they were out. This led to the first fight of the day, which in turn woke Cathy and Catalina, who were incredibly annoyed. Anna and Kitty had emerged shortly after, only to get into a fight with each other over the remote.

But, like always, these arguments were quickly resolved. Anne agreed to go to the store and get more shampoo, as well as the week’s groceries. The fourth and fifth Queens compromised and decided to watch an episode of each tv show. Needless to say, by the time eleven o’clock rolled around, the house seemed to be peaceful once more. There were still some tensions, and Cathy had yet to leave her room where she had retreated after the second argument broke out, but no one was screaming, and that was always a win.

Unfortunately, it would not stay that way for long

A crash from above made all three Queens look up from their phones and stare at the ceiling in concern. Their fears were quickly quelled, however, when they began to hear distant shouts. It was obvious that they were angry shouts, not out of concern or danger.

Shaking her head in annoyance, Jane simply returned to her story, scrolling up to find where she left off. She had no desire to get involved in whatever new argument was brewing in the home.

Anne and Kitty quickly did the same, disregarding the interruption. Whoever was arguing, they would sort themselves out soon enough.

Just then, Anna emerged from the stairs, rolling her eyes exasperatedly. One questioning look from Jane prompted the fourth Queen to say-

“Catalina is mad because Cathy borrowed her hair-dryer without permission, and then she broke it.”

“How on earth did she manage to break a hair-dryer?” Anne asked incredulously, laughing a little.

“Who knows. It’s Cathy, she can’t operate anything more modern than the light switch without the danger of breaking it.”

All four women chuckled softly at this.

“Besides, it is about time those two fought today. The rest of us have, so it was pretty much inevitable.” Jane shook her head and looked back at her phone.

“It is odd, though. Cathy and Catalina rarely fight with each other.” Kitty pointed out. Anna just shrugged.

“There’s probably something in the air today. They’ll make up soon enough”

---

They did not, in fact, make up soon enough. On the contrary, when Jane finally convinced them to stop fighting long enough to eat lunch around two in the afternoon, much later than usual, they ended up sitting on opposite ends of the table, shooting angry glares at each other every chance they got.

When Anne tried to drum up friendly conversation in order to break the awkward silence, Cathy snapped at her, causing the second Queen to stare at her in shock. When Kitty came to her cousin’s defence, the sixth Queen raised her voice at the girl.

This earned Cathy a sharp glare from Anna, who then politely asked if she and the cousins could be excused. A silly gesture, since no one ever asked to be excused in this house. They were adults, after all. But Anna was a little upset at the two women for bringing the rest of the Queens down with them while they figured out whatever was going on with them.

Still, with Jane’s sharp nod of approval, Anne, Kitty, and Anna escaped upstairs.

“Nice going Cathy.” Catalina muttered under her breath. Jane looked at the older woman in shock, setting down her silverware and preparing herself to intervene.

“Oh, don’t even Catalina.” Cathy stopped pushing her food around the plate, slamming down her fork to scowl at her godmother.

Catalina also set down her silverware, opening her mouth to retort, but Jane interrupted.

“Okay, this is getting ridiculous. We all need to stop fighting with each other.”

“Actually, arguments in families are normal and healthy” Cathy rolled her eyes, making to return to her food.

“Not this often, they sure aren’t” Jane was getting frustrated at the final Queen’s conceited, all-knowing tone.

“That’s rich, coming from you.” Cathy snorted, sending the woman a harsh look

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Just that you don’t have much experience with healthy relationships, do you?”

“Like you any more luck in that arena.” Jane shot back.

“That’s different. And besides, you are the one who started all this arguing in the first place, shouting at Anne and waking us all up.” Cathy gave up on her food and pushed her plate aside.

“It’s not my fault you never get enough sleep. Maybe you should actually start listening to me and you could handle being woken up at a decent hour in the morning” Jane did the same and stood, voice raising an octave.

“Maybe I would if Kitty would stop whining in the middle of the night because of her stupid nightmares” Cathy stood as well, crossing her arms over her chest cockily.

“Catherine Parr, that was low” Catalina chided, voice lowering to a dangerous level. The first Queen pushed back her chair, her air of confidence making her tower over the other women.

“Shut it, you’re not my mother.” Cathy huffed, turning around to walk away. Catalina walked around the table to block her exit.

“True, but that doesn’t mean I can’t call you out when you’re being unreasonable.”

“Oh, I’m being unreasonable? Which one of us flipped out earlier over a HAIRDRYER” Cathy’s tone reminded Catalina of Kitty, when her teenaged, sassy side made an appearance. Except Cathy was a grown woman.

“Isn’t that the whole point of this conversation? I thought you said that arguments were healthy? Make up your mind.” Catalina softened her voice, trying to talk some sense into her goddaughter

“Stop trying to boss me around.”

“I wasn’t!”

“Yes you were. You’re so desperate to make up for all the time you lost with Mary that you're acting like I’m your daughter. Well guess what. I’m not. You can’t fix all your mistakes with her using me.”

Silence filled the room. Catalina blinked comically, then her eyes darkened and she took a step aggressively toward Cathy, before catching herself and stopping. Still, she glowered at her goddaughter.

“Cathy, you need to apologize.” Jane tried to deescalate the situation

“Don’t tell me what I need to do.” Cathy rounded on the other woman. Jane held up her hands placatingly.

“I will when you’re acting like this.”

“You’re not my mother either Jane, so don’t even start with me.” Cathy threw a hand in the air dismissively, turning to dart around Catalina towards the stairs. Unfortunately for her, Catalian was faster and the woman grabbed her arm and held her in place.

“What has gotten into you? You aren’t acting like yourself.”

“Oh, because you know me so well, don’t you. You all know exactly who you want me to be, so I’m not allowed to be anyone outside your romanticized idea of who Cathy Parr is. I hate to break it to you, but I can’t always be who you want me to be.” Cathy’s voice went from angry to hurt in a matter of seconds, and the other two just stared at her for a second in confusion.

“What are you going on about? You’re not making any sense.”

“Oh, am I using too many big words? Do I need to dumb it down for you?” Cathy smirked at Jane, talking as if she was speaking to a child.

Jane was taken aback, the woman’s comment cutting a little too close to home. The room was silent for a moment before the sounds of rushed footsteps came from the stairwell.

“Hey! What is going on here?” Anna stepped in between Cathy and Jane, looking between the two women. Anne and Kitty followed closely behind, hanging back a little, but watching the situation closely.

“Catherine here decided she’s all high and mighty. Apparently she’s so much smarter than the rest of us that she is the only one who can see the truth. She sat in the background and read books for long enough, so now she’s the boss. Just like in the show.” Jane glared past Anna at the sixth Queen. Cathy threw her hands in the air.

“See, that’s exactly my point. You don’t understand!”

“Understand what? You haven’t said anything. You’re just whiny because you have to talk out loud instead of writing.” Catalina fired back. Cathy turned around to stare at her godmother.

“You don’t get it! It’s ‘a pen AND a microphone’!”

"What is that even supposed to mean?!"

“None of you are making any sense. Maybe we should all just calm down and talk this through.” Anne tried to reason, taking a step forward. Jane turned to her forefully.

“Cat and I aren’t the problems here. This is all Cathy and whatever is wrong with her head.”

“I never said you were the problem, I-” Anne tried, utterly exasperated. She was never the one trying to calm everyone else down. Was this how Jane felt all the time?

Cathy interrupted the second Queen and shouted, pointing at Jane.

“Nothing is wrong with me. You two are the ones so desperate to fit in that you mold to everyone else’s expectations of you.”

“THAT MAKES NO SENSE” Jane yelled, throwing her hands into the air

“Just because you’re too stupid to understand me doesn’t mean I should dumb down to your level.”

Silence.

“I can’t do this” Jane muttered, voice breaking. The third Queen marched past Kitty and Anne, ignoring their attempts at comfort.

“Catherine, you need to pull yourself together or you’re going to get yourself in massive trouble.” Catalina took a step forward, but stopped at Anne’s gentle hand on her shoulder.

“Still not my mother. Thank God for that, too.” Cathy snarked flippantly.

“Cathy?” Kitty approached the sixth Queen, trying to comfort her, but Cathy just scoffed and turned away.

“Yeah, I’m not dealing with you either. Good luck, girls.” Catalina took off up the stairs, trying to disguise the hurt in her voice.

The remaining four stood awkwardly in the dining room for a moment before Anne walked carefully over to Cathy, reaching a hand out to gently grab her arm.

“Whatever, you guys aren’t worth it.” Cathy shrugged the Queen off, and pushed past Anna towards the door. The three watched in shock as she yanked the door open, slipped out, and closed it violently behind her.

Chapter Text

It reminded Cathy of a sugar crash, the way she had immediately run out of steam. Not that the sixth Queen experienced many sugar crashes in her life, as she didn’t eat nearly as many sweets as the cousins, but she had had plenty of caffeine crashes, and those were similar enough. Maybe it just reminded her of a caffeine crash. Either way, it was an odd experience.

The anger and frustration she had felt in the house had almost entirely dissipated by the time she made it to the library, and after finishing her first book, she was nearly back to a state of mind where she could think rationally.

Rationally. She could always do that. It was so much easier to think than to feel. Maybe that was why she had finally snapped. All the thoughts in her head had boiled over into her heart, which had turned into anger. Unjustified anger, at that. She had no right to be mad at Catalina and Jane. These women had been nothing but kind to her this past year, and she had said some really horrible things to them. Cathy had no doubt in her mind that she had hurt them, but she couldn’t think about that right now. She was still angry, just not at them. And she couldn’t take it out on the true source, so she had chosen the next best thing.

Cathy had finally gotten to a place where she was convinced that nothing she could do would drive the other Queens away. It was so much easier to snap at somebody you loved than at strangers on the internet. It was almost as if she was testing them, seeing if they would really stand by her side. But she wouldn’t actually do that. No, she trusted her family.

Besides, it wasn’t her fault that they didn’t understand what she was talking about. Cathy had always managed to be so eloquent on paper, but when it came to expressing herself aloud, she tended to struggle.

For example, in her mind, when she told them that it was ‘A pen AND a microphone’, that should have explained it all. But looking back, she could see that that really didn’t communicate her point.

The weird thing was, she hadn’t even started that conversation meaning to address what had been bothering her for the past week. In fact, until now, she hadn’t even known that something *was* bothering her. Cathy had just chalked up her cranky mood to lack of sleep.

It was odd, how people’s true thoughts were often said aloud by accident. Even more so that they were usually revealed in the middle of a separate conversation. Sometimes, people didn’t know how they were feeling until they managed to talk themselves in circles long enough to come to an unexpected conclusion. And, in hindsight, she could see how her sudden change of topic might have confused everyone else. But that wasn’t her fault.

The things she had said needed to be said, except, maybe... maybe in a way that was a little more understandable. It was too late for that now though. She needed time, space, to think. To figure out exactly what she needed to say. Any other situation, she would write it down, but this was different. She needed to prove to herself, and everyone else, that she was more than just the ‘writer’.

---

“Catalina?”

Silence.

“I just wanted to make sure that you were alright. You don’t need to talk to me if you don’t want to, but I’m here.”

More silence. Then the click of a lock. And the soft creak of the door opening.

“Hey, Anne” Catalina stepped aside to allow the second Queen into her room.

“Hey.” Anne took her usual place at the foot of the bed, criss-crossed and leaning on the footboard. Catalina smiled a little at the comforting normalcy of it all, sitting across from her by the wall.

“I’m alright.”

“Are you though?” Anne looked doubtful. Catalina shook her head.

“No, I really am, I promise. I know she didn’t mean it.”

“That’s just the thing. I think she did.” Anne said thoughtfully. At Catalina’s raised eyebrows, she quickly corrected herself, “No, not that part. But some of the things she said, I think she was trying to explain something and couldn’t find the words.”

“Yeah, I did notice that. Though I was a little distracted by the yelling.” Catalina smirked, but her smile didn’t reach her eyes.

“Catalina?” Anne reached out and placed a hand on her knee.

“Yeah?” The woman in question looked up, and it was obvious that she had been blinking away tears.

“It’s okay if you’re hurt. It can be really frustrating when someone you love is mad at you, and even more confusing when you’re mad at them back. You and Cathy are each other’s main source of comfort, and disagreements between family can be really scary. Remember when Kitty and I fought and we didn’t talk to each other off-stage for three days straight?”

Catalina nodded, wiping at her eyes.

“Yeah, that was a mess. And it hurt. A lot.” Anne shrugged, chuckling a little under her breath. “But we got past it. And you guys will too. Don’t worry about your relationship with Cath, just worry about yourself. When she comes back, you two can talk it out.”

“Wait, ‘come back’? Where did she go?” Catalina sat up straighter and looked at her in concern.

“Yeah, I think she went to clear her head.” When that just made Catalina more panicked, Anne raised her hands to calm her. “She’ll be back soon I’m sure, don’t worry.”

This seemed to placate the older woman, at least a little, and she leaned back against the wall. After a few seconds of silence, the Catalina spoke again.

“Do you think I should go after her?”

“Catalina” Anne shook her head, tone amused and disbelieving.

“Anne, I’m serious.”

“I know you are, that’s why this is so funny.” Catalina looked at her incredulously.

“What?”

“Are you sure you don’t want to talk about it?”

“About what?” The first Queen just shrugged.

“Catalina” Anne scoffed, almost scolding her friend.

“Sorry, I just...” Catalina looked down at her hands, picking at her nails.

“No, I know. It’s easy to distract yourself from your own hurt by taking care of others. It’s a legitimate coping mechanism, and I’m not going to stop you. I’m not going to force you to talk to me. Just know that I’m here if you want to.” Anne scooted across the bed to wrap a tight arm around Catalina’s shoulders. The older woman tensed, only for a moment, and then relaxed into her grip.

“Thanks” The two sat in silence for a few minutes, enjoying each other’s quiet presence. “And... I think I’ll take you up on that offer eventually. But right now, I need to talk to Catherine.”

At Anne’s concerned look, Catalina shook her head.

“Not just to make sure she’s okay. Well, that too, but I have a few choice words I’d like to say to her right now.” Anne laughed at this, nodding slightly. “But we both know that Jane and Kitty don’t sleep unless they know that every single Queen is safe and accounted for. It will be night soon enough. Plus, we can’t have an angry Cathy roaming the streets. That might not end well for anyone she comes into contact with.”

Before Catalina could extract herself from Anne’s grip, the second Queen grabbed her arm and held her back. Catalina glanced back at Anne, who just stared at her awkwardly for a moment before-

“You’re a really good person, did you know that?”

Catalina just looked at her for a moment before sliding back onto the bed and pulling Anne in for a hug.

“You too, hun. Thank you. That means a lot to me.”

“I just don’t want you to forget it.” Anne reached an arm that was tucked between Catalina and the wall up to her eyes to wipe away a few tears that had fallen.

The two stayed like this for a long time before Catalina finally pulled away and took a breath.

“Wish me luck. I’ve gotta go find our Cathy”

---

Jane knew who was at the door before they even finished knocking. It was Kitty, of course it was Kitty, but even if she hadn’t been able to guess who they would have sent to check on her, only the fifth Queen knocked like that. Or maybe she had just heard the sound enough to be able to recognize it even in her distraught state

“Come in, Kitty”

The door opened slowly and quietly to reveal the youngest Queen, who slipped through and closed it softly behind her. Jane immediately noticed how nervous she looked, and began to feel guilt settling in the bottom of her stomach.

“I just came to make sure you were okay. You don’t have to talk to me if you don't want to. Obviously.” Kitty remained by the door, across the room from Jane who was sitting in her chair.

“That’s very kind of you, but I’m alright. I just needed to get away from the tense situation. You know me, never one to stick around for the fight.” Jane tried to lighten the mood, but it did little to quell Kitty’s nerves. The girl just smiled tightly and shifted her weight. The older woman sighed and stood, taking a few steps to perch by the bed.

“I’m not mad anymore Kit. I’m sorry I yelled.”

“No, it’s okay Jane, I promise.” At Jane’s doubtful look, the fifth Queen continued. “You didn’t scare me, I was just a little started to hear you all so mad. Don't feel bad. Please.”

“Okay, if you’re certain. It’s odd to see your family fight, but you’re no stranger to that.”

Kitty chuckled a little at this and nodded, finally approaching Jane to sit on the bed. The third Queen followed suit.

“You’re okay, though? Cathy said some awful things, and that’s was only after we came down. Even if you know she didn’t really mean it, it can be kinda hurtful.”

“No, I’m really okay. It hurt, and I’m a little confused, but I came to terms with the things she said a long time ago.”

Kitty squinted her eyes suspiciously, trying to tell if she was lying. Jane laughed softly and shook her head.

“Have I ever lied to you before?”

“Yes” Kitty said. “About whether you were ok or not. Which is what I’m asking you right now, so excuse me if I’m a little bit doubtful.”

Jane took a moment to answer, but eventually conceded.

“Fair enough, I suppose. But this time, I’m serious.”

“Funnily enough, I believe you. But if you ever need to talk, you know where to find me.”

“Of course, Kit-Kat. I know that I can always come to you.” Jane reached out to bring Kitty into a gentle hug, which the younger woman gladly returned.

The two sat like this for a long time, Jane resting comfortably against the wall with Kitty in her arms. A buzz against her thigh alerted Jane to an incoming text on Kitty’s phone.

“Unfortunately, Cathy left the house to blow off steam, so I don’t think I will be sleeping very well tonight.” Kitty started-

Jane gasped softly and pushed the girl away to talk to her, but before she could say anything, Kitty shook her head and continued.

“Oh, no, it’s fine. Anne just texted me. Catalina insisted on going out to find her. Of course. They’ll probably be back by midnight.”

“Still, you know me. I don’t plan on sleeping until they’re both back.”

“ ‘Course not. That gives us time to watch the rest of ‘Supergirl’” Kitty laughed, reaching around Jane to grab her laptop.

“Sounds like the perfect solution to me.” Jane chuckled.

“Anne said she’d let us know when Cathy and Catty get back, so we don’t need to worry about that.” Kitty pulled the blanket up and around her and Jane, resting the laptop precariously on her thighs. Jane shook her head, amused, and adjusted it, so the screen was resting against a pillow.

“Good. Because I have a thing or two I’d like to say to Cathy when she gets back.”

“I’m sure you’re not the only one. But, for now, all we can do is wait.”

Chapter Text

It was such a nice feeling, getting lost in a book. Cliche as it was, Cathy stood by that idea. Being able to escape from the world, even for a little while, was such a blessing. Especially when everything in the real world was going wrong.

There were few things in the world that could distract Catherine Parr from her never-ending thoughts. She had always been an intellectual, able to sit and get lost in thought for hours as she contemplated everything and anything. Even better, she could spend days (quite literally, much to the other Queen’s concern) writing down these thoughts.

Unfortunately, that was not an option in this case, so, instead, she read. Reading about a fictional world was not as satisfying as creating a fictional world, but it was close. And this way, she had no responsibility. No character’s fate rested in her hands. She could just consume and consume and consume until she forgot that she was supposed to create. ‘Supposed to’. What a stupid phrase. Who decided what she was supposed to do? Everyone but Cathy herself, it seemed.

There was not ‘supposed to’ when reading. You could let your mind rest as you took in content, instead of producing it. She couldn’t mess anything up, hurt anybody, real or fake. No one was waiting for the inevitable disappointment that she would bring in the real world, not when she was reading.

She has only been in the library for two hours, but the stack of books she was done with was steadily growing. Whether or not she had actually understood what she was reading was another story, but at least she was wasting time, distracting herself from her thoughts.

Cathy was so engrossed in her fourth book that she barely registered someone sitting down in the chair next to her. When she finally noticed them, it was only out of her peripheral vision, and she thought nothing of it. It didn't occur to her how odd it was that someone else had decided to sit next to her, especially with how late it was, so she just kept on reading.

The new presence didn't say anything either, instead grabbing a small book off the table and cracking it open, skimming through it, trying to feign interest. The two sat in companionable silence, one ignoring the other’s presence and one pretending she was ignoring the other's presence, for almost half an hour before Cathy finally looked up.

The shock registered on her face for only a moment, before it morphed into a scowl.

“If you're here for an apology, you're going to be sorely disappointed.”

Catalina closed her book slowly, not looking at her goddaughter.

“Well, don't expect one from me either.”

Cathy sighed and shut her book, setting it on her lap.

“Why are you here then? To yell at me?”

“Certainly not in a library, no. But probably eventually.” Catalina admitted. Cathy sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose.

“Fair enough, I suppose.”

“I'm mostly here to bring you back home.” Catalina finally looked up, staring at the younger woman, studying her.

“What if I don't want to come back?”

“I can't force you. But we both know that no one will sleep soundly tonight without you there. I know that you're mad at us, but you should still come home.”

Cathy tilted her head in thought, staying silent for a moment, before responding.

“I'm not mad at you Queens.”

“Hm, could have fooled me.” Catalina crossed her arms, raising her eyebrows in surprise. “What was all the shouting about then?”

“Okay, I guess I was mad then. And I'm still mad now. I just... I don't know. I’m not sure how to explain it.” Cathy sighed, clenching her fists in frustration.

“Try me.” The first Queen’s tone was harsh, but reasonable, as always.

“I really don't know. I didn't even know that I was mad at a specific thing until after I freaked out at you. And then I figured out that all this anxiety and frustration that I was feeling was coming from somewhere, but not at the people that I lashed out at.”

“That's understandable. Though it doesn't excuse what you said”

Cathy had the decency to look down ashamedly at this.

“I'm sorry.”

“I thought I wasn't getting an apology.”

“Take it or leave it.” Cathy’s voice regained its cold, biting demeanor and Catalina raised her hands in surrender.

An awkward silence fell over the two Queens, neither of them looking at the other. After a few minutes, Cathy began to fidget nervously with the book on her lap, shifting the bookmark around the top of the book. Catalina watched her movements casually, with nothing else to do, and it was then that she noticed what book her goddaughter had been reading when she arrived.

“Why are you reading that?” She asked, feigning mere curiosity. Cathy wasn’t fooled.

“Why do you think?”

“I mean, you’ve already read it, haven’t you?” Catalina leaned back casually in her chair, trying to start a civil conversation in order to ease the tension in the air.

“Yeah. Many times, actually.” Cathy glanced down at the book in her hands. ‘Henry VIII: The Lives and Legacies of His Six Wives’.

“Is it good?”

“It’s very well written. It was published fairly recently, so it strays from the usual stereotypes. It’s actually one of the books that Anna and I read when we were doing research for the show.” Catalina watched as her goddaughter’s voice returned to its normal conviction when she was speaking about books.

“That didn’t really answer my question.” The older woman teased gently.

“Yeah, it’s good.” Cathy chuckled, before registering the sound that had escaped her lips, and quickly clamming up again. Catalina sighed and shook her head. That hadn’t worked nearly as well as she had hoped.

“Is this book related to what you were thinking about earlier?

The younger Queen just shrugged halfheartedly. The fact that this conversation was going nowhere fast began to frustrate Catalina, and her voice took on a colder tone.

“Fine. We don't have to talk about it right now then. Just come back with me.”

Cathy seemed to consider it for a moment, but soon her mind did its usual jumping game and a separate, completely unrelated thought occurred to her.

“Wait a minute, how did you find me? It's like... eleven at night and this place is almost a twenty minute walk from the house.”

Catalina, completely unphased by the sudden change of topic, just replied coolly.

“After I went upstairs, Anne spoke to me and told me you had left to cool your head. I came after you, for a variety of reasons that we have already discussed, and I checked a couple of places you might have gone, but the library was pretty high on the list. Didn’t really take me that long.”

“Ah, yeah, that makes sense."

The two were silent for a moment before Catalina stood and began putting books back on the shelf. The younger woman watched her in confusion as the book on her lap disappeared and was placed back in its proper place. When the first Queen was finished, she made to walk towards the exit, and then noticed that her goddaughter had not moved.

“Are you coming or not?” Catalina asked, crossing her arms in frustration. Cathy blinked in surprise for a moment before standing hastily and walking towards her godmother, not able to refuse her matter-of-fact tone that left no room for argument, even if it wasn’t explicitly an order.

The car ride home was completely silent. Whatever congeniality they had found at the library, it was quickly extinguished as Cathy found herself staring out the window, her previous whirlwind of thoughts returning ten-fold as they got nearer to the inevitable questions, which she was unable to answer, that awaited her at home.

Chapter Text

“Anne just texted me. Catalina found Cathy, they should be back soon.” Kitty spoke up from her place beside Jane.

“Oh, good.” The third Queen responded, somewhat distractedly.

It was purely coincidental that the episode they were on was just then reaching the ending credits. The two had made it through half of the final season, with no sign of slowing. At this rate, they would finish the entire season in one night, and Anne probably wouldn’t forgive them for watching it without her.

As the credits came to an end, Kitty reached out to pause the video, turning to Jane.

“It's almost...” she glanced back at the laptop “nine. Do you want me to leave so you can get some sleep?”

“No, I’m not tired.” Jane shifted so she was sitting up straighter against the wall, obviously avoiding the younger Queen’s gaze.

“What’s up, Janey?” Katherine shut the laptop and set it aside, scooting closer to her friend, giving her a knowing look.

“I’m fine, I’m just not ready to go to bed.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“Yeah, I didn’t think I sounded that convincing either” Jane shrugged, tone lighter. “Worth a try.”

Kitty chuckled and wrapped an arm around the other Queen. Jane relaxed into her grip.

“I want to talk to Cathy.”

“Tonight?” The fifth Queen tilted her head in surprise. Jane nodded.

“Yeah, I won’t be able to sleep without getting this sorted.”

Kitty paused for a moment, biting her lip in thought, before nodding as well.

“I guess that makes sense. I suspect Cathy and Catalina will want to talk tonight as well. And I know that Anne and Anna are still awake. But, are you sure?”

“What do you mean?”

“I dunno, I just...” Kitty trailed off

“I need to do this. Even if we don’t figure out what’s wrong with her, I can’t go to bed without apologizing.”

Kitty’s head snapped up and she stared at her surrogate mother in disbelief.

“Apologizing?!” she nearly screeched. Jane furrowed her brow and nodded, as if it was obvious.

“Yeah? I mean, I said some pretty awful things to Cath. My conscience won’t let me sleep without telling her that I didn’t mean it.”

Kitty stared at her in silence for a long moment before she started giggling uncontrollably. Jane watched, taken aback but amused, as the girl rocked back and forth, her body shaking slightly.

“...sorry, I’m sorry, I just...” Kitty tried between giggles. The older Queen reached out and patted her shoulder awkwardly, which just made the girl laugh harder. “It’s just such a Jane thing to do.” Kitty managed to say.

“Oh, no, don’t get me wrong. I’ve got a few things that are definitely not apologies to say to her.”

“Oh, I know.” Katherine forced out, giggles slowing. “That’s why its so good. I can just imagine...” she straightened up, doing her best Jane impression-

“Cathy Parr, you foolish child, what in the world is wrong with you, speaking to me and your godmother like that? You best apologize before I make you. Oh, and also, I am so sincerely sorry about saying those things to you, right after you insulted the one thing that makes me really insecure, even though what I said was a little accurate.”

“I wouldn’t say that. I don’t even sound like that.” Jane shook her head exasperatedly, but the smile playing at her lips betrayed her.

“Yeah, you would be way more eloquent about it.” Kitty agreed. Jane chuckled softly, pulling the smaller girl closer.

“Seriously, though, Kit. Just because she said some stuff didn’t give me the right to say those things about her.” Jane’s voice became quieter, obviously lost in thought a little. Kitty considered this for a moment before nodding.

“I know. I just...”

“What, love?” Jane glanced at Katherine in concern.

“We could hear the fight from upstairs. I heard what she said about me, and you guys, before we came down.”

“Oh, hun, I’m sorry.” Jane muttered sympathetically.

“It’s alright, I was just a little hurt too. And I don’t want to make this situation worse.”

“That makes sense.” The third Queen nodded. “But I think there is something bigger at play here that we need to address as soon as possible. None of us will get a wink of sleep with this in the back of our minds.”

Kitty was silent for a long time before finally sighing.

“You’re right, as always.”

“Not always. Far from it.” Jane’s eyes became emptier, for just a split second, before returning to normal. Kitty, of course, saw it immediately.

“Jane, you’re brilliant, you know that right?”

The question seemed to startle the older woman, but after a pause, she nodded, although somewhat hesitantly.

“I mean it, mum.” Pulling the ‘mum’ card was a dirty little trick, and Kitty knew it, but she did it for a good reason. Kitty only called Jane ‘mum’ when one or the other was unusually vulnerable.

“And Cathy knows it too, she was just lashing out. What is that thing you always say to me? People who are hurting tend to hurt others.” Kitty ran a soothing hand over the other Queen’s thigh. “Or, as Anne prefers, ‘Hurt people Hurt people’.”

Much to Katherine’s relief, this earned her a small laugh from Jane.

“We’ll get this all cleared up, mum, don’t you worry,”

“When did you get so smart?” Jane murmured, leaning her head on Kitty’s shoulder. Kitty smiled and began to run her fingers through the older woman’s hair.

“I had a great teacher.” Kitty tapped a finger on Jane’s head to make her meaning clear, and Jane understood.

“Love you, Kit-Kat.”

“Love you too, mum”

Chapter Text

The silence in the room was deafening. All six Queens stood by the front door, staring at each other, no one willing to be the first to speak. It was almost as if they knew that the moment someone said something, this peaceful facade would shatter and all of the emotions that were built up behind the dam would suddenly spill out.

Most of them were watching Cathy, who was glancing from one to the other apprehensively. It was clear, though, after a few minutes, that the sixth Queen had no intention of initiating the conversation, so instead, they all just stood there.

Eventually, to everyone’s surprise, it was Anne who broke the silence.

“Okay, this is getting us nowhere. I’ll admit, I don’t know much about this situation, or what all went down, but I know that actually talking will work a whole lot better than standing here.”

Kitty nodded at this, looking at Cathy expectantly. When the woman still said nothing, the youngest Queen sighed in exasperation.

“Alright, then,” Kitty shook her head and took a step forward. “I guess I’ll start. Cathy, and I say this with utmost love, but- What the hell?”

The fifth Queen’s unnaturally harsh tone caught Cathy off guard, and immediately set her on the defensive. She straightened her spine and looked at Kitty sourly, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Why am I the one being blamed here? I didn’t start this!”

“Woah, are you really blaming us?” Catalina turned to stare at her goddaughter, hands on her hips, stance powerful and unwavering. Anna, sensing the impending shouting match, decided to intervene before everything went to hell in a handbasket.

“Okay ladies, I don’t think that is exactly the direction this conversation should be going in. Let’s all just calm down and start from the beginning. Come on.” Anna, in an oddly motherly gesture, herded the other five Queens to the living room. After a brief hesitation, they all made their way to separate chairs and sat, looking to Anna for direction.

The fourth Queen, unfortunately, seemed to have reached the end of her assertiveness for the night and just shrugged. Jane, speaking for the first time since she came downstairs to find Catalina and Cathy standing in the doorway, took over the mantle.

“Right, well, first of all, I wanted to apologize.” She paused to glance around the room, first at Anne and Anna, who were watching her attentively, then at Kitty, who playfully rolled her eyes, Catalina, who looked surprised but expectant, and finally Cathy, who was becoming more visibly restless and frustrated by the minute.

“I said some things that I regret, and that’s not excusable. I’m sorry, Cathy, I didn’t mean anything I said in the heat of the moment. Please forgive me.”

Cathy stared at the younger woman, blinking comically in surprise, but gave an uncertain nod in response. Jane smiled, satisfied, then glanced at Kitty, who gave an encouraging smile.

“Still, I agree with Kitty. What the hell made you think you had the right to say those things to us? You better have a good explanation, because whatever this is-” Jane gestured aimlessly into the air, “this is ridiculous, and it’s certainly not the Catherine Parr that I know.”

Gone was the usually calm and collected Jane, replaced by the fiercely protective and headstrong Jane that had grown and developed since they had all been reincarnated.

Cathy, on the other hand, had lost all of her fire from earlier, and instead had the decency to look ashamed, glancing away from the other Queens and down at her lap. Jane took a steading breath and looked around,

“I believe you have a few apologies you should make.”

One glance at Catalina told the final Queen that she agreed. All five of them were waiting for her to say something, but all that came out of her mouth was-

“I...” Cathy tried, still fidgeting mercilessly with her hands, pulling at her shirt and shifting endlessly in her chair. “I don’t...”

“Come on, Cath.”

“Cathy, love, talk to us”

“Mija, you need to explain.”

“We have a right to know why you said those things.”

“It can’t be that hard to apologize, I mean-”

“STOP!” Cathy exclaimed, fidgeting hands turning to fists as she banged them relentlessly against her thighs. Whatever anger she lost before, it was back now, and in ten-fold. The other Queens stopped talking immediately, staring at her in shock.

“Stop!” She said again, shoulders shaking with the effort of not bolting from the room, combined with nervous energy that fueled her increasing hits to her legs. “Don’t you think I wish I could? Don’t you think I’m tired of all the pressure, of all the thoughts in my head, of all the effort it takes to explain myself to everyone all the time!?”

Catalina opened her mouth to reply, but Anne laid a gentle hand on her knee, an obvious signal to just listen.

“It’s so much work. All of this. Everyone expects something of me, of all of us. I’m supposed to be the writer, or the survivor, or the intellectual. Don’t you think that sometimes I just want to be me? Sometimes I just want to stop surviving, to stop writing, to stop thinking. And I can’t, because when I do, everyone is disappointed.”

“Cathy-” Jane started.

“No. I need to say this. Please..” The sixth Queen’s voice broke” “Please let me say this. For the past few days I haven’t been able to figure out how to communicate all these thoughts in my head without writing them down, and when I write, I’m just bending to everyone else’s expectations anyway.”

She paused, and all five Queens nodded calmly, all with varying degrees of confusion on their face.

“I just... the show, the fans, everything. Sometimes it’s all too much, added on to the endless thoughts in my head and the writings I need to finish. The show was supposed to help us destroy the one word labels that defined us for years in history, but instead it just gave us new stereotypes, new boxes that we have to fit into. When I said ‘pen and a microphone’, I just wanted people to understand that I’m more than just a writer. I have a voice, and I have things to say.”

Cathy finished with a sigh, sinking back down into her chair and burying her head in her hands.

“There’s so much more I have to say, but I can’t find the words and I hate it.” She shook her head, holding back a sob. Kitty stood from her chair and walked over to the girl, sitting next to her and wrapping a gentle arm around her shaking frame. Cathy tensed for a moment before sinking into her grip.

“Can I try?” Katherine’s voice was soft, comforting, like a mother offering to help their child carry a burden. Cathy simply nodded.

“It’s like we fought so hard for people to see us as actual people instead of just a wife of some old king, and we succeeded. But somewhere along the line, it all went in a circle. Cathy is the ‘writer’. I’m the traumatized, young one. Jane is the ‘mother’, Anna is the ‘jock’, Anne is the chaotic one, Catalina is the ‘bitch’.”

“Hey!” Jane interjected. “Catalina is not a...” she trailed off, not willing to actually say the word.

“Well...” Anne and Catalina said in unison, almost the exact same tone of playful doubt in their voice.

“Maybe a little” Catalina admitted, but she smiled, especially when it got a choked laugh out of her goddaughter.

“Either way,” Kitty chuckled. “That’s the whole point. We are real people, and we can’t be simplified to just a couple labels. That’s exactly what happened in the history books, and the whole point of the show.”

“Yeah, that makes sense. I never noticed it until you pointed it out, but I see it now.” Anna agreed.

“Is that what you were trying to say, Cathy?” Kitty looked down at the Queen in her arms.

“Yeah. Mostly.”

“Good.”

“Thank you.” Cathy extracted herself from the fifth Queen’s arms, giving her a grateful smile before sitting up straighter. “I’m sorry, guys. I should have explained better.”

“It’s alright. We understand. You still owe us some apologies, though.” Jane smiled.

“Right.” The final Queen wrung her hands together awkwardly, “I really am sorry. I shouldn’t have taken my frustration out on you guys.” She looked towards Anne and Anne, who just smiled encouragingly back at her. “I shouldn’t have gotten you guys dragged into my mess. That wasn’t fair of me and I’m sorry.”

Cathy turned to Kitty next. “And I am really sorry for what I said about you. That was cruel, and I didn’t mean it.”

“I know, love. It’s okay.” Kitty pulled her back in for a hug as the young Queen continued.

“You too, Jane. I’m not joking when I say that you’re one of the smartest people I’ve ever met. I’m so, so sorry.”

Jane’s grateful (if not a little embarrassed from the compliment) smile assured Cathy that she was forgiven.

“And Catty-”

“It’s alright, love” Catalina shook her head. “I know, you don’t need to apologise.”

“But I want to.” Cathy pleaded, eyes earnest. Catalina sighed but nodded.

“I know I can’t replace Mary, and you can’t replace my mother, but there is no one in the whole world that I would rather have as my mum other than you. Ever since we came back, you’ve protected me, comforted me, supported me. Everything a mother is supposed to do. I know that sometimes I get on your nerves, and you mine, but I love you so much, and I never want to lose you. I’m so, truly sorry.”

Catalina looked at her goddaughter, tears in her eyes.

“Come here, love.” Cathy extracted herself from Kitty’s arms and walked across the room to sit on her godmother’s lap, feeling a little childish and absolutely content with that fact. Catalina crooked a finger under her chin and tilted her head up so they made eye contact. “I love you too.” The first Queen placed a soft kiss on the girl’s forehead.

“Awww” Anne smiled from across the room.

“You guys are too cute, but we should probably get back to the point” Jane said. “What can we do?”

“I mean, we can’t really ask the fans to change how they see us. All we can do is be more open about other aspects of our lives, show them that we are complicated, multi-faceted people who are more than just the characters they see on the stage.”

“Kitty’s right. And we should stop expecting these kinds of things from each other. Change starts at home and all that.” Anna gestured vaguely.

“Most importantly” Jane started, looking around at the Queens “we should make sure that we don’t shut ourselves away when we have something important to say.”

Cathy buried her head sheepishly in Catalina’s arms, but Jane just smiled.

“I’m not mad, Cath, it's just not healthy. For any of us.”

It would take some time, they all knew that well. Redefining one’s identity, or, more accurately, redefining one’s identity in the public image, was a difficult process. There is a fine balance between labels that help a person know who they are and labels that force a person to be someone they are not. For the Queens, labels had defined how they were seen for far too many years, and while these new ones were different and were about them personally instead of just how their marriage ended, it was important to them that they were defined by more than just what people saw in them.

Because, after all, they were so much more than any one word.